(water babbles)
(Willa sighs)
- [Eddie] Any of your wishes come true yet?
- Not yet.
Hey, how are you doing, Eddie?
- I'm just waiting for that Christmas cheer to kick in.
- Tina's finest.
- All right.
I'm gonna go enjoy these over by the Presidio.
- Okay.
Hi.
- Hey you.
- All right, everybody, sit.
Everybody, sit.
Rory, I could use an extra set of hands in here.
Come here, guys.
There we go, there we go, oh.
You are not gonna butter me up.
No, you're not.
You're just not gonna do it.
(Rory sighs)
You smell so much better when you are clean.
- It's only the 1st of December,
and it looks like Christmas threw up in here.
- Yeah, but,
in a classy way, right?
- Right.
- [Willa] All right, you stay in here and be all cute
and bring me lots of customers, okay?
- Oh, a package came for you.
- (gasps) Yes, they finally came.
- Oh my God.
Is that a bowl of penis headbands?
- No, they are reindeer antlers for dogs, see?
- Oh my God, do not put it on!
- It's called marketing.
- And to think you can't get a date.
- No, not can't, don't want.
That's very, very different.
Oh shit, they do look like penises.
- I am gonna head over to Tina's for some coffee.
Do you want anything?
- Just my usual.
Oh, and if she has any of those muffins left over,
grab me some more of those.
- Yes.
- If there's any change left over,
could you toss a coin in the fountain for me?
- So you're on a self-imposed man embargo,
but you still want to wish on true love.
- Yes, that's right.
Thank you (chuckles).
- [Rory] See you soon.
- Bye, Rory. - Bye.
- Okay.
(Willa grunts)
(footsteps clatter)
(Willa sighs)
- Oh shit.
Oh, yes, hi.
Um... - Sorry, um, um,
I'm, I'm closed.
I don't open until nine.
- I have to board this cat today.
I'll pay double.
I don't mind.
- I'm, I'm sorry.
I'm, I'm all booked up.
- I (grunts).
- Oh honey. - See.
- Aren't you beautiful?
Oh yeah, you just don't like that carrier very much, do you?
- What the hell?
- What?
- My great-aunt Sally dropped the cat off
with me last night, and as soon as she left,
this thing went nuts.
- What did she do?
- She peed in my bed.
She scratched my mattress.
What else did she do?
She broke my phone and my tablet.
- Maybe she's just upset that she's not at home
and missing your aunt.
What's her name?
- Petunia, but I'm going for Pita,
short for pain in the ass.
- I'll take her for today only.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
Name's Keane by the way, Keane Winters.
You are?
- Willa Davis.
- Nice to meet you, Willa.
Thank you so much for doing this for me.
- I'm doing it for Petunia.
- Right, of course.
One little question,
do you always wear X-rated headbands?
- Um,
are you referring to my reindeer antlers?
- Right, of course (chuckles),
they're antlers, Christmas.
- Just be sure to pick her up before we close at five.
And please do not be late,
because I have a wedding later this evening.
- Hope it's not yours.
- Tell us more about the guy with the cat.
- Are we looking at his ass?
- No, we are not looking at his ass.
- Well, we are missing out, because wow.
- I mean, it really is a really great ass.
- I gave up men, remember?
And he is the start of why.
- Go on.
- Wait, you got to tell us,
and I have to go to work soon.
- His name is Keane Winters.
We went to high school together.
- Wait, what?
You went to high school with him?
How well did you know each other?
- Obviously not well,
so can we change the topic and talk about something else?
What do you guys want to listen to?
- Oh...
- Not Christmas music. - Anything but
Christmas music.
- How about this one?
- (sighs) You are a sick woman.
- I know, but you love it.
(Keane panting)
- "Winters specializes in buying up dilapidated projects
"in prime areas and turning them
"into heart-stopping, must-have properties.
"He doesn't find use for sentimentality,
"ruthlessly selling each of them off as he completes them."
Wow.
- Dude, we need to get the guys in here this week
to help work on the loft since you
and your height phobia thing can't.
Are you listening to me?
- [Keane] Sure.
- He's not listening to me.
- No, not a single word.
Well, maybe he'll listen to me.
Did you get the link I sent you, boss,
the article on you in the newspaper?
Hello, we're getting tons of offers because of it.
- I got to go.
I got to go pick up the cat, and I can't be late.
- Well, I can grab her for you.
What, okay, I offer to do nice stuff all the time.
- Okay, yeah? - Uh-huh.
- Name one, name one time.
Oh great.
(Keane grunts)
- Hey.
- Do you know where Willa is?
- No, no, no, no, no!
Come on, come on!
Shit!
(grunts) Dammit!
Come on!
- [Keane] It's not the gun.
It's the operator.
- No, it's broken, actually.
- Hmm, hmm.
No, you're just out of staples.
(both laugh)
- Oh.
- You do know this is only three-feet high, right?
- Yeah, it's perfect.
- In what universe is that perfect?
- It's a dog wedding.
- There's gonna be a dog wedding here, in the courtyard?
- In less than an hour, if I don't manage
to mess everything up (sighs).
Oh, I'm the wedding planner (chuckles).
- That's great.
So where's the little terror?
- Oh you mean Petunia?
- Yeah.
- Oh, she's in the shop, sleeping in the warmest place
in between Macaroni and Luna,
two of the pets that I'm babysitting.
- No.
(Willa laughs)
Now that's Photoshopped, right?
- No.
Oh thank God, Spence and Archer are here.
- [Keane] The wedding dogs?
- No, two of my best friends.
- [Keane] Hey, you here for the groom or the bride?
- Neither.
- Whoo, tough crowd.
Okay. - No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no. - What's going on?
- I have a wedding cake emergency.
Oh no, I have way too much to do.
Fuck, I got to... - Go ahead.
I'll take care of this.
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
- It's got to be perfect.
Are you sure?
I mean, this is a very discerning bride.
She likes things very, very specific.
- (laughs) I think I can manage it.
- Okay, if you're positive,
and I'll just be right back.
- No problem.
- Okay, thank you.
- You know, the last guy she dated played games
with her head.
- They never did find the body, did they?
- Good to know.
Great talk, guys.
I'm gonna finish this dog gazebo now.
- The carob is melting faster now,
so they can't write on the cake.
- Don't worry, you know I got you.
- All right, what's with the weird vibe?
- We're just making sure this guy passes muster,
you know, after Ethan.
- No, no, no, he's not a date.
He's not a future date.
And he sure shit is not a past date, okay?
- Yeah. - Good.
Thank you very much for your help.
I really appreciate it. - You're welcome.
But I... - How do you know
I'm not a future date?
- You know, excuse me,
the wedding's gonna start really soon.
Good night, thanks for your help.
- [Keane] Need help?
- That's not necessary.
- Because I'm not a present or a future?
- Not it, it's more like, um...
What was that?
- Animal magnetism.
- I'm gonna, I'm gonna go get Petunia for you.
Thank you for the help.
- Yeah.
- You know, they really do make a good-looking couple.
- I like that lipstick shade on you.
- Yeah, back to hot-as-balls guy,
more info, please.
- Are you hoping he'll show up this morning?
- No, the same answer I've had every other morning
since the poodle wedding.
- [Keane] Few years old.
- [Elle] You're gonna want to see this.
- No, I'm not.
- No, really, you want to see this.
He's in a suit.
- What? - Yup.
- My eyes don't know what to do with themselves.
- He looks good in clothes.
- I can't decide which is the hotter look for him,
hot and suited up or hot and in Levi's.
- Yeah, it might be a draw.
- So you do like him.
- [Willa] No, but I mean, I'm not dead, look at him.
(knocks at door) - Swipe the panic
off your face
and add a smile.
- Am I interrupting?
- [Willa] Hi.
- Hi, tell me you have time for Pita, today.
- Keane?
- Yeah?
- Just checking, I wasn't sure if you had an identical twin.
- Yes, and the cat hates both of us.
(Elle and Rory laugh)
- You're welcome.
- Interesting.
- I'm not kissing you.
- No, but if you take Pita, I'll kiss you.
- That's not necessary.
- Okay.
Do we know each other?
- Why, do you remember me from somewhere?
- No, no, never mind.
Please, I got a closing I got to get to.
Thank you. - Don't be late.
- Or else what?
Have a good day.
- Hello.
Oh come here.
- So?
Obviously, there's more to the story.
- He stood me up in high school.
Being stood up like that,
by him at that particular time in my life was
memorably traumatic.
And you guys remember the torture of high school.
Maybe you don't, because you were popular like Keane was,
but I, on the other hand, was completely invisible.
It just
really did a number on my self-esteem.
- Okay, we stay mad at him then.
- Thank you.
Oh you're a good boy, aren't you?
Yes, you are.
Who's a good boy?
- I do have my moments.
- I didn't hear you come in.
You changed.
- I did.
You know, I was working on electricity for part of the day.
- Hey, Rory, can you come take Carl for me?
- Sure thing.
Up!
Good job!
(Willa coughs)
- I'm sorry I was late.
I'll pay late fees.
- It's fine.
It was just a few minutes.
Besides, I wouldn't have wanted you to get zapped
by electricity or anything like that
if you were rushing.
- You run a smart business.
You know that?
What you've built.
- Any news on your aunt?
- No, unfortunately.
Okay, please tell me your secret with her.
- Oh I just speak the same language, I guess.
- And what language is that?
- The language of loneliness.
Something a man like you wouldn't understand.
- You'd be surprised.
Have dinner with me.
- Oh no, no, no, I'm sorry.
I wasn't angling for a date.
- Oh, I know.
It's just that I'm here, and I want to keep talking to you.
And my stomach is growling at me like a wild beast,
and I can hear yours, too, so let's go eat.
- Just like that?
- Yeah, just like that.
- Maybe I don't like you.
- Maybe?
- I haven't decided yet.
- Okay.
Let me know when you do.
You ready?
You know she's just ornery enough
to knock herself off the seat and then die
and then come back to haunt me.
Hell, no, I'm not...
I'm sorry.
I just need to drop Pita off at home.
Okay.
Come on, Pita.
- You live here?
- Um, well, it's one of my renovation projects.
It's also my office. - Wow.
- And where I temporarily park my head at night.
You want to see inside?
Okay (sighs).
- Oh wow.
- All right.
Come on, Pita.
All right, stay in there then.
(Keane sighs)
- It's beautiful.
It's one of the most beautiful homes I've ever seen.
There aren't any holiday decorations.
- No, no time.
I got three projects going on right now.
This is one of them.
- Not even a Christmas tree?
- [Keane] Not even a Christmas tree.
- So how did you get into all of this?
- Well,
I begged and borrowed
and stole money for the first fallen property.
I just worked my ass off not
to lose my shorts over the deal.
- Well, it's amazing.
- Yeah, I've had this place the longest.
It's taken the most work of any other project.
I really need to put it on the market, though.
I should've done it by now.
- Maybe you're attached.
- I don't get attached.
- Ever?
- No.
(Keane sighs)
Ingrate.
You ready?
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
I'm good.
Do you go nuts for all the holidays or just Christmas?
- All of 'em.
- Wow, that's a lot of work.
- It's kind of holdover from when I was a kid,
'cause we didn't always get to celebrate 'em.
And so I guess I'm just making up for it now.
- Your parents didn't like 'em.
- No, um, my dad actually got himself killed
when I was two, and he was out hunting.
And my mom, she had me when she was really young,
like really young, and just was never really cut out
for the parenting thing.
She would always go crazy,
and then I would end up back in the system.
- How long were you in the system?
- At least once a year, till I was 18.
- Wow.
Then I'm glad you're treating yourself to the holidays.
- [Willa] What about you?
- What about me what?
- The holidays?
- I was a late-in-life, unhappy surprise
to a couple of college professors
who had had two daughters already.
They were really into their work,
and the holidays got in the way of that work.
- Do you still talk to them?
- No, not as much as we should.
I mean, I barely even knew I had a great-aunt Sally
until she showed up on my doorstep two weeks ago.
- Really?
- Yeah (laughs), some family feud
between my grandma and Sally
that split the family.
- Sorry, that's too bad.
- Well, I'm pretty sure we would've drifted apart anyway.
We're not much for emotions, us Winterses.
- You don't really need to find a parking space.
I can just get out here,
but thank you so much for dinner, thanks.
- Willa.
Willa, wait!
Wait, hey, why do you keep running from me?
(water babbles)
I'm missing something here,
something big, I think.
Just tell me, no more games, okay?
- We went to high school together
for a year.
- What?
- You were this popular football player,
and I was a nobody.
It was the Sadie Hawkins Dance.
You were the only person I wanted to invite,
out of every guy in the whole school.
But I was new, and I didn't have any friends
to talk me out of it.
That was my first and my last dance.
- Okay, please run that by me one more time.
- No, I'm not gonna say it again.
It's hard enough to live through,
let alone say out loud.
- Why don't I remember you?
- 'Cause you're an asshole?
I don't, I don't really know.
What about me is so forgettable?
- You are the most unforgettable person I've ever met.
- Don't say that.
- Tell me what I said that day.
- You said, "Sounds cool."
And I floated home (chuckles).
I didn't have a dress.
I didn't have shoes.
I didn't even have money to buy a ticket for the dance.
But somehow, I got myself to be worthy enough
for a date with Keane Winters.
- I don't remember.
18-year-old guys are assholes.
And I'm sure I was one of them.
Tell me the rest.
- There's nothing more to say.
You never showed.
And you never looked at me again.
And that's the end of the story,
then and now.
(water babbles)
- Wow, an actual purr?
Be careful, you may start to like me.
Ouch, okay, still not friends, come on.
(Keane grunts)
Pita.
(Keane grunts)
(Keane sighs)
And you're sweating like me this high.
(Keane grunts)
Almost there.
Oh that's fine.
(Keane grunts)
(Pita meows)
Oh yeah, yeah.
(Keane sighs)
Oh no, that wasn't cool.
Keane Winters, cat for sale.
- [Sally] Are you selling my cat?
- Sorry, bad joke.
God, am I glad to hear from you,
been calling.
- I know, I'm outside.
May I come in?
- Of course.
Well, you don't have to call first.
- I didn't want to interrupt any meetings
you might have have had with women.
- Oh well, I'll just make sure to keep all the women locked
in my bedroom, while you're here.
(Sally gasps)
It's a joke, Sally.
It's just me.
Good morning.
- Petunia!
Come to Mommy!
Oh Petunia!
Oh sweetheart, oh my little sweetheart.
You know, Keane, you do beautiful work.
I've never understood your parents contempt
for what you do with your hands.
- How are you feeling?
- Listen, I'm sorry about this, Keane.
For Petunia.
- But I thought you were...
- [Sally] I've got a special blanket, too.
She'll need it for nap times.
- Sally, what's going on?
- Now, listen, I'm sorry.
I can't take her back quite yet.
I need you to keep her a little longer.
Do you think you can do that without selling her?
- I was just kidding about that.
What do you need?
- I need you to make this transition for her
as easy as possible.
Tuna's her favorite food.
- Okay, done.
What can I do for you now?
- You know, Keane, I never got a chance
to get to know you as a child.
My few memories of you are all from Christmas.
Those are beautiful memories for me.
Those memories were filled with love.
And it's that love,
that's why I chose you to care for my Petunia.
Do forgive me, Keane.
It's Christmas, and I'm banking
on the goodwill of the season
to maybe make you more inclined to forgive me.
- I am inclined to forgive you.
- You two take good care of each other.
I'll be in touch with you soon.
Thank you, Keane.
- Hi.
- Hi, where's Pita?
- I came here to see you.
Will you forgive me, Willa?
Look, it's Christmas,
and I'm hoping the season will make you more inclined
to forgive me.
And if you asked me to the dance today,
I'd say yes, in a heartbeat.
- I forgive you.
- You're not opening for another hour, right?
- Right.
- Okay, have coffee with me.
That's your jacket?
Okay, yeah.
- Tina. - Hey, Tina.
- Oh.
(Keane laughs)
- Been a while since you were here with a man, honey.
You know I didn't like your last one.
But I do like this one.
Haven't seen you much this week.
How is that Vallejo Street project coming?
- Almost done.
- [Tina] Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
- You've been saying that for months.
- [Keane] I know.
- I think he's grown a little too attached.
- You and me both.
(Tina laughs)
- Not likely.
How are the muffins this morning?
- Out of this world
and don't doubt it for a single second.
- I'll take two of those and a coffee, please.
- [Tina] Yes, you will.
- [Willa] I know it's out there.
I don't know if it's out there for me.
- But you're the one who wants everyone
to believe in the magic of Christmas.
- Yeah, but it's different.
I mean, Christmastime has a positive connotation.
It brings warmth and joy.
It comes the same time every year,
no matter the weather.
- Good point.
- You can count on it.
- But not on love?
See, I don't think it's always like that.
For some people, love is real and long-lasting.
- But not you?
- I just don't feel things deeply.
- I don't know if I believe that.
I mean, I've seen the way you are with Petunia.
- Right, exactly.
You've seen me dump her on you.
- Just when you're working.
You've never asked me to board her overnight.
- You board overnight?
- You know what I mean.
She frustrates you.
But you still spend the time and the money
to make sure that she's well taken care of.
- 'Cause she's my aunt's cat.
- Even more so.
You hardly know your aunt, but still you took on a cat
without question or qualm.
- Oh there was qualm,
loads and loads of qualm.
- Okay, um,
so what are we doing here?
You,
what are you doing here with me?
- I think I can feel it, too.
I'm good at now.
I can handle a now.
- Because you don't attach.
- Right.
- Oh.
- Oh!
What are you looking for?
- A coin.
I want make a wish.
(water babbles)
- Huh.
How often do you toss a coin in the fountain?
- Every time I walk by.
- What do you wish for?
- Well,
legend states that if you make a wish with a true heart,
then true love will find you.
Since it hasn't found me yet,
I'll wish for someone else.
- Who?
- You.
You got any change?
- Huh, I'll tell you what.
I'll make a wish for you.
(water babbles)
And this is my first time, I'll have you know.
- This is your first time making a wish?
- That was my first time.
- Because you don't believe in true love?
- For some people, yes.
For me, not so much.
Come on.
Come on!
- Bad news.
(laughs) It's Sally.
Her doctor called.
- Is she all right?
- Yes, but she has to go into an assisted living facility.
And she can't take care of herself anymore.
And they have a place for her.
It's the one that she wants.
But she doesn't have the money.
- Tell them I'll have it today.
- Girdle your loins, there's more.
She can't have a pet at this facility.
Oh my God.
Have fun with that.
- I don't want to be here very badly.
- [Keane] Okay.
Oh, here.
(Sally sighs)
- I miss Petunia.
I'm glad you've got her, though.
- Me too.
- She's not easy to love.
But love is what she needs,
especially now,
especially for Christmas.
Thank you, Keane.
I'm just gonna put my head down.
- Okay, you need some help?
- Hmm, you can cover me.
(Sally grunts)
- Here you go. - Thank you.
- [Keane] You're welcome.
(Sally sighs)
- Mistletoe, $1.
Mistletoe, mistletoe for $1.
Hi, Willa.
- Hi.
- I'm just waiting for my Christmas cheer to kick in.
(Eddie laughs)
Mistletoe, $1!
- You know what, you guys?
You keep going, and I'll catch up, okay?
- [Elle] Okay.
- I'll see you in a sec.
- [Eddie] Mistletoe, just $1.
♪ Up on the rooftop, ♪ reindeer's paws ♪
♪ Out jumps good ♪ old Santa Claus ♪
♪ Down through the chimney, ♪ with lots of toys ♪
♪ All for the little ♪ ones' Christmas joys ♪
♪ Ho ho ho ♪
♪ Who wouldn't go ♪
♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪
♪ Who wouldn't go ♪ up on a housetop ♪
♪ Click, click, click ♪
♪ Down through the ♪ chimney, good Saint Nick ♪
(crowd cheers)
- [Rory] Yes!
- Thank you very much.
- [Rory] That was beautiful.
It was great.
- Hi.
- Hi, I didn't know you had singing talents.
I'm surprised and impressed.
- Thank you.
What are you doing here?
- Dance with me.
- Oh no, no, I'm much worse
on the dance floor, actually.
- Come on.
Give me a shot.
Come on.
- I'm beginning to think that...
- What's that?
- You're a little bit like those chocolate bars I keep
in my fridge in case of emergencies.
- Irresistible?
- Bad for me.
- You're scared.
- I'm terrified.
- There's nothing to fear.
- Is that because we're just, um, two
consenting adults with animal magnetism?
(Keane laughs)
This is a now thing,
just some good old-fashioned fun.
- No.
Nothing I feel about you is old-fashioned.
- Oh!
Oh, look at it!
Oh this is some wonderful Christmas cheer (laughs).
Merry Christmas (laughs)!
I love this!
- It's from Eddie, the homeless guy
that lives in the alley behind the courtyard.
- Okay.
- You know, I was trying to get him into a shelter,
but he wants to stay where he is.
- Okay.
- It's that damn mistletoe.
- It's not the mistletoe.
Good night.
You got it?
(tape rips)
All right, here you go.
Jesus Christ.
(Keane sighs)
Aunt Sally.
- [Sally] Hello, Keane?
Goddamn new-fangled phone, can't here a damned thing.
- [Keane] You don't have to bring the phone up
to your mouth like that. - What?
- [Keane] You can just talk normal.
Oh my God, just give me,
give me a second.
(Keane sighs) - I am talking normal.
I'm calling for Petunia.
Put her on the line.
- Uh, Aunt Sally, I'm gonna call you right back, okay.
I have to take this other call.
- Is there something wrong? - Oh shit.
(Willa grunts)
- Hey.
- [Keane] I woke you up, I'm sorry.
- No, actually, I'm babysitting.
- [Keane] I got a problem.
- Aren't you supposed to call a doctor
if that problem persists for more than four hours?
- [Keane] (laughs) No, not that kind of problem.
I can't find Pita,
and I think she could be trapped in a vent.
- I'll be right there.
Search and rescue at your service.
It's okay.
I'll put you in here, okay.
Oh.
You're, um, you're wearing a tool belt.
That's very sexy.
- Good to know.
- Okay, now you stay here and be a good boy,
and I'll give you a treat, okay.
- Does that apply to all the males in the room?
(Willa laughs)
- No, you got to stay, stay.
Good boy.
- She went in there.
- [Willa] And where does it lead?
- [Keane] The den.
I pulled the vent cover from that one, too,
and she won't come out.
- Yeah, chances are she probably can't turn around.
She's a little on the husky side.
Petunia!
- You're killin' me.
- [Willa] Pita!
Pita!
- I'm sure that's it.
Wait, okay, stand back.
- [Willa] What are you doing with that?
- I'm gonna tear down the wall.
- Okay, Paul Bunyan, let's just take a minute
and let me try this first, okay?
- Okay. - Hey, Petunia.
Hey, I know that you can't turn around,
and that probably makes you very unhappy,
but I need you to push through and come to me, okay.
- Hate to break it to you, but you finally found someone
as stubborn and obstinate...
- I think I got ya!
Oh yeah, poor baby.
That's probably very traumatizing for you, wasn't it?
- Hugely, you should hold me.
- All right, go ahead.
- You're welcome, princess.
Don't go back in there.
We got to call Aunt Sally.
- Oh how is she doing?
- She's in an assisted living facility that, um,
doesn't allow pets.
- Um (sighs),
I've a really busy day today
at the shop. - Really?
Yeah, it's a Santa extravaganza.
- Santa extravaganza, huh?
- Yeah, it's a really big moneymaker,
and I give half the profits to the local shelter,
Boys and Buddies.
They really need the money, and I really got
to get out of here. - Well, that's...
(Keane sighs)
- The dog (laughs).
- The dog.
- I'm gonna be right back, okay?
- Okay.
(soft piano music)
- Willa!
(sighs) Why is it always something high up?
Oh fuck!
- Keane?
- Yeah.
(Keane pants)
Oh fuck, oh fuck, this is high.
What the hell?
- What the hell what?
- Oh my God, what are we doing on the damn rooftop?
- I come up here when I want to be alone.
Are you afraid of heights?
- No.
No, no, I'm not afraid of heights.
- Yeah, you are.
You're afraid of heights.
- Yeah, yeah, okay.
Maybe I'm terrified of them.
- You came all the way up here to save me?
- No, I think I'm the one who needs saving.
- You know how you're supposed
to face a really big fear, right?
- No.
- You just got to concentrate on something else.
(Keane sighs)
Was that enough of a distraction for you?
- If I say no, will you distract me again?
That was the best rooftop sex I've ever had.
(Willa laughs)
Yeah, it was also the only rooftop sex I've ever had.
(both laugh)
- It was pretty good rooftop sex.
You know, we don't have to do this.
- Do what?
- You just really don't have
to do the whole awkward after thing.
- Maybe I'm a sucker for the awkward after.
(Willa grunts)
- I'm trying to give you an out here.
You know, you,
you don't really attach,
and I don't really lock in.
I mean, really there's the pet shop,
and customers come and go, dogs, guys.
Really the only constant that I have are my friends.
So...
I should go.
- I'm gonna call bullshit on that not locking in thing.
You're smart, Willa.
If you want to lock in, as you call it, you would.
- Thanks for a great night.
You know, for no strings attached,
it was pretty amazing.
Do you need help getting down?
- [Keane] Over my dead body.
- [Elle] I'm going to need a detailed report
of what went down last night.
- I have so many problems.
- If you think having a hot guy want you is a problem,
then we need to talk.
Did Keane screw your brains out on the rooftop last night?
And if so, was he amaze-balls?
- Wait, wait, wait.
You had sex on the roof of O'Riley's?
- It was a one-time thing.
- That is not what we asked you.
- Yes.
- Ooh! - Yes.
- So what about a round two?
- No, Keane is not round-two material.
- Honey, let me tell you something about yourself
that you don't know.
When you lie, you speak in an octave reserved for dogs.
- If we're gonna talk about my love life,
correction, my sex life, not love,
what about you and Archer?
There's obviously something going on there.
- Never gonna happen.
- You and Archer cause electric fires to break out
when you so much pass by each other.
- You've heard of opposites attract?
Me and Archer, we're a classic case of opposites distract.
Plus, we don't even like each other.
- Right.
- [Elle] We don't.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
What was that about higher octaves?
- Nothing.
- All right, you adorable, little beast.
Let's make some magic together.
- Or make some magic with me?
- Oh don't you use your sex voice in here.
You know I had fun the other night.
- [Keane] Me too.
- Twice.
- You mean three times.
- You were counting?
- [Keane] Oh come on, we both know it was four.
- Keane!
Why'd you go so fast?
- Aunt Sally, this is Willa Davis,
the owner of the shop.
- It's lovely to meet you.
- You're the friend who has my Petunia?
- I do, and she is safe and sound
as always whenever she's here.
- As always?
- As always.
(Sally groans)
- Well, where is she?
- Oh she's just over here, see?
(Sally groans)
- [Sally] Oh my (laughs).
- She really likes to be
in the window where she can
see out into the world. - Oh Petunia!
Oh, yes, she does.
You're brilliant.
You better be a good girl for Keane, okay.
He's a male, and he might not know much,
but he's got a big heart,
even though he may not know that, either.
(lips smack)
I need a ride home now (sniffs).
Christmas and love.
- Oh thank you, Eddie. - Thank you.
- You know, I never know where to hang my mistletoe.
(Eddie laughs)
That's my trouble.
- Oh but the trouble with mistletoe isn't where you hang it.
It's what happens when you're under it.
That's when the real trouble begins.
(all laugh)
Merry Christmas, Eddie.
- Merry Christmas, Eddie. - Have a merry Christmas.
(Willa sighs)
- [Willa] Hey.
- I'm sorry you got stuck with Petunia.
- You said her name.
- Yeah and?
- Maybe you're starting to attach.
- Not a chance (laughs).
- Mm-hmm.
- Wow, you weren't kidding about loving Christmas, were ya?
- I don't kid about Christmas or love.
- [Keane] Hmm, Harry Potter.
- You know Harry Potter?
- Well, no, not personally, but I've read the books.
- So you've seen the movies?
- I've read the books.
- Ho ho.
- What, that makes me...
- Bad for me,
so very bad for me.
- Hmm, can I be bad for you over dinner?
Because I'm starving.
And you're obviously hungry.
- I'm always hungry, so that doesn't really count.
- Hmm?
- Besides, it's like really late, and...
- And, uh...
- And many reasons.
- Name one.
- I'm trying to resist you, okay.
- You're failing.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm. - We have nothing in common,
except for this weird
and very annoying chemistry.
- Mm-hmm.
- But now, you tell me that you've read Harry Potter.
Which one?
- All of 'em.
- Yeah, Keane's good.
He even got rid of your stress wrinkles.
- Look at that.
- Am I being stupid?
Am I making a mistake letting another guy in?
- Is he as good of a guy as he seems?
- Well, let's see.
He hates cats, but yet he's taking care of Petunia.
He's financially supporting an aunt he hardly knows.
He's got an incredibly demanding career,
but he always makes time for me.
He makes me feel good,
like special.
- Well, then there's your answer.
- You actually sound so sincere,
I can't even make fun of you.
(Keane hums)
(paper crinkles)
- Keane.
Yes.
(Sally coughs)
(Sally grunting)
- I guess I had too much excitement today.
I did love meeting that sweet pet shop owner.
- She's not bad, is she?
- There's so much love in that place.
You paid my rehab center bill.
- Don't worry about it,
just get better.
- Is that out of concern for me
or out of concern for you,
that you might get stuck with Petunia?
- Both.
(Sally laughs)
- I may have to write you into my will.
(both laugh)
(Sally coughs)
- Hey, look at you, being all nice.
(Sally laughs)
I knew you had it in you somewhere.
It's just deep, deep down.
(both laugh)
- Just don't tell anyone.
They'll think I have no chill.
(both laugh)
Keane,
I'm dying.
- No.
When?
(Sally grunts)
Soon?
(both chuckle)
- If you keep drilling me.
(Keane chuckles)
Look, I could choke on my meds tomorrow
and go toes up just like that.
You never know.
But until I do go (hisses), so help me,
if you take my cat to the pound,
I'll haunt you for the rest of your life,
and then I'll follow you to hell
and haunt you for all of eternity.
(Keane laughs)
- Okay.
Wow.
I guess I won't take your cat to the pound then (laughs).
- Good.
You know, I'm thinking that Petunia might be better
than mistletoe when it comes to matchmaking.
(laughs) Mm-hmm.
- Hi.
Hey.
- Did a water pipe burst on to you, too?
- No, no, I've been running.
- On purpose?
- Can I come in?
- What do you know about plumbing?
- [Keane] I'm done.
- Yeah?
- [Keane] Yeah.
- So it's not gonna keep me up all night,
forcing me to kill it.
- No, no, there's no killing for you to do tonight.
- Thank you.
- Be careful, I'm all sweaty.
- Don't care.
- Oh, you don't, huh? - Mm-mm.
(Keane grunts)
- Let's get in the shower.
Come on.
(Willa grunts)
- Hey.
- [Keane] Good morning.
- [Willa] Good morning.
- There's something I'd like to give you.
- [Willa] What's that?
(Keane laughs)
(metal jingling)
- It's a key
to the Vallejo house.
- Why?
I mean, I can't just let myself into your house.
- Why not?
- Because that's a really big step.
- It doesn't have to be.
- [Willa] Um...
- Well, it's just, it's just a damn key, Willa.
Okay, never mind.
- You just, you just caught me off guard, that's all.
- Okay, another time, maybe.
- Wait, Keane.
- What am I to you, Willa?
Your friend?
The guy you're just fucking?
Someone you care about?
What?
- Keane, wait!
Look, I may have overreacted to the key.
I'm just, I'm deeper than I meant to be.
- You're not alone there.
- You're not ready for this.
- No, no, you don't get to tell me
what I'm ready for or not, Willa.
What you probably mean is that you're not ready.
Is that right?
- I don't know.
I don't know what to think.
I don't know what to feel.
- I know.
So I'll let you figure it out,
and you get back to me.
- All set?
- [Both] Mm-hmm.
- How long have you two been married?
- [Both] 50 years.
- 50 of the best years of my life.
- When you find the right one, honey,
don't ever let go.
- Yeah.
- [Wife] Thank you.
- Merry Christmas.
- [Married Couple] Merry Christmas.
- Ever is a long time.
Interesting that you chose that moment
to write such a text.
- What moment?
- After the adorable elderly couple gushed
about forever moment.
- Hey, Archer!
- Hey! - Hey!
- Merry Christmas, Spence.
Hey, guys!
- Hey!
Where's Keane?
You invited him, yeah?
- Yes, I sent him a text.
- Does this mean you're finally gonna stop fighting yourself
and your heart and go for it?
- Maybe.
- Shots, stat!
We got another one goin' down the rabbit hole.
- [Willa] Thanks.
- [Elle] You okay?
- Yeah.
No.
I'm not okay, actually.
I'm pretty far from okay.
I thought I was okay, though, you know.
I had given up men.
And I was good at being alone.
At least, I thought I was,
till the sexiest man in the world came into my life,
and now I just...
(Willa sighs)
I don't think I'm good at being alone anymore.
- You could always switch things up
and come bat for my team.
- I don't want to switch teams.
I like my team.
I like my team a lot.
Oh shit, this means no more sexy time.
That sucks.
This was good, I mean, like really,
really good. - Um, honey.
- You're right.
I don't need a team.
I just, I have a really good shower massager.
I can just take care of business myself.
- [Elle] Um, honey.
- He's right behind me, isn't he?
- [Elle] Yup.
- I'm sorry.
(lips smack)
I meant to be here earlier.
I really intended to be, but, um...
- What, what's wrong?
- Pita's gone again.
I think she's out of the house now.
There were a lot of workers
at the house. - Let's go.
- Oh, oh. - This way, though.
- This way, okay, great.
I'm sorry I took you away from your Christmas party.
- I don't mind.
- I like the dress.
- I wore it for you.
- The invitation, was it
just for the party or
into your life?
- Both.
- You know, Willa,
I'm never gonna run from you.
- Pita first, the rest later.
We've got time.
- I like the sound of that.
Here, can you go look inside?
I'm gonna go ask the neighbors if they've seen her.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
Petunia!
Fuck.
Petunia.
- [Realtor] Finally.
I called your office line first, and your new girl answered.
- I don't have a new girl.
- [Realtor] Then your new girlfriend.
I gave her the message, but she suggested
to try your cell phone, since the news is so wonderful.
- [Keane] What news?
- [Realtor] We not only have an offer, we have the offer,
15% over your asking price.
Merry Christmas, Keane.
Tell me we are selling the Victorian.
Keane, can I accept this offer?
- [Keane] Yes.
Yes, accept the offer.
- I found Pita.
- [Keane] Oh great, where was that pain in the ass?
- She crawled up in the attic.
I had to climb a ladder and everything.
And your realtor called.
Congratulations, by the way.
- [Keane] Willa.
- You don't owe me an explanation for selling your house,
not for that, and not for the fact
that you're getting rid of Petunia.
Yeah, sorry, your phone was ringing off the hook.
Sally's friend is coming over tomorrow morning,
Christmas morning, to pick up Petunia.
- Yeah, she's coming to pick up Petunia,
because she wants to give her to her grandkids.
She wants her long-term.
- And you're just giving her up.
- It's not my idea.
We knew it was temporary from the beginning.
It's not like I have a choice.
- Except that you always have a choice.
You're getting rid of the house.
You're giving up the cat.
And I'm probably next.
So, um, I'm gonna go (chuckles).
I already called an Uber.
You know what's really weird?
As it turns out,
we're both pretty good at being temporary specialists
and creating an escape clause.
- Well, I didn't plan an escape clause
when I fell in love with you.
- What?
Keane.
(Willa sighs)
(water babbles)
Hey.
What are you doing out here so late?
- Just making a wish, world peace and all that.
- When did you become the adult of our little twosome?
- Since you dragged me into adulthood,
kicking and screaming.
Merry Christmas.
- You didn't have to get me anything.
- Willa, three years ago, I was living on the street.
You took me in.
You gave me a job.
You've forced fed me morals and honesty and trust,
so yes, I'm giving you a Christmas present, okay.
Wait, I thought you'd be with Keane tonight.
- That's not really gonna work out.
- Why not?
- It's complicated.
- Complicated, as in you got scared he's not a dog
or a cat or a wayward teen who needs taking care of
until it finds its final home?
He's a good guy, Willa.
We all think so.
Look, if you can't trust yourself,
then maybe you can trust the collective certainty
of the people who love and care about you.
Don't find him a different permanent home
than with you, Willa.
- He's not a dog.
- Exactly.
I'm heading to Tahoe.
I will see you in a few days.
Merry Christmas.
- For months, I've tossed coins
into this fountain, wishing for love.
And then I panic when I finally get what I wish for.
Maybe I am too stubborn and obstinate to see any reason.
(water babbling)
- [Archer] Yeah, and so that's how she knows she wasn't
in Jersey, anymore (laughs).
(Spence and Elle laugh)
- Hey.
- Hi. - Oh, you all right?
- I think I am too stubborn and obstinate to see any reason.
I made a really big mistake.
I need a ride.
- Where to?
- Keane's.
- No shit.
I need an address.
- You know what?
He doesn't have a tree.
Let's stop and get him one.
I think there's a lot on Third.
- I love it.
- [Willa] I really don't need an audience for this.
- [Elle] Tough, you're family,
and family sticks together on Christmas.
- Hope they're opened.
Oh.
(all groan)
Oh man, you think they're opened?
- It's damned near midnight on Christmas Eve!
- Sorry, sir, it's a bit of a Christmas emergency.
Is that all you got?
- Well, I got one more there in the trailer.
It's slightly used, but it's the best one on this lot.
- [Spence] How much is that gonna cost us?
- No, I can't.
I can't take your tree.
- (laughs) I'll tell you what.
I got a hot date with the missus tonight.
I'd rather have that 50 bucks.
- Okay then. - Okay then.
Honey, we're goin' out!
- I'm okay.
You guys can leave, and I'll talk to you tomorrow.
- We're not going anywhere.
- Yeah, we're staying.
- Right.
- [Archer] So wave when you're ready,
and we'll bring it up.
- [Willa] Okay.
- Good luck, Willa.
- Oh yeah, don't worry about them.
- How long are they gonna stay out there?
- Until I get my life together.
- Do they know that might take a while?
Want to come in?
Come on, big girl.
- So,
you love me?
- You did hear me.
From the moment you let me into your shop,
that first morning, giving me all this attitude,
you changed my life with your huge heart
and your easy affection and your smile.
- I love you, too, Keane.
And I'm really sorry that I ran off like that,
and I panicked.
I blamed you for being closed off,
but the truth is
it was me.
I let you in,
and I fell hard.
And then I got scared.
- It's not just on you.
It's on me, too.
I got scared, too.
I should've told you about the house being up
for sale and the offers.
Okay, the truth is you were right.
I didn't really want to sell it.
- [Willa] Then why are you?
- I'm not.
I rescinded my acceptance offer.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah, now I realize
that this house is not just a house to me.
It's, uh,
it's my home.
And when you're ready, if you choose it to be,
I would like for it to be yours, too.
I actually really want to, because I love you.
(Keane laughs)
I've risked everything for my business.
I think it's about time I risked my heart for you.
- Does risking your heart
include letting me put up Christmas tree?
- I think it's a little late for that, no?
- No. - No?
- It's not. - No?
(Keane laughs)
- Tree delivery service.
(Keane laughs)
- Whoa. - Ooh, whoa.
You got it?
Where do you want it?
- Wherever she wants it.
- Oh, in there. - Good answer.
(Keane laughs)
- You good?
- Um... - Yeah, she's good.
- All right, merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas, guys.
- Bye, guys. - Merry Christmas.
Thanks, guys.
(footsteps clatter)
(Keane sighs)
The holidays are gonna be insane, aren't they?
- Oh yeah.
Are you scared?
- (scoffs) Bring it.
(Keane laughs)
- Oh, wait!
- Oh my God, so close.
- [Willa] Oh.
- Yes.
(Keane grunts)
(laughs) Wait.
(Willa grunts)
Why is the tree decorated already?
- Oh, we, uh, that's,
it's a really long story.
- Oh.
I hope it will be.