1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:05,100 And now, a fireside chat with the creators of South Park: 2 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:08,740 Matt Stone and Trey Parker. 3 00:00:14,490 --> 00:00:17,650 - Oh, hello. I'm Trey Parker. - I'm Matt Stone. 4 00:00:17,860 --> 00:00:21,020 This here's old Scratch. Say hi, old fella. 5 00:00:21,190 --> 00:00:26,430 This episode is called "Weight Gain 4000." It's our favorite episode. 6 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:29,360 Kathie Lee Gifford comes to South Park... 7 00:00:29,540 --> 00:00:33,600 ...and Eric Cartman beefs himself up for the big day. 8 00:00:33,810 --> 00:00:37,140 How much weight does Cartman gain in this episode? 9 00:00:37,310 --> 00:00:41,270 After Cartman eats Weight Gain 4000, he gains 700 pounds. 10 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:44,470 That makes him as heavy as Sally Struthers. 11 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:49,850 Has Kathie Lee Gifford offended you? Was she flattered by her depiction? 12 00:00:50,020 --> 00:00:52,820 We don't really care. We think she's a fu... 13 00:00:53,030 --> 00:00:58,990 Very wonderful woman. Both Trey and I really respect her work with Regis. 14 00:00:59,470 --> 00:01:02,630 Guns and bullets seem to be a recurring theme. 15 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:05,670 Have either of you ever killed anyone? 16 00:01:06,340 --> 00:01:10,170 I would never kill somebody, unless they pissed me off. 17 00:01:10,510 --> 00:01:14,170 Why do you keep killing Kenny? What did he do to you? 18 00:01:14,350 --> 00:01:17,340 Kenny is definitely our favorite character. 19 00:01:17,550 --> 00:01:23,050 But we have to kill him every episode. This is one of our favorite deaths. 20 00:01:23,220 --> 00:01:28,750 How do you create a show like South Park and remain pure and wholesome? 21 00:01:28,930 --> 00:01:33,260 Everyone thinks that to do South Park, we must be wild rock stars... 22 00:01:33,430 --> 00:01:36,130 ...but we're wholesome Middle American guys. 23 00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:41,760 We enjoy soda pop, baseball and beating up old people as much as anybody. 24 00:01:42,340 --> 00:01:47,780 So, now sit back, relax and enjoy "Weight Gain 4000." 25 00:02:20,250 --> 00:02:21,340 Weight Gain 4000 26 00:02:25,850 --> 00:02:29,720 - Did you see that rainbow this morning? - It was huge. 27 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:31,410 I hate those things! 28 00:02:31,590 --> 00:02:35,390 - Nobody hates rainbows. - What's there to hate about them? 29 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:40,730 Well, you'll be minding your business and they'll come marching in... 30 00:02:40,930 --> 00:02:44,930 ...and crawl up your leg and bite the inside of your ass. 31 00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:51,170 And you'll be all like, "Hey, get out of my ass, you stupid rainbows!" 32 00:02:51,950 --> 00:02:57,210 - What the hell are you talking about? - Rainbows. I hate those things. 33 00:02:57,380 --> 00:03:01,680 Rainbows are those arches of color that show up when it rains. 34 00:03:01,860 --> 00:03:06,190 Oh, rainbows! Oh, yeah, I like those. Those are cool. 35 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:09,590 - What were you talking about? - Nothing, forget it. 36 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:13,100 What crawls up your leg and bites the inside of your ass? 37 00:03:13,270 --> 00:03:14,260 Nothing! 38 00:03:14,430 --> 00:03:18,800 Children, remember the Save Our Fragile Planet essay contest... 39 00:03:18,970 --> 00:03:22,240 ...that you worked so hard on last month? 40 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:28,010 One of our very own South Park students has won the national prize. 41 00:03:28,180 --> 00:03:30,270 Wow, I knew I would win. 42 00:03:30,450 --> 00:03:33,980 - Mr. Garrison, this sure is exciting. - Right, Mr. Hat. 43 00:03:34,150 --> 00:03:38,420 The winner of the national Save Our Fragile Planet contest is: 44 00:03:38,590 --> 00:03:39,890 Eric Cartman. 45 00:03:40,060 --> 00:03:41,290 - What?! - What?! 46 00:03:41,460 --> 00:03:44,690 Congratulations on writing the winning paper. 47 00:03:44,860 --> 00:03:46,130 Kick ass! 48 00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:50,000 Cartman doesn't know a rain forest from a Pop-Tart. 49 00:03:50,170 --> 00:03:52,300 Yeah, I do. Pop-Tarts are frosted. 50 00:03:52,470 --> 00:03:56,810 Out of over a million papers, Eric's was chosen as the winner. 51 00:03:56,980 --> 00:04:01,140 - Wow! What did you write about? - You know, this and that. 52 00:04:01,310 --> 00:04:04,770 - He doesn't know what he wrote. - What was your paper about? 53 00:04:04,950 --> 00:04:08,610 It was on the suffering of bottle-nosed dolphins. 54 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:13,090 You shouldn't have written about dolphins. Dolphins are stupid. 55 00:04:13,260 --> 00:04:17,320 Dude, dolphins are the second smartest animal on the planet. 56 00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:22,700 Right. If they're so damn smart, how come they get caught in fishing nets? 57 00:04:22,870 --> 00:04:24,730 - What? - Wait, there's more. 58 00:04:24,900 --> 00:04:30,640 It says here that Eric's trophy will be presented to him by... 59 00:04:30,810 --> 00:04:32,780 ...Kathie Lee Gifford? 60 00:04:32,950 --> 00:04:34,940 Kathie Lee is coming here? 61 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:37,980 The presentation will be on television. 62 00:04:38,150 --> 00:04:39,410 Television? 63 00:04:39,620 --> 00:04:43,560 Kathie Lee Gifford. I don't believe it. 64 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:47,120 Kathie Lee Gifford in South Park! 65 00:04:47,290 --> 00:04:51,390 Oh, my God! This is our chance to make a name for ourselves... 66 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,530 ...to show we're not some pissant mountain town. 67 00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:57,360 It's a chance for you to get publicity. 68 00:04:57,540 --> 00:05:03,100 If I can show how much I turned South Park around, I could become a senator! 69 00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:07,410 - Maybe even a state senator! - Let's decorate the town square. 70 00:05:07,580 --> 00:05:12,950 We should have the chef of the school sing and show our ethnic diversity. 71 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,950 That's right! He's a black guy, isn't he? 72 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:17,820 Black as the night. 73 00:05:17,990 --> 00:05:22,390 Yes! And we can have the children of South Park put on a play. 74 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:24,390 Kathie Lee loves children. 75 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:27,690 If they're working in a sweatshop, that is. 76 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:29,460 Thank you. 77 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:31,160 You guys, guess what? 78 00:05:31,340 --> 00:05:35,070 After I'm on television, I'm gonna be totally famous. 79 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:36,970 Hitler was famous too. 80 00:05:37,140 --> 00:05:39,010 - Hello, children. - Hey, Chef. 81 00:05:39,180 --> 00:05:41,550 - How are my little crackers? - Good. 82 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:45,670 Did you hear? Kathie Lee Gifford is coming to South Park! 83 00:05:45,850 --> 00:05:49,190 Because Cartman cheated and won the essay contest. 84 00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:55,020 Yeah, whatever. But the mayor called and asked me to sing at the ceremony. 85 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,600 - Are you gonna do it? - Of course. 86 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:02,170 Kathie Lee is a beautiful, sultry queen of sexual fantasy. 87 00:06:02,340 --> 00:06:08,140 If I sing to her, maybe I can lure her into a night of exotic delectation. 88 00:06:08,310 --> 00:06:09,870 Yeah, that'd be cool! 89 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:15,310 Well, three times bigger than Frank Gifford's, anyway. 90 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:20,580 I can't concentrate on grading papers with all this excitement. 91 00:06:20,850 --> 00:06:23,190 Why are you looking at me like that? 92 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:27,880 Have you forgotten the pain and suffering Kathie Lee caused you? 93 00:06:28,060 --> 00:06:32,590 Mr. Hat, that was a long time ago, and I was only a child. 94 00:06:32,770 --> 00:06:35,060 We could've won that talent show. 95 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,700 - Knock, knock, Mr. Hat. - Who's there? 96 00:06:38,870 --> 00:06:40,670 - Orange. - Orange who? 97 00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:44,670 Orange you glad I didn't say banana? 98 00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:47,440 Thank you. 99 00:06:49,050 --> 00:06:51,920 Wow, Mr. Hat. Looks like we might win. 100 00:06:52,090 --> 00:06:55,110 And now, our last talent-show finalist... 101 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,420 ...Kathie Lee Epstein. 102 00:07:27,690 --> 00:07:33,020 It wasn't fair. She had choreography. How could we compete with that? 103 00:07:33,190 --> 00:07:37,600 But she's coming to South Park, and I know how to make it better. 104 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:39,130 How? 105 00:07:39,470 --> 00:07:42,870 No, Mr. Hat! I couldn't... 106 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:46,800 ...kill Kathie Lee Gifford. 107 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:52,570 Children, as you all know, Mrs. Kathie Lee Gifford... 108 00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:56,770 ...will be here to present the award to some kid for an essay. 109 00:07:56,950 --> 00:07:58,710 - That kid is me! - Whatever. 110 00:07:58,890 --> 00:08:01,880 I'm going to have you luscious youngsters... 111 00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:05,390 ...do a play about the history of South Park. 112 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,860 That's wonderful, right, Mr. Hat? 113 00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:09,490 - Kill her! - Mr. Hat! 114 00:08:09,660 --> 00:08:13,060 Mr. Garrison, I'm asking you to direct our play. 115 00:08:13,230 --> 00:08:14,390 That's perfect. 116 00:08:14,570 --> 00:08:19,030 You see, Mr. Hat, we don't have to kill her. We can upstage her. 117 00:08:19,210 --> 00:08:23,940 You might want to review the essays. We think Cartman cheated. 118 00:08:24,110 --> 00:08:30,540 Who cares? Now, kids, what's say we give it our South Park best! 119 00:08:32,020 --> 00:08:36,220 - Who's our little prizewinner again? - Me, Eric Cartman! 120 00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:40,920 How about we get in shape? We want to look our best on TV, don't we? 121 00:08:41,090 --> 00:08:42,080 Yes, ma'am. 122 00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:46,200 I'm gonna be on television I'm gonna be on television 123 00:08:47,770 --> 00:08:51,730 I'm gonna be on television I'm gonna be on television 124 00:08:51,910 --> 00:08:55,430 We don't believe you won that contest fairly, fat boy. 125 00:08:55,610 --> 00:08:59,480 Stop defending your girlfriend for writing about stupid fish. 126 00:08:59,650 --> 00:09:04,480 - Dolphins are intelligent and friendly. - Intelligent and friendly on rye bread. 127 00:09:04,650 --> 00:09:09,020 - Dolphins are smarter than you. - Then why do they live in igloos? 128 00:09:09,190 --> 00:09:13,020 - That's not dolphins. That's Eskimos! - Who cares? 129 00:09:13,190 --> 00:09:16,990 - It's tree-hugging hippie crap. - Tell me what you wrote! 130 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,890 I can't. I have to go home and get in shape! 131 00:09:20,070 --> 00:09:24,530 Yeah, right! You'll go watch TV and eat Cheesy Poofs, ass-master. 132 00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:26,040 Screw you, hippie! 133 00:09:27,370 --> 00:09:30,670 We'll be right back to Jesus and Pals after this. 134 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:34,240 Need to get in shape fast? Wanna look your best? 135 00:09:34,410 --> 00:09:38,350 Tired of not getting chicks? Tired of being a 90-pound weakling? 136 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,750 Yeah, I only weigh 90 pounds. 137 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:44,250 Then bulk up quick with Weight Gain 4000! 138 00:09:44,420 --> 00:09:49,160 Over 4000 grams of saturated fat per serving. Its formula is designed... 139 00:09:49,330 --> 00:09:53,770 ...to go to the stomach, where it is distributed to the blood! 140 00:09:53,930 --> 00:09:56,420 Now available at stores everywhere. 141 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,800 - Say it with me, "Beefcake!" - Beefcake. 142 00:09:58,970 --> 00:10:00,370 - Beefcake! - Beefcake! 143 00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:05,040 May cause irreversible damage to kidneys and liver. 144 00:10:05,210 --> 00:10:08,150 Mom, can you get me some Weight Gain 4000? 145 00:10:08,310 --> 00:10:11,550 Okay, Eric. I'll get you some tomorrow. 146 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,650 But, Mom, I need it for tomorrow! 147 00:10:14,820 --> 00:10:17,650 But tomorrow is grocery day, Eric. 148 00:10:17,820 --> 00:10:19,290 Mom! 149 00:10:20,590 --> 00:10:25,930 Okay, okay. Well, I guess I'll be going to the store now, then. 150 00:10:31,570 --> 00:10:32,900 No, no! 151 00:10:34,410 --> 00:10:36,000 Kill her! 152 00:10:36,180 --> 00:10:38,200 No, Mr. Hat, I won't do it. 153 00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:40,640 Kill! 154 00:10:42,020 --> 00:10:46,380 That does it. You're going in the dresser drawer, Mr. Hat. 155 00:10:47,050 --> 00:10:52,180 - She'll make a fool of you again. - Stay in that drawer, negative Nancy. 156 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:53,520 Hey, dudes. 157 00:10:53,690 --> 00:10:58,260 What is wrong with you? Haven't you noticed the snow on the ground? 158 00:10:58,430 --> 00:11:01,890 I have a nice body, and I wanna show it off! 159 00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:07,030 - What? You've got to weigh 90 pounds! - I'm up to 94, thank you very much. 160 00:11:08,370 --> 00:11:11,670 Yeah, they're almost as big as his mom's! 161 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:15,970 Laugh all you want! I'll be the one on TV looking all buff. 162 00:11:16,150 --> 00:11:20,250 - What's that stuff? - Weight Gain 4000. It's bulking me up. 163 00:11:20,420 --> 00:11:23,120 - Bulk up to what? Fat-ass? - Super fat-ass? 164 00:11:23,290 --> 00:11:28,660 Hey, I don't have to take that kind of crap from you scrawny weaklings! 165 00:11:30,860 --> 00:11:35,890 Sweet, check me out. I'm such a beefcake I can't get through the door. 166 00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:39,470 Come on, people. We've got to turn this place around. 167 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:43,800 Hang up the lights, string up the banners, castrate the cows! 168 00:11:45,380 --> 00:11:48,870 Well, Mr. Garrison, how is the little play going? 169 00:11:49,050 --> 00:11:52,250 Fine. We were just about to run it from the top. 170 00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:55,580 Oh, please do. I'm dying to see it. 171 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:59,190 All the little pioneers on this side of the stage. 172 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:02,760 All the little Indians to the center of the stage. 173 00:12:02,930 --> 00:12:06,660 - Am I an Indian or a pioneer? - You have a feather on your head? 174 00:12:06,830 --> 00:12:09,700 - Yes. - Then you're an Indian. 175 00:12:09,870 --> 00:12:11,770 Bebe, this is your line. 176 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:15,340 This is the story of South Park. 177 00:12:15,510 --> 00:12:18,670 It begins over 100 years ago... 178 00:12:18,850 --> 00:12:24,980 ...when the noble and hearty Ute Indians lived on the land. 179 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,650 Oh, don't they look adorable? 180 00:12:29,820 --> 00:12:33,760 Then from the East came the great white pioneers. 181 00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:42,230 - Oh, my God! - They did it better this morning. 182 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:43,830 They had more energy. 183 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,770 The pioneers met with the Indians... 184 00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:51,040 ...and negotiated for their fertile lands. 185 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:56,550 We cannot have our children beating each other in front of Kathie Lee! 186 00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:59,690 What do you want? This is how it happened. 187 00:12:59,850 --> 00:13:02,050 Take that, you stupid Indian! 188 00:13:02,220 --> 00:13:05,120 Mr. Garrison, this is not appropriate! 189 00:13:05,290 --> 00:13:09,630 Do you actually think that Kathie Lee Gifford would enjoy this? 190 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,920 To hell with Kathie Lee Gifford! 191 00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:16,200 What have I said? 192 00:13:16,370 --> 00:13:19,170 He said, "To hell with Kathie Lee Gifford!" 193 00:13:19,470 --> 00:13:24,880 Mr. Garrison, I am dismissing you from directing our play. 194 00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:32,310 It happened again, didn't it? Now we do things my way. 195 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,390 I can't kill her, Mr. Hat. 196 00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:38,580 You're gonna have to do it. 197 00:13:44,460 --> 00:13:49,060 - Cartman, talk about wide load. - I'm starting to fill out nicely. 198 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:51,930 No, you're not. You're fatter than ever! 199 00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:54,470 I'm not fat, I'm getting in shape! 200 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:58,200 You're such a fat-ass, when you walk around, people go: 201 00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:00,470 "Goddamn, that's a big fat-ass!" 202 00:14:00,650 --> 00:14:03,140 No, they don't, you jealous weakling! 203 00:14:03,350 --> 00:14:06,680 Goddamn, that's a big fat-ass! 204 00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:09,890 - Hi, guys. - Oh, look, another hippie. 205 00:14:10,060 --> 00:14:12,820 - Peace, Wendy. - Shut up, Cartman! 206 00:14:12,990 --> 00:14:15,480 Two little hippies sitting in a tree 207 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:19,630 I'll find Cartman's paper and get to the bottom of this. 208 00:14:21,470 --> 00:14:24,990 - Can I help you? - Yes. I need a gun. 209 00:14:25,170 --> 00:14:28,470 Would this be for hunting, protection or other? 210 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:30,230 - Other. - Alrighty then. 211 00:14:30,410 --> 00:14:34,140 May I suggest a Stratford 12 mm? Go ahead. Try it on! 212 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:39,250 That looks nice on you. The lacquered black matches your eyes. 213 00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:42,790 You talking to me? You talking to me? 214 00:14:43,060 --> 00:14:47,010 - I don't know, it's a little small. - Okay. How about this? 215 00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:50,460 You talking to me? I don't like this one either. 216 00:14:50,630 --> 00:14:53,220 Here's the same gun with a wood finish. 217 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:54,590 You talking to me?! 218 00:14:54,830 --> 00:14:59,000 I don't see anybody else here, so you must be talking to me. 219 00:14:59,170 --> 00:15:00,470 I'll take it. 220 00:15:01,140 --> 00:15:02,300 Hello? 221 00:15:18,990 --> 00:15:21,460 "My essay, by Eric Cartman. 222 00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:25,720 When I wrote the following pages, or rather the bulk of them... 223 00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:29,270 ...I lived alone in the woods on the shore of..." 224 00:15:31,270 --> 00:15:36,570 Mr. Hat, old Kathie Lee really will be surprised when she gets here tomorrow. 225 00:15:36,740 --> 00:15:40,110 She beat us in the talent show all those years ago. 226 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,540 I think we owe her for that. 227 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:45,550 Oh, my God! 228 00:15:52,860 --> 00:15:56,190 - Howdy, Mr. Garrison. Nice gun. - Thank you. 229 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:59,590 - Nice gun, Mr. Garrison. - Thanks. 230 00:15:59,770 --> 00:16:02,170 - Hello, Officer Barbrady. - Nice gun. 231 00:16:02,340 --> 00:16:08,300 Is there somewhere in town I can get a good, clear shot...? View of Kathie Lee? 232 00:16:08,540 --> 00:16:12,200 I think the book depository would be a good bet. 233 00:16:15,050 --> 00:16:19,140 That might do quite nicely. Thank you, Officer Barbrady. 234 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:20,880 No problem. 235 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:24,680 Caught you red-handed! No pictures of Kathie Lee! 236 00:16:25,730 --> 00:16:27,690 Where is she? 237 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:33,900 This is sweet. Camera crews are setting up, and I look totally ripped. 238 00:16:34,070 --> 00:16:38,330 - Beefcake. Beefcake! - They won't get all of you in frame. 239 00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:41,170 - Guys, we have to stop him! - Stop who? 240 00:16:41,340 --> 00:16:45,740 Mr. Garrison! He's going to try to kill Kathie Lee Gifford! 241 00:16:45,910 --> 00:16:49,240 No, you don't! You won't ruin my moment of fame. 242 00:16:49,420 --> 00:16:50,610 He's got a gun! 243 00:16:50,780 --> 00:16:53,510 You gotta get over this jealousy thing. 244 00:16:53,690 --> 00:16:57,550 Seriously, just face it. I wrote a better paper than you. 245 00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:02,290 It just so happens that I have your paper, and I know why you won. 246 00:17:02,460 --> 00:17:05,190 There's something more important now. 247 00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:08,560 You've got to prioritize. What's more important: 248 00:17:08,730 --> 00:17:11,700 Being on TV or some stupid assassination? 249 00:17:11,870 --> 00:17:15,710 Stan, I can't do it alone. Please? 250 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:17,500 We're losing him. 251 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:19,270 Here she comes! 252 00:17:26,790 --> 00:17:30,950 Damn, I'm not the only one who's thought of killing her. 253 00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,720 We love you, Kathie Lee! 254 00:17:33,890 --> 00:17:35,550 We love you too. 255 00:17:35,730 --> 00:17:38,860 Come on, you little bitch. 256 00:17:39,030 --> 00:17:42,260 You've gotta leave your precious bubble sometime. 257 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:46,500 It is with great pride and honor that I'd like to welcome... 258 00:17:46,670 --> 00:17:50,340 ...Mrs. Kathie Lee Gifford to South Park! 259 00:17:52,910 --> 00:17:56,610 And now our very own South Park Elementary chef... 260 00:17:56,820 --> 00:18:00,650 ...will sing a special song in honor of Mrs. Lee Gifford! 261 00:18:01,750 --> 00:18:03,380 Thank you, Mr. Mayor. 262 00:18:03,590 --> 00:18:07,490 You know, Kathie Lee, you are a very special woman. 263 00:18:07,660 --> 00:18:11,120 I don't mean special in a Mary Tyler Moore way... 264 00:18:11,330 --> 00:18:15,230 ...or special in an extra-value meal at Happy Burger way. 265 00:18:15,430 --> 00:18:20,170 No, no, no. I mean special. Like the song of the hummingbird... 266 00:18:20,370 --> 00:18:23,970 ...as it gets ready to find that female hummingbird... 267 00:18:24,180 --> 00:18:27,200 ...and make sweet love to it all night long. 268 00:18:27,410 --> 00:18:30,580 Just two hummingbirds moaning and groaning... 269 00:18:30,750 --> 00:18:35,240 ...and letting their bodies caress and touch each other in ecstasy. 270 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,360 What? 271 00:18:49,740 --> 00:18:51,200 What?! 272 00:18:52,810 --> 00:18:57,140 Thank you, Chef, for that heartwarming song. 273 00:18:57,310 --> 00:18:59,830 Thank you, Chef! 274 00:19:00,150 --> 00:19:03,050 God bless you, Kathie Lee! 275 00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:08,020 Mr. Garrison is about to kill Kathie Lee! We have to find him! 276 00:19:08,220 --> 00:19:11,710 What? You mean the teacher? Wait a minute. 277 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:17,820 Is there somewhere in town I can get a good, clear shot...? View of Kathie Lee? 278 00:19:18,300 --> 00:19:21,630 I think the book depository would be a good bet. 279 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:25,430 I think the book depository would be a good bet. 280 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,830 Book depository. Depository. 281 00:19:28,010 --> 00:19:31,700 Damn, he could be anywhere! I'll send out an APB. 282 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,110 Wendy, look! 283 00:19:34,410 --> 00:19:37,380 And now, here to present the award... 284 00:19:37,580 --> 00:19:41,310 ...for the environmental essay to our own Eric Kaufman... 285 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,150 Cartman, goddamn it! 286 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:46,420 ...is your favorite celebrity and mine... 287 00:19:46,860 --> 00:19:49,890 ...Kathie Lee Gifford! 288 00:19:53,570 --> 00:19:55,730 Thank you. I love you all. 289 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,830 Mr. Garrison! Stop! 290 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:01,340 Leave us. We must finish what we have begun. 291 00:20:01,510 --> 00:20:04,810 I know she's hurt you. She's hurt a lot of people. 292 00:20:04,980 --> 00:20:08,810 - You can't know. - You should've won that talent show. 293 00:20:08,980 --> 00:20:13,440 It is with honor and pride that I present the winner this trophy. 294 00:20:13,620 --> 00:20:19,180 - Eric, would you please come up here? - Here it is, my big moment of fame. 295 00:20:19,360 --> 00:20:23,260 Then she threw her voice with two dummies at once. 296 00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:26,490 I know that, but this isn't the answer. 297 00:20:26,670 --> 00:20:29,960 It is too late for me, young Wendy. 298 00:20:32,070 --> 00:20:36,030 I've learned something today. You can't win all the time. 299 00:20:36,210 --> 00:20:40,470 If you don't win, you can't hold it against the person who did... 300 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:44,170 ...because that's the only way you ever really lose. 301 00:20:44,350 --> 00:20:46,580 You're right. 302 00:20:46,750 --> 00:20:48,240 Good. 303 00:20:48,450 --> 00:20:51,690 She really threw her voice with two dummies? 304 00:20:51,860 --> 00:20:53,260 The bitch must die! 305 00:21:02,940 --> 00:21:07,000 Oh, my God, they killed Kenny! You bastard! 306 00:21:07,470 --> 00:21:08,940 - Gun! - Gun! 307 00:21:09,140 --> 00:21:13,670 Hey, come back! We didn't even get to do our play! 308 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,870 That's it. Wrap it up. 309 00:21:16,050 --> 00:21:19,950 Hey, wait a minute. When do I get to be on television? 310 00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:23,020 Forget it. No Kathie Lee, no public interest. 311 00:21:23,190 --> 00:21:26,590 But I won the environmental essay contest! 312 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:30,530 You don't deserve to win, Cartman, and you know it! 313 00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:35,600 I'm holding Cartman's paper. It's actually nothing more than Walden... 314 00:21:35,770 --> 00:21:40,760 ...with Thoreau's name crossed out and Cartman's name written in its place. 315 00:21:40,970 --> 00:21:44,030 - Who cares? - Kathie Lee Gifford's gone. 316 00:21:44,210 --> 00:21:47,700 What about not holding anything against the winner? 317 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,180 Well, not if it's Cartman. 318 00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:55,380 Hey, where are you all going? They don't even know what Walden is. 319 00:21:55,550 --> 00:21:59,150 I bet if Walden was a sitcom you'd know what it was! 320 00:21:59,330 --> 00:22:02,660 Come on. Kyle's mom will make tuna-fish sandwiches. 321 00:22:02,830 --> 00:22:03,990 What the hell. 322 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:09,690 No, no! Now I'll be stuck in this Podunk town forever... 323 00:22:09,900 --> 00:22:15,140 ...with all these stupid, hick, redneck, jobless, truck-driving idiots! 324 00:22:15,310 --> 00:22:17,670 Mayor, the mike is on. 325 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:20,670 Thought you could get away with it, Mr. Hat? 326 00:22:20,850 --> 00:22:23,940 I would have, if it weren't for those meddling kids. 327 00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:28,490 You're lucky you missed Kathie Lee and that nobody got hurt. 328 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:33,150 We hope you can come back to school soon. 329 00:22:33,330 --> 00:22:37,460 I'd love to, but the doctors say Mr. Hat needs more therapy. 330 00:22:37,630 --> 00:22:39,790 We can still get her! 331 00:22:39,970 --> 00:22:44,100 I'm just sorry I ruined everyone's chances for being on TV. 332 00:22:44,270 --> 00:22:46,900 Not Cartman. He gets to be on TV anyway. 333 00:22:47,070 --> 00:22:48,630 Really? On what? 334 00:22:48,810 --> 00:22:50,140 Obesity. 335 00:22:50,310 --> 00:22:52,370 Adiposity. Corpulence. 336 00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:55,840 Whatever word you use, it represents one thing: 337 00:22:56,010 --> 00:22:57,500 Being a big fat-ass. 338 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:01,710 We have with us via satellite Eric Cartman from South Park... 339 00:23:01,890 --> 00:23:05,760 ...who is now so obese, he can't even get out of his house. 340 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,150 When is this gonna be on the air? 341 00:23:08,330 --> 00:23:11,490 Is there anything you'd like to say to the people? 342 00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:13,720 Follow your dreams. 343 00:23:13,900 --> 00:23:17,340 You can reach your goals. I'm living proof. 344 00:23:17,500 --> 00:23:19,300 Beefcake. Beefcake! 345 00:23:19,470 --> 00:23:22,570 He needs to run his ass around the block. 346 00:23:22,780 --> 00:23:25,240 How about more of that good loving? 347 00:23:25,410 --> 00:23:28,570 Damn! I gave you sweet loving five minutes ago! 348 00:23:28,750 --> 00:23:30,480 You trying to kill me?