1
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,621
Doesn't have
a handle on that one at all.

2
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:39,706
He's not getting down
on the ball...

3
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,209
...still struggling here in the early...

4
00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,002
Oh, my God.

5
00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:52,386
The old cockahs in the stands

6
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:54,638
are better than the young cockahs
on the field.

7
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:55,931
Who's the man?

8
00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:57,933
Throw that already! Come on!

9
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:03,855
He just missed someone
in the crowd!

10
00:01:03,981 --> 00:01:06,608
What crowd?
We could all go home in one car.

11
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:08,819
Maybe he should lay down a bunt.

12
00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,280
This guy couldn't lay down a carpet.

13
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,787
Now he's over swinging.

14
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,999
Don't complain.
At least he's cooling off the place.

15
00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:27,045
Strike! You're out of here!

16
00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:29,881
You remember Clemente,
on the Pittsburgh Pirates?

17
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:33,468
I always envied you, Oscar.
Covering the Yankees and the Mets.

18
00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,847
- I bet you miss New York, huh.
- Well, what was I gonna do?

19
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,182
They sold the paper
to an Australian.

20
00:01:39,558 --> 00:01:41,852
Lucky for me they didn't sell
to the Japanese.

21
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,479
It would take me a year
to read the batting averages.

22
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,441
- Oh, Oscar!
- Oh, hiya, Peaches.

23
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:52,487
I'm having a dinner party Friday
night. We're short one man.

24
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:54,823
How about Abe here?
He's a short man.

25
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:59,077
You can run, Oscar,
but you can't hide. See you.

26
00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:02,205
That's such an original expression.

27
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:05,000
I hate a woman
who talks like Muhammad Ali.

28
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:09,504
- Hey, Conchita!
- Tough loss today, eh, Oscar?

29
00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:11,840
Yeah, I'm suicidal, honey.

30
00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:15,802
If I call 911 tonight,
any chance of mouth to mouth?

31
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:18,889
Yeah, <i>beso loco.</i>

32
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,100
What's the matter? Don't you look
at a good ass anymore?

33
00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:25,312
I'm not allowed to look at pastrami,
why should I look at an ass?

34
00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:27,773
Are you coming to the game
tonight, Ames?

35
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:30,484
I'll be a little late.
I have to pay my respects.

36
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:34,112
- A friend in my building died.
- Oh, sorry to hear that.

37
00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:35,322
What did he die of?

38
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,574
He got hit by lightning
on a golf course.

39
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,202
He should have been
using his woods.

40
00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:44,539
Find out what his rent was.
I'm always looking for cheaper.

41
00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:46,124
See you at the game.

42
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:11,024
I used to make that shot.

43
00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:13,860
Damn it, Madison. My wife and I
are fed up with this!

44
00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:15,278
I'm filing a complaint.

45
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,698
- Are you gonna clean this up?
- Absolutely.

46
00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:20,492
Whatever the cats don't finish
I'll clean up later.

47
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:33,338
Come on, where is Oscar?

48
00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,882
Coming! I'm in! I'm in!

49
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:39,678
Nobody bet. Hold the bets.
I got a raise coming.

50
00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:44,725
- How are we doing, girls?
- Everybody's in except Esther.

51
00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:46,268
Esther, you didn't make
your straight?

52
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,186
Who knows?
I can't see the numbers.

53
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,273
Why can't we play with
the big cards?

54
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:54,985
We tried that. Every time I shuffled
Abe's toupee blew off.

55
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:58,280
Not any more.
This is the kind you can swim in.

56
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:02,951
If you swim with that rug,
they'll think you're building a dam.

57
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:10,250
Who gets the lemon loaf cake,
no cholesterol, no fat, no taste?

58
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:14,838
- That's mine.
- One chemical sponge cake for Millie.

59
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,757
- Thanks, darling.
- You're welcome.

60
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:17,924
Wanda...

61
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:23,722
Wanda, you vixen, you know how
that perfume drives me crazy!

62
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:26,808
You really like it?

63
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:31,396
- Yes, and I see I got you beat!
- He always does that to me!

64
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:36,151
Don't worry. I lost so many brain
cells today, I forgot what I just saw.

65
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:39,029
Just like my third husband,
he should rest in peace.

66
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,364
How do you know he's dead?
Maybe he's just bluffing.

67
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:42,657
It's not funny.

68
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:45,327
Who gets the salt-free nachos
with cottage cheese chili?

69
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:49,831
- That's mine, Oscar.
- One Jenny Craig Mexican style

70
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:54,336
type of casserole dinner
for <i>Señorita</i> Abromowitz.

71
00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:58,465
And we have a cherry soda for Abe.

72
00:04:58,757 --> 00:04:59,925
What happened to Abe? Where's Abe?

73
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,052
Here.

74
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,513
Why don't you sit on a magazine?
I can't see you.

75
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,516
This isn't cherry, it's lemon.

76
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:12,437
Now it's cherry.

77
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,023
Whose bet is it?

78
00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:18,443
Millie raised a quarter,
so it's 33 cents for you.

79
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,822
You need nerves of steel
for this game.

80
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,116
I'm in. Let me get that.

81
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,077
We never finish the game.

82
00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:32,415
All right, I'm coming!
Whoever it is, I'll pay on Thursday.

83
00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:33,834
<i>You sound good, Pop.</i>

84
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:36,878
<i>Brucey! Brucey boy, how are you?</i>

85
00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:37,921
<i>What are you do...</i>

86
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:41,842
Hold it down, will you, girls?
It's my son from California.

87
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,552
California.

88
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:47,222
My sister lost three pairs
of dentures in the earthquakes.

89
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,891
- How did she eat?
- She sent out.

90
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,185
You, too, Brucey.
Are you still an actor?

91
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:53,395
Still an actor, Pop.

92
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,022
Hey, I got a call from CBS,
I might get a pilot this week.

93
00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:57,315
Hey! That's terrific!

94
00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,235
- My kid may get a pilot.
- He got his own plane?

95
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,820
You don't know what a pilot is?

96
00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:04,781
A pilot is a television show
that doesn't get on television.

97
00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:08,743
Pop, that's not why I'm calling.
I've got some big news for you,

98
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:10,161
I'm getting married this week.

99
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,122
- Married?
- Yay!

100
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:15,292
- Why?
- Because I love her, that's why.

101
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:19,546
You didn't say it was a girl.
If you're happy, I'm happy.

102
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:20,839
My kid is getting married.

103
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,173
<i>Mazel tov!</i>

104
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,011
There goes my Rachel's last chance.

105
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:29,097
It's this Sunday afternoon, Pop.
You think you can come?

106
00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:32,142
Wild racehorses couldn't keep me away.
Where is it?

107
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,977
It's at her mother's house in San Malina.

108
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,813
San "Belone"?
What was the name again?

109
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,232
San Malina.
It's about two hours north of L.A.

110
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:41,067
<i>- We'll send you the address.</i>
- Okay. Listen,

111
00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:43,737
if I'm not being too nosey,
sweetheart,

112
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,615
- who the hell are you marrying?
<i>- She's an actress, Pop.</i>

113
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:50,952
She's beautiful.
She's so talented and very smart.

114
00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:53,914
- And she loves your son. And I...
- You see what I mean, Pop?

115
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:55,624
I love her already. So who is she?

116
00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:58,251
Well...

117
00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:00,670
Hold on to your hat, Pop.

118
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:03,548
I need a hat to hold on to
to hear this?

119
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:07,218
She's not one of those six foot ten
basketball players, is she?

120
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:10,972
- As long as she's thin.
- I can't hear you.

121
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,683
She's whose daughter?

122
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,311
Whose?

123
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,064
Oh, my God!

124
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,163
I'm sorry.

125
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,331
Miss?

126
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:42,212
Excuse me, I wonder if I might
change my seat

127
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,880
into the non-smoking section?

128
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:46,841
The entire plane is non-smoking.

129
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,635
There's no one smoking
on this aircraft.

130
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:52,430
I understand, but possibly the attendants
who clean the planes at the airport

131
00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:55,517
were smoking while they were in here.
I'm very sensitive to that.

132
00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:58,603
Well, I'm sorry, sir,
but the entire plane is full.

133
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:00,647
Yeah, well...

134
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,109
Ma'am...

135
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,152
See, it's not just the smoke.

136
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,446
The woman next to me
is wearing a perfume

137
00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,073
that I have a definite allergy to.

138
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,783
Well, I've already moved you once.

139
00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:14,160
No, that was because of hair spray.

140
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,746
Now, look,
I know that I sound crazy,

141
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:20,208
but I just happen to be one of those
hyper-allergenic cases.

142
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,085
Can't you at least try?

143
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:24,754
You mean sniff every woman
on this plane

144
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,881
until you find a perfume
you're not allergic to?

145
00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:31,094
I didn't complain about the food.
I didn't eat it, but I didn't complain.

146
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:33,096
You asked for
the Hawaiian mahi mahi

147
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:35,432
and I told you that we only serve
the mahi-mahi

148
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:37,434
on the west to east flights,
not the east to west flights.

149
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:42,022
I thought there might be one piece
of mahi mahi making the return trip.

150
00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:43,189
That's all.

151
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:45,984
Just forget it, I'll manage.

152
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,617
I have some cough lozenges,
if you like.

153
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:56,619
Isn't that sweet. Thank you, no.

154
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:59,247
I have an unusually small windpipe.

155
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,167
If it got stuck,
I could be dead in two minutes.

156
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,764
Are you having trouble breathing?

157
00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:19,809
I'm nervous because my daughter
is getting married on Sunday

158
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,394
in California.

159
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:23,021
In San...

160
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:25,732
San...

161
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:29,527
- Well, I've got a friend picking me up.
- How nice.

162
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:41,122
Are you all right? Your face is
turning blue. Do you need oxygen?

163
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:45,877
Yeah, but you never know
who's been using that before.

164
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,132
Stewardess!

165
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,186
Excuse me.

166
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:07,649
I see my bag. Excuse me, please.

167
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:09,818
What happened here?

168
00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:15,698
What do you call this?
This is mishandling of luggage!

169
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,534
It's a federal misdemeanor.

170
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:19,327
Did you see this?

171
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:46,437
Oscar?

172
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:50,233
Felix?

173
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,402
Oscar!

174
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,196
Felix!

175
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:12,630
Look out!

176
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,848
Oh, God!

177
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:25,643
We haven't even said hello
and I've got a broken leg.

178
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,563
It's just a sprain. Hello, Felix.

179
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,773
Let me know
when you gonna hit a bump.

180
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:34,027
Okay, that was a bump.

181
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,037
Here we go, we're all set.

182
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:48,917
Yeah. Maybe we could stop
and get a pair of crutches some place.

183
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,336
Damn.

184
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,922
I'll keep my eye open
for a crutch store.

185
00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:56,382
I'm sure there's a lot of them
on the freeway.

186
00:11:57,592 --> 00:12:01,846
Hold on to me
and let's hop over to the car.

187
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,306
That's it.

188
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:07,018
That's it. Now you've got it.
Okay.

189
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:13,399
Bend down and slide into the seat.
You know what I mean?

190
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,193
And tell me when it...

191
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:17,195
- Tell me when it hurts.
- That hurts.

192
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,614
- All right. I've got a good idea.
- What?

193
00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:22,450
Don't tell me when it hurts,
it's gonna hurt anyway.

194
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:26,287
When I count to three,
we'll do it all in one big move.

195
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:30,124
- One, two, three!
- Oh, God.

196
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:34,420
- Oh, God!
- I like "it hurts" better.

197
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:36,297
Oh, God!

198
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:42,428
Got you some ice from the machine.
It'll keep the swelling down.

199
00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,889
I need something to put the ice in.

200
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:48,101
Put it in your sock!
What am I, an orthopaedic?

201
00:12:57,527 --> 00:13:01,948
- Foot feeling any better?
- It's a piece of frozen meat.

202
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,325
Hang it out the window,
it's warm out.

203
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:09,038
I'm starving.
I haven't eaten since last night.

204
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:13,167
- Didn't they serve on the plane?
- No, my fish was flying east.

205
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:19,132
Here's my complimentary nuts.
Go ahead.

206
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:21,050
If your teeth keep chattering,

207
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,136
you'll have peanut butter
in three minutes.

208
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:26,889
Oscar, do you know
what the fat content of nuts is?

209
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,183
Not to mention the salt content.

210
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,102
I could have a heart attack
at the wedding.

211
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:34,105
Felix, I haven't seen you in how long?
Eight, nine years?

212
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,983
It's 17 years, Oscar.

213
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:41,696
You couldn't even remember that we
haven't seen each other for 17 years?

214
00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:43,740
To tell you the truth,
I didn't dwell on it.

215
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:45,408
All right, 17 years.

216
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:49,620
So your hair got whiter, your ears
got bigger, your nose got longer...

217
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:55,335
but you still retain that unique,
elusive, pain in the ass quality

218
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,045
that drives me berserk.

219
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:58,629
Oh, really?

220
00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:02,216
Well you have changed.
When I saw you at the airport,

221
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:05,386
I thought you'd died
and your mother came to tell me.

222
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:08,431
I heard that line
on the <i>Seinfeld</i> show.

223
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:11,601
It's how fast I thought of it
that counts.

224
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:15,188
Open the window.
I want to throw the water out.

225
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:16,647
It is open.

226
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:27,575
Sorry, they must have
just cleaned it.

227
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:37,210
Feeling better now?

228
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:41,297
What's the matter?
Did you sprain your tongue too?

229
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,049
I'm angry at myself.

230
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:45,510
I shouldn't have yelled at you back there.

231
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:51,307
We've always had bad chemistry.
We mix like oil and frozen yoghurt.

232
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:55,186
- But I'm glad to see you anyway.
- Me too, Oz.

233
00:14:57,814 --> 00:15:00,566
I was some kind of nut
in those days.

234
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:03,069
From pecan to pistachio.

235
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:09,784
I guess I still am.
I hate mess and I hate disorder.

236
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:12,328
I went to a hypnotist
to try to cure me.

237
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:14,539
- It didn't work, right?
- No.

238
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:18,209
He was late.
I straightened up his office and left.

239
00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:25,174
You better pull off the freeway.
I got to pee.

240
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:37,979
Hi.

241
00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:42,400
How are you doing, kid?

242
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:45,903
Are you all right?
Are you the waiter?

243
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,447
What do you want?

244
00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:51,200
- Five dollars.
- Why should I give you five dollars?

245
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,035
Your friend said you would

246
00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:55,121
for telling you that
he's locked in the bathroom.

247
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,879
Why did you tell him five bucks?

248
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,131
He's only a kid.
He would have done it for a quarter.

249
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:06,841
What freeway
are we supposed to be on?

250
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:10,845
- The 405.
- I think that sign back there said 101.

251
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:14,098
If you didn't have the brains
to pee back at the airport,

252
00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:16,392
how do you know
what the sign said?

253
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:19,228
Reading and peeing
are two different things.

254
00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:21,898
At your age you're lucky
you can do either one.

255
00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:32,408
Is your daughter like you?

256
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:35,453
She's not going to clean up
after the reception, is she?

257
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:38,664
My daughter is
a wonderful young lady

258
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:41,667
and your son is damn lucky to get her,
I'll tell you that.

259
00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,044
Let me tell you something else.

260
00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:45,713
Please, don't.
That's why I moved to Florida.

261
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,424
We keep this up,
I'll be living in Guatemala.

262
00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,176
That's fine by me.

263
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:56,891
So, what are you, retired now?

264
00:16:57,183 --> 00:17:00,061
What, me, retired?
Oh, God. Never.

265
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,897
No, I'm doing part-time
charity work at the hospital.

266
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,941
What do you mean?
Bed pans and stuff like that?

267
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,108
No, no, no, no.

268
00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:07,985
I read to them. I read them stories,

269
00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:10,321
write letters for them,
tell them jokes.

270
00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:14,075
It's good for me too, you know.
After my last wife...

271
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,911
You've probably heard about that.

272
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:20,122
Sorry to hear that.
I heard she went quickly.

273
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:23,459
Moved out while I was asleep.
Never even left a note.

274
00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:26,128
Is that three divorces now?

275
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,464
Three divorces,
two broken engagements,

276
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:31,300
and five women who disappeared
on the first date.

277
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,469
Went to the ladies' room,
never came back.

278
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:37,014
You just had some bad luck
with your personality.

279
00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:39,600
Well, maybe,
but I haven't given up, Os.

280
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:43,437
Somewhere out there, I know
there is a right woman for me.

281
00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:49,277
- Should I stop the car and look?
- No, but pull over, I got to eat.

282
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:53,447
I have this low sugar condition,
I have to eat every four hours.

283
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:57,660
Why didn't you eat
when we stopped at El Pollo Loco?

284
00:17:57,827 --> 00:18:01,622
Because it wasn't time to eat,
it was time to pee.

285
00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:23,060
Make out a timetable,
when you're going to eat, pee,

286
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:25,980
fart, cry and sleep.

287
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:29,066
That's the last time
I pull off the freeway.

288
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:32,945
I suppose you never have to pee?

289
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:36,282
I do it for half hour in the morning
and then I'm through for the day.

290
00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:44,957
What have you got there?
What are you doing?

291
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:48,878
How do you know
which ones to take?

292
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:51,964
Doesn't make any difference.
Whatever they fix, I've got.

293
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:01,390
- Don't you take them with water?
- With the local water?

294
00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:03,934
Water from around here?

295
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:06,020
Don't you know
how many pesticides

296
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:07,521
they have in the local water?

297
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,190
Lower your voice,

298
00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:11,525
people in here don't know
they'll be dead in a week.

299
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:31,754
Didn't you fix that yet?

300
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,717
Almost. Just one...

301
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,784
What the hell... Open a window.

302
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,250
How long was I asleep?

303
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:12,086
I didn't know you wanted me
to time it.

304
00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:15,965
We're off the freeway.
Are we almost there?

305
00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:21,887
- I don't think so.
- What do the directions say?

306
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:23,764
They are gone.
I threw them out of the window.

307
00:20:24,432 --> 00:20:25,766
You threw them out the...

308
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,185
You threw them out the window?

309
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,521
What the hell made you do
a stupid thing like that?

310
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:34,442
Well, I had them on my lap
so I could read them.

311
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:39,113
I lit my cigar, the hot ashes fell
on my crotch, the map caught fire.

312
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,449
I had the choice of
finding the house

313
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:44,410
or burning one of most
important parts of my body.

314
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:45,578
Guess which I picked?

315
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:49,165
So you just picked any exit
and got off?

316
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:51,167
I had to get off some place.

317
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,461
This isn't some place,
this is no place.

318
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,172
Pull over, I'll get the directions
out of my suitcase.

319
00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:26,243
- Where is my suitcase?
- Your suitcase? In the trunk.

320
00:21:26,327 --> 00:21:27,703
- No.
- No?

321
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:29,705
- No.
- Did you look good?

322
00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:34,168
The trunk is this big. It takes
a second and a half to look in there.

323
00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:39,089
Your 1927 piece of cardboard
is there, but my suitcase isn't.

324
00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:45,221
What are you talking about?
It's got to be there. Let me look at it.

325
00:21:51,685 --> 00:21:52,770
Oscar...

326
00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:57,566
I'm going to try to stay calm
while I say the next sentence.

327
00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:03,405
If it isn't in there, where in the hell
is my goddamn suitcase?

328
00:22:03,614 --> 00:22:05,241
This is a wild guess.

329
00:22:05,282 --> 00:22:08,285
I'd say it's in front
of the Budget Rent A Car office.

330
00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:11,539
- In Los Angeles?
- That's a good guess, too.

331
00:22:11,914 --> 00:22:15,543
Oh, God Almighty.
We're going to go back and get it!

332
00:22:15,626 --> 00:22:16,502
Go back?

333
00:22:17,586 --> 00:22:19,296
It took us two hours to get here.

334
00:22:19,672 --> 00:22:24,552
It'll take five hours to go back,
cos I don't know how we got here.

335
00:22:24,718 --> 00:22:26,095
Then we'd have to make three stops.

336
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:29,056
One for you to pee,
one for you to get locked in the john,

337
00:22:29,139 --> 00:22:31,684
and one for you to pay a kid
five dollars to get out,

338
00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:34,854
and then we'd have to stop again
for you to eat!

339
00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:38,816
Do you understand
what I'm talking about?

340
00:22:52,496 --> 00:22:53,956
What did you have in there?

341
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:57,042
An ironing board, some
spot remover? I'll pay you back.

342
00:22:57,293 --> 00:23:02,214
In that suitcase was
my black formal afternoon suit

343
00:23:02,298 --> 00:23:05,426
that I bought to wear to give
my daughter away in marriage.

344
00:23:06,010 --> 00:23:12,141
And a $6,000 Tiffany silver tray,
which I bought as a wedding present.

345
00:23:13,225 --> 00:23:16,604
And in that suitcase was
$10,000 in cash,

346
00:23:16,687 --> 00:23:20,774
which I intended to give to
my son-in-law on his wedding day.

347
00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:24,820
Now, in your suitcase,
the police are going to find

348
00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:29,825
your broken, smashed,
mutilated and dissected body

349
00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:33,787
in the event that you don't go back
and find my fucking suitcase!

350
00:23:33,871 --> 00:23:36,457
Why don't we ask Budget
to deliver it?

351
00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:39,543
Deliver where?
You've crisscrossed California

352
00:23:39,627 --> 00:23:42,296
more than the covered wagons
did 100 years ago!

353
00:23:42,504 --> 00:23:43,881
What the hell are we going to
tell them?

354
00:23:44,006 --> 00:23:46,800
Follow the burned pieces
of directions on the freeway?

355
00:23:48,135 --> 00:23:51,513
We drive to the first town we see
and then we'll call Budget.

356
00:23:51,597 --> 00:23:52,640
I guarantee it.

357
00:23:52,723 --> 00:23:55,684
That was my best leather suitcase.

358
00:23:55,768 --> 00:23:59,146
How long is it gonna stand
on the sidewalk unclaimed?

359
00:23:59,396 --> 00:24:02,024
Somebody will be eating
pizza tonight

360
00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:04,234
on my daughter's silver Tiffany tray.

361
00:24:04,485 --> 00:24:05,736
Come on back in the car.

362
00:24:05,819 --> 00:24:09,823
If it's still there,
they will get it to you fast.

363
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:14,078
Federal Express, UPS, fax...

364
00:24:14,328 --> 00:24:16,705
You're gonna fax
my suitcase to me?

365
00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:19,416
I can wear a picture
of my wedding suit.

366
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:23,879
- Take it easy...
- And paper copies of $10,000 cash!

367
00:24:23,963 --> 00:24:26,423
Will you stop it?
Don't get physical with me!

368
00:24:26,548 --> 00:24:30,970
I'm too old to hit, but I could spit you
to death! Get in the car.

369
00:24:31,095 --> 00:24:34,598
I want to know one thing,
why, when you get around me

370
00:24:34,682 --> 00:24:37,351
you behave like a goddamn

371
00:24:37,434 --> 00:24:42,940
imbecilic, idiotic, moronic shithead?

372
00:24:47,236 --> 00:24:49,071
Hey! Wait!

373
00:25:16,140 --> 00:25:17,850
Didn't you put the breaks on?

374
00:25:18,976 --> 00:25:21,478
Why? I didn't know
you were gonna punch it.

375
00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:25,399
Well...

376
00:25:25,566 --> 00:25:29,319
We better call Budget
and have them fax us another car.

377
00:25:46,712 --> 00:25:49,631
- I think I know where we are.
- Where?

378
00:25:49,882 --> 00:25:55,054
- In a Clint Eastwood movie.
- "The Good, the Bad and the Stupid"?

379
00:25:55,721 --> 00:25:59,058
You're not the only one
who lost everything in his suitcase.

380
00:25:59,224 --> 00:26:03,604
What did you lose, an old Mets
T-shirt and a corned beef sandwich?

381
00:26:03,729 --> 00:26:07,107
I lost the most important thing
in my life.

382
00:26:07,191 --> 00:26:09,109
My return ticket to Sarasota.

383
00:26:09,276 --> 00:26:10,277
Florida.

384
00:26:10,861 --> 00:26:14,323
Instead of complaining,
why don't you look for a telephone?

385
00:26:14,656 --> 00:26:17,993
What makes you think
there is a telephone out here?

386
00:26:18,368 --> 00:26:21,330
This is probably where they test
those nuclear bombs.

387
00:26:21,705 --> 00:26:24,958
They would have to call somebody
to find out if they went off.

388
00:26:28,337 --> 00:26:29,880
I thought that was a snake.

389
00:26:30,089 --> 00:26:32,716
They probably got
poisonous spiders here, too.

390
00:26:33,300 --> 00:26:34,968
What will they live on?

391
00:26:35,052 --> 00:26:37,721
You think they're waiting
for two schmucks like us?

392
00:26:38,347 --> 00:26:40,182
I got to sit down. Let's rest.

393
00:26:50,567 --> 00:26:51,693
Oscar...

394
00:26:52,486 --> 00:26:56,573
- We need to have a plan. Agreed?
- Agreed.

395
00:26:56,740 --> 00:27:02,996
- What should the plan be?
- I don't care, I agreed. I did my part.

396
00:27:03,247 --> 00:27:06,083
We got to find a telephone
and call Hannah's mother.

397
00:27:06,166 --> 00:27:08,460
Get her to send a car to pick us up.

398
00:27:08,544 --> 00:27:11,505
- You know the number?
- No, it was in my suitcase.

399
00:27:12,464 --> 00:27:15,050
- We could call the information.
- In what town?

400
00:27:16,927 --> 00:27:22,349
San... My daughter said San...
Don't you remember?

401
00:27:22,558 --> 00:27:25,269
No, I was playing poker.
I couldn't hear anything.

402
00:27:25,561 --> 00:27:29,106
- San Marino?
- No, San Cantino?

403
00:27:29,189 --> 00:27:31,024
Not San Cantino.

404
00:27:31,817 --> 00:27:33,902
- San Sereno?
- No, not San Sereno.

405
00:27:35,195 --> 00:27:37,573
- San Bandino.
- San Patino.

406
00:27:37,990 --> 00:27:41,743
San Farina. Where are you going,
for crying out loud?

407
00:27:42,286 --> 00:27:43,287
San Farina!

408
00:27:43,745 --> 00:27:46,415
We could do this forever.
We need a phone book.

409
00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:48,333
How many
towns can sound like that?

410
00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:52,838
In California, all of them.
San Diego, San José, San Quentin...

411
00:27:52,921 --> 00:27:57,384
- San Mateo.
- San Clemente. Roberto Clemente.

412
00:27:57,509 --> 00:28:00,262
Sancho Pancho. Pancho Gonzalez.

413
00:28:00,470 --> 00:28:02,723
- San Jemima.
- San Jemima?

414
00:28:02,931 --> 00:28:07,060
What do I know? Fernando Lamas.
Ricardo Montalban.

415
00:28:07,144 --> 00:28:10,147
- Ricky Ricardo.
- San Pagaue.

416
00:28:10,230 --> 00:28:13,400
- Where is that?
- Near San Piranho.

417
00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:21,116
Los Pintos, Las Brisas,
Los Pecos. Sound familiar?

418
00:28:21,325 --> 00:28:24,328
Yeah, they are hotels in Acapulco.

419
00:28:25,454 --> 00:28:27,831
A car has to come
from some direction.

420
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,168
You stand here,
I'm going to stand on the other side.

421
00:28:31,501 --> 00:28:36,798
So we can catch all the heavy
traffic at five o'clock at Los Pecos.

422
00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:39,426
You got a better idea, Los Idiot?

423
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:56,777
See anything yet?

424
00:28:58,070 --> 00:29:02,324
Yeah, for a minute I thought I saw
Omar Sharif on a camel.

425
00:29:18,257 --> 00:29:20,217
Hey! Come back!

426
00:29:21,051 --> 00:29:23,470
What was it? It just went by!

427
00:29:50,455 --> 00:29:52,874
I hear something. Do you hear it?

428
00:29:53,125 --> 00:29:56,003
With our luck
it's the killer bees from Brazil.

429
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:11,727
What the...

430
00:30:14,396 --> 00:30:15,981
What the hell was that?

431
00:30:17,357 --> 00:30:20,569
They purposely did it.
They hate New Yorkers.

432
00:30:20,902 --> 00:30:22,195
Oh, my God.

433
00:30:23,488 --> 00:30:25,073
Who's gonna pick us up now?

434
00:30:25,157 --> 00:30:27,784
We look like a couple
of Pillsbury Doughboys.

435
00:30:28,076 --> 00:30:29,077
Well...

436
00:30:29,494 --> 00:30:32,706
Let's get out of the sun
before we start to rise.

437
00:31:01,526 --> 00:31:04,446
- What's so funny?
- I was just thinking...

438
00:31:04,529 --> 00:31:07,991
If we ever get there, we can be
the two figures on the wedding cake.

439
00:31:09,409 --> 00:31:10,827
- Hilarious.
- Yeah.

440
00:31:15,499 --> 00:31:16,666
Stop!

441
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:20,670
Hey <i>amigos,</i> where are you going?

442
00:31:20,837 --> 00:31:23,715
- San Redondo.
- Where?

443
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:28,387
San Tamale. San Taco Bell.
We'll go any place.

444
00:31:28,553 --> 00:31:31,598
- Well, hop in.
- Thank you very much.

445
00:31:32,140 --> 00:31:33,266
Go ahead.

446
00:31:36,353 --> 00:31:38,021
What are you doing
out here with no car?

447
00:31:38,522 --> 00:31:40,065
It's a long story.

448
00:31:41,024 --> 00:31:43,860
We're going to a wedding.
My daughter and his son.

449
00:31:46,029 --> 00:31:50,283
- Then you must be good friends.
- The best.

450
00:31:51,410 --> 00:31:54,121
We need to find a telephone.
Can you do that for us?

451
00:31:56,415 --> 00:31:59,793
No problem. Gas station two miles
from here. I'll take you there.

452
00:32:00,252 --> 00:32:03,547
<i>Gracias. We</i>'ll be glad
to pay you for it.

453
00:32:03,672 --> 00:32:07,175
You are <i>compadres, poor</i> like me.

454
00:32:07,426 --> 00:32:09,845
This is my wedding gift
for your children.

455
00:32:10,095 --> 00:32:11,721
Oh, you hear that, Os?

456
00:32:11,805 --> 00:32:15,350
A wedding gift for our children.
It's more than I'm gonna give them.

457
00:32:31,241 --> 00:32:35,036
- I hope nothing is wrong.
- I'd hate to break our lucky streak.

458
00:32:36,705 --> 00:32:41,710
Bad news.
My cousin say <i>mi mamá,</i> very sick.

459
00:32:42,377 --> 00:32:45,797
I have to go to her very <i>pronto.</i>
It's back where we come from.

460
00:32:45,839 --> 00:32:47,716
- Back there?
- I go with them.

461
00:32:47,799 --> 00:32:51,219
They drive very fast.
You take my truck to gas station, please.

462
00:32:51,303 --> 00:32:54,639
Leave it there. Rico, that's my name.
They know me there.

463
00:32:55,056 --> 00:32:58,935
- Are you sure? We'll be very careful.
- I know, I trust you.

464
00:33:00,645 --> 00:33:02,397
If you get hungry, eat peaches.

465
00:33:05,525 --> 00:33:07,944
I did pretty good, <i>comprende?</i>

466
00:33:08,028 --> 00:33:10,363
And this time,
I'm gonna drive, <i>amigo.</i>

467
00:33:10,489 --> 00:33:14,367
Which is what I should have done
in the first place, <i>muchacho.</i>

468
00:33:34,304 --> 00:33:35,555
Why don't you use a handkerchief

469
00:33:35,639 --> 00:33:38,099
so you don't get
peach juice all over me?

470
00:33:38,183 --> 00:33:41,478
You think we're pulling in to
the Pebble Beach Country Club?

471
00:33:58,912 --> 00:34:01,414
Don't give up. We're almost home.

472
00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:04,125
It's not gonna make it.
It's not in the cards.

473
00:34:04,376 --> 00:34:07,295
We're riding a dead horse,
we're coming in for the funeral.

474
00:34:07,379 --> 00:34:09,714
Stop being such a pessimist.

475
00:34:10,006 --> 00:34:12,759
- I bet you we make this hill.
- How much?

476
00:34:13,802 --> 00:34:19,015
Come on... Almost... Yes! I knew it!

477
00:34:19,140 --> 00:34:22,435
Never count me out
till the fat lady divorces me.

478
00:34:24,271 --> 00:34:25,605
What is that?

479
00:34:26,273 --> 00:34:29,192
Maybe they want
some free peaches.

480
00:34:30,527 --> 00:34:32,571
<i>All right, stop the truck!</i>

481
00:34:38,493 --> 00:34:40,036
Are they talking to us?

482
00:34:40,161 --> 00:34:42,539
That's a lot of cops
to give one ticket.

483
00:34:42,706 --> 00:34:46,001
<i>Step out of the vehicle! Now!</i>

484
00:34:50,046 --> 00:34:51,464
Put your hands
where we can see them.

485
00:34:52,257 --> 00:34:54,467
I think there is
some kind of mistake here.

486
00:34:56,011 --> 00:34:59,598
We didn't steal the truck
and we didn't pick any peaches.

487
00:35:00,265 --> 00:35:04,728
- On the ground, now!
- Cuff them.

488
00:35:07,439 --> 00:35:11,818
Do you think this is about offering
that kid money in the bathroom?

489
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:16,406
You're under arrest for violation
of California Immigration law 1407.

490
00:35:16,656 --> 00:35:19,993
Transportation of illegal aliens.
You have the right to remain silent.

491
00:35:20,076 --> 00:35:22,329
You two jokers, step forward.

492
00:35:23,204 --> 00:35:24,289
Let's go.

493
00:35:28,293 --> 00:35:30,170
What's so amusing now?

494
00:35:30,712 --> 00:35:32,088
Nothing, I was just thinking

495
00:35:32,213 --> 00:35:34,466
of how are we going to tell
Hannah and Brucey

496
00:35:34,549 --> 00:35:36,843
why we are 40 years late
for their wedding?

497
00:35:37,344 --> 00:35:39,554
Stop worrying, we'll get out of this.

498
00:35:39,638 --> 00:35:43,350
Not without a lawyer we won't.
Have you got a lawyer?

499
00:35:43,433 --> 00:35:45,977
Yeah, in Florida. He's 92.

500
00:35:46,394 --> 00:35:50,273
It takes him six hours to walk to
the telephone. The case will be over.

501
00:35:50,815 --> 00:35:52,233
We'll just tell them the truth.

502
00:35:54,903 --> 00:35:56,112
There's our guy!

503
00:35:59,324 --> 00:36:02,535
How is your
dying mama, <i>compadre?</i>

504
00:36:02,744 --> 00:36:05,789
<i>- Mucho</i> better, <i>gracias.</i>
- I'll send her a crate of peaches.

505
00:36:05,872 --> 00:36:10,210
- Are you going to tell them the truth?
- I told them the truth.

506
00:36:10,335 --> 00:36:13,922
I said you picked me up,
gave me a ride

507
00:36:14,255 --> 00:36:18,468
then I saw my friends, they took me
home and that's the truth, no?

508
00:36:19,094 --> 00:36:22,389
He's got a better story then ours.
I think we're in trouble.

509
00:36:22,722 --> 00:36:25,558
- Oscar Madison. Felix Ungar.
- Yeah, here we are.

510
00:36:25,684 --> 00:36:27,018
We're present. Right here.

511
00:36:27,143 --> 00:36:30,021
- Let's go.
- I told you, didn't I?

512
00:36:30,355 --> 00:36:32,857
If we go down, you go down with us!

513
00:36:32,941 --> 00:36:36,486
Are you Dirty Harry?
You watch too much television.

514
00:36:37,487 --> 00:36:38,613
Okay.

515
00:36:38,822 --> 00:36:43,535
Tell me one more time how the
rented car caught fire and exploded.

516
00:36:43,660 --> 00:36:46,996
He called me a shithead
and punched the car.

517
00:36:47,163 --> 00:36:50,709
- It went rolling down the hill.
- Why did you punch the car?

518
00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:54,087
Because the shithead threw
the directions out the window

519
00:36:54,170 --> 00:36:56,673
and left my suitcase
at the Rent A Car agency.

520
00:36:56,881 --> 00:36:58,883
Why did you throw away
the directions?

521
00:36:59,175 --> 00:37:04,305
They caught fire from my cigar ashes
and were burning on my crotch!

522
00:37:04,556 --> 00:37:06,933
First time he's hot down there
for years.

523
00:37:07,016 --> 00:37:09,644
I just wanted to remind you
of how it felt.

524
00:37:09,728 --> 00:37:12,856
Okay, boys. Calm down.

525
00:37:14,649 --> 00:37:16,317
You two don't
get along too well, do you?

526
00:37:16,401 --> 00:37:17,444
Oh, that's not true.

527
00:37:17,527 --> 00:37:20,739
There was a period of 17 years
that was wonderful.

528
00:37:21,114 --> 00:37:23,700
Then we saw each other again.

529
00:37:23,783 --> 00:37:28,705
- Who is getting married?
- My daughter and his son.

530
00:37:38,715 --> 00:37:39,674
Well...

531
00:37:39,758 --> 00:37:42,343
These other officers
and myself all agree

532
00:37:42,886 --> 00:37:46,181
that if you two can't find your way
to your own children's wedding,

533
00:37:46,222 --> 00:37:48,183
there isn't a chance in hell
you could smuggle

534
00:37:48,224 --> 00:37:50,143
20 illegal aliens across the border.

535
00:37:50,435 --> 00:37:53,021
Besides we just got a confession
from the truck driver.

536
00:37:53,438 --> 00:37:54,731
You are free to go.

537
00:37:54,814 --> 00:37:57,108
Thank you.
We appreciate it, officer.

538
00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:02,363
Wait a minute.
There's a matter of false arrest here.

539
00:38:02,447 --> 00:38:05,241
I happen to have one
of the finest legal minds

540
00:38:05,408 --> 00:38:07,744
for an attorney in the state of Florida.

541
00:38:09,537 --> 00:38:12,999
- Let's go!
- You may hear from him.

542
00:38:14,709 --> 00:38:16,878
We still don't know
how to get to the wedding.

543
00:38:17,003 --> 00:38:18,546
There's a girl outside
at the computer.

544
00:38:18,630 --> 00:38:20,673
Give her the family's name.
She'll run it down.

545
00:38:20,799 --> 00:38:23,051
Okay, thank you very much.

546
00:38:27,806 --> 00:38:32,352
Hello, Felix? We've been worried.

547
00:38:32,769 --> 00:38:35,271
Unfortunately, we took a wrong turn.

548
00:38:35,814 --> 00:38:37,148
Everywhere.

549
00:38:37,732 --> 00:38:41,986
- What was the name of the town?
- San Malina.

550
00:38:42,153 --> 00:38:46,658
San Malina. That's right.
That's what I kept saying to Oscar.

551
00:38:46,741 --> 00:38:50,203
- Where are you?
- In a little town called...

552
00:38:52,622 --> 00:38:56,793
Santa Menendez. I don't know
how far it is from where you are.

553
00:38:57,502 --> 00:39:00,421
- About five hours.
- Five hours?

554
00:39:00,839 --> 00:39:02,048
If you know the way.

555
00:39:02,173 --> 00:39:04,884
- Is there a hotel here?
- Down the street.

556
00:39:08,721 --> 00:39:12,392
Felix! Our new underwear
has arrived. Catch!

557
00:39:14,394 --> 00:39:16,521
Caught that like a major leaguer.

558
00:39:17,814 --> 00:39:22,610
Look at these shorts.
I could be a waitress at a crap game.

559
00:39:24,571 --> 00:39:28,449
If you wiggle your fanny right,
you can make double sixes.

560
00:39:29,534 --> 00:39:30,952
Let's get a drink.

561
00:39:49,762 --> 00:39:52,473
This doesn't look like
our kind of crowd.

562
00:39:52,557 --> 00:39:55,184
If anyone gets tough,
just show him your underwear.

563
00:39:56,352 --> 00:40:00,273
- What will it be?
- A dry Martini on the rocks, please.

564
00:40:00,356 --> 00:40:01,691
Martini?

565
00:40:04,694 --> 00:40:08,114
- How about you?
- A double scotch for me, please.

566
00:40:13,286 --> 00:40:14,621
Evening.

567
00:40:15,997 --> 00:40:17,123
Hi.

568
00:40:17,749 --> 00:40:19,208
Beautiful weather, isn't it?

569
00:40:20,793 --> 00:40:22,587
Just terrific, honey.

570
00:40:28,259 --> 00:40:32,055
If you are thinking what I think
you're thinking, forget it!

571
00:40:32,180 --> 00:40:35,016
- I'm not thinking, I'm talking.
- Don't.

572
00:40:35,099 --> 00:40:39,145
This is my friend, Felix.
They call me Oscar.

573
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:43,983
Hi, Felix. Hi, Oscar. I'm Thelma.

574
00:40:44,108 --> 00:40:47,195
Thelma? You're not Louise, are you?

575
00:40:47,403 --> 00:40:53,284
Like I haven't been asked that
about a million times. I'm Holly.

576
00:40:53,826 --> 00:40:56,996
That's a very nice name,
especially around Christmas.

577
00:40:57,997 --> 00:41:02,627
- He's cute.
- Are you staying here at the hotel?

578
00:41:02,794 --> 00:41:06,422
- We're just passing through.
- So are we. Where are you headed?

579
00:41:07,340 --> 00:41:12,011
- Maybe Lake Tahoe, maybe Vegas.
- Just lovers of the open road, eh?

580
00:41:14,389 --> 00:41:17,934
We're saving our money.
We've got a van out back.

581
00:41:18,309 --> 00:41:21,980
That couldn't be very comfortable
to sleep in, could it?

582
00:41:22,814 --> 00:41:25,525
Oscar, If I didn't know better,

583
00:41:25,608 --> 00:41:28,319
I'd say a nice old grandfather
like you

584
00:41:28,403 --> 00:41:30,363
was trying to hit on
a couple of ladies.

585
00:41:30,613 --> 00:41:32,323
I'm not as old as I look.

586
00:41:32,657 --> 00:41:35,368
I had this plastic surgery
done recently.

587
00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:37,370
The quack doctor botched it up.

588
00:41:39,998 --> 00:41:43,918
- Your friend doesn't say much.
- He's the doctor.

589
00:41:47,964 --> 00:41:49,132
Are you okay, doc?

590
00:41:49,215 --> 00:41:51,676
I put your mouth
in the wrong place.

591
00:41:55,888 --> 00:41:58,683
He's still upset
because they took his license away.

592
00:42:01,227 --> 00:42:04,897
We're closing the kitchen in half
an hour if you still want dinner.

593
00:42:05,606 --> 00:42:08,109
Excuse me, we haven't eaten all day.

594
00:42:09,068 --> 00:42:11,738
Where are your manners, Felix?

595
00:42:12,113 --> 00:42:16,409
Perhaps the ladies would like to join
us before they retire to their van?

596
00:42:16,868 --> 00:42:18,327
Yeah, sure. Okay.

597
00:42:18,745 --> 00:42:23,374
We'll meet you at the table.
After we've freshened up.

598
00:42:25,460 --> 00:42:27,837
Are you crazy?
Two middle-aged bikers.

599
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:30,131
They're tougher
than the guys in the jail.

600
00:42:30,381 --> 00:42:33,342
And have you thought
what we could get?

601
00:42:33,593 --> 00:42:36,137
"Lucky" is the only word
that comes to mind.

602
00:42:37,013 --> 00:42:38,347
I'm not gonna let you do this.

603
00:42:39,432 --> 00:42:40,892
I know it's not gonna happen.

604
00:42:40,975 --> 00:42:43,478
They wouldn't even
come up to our room.

605
00:42:43,895 --> 00:42:47,774
And it would take two years for you
and me to climb into their van.

606
00:42:47,857 --> 00:42:51,444
And the last thing I want them
to see is our underwear.

607
00:42:51,527 --> 00:42:53,071
What are you doing this for?

608
00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:58,326
To be wanted. To get close
to it happening one more time.

609
00:42:58,868 --> 00:43:00,828
The wick is almost out.

610
00:43:01,537 --> 00:43:06,375
All I want is for the candle to glow
rather than curse the darkness.

611
00:43:06,459 --> 00:43:10,505
It's not going out.
Not yours, not mine.

612
00:43:11,047 --> 00:43:16,803
I still have hope that somewhere,
we'll find the right lamplighter.

613
00:43:18,262 --> 00:43:20,389
We just used so many metaphors,

614
00:43:20,473 --> 00:43:22,975
I forgot what the hell
we were talking about.

615
00:43:23,267 --> 00:43:26,437
- Good evening.
- Good evening, sir.

616
00:43:26,521 --> 00:43:28,356
Are you gentlemen here
for the seminar?

617
00:43:28,439 --> 00:43:29,899
What seminar?

618
00:43:30,108 --> 00:43:36,197
"Life-Does It really Have To End?"
Dr. John Boxer. I'm 84 myself.

619
00:43:37,115 --> 00:43:38,783
Dr. Boxer sees no reason why

620
00:43:38,866 --> 00:43:42,036
I shouldn't be around to
celebrate the year 2020.

621
00:43:42,453 --> 00:43:45,289
Maybe longer.
The seminar ends tomorrow.

622
00:43:45,581 --> 00:43:47,959
But I have to get back to San Malina

623
00:43:48,167 --> 00:43:50,586
for my daughter's
sixty-third birthday.

624
00:43:52,463 --> 00:43:53,756
That's where we're going.

625
00:43:54,173 --> 00:43:58,553
- Fancy that! You need a lift?
- They tell us it's a five hour drive.

626
00:43:58,678 --> 00:44:01,514
Come with me. You'll be there
in less than two hours.

627
00:44:01,889 --> 00:44:04,016
We leave at 6:00 am, on the dot.

628
00:44:04,142 --> 00:44:06,936
- 6:00 am?
- That sounds great to me.

629
00:44:07,019 --> 00:44:09,355
That's a little early for me.

630
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:11,607
You'll never live a long life
sleeping late.

631
00:44:11,816 --> 00:44:16,779
I may have some business tonight
with friends from Lake Tahoe.

632
00:44:17,822 --> 00:44:24,120
These creeps closed the bar already.
But don't worry, I stay open all night.

633
00:44:28,249 --> 00:44:32,086
I like a quiet man.
Talking always slows things up.

634
00:44:34,338 --> 00:44:36,215
Perhaps I was wrong.

635
00:44:37,425 --> 00:44:41,220
6:00 am would be rather early
for men like you.

636
00:44:43,055 --> 00:44:44,891
- Good night.
- Bye.

637
00:44:44,974 --> 00:44:47,518
You go to Tahoe! I'm going with him.

638
00:44:50,396 --> 00:44:54,734
What are two wide awake girls going
to do with one hunky, funny guy?

639
00:44:55,067 --> 00:44:58,029
Why don't we all write a suggestion
on a piece of paper?

640
00:45:02,366 --> 00:45:04,785
I wish your cute boy scout friend
would come back.

641
00:45:04,869 --> 00:45:06,579
I'm just itching to dance.

642
00:45:07,330 --> 00:45:09,582
I'll go get him. Don't scratch yet.

643
00:45:10,082 --> 00:45:13,794
I'll see you at six o'clock
in the morning. Thanks again.

644
00:45:14,170 --> 00:45:16,088
I'm coming with you, I promise.

645
00:45:16,172 --> 00:45:18,633
Do me one favor,
come inside and dance for me.

646
00:45:18,674 --> 00:45:20,509
Why would I want to dance for you?

647
00:45:20,593 --> 00:45:23,846
Because I'm hunky,
the other one is itchy.

648
00:45:25,223 --> 00:45:28,643
Come in and dance and you can call
the shots the rest of the way.

649
00:45:43,366 --> 00:45:47,411
You're a very smooth dancer.
What's your secret?

650
00:45:48,037 --> 00:45:49,705
Leather soles.

651
00:45:52,375 --> 00:45:53,918
Got anything closer?

652
00:45:55,503 --> 00:45:57,338
I went to high school
with a boy like you.

653
00:45:57,421 --> 00:45:59,006
Who was he, the principal?

654
00:46:01,259 --> 00:46:06,264
- What are you, divorced or single?
- Something like that.

655
00:46:09,934 --> 00:46:13,396
You have very strong hands.
You work out?

656
00:46:13,646 --> 00:46:16,357
No, but my door at home
gets stuck a lot.

657
00:46:18,985 --> 00:46:20,236
Having fun?

658
00:46:20,319 --> 00:46:23,906
Yes. But I think I'm stuck
to your Velcro.

659
00:46:46,721 --> 00:46:49,390
Someone wants to know
if there's a Thelma and Holly here.

660
00:46:50,641 --> 00:46:53,686
- What does he sound like?
- Drunk and real mad.

661
00:46:53,853 --> 00:46:57,189
- Got to go.
- Now? We just met.

662
00:46:57,273 --> 00:47:00,276
I know, but we'll always
have Santa Menendez.

663
00:47:00,776 --> 00:47:02,486
You've never met me,
you never saw me,

664
00:47:02,570 --> 00:47:04,071
you never danced with me.

665
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:10,745
Are you satisfied?

666
00:47:11,495 --> 00:47:15,124
Satisfying is not how
I would describe it.

667
00:47:20,338 --> 00:47:25,009
Remember what we agreed on.
I call the shots now, right?

668
00:47:25,676 --> 00:47:28,721
- Ready for lights out?
- Yeah, ready.

669
00:47:37,355 --> 00:47:38,689
Oscar! Oscar!

670
00:47:39,815 --> 00:47:41,192
Where are we?

671
00:47:41,984 --> 00:47:47,740
- Where are we? We're in a hotel.
- I know, but where is the hotel?

672
00:47:48,616 --> 00:47:51,786
In California,
in one of them Santa-places.

673
00:47:52,578 --> 00:47:56,082
I woke up and was lost.
I got scared.

674
00:47:56,290 --> 00:47:58,334
Do you ever wake up
and get scared?

675
00:47:58,459 --> 00:48:03,130
Yeah, when I wake up
and I see you staring at me.

676
00:48:03,714 --> 00:48:05,466
I'm glad you're here.

677
00:48:05,966 --> 00:48:09,428
I don't mind being alone
but not in strange places.

678
00:48:10,179 --> 00:48:11,931
I guess it's a part of getting old.

679
00:48:12,139 --> 00:48:14,100
You want to know
how to not feel old?

680
00:48:15,226 --> 00:48:18,354
Hang around with people
who are older than you.

681
00:48:19,730 --> 00:48:21,941
- Thanks, Oz.
- You're welcome.

682
00:48:22,108 --> 00:48:26,779
Get some sleep, will you?
Everything is gonna be all right.

683
00:48:36,997 --> 00:48:38,791
How about this!

684
00:48:40,709 --> 00:48:41,961
How about that!

685
00:48:42,044 --> 00:48:44,255
Probably gets two blocks
to the gallon.

686
00:48:46,549 --> 00:48:49,885
Glad to see you both could make it.
Climb in, boys.

687
00:48:51,512 --> 00:48:55,141
Thank you very much.
You certainly are prompt.

688
00:48:55,433 --> 00:48:58,144
There are only four of these left
in the country and I own them all.

689
00:48:59,145 --> 00:49:02,148
- You're a collector?
- No, the other three are for parts.

690
00:49:03,232 --> 00:49:04,775
Hang on to your hats, boys.

691
00:49:25,212 --> 00:49:27,673
Is this as fast as it goes?

692
00:49:28,048 --> 00:49:32,219
It takes a few minutes to warm up
and then we ride like the wind.

693
00:50:30,903 --> 00:50:33,864
It's been a half hour
and the wind is going faster than us.

694
00:50:34,156 --> 00:50:36,992
Actually, we're doing 85 right now.

695
00:50:37,243 --> 00:50:39,995
No, that's your clock, sir.
It says 8:25.

696
00:50:40,412 --> 00:50:42,623
Don't mind that clock,
it always breaks down.

697
00:50:45,167 --> 00:50:47,586
No offense,
but do you really think

698
00:50:47,670 --> 00:50:50,339
we can make San Malina
in two hours?

699
00:50:51,090 --> 00:50:53,050
- Who said that?
- You did last night.

700
00:50:55,010 --> 00:50:56,762
I think you misunderstood me.

701
00:50:56,845 --> 00:51:01,767
What I meant was I can make
this five hour trip seem like two hours.

702
00:51:01,892 --> 00:51:06,105
Take in the scenery, relax,
enjoy being alive and well.

703
00:51:06,438 --> 00:51:09,858
Doing that, I made it back once
in an hour and 20 minutes.

704
00:51:17,575 --> 00:51:22,037
Excuse me, the scent of the trees
and flowers always intoxicate me.

705
00:51:22,413 --> 00:51:25,666
If you're intoxicated,
I'd be glad to be the designated driver.

706
00:51:26,375 --> 00:51:27,501
No, I'm fine.

707
00:51:38,512 --> 00:51:43,142
- Why are we stopping here?
- Are you all right?

708
00:51:47,229 --> 00:51:48,814
I think he's asleep!

709
00:51:48,897 --> 00:51:52,735
When was he awake?
Move him aside, I'll drive.

710
00:51:54,528 --> 00:51:55,946
What are you waiting for?

711
00:51:55,988 --> 00:51:59,033
He'll wake up
and the snails will start passing us.

712
00:51:59,116 --> 00:52:03,537
- He won't wake up. He's dead.
- How can you tell?

713
00:52:03,621 --> 00:52:06,040
No heartbeat and no pulse
means dead.

714
00:52:06,081 --> 00:52:07,625
I've seen that in the hospital.

715
00:52:08,167 --> 00:52:10,419
All you did was read books
and tell jokes!

716
00:52:10,502 --> 00:52:13,422
What do you want me to do,
an autopsy?

717
00:52:13,797 --> 00:52:15,341
The man is dead!

718
00:52:16,842 --> 00:52:17,926
At least he went quickly.

719
00:52:18,010 --> 00:52:20,471
You call 12 miles an hour quickly?

720
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:26,352
Oh, my God. Pull his head
back in before a bird sits on it.

721
00:52:31,899 --> 00:52:36,195
I knew it! I strained my neck.
It always happens.

722
00:52:36,278 --> 00:52:39,865
Always? You mean whenever
you try to pull a dead body back in?

723
00:52:40,449 --> 00:52:43,494
Get out and push his head
back in, I can't move.

724
00:52:57,424 --> 00:53:00,135
This guy is starting
to decompose already!

725
00:53:00,219 --> 00:53:02,471
His hairpiece blew off. Go get it.

726
00:53:02,554 --> 00:53:05,891
Why? He's dead.
Who does he got to look good for?

727
00:53:05,974 --> 00:53:11,522
Out of respect! Maybe his family
never knew. Just go get it!

728
00:53:12,898 --> 00:53:14,316
Keep an eye on him.

729
00:53:22,783 --> 00:53:26,078
It's not a hair piece any more,
it's a nest!

730
00:53:26,829 --> 00:53:28,163
Shoo him away!

731
00:53:29,540 --> 00:53:32,084
Shoo! Shoo!

732
00:53:52,438 --> 00:53:54,732
- Where did he go?
- He's on my lap.

733
00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:57,901
On your lap?

734
00:54:00,571 --> 00:54:02,990
That's not a good position.
It looks like...

735
00:54:03,073 --> 00:54:05,826
I know what it looks like.
Help me pull him up.

736
00:54:07,578 --> 00:54:08,829
Easy...

737
00:54:09,788 --> 00:54:11,081
What was that?

738
00:54:11,540 --> 00:54:14,960
It sounded like a gunshot.
Maybe it's hunting season.

739
00:54:15,043 --> 00:54:17,671
What animals would they have
around here?

740
00:54:18,005 --> 00:54:19,298
I don't know.

741
00:54:24,136 --> 00:54:26,638
Can you believe this! Get that!

742
00:54:28,015 --> 00:54:29,767
In the last three minutes

743
00:54:29,850 --> 00:54:32,770
I've walked more
than we've driven today.

744
00:54:37,775 --> 00:54:41,320
- Are you crazy?
- I didn't do it, he did!

745
00:54:41,487 --> 00:54:43,280
Check his pulse again!

746
00:54:46,700 --> 00:54:49,036
- You take it.
- I don't want it. Put it on his head.

747
00:54:51,121 --> 00:54:52,206
What are you doing?

748
00:54:52,414 --> 00:54:56,335
I got to get his name and address
so I can tell his relatives.

749
00:55:00,130 --> 00:55:01,965
This should be interesting.

750
00:55:04,968 --> 00:55:07,554
You can't stop in the middle
of the road. Pull the vehicle over.

751
00:55:08,013 --> 00:55:12,267
Then we'd have to move the driver
and as you can see, he's...

752
00:55:12,392 --> 00:55:14,436
- Is he sick?
- No.

753
00:55:15,729 --> 00:55:16,772
Is he drunk?

754
00:55:17,940 --> 00:55:20,025
No, try dead.

755
00:55:25,989 --> 00:55:28,033
- How did this happen?
- We don't know.

756
00:55:28,659 --> 00:55:31,411
We think God came down
and took him.

757
00:55:31,703 --> 00:55:33,872
Step out of the vehicle.

758
00:55:36,917 --> 00:55:40,504
So the man is dead
and you have his wallet

759
00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:45,676
riding in an antique car
worth over $150,000.

760
00:55:46,134 --> 00:55:47,553
How do you think this looks?

761
00:55:47,845 --> 00:55:49,429
To you it looks terrible,

762
00:55:49,513 --> 00:55:51,765
to my mother,
she wouldn't be that upset.

763
00:55:51,932 --> 00:55:54,434
We didn't kill him or rob him!

764
00:55:54,518 --> 00:55:57,563
You believed us before,
why don't you believe us now?

765
00:55:58,188 --> 00:56:02,526
I didn't expect you to keep bouncing
back here like a beach ball!

766
00:56:04,027 --> 00:56:09,324
- And why did you take his toupee?
- A truck whizzed by and blew it off!

767
00:56:10,659 --> 00:56:14,621
I tried to get it back. A bird sat on it.

768
00:56:14,955 --> 00:56:17,916
I shooed him and he flew away
with the hairpiece.

769
00:56:18,083 --> 00:56:22,671
- You shot him? You had a gun?
- No, I shooed him!

770
00:56:24,715 --> 00:56:28,969
Then a hunter shot him
and the bird fell down on the car.

771
00:56:29,094 --> 00:56:32,598
The hairpiece fell on the wind shield.

772
00:56:33,682 --> 00:56:38,270
I hope there is not going to be a trial.
I'd hate to repeat that story in court.

773
00:56:45,986 --> 00:56:50,365
The examination reveals
he died of natural causes

774
00:56:50,699 --> 00:56:54,286
and his daughter informed us
that he called last night

775
00:56:54,369 --> 00:57:00,000
and said he was giving a lift
to two young men he met at the hotel.

776
00:57:01,460 --> 00:57:03,712
Once again you're out of here.

777
00:57:04,046 --> 00:57:06,006
But if I see you back here
under arrest,

778
00:57:06,089 --> 00:57:08,508
I will charge you
with disturbing the law!

779
00:57:08,592 --> 00:57:10,385
You mean disturbing the peace.

780
00:57:10,510 --> 00:57:13,013
No, it's only the law
you're disturbing.

781
00:57:13,430 --> 00:57:15,766
There is a bus
that leaves in 20 minutes.

782
00:57:16,099 --> 00:57:18,560
They make a quick stop
in San Malina.

783
00:57:18,769 --> 00:57:22,147
Be on it, get off it
and stay out of my face.

784
00:57:22,981 --> 00:57:24,608
- Yes. Thank you very much.
- Good.

785
00:57:53,720 --> 00:57:56,848
I'm going to say something
that's going to surprise you.

786
00:57:57,724 --> 00:58:01,353
Why do you have to introduce
everything you say?

787
00:58:01,436 --> 00:58:03,605
It's either, "Let me
tell you something",

788
00:58:03,855 --> 00:58:06,984
or "You may not like this,
but I'll say it anyway."

789
00:58:07,150 --> 00:58:11,154
Just say it. Then I can
get back to my racing form

790
00:58:11,238 --> 00:58:13,907
and you can start thinking of
the next thing you're going to say.

791
00:58:14,282 --> 00:58:15,993
What is it?

792
00:58:16,076 --> 00:58:18,370
I actually had a good time
on this trip.

793
00:58:18,453 --> 00:58:20,038
- You did?
- Yes.

794
00:58:20,247 --> 00:58:23,166
- As much as World War II?
- I mean it.

795
00:58:23,375 --> 00:58:28,046
Sure, it was dirty, scary,
ugly and expensive.

796
00:58:28,171 --> 00:58:32,050
But I've met a lot of people
I never would have met before.

797
00:58:32,300 --> 00:58:34,344
I had an adventure.

798
00:58:34,636 --> 00:58:39,433
There's more to life than a job,
dinner alone and a TV show.

799
00:58:39,599 --> 00:58:43,061
I feel younger now
than I have in years.

800
00:58:43,186 --> 00:58:46,440
Why didn't you say this last night,
when we could have used it?

801
00:59:06,376 --> 00:59:08,879
- Oscar!
- Felix!

802
00:59:09,046 --> 00:59:10,422
- Thelma?
- Hettie?

803
00:59:10,505 --> 00:59:11,673
Holly.

804
00:59:11,757 --> 00:59:14,051
It's nice to see you girls again.

805
00:59:16,011 --> 00:59:17,262
What happened to your van?

806
00:59:17,345 --> 00:59:19,056
We dumped it,
we were being chased.

807
00:59:19,139 --> 00:59:22,059
- By the police?
- Worse, our husbands.

808
00:59:22,267 --> 00:59:24,644
- Your husbands?
- We just walked.

809
00:59:24,728 --> 00:59:26,229
You never said you were married.

810
00:59:26,396 --> 00:59:30,233
We took half our money
and hit the road.

811
00:59:30,317 --> 00:59:33,278
Won't these guys be sore
when they catch up to you?

812
00:59:34,446 --> 00:59:35,864
Fit to kill!

813
00:59:36,239 --> 00:59:40,452
Especially since they found out
we were with two men last night.

814
00:59:40,535 --> 00:59:43,455
- You were?
- They mean us, schmuck.

815
00:59:56,551 --> 00:59:57,719
Open up!

816
00:59:57,803 --> 01:00:00,680
Damn! They tracked our perfume.

817
01:00:01,932 --> 01:00:03,975
Stay put and there'll be no trouble.

818
01:00:05,102 --> 01:00:06,520
Sit tight, people.

819
01:00:06,812 --> 01:00:10,190
Oscar? I really have to pee.

820
01:00:14,069 --> 01:00:16,154
The fun is over. Time to come home.

821
01:00:17,405 --> 01:00:21,576
That shack with whiskey bottles
and bacon strips on the floor?

822
01:00:23,245 --> 01:00:27,499
Remember, we don't know them,
we've never even seen them.

823
01:00:31,128 --> 01:00:34,464
- What did you say?
- I honestly can't remember.

824
01:00:40,428 --> 01:00:42,222
That's them, isn't it?

825
01:00:42,305 --> 01:00:44,057
The bartender at the hotel
described them.

826
01:00:44,141 --> 01:00:46,101
Couple of Martini drinkers.

827
01:00:47,811 --> 01:00:52,357
Come on, honey. We don't want to
disturb the nice people on this bus.

828
01:00:52,482 --> 01:00:55,402
- That's okay.
- I wasn't talking to you, Martini.

829
01:00:56,570 --> 01:00:59,698
Come on. I've got some cold beer
waiting for you in the car.

830
01:01:04,119 --> 01:01:06,538
Let's go.
You don't want to miss the party.

831
01:01:07,831 --> 01:01:10,333
We have to go to a wedding...

832
01:01:10,500 --> 01:01:14,212
of our... But thank you all the same.

833
01:01:16,173 --> 01:01:19,301
You just don't get it, do you.
You are the party.

834
01:01:35,609 --> 01:01:40,572
We just had an innocent drink
and innocent couple of dances.

835
01:01:40,822 --> 01:01:44,284
- It was all very innocent.
- Get off the innocent thing.

836
01:01:45,327 --> 01:01:48,538
Why would these beautiful girls
want to run off

837
01:01:48,622 --> 01:01:50,624
with a couple of old geezers like us?

838
01:01:52,125 --> 01:01:54,169
When the goose wants it,
the geese come running.

839
01:01:54,252 --> 01:01:57,088
We're geezers, not geese.

840
01:01:59,341 --> 01:02:01,426
Hey, Leroy,
where do you want to stop?

841
01:02:01,676 --> 01:02:04,596
Over this hill is a stretch of woods.
That will do fine.

842
01:02:04,846 --> 01:02:06,389
Do fine for what?

843
01:02:08,391 --> 01:02:10,268
Cook us up a couple of fine geezers.

844
01:02:12,562 --> 01:02:16,775
That's funny! I'm sorry,
but that just struck me as funny.

845
01:02:18,068 --> 01:02:19,527
Damn it to hell!

846
01:02:22,697 --> 01:02:25,283
Don't worry. I know them personally.

847
01:02:36,920 --> 01:02:38,713
Don't you even want to
talk about it?

848
01:02:41,967 --> 01:02:43,009
No.

849
01:02:45,136 --> 01:02:46,346
Ever?

850
01:02:47,097 --> 01:02:51,601
What's the point? No matter what
I say you two still end up in here.

851
01:02:52,686 --> 01:02:54,854
Would it be possible
to find out the results

852
01:02:54,938 --> 01:02:57,399
of the second race at Santa Anita?

853
01:02:57,565 --> 01:03:00,360
- I got a trifecta going.
- A what?

854
01:03:02,112 --> 01:03:05,740
When you pick the three winning
horses in the exact order of finish.

855
01:03:07,158 --> 01:03:08,994
We have a wedding
that we cannot get to

856
01:03:09,077 --> 01:03:11,621
and all he's got in his mind
is a trifecta.

857
01:03:11,830 --> 01:03:13,665
- I'll tell you who won.
- You know?

858
01:03:15,625 --> 01:03:20,088
I won. You are my trifecta.

859
01:03:20,255 --> 01:03:22,382
The same two men
have been arrested

860
01:03:22,465 --> 01:03:24,301
three times for
three different crimes

861
01:03:24,384 --> 01:03:26,469
and all three times by my men!

862
01:03:27,470 --> 01:03:28,763
You know what the odds are

863
01:03:28,930 --> 01:03:31,683
of that happening at
any police station?

864
01:03:32,100 --> 01:03:34,477
Roughly 12 million to one.

865
01:03:36,021 --> 01:03:39,733
And what would it be if it happened
in a small sheriff's office

866
01:03:39,774 --> 01:03:43,820
in a little town called
Santa Menendez, California?

867
01:03:44,195 --> 01:03:46,990
It would be in the trillions.
No bookie would handle it.

868
01:03:48,783 --> 01:03:51,077
Of all the differences
that we have had,

869
01:03:51,161 --> 01:03:54,914
of all the fights,
of all those petty arguments...

870
01:03:54,998 --> 01:03:58,501
We can continue talking. He's
gonna be on this for half an hour.

871
01:03:58,585 --> 01:04:03,548
Of all the times I've wanted to
choke you throat, this is the worst!

872
01:04:04,090 --> 01:04:06,634
If you say "trifecta" one more time,

873
01:04:06,718 --> 01:04:09,804
I'm going to choke you
until you are dead!

874
01:04:10,305 --> 01:04:14,893
Then that man can arrest me
one more time for one more crime,

875
01:04:14,976 --> 01:04:19,773
one more time in his office
and he's gonna have a "fourfecta"!

876
01:04:20,106 --> 01:04:23,109
So you shut the fuck up,
do you hear me?

877
01:04:23,818 --> 01:04:27,655
I think you can get a fourfecta
in Cuba, but it's a cigar.

878
01:04:28,615 --> 01:04:31,618
Let go of him! Sit down!

879
01:04:31,910 --> 01:04:34,579
Sit down! Now!

880
01:04:34,829 --> 01:04:36,247
Both of you!

881
01:04:37,916 --> 01:04:40,210
Since the ladies
gave me a statement

882
01:04:40,293 --> 01:04:43,421
that you had nothing to do
with the abduction...

883
01:04:44,631 --> 01:04:48,593
I have no reason to hold you.
I'm running for sheriff next year.

884
01:04:48,927 --> 01:04:51,930
I can't run a campaign
of mostly arresting you two!

885
01:04:52,097 --> 01:04:53,723
I wouldn't advice it.

886
01:04:54,432 --> 01:04:58,228
If I promise to get you to San Malina
in time for the wedding

887
01:04:58,812 --> 01:05:04,275
guarantee you will never come
within 100 miles of this town.

888
01:05:04,484 --> 01:05:06,611
No, 200. Make it 300.

889
01:05:06,694 --> 01:05:11,157
Since this is the first time in
74 years that I have been here,

890
01:05:11,241 --> 01:05:14,828
- the odds of me coming...
- Don't finish that sentence!

891
01:05:15,078 --> 01:05:18,456
All right, let's go.

892
01:05:18,790 --> 01:05:20,083
The wedding is at five o'clock.

893
01:05:20,166 --> 01:05:21,751
How are we going to
get there in time?

894
01:05:22,085 --> 01:05:24,295
Leave that to me.

895
01:05:24,629 --> 01:05:28,466
I wish you had subways around
here. I never get lost in subways.

896
01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:32,429
I'll wait for you.

897
01:05:33,263 --> 01:05:34,597
They made up?

898
01:05:35,473 --> 01:05:37,225
The boys will spend a month in jail

899
01:05:37,308 --> 01:05:39,269
for using firearms
on a public vehicle.

900
01:05:39,602 --> 01:05:43,148
They always get a month. It's
the fifth time they have done this!

901
01:05:44,274 --> 01:05:45,733
It's a "fivefecta".

902
01:05:46,276 --> 01:05:48,570
There is an airport
about five miles from here.

903
01:05:48,862 --> 01:05:53,199
You can't land in San Malina, but in
Rockport. It's a 20 minute cab drive.

904
01:05:53,658 --> 01:05:55,910
Rockport is a name
I could've remembered.

905
01:05:56,035 --> 01:05:59,914
The flight will take 40 minutes.
This car will drop you off at the airport.

906
01:06:00,373 --> 01:06:03,835
A police car!
Finally a ride I can feel safe in.

907
01:06:04,127 --> 01:06:08,840
I hope you won't be offended,
but I hope I never see you again.

908
01:06:09,424 --> 01:06:11,843
- Get out of here.
- If you'd like an endorsement...

909
01:06:12,051 --> 01:06:13,219
No.

910
01:06:15,930 --> 01:06:20,351
Andy, If those guys commit
a triple murder, or rob a bank...

911
01:06:22,479 --> 01:06:23,813
just let them go.

912
01:06:29,277 --> 01:06:30,945
If some travel agent
booked this trip,

913
01:06:31,070 --> 01:06:32,697
we could have sued them
for a fortune.

914
01:06:32,822 --> 01:06:37,368
Everything happens for a reason.
All this isn't for nothing.

915
01:06:37,827 --> 01:06:41,247
I have a feeling there's
a divine pay off at the end.

916
01:06:41,706 --> 01:06:43,958
You want to buy my half?
I'll sell it cheap.

917
01:06:44,334 --> 01:06:48,379
Here we are.
We're gonna actually make it.

918
01:06:48,463 --> 01:06:49,547
Oscar?

919
01:06:51,299 --> 01:06:54,552
- Is that you? It is you!
- Who's that?

920
01:06:57,555 --> 01:06:59,891
I'm Felice Adams, Blanche's sister.

921
01:07:00,350 --> 01:07:06,606
Felice? I didn't recognize you.
You haven't changed in 30 years!

922
01:07:06,689 --> 01:07:10,735
Thank you. I guess we're both
going to the wedding, aren't we?

923
01:07:11,528 --> 01:07:13,863
Are you here with
your husband, Larry?

924
01:07:15,657 --> 01:07:17,659
Barry. He passed away
four years ago.

925
01:07:17,742 --> 01:07:19,202
I'm sorry to hear that.

926
01:07:19,536 --> 01:07:23,331
- You had two daughters?
- Now two granddaughters.

927
01:07:23,581 --> 01:07:25,416
Isn't that something.

928
01:07:27,210 --> 01:07:29,212
This is my friend, Felix Ungar.

929
01:07:29,337 --> 01:07:34,342
- Felice, sister of my ex-wife.
- Felix Ungar?

930
01:07:35,885 --> 01:07:40,431
- Blanche talked about you a lot.
- I've changed since then.

931
01:07:40,557 --> 01:07:41,599
Haven't we all.

932
01:07:43,851 --> 01:07:46,938
They are boarding.
I'll see you on the plane.

933
01:07:52,735 --> 01:07:54,737
- We have to talk.
- About what?

934
01:07:55,947 --> 01:07:57,490
On the plane.

935
01:08:05,623 --> 01:08:09,002
- Have a good flight.
- Thank you, you too.

936
01:08:09,419 --> 01:08:10,795
And you.

937
01:08:13,631 --> 01:08:17,635
- If you want to talk, talk.
- Wait till the seat belt sign is off.

938
01:08:17,927 --> 01:08:21,264
You can't talk with your seat belt on?
Is that a new federal law?

939
01:08:21,347 --> 01:08:24,225
When it's on, it can get bumpy.

940
01:08:24,684 --> 01:08:27,645
I don't want anything interrupting
what I'm going to say.

941
01:08:41,367 --> 01:08:44,329
Okay, it's safe, we're bumpless.
What have you got to say?

942
01:08:44,454 --> 01:08:46,289
- That's the woman.
- What woman?

943
01:08:47,165 --> 01:08:49,751
The "somewhere,
some place in this world,

944
01:08:49,834 --> 01:08:52,045
there is the right woman
for me" woman.

945
01:08:52,295 --> 01:08:55,173
- Felice?
- Even the name is right.

946
01:08:55,590 --> 01:09:01,220
Felice-Felix. The first three letters
are identical. It's like an omen.

947
01:09:01,304 --> 01:09:04,515
I'm telling you, this is the one.

948
01:09:04,724 --> 01:09:07,935
Who's going to tell her
you're the one?

949
01:09:08,186 --> 01:09:09,395
Me.

950
01:09:10,104 --> 01:09:13,566
With the "somewhere,
some place in this world" speech?

951
01:09:13,858 --> 01:09:18,029
Give me some credit. I've done
this 10 or 12 times already.

952
01:09:18,988 --> 01:09:22,825
Help me figure out a reason
to get up and sit next to her.

953
01:09:23,034 --> 01:09:27,580
How about... I don't know.
How about your seat is broken?

954
01:09:27,664 --> 01:09:30,750
No, I'm a bad liar.
She'll know I'm lying.

955
01:09:30,833 --> 01:09:32,627
How about if I break your seat?

956
01:09:33,336 --> 01:09:35,505
Forget it. Wish me luck.

957
01:09:35,838 --> 01:09:37,674
Are you going to tell me
what the plan is?

958
01:09:38,925 --> 01:09:42,095
Just watch me. Move your legs.

959
01:09:46,516 --> 01:09:50,019
- Good day for flying.
- Yes, perfect weather.

960
01:09:54,357 --> 01:09:55,775
Exactly.

961
01:10:03,616 --> 01:10:04,992
Some plan.

962
01:10:13,126 --> 01:10:16,963
If you, you chicken-hearted,
gutless wimp

963
01:10:17,255 --> 01:10:22,385
if you don't go back and sit next to
that woman, you and I are through!

964
01:10:23,136 --> 01:10:24,303
Do you hear?

965
01:11:01,674 --> 01:11:07,388
Had a nice chat, old buddy,
pal, dear close friend of mine?

966
01:11:07,680 --> 01:11:12,894
- Relax. I just set it all up for you.
- What did you say to her?

967
01:11:13,102 --> 01:11:17,190
I told her you were writing an article
for "New York Sunday Times"

968
01:11:17,440 --> 01:11:20,401
about widowed women
and womanless men

969
01:11:20,485 --> 01:11:23,446
and that you would like to ask her
a few questions.

970
01:11:23,654 --> 01:11:26,824
- She said, "Absolutely!"
- Why did you tell her that for?

971
01:11:26,908 --> 01:11:28,868
It's better than you
going in to the john

972
01:11:28,951 --> 01:11:30,870
and banging on the walls again.

973
01:11:31,788 --> 01:11:32,789
Are you going,

974
01:11:32,830 --> 01:11:35,833
or do I have to get a food trolley
and wheel you over there?

975
01:11:36,626 --> 01:11:38,586
- I'm going. I'm going.
- Good.

976
01:11:44,634 --> 01:11:46,552
- May I?
- Please do.

977
01:11:52,391 --> 01:11:56,103
First I must explain
about this article that I'm writing.

978
01:11:56,187 --> 01:11:57,522
What article?

979
01:11:59,023 --> 01:12:02,568
The one Oscar told you I was writing
for "The New York Sunday Times".

980
01:12:02,735 --> 01:12:04,153
He never told me that.

981
01:12:04,612 --> 01:12:05,988
He never...

982
01:12:08,032 --> 01:12:12,036
- What was he saying to you?
- That you wanted to meet me

983
01:12:12,161 --> 01:12:14,831
and couldn't think of a reason
to sit down next to me.

984
01:12:15,873 --> 01:12:19,836
I said, "Tell him to come over,
I'd like to meet him as well."

985
01:12:28,886 --> 01:12:30,596
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,
we should be arriving</i>

986
01:12:30,680 --> 01:12:34,892
<i>at Rockport's Barbra Streisand
Airport in about 20 minutes. '</i>

987
01:12:43,317 --> 01:12:46,237
How long has your late husband
been deceased?

988
01:12:46,320 --> 01:12:47,738
Almost four years.

989
01:12:48,406 --> 01:12:50,408
He was playing tennis
and had a heart attack.

990
01:12:52,243 --> 01:12:56,414
- My last wife went very quickly.
- We seem to have a lot in common.

991
01:12:57,790 --> 01:13:00,459
I just realized, we practically
have the same name.

992
01:13:00,543 --> 01:13:02,753
Felix-Felice, same first three letters.

993
01:13:03,963 --> 01:13:06,924
- Did that occur to you?
- No, but now that you mention it.

994
01:13:07,550 --> 01:13:11,721
And both of you don't wear glasses.
That's uncanny.

995
01:13:15,892 --> 01:13:17,685
Here we are.

996
01:13:18,352 --> 01:13:23,357
I swear to you, this is it.
What a place!

997
01:13:30,823 --> 01:13:32,450
Thank God you're here!

998
01:13:33,868 --> 01:13:36,203
- What a mess.
- What is it, what's wrong?

999
01:13:36,287 --> 01:13:39,373
I can't say it. Blanche, you tell him.

1000
01:13:39,874 --> 01:13:43,920
- It's Brucey. He's gone!
- Gone where?

1001
01:13:44,003 --> 01:13:47,298
He disappeared!
He wasn't in his room.

1002
01:13:47,465 --> 01:13:48,758
We even called the police.

1003
01:13:49,300 --> 01:13:52,595
Calm down, don't cry. It's
bad luck to cry before a wedding.

1004
01:13:52,678 --> 01:13:56,307
No, it's only bad luck if the groom
isn't here before the wedding.

1005
01:13:56,390 --> 01:13:59,894
- Didn't he leave a message?
- Nothing, not a clue!

1006
01:13:59,977 --> 01:14:03,314
He'll show up.
My kid never ducked anything.

1007
01:14:04,607 --> 01:14:06,984
How is Hannah?
Can I see my daughter?

1008
01:14:07,276 --> 01:14:10,279
She's upstairs getting dressed.
I haven't told her.

1009
01:14:10,571 --> 01:14:12,323
What do you mean
you haven't told her?

1010
01:14:12,865 --> 01:14:15,701
What are you waiting for,
her fifth anniversary of being alone?

1011
01:14:15,785 --> 01:14:20,039
- Don't yell at me!
- I'm yelling at the situation!

1012
01:14:20,373 --> 01:14:23,918
- You haven't changed in 30 years!
- I don't believe this woman!

1013
01:14:24,001 --> 01:14:26,921
I haven't seen her for 50 years

1014
01:14:27,088 --> 01:14:30,007
and she's still trying to finish
the last fight that we had!

1015
01:14:30,216 --> 01:14:34,261
Everybody, please stop
behaving like children!

1016
01:14:35,763 --> 01:14:39,600
We tried to put this wedding
together in three days

1017
01:14:39,642 --> 01:14:43,771
while you take a casual
joyride in getting here!

1018
01:14:43,896 --> 01:14:45,064
Casual?

1019
01:14:45,564 --> 01:14:47,566
It's always the woman's fault, right?

1020
01:14:49,610 --> 01:14:52,029
Stop pointing your finger at me
and yelling!

1021
01:14:52,238 --> 01:14:54,907
You got two other husbands here
to do that with.

1022
01:14:55,032 --> 01:14:57,535
Come on, Felix. I want to
talk to you about something.

1023
01:15:01,497 --> 01:15:05,376
How about that, Frances?
I would love to divorce her again!

1024
01:15:06,544 --> 01:15:08,045
What do you think
happened to Brucey?

1025
01:15:08,129 --> 01:15:09,088
I don't know.

1026
01:15:09,171 --> 01:15:12,258
- What did you call me out here for?
- I thought you might have an idea.

1027
01:15:12,425 --> 01:15:15,344
If I did, I'd have called you out.
What do we do?

1028
01:15:16,012 --> 01:15:17,138
We wait and see.

1029
01:15:17,221 --> 01:15:19,390
Worst comes to worst,
we postpone the wedding.

1030
01:15:21,017 --> 01:15:22,935
I'm not going to have
my daughter humiliated

1031
01:15:23,019 --> 01:15:25,021
because of your ditzy son!

1032
01:15:25,604 --> 01:15:30,609
Watch what you say about my son.
Maybe Hannah is the wacky one.

1033
01:15:30,693 --> 01:15:33,946
Hannah, wacky? My Hannah, wacky?

1034
01:15:34,030 --> 01:15:37,908
Stop repeating that,
it sounds like a Hawaiian hotel.

1035
01:15:37,992 --> 01:15:40,119
I don't know which one caused this!

1036
01:15:41,162 --> 01:15:45,249
If he breaks her heart that boy
will have to deal with me!

1037
01:15:45,833 --> 01:15:48,669
Are you threatening to get physical
with my son?

1038
01:15:48,794 --> 01:15:51,213
If that's what it takes, yes!

1039
01:15:51,589 --> 01:15:54,050
Get your nose off my nose

1040
01:15:54,133 --> 01:15:57,303
before I sneeze your brains
into a tiny Kleenex!

1041
01:15:57,386 --> 01:16:00,639
- That's it!
- They found him!

1042
01:16:01,390 --> 01:16:03,517
They found him!

1043
01:16:05,394 --> 01:16:08,189
- A police helicopter spotted him.
- Where?

1044
01:16:08,355 --> 01:16:09,940
Where, for God's sakes?

1045
01:16:10,524 --> 01:16:11,984
<i>Do you need assistance?</i>

1046
01:16:20,618 --> 01:16:22,995
He's not going anywhere.

1047
01:16:23,913 --> 01:16:27,208
Everybody, please back off!

1048
01:16:27,541 --> 01:16:30,461
He's not on the roof because he's
anxious to speak to everyone.

1049
01:16:30,753 --> 01:16:33,464
- I'll go alone.
- How will we know what's going on?

1050
01:16:33,756 --> 01:16:35,216
I'll tell him to talk loud.

1051
01:16:43,349 --> 01:16:45,059
Brucey, hi!

1052
01:16:46,477 --> 01:16:49,730
- Beautiful day, isn't it?
- Hiya, Pop.

1053
01:16:52,274 --> 01:16:56,403
I hope you don't think I'm meddling,
but are you coming to the wedding?

1054
01:16:58,697 --> 01:17:01,408
- I was thinking about it.
- You're nervous, huh?

1055
01:17:01,492 --> 01:17:03,119
I was thinking
I'd be making a big mistake.

1056
01:17:03,202 --> 01:17:06,163
- Why is that?
- I don't trust marriage.

1057
01:17:06,831 --> 01:17:10,000
If you look at everyone here.
Look at my own family.

1058
01:17:10,251 --> 01:17:12,294
Mom was married three times.

1059
01:17:12,586 --> 01:17:15,923
You were married one time
and then never again for 30 years.

1060
01:17:16,298 --> 01:17:18,342
Hers were too many,
yours not enough.

1061
01:17:19,093 --> 01:17:22,012
What is wrong with it,
that frightens everyone so much?

1062
01:17:22,179 --> 01:17:24,306
I don't know.
It's like baseball.

1063
01:17:24,473 --> 01:17:26,851
Either you can play
or you can't play.

1064
01:17:27,434 --> 01:17:29,603
Your mother could play, I couldn't.

1065
01:17:30,020 --> 01:17:33,190
Trouble with your mother is
she kept getting traded all the time.

1066
01:17:35,442 --> 01:17:37,194
That's not the answer
I was looking for.

1067
01:17:37,611 --> 01:17:39,822
Why did you wait so long
to ask the question?

1068
01:17:39,989 --> 01:17:42,449
Because it's what
I thought I wanted.

1069
01:17:42,533 --> 01:17:46,245
Now I know that
it's not what I want.

1070
01:17:46,829 --> 01:17:49,915
- Are you sure?
- I'm sure.

1071
01:17:51,458 --> 01:17:55,379
- Then get out of it. Don't do it.
- You mean it?

1072
01:17:55,629 --> 01:17:58,591
Let me go and talk to the others.
I'll figure something out to say.

1073
01:18:00,968 --> 01:18:02,136
Pop...

1074
01:18:02,636 --> 01:18:03,971
Dad...

1075
01:18:06,015 --> 01:18:07,391
The thing is...

1076
01:18:11,520 --> 01:18:14,064
- I really love her.
- Sure you love her, now.

1077
01:18:14,857 --> 01:18:19,653
You'll have two years of excitement
and 45 years of hell. Trust me.

1078
01:18:20,529 --> 01:18:23,115
I will always love her.

1079
01:18:23,199 --> 01:18:25,492
She is the best thing
that has ever happened to me.

1080
01:18:25,576 --> 01:18:28,495
Would you be willing
to gamble your life on that?

1081
01:18:29,538 --> 01:18:31,415
I know I haven't been there
enough for you.

1082
01:18:31,665 --> 01:18:34,043
But this is the best advice
I'll give you.

1083
01:18:34,251 --> 01:18:37,171
Not getting married
is the right thing to do!

1084
01:18:37,254 --> 01:18:40,883
Maybe it's right for you,
it's wrong for me.

1085
01:18:40,966 --> 01:18:43,052
You tell everybody
I'm getting dressed.

1086
01:18:44,553 --> 01:18:46,263
Thank God you said that.

1087
01:18:46,680 --> 01:18:50,392
I didn't know how long I could
keep on talking like an asshole.

1088
01:18:52,937 --> 01:18:54,480
Thanks, Pop.

1089
01:19:01,695 --> 01:19:03,239
See you downstairs.

1090
01:19:05,991 --> 01:19:09,328
- Go away, we're not ready yet!
- Not even for your old man?

1091
01:19:10,454 --> 01:19:11,622
Dad?

1092
01:19:11,830 --> 01:19:12,998
Maria, let him in.

1093
01:19:18,254 --> 01:19:19,463
I come back soon.

1094
01:19:19,546 --> 01:19:21,924
But you smudge her dress,
and I kill you, okay?

1095
01:19:31,558 --> 01:19:35,354
Dear God, I've just seen heaven
and it's in living color.

1096
01:19:35,437 --> 01:19:36,730
Do you like it?

1097
01:19:38,023 --> 01:19:40,526
- Can I hug you?
- Yes, you better!

1098
01:19:40,859 --> 01:19:43,070
I would have postponed
if you didn't make it.

1099
01:19:45,364 --> 01:19:47,491
Have you seen Bruce?
Isn't he terrific?

1100
01:19:49,118 --> 01:19:50,452
Was it a terrible trip?

1101
01:19:50,661 --> 01:19:54,248
If you'd asked me that four hours
ago, I would've said "the pits".

1102
01:19:54,707 --> 01:19:56,667
But something happened
on the plane

1103
01:19:56,750 --> 01:19:59,295
and everything's coming up roses.

1104
01:19:59,837 --> 01:20:01,046
You've met someone.

1105
01:20:01,297 --> 01:20:03,382
- I'll tell you later.
- No, say.

1106
01:20:03,507 --> 01:20:07,845
I don't want to keep you.
I can't keep you any longer, can I?

1107
01:20:10,973 --> 01:20:13,684
I hope you don't mind my giving
the bride away dressed like this.

1108
01:20:13,767 --> 01:20:15,144
You look great to me.

1109
01:20:18,355 --> 01:20:20,524
Mr. Ungar, this just came for you.

1110
01:20:23,777 --> 01:20:25,946
On second thought,
maybe I'll spiff it up a little.

1111
01:20:28,949 --> 01:20:30,326
He's very sweet.

1112
01:20:30,784 --> 01:20:32,202
He's my daddy.

1113
01:20:32,703 --> 01:20:35,748
...with the power vested in me
by the state of California,

1114
01:20:36,373 --> 01:20:38,500
I now pronounce you man and wife.

1115
01:20:39,293 --> 01:20:40,669
You may kiss the bride.

1116
01:20:58,395 --> 01:20:59,646
Isn't this terrific!

1117
01:21:11,367 --> 01:21:15,704
Brucey baby! What a putzie!

1118
01:21:17,956 --> 01:21:19,208
Don't cry.

1119
01:21:21,543 --> 01:21:24,171
Good luck. Take care of my boy.

1120
01:21:24,254 --> 01:21:26,382
He needs a lot of cereal
in the morning.

1121
01:21:27,841 --> 01:21:29,426
Congratulations, Blanche.

1122
01:21:39,311 --> 01:21:43,232
- Are you still allergic to my perfume?
- No, that's gone.

1123
01:21:44,525 --> 01:21:47,569
It triggered an old memory
in my sinuses.

1124
01:21:57,121 --> 01:21:58,372
Excuse me.

1125
01:22:17,558 --> 01:22:19,268
Isn't she incredible?

1126
01:22:20,519 --> 01:22:23,480
Yeah, she's very beautiful.

1127
01:22:25,899 --> 01:22:27,192
Listen, Brucey...

1128
01:22:27,734 --> 01:22:31,113
I want you to take these
for you and Hannah.

1129
01:22:31,488 --> 01:22:33,574
No, Pop,
I know you're strapped for cash.

1130
01:22:33,657 --> 01:22:35,659
The gesture is enough.

1131
01:22:35,909 --> 01:22:39,580
What I have here is not cash.
Please, take it.

1132
01:22:45,419 --> 01:22:48,464
Baseball cards! You knew
I always used to save these.

1133
01:22:48,547 --> 01:22:49,840
Not those.

1134
01:22:49,923 --> 01:22:54,052
I've had these since before you
were born. These are first editions.

1135
01:22:54,553 --> 01:22:56,847
Mickey Mantle in his rookie year.

1136
01:22:58,849 --> 01:23:02,186
George Herman Ruth,
sometimes known as Babe Ruth.

1137
01:23:02,478 --> 01:23:06,356
Today that's worth $22,000.

1138
01:23:08,442 --> 01:23:09,693
I can't take these.

1139
01:23:10,652 --> 01:23:12,946
Hold them until your kids are 18.

1140
01:23:13,071 --> 01:23:15,782
It might buy him
a week or two in college.

1141
01:23:17,534 --> 01:23:18,827
You're the greatest.

1142
01:23:24,208 --> 01:23:27,586
Well, I'm getting tired.
Come on, walk me in.

1143
01:23:28,962 --> 01:23:30,964
No chance of you
moving out here?

1144
01:23:31,089 --> 01:23:35,052
To where, Santa Yocinta,
Malinta, Caliente, Maliguena?

1145
01:23:35,385 --> 01:23:38,805
I'm not learning a new language
just to find my way home at night.

1146
01:23:44,811 --> 01:23:47,731
It feels good to be
in clean pajamas again.

1147
01:23:48,941 --> 01:23:50,442
My God, was that a wedding?

1148
01:23:51,693 --> 01:23:54,738
I am so glad that the kids
loved the silver tray.

1149
01:23:56,240 --> 01:23:57,824
You never told me
what you gave them.

1150
01:23:57,908 --> 01:23:59,868
Not that it's any of my business.

1151
01:24:01,578 --> 01:24:04,540
Tomorrow night
I'll be sleeping in my own bed.

1152
01:24:04,748 --> 01:24:09,419
It's not great but I love it because
it never talks during the night.

1153
01:24:09,795 --> 01:24:13,799
I'm sorry, Oz. It's just, you know...

1154
01:24:14,174 --> 01:24:17,511
It may be another 17 years
before we see each other again.

1155
01:24:17,636 --> 01:24:18,929
That's a date.

1156
01:24:20,389 --> 01:24:23,183
- Let me tell you...
- Felix, please!

1157
01:24:24,017 --> 01:24:29,648
We got to be on that airport bus
at 9:00 am. I got to get some sleep.

1158
01:24:29,731 --> 01:24:31,775
I forgot to tell you, no bus.

1159
01:24:32,317 --> 01:24:34,945
Leece has hired a limo
to take us to the airport.

1160
01:24:35,028 --> 01:24:36,029
Who's Leece?

1161
01:24:36,113 --> 01:24:38,824
Felice. I call her Leece
and she likes it.

1162
01:24:38,907 --> 01:24:40,367
Does she call you Lix?

1163
01:24:41,034 --> 01:24:42,661
And I'm not going back to New York.

1164
01:24:42,953 --> 01:24:45,122
I'm going to spend some time
up in San Fran.

1165
01:24:46,331 --> 01:24:49,835
Lix and Leece in San Fran?
What the hell is going on?

1166
01:24:50,544 --> 01:24:55,465
I may spend a few days or the rest
of my life. We really hit it off tonight.

1167
01:24:55,799 --> 01:24:59,344
- I've heard you say that before.
- This may be the last time.

1168
01:25:00,053 --> 01:25:04,641
I hope so. I really do.
Boy, am I exhausted.

1169
01:25:08,395 --> 01:25:09,563
GN.

1170
01:25:10,397 --> 01:25:12,065
- "GN"?
- Good night.

1171
01:25:17,904 --> 01:25:21,158
Gate 46. Where is that?

1172
01:25:21,658 --> 01:25:24,828
It's down at that end.
We're at the other end.

1173
01:25:29,291 --> 01:25:30,334
I'll change your ticket,

1174
01:25:30,417 --> 01:25:32,586
give you and Oscar
a chance to say goodbye.

1175
01:25:33,253 --> 01:25:34,880
Yeah, okay.

1176
01:25:35,797 --> 01:25:38,675
Bye, Oscar. Have a wonderful flight.

1177
01:25:39,259 --> 01:25:40,802
You too, Leece.

1178
01:25:41,803 --> 01:25:44,723
- I'll be right there.
- She's very nice.

1179
01:25:47,809 --> 01:25:49,436
She looks like
she's got a lot of dogs.

1180
01:25:49,519 --> 01:25:51,313
You're gonna be walking
a lot of dogs.

1181
01:25:51,605 --> 01:25:53,649
You think I'm making a mistake?

1182
01:25:54,066 --> 01:25:57,110
I don't give that kind of advice
twice on a weekend.

1183
01:25:57,194 --> 01:26:02,616
This could be my last chance.
I really want to give it a good try.

1184
01:26:06,119 --> 01:26:09,039
- I wish you the best.
- You do?

1185
01:26:09,790 --> 01:26:14,127
- My best doesn't always mean much.
- It does to me.

1186
01:26:22,844 --> 01:26:25,597
Okay, Felix. That's enough.

1187
01:26:26,056 --> 01:26:29,726
Stop it, she's going to think
we have something going.

1188
01:27:03,552 --> 01:27:07,013
Who gets the bagel
with the tofu cream cheese?

1189
01:27:07,097 --> 01:27:09,474
- That's mine.
- Millie.

1190
01:27:10,392 --> 01:27:12,060
- Here we go.
- Thank you, darling.

1191
01:27:13,186 --> 01:27:18,942
And I have here a soy bean
facsimile corned beef sandwich.

1192
01:27:19,025 --> 01:27:20,318
That's me.

1193
01:27:21,194 --> 01:27:23,989
- Are you in this game?
- Can a duck swim?

1194
01:27:24,072 --> 01:27:25,574
For 20 cents, I'm in.

1195
01:27:25,824 --> 01:27:30,120
- You didn't look at your cards.
- At these prices I'll take the plunge.

1196
01:27:33,540 --> 01:27:36,334
This cheesecake is hard as a rock!

1197
01:27:36,793 --> 01:27:39,212
That's the wax model
they keep in the window.

1198
01:27:39,296 --> 01:27:41,423
If you like the way it looks,
I'll order it.

1199
01:27:41,923 --> 01:27:44,801
Tell us about the wedding.
What did they serve?

1200
01:27:45,093 --> 01:27:48,221
- Veal Alphonso.
- How did they make that?

1201
01:27:48,472 --> 01:27:51,475
A guy name of Alphonso
comes in early...

1202
01:27:54,102 --> 01:27:57,397
I'll get it. That's the pizza I ordered.

1203
01:27:57,564 --> 01:27:58,565
For tonight?

1204
01:27:58,648 --> 01:28:01,234
From before the wedding.
I forgot to cancel it.

1205
01:28:02,527 --> 01:28:03,987
Coming!

1206
01:28:07,616 --> 01:28:13,622
Hi, Oz. I was in the neighborhood
so I thought I'd drop in.

1207
01:28:14,623 --> 01:28:18,960
What a surprise. Is Felice with you?

1208
01:28:19,044 --> 01:28:22,255
No, it didn't work out.

1209
01:28:22,422 --> 01:28:26,092
That woman left her clothes
lying all over the floor.

1210
01:28:26,176 --> 01:28:31,181
She was always running out
of towels, and pins in the bed!

1211
01:28:31,765 --> 01:28:34,184
I could not hack that.
Am I disturbing you?

1212
01:28:34,351 --> 01:28:36,436
No, come on in.

1213
01:28:46,071 --> 01:28:50,283
Girls, this is the father of the bride,
my friend, Felix Ungar.

1214
01:28:50,408 --> 01:28:52,202
These are my poker
playing buddies.

1215
01:28:52,744 --> 01:28:54,579
I hope I'm not
interrupting the game.

1216
01:28:54,663 --> 01:28:57,749
No, not at all.

1217
01:28:57,833 --> 01:29:03,296
- It's a distinct pleasure to meet you.
- I can't see him. Is he cute?

1218
01:29:04,840 --> 01:29:07,717
Would you excuse us for a minute.
I have to speak to Felix.

1219
01:29:08,176 --> 01:29:11,221
Felix, can I have a word with you?

1220
01:29:12,305 --> 01:29:14,224
Can you believe it, we'll never play.

1221
01:29:18,311 --> 01:29:19,938
What's with the suitcases?

1222
01:29:21,565 --> 01:29:24,317
I gave up my apartment
in New York.

1223
01:29:24,401 --> 01:29:25,735
To live in Sarasota?

1224
01:29:25,819 --> 01:29:28,071
They have hospitals
in Sarasota, too.

1225
01:29:28,697 --> 01:29:31,157
Are you planning to
move in with me again?

1226
01:29:32,325 --> 01:29:34,244
It didn't work out the last time.

1227
01:29:35,078 --> 01:29:38,290
This is just until I find my own place.

1228
01:29:38,790 --> 01:29:42,752
You could actually save a lot
of money by splitting expenses.

1229
01:29:42,836 --> 01:29:47,465
Nothing has changed. I'm still a pig,
you're still a human vacuum cleaner.

1230
01:29:48,174 --> 01:29:51,553
If you don't think it will work,
just say no.

1231
01:29:51,761 --> 01:29:53,096
No.

1232
01:29:57,559 --> 01:29:58,768
Then I'll go.

1233
01:30:08,820 --> 01:30:11,656
I didn't say "go", I said "no".

1234
01:30:15,076 --> 01:30:18,246
All right. We'll give it a try
for a few weeks.

1235
01:30:18,330 --> 01:30:21,875
But the minute you start matching
up my socks, we call it quits.

1236
01:30:22,000 --> 01:30:24,961
It's a deal. Now you go on,
go back to your game.

1237
01:30:25,420 --> 01:30:27,130
I'm just going to hang up
a few things.

1238
01:30:28,632 --> 01:30:30,634
He looks so sweet.

1239
01:30:31,593 --> 01:30:35,805
If he's looking,
I've got a spare bedroom I don't use.

1240
01:30:37,766 --> 01:30:40,393
Ladies, it's possible
that in five weeks

1241
01:30:40,518 --> 01:30:43,396
you'll all be moving
out of Sarasota.

1242
01:30:44,522 --> 01:30:45,857
Whose bet is it?

1243
01:30:47,400 --> 01:30:48,902
Don't mind me, folks.

1244
01:30:51,112 --> 01:30:53,281
- Is this yours?
- Thank you.

1245
01:30:54,908 --> 01:30:57,410
That sandwich is looking
a little limp.

1246
01:30:57,494 --> 01:30:59,412
I can retoast that for you
in a second.

1247
01:30:59,955 --> 01:31:02,999
Really? I wouldn't mind.

1248
01:31:03,291 --> 01:31:04,584
No problem at all.

1249
01:31:06,670 --> 01:31:12,133
This is the biggest goddamn déjà vu
anybody has ever had!

1250
01:31:12,300 --> 01:31:16,596
Can we play cards here,
for crying out loud!