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Transcript: spscriptorium
Sync: John Smith - forom.com
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Episode 11x14
"The List"
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I'm going out to South Park
gonna have myself a time
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Friendly faces everywhere
humble folks without temptation
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I'm goin out to south park
gonna leave my woes behind
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Ample parking day or night
people spouting howdy neighbor
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I'm heading out to south park
to see if i cant unwind
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I like girls with big fat titties
really big fat titties
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So come on out to south park
and meet some friends of mine
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Fellas! Fellas! Oh my god!
You're not gonna believe this!
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Dude, Butters, calm down.
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Okay. Okay.
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I was talking to Pete Wetchney
and he said that Danny Chadwick
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said that his sister told him that
the girls in our class have a list
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that rates every boy's looks
from cutest to ugliest.
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So who do they say is the cutest?
- I dunno.
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Who do they say is the ugliest?
- I don't know. It's like a girl thing.
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They won't let anybody see the list but them.
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They can't do that. Who are they
to judge us on how we look?
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Yeah. You think they rate us just for looks
or they take personality into account?
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If it's just looks then I think I'm safe.
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You guys, who cares if the girls make some
stupid list? Girls make dumb lists all the time.
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Yeah, Kyle's right. Screw it, we have
better things to worry about.
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You're just saying that because you know
you're gonna be very last on the list!
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Oh please, I don't think so, Craig!
Chicks think I'm way hotter than you!
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You don't think they put the fat tub
of tard at the bottom?
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No, because people know I'm not fat!
I'm buff.
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They probably put you at the bottom of
the list because you have fucked up teeth!
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Or Kenny's because he's poor.
- They didn't put me at the bottom, did they?
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Kenny, face it: Girls don't wanna eat Pop Tarts
for dinner every night when they get married.
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You don't think they said I'm
the ugliest boy in the class, do ya?
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Well if they did, my parents will ground me.
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You guys, do you really care what a bunch of
girls have to say about how you rank in looks?!
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All right, Bebe, let's see the list.
- What?
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You know what I'm talking about, bitch!
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The list where you rate the looks
of each boy in the class!
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That's not for boys to look at!
It's a secret girl list and you can't see it!
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Craig is on the bottom, right?
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Or is it Kenny because you'd be eating
Pop Tarts for dinner if you married him.
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I'm not telling! And anyway,
I'm not the list keeper, Nelly is!
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And Nelly will never let you look at it,
so there!
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Fuck you Bebe! Fuck you bitch!
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Well, I guess we're never gonna
get that list from the girls.
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Screw that, dude! We're guys.
We can outthink them.
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All right, here's what we know.
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That chick Nelly is the one who's
in charge of holding the list, right.
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She apparently keeps it in a purple Pee Chee
folder and we need a plan to get it from her.
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This is what I call:
"Operation: Cannot Possibly Fail"
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Neato!
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At 1 p.m. tomorrow, Nelly will have
to walk from Home Ec to Social Studies.
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That's our best time to strike.
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As she makes her way through Hallway 3,
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Craig will be ready with
a distraction device here.
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When she stops and turns to Craig
in the hallway,
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Butters will run up and kick her in the balls.
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Okay!
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Once Butters kicks her in the balls, she'll
fall to the floor, dropping the Pee Chee,
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and Kenny will swoop in from Corridor 3-Delta
and grab the Pee Chee. Are we good?
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What you do that for?!
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Hey, what's your problem, asshole?!
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Bail, bail!
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Okay, our mission failed,
but we've learned a lot.
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Primarily that girls do not have balls.
- They sure don't.
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Never mind, because we are going to Plan B,
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one that I call "Operation:
Cannot Possibly Fail A Second Time."
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When Nelly leaves the cafeteria for recess,
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Kenny will jump in front of her
and spit on the ground.
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You think maybe girls keep their balls
on the inside of their tummies?
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Butters, we're done talking about
girls balls right now! Pay attention!
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We got it! We got it!
- We got the list from the girls!
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Give that back you dirty buttholes!
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Tape it to the wall, Kenny!
Jason, watch the door!
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It's listed in order from cutest to ugliest.
Clyde's number one.
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Me? I'm the cutest?
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And then Token and then me.
- I'm number two? Wow.
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Come on, let me see!
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Oh boy! I'm number 11!
Whoopie! Number 11!
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Ah! Look at that! I'm hotter than you, fatso!
- What?! That's bullcrap!
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Oh, so big deal, guys!
Do you feel better now?
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Clyde's the best looking kid in the class.
And then Token and Stan.
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And last is Francis, Cartman, and...
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Me?
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You're last, dude!
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No way.
- Yes way! Check it out!
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Cartman, lay off! You're next to last.
- So? I'm hotter than Kyle.
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I'm better looking than Kyle!
Yes! I'm hotter than Kyle!
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I'm last? Last?
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Dude, it's just a stupid list, remember?
- I got voted the ugliest boy in whole class?
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Who cares what dumb girls think, right?
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Mom, Dad! I'm not the ugliest kid
in the class! Kyle Broflovski is!
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Well good for you, Butters.
- Way to go, champ.
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Whoopie!
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Well, guess we don't have to ground him.
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Kyle, what's the matter?
You barely touched your knishes.
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The girls at school. They made
a list and voted me the ugliest boy.
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What? That's ridiculous.
My little bubbeleh is adorable!
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Look, I know I'm not the best-looking guy in
town, but I didn't think I was the very ugliest.
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You're not ugly, Kyle. You're my perfect
little man. You look just like your father.
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Oh God! I do?
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But he has his mother's nose.
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Kyle, you are very handsome
and perfect in every way.
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Ike, you have to be honest.
Am I ugly, yes or no?
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You all think I'm ugly. Jesus Christ,
the least you could have done is told me!
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Kyle, come back here!
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I'm better-looking than you!
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The girls think I'm better-looking
than you, Kyle!
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Dude, Kyle. Can you hear me?
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They totally think I'm hotter than you are.
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Kyle!
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Kyle, I'm more attractive.
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Kyle?
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Clyde, it's time to be getting to bed.
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Hey, what's going on?
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What's going on? Hey.
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Oh yeah, hey, whassup?
What's going on?
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Nice.
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Hey, what's going on?
- Hey Clyde.
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Hey.
- Hi Clyde.
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What's going on?
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Hey ugly!
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Hey, Kyle. Look man, it doesn't
matter what people think, okay?
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You know, Abraham Lincoln was pretty
ugly too, but look what he accomplished.
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Chin up, cowboy.
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Hey, what's going on?
- Oh, not much, just hanging around-
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Hey, nice nice ears. Pizza Face!
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Butters, that's not cool, man.
He can't help how he looks.
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Kyle, I was going to suggest
that maybe you should...
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hang out with the other ugly kids
in the school.
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Because if you hang out with them,
you won't stand out so much. Right?
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Cool.
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Hey.
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Hello.
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Are you going to eat your pickle?
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Could somebody toss the football back?
It's over there next to the ugly kids.
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I hate coming to this school.
It makes me angry.
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Yeah.
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Sometimes I just want to burn it down.
Burn the whole school down to the ground!
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No. You know what?
Screw this! We aren't ugly!
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We're not?
- No!
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Maybe we all just need a little image
change, you know? Like a makeover.
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Hey yeah.
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Like you! Maybe you just need
to let your hair down.
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And let's see how you look without
those glasses.
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Let's just put those back on.
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I know, that song is so awesome.
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Wendy. Could I talk to you?
- Of course, Stan.
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Just for a minute. Over here.
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You think he's gonna beg her
to come back to him?
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This is a nice surprise. I thought
you were never speaking to me again.
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Yeah well, I wanna talk to you
about this list you girls made.
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Which one? We make lists all the time.
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The one where you rated the boys
looks in the class.
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Look, it really messed Kyle up, okay?
How could you vote him the ugliest?
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Look, personally, I didn't vote him
the ugliest.
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My vote was for Eric Cartman. But enough
of the other girls must have felt he was-
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So it was unanimous.
Maybe you can just change the list.
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Change the list?! Do you have
any idea what that would take?!
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Maybe you don't understand how
important list-making is to girls!
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It's just not something we
do flippantly! There's protocol!
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Can't we just talk to all the girls who made
the list and find out why they voted Kyle last?
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All right, I'll try and get you into our next
list-making meeting. But it won't be easy.
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Today's list meeting is called to order.
Rebecca, you have the floor.
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If it pleases and sparkles I suggest
we continue deliberations on List 47D:
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Which Girl Has The Cutest Purse?
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Rebecca moves we work on List 47D.
Does that sparkle with all the girls?
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Sunshine.
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Deliberating "Which Girl Has The Cutest
Purse"? Milly has the floor.
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If it pleases and sparkles,
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I would like to submit that Jennifer's
purse is by far the cutest.
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Definitely cuter than Teresa's.
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I don't think anyone here disagrees that
Jennifer's purse is cuter than Teresa's,
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but it doesn't make it the cutest.
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The committee has already decided that nothing
with stripes can be in the Top 5 cutest purses.
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Sunshine sparkle Wendy has the floor.
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If it pleases and sparkles,
I would like to suggest that we...
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That we reopen last week's list for debate.
- What'd she say? She's gotta be kidding!
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Is she crazy?
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All right, come before the Rainbow Railing.
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Go ahead.
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I was just thinking that maybe you
voted a little hastily on the cutest boy?
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You thought you should be number one?
- No.
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Let me assure you that no list
is made hastily by this committee!
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He didn't mean that. He was just saying maybe
we should open it up again for discussion.
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I cannot by Sparkle Law move
to have an old list investigated.
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However, if you can find recourse for
such an inquiry, Wendy, I would review it.
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Does that sparkle with all the girls?
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Sunshine.
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They all laugh at me!
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And the girls giggle behind my back!
Unable to even glance at my disfigured face.
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Do not burn down the school, Kyle.
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Who said that?
- I did.
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Do you know who I am?
- Abraham Lincoln?
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I am Abraham Lincoln. Burning down the
school will not solve your problems.
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You think you've been cheated
because you are ugly,
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but I am here to show you otherwise.
Come! There is much to see.
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I want you to look in here.
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This woman is Nancy Pinkerton.
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00:13:47,438 --> 00:13:52,570
As a child she was consistently the
most beautiful girl in her entire school.
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00:13:52,606 --> 00:13:56,833
Her life as a youth was filled with praises
and everything being handed to her.
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00:13:56,867 --> 00:14:01,031
Boys told her she was special.
She was funny. She was interesting.
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00:14:01,076 --> 00:14:03,530
But that's only because she was hot.
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It wasn't until she reached age 40,
when her looks started to fade,
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that she learned she was actually about
as interesting and special, as a wet carrot.
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This is the home of your new ugly friend,
Yamal.
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Because he's ugly,
he gets nothing handed to him.
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He has to work at making something of himself.
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00:14:24,835 --> 00:14:27,710
But that work is gonna pay off
when he's an adult.
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He will have character, something
that kids who are hot rarely develop.
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Like your classmate, Clyde.
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Now that he knows he's good-looking, he doesn't
have to make any effort to be special.
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00:14:39,105 --> 00:14:42,832
No, Rebecca's just a friend.
I wanna be with you now.
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Sure, yeah, I'll buy you some shoes too.
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Now his life will be about girls.
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Chatting with them on the phone
and buying them shoes.
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He will most likely marry very young,
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and not realize until age 40
that he's a total douche.
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00:14:57,318 --> 00:15:02,161
And so you see, Kyle, it is actually
the beautiful kids that are cursed.
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But I can't wait to be an adult to
be happy. That's forever from now.
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00:15:05,916 --> 00:15:08,581
You must be patient.
- Just take me home!
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00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:10,963
I don't wanna be here anymore!
Take me home!
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Very well.
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Kyle, you need to think about
what I've told you.
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I don't want to! I don't want anybody
telling me how to feel anymore!
224
00:15:25,567 --> 00:15:28,231
Well then you're just a fucking asshole!
225
00:15:34,427 --> 00:15:37,342
Wait a minute. Wait, Stan,
I think I've got something!
226
00:15:37,377 --> 00:15:41,232
Take a look at this: during final
deliberation of the list for cutest boy,
227
00:15:41,237 --> 00:15:45,000
seven girls gave Clyde a glitter rating
of only one sparkle.
228
00:15:45,038 --> 00:15:48,243
I have no idea what you're talking about.
- It doesn't add up.
229
00:15:48,277 --> 00:15:50,460
It is possible that Rebecca made a mistake
230
00:15:50,468 --> 00:15:53,643
when she tallied the sunshine votes
onto the final list.
231
00:15:56,477 --> 00:15:57,863
Oh, hey Wendy.
232
00:15:57,886 --> 00:16:01,763
Hey Rebecca. Do you still have the voter
cards for the list that rated the boys looks?
233
00:16:01,808 --> 00:16:04,112
Wendy, we're done with that list.
234
00:16:04,148 --> 00:16:06,301
I know, but I think there's been a mistake.
235
00:16:06,328 --> 00:16:09,281
Six of the girls I've talked to didn't
vote Clyde the cutest.
236
00:16:09,317 --> 00:16:11,043
That means that mathematically
he should have been-
237
00:16:11,045 --> 00:16:15,302
All right, you need to stop.
Digging. Around, Wendy!
238
00:16:15,727 --> 00:16:19,002
You might not like what you find!
239
00:16:19,048 --> 00:16:22,682
Just back off and stop asking questions!
240
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:28,592
You're getting close to a secret that
I don't think you can handle! Let it go!
241
00:16:32,916 --> 00:16:34,932
That didn't sparkle with her, did it?
242
00:16:38,946 --> 00:16:43,520
One canister of propane,
six cans of lighter fluid,
243
00:16:43,558 --> 00:16:48,931
seven gallons of high-octane kerosene
and a box of matches.
244
00:16:49,155 --> 00:16:53,883
Okay, is that everything, little boy?
- That should just about do it.
245
00:16:53,918 --> 00:16:56,952
Do you like to put this on your
True-Value card today?
246
00:16:57,578 --> 00:16:59,420
Honorary Chair, Mrs. Secretary,
247
00:16:59,428 --> 00:17:02,820
I believe a member of our committee
has tampered with one of our lists.
248
00:17:02,857 --> 00:17:07,163
I've compiled a full report and it turns out
that nobody voted Clude the cutest in the class.
249
00:17:07,196 --> 00:17:11,570
I believe Rebecca changed the list
to make him number one.
250
00:17:11,608 --> 00:17:14,301
Why would she do that?
- Right after the list was made,
251
00:17:14,305 --> 00:17:17,931
Rebecca started going out with Clyde.
You can read all the discrepancies here.
252
00:17:17,946 --> 00:17:20,510
We need to remake that list.
253
00:17:24,495 --> 00:17:27,170
You just couldn't let it go!
254
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:32,353
What do you mean? Call the girls in.
- I'm afraid we can't do that, Wendy!
255
00:17:32,697 --> 00:17:36,601
Did you know, Wendy, that Clyde's
father own the shoe store at the mall?
256
00:17:36,718 --> 00:17:39,622
A lot of us have always wanted
to date Clyde to get free shoes,
257
00:17:39,628 --> 00:17:42,852
but we couldn't, because
he wasn't popular enough.
258
00:17:44,078 --> 00:17:45,542
You knew!
259
00:17:45,687 --> 00:17:49,172
Unfortunately, the members voted Clyde
in the bottom five of the list!
260
00:17:49,208 --> 00:17:54,882
That's why we had to manipulate the votes,
forge a new list and hide the real one!
261
00:17:54,965 --> 00:17:58,941
So that you all could justify dating
Clyde and get shoes?!
262
00:17:58,976 --> 00:18:01,441
How dare you take advantage of your position!
263
00:18:01,478 --> 00:18:04,963
I'm gonna tell Bebe and have you both
disbarred from the list committee!
264
00:18:05,368 --> 00:18:08,643
Bebe?! Who do you think authorized
the buyout?!
265
00:18:10,505 --> 00:18:12,801
No. Not Bebe.
266
00:18:12,838 --> 00:18:16,420
She's dating Clyde now.
Nobody loves shoes more than her.
267
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:18,361
What's going on?
268
00:18:18,367 --> 00:18:20,840
When the other girls find out you
ignored their votes, they're gonna-
269
00:18:20,847 --> 00:18:23,640
Do you really think they'll believe
you over the heads of the committee?!
270
00:18:23,655 --> 00:18:26,883
We'll simple generate a new list!
"Biggest Liars"!
271
00:18:26,918 --> 00:18:28,592
And put you at the top!
272
00:18:28,628 --> 00:18:33,263
Do yourself a favor, Wendy! Just let it go!
And keep your little mouth shut!
273
00:18:33,598 --> 00:18:34,992
I don't think so!
274
00:18:36,277 --> 00:18:37,643
Stan, run!
275
00:18:37,848 --> 00:18:39,221
Jesus, dude!
276
00:18:46,987 --> 00:18:48,921
Hey, kid, have you seen Kyle?
277
00:18:48,958 --> 00:18:51,413
We've looked everywhere
and we have to show him something.
278
00:18:52,358 --> 00:18:55,720
He's burning down the school.
- What?
279
00:18:55,755 --> 00:18:58,682
He said he gonna burn the school
down to the ground.
280
00:19:05,495 --> 00:19:08,622
All the cruel jokes and ridicule
will finally be over!
281
00:19:08,655 --> 00:19:12,323
Are you happy now, God?!
You made me look like this!
282
00:19:12,358 --> 00:19:15,630
Kyle! Kyle, don't!
- Don't try and stop me, Stan!
283
00:19:15,668 --> 00:19:18,540
You don't know how it feels to be
a deformed monstrosity!
284
00:19:18,576 --> 00:19:20,843
The list was a forgery, Kyle!
285
00:19:21,895 --> 00:19:25,213
It didn't sparkle with all the girls.
We have the real list.
286
00:19:26,156 --> 00:19:30,100
That's about far enough!
Give me that list, Wendy!
287
00:19:30,157 --> 00:19:33,283
Stan, what is going on?!
- It was about shoes, Kyle.
288
00:19:33,318 --> 00:19:35,313
The girls wanted shoes, so they set you up.
289
00:19:35,345 --> 00:19:37,311
Kyle was simple a casualty!
290
00:19:37,347 --> 00:19:40,232
To move Clyde meant that Craig
has to be moved to number twelve,
291
00:19:40,236 --> 00:19:43,320
which moved Jimmy down and moved Jason up!
292
00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:45,000
So what number was I?
293
00:19:45,035 --> 00:19:48,253
You've compromised everything!
Our list's integrity!
294
00:19:48,286 --> 00:19:51,443
Did you see these shoes, Wendy?!
They're incredible!
295
00:19:51,475 --> 00:19:53,913
It doesn't matter how incredible
they are. You can't-
296
00:19:53,918 --> 00:19:56,893
Oh my God, those are amazing.
- Right?
297
00:19:56,925 --> 00:19:59,750
Is that a lace across the top?
- No, it's a little strap.
298
00:19:59,788 --> 00:20:03,592
Wendy?
- But it doesn't matter. You took it too far!
299
00:20:03,626 --> 00:20:07,191
If you hadn't gone all Nancy Drew on us,
this would have just gone away!
300
00:20:07,227 --> 00:20:09,961
She's gonna kill us?
- It's too late, Bebe.
301
00:20:09,985 --> 00:20:13,901
I've already made a full report and sent
a copy to the police. People will know.
302
00:20:13,937 --> 00:20:16,150
Oh please, you're lying.
303
00:20:20,316 --> 00:20:25,420
Give it up, Bebe. We know all about it.
The list was compromised.
304
00:20:25,455 --> 00:20:29,133
Kyle Broflovski is not the ugliest boy
in the class.
305
00:20:36,477 --> 00:20:37,490
Wendy!
306
00:20:53,636 --> 00:20:58,913
Wait, I didn't do anything wrong.
- You can explain all that downtown.
307
00:20:58,946 --> 00:21:00,182
Here, Kyle.
308
00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:04,432
We've been through a lot, but, you can
finally see where you really are on the list.
309
00:21:11,116 --> 00:21:14,983
Are you sure you're okay with this, Kyle?
- I'm sure. Abe Lincoln was right.
310
00:21:15,016 --> 00:21:19,151
I don't wanna find out I'm good-looking
and become a total shithead when I grow up.
311
00:21:19,348 --> 00:21:20,612
Abe Lincoln?
312
00:21:20,707 --> 00:21:23,481
Stan, it's been really great hanging out
with you again.
313
00:21:23,518 --> 00:21:27,413
I feel like you've changed somehow.
In a really awesome way.
314
00:21:27,445 --> 00:21:31,553
Yeah well, I guess a lot of things
change, don't they?