1
00:00:35,083 --> 00:00:36,789
Guys, I've had a great time.

2
00:00:36,875 --> 00:00:38,240
Let's do it again. - Yes.

3
00:00:38,375 --> 00:00:39,160
Bye.

4
00:00:39,375 --> 00:00:40,740
See you soon, take care.

5
00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,448
- Thanks.
- See you later...

6
00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:44,578
- Take care guys.
- Ciao.

7
00:00:44,667 --> 00:00:45,667
See you later.

8
00:00:46,792 --> 00:00:49,989
Damn, I can't believe
Raul and Sara are getting married.

9
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,036
We introduced them!

10
00:00:56,042 --> 00:00:57,202
Hey, are you alright?

11
00:00:57,417 --> 00:00:58,247
Yes.

12
00:00:58,417 --> 00:00:59,156
Yes?

13
00:00:59,375 --> 00:01:00,080
Yes.

14
00:01:00,208 --> 00:01:01,789
Lost mylove

15
00:01:02,042 --> 00:01:04,499
you haven't been your usual self.

16
00:01:05,125 --> 00:01:06,706
We're close enough now,

17
00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:08,573
you can tell me what's wrong.

18
00:01:08,708 --> 00:01:10,494
Yes... I don't think...

19
00:01:10,583 --> 00:01:13,040
Whatever it is,
don't worry about it, ok?

20
00:01:13,125 --> 00:01:13,705
Ok.

21
00:01:13,833 --> 00:01:15,824
They're moving a piano
at this time.

22
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,332
I don't know how to tell you this.

23
00:01:21,417 --> 00:01:22,417
What's up?

24
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,581
Have you ever felt

25
00:01:24,625 --> 00:01:28,743
that you're with someone who you love
more as a friend than as a partner?

26
00:01:29,458 --> 00:01:30,698
Yes, I guess so.

27
00:01:32,458 --> 00:01:34,369
Someone you really care for

28
00:01:34,458 --> 00:01:37,120
and while you know
you don't have a future,

29
00:01:37,250 --> 00:01:40,242
the fear of hurting them
stops you from breaking up,

30
00:01:40,583 --> 00:01:43,040
which only makes things
more complicated.

31
00:01:43,208 --> 00:01:44,368
No, never.

32
00:01:45,875 --> 00:01:47,661
I'm sorry. It's over.

33
00:01:48,792 --> 00:01:51,033
We've been together ages, Olivia.

34
00:01:51,250 --> 00:01:53,241
That depends on when you count from.

35
00:01:53,333 --> 00:01:55,870
From the first time we said
"I love you" or...

36
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,250
Antonio?

37
00:02:07,250 --> 00:02:08,660
We're going to New York!

38
00:02:09,583 --> 00:02:11,039
We're going to New York!

39
00:02:11,833 --> 00:02:14,575
Aren't you excited?
Yes, of course. New York!

40
00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:17,536
It's the first time I've done this.

41
00:02:17,875 --> 00:02:21,618
Buy a flight with someone
for six months time!

42
00:02:23,250 --> 00:02:24,615
If we buy them now,

43
00:02:24,708 --> 00:02:27,871
that means we're going
to be together another six months.

44
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:28,614
Of course.

45
00:02:28,792 --> 00:02:31,579
Even if it's only
so we don't waste the flights.

46
00:02:40,208 --> 00:02:44,030
If you're going to leave me,
better do it now than in a month's time.

47
00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:49,041
I'm going to do it, I'm doing it.

48
00:02:51,708 --> 00:02:52,618
You're right.

49
00:02:52,708 --> 00:02:54,448
- What?
- It's a huge commitment.

50
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,749
Who knows where we'll be
in six months.

51
00:02:58,333 --> 00:03:00,198
I think it's better to end it.

52
00:03:02,167 --> 00:03:03,373
Why isn't he responding?

53
00:03:03,625 --> 00:03:04,625
We sedated him.

54
00:03:05,083 --> 00:03:06,323
He was hit by a piano.

55
00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:09,825
His leg's broken.
He needs a full examination.

56
00:03:11,333 --> 00:03:13,995
I hope he remembers that we broke up.

57
00:03:14,083 --> 00:03:16,369
Shit, imagine I hadn't said it,

58
00:03:16,458 --> 00:03:18,039
and the piano paralysed him,

59
00:03:18,125 --> 00:03:19,740
I would never have left him.

60
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:23,496
Shit, I can't believe my luck.

61
00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:28,990
I know it sounds horrible.

62
00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:30,243
But I can't help it.

63
00:03:30,333 --> 00:03:31,743
Too far? Do you have a sedative?

64
00:03:31,833 --> 00:03:35,655
It's a lot of mixed emotions,
breaking up with someone is horrible.

65
00:03:41,875 --> 00:03:44,708
- Get out.
- There's no need to be like that!

66
00:03:45,875 --> 00:03:48,412
Tell him I'll see him at the hospital.

67
00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:04,576
Hey, is there a discount for six?
Yes, discount.

68
00:04:04,667 --> 00:04:05,873
- Five Euros?
- Yes.

69
00:04:22,458 --> 00:04:23,458
Bastard.

70
00:04:28,375 --> 00:04:31,663
Is there any need to be like that?

71
00:05:30,625 --> 00:05:34,038
- Give it, give it to me!
- Bloody hell, take it!

72
00:05:52,625 --> 00:05:59,781
Graceful lady

73
00:05:59,875 --> 00:06:04,118
from malaga!

74
00:06:07,625 --> 00:06:15,625
I wish I could kiss your lips

75
00:06:18,625 --> 00:06:24,495
I wish I could kiss your lips
graceful lady from malaga

76
00:06:24,583 --> 00:06:26,574
do you believe in love at first sight?

77
00:06:29,583 --> 00:06:30,583
I do.

78
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,161
Especially if the other person is fit.

79
00:06:34,875 --> 00:06:37,537
Not so long ago,
I fell in love at first sight.

80
00:06:37,958 --> 00:06:38,958
With Olivia.

81
00:06:39,083 --> 00:06:42,155
She saw some guys throwing a party
and what did she do?

82
00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:43,865
What anyone would have done:

83
00:06:44,042 --> 00:06:45,578
Sing them a song.

84
00:06:46,708 --> 00:06:48,198
Maybe it was the song,

85
00:06:48,792 --> 00:06:51,249
or how beautiful she looked
under the streetlight,

86
00:06:51,375 --> 00:06:53,536
while a drunk guy
threw up next to her,

87
00:06:54,042 --> 00:06:55,452
or because I was wasted,

88
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:57,535
but I fell in love.

89
00:07:00,667 --> 00:07:03,249
I fell so deeply in love

90
00:07:03,458 --> 00:07:05,574
I had too much bike
and not enough brakes.

91
00:07:06,458 --> 00:07:10,576
Graceful lady from malaga!

92
00:07:14,458 --> 00:07:16,244
Are you ok?

93
00:07:20,583 --> 00:07:22,699
Do you want to go for dinner one day?

94
00:07:23,458 --> 00:07:24,458
What?

95
00:07:26,083 --> 00:07:28,995
If we ended up together,
we'd have an amazing story

96
00:07:29,083 --> 00:07:30,493
about how we met.

97
00:07:30,875 --> 00:07:32,581
Like notting hill on steroids.

98
00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:34,750
Wow...

99
00:07:45,583 --> 00:07:46,583
Was it good?

100
00:07:48,083 --> 00:07:49,869
The breakfast deal is until one.

101
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,365
I'll have to charge full price.

102
00:07:51,458 --> 00:07:54,416
Augusto you bastard,
damn, it's only...

103
00:07:54,667 --> 00:07:56,203
Shit, half past four.

104
00:07:56,750 --> 00:07:59,412
Are you meeting
the girl you ran over today?

105
00:07:59,583 --> 00:08:01,869
Yeah, mate, I'm a nervous wreck.

106
00:08:02,167 --> 00:08:04,203
But, anyway, I hope it goes well.

107
00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:06,198
Of course it will.
Why wouldn't it?

108
00:08:06,250 --> 00:08:07,865
All your relationships go well.

109
00:08:08,583 --> 00:08:10,073
Like violeta, who you left

110
00:08:10,167 --> 00:08:12,579
because she was always
listening to Sam Smith.

111
00:08:12,667 --> 00:08:13,998
Ed Sheeran - Ed Sheeran.

112
00:08:14,083 --> 00:08:15,869
Or Alicia,
who you left for her sister.

113
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,366
It'll be fine.
I've got a feeling.

114
00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:19,500
Yes, of course.

115
00:08:21,458 --> 00:08:23,119
Here. No need to thank me.

116
00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:25,785
That's not enough!

117
00:08:26,125 --> 00:08:28,411
That's why you don't need to thank me.

118
00:08:32,208 --> 00:08:33,789
So, you give monologues?

119
00:08:34,792 --> 00:08:37,408
The right term is stand up comedy.

120
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:40,957
By the way,
I'm eating all of these.

121
00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:43,579
Don't you want any?
No, thanks, I'm allergic.

122
00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:46,124
My face balloons like a muppet's.

123
00:08:46,208 --> 00:08:48,164
I always carry adrenaline,
just in case.

124
00:08:48,250 --> 00:08:50,241
Really?
Cool, like in Pulp Fiction!

125
00:08:50,333 --> 00:08:51,994
See? Then you inject it.

126
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,581
It's no joke. I could suffocate.

127
00:08:54,833 --> 00:08:56,448
In fact, if you don't mind.

128
00:08:57,083 --> 00:08:58,789
What were you saying
about monologues?

129
00:08:58,875 --> 00:09:00,160
Stand up comedy.

130
00:09:00,250 --> 00:09:02,332
Like why girls
go to the loo together

131
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,829
and why napkins
don't absorb anything, right?

132
00:09:05,208 --> 00:09:06,698
I'm not a fan of monologues.

133
00:09:07,125 --> 00:09:09,707
If you don't like stand up,
you haven't seen real comedy.

134
00:09:09,792 --> 00:09:12,750
A guy on a stage,
opening up to his audience.

135
00:09:13,167 --> 00:09:16,489
Like that sensation
when more than 200 people

136
00:09:16,583 --> 00:09:18,995
laugh when you want them to laugh.

137
00:09:20,208 --> 00:09:21,243
Have you ever heen

138
00:09:21,333 --> 00:09:23,449
to a monologue that wasn't funny?

139
00:09:23,583 --> 00:09:24,413
I have.

140
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:27,947
Alright, clever clogs, illuminate me,
what do you do?

141
00:09:28,208 --> 00:09:30,324
I'm in theatre.
I write and I act.

142
00:09:30,417 --> 00:09:32,533
- What bar do you work in?
- One in la latina.

143
00:09:33,042 --> 00:09:35,328
I'm particularly into
avant-garde theatre.

144
00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:39,118
The autobiographical movements,
artaud, theatre of cruelty.

145
00:09:39,208 --> 00:09:42,405
Sorry, I was about to fall asleep
out of pure boredom.

146
00:09:43,042 --> 00:09:44,657
Theatre of what? Of cruelty?

147
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,615
What is the theatre of cruelty?

148
00:09:48,250 --> 00:09:52,163
The theatre of cruelty shocks
the viewer with a radical experience

149
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:53,660
forcing him to pay attention

150
00:09:53,792 --> 00:09:55,077
and stirring his emotions.

151
00:09:55,458 --> 00:09:56,458
Fuck me.

152
00:09:56,542 --> 00:09:59,784
If I go to the theatre
to listen to someone's shit life story,

153
00:09:59,958 --> 00:10:01,414
I'd at least like a laugh.

154
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,741
But life is drama, anguish, solitude.

155
00:10:03,875 --> 00:10:05,240
Life isn't funny.

156
00:10:05,625 --> 00:10:07,331
There you go. What a bitch.

157
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,077
Leave it.

158
00:10:10,708 --> 00:10:11,948
Ah, of course.

159
00:10:12,125 --> 00:10:13,740
You're a man, so you pay?

160
00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:16,157
No way. We'll split it.

161
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:18,244
Fine. That's great.

162
00:10:18,333 --> 00:10:20,870
Because, damn,
you drank a lot for a chick.

163
00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:23,165
Ah! Another micro-sexism!

164
00:10:23,375 --> 00:10:26,333
Sorry, you drank a lot for a mammal.

165
00:10:27,875 --> 00:10:30,992
What's more,
I don't agree that life is just drama.

166
00:10:31,792 --> 00:10:32,827
Shall I show you?

167
00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:34,250
What?

168
00:10:40,125 --> 00:10:41,125
Hey!

169
00:10:43,750 --> 00:10:44,990
The bill.

170
00:10:46,333 --> 00:10:47,493
Yes, what's wrong?

171
00:10:47,750 --> 00:10:48,990
You left without paying.

172
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:51,332
Without paying?
You've got that wrong.

173
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:52,452
That's not true.

174
00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:55,660
You're an idiot.

175
00:10:55,875 --> 00:10:57,740
I'm working, that's not funny.

176
00:10:57,833 --> 00:11:00,870
Sorry, he's a comedian,
he thinks he's really funny.

177
00:11:06,542 --> 00:11:09,079
- She didn't find that funny.
- No, not at all.

178
00:11:09,250 --> 00:11:10,250
Poor girl.

179
00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:18,249
Have you seen Annie hall?

180
00:11:19,458 --> 00:11:21,574
Yes. But it's a comedy.
Remember when...

181
00:11:22,583 --> 00:11:24,198
After the first date, he says

182
00:11:25,042 --> 00:11:26,498
it's best to kiss soon

183
00:11:26,583 --> 00:11:29,746
to avoid the awkward moment
of the first kiss?

184
00:11:30,333 --> 00:11:31,573
Yes, I remember.

185
00:11:38,208 --> 00:11:40,790
- We could go to see it one day?
- Yes, let's go.

186
00:11:40,875 --> 00:11:43,161
- Cool, good.
- Another day... yes, why not.

187
00:11:43,250 --> 00:11:44,160
Ok, cool.

188
00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:47,572
Well, I live up there.
Up there. I don't, I'm more...

189
00:11:47,625 --> 00:11:48,956
I live down there. 0k,

190
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,243
- ciao.
- Bye.

191
00:11:52,250 --> 00:11:55,413
And we saw Annie hall
and bullets over Broadway

192
00:11:55,583 --> 00:11:57,574
and Manhattan murder mystery.

193
00:11:57,667 --> 00:11:59,623
We saw so many Woody Allen films

194
00:11:59,708 --> 00:12:01,994
that one day
I woke up with phimosis.

195
00:12:03,875 --> 00:12:05,581
But, even still,

196
00:12:05,833 --> 00:12:07,664
we've not had one bloody kiss.

197
00:12:08,792 --> 00:12:09,827
Right, you start.

198
00:12:16,792 --> 00:12:17,872
Water or vodka?

199
00:12:20,833 --> 00:12:21,538
Water!

200
00:12:21,583 --> 00:12:22,583
Vodkal

201
00:12:23,208 --> 00:12:24,208
your turn.

202
00:12:33,625 --> 00:12:34,239
Vodka?

203
00:12:34,625 --> 00:12:35,625
Yes.

204
00:12:37,042 --> 00:12:38,042
Your turn!

205
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:40,582
We have a drinking game
in my village.

206
00:12:40,667 --> 00:12:42,373
Guess what it's called. "Drink".

207
00:12:42,667 --> 00:12:44,123
Shut up and drink.

208
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,240
Vodka.

209
00:13:02,875 --> 00:13:04,786
It seems like they were all vodka!

210
00:13:06,417 --> 00:13:10,114
I think someone here
wanted to get someone drunk.

211
00:13:15,458 --> 00:13:19,121
Well, it must be really late, right?

212
00:13:22,417 --> 00:13:23,577
Right. Right.

213
00:13:30,667 --> 00:13:34,410
What was I going to say...
We'll see each other another day.

214
00:13:34,583 --> 00:13:37,120
0k. - Yeah?

215
00:13:37,667 --> 00:13:42,331
We've still got two...
Two Woody Allen films to see.

216
00:13:42,542 --> 00:13:44,248
Yes, we've still got two.

217
00:13:44,750 --> 00:13:46,866
Do you remember where the door is?

218
00:13:47,125 --> 00:13:49,582
Yes, the way I came in.
It's the same, right?

219
00:13:51,208 --> 00:13:52,368
Ah, your phone.

220
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:54,497
Alright, girl.

221
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:55,583
Alright.

222
00:13:59,583 --> 00:14:01,164
Wait, wait.

223
00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:03,119
- Come on.
- Got it.

224
00:14:04,250 --> 00:14:05,250
Ciao.

225
00:14:06,542 --> 00:14:08,578
- Call me!
- Congratulations!

226
00:14:11,875 --> 00:14:14,116
Ah, oli... you're an idiot!

227
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:20,324
Five dates, a bottle of vodka
and not one kiss!

228
00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:23,706
You're a complete fool.

229
00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:25,500
Come on, think.

230
00:14:39,125 --> 00:14:40,125
Hello?

231
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:44,197
Olivia, I think I've left
my phone in your house.

232
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:45,250
Bugger!

233
00:14:45,542 --> 00:14:48,705
Yeah, right,
because I'm going to need it for things.

234
00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:53,032
I can't see it here.

235
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:55,500
What do I do?

236
00:14:56,833 --> 00:14:58,243
Do you want to come look?

237
00:14:59,458 --> 00:15:02,120
Ok, ok.
I'll be there in a minute.

238
00:15:02,250 --> 00:15:03,250
Ok.

239
00:16:06,708 --> 00:16:08,699
Fuck, man.

240
00:16:10,333 --> 00:16:11,333
What's up?

241
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,615
You won't believe it, but...

242
00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:18,163
I'll have to grab a blablacar in a bit.
I've got a gig.

243
00:16:19,417 --> 00:16:21,248
I really can't be arsed.

244
00:16:24,542 --> 00:16:28,490
I'd stay here for another 17 years.

245
00:16:28,667 --> 00:16:29,667
Me too.

246
00:16:36,083 --> 00:16:37,083
Where's the gig?

247
00:16:37,875 --> 00:16:40,241
It's a drag. Valencia.

248
00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:41,581
I'm from valencia.

249
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,123
I love valencia.

250
00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:46,367
There's no other city like valencia,
I love it, really.

251
00:16:47,750 --> 00:16:49,786
Maybe you'll think this is crazy, but

252
00:16:50,458 --> 00:16:51,458
why don't you come?

253
00:16:54,042 --> 00:16:55,953
I haven't seen my parents for ages.

254
00:16:56,042 --> 00:16:57,782
And I've never used blablacar.
No?

255
00:16:58,042 --> 00:17:00,249
Well, blablacar is awesome.

256
00:17:00,542 --> 00:17:01,782
The people are nice.

257
00:17:02,125 --> 00:17:04,992
I'll be there soon.
I'm in the car.

258
00:17:06,250 --> 00:17:09,242
No, no, pilu,
I'm not wearing my seat belt, pilu.

259
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:11,036
That's for girls.

260
00:17:11,167 --> 00:17:12,327
Isn't it a bit gay?

261
00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:17,448
I can't wait to get there
and get on the mojitos!

262
00:17:17,542 --> 00:17:20,614
You have to meet luana,
my new Filipino maid.

263
00:17:20,750 --> 00:17:22,832
Blablacars are usually more fun.

264
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:25,495
Her mojitos...
Of course, it's a Filipino drink...

265
00:17:26,083 --> 00:17:28,324
What do you mean they're from Cuba?

266
00:17:28,458 --> 00:17:30,414
Well maybe she's Cuban.

267
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:33,458
What do I know.
They're all the same. Right?

268
00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:42,415
- What do you mean?
- See you.

269
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:45,867
Mojito doesn't have gin in it?
It's rum? No way!

270
00:17:46,083 --> 00:17:49,746
- Fuck me, what a twat.
- No, don't say that, no way.

271
00:17:51,167 --> 00:17:53,579
I'm running late,
I'll go straight to the gig.

272
00:17:53,625 --> 00:17:55,741
I'll see my parents
and meet you there.

273
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,035
Ok? - 0k, ciao.

274
00:17:57,417 --> 00:17:59,578
But I won't laugh.
You're not very funny.

275
00:17:59,667 --> 00:18:01,453
Great. Thanks for that comment.

276
00:18:01,583 --> 00:18:02,583
By the way,

277
00:18:02,750 --> 00:18:04,411
don't bring your parents.

278
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:07,572
Don't worry, they're more lbsen
and Chekhov than monologues.

279
00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:08,705
Stand up comedy.

280
00:18:14,792 --> 00:18:16,532
Hurry up, it's started.

281
00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:19,873
If you don't like it, pretend.

282
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,207
Mario is sensitive
about his monologues.

283
00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:25,367
- Don't call them monologues.
- It's stand up comedy.

284
00:18:25,542 --> 00:18:29,660
The other day I read something...
It was already like that but I...

285
00:18:29,750 --> 00:18:31,081
Come on, over there.

286
00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:33,707
Did you know there is a
minimum legal age

287
00:18:33,833 --> 00:18:37,246
to have sexual relations with consent?

288
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:40,245
Careful! That was "con-sent",
not "con-tempt".

289
00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:42,244
I don't give a damn
who you take to bed!

290
00:18:42,375 --> 00:18:44,707
But that got me thinking.

291
00:18:44,792 --> 00:18:46,828
So, is there a legal minimum age

292
00:18:46,958 --> 00:18:49,244
to have sexual relations
without consent?

293
00:18:49,375 --> 00:18:50,535
Careful, eh?

294
00:18:50,875 --> 00:18:53,116
Careful, we're in
murky waters here,

295
00:18:53,208 --> 00:18:55,119
swampy, full of crap... careful.

296
00:18:55,875 --> 00:18:57,615
I'm imagining two guys saying:

297
00:18:57,708 --> 00:18:59,244
"They've reduced the minimum age

298
00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:01,164
for sexual relations without consent?"

299
00:19:01,250 --> 00:19:02,250
"What, really?"

300
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:05,242
"Yes, they've reduced it from 90 to 87".

301
00:19:05,333 --> 00:19:06,333
Then he says:

302
00:19:09,125 --> 00:19:11,457
"Blimey,
I'm going to shag my grandpa".

303
00:19:16,458 --> 00:19:19,700
Careful with the agua de valencia,
it's deceptive.

304
00:19:20,375 --> 00:19:21,706
Agua: Water,

305
00:19:21,833 --> 00:19:24,199
it's in the name: Water.
It's juice, vitamins.

306
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,536
Drink up.
It goes down really easily.

307
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,782
By the way, sorry if before,

308
00:19:29,875 --> 00:19:31,331
on stage,

309
00:19:32,125 --> 00:19:34,036
I said anything inappropriate...

310
00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:36,457
I didn't know Olivia was bringing you.

311
00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:39,614
Mario, Olivia's previous boyfriends
were a dj,

312
00:19:39,708 --> 00:19:43,121
an expert in car tuning
and someone called culebra.

313
00:19:43,208 --> 00:19:45,324
Cobra! His name was cobra, mum.

314
00:19:45,583 --> 00:19:47,744
Look, you can do
what you want up there.

315
00:19:47,833 --> 00:19:50,495
You could kill a polar bear on stage

316
00:19:50,625 --> 00:19:54,243
and I swear you'd still be
the best boyfriend Olivia's ever had.

317
00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:56,198
It's nice to know I've got such a...

318
00:19:56,333 --> 00:19:57,333
Wide margin.

319
00:19:57,375 --> 00:20:00,037
Shall I show you
my childhood bedroom?

320
00:20:00,125 --> 00:20:03,083
What? Perhaps it's not the time?

321
00:20:03,167 --> 00:20:05,078
It's as good as any other.

322
00:20:05,167 --> 00:20:06,452
Come on, hurry.

323
00:20:08,167 --> 00:20:09,532
- No, no.
- Yes.

324
00:20:11,458 --> 00:20:12,743
They can hear.

325
00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:26,163
No, you! I want to continue
being your best boyfriend!

326
00:20:26,583 --> 00:20:29,575
Don't worry!
You should have met culebra!

327
00:20:29,625 --> 00:20:31,161
You've still got a huge margin!

328
00:20:31,250 --> 00:20:33,787
- But, who is culebra?
- Cobra! Cobra!

329
00:20:39,042 --> 00:20:41,533
Listen oli,
I want to tell you something.

330
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:42,447
What?

331
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,328
This is a bit strange,

332
00:20:44,417 --> 00:20:46,874
but it's not the drink.
Did you hear that?

333
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:51,573
- No. So, the last few days...
- Shh.

334
00:20:58,708 --> 00:21:00,494
A kitten.

335
00:21:00,667 --> 00:21:01,667
Look at that.

336
00:21:01,708 --> 00:21:05,656
Wit barstard drapped ye aff?

337
00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:07,865
Why are you talking like that?

338
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:11,614
It's a Scottish cat.
He obviously miaows Scottish.

339
00:21:11,708 --> 00:21:12,823
Reit, Bonnie laddie?

340
00:21:13,417 --> 00:21:16,124
There's no excuse
for abandoning an animal.

341
00:21:16,458 --> 00:21:17,573
No matter how ugly.

342
00:21:17,875 --> 00:21:19,490
Don't say that to the cat.

343
00:21:19,583 --> 00:21:21,073
I'm not saying it to him.

344
00:21:21,250 --> 00:21:23,081
Plus, he doesn't understand me, right?

345
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,410
What's up, little guy?

346
00:21:27,792 --> 00:21:29,328
Perhaps I should adopt him.

347
00:21:29,417 --> 00:21:31,373
No, no. I'm going to adopt him.

348
00:21:31,708 --> 00:21:33,790
- Why don't we both adopt him?
- Hello.

349
00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:36,240
Then we'd have to live together,

350
00:21:36,375 --> 00:21:39,037
I don't want him growing up
in a dysfunctional family.

351
00:21:44,542 --> 00:21:45,542
Better?

352
00:21:45,708 --> 00:21:47,244
What? Well...

353
00:21:48,375 --> 00:21:49,865
His name will be schrodinger.

354
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:50,614
What?

355
00:21:50,708 --> 00:21:52,118
Schrédinger's cat

356
00:21:53,333 --> 00:21:56,245
schradinger did an experiment
to explain quantum physics.

357
00:21:56,417 --> 00:21:57,827
There's a cat in a box

358
00:21:57,958 --> 00:22:00,665
with a vial of poison,
and the vial could break or not.

359
00:22:00,750 --> 00:22:04,618
So, before you open the box,
the cat may be both alive and dead.

360
00:22:04,750 --> 00:22:07,537
That's why they called it
schrédinger's cat.

361
00:22:07,833 --> 00:22:10,165
How long ago was this experiment?

362
00:22:10,833 --> 00:22:12,164
I don't know. 80 years?

363
00:22:12,250 --> 00:22:15,083
Well, the answer is the cat is dead.

364
00:22:17,333 --> 00:22:19,870
He thinks he's funnay, but he's Bonnie.

365
00:22:20,042 --> 00:22:20,872
Yoo'll see,

366
00:22:21,042 --> 00:22:23,784
no, seriously,
don't give the cat a freaky name.

367
00:22:24,125 --> 00:22:25,740
They'll pick on him at school,

368
00:22:25,833 --> 00:22:27,664
steal his snacks at playtime...

369
00:22:27,750 --> 00:22:29,240
Do you have a better idea?

370
00:22:29,333 --> 00:22:30,869
Well, I was thinking...

371
00:22:36,958 --> 00:22:39,825
No, it's a horrible name.

372
00:22:40,083 --> 00:22:43,120
Yer nam is schrédinger,
isnae ret, Bonnie laddie?

373
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,831
I've got a title for my play.

374
00:22:52,208 --> 00:22:53,072
What is it?

375
00:22:53,208 --> 00:22:55,620
A Saturday in July
in the back seat of a blue Volvo,

376
00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:59,030
how I lost my virginity with my cousin
and what I learnt that night.

377
00:22:59,583 --> 00:23:00,583
What's it about?

378
00:23:01,542 --> 00:23:04,033
You're so funny!
You should be a comedian.

379
00:23:04,250 --> 00:23:06,582
Listen, I've got a joke,
see if you laugh.

380
00:23:06,750 --> 00:23:07,580
Let's hear it.

381
00:23:07,750 --> 00:23:10,708
Do you know why
they call it the wonderbra?

382
00:23:10,875 --> 00:23:12,331
Because when you take it off,

383
00:23:12,500 --> 00:23:14,240
you wonder where her tits went!

384
00:23:15,208 --> 00:23:16,208
Very funny.

385
00:23:16,417 --> 00:23:18,658
And a perfect example of micro-sexism.

386
00:23:18,875 --> 00:23:19,875
Right.

387
00:23:32,542 --> 00:23:34,783
Someone's about to break
your favourite mug.

388
00:23:34,875 --> 00:23:38,242
- No, schrodinger.
- Schrédinger.

389
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,032
- How do you say "no"?
- My love.

390
00:23:43,042 --> 00:23:44,042
What a guy!

391
00:23:44,625 --> 00:23:47,697
He responds to "my love".
Couldn't you just eat him?

392
00:23:48,250 --> 00:23:51,208
Mylove, can ye listen tae me.

393
00:23:51,500 --> 00:23:53,832
Please can ye push wi' yer paw

394
00:23:53,958 --> 00:23:56,574
Mario's mug oan th' fluir?

395
00:23:57,792 --> 00:23:58,998
What did you say?

396
00:24:01,250 --> 00:24:02,250
Ah!

397
00:24:03,333 --> 00:24:04,573
Thanks, my love.

398
00:24:04,625 --> 00:24:06,707
I didn't really like that mug.

399
00:24:09,542 --> 00:24:10,577
I'm going for a shower.

400
00:24:11,583 --> 00:24:12,583
Ok.

401
00:24:14,833 --> 00:24:16,664
Oli, have you seen my trousers?

402
00:24:16,750 --> 00:24:18,240
On top of your suitcase.

403
00:24:19,542 --> 00:24:20,542
Ah, ok.

404
00:24:23,542 --> 00:24:26,409
I'm going to have
to learn Scottish, eh?

405
00:24:26,875 --> 00:24:27,875
Ok.

406
00:24:28,625 --> 00:24:30,581
Don't worry if you hear shoots.

407
00:24:30,958 --> 00:24:32,494
Imagine it's a ceilidh.

408
00:24:32,958 --> 00:24:35,244
Three, two...

409
00:24:38,333 --> 00:24:39,333
Mario.

410
00:24:46,167 --> 00:24:48,078
I found this plastic spider.

411
00:24:48,250 --> 00:24:51,572
Do you know anything about it?
Maybe it's mylove's.

412
00:24:51,708 --> 00:24:54,370
Did you think
I'd be scared of a plastic spider?

413
00:24:54,458 --> 00:24:57,074
Because girls
are scared of spiders, right?

414
00:24:57,208 --> 00:24:59,574
Honestly, you've opened my eyes.

415
00:24:59,792 --> 00:25:01,328
The things I learn from you.

416
00:25:01,417 --> 00:25:03,203
I'm off, I've got that casting.

417
00:25:03,250 --> 00:25:04,535
How do I look?

418
00:25:05,875 --> 00:25:06,955
Fabulous.

419
00:25:07,167 --> 00:25:08,167
Great.

420
00:25:20,167 --> 00:25:21,532
Son of a bitch!

421
00:25:23,583 --> 00:25:25,119
There's hundreds of them.

422
00:25:25,208 --> 00:25:27,620
I hope you appreciate it,
it cost me a fortune.

423
00:25:27,708 --> 00:25:28,948
Wish me luck.

424
00:25:29,042 --> 00:25:30,122
Good luck!

425
00:25:30,208 --> 00:25:33,826
Working on the tele is selling yourself!
You bastard, I love you.

426
00:25:34,875 --> 00:25:38,163
I love you too, nutcase.

427
00:25:46,833 --> 00:25:54,833
Graceful lady from malaga

428
00:25:55,167 --> 00:26:01,037
I wish I could kiss your lips

429
00:26:01,542 --> 00:26:04,500
I wish I could kiss your lips

430
00:26:04,667 --> 00:26:07,704
graceful lady from mala...

431
00:26:19,417 --> 00:26:22,989
We use people as if they're
the latest model of mobile phone.

432
00:26:23,458 --> 00:26:25,619
"I'm replacing you with a newer model".

433
00:26:26,125 --> 00:26:29,197
And you can't get angry,
we both knew it would happen.

434
00:26:29,583 --> 00:26:31,869
It's the programmed obsolescence
of love.

435
00:26:33,250 --> 00:26:35,115
Is there any other choice?

436
00:26:35,583 --> 00:26:38,780
We don't look for a partner,
we look for a trophy.

437
00:26:39,417 --> 00:26:41,373
Physical, economic, intellectual...

438
00:26:43,375 --> 00:26:45,331
We want to be a Bob Dylan song

439
00:26:45,542 --> 00:26:47,658
but we write poetry like a kid.

440
00:26:48,708 --> 00:26:50,323
We want to go to the Taj Mahal

441
00:26:51,750 --> 00:26:53,581
on our minimum wage salary.

442
00:26:56,250 --> 00:26:58,115
All love stories

443
00:26:59,667 --> 00:27:01,453
are ghost stories.

444
00:27:11,583 --> 00:27:13,073
You didn't like it, right?

445
00:27:14,208 --> 00:27:17,041
The short time I managed
to keep my eyes open, yes.

446
00:27:17,208 --> 00:27:19,324
The two main characters were naked.

447
00:27:19,417 --> 00:27:22,614
I don't know how they managed
to make that so boring.

448
00:27:22,708 --> 00:27:23,823
It's not sexual.

449
00:27:23,958 --> 00:27:26,199
They're naked
so you focus on the person.

450
00:27:26,250 --> 00:27:30,118
Of course. Well, her, yes,
she was very good.

451
00:27:30,208 --> 00:27:31,243
She was great. Oli!

452
00:27:31,458 --> 00:27:32,743
Eva!

453
00:27:33,875 --> 00:27:34,875
Thanks for coming.

454
00:27:35,125 --> 00:27:35,989
I loved it!

455
00:27:36,125 --> 00:27:37,125
- Really?
- Really.

456
00:27:37,208 --> 00:27:38,948
- It was a gamble...
- It's amazing.

457
00:27:39,042 --> 00:27:40,248
Yes? Thanks.

458
00:27:40,375 --> 00:27:42,206
- This is Mario, my boyfriend.
- Hi!

459
00:27:42,250 --> 00:27:43,581
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.

460
00:27:43,750 --> 00:27:45,615
I didn't recognise you
with clothes on.

461
00:27:47,250 --> 00:27:49,741
And the fact that you were both naked,

462
00:27:49,833 --> 00:27:53,405
there were no sexual connotations
or anything, not at all.

463
00:27:53,875 --> 00:27:56,708
I thought the plot
was really courageous.

464
00:27:56,792 --> 00:27:58,157
And the poster is cool.

465
00:27:58,250 --> 00:28:01,572
If you've got any left,
perhaps I could have one...

466
00:28:01,667 --> 00:28:03,623
Stop me before I say anything else.

467
00:28:03,708 --> 00:28:05,494
I'll let you know if there's any left.

468
00:28:05,583 --> 00:28:08,780
- 0k, cool, right? The poster.
- Hey, Matt.

469
00:28:09,042 --> 00:28:10,782
Hi, Olivia. Thanks for coming.

470
00:28:13,125 --> 00:28:14,615
It was beautiful.

471
00:28:14,833 --> 00:28:16,164
- Thanks.
- Honestly.

472
00:28:17,958 --> 00:28:19,698
This is Mario, my boyfriend.

473
00:28:20,083 --> 00:28:22,244
- Hi, what's up?
- Hi, a pleasure, Mario.

474
00:28:22,333 --> 00:28:23,823
I really liked the piece.

475
00:28:24,083 --> 00:28:28,247
I mean, the play, the Taj Mahal.
Really cool, I really enjoyed it.

476
00:28:32,542 --> 00:28:33,622
He's very funny.

477
00:28:36,333 --> 00:28:39,370
Every love story is a ghost story.

478
00:28:39,833 --> 00:28:41,539
That has stayed with me, Matt.

479
00:28:41,583 --> 00:28:45,451
The story came to me while in India,
contemplating the Taj Mahal.

480
00:28:45,542 --> 00:28:46,873
I'd love to see it.

481
00:28:47,125 --> 00:28:48,240
You don't need to go.

482
00:28:48,375 --> 00:28:51,538
There are loads of videos
and documentaries on the net,

483
00:28:51,583 --> 00:28:53,665
on YouTube:
"The Taj Mahal and love",

484
00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:57,325
"ghosts of the Taj Mahal",
there must be hundreds of them.

485
00:28:57,417 --> 00:28:58,873
It just takes one click.

486
00:28:59,417 --> 00:29:02,659
Well you should go.
Change your perspective of things.

487
00:29:02,875 --> 00:29:06,197
Mario doesn't like travelling.
He prefers the telly.

488
00:29:06,417 --> 00:29:09,079
I don't understand why
we admire buildings.

489
00:29:09,250 --> 00:29:12,492
The Taj Mahal.
I don't see the romance in it.

490
00:29:12,667 --> 00:29:15,739
The emperor shah
had it built for one of his wives

491
00:29:15,875 --> 00:29:18,708
and when it was done,
he removed the architects' eyes

492
00:29:18,792 --> 00:29:20,703
so they'd never build anything again.

493
00:29:20,792 --> 00:29:23,704
Super romantic.
I just want to drop my knickers.

494
00:29:23,792 --> 00:29:25,328
- I had no idea.
- Well yes.

495
00:29:25,417 --> 00:29:27,032
It's one of his monologues.

496
00:29:28,042 --> 00:29:30,499
I was going to marry a friend
for citizenship.

497
00:29:31,042 --> 00:29:33,408
For our honeymoon,
we wanted to help

498
00:29:33,500 --> 00:29:35,206
children with leprosy in India.

499
00:29:36,958 --> 00:29:41,031
My friend died,
but I decided to go on the trip.

500
00:29:41,250 --> 00:29:43,741
That's where I wrote the play,
in homage to her.

501
00:29:47,417 --> 00:29:49,032
You should have said that first.

502
00:29:52,583 --> 00:29:53,583
No!

503
00:29:59,667 --> 00:30:01,203
Bloody black humour.

504
00:30:03,542 --> 00:30:04,748
Well... well...

505
00:30:06,125 --> 00:30:07,456
Speak soon, ok? 0k,

506
00:30:08,583 --> 00:30:10,369
well... - Nice to meet you.

507
00:30:10,458 --> 00:30:11,458
Congratulations.

508
00:30:11,583 --> 00:30:13,574
- Liked it a lot.
- Thank you.

509
00:30:13,625 --> 00:30:14,705
Thanks for coming.

510
00:30:14,875 --> 00:30:17,082
- Thank you.
- Let's all meet up one day.

511
00:30:17,250 --> 00:30:18,740
- Ok, ciao.
- Bye.

512
00:30:18,958 --> 00:30:19,958
Hey, Matt.

513
00:30:20,167 --> 00:30:22,249
It's been a pleasure.
Likewise. Ciao.

514
00:30:22,417 --> 00:30:23,623
- Bye.
- Ciao.

515
00:30:27,167 --> 00:30:30,830
So, if I had an affair,
you would want me to tell you?

516
00:30:31,417 --> 00:30:32,532
Yes, of course.

517
00:30:33,333 --> 00:30:34,789
But I'll tell you now,

518
00:30:34,875 --> 00:30:38,242
if you have an affair,
I don't want you to tell me. Understood?

519
00:30:38,458 --> 00:30:39,458
Understood.

520
00:30:39,833 --> 00:30:40,833
Understood?

521
00:30:41,250 --> 00:30:42,706
Yes, I won't tell you.

522
00:30:42,792 --> 00:30:46,205
- No, bad, Olivia, bad!
- Bad, what? That's what you want.

523
00:30:46,333 --> 00:30:48,449
That's what I said,
not what I want.

524
00:30:48,542 --> 00:30:50,328
If I know you won't tell me,

525
00:30:50,417 --> 00:30:52,578
how will I relax in this relationship?

526
00:30:52,625 --> 00:30:55,037
You could have a lover
and I wouldn't know.

527
00:30:55,500 --> 00:30:57,991
What I wanted was for you to say

528
00:30:58,083 --> 00:30:59,368
that you would tell me,

529
00:30:59,458 --> 00:31:01,870
but that you know
you shouldn't tell me.

530
00:31:02,500 --> 00:31:05,242
That's the only way I'll know
that if you say nothing

531
00:31:05,333 --> 00:31:06,613
it's because nothing's happened.

532
00:31:06,667 --> 00:31:08,703
But, if something happened
and you didn't say,

533
00:31:08,792 --> 00:31:10,828
I would think that nothing had happened.

534
00:31:11,958 --> 00:31:15,155
Do you realise how
convoluted that sounds?

535
00:31:15,333 --> 00:31:17,870
Well, yes.
It's a little convoluted,

536
00:31:18,125 --> 00:31:19,990
but it's compelling logic.

537
00:31:21,500 --> 00:31:24,367
That evil looking roller coaster
is convoluted.

538
00:31:24,458 --> 00:31:27,074
There's no way in hell I'd get on that.

539
00:31:27,250 --> 00:31:31,243
No, no, no. Mario!

540
00:31:37,708 --> 00:31:39,073
It's coming!

541
00:32:03,958 --> 00:32:06,995
I want it to end!
I want it to be over!

542
00:32:20,333 --> 00:32:22,949
I want to break up! What?

543
00:32:29,250 --> 00:32:31,161
I think we should leave it.

544
00:32:32,333 --> 00:32:34,824
- What?
- I want us to break up.

545
00:32:41,583 --> 00:32:44,416
I'm just no good
for long term relationships.

546
00:32:46,083 --> 00:32:48,995
Sorry, I've tried,
but I can't, I can't do it.

547
00:32:49,833 --> 00:32:52,575
I feel the need to meet other girls,

548
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,991
but I can't, you're stopping me.

549
00:32:58,750 --> 00:33:03,244
Just the thought that we'll spend
the rest of our lives together,

550
00:33:04,875 --> 00:33:06,365
stops me from breathing.

551
00:33:07,250 --> 00:33:10,822
I'm asking myself is this it?
Have we reached our limit?

552
00:33:12,583 --> 00:33:15,746
For the first few months,
just seeing you was like a drug.

553
00:33:17,500 --> 00:33:18,865
This is terrible, but...

554
00:33:19,875 --> 00:33:22,708
If I want to feel
like how I felt in the beginning,

555
00:33:22,792 --> 00:33:24,578
I need to meet new people.

556
00:33:26,250 --> 00:33:27,865
I'm not prepared for this.

557
00:33:32,792 --> 00:33:33,792
You fell for it?

558
00:33:37,042 --> 00:33:40,455
Ladies and gentlemen,
and the Oscar goes to...!

559
00:33:43,167 --> 00:33:45,874
Thank you very much,
my beloved audience,

560
00:33:46,167 --> 00:33:48,704
for supporting me,
you've always been there,

561
00:33:48,958 --> 00:33:50,573
honestly, it's been pleasure.

562
00:33:51,250 --> 00:33:52,706
Do you find this funny, scumbag?

563
00:33:52,792 --> 00:33:55,864
Very. But don't get too close,
I peed myself before...

564
00:33:57,667 --> 00:33:59,658
Can we go around again? Please.

565
00:34:07,583 --> 00:34:08,743
How do I look?

566
00:34:11,333 --> 00:34:13,995
Wow, girl. You look amazing.

567
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:15,785
Are you going out?

568
00:34:15,875 --> 00:34:16,875
Didn't I tell you?

569
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:18,865
I'm replacing Eva in Matt's play.

570
00:34:20,250 --> 00:34:21,831
No, you didn't tell me.

571
00:34:22,083 --> 00:34:24,244
But, that's cool, right?

572
00:34:24,458 --> 00:34:28,121
Fantastic, get up there on stage
for two hours naked.

573
00:34:28,500 --> 00:34:30,707
I don't know why
you're so dressed up,

574
00:34:30,792 --> 00:34:33,408
when you get there
you have to take it all off.

575
00:34:33,500 --> 00:34:35,707
Why don't you come to see me?
I'm scared.

576
00:34:35,833 --> 00:34:38,620
You'll be a success. You'll see.

577
00:34:38,958 --> 00:34:41,495
Especially with the guys
and the lesbians.

578
00:34:42,083 --> 00:34:43,744
Plus, I can't, I've got a gig.

579
00:34:43,833 --> 00:34:45,698
Start late.
You could see the first act.

580
00:34:45,792 --> 00:34:48,124
Yeah, right,
and watch you naked on stage

581
00:34:48,250 --> 00:34:50,241
with the most attractive guy ever

582
00:34:50,458 --> 00:34:53,996
in front of hundreds of people. Right.
Don't be silly.

583
00:34:54,833 --> 00:34:57,245
At most, tens of people.

584
00:34:58,792 --> 00:35:00,578
You're so funny.

585
00:35:00,667 --> 00:35:02,123
Are you a comic now?

586
00:35:05,500 --> 00:35:07,161
Fuck me, I'm really nervous.

587
00:35:07,333 --> 00:35:08,493
Don't worry.

588
00:35:10,833 --> 00:35:14,576
Just think that you're naked
and they're dressed.

589
00:35:15,125 --> 00:35:16,786
That's exactly what's wrong.

590
00:35:17,042 --> 00:35:20,000
Yes, I meant to say the opposite.
Come here.

591
00:35:21,167 --> 00:35:25,740
Guys, there were ten reservations
but there's only one spectator.

592
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:27,206
Shall we cancel?

593
00:35:27,792 --> 00:35:28,792
Only one?

594
00:35:29,958 --> 00:35:30,958
Let me see.

595
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:37,864
He's not here.

596
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:40,036
Of course, he's left too.

597
00:35:41,250 --> 00:35:42,250
Let's cancel.

598
00:35:46,542 --> 00:35:48,658
I've had break ups of all types.

599
00:35:48,750 --> 00:35:50,957
I remember when I was with rocio,

600
00:35:51,042 --> 00:35:52,042
I had to leave her

601
00:35:52,125 --> 00:35:55,572
because she called me by my name
when we were making love.

602
00:35:55,958 --> 00:35:56,572
She'd say:

603
00:35:56,667 --> 00:35:59,659
"Sorry, I called you Mario,
forgive me", crying.

604
00:35:59,792 --> 00:36:01,328
"But my name is Mario!".

605
00:36:02,583 --> 00:36:05,416
She says: "I was referring
to another Mario".

606
00:36:06,625 --> 00:36:10,243
But now I'm in love and it's amazing.

607
00:36:12,083 --> 00:36:13,994
But it's also a pain in the ass!

608
00:36:14,458 --> 00:36:16,790
Because in the end,
everything goes wrong.

609
00:36:16,875 --> 00:36:19,867
Couples are always destined to break up.

610
00:36:20,125 --> 00:36:21,581
I don't know, for example,

611
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:23,661
are you two a couple? - Yes.

612
00:36:23,750 --> 00:36:25,991
Yes? Well, you'll break up, sorry.

613
00:36:26,208 --> 00:36:29,245
Do you want to do it here,
so we can all have a laugh? No?

614
00:36:29,625 --> 00:36:32,412
Sorry if I'm a bit pessimistic,
but it's like that.

615
00:36:32,500 --> 00:36:34,786
I think the only way
a couple can end well

616
00:36:34,958 --> 00:36:36,789
is if one of them dies in time.

617
00:36:38,417 --> 00:36:41,250
Just think:
Romeo and Juliet, Titanic...

618
00:36:41,417 --> 00:36:43,157
They both fitted on that board,

619
00:36:43,250 --> 00:36:46,162
but Leonardo DiCaprio
wanted to leave it on a high.

620
00:36:46,250 --> 00:36:47,786
He didn't want, 20 years later,

621
00:36:47,958 --> 00:36:50,415
to get it in the neck
about the toilet seat.

622
00:37:45,875 --> 00:37:47,160
What are you doing there?

623
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:52,456
I was thinking that...

624
00:37:53,833 --> 00:37:56,825
As we're getting on so well
and we're in a good place,

625
00:37:58,083 --> 00:38:01,655
wouldn't it be great to leave it now,
and take the happy memories.

626
00:38:02,333 --> 00:38:03,573
What are you saying?

627
00:38:06,875 --> 00:38:10,038
I was watching your monologue,
but I left.

628
00:38:10,667 --> 00:38:13,033
I didn't like the bit
about couples ending badly.

629
00:38:13,833 --> 00:38:17,496
But I said that because
it was a great lead into my joke, but...

630
00:38:17,583 --> 00:38:18,868
You seemed genuine.

631
00:38:19,375 --> 00:38:20,660
Perhaps you're right.

632
00:38:21,333 --> 00:38:22,823
I think you're a great guy,

633
00:38:23,083 --> 00:38:24,789
I'd like to stay friends, but...

634
00:38:24,875 --> 00:38:27,241
What will I think
of you in six months?

635
00:38:27,375 --> 00:38:28,375
Or you of me.

636
00:38:28,583 --> 00:38:29,993
Maybe not six, maybe two.

637
00:38:30,083 --> 00:38:33,246
I'm sure you'll start to see
faults in me that you didn't see before.

638
00:38:36,417 --> 00:38:39,033
Wouldn't it be better
to avoid all that suffering?

639
00:38:39,708 --> 00:38:41,699
No. No, it wouldn't be better.

640
00:38:42,083 --> 00:38:44,244
I'd rather go through that suffering.

641
00:38:48,167 --> 00:38:49,247
You fell for it!

642
00:38:49,750 --> 00:38:51,160
Ah, fuck me.

643
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,332
Bloody hell, find your own jokes!

644
00:38:57,333 --> 00:38:59,995
I don't know what I'd do if you left me.

645
00:39:00,083 --> 00:39:02,074
I'd go help kids with leprosy.

646
00:39:02,167 --> 00:39:03,623
Become some kind of cliché.

647
00:39:03,708 --> 00:39:04,993
I'm not leaving you.

648
00:39:05,167 --> 00:39:07,579
And you can't leave me,
so there's no problem.

649
00:39:10,125 --> 00:39:11,956
Why can't I leave you?

650
00:39:12,167 --> 00:39:15,239
That's simple,
you couldn't live without mylove.

651
00:39:15,458 --> 00:39:17,540
He could live with both of us.

652
00:39:17,583 --> 00:39:19,574
A couple of months with you
and a couple with me.

653
00:39:19,792 --> 00:39:21,498
No, mylove stays with me.

654
00:39:21,583 --> 00:39:24,040
Let's stop talking about
who would keep mylove,

655
00:39:24,125 --> 00:39:25,990
we could break up over this nonsense.

656
00:39:26,167 --> 00:39:28,249
But I found him.

657
00:39:28,500 --> 00:39:30,616
You could visit him
whenever you wanted.

658
00:39:30,833 --> 00:39:34,246
You know there are lawyers
that specialise in custody of pets.

659
00:39:34,458 --> 00:39:36,665
Yeah, but you won't call one,

660
00:39:36,750 --> 00:39:38,240
that would be ridiculous.

661
00:39:38,333 --> 00:39:42,246
No, no. Well, unless you
forced me into it, of course.

662
00:39:44,458 --> 00:39:48,121
- But we're not going to break up.
- No, we won't break up.

663
00:39:48,542 --> 00:39:51,409
Of course not.
But if we did break up...

664
00:39:51,583 --> 00:39:53,164
- We're not going to.
- No.

665
00:39:54,167 --> 00:39:55,452
But he'd stay with me.

666
00:40:04,083 --> 00:40:06,119
For the well being of the cat,

667
00:40:06,208 --> 00:40:09,245
my client suggests he spends
a season with each of his guardians.

668
00:40:10,250 --> 00:40:12,241
Are you really doing this to me?

669
00:40:21,333 --> 00:40:23,540
My client requests custody in the summer

670
00:40:23,583 --> 00:40:26,575
because you get naked in the heat

671
00:40:26,708 --> 00:40:29,575
and the tattoo on your left buttock
scares the cat.

672
00:40:38,083 --> 00:40:39,664
I've split up with my girl.

673
00:40:39,833 --> 00:40:42,620
It's very complicated
because we have a cat.

674
00:40:43,083 --> 00:40:44,744
We have shared custody.

675
00:40:45,417 --> 00:40:48,864
But it's just not the same anymore,
now it gets it's claws out,

676
00:40:49,042 --> 00:40:51,408
it hisses at me, it doesn't eat...

677
00:40:51,750 --> 00:40:53,615
But it's normal, she's my ex.

678
00:40:55,417 --> 00:40:57,658
But with the cat, great.
We get on well.

679
00:40:57,750 --> 00:41:00,708
The problem is
she used to talk to him in Scottish,

680
00:41:00,792 --> 00:41:02,532
I don't understand a thing.

681
00:41:02,667 --> 00:41:05,079
When I see the pair of them talking,

682
00:41:05,208 --> 00:41:08,200
I ask the cat what they're saying
and he looks at me like:

683
00:41:08,333 --> 00:41:11,530
"Our stuff".
Dornt listen, it's nae worth it.

684
00:41:11,583 --> 00:41:14,996
He doesn't like me being nosy
because curiosity killed the cat.

685
00:41:15,083 --> 00:41:16,083
- Hello.
- Mario, no!

686
00:41:16,167 --> 00:41:17,532
I'm here for mylove.

687
00:41:17,875 --> 00:41:20,742
You can't come in without knocking.
Give me the keys.

688
00:41:21,750 --> 00:41:24,822
I think someone is having
a hard time getting over someone.

689
00:41:27,792 --> 00:41:30,329
I've come for mylove.
This isn't your house.

690
00:41:30,458 --> 00:41:31,458
Fine, ok,

691
00:41:31,542 --> 00:41:32,542
understood.

692
00:41:33,167 --> 00:41:34,167
Where is he?

693
00:41:36,375 --> 00:41:38,081
- Mylove.
- Mylove?

694
00:41:38,750 --> 00:41:40,411
Mylove, whaur ur ye?

695
00:41:42,167 --> 00:41:43,167
Mylove...

696
00:41:44,042 --> 00:41:45,042
What's going on?

697
00:41:45,375 --> 00:41:46,375
Mylove!

698
00:41:47,375 --> 00:41:49,707
- Whaur ur ye, mylove?
- Whaur are you?

699
00:41:49,833 --> 00:41:50,833
Whaur ur ye?

700
00:41:51,208 --> 00:41:52,243
Whaur are you?

701
00:41:54,333 --> 00:41:55,368
Whaur are you?

702
00:41:56,042 --> 00:42:00,536
Lost my love
responds to Scottish

703
00:42:11,958 --> 00:42:14,449
It's ridiculous, Olivia.
"Lost mylove".

704
00:42:14,708 --> 00:42:17,825
You could have put something else.
He only responds to "mylove".

705
00:42:18,083 --> 00:42:22,372
But you could have put "missing cat"
or "lost cat" and the name underneath.

706
00:42:22,458 --> 00:42:25,996
It's like the joke about
the dog called titswobble.

707
00:42:26,083 --> 00:42:27,869
"Officer, have you seen mylove?"

708
00:42:29,167 --> 00:42:31,579
Do you talk about our break up
in your monologue?

709
00:42:33,583 --> 00:42:34,583
Yes, a hit.

710
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:38,456
You're on the telly a lot.

711
00:42:40,083 --> 00:42:43,871
Stand up involves talking
about your life, and yes, I mention...

712
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:45,786
Things about us. - Yeah.

713
00:42:46,542 --> 00:42:49,454
But everyone has their own
version of events.

714
00:42:51,500 --> 00:42:52,500
I suppose so.

715
00:43:02,417 --> 00:43:03,417
"Lost mylove".

716
00:43:03,750 --> 00:43:04,750
Are you ok?

717
00:43:05,167 --> 00:43:06,657
I really miss mylove.

718
00:43:07,542 --> 00:43:09,578
- Your girlfriend or the cat?
- Yes.

719
00:43:12,708 --> 00:43:14,039
Hello? - Hello.

720
00:43:14,458 --> 00:43:16,323
I'm calling about the lost cat.

721
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:20,242
Yes, but it's a real cat
that's called mylove.

722
00:43:20,417 --> 00:43:22,157
It's not a marketing campaign.

723
00:43:22,250 --> 00:43:23,535
No, we've found him.

724
00:43:23,708 --> 00:43:26,620
We're sure it's the one in the photo.
Really?

725
00:43:27,250 --> 00:43:28,660
Are you sure? - Yes,

726
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:30,331
ok, I'll come over.

727
00:43:30,583 --> 00:43:32,574
They've got him. Yes! Go!

728
00:43:33,083 --> 00:43:37,122
This is Olivia. Don't leave a message,
I won't listen to it.

729
00:43:52,167 --> 00:43:53,202
Mylove!

730
00:43:56,792 --> 00:43:59,033
Where were you, rascal?

731
00:43:59,583 --> 00:44:02,040
You've already spent 6 lives,
don't risk it.

732
00:44:05,500 --> 00:44:07,661
Thanks a lot for calling. Really.

733
00:44:08,583 --> 00:44:10,369
What are your names? - Mabel.

734
00:44:10,667 --> 00:44:11,326
Marian.

735
00:44:11,625 --> 00:44:12,625
Mabel and Marian.

736
00:44:13,375 --> 00:44:14,375
I'm Mario.

737
00:44:14,875 --> 00:44:15,875
So...

738
00:44:17,583 --> 00:44:18,789
He's super cute.

739
00:44:19,708 --> 00:44:21,699
We were hoping you wouldn't answer.

740
00:44:22,125 --> 00:44:22,739
Right.

741
00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:24,365
So, I was thinking...

742
00:44:24,500 --> 00:44:26,081
Do you have some kind of...

743
00:44:26,458 --> 00:44:28,119
Ring or...

744
00:44:28,542 --> 00:44:31,124
Something original,
that's not like a ring.

745
00:44:31,208 --> 00:44:32,208
For your girlfriend?

746
00:44:35,667 --> 00:44:38,500
Siri, how do you say
"bloody cat" in a Scottish accent?

747
00:44:40,708 --> 00:44:41,708
Bludy moggie.

748
00:44:41,792 --> 00:44:43,407
That's right, bludy moggie.

749
00:44:43,542 --> 00:44:44,827
You're a bludy moggie.

750
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:09,000
Hello?

751
00:45:10,208 --> 00:45:10,788
Hello.

752
00:45:11,208 --> 00:45:15,497
- Why don't you call first?
- I was calling but you didn't answer.

753
00:45:15,583 --> 00:45:19,030
- It's not a good time. We'll talk later.
- No, it's important.

754
00:45:19,208 --> 00:45:20,869
We need to buy shampoo.

755
00:45:25,958 --> 00:45:27,038
Hey Mario.

756
00:45:27,250 --> 00:45:28,250
What's up, Matt?

757
00:45:31,750 --> 00:45:32,455
And...

758
00:45:32,583 --> 00:45:33,868
What are you doing here?

759
00:45:37,708 --> 00:45:39,414
Have you still not told him?

760
00:45:40,833 --> 00:45:42,869
Sorry you have to
find out like this...

761
00:45:43,833 --> 00:45:46,199
Olivia and I are going to get married.

762
00:45:50,708 --> 00:45:51,708
What's he saying?

763
00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:54,414
We're getting married for citizenship.

764
00:45:55,542 --> 00:45:58,830
- Why "citizenship" in quotations?
- I meant "married".

765
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:02,366
And you didn't think to tell me?

766
00:46:03,417 --> 00:46:06,033
It's hard to find
the right time to say it.

767
00:46:06,125 --> 00:46:07,490
Yes, it's true.

768
00:46:07,792 --> 00:46:11,660
It happens to me. I had surgery,
I used to be a woman. Very tall.

769
00:46:11,750 --> 00:46:13,615
I never found
he right time to tell you.

770
00:46:13,708 --> 00:46:15,244
I'll leave you alone.

771
00:46:15,417 --> 00:46:16,417
Mario,

772
00:46:16,500 --> 00:46:20,573
they ask so many questions to ensure
it's not a marriage of convenience.

773
00:46:21,083 --> 00:46:22,243
So you're telling me

774
00:46:22,542 --> 00:46:25,579
that immigration is forcing you
to fuck each other.

775
00:46:25,667 --> 00:46:27,453
Matt and I live together.

776
00:46:27,708 --> 00:46:30,324
We may have had a thing or two,
but as friends.

777
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:32,740
The typical fuckmate/hushand?

778
00:46:32,875 --> 00:46:36,072
Why are we talking about this.
Why are you here? Leave.

779
00:46:36,167 --> 00:46:38,579
I don't know why he needs citizenship.

780
00:46:38,708 --> 00:46:39,743
I'm from Argentina.

781
00:46:40,500 --> 00:46:41,500
No way.

782
00:46:42,083 --> 00:46:43,869
Since when are Argentinians...

783
00:46:44,042 --> 00:46:45,623
Now you're racist too?

784
00:46:45,750 --> 00:46:46,990
Leave, please.

785
00:46:47,125 --> 00:46:50,242
I came to talk about the cat.
Do you remember our cat?

786
00:46:50,375 --> 00:46:51,581
You don't have an accent.

787
00:46:51,625 --> 00:46:54,492
- Shall I put one on?
- What's wrong with mylove?

788
00:46:54,667 --> 00:46:55,782
He's been found.

789
00:46:56,083 --> 00:46:59,450
- Why didn't you say?
- I got sidetracked by your wedding news.

790
00:46:59,542 --> 00:47:00,247
Where is he?

791
00:47:00,375 --> 00:47:02,832
- Mario, where is mylove?
- Dead, ok?

792
00:47:03,417 --> 00:47:04,577
The cat is dead.

793
00:47:10,167 --> 00:47:11,167
I'm sorry.

794
00:47:11,667 --> 00:47:13,032
It's better if I leave.

795
00:47:17,792 --> 00:47:18,792
Come here.

796
00:47:48,750 --> 00:47:50,240
What the hell have I done?

797
00:47:50,500 --> 00:47:51,990
Wit th' heel hae ah dain?

798
00:47:57,500 --> 00:47:58,535
Alright, I see.

799
00:48:00,875 --> 00:48:01,955
Your nationality?

800
00:48:02,250 --> 00:48:03,250
Spanish.

801
00:48:03,375 --> 00:48:05,240
- And your partner?
- Argentina.

802
00:48:06,333 --> 00:48:08,494
What is your partner's star sign?

803
00:48:08,708 --> 00:48:09,708
Really?

804
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:11,000
Yes.

805
00:48:12,042 --> 00:48:13,042
Pisces.

806
00:48:13,125 --> 00:48:14,125
Taurus.

807
00:48:14,250 --> 00:48:15,581
Imagine her temperament.

808
00:48:16,708 --> 00:48:19,780
What are the names
of the parents of your future spouse?

809
00:48:20,542 --> 00:48:22,203
I call them "mum and dad".

810
00:48:26,708 --> 00:48:28,699
William... William and Marina.

811
00:48:31,583 --> 00:48:33,574
What side of the bed does he sleep on?

812
00:48:33,667 --> 00:48:34,998
Is that really a question?

813
00:48:35,417 --> 00:48:36,577
Please, answer.

814
00:48:36,958 --> 00:48:37,958
On the left.

815
00:48:38,208 --> 00:48:40,665
Although the other day,
he fell asleep on top.

816
00:48:54,708 --> 00:48:58,951
When you finish a relationship
and you're a real man

817
00:48:59,042 --> 00:49:01,374
you want your partner to be ok,

818
00:49:01,583 --> 00:49:04,575
that she's alright,
but not amazing.

819
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:08,742
Should she find love? Yes.
You want her to find love,

820
00:49:08,833 --> 00:49:12,325
but with an average guy,
an insurance salesman,

821
00:49:12,417 --> 00:49:15,409
with a bit of a belly,
side parting, called Tony.

822
00:49:15,500 --> 00:49:18,697
At best, he's a stamp collector.
That's all.

823
00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:23,370
We all want a Tony for our exes.

824
00:49:23,708 --> 00:49:25,573
But that doesn't always happen.

825
00:49:29,542 --> 00:49:33,410
My ex had the great idea of
getting together with

826
00:49:33,500 --> 00:49:35,456
a black, Argentinian engineer.

827
00:49:36,958 --> 00:49:38,744
You're thinking the same as me.

828
00:49:39,042 --> 00:49:40,623
A black Argentinian?

829
00:49:41,500 --> 00:49:43,616
I didn't know they existed.
How exotic.

830
00:49:43,708 --> 00:49:46,324
You should see him. He's 6 foot 2,

831
00:49:46,875 --> 00:49:48,831
flawless skin, by the way,

832
00:49:49,208 --> 00:49:50,698
and he works for a charity.

833
00:49:51,708 --> 00:49:56,327
He could sing you a tango, brew you
a mate, or help children with leprosy.

834
00:49:56,542 --> 00:49:58,157
I want to fuck him too.

835
00:49:58,458 --> 00:50:01,325
- What are you doing?
- Can you use headphones?

836
00:50:01,500 --> 00:50:02,865
I'm using headphones, smart ass.

837
00:50:04,125 --> 00:50:06,457
They work better if
you connect them, smart ass.

838
00:50:12,583 --> 00:50:15,199
A Saturday in July
in the back seat of a blue Volvo

839
00:50:15,250 --> 00:50:18,492
how I lost my virginity with my cousin
and what I learnt that night

840
00:50:19,708 --> 00:50:22,074
we've got Mario laguna here with us.

841
00:50:22,208 --> 00:50:24,449
Your film is off the charts.

842
00:50:24,583 --> 00:50:26,119
You play a guy

843
00:50:26,208 --> 00:50:28,574
who loses his memory
before his wedding.

844
00:50:28,625 --> 00:50:31,332
Well, basically,
he receives a blow to the head

845
00:50:31,875 --> 00:50:32,875
and...

846
00:50:34,208 --> 00:50:35,618
And well, in my case...

847
00:50:35,708 --> 00:50:39,530
As much as I've tried,
and as many blows as I've given myself,

848
00:50:39,625 --> 00:50:42,082
there's someone I just can't forget.

849
00:50:44,542 --> 00:50:47,124
Let's continue with the programme,
the opening of the play:

850
00:50:47,333 --> 00:50:49,324
“You're quite funny for a woman”.

851
00:50:49,417 --> 00:50:51,624
It's not irony,
it's the title of a monologue.

852
00:50:51,708 --> 00:50:54,575
Tonight in the luchana theatre
at quarter past ten.

853
00:51:01,417 --> 00:51:03,999
You didn't imagine
your first time like that.

854
00:51:05,083 --> 00:51:06,323
I really didn't,

855
00:51:07,083 --> 00:51:08,448
but I've learnt something.

856
00:51:11,667 --> 00:51:12,952
What have you learnt?

857
00:51:13,583 --> 00:51:15,574
That Volvo seats

858
00:51:16,208 --> 00:51:17,243
are very uncomfortable.

859
00:51:18,083 --> 00:51:19,789
I also learnt something.

860
00:51:20,625 --> 00:51:23,116
Virginity is like a bubble,
one prick and it's gone.

861
00:51:23,583 --> 00:51:27,030
- What? That wasn't in the script.
- They've finally laughed.

862
00:51:43,500 --> 00:51:44,500
Hae ye seen?

863
00:51:44,750 --> 00:51:46,160
See hoo Bonnie Olivia is.

864
00:51:50,167 --> 00:51:52,078
Wit ur you doing, scoundrel?

865
00:51:52,167 --> 00:51:54,328
You liked her photo.

866
00:51:54,667 --> 00:51:56,658
Why do you do these things, scoundrel?

867
00:51:57,250 --> 00:51:58,660
Because...

868
00:51:58,875 --> 00:52:00,786
You're a scoundrel.
Is that how I say it?

869
00:52:00,875 --> 00:52:02,536
Or do I have to buy a dictionary?

870
00:52:18,583 --> 00:52:20,699
It's really uncomfortable
to read it like this.

871
00:52:20,792 --> 00:52:22,703
I want to see your reactions.

872
00:52:22,792 --> 00:52:25,829
Or you could tell me you like it,
even if it was shit.

873
00:52:26,125 --> 00:52:27,160
Ah, alright.

874
00:52:27,583 --> 00:52:29,119
Thankfully, I've finished

875
00:52:29,250 --> 00:52:30,250
and?

876
00:52:31,833 --> 00:52:32,993
I like it.

877
00:52:33,250 --> 00:52:33,830
Yes.

878
00:52:34,250 --> 00:52:35,865
The characters...

879
00:52:36,250 --> 00:52:38,582
They're both idiots,
in a good way, I mean.

880
00:52:38,667 --> 00:52:40,874
They could be any one of us.

881
00:52:41,583 --> 00:52:43,824
They're nice but very childish,

882
00:52:43,958 --> 00:52:46,995
you can't get angry with them
even though you hate them.

883
00:52:47,250 --> 00:52:49,707
It could be called
"story of two idiots".

884
00:52:50,125 --> 00:52:52,411
I told you it's autobiographical, right?

885
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:54,365
Yes? No...

886
00:52:55,042 --> 00:52:57,704
It's sad they don't work it out,
and that the cat dies.

887
00:52:57,792 --> 00:52:59,999
That's life.
We can discuss the end.

888
00:53:00,125 --> 00:53:02,036
The important thing is it's great,

889
00:53:02,125 --> 00:53:03,786
and I can't wait to direct it.

890
00:53:04,250 --> 00:53:06,081
The actors are going to love it.

891
00:53:06,250 --> 00:53:08,491
You could win an Oscar with these roles.

892
00:53:08,583 --> 00:53:10,494
Like Tom Hanks for Forrest Gump.

893
00:53:10,958 --> 00:53:13,700
You should be nicer to me,
I could spit in your beer.

894
00:53:14,833 --> 00:53:16,118
You wouldn't do that.

895
00:53:18,125 --> 00:53:20,161
You're going to scatter the ashes

896
00:53:20,250 --> 00:53:22,707
that they gave you
in the pet crematorium.

897
00:53:22,833 --> 00:53:25,040
You're in the countryside.

898
00:53:25,250 --> 00:53:27,411
It's romantic and sad at the same time.

899
00:53:27,500 --> 00:53:29,161
That has to show. - Yes.

900
00:53:29,375 --> 00:53:31,707
Beautiful. - Right...

901
00:53:37,125 --> 00:53:38,956
"Do you think this is a good place

902
00:53:39,042 --> 00:53:42,034
to throw mylove's ashes into the wind?"

903
00:53:42,792 --> 00:53:45,249
"Why is there a fag end
in mylove's ashes?"

904
00:53:46,333 --> 00:53:48,699
"Perhaps... he was a secret smoker".

905
00:53:52,125 --> 00:53:53,490
Just a minute, Raul.

906
00:53:57,167 --> 00:53:58,167
I'll kill him!

907
00:53:59,625 --> 00:54:01,832
He's a like a kick in the stomach.

908
00:54:02,458 --> 00:54:04,119
Perhaps he could be the cat.

909
00:54:05,625 --> 00:54:07,365
We need to find someone else.

910
00:54:08,042 --> 00:54:09,623
Ok. Just one thing...

911
00:54:12,417 --> 00:54:13,953
I'm going for a cigarette.

912
00:54:14,250 --> 00:54:16,332
Ok? Raul, start warming up.

913
00:54:16,708 --> 00:54:17,823
Warm up, yes.

914
00:54:20,458 --> 00:54:22,414
"Perhaps he was a secret smoker".

915
00:54:23,167 --> 00:54:25,078
It's was the fag end, right?

916
00:54:25,250 --> 00:54:26,615
Ok, ok, ok.

917
00:54:37,083 --> 00:54:39,074
Blinking heck!

918
00:54:45,583 --> 00:54:47,949
"Double delicacies, with ocean fish

919
00:54:48,083 --> 00:54:49,994
in a sauce with spinach".

920
00:54:50,583 --> 00:54:51,789
Shit, man,

921
00:54:52,167 --> 00:54:53,703
your cat eats better than me.

922
00:54:54,375 --> 00:54:55,375
It's not my cat

923
00:54:55,625 --> 00:54:56,956
and yes, indeed,

924
00:54:57,333 --> 00:54:58,698
it eats better than me.

925
00:54:59,542 --> 00:55:01,248
I tried one of these cans

926
00:55:01,333 --> 00:55:02,823
and I started to purr.

927
00:55:03,208 --> 00:55:05,824
I'll swap it for a cigarette.
No, this is free.

928
00:55:07,458 --> 00:55:08,948
I'm Dani, nice to meet you.

929
00:55:09,375 --> 00:55:11,616
I'm a talent agent. - Ernesto,

930
00:55:11,875 --> 00:55:13,786
I started directing a play today.

931
00:55:14,667 --> 00:55:16,578
Who is the caviar for?

932
00:55:17,583 --> 00:55:19,414
Mario laguna, he lives nearby.

933
00:55:19,875 --> 00:55:21,615
Mario laguna lives here?

934
00:55:21,875 --> 00:55:25,367
Give him the script
and convince him to play the lead role.

935
00:55:25,458 --> 00:55:28,655
He's perfect, famous,
charismatic, he speaks well...

936
00:55:29,708 --> 00:55:31,244
Mmm yummy.

937
00:55:32,417 --> 00:55:35,329
The guy who wrote wedding salad
has given us a script.

938
00:55:35,583 --> 00:55:37,619
- Alright.
- I laughed a lot.

939
00:55:37,792 --> 00:55:40,955
It's not your usual mind swap story.

940
00:55:41,250 --> 00:55:43,832
You have a hamster called socks.

941
00:55:44,083 --> 00:55:46,244
- Socks?
- Yes, the hamster.

942
00:55:46,458 --> 00:55:49,416
You're fed up with work,
with your girlfriend...

943
00:55:49,542 --> 00:55:53,831
And you're jealous of socks,
always so chilled on his wheel.

944
00:55:54,083 --> 00:55:57,405
And on one stormy night,
you look at him and say:

945
00:55:57,708 --> 00:55:59,994
"I wish I could swap with you".

946
00:56:00,708 --> 00:56:01,708
What happens?

947
00:56:01,875 --> 00:56:03,706
You swap minds!

948
00:56:03,833 --> 00:56:06,370
Wow! I didn't see that coming!
Well, well...

949
00:56:06,625 --> 00:56:08,035
What a script!

950
00:56:09,250 --> 00:56:10,956
It's a challenge,

951
00:56:11,333 --> 00:56:13,824
you'd have to do the hamster voice,

952
00:56:14,208 --> 00:56:17,120
act like a human,
but with the mind of a hamster.

953
00:56:17,792 --> 00:56:20,329
I know lots of people like that.

954
00:56:21,542 --> 00:56:22,542
And this script?

955
00:56:22,583 --> 00:56:25,950
It's not a script, it's a play.
I met the director.

956
00:56:26,042 --> 00:56:28,533
They're rehearsing here,
in that fleapit.

957
00:56:28,875 --> 00:56:30,035
When I told him

958
00:56:30,250 --> 00:56:33,663
you live here,
he started seeing dollar signs.

959
00:56:33,958 --> 00:56:34,958
Yeah, I bet...

960
00:56:35,583 --> 00:56:38,700
Actually, I wouldn't mind
doing some theatre.

961
00:56:39,333 --> 00:56:39,947
Theatre?

962
00:56:40,167 --> 00:56:42,328
Have you ever seen a play in your life?

963
00:56:42,417 --> 00:56:44,123
I've seen loads of plays.

964
00:56:44,458 --> 00:56:48,076
In fact, I'm a fan of antonin artaud
and the theatre of cruelty.

965
00:56:48,375 --> 00:56:51,447
Antonin artaud?
You just made that name up.

966
00:56:55,458 --> 00:56:56,573
My lost love?

967
00:56:58,625 --> 00:57:00,161
"I don't like travelling".

968
00:57:00,625 --> 00:57:02,490
"Do you know the taj matal..." No,

969
00:57:02,792 --> 00:57:03,792
"the.. M

970
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:05,706
"do you know the takh..."

971
00:57:06,042 --> 00:57:07,373
"The tal..."

972
00:57:07,667 --> 00:57:08,827
"The tal mahalk?

973
00:57:09,167 --> 00:57:10,828
People think it's romantic,

974
00:57:11,583 --> 00:57:12,242
but...

975
00:57:12,375 --> 00:57:13,410
It was a gift...

976
00:57:13,583 --> 00:57:14,948
From... from tan shan...

977
00:57:15,083 --> 00:57:16,243
The emperor shan..."

978
00:57:16,542 --> 00:57:18,032
No, " shan... shan...

979
00:57:18,208 --> 00:57:19,539
Jahan... jahan shaja...

980
00:57:19,708 --> 00:57:21,573
For his emperor..."
No, his wife.

981
00:57:21,667 --> 00:57:24,033
The other one.
"His favourite wife..."

982
00:57:24,125 --> 00:57:25,490
"The Taj Mahal

983
00:57:25,667 --> 00:57:28,249
was a gift
from the great emperor shah jahan

984
00:57:28,417 --> 00:57:30,123
to his favourite wife."

985
00:57:30,500 --> 00:57:31,990
Do we have an aide?

986
00:57:32,375 --> 00:57:35,117
People say "how romantic".
But I don't see it.

987
00:57:35,208 --> 00:57:36,789
When, to build this palace,

988
00:57:36,958 --> 00:57:40,030
they had to kill 20,000 slaves,
and the architects

989
00:57:40,208 --> 00:57:41,448
had their eyes removed.

990
00:57:41,583 --> 00:57:44,780
That makes him the lowest
of ass kissers in history.

991
00:57:46,125 --> 00:57:47,240
What are you doing here?

992
00:57:47,792 --> 00:57:49,874
You know I'm a fan of the theatre.

993
00:57:50,542 --> 00:57:52,453
Can we talk for a minute?

994
00:57:52,667 --> 00:57:55,579
I moan?
You're the one allergic to the life.

995
00:57:55,792 --> 00:57:57,703
Do you know what else? - What?

996
00:57:58,417 --> 00:58:01,250
- I'm a drunk? You're the drunk!
- Can we smoke here?

997
00:58:01,458 --> 00:58:03,995
Olivia doesn't let us.
Better that than a twat!

998
00:58:04,208 --> 00:58:06,324
You've written a play about us

999
00:58:06,417 --> 00:58:09,705
and you don't tell me.
You talk us in your comedy monologues.

1000
00:58:09,792 --> 00:58:11,999
Why did you put "monologues"
in quotations?

1001
00:58:12,083 --> 00:58:14,324
I made a mistake!
I meant "comedy"!

1002
00:58:14,458 --> 00:58:17,700
Look, this is bullshit,
it's a delusion, ok?

1003
00:58:19,500 --> 00:58:21,331
You're ripping it up. Very good.

1004
00:58:24,625 --> 00:58:27,207
I didn't know the play was about Mario.

1005
00:58:27,250 --> 00:58:29,832
It's destiny,
he has to play the lead role.

1006
00:58:30,583 --> 00:58:32,073
He won't play that role.

1007
00:58:32,250 --> 00:58:36,619
- You can only do it if I play the lead.
- Now you think you're an actor?

1008
00:58:36,708 --> 00:58:40,576
Of course, I'm a professional actor.
I live from my work.

1009
00:58:40,958 --> 00:58:44,576
In the same way we can say
that you're a professional waitress.

1010
00:58:49,625 --> 00:58:51,161
- Are you the director?
- Yes.

1011
00:58:51,250 --> 00:58:53,616
When is rehearsal?
I'll be half an hour early.

1012
00:58:53,708 --> 00:58:56,120
At nine.
I'll be half an hour late.

1013
00:58:58,625 --> 00:59:01,367
He's not going to be in my play.
Put out the fag!

1014
00:59:02,208 --> 00:59:03,208
It's our story.

1015
00:59:03,333 --> 00:59:06,575
It's like the dialogues
have been transcribed.

1016
00:59:06,792 --> 00:59:08,578
And it makes me look an idiot.

1017
00:59:09,250 --> 00:59:10,865
How did she manage that?

1018
00:59:11,667 --> 00:59:14,204
I don't understand
who would be interested.

1019
00:59:14,333 --> 00:59:15,038
Well,

1020
00:59:15,208 --> 00:59:18,371
you talk about it in your monologues.
It's not the same.

1021
00:59:18,500 --> 00:59:19,956
No? It's not the same.

1022
00:59:26,625 --> 00:59:28,240
Are you Mario laguna? What?

1023
00:59:28,625 --> 00:59:30,240
Can we have a photo with you?

1024
00:59:30,583 --> 00:59:31,583
- Of course.
- Yes.

1025
00:59:31,667 --> 00:59:33,953
Come on... Mario laguna.
The legend.

1026
00:59:35,583 --> 00:59:37,244
It's to screw over my boyfriend.

1027
00:59:38,125 --> 00:59:39,865
- Another.
- We're going to a party.

1028
00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:41,115
Do you want to come?

1029
00:59:41,500 --> 00:59:44,412
Well, it's just,
we're up early tomorrow.

1030
00:59:45,583 --> 00:59:48,325
We wanted an early night.
Well...

1031
00:59:48,625 --> 00:59:51,207
Hang on... not early, early.

1032
00:59:52,042 --> 00:59:53,407
He's not even an actor!

1033
00:59:53,583 --> 00:59:56,416
He's a professional actor.
We're waiters.

1034
00:59:56,542 --> 00:59:57,952
Stop saying that!

1035
00:59:58,042 --> 01:00:01,239
Listen, if Mario is in it,
we could do it here.

1036
01:00:04,208 --> 01:00:05,208
Here?

1037
01:00:09,583 --> 01:00:13,622
- Fuck, Mario, wake up!
- Who are you? What day is it? What time?

1038
01:00:13,708 --> 01:00:16,700
You're supposed to be
a serious actor today, remember?

1039
01:00:17,375 --> 01:00:20,572
Your first rehearsal
started half an hour ago.

1040
01:00:20,833 --> 01:00:22,824
Give me five minutes, please.

1041
01:00:23,542 --> 01:00:24,998
Danny, it's Mario,

1042
01:00:25,458 --> 01:00:26,458
listen,

1043
01:00:26,875 --> 01:00:29,036
I may not want to get up tomorrow

1044
01:00:29,333 --> 01:00:31,665
so do whatever you need to wake me up.

1045
01:00:32,583 --> 01:00:36,121
With the power
that semi-sober Mario granted me...

1046
01:00:37,250 --> 01:00:39,366
- Watch out!
- Fuck, keep it down!

1047
01:00:39,500 --> 01:00:41,832
Fuck! Not like that!
Not like that!

1048
01:00:42,500 --> 01:00:43,500
Mario,

1049
01:00:43,583 --> 01:00:44,583
not like that.

1050
01:00:44,708 --> 01:00:45,708
Not like that.

1051
01:00:49,125 --> 01:00:51,241
- Are you sure you're ok?
- Yes.

1052
01:00:51,375 --> 01:00:53,161
Yeah, I'm fine, thanks. Perfect.

1053
01:00:53,667 --> 01:00:55,999
Ok, let's start! Go to page 15.

1054
01:00:56,542 --> 01:00:58,533
The first day
and he has a hangover.

1055
01:01:10,042 --> 01:01:12,579
I preferred your look in the other play.

1056
01:01:14,667 --> 01:01:16,703
Could you start reading, please?

1057
01:01:20,833 --> 01:01:22,619
"I think I've drunk too much".

1058
01:01:23,167 --> 01:01:24,327
"Did you hear that?

1059
01:01:24,958 --> 01:01:26,164
I think it's a cat.

1060
01:01:28,250 --> 01:01:29,456
Kitty!

1061
01:01:30,125 --> 01:01:32,537
What bastard abandoned you?"

1062
01:01:33,708 --> 01:01:36,541
"There's no excuse
for abandoning an animal.

1063
01:01:37,625 --> 01:01:39,240
He's an ugly bastard".

1064
01:01:39,542 --> 01:01:40,952
You have to project.

1065
01:01:41,417 --> 01:01:43,499
Ernesto can't hear you.

1066
01:01:45,250 --> 01:01:46,786
Tell him to come closer.

1067
01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:49,958
The whole theatre has to hear you.
Project!

1068
01:01:50,208 --> 01:01:52,950
"There's no excuse
for abandoning an animal".

1069
01:01:53,208 --> 01:01:54,208
Louder.

1070
01:01:55,042 --> 01:01:58,580
"There's no excuse
for abandoning an animal".

1071
01:01:58,875 --> 01:02:00,615
"You're a bloody spoiler machine

1072
01:02:00,708 --> 01:02:03,074
the red wedding, twin peaks
and now the book".

1073
01:02:03,167 --> 01:02:05,829
"I ruined Hamlet for you?"
"I didn't know ofelia died."

1074
01:02:05,958 --> 01:02:08,244
I thought you knew
because it's bloody Hamlet

1075
01:02:08,333 --> 01:02:10,494
after 400 years, it's not a spoiler...

1076
01:02:10,583 --> 01:02:14,326
"Stop denying me things!
You do it on purpose, to show me up.

1077
01:02:14,417 --> 01:02:15,748
You know I haven't read it".

1078
01:02:15,833 --> 01:02:17,164
"Prepare yourself,

1079
01:02:17,250 --> 01:02:20,617
because sleeping beauty wakes up
and Romeo and Juliet die".

1080
01:02:20,792 --> 01:02:23,158
"I know, I saw the film".

1081
01:02:24,250 --> 01:02:26,582
This didn't really happen.
Right...

1082
01:02:27,000 --> 01:02:30,492
- Sorry, what did you say?
- Can you project a bit more?

1083
01:02:33,708 --> 01:02:37,121
"You won't believe it.
I've found my favourite childhood film.

1084
01:02:40,542 --> 01:02:42,828
Cucumber fest in the girl's school",

1085
01:02:42,958 --> 01:02:44,664
you have to project your voice.

1086
01:02:45,375 --> 01:02:47,832
Sorry, Mario, we all have to hear you.

1087
01:02:48,125 --> 01:02:50,457
The voice has to come from your stomach.

1088
01:02:51,667 --> 01:02:52,782
It's not that easy.

1089
01:02:52,875 --> 01:02:56,948
Imagine that it starts in your stomach
and comes out from your mouth.

1090
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:01,616
"Cucumber fest in the girl's school”.

1091
01:03:02,000 --> 01:03:04,332
That's it, very good, fantastic.

1092
01:03:07,333 --> 01:03:09,449
So, what role am I playing?

1093
01:03:12,583 --> 01:03:15,495
Let's go to the famous scene
about the pill-head cat.

1094
01:03:15,583 --> 01:03:18,950
Mylove had to take a tablet
for his kidneys.

1095
01:03:21,125 --> 01:03:24,663
Come on, mylove.
Tak' th' tablet, it's guid fur ye.

1096
01:03:25,167 --> 01:03:26,167
Come on.

1097
01:03:26,250 --> 01:03:29,117
The drug addict cat
hitting all the clubs.

1098
01:03:30,792 --> 01:03:32,578
It's fur yer kidney, mylove.

1099
01:03:32,958 --> 01:03:33,958
Come on...

1100
01:03:36,125 --> 01:03:37,160
Let's see, oli,

1101
01:03:37,875 --> 01:03:38,875
don't worry.

1102
01:03:39,583 --> 01:03:40,698
Let's think,

1103
01:03:41,083 --> 01:03:44,951
what's the best way to make
someone take a pill?

1104
01:03:46,750 --> 01:03:48,240
Listening to dance music.

1105
01:03:49,250 --> 01:03:51,866
Dae ye want th' pill?

1106
01:03:57,708 --> 01:03:59,164
The first one is free.

1107
01:05:11,125 --> 01:05:12,865
You two are really going for it.

1108
01:05:13,375 --> 01:05:15,616
This has been oddly good,
let's move on.

1109
01:05:15,708 --> 01:05:17,323
Fuck me stanislavski.

1110
01:05:17,792 --> 01:05:20,158
If you relax, the audience relaxes.

1111
01:05:20,625 --> 01:05:21,625
Oli,

1112
01:05:22,375 --> 01:05:23,490
we need to talk.

1113
01:05:23,583 --> 01:05:25,244
Alright, I'm off.

1114
01:05:25,583 --> 01:05:27,574
I wanted to tell you something too.

1115
01:05:39,792 --> 01:05:41,453
I don't know how to say this.

1116
01:05:41,708 --> 01:05:44,074
The day I told you that mylove died,

1117
01:05:44,667 --> 01:05:47,830
I was at your house
because I wanted to tell you something.

1118
01:05:47,958 --> 01:05:51,576
But Matt was there naked and...
He was wearing trousers.

1119
01:05:52,542 --> 01:05:55,830
- In my head he was naked.
- I'm going to marry Matt.

1120
01:05:56,208 --> 01:05:57,208
You're kidding?

1121
01:05:57,750 --> 01:05:58,865
With the black guy?

1122
01:05:59,583 --> 01:06:01,619
I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

1123
01:06:02,167 --> 01:06:04,408
We're taking the immigration test again.

1124
01:06:06,667 --> 01:06:08,999
And like last time, you didn't tell me.

1125
01:06:09,125 --> 01:06:11,582
You didn't want me to tell you,
remember?

1126
01:06:13,167 --> 01:06:14,167
Alright.

1127
01:06:14,250 --> 01:06:15,250
Ok.

1128
01:06:16,708 --> 01:06:18,619
You wanted to tell me something?

1129
01:06:20,000 --> 01:06:21,490
No, no... nothing.

1130
01:06:22,458 --> 01:06:23,573
Nothing at all. 0k.

1131
01:06:23,833 --> 01:06:26,449
Fancy it?
Impossible, I'm really busy.

1132
01:06:26,542 --> 01:06:29,739
- Not even a quick half?
- I'm stupidly busy today.

1133
01:06:29,833 --> 01:06:30,572
Another day.

1134
01:06:30,625 --> 01:06:32,616
Fine, see you. - Bye.

1135
01:06:32,958 --> 01:06:34,949
Eva, are you busy tonight?

1136
01:06:35,500 --> 01:06:36,500
No, why?

1137
01:06:36,583 --> 01:06:39,495
I'm a bit rusty on a few scenes,

1138
01:06:39,708 --> 01:06:41,244
perhaps you could help me?

1139
01:06:41,625 --> 01:06:43,411
I've got whisky at home.

1140
01:06:43,583 --> 01:06:46,996
That would help you
really get into the character of Olivia.

1141
01:06:48,667 --> 01:06:49,406
Alright...

1142
01:06:49,667 --> 01:06:50,667
Why not?

1143
01:06:51,083 --> 01:06:52,083
Why not?

1144
01:06:52,875 --> 01:06:54,615
How cute. What's his name?

1145
01:06:55,750 --> 01:06:56,750
Socks.

1146
01:06:57,000 --> 01:06:59,491
- Socks?
- Yes, he likes them a lot.

1147
01:06:59,583 --> 01:07:00,789
He gobbles them up.

1148
01:07:04,083 --> 01:07:06,324
The thing between
you and Olivia is bizarre.

1149
01:07:06,417 --> 01:07:07,417
Bizarre, why?

1150
01:07:07,625 --> 01:07:09,240
She's decided to marry Matt,

1151
01:07:09,375 --> 01:07:11,081
and I wish them all the best.

1152
01:07:14,333 --> 01:07:16,995
We've drunk half a bottle
and we haven't even started.

1153
01:07:19,375 --> 01:07:20,535
Well, test me.

1154
01:07:20,792 --> 01:07:23,454
Read any page, I know it all.
0k,

1155
01:07:29,458 --> 01:07:31,870
"Olivia laughs,
looks at Mario and they kiss".

1156
01:07:35,875 --> 01:07:38,241
But, did you read that page...

1157
01:07:38,708 --> 01:07:40,699
By chance or...?

1158
01:07:41,167 --> 01:07:42,703
I'm almost completely sure.

1159
01:07:56,542 --> 01:07:57,542
Olivia...

1160
01:07:59,375 --> 01:08:00,615
My name's Eva.

1161
01:08:00,875 --> 01:08:02,581
Or are we still rehearsing?

1162
01:08:20,708 --> 01:08:23,040
When did your partner last menstruate?

1163
01:08:24,083 --> 01:08:25,083
What?

1164
01:08:27,208 --> 01:08:29,415
Sorry, sorry, that wasn't for you.

1165
01:08:31,333 --> 01:08:33,039
Does your fiancé have tattoos?

1166
01:08:33,542 --> 01:08:34,201
Yes.

1167
01:08:34,417 --> 01:08:36,499
She's got a sexy one on her hip.

1168
01:08:37,083 --> 01:08:38,948
It's sexy because it's on her bum.

1169
01:08:39,667 --> 01:08:41,783
It's Karl Marx in a heart.

1170
01:08:42,583 --> 01:08:43,948
It scares me a lot.

1171
01:09:00,375 --> 01:09:02,616
Socks won't stop looking at my bum.

1172
01:09:04,583 --> 01:09:06,949
He misses Carlos Marx.

1173
01:09:07,500 --> 01:09:08,500
Who?

1174
01:09:09,250 --> 01:09:10,250
Nevermind.

1175
01:09:10,542 --> 01:09:11,542
Go on, get oot.

1176
01:09:11,583 --> 01:09:12,789
Get oot. Oot.

1177
01:09:15,042 --> 01:09:16,327
Is that Irish?

1178
01:09:17,125 --> 01:09:18,581
No, it's Scottish.

1179
01:09:19,958 --> 01:09:20,958
Right.

1180
01:09:22,583 --> 01:09:26,451
This test is to identify whether
this is a marriage of convenience.

1181
01:09:27,250 --> 01:09:28,456
It is not a joke.

1182
01:09:28,542 --> 01:09:30,703
What marriage isn't for convenience?

1183
01:09:30,875 --> 01:09:33,457
If you marry for citizenship
it's illegal.

1184
01:09:33,542 --> 01:09:35,624
But if you're hung like a horse?

1185
01:09:36,083 --> 01:09:37,493
Isn't that for convenience?

1186
01:09:37,583 --> 01:09:39,494
We only want to know

1187
01:09:40,000 --> 01:09:41,160
is if you're in love.

1188
01:09:41,250 --> 01:09:43,707
Do you realise how arrogant that sounds?

1189
01:09:44,542 --> 01:09:48,581
Isn't it reason enough to fall in love
because that person needs you?

1190
01:09:51,625 --> 01:09:53,411
I honestly don't know.

1191
01:09:53,500 --> 01:09:55,707
Or fall in love
because they make you laugh?

1192
01:09:56,125 --> 01:09:56,989
Or get it wrong

1193
01:09:57,125 --> 01:09:59,161
and choose an idiot for a partner.

1194
01:09:59,458 --> 01:10:01,699
Isn't that our most personal right?

1195
01:10:04,083 --> 01:10:07,155
- Of course it's our right.
- Of course.

1196
01:10:07,250 --> 01:10:09,707
I need to call Victoria,
I'm mad about her.

1197
01:10:09,792 --> 01:10:11,828
- Call Victoria!
- She's my sister.

1198
01:10:13,375 --> 01:10:14,160
Yes,

1199
01:10:14,333 --> 01:10:15,333
adopted, ok?

1200
01:10:15,583 --> 01:10:17,039
Love is free.

1201
01:10:17,208 --> 01:10:19,119
Love is free. Excuse me.

1202
01:10:22,333 --> 01:10:23,333
Vicky!

1203
01:10:23,958 --> 01:10:25,243
I love you, Victoria!

1204
01:10:25,833 --> 01:10:27,039
No, no, no,

1205
01:10:27,250 --> 01:10:28,581
I've never been better.

1206
01:10:28,792 --> 01:10:30,077
I'm thinking clearly.

1207
01:10:39,125 --> 01:10:40,240
Do you miss 'er too?

1208
01:10:42,750 --> 01:10:44,786
We'll see her again soon, ah swear.

1209
01:10:46,042 --> 01:10:49,079
I just need th' reit time
to tell her you're not kaput.

1210
01:10:50,833 --> 01:10:52,243
I'm sure she'll understand.

1211
01:10:55,042 --> 01:10:56,452
Yeah, you're right,

1212
01:10:58,542 --> 01:10:59,542
she'll kill me.

1213
01:11:00,875 --> 01:11:03,116
But I'll tell her tomorrow, alright?

1214
01:11:08,375 --> 01:11:09,375
Eva.

1215
01:11:09,750 --> 01:11:11,240
I'm going to the theatre.

1216
01:11:11,458 --> 01:11:13,073
Don't leave yet,

1217
01:11:13,167 --> 01:11:16,534
I don't want Olivia to find out,
Olivia or anyone else.

1218
01:11:17,583 --> 01:11:20,655
Nobody needs to find out,
this is really bad.

1219
01:11:21,667 --> 01:11:23,623
Give me a sign if you're hungover.

1220
01:11:24,458 --> 01:11:26,790
Ok, look,
I've brought you an aspirin.

1221
01:11:28,583 --> 01:11:30,744
Take it when you get up.

1222
01:11:31,000 --> 01:11:32,331
And when you leave

1223
01:11:32,875 --> 01:11:35,082
pull the door until it goes "clack",

1224
01:11:35,167 --> 01:11:36,202
then forget it all.

1225
01:11:36,333 --> 01:11:36,947
Alright?

1226
01:11:37,083 --> 01:11:38,198
There's the aspirin.

1227
01:12:05,000 --> 01:12:06,000
Shit.

1228
01:12:07,042 --> 01:12:08,042
Socks.

1229
01:12:09,583 --> 01:12:10,583
Socks.

1230
01:12:13,042 --> 01:12:14,042
Stop, mylove.

1231
01:12:17,833 --> 01:12:20,666
That's it, very good.

1232
01:12:21,083 --> 01:12:22,573
Good boy, good boy.

1233
01:12:22,708 --> 01:12:24,414
Come here, come here.

1234
01:12:25,458 --> 01:12:27,323
So you're mylove.

1235
01:12:29,833 --> 01:12:31,164
My friend!

1236
01:12:34,375 --> 01:12:35,375
Hey!

1237
01:12:35,625 --> 01:12:37,081
Shall we start?

1238
01:12:37,792 --> 01:12:39,578
I don't think so because...

1239
01:12:39,708 --> 01:12:42,245
Eva's not here.
I think she's running late.

1240
01:12:42,375 --> 01:12:43,034
Why's that?

1241
01:12:43,375 --> 01:12:45,036
I don't know. The truth is...

1242
01:12:45,125 --> 01:12:47,582
Why are we talking about Eva?
What nonsense.

1243
01:12:47,875 --> 01:12:48,990
So... oli,

1244
01:12:49,375 --> 01:12:50,785
I need to tell you something.

1245
01:12:50,875 --> 01:12:53,366
Well, a few things and it's not easy.
Mario...

1246
01:12:53,875 --> 01:12:54,875
Please.

1247
01:12:55,500 --> 01:12:57,115
Let me go first, ok?

1248
01:12:57,375 --> 01:12:58,535
The first thing is

1249
01:12:58,667 --> 01:13:00,248
I need you to open your mind

1250
01:13:00,625 --> 01:13:02,991
and secondly, stay calm.

1251
01:13:04,042 --> 01:13:05,828
It's about us and the...

1252
01:13:07,583 --> 01:13:08,583
The?

1253
01:13:10,000 --> 01:13:11,206
Actually? I...

1254
01:13:11,250 --> 01:13:13,662
Let's talk later, alright?
A bit... later.

1255
01:13:13,750 --> 01:13:15,581
What... I wanted to say that...

1256
01:13:15,708 --> 01:13:18,780
Sorry for making things difficult,
but I think...

1257
01:13:18,958 --> 01:13:22,405
Because I also feel...
Of course. Yes, yes, yes.

1258
01:13:22,583 --> 01:13:25,700
Yes, I understand, very interesting,
but I have to go.

1259
01:13:25,833 --> 01:13:28,074
Because I've got a situation,
a big one.

1260
01:13:28,375 --> 01:13:29,831
You understand, right? - Yes.

1261
01:13:30,000 --> 01:13:31,115
Yes? Great.

1262
01:13:31,250 --> 01:13:33,241
- So... talk later?
- Yes, of course.

1263
01:13:39,500 --> 01:13:40,865
Tell me I'm not paranoid.

1264
01:13:41,042 --> 01:13:42,578
You didn't bring a cat?

1265
01:13:42,708 --> 01:13:44,824
He escaped and the door went "clack".

1266
01:13:46,000 --> 01:13:48,867
- What the hell do we do?
- It's Olivia's, right?

1267
01:13:49,583 --> 01:13:50,663
- Both of ours.
- Look,

1268
01:13:50,750 --> 01:13:54,618
my hangover is too bad to listen
to Olivia shouting when she finds out

1269
01:13:54,708 --> 01:13:55,708
I'm leaving.

1270
01:13:57,167 --> 01:13:57,747
Go for it,

1271
01:13:58,042 --> 01:13:59,042
good luck.

1272
01:14:00,250 --> 01:14:03,162
Stay there, stay thare, thore, thure.

1273
01:14:09,208 --> 01:14:09,867
Hey Ernesto,

1274
01:14:10,042 --> 01:14:13,000
I'm a bit rough.
Why don't we cancel the rehearsal?

1275
01:14:13,083 --> 01:14:15,790
We've got it down.
Go get a beer, I'll close up.

1276
01:14:16,208 --> 01:14:17,573
It's ten in the morning.

1277
01:14:18,125 --> 01:14:20,116
Ten is the new twelve.

1278
01:14:20,208 --> 01:14:23,700
Stop talking nonsense.
Let's see how good this punch bag is.

1279
01:14:29,167 --> 01:14:32,079
- Why don't we leave this for tomorrow?
- No way.

1280
01:14:32,208 --> 01:14:33,493
Alright, page 45.

1281
01:14:34,042 --> 01:14:35,042
Come on.

1282
01:14:38,583 --> 01:14:39,583
Come on.

1283
01:14:44,625 --> 01:14:46,081
Wait, wait, wait.

1284
01:14:47,792 --> 01:14:48,792
Remember?

1285
01:14:50,958 --> 01:14:52,619
How could I forget?

1286
01:14:52,833 --> 01:14:54,824
- Let's leave it, no?
- Seriously?

1287
01:14:55,750 --> 01:14:57,615
The first thing I learnt to do

1288
01:14:58,000 --> 01:14:59,115
was to sweep

1289
01:14:59,250 --> 01:15:00,330
to iron

1290
01:15:00,417 --> 01:15:02,032
to wash and to sew

1291
01:15:02,458 --> 01:15:04,665
but seeing that these things

1292
01:15:05,250 --> 01:15:06,490
- stop it, eh?
- Yes.

1293
01:15:08,125 --> 01:15:09,240
That won't do!

1294
01:15:09,458 --> 01:15:10,823
It'll do - no.

1295
01:15:11,375 --> 01:15:13,115
You stop it. Come on then.

1296
01:15:21,250 --> 01:15:24,572
Considering how much you like drama,
you're not so bad at comedy.

1297
01:15:33,583 --> 01:15:35,244
Ah, you're improvising.

1298
01:15:35,583 --> 01:15:38,620
Alright... well,
I'm going for a smoke.

1299
01:15:39,042 --> 01:15:40,498
I'll leave you... alone.

1300
01:15:46,792 --> 01:15:47,952
I'm sorry, Olivia,

1301
01:15:48,792 --> 01:15:50,874
sorry for everything that's happened.

1302
01:15:51,208 --> 01:15:52,994
If only it could be like before.

1303
01:15:54,042 --> 01:15:56,579
And there's something
I want to tell you...

1304
01:15:56,708 --> 01:15:58,039
I'm sorry too.

1305
01:15:59,583 --> 01:16:02,165
I don't even know why we broke up.

1306
01:16:02,833 --> 01:16:04,869
Because we were scared of breaking up.

1307
01:16:05,000 --> 01:16:06,740
What a fucking stupid reason.

1308
01:16:26,833 --> 01:16:27,833
Oh!

1309
01:16:29,000 --> 01:16:30,080
A cat?

1310
01:16:30,708 --> 01:16:33,666
For a moment I thought it was...
He's really similar.

1311
01:16:34,125 --> 01:16:36,366
Kitty, you're the same as mylove.

1312
01:16:37,333 --> 01:16:39,574
There was something I needed to explain,

1313
01:16:39,792 --> 01:16:40,792
but... what?

1314
01:16:41,792 --> 01:16:45,580
Mylove wasn't quite so dead.

1315
01:16:47,208 --> 01:16:49,824
I mean, I made it up a bit.
That's mylove?

1316
01:16:51,083 --> 01:16:52,083
Mylove!

1317
01:16:54,500 --> 01:16:55,865
Mylove, is that you?

1318
01:16:57,167 --> 01:16:58,167
Mylove...

1319
01:16:58,708 --> 01:16:59,708
Hello.

1320
01:17:00,792 --> 01:17:01,792
Hello!

1321
01:17:08,375 --> 01:17:09,490
You're a monster!

1322
01:17:14,167 --> 01:17:17,614
It's good news.
You used to think he was dead.

1323
01:17:17,708 --> 01:17:18,538
Murderer!

1324
01:17:18,667 --> 01:17:20,498
Yes, murderer, but not for real.

1325
01:17:20,583 --> 01:17:21,789
I messed up, alright.

1326
01:17:22,042 --> 01:17:23,782
We scattered his ashes!

1327
01:17:25,500 --> 01:17:28,412
But isn't it great that he's alive.
Think about it!

1328
01:17:32,833 --> 01:17:34,414
I never want to see you again.

1329
01:17:55,583 --> 01:17:57,073
He's in one heck of a coma.

1330
01:17:57,375 --> 01:17:59,491
Not surprising with the blow he took.

1331
01:17:59,667 --> 01:18:00,667
What's his name?

1332
01:18:01,250 --> 01:18:02,250
Mylove.

1333
01:18:02,792 --> 01:18:03,952
He's called mylove.

1334
01:18:04,833 --> 01:18:05,538
Lovely name.

1335
01:18:05,583 --> 01:18:08,996
He responds to mylove,
but officially it's schrodinger

1336
01:18:09,083 --> 01:18:11,039
after schrddinger's cat.

1337
01:18:11,208 --> 01:18:12,539
Yes, I got it.

1338
01:18:13,250 --> 01:18:15,161
I have to tell you that...

1339
01:18:16,375 --> 01:18:19,208
There's a 50% chance he won't wake up.

1340
01:18:23,375 --> 01:18:24,990
Like schrddinger's cat.

1341
01:18:27,500 --> 01:18:29,331
I'll let you know if anything changes.

1342
01:18:29,417 --> 01:18:30,076
Excuse me?

1343
01:18:30,417 --> 01:18:32,954
I'll know if anything changes,
he's my cat too.

1344
01:18:33,583 --> 01:18:36,370
No, he's not your cat.
Forget that. He's mine.

1345
01:18:37,125 --> 01:18:38,490
Talk tomorrow at rehearsals.

1346
01:18:38,583 --> 01:18:41,370
Don't even think about coming.
You're out of the play!

1347
01:18:51,792 --> 01:18:55,705
That will be decided by the producer,
which, by the way, is me.

1348
01:18:55,833 --> 01:18:58,700
Do you really want this?
Do you want to start a war?

1349
01:18:59,000 --> 01:19:00,456
The war has already started.

1350
01:19:00,625 --> 01:19:02,365
I don't want to see you in the theatre.

1351
01:19:02,500 --> 01:19:05,367
Best you don't go there then.
Drive.

1352
01:19:15,333 --> 01:19:17,870
Right, now we have a surprise.

1353
01:19:18,000 --> 01:19:20,082
A comedian that is all the rage.

1354
01:19:20,167 --> 01:19:23,125
And today he's bringing us
a new style of comedy.

1355
01:19:23,250 --> 01:19:24,250
Hold on tight.

1356
01:19:24,583 --> 01:19:25,583
The great...

1357
01:19:26,708 --> 01:19:28,824
Mario laguna, an applause please!

1358
01:19:46,708 --> 01:19:49,370
Have you ever found yourself entering

1359
01:19:49,708 --> 01:19:51,699
that strange dynamic when

1360
01:19:52,417 --> 01:19:55,705
you try to make life impossible
for the person you love the most?

1361
01:19:56,250 --> 01:19:59,742
And she tries to hurt you
in every possible way and...

1362
01:20:00,042 --> 01:20:01,703
And you do the same to her.

1363
01:20:02,167 --> 01:20:03,532
But you want it to stop.

1364
01:20:04,542 --> 01:20:07,204
But you only make it worse.

1365
01:20:08,125 --> 01:20:09,240
That happened to me.

1366
01:20:10,542 --> 01:20:14,080
I don't know how we got so low, but...

1367
01:20:14,875 --> 01:20:15,990
The other day

1368
01:20:16,583 --> 01:20:18,244
I drifted off for one minute.

1369
01:20:19,833 --> 01:20:22,199
I swear it was only one minute.

1370
01:20:22,625 --> 01:20:24,957
What are you doing?
They're looking for you.

1371
01:20:25,042 --> 01:20:26,042
I'm almost done.

1372
01:20:26,125 --> 01:20:27,331
Done with what?

1373
01:20:29,583 --> 01:20:30,583
Fuck me!

1374
01:20:32,708 --> 01:20:33,788
He'll wake up.

1375
01:20:34,500 --> 01:20:36,832
I put three sleeping pills in his beer.

1376
01:20:44,208 --> 01:20:46,244
Do you know how hard henna is to remove?

1377
01:20:55,667 --> 01:20:57,077
"I think with my dick.”

1378
01:20:59,458 --> 01:21:03,781
You have no idea how difficult it is
to remove a henna tattoo.

1379
01:21:04,958 --> 01:21:08,655
I scrubbed my forehead so hard,
that it hurts a lot, my forehead.

1380
01:21:10,542 --> 01:21:11,542
I mean,

1381
01:21:11,667 --> 01:21:12,667
it's not that I...

1382
01:21:14,417 --> 01:21:15,532
Have been a Saint.

1383
01:21:15,875 --> 01:21:17,786
Let's go to the first kiss scene.

1384
01:21:17,875 --> 01:21:20,241
Let's see if the false door works.

1385
01:21:22,708 --> 01:21:25,825
That's what I meant
when I said Olivia is always angry.

1386
01:21:26,375 --> 01:21:27,375
What's wrong?

1387
01:21:29,875 --> 01:21:30,875
What's wrong?

1388
01:21:33,042 --> 01:21:34,327
And then, the usual.

1389
01:21:34,792 --> 01:21:36,874
Itching powder in underwear,

1390
01:21:37,000 --> 01:21:38,991
salt instead of sugar in coffee...

1391
01:21:40,250 --> 01:21:42,115
It still had a certain humour.

1392
01:21:42,333 --> 01:21:45,450
- This is getting out of hand
- Danny, don't worry.

1393
01:21:45,542 --> 01:21:46,782
They're just innocent jokes.

1394
01:21:46,875 --> 01:21:48,365
Come on, take me a photo

1395
01:21:48,708 --> 01:21:51,575
you haven't read one script
that I've sent you.

1396
01:21:51,708 --> 01:21:54,324
I'm more focussed on theatre now.

1397
01:21:54,458 --> 01:21:57,780
It's a much superior form
of artistic expression.

1398
01:22:00,083 --> 01:22:01,323
What are you doing?

1399
01:22:01,583 --> 01:22:03,119
Take a photo of my asshole.

1400
01:22:04,042 --> 01:22:07,580
Make it as disgusting as you can.
Let's see if I have a bad side.

1401
01:22:08,417 --> 01:22:09,577
Mario, for god's sake...

1402
01:22:09,708 --> 01:22:12,415
Olivia always complained
she wanted hot pictures

1403
01:22:12,500 --> 01:22:15,822
and I never sent her any.
Micro-sexism on my part.

1404
01:22:16,250 --> 01:22:17,250
Go for it.

1405
01:22:19,208 --> 01:22:20,208
Yes?

1406
01:22:20,500 --> 01:22:23,663
Some areas are difficult to illuminate.
Turn the flash on.

1407
01:22:30,167 --> 01:22:31,532
All I want is...

1408
01:22:31,708 --> 01:22:32,948
To say sorry

1409
01:22:33,250 --> 01:22:34,581
and to end all this.

1410
01:22:35,583 --> 01:22:39,201
I also want her to say sorry.
The same happened to me.

1411
01:22:39,333 --> 01:22:42,245
Excuse me, can you pass this to Mario?

1412
01:22:42,833 --> 01:22:45,199
Damn, I'm inventing a new genre:

1413
01:22:45,667 --> 01:22:46,873
Stand-up drama.

1414
01:22:48,083 --> 01:22:49,083
Here, Mario.

1415
01:22:50,250 --> 01:22:51,250
Thanks.

1416
01:22:53,167 --> 01:22:54,657
Stand-up drama

1417
01:22:56,667 --> 01:23:00,580
consists in standing here saying things
that aren't fucking funny.

1418
01:23:02,500 --> 01:23:04,240
I think I've got it nailed.

1419
01:23:08,500 --> 01:23:10,036
Shit! What the hell!

1420
01:23:11,792 --> 01:23:13,328
This is tabasco!

1421
01:23:13,542 --> 01:23:15,373
It was her! It was her!

1422
01:23:15,583 --> 01:23:17,073
Where are you, witch?

1423
01:23:22,250 --> 01:23:24,036
I wasn't expecting so many people.

1424
01:23:24,208 --> 01:23:25,789
Mario is very famous.

1425
01:23:26,500 --> 01:23:28,707
He's the best son-in-law we've ever had.

1426
01:23:34,333 --> 01:23:35,698
The poster is weird.

1427
01:23:37,042 --> 01:23:39,454
I'm hung like a field mouse

1428
01:23:39,792 --> 01:23:41,874
he can't be hung like a field mouse?

1429
01:23:42,083 --> 01:23:43,083
I hope not.

1430
01:23:43,417 --> 01:23:44,417
He's so cute.

1431
01:23:47,583 --> 01:23:49,995
I don't have a dick like a mouse!

1432
01:23:50,875 --> 01:23:52,991
- He's so funny...
- He's a sweetie...

1433
01:23:54,417 --> 01:23:55,156
Guys,

1434
01:23:55,333 --> 01:23:57,574
the theatre is full.
Thanks to me.

1435
01:23:57,625 --> 01:23:59,616
Ten minutes until we open.

1436
01:23:59,708 --> 01:24:02,575
Put your differences aside
for the play, ok?

1437
01:24:02,667 --> 01:24:06,205
I've no problem putting anything aside,
if she just apologises.

1438
01:24:07,500 --> 01:24:10,412
Me say sorry to you? Cat killer!

1439
01:24:10,500 --> 01:24:12,582
This has gone to far!

1440
01:24:12,625 --> 01:24:15,037
I don't want to watch you
kill each other on stage.

1441
01:24:15,125 --> 01:24:17,582
Bye guys.
Lots, but lots of luck.

1442
01:24:17,792 --> 01:24:21,580
Don't wish us luck, this is theatre!
They say break a leg.

1443
01:24:22,708 --> 01:24:25,450
Someone has looked up
theatre on Wikipedia.

1444
01:24:25,542 --> 01:24:28,955
Yes, someone was searching on Wikipedia
for your name.

1445
01:24:29,042 --> 01:24:30,657
Guess what it said? Nothing.

1446
01:24:30,833 --> 01:24:32,744
Do you know why?
You're not there.

1447
01:24:32,875 --> 01:24:33,875
And I am.

1448
01:24:34,125 --> 01:24:37,242
Guys, I want a gesture
of friendship right now.

1449
01:24:39,333 --> 01:24:40,333
Now.

1450
01:24:47,333 --> 01:24:48,539
Break a leg, Mario.

1451
01:24:49,000 --> 01:24:50,581
Break a leg, Olivia.

1452
01:24:52,958 --> 01:24:56,371
You always had strong hands.
For a girl.

1453
01:24:56,458 --> 01:24:57,664
Micro-sexist.

1454
01:24:58,083 --> 01:24:59,198
Macro-idiot.

1455
01:25:00,250 --> 01:25:02,787
By the way,
because you removed the eyebrows,

1456
01:25:03,125 --> 01:25:04,535
I've got you a present.

1457
01:25:10,500 --> 01:25:11,500
Massive brows.

1458
01:25:11,583 --> 01:25:14,495
To wear tonight. - Thanks a lot.

1459
01:25:14,667 --> 01:25:17,158
As you've still got traces
of the dick on your head,

1460
01:25:17,250 --> 01:25:18,706
I've brought you something.

1461
01:25:22,750 --> 01:25:23,956
Break a leg, Mario

1462
01:25:27,667 --> 01:25:28,747
you might prefer it.

1463
01:25:29,875 --> 01:25:31,706
You disgusting bitch...

1464
01:25:34,250 --> 01:25:35,250
Wipe here.

1465
01:25:45,625 --> 01:25:47,331
- It's starting.
- Great.

1466
01:26:02,167 --> 01:26:04,453
It was Wednesday at five in the morning,

1467
01:26:04,542 --> 01:26:06,578
and I was as drunk as a skunk.

1468
01:26:08,542 --> 01:26:11,079
Aren't her eyebrows a bit big?

1469
01:26:12,833 --> 01:26:14,323
That's a micro-sexism.

1470
01:26:14,750 --> 01:26:19,244
Maybe she's tired of the patriarchy
forcing her into waxing them.

1471
01:26:20,250 --> 01:26:21,660
- Right.
- "Graceful..."

1472
01:26:31,833 --> 01:26:32,833
Animal!

1473
01:26:32,875 --> 01:26:34,035
Break a leg.

1474
01:26:34,167 --> 01:26:35,202
Literally.

1475
01:26:36,583 --> 01:26:40,701
- Do you think they hurt themselves?
- No, it's all choreography.

1476
01:26:40,792 --> 01:26:41,792
Are you ok?

1477
01:26:41,958 --> 01:26:44,074
Do you want to go for dinner one day?

1478
01:26:44,417 --> 01:26:45,417
What?

1479
01:26:46,000 --> 01:26:47,160
If we ended up together,

1480
01:26:47,250 --> 01:26:50,162
we'd have an amazing story
about how we met.

1481
01:26:50,250 --> 01:26:51,956
Like notting hill on steroids.

1482
01:26:58,208 --> 01:27:00,244
We play something similar in my village,

1483
01:27:00,375 --> 01:27:01,660
it was called "drink".

1484
01:27:03,333 --> 01:27:04,743
You first. Don't be sexist.

1485
01:27:04,833 --> 01:27:06,539
Please, you first. - Alright.

1486
01:27:19,625 --> 01:27:21,456
That's vinegar, bitch.

1487
01:27:30,500 --> 01:27:31,500
Soap?

1488
01:27:36,542 --> 01:27:38,248
You wet the bed once.

1489
01:27:38,958 --> 01:27:41,995
- Fuck, oli, I was drunk.
- You were stood up, aiming.

1490
01:27:45,833 --> 01:27:48,074
A present, from my field mouse to you.

1491
01:27:55,083 --> 01:27:56,118
Mylove!

1492
01:27:56,708 --> 01:27:59,495
How are you mylove?
This is for you.

1493
01:28:07,042 --> 01:28:09,249
Nothing, he must be in the bathroom.

1494
01:28:16,083 --> 01:28:17,243
Is that tabasco?

1495
01:28:18,375 --> 01:28:19,375
It's not funny,

1496
01:28:19,708 --> 01:28:21,118
that one's already done.

1497
01:28:23,792 --> 01:28:24,792
Last shot.

1498
01:28:25,417 --> 01:28:26,623
For the lady.

1499
01:28:33,542 --> 01:28:35,407
It's good, I'm scared.
What is it?

1500
01:28:36,542 --> 01:28:37,657
Almond milk.

1501
01:28:39,125 --> 01:28:41,036
But I'm allergic, you psycho!

1502
01:28:41,208 --> 01:28:43,415
Don't you like
the theatre of cruelty?

1503
01:28:43,542 --> 01:28:45,954
How would I know?
We only just met.

1504
01:28:46,042 --> 01:28:48,124
Mario, I'm allergic! What?

1505
01:28:48,208 --> 01:28:49,618
I need adrenaline!

1506
01:28:49,708 --> 01:28:51,244
- What do you need?
- Adrenaline!

1507
01:28:51,333 --> 01:28:53,369
Adrenaline! Look, what luck!

1508
01:28:53,708 --> 01:28:56,165
I happen to have
a little bit of adrenaline.

1509
01:28:56,417 --> 01:28:58,703
Give it to me...
Who wants adrenaline?

1510
01:28:58,958 --> 01:29:00,198
Mario, honestly!

1511
01:29:01,458 --> 01:29:02,698
I'll give it to you,

1512
01:29:02,833 --> 01:29:04,824
if you say please

1513
01:29:05,250 --> 01:29:06,615
to my great big cock.

1514
01:29:07,708 --> 01:29:08,708
Mario!

1515
01:29:12,625 --> 01:29:14,581
Olivia is fantastic.

1516
01:29:14,708 --> 01:29:16,369
I'm really impressed.

1517
01:29:16,667 --> 01:29:18,032
Ah sorry, I messed up,

1518
01:29:18,125 --> 01:29:20,537
it wasn't almond milk,
it was a syrup.

1519
01:29:20,750 --> 01:29:23,492
The first night has made me go all...

1520
01:29:27,708 --> 01:29:29,664
Oli, oli, oli, oli!

1521
01:29:30,125 --> 01:29:31,865
Oli you're losing it. Oli, oli!

1522
01:29:36,750 --> 01:29:40,823
- I told you it would go badly.
- I'm sure that as it's the opening night

1523
01:29:40,958 --> 01:29:42,539
they'll be taking it steady.

1524
01:29:43,958 --> 01:29:44,958
It's Eva.

1525
01:29:46,458 --> 01:29:49,165
- What.
- Ernesto, there's a brawl on stage.

1526
01:29:49,375 --> 01:29:51,240
- Not steady at all.
- People are laughing.

1527
01:29:51,333 --> 01:29:53,073
They think it's part of the play.

1528
01:29:53,708 --> 01:29:54,708
Yes? Who is it?

1529
01:29:55,708 --> 01:29:56,788
It's the vet.

1530
01:29:57,458 --> 01:29:58,573
That's great news.

1531
01:29:59,083 --> 01:30:00,823
The cat is out of the coma.

1532
01:30:00,958 --> 01:30:03,165
Perfect,
ask if we can pick him up.

1533
01:30:03,250 --> 01:30:05,241
- One moment.
- I'm not talking to you.

1534
01:30:05,333 --> 01:30:08,871
- Where are you?
- We're getting the cat. It's better.

1535
01:30:09,875 --> 01:30:10,875
Thank god.

1536
01:30:12,542 --> 01:30:13,542
Bye.

1537
01:30:13,833 --> 01:30:14,833
Bye.

1538
01:30:20,250 --> 01:30:23,083
We've seen half of
Woody Allen's filmography.

1539
01:30:23,583 --> 01:30:26,199
We were on the point
of becoming friends.

1540
01:30:27,250 --> 01:30:30,083
What are you doing?
I want to do a monologue too.

1541
01:30:30,167 --> 01:30:31,703
Fine, fine, fine.

1542
01:30:34,000 --> 01:30:35,536
When you meet a girl

1543
01:30:35,750 --> 01:30:36,956
and you make friends,

1544
01:30:37,042 --> 01:30:39,533
you can no longer have feelings for her.

1545
01:30:39,583 --> 01:30:42,575
So I didn't want to make friends
with Olivia because...

1546
01:30:43,083 --> 01:30:45,244
Because I was falling in love with her.

1547
01:30:47,833 --> 01:30:50,324
Culebra got a tattoo
with "Olivia" in a heart.

1548
01:30:50,458 --> 01:30:51,458
And?

1549
01:30:51,500 --> 01:30:52,580
Olivia with a h.

1550
01:30:52,875 --> 01:30:54,160
I had to do something.

1551
01:30:55,625 --> 01:30:57,206
Yes, yes, yes?

1552
01:30:58,250 --> 01:30:59,865
- Olivia?
- Yes, what is it?

1553
01:31:00,125 --> 01:31:03,322
I think I left my phone in your house.
Well...

1554
01:31:03,542 --> 01:31:06,705
- I don't see it.
- I can't manage without my phone.

1555
01:31:06,833 --> 01:31:08,073
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1556
01:31:08,708 --> 01:31:10,699
What do I do? Want to come look?

1557
01:31:10,833 --> 01:31:13,540
- You don't mind?
- Come on, come on.

1558
01:31:13,625 --> 01:31:14,625
Ok.

1559
01:31:34,250 --> 01:31:36,582
Hey, mylove! He's done so well!

1560
01:31:37,375 --> 01:31:38,410
Strong as an ox.

1561
01:31:39,000 --> 01:31:40,000
Kitty,

1562
01:31:40,375 --> 01:31:42,036
right now your parents

1563
01:31:42,167 --> 01:31:44,704
are about to kill each other on stage.

1564
01:31:45,250 --> 01:31:48,037
You could have put "lost cat”
or "missing cat".

1565
01:31:48,167 --> 01:31:51,079
With the cat's name underneath.
This is like...

1566
01:31:51,250 --> 01:31:54,447
The joke about
the dog called titswobble.

1567
01:31:59,000 --> 01:32:00,000
What are you doing?

1568
01:32:04,042 --> 01:32:05,532
I'm starting to like this.

1569
01:32:06,125 --> 01:32:07,456
More and more.

1570
01:32:10,125 --> 01:32:12,457
Hitching? What sort of psychopath

1571
01:32:12,542 --> 01:32:14,874
will pick us up at this time of night?

1572
01:32:17,125 --> 01:32:18,831
Do you need a ride somewhere?

1573
01:32:19,500 --> 01:32:20,500
This psychopath.

1574
01:32:22,583 --> 01:32:23,583
There we go.

1575
01:32:23,625 --> 01:32:24,865
I'm in the police.

1576
01:32:25,000 --> 01:32:26,000
Well, I was.

1577
01:32:26,208 --> 01:32:29,575
They sacked me for throwing some kids
from a boat to save them

1578
01:32:29,667 --> 01:32:32,033
from an explosion that I caused

1579
01:32:32,167 --> 01:32:34,499
to catch a Colombian drug dealer

1580
01:32:34,583 --> 01:32:37,325
who ripped me off
selling me really bad cocaine...

1581
01:32:37,417 --> 01:32:40,454
Anyway, let's do this. Emergency!
Emergency of love!

1582
01:32:40,542 --> 01:32:42,533
Of love!

1583
01:32:51,417 --> 01:32:53,248
- Fuck!
- Mylove's ashes.

1584
01:32:54,125 --> 01:32:55,786
When I introduced him to my dad

1585
01:32:55,875 --> 01:32:58,537
he asked what Cologne
he wears and bought the same.

1586
01:32:58,708 --> 01:33:01,495
It's been like fucking my father
ever since.

1587
01:33:03,250 --> 01:33:05,411
What's up?
You do monologues now?

1588
01:33:06,250 --> 01:33:09,367
When she told me she was marrying Matt,
I already had the ring

1589
01:33:09,458 --> 01:33:13,952
because I wanted to marry her.
I was ready to kneel, but...

1590
01:33:14,542 --> 01:33:15,873
I never dared say it.

1591
01:33:16,042 --> 01:33:18,624
Do you know
what a turtle's orgasm is like?

1592
01:33:23,583 --> 01:33:25,414
The same as Mario's.

1593
01:33:27,083 --> 01:33:28,083
When we broke up,

1594
01:33:28,417 --> 01:33:29,702
I became a zombie,

1595
01:33:29,792 --> 01:33:30,998
a soul in torment.

1596
01:33:31,667 --> 01:33:34,579
Yes, I went out,
had beers with friends,

1597
01:33:34,667 --> 01:33:36,077
talked to them, but...

1598
01:33:38,083 --> 01:33:39,083
It was incredible.

1599
01:33:39,375 --> 01:33:41,036
They didn't even realise

1600
01:33:41,958 --> 01:33:43,448
I was dead inside.

1601
01:33:43,667 --> 01:33:46,500
- He's an outstanding actor.
- And he smells great.

1602
01:33:47,083 --> 01:33:49,540
Do you know what my orgasms
with Mario were like?

1603
01:33:49,750 --> 01:33:50,409
No?

1604
01:33:50,708 --> 01:33:51,788
Me neither!

1605
01:34:00,042 --> 01:34:01,122
Oli, what's wrong?

1606
01:34:05,083 --> 01:34:06,083
What's wrong?

1607
01:34:06,708 --> 01:34:07,743
Adrenaline.

1608
01:34:07,833 --> 01:34:09,573
There were no nuts...

1609
01:34:10,208 --> 01:34:11,208
It was syrup.

1610
01:34:12,375 --> 01:34:14,206
Oli, oli, you're scaring me.

1611
01:34:14,250 --> 01:34:15,706
Oli, oli, oli!

1612
01:34:17,750 --> 01:34:18,750
Oli!

1613
01:34:21,833 --> 01:34:22,833
Oli!

1614
01:34:24,333 --> 01:34:25,333
Oli!

1615
01:34:25,458 --> 01:34:26,458
Oli!

1616
01:34:26,500 --> 01:34:27,580
Oli, Olivia!

1617
01:34:29,375 --> 01:34:30,375
Help!

1618
01:34:39,417 --> 01:34:40,417
She's not breathing.

1619
01:34:40,667 --> 01:34:43,158
- Eva, call a doctor.
- I'm going.

1620
01:35:00,125 --> 01:35:01,125
Oli.

1621
01:35:01,250 --> 01:35:02,250
Oli.

1622
01:35:04,000 --> 01:35:05,331
What have we done?

1623
01:35:06,042 --> 01:35:07,703
Fuck, what have we done, oli?

1624
01:35:08,750 --> 01:35:09,750
Oli.

1625
01:35:09,833 --> 01:35:11,994
I just wanted you to forgive me.

1626
01:35:22,625 --> 01:35:25,241
Fuck! What have we done?
Who am I?

1627
01:35:26,000 --> 01:35:28,241
I just wanted you to forgive me.

1628
01:35:28,708 --> 01:35:29,788
I'm you.

1629
01:35:32,708 --> 01:35:33,948
Now you know how it feels

1630
01:35:34,042 --> 01:35:36,875
when you think
someone you love has died.

1631
01:35:44,167 --> 01:35:45,167
What's up?

1632
01:35:45,708 --> 01:35:46,708
Do you find it funny?

1633
01:35:48,875 --> 01:35:50,615
It was a horrific joke.

1634
01:35:51,583 --> 01:35:52,663
Why are you laughing?

1635
01:35:53,542 --> 01:35:55,373
It's not funny at all.

1636
01:35:57,458 --> 01:35:58,789
It's a dreadful joke.

1637
01:36:00,542 --> 01:36:01,542
But,

1638
01:36:02,625 --> 01:36:04,832
the other option was you not waking up.

1639
01:36:07,542 --> 01:36:09,407
So I think it was wonderful.

1640
01:36:45,875 --> 01:36:46,875
Mylove!

1641
01:36:48,250 --> 01:36:49,706
Mylove, yoo're awe rite.

1642
01:36:50,583 --> 01:36:52,039
- Mylove.
- Hey!

1643
01:36:58,167 --> 01:36:59,532
- Mylove.
- Hello.

1644
01:37:01,250 --> 01:37:02,250
Hello.

1645
01:37:02,583 --> 01:37:03,789
Tell me whit tae dae,

1646
01:37:04,083 --> 01:37:05,243
forgive heem?

1647
01:37:06,500 --> 01:37:07,831
Whit did the Lassie say?

1648
01:37:10,250 --> 01:37:11,535
He says och aye.

1649
01:37:47,792 --> 01:37:48,998
Mario is perfect.

1650
01:37:50,250 --> 01:37:52,411
The best boyfriend she's ever had.

1651
01:37:54,167 --> 01:37:55,327
Alright, Olivia,

1652
01:37:55,500 --> 01:37:57,866
do you consent to
and accept to enter into marriage?

1653
01:37:58,000 --> 01:37:59,365
Yes, but I mean...

1654
01:38:00,333 --> 01:38:03,951
Saying "yes, I consent" sounds terrible,
like I had no choice.

1655
01:38:04,500 --> 01:38:06,240
Then say, "yes, I accept".

1656
01:38:06,500 --> 01:38:08,786
Alright, well yes, I accept.
I accept.

1657
01:38:09,083 --> 01:38:10,323
Very well.

1658
01:38:10,417 --> 01:38:12,248
And you, Mateo... - Matt.

1659
01:38:12,750 --> 01:38:14,206
That's it. And you, Matt,

1660
01:38:14,250 --> 01:38:17,367
do you consent to
and accept to enter into marriage?

1661
01:38:17,667 --> 01:38:18,667
Yes,

1662
01:38:20,042 --> 01:38:21,202
I consent.

1663
01:38:21,458 --> 01:38:24,780
Very well. You may kiss now,

1664
01:38:24,958 --> 01:38:26,789
or not, if you don't want to...

1665
01:38:27,000 --> 01:38:29,116
We don't know why you're marrying...

1666
01:38:29,208 --> 01:38:31,073
I won't say a word,
it's fine by me.

1667
01:38:31,167 --> 01:38:33,499
What can I say?
I hooked up with my sister.

1668
01:38:33,583 --> 01:38:35,369
You're now husband and wife.

1669
01:38:40,250 --> 01:38:41,615
Just one thing,

1670
01:38:41,833 --> 01:38:44,870
if anyone wants to throw rice,
even ironically,

1671
01:38:45,000 --> 01:38:47,992
should know that they'll get
a not very ironic beating.

1672
01:42:55,583 --> 01:43:00,577
Translation: Joanne maddocks
subtitles: Bbo subtitulado