1 00:00:03,780 --> 00:00:05,510 - Beefcake! - I'll tell you. 2 00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:07,340 That's a hoot and a holler. 3 00:00:07,510 --> 00:00:10,750 This next episode is Trey and I's favorite: 4 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:13,080 "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride." 5 00:00:13,250 --> 00:00:17,250 In it, Stan finds out that his dog Sparky is a homosexual. 6 00:00:17,420 --> 00:00:20,790 How did your preoccupation with homosexuality develop? 7 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:24,520 We've seen that America is preoccupied with gayness. 8 00:00:24,700 --> 00:00:28,330 But there's a part of homosexuality that's unexplored... 9 00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:31,340 ...and that's animal homosexuality. 10 00:00:31,540 --> 00:00:33,770 People are curious about you two. 11 00:00:33,940 --> 00:00:37,810 Are you guys a... A couple, if you know what I mean? 12 00:00:37,980 --> 00:00:39,970 You mean, are we gay? 13 00:00:40,150 --> 00:00:41,710 Yeah. 14 00:00:42,650 --> 00:00:46,050 - Well, I am, a little. - We're all a little gay. 15 00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:48,190 Even old Scratch here. 16 00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:54,530 What kind of stuff do you get in the mail from fans in general? 17 00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:57,530 We have great fans and great fan mail. 18 00:00:57,700 --> 00:01:01,100 People write such fascinating things every week. 19 00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:03,570 Let me give you an example. 20 00:01:04,100 --> 00:01:07,770 "Dear Trey and Matt, I like your show." 21 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,540 That's from Tom in New Jersey. 22 00:01:11,710 --> 00:01:14,740 Why does Kenny die so often and so horribly? 23 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,680 - Because he's poor. - Because he's poor. 24 00:01:17,850 --> 00:01:21,450 Is there stuff you put into the show that's subliminal? 25 00:01:21,620 --> 00:01:24,250 A reward for fans who pay attention? 26 00:01:24,420 --> 00:01:30,120 We feel we owe it to our fans to put subliminal messages into each episode. 27 00:01:30,300 --> 00:01:33,530 They can find something new every time they watch. 28 00:01:33,700 --> 00:01:38,690 In this one, if you look hard, you can see me having sex with Matt's mom. 29 00:01:38,870 --> 00:01:40,070 What? 30 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:46,610 Now sit back, relax and enjoy "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride." 31 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:20,940 Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride 32 00:02:21,620 --> 00:02:24,480 Where's the bus? We'll be late for practice. 33 00:02:24,820 --> 00:02:26,480 - Hi, Sparky. - Who's that? 34 00:02:26,650 --> 00:02:28,950 My new dog Sparky. He followed me. 35 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:31,960 - Wow, cool! - Good boy. Who's my best buddy? 36 00:02:32,130 --> 00:02:35,790 - Who's my buddy? - You're making me sick, dude! 37 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:39,360 He's part Doberman and wolf. He's the toughest dog. 38 00:02:39,530 --> 00:02:44,440 No way! Everybody knows that Sylvester is the toughest dog in South Park. 39 00:02:46,110 --> 00:02:50,170 - He's not meaner than Sparky! - Let's see. Hey, Sylvester! 40 00:02:50,340 --> 00:02:51,970 Sparky will kick his ass! 41 00:02:52,150 --> 00:02:55,210 - I'll put a dollar on Sylvester. - You're on! 42 00:02:55,380 --> 00:02:58,510 That's it, Sparky! Kick his ass! 43 00:03:00,850 --> 00:03:03,250 He's doing something to his ass. 44 00:03:03,420 --> 00:03:06,760 He's not kicking his ass, but he's doing something. 45 00:03:06,930 --> 00:03:09,990 Sparky, bad dog! 46 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:12,830 - What?! - I think your dog is gay. 47 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,900 - What do you mean? - That dog is a gay homosexual. 48 00:03:17,070 --> 00:03:18,330 He's just confused. 49 00:03:18,510 --> 00:03:21,200 The other dog's the one that's confused. 50 00:03:21,380 --> 00:03:24,000 Sick! Shut up, dude! 51 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:28,380 Stan's dog's a homo! Stan's dog's a homo! 52 00:03:29,150 --> 00:03:32,680 Okay, children, I know you're excited and nervous... 53 00:03:32,850 --> 00:03:36,150 ...about the homecoming game against Middle Park. 54 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:37,790 - Middle Park? - Homecoming? 55 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,790 Remember what I taught you: 56 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:44,120 That football is like making love to a really beautiful woman. 57 00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:47,130 You can't always score, but when you do... 58 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:51,000 ...it makes all the trying worthwhile. 59 00:03:51,170 --> 00:03:52,900 Now, let's start practice. 60 00:03:53,070 --> 00:03:55,870 - Mr. Chef, sir? - Yes, Pip, what is it? 61 00:03:56,040 --> 00:04:00,340 - I still don't have a helmet. - We can't afford helmets for everyone. 62 00:04:00,510 --> 00:04:03,450 Couldn't we rotate who doesn't have a helmet? 63 00:04:03,620 --> 00:04:07,080 - Does it always have to be me? - I'm afraid it does. 64 00:04:07,750 --> 00:04:10,250 Sorry, son. Get your ass in there! 65 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:15,820 Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut. Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut... 66 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,430 Hike the damn ball! 67 00:04:21,030 --> 00:04:24,560 - How's practice coming there, Chef? - Oh, fine. 68 00:04:24,740 --> 00:04:29,180 I won't remind you how important the game is to us South Park alumni. 69 00:04:29,340 --> 00:04:32,370 - Elementary alumni? - That's as far as most got. 70 00:04:32,550 --> 00:04:36,110 Can we beat the spread against Middle Park? 71 00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:41,050 - I don't know. What's the spread? - Middle Park by 70 points. 72 00:04:41,220 --> 00:04:43,820 I got it! I got it! 73 00:04:43,990 --> 00:04:45,790 We don't have a chance. 74 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:50,900 Nonsense! Not with my nephew at quarterback. Right, Stanley? 75 00:04:54,940 --> 00:04:57,130 - Attaboy! - Great pass, Stan! 76 00:04:57,300 --> 00:05:00,140 Ned, we gotta get our asses to the bookie! 77 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:06,280 That was a good practice, children. We'll see you here tomorrow. 78 00:05:06,450 --> 00:05:07,970 Stan, is that your dog? 79 00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:11,980 He must have followed me. You see, he is smart. 80 00:05:12,250 --> 00:05:16,050 My dog Rex follows me to football practice all the time. 81 00:05:16,220 --> 00:05:19,890 But my dog found his own way. That makes him smarter... 82 00:05:20,060 --> 00:05:23,220 - Sparky, get down! - What's he doing to my dog? 83 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,060 - There he goes again. - Get down, Sparky! 84 00:05:26,230 --> 00:05:29,330 Stan didn't mention his dog is a gay homosexual. 85 00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:31,700 Make him stop! 86 00:05:34,010 --> 00:05:36,100 I'm glad my dog isn't gay. 87 00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:39,770 Maybe you should name your dog Sparkette, Stan. 88 00:05:39,950 --> 00:05:41,610 Gay dog. 89 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:49,280 So, Simon and Simon were not brothers in real life, only on television. 90 00:05:49,460 --> 00:05:54,830 Thank you, Eric, but the assignment was on Asian cultures. D minus. 91 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:58,120 - Damn it! - Who should we call on next, Mr. Hat? 92 00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:01,630 How about Stan, our South Park quarterback star? 93 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:04,460 Good idea. Okay, Stanley, you're next. 94 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:08,470 - I'm not prepared either. - Make something up, like Eric did. 95 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:14,270 Okay. Asian culture has plagued our Earth for years. We must end it... 96 00:06:14,450 --> 00:06:16,180 Excellent, A minus. 97 00:06:16,380 --> 00:06:19,940 - Wow, cool! - Why the hell does he get an A minus? 98 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:24,990 Stanley might lead our team to victory for the first time in decades. 99 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:28,920 Athletes are treated better because they're better people. 100 00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:32,430 - That's not fair! - Life isn't fair. Get used to it. 101 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:33,960 Stupid puppet. 102 00:06:34,130 --> 00:06:38,160 Don't forget your assignments. They're due for everyone but Stan. 103 00:06:38,340 --> 00:06:41,900 - Mr. Garrison, can I ask a question? - What is it? 104 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:45,740 - What's a homosexual? - Oh, well, Stanley... 105 00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:49,640 ...I guess you came to the right person. Sit down. 106 00:06:49,820 --> 00:06:55,720 Stanley, gay people... Well, gay people are evil. 107 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:59,690 Evil down to their black hearts, which pump not blood... 108 00:06:59,860 --> 00:07:03,350 ...but a vomitous oil that oozes through their veins... 109 00:07:03,530 --> 00:07:08,930 ...clots in their brains, which causes their Nazi-esque violent behavior. 110 00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:11,430 - Do you understand? - I guess. 111 00:07:11,610 --> 00:07:13,840 I'm glad we could have this talk. 112 00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:18,310 Now you go and practice football like a good little heterosexual. 113 00:07:19,650 --> 00:07:23,280 You see me block that defense today? I was kicking ass. 114 00:07:23,450 --> 00:07:26,250 You need to kick more ass to beat the Cowboys. 115 00:07:26,420 --> 00:07:29,720 Speaking of pounding ass, here comes Stan's homo dog! 116 00:07:29,890 --> 00:07:34,380 Shut up, dude! Sparky, where'd you get that pink scarf? 117 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:37,050 That's the gayest dog I've ever seen. 118 00:07:37,230 --> 00:07:40,890 He just needs some training, that's all. Sit, Sparky. 119 00:07:41,070 --> 00:07:43,230 Good boy. Now shake. 120 00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:48,100 Good boy. Now, don't be gay! 121 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:51,440 Don't be gay, Spark. Don't be gay. 122 00:07:51,610 --> 00:07:53,270 - Did it work? - I don't know. 123 00:07:53,450 --> 00:07:54,780 He still looks gay. 124 00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:59,010 Hey, Stan, your dog been to any pride marches lately? 125 00:07:59,190 --> 00:08:03,620 Yeah, maybe you should take him to a Barbra Streisand concert. 126 00:08:03,790 --> 00:08:05,690 - Stupid gay dog. - Gay dog. 127 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,420 Come on. I have an idea. 128 00:08:13,670 --> 00:08:17,500 - I want $500 on the South Park Cows. - Are you crazy? 129 00:08:17,670 --> 00:08:20,400 No siree, I tell you, I got the line. 130 00:08:20,570 --> 00:08:24,270 My nephew's the best quarterback the school's ever seen. 131 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:26,940 I guarantee they'll beat the spread. 132 00:08:27,110 --> 00:08:29,450 I'll put all my money on the Cows. 133 00:08:29,620 --> 00:08:34,710 - I'll put 300 on the Cows too. - I wanna put money on the Cows too! 134 00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:37,790 Don't get too carried away now. 135 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:43,230 - You better be right about this, Jimbo. - Don't worry yourself. 136 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:47,890 - Are you sure Stan is that good? - Not that sure. 137 00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:50,970 We better come up with a backup plan. 138 00:08:51,140 --> 00:08:54,830 Let's see... Hey, bookie, what's the halftime show? 139 00:08:55,010 --> 00:09:00,140 John Stamos' older brother Richard Stamos is singing "Loving You." 140 00:09:00,310 --> 00:09:04,010 - I love that song. - "Loving You"? That's perfect. 141 00:09:04,180 --> 00:09:08,180 Middle Park will get a halftime show they'll never forget. 142 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:12,020 Sparky, we got you a present. Why don't...? 143 00:09:12,190 --> 00:09:16,220 Where do you keep getting this? No pink bandanna. Bad dog! 144 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:21,230 Now pay attention. Sparky, this is Fifi. 145 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,330 - There he goes. - Attaboy, get her! 146 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,170 Yes! 147 00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:32,600 - Crap! Now what? - Who cares if your dog's gay? 148 00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:34,010 Maybe it's not bad. 149 00:09:34,180 --> 00:09:36,910 No way. My mom says God hates gay people. 150 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:41,950 That's why he smoked the Sodomies in France. 151 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:46,390 I know. Mr. Garrison said homosexuals are evil. But Sparky isn't. 152 00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:49,260 Maybe he's wrong. Ask somebody else. 153 00:09:49,430 --> 00:09:50,690 Like who? 154 00:09:50,860 --> 00:09:54,430 Now back to Jesus and Pals on South Park public access. 155 00:09:54,730 --> 00:10:00,870 Yea. Many of you are seeking answers and I am the way for you, my children. 156 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:05,140 Let's open the phone lines up. Hello, you're on the air. 157 00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:07,680 - Is this Jesus? - Yes, my son. 158 00:10:07,850 --> 00:10:13,010 This is Robert from Torrey Pines. I asked for advice on my ex-wife. 159 00:10:13,190 --> 00:10:16,950 - Of course. How are things now? - Everything's better. 160 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:20,680 She hasn't mouthed off since. Thank you for the advice. 161 00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:23,920 And for dying for my sins. That was nice of you. 162 00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:27,290 Blessed art thou. Next caller, you're on the air. 163 00:10:27,470 --> 00:10:32,800 Hi, Jesus, I have a dog and he's a homosexual. 164 00:10:32,970 --> 00:10:37,240 My son, many have wondered what my stance on homosexuality is. 165 00:10:37,410 --> 00:10:41,470 I'd like to state, once and for all, my true opinion. You see... 166 00:10:41,650 --> 00:10:45,980 That's all for Jesus and Pals. Stay tuned for Marty's Movie Reviews. 167 00:10:46,190 --> 00:10:47,450 - Damn it! - What? 168 00:10:47,620 --> 00:10:49,780 I got cut off for Marty's Movie Reviews! 169 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,360 Marty's Movie Reviews are on? Kick ass! 170 00:10:52,530 --> 00:10:55,820 Can't anybody help me? Doesn't anybody care? 171 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,520 We have to go practice. 172 00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:00,190 It's not okay. I don't want a gay dog. 173 00:11:00,370 --> 00:11:04,460 I want a butch dog. I want a Rin Tin Tin. 174 00:11:18,790 --> 00:11:22,280 Now, children, we've got to handle the ball better. 175 00:11:22,460 --> 00:11:25,750 Hold the football like you'd hold your lover. 176 00:11:25,930 --> 00:11:29,360 Gently, yet firmly. 177 00:11:29,530 --> 00:11:34,520 You want to be both nurturing and clinging at the same time. 178 00:11:34,700 --> 00:11:40,640 Oh, yeah. Just like making sweet love to the football. 179 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:44,870 Being naughty with the football. 180 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,910 - Chef? - Ever so gently. 181 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:49,570 - Chef? - Spank it. 182 00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:51,010 Chef! 183 00:11:51,180 --> 00:11:53,950 Sorry, children. Let's run some plays. 184 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:57,890 - Mr. Chef? - We still don't have a helmet for you. 185 00:11:58,060 --> 00:12:02,020 How about I use a helmet today and someone else doesn't? 186 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,100 Would that be fair to the other children? 187 00:12:05,270 --> 00:12:06,600 I guess not. 188 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,160 We want to put a trigger on that bomb... 189 00:12:10,340 --> 00:12:13,770 ...that makes it go off at a specific moment. 190 00:12:13,940 --> 00:12:15,430 What moment is that? 191 00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:20,070 John Stamos' older brother is singing "Loving You" during halftime. 192 00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:23,110 We want it to go off when he hits the high F. 193 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,220 - What high F? - You know. 194 00:12:34,130 --> 00:12:36,620 Put the trigger on the "doot-en-doo"? 195 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,820 No, damn it. The: 196 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,000 Go ahead. 197 00:12:46,210 --> 00:12:47,970 You got it. 198 00:12:50,410 --> 00:12:52,070 All right. Yeah, okay. 199 00:12:52,250 --> 00:12:54,440 What's wrong, Stan? You seem down. 200 00:12:54,610 --> 00:12:57,310 I can't concentrate because my dog is gay. 201 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:01,750 You know what they say. You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks. 202 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:04,980 Stop filling him with queer-Ioving propaganda. 203 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,960 You of all people should be sympathetic. 204 00:13:08,130 --> 00:13:10,190 - What? - You're gay, aren't you? 205 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:14,160 What the hell are you talking about? I am not gay! 206 00:13:14,330 --> 00:13:20,100 - Well, you sure do act like it. - I do that to get chicks, dumb-ass. 207 00:13:20,810 --> 00:13:23,280 - What's wrong? - I can't find Sparky. 208 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,240 He usually follows me. 209 00:13:25,410 --> 00:13:28,540 Maybe he went shopping for some leather pants. 210 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:46,660 Hello there, little pup! I'm Big Gay Al. 211 00:13:46,830 --> 00:13:49,390 Have you been outcast? 212 00:13:49,570 --> 00:13:52,660 I'm glad you found my Big Gay Animal Sanctuary. 213 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:57,300 We're all big gay friends here. Would you like to live with us? 214 00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:02,210 Come on in, little fellow. Nobody will ever oppress you here. 215 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,050 Have you seen Sparky? He's not back. 216 00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:08,950 - It's been two days. - I think he ran away. 217 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:12,920 - Did you check the shopping...? - We'll look after the game. 218 00:14:13,090 --> 00:14:14,920 - I'm not playing. - You what? 219 00:14:15,090 --> 00:14:18,090 I'm not playing. I have to find my dog. 220 00:14:18,260 --> 00:14:21,390 Come on, Ned. And keep quiet. 221 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,500 - Hello there, Enrique. - What are we doing here? 222 00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:29,800 Well, we always kidnap Middle Park's mascot. 223 00:14:29,980 --> 00:14:32,670 But this year we're gonna booby-trap it. 224 00:14:32,850 --> 00:14:37,250 And when John Stamos' older brother hits that high F, boom! 225 00:14:37,420 --> 00:14:40,320 No more Middle Park players. 226 00:14:41,220 --> 00:14:43,250 Goddamn, I love football! 227 00:14:44,290 --> 00:14:48,190 Sparky, where are you? Where could he be? 228 00:14:54,770 --> 00:14:58,640 Hello, this is Frank Hammond, South Park Radio, AM 900. 229 00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:02,900 Tonight is the Middle Park Cowboys against the South Park Cows. 230 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,940 Chef, the South Park Cows' coach, is nervous. 231 00:15:06,110 --> 00:15:09,100 It's because his quarterback hasn't shown up. 232 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:11,440 Oh, come on, Stan. 233 00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:14,640 If Stan doesn't show up, can I use his helmet? 234 00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:16,150 No, Pip. 235 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:19,780 Sparky! Sparky! 236 00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:23,320 - Play ball! - You're quarterback, Kyle. 237 00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:26,490 - I never practiced. - It's late for that bullcrap. 238 00:15:26,670 --> 00:15:30,760 Filling in for quarterback is number 12, Kyle Broflovski. 239 00:15:30,940 --> 00:15:32,910 Hey, where's little Stanley? 240 00:15:33,070 --> 00:15:36,200 Why is that Jewish kid playing quarterback? 241 00:15:37,340 --> 00:15:41,970 Ned, look! They've got Enrique on their sidelines. 242 00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:45,080 - Looks like that bomb's still attached. - Yay. 243 00:15:50,690 --> 00:15:53,160 Hi, little fella, how are you doing? 244 00:15:53,330 --> 00:15:56,420 - Fine, how are you? - Super, thanks for asking. 245 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,330 My gay dog ran away. Did he come here? 246 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:04,160 - Well, let's see. Come on in. - Do you have lots of gay dogs here? 247 00:16:04,340 --> 00:16:09,900 We have all sorts of gay animals here. Over here we have a gay lion. 248 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:14,540 We have gay water buffalo. Here's a gaggle of gay gooses. 249 00:16:14,710 --> 00:16:17,650 Hi, fellas. It's so super to see you! 250 00:16:17,820 --> 00:16:20,220 Wow, the animals are really happy. 251 00:16:20,390 --> 00:16:25,260 Of course, silly buns! It's the one place where they can be themselves. 252 00:16:25,430 --> 00:16:27,590 Do you like to dance? 253 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:34,460 Hike me the ball, somebody run and I'll throw. Ready? Break! 254 00:16:34,630 --> 00:16:37,870 - You're toast. - We're gonna pound your heads in. 255 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,370 We'll just see about that! 256 00:16:40,540 --> 00:16:42,600 Set, set... 257 00:16:42,780 --> 00:16:45,900 - Damn it, Cartman! - What's the matter? 258 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:48,950 - Cartman farted! - That was just my shoes. 259 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,910 Come on! We'll get a delay of game penalty. 260 00:16:52,090 --> 00:16:54,450 - No way, dude! - Hike the ball! 261 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:57,520 - Dude, weak. - You get back there. 262 00:16:58,290 --> 00:17:01,230 The ball is snapped. Middle Park blitzes! 263 00:17:01,390 --> 00:17:05,390 Fumble! Middle Park gets the ball, they run for a touchdown! 264 00:17:05,570 --> 00:17:10,370 The score's 7-0 Middle Park, with 14:57 remaining in the first. 265 00:17:10,540 --> 00:17:11,940 Hell's bells. 266 00:17:12,110 --> 00:17:14,570 Haven't seen a beating like that since Rodney King! 267 00:17:14,740 --> 00:17:17,340 That's not PC. You'll get us in trouble. 268 00:17:17,510 --> 00:17:19,380 Right, I gotta watch that. 269 00:17:19,550 --> 00:17:23,610 If we lose money because of your nephew, we'll hang you out to dry. 270 00:17:23,780 --> 00:17:26,910 Don't y'all worry, you just wait till halftime. 271 00:17:28,220 --> 00:17:32,090 Sparky! Hi, Sparky, how's it going? 272 00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:35,520 I miss you, old pal. You really had me scared. 273 00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:38,290 Let's go home. I can still make the game. 274 00:17:38,460 --> 00:17:43,130 We can work on making you not gay together. Sparky? 275 00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:47,530 - It appears you still don't understand. - What don't I understand? 276 00:17:47,710 --> 00:17:49,940 I have to show you something. 277 00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:52,440 With a minute left in the half... 278 00:17:52,610 --> 00:17:57,050 ...the score is Middle Park Cowboys, 52. South Park Cows, 0. 279 00:17:58,550 --> 00:18:02,780 I haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant! 280 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:06,520 - Dude! Now, that is not cool. - Sorry, sorry. 281 00:18:06,690 --> 00:18:09,890 Okay, Stan, get in line for my Big Gay Boat Ride. 282 00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:13,460 Step aboard, Stanley. 283 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,800 Welcome aboard the Big Gay Boat Ride! 284 00:18:17,970 --> 00:18:21,960 On this adventure, we'll see the gay world throughout time. 285 00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:25,770 The Cows are set to receive. There's the kick. 286 00:18:25,950 --> 00:18:28,210 It's taken by 23, Kenny McCormick. 287 00:18:28,380 --> 00:18:31,040 He's at the 50, the 40, the 30... 288 00:18:31,220 --> 00:18:32,510 - Hold him! - Hold him! 289 00:18:32,690 --> 00:18:36,640 The little running back is down! I think he's... 290 00:18:36,820 --> 00:18:38,760 Yes, he's been decapitated! 291 00:18:39,460 --> 00:18:43,900 Oh, my God, they killed Kenny! You bastards! 292 00:18:44,060 --> 00:18:46,530 - That's gotta hurt, Frank! - Oucheroo! 293 00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:49,360 Hey, come on! That was roughing! 294 00:18:49,540 --> 00:18:52,300 At least let us scrape him off the field! 295 00:18:52,470 --> 00:18:57,470 Looks like the Cows won't beat the 72 point spread, not by a long shot. 296 00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:01,270 Gayness has existed since the beginning of time. 297 00:19:01,450 --> 00:19:05,380 From the Egyptian pharaohs to the shoguns of Japan. 298 00:19:05,550 --> 00:19:08,490 Uh-oh, look out, it's the oppressors! 299 00:19:08,650 --> 00:19:12,280 Christians and Republicans and Nazis, oh, my! 300 00:19:12,460 --> 00:19:14,690 Oh, gosh, that was close. 301 00:19:14,860 --> 00:19:20,460 Let's steer our boat out of here and into a place where gays live freely. 302 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,640 - What do you think, Stan? - This kicks ass. 303 00:19:34,810 --> 00:19:38,220 I'm sorry I tried to change you. I didn't understand. 304 00:19:38,380 --> 00:19:39,820 Isn't this precious? 305 00:19:39,990 --> 00:19:46,260 Now here to sing "Loving You" is the one and only John Stamos' brother! 306 00:19:46,430 --> 00:19:48,420 All right, Richard! 307 00:20:03,180 --> 00:20:05,740 What the hell? He didn't sing the high F. 308 00:20:05,910 --> 00:20:09,510 Richard can't sing a high F, he always screws it up. 309 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:13,480 Ned, we are gonna get our asses kicked! 310 00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:16,990 It's obvious where the talent in that family went! 311 00:20:18,090 --> 00:20:20,390 Thanks for everything, Big Gay Al. 312 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:24,660 No problem. Are you sure you don't want cheese sandwiches? 313 00:20:24,830 --> 00:20:28,130 I gotta get to the football game. Come on, boy. 314 00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:33,640 Oh, Stan. When you get back to town, tell them about us, will you? 315 00:20:33,810 --> 00:20:38,140 Tell them there are gay animals here who need homes desperately. 316 00:20:38,310 --> 00:20:41,110 I will, Big Gay Al, I will. 317 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,220 Oh, my carrot cake! 318 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,880 The Cows are being molested by Middle Park! 319 00:20:48,050 --> 00:20:50,550 I haven't seen so many children molested since... 320 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,950 You said beating the spread was a sure thing! 321 00:20:54,130 --> 00:20:56,920 We all put our life savings in this game! 322 00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:58,790 You're a dead man, Jimbo! 323 00:20:58,970 --> 00:21:02,730 This should just about wrap it up... Wait, what's this? 324 00:21:04,540 --> 00:21:06,870 It's Stan, the star quarterback. 325 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:08,940 Where the hell have you been? 326 00:21:09,110 --> 00:21:12,270 - Getting my best friend back. - Get in there, boy. 327 00:21:12,450 --> 00:21:15,040 Give them hell, Stanley! 328 00:21:15,210 --> 00:21:19,580 Jesus, I haven't asked for much. All we need is one little score. 329 00:21:19,750 --> 00:21:22,810 - Please. Please, Jesus! - Leave me alone. 330 00:21:23,690 --> 00:21:25,660 Stan steps back to pass... 331 00:21:25,830 --> 00:21:28,190 Hey, Stan. I'm open, I think. 332 00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:31,990 And he throws it to Kyle, the little Jewish kid. 333 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:36,690 Oh, my! I haven't seen a Jew run like that since Poland, 1938! 334 00:21:36,870 --> 00:21:38,530 Dude! 335 00:21:39,510 --> 00:21:41,970 Touchdown! 336 00:21:42,140 --> 00:21:47,510 The final score is Middle Park Cowboys, 73. South Park Cows, 6. 337 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,150 South Park beats the spread! 338 00:21:53,050 --> 00:21:54,180 Speech! 339 00:21:54,350 --> 00:21:59,380 What do you want to tell the world about this stunning almost-victory? 340 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,430 It's really cool that we beat the spread. 341 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:03,690 Yeah, all right! 342 00:22:03,860 --> 00:22:07,860 And maybe we can beat them even more next year. 343 00:22:08,030 --> 00:22:12,330 - And it's okay to be gay. - What? 344 00:22:12,510 --> 00:22:15,600 Being gay is part of nature and a beautiful thing. 345 00:22:15,780 --> 00:22:17,570 What is he talking about? 346 00:22:17,740 --> 00:22:21,610 Stanley, you arrived late. Where were you that whole time? 347 00:22:21,780 --> 00:22:23,910 With my new friend, Big Gay Al. 348 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,750 He showed me his sanctuary and took me on a boat ride... 349 00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:31,290 ...where I learned all about the wonders of gaiety. 350 00:22:31,460 --> 00:22:33,220 It's true, I'll show you. 351 00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:40,190 But it was here, right here. There was a techno dance club. 352 00:22:40,370 --> 00:22:44,890 You need to lay off the cough syrup. Seriously. I'm worried about you. 353 00:22:45,070 --> 00:22:49,340 Oliver! I thought you ran away all those months ago. 354 00:22:49,510 --> 00:22:51,240 - Sidney! - Willie! 355 00:22:51,410 --> 00:22:52,640 Carlos! 356 00:22:52,810 --> 00:22:55,780 Thank you so much for bringing everybody here. 357 00:22:55,950 --> 00:23:00,440 - There you are. How's it going? - I'm super, thanks for asking. 358 00:23:00,620 --> 00:23:03,850 It looks like now my work here is done. 359 00:23:04,790 --> 00:23:08,090 Goodbye, Stanley! Peace be with you. 360 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:14,190 - You guys, I can do it. - Do what? 361 00:23:19,940 --> 00:23:21,200 No!