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La Fabrique
www.sous-titres.eu
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Welcome, oh, welcome
to our little play.
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It's our hope
that you all learn something today.
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I am a tooth.
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So white and so strong.
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I am a toothbrush.
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My bristles are long.
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Together we work
to keep the bad guy away.
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He's mean and he hurts,
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and his name's tooth decay.
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His name is tooth decay.
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Where is tooth decay?
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- Tooth decay, that's your cue!
- He's not here.
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What do you mean?
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He's at home,
watching the royal wedding.
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- The what?
- He said he had to watch it.
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Is this some kind of joke?
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We are two weeks
into tech rehearsals!
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Who the heck would sit at home,
watching the royal wedding?
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It's a glorious morning, and thousands
have gathered for the royal wedding.
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People are still filing
inside the abbey, to watch
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the Prince and Princess of Canada
exchange their vows.
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What a great day
for Canadians everywhere.
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The Winnipeg drummers
playing the March of a Thousand Farts,
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as is traditional
for the Canadian royal family.
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The biggest Canadian celebrities
are on hand.
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There are sirs Terrance and Phillip
with their wives, the Queef sisters.
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I believe one of the sisters
queefed just now.
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There are Canadian recording artists,
sir Bryan Adams and sir Corey Hart.
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Everyone looking smashing.
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And there he is,
the Prince of Canada.
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What a wonderful day for him.
What a wonderful day for all of us.
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Inside the abbey,
everyone waiting with anticipation.
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There's the Queen of Canada
in attendance.
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She just queefed.
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The Prince makes his way,
led by the bishop of Newfoundland.
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People gently tossing Cap'n Crunch
as the Prince passes by,
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as of course is tradition.
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He takes his place next to the vat
of butterscotch pudding.
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Here she comes!
There she is!
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The about to be Princess of Canada.
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Isn't she ravishing?
So pure of heart.
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So strong in body.
So hot in the face.
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She's the living symbol of our country.
My God, she's beautiful.
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Princess.
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The Prince is dipping his arms
into the pudding, as is tradition.
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The Princess scrapes it
off the Prince's arms,
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symbolizing their union.
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What a glorious day
for our country and the world.
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And now, the...
Wait a minute.
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What's this?
Something is going terribly wrong!
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The abbey is shaking
as explosions abound.
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The top of the abbey is collapsing.
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They look on in horror.
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This is not tradition at all.
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A giant hole
blasted into the ceiling.
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Debris falling down
and crushing several spectators,
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which is also not the tradition
for a royal Canadian wedding.
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A bright beam of light
shooting through the ceiling.
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The Princess is in some kind
of isometric cube.
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This is breaking with tradition.
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Canadians cannot believe their eyes.
Widespread panic.
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The Princess being hoisted away.
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The mushroom people of Nova Scotia
screaming with horror.
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The Prince is trying
to grab the cube.
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The Duke and Duchess of Calgary
hiding behind the pews.
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This is indeed a horrible day
for all of Canada and...
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The pudding has been knocked over!
This is not tradition at all.
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The pudding spilling all over the abbey
as the Princess is lifted up.
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And she's gone.
The Princess has been taken.
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This is indeed a horrible day
for Canada and the rest of the world.
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I am a tooth.
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So white and so strong.
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I am a toothbrush.
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My bristles are long.
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Together we work
to keep the bad guy away.
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He's mean and he hurts,
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and his name's tooth decay.
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His name's tooth decay!
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It's tooth decay!
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He's gonna get us!
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Tooth decay.
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Your character should be mean,
not crying.
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He can't be sad until toothbrush
and dental floss have gotten rid of him.
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You can't start already sad.
There's nowhere to go.
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There's no arc.
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For crying out loud!
All right, tooth decay.
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You just go home
and sort yourself out.
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The rest of us
will rehearse the finale again.
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And you better come back tomorrow
with a different attitude.
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The tornado was said
to be the deadliest in 56 years.
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In other news, it's been 24 hours,
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and the Princess of Canada
is still missing.
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Canada is in mourning,
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as nationwide suicides abound.
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The Princess is gone!
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The Princess is gone!
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A massive candlelight vigil
was held last night,
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led by the Canadian band Rush.
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And it seems to me
you lived your life
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like a flower breaking wind.
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Never knowing who to turn towards.
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The Prince has said that...
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We have received breaking news
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that the Canadian government
now knows who took the Princess.
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The Canadian prime minister
is telling people of Canadian descent
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to go home
and open their box of faith.
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Box of faith?
What the fuck is that?
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Hello there, my noble, strong,
fellow Canadian.
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If you are watching this filmstrip,
no doubt Canada is in grave danger.
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As you know, the very heart of Canada
is the royal family.
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If you've been ordered
to open your box of faith,
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one or more of the royal family
must be in peril.
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Or you opened it and are watching this
without being told to,
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in which case you are a dick.
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If you've indeed been instructed
to open it,
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this is a call to arms.
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All Canadians in fighting condition
are to meet by the tree in Edmonton.
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In your box of faith,
you will find all the items you need.
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A location beacon,
a first aid kit and a sandwich.
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You may eat the sandwich now.
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Good luck, Canadian citizen,
and God help.
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All of Canada is relying on you.
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Where are you going?
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Where are you going?
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I gotta get to Canada
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and join the army
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and save the Princess.
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Whereas salagadoola
mechicka boola equals X,
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and bibbidy-bobbidy-boo is Y.
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Put them together, and you get
bibbidy-bobbidy boo, X + Y = Y.
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X = 0.
The song is badly written.
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Second verse,
X + Y = bibbidy-bobbidy³ + boo.
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Do you mind telling me
where your brother is?
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- I don't know.
- How am I supposed to do a play,
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teaching about the importance
of dental hygiene without tooth decay?
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We have two more days of tech,
and previews start on Monday.
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What am I supposed to do?
You tell me!
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Couldn't you get rid
of the part of tooth decay?
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Getting rid of tooth decay
is what I'm trying to fucking do!
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He's your brother.
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How are you going to fix this?
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Hey there.
You going to Canada too?
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What am I saying?
You're Canadian, sure enough.
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Opened your box of faith?
Me too.
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They can't take our Princess!
Mind if I sit down?
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There was no question
if I was gonna sign up.
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Didn't care how far away I was,
I was gonna get to that rally point.
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Didn't know other Canadians
living in the US.
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I'm from Toronto, but people
were terrified by my disfigurement.
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I have to wear this bag,
because I'm hideously ugly.
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Had to move to the US.
Here people don't think I look ugly.
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They just think I look Canadian.
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The name's ugly Bob.
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I am a tooth.
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So white and so strong.
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I am a toothbrush.
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My bristles are long.
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Together we work
to keep the bad guy away.
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He's mean and he hurts,
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and his name's tooth decay.
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I am tooth decay.
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Your teeth shall be mine.
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- With candy and treats, I will...
- Hold it! Stop!
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What the fuck was that?
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Just doing the lines.
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The audience is supposed
to feel scared of tooth decay.
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If tooth decay has no believability,
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toothbrush and dental floss
have nothing to play against.
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I'm trying.
I really am.
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You're trying?
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You call rolling
your fat ass out on the stage
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and lazily blurting out your lines
like a turtle taking a shit.
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You call that trying?
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This play is supposed
to change how people think.
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Get it fucking right!
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Just pick it up from there.
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Brave Canadians,
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you have answered the call,
and now we must face our greatest foe.
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The Princess has been kidnapped,
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and we believe this to be
the work of the giant!
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- The giant!
- That's not good.
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We are attempting to attract the giant,
with a bowl of kraft dinner.
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When the giant arrives,
we will attack him with our guns,
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our swords, our...
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Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell kraft dinner.
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- It's the giant!
- Scott!
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Give us back the Princess!
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You fart-loving tricksters!
I'll take care of you.
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You're a dick.
You've always been a dick.
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Then you got radiation poisoning
in Ottawa, and now you're a giant dick.
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You all kept calling me a dick,
and so that turned me into a dick!
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Then I got radiation poisoning,
and now I'm a giant dick.
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Hand over the Princess of Canada!
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Why would I take
the Princess of Canada?
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Because you're a giant dick?
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I'm also the biggest Canadian patriot
of all of you.
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I would never harm the royal family!
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Crap, we had some bad intel.
Return to your homes!
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- Come on.
- Let's go.
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We did all we could.
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At least, we tried.
The Princess is gone for good.
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What is wrong with you people?
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It's perfectly obvious
who took the Princess!
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I might be a giant,
but there's a bigger threat than me!
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- Who?
- The native Canadians!
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The native Canadians?
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There, you see that?
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Goddamn native Canadians.
Think they run the world.
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Fart-loving Eskimos.
I'm sure they've taken the Princess.
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Just look at them.
Loudmouth self-centered assholes.
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Let's get them!
Let's fuck them up!
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What?
You're looking at me like I'm a racist.
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I'm not!
Think about it.
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Before the noble white man arrived,
these monkeys populated Canada.
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Who else would be pissed off enough
to kidnap our royalty?
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00:14:06,770 --> 00:14:07,940
Shit!
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In fifteen fucking minutes,
you won't care about this anymore,
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so I'll just say what I need to say.
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That was the worst rehearsal
we have ever had.
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We are two days away from opening,
and you're all fucking around!
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That's because tooth decay sucks.
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- That's right.
- It's all his fault.
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00:14:29,790 --> 00:14:32,000
Don't put this all on tooth decay!
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00:14:32,130 --> 00:14:33,960
Lemme tell you something,
dental floss.
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You're not as good
as you fucking think you are!
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You're already acting like a star,
and we haven't even opened yet!
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Open your fucking eyes!
You're about to blow your shot!
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He says the taking
of the Princess was foretold.
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He says Eskimos
do hate us Canadians,
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but there's an even bigger threat
to Canada who has the Princess.
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He said the evil that took her
wasn't Canadian at all, but a beast,
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who preys upon people
of all nationalities.
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They can lead us to the beast,
but we will have to destroy it.
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I don't know
what the goddamn problem is.
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Maybe you all don't know
how serious tooth decay is,
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maybe you all just don't give a fuck.
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You all probably think
you can live your lives cavity-free,
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never giving a shit about the plaque
building on your teeth.
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You have single-handedly destroyed
all that which I worked on
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for the past six years.
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And so, I want you to know,
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once and for all,
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why this whole dental hygiene thing
is so important to me.
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00:16:09,810 --> 00:16:11,270
Two years ago,
246
00:16:12,770 --> 00:16:15,440
I lost my father to tooth decay.
247
00:16:17,780 --> 00:16:21,280
He was an intelligent,
hard working man,
248
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,870
and my whole family
watched as tooth decay
249
00:16:23,990 --> 00:16:25,700
took him in the blink of an eye!
250
00:16:26,990 --> 00:16:29,250
You've been told
to brush and to floss,
251
00:16:29,370 --> 00:16:32,210
but do you really know
the importance behind it?
252
00:16:32,670 --> 00:16:33,500
Do you?
253
00:16:48,890 --> 00:16:51,640
This is stupid!
You're making a mistake, kid.
254
00:16:51,930 --> 00:16:53,100
Leave him alone.
255
00:16:53,230 --> 00:16:55,020
Why are we following this ice beaner?
256
00:16:55,190 --> 00:16:56,900
We've been walking for hours.
257
00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:04,610
If there's one thing Eskimos
are good at, it's finding things.
258
00:17:04,740 --> 00:17:07,490
They're good for nothing.
I paid one to give me a blow job once.
259
00:17:07,620 --> 00:17:10,370
She just rub her nose against my penis
and asked me to pay.
260
00:17:10,660 --> 00:17:13,620
- Goddamn polar gooks.
- Stop being a dick.
261
00:17:14,580 --> 00:17:15,920
So now, I'm a dick!
262
00:17:16,710 --> 00:17:18,090
Wait a minute.
Look!
263
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:22,670
It's the Princess!
264
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,220
Princess!
265
00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:27,300
Your teeth are your friends.
266
00:17:27,430 --> 00:17:29,560
They're friends in your mouth.
267
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,890
Take care of your friends,
268
00:17:32,060 --> 00:17:34,350
or they'll rot and fall out.
269
00:17:34,810 --> 00:17:36,560
Visit your dentist.
270
00:17:36,690 --> 00:17:38,690
He is your friend too.
271
00:17:38,980 --> 00:17:43,150
And dental floss also
is here to help you.
272
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:45,950
Oh, no, dental floss!
273
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:47,910
What will I do?
274
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,370
Flat!
You're flat!
275
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,290
- There!
- Please, save me!
276
00:17:55,540 --> 00:17:57,790
You have to hurry.
It wants to kill me!
277
00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,040
Who took you?
278
00:17:59,210 --> 00:18:01,750
I should have listened!
I didn't believe it was real!
279
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,210
It's behind you!
280
00:18:07,050 --> 00:18:09,140
Of course, the evil Atok Atok!
281
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:11,720
The dark lord
that takes from all nationalities.
282
00:18:11,850 --> 00:18:13,230
It's tooth decay!
283
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:17,230
I am tooth decay.
284
00:18:17,350 --> 00:18:19,320
Your teeth shall be mine!
285
00:18:19,690 --> 00:18:22,190
I should have always brushed
and flossed and avoided sweets.
286
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,280
Fart-loving tooth decay!
I'll fix you!
287
00:18:35,620 --> 00:18:37,460
Save me!
288
00:18:39,790 --> 00:18:41,340
It's coming for me!
Help!
289
00:18:41,750 --> 00:18:42,880
Help!
290
00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:48,220
Princess, look away!
291
00:19:02,270 --> 00:19:03,320
What the...
292
00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:04,780
You did it!
293
00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:12,280
Thank you!
294
00:19:14,660 --> 00:19:18,580
I want you all to take
a serious fucking look at yourselves.
295
00:19:20,250 --> 00:19:23,300
Act 1 was pure fucking dog shit!
296
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,510
If tooth decay is singing flat,
297
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,920
the whole fucking thing sounds flat!
298
00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:36,810
We are putting a stop to this play.
It's over.
299
00:19:37,430 --> 00:19:38,980
What?
Why?
300
00:19:39,230 --> 00:19:42,150
Act 2 will be better.
These kids just aren't listening to me.
301
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:43,650
It's over.
302
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:45,940
They got him.
303
00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:49,200
Tooth decay.
They got the son of a bitch.
304
00:19:50,070 --> 00:19:50,910
What?
305
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,910
Up in the Yukon.
All bureaus are confirming it.
306
00:19:54,030 --> 00:19:56,750
You can let it go.
Tooth decay is gone.
307
00:20:00,710 --> 00:20:02,000
Oh, God!
308
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,540
Go on home, kids.
309
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:06,170
It's over!
310
00:20:09,090 --> 00:20:10,130
What?
311
00:20:25,110 --> 00:20:28,440
The Princess now giving
the medal of courage to ugly Bob.
312
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:32,150
And also to Scott
who is of course a giant dick.
313
00:20:33,070 --> 00:20:34,910
And Katook-took of the Yukon.
314
00:20:35,030 --> 00:20:37,660
The medal made of white chocolate,
as is tradition.
315
00:20:37,910 --> 00:20:39,620
A glorious day
for Canada and the world.
316
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:43,580
The Duke of Calgary
putting on a fake beard.
317
00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,380
A tradition
since the birth of Canada.
318
00:20:48,170 --> 00:20:50,420
The Princess now knighting
sir Ike Broflovski.
319
00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:54,600
Giving him three kisses
and a pair of socks, as is tradition.
320
00:20:56,140 --> 00:20:57,810
That's pretty cool, right?
321
00:20:58,140 --> 00:21:00,310
My little brother is a knight
in Canada.
322
00:21:01,890 --> 00:21:03,980
My sister is a den leader
in girl scouts.
323
00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:06,900
My uncle's the second in line
to be manager at Gart Brothers.
324
00:21:08,610 --> 00:21:10,440
Now, the scraping off of the pudding.
325
00:21:12,030 --> 00:21:15,110
Scraping off the pudding
with the grace of a butterfly.
326
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:16,870
She rubs it on her face.
327
00:21:16,990 --> 00:21:19,990
The Prince attempting
to remove one of the Princess' arms,
328
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:21,540
as is the tradition.
329
00:21:21,660 --> 00:21:24,250
The Princess screaming.
Everyone watching with anticipation.
330
00:21:24,370 --> 00:21:25,580
And the arm is off!
331
00:21:25,710 --> 00:21:29,250
Things are back to normal in Canada.
The traditions are once again...
332
00:21:29,380 --> 00:21:31,880
The Prince is sticking
the Princess' arm up his ass.
333
00:21:32,010 --> 00:21:34,470
There it goes.
He's really making a good go of it.
334
00:21:34,590 --> 00:21:37,430
What a wonderful day for Canada
and therefore, of course, the world.