1 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,040 Look, Eric! Mommy got you a present! 2 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:41,200 A present! Is it a Rocket Racer?! No! Lemmie guess! It's a Frogman Game Board! 3 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:43,040 No, wait! I know! It's a Police Power Chopper! 4 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:47,280 No! I got you something that's going to help you win the big spelling bee tomorrow! 5 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:50,520 Mom, I'm not gonna win the spelling bee! I never do! 6 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:52,230 This year's gonna be different! 7 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,520 Look! I got you Hooked on Monkey Fonics! 8 00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:58,620 What the hell is Hooked on Monkey Fonics?! 9 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:00,764 It's a new way to learn how to read and spell! 10 00:01:00,765 --> 00:01:03,665 And it comes with everything you need to help win that spelling bee! 11 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:09,520 It says we just put the cassette into a tape player. 12 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,440 Welcome to Hooked on Monkey Fonics! Level one! 13 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:17,600 I will read the sounds and the monkey will help keep the beat! 14 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:23,520 If your monkey arrived in the box dead, call 1-800-555-4500 to get a new monkey! 15 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,840 Ready!? Let's begin! 16 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:33,340 The learning monkey is here to say that reading is easy and it's okay! 17 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:38,000 Work with monkey and you will learn to spell hard words like Morgan and Fern! 18 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,760 Start with card one! Ready?! Begin! 19 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,680 C! H! Ch! Chalk! 20 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,600 C! H! Ch! Chalk! 21 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,280 Good! Card two! 22 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:57,200 T! H! Th! There! 23 00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:00,240 T! H! Th! There! Hey! This is easy! 24 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,640 I'm gonna win the spelling bee for sure, man! 25 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:10,500 Alright, everyone! Welcome to the 15 Annual South Park Spelling Bee Finals! 26 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:15,085 This should be very interesting! 27 00:02:15,086 --> 00:02:18,686 We have with us 12 of the brightest spellers from South Park Elementary! 28 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,920 Kyle! Kyle! He's our man! If he can't win it, I'm out 50 bucks! 29 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:24,200 You bet money on my son to win?! 30 00:02:24,260 --> 00:02:27,040 Sure! When it comes to spelling bees, always bet on the Jew! 31 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,490 You're going down, bitch! - Shut up, fatass! Everyone knows I can spell better than you! 32 00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:32,740 Yeah! Well, this year, I have a secret weapon! 33 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:37,215 And joining us this year are the two homeschool children, 34 00:02:37,216 --> 00:02:39,816 Rebecca and Mark Coxwalds! 35 00:02:40,700 --> 00:02:41,700 What?! 36 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:45,520 - Homeschool kids?! Who the hell are they?! - Hey, that's not fair! 37 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,760 You can't let homeschool kids into a public school spelling bee! 38 00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:52,000 - What's a homeschool kid?! - I don't know, dude! I've never seen them before! 39 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,420 Go Mark! Go Rebecca! 40 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:58,880 Our first contestant is Mark Coxwalds from homeschool! 41 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:03,280 Alright, Mark! Your word is "Conscientious"! 42 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:04,840 What?! What the fuck does that mean? 43 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,160 Conscientious! May I have the definition, please?! 44 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,080 Closely attentive to details! Carefull! 45 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,600 Conscientious! Could you use it in a sentence, please?! 46 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:16,480 Mary's analysis of the spread sheet was conscientious! 47 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:22,520 Conscientious! C! O! N! S! C! I! E! N! T! I! O! U! S! 48 00:03:22,820 --> 00:03:23,860 Holy crap! 49 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,080 Way to go, Mark! Alright! 50 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:30,600 Okay! Our next contestant is Eric Cartman! 51 00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:36,660 Alright, Eric! Here's your word: "Chair"! 52 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,280 C'mon Fonics Monkey! Drum! 53 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:46,480 C'mon! 54 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:54,760 - Eric, your word is "Chair"! - Uh, definition?! 55 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,680 Something you sit on! 56 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,040 - Country of origin?! - English! 57 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:02,800 - Could you please use it in a sentence?! - For Christ sake, kid! The word is "Chair"! 58 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:09,280 Uh, Chair! C! H! A! R! E! 59 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,470 Ah, dammit! How come I get the hard ones?! 60 00:04:11,471 --> 00:04:14,471 GET OVER HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH FONICS MONKEY! 61 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,470 Alright! We're down to just three finalists! 62 00:04:18,471 --> 00:04:22,371 First up is Rebecca Coxwalds from homeschool! 63 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:25,780 Alright, Rebecca. Here is your word: litoral. 64 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:27,520 Litoral! Definition!? 65 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,000 Having to do with a lake or ocean! 66 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:33,120 Litoral! Will you please use it in a sentence?! 67 00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:37,240 Gary was most interested in the litoral features of Michigan! 68 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,280 Litoral! 69 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:45,400 L! I! T! O! R! A! L! 70 00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:47,380 Correct! 71 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:50,000 Alright, Rebecca! Good job, honey! 72 00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:52,680 Now, we have Kyle Broflovski! 73 00:04:53,340 --> 00:04:55,200 Here we go! "Kroxyldiphyvic"! 74 00:04:55,260 --> 00:04:57,080 - What?! - "Kroxyldiphyvic"! 75 00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:58,000 Definition!? 76 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:01,960 Something which has a kroxyldiphlyke quality! 77 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:03,840 Uh, could you use it in a sentence?! 78 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:08,440 Certainly! Kroxyldiphyvic is a hard word to spell! 79 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,160 You can do it, kid! You can do it! 80 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,360 Kyoxyl-divic! 81 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:17,980 C! Dammit! 82 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:21,140 You little bastard! You cost me fifty bucks! 83 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,400 Why don't you run away and join the circus, you stupid little son of a bitch!? 84 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:29,520 Congradulations, Mark and Rebecca! You are truly South Park's finest! 85 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,485 Damn, dude! Those homeschool kids are smart! 86 00:05:32,486 --> 00:05:35,486 Yeah! Too bad they have the personalities of a wet dish cloth! 87 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:38,320 - What's your name?! - What's in a name? 88 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:42,120 It was nice competing against you boys! We will have to do it again sometime! 89 00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:43,840 Oh, yes! We must do it again! 90 00:05:43,841 --> 00:05:45,860 We've never seen you before! Do you live in the woods or something?! 91 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:49,040 No, I live right over there! I lived there all my life! 92 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:50,510 How come you don't go to school?! 93 00:05:50,511 --> 00:05:52,011 Because I'm homeschooled! - What's that?! 94 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,320 My parents teach me! So I stay and home instead of going to school! 95 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:57,480 You what?! Stay at home?! All day?! No school?! 96 00:05:57,481 --> 00:05:58,481 Right! 97 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:01,200 Who would've thought such a miracle could be? 98 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:05,920 Who could've known that this moment, I would see a new way of living?! 99 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:07,720 - Shut up, Cartman! - You shut up, butthole! 100 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:09,920 - You shut up, gay wad! - You shut up, ass logger! 101 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,140 Oh, my goodness! Are you two enemies?! - No! We're friends! 102 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,500 - Strange, friends would call each other names and fight! - What?! 103 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:20,160 Come, children! Let's take our trophies home and place them high upon the mantle! 104 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,880 Dude, what a bunch of freakin' nerdos! 105 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:35,720 - Papa! - Yes, Mark? 106 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:37,880 Why can't I go to school with the other boys?! 107 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:42,000 Well because son, public schools are inefficient and dangerous! 108 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:45,080 But I want to play with the other children! Oh, how they laugh and play, papa! 109 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,840 Mark, you have play time! You get to play in the afternoons! 110 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,566 I just feel like I should go to public school, 111 00:06:49,567 --> 00:06:51,867 if only for a little while, to see what other little boys are like! 112 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,952 Mark, public schools are no good! Your mother and I were both 113 00:06:54,953 --> 00:06:57,153 homeschooled and we turned out much better, because of it! 114 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,120 Please, papa! Just let me try for a few days! 115 00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:02,343 Alright! Fine, Mark! You go ahead and go to public school! 116 00:07:02,344 --> 00:07:05,044 You can just find out for yourself how flawed and trecherous it is! 117 00:07:05,081 --> 00:07:06,079 Hooray! 118 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,640 You don't wanna go to public school too! Do you, Rebecca?! 119 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:10,650 Oh heavens, no! 120 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,700 Well, thank God for that! At least my daughter will remain safe! 121 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,360 Uh, hi! Is, uh! Is Rebecca home?! 122 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,040 Yes she is! 123 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:23,960 Can I talk to her?! 124 00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:27,960 Oh! Well, I suppose so! Rebecca! This little boy wants to see you! 125 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:29,200 Hello! 126 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,200 - Hi! - Hello! 127 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:45,460 I was... just uh... well! That's all! 128 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,150 - Who was that?! - A little boy wanted to see Rebecca! 129 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:54,000 Oh, no! I told you the spelling bee was a bad idea! 130 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:57,030 But, the children won and they were happy to meet the other children! 131 00:07:57,040 --> 00:08:01,360 Yes, but now, I think we may have opened a Pandora's Box that we can't close! 132 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:09,260 Okay, children! We have a new student joining us today from homeschool! 133 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:14,080 Now, his parents are very worried about his safety, so please don't be too cruel to him! 134 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,120 Hey, guys! What's up?! 135 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,280 Dude! What's wrong with you?! You have some kinda John Travolta disease?! 136 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:24,347 Alright, children! Let's just try to pretend there isn't a little boy in a huge 137 00:08:24,348 --> 00:08:27,048 plastic hamster ball here and go on with our studies! 138 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:30,360 Now, who can tell me when Columbus sailed the seas and discovered America?! 139 00:08:31,661 --> 00:08:32,561 Yes, Mark! 140 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:33,923 Hey, how come you never pick me? 141 00:08:33,924 --> 00:08:36,724 Because you never know the right answer, butt-for-brains! Yes, Mark! 142 00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:38,413 The answer is 1492! 143 00:08:38,414 --> 00:08:40,114 However, the Americas had already been discovered by many before him, 144 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:41,769 including the Vikings and the Native Americans! 145 00:08:41,770 --> 00:08:43,770 And therefore, your questions is a sharad! 146 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,400 Aw, see?! That's what I was gonna say! 147 00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:47,157 Well, very impressive, Mark! 148 00:08:47,158 --> 00:08:51,158 You should be able to throw the grading curve and flunk all these little bastards! 149 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,400 Oh, God! This kid's not gonna last about five seconds out on the playground! 150 00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:57,060 Now, who can tell me what country Columbus was from?! 151 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,720 - Put your hand down, cream-puff! - That does it! 152 00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:06,000 I do not need to sit here and be ridiculed! I'm gonna go be homeschooled from now on! 153 00:09:06,060 --> 00:09:07,440 You don't wanna be homeschooled, fatass! 154 00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:09,222 I'm gonna be homeschooled and leave all the pain 155 00:09:09,223 --> 00:09:10,823 and suffering of public school behind me! 156 00:09:10,980 --> 00:09:14,020 Screw you guys! I'm gonna be homeschooled! 157 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:17,100 Oh please, God! Let it be forever! 158 00:09:24,180 --> 00:09:27,540 C'mon, Pip! Say it! Say "Please hit me!" - But, if I say that, you'll hit me! 159 00:09:27,740 --> 00:09:30,860 No! I'm gonna hit you if you don't say it! If you say "Please hit me!", I won't hit you! 160 00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:32,840 - Please hit me! - Alright! 161 00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:34,340 Alright! Let's try this again, Pip! 162 00:09:34,380 --> 00:09:37,220 I don't understand! You seem to like that boy, yet hate him at the same time! 163 00:09:37,380 --> 00:09:40,270 Hey, kid! Get out of that hamster ball! - Oh, I promised my father I wouldn't! 164 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,220 Oh, boy! Sorry, dude! You're on your own! 165 00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:46,590 You best do what he says, homeschool kid! Why, this is our part of the playground! See? 166 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,420 And if you don't follow our rules, well we're gonna duct tape ya to the bench! 167 00:09:49,540 --> 00:09:52,810 You mean you would actually duct tape my entire body to a bench?! For what purpose?! 168 00:09:52,820 --> 00:09:55,300 Just get out of the hamster ball or else you're gonna find out! 169 00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:04,100 Have a nice second half of the day, nerdo! 170 00:10:04,260 --> 00:10:07,700 Yeah! Why, why you shouldn't be such a smart 'n' all Mr. Know-it-all! 171 00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,180 Oh, dear! 172 00:10:12,180 --> 00:10:15,940 Oh, where could he be?! He should've been home from public school by now! 173 00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:18,660 - I'm sure he's alright! - That must be him! 174 00:10:22,420 --> 00:10:23,820 Oh, my God, son! 175 00:10:23,980 --> 00:10:24,820 Hi, mom! Hi, dad! 176 00:10:24,980 --> 00:10:28,140 - Mark, what've they done to you?! - Well, they duct taped me to a bench! 177 00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:31,140 - But, why?! - I don't know, mother! It didn't make any sense at all! 178 00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:34,060 Well, you see?! This is what happens at public schools! 179 00:10:34,220 --> 00:10:36,300 - But I want to go back tomorrow, papa! - What?! 180 00:10:36,301 --> 00:10:38,540 - Please! Just give me one more day! - What do we do?! 181 00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:40,068 Well, if we're gonna let him go back, 182 00:10:40,069 --> 00:10:43,569 it looks like I need to have a little talk with those other boys' fathers! 183 00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:49,340 Everywhere I go, I'm thinking of you! Rebecca! 184 00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:52,180 I don't know what to do! Rebecca! 185 00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:56,480 You're so nice, I'd like to get to know you better! 186 00:10:56,560 --> 00:11:01,600 So wha'd'you say we get together?! You really are quite good lookin'! Rebecca! 187 00:11:01,621 --> 00:11:05,021 You really are quite good lookin'! Rebecca! 188 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:11,040 Rebecca! You're really quite good lookin'! You're a fox! 189 00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:33,200 Good evening, gentlemen! If I could have your attention for a few moments, 190 00:11:33,420 --> 00:11:36,260 my son Mark was beat-up in school today by your sons. 191 00:11:36,420 --> 00:11:38,686 I think it would be appropriate for you to talk with your sons 192 00:11:38,687 --> 00:11:42,087 and instruct them to no longer tease or bother my boy! 193 00:11:42,820 --> 00:11:44,940 - Uh look, mister... - Coxwalds! 194 00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:48,685 Mr. Coxwalds, we can't completely control what our kids do socially! 195 00:11:48,686 --> 00:11:50,886 That's... You know... That's for them to figure out on their own! 196 00:11:50,980 --> 00:11:53,500 Well, obviously, they need to be coached a little better! 197 00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:56,945 And furthermore, your son has been harassing my little girl! 198 00:11:56,946 --> 00:11:58,246 I would like you to tell him to stop! 199 00:11:58,330 --> 00:12:01,651 Hey! My son is just discovering love! Maybe your daughter is too! 200 00:12:01,652 --> 00:12:03,252 They, they need to know about that stuff! 201 00:12:03,340 --> 00:12:07,100 Oh, hello! My girl is 8 years old! What does she need to know about love?! 202 00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,954 Well, something! I mean, you can't just wait until she's a teenager 203 00:12:09,955 --> 00:12:12,055 and expect her to figure out everything all at once! 204 00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:16,020 I will not tell you how to raise your children and you will not tell me how to raise mine! 205 00:12:16,180 --> 00:12:18,100 Uh, you want a beer or somethin', Cats-Wild?! 206 00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:20,580 No! I don't drink beer! I just like wine coolers! 207 00:12:20,780 --> 00:12:21,940 You what?! 208 00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:26,380 - See ya, Coxwalds! Thanks for stoppin' by! - Yeah! See ya! 209 00:12:30,740 --> 00:12:33,260 Can't even get her to understand! It's like she's from another planet! 210 00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,780 - Could I sit here with you?! - Oh, man! If you have to! 211 00:12:35,940 --> 00:12:38,597 Attention, students! Don't forget that this friday night 212 00:12:38,598 --> 00:12:41,398 is the South Park Elementary Bay of Pigs Memorial Dance! 213 00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:44,500 We will have a very speacial band performing, so please come early! 214 00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:47,580 Hey! That's it! The dance! I can ask Rebecca to go to the dance! 215 00:12:47,780 --> 00:12:50,180 Dude, what happened to you! You're a total wus now! 216 00:12:50,181 --> 00:12:52,181 Yeah! A fuckin' wussy! 217 00:12:52,260 --> 00:12:54,780 Why do you call Kyle names and laugh at him?! Is he not your friend?! 218 00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:57,100 Yeah, dude! But guys just do that! We rip on each other and stuff! 219 00:12:57,260 --> 00:12:59,526 I see! It's like you have to mark your territory as a boy! 220 00:12:59,527 --> 00:13:01,007 You have to socially find your place! 221 00:13:01,021 --> 00:13:01,779 What?! 222 00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:03,140 Enjoying your lunch, nerdo?! 223 00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:06,420 Stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me! 224 00:13:06,540 --> 00:13:07,900 Aw, dude! You don't say that! 225 00:13:08,340 --> 00:13:09,340 Get him! 226 00:13:12,820 --> 00:13:14,900 Boy! That kid's havin' a hard time adjusting to public school! 227 00:13:15,060 --> 00:13:16,820 Yeah! I wonder how Cartman's doing with his homeschooling! 228 00:13:28,980 --> 00:13:30,900 Hon, are you ready for some math problems?! 229 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:34,060 Oh, not right this second, mother! Put them there by the door. 230 00:13:34,220 --> 00:13:34,920 Oh, alright! 231 00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:36,300 - Mom! - Yes, hon! 232 00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:39,500 - Could you turn up the heat just a little? - Sure, hon! 233 00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:44,060 Oh! Dude! Homeschooling rules! 234 00:13:50,619 --> 00:13:51,619 Oh, hello! 235 00:13:51,620 --> 00:13:56,100 Oh! Uh, Rebecca! There's this dance! See?! At the school! And, um... 236 00:13:56,260 --> 00:13:57,740 Hey, would you like to come up to my room?! 237 00:13:58,500 --> 00:13:59,980 Hey, would you like to come up to my room?! 238 00:14:00,281 --> 00:14:01,281 Uh, okay! 239 00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:05,540 I'm sorry, son! There's nothing we can do to stop those bullies! 240 00:14:05,740 --> 00:14:07,860 We have to pull you out of public school! 241 00:14:08,020 --> 00:14:10,700 Oh, papa! Can I at least go to the dance tomorrow?! 242 00:14:10,740 --> 00:14:14,340 - Well, alright! You can go, but I'll be there to supervise! - Alright! 243 00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:18,100 Mark, where's your sister?! - She's upstairs playing doctor with that Kyle boy! 244 00:14:18,180 --> 00:14:19,920 Oh, alright! WHAT?! 245 00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:23,220 Rebecca! Don't play these perverted games! 246 00:14:26,780 --> 00:14:29,541 I have to extrapate a lesion in his sereberal cortex 247 00:14:29,542 --> 00:14:32,142 or risk it in section to the synaptic responses! 248 00:14:32,260 --> 00:14:36,700 Uh, alright, Rebecca! But, it's time to start your homeschooling! 249 00:14:38,220 --> 00:14:42,100 Rebecca, there's this dance, see! The South Park Elementary Bay of Pigs Memorial Dance! 250 00:14:42,260 --> 00:14:44,780 And, uh, I was wondering, if you wanna go?! 251 00:14:44,940 --> 00:14:46,780 Alright! I guess I'll go! 252 00:14:46,940 --> 00:14:49,540 - You will?! - I guess! Are you gonna go?! Maybe I'll see you there! 253 00:14:49,550 --> 00:14:53,380 No, no! I mean... go with me! - Oh, I'm sure father will give me a ride! 254 00:15:05,060 --> 00:15:08,300 Eric, I got you a new history text book! Why don't you come downstairs! 255 00:15:09,260 --> 00:15:11,060 Not right now, mom! 256 00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:14,260 Eric, please! We have to do some studying today! 257 00:15:14,420 --> 00:15:16,780 I am studying, mom! I'm learning with the fonics monkey! 258 00:15:22,260 --> 00:15:25,820 - Hey, fatass, how's homeschooling going?! - Oh, it's so sweet, y'guys! 259 00:15:25,980 --> 00:15:28,600 Well, get your ass out of bed! We have to go deal with that homeschool kid! 260 00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:30,900 I can't! I'm too tired! Maybe tomorrow! 261 00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:36,700 But, the big dance is tomorrow and all the guys are gonna duct tape him to a flagpole! 262 00:15:36,860 --> 00:15:38,860 That sounds cool! Maybe I'll go to that! 263 00:15:42,420 --> 00:15:43,980 No, Fonics Monkey! 264 00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:48,820 No, Fonics Monkey! That's a bad Fonics Monkey! 265 00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:56,380 Oh, my God! Fonics Monkey killed Kenny! 266 00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:57,580 You're damned straight, he did! 267 00:15:59,420 --> 00:16:02,580 You got my note?! - Of course! You taped it to my dog! How could I not see it?! 268 00:16:02,780 --> 00:16:04,900 - Uh, can we sit down?! - Why not!? 269 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:10,060 Isn't papa's garden beautiful?! He works so hard on it! 270 00:16:10,540 --> 00:16:14,620 Rebecca, don't you ever look at the town? At that flicker of light over there?! 271 00:16:14,820 --> 00:16:16,100 I have looked at it! 272 00:16:16,260 --> 00:16:20,940 Well, that's a public school! And in it, there are children just like us! 273 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,620 How can children go to school on a flicker of light?! 274 00:16:23,820 --> 00:16:26,620 From public school, your house is just a flicker of light! 275 00:16:27,180 --> 00:16:30,380 Don't you want to go out?! All you do is stay in your house and study! 276 00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:33,060 - What else would one do?! - Love, for one thing! 277 00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:34,220 And, what is love?! 278 00:16:34,380 --> 00:16:37,340 Love is the most important thing on earth! 279 00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:40,320 When boys and girls feel love, they kiss! 280 00:16:40,340 --> 00:16:41,620 What means kiss?! 281 00:16:41,820 --> 00:16:45,500 When a man and a woman feel love, they put there lips together! 282 00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:47,130 Oh, you mean a mate?! 283 00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:50,031 When it is time to increase the heard my provider will select one for me! 284 00:16:50,180 --> 00:16:53,500 Rebecca, in public school, we select our own mate! 285 00:16:53,620 --> 00:16:57,500 In public school, men and women get together! Make each other happy! 286 00:16:58,180 --> 00:17:03,980 You certainly come from a silly place! Still, I should like to try this kiss! 287 00:17:05,380 --> 00:17:06,500 So I could write about it! 288 00:17:07,580 --> 00:17:09,340 - How do we do it?! - I'm not completely sure! 289 00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:11,020 Should we look it up?! 290 00:17:11,180 --> 00:17:15,580 No, I think it's just something you have to try a few times until you get it right! 291 00:17:20,220 --> 00:17:21,820 Wow! Wow! That was fun! 292 00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:25,500 Does that mean you'll go to the dance? - You bet your sweet ass I will! 293 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:29,890 Alright! Here's the plan! Tomorrow night at the dance, when none of the 294 00:17:29,891 --> 00:17:31,291 chaparones are looking, you guys go grab Mark, 295 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:34,420 bring him out here, and then, we're gonna duct tape him to this flagpole! 296 00:17:34,540 --> 00:17:36,580 Are you sure?! He could be out here all night on the flagpole! 297 00:17:36,780 --> 00:17:39,260 - That's the point, butt-pipe! - Don't call me a butt-pipe, butt-pipe! 298 00:17:39,420 --> 00:17:43,300 - Well, c'mon! We gotta go buy us some more duct tape! - Hooray! 299 00:17:45,620 --> 00:17:49,220 Alright! Here's the plan! All we gotta do is volunteer to chaparone the dance tomorrow! 300 00:17:49,380 --> 00:17:51,380 Why do we wanna all chaparone the dance?! 301 00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:54,706 Because, Coxwalds is gonna be there! And when he shows up, 302 00:17:54,710 --> 00:17:58,600 we all grab him, bring him out here, and duct tape him to the flagpole! 303 00:17:58,820 --> 00:18:00,260 The flagpole! That's great! 304 00:18:00,420 --> 00:18:03,060 - C'mon! We gotta buy more duct tape! - Alright! 305 00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:15,210 Dude, we're gonna go duct tape that Mark kid to the bleachers! You wanna help?! 306 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:17,680 I can't! I have to wait for Rebecca to show up! - Oh, brother! 307 00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:20,320 Don't you "Oh, brother!" me! She's the woman of my dreams! 308 00:18:20,340 --> 00:18:22,020 - You suck now, Kyle! - You suck! 309 00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:24,140 Boys and girls, can I have your attention please! 310 00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:26,551 This year, we have a very special guest performing 311 00:18:26,552 --> 00:18:28,952 the South Park Elementary Bay of Pigs Memorial Dance! 312 00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:34,460 He was a musical force in the 70's and 80's! Please welcome Ronnie James Dio! 313 00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:39,580 Are you ready rock, boys and girls?! 314 00:18:41,260 --> 00:18:43,140 I said are you ready to rock?! 315 00:18:43,300 --> 00:18:45,100 Uh, uh! Sure! Uh, I guess! 316 00:18:45,260 --> 00:18:46,980 Then let's hit it! 317 00:18:48,380 --> 00:18:52,200 I know you all remember this one! It's off my first solo album. 318 00:18:52,220 --> 00:18:55,460 The song that you all helped make number one! 319 00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:04,140 Hey! There he is! There's the homeschool kid! 320 00:19:05,980 --> 00:19:08,100 C'mon! Let's go duct tape him to the flagpole! 321 00:19:08,260 --> 00:19:10,300 Hey! Isn't that the homeschool kid's sister?! 322 00:19:10,460 --> 00:19:11,480 Hi, guys! 323 00:19:14,340 --> 00:19:15,340 Wholy cow! 324 00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:20,520 Hey, baby! Come come see me later! 'kay!? - What the...?! Damn, baby! 325 00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:24,860 Hey, Kyle! Wanna go make out?! - Rebecca! You... 326 00:19:25,020 --> 00:19:27,740 - Rebecca! What the devil are you doing?! - I'm having fun, Mark! 327 00:19:28,619 --> 00:19:31,800 - Oh, goodness! - You're out of control! You did this to my sister! 328 00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:33,500 Uh, all I did was show her how to... 329 00:19:33,700 --> 00:19:36,000 You made my sister into a slut! I'll kill you! 330 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,780 You bitch! I'm gonna whoop your bitch ass! 331 00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:45,980 Oh, my God! 332 00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:49,180 - Dude, he's kicking the crap out of Kyle! - Yeah! He's a badass! 333 00:19:49,340 --> 00:19:51,500 Alright! Alright! That's enough, boys! 334 00:19:51,740 --> 00:19:54,580 - I'm not through with you, bitch! - Hey, your pretty cool, Mark! 335 00:19:54,620 --> 00:19:57,299 Yeah! That, that was real badass that you stood up for your sister! 336 00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:59,300 I'd've kicked Kyle's bitch ass too! 337 00:19:59,340 --> 00:20:01,920 - You wanna go have some cake with me, Mark?! - No! He's my friend! 338 00:20:01,921 --> 00:20:03,740 He, he said he'd hang out with me! 339 00:20:05,820 --> 00:20:07,420 ...got to be here somewhere! 340 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:11,300 Hey! There's Coxwalds! C'mon! Let's duct tape him to the flagpole! 341 00:20:15,540 --> 00:20:19,260 Where're my children?! I'm taking them out of this God forsaken place! 342 00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:21,240 Calm down, papa! 343 00:20:21,780 --> 00:20:22,840 Everything is alright! 344 00:20:23,860 --> 00:20:25,260 You see, I've learned something today! 345 00:20:25,420 --> 00:20:27,345 Public schools may be a bit lacking in education, 346 00:20:27,346 --> 00:20:29,846 but it's the main place where children learn all of their social skills! 347 00:20:29,980 --> 00:20:32,740 You can't teach a child social skills! They have to learn them themselves! 348 00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:35,780 And the only place to do that is on the playground, in the cafeteria, and so on! 349 00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:38,968 Don't you see, papa?! That's what happened to your daughter! 350 00:20:38,969 --> 00:20:40,889 You tried so hard to keep her from anything sexual, 351 00:20:40,890 --> 00:20:43,890 and now look at her! She's a goddam whore, papa! 352 00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:45,020 Well, she sure is! 353 00:20:45,180 --> 00:20:47,120 I know letting your kids out into the world is scary! 354 00:20:47,140 --> 00:20:50,200 I know you wish nothing bad would ever happen to us! But bad things will happen, 355 00:20:50,201 --> 00:20:52,740 and we have to start learning now how to deal with those things! 356 00:20:56,180 --> 00:20:59,060 Mark, you're absolutely right! 357 00:21:00,140 --> 00:21:04,100 Okay, children! If it's what you want, you can start going to public school! 358 00:21:07,380 --> 00:21:09,060 - Nice speech, nerdo! - Thanks, gaywad! 359 00:21:09,220 --> 00:21:10,420 Now you're gettin' it! 360 00:21:10,540 --> 00:21:11,752 Well, c'mon, guys! 361 00:21:11,753 --> 00:21:15,853 If I'm not mistaken, we still have someone to duct tape to the flagpole! 362 00:21:15,980 --> 00:21:16,980 What?! 363 00:21:18,620 --> 00:21:19,420 See ya, papa! 364 00:21:19,540 --> 00:21:22,520 Well, I'm glad we all learned something today, kids! 365 00:21:22,540 --> 00:21:24,000 Now let's dance!