1
00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:07,465
"W.T.F."
2
00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:35,201
Say that again, Edge.
You think you're better than me?
3
00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:40,123
Cena, your mouth has gotten you
into trouble for the last time.
4
00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:41,749
I'm gonna shut it up for you!
5
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,546
- Mess him up, Edge!
- Kick his ass!
6
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,925
I've got something else
to tell you, Edge!
7
00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:54,053
I slept with Vanessa last night!
8
00:00:57,098 --> 00:00:59,767
Cena slept with Edge's girlfriend!
9
00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:03,521
- Oh my God, dude. This is so awesome!
- I am having the best time!
10
00:01:03,938 --> 00:01:06,691
You cheated
and took my belt from me.
11
00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:08,734
And now
I can't hardly get work wrestling!
12
00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:12,279
You took my girl
and you took my job!
13
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:15,533
He took his job!
14
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,451
He took his job!
15
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:24,583
Sweet!
16
00:01:32,842 --> 00:01:34,635
- Dude, awesome!
- This is so awesome!
17
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:42,727
- Dude, that was so badass!
- Wrestling is awesome!
18
00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:45,522
This is it, you guys.
We know what are calling in life is now.
19
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:47,732
Tomorrow we are signing up
for wrestling class!
20
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:50,526
- All right!
- Sweet!
21
00:01:55,114 --> 00:01:56,366
The fuck is this?
22
00:01:57,575 --> 00:01:59,536
Why did they have us
put on long underwear?
23
00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:02,455
Well, I guess in wrestling we're supposed
to make your own outfit
24
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:03,957
and then wear it over this.
25
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:05,792
Yeah, that makes sense.
26
00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:07,752
All right. So did everyone settle
on their wrestling names?
27
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,671
I did.
I'm the Rad Russian.
28
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I come from Russia
to crush your puny capitalist head!
29
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All right, boys!
30
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I'm really glad to see
we have some new recruits
31
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:17,595
interested
in the fine sport of wrestling.
32
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:19,180
- Cool!
- Let's do this!
33
00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:21,099
Now, the first things
we're gonna learn today
34
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,559
are the fundamental wrestling holds.
35
00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:25,395
Let's get some volunteers.
36
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Why don't you come over here, young man.
What's your name?
37
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- The Rad Russian.
- What?
38
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:31,150
You capitalist swine!
I crush you!
39
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:34,237
Just go ahead and
get on your hands and knees.
40
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Just down on the floor.
41
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:39,784
Hands and knees.
42
00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:44,413
All right. And now how about you?
Your name is?
43
00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:46,124
Triceratops!
44
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:49,419
All right.
Come on over here.
45
00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:52,546
I'm gonna position you into the official
wrestling starting position.
46
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,592
Here we go...
47
00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:57,302
The fuck is this?
48
00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,429
Now just reach around him, here.
49
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:02,098
- Good.
- Dude! Dude!
50
00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:03,600
The fuck are you doing?
51
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:04,398
Get back on the floor.
52
00:03:04,458 --> 00:03:06,519
I'm teaching you the starting
position of wrestling!
53
00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:08,771
That's not wrestling, dude.
That's fucking gay!
54
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,356
Yeah. What are you, a child molester?
55
00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:12,566
Where's all the cool costumes
and jumping off ropes and stuff?
56
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,069
Not this again!
57
00:03:15,194 --> 00:03:19,156
Let me guess, you just went to that stupid
WWE show in Denver last night!
58
00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,578
The WWE is not wrestling!
59
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:26,664
That's a bunch of fake bullcrap!
How stupid are you?
60
00:03:26,789 --> 00:03:28,875
Real wrestling, boys, is this.
61
00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:31,001
Well, this is fucking lame, dude.
62
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Let's get the hell
out of here, guys.
63
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,422
Yeah, this guy probably wants
to take pictures of us naked.
64
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:38,343
I got half a mind to report...
Report you to the police, sir!
65
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:45,224
The Wrestling Takedown Federation
has several matches planned today.
66
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,518
All right.
So here's how we'll do this, guys.
67
00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:48,619
I'll come out to the ring first
68
00:03:48,669 --> 00:03:51,147
and then Jimmy you come in and
tell me you're gonna kick my ass.
69
00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:53,021
Then I'm gonna say
you slept with my girlfriend,
70
00:03:53,056 --> 00:03:54,317
and I'll charge you and do a headslap.
71
00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:56,444
- Sounds good.
- Then Butters you come in as the ref
72
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:58,154
all like, "No, no,
the fight hasn't started yet!"
73
00:03:58,279 --> 00:03:59,780
And that's when Jimmy
sneaks up from behind
74
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:01,282
and hits me over the head
with the foldaway chair.
75
00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:02,242
Okie-doke!
76
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,827
So is that when I tell you
your girlfriend is a whore?
77
00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:06,606
Let's save the girlfriend
is a whore line
78
00:04:06,656 --> 00:04:09,082
until after Stan headbutts Butters
for trying to stop the fight again.
79
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:12,293
- Boy, wrestling sure is fun!
- All right. We ready to try this, guys?
80
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,545
All right.
Let's start wrestling.
81
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:18,257
- I'm gonna kick your ass!
- You slept with my girl friend, Hammerclaw!
82
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:24,013
No, the fight hasn't started yet.
No! Bad!
83
00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:26,223
He slept with my girlfriend, referee!
84
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:28,518
In my country
we don't wait for a bell, mister...
85
00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:32,063
Your girlfriend is a whore.
86
00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:34,440
- Wait for it, wait for the whore line.
- Oh, right. Sorry.
87
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:36,233
You're gonna get it now,
Hammerclaw!
88
00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:38,570
- We'll see about that!
- Now hold on!
89
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,196
I am stopping the fight!
90
00:04:44,283 --> 00:04:45,535
What's going on?
91
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,120
Apparently that crippled kid
92
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,872
slept with
that Russian kid's girlfriend.
93
00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:51,958
Geez.
They're so young!
94
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:56,838
I'll kill you, Triceratops.
You made fun of my crippled mother!
95
00:04:57,088 --> 00:05:00,132
That's because your mother
betrayed my mother, Juggernaut!
96
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:03,636
You don't come to this country
and make fun of it!
97
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:06,890
And just what do you care
about your pitiful country?
98
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:09,975
I served my country.
I fought for two years in Vietnam!
99
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:14,397
That kid was in Nam?
Man, that's incredible.
100
00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:17,024
Good for you
for serving your country!
101
00:05:18,317 --> 00:05:19,569
Guys, check this out!
102
00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:23,281
There's this little kid from the Congo
who was raised by panthers!
103
00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:24,657
Are you serious?
104
00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:29,120
Just admit it, Congo.
Admit that you lied about me to Irene!
105
00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:31,789
I admit nothing.
Maybe Irene lied to you!
106
00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:35,460
That kid in the hat
is having sex with two different girls?
107
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,503
No, that little kid from the Congo
108
00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:39,755
lied about one of them
to try and get the kid
109
00:05:39,790 --> 00:05:41,424
in the hat in trouble
with his wife.
110
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:43,050
They're married?
111
00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:45,511
You will have to forfeit the fight,
Rad Russian!
112
00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:47,763
You can't fight
until your test results come back!
113
00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:49,718
I might have to wait
for my hepatitis test,
114
00:05:49,753 --> 00:05:50,475
but in the meantime,
115
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,102
I have brought my comrade
from Mexico to wrestle against you!
116
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,521
That Russian kid's got hepatitis?
117
00:05:55,646 --> 00:05:56,814
Here he comes now!
118
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:59,150
The cold blooded wrestler
from Mexico.
119
00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:00,943
El Pollo Loco!
120
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:07,283
What are you doing here,
El Pollo Loco?
121
00:06:12,580 --> 00:06:15,333
Your girlfriend doesn't even like you,
Stan the Man.
122
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:16,625
She likes me!
123
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,752
You have no idea
what you're saying, Juggernaut!
124
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:21,172
Irene loves me
and I'm gonna marry her!
125
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:22,423
If she wants to be with you,
126
00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:24,383
how about you have her
tell all these people here?
127
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,678
Here some comes now.
It's Bad Irene!
128
00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:35,603
Let me tell you something.
129
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:38,022
It's true I love Stan the Man
with all my heart.
130
00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:41,150
- But I want to be with Juggernaut now.
- What?
131
00:06:41,859 --> 00:06:42,944
No way!
132
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,696
What are you doing?
Stan the Man loves you!
133
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,114
Don't break his heart!
134
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:48,992
If you love Juggernaut, Irene,
135
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:52,370
then tell what you did two years ago.
How you killed his child!
136
00:06:53,412 --> 00:06:55,956
It's true. I was pregnant
with your child and I aborted it.
137
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,210
Irene, no!
Why?
138
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:03,339
Do you know what it's like
to have an abortion at seven years old?
139
00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:04,465
Do you?
140
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:08,844
I've had so many abortions.
I just got addicted to them.
141
00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:11,055
Did you hear that?
142
00:07:11,223 --> 00:07:12,765
Irene, you said you loved me!
143
00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:13,633
I'm not in love with you.
144
00:07:13,668 --> 00:07:15,768
I'm in love with abortions,
don't you understand?
145
00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:26,737
I'm telling you guys,
you got to see this.
146
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:29,157
These kids ain't more
than eight or nine years old
147
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,659
and they got more problems
than you can imagine.
148
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:34,995
There's this one kid,
he saw his father get murdered.
149
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:37,123
And yesterday he finds the killer
150
00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:39,375
and it's this other kid
who's an ex-cop.
151
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,919
Needless to say,
he whooped his ass good.
152
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,754
And there's this little girl.
153
00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:46,883
She's actually addicted
to getting abortions.
154
00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:49,134
Got pregnant
by nearly every boy there.
155
00:07:49,468 --> 00:07:50,594
You're shitting me.
156
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:53,263
No, we're telling you
these kids are fucking crazy.
157
00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:54,891
You gotta check it out.
158
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:58,478
You can watch them
almost every afternoon.
159
00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,855
It's some of the greatest wrestling
we ever seen.
160
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:02,064
It isn't real!
161
00:08:02,308 --> 00:08:04,817
Don't you people understand?
That stuff isn't real.
162
00:08:05,348 --> 00:08:07,402
None of it!
How stupid are you?
163
00:08:09,207 --> 00:08:11,335
What do you mean it ain't real?
164
00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:14,761
It's all made up.
Fiction.
165
00:08:14,886 --> 00:08:18,104
Real wrestling is a serious
and respectable sport.
166
00:08:18,643 --> 00:08:21,542
Why can't you people understand
that kind of wrestling isn't real?
167
00:08:22,594 --> 00:08:23,594
Mister,
168
00:08:23,719 --> 00:08:26,547
there's a little girl out there
who's had fourteen abortions
169
00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:28,520
and she ain't even ten yet.
170
00:08:28,645 --> 00:08:31,552
But I guess
that's just not real to you.
171
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,666
Son of a bitch.
172
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,225
Look, look, look!
This is wrestling!
173
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:46,295
Mister, you better take your gay porn
and walk right outta this bar.
174
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:50,780
Holy crap, dude.
There's a huge turnout tonight!
175
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:53,166
Good thing we made
those changes to the seating.
176
00:08:53,291 --> 00:08:54,700
All right.
You guys, let's bring it in.
177
00:08:55,024 --> 00:08:57,495
I think we've really done a great job.
And let's just keep the energy up,
178
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,163
have a good flow
and have fun out there, okay?
179
00:09:00,364 --> 00:09:02,387
Let's do this!
One, two...
180
00:09:02,512 --> 00:09:03,962
Backyard wrestling!
181
00:09:12,932 --> 00:09:14,685
What a perfect night for fighting!
182
00:09:14,938 --> 00:09:17,401
Low, the moon sets
upon the tips of the trees and I,
183
00:09:17,526 --> 00:09:19,384
the man known as the Rad Russian,
184
00:09:19,509 --> 00:09:21,800
start to stir
with the excitement of violence.
185
00:09:21,925 --> 00:09:25,314
Only a country like yours can breed
men of such discontent, Rad Russian!
186
00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:29,094
But you don't know what real pain is.
Pain, like I've known.
187
00:09:29,219 --> 00:09:31,489
Abandoned when I was
four years old by my parents.
188
00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:33,947
Left to die in a cold
and dark sewage tunnel.
189
00:09:34,865 --> 00:09:37,313
Geez, I didn't know
his parents did that.
190
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:43,344
I'm very sorry,
but I'm afraid we have to terminate
191
00:09:43,469 --> 00:09:46,054
your employment here
at South Park Elementary.
192
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,087
You're firing me?
Why?
193
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:52,798
The school board has decided
to discontinue the wrestling program.
194
00:09:52,923 --> 00:09:56,061
Wrestling simply involves
too much adult subject matter.
195
00:09:56,186 --> 00:09:58,180
Like murder and abortion.
196
00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:00,432
No!
This isn't wrestling!
197
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,643
This isn't wrestling!
198
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:05,605
Principal Victoria, just let
me stay on and I can teach kids
199
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,257
what real wrestling is!
200
00:10:07,382 --> 00:10:09,149
I'm sorry. The board
has made up their minds.
201
00:10:09,426 --> 00:10:11,610
You can't fire me
for what these kids do!
202
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,820
That isn't the only reason
you're being let go.
203
00:10:14,488 --> 00:10:15,322
What do you mean?
204
00:10:16,237 --> 00:10:19,785
We found all the gay porn
on your iPhone, Mr. Conners.
205
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,139
So I'm thinking we do the part
about Jimmy's relationship
206
00:10:23,264 --> 00:10:25,967
with his alcoholic father
after you smash Butters onto the table.
207
00:10:26,333 --> 00:10:27,899
- Sure, that works.
- You guys!
208
00:10:28,024 --> 00:10:29,767
Listen to this.
It's amazing!
209
00:10:29,892 --> 00:10:33,181
- What, dude?
- We just received a letter from the WWE.
210
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,162
From the professional wrestlers
we saw in Denver?
211
00:10:35,197 --> 00:10:36,266
No way!
212
00:10:36,614 --> 00:10:39,239
"Gentlemen, we have heard
of your wrestling organization
213
00:10:39,364 --> 00:10:41,453
"and are quite interested
in its popularity.
214
00:10:41,578 --> 00:10:43,764
"The WWE is delighted to inform you
215
00:10:43,889 --> 00:10:47,271
"that it will be sending a talent scout,
president Vince McMahon,
216
00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:50,274
"to view your wrestling event
this Saturday, the 24th."
217
00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:52,240
Vince McMahon is coming to see us?
218
00:10:52,365 --> 00:10:54,831
This is our shot
at making it into the WWE,
219
00:10:54,956 --> 00:10:56,154
to be real wrestlers!
220
00:10:56,771 --> 00:10:58,571
- My God!
- My God!
221
00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:06,602
Guys, listen!
222
00:11:06,727 --> 00:11:08,584
We seriously have to focus here.
223
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:11,281
We've exactly three days before
the scout is here to see us wrestle.
224
00:11:11,406 --> 00:11:13,785
We've got to step it up
and work it like never before!
225
00:11:13,910 --> 00:11:15,270
Alright, it's time to
start the second act.
226
00:11:15,305 --> 00:11:16,634
Let's bring the crowd back
from intermission
227
00:11:16,669 --> 00:11:18,552
and then improvise
some stuff for Saturday!
228
00:11:20,444 --> 00:11:22,968
No, I think Congo
is a great wrestler.
229
00:11:23,093 --> 00:11:25,289
I just think Rad Russian
has his number.
230
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:29,009
But Rad Russian
has a lot of abandonment issues.
231
00:11:30,813 --> 00:11:33,681
Looks like intermission is over.
We better head back.
232
00:11:39,078 --> 00:11:40,532
I left my wife today.
233
00:11:41,439 --> 00:11:44,044
Walked out of the apartment
without saying a word.
234
00:11:44,490 --> 00:11:46,476
I ran away from my responsibilities,
235
00:11:46,601 --> 00:11:47,873
just I like always do.
236
00:11:49,659 --> 00:11:51,446
And I, again,
237
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:52,920
am alone.
238
00:11:53,622 --> 00:11:55,831
Here he is.
Hiding in the forest as I told you!
239
00:11:55,956 --> 00:11:59,044
Juggernaut, there's to be
an ultimate Smackdown this Saturday.
240
00:11:59,169 --> 00:12:01,362
Are you going
to run from that as well?
241
00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:03,096
I'll fight anytime, anywhere!
242
00:12:03,402 --> 00:12:06,266
He don't run from fights,
just from responsibilities.
243
00:12:13,177 --> 00:12:16,066
What do I do?
Juggernaut is my long lost brother,
244
00:12:16,191 --> 00:12:18,218
and yet Congo saved my life in Nam!
245
00:12:19,380 --> 00:12:21,429
It's El Pollo Loco!
246
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:29,957
Thanks for coming, guys.
247
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:32,501
I'm sure you're wondering
why I've called you to Sizzler.
248
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:33,666
Yeah, what's this about?
249
00:12:33,726 --> 00:12:35,421
We should be writing our
monologues for Smackdown.
250
00:12:35,868 --> 00:12:37,618
Well guys, Kenny and I
have been talking.
251
00:12:37,619 --> 00:12:38,741
Yeah, we've been talking.
252
00:12:38,752 --> 00:12:41,151
And I mean, Smackdown
might be our one shot
253
00:12:41,186 --> 00:12:42,756
at making it
into the WWE, right?
254
00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:44,638
And a shot like this
might never come again.
255
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:48,350
The way we see it,
we have three primary obstacles
256
00:12:48,475 --> 00:12:50,227
in making Smackdown
a great show.
257
00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:51,956
Token, Butters, Jimmy.
258
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:54,481
What are you talking about?
259
00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:56,817
Guys, let's face it.
They can't wrestle for crap.
260
00:12:57,126 --> 00:12:58,611
Every time,
I wrestle with one of them,
261
00:12:58,651 --> 00:13:00,320
they flub a line or
blow their monologue.
262
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,757
And Token,
he has no emotion, no timing.
263
00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:04,742
He's the worst wrestler
I've ever seen.
264
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:07,932
- He's right.
- What?
265
00:13:08,057 --> 00:13:09,528
Dude, it's really hard
to do your best wrestling
266
00:13:09,559 --> 00:13:10,330
when you're up
against Token.
267
00:13:10,719 --> 00:13:12,272
- Right?
- Butters and Jimmy,
268
00:13:12,397 --> 00:13:13,720
They're okay, but they're
never gonna make it
269
00:13:13,721 --> 00:13:15,044
as professional wrestlers.
270
00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:17,713
Well so then WWE will recruit us
and not them.
271
00:13:17,838 --> 00:13:19,645
No dude,
they're gonna hurt our chances!
272
00:13:19,646 --> 00:13:20,646
They're gonna hurt
our chances!
273
00:13:20,681 --> 00:13:22,242
Because we all know
that the new material
274
00:13:22,367 --> 00:13:24,080
I've written is stuff
those guys can't handle,
275
00:13:24,115 --> 00:13:25,144
and we'll suffer from it.
276
00:13:25,220 --> 00:13:26,222
So what do we do?
277
00:13:26,450 --> 00:13:27,942
We gonna bring somebody.
278
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,559
We gotta bring somebody else on
who can handle the more difficult roles
279
00:13:30,594 --> 00:13:32,205
that we wrestle against
instead of those guys.
280
00:13:32,833 --> 00:13:33,948
Somebody who can do
the harder stuff
281
00:13:34,048 --> 00:13:35,749
we've written so that
Token, Butters and Jimmy
282
00:13:35,874 --> 00:13:37,486
- can have smaller parts.
- How do we find
283
00:13:37,521 --> 00:13:38,869
somebody who can
wrestle that well?
284
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:40,958
It's simple.
We just gotta hold tryouts.
285
00:13:47,574 --> 00:13:49,574
Number 17, step forward please.
286
00:13:51,937 --> 00:13:54,866
You're wrestling a Muslim immigrant.
You suspect he could be a terrorist
287
00:13:54,991 --> 00:13:57,294
and your parents died
in the 9/11 attacks. Go.
288
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,339
You dirty, Muslim bastard!
289
00:14:00,653 --> 00:14:02,782
I don't trust you.
And I never will!
290
00:14:02,907 --> 00:14:04,819
Do you know how it feels
to lose your parents?
291
00:14:04,944 --> 00:14:08,525
No, you wouldn't, you smelly brown
Middle Eastern piece of...
292
00:14:08,650 --> 00:14:10,299
Thank you.
Number 24.
293
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:14,447
You're wrestling for the right
to marry Mackenzie Phillips
294
00:14:14,482 --> 00:14:16,955
but just learned that she had sex
with her father. Go.
295
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:19,304
Your father?
296
00:14:19,623 --> 00:14:20,923
Your own father?
297
00:14:21,954 --> 00:14:25,030
I don't care if you were on drugs,
you sick whore!
298
00:14:25,289 --> 00:14:26,289
Thank you.
299
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,062
- That guy's a pretty good wrestler.
- Yeah, not bad.
300
00:14:30,187 --> 00:14:32,329
Let's see. Can we get number 37
to step forward again?
301
00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:33,722
Just want to get to know
you all a little better.
302
00:14:33,742 --> 00:14:34,904
What can you tell us
about yourself?
303
00:14:35,961 --> 00:14:39,123
Not a whole lot to tell, really.
Was born in Fort Collins.
304
00:14:39,248 --> 00:14:41,589
Started watching wrestling
when I was four years old.
305
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,111
My father, he liked it too...
306
00:14:44,591 --> 00:14:45,717
until he died.
307
00:14:46,289 --> 00:14:48,720
Sometimes I think it's because of him
I follow this dream.
308
00:14:49,513 --> 00:14:53,831
All my life, all I ever wanted
was to be a wrestler.
309
00:14:54,295 --> 00:14:56,603
Fighting in the ring,
310
00:14:56,728 --> 00:14:58,730
winning that belt.
311
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,398
And so I dreamed every night
312
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:03,193
that I was the Undertaker,
313
00:15:03,776 --> 00:15:05,887
smashing skulls in,
314
00:15:06,358 --> 00:15:08,436
breaking arms.
315
00:15:08,765 --> 00:15:10,398
Damn, dude, that is
some badass wrestling.
316
00:15:10,399 --> 00:15:11,916
Yeah, this guy crushes.
317
00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:22,432
It isn't fair.
318
00:15:23,207 --> 00:15:24,339
All my hard work.
319
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:29,381
I'm not going
to take it anymore.
320
00:15:32,992 --> 00:15:35,872
That wrestling show is in
for a big surprise.
321
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:40,447
I'm putting an end to this
once and for all.
322
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,367
He's here!
323
00:15:51,901 --> 00:15:53,368
Vince McMahon is here!
324
00:15:54,546 --> 00:15:56,028
Wow! It's really him!
325
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,509
He's here.
Oh, my God!
326
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:01,668
All right.
Places everyone!
327
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:08,746
Welcome to this performance
of Wrestling Takedown Federation:
328
00:16:08,871 --> 00:16:09,926
Smackdown.
329
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,309
Juggernaut?
Juggernaut, hey.
330
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,447
- What's going on?
- You know what's going on.
331
00:16:19,572 --> 00:16:20,822
It's Smackdown tonight.
332
00:16:20,857 --> 00:16:22,689
Which means we might
have to fight each other.
333
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:26,301
You shouldn't be fighting anybody.
What about your cancer?
334
00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:28,392
Wait a minute.
Who is that?
335
00:16:28,517 --> 00:16:30,675
It's Triceratops,
and he's with Irene!
336
00:16:31,071 --> 00:16:33,163
You aren't welcome here,
Triceratops!
337
00:16:33,886 --> 00:16:36,453
Stay calm.
You know what you have to do
338
00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:38,705
for the good
of real wrestling.
339
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,335
No, Irene, please.
Just this once,
340
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,078
do not abort this baby.
341
00:16:45,203 --> 00:16:46,755
My body, my right.
342
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,445
In fact, I'm junking
for the rush so badly,
343
00:16:49,570 --> 00:16:53,011
- I won't make to it the clinic.
- No, you can't possibly mean that...
344
00:16:53,836 --> 00:16:55,278
I think maybe
I'll have another abortion
345
00:16:55,279 --> 00:16:56,721
right here, right now.
346
00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:00,935
There's someone here
to wrestle you, Irene.
347
00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:03,750
A baby you aborted
many years ago survived.
348
00:17:03,875 --> 00:17:05,315
And he's here now.
349
00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:09,027
Mother!
Why did you abort me? Why?
350
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:10,362
He is alive!
351
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:13,490
You, get back in the trash can
where you belong.
352
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:15,825
- Irene, there is no way.
- What do you think?
353
00:17:15,950 --> 00:17:17,661
They are decent wrestlers.
354
00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:21,039
We'll see how they develop
their through lines in the second act.
355
00:17:21,957 --> 00:17:24,175
I thought I would find you here,
Triceratops!
356
00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:26,826
Stay out of my business,
Sgt. Hammerclaw!
357
00:17:26,827 --> 00:17:28,685
- You just stay out of my business.
- Excuse me.
358
00:17:29,069 --> 00:17:31,121
I'm sorry,
I'm afraid this area is off limits.
359
00:17:31,579 --> 00:17:34,094
Don't mind me.
I was just about to...
360
00:17:39,605 --> 00:17:41,067
What the fuck is this?
361
00:17:46,247 --> 00:17:48,571
How I long
for the spring meadows of Russia.
362
00:17:48,924 --> 00:17:50,543
The soft Russian sky.
363
00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:54,439
When are you going
to face reality, Congo?
364
00:17:54,564 --> 00:17:57,411
Just because you were raised
by panthers doesn't mean you are one!
365
00:17:57,536 --> 00:18:00,040
He's closer to a panther
than you'll ever be!
366
00:18:00,325 --> 00:18:02,247
Lies!
These are all a bunch of lies!
367
00:18:02,571 --> 00:18:04,830
Now, you listen here,
El Pollo Loco.
368
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:06,376
It doesn't matter
if your wife was killed.
369
00:18:06,377 --> 00:18:08,420
You cannot keep
Irene's aborted baby.
370
00:18:10,431 --> 00:18:13,205
Just let him crawl back to Mexico,
Sgt. Hammerclaw.
371
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:14,928
Only one shot.
372
00:18:15,486 --> 00:18:16,701
Maximum damage.
373
00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:19,914
This is all your fault,
you WWE president asshole.
374
00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:23,348
Your fault we all die here
right now.
375
00:18:23,618 --> 00:18:25,846
For wrestling!
376
00:18:42,383 --> 00:18:45,950
Oh Deus mio!
Mataram El Pollo Loco!
377
00:18:46,091 --> 00:18:47,546
Bastardos!
378
00:18:54,411 --> 00:18:55,411
No, shut up!
379
00:18:56,573 --> 00:18:58,344
You idiots want wrestling?
380
00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:00,102
This is wrestling.
381
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:06,978
We want some real wrestlers.
382
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,100
This is just
a bunch of garbage.
383
00:19:09,225 --> 00:19:11,733
And you're all ruining
the good name of wrestling.
384
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,562
Wrestling is from Ancient Greece.
385
00:19:15,687 --> 00:19:17,030
It's in the Olympics.
386
00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:20,180
What the hell do you care?
Get off the wrestling mat.
387
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,519
Why do I care?
388
00:19:22,644 --> 00:19:25,794
These kids made it so real,
wrestling is gone from schools.
389
00:19:25,919 --> 00:19:27,858
It's practically gone
from the culture.
390
00:19:27,983 --> 00:19:29,542
Damn it.
They took my job!
391
00:19:31,056 --> 00:19:32,056
What?
392
00:19:33,225 --> 00:19:35,296
- They took his job.
- I know. Shh.
393
00:19:36,631 --> 00:19:38,440
You want to know pain?
394
00:19:38,565 --> 00:19:41,989
Pain is dedicating
your entire life to a sport,
395
00:19:42,253 --> 00:19:43,509
to a career,
396
00:19:43,634 --> 00:19:45,560
and then having it all
ripped away from you
397
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,654
like a baby from its mother.
398
00:19:49,220 --> 00:19:52,607
- Man, they took his job.
- They took his job.
399
00:19:52,775 --> 00:19:54,104
I lost everything.
400
00:19:54,229 --> 00:19:57,654
Couldn't even afford to pay
for my little retriever Rex anymore.
401
00:19:58,283 --> 00:20:00,449
Animal control came
and got him.
402
00:20:01,671 --> 00:20:03,743
They took his dog!
403
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,881
I ended up
on the streets stealing.
404
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:14,254
Got busted by the police
and had to spend the night in jail.
405
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:18,258
The other inmates, they beat me up
and fractured my jaw so I couldn't eat.
406
00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:20,114
They broke his jaw!
407
00:20:20,239 --> 00:20:22,637
They broke his jaw!
408
00:20:27,617 --> 00:20:29,478
So you see,
I have nothing left.
409
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:30,603
Nothing!
410
00:20:30,914 --> 00:20:32,626
Not even the will to live.
411
00:20:48,835 --> 00:20:52,602
Sir, that was one
of the finest wrestling performances
412
00:20:52,727 --> 00:20:54,811
- I have ever seen.
- What?
413
00:20:54,936 --> 00:20:57,481
Will you not join
our wrestling organization?
414
00:20:57,606 --> 00:20:59,945
I promise to make you
our leading act.
415
00:21:00,070 --> 00:21:01,777
- You mean it?
- Come.
416
00:21:01,902 --> 00:21:04,012
I want to get you in rehearsals
right away.
417
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:05,513
- What?
- Dude.
418
00:21:06,430 --> 00:21:08,177
Hey, what about us?
Our show?
419
00:21:08,542 --> 00:21:10,978
Sorry, boys.
You are decent wrestlers,
420
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:14,065
but lack the Raw wrestling talent
this man has.
421
00:21:15,982 --> 00:21:18,276
This is your fault, Kyle.
You screwed up the second act.
422
00:21:18,401 --> 00:21:20,445
Me?
It was your stupid ass writing.
423
00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:22,905
Face it, Stan's crappy singing
is what sunk us.
424
00:21:30,732 --> 00:21:31,998
What the hell is this?
425
00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:35,710
This is garbage fight.
426
00:21:36,084 --> 00:21:37,900
Screw this.
This is just stupid.
427
00:21:39,460 --> 00:21:40,460
Fake!
428
00:21:41,715 --> 00:21:45,429
Transcript: SouthParkNews.net
Edited: VeRdiKT [Subscene.com]