1 00:00:51,477 --> 00:00:52,478 What's wrong? 2 00:00:53,604 --> 00:00:55,355 Nothing. Just leave me alone. 3 00:00:55,647 --> 00:00:58,150 You've been sitting at your locker crying since lunch break. 4 00:00:58,275 --> 00:00:59,485 Something's going on. 5 00:01:00,152 --> 00:01:01,153 It's just... 6 00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:03,489 that essay that Garrison assigned us. 7 00:01:03,739 --> 00:01:05,532 "What I wanna be when I grow up?" 8 00:01:05,782 --> 00:01:09,203 I don't like thinking about what I wanna be when I grow up. 9 00:01:11,246 --> 00:01:12,331 Why not? 10 00:01:12,456 --> 00:01:15,834 Because I wanna be something that I know I can never be. 11 00:01:19,421 --> 00:01:20,422 Tell us. 12 00:01:21,590 --> 00:01:23,633 I wanna be a NASCAR driver. 13 00:01:23,926 --> 00:01:27,262 When I see the car races on TV, the loud engines, the peeling wheels, 14 00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:28,639 it's so cool. 15 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,644 - If you wanna drive NASCAR, you can. - Right. 16 00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:36,396 Someone like me can be a NASCAR driver! 17 00:01:37,606 --> 00:01:38,607 Look at me. 18 00:01:39,691 --> 00:01:41,360 You really think someone like this, 19 00:01:41,610 --> 00:01:44,071 can ever become an awesome, famous NASCAR driver? 20 00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:49,535 You can change things about yourself. 21 00:01:49,826 --> 00:01:51,703 No, I can't. I'll always be like this. 22 00:01:52,579 --> 00:01:56,250 - No, you don't know that. - Come on, I have to face facts. 23 00:01:56,708 --> 00:02:00,295 NASCAR is for poor and stupid people. I don't have what it takes. 24 00:02:02,714 --> 00:02:06,593 - What? - I'll never be poor and stupid enough. 25 00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:09,012 Not just poor and stupid people like NASCAR. 26 00:02:09,222 --> 00:02:09,971 Really? 27 00:02:11,557 --> 00:02:14,809 - You love NASCAR, huh? - Yeah, I love NASCAR. 28 00:02:15,227 --> 00:02:18,396 I told you guys. It's hopeless. 29 00:02:20,065 --> 00:02:22,234 You are poor and you are stupid. 30 00:02:22,901 --> 00:02:24,862 I know you're trying to make me feel better, 31 00:02:24,987 --> 00:02:27,239 but a rich smart kid has no place on a racetrack. 32 00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:28,657 You are so retarded. 33 00:02:29,075 --> 00:02:31,284 Thanks, but even if I was, I'd still be too rich. 34 00:02:31,535 --> 00:02:34,121 How are you rich? Your mom pays for everything. 35 00:02:38,166 --> 00:02:42,003 You guys really think I could do this. You really believe in me. 36 00:02:42,254 --> 00:02:45,048 I believe that you're a broke, ignorant, idiot. 37 00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:47,426 Then maybe I can make myself believe it too. 38 00:02:47,551 --> 00:02:50,345 Thank you guys. I'm gonna go chase a dream. 39 00:02:57,436 --> 00:03:00,481 The guys have been talking to me, and they've got me pretty pumped up. 40 00:03:00,606 --> 00:03:02,899 I'm psyched. I'm about to do something big. 41 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:07,028 But I'm gonna need your help. Can you get psyched? 42 00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:09,324 - I'm psyched. - Get really psyched up. 43 00:03:09,532 --> 00:03:10,616 I'm really psyched. 44 00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:13,910 Let's do this. I'm psyched. 45 00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:16,913 I'm going to become a NASCAR driver. I'm going for the gold. 46 00:03:17,081 --> 00:03:18,248 NASCAR? 47 00:03:18,540 --> 00:03:21,877 I know, I'm not poor and stupid, but I can change that. 48 00:03:22,711 --> 00:03:24,337 I want you to take all my money. 49 00:03:24,755 --> 00:03:27,716 Every bit of it. $58.32. 50 00:03:27,966 --> 00:03:31,386 - You're giving away all your money? - Just get rid of it. 51 00:03:31,511 --> 00:03:33,889 Spend it, and don't ever let me have it back. 52 00:03:34,264 --> 00:03:36,725 From this moment on, I am poor, like Kenny. 53 00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:40,145 - You sure you want to do this? - I told you I'm serious. 54 00:03:40,479 --> 00:03:41,521 This is my shot. 55 00:03:41,813 --> 00:03:44,024 I'm gonna get as poor and stupid as I possibly can. 56 00:03:45,067 --> 00:03:48,445 Alright, folks. Thank you all for supporting NASCAR. 57 00:03:49,613 --> 00:03:50,614 So cool! 58 00:03:50,739 --> 00:03:52,574 Who's ready for Saturday's big race? 59 00:03:55,078 --> 00:03:58,580 We are really excited to be part of the fastest growing sport in America. 60 00:04:00,375 --> 00:04:04,295 I am thrilled to watch NASCAR finally becoming recognized 61 00:04:04,795 --> 00:04:07,255 as a respected, legitimate sport. 62 00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:12,719 Excuse me. 63 00:04:13,596 --> 00:04:16,306 I know that you NASCAR people don't have very much. 64 00:04:16,431 --> 00:04:18,433 So I went out and bought you all 65 00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:21,436 $58 worth of canned food and blankets. 66 00:04:21,812 --> 00:04:22,813 You're welcome. 67 00:04:24,147 --> 00:04:25,273 I helped the needy. 68 00:04:27,859 --> 00:04:30,570 I tell you what. It's raining cats and dogs outside. 69 00:04:30,956 --> 00:04:32,572 Mostly cats. 70 00:04:35,659 --> 00:04:37,411 I just wish I brought an umbrella. 71 00:04:39,162 --> 00:04:42,082 - Did you give away all my money? - You don't have a penny left. 72 00:04:42,207 --> 00:04:44,042 You're poor as shit. 73 00:04:44,167 --> 00:04:46,795 - Why are you hanging upside down? - I need to get stupid. 74 00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:50,131 I'm getting all the blood to my head and watching Two and a Half Men. 75 00:04:50,632 --> 00:04:52,134 That's a hot girl over there. 76 00:04:53,301 --> 00:04:55,178 Sure, she's hot. She's wearing a sweater. 77 00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:59,391 - Feel stupid yet? - Not yet. 78 00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:02,603 When a woman isn't feeling fresh, she turns to Vagisil. 79 00:05:03,312 --> 00:05:05,147 God dammit. Another Vagisil commercial? 80 00:05:05,315 --> 00:05:08,233 To stop feminine itching and relieve vaginal odors. 81 00:05:08,581 --> 00:05:09,693 Fucking gross! 82 00:05:09,818 --> 00:05:11,570 All those ladies have stinky vaginas? 83 00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:13,905 If you develop an allergic reaction, see your doctor. 84 00:05:14,198 --> 00:05:16,408 In some cases, it can lead to short-term memory loss. 85 00:05:16,821 --> 00:05:18,744 For the freshest, cleanest feminine area... 86 00:05:19,870 --> 00:05:21,079 Did you hear that? 87 00:05:22,394 --> 00:05:25,501 In some cases, it can lead to short-term memory loss. 88 00:05:25,918 --> 00:05:27,378 Oh, my God. 89 00:05:27,503 --> 00:05:28,796 We need Vagisil. 90 00:05:30,881 --> 00:05:32,967 Vagisil, Vagisil Maximum Strength, 91 00:05:33,092 --> 00:05:35,636 Vagisil Wash, Vagisil Medicated Wipes. 92 00:05:35,761 --> 00:05:38,013 Gee wiz! There's vagi-everythings. 93 00:05:38,681 --> 00:05:40,724 Which one do I use to kill brain cells? 94 00:05:41,225 --> 00:05:42,851 Buy me one of each of them. 95 00:05:43,185 --> 00:05:45,104 - I'm buying? - I'm totally poor. 96 00:05:45,229 --> 00:05:46,772 - Did you forget? - But I... 97 00:05:46,897 --> 00:05:49,650 I didn't bring any money. I didn't know I had to buy Vagisil. 98 00:05:49,775 --> 00:05:51,110 God dammit! 99 00:05:51,235 --> 00:05:53,111 Alright, keep a lookout. I'll try it here. 100 00:05:53,529 --> 00:05:55,447 Make sure the cashier doesn't see me. 101 00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,462 - Is anybody coming? - No, you're good. 102 00:06:15,426 --> 00:06:16,593 What are you doing? 103 00:06:22,224 --> 00:06:24,810 Oh, my God! I feel kind of stupid. 104 00:06:25,144 --> 00:06:26,145 Really? 105 00:06:27,062 --> 00:06:29,523 - I'm feeling totally stupid. - That was fast. 106 00:06:29,648 --> 00:06:31,692 Grab what you can, and let's go. I'm ready. 107 00:06:39,491 --> 00:06:40,743 We are just seconds away 108 00:06:41,326 --> 00:06:43,912 from the start of the Denver 300! 109 00:06:44,913 --> 00:06:47,541 Excuse me. Mr. Evans, sir? 110 00:06:48,333 --> 00:06:50,836 Your wife is on the phone. She just got raped. 111 00:06:51,004 --> 00:06:53,297 - What? - She got raped a lot. 112 00:06:53,422 --> 00:06:56,008 - You gotta talk to her. - Oh, my God! 113 00:06:58,385 --> 00:06:59,678 Sweet! Nice work. 114 00:06:59,803 --> 00:07:01,930 Go be my spotter, so we can win this thing. 115 00:07:04,142 --> 00:07:05,517 Are you sure you can do this? 116 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:09,188 Don't worry. I'm totally poor and stupid. 117 00:07:09,313 --> 00:07:10,397 Ready for NASCAR. 118 00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,065 Let the race begin! 119 00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:15,986 Let's go, NASCAR! 120 00:07:21,033 --> 00:07:24,203 - I'm not moving. - You gotta press the gas pedal. 121 00:07:24,495 --> 00:07:27,623 - What's that? - There's a pedal by your right foot. 122 00:07:30,959 --> 00:07:32,127 Let's go, NASCAR! 123 00:07:41,596 --> 00:07:44,682 It looks like Dale Evans' car is going the wrong way. 124 00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:46,850 Cool, NASCAR! 125 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:48,310 Sweet! 126 00:07:57,444 --> 00:07:58,403 Fuck my ass! 127 00:08:07,913 --> 00:08:09,122 All that work, 128 00:08:10,541 --> 00:08:12,126 all the effort I put in, 129 00:08:12,251 --> 00:08:14,503 I still wasn't poor and stupid enough to win. 130 00:08:15,170 --> 00:08:17,297 You were as poor and stupid as you could be. 131 00:08:17,673 --> 00:08:20,217 Don't you get it? It's never going to happen for me. 132 00:08:20,342 --> 00:08:22,761 They're way more poor and stupid than I'll ever be. 133 00:08:22,886 --> 00:08:24,429 I might as well kill myself. 134 00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:27,558 - Don't ever talk like that. - I've given away all my money. 135 00:08:27,683 --> 00:08:30,269 Drank enough Vagisil to kill every brain cell I have, 136 00:08:30,394 --> 00:08:31,687 but it still wasn't enough. 137 00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:34,440 Alright, we got the X-rays back. 138 00:08:34,565 --> 00:08:36,066 How bad is it, Doctor? 139 00:08:36,234 --> 00:08:38,444 He has two fractured ribs, a broken femur, 140 00:08:38,569 --> 00:08:41,196 torn ligaments in both knees and a level two concussion. 141 00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:44,408 He also appears to be developing three small vaginas in his stomach, 142 00:08:44,533 --> 00:08:47,995 - but they are all sparkling clean. - At least, there's that. 143 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:50,831 Pull the plug on me, Doctor. I don't want to live like this. 144 00:08:50,956 --> 00:08:53,959 You aren't on life support. Pulling a plug wouldn't do anything. 145 00:08:54,626 --> 00:08:55,627 Donkey balls. 146 00:08:56,128 --> 00:08:57,921 You are lucky to be alive, young man. 147 00:08:58,046 --> 00:09:01,800 Sneaking onto a NASCAR racetrack, and hijacking a car for a joyride. 148 00:09:01,925 --> 00:09:04,803 That has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard of a kid doing. 149 00:09:04,971 --> 00:09:07,014 Thanks, but you aren't making me feel better. 150 00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:08,390 No, really. 151 00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:11,518 Of all the idiotic dumb ways I've seen kids injure themselves, 152 00:09:11,643 --> 00:09:13,562 yours takes the retard cake. 153 00:09:14,438 --> 00:09:16,315 Did you hear that? See? 154 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,984 - You are really stupid. - Could it be... 155 00:09:19,109 --> 00:09:21,201 I only lost the race, because I wasn't poor enough? 156 00:09:21,326 --> 00:09:22,654 It has to be. 157 00:09:25,490 --> 00:09:27,993 - Where are you going? - Get me my coat. 158 00:09:28,243 --> 00:09:29,912 We're gonna try this thing again. 159 00:09:34,793 --> 00:09:37,085 You're watching Colorado Fox 11. 160 00:09:37,419 --> 00:09:41,131 Next on Fox 11 News, are NASCAR fans stupid? 161 00:09:41,256 --> 00:09:44,614 Some people are starting to wonder after a NASCAR fan 162 00:09:44,739 --> 00:09:46,823 apparently got high on Vagisil 163 00:09:46,948 --> 00:09:49,431 and snuck onto the track killing eleven people. 164 00:09:49,932 --> 00:09:53,143 Tom, the NASCAR fan got into a car here on Sunday 165 00:09:53,268 --> 00:09:55,062 and crashed in the lake behind me. 166 00:09:55,187 --> 00:09:57,439 He was later found to have ingested this, 167 00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,483 Maximum Strength Vagisil, 168 00:09:59,651 --> 00:10:02,194 and also Vagisil Medicated Wipes. 169 00:10:02,696 --> 00:10:05,739 Making NASCAR fans look pretty stupid, Tom. 170 00:10:07,115 --> 00:10:09,201 NASCAR fans aren't stupid. Cartman is! 171 00:10:09,369 --> 00:10:12,246 The NASCAR fan vows he will try to do it again, 172 00:10:12,371 --> 00:10:14,164 but that this time, he will win. 173 00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:16,124 That fucking asshole! 174 00:10:33,291 --> 00:10:34,626 What are you doing? 175 00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:37,044 I wanna show you what I've been working on. 176 00:10:37,754 --> 00:10:41,174 Check it out. I thought I could give my money away. 177 00:10:41,299 --> 00:10:43,343 But then I realized, what do poor people do? 178 00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:45,511 Buy things with no money 179 00:10:45,636 --> 00:10:49,098 by purchasing things that are 0% down and no payments for two years. 180 00:10:49,223 --> 00:10:51,601 That's how you stay poor forever. Am I right? 181 00:10:51,726 --> 00:10:52,810 That's it, right? 182 00:10:53,436 --> 00:10:56,230 - Fuck you! - I'm trying to get good at NASCAR. 183 00:10:56,439 --> 00:10:58,441 Being poor has nothing to do with NASCAR. 184 00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:01,902 - I love NASCAR as much as you do. - You fucking don't! 185 00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:04,197 It's so easy for you, isn't it? 186 00:11:04,447 --> 00:11:06,407 I've had to become poor on my own. 187 00:11:06,657 --> 00:11:08,868 I wasn't born with a plastic spoon in my mouth. 188 00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:10,870 What? 189 00:11:10,995 --> 00:11:13,873 I had to buy stuff with 0% down and no payments for two years myself. 190 00:11:13,998 --> 00:11:15,959 I didn't have parents to do it for me. 191 00:11:16,084 --> 00:11:17,085 Look... 192 00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:18,962 We shouldn't fight. 193 00:11:19,087 --> 00:11:21,214 We both love NASCAR, and we're both poor as shit. 194 00:11:22,090 --> 00:11:23,007 Excuse me? 195 00:11:25,343 --> 00:11:29,305 My name is Geoff Hammil. I'm the founder and CEO of Vagisil. 196 00:11:31,183 --> 00:11:34,685 Your NASCAR stunt has brought a lot of attention to Vagisil, 197 00:11:34,810 --> 00:11:37,188 and honestly, I don't know how to thank you. 198 00:11:37,356 --> 00:11:41,567 Women are finally realizing that their feminine odor can be treated. 199 00:11:41,859 --> 00:11:44,737 I first created Vagisil for my wife, Patty. 200 00:11:44,862 --> 00:11:46,530 She's my muse, my flame. 201 00:11:46,989 --> 00:11:50,492 We realize that NASCAR can do a lot for product recognition, and so... 202 00:11:50,784 --> 00:11:53,204 Vagisil has a little present for you. 203 00:12:00,627 --> 00:12:01,712 Sweet! 204 00:12:03,130 --> 00:12:05,299 No way. This is so tits! 205 00:12:06,049 --> 00:12:09,929 Vagisil would like you to represent us in the next NASCAR race. 206 00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:13,474 Check it out, Kenny. My very own NASCAR! 207 00:12:13,642 --> 00:12:14,892 No fucking way. 208 00:12:15,060 --> 00:12:16,769 And we've modified the cockpit 209 00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:19,063 to be operated properly by a child. 210 00:12:19,855 --> 00:12:20,856 Cool! 211 00:12:23,901 --> 00:12:27,362 I got a NASCAR. So awesome, huh, Kenny? 212 00:12:29,908 --> 00:12:34,119 We're live at the press conference where the drivers of Saturday's race 213 00:12:34,244 --> 00:12:37,248 are gearing up and taking questions from reporters. 214 00:12:37,539 --> 00:12:40,626 So what's your guys' take on the track here, any concerns? 215 00:12:40,876 --> 00:12:42,628 I think it's a fine track. 216 00:12:42,753 --> 00:12:44,630 The techs have done a good job of making sure 217 00:12:44,755 --> 00:12:47,466 the banks are at the specs, and there shouldn't be any problem... 218 00:12:47,883 --> 00:12:49,134 We like this track. 219 00:12:49,259 --> 00:12:51,887 We gotta graftin' banks and specs, and it's like an oval, 220 00:12:52,012 --> 00:12:54,973 so we're gonna drive straight, then we're gonna be turnin' to the left. 221 00:12:56,683 --> 00:12:58,268 They're saying hot weather tomorrow. 222 00:12:58,393 --> 00:13:01,355 Any concerns about restrictor plate or brake fade problems? 223 00:13:01,730 --> 00:13:04,483 Any time you're dealing with high humidity and temperatures 224 00:13:04,608 --> 00:13:06,819 you compensate your brake fluid, but the plates... 225 00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:09,279 Compensate yer brake fluid... 226 00:13:09,404 --> 00:13:12,991 and get yer brake working so you can stop sometimes. 227 00:13:14,453 --> 00:13:16,787 Excuse me, who is this kid? Is he even a driver? 228 00:13:17,496 --> 00:13:20,082 Bring it on, Earnhart. You scared at the competition? 229 00:13:20,207 --> 00:13:22,960 I'm just as poor and stupid as you. 230 00:13:23,128 --> 00:13:27,173 I'm gonna drive, go fast and turn to the left sometimes. 231 00:13:27,341 --> 00:13:29,800 Can we just get back to the subject of racing? 232 00:13:30,425 --> 00:13:32,678 Bring it on, Danica. You dumb bitch. 233 00:13:32,803 --> 00:13:35,514 Think I can't steer left better than you? 234 00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:39,518 - You seemed really stupid. - Thanks, b-buds. 235 00:13:39,643 --> 00:13:41,436 I can hold my own against these guys. 236 00:13:41,895 --> 00:13:45,107 Little worried about Johnson, though. He seems dumber than spit. 237 00:13:45,232 --> 00:13:46,567 And that Danica Patrick? 238 00:13:47,776 --> 00:13:49,945 We're gonna need to get even poorer and stupider. 239 00:13:50,070 --> 00:13:51,071 Both of us. 240 00:13:54,992 --> 00:13:58,537 Alright from the NFL, we now turn to the world of NASCAR. 241 00:13:58,706 --> 00:14:00,748 People who weren't sure what to think of NASCAR 242 00:14:00,916 --> 00:14:03,417 are more sure today after a NASCAR driver 243 00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:06,378 released bigoted statements on his podcast. 244 00:14:08,839 --> 00:14:10,591 Alright, what's up NASCAR fans? 245 00:14:10,759 --> 00:14:14,595 I don't know about ya'll, but this Obama is pissin' me off. 246 00:14:14,845 --> 00:14:17,139 So I'm gonna do some dip and speak my mind. 247 00:14:17,264 --> 00:14:18,724 Today I'm gonna be dippin'... 248 00:14:19,099 --> 00:14:21,893 Vagisil regular strength anti-itch cream. 249 00:14:24,271 --> 00:14:25,814 That's a big digger right there. 250 00:14:25,939 --> 00:14:28,150 So I'm pretty pissed off at what I found out. 251 00:14:28,442 --> 00:14:30,194 I found this Obama 252 00:14:30,319 --> 00:14:32,696 wants to put a bigger tax on gasoline. 253 00:14:34,239 --> 00:14:37,368 What the fuck is up with that? That's fucking gay. 254 00:14:37,536 --> 00:14:39,620 Fucking gay as hell. 255 00:14:39,995 --> 00:14:41,913 Ya'll know my pit boss, Butters. 256 00:14:42,247 --> 00:14:45,626 - Obama's fucking gay. - He's fucking gay as hell. 257 00:14:45,751 --> 00:14:46,877 Pisses me off. 258 00:14:47,210 --> 00:14:49,421 So ya'll be sure to catch us in our next race. 259 00:14:49,546 --> 00:14:51,757 We're about as poor and stupid as they fucking come, 260 00:14:51,882 --> 00:14:54,801 so come down and cheer for us at NASCAR on Saturday. 261 00:14:55,093 --> 00:14:56,429 Obama's gay as hell. 262 00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:58,639 If you ask me, that's all the proof we need 263 00:14:58,764 --> 00:15:02,810 that NASCAR really is just for the poor and the stupid. 264 00:15:03,199 --> 00:15:04,436 Fuck it! 265 00:15:11,987 --> 00:15:16,448 The stage is set for what could be the most important race of the year. 266 00:15:16,907 --> 00:15:20,953 Lots of speculation in the Vagisil car, driven by Eric Cartman. 267 00:15:21,078 --> 00:15:24,373 We're joined now by the inventor and owner of Vagisil, 268 00:15:24,498 --> 00:15:25,499 Geoff Hammil. 269 00:15:27,125 --> 00:15:29,920 Why did you decide to sponsor a NASCAR driver? 270 00:15:30,045 --> 00:15:33,924 Vagisil is very excited to be part of the NASCAR phenomenon. 271 00:15:34,508 --> 00:15:38,596 You know, I first created Vagisil to try and help my wife, Patty. 272 00:15:39,221 --> 00:15:41,098 She is my muse, my flame. 273 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,476 Wherever Patty goes, her smile lights up the room. 274 00:15:44,726 --> 00:15:48,647 Her vagina, on the other hand, makes it uninhabitable for weeks. 275 00:15:50,818 --> 00:15:53,527 The race is about to start. Let's kick it back down to the track. 276 00:15:53,696 --> 00:15:56,905 Gentlemen, start your engines! 277 00:16:01,243 --> 00:16:03,454 Alright, start yer engines. What's that mean? 278 00:16:04,371 --> 00:16:07,082 That means you flip the switch that says "engine." 279 00:16:07,207 --> 00:16:08,667 Is he stupid, or what? 280 00:16:09,251 --> 00:16:10,794 He's a champion alright. 281 00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:14,172 Check your bag, please, sir. 282 00:16:15,674 --> 00:16:16,842 See, this won't do. 283 00:16:16,967 --> 00:16:19,261 You can't bring a sniper rifle onto the track. 284 00:16:19,845 --> 00:16:20,846 Come on! 285 00:16:21,015 --> 00:16:23,056 NASCAR is trying to change its image. 286 00:16:23,181 --> 00:16:25,976 It's people like you that are giving NASCAR a bad name. 287 00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:27,853 Whatever. Fuck you. 288 00:16:27,978 --> 00:16:30,021 You might be able to buy one in the gift shop. 289 00:16:36,318 --> 00:16:39,321 The drivers are slowly heading out to follow the pace car. 290 00:16:40,989 --> 00:16:44,327 I'm gonna press the gas pedal, and I'm gonna go forward. 291 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,667 NASCAR, yeah! 292 00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:53,753 This is just the pace lap. You don't go full speed yet. 293 00:16:54,419 --> 00:16:57,047 Just a pace lap. Gotta hit the brake. 294 00:16:59,260 --> 00:17:00,677 The fuck are you doing? 295 00:17:00,845 --> 00:17:02,761 Fuck you, Danica Patrick! 296 00:17:02,886 --> 00:17:05,390 You ain't half as dumb as me. Gas pedal! 297 00:17:10,561 --> 00:17:12,272 Son of a bitch! 298 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,607 Ain't nobody can stop me. 299 00:17:14,898 --> 00:17:18,193 It looks like the Vagisil car has already clipped two other drivers 300 00:17:18,318 --> 00:17:19,820 and taken them out of the race. 301 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:22,781 The other drivers won't be happy about this. 302 00:17:22,906 --> 00:17:24,366 What do you think, Mr. Hammil? 303 00:17:24,491 --> 00:17:28,120 Vagisil is a company that stands behind its product. 304 00:17:28,245 --> 00:17:30,706 We want women to know that Vagisil is effective, 305 00:17:30,831 --> 00:17:32,457 safe for use every day. 306 00:17:32,791 --> 00:17:34,293 Every day. 307 00:17:35,627 --> 00:17:37,379 Every day. 308 00:17:41,925 --> 00:17:43,677 And available nationwide. 309 00:17:52,144 --> 00:17:54,272 Be careful. About 100 yards, 310 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:55,690 there's a wrecked car. 311 00:17:57,193 --> 00:17:59,067 - Watch it on the right side. - I see it. 312 00:18:01,987 --> 00:18:05,032 You see that? Danica Patrick tried to get in my way. 313 00:18:05,157 --> 00:18:06,826 That pisses me off. 314 00:18:06,994 --> 00:18:08,702 That's fucking gay as hell. 315 00:18:09,247 --> 00:18:12,457 Comin' up on that turn thing again. I got to steer left. 316 00:18:19,924 --> 00:18:23,342 Get out of the way, you idiots. I'm tryin' to win this damn thing. 317 00:18:26,514 --> 00:18:28,473 There you go. You're back on the track. 318 00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,433 I'm back on the track. 319 00:18:38,649 --> 00:18:39,608 What the... 320 00:18:40,776 --> 00:18:41,903 What are you doing? 321 00:18:42,611 --> 00:18:43,738 Fuck you! 322 00:18:43,906 --> 00:18:46,366 - Get off my car. - Pull over! 323 00:18:46,949 --> 00:18:49,785 Our friend Kenny is trying to break the windshield. 324 00:18:49,910 --> 00:18:51,411 Ain't that just gay as hell. 325 00:18:57,128 --> 00:18:58,628 We're trading paint! 326 00:19:05,384 --> 00:19:07,803 It's so easy for you, isn't it, Kenny? 327 00:19:07,928 --> 00:19:09,347 I have to prove myself. 328 00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:11,224 I fucking hate you! 329 00:19:11,392 --> 00:19:13,350 Sorry, I'm winning this race. 330 00:19:13,475 --> 00:19:14,811 With the brake. Bye! 331 00:19:23,694 --> 00:19:25,487 There's a little boy on the track! 332 00:19:28,326 --> 00:19:30,868 It appears that all the other drivers have crashed, 333 00:19:30,993 --> 00:19:32,744 and only the Vagisil car remains. 334 00:19:32,995 --> 00:19:34,830 Looks like you're going to win, Mr. Hammil. 335 00:19:34,955 --> 00:19:37,624 This is such a great day for Vagisil. 336 00:19:37,749 --> 00:19:40,377 Our product awareness will be at an all-time high. 337 00:19:40,502 --> 00:19:43,130 Feminine odor must be treated diligently, 338 00:19:43,380 --> 00:19:45,340 very diligently. 339 00:19:48,135 --> 00:19:49,054 Patty? 340 00:19:55,142 --> 00:19:59,104 It looks like a woman is trying to take over for Johnson's car. 341 00:19:59,391 --> 00:20:00,106 What? 342 00:20:07,612 --> 00:20:10,365 Ma'am, you are on an active racetrack. 343 00:20:10,490 --> 00:20:12,034 This is extremely dangerous. 344 00:20:12,159 --> 00:20:13,410 Let me talk to her. 345 00:20:14,661 --> 00:20:16,081 Patty, what are you doing? 346 00:20:17,164 --> 00:20:18,708 Patty, pull over the NASCAR. 347 00:20:19,207 --> 00:20:20,835 You're acting irrationally. 348 00:20:21,626 --> 00:20:23,962 Patty, did you forget to take your medication? 349 00:20:24,254 --> 00:20:26,340 You know how you get when you don't use it. 350 00:20:26,465 --> 00:20:28,592 There should be some in your purse, my muse. 351 00:20:32,054 --> 00:20:33,223 You dumb bitch! 352 00:20:33,391 --> 00:20:35,475 Butters, this bitch is trying to wreck my car. 353 00:20:35,643 --> 00:20:37,601 I know. That pisses me off. 354 00:20:37,726 --> 00:20:39,352 That's fucking gay. 355 00:20:39,731 --> 00:20:41,106 Fucking gay as hell. 356 00:20:46,818 --> 00:20:49,155 Patty, you are my muse and my flame. 357 00:20:49,738 --> 00:20:52,157 They're neck and neck approaching the finish line. 358 00:20:56,596 --> 00:20:57,788 Fuck my ass again! 359 00:21:06,963 --> 00:21:09,092 It's celebration for the Lowe's team. 360 00:21:11,718 --> 00:21:12,761 How could you? 361 00:21:13,345 --> 00:21:16,016 You've ruined us. You've ruined Vagisil! 362 00:21:18,642 --> 00:21:19,893 You fucking lose! 363 00:21:21,061 --> 00:21:23,021 Go ahead. I deserve it. 364 00:21:23,563 --> 00:21:26,858 I thought I could just waltz onto a race track and do the same. 365 00:21:27,275 --> 00:21:28,527 But I owe you an apology. 366 00:21:28,652 --> 00:21:30,612 The truth is I'm just to smart. 367 00:21:30,862 --> 00:21:33,532 And I'll always be successful and have money. 368 00:21:33,865 --> 00:21:36,493 I just have to accept I'm too smart and rich for NASCAR. 369 00:21:36,827 --> 00:21:38,121 It's time to give up. 370 00:21:38,662 --> 00:21:39,913 Give me back my money. 371 00:21:40,831 --> 00:21:43,333 The $58.32 I gave you, I want it back! 372 00:21:43,625 --> 00:21:46,169 But you said I had to... 373 00:21:49,131 --> 00:21:51,676 You better have it. You always try to screw me over! 374 00:21:52,008 --> 00:21:54,803 But you said to take your money... 375 00:21:54,928 --> 00:21:55,865 I don't know.