1
00:00:51,477 --> 00:00:52,478
What's wrong?
2
00:00:53,604 --> 00:00:55,355
Nothing.
Just leave me alone.
3
00:00:55,647 --> 00:00:58,150
You've been sitting at your locker
crying since lunch break.
4
00:00:58,275 --> 00:00:59,485
Something's going on.
5
00:01:00,152 --> 00:01:01,153
It's just...
6
00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:03,489
that essay
that Garrison assigned us.
7
00:01:03,739 --> 00:01:05,532
"What I wanna be when I grow up?"
8
00:01:05,782 --> 00:01:09,203
I don't like thinking
about what I wanna be when I grow up.
9
00:01:11,246 --> 00:01:12,331
Why not?
10
00:01:12,456 --> 00:01:15,834
Because I wanna be something
that I know I can never be.
11
00:01:19,421 --> 00:01:20,422
Tell us.
12
00:01:21,590 --> 00:01:23,633
I wanna be a NASCAR driver.
13
00:01:23,926 --> 00:01:27,262
When I see the car races on TV,
the loud engines, the peeling wheels,
14
00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:28,639
it's so cool.
15
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,644
- If you wanna drive NASCAR, you can.
- Right.
16
00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:36,396
Someone like me
can be a NASCAR driver!
17
00:01:37,606 --> 00:01:38,607
Look at me.
18
00:01:39,691 --> 00:01:41,360
You really think someone like this,
19
00:01:41,610 --> 00:01:44,071
can ever become an awesome,
famous NASCAR driver?
20
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:49,535
You can change things
about yourself.
21
00:01:49,826 --> 00:01:51,703
No, I can't.
I'll always be like this.
22
00:01:52,579 --> 00:01:56,250
- No, you don't know that.
- Come on, I have to face facts.
23
00:01:56,708 --> 00:02:00,295
NASCAR is for poor and stupid people.
I don't have what it takes.
24
00:02:02,714 --> 00:02:06,593
- What?
- I'll never be poor and stupid enough.
25
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:09,012
Not just poor and stupid people
like NASCAR.
26
00:02:09,222 --> 00:02:09,971
Really?
27
00:02:11,557 --> 00:02:14,809
- You love NASCAR, huh?
- Yeah, I love NASCAR.
28
00:02:15,227 --> 00:02:18,396
I told you guys.
It's hopeless.
29
00:02:20,065 --> 00:02:22,234
You are poor and you are stupid.
30
00:02:22,901 --> 00:02:24,862
I know you're trying
to make me feel better,
31
00:02:24,987 --> 00:02:27,239
but a rich smart kid
has no place on a racetrack.
32
00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:28,657
You are so retarded.
33
00:02:29,075 --> 00:02:31,284
Thanks, but even if I was,
I'd still be too rich.
34
00:02:31,535 --> 00:02:34,121
How are you rich?
Your mom pays for everything.
35
00:02:38,166 --> 00:02:42,003
You guys really think I could do this.
You really believe in me.
36
00:02:42,254 --> 00:02:45,048
I believe that you're a broke,
ignorant, idiot.
37
00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:47,426
Then maybe
I can make myself believe it too.
38
00:02:47,551 --> 00:02:50,345
Thank you guys.
I'm gonna go chase a dream.
39
00:02:57,436 --> 00:03:00,481
The guys have been talking to me,
and they've got me pretty pumped up.
40
00:03:00,606 --> 00:03:02,899
I'm psyched.
I'm about to do something big.
41
00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:07,028
But I'm gonna need your help.
Can you get psyched?
42
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:09,324
- I'm psyched.
- Get really psyched up.
43
00:03:09,532 --> 00:03:10,616
I'm really psyched.
44
00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:13,910
Let's do this.
I'm psyched.
45
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:16,913
I'm going to become a NASCAR driver.
I'm going for the gold.
46
00:03:17,081 --> 00:03:18,248
NASCAR?
47
00:03:18,540 --> 00:03:21,877
I know, I'm not poor and stupid,
but I can change that.
48
00:03:22,711 --> 00:03:24,337
I want you to take all my money.
49
00:03:24,755 --> 00:03:27,716
Every bit of it.
$58.32.
50
00:03:27,966 --> 00:03:31,386
- You're giving away all your money?
- Just get rid of it.
51
00:03:31,511 --> 00:03:33,889
Spend it,
and don't ever let me have it back.
52
00:03:34,264 --> 00:03:36,725
From this moment on,
I am poor, like Kenny.
53
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:40,145
- You sure you want to do this?
- I told you I'm serious.
54
00:03:40,479 --> 00:03:41,521
This is my shot.
55
00:03:41,813 --> 00:03:44,024
I'm gonna get as poor and stupid
as I possibly can.
56
00:03:45,067 --> 00:03:48,445
Alright, folks.
Thank you all for supporting NASCAR.
57
00:03:49,613 --> 00:03:50,614
So cool!
58
00:03:50,739 --> 00:03:52,574
Who's ready for Saturday's big race?
59
00:03:55,078 --> 00:03:58,580
We are really excited to be part
of the fastest growing sport in America.
60
00:04:00,375 --> 00:04:04,295
I am thrilled to watch NASCAR
finally becoming recognized
61
00:04:04,795 --> 00:04:07,255
as a respected, legitimate sport.
62
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:12,719
Excuse me.
63
00:04:13,596 --> 00:04:16,306
I know that you NASCAR people
don't have very much.
64
00:04:16,431 --> 00:04:18,433
So I went out and bought you all
65
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:21,436
$58 worth
of canned food and blankets.
66
00:04:21,812 --> 00:04:22,813
You're welcome.
67
00:04:24,147 --> 00:04:25,273
I helped the needy.
68
00:04:27,859 --> 00:04:30,570
I tell you what.
It's raining cats and dogs outside.
69
00:04:30,956 --> 00:04:32,572
Mostly cats.
70
00:04:35,659 --> 00:04:37,411
I just wish I brought an umbrella.
71
00:04:39,162 --> 00:04:42,082
- Did you give away all my money?
- You don't have a penny left.
72
00:04:42,207 --> 00:04:44,042
You're poor as shit.
73
00:04:44,167 --> 00:04:46,795
- Why are you hanging upside down?
- I need to get stupid.
74
00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:50,131
I'm getting all the blood to my head
and watching Two and a Half Men.
75
00:04:50,632 --> 00:04:52,134
That's a hot girl over there.
76
00:04:53,301 --> 00:04:55,178
Sure, she's hot.
She's wearing a sweater.
77
00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:59,391
- Feel stupid yet?
- Not yet.
78
00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:02,603
When a woman isn't feeling fresh,
she turns to Vagisil.
79
00:05:03,312 --> 00:05:05,147
God dammit.
Another Vagisil commercial?
80
00:05:05,315 --> 00:05:08,233
To stop feminine itching
and relieve vaginal odors.
81
00:05:08,581 --> 00:05:09,693
Fucking gross!
82
00:05:09,818 --> 00:05:11,570
All those ladies
have stinky vaginas?
83
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:13,905
If you develop an allergic reaction,
see your doctor.
84
00:05:14,198 --> 00:05:16,408
In some cases,
it can lead to short-term memory loss.
85
00:05:16,821 --> 00:05:18,744
For the freshest,
cleanest feminine area...
86
00:05:19,870 --> 00:05:21,079
Did you hear that?
87
00:05:22,394 --> 00:05:25,501
In some cases,
it can lead to short-term memory loss.
88
00:05:25,918 --> 00:05:27,378
Oh, my God.
89
00:05:27,503 --> 00:05:28,796
We need Vagisil.
90
00:05:30,881 --> 00:05:32,967
Vagisil,
Vagisil Maximum Strength,
91
00:05:33,092 --> 00:05:35,636
Vagisil Wash,
Vagisil Medicated Wipes.
92
00:05:35,761 --> 00:05:38,013
Gee wiz!
There's vagi-everythings.
93
00:05:38,681 --> 00:05:40,724
Which one do I use
to kill brain cells?
94
00:05:41,225 --> 00:05:42,851
Buy me one of each of them.
95
00:05:43,185 --> 00:05:45,104
- I'm buying?
- I'm totally poor.
96
00:05:45,229 --> 00:05:46,772
- Did you forget?
- But I...
97
00:05:46,897 --> 00:05:49,650
I didn't bring any money.
I didn't know I had to buy Vagisil.
98
00:05:49,775 --> 00:05:51,110
God dammit!
99
00:05:51,235 --> 00:05:53,111
Alright, keep a lookout.
I'll try it here.
100
00:05:53,529 --> 00:05:55,447
Make sure
the cashier doesn't see me.
101
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,462
- Is anybody coming?
- No, you're good.
102
00:06:15,426 --> 00:06:16,593
What are you doing?
103
00:06:22,224 --> 00:06:24,810
Oh, my God!
I feel kind of stupid.
104
00:06:25,144 --> 00:06:26,145
Really?
105
00:06:27,062 --> 00:06:29,523
- I'm feeling totally stupid.
- That was fast.
106
00:06:29,648 --> 00:06:31,692
Grab what you can, and let's go.
I'm ready.
107
00:06:39,491 --> 00:06:40,743
We are just seconds away
108
00:06:41,326 --> 00:06:43,912
from the start of the Denver 300!
109
00:06:44,913 --> 00:06:47,541
Excuse me.
Mr. Evans, sir?
110
00:06:48,333 --> 00:06:50,836
Your wife is on the phone.
She just got raped.
111
00:06:51,004 --> 00:06:53,297
- What?
- She got raped a lot.
112
00:06:53,422 --> 00:06:56,008
- You gotta talk to her.
- Oh, my God!
113
00:06:58,385 --> 00:06:59,678
Sweet!
Nice work.
114
00:06:59,803 --> 00:07:01,930
Go be my spotter,
so we can win this thing.
115
00:07:04,142 --> 00:07:05,517
Are you sure you can do this?
116
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:09,188
Don't worry.
I'm totally poor and stupid.
117
00:07:09,313 --> 00:07:10,397
Ready for NASCAR.
118
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,065
Let the race begin!
119
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:15,986
Let's go, NASCAR!
120
00:07:21,033 --> 00:07:24,203
- I'm not moving.
- You gotta press the gas pedal.
121
00:07:24,495 --> 00:07:27,623
- What's that?
- There's a pedal by your right foot.
122
00:07:30,959 --> 00:07:32,127
Let's go, NASCAR!
123
00:07:41,596 --> 00:07:44,682
It looks like Dale Evans' car
is going the wrong way.
124
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:46,850
Cool, NASCAR!
125
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:48,310
Sweet!
126
00:07:57,444 --> 00:07:58,403
Fuck my ass!
127
00:08:07,913 --> 00:08:09,122
All that work,
128
00:08:10,541 --> 00:08:12,126
all the effort I put in,
129
00:08:12,251 --> 00:08:14,503
I still wasn't poor
and stupid enough to win.
130
00:08:15,170 --> 00:08:17,297
You were as poor and stupid
as you could be.
131
00:08:17,673 --> 00:08:20,217
Don't you get it?
It's never going to happen for me.
132
00:08:20,342 --> 00:08:22,761
They're way more poor and stupid
than I'll ever be.
133
00:08:22,886 --> 00:08:24,429
I might as well kill myself.
134
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:27,558
- Don't ever talk like that.
- I've given away all my money.
135
00:08:27,683 --> 00:08:30,269
Drank enough Vagisil
to kill every brain cell I have,
136
00:08:30,394 --> 00:08:31,687
but it still wasn't enough.
137
00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:34,440
Alright, we got the X-rays back.
138
00:08:34,565 --> 00:08:36,066
How bad is it, Doctor?
139
00:08:36,234 --> 00:08:38,444
He has two fractured ribs,
a broken femur,
140
00:08:38,569 --> 00:08:41,196
torn ligaments in both knees
and a level two concussion.
141
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:44,408
He also appears to be developing
three small vaginas in his stomach,
142
00:08:44,533 --> 00:08:47,995
- but they are all sparkling clean.
- At least, there's that.
143
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:50,831
Pull the plug on me, Doctor.
I don't want to live like this.
144
00:08:50,956 --> 00:08:53,959
You aren't on life support.
Pulling a plug wouldn't do anything.
145
00:08:54,626 --> 00:08:55,627
Donkey balls.
146
00:08:56,128 --> 00:08:57,921
You are lucky to be alive,
young man.
147
00:08:58,046 --> 00:09:01,800
Sneaking onto a NASCAR racetrack,
and hijacking a car for a joyride.
148
00:09:01,925 --> 00:09:04,803
That has got to be the stupidest thing
I've ever heard of a kid doing.
149
00:09:04,971 --> 00:09:07,014
Thanks,
but you aren't making me feel better.
150
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:08,390
No, really.
151
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:11,518
Of all the idiotic dumb ways
I've seen kids injure themselves,
152
00:09:11,643 --> 00:09:13,562
yours takes the retard cake.
153
00:09:14,438 --> 00:09:16,315
Did you hear that?
See?
154
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,984
- You are really stupid.
- Could it be...
155
00:09:19,109 --> 00:09:21,201
I only lost the race,
because I wasn't poor enough?
156
00:09:21,326 --> 00:09:22,654
It has to be.
157
00:09:25,490 --> 00:09:27,993
- Where are you going?
- Get me my coat.
158
00:09:28,243 --> 00:09:29,912
We're gonna try this thing again.
159
00:09:34,793 --> 00:09:37,085
You're watching Colorado Fox 11.
160
00:09:37,419 --> 00:09:41,131
Next on Fox 11 News,
are NASCAR fans stupid?
161
00:09:41,256 --> 00:09:44,614
Some people are starting
to wonder after a NASCAR fan
162
00:09:44,739 --> 00:09:46,823
apparently got high on Vagisil
163
00:09:46,948 --> 00:09:49,431
and snuck onto the track
killing eleven people.
164
00:09:49,932 --> 00:09:53,143
Tom, the NASCAR fan got into a car
here on Sunday
165
00:09:53,268 --> 00:09:55,062
and crashed in the lake behind me.
166
00:09:55,187 --> 00:09:57,439
He was later found
to have ingested this,
167
00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,483
Maximum Strength Vagisil,
168
00:09:59,651 --> 00:10:02,194
and also Vagisil Medicated Wipes.
169
00:10:02,696 --> 00:10:05,739
Making NASCAR fans
look pretty stupid, Tom.
170
00:10:07,115 --> 00:10:09,201
NASCAR fans aren't stupid.
Cartman is!
171
00:10:09,369 --> 00:10:12,246
The NASCAR fan
vows he will try to do it again,
172
00:10:12,371 --> 00:10:14,164
but that this time, he will win.
173
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:16,124
That fucking asshole!
174
00:10:33,291 --> 00:10:34,626
What are you doing?
175
00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:37,044
I wanna show you
what I've been working on.
176
00:10:37,754 --> 00:10:41,174
Check it out.
I thought I could give my money away.
177
00:10:41,299 --> 00:10:43,343
But then I realized,
what do poor people do?
178
00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:45,511
Buy things with no money
179
00:10:45,636 --> 00:10:49,098
by purchasing things that are 0% down
and no payments for two years.
180
00:10:49,223 --> 00:10:51,601
That's how you stay poor forever.
Am I right?
181
00:10:51,726 --> 00:10:52,810
That's it, right?
182
00:10:53,436 --> 00:10:56,230
- Fuck you!
- I'm trying to get good at NASCAR.
183
00:10:56,439 --> 00:10:58,441
Being poor
has nothing to do with NASCAR.
184
00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:01,902
- I love NASCAR as much as you do.
- You fucking don't!
185
00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:04,197
It's so easy for you, isn't it?
186
00:11:04,447 --> 00:11:06,407
I've had to become poor on my own.
187
00:11:06,657 --> 00:11:08,868
I wasn't born
with a plastic spoon in my mouth.
188
00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:10,870
What?
189
00:11:10,995 --> 00:11:13,873
I had to buy stuff with 0% down
and no payments for two years myself.
190
00:11:13,998 --> 00:11:15,959
I didn't have parents
to do it for me.
191
00:11:16,084 --> 00:11:17,085
Look...
192
00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:18,962
We shouldn't fight.
193
00:11:19,087 --> 00:11:21,214
We both love NASCAR,
and we're both poor as shit.
194
00:11:22,090 --> 00:11:23,007
Excuse me?
195
00:11:25,343 --> 00:11:29,305
My name is Geoff Hammil.
I'm the founder and CEO of Vagisil.
196
00:11:31,183 --> 00:11:34,685
Your NASCAR stunt has brought
a lot of attention to Vagisil,
197
00:11:34,810 --> 00:11:37,188
and honestly,
I don't know how to thank you.
198
00:11:37,356 --> 00:11:41,567
Women are finally realizing
that their feminine odor can be treated.
199
00:11:41,859 --> 00:11:44,737
I first created Vagisil
for my wife, Patty.
200
00:11:44,862 --> 00:11:46,530
She's my muse, my flame.
201
00:11:46,989 --> 00:11:50,492
We realize that NASCAR can do a lot
for product recognition, and so...
202
00:11:50,784 --> 00:11:53,204
Vagisil has a little present
for you.
203
00:12:00,627 --> 00:12:01,712
Sweet!
204
00:12:03,130 --> 00:12:05,299
No way.
This is so tits!
205
00:12:06,049 --> 00:12:09,929
Vagisil would like you to represent us
in the next NASCAR race.
206
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:13,474
Check it out, Kenny.
My very own NASCAR!
207
00:12:13,642 --> 00:12:14,892
No fucking way.
208
00:12:15,060 --> 00:12:16,769
And we've modified the cockpit
209
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:19,063
to be operated properly by a child.
210
00:12:19,855 --> 00:12:20,856
Cool!
211
00:12:23,901 --> 00:12:27,362
I got a NASCAR.
So awesome, huh, Kenny?
212
00:12:29,908 --> 00:12:34,119
We're live at the press conference
where the drivers of Saturday's race
213
00:12:34,244 --> 00:12:37,248
are gearing up
and taking questions from reporters.
214
00:12:37,539 --> 00:12:40,626
So what's your guys' take
on the track here, any concerns?
215
00:12:40,876 --> 00:12:42,628
I think it's a fine track.
216
00:12:42,753 --> 00:12:44,630
The techs have done
a good job of making sure
217
00:12:44,755 --> 00:12:47,466
the banks are at the specs,
and there shouldn't be any problem...
218
00:12:47,883 --> 00:12:49,134
We like this track.
219
00:12:49,259 --> 00:12:51,887
We gotta graftin' banks and specs,
and it's like an oval,
220
00:12:52,012 --> 00:12:54,973
so we're gonna drive straight,
then we're gonna be turnin' to the left.
221
00:12:56,683 --> 00:12:58,268
They're saying hot weather tomorrow.
222
00:12:58,393 --> 00:13:01,355
Any concerns about restrictor plate
or brake fade problems?
223
00:13:01,730 --> 00:13:04,483
Any time you're dealing
with high humidity and temperatures
224
00:13:04,608 --> 00:13:06,819
you compensate your brake fluid,
but the plates...
225
00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:09,279
Compensate yer brake fluid...
226
00:13:09,404 --> 00:13:12,991
and get yer brake working
so you can stop sometimes.
227
00:13:14,453 --> 00:13:16,787
Excuse me, who is this kid?
Is he even a driver?
228
00:13:17,496 --> 00:13:20,082
Bring it on, Earnhart.
You scared at the competition?
229
00:13:20,207 --> 00:13:22,960
I'm just as poor and stupid as you.
230
00:13:23,128 --> 00:13:27,173
I'm gonna drive, go fast
and turn to the left sometimes.
231
00:13:27,341 --> 00:13:29,800
Can we just get back
to the subject of racing?
232
00:13:30,425 --> 00:13:32,678
Bring it on, Danica.
You dumb bitch.
233
00:13:32,803 --> 00:13:35,514
Think I can't steer left
better than you?
234
00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:39,518
- You seemed really stupid.
- Thanks, b-buds.
235
00:13:39,643 --> 00:13:41,436
I can hold my own
against these guys.
236
00:13:41,895 --> 00:13:45,107
Little worried about Johnson, though.
He seems dumber than spit.
237
00:13:45,232 --> 00:13:46,567
And that Danica Patrick?
238
00:13:47,776 --> 00:13:49,945
We're gonna need
to get even poorer and stupider.
239
00:13:50,070 --> 00:13:51,071
Both of us.
240
00:13:54,992 --> 00:13:58,537
Alright from the NFL,
we now turn to the world of NASCAR.
241
00:13:58,706 --> 00:14:00,748
People who weren't sure
what to think of NASCAR
242
00:14:00,916 --> 00:14:03,417
are more sure today
after a NASCAR driver
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00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:06,378
released bigoted statements
on his podcast.
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00:14:08,839 --> 00:14:10,591
Alright, what's up NASCAR fans?
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00:14:10,759 --> 00:14:14,595
I don't know about ya'll,
but this Obama is pissin' me off.
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00:14:14,845 --> 00:14:17,139
So I'm gonna do some dip
and speak my mind.
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00:14:17,264 --> 00:14:18,724
Today I'm gonna be dippin'...
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00:14:19,099 --> 00:14:21,893
Vagisil regular strength
anti-itch cream.
249
00:14:24,271 --> 00:14:25,814
That's a big digger right there.
250
00:14:25,939 --> 00:14:28,150
So I'm pretty pissed off
at what I found out.
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00:14:28,442 --> 00:14:30,194
I found this Obama
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00:14:30,319 --> 00:14:32,696
wants to put a bigger tax
on gasoline.
253
00:14:34,239 --> 00:14:37,368
What the fuck is up with that?
That's fucking gay.
254
00:14:37,536 --> 00:14:39,620
Fucking gay as hell.
255
00:14:39,995 --> 00:14:41,913
Ya'll know my pit boss, Butters.
256
00:14:42,247 --> 00:14:45,626
- Obama's fucking gay.
- He's fucking gay as hell.
257
00:14:45,751 --> 00:14:46,877
Pisses me off.
258
00:14:47,210 --> 00:14:49,421
So ya'll be sure to catch us
in our next race.
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00:14:49,546 --> 00:14:51,757
We're about as poor and stupid
as they fucking come,
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00:14:51,882 --> 00:14:54,801
so come down and cheer for us
at NASCAR on Saturday.
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00:14:55,093 --> 00:14:56,429
Obama's gay as hell.
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00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:58,639
If you ask me,
that's all the proof we need
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00:14:58,764 --> 00:15:02,810
that NASCAR really is just for the poor
and the stupid.
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00:15:03,199 --> 00:15:04,436
Fuck it!
265
00:15:11,987 --> 00:15:16,448
The stage is set for what could be
the most important race of the year.
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00:15:16,907 --> 00:15:20,953
Lots of speculation in the Vagisil car,
driven by Eric Cartman.
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00:15:21,078 --> 00:15:24,373
We're joined now
by the inventor and owner of Vagisil,
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Geoff Hammil.
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00:15:27,125 --> 00:15:29,920
Why did you decide
to sponsor a NASCAR driver?
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00:15:30,045 --> 00:15:33,924
Vagisil is very excited to be part
of the NASCAR phenomenon.
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00:15:34,508 --> 00:15:38,596
You know, I first created Vagisil
to try and help my wife, Patty.
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00:15:39,221 --> 00:15:41,098
She is my muse, my flame.
273
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,476
Wherever Patty goes,
her smile lights up the room.
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00:15:44,726 --> 00:15:48,647
Her vagina, on the other hand,
makes it uninhabitable for weeks.
275
00:15:50,818 --> 00:15:53,527
The race is about to start.
Let's kick it back down to the track.
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00:15:53,696 --> 00:15:56,905
Gentlemen, start your engines!
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00:16:01,243 --> 00:16:03,454
Alright, start yer engines.
What's that mean?
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00:16:04,371 --> 00:16:07,082
That means you flip
the switch that says "engine."
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00:16:07,207 --> 00:16:08,667
Is he stupid, or what?
280
00:16:09,251 --> 00:16:10,794
He's a champion alright.
281
00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:14,172
Check your bag, please, sir.
282
00:16:15,674 --> 00:16:16,842
See, this won't do.
283
00:16:16,967 --> 00:16:19,261
You can't bring
a sniper rifle onto the track.
284
00:16:19,845 --> 00:16:20,846
Come on!
285
00:16:21,015 --> 00:16:23,056
NASCAR is trying
to change its image.
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00:16:23,181 --> 00:16:25,976
It's people like you
that are giving NASCAR a bad name.
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00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:27,853
Whatever.
Fuck you.
288
00:16:27,978 --> 00:16:30,021
You might be able
to buy one in the gift shop.
289
00:16:36,318 --> 00:16:39,321
The drivers are slowly heading out
to follow the pace car.
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00:16:40,989 --> 00:16:44,327
I'm gonna press the gas pedal,
and I'm gonna go forward.
291
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,667
NASCAR, yeah!
292
00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:53,753
This is just the pace lap.
You don't go full speed yet.
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00:16:54,419 --> 00:16:57,047
Just a pace lap.
Gotta hit the brake.
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00:16:59,260 --> 00:17:00,677
The fuck are you doing?
295
00:17:00,845 --> 00:17:02,761
Fuck you, Danica Patrick!
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00:17:02,886 --> 00:17:05,390
You ain't half as dumb as me.
Gas pedal!
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00:17:10,561 --> 00:17:12,272
Son of a bitch!
298
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,607
Ain't nobody can stop me.
299
00:17:14,898 --> 00:17:18,193
It looks like the Vagisil car
has already clipped two other drivers
300
00:17:18,318 --> 00:17:19,820
and taken them out of the race.
301
00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:22,781
The other drivers
won't be happy about this.
302
00:17:22,906 --> 00:17:24,366
What do you think, Mr. Hammil?
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00:17:24,491 --> 00:17:28,120
Vagisil is a company
that stands behind its product.
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00:17:28,245 --> 00:17:30,706
We want women to know
that Vagisil is effective,
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00:17:30,831 --> 00:17:32,457
safe for use every day.
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00:17:32,791 --> 00:17:34,293
Every day.
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00:17:35,627 --> 00:17:37,379
Every day.
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And available nationwide.
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00:17:52,144 --> 00:17:54,272
Be careful.
About 100 yards,
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there's a wrecked car.
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00:17:57,193 --> 00:17:59,067
- Watch it on the right side.
- I see it.
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00:18:01,987 --> 00:18:05,032
You see that?
Danica Patrick tried to get in my way.
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00:18:05,157 --> 00:18:06,826
That pisses me off.
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00:18:06,994 --> 00:18:08,702
That's fucking gay as hell.
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00:18:09,247 --> 00:18:12,457
Comin' up on that turn thing again.
I got to steer left.
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00:18:19,924 --> 00:18:23,342
Get out of the way, you idiots.
I'm tryin' to win this damn thing.
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There you go.
You're back on the track.
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00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,433
I'm back on the track.
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00:18:38,649 --> 00:18:39,608
What the...
320
00:18:40,776 --> 00:18:41,903
What are you doing?
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00:18:42,611 --> 00:18:43,738
Fuck you!
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00:18:43,906 --> 00:18:46,366
- Get off my car.
- Pull over!
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00:18:46,949 --> 00:18:49,785
Our friend Kenny
is trying to break the windshield.
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00:18:49,910 --> 00:18:51,411
Ain't that just gay as hell.
325
00:18:57,128 --> 00:18:58,628
We're trading paint!
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00:19:05,384 --> 00:19:07,803
It's so easy for you,
isn't it, Kenny?
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00:19:07,928 --> 00:19:09,347
I have to prove myself.
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00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:11,224
I fucking hate you!
329
00:19:11,392 --> 00:19:13,350
Sorry, I'm winning this race.
330
00:19:13,475 --> 00:19:14,811
With the brake.
Bye!
331
00:19:23,694 --> 00:19:25,487
There's a little boy on the track!
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00:19:28,326 --> 00:19:30,868
It appears
that all the other drivers have crashed,
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00:19:30,993 --> 00:19:32,744
and only the Vagisil car remains.
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00:19:32,995 --> 00:19:34,830
Looks like you're going to win,
Mr. Hammil.
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00:19:34,955 --> 00:19:37,624
This is such a great day
for Vagisil.
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00:19:37,749 --> 00:19:40,377
Our product awareness
will be at an all-time high.
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00:19:40,502 --> 00:19:43,130
Feminine odor
must be treated diligently,
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00:19:43,380 --> 00:19:45,340
very diligently.
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00:19:48,135 --> 00:19:49,054
Patty?
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00:19:55,142 --> 00:19:59,104
It looks like a woman is trying
to take over for Johnson's car.
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00:19:59,391 --> 00:20:00,106
What?
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00:20:07,612 --> 00:20:10,365
Ma'am,
you are on an active racetrack.
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00:20:10,490 --> 00:20:12,034
This is extremely dangerous.
344
00:20:12,159 --> 00:20:13,410
Let me talk to her.
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00:20:14,661 --> 00:20:16,081
Patty, what are you doing?
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00:20:17,164 --> 00:20:18,708
Patty, pull over the NASCAR.
347
00:20:19,207 --> 00:20:20,835
You're acting irrationally.
348
00:20:21,626 --> 00:20:23,962
Patty, did you forget
to take your medication?
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00:20:24,254 --> 00:20:26,340
You know how you get
when you don't use it.
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00:20:26,465 --> 00:20:28,592
There should be some
in your purse, my muse.
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00:20:32,054 --> 00:20:33,223
You dumb bitch!
352
00:20:33,391 --> 00:20:35,475
Butters, this bitch
is trying to wreck my car.
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00:20:35,643 --> 00:20:37,601
I know.
That pisses me off.
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00:20:37,726 --> 00:20:39,352
That's fucking gay.
355
00:20:39,731 --> 00:20:41,106
Fucking gay as hell.
356
00:20:46,818 --> 00:20:49,155
Patty, you are my muse and my flame.
357
00:20:49,738 --> 00:20:52,157
They're neck and neck
approaching the finish line.
358
00:20:56,596 --> 00:20:57,788
Fuck my ass again!
359
00:21:06,963 --> 00:21:09,092
It's celebration
for the Lowe's team.
360
00:21:11,718 --> 00:21:12,761
How could you?
361
00:21:13,345 --> 00:21:16,016
You've ruined us.
You've ruined Vagisil!
362
00:21:18,642 --> 00:21:19,893
You fucking lose!
363
00:21:21,061 --> 00:21:23,021
Go ahead.
I deserve it.
364
00:21:23,563 --> 00:21:26,858
I thought I could just waltz
onto a race track and do the same.
365
00:21:27,275 --> 00:21:28,527
But I owe you an apology.
366
00:21:28,652 --> 00:21:30,612
The truth is I'm just to smart.
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00:21:30,862 --> 00:21:33,532
And I'll always be successful
and have money.
368
00:21:33,865 --> 00:21:36,493
I just have to accept I'm too smart
and rich for NASCAR.
369
00:21:36,827 --> 00:21:38,121
It's time to give up.
370
00:21:38,662 --> 00:21:39,913
Give me back my money.
371
00:21:40,831 --> 00:21:43,333
The $58.32 I gave you,
I want it back!
372
00:21:43,625 --> 00:21:46,169
But you said I had to...
373
00:21:49,131 --> 00:21:51,676
You better have it.
You always try to screw me over!
374
00:21:52,008 --> 00:21:54,803
But you said to take your money...
375
00:21:54,928 --> 00:21:55,865
I don't know.