1 00:00:08,207 --> 00:00:11,485 I'm going out to South Park gonna have myself a time 2 00:00:11,543 --> 00:00:14,802 Friendly faces everywhere humble folks without temptation 3 00:00:14,833 --> 00:00:18,145 I'm goin out to south park gonna leave my woes behind 4 00:00:18,161 --> 00:00:21,492 Ample parking day or night people spouting howdy neighbor 5 00:00:21,524 --> 00:00:24,683 I'm heading out to south park to see if i cant unwind 6 00:00:24,714 --> 00:00:28,047 I like girls with big fat titties really big fat titties 7 00:00:28,078 --> 00:00:31,642 So come on out to south park and meet some friends of mine 8 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,020 Episode 11x04 "The Snuke" 9 00:00:37,027 --> 00:00:39,637 All right, students, let's take our seats. 10 00:00:39,665 --> 00:00:44,410 Everyone try to be nice because we have a new student joining us today 11 00:00:44,443 --> 00:00:47,826 and I know you'll all make him feel welcome. 12 00:00:47,856 --> 00:00:53,189 Say hello to Bahir Hassan Abdul Hakeem. 13 00:00:55,429 --> 00:00:58,349 Welcome to our class, Bahir. - Thank you. 14 00:00:58,379 --> 00:01:00,112 Dude, not cool! 15 00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:02,681 Why don't you take a seat in Kyle's empty desk for now? 16 00:01:02,725 --> 00:01:04,062 Okay. 17 00:01:09,196 --> 00:01:13,001 Eric, what the hell is wrong with you?! - What's wrong? 18 00:01:13,236 --> 00:01:16,060 Has he been checked for bombs? - Eric, that's enough! 19 00:01:16,097 --> 00:01:18,563 Not all muslim people are terrorists! 20 00:01:18,595 --> 00:01:22,362 No, but most of them are. And all it takes is most of them. 21 00:01:27,767 --> 00:01:29,822 Now you go, Bahir. 22 00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:45,361 Yeah? - Kyle, are you on your computer? 23 00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:47,753 What? No, I'm sick. - Get online. 24 00:01:47,758 --> 00:01:50,560 I need you to check something for me. - Dude, leave me alone. 25 00:01:50,566 --> 00:01:53,412 Kyle, every one of our friends might be in serious danger! 26 00:01:53,478 --> 00:01:56,142 What? Why? - Get online now! 27 00:01:56,187 --> 00:01:57,760 All right, all right. 28 00:01:59,845 --> 00:02:04,622 Go to MySpace. See if there's a MySpace page for a Bahir Hakeem. 29 00:02:05,116 --> 00:02:06,401 "Bahir Hakeem." 30 00:02:06,405 --> 00:02:09,580 Born in Chicago, eight years old, his favorite color is green. 31 00:02:09,615 --> 00:02:11,000 Cartman, what is this all about? 32 00:02:11,027 --> 00:02:14,693 Kyle, I want you to check his buddy list. How many MySpace friends does he have? 33 00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:15,851 Over a hundred. 34 00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:18,942 Look further down the page. Does he list his favorite band? 35 00:02:18,975 --> 00:02:20,571 White Stripes. 36 00:02:20,737 --> 00:02:22,401 That's funny. - What? 37 00:02:22,438 --> 00:02:25,701 He told everyone in class today his favorite band was Blink 182. 38 00:02:30,986 --> 00:02:34,543 The following takes place between recess and Geography class. 39 00:02:37,068 --> 00:02:38,283 Hello? 40 00:02:38,316 --> 00:02:41,862 Officer Barbrady, South Park Elementary is in serious danger! 41 00:02:41,897 --> 00:02:43,532 From what? Who is this? 42 00:02:43,586 --> 00:02:46,600 I've just ID'd a muslim and his MySpace page does not check out. 43 00:02:46,616 --> 00:02:49,122 You've got to get these people out of here now! 44 00:02:49,518 --> 00:02:50,763 Are you serious? 45 00:02:50,797 --> 00:02:53,341 If I wasn't serious, would I be talking like this? 46 00:02:53,375 --> 00:02:54,293 Like what? 47 00:02:54,316 --> 00:02:56,681 Whispering, but whispering really loudly for dramatic effect. 48 00:02:56,716 --> 00:02:58,171 Oh jeez. 49 00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:02,921 What the hell? 50 00:03:02,956 --> 00:03:06,942 All students are to evacuate the school immediately! 51 00:03:11,027 --> 00:03:14,862 Hey, Bahir, since we get to go home, you wanna come over, play checkers? 52 00:03:14,906 --> 00:03:17,103 Sure, okay. - Allright! 53 00:03:19,298 --> 00:03:20,461 Dude. 54 00:03:23,807 --> 00:03:24,420 Yeah. 55 00:03:24,447 --> 00:03:26,993 Dude, I just got an IM from Stan that they evacuated the school. 56 00:03:27,027 --> 00:03:29,093 Yeah. Now do you believe me that something is going on?! 57 00:03:29,128 --> 00:03:32,101 I guess so. - Yeah, well I don't like it! It doesn't follow! 58 00:03:32,136 --> 00:03:34,743 What doesn't follow? - Why would a terrorist just blow up a school? 59 00:03:34,746 --> 00:03:37,372 It's not their M.O. Unless... 60 00:03:38,027 --> 00:03:41,653 Oh my God! Unless this was all just a big diversion. 61 00:03:42,066 --> 00:03:44,732 Kyle, I need you to Google-search the South Park Chamber of Commerce! 62 00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:45,593 Okay. 63 00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:49,383 Their website should have a calendar of events, is there anything big going on in town today?! 64 00:03:49,417 --> 00:03:51,493 Yeah. Actually, there is. - What? 65 00:03:51,528 --> 00:03:54,082 There's a Hillary Clinton campaign rally. 66 00:03:54,556 --> 00:03:56,611 Cartman? 67 00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:02,772 Sir! There's somebody calling in saying there's going to be a terrorist attack 68 00:04:02,775 --> 00:04:04,653 on the Hillary Clinton rally today. 69 00:04:04,687 --> 00:04:08,192 What? This is CIA head, Alan Thompson. 70 00:04:08,428 --> 00:04:10,491 Mr. Thompson, you have to call off the Clinton rally! 71 00:04:10,497 --> 00:04:12,082 There's a terrorist in South Park! 72 00:04:12,125 --> 00:04:12,913 What do you know? 73 00:04:12,937 --> 00:04:15,932 He just showed up out of the blue! I need to speak with the President right away! 74 00:04:15,968 --> 00:04:20,292 I'm the head of the CIA! You can tell me! - I said I will only talk to the President! 75 00:04:20,305 --> 00:04:22,710 Look, if you have information of a threat, you could- 76 00:04:23,578 --> 00:04:25,130 I will have you arrested for- 77 00:04:25,176 --> 00:04:27,813 I can't hear you! Only the president! 78 00:04:30,566 --> 00:04:32,343 Call is coming through now, Mr. President. 79 00:04:32,387 --> 00:04:34,570 Hello? - President Bush, this is Eric Cartman! 80 00:04:34,605 --> 00:04:36,931 Are we on a secure line? - Huh? Who. 81 00:04:36,968 --> 00:04:40,170 Look, I know you're not the biggest Hildog fan, but she is in great danger right now! 82 00:04:40,207 --> 00:04:41,400 Hildog? 83 00:04:45,175 --> 00:04:48,413 Yes, I understand. I'll let Ms. Clinton know. 84 00:04:48,446 --> 00:04:49,722 What is it, Brian? 85 00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:54,163 Ms. Clinton, we just received word of a possible terrorist attack on your rally today. 86 00:04:54,198 --> 00:04:55,673 Is the thread credible? 87 00:04:55,717 --> 00:04:58,460 We aren't sure, but perhaps it's best we call it off. 88 00:04:58,498 --> 00:05:02,060 No. No, I will not be bullied by terrorist threats. 89 00:05:02,087 --> 00:05:03,723 Your men do a good job, Brian. 90 00:05:03,756 --> 00:05:07,010 I have faith that any thread will be taken care of accordingly. 91 00:05:07,178 --> 00:05:09,452 We've reached the rally site, Hildog. 92 00:05:12,535 --> 00:05:15,242 Don't worry, Mrs. Clinton, I'm sure everything will be fine. 93 00:05:15,278 --> 00:05:17,160 Thank you, Chris. 94 00:05:20,365 --> 00:05:24,602 They know about the bomb! - That is impossible! 95 00:05:24,638 --> 00:05:27,751 We took every measure to assure the bomb was hidden from sight. 96 00:05:27,876 --> 00:05:30,260 Well somebody tipped off the CIA. 97 00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:33,281 I don't know how much they know, but security has been heightened. 98 00:05:33,316 --> 00:05:36,502 That bomb must travel with the Clinton rally to Boston! 99 00:05:36,535 --> 00:05:38,873 The bomb won't make it to Boston now! 100 00:05:38,908 --> 00:05:42,640 With the heightened security, it's only a matter of time before they find it! 101 00:05:42,957 --> 00:05:47,052 Then we have no choice. We have to move up the attack. 102 00:05:47,086 --> 00:05:50,180 I understand, comrade. - Prepare yourself. 103 00:05:50,216 --> 00:05:53,540 We detonate the bomb within the hour. 104 00:05:58,488 --> 00:06:01,402 Kyle, I'm at the Clinton rally site, but there's no sign of that kid! 105 00:06:01,435 --> 00:06:04,122 So then maybe you're wrong. - Nope, I'm not wrong. 106 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:06,920 He must be somehow attacking remotely from his house. Did you find the address? 107 00:06:06,955 --> 00:06:09,740 Yeah. I cross-referenced his MySpace page with realtor.com. 108 00:06:09,746 --> 00:06:12,062 His parents moved into that green house on Janice Street. 109 00:06:12,095 --> 00:06:13,841 Jesus, that's on the other side of town. 110 00:06:13,875 --> 00:06:16,412 All right, Kyle, I'm going to take a picture with my camera phone and upload it to you. 111 00:06:16,416 --> 00:06:18,291 You ready? - Yeah. 112 00:06:22,825 --> 00:06:25,313 What is that? - It's my balls! 113 00:06:26,498 --> 00:06:28,151 Goddamnit Cartman! 114 00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:30,243 Okay. Okay, Kyle, let's stay focused here. 115 00:06:30,705 --> 00:06:36,231 People of South Park, it is my honor to introduce a woman who deserves nothing but respect. 116 00:06:36,275 --> 00:06:38,643 Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton! 117 00:06:42,646 --> 00:06:48,952 It is so nice to be back in a small town like the one I came from. 118 00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:52,371 Hildog! 119 00:06:53,388 --> 00:06:55,483 Otis Green, anything on that bomb threat? 120 00:06:55,505 --> 00:06:58,042 We have the bomb-smiffing pig going through the crowd. 121 00:06:58,046 --> 00:07:00,432 If there is a bomb, the pig will find it. 122 00:07:03,728 --> 00:07:07,403 This is why I campaign in small towns like these! 123 00:07:07,445 --> 00:07:13,393 Because it is in towns like South Park that you find the true America! 124 00:07:18,715 --> 00:07:21,040 Oh my God, she got a scent! - What?! 125 00:07:21,076 --> 00:07:23,383 The pig is picking up the smell of nuclear residue. 126 00:07:23,416 --> 00:07:24,913 Terrorists have hidden a bomb! 127 00:07:24,948 --> 00:07:27,692 Oh my God! Where?! Where could they have stashed it?! 128 00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:29,681 Come on, find it. Find! 129 00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:31,510 My God, they hid it under the stage?! 130 00:07:31,546 --> 00:07:32,612 No wait, look. 131 00:07:32,637 --> 00:07:35,441 How much money do we have to waste on needless spending 132 00:07:35,445 --> 00:07:38,633 when we should be focusing all our attention on... 133 00:07:40,607 --> 00:07:43,012 on the education of all- 134 00:07:43,875 --> 00:07:45,641 There, girl. 135 00:07:46,277 --> 00:07:49,092 On the education of all children. 136 00:07:50,997 --> 00:07:52,591 Oh, I declare! 137 00:07:52,625 --> 00:07:58,023 Oh my God. Do you think they could have hidden a nuclear device up Mrs. Clinton's... 138 00:07:58,686 --> 00:08:01,643 Mr. Thompson, the kid who called in the warning was right! 139 00:08:01,708 --> 00:08:05,132 We uncovered intel that terrorists have obtained a nuclear device 140 00:08:05,135 --> 00:08:08,161 and that they have most likely hidden it in Mrs. Clinton's... 141 00:08:08,578 --> 00:08:11,620 Well, in her... - In her what? 142 00:08:12,066 --> 00:08:15,200 In her snatch, sir. - What?! 143 00:08:15,556 --> 00:08:18,030 What is going on? I wasn't finished. 144 00:08:18,063 --> 00:08:20,586 Security measure, Mrs. Clinton. Probably nothing. 145 00:08:21,436 --> 00:08:22,189 Yes? 146 00:08:22,199 --> 00:08:25,059 Mr. Jeffries, this is Alan Thompson with the CIA. 147 00:08:25,089 --> 00:08:30,323 We have reason to believe that Mrs. Clinton may have a nuclear device up her snatch. 148 00:08:30,356 --> 00:08:32,292 A what?! - A snatch. 149 00:08:32,327 --> 00:08:37,030 It's the technical term for vagina. - No, I mean what kind of nuclear device?! 150 00:08:37,777 --> 00:08:39,683 Mr. Jeffries, this is Frank Waters. 151 00:08:39,716 --> 00:08:44,980 It's a suitcase nuke, designed to fit in a woman's snizz. It's called a snuke. 152 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,671 What is going on, Brian? 153 00:08:46,705 --> 00:08:50,651 Ms. Clinton, it appears that terrorists have snuck a snuke up your snizz. 154 00:08:50,865 --> 00:08:52,163 Oh my. 155 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,703 What can we do? Can we disable the timer? - It won't have a timer. 156 00:08:55,747 --> 00:09:00,213 Snukes are detonated remotely. Whoever our terrorist is has a detonator with him. 157 00:09:00,246 --> 00:09:01,431 But then that means... 158 00:09:01,435 --> 00:09:07,013 Yes. If we don't find that detonator, everyone in the town of South Park is going to die. 159 00:09:07,498 --> 00:09:09,212 Forever. 160 00:09:15,498 --> 00:09:18,952 Do we have that phone trace? - The call is going through now, sir. 161 00:09:19,986 --> 00:09:22,240 Yeah? - This is CIA head Alan Thompson. 162 00:09:22,248 --> 00:09:24,152 We spoke before about the- - Yes, Mr. Thompson? 163 00:09:24,185 --> 00:09:27,000 Well, we've just arrived in your town. - Why? Did you find something? 164 00:09:27,035 --> 00:09:31,121 Yes. There's a suitcase nuke in Ms. Clinton's snizz. 165 00:09:31,368 --> 00:09:33,462 A snuke? - That's right. 166 00:09:33,497 --> 00:09:35,380 It's controlled by a remote detonator. 167 00:09:35,387 --> 00:09:37,741 We have to locate the terrorist before he sets it off. 168 00:09:37,776 --> 00:09:39,830 I have the address of the house the terrorist moved into. 169 00:09:39,836 --> 00:09:41,310 I'm almost there now, where are you? 170 00:09:41,328 --> 00:09:44,201 We're on the town's main street, right by an ice cream shop. 171 00:09:44,235 --> 00:09:46,371 Oh dude, I'm, I'm right next to you. 172 00:09:47,127 --> 00:09:48,591 Oh, hey. 173 00:09:49,916 --> 00:09:53,282 Dude, we totally got let out of school. - I know. Something big is going on. 174 00:09:53,315 --> 00:09:56,920 Take a look at this. I did a Google search for "Hillary Clinton Campaign Rally" right? 175 00:09:56,956 --> 00:10:00,361 And one of the links was to YouTube, where this Russian guy had a bunch of videos. 176 00:10:00,406 --> 00:10:03,181 Russian? - Yeah, this guy, Vladimir Stolfsky. 177 00:10:03,226 --> 00:10:07,022 He had videos on YouTube of every single rally. - So he's a Hillary Clinton fan. 178 00:10:07,055 --> 00:10:09,683 No. I cross-referenced his YouTube profile with MySpace 179 00:10:09,688 --> 00:10:12,150 and according to his blog, he's an old-school Communist. 180 00:10:12,186 --> 00:10:14,692 So what's he doing at every Clinton rally? 181 00:10:14,735 --> 00:10:17,491 Do a WebCrawler search, maybe he has podcasts up somewhere. 182 00:10:17,525 --> 00:10:18,900 Oh that's a good idea. 183 00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:23,043 What is going on? What have we done? 184 00:10:23,076 --> 00:10:25,361 They claim they don't know anything about an attack. 185 00:10:25,398 --> 00:10:26,552 Big surprise! 186 00:10:26,588 --> 00:10:30,190 Sir, first pass of the house, we didn't find a snuke detonator anywhere. 187 00:10:30,227 --> 00:10:32,612 We thought he was at school. 188 00:10:32,647 --> 00:10:35,640 We thought he was at school. He's not at school? 189 00:10:37,055 --> 00:10:40,021 You're doing great, Ms. Clinton. - Do they know how long, Brian? 190 00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:42,760 How long before the snuke in my snizz goes off? 191 00:10:42,796 --> 00:10:45,172 They'll find the detonator, Hildog. 192 00:10:45,205 --> 00:10:47,421 We can't wait for them to find the detonator. 193 00:10:47,458 --> 00:10:50,493 If we can get to the bomb, maybe we can deactivate it. 194 00:10:50,527 --> 00:10:54,333 Can't somebody go and take a loo inside Mrs. Clinton's snizz? 195 00:10:55,318 --> 00:10:57,761 I'm not sending any of my men in there. 196 00:10:58,676 --> 00:11:01,301 Are you almost ready to set off the bomb? 197 00:11:01,338 --> 00:11:04,713 Everything is set. We have the detonator up and running. 198 00:11:08,856 --> 00:11:13,553 Mr. Hakeem, we need to know where your son is! - I tell you, I do not know. 199 00:11:15,698 --> 00:11:19,140 This is getting us nowhere. If he knows anything, he's not saying. 200 00:11:19,176 --> 00:11:21,722 Let me have time with him. - What are you going to do? 201 00:11:21,757 --> 00:11:25,212 We have to find that detonator! Let me have time with him! 202 00:11:27,477 --> 00:11:31,291 You will tell me where your son is! - He should be at school! 203 00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:39,693 Hey! 204 00:11:41,156 --> 00:11:44,693 Where is the detonator?! - What detonator are you ta- 205 00:11:47,137 --> 00:11:50,891 I can do this all day. - I don't know anything about a- 206 00:11:54,406 --> 00:11:57,411 Stop it! Really! - You can make it stop! 207 00:11:57,437 --> 00:11:58,842 I don't have the- 208 00:12:01,587 --> 00:12:03,553 Are we just gonna let this go on? 209 00:12:04,407 --> 00:12:08,211 Okay, I got a text of the Russian guy's podcast. It's all a bunch of links to eBay. 210 00:12:08,245 --> 00:12:11,731 You should be able to search his username on eBay and see what he's been buying and selling. 211 00:12:11,858 --> 00:12:14,650 Ferris, set up over there. Two of you can take that bed area. 212 00:12:14,715 --> 00:12:17,550 Hey! - Donner, take over that station. 213 00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:18,922 What's going on? 214 00:12:18,957 --> 00:12:22,500 This apartment is being absorbed by Homeland Security! 215 00:12:22,706 --> 00:12:24,082 Homeland Security? 216 00:12:24,115 --> 00:12:26,731 Look, your little game of going over people's heads is over! 217 00:12:26,756 --> 00:12:29,802 You could still work, but from now on you answer to me, you got that?! 218 00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:32,281 Excuse me, who's in charge here?! - I am! 219 00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:36,071 Yeah well not anymore you're not. This apartment has just been assigned to the FBI. 220 00:12:36,108 --> 00:12:39,582 That's outrageous! On whose orders?! - On order of the Secretary of Defense! 221 00:12:39,588 --> 00:12:41,373 You had your shot, now I'm in charge! 222 00:12:41,418 --> 00:12:44,571 Not anymore you're not! Orders just came down from Central! 223 00:12:44,577 --> 00:12:46,731 They want ATF handling this on all fronts! 224 00:12:46,758 --> 00:12:48,932 All right people, from now on you're answering to me! 225 00:12:48,958 --> 00:12:51,760 Not anymore they're not! Orders from the President. 226 00:12:51,807 --> 00:12:55,703 He wants this handled by his staff personally! Now Nelson is in charge. 227 00:12:55,736 --> 00:12:57,861 Not anymore I'm not! 228 00:13:00,687 --> 00:13:04,951 What are you going to do to my wife?! - Nothing if you tell me where your son is! 229 00:13:04,987 --> 00:13:07,320 We told you, we don't know. 230 00:13:07,437 --> 00:13:09,601 Do you know what this is?! 231 00:13:10,218 --> 00:13:14,513 This is apple juice. It gives super bad farts. 232 00:13:15,516 --> 00:13:17,743 Did he just inject himself with apple juice? 233 00:13:17,777 --> 00:13:20,752 Where is your son?! - She doesn't know either. 234 00:13:22,916 --> 00:13:26,863 I mean it! Stop! That is disgusting! Where is your mother?! 235 00:13:30,675 --> 00:13:32,111 Answer it! 236 00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:36,232 Hallo? Hallo Bahir. Where are you? 237 00:13:36,758 --> 00:13:39,292 Who it Butters? - Butters. 238 00:13:39,327 --> 00:13:42,631 Bahir, one of your classmates is keeping us hostage. 239 00:13:44,556 --> 00:13:47,030 You filthy little rapscallion! 240 00:13:47,085 --> 00:13:50,442 We got him! I know where he is! - All right, where? We'll send our people in. 241 00:13:50,485 --> 00:13:53,421 No no, he's my lead. - You're not going alone. 242 00:13:53,455 --> 00:13:56,352 You blow in there and you risk taking him down without finding the detonator! 243 00:13:56,387 --> 00:13:58,282 I'm going to find out where it is! 244 00:13:59,107 --> 00:14:02,632 All right, people, I'm in charge now and we will find the terrorists. 245 00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:05,580 Jarvis, I want you to check for any terrorist chatter on AOL. 246 00:14:05,617 --> 00:14:09,721 Marley and Greggs, try searching for nuclear devices on askjeeves.com. 247 00:14:09,756 --> 00:14:12,563 Ask Jeeves? Nobody uses Ask Jeeves! Just Google-search it! 248 00:14:12,597 --> 00:14:14,881 Are you telling me how to do my job? - Yes. 249 00:14:14,916 --> 00:14:16,893 There's a Russian guy named Vladimir Stolfsky 250 00:14:16,896 --> 00:14:18,721 who's got search engine hits all over this thing. 251 00:14:18,757 --> 00:14:22,921 Chase, search the name Stolfsky on YouTube and cross-reference it with JDate! 252 00:14:23,046 --> 00:14:23,920 Checking. 253 00:14:23,955 --> 00:14:25,841 Look, these Russian guys all have blogs talking about this 254 00:14:25,845 --> 00:14:28,202 like it's just some big diversion for something much bigger! 255 00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:31,700 Sir, these kids are right. We've just received intel that Russian terrorists 256 00:14:31,707 --> 00:14:33,801 are believed to be responsible for the threat. 257 00:14:33,846 --> 00:14:36,791 Where's the intel from? - We just read it on Drudge Report. 258 00:14:36,826 --> 00:14:38,411 Look, we already have the guy's blog. 259 00:14:38,417 --> 00:14:40,772 Maybe we can find an address and check it out on MapQuest. 260 00:14:40,808 --> 00:14:43,672 We do this my way! I'm the one in charge! 261 00:14:44,247 --> 00:14:47,433 Not anymore you're not. - Oh, snap. 262 00:14:49,435 --> 00:14:51,651 I captured another one of your pieces, Bahir. 263 00:14:54,695 --> 00:14:56,180 Oh hey Eric. 264 00:14:56,226 --> 00:14:58,242 Where is the detonator! - The what? 265 00:14:58,277 --> 00:15:02,161 You have exactly five seconds before I start dropping serious apple juice farts on your face! 266 00:15:02,197 --> 00:15:04,602 One! - Leave me alone! 267 00:15:04,777 --> 00:15:06,110 Stop! 268 00:15:06,168 --> 00:15:08,191 Hey, I was about to win! 269 00:15:08,307 --> 00:15:11,191 Stop, terrorist, or I will shoot you! 270 00:15:14,257 --> 00:15:16,251 Get in the van! 271 00:15:17,965 --> 00:15:21,393 Uh, that's cool. I'm actually not playing anymore. 272 00:15:21,686 --> 00:15:23,523 Get in the van! 273 00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:26,420 That's it! We don't have a choice anymore! 274 00:15:26,438 --> 00:15:30,471 Somebody is going to have to go in and try to disarm the snuke manually! 275 00:15:30,506 --> 00:15:34,633 No, it's too dangerous! That snatch has not seen action in over 30 years! 276 00:15:34,665 --> 00:15:36,471 It could be toxic! 277 00:15:36,818 --> 00:15:40,842 I'll do it! I'll check out Ms. Clinton's snizz. 278 00:15:44,606 --> 00:15:47,601 Let me go! Please! I am just a little boy! 279 00:15:47,636 --> 00:15:50,623 You called and warned the government of our plans! 280 00:15:50,667 --> 00:15:53,980 What you don't know is that we are merely mercenaries! 281 00:15:54,017 --> 00:15:58,980 We were paid to set up the snuke so that the real enemy of America could attack! 282 00:15:59,017 --> 00:16:01,193 That's cool. I'm fine with muslims invading. 283 00:16:01,225 --> 00:16:05,380 You really think Muslims are behind this terrorist threat?! 284 00:16:05,737 --> 00:16:07,693 Uh yes, of course? 285 00:16:07,728 --> 00:16:13,531 America had other enemies before the Muslims, you know. Who is America's oldest enemy? 286 00:16:14,137 --> 00:16:16,762 The Russians? - Before that. 287 00:16:16,807 --> 00:16:19,962 The Germans? - Before that. 288 00:16:20,006 --> 00:16:22,380 The Germans again? - Before that! 289 00:16:22,405 --> 00:16:28,833 I am talking about the oldest threat to America! The greatest enemy America has ever known! 290 00:16:28,876 --> 00:16:31,050 You can't possible mean... 291 00:16:35,498 --> 00:16:41,883 Two hundred years we've waited. Finally. We will get those traitors to the Crown! 292 00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,733 Yes, Your Majesty? 293 00:16:45,765 --> 00:16:49,253 The Russians are ready to set off the diversion. 294 00:16:49,287 --> 00:16:50,783 Full sail. 295 00:16:50,827 --> 00:16:52,803 Full sail, your Majesty. 296 00:17:03,418 --> 00:17:04,913 All right, Brian, this is it. 297 00:17:04,947 --> 00:17:08,632 Get in there and see if you can disarm the snuke in Ms. Clinton's snatch. 298 00:17:11,168 --> 00:17:14,373 All right. I'm nearing her snizz now. 299 00:17:15,105 --> 00:17:16,340 God help him. 300 00:17:16,378 --> 00:17:20,560 What do you see, Brian? - It's dark. Cold. 301 00:17:20,597 --> 00:17:25,831 You're doing fine, Brian. Get as close as you can. You have to look inside the snizz. 302 00:17:28,767 --> 00:17:31,092 Allright, I'm,looking. 303 00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:34,430 Yes, I see... I see the device! 304 00:17:36,147 --> 00:17:38,213 You're doing great, Brian. Hang in there. 305 00:17:38,247 --> 00:17:43,792 There's um, metal housing some kind of three-pronged triggering mechanism that... 306 00:17:43,905 --> 00:17:47,033 Wait there's something else here! 307 00:17:47,077 --> 00:17:48,671 There's something... 308 00:17:48,736 --> 00:17:49,911 Say again, Brian. 309 00:17:49,945 --> 00:17:53,392 There's something perched on the snuke's coil. 310 00:17:53,438 --> 00:17:55,380 Oh God, it's looking at me! 311 00:17:55,416 --> 00:17:59,000 Brian, get out of there! - What are you?! 312 00:17:59,315 --> 00:18:03,702 I have no qualm with you! Stay back! Stay back I- 313 00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:10,802 Brian? Brian, what's happening? - It's eating my head! It's eating my head! 314 00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:14,852 Oh my! 315 00:18:16,205 --> 00:18:17,622 I got it! I got it! 316 00:18:17,676 --> 00:18:20,240 According to PayPal, the Russian guys are just hired mercenaries 317 00:18:20,245 --> 00:18:22,412 who had ads up on Craig's List and got paid through eBay. 318 00:18:22,418 --> 00:18:25,503 So that person could be attacked by the British. 319 00:18:25,548 --> 00:18:28,463 The British? - Loyalist Red Coats! 320 00:18:28,498 --> 00:18:32,921 Sir, I found the Russian's eHarmony account! It does list an address in South Park! 321 00:18:32,957 --> 00:18:36,553 All right! MapQuest the address! - I'll use Google Maps. It has live traffic. 322 00:18:36,588 --> 00:18:37,413 Good thinking. 323 00:18:37,425 --> 00:18:40,851 Sir, we have the terrorists' location. IM'ing you now. 324 00:18:41,717 --> 00:18:45,943 It was good knowing you, comrade. - Please. Think about what you are doing. 325 00:18:45,976 --> 00:18:48,292 The British are just using you, you're going to die. 326 00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:51,063 Yes, but we will be rich. 327 00:18:51,096 --> 00:18:54,573 Left flank, prig prang and clear! Go! 328 00:18:56,686 --> 00:19:00,401 The game is over! Get down on the ground! - How did they find us? 329 00:19:00,438 --> 00:19:04,271 We know about everything! Your diversion to help the Red Coats is over! 330 00:19:04,307 --> 00:19:07,540 It doesn't matter. The detonator is on a timer. 331 00:19:07,577 --> 00:19:12,773 You are too late! In three minutes! 332 00:19:16,958 --> 00:19:18,460 What the hell?! 333 00:19:18,506 --> 00:19:21,510 The power went out! - Well so then what time is it? 334 00:19:24,326 --> 00:19:27,602 Oh crap. - Take 'em down! 335 00:19:31,517 --> 00:19:35,490 No! I don't want to die without being paid! 336 00:19:39,996 --> 00:19:43,543 The detonator is secured, general. You are cleared to proceed. 337 00:19:51,017 --> 00:19:53,400 The Rebel Americans know of our attack?! 338 00:19:53,438 --> 00:19:55,900 How? - Fire at will! 339 00:20:06,337 --> 00:20:07,472 Yes? 340 00:20:07,508 --> 00:20:10,480 Your Majesty, the attack has failed. 341 00:20:10,516 --> 00:20:15,052 We were unable to end the American Revolution. 342 00:20:15,336 --> 00:20:16,793 I see. 343 00:20:22,425 --> 00:20:26,090 Well, looks like we saved our country from British rule once again. 344 00:20:26,127 --> 00:20:29,230 Yeah. It just proves we need to learn not to profile one race of people. 345 00:20:29,265 --> 00:20:32,023 Because, actually, most of the world hates us. 346 00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:35,170 Well Bahir, I was thinking that maybe I owe you an apology. 347 00:20:35,207 --> 00:20:36,271 Really? - Yes. 348 00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:38,333 But then I realized that technically, I don't. 349 00:20:38,366 --> 00:20:41,403 Because by being suspicious of you I saved your life and everyone else's. 350 00:20:41,438 --> 00:20:44,791 So really, you own me an apology. But that's cool. 351 00:20:44,825 --> 00:20:49,101 You didn't save everyone, I did! You were just out harrassing muslims! 352 00:20:49,375 --> 00:20:52,223 But if I hadn't called you in the first place to check out the muslim 353 00:20:52,225 --> 00:20:54,590 you would have just stayed in bed sick all day, right? 354 00:20:54,867 --> 00:20:56,723 Maybe. - Maybe? 355 00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:59,463 If I hadn't called you, you wouldn't have been on your computer checking out the Clinton rally. 356 00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:02,472 That means my intolerance of muslims saved America. 357 00:21:02,815 --> 00:21:04,200 That is so missing the point. 358 00:21:04,245 --> 00:21:07,701 Me being a bigot stopped a nuclear bomb from going off, yes or no?! 359 00:21:07,736 --> 00:21:10,571 That's not the right way to look at it, I- - Yes or no, Kyle?! 360 00:21:10,608 --> 00:21:13,182 No! Not, not like you're saying. 361 00:21:13,225 --> 00:21:16,063 But that's all I'm saying: today, bigotry and racism saved the day. 362 00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:17,362 Bahir, you get this, right? 363 00:21:17,395 --> 00:21:22,070 Bahir! Get away from that disgusting child! Get back home and start packing your things! 364 00:21:22,075 --> 00:21:25,020 We are leaving this whole intolerant country! 365 00:21:29,836 --> 00:21:33,251 Okay. Who got rid of the Muslims, huh? 366 00:21:33,298 --> 00:21:36,611 That was all me. Simple thank you will suffice. 367 00:21:36,905 --> 00:21:38,203 Transcript: spscriptorium Sync: muter - forom.com