1 00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:08,720 [dramatic music] 2 00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:10,415 Soon, we will be fighting the greatest battle 3 00:00:10,443 --> 00:00:13,219 of our young, hot lives-- Black Friday. 4 00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:15,692 Everyone who wants to get PS4s, join with us. 5 00:00:15,715 --> 00:00:17,285 [shouts] [slash] 6 00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:19,661 You can't die! Everybody really likes you! 7 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:23,190 We are not going to be beat by that traitor whore Kenny! 8 00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:26,204 Seems a shame that the fight will be so one-sided. 9 00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:28,365 Go seek out George R.R. Martin for answers. 10 00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:30,102 He's the guy who writes Game of Thrones. 11 00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:31,575 You started as the Canadian minister of health, 12 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:33,202 and three months later, your wife queefed in your face. 13 00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:37,147 This is gonna be a fucking bloodbath, Tom. 14 00:00:37,170 --> 00:00:39,047 # Wiener, wiener, wiener # 15 00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:40,415 # Wiener, wiener # 16 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:43,250 # Wiener, wiener # # One wiener # 17 00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:45,813 - # Wiener, wiener # - # Next to another # 18 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,719 # Wiener # # Wiener party # 19 00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:50,421 # Wiener party # # Two wieners # 20 00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:53,090 # Alongside yet another # 21 00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:55,429 # Wiener # 22 00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:57,833 - # Dangle softly # - # Soft wieners # 23 00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,401 # Nice and soft # # Flopping wieners # 24 00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:01,406 # Non-erect wieners # 25 00:01:01,428 --> 00:01:03,169 # Flopping wieners, flopping wieners # 26 00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:13,184 [mysterious music] 27 00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:14,651 [speaking Japanese] 28 00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:17,382 Microsoft... [continues in Japanese] 29 00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:20,653 [both speaking Japanese] 30 00:01:23,516 --> 00:01:25,655 Black Friday... [continues in Japanese] 31 00:01:25,685 --> 00:01:28,598 [speaking Japanese] 32 00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:34,866 [speaking Japanese] 33 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,403 Oh? 34 00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,306 Princess Kenny... [continues in Japanese] 35 00:01:38,331 --> 00:01:43,508 [speaking Japanese] Princess Kenny! 36 00:01:43,536 --> 00:01:47,848 [speaking Japanese] 37 00:01:47,874 --> 00:01:53,517 Xbox... [continues in Japanese] 38 00:01:53,546 --> 00:01:56,254 Hai. Princess Kenny ashisuto! 39 00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:06,335 [speaking Japanese] 40 00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:09,238 [speaking Japanese] Princess Kenny! 41 00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:11,708 [speaking Japanese] 42 00:02:11,731 --> 00:02:14,211 Ahh! 43 00:02:14,234 --> 00:02:15,872 He did what? 44 00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:17,904 He flew down in a parachute and he what? 45 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,640 Apparently, he stopped Microsoft 46 00:02:19,672 --> 00:02:22,152 from blockading the shipment of PS4s to the mall. 47 00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:23,381 Looks like he's all over the place 48 00:02:23,409 --> 00:02:24,820 winning the console wars for Sony. 49 00:02:24,844 --> 00:02:26,687 Because what-- because he's cute? 50 00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:28,420 Cartman, he's got everyone on Sony's side. 51 00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:30,257 We can't stop him. But what does he do 52 00:02:30,283 --> 00:02:31,626 besides that he's cute? 53 00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:34,222 Sweetie, Bill Gates is on the phone for you. 54 00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:37,531 Tell Bill Gates to suck my ass, mom! 55 00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:40,163 Mom? Don't seriously tell Bill Gates to suck my ass. 56 00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:41,399 Tell him everything's cool and I'll call him 57 00:02:41,427 --> 00:02:42,929 in a little bit. 58 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,471 This would have never happened if you would have 59 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:46,943 let Kenny be a Princess in the first place. 60 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,807 He's not a Princess. He's a dude! 61 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:52,715 Well, unfortunately for us, he's now on the other side. 62 00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:54,514 We're out of options. 63 00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:56,953 - So what are you saying, Kyle? - I have an idea. 64 00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:00,647 I don't like it, but I think it's the only choice we have. 65 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,661 [ominous music] 66 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:09,964 # # 67 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,796 Tom, Black Friday is finally almost here, 68 00:03:12,825 --> 00:03:14,429 and as you can see behind me, 69 00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:16,906 holiday shoppers are really getting antsy. 70 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,500 People have been waiting out here 71 00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:20,306 since midnight on Thanksgiving. 72 00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:21,903 They're cold, they're starving, 73 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:23,812 and there's already been a lot of bloodshed 74 00:03:23,836 --> 00:03:25,577 over these holiday deals. 75 00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:26,982 Joining me now is Rick Tellmore 76 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,982 who's been out here for six days, 77 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,985 and your five-year-old son was eaten, is that correct? 78 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,249 Yes, yes, that's right. We had to eat him. 79 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,759 We're all sort of starving out here, 80 00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:38,353 so we drew straws, and he drew the shortest one. 81 00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:39,658 What is it you're hoping to get 82 00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:41,495 when Black Friday does finally start? 83 00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:43,967 A Blu-ray player. 96% off. 84 00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:45,833 It's gonna be about 20 bucks. 85 00:03:45,858 --> 00:03:47,394 Now, some people might say 86 00:03:47,427 --> 00:03:50,431 that eating your child is not very Christmassy. 87 00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:53,637 What would you say to them? 88 00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:55,009 I... 89 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,613 # ate my son for a Blu-ray player # 90 00:03:57,637 --> 00:04:00,618 # With a ho, ho, ho and a jingle, jingle, jangle # 91 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,779 # My son got ate and he tasted good # 92 00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:05,016 # Ho, ho, jingle, jingle ho-ho # 93 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,282 No doubt Christmas is alive and well 94 00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:08,724 at the South Park mall. Back to you, Tom. 95 00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:09,988 # Jingle, jingle, ho, ho-- # 96 00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:11,654 All right, guys, here's the deal. 97 00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:12,890 The main entrance to the mall is already blocked 98 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,830 by thousands of waiting shoppers 99 00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:17,562 The kids who want Xboxes plan to flank from the left here. 100 00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:19,399 Our best chance of being first inside 101 00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:22,463 is finding a way to the mall's back entrance...here. 102 00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:23,803 - At Red Robin. - That's right. 103 00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:25,036 Red Robin has doors on the inside 104 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,642 that go right out into the mall. 105 00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:28,441 The key to us being the first ones inside 106 00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:30,948 is taking over the Red Robin before Black Friday starts. 107 00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:33,348 So how do we take over Red Robin? 108 00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:34,579 I have no idea. 109 00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:35,915 Hey, excuse me. 110 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,650 - Yes? - The Xbox fighters are here, 111 00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:40,419 and they say they want to switch sides. 112 00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:41,948 What? 113 00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:47,288 Go ahead and tell him, Cartman. 114 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:48,628 All right. 115 00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,066 On behalf of the Xbox fighters of Zaron, 116 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,827 we hereby lay down our arms. We give up, okay? 117 00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:54,361 - Ha ha. - Shut up, Craig! 118 00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:56,567 This is very difficult! You guys win, all right? 119 00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:58,633 We'll all play on Playstation 4s. 120 00:04:58,665 --> 00:05:00,508 We still think the Xbox is a superior machine, 121 00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:02,308 but you guys got too many people on your side, 122 00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:04,042 and then Kenny became a Japanese Princess. 123 00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:05,481 Nobody saw that coming. 124 00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:06,984 Look, the truth is 125 00:05:07,006 --> 00:05:08,952 we all have a bigger problem now, and you know it. 126 00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,012 Nobody's going to get anything if we don't work together 127 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,648 against those thousands of other shoppers. 128 00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:14,818 So better a PS4 than nothing-- is that it? 129 00:05:14,847 --> 00:05:17,418 I think we'll take our chances on our own. 130 00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:20,795 We know a way inside the Red Robin. 131 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,663 You don't think you're the only ones who thought of it. 132 00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,066 We were gonna use the Red Robin entrance too, 133 00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:25,763 and we figured out how. 134 00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:28,830 Red Robin can be rented out for wedding parties. 135 00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:30,670 If we all chip in, we can pay for the deposit 136 00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:33,041 to have a wedding party there. Hey, that could work. 137 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,807 Let's do this together, dude. 138 00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:36,780 Our only shot at playing any next-gen console 139 00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:38,339 is by teaming up. 140 00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:40,977 If you wanna game on a PS4, then I do too. 141 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,544 And you swear you'll be okay with that? 142 00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:45,988 You won't ever talk about the Xbox being better ever again? 143 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,923 I swear, Stan. 144 00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:51,861 All right, guys, looks like we've got a wedding to plan. 145 00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:00,934 [speaking Japanese] 146 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,839 Console wars... [continues in Japanese] 147 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,604 - [speaking Japanese] - Huh? 148 00:06:05,631 --> 00:06:09,135 Xbox...Sony PS4... [continues in Japanese] 149 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,371 [speaking Japanese] 150 00:06:12,905 --> 00:06:15,647 [speaking Japanese] 151 00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:18,622 Wedding invitation. [continues in Japanese] 152 00:06:18,644 --> 00:06:20,851 Huh? Wedding? 153 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,522 "Kenny kun, please come home at once. 154 00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,792 "Our two houses have found peace. 155 00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:29,527 "Come to the Red Robin wedding, 156 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:32,058 "and we will all accept you as the princess you are. 157 00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:34,162 Yours truly, the Wizard King." 158 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:37,432 [speaking Japanese] 159 00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:40,569 Princess Kenny wedding... [continues in Japanese] 160 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:41,908 Mmm! 161 00:06:41,934 --> 00:06:45,609 Princess Kenny... [continues in Japanese] 162 00:06:45,638 --> 00:06:47,914 [speaking Japanese] Kenny chan! 163 00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:50,819 Princess Kenny... sayonara! 164 00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:54,491 [speaking Japanese] Sayonara! 165 00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:56,619 [speaking Japanese] Princess Kenny... 166 00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:58,925 [continues in Japanese] 167 00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:05,096 Eh? 168 00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:07,570 [speaking Japanese] 169 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,903 Princess Kenny... [continues in Japanese] 170 00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:13,934 Princess Kenny... [continues in Japanese] 171 00:07:13,966 --> 00:07:16,640 [speaking Japanese] 172 00:07:16,669 --> 00:07:19,548 Princess Kenny... [continues in Japanese] 173 00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:22,109 [all speaking Japanese] 174 00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:26,922 So, Stan, I was hoping I could talk to you 175 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:29,222 about the wedding. Yeah, sure, what about it? 176 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,019 I think it's best that when the time comes 177 00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:33,621 for the mall to open you should stay back a bit from the doors. 178 00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:35,655 - Why? - Well, think about it. 179 00:07:35,688 --> 00:07:37,190 The first people inside are gonna have to take on 180 00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:39,726 the brunt of the holiday shoppers from the main entrance. 181 00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:42,205 It's best we let Butters and Scott Malkinson go first. 182 00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:44,230 While they fight, we can simply slip on by. 183 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,000 Well, yeah, I guess that makes sense, 184 00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:49,013 but Butters and Scott won't be able to get their PS4s. 185 00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:50,571 Yes, that's true, but... 186 00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:52,139 let's face it, sir Stan. 187 00:07:52,171 --> 00:07:54,617 This is all about you and me getting Playstations. 188 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,483 The rest are simply there to help us get-- 189 00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:59,217 He's lying to you! 190 00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:01,521 They're just acting like they've given up, 191 00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:02,753 but it's a double-bluff. 192 00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:04,591 Dude! Dude! 193 00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:07,154 They're gonna betray you at the Red Robin wedding. 194 00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:09,632 He got the idea watching Game of Thrones. 195 00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:11,566 Dude, shut the fuck up! 196 00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:13,502 - Who is that? - He's just this old crazy guy 197 00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:15,062 that gets pissed off 'cause I'm in his garden all the time. 198 00:08:15,094 --> 00:08:18,166 - They're gonna lock you in! - God damn it, shut up! 199 00:08:18,197 --> 00:08:19,608 He talked about it in my garden 200 00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:20,940 to, like, three other people. 201 00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:22,640 They're gonna lock you in the Red Robin 202 00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,511 and then go get all the Xboxes. 203 00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:26,847 That's why he wants you to stay back from the doors. 204 00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:29,251 Well, why don't you just tell the whole world everything, huh? 205 00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:31,050 Why don't you tell everyone what Prometheus was about 206 00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:32,818 while you're at it? 207 00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:34,756 - Did Kyle know about this? - Dude, we're not gonna 208 00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:36,987 betray you--come on. Did you see Prometheus? 209 00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:38,791 I don't think the writers even knew what that was about. 210 00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:41,697 - Did Kyle know about this? - [sighs] 211 00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:43,962 Kyle thought of it. 212 00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,663 Stan! Dude, hold on. 213 00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:48,695 Xbox One is fucking sweet, dude. 214 00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:54,144 You're a fucking asshole! 215 00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:55,702 Fuck you! Get out of my garden! 216 00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:56,941 I'll shit in your fucking garden! 217 00:08:56,969 --> 00:08:59,040 Go fuck yourself! 218 00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:02,883 Well, the wait is over, and Black Friday's finally here. 219 00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:04,286 Niles Lawton is at the scene, 220 00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:06,153 and it's about time, Niles. 221 00:09:06,178 --> 00:09:08,283 That's right, Tom. Mall officials have said 222 00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:10,260 they are ready, and doors will open 223 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:14,095 as soon as their guest of honor cuts the ceremonial red ribbon. 224 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,999 This year's ribbon cutter is, of course, George R.R. Martin, 225 00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:19,765 who, uh, doesn't appear to have shown up yet 226 00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:21,999 but says he is on his way. 227 00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:24,167 Just like the dragons and zombies in his novels, 228 00:09:24,196 --> 00:09:26,142 he is on his way. 229 00:09:26,165 --> 00:09:29,146 [dramatic, sweeping music] 230 00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:31,045 # # 231 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:32,947 Now, just hold on a minute! 232 00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:34,679 I'm pretty darn sure 233 00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:36,812 the fastest way back to Colorado isn't on horseback. 234 00:09:36,842 --> 00:09:39,220 That may be true, but horses have one quality 235 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:42,192 that is unmatched by any other mode of transportation. 236 00:09:42,214 --> 00:09:44,353 What's that? 237 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:45,790 Aaah! 238 00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:52,870 Okay, cool, can we set up the two lawn tables here, 239 00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:54,235 like, facing each other and then another one 240 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,705 for the bride and groom back there? 241 00:09:55,728 --> 00:09:58,368 I heard a rumor. May I ask... 242 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,271 who is it that's getting married? 243 00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:02,301 Oh, um, Tom Hanks and Beyonce. 244 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,076 It's real? It's for real? 245 00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:06,845 Oh, my god, I love them. Yeah, cool. 246 00:10:06,872 --> 00:10:08,977 So Beyonce's not with Jay-Z anymore? 247 00:10:09,008 --> 00:10:10,646 Well, clearly she wouldn't be marrying Tom Hanks 248 00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:13,156 at Red Robin if she was. Guys, guys, not those tables. 249 00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:15,659 Get the good tables. This is VI P, okay? 250 00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:17,217 Has anyone heard from Butters and Scott Malkinson? 251 00:10:17,249 --> 00:10:18,956 The fuck are they? Cartman, Cartman! 252 00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:21,363 I heard that Stan somehow found out about our plan. 253 00:10:21,387 --> 00:10:23,867 - Yes, he did. - What the hell are you doing? 254 00:10:23,889 --> 00:10:25,926 This isn't gonna work now! Shh, shh, shh. 255 00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:27,266 It's fine, Kyle. 256 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,068 Everything's been taken care of. 257 00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:33,635 Stan won't be telling anybody anything ever again. 258 00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:34,974 What the hell did you do? 259 00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:36,378 What had to be done so that we can 260 00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:38,678 play our games on Xboxes, Kyle! 261 00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:42,311 No. Tell me you didn't. 262 00:10:42,341 --> 00:10:43,877 He's not allowed to come out of his room, 263 00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:45,286 so you can talk to him through the door. 264 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,120 - Thanks, Mrs. Marsh. - And keep it short. 265 00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,819 He's in real trouble. 266 00:10:48,848 --> 00:10:50,953 He defecated in a nice old man's garden. 267 00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:53,224 O-okay. 268 00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:02,804 [knocking] Stan? 269 00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:05,104 Stan? Huh? Hello? Who's that? 270 00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:06,804 Stan, it's me. 271 00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:08,243 Get out of here. 272 00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:10,269 Dude, I know you're pissed at me right now. 273 00:11:10,302 --> 00:11:11,713 You gotta understand that I did it 274 00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:13,239 because I know in my heart 275 00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:15,946 that the Xbox is better for all of us. 276 00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:17,283 You completely betrayed 277 00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:19,755 the last bit of friendship we still had. 278 00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:21,725 You weren't playing fair, dude. 279 00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:22,953 Getting your dad to work part-time 280 00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:24,791 in the mall wasn't fair. 281 00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:27,889 I didn't even know he was working at the mall, Kyle. 282 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,297 You didn't? 283 00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:31,699 But you couldn't just ask me, 284 00:11:31,724 --> 00:11:35,365 because Xbox people don't care about the truth. 285 00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:38,432 They just care about seamless multimedia connectivity. 286 00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:42,105 I'm sorry, Stan. I'm sorry. 287 00:11:42,134 --> 00:11:44,375 This whole war has just got us all so screwed up... 288 00:11:44,403 --> 00:11:46,314 I just want us to be playing Call of Duty 289 00:11:46,338 --> 00:11:47,749 on the right machine. 290 00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:49,343 You don't understand. 291 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:53,414 I'm never playing Call of Duty with you again. 292 00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:55,187 Stan, don't say that. 293 00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:57,216 Get out of here. I'm done with you. 294 00:11:57,249 --> 00:11:59,126 Mom! Mom! 295 00:11:59,151 --> 00:12:02,030 Get him out of here! 296 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:04,125 Get him out! [cup banging against door] 297 00:12:05,758 --> 00:12:07,499 Now listen up. 298 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,071 There are only eight of us now. 299 00:12:10,096 --> 00:12:12,007 Peterson was a great guy, 300 00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:15,478 and he did not deserve to get beheaded like that. 301 00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:17,139 Now, I don't know about you, 302 00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:20,776 but I am sick and tired of getting to know people here, 303 00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:22,843 getting invested in their personalities 304 00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:25,515 and their back stories, and then having them die. 305 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:29,818 When those doors open, we all stick together. 306 00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:32,853 If anyone panics, it puts us all at risk. 307 00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:34,455 - [sobbing] - Stay tough, rookie. 308 00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:36,467 We're not gonna make it, sir. 309 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:37,991 We're gonna make it! 310 00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:39,229 You've got a newborn little girl 311 00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:41,033 who needs her daddy to make it. 312 00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:43,404 I'm not going to let you die, okay? 313 00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:44,840 - Okay. - Okay? 314 00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:46,810 Yes, sir! Yes, sir. 315 00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:50,143 Not one more good person dies on my watch. 316 00:12:50,169 --> 00:12:51,375 [crash] 317 00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:52,814 [overlapping shouting] Hey! 318 00:12:52,838 --> 00:12:54,181 Oh, my God! 319 00:12:54,206 --> 00:12:56,015 They're coming in through the roof! 320 00:12:56,041 --> 00:12:58,885 I can't do this. I'm sorry, I can't do this! 321 00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:00,151 Stay at your post! 322 00:13:04,483 --> 00:13:07,089 No! No! 323 00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:10,259 Everybody really liked him! 324 00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:11,996 No! 325 00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:14,095 [helicopter blades thrumming] 326 00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:15,571 Here we go, Tom. 327 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,866 George R.R. Martin has finally arrived 328 00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:21,037 to cut the red ribbon. 329 00:13:21,066 --> 00:13:23,205 Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor 330 00:13:23,235 --> 00:13:24,805 to be here this morning 331 00:13:24,837 --> 00:13:26,874 on behalf of South Park mall partners 332 00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:28,943 and Channel 9 News, 333 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:32,114 your go-to source for news, weather, and sports. 334 00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:34,420 Just do it! 335 00:13:34,446 --> 00:13:36,357 Very well. 336 00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:39,261 In the tradition of our ancestors, 337 00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:42,027 let's ring in the holidays! 338 00:13:42,054 --> 00:13:44,898 [crowd yelling] 339 00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:47,336 But first, I'd like to share with you 340 00:13:47,359 --> 00:13:49,361 a few words about my wiener. 341 00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:50,999 [angry crowd reaction] 342 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,305 Hey, sorry, guys, Red Robin is closed 343 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:57,939 for a special event today. 344 00:13:57,970 --> 00:13:59,506 Yeah, we know. We're with the wedding. 345 00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:01,575 Oh, great. Go right on in. 346 00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:04,588 [flute music, rhythmic tambourine] 347 00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:12,620 # # 348 00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:17,257 Everyone, everyone, a Black Friday toast. 349 00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:19,633 How awesome that we are all friends again. 350 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,896 Our two houses brought together. 351 00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:24,498 Soon we will all have our Playstation 4s. 352 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,203 [cheering] 353 00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:29,611 And to you, my old friend, Princess Kenny. 354 00:14:29,635 --> 00:14:31,444 You really look stunning. 355 00:14:31,470 --> 00:14:34,246 No doubt the gods have smiled down upon your perky boobs. 356 00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:36,651 [giggles, muffled response] 357 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,355 Now, if you'll excuse me, my lady, 358 00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:40,880 I need to take a shit. 359 00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:45,662 What have you found out? The mall isn't open yet. 360 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,558 They're waiting for George R.R. Martin 361 00:14:47,586 --> 00:14:48,997 to come cut the ribbon. 362 00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:50,466 Okay. That could be a while. 363 00:14:50,489 --> 00:14:52,127 All our men are ready. 364 00:14:52,157 --> 00:14:54,034 When the mall opens, blow the whistle. 365 00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:58,439 We'll rush through the doors and lock the Sony dorks inside. 366 00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:00,637 All right, now, I really do need to take a shit. 367 00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:03,442 Oh, soft and pink with purple head, 368 00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:05,676 gently you lay with me on my bed. 369 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,407 Get on with it, George R.R. Martin! 370 00:15:07,439 --> 00:15:09,112 [all yelling] 371 00:15:09,141 --> 00:15:12,054 "Frau, Frau," calls the wiener from on high, 372 00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:15,422 a little tiny wiener still so pleasing to the eye. 373 00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:17,393 Enough with the wieners already! 374 00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:18,690 Yeah, come on! 375 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,694 [flute music, tambourine continue] 376 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,561 # # 377 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,365 Clyde? 378 00:15:26,392 --> 00:15:28,633 Where the hell is Clyde? Clyde? 379 00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,402 Princess Kenny, I believe it's time 380 00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:32,409 we return the wizard's hospitality. 381 00:15:36,302 --> 00:15:37,508 What the hell is this? 382 00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:38,981 I'm sorry, Cartman. 383 00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:40,312 There's been a little change in plan. 384 00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:47,048 Sir Kyle, they're about to open the mall. 385 00:15:47,079 --> 00:15:48,285 What are you doing? 386 00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:50,157 I am no longer an Xbox guy. 387 00:15:50,182 --> 00:15:51,684 I let my friend get grounded. 388 00:15:51,717 --> 00:15:54,061 But today I will get him a Playstation. 389 00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:55,656 Kyle, the Playstation controller sucks, 390 00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:58,066 and you know it! The fight is over, Cartman. 391 00:15:58,090 --> 00:15:59,296 It's not over. 392 00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:01,703 Looks like I came just in time. 393 00:16:01,727 --> 00:16:03,434 Oh, Bill Gates, sweet! 394 00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:04,736 In your face, Kyle! 395 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,604 You will not interfere, Bill Gates! 396 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:11,171 These children will get their PS4s. 397 00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:13,205 [muffled] 398 00:16:13,238 --> 00:16:14,979 Wait a minute. How the hell 399 00:16:15,007 --> 00:16:16,384 did these two guys end up here? 400 00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:17,978 They're not a part of your betrayal? 401 00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:19,318 No. They're not a part of your betrayal? 402 00:16:19,345 --> 00:16:21,757 No. Whose betrayal is this? 403 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,221 [metal clinking] 404 00:16:23,248 --> 00:16:24,750 We're done with betrayals. 405 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,463 It's time to put an end to this. 406 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:29,159 Stan? 407 00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:32,169 Sir, sir, operations just said they need one of us 408 00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:33,499 to unlock the door to Red Robin 409 00:16:33,525 --> 00:16:35,664 to let some wedding party inside the mall. 410 00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:38,197 Screw them, they'll have to fend for themselves. 411 00:16:38,230 --> 00:16:41,211 Wait, Red Robin wedding? 412 00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:42,678 Who's getting married? 413 00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:44,476 Tom Hanks and Beyonce. 414 00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,380 What?! Oh, my God! 415 00:16:46,405 --> 00:16:49,147 Everyone loves Tom Hanks and Beyonce! 416 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:50,778 I gotta save them! 417 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,717 I appreciate what you're trying to do, Kyle, 418 00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:56,022 but I have a better idea. This isn't our war, you guys. 419 00:16:56,048 --> 00:16:57,652 It never was. 420 00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,492 We've been pitted against each other by two companies 421 00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,122 for the sake of marketing. 422 00:17:01,153 --> 00:17:03,394 That's why they want lines around the block. 423 00:17:03,422 --> 00:17:06,562 Because they want a war to promote their product. 424 00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:09,630 They don't give a crap what kind of friendships it costs. 425 00:17:09,661 --> 00:17:13,404 You two want a war so bad, then you fucking fight. 426 00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:14,809 Eh? 427 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,741 So... 428 00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:21,184 Then let's finish it, you and me, right here. 429 00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:23,243 [speaking Japanese] 430 00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:25,277 Winner take all. 431 00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:26,812 Oh, dude, this is pretty sweet. 432 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:30,323 Then let this be your last fight, Bill Gates. 433 00:17:38,424 --> 00:17:41,371 Hey, fellas, what did I miss? 434 00:17:43,328 --> 00:17:45,171 Look at this wiener. [unzips pants] 435 00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:46,835 Judge it by its size? 436 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:50,343 Rub it three times, and it has a surprise. 437 00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:52,713 That's it, you're not delaying this anymore, 438 00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,149 you wiener-loving bitch! 439 00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:55,743 [gasps] 440 00:17:55,774 --> 00:17:59,153 [crowd roars] 441 00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:06,262 Happy holidays, Rick. 442 00:18:06,285 --> 00:18:07,593 And to you, my friend. 443 00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:11,465 [crashing sounds, objects shattering] 444 00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:18,632 Grab it, Rebecca, grab it! 445 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:25,139 Kiss my fat vagina! 446 00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:27,116 Give me that camera! Give me that! 447 00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:28,345 Who want some deals? 448 00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:41,821 Get back! Get out of my way! 449 00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:43,356 [cell phone rings] 450 00:18:43,388 --> 00:18:45,129 Commander Marsh. 451 00:18:45,157 --> 00:18:47,262 Did you know that your son is supposed to be grounded 452 00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,397 and he snuck out to go to Red Robin? 453 00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:52,341 What? Stan's at the Red Robin wedding too? 454 00:18:52,364 --> 00:18:54,640 Oh, God! I really care about him! 455 00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:56,771 [both grunting] 456 00:18:56,802 --> 00:19:00,147 This is over. Now you die! 457 00:19:04,843 --> 00:19:07,323 [panting] 458 00:19:07,346 --> 00:19:12,193 It's over. Xbox wins! 459 00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:15,198 - Yay, Xbox wins. - Yay. 460 00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:18,258 Stan, you're alive! 461 00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:19,860 I saved you! 462 00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:22,839 It's okay, Beyonce, the fight's over. 463 00:19:22,861 --> 00:19:24,772 You can still shop. [groans] 464 00:19:24,796 --> 00:19:27,208 [panting] Go on, kids. 465 00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:30,236 Go get your Xboxes. 466 00:19:32,437 --> 00:19:35,418 [O Christmas Tree, Peanuts-style] 467 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:43,450 # # 468 00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:55,462 Can Elmo smell your genitals? 469 00:19:55,494 --> 00:20:01,775 # # 470 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:05,270 Happy holidays, guys. What can you interest you in? 471 00:20:05,304 --> 00:20:07,614 We'd like to get Xbox Ones please. 472 00:20:07,639 --> 00:20:09,312 Good choice. 473 00:20:09,341 --> 00:20:11,378 Tom, the shopping frenzy is over, 474 00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:14,254 and it looks like Microsoft's new Xbox One 475 00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:15,986 is this year's hot item. 476 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,922 No doubt this will secure its place 477 00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:20,453 as the go-to next-gen console. 478 00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:22,226 Black Friday is over. 479 00:20:22,254 --> 00:20:26,259 There's been death, violence, horrible human behavior, 480 00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:30,296 and the big winner here decidedly is Channel 9 News. 481 00:20:32,331 --> 00:20:34,333 [video game gunfire on TV] 482 00:20:36,501 --> 00:20:38,845 The interface is pretty cool. 483 00:20:38,870 --> 00:20:41,908 See, I told you guys it's really a seamless interface. 484 00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:44,546 - Yeah, it is. - The graphics are definitely, 485 00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:46,522 like, 10% better than the old Xbox. 486 00:20:46,545 --> 00:20:48,752 Yeah, that-- that's pretty nice. 487 00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:50,350 [game stops] 488 00:20:50,382 --> 00:20:53,261 You guys want to play outside or something? 489 00:20:56,888 --> 00:20:58,890 Cartman, your side won, dude. 490 00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:01,427 Why are you so sad? I just- 491 00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:03,633 I can't get the image of Bill Gates 492 00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:06,643 bashing that guy's head apart out of my eyes. 493 00:21:06,665 --> 00:21:08,770 Yeah, I know what you mean. 494 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,303 Well, look, guys. Xbox won the console wars. 495 00:21:11,336 --> 00:21:14,510 I mean, what are we gonna do, not play video games? 496 00:21:14,539 --> 00:21:16,746 The last few weeks we've been too busy to play video games, 497 00:21:16,775 --> 00:21:18,721 and look at what we did. 498 00:21:18,744 --> 00:21:21,020 There's been drama, action, romance. 499 00:21:21,046 --> 00:21:22,525 I mean, honestly, you guys, 500 00:21:22,547 --> 00:21:24,049 do we need video games to play? 501 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,422 - That's right. - He's trying to make a point. 502 00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,863 Maybe we started to rely on Microsoft and Sony so much 503 00:21:28,887 --> 00:21:32,061 that we forgot that all we need to play are the simplest things 504 00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:35,363 like...like this! We can just play with this! 505 00:21:35,394 --> 00:21:37,465 Screw video games, dude. Who fucking needs them? 506 00:21:37,496 --> 00:21:38,702 - Yeah! - Yeah! 507 00:21:38,730 --> 00:21:40,539 Fuck 'em! 508 00:21:40,565 --> 00:21:42,602 The South Park video game, coming to stores soon. 509 00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:44,614 Yeah, and if you believe that, I got a big, floppy wiener 510 00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:45,910 to dangle in your face.