My fellow heroes, tonight, I stopped three murders from happening.
I don't know why, but we're seeing a huge trend in crime.
We have to find out the source of this evil.
Something big is about to happen, and it is up to Coon and Friends to stop it.
Yes, Toolshed?
Why do we have to be called Coon and Friends?
What?
We all fight crime together. How come we're just your friends?
Yeah we wanna be called the Extreme Avenger League.
"Yeah that's right! The Extreme Avenger League!"
I told you, Tupperware. Extreme Avenger League doesn't work.
- Why not? - It's confusing.
The Coon is a brand people already know.
Why can't it be Mosquito and Friends?
Nobody's fucking heard of you Mosquito!
Have so.
Look, guys, we need to find out what's causing the crime wave in the city.
Mysterion, you and the Human Kite get on the computer, and dig up what you can
Tupperware and Mosquisto scan the news.
Toolshed, you run a perimeter check with Iron Maiden.
Timmy!
Let's work, people.
Uhh Mintberry Crunch, can I have a quick word with you in the debriefing chamber?
Ok. Uhh... I really enjoy having you be a part of Coon and Friends,
and I certainly appreciate your on-time paying dues and fees.
It's just... I don't...
I'm not getting your deal.
I mean, exactly what is Mintberry Crunch supposed to mean?
I get that you're half man and half berry,
and that your crunchy with some mint,
but to be a part of Coon and Friends, you have to have a clear and more superhero kind of identity.
Mintberry Crunch, umm I'm just wondering
if maybe you need to add something else to the Mintberry Crunch part of your costume.
Like milk?
No NOT like milk.
You see I really think we're on different pages, Mintberry Crunch. It's like you don't even...
Coon and Friends alert.
Uh oh.
- What's the alert Mosquito? - There's like a big fire or something in town.
What a fire? Coon volume up.
Thought to be at least 20 people trapped inside the apartment building.
Firefighters are having no luck.
This is what we've been waiting for!
Coon and friends, let's head out!
All right, yeah. Let's go.
Yeah.
Uhh Mintberry Crunch, why don't you stay here and mind the base, okay? Cool.
We have to get down town fast, Coon friends.
Mom, you gotta drive us downtown.
Oh it's a little late, sweetie.
Why don't you boys keep playing downstairs.
Mom, you're the Coon's faithful butler.
I want to go down town now.
Well, all right.
I guess I can get some groceries anyway.
Into the Coon mobile, everyone.
Let's just hope we get there in time.
All right, you little Munchkins buckled up for safety?
Mom, don't talk to us like that We're fuckin super heroes.
Eric, what have we talked about with that language?
One more time and I'm not taking you anywhere.
I'm sorry, mom. Can we go, please?
Unbelievable!
We tried getting in through the back.
It was no good.
Those people are going to die if we don't do something.
Oh, my goodness. It's a fire.
Come on, Coon friends.
No, Eric, stay in the car, sweetie.
Can we try a helicopter?
The winds are too high.
The chopper would burn in minutes.
Alright what seems to be the problem?
Get back kids it isn't safe.
Eric? Poosie?
Whatever is happening, you need help from the Coon.
And friends!
Keep those children back, Thompson.
Please, sir...you must let us
Sweetie, let the nice firemen do their job.
Shut up, mom, God!
Wait! Look, up in the sky.
It's him!
My God, it's really him.
He's come to help us.
Captain Hindsight.
Who is Captain Hindsight?
Captain Hindsight, the hero of the modern age.
Once known as Jack Brolin, a reporter for the national news.
The hero was born when a freak accident gave him the AMAZING power of extraordinary hindsight.
From toxic spills, to unjust wars there's no task too large for
Captain Hindsight.
Captain Hindsight, thank God you've come.
What's the skinny?
There's people trapped in that burning building, Captain Hindsight.
And the fire is so massive, we can't get to them.
You see those windows on the right side?
They should have built fire escapes on those windows for the higher floors
then people could have gotten down.
And then on the roof they should have built it with a more reinforced structure
so a helicopter could have landed on it.
Yes, of course!
And then you see that building to the left, -Yes!-
they shouldn't have built that there.
Because now you can't park any fire trucks where you really need to.
Well looks like my job here is done.
Good-bye, everyone!
Thank you, Captain Hindsight.
Thank you!
All right, everyone. I guess that's it.
Let's pack it up.
Oh, boy, did you hear about that fire downtown, Sharon?
Oh, my gosh, yes.
They said like 14 people died.
It's just ridiculous to me
that didn't build fire scapes on those upper floors.
Ridiculous.
Ohh I know.
And if you ask me, they should have built a roof with enough support
to land a helicopter.
I mean hello!?
Hey you guys are just repeating what that Hindsight guy said.
Well yes, Stan.
Captain Hindsight is our protector and guardian.
We're just thankful he was there for that fire.
Now we can all eat in peace.
Coon and friends alert!
What the hell is that?
Who put that there?
Alert, seriously. All Coon friends to base. Alert you guys. I'm seriously.
Mom, dad, I finished dinner. Can I go up to my room?
Well, sure, Stan.
How did that thing get there, Randy?
I don't know.
Well, take it down.
It's noisy.
I can't. I don't know what happened to all my tools.
All right. Toolshed is here. We can start.
Dude, who said you could put a big siren in my parents house?
Yeah.
I almost got in trouble for it.
The Coon must be able to signal his friends when a huge catastrophe breaks out.
So what's the huge catastrophe?
What's the huge...Did you guys not see that Captain Hindsight guy?
Yeah so?
So there's a big super hero
out there doing stuff on his own and he's not part of Coon and friends.
Oh Jesus.
I looked into it.
And this Captain Hindsight is everywhere.
He's like some freelance butt hole scab.
We need to make him join us.
Hey fellows...fellows could you let me out please?
It's been like six days.
You aren't going anywhere, Chaos.
Yeah but uhh...but
You only gave me this bucket to poop in and it's full now.
And I ain't got nothing to eat.
You got poop, don't you?
Now the question is, how are we going to get Captain Hindsight to join Coon and friends?
Who cares if a hero doesn't want to be a part of Coon and friends?
I CARE!!!
Look, all we need to do is wait to the next disaster then try to beat Hindsight to the scene.
There's not going to be any worse disaster.
What could possibly be worse than a fire that killed 14 people?
All right.
This looks like a jolly good place.
Yes.
Let's let her rip!
That's it, lads.
Collect that oil.
Uh oh!
Oh, dear!
Oh, don't tell me we did it aGAIN!
Coon and friends alert!
All Coon friends report to base.
I'm so seriously. Emergency!
Coon and friends alert!
Good, you're all here.
Take a look at this.
Coon volume up.
It's a scene of utter despair and catastrophe.
Oil from the ocean is spilling out out of control and the
and the rescue effort seems futile.
It's horrible.
We can't stop the oil from contaminating everything.
Our home is covered in sludge. Where're we suppose to go?
Just lookie at all my scrimp here. My scrimp is the best scrimp this side of Louisiana
and that darn oil gotall up in my scrimp
and it ain't worth the slimea new baby oil just look at the erl on my scrimp
My god! Another oil spill could mean absolute devastation for the gulf.
We've got to help these people.
Yes.
This is definitely a job for Coon and friends.
Let's pack the gulf full of flavor.
Wait a minute, look.
It's Captain Hindsight.
Oh, no!
What seems to be the problem?
It's that BP oil rig Captain Hindsight.
It drilled into a marine sanctuary
and the environment is being poisoned.
If we can't stop it, the spill could reach New Orleans.
Hmm. All right.
You see where that rig is drilling?
Yes.
It's in too deep of water.
They shouldn't have drilled in that deep of water because now
they can't get machines deep enough to fix the spill.
Ah-ha!
Yes, yes.
Now if it's a valve that ruptured,
then what they should have done is installed a back up valve in case that valve broke.
I believe they did install a back-up safety valve Captain Hindsight.
Hmm... Right.
Then they should have had a back up safety valve
to that backup safety valve.
My god he's right.
My work here is done.
I'm off to find others in need.
God Bless you Captain Hindsight.
God bless you!
God dammnit! We have got to get that guy into Coon and friends!
Can I help you?
I understand this is where Captain Hindsight lives?
Yes.
I need to speak with him, please.
The Captain is very busy dealing with the gulf oil crisis.
I believe I have something that can help him deal with that oil crisis, sir.
Mr. Hindsight, sir, this young man would like a word.
Please, sit down, what can I do for you?
Mr. Hindsight, I represent some very high profile people.
I've been asked to give you some exciting news.
You have been preapproved to
become the newest member of Coon and friends.
Of what?
I know the Coon personally.
And I can tell you being a Coon friend is the very highest honor.
As you can see in those papers,
your first three months of dues have actually been waived.
This must be amazingly exciting for you.
Captain Hindsight, Captain Hindsight please come in.
Go ahead.
The oil keeps coming out.
We've got other rigs now catching fire.
Listen, they should have hosed down the other rigs as soon as the spill began.
Then that wouldn't have happened.
Right, thank you.
Captain Hindsight, the dolphins that those volunteers have cleaned of oil are dying.
Get down to the volunteers
and tell them they should have used a nonbleaching cleanser.
Commissioner? -Yes.-
Tell Brett Favre he should've never
sent actual pictures of his shlong.
Ohhh! it's not a blessing, it's a curse.
So anyways, if you want to just start filling out the form,
we'll get you enrolled in Coon and friends right away.
Look, I'm sorry, kid, but I work alone.
Well, see the problem with that is there's a superhero union called Coon and Friends.
and If you refuse to be a part of that union, you are a scab.
Get this kid out of here. I have to think.
Fine! You'll be hearing from my la-- the Coon's lawyer, sir!
The BP oil spill in the gulf continues to get worse every day.
As public anger towards the BP
company grows, their president released this statement.
Hello. I'm Tony Hayward.
President and CEO of BP.
Our accidental drilling spill AGAIN in the gulf is a tragedy that
should have never happened.
And to all those affected, I want to say
we are deeply sorry.
We're sorry.
Sorry.
BP is taking full responsibility
for cleaning up the spill in the gulf.
And in doing so, we have changed our name
from beyond petroleum to dependable petroleum.
DP, we no longer fuck the earth, we DP it.
Gentlemen, my attempts to recruit Captain Hindsight into
Coon and friends have been unsuccessful.
But I believe I've come up with a solution.
Coon vision on.
All we need to do is get
pictures of Captain Hindsight naked with Courtney Love.
Then we'll tell him if he doesn't join us, we'll put them on the Internet.
How do we get pictures of him naked with Courtney Love
Simple Toolshed.
Coon slide 2
We dress Professor Chaos up as Courtney Love.
Take pictures of him naked with a homeless guy then photoshop Hindsight's face onto it it.
Me? Aww come on fellas,
Don't make me be Courtney Love.
We gotta get to work fast people. Coon and friends ho!
You want us to take naked pictures of Butters to use as blackmail?
That doesn't sound very superhero-like.
That's because you think small, Mosquito You have a tiny little mosquito brain.
That's why you don't come up with the plans.
No no look. What's going on down in the gulf is much more important than blackmailing another hero.
Agreed
Oh, who cares about some oil spill environment crap
Mosquito has a good plan Cartman. Hear him out.
You don't know that I'm Cartman because my true identity is secret!
We all have a say in this organization, Coon.
Let Mosquito talk.
All right, Mosquito.
How do you want to help people suffering in the gulf crisis?
I think we should help raise money for the relief aid by having a bake sale.
A bake sale?
I have a recipe from lemon bars from my mom.
We could wear our costumes outside the grocery store and sell lemon bars,
which would be a good deed and help people.
We're super heroes, not fucking girl scouts.
Those people down there need help.
Sometimes being a hero means helping in smaller ways.
Timmy!
You think selling lemon bars is helpful to mankind?
More helpful than taking naked pictures of Butters.
Shut up Mintberry Crunch!
You aren't even anything!
And that's another think.
No more picking on Mintberry Crunch.
Oh? What are you, the boss now? No.
But we're all equal.
From now on, we vote.
Who wants to go with my plan?
Sounds awesome. Let's do it.
To the grocery store!
As we walked along the road to the grocery store, my
Coon sense started tingling.
Something was wrong, very wrong
I've learned to trust my Coon sense. It has always been my guide.
and so I knew I must act.
A Coon must know when to defend itself.
Well, now we're back to normal.
Just like before and all forgotten, right, right?
Right, right. Right.
Cool! So what's next for Coon and friends?
Another crisis in the gulf of Mexico as the oil company DP has
once again made a huge error.
This time the oil company has accidentally ripped a hole into another dimension.
The oil company stated that it knew another dimension was there
but didn't think drilling into it would prove problematic.
Now hundreds of creatures from another dimension are spilling
out into our reality and wreaking havoc.
Hello. I'm Tony Hayward.
CEO of DP.
Tearing a hole into another dimension is a tragedy that
should have never happened.
And as CEO, I would like to say,
We're sorry.
Sorry...I can't help being a manipulative douche.
Captain Hindsight... sir?
Calls for help are pouring in, you've got to get out to the gulf.
I can't help anyone right now.
Something came up.
What, sir?
You know you can tell me.
Do you remember last week when I got really, really drunk?
Yes, sir. Look at those photos on the desk.
My God is that you and Courtney Love?
Of course, it's Courtney Love.
But when did you have... I don't remember.
That's just the point.
I get drunk. I don't remember things.
I shouldn't have drank that much.
And I shouldn't have mixed alcohols.
Alcohol shouldn't be legal.
Oh, it's maddening!
It doesn't matter now, sir.
People are getting hurt in the gulf and they need to
know what they could have done.
I should have never kept that bottle of MacAllen in the pantry.
I should've never gotten around Courtney Love and a camera.
I should have... -Sir, Sir!-
Creatures from another dimension continue to wreak havoc in the gulf.
And the question everybody is asking is where is Captain Hindsight?
Where are you, Captain Hindsight!?
-Too thick of cajun for my poor ears-
With Captain Hindsight missing what superheroes can save the gulf now?
My fellow superheroes, I have done it.
Hindsight is taken care of.
And now the country can finally be made aware of Coon and Friends
There's more important things to discuss right now.
Right, Toolshed.
Now, how do we deal with these creatures from another dimension?
He means we need to discuss things with you!
Ok, what?
I don't want to tell him.
Tupperware, you tell him.
I don't want to tell him either.
I'll tell him.
Coon, I'm sorry but we're kicking you out of Coon and friends.
You're kicking ME out of Coon and friends?
We all voted and it was unanimous.
You can't kick me out of Coon and friends.
I'm the fucking Coon!!!
Look, we just believe that you have your goals and ways of doing things
and they conflict with what we want to accomplish.
But we get the headquarters and all the equipment.
You don't keep anything!
This is my basement and I'll tell my mom on you guys!
We've already discussed this with her. Mrs. Cartman?
Yes, Mysterion?
Please escort the Coon OUT of our secret base.
Eric, I talked to you about beating up your friends, didn't I?
Mom, what the fuck? THE fuck ARE you doing?
Eric, you do not beat up your friends.
and I told you I've had it with your language.
Your punishment is that your friends
will just play superheroes without you.
Go to your room! -YOU'VE GOTTA BE FUCKIN KIDDING ME!-
Oh, dear! We have certainly pooped our trousers this time.
Yes, I'm afraid it's going to take more than another "I'm sorry" campaign to
please everyone this time.
Oh, what a right pickle we're in.
There is no way to cut the dimensional portal, I'm afraid.
The ocean currents and swells are simply too much to get any machines in.
Wait a tick.
Currents and swells, that's it.
I think I know how to fix this.
How, by Jove.
We drill.
Drill, Of course.
Good idea. -Yes, yes Of course!-
I believe that if we drilled
on the moon, changing its gravitational pull on the ocean swells,
we could cap the dimensional spill.
I don't quite get it.
We got into this mess by drilling here and here.
Now we need to drill here.
That looks extremely promising.
Our environment should stabilize if it's getting
drilled here, here and here at the same time.
The seismic forces will be massive.
Do you think the moon can take it?
Oh, she'll take it.
The DP oil company today drilled into the moon and
appears to have caused even greater problems.
Uh oh. I have a feeling we better get into our costumes again guys.
Tom, the DP oil company has had another drilling accident.
This time they have appeared to
have unleashed the dark and mighty Cthulhu.
The rise of Cthulhu from another
dimension brings about 3,000 years of darkness, Tom.
Where we will all be driven to
madness and made to serve as Cthulhu's cultist slaves.
The president of DP oil released this press statement.
As president of DP oil I want to say... We're sorry.
I'm deeply sorry.
Sorry.
Cthulhu r'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.
Praise the dark Cthulhu, long may he rein.
It's up to us, guys. Let's get to the gulf!
Darkness has taken over our town.
The Coon friends have given in to evil.
It's up to the Coon to stop them.
Assholes!
Edited by dedicated South Park fan SK Matthyas who got too tired of too many crappy subs out there for this episode! Die hippies!