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Transcript: spscriptorium
Sync: John Smith - forom.com
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Episode 11x13
"Guitar Queer-O"
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00:00:06,780 --> 00:00:10,039
I'm going out to South Park
gonna have myself a time
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Friendly faces everywhere
humble folks without temptation
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I'm goin out to south park
gonna leave my woes behind
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Ample parking day or night
people spouting howdy neighbor
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I'm heading out to south park
to see if i cant unwind
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I like girls with big fat titties
really big fat titties
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So come on out to south park
and meet some friends of mine
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Stan, you guys are good!
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Sharon, what are the boys doing?
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Oh, Stan and Kyle bought a new video
game together.
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They can play guitar now?
- No, they're just little plastic controllers.
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You hit the colored buttons and it makes
the guitar track on the game play.
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If they spent half the time learning a real
instrument as they do playing that game,
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who knows what they could accomplish.
- Hey yeah.
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Dude, listen to that video crowd!
They love us!
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So you boys like this music, huh?
- Yeah, dude. It's Guitar Hero.
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Stan and Kyle are really good at it.
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Well you kids wanna see something
really cool? Check this out.
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Once, I rose above the noise and confusion.
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Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion.
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I was soaring ever higher
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but I flew too high.
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Though my eyes could see I-
- Dad? Dad! What are you doing?!
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I can actually play a lot of these songs
on a real guitar.
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You want me to teach you boys how?
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That's gay, Mr. Marsh.
- Yeah, that's stupid, Dad.
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But this is real.
- Real guitars are for old people.
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Do you mind, sir?
We wanna watch Stan and Kyle play.
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Alright, let's try to score
60,000 points this time.
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Are you ready to rock?
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Carry on my wayward son
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There'll be peace when you are done
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Lay your weary head to rest
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Don't you cry no more
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Game over! You suck!
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They're gonna do it!
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Come on, guys, a hundred thousand points!
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Cartman, shut up. We're concentrating.
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You have broken a hundred thousand points!
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You are rock stars!
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Dude, we are total rock stars now!
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You're not rock stars!
This is just a stupid plastic controller!
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Hang on.
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Stan Marsh?
- Yeah?
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I'm Charles Kincaid,
from the Kincaid Talent Agency?
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I just heard you broke a hundred
thousand points on Guitar Hero.
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Yeah, we did.
- Well, I'm impressed.
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And I'd like to be your manager.
- Wow, really?
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Dude! Dude, Kyle, this guy wants to
be our manager!
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No way!
- For reals?
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Scoring a hundred thousand points is amazing,
but I think with the right label behind you,
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you boys could make a million points.
- That'd be awesome!
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So, we're in business then?
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Well, what do you think?
- I like it. That's these boys playing?
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No, that's Kansas.
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But these boys scored a hundred thousand
points to it on Expert Level in Co-op Mode.
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That's pretty Goddamned impressive.
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Alright, we'll sign them to a one-year deal.
- Yes! You did it, boys.
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Listen, boys, I'm having a huge celebrity
party at my giant mansion tonight.
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Why don't you come by as
my honorary new artists?
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Cool!
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Wow, this is a huge party.
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Oh yes, all the biggest stars in Colorado
are here.
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Dude, dude, that's Ron Zappolo
from Channel 4 News!
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Wow! Oh, and look over there,
that's that Jake Jabs guy
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from American Furniture Warehouse commercials.
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Everyone? Everyone, this is Stan and Kyle.
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They just broke a hundred thousand points
on Guitar Hero.
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Please enjoy yourselves, there's lots
more coke and sex in the house.
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Dude! Dude, that's Jay Cutler over there!
Quarterback for the Denver Broncos!
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Oh my God!
- Would you boys like to meet him?
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Are you serious?
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Jay, I want you to meet Stan and Kyle. They
broke a hundred thousand points on Guitar Hero.
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Wow, really? Nice to meet you guys.
- Nice to meet you!
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I mean, you kind of suck, but my dad
says you might be good someday.
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Thanks.
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Alex, have you seen my wife anywhere?
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You boys know Tom Shane from the Shane
Company Diamond Store commercials?
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Do we? He's a legend!
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You remember these boys, Tom.
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They're gonna break a million points live
at the video arcade in a few weeks.
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That, would be impressive.
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Dude, we've arrived. We're super,
awesome and cool.
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Yeah. Life is finally going to not suck
so hard for us.
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You Rock!
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All right, nice rehearsal, boys.
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Dude, I totally miffed that middle part.
Did you see that?
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Yeah dude, that's almost impossible.
- That was real cool, kids.
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Hey, Kyle, there's a different controller
in my car that might work better for you.
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Why don't you go with Jim
and he'll help you find it.
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Oh, okay. Cool.
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You've got real potential, kid.
I have no doubt you can break a million.
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Really? That'd be sweet.
- I think you could.
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But as for your friend, well, to be
honest, I think he's holding you back.
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What, you mean, Kyle?
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Look, you score a lot higher than him.
There's no question who the better one is.
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I wanna put you with some other players,
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find a partner for you who can
really help you max your score.
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But, Kyle and I always play together.
We both chipped in for the game system.
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Very honorable. But you know where loyalty
gets you in a game like Guitar Hero?
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Nowheres. Just listen to that video crowd.
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I haven't heard a video crowd
go that wild in a long time.
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You've got a chance to score a million points,
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and I hate to see you throw it away because
you're worried about your friend's feelings.
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You're gonna love this kid, Stan. He's one
of the best Guitar Hero players I've ever seen.
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Except for you, of course.
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Ah, Thad!
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Stan Marsh, this is Thad Jarvis.
- Sup?
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Thad here has backed up a lot of really great
Guitar Hero players. Isn't that right, Thad?
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Yup.
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He doesn't even need a game system to play
on. He can play Guitar Hero acoustically.
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Yeah, but can he play Buckethead
on Expert Level?
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Go ahead, Thad. Show him what you can do.
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Check this out.
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Pretty damn good, huh?
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Yeah, that's pretty good.
But can you play "John the Fisherman"?
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Stan, with this kid backing you,
you're gonna make Guitar Hero history.
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Oh, I love this song.
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Wow wee, look at him go!
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Hey dude, how'd it-?
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Kyle.
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I thought you were sick.
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Who is this?
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This is Thad Jarvis.
- Sup?
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What's going on, Stan?
- Kyle, I was gonna tell you later.
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Mr. Kincaid thinks I should play with
Thad for a while.
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But it's our game. We bought it together.
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I know, and, and I wanna be fair about
it, so, I'll buy you out of your part.
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Buy me out?! What are you saying?!
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What makes you so high and mighty
you can buy me out?!
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Don't put this all on me, Kyle!
- Oh my God this is so awesome.
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You were the one that's been blowing off
playing after midnight,
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not playing because you were sick.
- I have been sick!
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Look, the point is I'm never gonna break
a million points playing with you!
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You know that's true!
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I guess I didn't realize it was just
about the points.
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Dude, this game rules.
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Let's just do this, all right?
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Hey! You're the kid I sold the Guitar Hero
game to. How are you liking it?
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It's okay, I guess.
But I need some game guides for it.
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My manager and producer set up
this live thing at the video arcade
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where I'm supposed to break a million in
front of everybody and I'm I'm stressing out.
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Yeah, Guitar Hero can be pretty stressful.
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But you know, maybe instead of a game guide,
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you should just buy another game
to kind of ease the stress.
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Have you ever heard of Heroin Hero?
- Heroin Hero?
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It's a way easier game.
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All you do is run around a magical forest
and shoot simulated heroin.
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You could call it
the ultimate first-person shooter.
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And there's no score? No crowds?
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00:11:20,286 --> 00:11:24,572
No man. All you do is run through
the pretty forest and chase a big dragon.
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But you don't ever catch the dragon.
You just keep chasing it.
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Chase me. Come on. This way.
Shoot up and then you can catch me.
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Come on.
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Dude, this is awesome.
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00:11:48,086 --> 00:11:49,403
How are they coming?
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00:11:49,437 --> 00:11:52,732
No worries, Mr. Hart. They'll be ready
for the big show in a few days.
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They'd better be. I paid good money
to rent this place out.
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Damnit!
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Dude, suck. Did you practice last night?
- Yeah, I practiced last night!
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Just shut up and play!
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No, you know what?! Screw this!
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I'm not playing this song! Why did
you pick this stupid song?!
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Stan, it's the song we all agreed you
would play.
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Yeah? Well I changed my mind!
We're changing the song to Cheap Trick!
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No way. I hate that bubblegum crap.
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Yeah? Well you're not the leader, are you,
Thad?! We play the music I wanna play!
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Stan, why are you so grumpy-grouchy?
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We're playing what I want
and I'll select a different song!
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Yeah? Well how about this one?
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I quite.
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00:12:34,946 --> 00:12:36,562
I quit I quit I quit. I quit.
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I quit I quit I quit. I quit.
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You know what?
That's great with me, Thad.
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Because I don't need you to break
a million points!
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I never did!
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00:12:43,967 --> 00:12:47,552
Stan, what is the matter with you?
- I just wanna play alone, alright?!
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00:12:47,585 --> 00:12:50,503
I can't concentrate with all these
assholes riding me all the time!
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00:12:50,538 --> 00:12:52,132
What is this?
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Man...
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Are you playing Heroin Hero?
- Just, just a little.
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No! Nobody plays Heroin Hero just a little!
You know, you never catch the dragon!
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00:13:03,186 --> 00:13:05,262
I know, but it mellos me out, okay?!
186
00:13:05,295 --> 00:13:07,183
You'd better pull your act together,
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00:13:07,188 --> 00:13:12,493
because now you're gonna have to break a
million points and unlock superstardom solo!
188
00:13:12,538 --> 00:13:13,813
No problem.
189
00:13:33,175 --> 00:13:36,222
Hey, beat it, kid! We wanna play now!
- I'm not done yet.
190
00:13:36,256 --> 00:13:38,852
Hey, I know you. You're Kyle Broflovski.
191
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:41,232
Didn't you used to have your own
Guitar Hero game system?
192
00:13:41,258 --> 00:13:43,681
No. You're thinking of somebody else.
- Yeah, sure.
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00:13:43,686 --> 00:13:45,592
He's the kid that scored
a hundred thousand points.
194
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:49,421
How come you're playing here now?
- Look, just go ahead and play, alright?
195
00:13:49,457 --> 00:13:50,910
Leave me alone.
196
00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:55,402
Can I get a Fresca, please?
197
00:13:58,615 --> 00:14:04,001
You're good at that game, Kid.
Too good to be playing in a dump like this.
198
00:14:04,198 --> 00:14:09,492
Yeah well, I can't really afford to play
anymore anyway. I'm about out of quarters.
199
00:14:10,436 --> 00:14:15,771
Well look, maybe I can use some extra music
playing to this thing on weekend nights.
200
00:14:15,815 --> 00:14:20,860
You come in, work around here a little
and maybe you can play it for free.
201
00:14:20,907 --> 00:14:24,440
I appreciate what you're trying to do, Mick,
but I ain't a charity case yet.
202
00:14:24,478 --> 00:14:30,692
Charity case, I'm just trying to help out
a kid who's a little down on his luck is all.
203
00:14:31,446 --> 00:14:32,822
Thanks, Mick.
204
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:37,093
Catch me. Come on, catch me.
205
00:14:38,986 --> 00:14:42,010
What's wrong? Follow me. Come on.
206
00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:44,792
Marsh? Stan, you got-
207
00:14:44,798 --> 00:14:46,272
Oh my God!
208
00:14:46,885 --> 00:14:48,380
Get up, Stan! Wake up!
209
00:14:48,426 --> 00:14:49,451
Huh? What?
210
00:14:49,485 --> 00:14:52,300
You're going on in ten minutes!
Everybody's coming to see you!
211
00:14:52,347 --> 00:14:54,692
The dragon. Where did it go?
212
00:14:54,857 --> 00:14:56,990
You've gotta pull it together!
213
00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:00,961
Pull it together, goddamnit!
214
00:15:03,755 --> 00:15:08,642
Thank you for coming to Gamecraft Arcade
to watch Stan Marsh break a million points
215
00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:10,811
and unluck superstardom.
216
00:15:13,925 --> 00:15:17,323
Go Stan!
- All right, Stan, you've got it, man!
217
00:15:17,675 --> 00:15:18,953
Dude, what's the matter with him?
218
00:15:18,978 --> 00:15:22,073
He's been up for three days straight
playing Heroin Hero.
219
00:15:22,277 --> 00:15:24,432
Come on, Stan! You got it!
220
00:15:25,637 --> 00:15:27,820
Goddamnit, he's a mess!
221
00:15:38,837 --> 00:15:41,240
Oh man, I can't watch this.
222
00:15:44,325 --> 00:15:48,213
What are you doing?!
The video crowd is starting to boo!
223
00:15:50,265 --> 00:15:52,773
Come on guys. Let's get out of here.
224
00:15:57,207 --> 00:16:02,191
The next time you bring me some talent,
make sure they're talent-ed.
225
00:16:05,808 --> 00:16:12,151
You blew it! You had it all and you blew it!
Listen to that video crowd! They hate you!
226
00:16:26,466 --> 00:16:28,181
There he is!
227
00:16:28,727 --> 00:16:30,760
So, did you break a million yet?
228
00:16:30,805 --> 00:16:33,671
No, I didn't break a million points
and unlock superstardom, all right?
229
00:16:33,716 --> 00:16:35,310
I'm done with that stupid game!
230
00:16:35,347 --> 00:16:40,283
Aw, come on. Once you start playing Guitar
Hero, you can't stop till you reach the top.
231
00:16:40,315 --> 00:16:42,553
I just wanna find something else to play.
232
00:16:42,638 --> 00:16:45,400
Have you played Rehab Hero?
233
00:16:45,435 --> 00:16:48,653
You get chased by a big dragon,
but you keep running away from it.
234
00:16:48,655 --> 00:16:51,562
I just want a nice, simple driving game.
How about that?
235
00:16:51,598 --> 00:16:54,092
Sure kid. Sure.
236
00:16:58,736 --> 00:17:03,050
All right, that was the Splendifs.
And now here's a hit you all remember.
237
00:17:03,085 --> 00:17:08,652
It's the song that two local fourth grade boys
scored a 100.000 points to on Guitar Hero.
238
00:17:09,378 --> 00:17:14,663
Don't know whatever happened to those boys.
I guess they're not playing the game anymore.
239
00:17:50,475 --> 00:17:55,503
Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
240
00:17:55,878 --> 00:18:00,870
The wind would whisper and I'd think of you
241
00:18:01,316 --> 00:18:06,292
And all the tears you cried,
that called my name
242
00:18:08,015 --> 00:18:11,151
Kyle, could I just talk to you
for like five minutes?
243
00:18:11,846 --> 00:18:15,040
What are you doing here?
- Please, it won't take long.
244
00:18:15,076 --> 00:18:19,332
Goddamnit. We're gonna take
a short break. Be back in five.
245
00:18:22,805 --> 00:18:25,931
I was listening to you for a while.
Dude, you've gotten a lot better.
246
00:18:25,966 --> 00:18:30,301
Oh, thank you! I was so eagerly awaiting
your approval of my abilities!
247
00:18:30,348 --> 00:18:32,502
Look, Kyle, the game is still set up
at my house and...
248
00:18:32,508 --> 00:18:34,412
maybe we could go try playing
it again over there.
249
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,581
Oh, so the gallant knight now comes to
rescue me from the bowels of mediocrity!
250
00:18:37,615 --> 00:18:40,041
Oh, thank you, your royal lordship!
251
00:18:40,207 --> 00:18:41,351
That isn't it at all.
252
00:18:41,366 --> 00:18:43,850
You don't get it, Stan!
I can play here all I want.
253
00:18:43,865 --> 00:18:47,741
I even get free Frescas.
I don't need you anymore!
254
00:18:48,346 --> 00:18:51,232
I know. I need you.
255
00:18:52,845 --> 00:18:56,273
I thought I was having a great time because
I was getting signed by managers and...
256
00:18:56,288 --> 00:18:59,680
going to big sex and coke parties,
but then I realized...
257
00:18:59,716 --> 00:19:04,823
I was having fun because I was doing
all that with my best friend.
258
00:19:07,506 --> 00:19:09,762
It was pretty fun, wasn't it?
259
00:19:10,768 --> 00:19:11,990
Yeah.
260
00:19:12,567 --> 00:19:15,123
Look, I doubt we could break
a million together anyway.
261
00:19:15,175 --> 00:19:18,603
I don't care.
I'd just like to play with you again.
262
00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:20,122
For the fun of it.
263
00:19:20,158 --> 00:19:25,641
I don't really see the fun in not trying
to kick that game's ass once and for all!
264
00:19:26,005 --> 00:19:28,143
What, you mean it?
- I think we can do it, Stan.
265
00:19:28,147 --> 00:19:30,473
I've been close to a million
a few times by myself.
266
00:19:30,486 --> 00:19:31,581
Then let's go, dude!
267
00:19:31,618 --> 00:19:34,052
Oh wait. Wait, I'm supposed to play here.
268
00:19:36,017 --> 00:19:38,552
Hey, Mick, would you mind if
I stepped out for a sec?
269
00:19:38,558 --> 00:19:43,810
Go on, get out of here, kid. Who needs your
wailing and rocking around here anyways?
270
00:19:43,845 --> 00:19:45,243
Thanks, Mick!
271
00:19:49,467 --> 00:19:51,443
All right, dude, let's do this.
272
00:19:51,728 --> 00:19:53,131
What the hell?
273
00:19:56,418 --> 00:19:59,531
Come on, come on. You almost got me.
274
00:19:59,567 --> 00:20:01,493
Catch me. Come on.
275
00:20:01,527 --> 00:20:06,342
Goddamnit! Dad, get off our X-Box!
- Hang on, I almost caught the dragon.
276
00:20:06,387 --> 00:20:08,301
Hehe, you almost caught me.
277
00:20:08,527 --> 00:20:10,361
No, me and Kyle are gonna play Guitar Hero!
278
00:20:10,396 --> 00:20:16,010
I can get him! Wait! Where's he going now?
- You don't ever catch the dragon, Dad!
279
00:20:16,768 --> 00:20:21,533
No! No, I said!
I am your father! Put it back on!
280
00:20:21,568 --> 00:20:23,670
Mom, will you get Dad out of here?
281
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,582
Stop cheating, Craig!
- How was that cheating!
282
00:20:28,615 --> 00:20:30,383
Because you tricked me, you black asshole!
283
00:20:30,416 --> 00:20:32,762
Fellas! Fellas!
284
00:20:33,376 --> 00:20:35,450
They're gonna do it!
- What?
285
00:20:35,495 --> 00:20:40,952
Stan and Kyle! They're about to break a million
on Guitar Hero and unlock superstardom!
286
00:20:41,776 --> 00:20:43,660
Oh, let's go! Cone on, let's go!
287
00:20:55,068 --> 00:20:56,762
They're gonna do it!
288
00:21:00,187 --> 00:21:03,120
They did it!
- Oh my sweet J-Jesus!
289
00:21:03,185 --> 00:21:07,371
You have played Guitar Hero enough
to reach one million points!
290
00:21:07,777 --> 00:21:09,323
Congratulations!
291
00:21:09,367 --> 00:21:10,163
You.
292
00:21:10,198 --> 00:21:11,380
Are.
293
00:21:11,418 --> 00:21:12,840
Fags.
294
00:21:20,497 --> 00:21:21,863
That's it?
295
00:21:22,375 --> 00:21:23,803
Goddamnit!
296
00:21:23,915 --> 00:21:25,482
God damnit!
297
00:21:32,507 --> 00:21:34,251
Butters, you wanna play me next?
298
00:21:34,287 --> 00:21:38,681
Okay, but I get to be the one that
betrays you after the sex and drug party.