1 00:00:05,788 --> 00:00:09,139 [theme music] 2 00:00:09,270 --> 00:00:10,445 - ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪ 3 00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,403 ♪ Gonna have myself a time 4 00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:13,883 - ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪ 5 00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,754 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪ 6 00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:16,973 - ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪ 7 00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,888 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 8 00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,672 - ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪ 9 00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:22,457 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪ 10 00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:23,675 - ♪ I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪ 11 00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,808 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 12 00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:29,072 - ♪ [mumbling] ♪ 13 00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,291 - ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪ 14 00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:32,119 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪ 15 00:00:34,773 --> 00:00:37,124 [festive music] 16 00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:38,821 STAN: The past few months have just been... 17 00:00:38,908 --> 00:00:41,302 really awful. 18 00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:42,955 There were these ICE raids 19 00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:46,133 and my dad's company went out of business. 20 00:00:46,176 --> 00:00:47,873 Then we lost our house and had to move 21 00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:51,094 into the old folks home with my grandpa. 22 00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:52,748 It's like everything keeps changing 23 00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:55,446 and I really don't know how to cope with it. 24 00:00:57,492 --> 00:00:59,102 - Uh-huh. 25 00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,886 And how exactly do you feel like shit has changed, bro? 26 00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:02,627 [guitar chords] 27 00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:07,023 - Well, Jesus, It just seems like 28 00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:08,720 people aren't really as kind and giving 29 00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:10,374 as they used to be, you know? 30 00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:12,115 Like, I just got some money from Saudi Arabia 31 00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:13,595 and I'm thinking of sharing it. 32 00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:16,467 'Cause I feel like that's what everyone needs right now. 33 00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:19,905 Like, a big Christmas miracle? 34 00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:24,388 - Sounds like some socialist bullshit to me, bro. 35 00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:25,781 [guitar chords] 36 00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:27,043 - Jesus, I don't wanna live 37 00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:28,697 in an old folks home anymore, OK? 38 00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:30,220 Now, I don't know what's made you change like this, 39 00:01:30,351 --> 00:01:33,484 but we need some God damn Christmas magic! 40 00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:36,747 - Hey, baby, I brought us some Pinot Grigio! 41 00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,620 - What took you so long? [guitar chords] 42 00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:41,536 - Don't be mad--I was out doing my charity work! 43 00:01:41,622 --> 00:01:42,928 I'm a Christian, 44 00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,800 so I sing to people in need! [snorts] 45 00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:47,281 - Just shut up and pour me that shit. 46 00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:49,065 You wanna make your life better, Stan? 47 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,762 Join the frickin' club! 48 00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:53,200 This is the time of year we all wish things were better. 49 00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:55,723 But trust me, nothing miraculous 50 00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:58,640 is gonna happen to anyone. 51 00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:01,643 [festive music] 52 00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:04,559 ♪ ♪ 53 00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,387 - ♪ The crib is decorated 54 00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,431 ♪ And the nursery's all planned ♪ 55 00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:12,393 ♪ I put holly on the diapers With all the love I can ♪ 56 00:02:12,523 --> 00:02:14,351 ♪ Tiny dreams in tinsel glow ♪ 57 00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:16,223 ♪ What's more special than ♪ 58 00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:20,662 ♪ A new baby at Christmastime ♪ 59 00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:23,360 - Only days remain until America meets 60 00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:25,841 President Trump's demon spawn. 61 00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:29,279 How Satan will give birth to the butt baby is still unclear, 62 00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:32,804 but everyone knows the crap-out is coming. 63 00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,589 - ♪ Don the wipes and mistletoe ♪ 64 00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,460 ♪ There's so much to be done ♪ 65 00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:40,464 ♪ We'll drink eggnog and cocoa when labor has begun ♪ 66 00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:44,381 ♪ So many reasons to be glad, and I'll be having one ♪ 67 00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:48,472 ♪ A new baby at Christmastime ♪ 68 00:02:48,516 --> 00:02:52,259 ♪ I will love the baby and so will its dad ♪ 69 00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:55,827 ♪ We will be so... Wait a minute. 70 00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:58,003 Where the hell is he? 71 00:02:58,134 --> 00:02:59,483 Donald? 72 00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:01,616 Donald! 73 00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:03,183 Where is Donald? 74 00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,575 - Oh, sorry, Satan. 75 00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:05,968 The President had to fly to Colorado 76 00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:07,491 on an urgent matter. 77 00:03:07,578 --> 00:03:11,060 - An urgent matter? Are you serious right now? 78 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,497 I told him this was the day 79 00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:16,283 we were going to sing songs and decorate the nursery! 80 00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:18,459 What is he doing that's more urgent than that? 81 00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:21,070 - Sorry, it's all high-level classified stuff. 82 00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:23,028 Even we don't have clearance to know what he's doing. 83 00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:26,858 - He is such a piece a shit! 84 00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:30,297 He does this to me all the time! 85 00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:34,953 I'm about to have this baby, and he's out fucking around! 86 00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:38,870 - Hormones, huh? 87 00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:41,090 - It is strange that the President hasn't 88 00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:43,614 even informed me why he's going to Colorado. 89 00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:45,573 - Well, the President said it's top secret 90 00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:47,923 and only he and the vice president can know. 91 00:03:48,053 --> 00:03:50,621 Whatever they're doing... 92 00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:55,235 must be part of an extremely covert military operation. 93 00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:59,456 [bells ringing] 94 00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:01,458 - Merry Christmas! 95 00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:04,156 Relax, guy! 96 00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:07,899 Hey-hey-hey! Relax, guy! 97 00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:10,902 - OK, Boss, this is the place. 98 00:04:10,946 --> 00:04:13,296 That is the police station over there. 99 00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,690 That's where they are keeping Peter Thiel. 100 00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:17,995 - All right, we just gotta keep it quiet. 101 00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:20,738 Nobody can know I want to kill this baby--ope! 102 00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:23,263 Merry Christmas! Hey-hey-hey! 103 00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,655 Relax! 104 00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:29,269 Are you sure this Peter Thiel can do it? 105 00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:30,705 - Yes, Boss. 106 00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,924 But we must find a way to break him out 107 00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,274 of that police- - Shh, shh, shh, shh. 108 00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,276 Happy holidays! 109 00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:38,452 Hey-hey-hey! 110 00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,672 - Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have any spare change, mkay? 111 00:04:41,716 --> 00:04:43,500 The government cut school funding 112 00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,546 so I lost my job. 113 00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,199 Then, you know, everything costs more 114 00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:50,377 with all the tariffs, and my health care got cut, 115 00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:54,163 so I'm just struggling like a lot of Americans are. 116 00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:59,081 - All right, well, Merry Christmas! 117 00:04:59,168 --> 00:05:01,736 [bells ringing] 118 00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,346 - We better hurry, Boss. 119 00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:04,826 The town might be onto us, 120 00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:07,002 and the crap-out could be any minute now. 121 00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:08,786 - OK, let's synchronize our watches. 122 00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:12,747 It's time to complete Operation Kill My Own Baby! 123 00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:19,057 - ♪ I'll be home for Christmas ♪ 124 00:05:19,188 --> 00:05:25,499 ♪ If only in my dreams, my dreams, my holiday dreams ♪ 125 00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:28,153 Hello, seniors, I'm Peggy Rockbottom 126 00:05:28,197 --> 00:05:30,460 here to spread a little holiday cheer. 127 00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:33,811 You know, sometimes we forget the reason for the season. 128 00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:36,074 But there's only one man in my life, 129 00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:37,728 and that man is Jesus Christ. 130 00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:39,339 And I wrote this song for him. 131 00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:41,515 [jaunty music] 132 00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:44,518 ♪ A Christian woman knows her place ♪ 133 00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:47,433 ♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪ 134 00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:51,002 ♪ 'Cause I deserve it, I was wrong ♪ 135 00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:53,875 ♪ That's why I wrote this holiday song ♪ 136 00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,747 ♪ With my big fake tits and my Botox lips ♪ 137 00:05:56,791 --> 00:06:00,577 ♪ Saying merry Christmas, Jesus Christ ♪ 138 00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:03,319 Come on, seniors, sing along! 139 00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:06,540 ♪ A Christian woman knows her place ♪ 140 00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:09,281 ALL: ♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪ 141 00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:12,459 ♪ 'Cause I deserve it, I was wrong ♪ 142 00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:15,462 ♪ That's why I wrote this holiday song ♪ 143 00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:18,682 ♪ With my big fake tits and my Botox lips ♪ 144 00:06:18,769 --> 00:06:23,034 ♪ To say merry Christmas, Jesus Christ ♪ 145 00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,570 - I don't know if you can hear me, 146 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:39,659 but I've been kind of wishing for a Christmas miracle. 147 00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:45,622 If miracles can still even happen, 148 00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:48,756 please, make it happen now. 149 00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,295 ALL: Yay! 150 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,645 - Look, guys, it's Stanny! 151 00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:10,821 ALL: Stanny! 152 00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:12,301 - Oh, no! 153 00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:15,565 - Did you miss us, Stan? - Oh, no! 154 00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:23,051 - That son of a bitch. 155 00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:27,316 I could give birth any minute. 156 00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,579 "Oh, hey, Satan, you about to go into labor? 157 00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:31,320 "OK, how about you go do everything, 158 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,974 and I'll do nothing?" 159 00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:36,194 Oh, yeah, great idea, Donald! Just like you always do. 160 00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:41,112 Ugh. God, he is so disgusting. 161 00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:43,550 Ugh, he's such a pig! 162 00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:50,513 A blue jock strap? 163 00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,473 He doesn't wear a blue jock strap. 164 00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:56,127 Who does this belong to? 165 00:07:56,258 --> 00:08:00,001 TOWELIE: Vance. 166 00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:04,875 It's Vance. 167 00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:08,357 They're together. 168 00:08:08,444 --> 00:08:11,229 - What are you talking about? 169 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:16,321 - They just wanna kill the baby. 170 00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:17,758 - What? 171 00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:23,633 - The President...Vance... so much sex. 172 00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:25,243 - I can't understand you 'cause you're covered 173 00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:26,506 in dried-up milk! 174 00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:29,291 - It's not milk. 175 00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:31,032 - Eww! 176 00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:41,563 - Oh! [coughing] 177 00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:44,785 Oh, thank God! Oh, thank God! 178 00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:47,439 - Tell me everything you know! 179 00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:50,834 - I will, but first... please... 180 00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:55,622 I need to get... just a little high. 181 00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,191 - Go away! 182 00:09:00,278 --> 00:09:02,411 [critters clamoring] 183 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,586 - What do you guys want? 184 00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,588 - Well, didn't you hear, Stan? 185 00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,851 Satan's gonna give birth to the antichrist! 186 00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:10,201 - Yeah, he's gonna have a butt baby 187 00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:12,987 and there's gonna be a big crap-out! 188 00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:15,163 - And nobody loves a crap-out more than us! 189 00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:17,208 [all cheering] 190 00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:18,296 - Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait. 191 00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,820 This doesn't make any sense! 192 00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:21,125 You guys are just something that Cartman made up 193 00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:23,258 in his head! 194 00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:26,304 - Aww, are you really gonna overanalyze a crap-out? 195 00:09:26,435 --> 00:09:28,568 - No way! Crap-outs have no rules! 196 00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,221 ALL: Yay! 197 00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:32,702 - All right, y'all, Stan wished us here 198 00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:35,575 to help the Prince of Darkness, so we gotta do what he says. 199 00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,402 - I didn't wish for that! 200 00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:39,187 I didn't know anything about Satan having a baby 201 00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:40,754 or crap-outs. 202 00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,886 - But you asked for a Christmas miracle, Stan! 203 00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,628 And this crap-out's gonna make everything better! 204 00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:48,892 - It is? Are you sure? 205 00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,460 - Of course! Crap-outs are the best! 206 00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,549 - Come on! Let's get to it! 207 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,683 ALL: Yay! 208 00:09:56,813 --> 00:09:59,337 - [inhaling] 209 00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:01,601 Oh, it's been so long. 210 00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:03,254 [exhales] 211 00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:05,430 So then Vice President Vance, 212 00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:07,084 he doesn't want you to have the baby, right? 213 00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:09,347 'Cause he thinks your baby is gonna hurt 214 00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:12,133 his chances of becoming president. 215 00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:15,789 So he convinces Trump to try to get rid of the baby himself, 216 00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:20,358 but every time he tries, he gets blocked by the FCC. 217 00:10:20,489 --> 00:10:24,101 - If he didn't want the baby, why didn't he tell me? 218 00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:26,277 - They couldn't let anyone know they wanted to get rid 219 00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:29,411 of the baby because, you know, Republicans, abortions-- 220 00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:30,891 it's a bad look. 221 00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:32,370 - [growls] 222 00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:33,937 - So then Vance gets this guy Peter Thiel 223 00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:36,374 to get rid of the baby, and Thiel's about to come do it 224 00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:38,072 when Pam Bondi suddenly finds out 225 00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:39,769 there's a plot to kill the baby. 226 00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:43,947 So crazy, man. You can't write this shit. 227 00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:45,819 - What did I ever see in him? 228 00:10:45,949 --> 00:10:47,995 - So then The President, he's pissed off at Vance. 229 00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:50,475 He says, you've been lying to me, but Vance says, 230 00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:51,738 I was just trying to protect you, 231 00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:53,304 and then they start having sex 232 00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:54,654 over and over and over and over--- 233 00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:57,569 - Enough! 234 00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:01,182 The president hath deceived me. 235 00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:04,054 He hath deceived us all. 236 00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:07,188 And I shall make him pay. 237 00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:12,628 - Oh, hell yeah, man. Let's go get that motherfucker. 238 00:11:16,632 --> 00:11:17,938 - ♪ What a special time, it's a special day ♪ 239 00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:19,330 ♪ It's a Woodland Critter Christmas ♪ 240 00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:20,897 - Crap-out! 241 00:11:26,642 --> 00:11:28,775 - Hey! Merry Christmas! 242 00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:33,214 - Merry Christmas! - Happy Holidays! Relax, guy! 243 00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:35,825 Hello, we're with the Salvation Army! 244 00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:37,479 We brought some food for your prisoners! 245 00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:44,181 - Food for the prisoners? - Hey, relax, guy! 246 00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,444 This is the time of year to give to the needy! 247 00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:49,099 We brought 'em this cake! - We don't need your cake! 248 00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:51,885 The president's gonna come for us, and he's gonna--oof! 249 00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,582 - Well, I guess there's no harm. 250 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,149 Mitch, let 'em in. 251 00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:57,978 - Hey, thanks, buddy! 252 00:11:58,021 --> 00:11:59,719 ALL: ♪ We're headin' for a crap-out ♪ 253 00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:01,416 ♪ Crap-out, crap-out ♪ 254 00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:04,767 ♪ We smell a crap-out comin' soon ♪ 255 00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:07,683 ♪ Don't take the hard route - ♪ Just get to the crap-out 256 00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:10,730 ALL: ♪ Satan's gonna crap out his anal womb ♪ 257 00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,688 - OK, hold on a second. 258 00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,603 You said that Satan was in Washington, D.C. 259 00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,953 - Yeah, he was, and now he's about to be here! 260 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,607 - But how can you know that? 261 00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:20,609 - Oh, for Pete's sake, Stanny, will you just get on board 262 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,566 with the crap-out already? 263 00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:23,220 - Don't worry, Stanny. 264 00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:25,179 Everything has been foretold and nothing can stop 265 00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:26,658 the antichrist from coming. 266 00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:27,964 - Except, of course, for Peter Thiel! 267 00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:29,270 [critters jeering] 268 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,793 - P-P-P-Peter Thiel! 269 00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,621 - Wait, you mean the six seven guy? 270 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,928 - You know Peter Thiel? 271 00:12:35,058 --> 00:12:36,930 - Yeah, he did a big dumb assembly at the school. 272 00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,496 - He's here? 273 00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:39,976 - What are you gonna do, Stanny? 274 00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:41,978 - Are you gonna kill him and eat him? 275 00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:43,240 - All right, look. 276 00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:44,633 If I'm gonna get on board with something, 277 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,722 I need it make at least a little bit of sense. 278 00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,246 - Well, OK, Susan Sontag, we'll make sure 279 00:12:49,377 --> 00:12:51,205 it all lines up perfectly for ya. 280 00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:53,642 ALL: Yay! 281 00:12:56,645 --> 00:12:58,995 - Peter Thiel to Red Dragon. 282 00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:00,867 Come in, Red Dragon. 283 00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:03,260 - Go ahead, guy. This is Red Dragon. 284 00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:05,175 - I got the walkie in the cake. 285 00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,177 Awaiting further instructions. 286 00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,483 - Excellent. 287 00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:10,311 Just stand by, and we'll find a way to get you out 288 00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:11,834 so you can kill my baby. 289 00:13:11,965 --> 00:13:13,357 Let's synchronize our watches. 290 00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,577 SATAN: Donald! 291 00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:17,100 - Uh-oh. 292 00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:21,496 - You have lied to me. 293 00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:25,195 - Satan! We were just doing some charity work! 294 00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:27,284 - Yeah, I don't think so! 295 00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:32,550 I told Satan every detail of your expertly-crafted plot. 296 00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,944 - Boss, it's your cum rag! 297 00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:37,991 - I stayed with you while you two are fucking 298 00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:39,557 behind my back? 299 00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:42,604 Did Donald tell you he has genital warts? 300 00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:47,130 - [laughs] Hey, relax there, guy. 301 00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:48,566 - Look, there he is! 302 00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:50,133 - It's Satan! 303 00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:53,006 ALL: Yay! 304 00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:55,095 - Just as the prophecy foretold! 305 00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:57,140 - Towelie? What's going on? 306 00:13:57,184 --> 00:14:01,101 - What's going on is the most exquisitely woven tapestry 307 00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:04,495 of ideas that you've ever seen, man. 308 00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:09,283 - Your deception is over, Donald, and so are we. 309 00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:12,025 This child will be born. 310 00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:15,115 And for once, you are going to have to live 311 00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:18,205 with the consequences of your actions. 312 00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:22,862 [whooshing] 313 00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:36,658 - Keep your hands off my president, bro. 314 00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:41,097 - Whoa! It's Jesus Christ! 315 00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:42,707 ALL: Aww! 316 00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,535 - This happens to be a great man 317 00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:47,060 who's protecting our country from fags. 318 00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:49,105 - What the hell happened to Jesus? 319 00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:51,151 - He's all Christian now. 320 00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:55,938 - This man is a con artist, and I will deal with him! 321 00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:59,159 - Don't think so, bro! 322 00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:04,033 Yeah! America! Whoo! [guitar chords] 323 00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:11,301 - Oh, my God, this just keeps getting crazier. 324 00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:14,478 - [groaning] 325 00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:19,222 - What's wrong, Satan? 326 00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:23,574 - It's the baby. I think it's coming. 327 00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:26,664 - Oh, wow, y'all, it's time! - What do we do, Stan? 328 00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:27,970 - I don't know! 329 00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,929 You gotta get him to a hospital! 330 00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:38,372 - Oh, boy! The big crap-out is almost here! 331 00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:41,723 - I can hardly wait! Can hardly wait! 332 00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:43,246 - Look, it's the doctor! 333 00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:44,987 ALL: Yay! 334 00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,815 - All right, we're almost ready. 335 00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:48,382 We just wanna run a quick ultrasound, 336 00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:50,253 and we'll get you into the OR. 337 00:15:50,297 --> 00:15:55,737 - Doctor, we must hurry. There are evil forces at work. 338 00:15:57,608 --> 00:16:02,135 [guitar chords] 339 00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:05,051 - All right! This guy's incredible! 340 00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:08,184 OK, now set Peter Thiel free! 341 00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:12,319 [guitar chords] 342 00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:15,061 - Mr. President! What happened? - I don't know! 343 00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:17,411 I got another Christian dipshit to help me get what I want! 344 00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:18,760 Let's go, Christianity! 345 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,285 - Then we can proceed. 346 00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:23,852 We have very little time to stop 347 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,506 the antichrist from coming. 348 00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:27,508 - Boss, just so you know, 349 00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:30,467 I don't care if my asshole is filled with genital warts. 350 00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:31,991 I still love you. 351 00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,258 - I can't believe he turned out to be 352 00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:40,912 this big of a piece a shit. 353 00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:44,177 I seriously fall for the worst guys. 354 00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:47,745 - Now, now, Satan, you need to save your strength! 355 00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:50,487 - I mean, I knew he sucked, OK? 356 00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:53,403 I knew it, but I didn't think he would go this far. 357 00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:56,667 I am so stupid. - No! You're not stupid! 358 00:16:56,754 --> 00:16:59,888 Stanny, tell Satan he's not stupid. 359 00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:02,978 - You're not stupid. - No, I'm stupid! 360 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,980 I saw how he treated everyone, 361 00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,287 but I was willing to look the other way. 362 00:17:07,329 --> 00:17:11,464 All because I just wanted my Christmas miracle. 363 00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:13,510 - Your Christmas miracle? 364 00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,556 - My little baby. 365 00:17:15,685 --> 00:17:20,691 The only thing in my life that could actually be good. 366 00:17:20,734 --> 00:17:23,912 But now Donald has Jesus on his side, 367 00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:26,480 and we'll never be free. 368 00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:29,570 - Satan's right. 369 00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:33,008 If the President has Jesus on his side, he's unstoppable! 370 00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,705 - It's only a matter of time 371 00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:37,230 before they come here and ruin everything. 372 00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:38,883 ALL: Aww! 373 00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,537 - Now, don't be down, y'all. 374 00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:43,671 We have our own secret weapon. - That's right! 375 00:17:43,714 --> 00:17:47,327 They might have Jesus, but we've got Stan! 376 00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:48,937 ALL: Yay! 377 00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:55,030 - ♪ What a special time, it's a special day ♪ 378 00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:56,510 ♪ It's a Woodland Critter Christmas ♪ 379 00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:58,947 - Crap-out! Yeah! Let's go! 380 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,863 [dramatic rock music] 381 00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:07,129 ♪ ♪ 382 00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:09,175 - Let's do this! 383 00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,394 - Oh, no, here they c-c-c-come! 384 00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:15,833 - What are we gonna do? 385 00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:20,664 - Where is room 6-7? 386 00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:23,319 Thank you! 387 00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:27,671 [guitar wailing] 388 00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:29,151 [elevator dings] 389 00:18:29,282 --> 00:18:32,546 [music playing faintly] 390 00:18:32,589 --> 00:18:35,418 [elevator dings] 391 00:18:35,549 --> 00:18:38,421 [music builds] 392 00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:41,076 ♪ ♪ 393 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,121 [music stops abruptly] 394 00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:49,215 - Hey, kid! Get out of the way! - No. 395 00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:52,000 If you wanna get to Satan, you'll have to go through us. 396 00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,915 I am fully embracing this crap-out. 397 00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,830 ALL: Yay! 398 00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:59,312 - Do not listen to these foul creatures of darkness, child! 399 00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:01,575 - I don't know who to listen to anymore. 400 00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:03,577 All I know is, I might as well help someone 401 00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,100 get their Christmas miracle. 402 00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:07,885 'Cause nobody's helping me with mine. 403 00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:10,018 At least that's what Christmas used to mean. 404 00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:11,454 Trying to make things a little easier 405 00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:13,021 for someone else who needed it. 406 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,327 I don't know what happened 407 00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:16,024 to your Spirit of Christmas, Jesus. 408 00:19:16,111 --> 00:19:19,941 Let's face it, you gave up, and now you've hit rock bottom. 409 00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:24,075 - Hey, I didn't hit her, OK? 410 00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:27,035 I mean, all right, maybe I did! 411 00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,906 But Peggy was asking' for it! 412 00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:31,822 - That's actually not at all what I was talking about. 413 00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:34,564 - No. You're right. 414 00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:36,436 You're right, my child. 415 00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,960 I gave up and I lost faith. 416 00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:40,570 I don't want to do this. 417 00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:43,573 - Hey! Don't forget I can sue you! 418 00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:48,622 - Then go ahead and sue me. 419 00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:52,582 I'm not going to be afraid anymore. 420 00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:54,018 - Excuse me, everyone. 421 00:19:54,149 --> 00:19:55,803 Sorry--sorry to interrupt, 422 00:19:55,846 --> 00:20:00,024 but I'm afraid we have some really bad news. 423 00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:03,376 - What? - What? What happened? 424 00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,508 - We've looked at the ultrasound, and... 425 00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:08,511 it appears that at some point when nobody was watching, 426 00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:10,861 the baby hung itself and took its own life. 427 00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:15,257 - What? - What are you talking about? 428 00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:17,477 - I'm afraid you can see it all in the video. 429 00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:19,696 The baby got ahold of some bedsheets. 430 00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,220 There's a couple minutes missing from the ultrasound, 431 00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:23,178 but it's definitely a suicide. 432 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,962 - You gotta be kidding me! 433 00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:26,834 The baby hung itself? 434 00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:30,316 - Boss! Boss! It's a miracle! 435 00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:31,926 - But does that mean 436 00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:35,321 there's not gonna be a crap-out? 437 00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,541 ANNOUNCER: This is a Fox News special alert. 438 00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:41,327 - Fox News has just received confirmation 439 00:20:41,414 --> 00:20:44,330 that the unborn child of Satan and President Trump 440 00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,680 has decided to take the easy way out 441 00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:48,377 and end its own life. 442 00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:50,553 - Definitely an unfortunate turn of events. 443 00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:53,077 Fox News has analyzed the ultrasound. 444 00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:56,124 You can see the baby probably considering suicide right here 445 00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:57,691 and then-- a little bit missing-- 446 00:20:57,734 --> 00:20:59,127 and it killed itself. 447 00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:00,998 Obvious confirmation of suicide. 448 00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:02,783 You can see a little chair there. 449 00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:05,133 Just what babies do sometimes. 450 00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:08,136 - That's right, and if you or someone you know 451 00:21:08,223 --> 00:21:10,791 is a fetus contemplating suicide, 452 00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:14,360 we urge you to call Fox News as much as you possibly can. 453 00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:16,492 - In the meantime, all our thoughts and prayers 454 00:21:16,579 --> 00:21:18,364 are with the president tonight, 455 00:21:18,451 --> 00:21:20,757 Who will be holding a funeral for his unborn child 456 00:21:20,888 --> 00:21:22,803 at the White House. 457 00:21:22,933 --> 00:21:25,762 [upbeat festive music] 458 00:21:25,893 --> 00:21:32,726 ♪ ♪ 459 00:21:34,815 --> 00:21:36,382 - Hey, Merry Christmas! 460 00:21:36,425 --> 00:21:38,732 Did you hear the news? The baby's dead! 461 00:21:38,819 --> 00:21:41,343 - Yes, Mr. President, we are so sorry. 462 00:21:41,474 --> 00:21:43,519 - Happy holidays! The baby's dead! 463 00:21:43,606 --> 00:21:45,739 - Are you OK, sir? 464 00:21:45,782 --> 00:21:50,483 - Yeah, it's really hard! Here, have a cigar! 465 00:21:50,613 --> 00:21:52,572 Hey, Pam! Merry Christmas! The baby's dead! 466 00:21:52,702 --> 00:21:54,965 PAM: You're so strong, Mr. President. 467 00:21:55,052 --> 00:21:57,098 And you're taking it really well. 468 00:21:57,141 --> 00:21:59,753 - Hey! Thanks, Pam! 469 00:22:01,494 --> 00:22:04,323 [soft piano music] 470 00:22:04,410 --> 00:22:11,591 ♪ ♪ 471 00:22:43,884 --> 00:22:46,800 [upbeat festive music] 472 00:22:46,843 --> 00:22:50,369 ♪ 473 00:22:50,456 --> 00:22:55,112 I win! I win! I win again! 474 00:22:55,156 --> 00:23:02,119 ♪ 475 00:23:09,823 --> 00:23:12,695 - Christmas letters from home. Here you go. 476 00:23:12,826 --> 00:23:14,697 Some Christmas joy from your loved ones. 477 00:23:14,828 --> 00:23:16,569 There you go. 478 00:23:16,612 --> 00:23:18,353 Hey, there's one for you today. 479 00:23:27,928 --> 00:23:30,409 JESUS: Dear Stan, I'm writing this 480 00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:32,933 because I owe you an apology 481 00:23:33,063 --> 00:23:35,544 and a thank you. 482 00:23:35,675 --> 00:23:38,286 You asked for a Christmas miracle, 483 00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,462 and I didn't listen. 484 00:23:40,593 --> 00:23:42,725 So now, go to this address. 485 00:23:42,856 --> 00:23:44,031 - No way. 486 00:24:16,846 --> 00:24:19,066 Thank you. Thank you! 487 00:24:19,196 --> 00:24:21,155 [twinkling] 488 00:24:21,285 --> 00:24:24,985 - I'll be here, Stan, watching over everybody. 489 00:24:25,028 --> 00:24:26,508 Be good. 490 00:24:26,552 --> 00:24:28,858 And remember, never give up on the things 491 00:24:28,902 --> 00:24:30,338 that you commit to. 492 00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:32,340 - He's so great, isn't he? 493 00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:34,603 Merry Christmas, everyone! 494 00:24:34,734 --> 00:24:37,519 Let's all have the happiest holidays! 495 00:24:37,563 --> 00:24:40,609 ♪ A Christian Woman knows her place ♪ 496 00:24:40,740 --> 00:24:43,569 BOTH: ♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪ 497 00:24:43,612 --> 00:24:46,920 ♪ 'Cause I deserve it, I was wrong ♪ 498 00:24:46,963 --> 00:24:49,749 ♪ That's why I wrote this holiday song ♪ 499 00:24:49,792 --> 00:24:52,795 ♪ With my big fake tits and my Botox lips ♪ 500 00:24:52,882 --> 00:24:56,625 ♪ Saying Merry Christmas, Jesus Christ ♪ 501 00:24:56,756 --> 00:24:59,193 PEGGY: Come on, seniors, sing along! 502 00:24:59,323 --> 00:25:02,413 ♪ A Christian woman knows her place ♪ 503 00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:05,155 ALL: ♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪ 504 00:25:05,242 --> 00:25:08,637 ♪ 'Cause I deserve it, I was wrong ♪ 505 00:25:08,768 --> 00:25:11,379 ♪ That's why I wrote this holiday song ♪ 506 00:25:11,422 --> 00:25:14,817 ♪ With my big fake tits and my Botox lips ♪ 507 00:25:14,861 --> 00:25:18,212 ♪ To say merry Christmas, Jesus Christ ♪ 508 00:25:18,342 --> 00:25:20,910 PEGGY: ♪ A Christian woman knows her place ♪ 509 00:25:20,954 --> 00:25:24,174 ALL: ♪ So go ahead and punch me in the face ♪ 510 00:25:24,261 --> 00:25:25,959 ♪ 'Cause I deserve it ♪