25.000 English
Hi.
I'm Max.
I'm 35, and, uh, I have 2 children
and a very beautiful wife.
I work in the commercial industry.
Well, advertising industry.
I'm a commercial director.
Fairly successful.
What am I saying?
I'm really successful.
My commercials win awards in Europe.
Enough about me.
Before that,
I used to work with my friend Charlie.
Well, I'm in New York for business,
just overnight.
So, uh, I'm gonna go meet him.
Charlie is gay.
I'm not gay.
Charlie is gay.
But... and he recently found out
that he's HIV positive.
Man, I tell you,
we haven't seen each other in 5 years.
I mean, I live in Los Angeles,
he lives here in New York.
But let me tell you,
when we were in New York together...
whoo! We hanged.
I mean, we had... that...
well, that was the time
when I was considered the most promising director
in the lower east side.
Ohh.
Anyway, I still consider him my best friend.
5 years ago we had a big fight and...
Over a work thing and...
We haven't spoken since, you know?
Stupid.
It's just so stupid.
But you know how pride can be.
He didn't even call me to tell me that he was sick.
His lover calls me.
Anyway...
So, I'm... I'm a little nervous.
We'll see how it goes.
Ok, let's try it again.
Now. Now, slow up.
And then now put... yeah.
No, I want all 3 projectors.
Daniel, take some breaks.
You don't have to crush all your phrases
together like that.
Good.
Kevin, can you bring up preset 4?
Tim, go to 3.
Ok, now try the lightning effect.
Crystal, slow right down. Slow it down.
Ok, now accelerate out of that move.
Ok, good.
Good.
Ok.
Good. Ok, now turn.
Turn.
Hey, Max. How's it going?
Hey, good, good. Good, Kevin.
How's L.A.?
It's all right.
Yeah?
Married a model, driving a Porsche.
No, I don't drive a Porsche.
You hanging around, Max?
Kevin is an alarmist, by the way. Ok?
Everything's fine.
Nothing's happened yet.
Nothing may happen.
And...
Nobody knows anything,
so if you don't mind not telling anybody else
because, you know...
Look, Charlie,
if you need anything...
Like what?
Well, like, you know,
I know that there are gonna be medical bills
and... And stuff.
Medical bills. Ok.
So what? What do I need?
If you need some help.
Some... some...
Some money.
No, I have good insurance.
I don't need your fuckin' guilt money, ok?
Boy, you make it hard.
Whoa-ho. You make it hard.
Where's your sense of humor, man?
This is New York.
We... we got it here.
It's all we have.
Still in the closet?
Have you?
Are you out or in?
What... out of what?
Are you hiding, or are you...
What is this?
When will you get to the point?
Why did you hang around me for all these years?
You're getting close to the source.
Never ever.
¶ Ever never never ¶
that's right.
That's right.
¶ Ooh whoo whoo whoa ¶
I am caught into the nappy dugout,
and I am staying there.
That's right.
You don't have to be so defensive.
Like homophobic is what we would call that now.
I'm not being defensive.
How's your beard? I mean, your wife.
How is your beard-wife? Wife-beard?
I have pictures.
Yeah. Come on, come on. Let's see the pictures.
You have a family.
Yeah.
This is Mimi.
And, uh, my daughter Saffron.
Wow.
Oh, she's beautiful.
Yeah.
And this...
This is...
Charlie.
Charlie?
Charlie.
Wow. Thanks.
I may need the money.
I probably will. I'll let you know.
You do that.
You got it.
1, 2, 3, 4.
This commercial's gonna end up
costing us a million dollars.
I mean, what with all those helicopter shots.
Cut the helicopters. No more helicopters.
And this Claudia Schiffer. What is her price?
We're not gonna use Claudia Schiffer.
She's too white, too Aryan.
No, no, no, no. She's not Aryan.
She's from Germany.
Shut up.
All right. Hello. We have an open call.
Just bring me everybody. New faces.
Do you like any of these women?
No, no.
Now you wanna bring in a bunch more?
N-o.
It'd be really helpful if... that's a lovely face.
Cindy Crawford.
Nice face.
No, no, no. She works with herb enough.
Can we go out?
And also, you know, also, Max,
talk to me about collections.
You mentioned the fall collections.
Give me. Max, the cigarette.
Uh, what?
The cigarette. Give.
Give.
Bad, bad.
You guys want a smoke?
Mickey, what time is, uh, checkout in the morning?
Uh, 12:00.
But we've got to be at the airport at 2:00,
and there's that un-convention thing...
At the united nations.
I'm going to bed.
Oh, Max, look. Look.
There's Christian Slater.
I like New York.
Do you like New York?
Good night.
Take care.
Mm-wah.
Um, I'll come in then.
Why?
To relax with you and...
No?
Good night.
Good morning, New York.
This is your traffic report.
Here's the story.
Stay out of your cars. Don't drive them.
The east side is a mess.
Welcome
to the united nations celebration.
Thank you very much, Mr. Sandpiper.
I hope you'll join us again soon.
Sorry about the plumbing. Next!
You're quite busy. What's going on?
The U.N. Celebration, sir.
50 years of the U.N., and what do you get?
Absolute chaos.
You going to the airport, sir?
Yes, I am.
Leave 1 hour early. The traffic is bad.
In that case, I think you better ring my friends.
905, 906, 907.
The van wyck is extra heavy this morning.
Another overturned tractor trailer,
this one carrying all kinds of dry goods.
They've spilled out onto the roadway.
Not much better.
Westbound I.I.E.
Is backed up from van dam to queens midtown.
2 toll booths are knocked out due to construction.
Take local approaches to the 59th street bridge.
No, no. He means this right here.
Yeah?
You have a black heart.
On you. I think maybe your pen.
Your shirt.
Oh, shit.
Oh, goodness. Hold on.
Thanks. Yeah.
Stupid pen.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Maybe you should change for lunch.
Yeah, well, I already checked out of the hotel,
so I've blown that one.
Hmm. Uh...
That's closed.
Max.
Karen.
Nice to meet you.
Make yourself comfortable in the bathroom.
Ok.
Oh, shit.
Sorry for the mess.
Oh. What mess?
Well, um...
Hello? Hello?
Hello?
Hi.
No, I just got in.
No, it went well.
Are we still on for tonight?
No.
No, I didn't.
There's such thing as a wake-up call!
Where's Max?
Shut up. What are you doing?
Come on.
Oh, Jesus!
Shit!
What is this?
You know these guys.
They say something, then they... Whatever.
Listen, I'll call you back, ok?
Thank you. That was very kind.
I appreciate it.
Uh, is everything all right?
Not bad news, I hope.
That was my girlfriend.
We were gonna go to a concert tonight.
Now she can't make it.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
What was the concert?
Oh, heavy stuff.
String quartets.
The Julliard quartet.
Wow. I'm psychic.
No, actually, I read the review
in the times today,
and I also saw the tickets on the sink there.
Oh. You like the Julliard?
I actually tried to buy some tickets,
but they were already sold out.
I'm jealous.
You'll still go, though, right?
Yes. I am still going.
Good. Good.
I'm sure I can sell the other ticket.
Without a doubt.
Absolutely.
Well, your leaving town, right?
On my way right now.
Well, thank you very much.
And it was nice meeting you, too.
You, too.
All right. Bye-bye.
Bye.
Ohh...
Mr. Carlisle...
Hi. Did my friends already check out?
I'm sorry. I thought you'd already left, sir.
They were just here. I told them you'd gone.
Where?
They've just gone out.
I told them you were going to the airport.
About a minute ago.
Thanks.
Bye-bye, sir.
There's a line. Hey, get in line.
My friend, is it possible?
Could you maybe give me this?
No. No, es para mi.
Estas un cubano?
Si.
Yo soy un dominicano ey, companano!
Comrade, muchas gracias.
No, taxi por mi.
It's ok.
Gracias. Gracias. Muchas gracias.
Viva LA revolución.
Viva a LA Cuba!
Viva.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Whoa, whoa.
It's all blocked up
for about 2 blocks around at least.
Ah, jeez.
I know, but we're all blocked.
Sorry. There's nothing I can do about it.
So?
He says there's nothing he can do about it.
We're blocked up for about 25, 30 minutes.
I don't know what to do about it.
25 or 30 minutes?
God. Jesus.
I have to be at the airport.
Uh-uh. There's no way
I'm gonna get you there on time.
What if we take the williamsburg?
We could take the williamsburg
if we could get to the williamsburg,
but we can't get to the williamsburg
'cause we got a parade going.
We're not gonna go to the williamsburg.
If we get to the midtown tunnel...
the tunnel's only a few seconds away...
then after that, we'll be clear.
But I don't know when that will be.
Listen...
Sorry I can't help.
That's ok.
No, I don't think so.
Maybe I'll just try to find another street
or something.
All right. Thanks. Thanks a lot anyway.
¶ I know why I waited ¶
wow.
Hmmph.
I love this song.
¶ Know why I've been blue ¶
You picked this?
You obviously had me figured out as a purist.
¶ I've been waiting each day ¶
well, maybe.
¶ For someone exactly like you ¶
¶ why should I spend ¶
Uh, 2 more.
¶ Some money ¶
¶ on a show or 2 ¶
¶ when nobody sings those love songs ¶
Can I smoke?
Yeah.
¶ Exactly like you ¶
¶ you made me feel so grand ¶
Here you go.
So what,
you guys from L.A.?
¶ You make me understand ¶
No.
¶ These foolish little dreams ¶
¶ I'm dreamin' ¶
¶ and schemes I'm schemin' ¶
I thought you said you were from L.A.?
Well, I wasn't gonna tell him.
I mean...
Does it show?
¶ She knew just around the corner ¶
May I have one of those?
¶ Was somebody like you ¶
Sure.
So did you check into another hotel?
No.
¶ You... ¶
All right.
So what is with this accent?
I mean, uh, what is it? Is it French or...
You can hear my accent?
Yeah. What is it? Dutch? Holland?
Yeah, you guessed right. German.
German. Oh.
Right. Right.
I came to school over here.
Oh.
And I never went back.
Oh. You maintained the accent.
Excuse me.
Do you have a light, please?
Sure.
Give me your fuckin' money. Give me your wallet.
Whoa. Ok, ok, ok.
Give me the fuckin' wallet, man!
Don't hurt him.
Give it up.
Money's in my pocket.
Just do what he says. It's gonna be ok.
Come on already, all right?
I have money.
Be cool, ok?
Get the fuckin' beads.
Gimme the beads.
All right. That's it.
Please don't hurt him. Ow!
Hey, hey! Don't do that!
Hey, Charlie. Nice tits.
Hey, maybe I should fuck your wife there.
You watch me fuck her, huh?
Max!
Please don't hurt us. Ow!
Kiss me! Kiss me! Get off!
Now get your hands off her!
I'll cut you! Get out of here!
Please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You heard me. I'll cut you! Run!
Are you all right?
I... no.
You all right?
Ok. Ok.
Come on.
It's over.
Let's get this.
Here.
Goddamn New York.
Got a robbery suspect. Male, hispanic.
What?
You wanna report it?
If you wanna report it, they're right here.
No. Come on.
Will you be all right?
Yeah.
In a while, you know, I'll feel better.
My heart's beating real fast still.
Do you... do you wanna go to bed?
I mean, you...
I know what you mean.
You know what I mean.
No, not yet.
Would you like me to sit with you a little while?
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Oh. Bless you.
Do you want one?
Mm-hmm.
Thanks.
Here's to life.
To life.
When do you have to be at J.F.K.?
8:00.
Ok.
You can, uh...
You can take the other bed.
Oh, no, that's ok.
Why?
No, really. No, I'm gonna go.
Where you gonna go?
To J.F.K.
Listen, you just saved my life.
And we're both adults.
We're both married.
It's the least I can do.
Listen, I'd like you to stay.
I set the alarm.
See you in the morning.
It's ok.
Just don't let it shock you.
¶ Once I had a love ¶
¶ and it was a gas ¶
¶ soon it turned out ¶
¶ had a heart of glass ¶
¶ seemed like the real thing ¶
¶ only to find ¶
¶ much mistrust ¶
¶ love's gone behind ¶
¶ Once I had a love ¶
Maximillian!
Oh, I'm sorry I'm late.
Mmm!
Oh, that's ok.
Traffic was terrible. Mmm. Mmm.
Mmm.
Where the kids?
They're at home.
I wanted to come all by myself.
Yeah.
Well, shall I drive?
Yeah, sure.
Oh, yeah. Right.
Bad boy. Staying an extra night.
¶ In between "what I find is pleasing" ¶
¶ and "I'm feeling fine" ¶
¶ love is so confusing ¶
¶ there's no peace of mind... ¶
so how were things at grams'?
Everything was fine, yeah?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
No, everything's really good.
Right. Good.
What is that smell?
Do you smell it?
It's like there's sharp and sour...
It wasn't in the car before.
What is that?
I don't know.
Oh! Oh, oh.
Oh, that's that cologne I got from the plane.
Oh.
Oh, yeah. You know that cheap shower substitute.
It always loud.
Ohh, poor Max.
Must've been really bad
not having a bed to sleep in, huh?
Naw, it was ok.
I'll sleep better tonight, though.
That's for sure.
Well, I wouldn't count on it, tiger!
Ooh. Ooh! Hey!
Mimi, don't do that!
Now, you know, I mean, we could've been killed.
Warn me the next time you do that!
Oh, hon. Chill out, honey.
Just a little tweak.
I just miss Mr. Puffinstuff.
Yoo-hoo!
Hello?
Is anybody home? Hey!
Yuck! Don't kiss me.
I've got a right to kiss you.
I brought you in this world.
Come here, you. I'll kiss you, too.
Good to see you.
Mmm. Ah. Whoo.
Do you like it?
Yeah, it's good.
Ah.
Too spicy for you, daddy?
No. It's fine.
It's from that new place in the mall.
Janey told me about it,
so I thought I thought tonight was special...
Ah. Tonight is special, huh?
Mm-hmm.
See? Mommy's very thoughtful, huh?
What's thoughtful?
Full of thought, dumbo.
Hey. No, no, no. No violence against women.
Remember? You have to sleep at night.
Trust me.
Hey.
You know, you're going to think I'm stupid,
but last night, after I got your message,
I just couldn't stop thinking about New York
and how violent it is.
And I had this image of you being mugged.
Hey.
Aw, come on.
How silly.
See? And here I am, safe and sound.
Yeah.
Come on.
No.
Oscar. Come on.
Oscar, get out of there.
What? What is it? What do you smell on daddy, huh?
What do you smell on daddy, huh?
Oscar.
Go to your bowl.
What is it, boy, huh?
Wonder what he smells on you?
Cut it out.
Oscar's getting kind of funky.
Maybe he doesn't like the cologne, either.
Well, the dog has taste, Max. Right?
Like, whatever, right?
Look, maybe I... I should just go upstairs
and just take a shower, huh?
No.
No. I know how to take a hint.
No, it's ok.
Just because you smell doesn't mean anything.
It's a everyday thing.
Ha ha ha ha.
Joke's on dad. Ha ha ha.
Big, big news at the U.N.'S 50th birthday.
Motorcades came, motorcades went,
motorcades backed up...
Leaving new yorkers wondering exactly
who was sitting behind the tinted windows.
Oscar, out.
What do you think is bugging Oscar?
Hell if I know.
Hmm?
Maybe he's trying to tell me something.
Maybe he smells another bitch on you.
Is that possible?
Mimi...
I have something to tell you.
You're going to hate me.
I know what you're going to tell me.
Was it just once?
Was it more than once?
You've been smoking, haven't you?
Oscar's not stupid, Max.
He can smell it on you.
So can I.
Well, the smoke police
are going to have to watch you night and day,
huh, Mr. Sinner?
Hmm?
Let's go to bed.
Ohh!
Almost. Almost.
Circles, honey, circles. Circles.
Oh, that feels good. Yeah.
Slower. Come on, slower.
Oh, yeah. Gentle.
Yeah, that's it.
Ok, harder.
Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm getting there.
Ohh!
I'm getting there.
Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
Come on, baby. I'm almost going to come.
Oh, yes!
Oh, honey!
No, no, no. Hold still, hold still.
Yeah, hold still. Hold still. Ohh.
Hold still.
Ohh! Oh, yes.
Oh, my God, yes.
Ohh! I'm coming. Oh, yes.
Ohh. Squeeze my breasts.
Squeeze them.
Ohh!
Oh, yes!
Honey, honey.
You're going to wake the kids. Come on.
Oh, fuck the kids, Max!
I'm coming. I'm coming!
Ohh! Oh, yeah!
Ohh!
Was it good for you?
Fantastic.
Mmm.
How about you?
The best.
Honey?
I'm sorry.
Are you ok?
Yeah. I'm all right.
Oh.
Ow.
I'm sorry.
I like to rough you up.
Oh.
Hey, I bought a video.
Yeah? What kind of video?
Guide to lovemaking.
Ah.
Yeah, you know, I just thought
maybe we could try something new.
Yeah?
Ok.
Yeah?
Ok.
You want to watch some tonight?
Oh. Ow, ow, ow.
Oh.
Jesus. What'd you do last night?
Is that a bruise?
It's ink.
Ink?
Ink.
It's from my pen, see?
Ink...
Bled from my pen.
Oh.
It's...
Ok.
You've got a black heart.
Mmm...
Good night.
Smoking will kill you.
Dmz productions, how can I help you?
Thank you for holding. How can I help you?
Hey, Max, how's it going?
Michelle.
Nice to meet you.
And you are?
Natalie. Pleasure, pleasure.
I really wish I could, but I can't right now.
So, how was your trip to New York?
You're such a bad boy.
I'll tell you what.
The pickle association
doesn't just limit itself to pickle workers.
No, sir. Pickles are seasonal,
so we're talking about an association
that represents the rights
of the pickle and Sauerkraut workers
of the entire west coast of America.
What do you say we start off
on the right track here?
Nathan has come up with an awareness campaign
that I think is pretty interesting.
You know that weather guy
that wears a different costume every show?
We send him a pickle suit.
Then we send him
a Sauerkraut and a hot dog suit.
2 suits, 2 shows.
We could try a hot dog association campaign.
To wed the Sauerkraut to the dog.
We find the foremost hot dog maker in the country.
Gus. Gus bank.
We get Gus bank to talk about
how good and how traditional it is
to have Sauerkraut with the hot dog.
We piggyback on the dog.
"Everyone loves a dog."
This is a very bad time for Sauerkraut.
I'm the first to admit it's not exactly designer food.
What we want to try to do
is target the under-21s...
the rock and roll... the younger folk.
Max is actually going to be directing the spots.
You saw his show reel,
and you liked it very much.
Max, you want to toss a few logs
on the campfire here?
The national pickle awards.
And who would get these awards?
Oh, anyone famous who's in a fix.
The British royal family.
John Wayne bobbitt.
I think you'd probably like to elucidate
on that a little bit there, Max.
He was caught between...
His bun and his Sauerkraut.
It was no big dill.
Speaking frankly,
I'd rather be caught dead
than put that shit on my reel.
It's not always about art, Max.
Just... just wait a minute.
Just think about the company, ok?
What about the profile?
Did we put this hip little show together
so I could put the green peen on screen?
I don't think so.
And if it's just about the fucking numbers,
then fine, you go ahead. You do that.
I'm out of here.
You know, what you should be doing
is you should be trying to keep accounts
like the Armani account.
Now, see, that's impressive.
Fucking pickles.
These are the 2 ladies from Armani.
Max Carlisle.
I hear you genius.
Ha ha. That's a good one.
There were supposed to be 50.
Well, there were, but I couldn't 25 of them
to shave their heads.
George, hang on a second.
Give me one second. Give me one second.
Go pick some more leaves.
Excuse me.
These Armani ladies are born-again hard
about the nipple thing.
My nipples.
You have wonderful nipples.
These are my nipples, all right?
You're going to be marvelous, ok?
I'll talk to you soon.
I don't want to talk to other people, ok?
Max, you can't leave.
Yes. I'm not going to leave.
Stay in your light. Stay in your light.
This is it.
You're wonderful, really.
Don't patronize me.
I'm a fish-eating vegetarian, all right?
I've said it 5 times today...
fish-eating vegetarian.
It's not the dress that makes the woman.
It's the woman that makes the dress.
Don't you know that already?
What's wrong?
Are you on your period?
I'll come back tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow.
I want to go home.
Now, now. You can't come back tomorrow.
Listen. What they're really concerned about
is how many of their $4,000 dresses
are we going to drag through Potter's field?
The next year was a tough one.
Everything in my life seemed to be changing
at the same time.
There was nothing I could do except watch.
It was as if I didn't exist.
I could see myself,
and I could hear myself,
but I was detached from the whole process.
I love my wife,
I adore my kids,
but...
I wasn't me anymore...
just wasn't me.
What did I miss? What did I miss, huh?
I was saying that quite frankly
I don't understand the gay thing, you know?
I know we're all supposed to be so liberal
out here in California and all,
but, uh...
You know, men are not natural
grinding away on each other.
But women, on the other hand, I think,
are natural.
Hey, don, let me ask you a question.
Yes, sir.
Have you ever kissed a man before?
No, sir, Max, I have not kissed a man
in my entire life.
Look at that smile.
Denial. Denial.
But you do like anal sex though.
Oh.
Well, Max,
given that we both work
in the advertising industry,
I've seen you kiss asses, and...
You've seen me kiss asses.
So that's a yes?
I guess we have equanimity in that area.
Oh. See? See?
The steamy question is,
have you ever kissed a man?
Yeah.
Ooh.
Get out of here.
Recently?
Now, does that make me any less of a man now?
Not in my book.
I guess that's a question
that we should pose to Mimi, actually.
Gee, where is that coffee?
Pretty goddamn spectacular
to be on safari last year
with Marie in the Congo.
We're there in the middle of the jungle,
and we could return to our hotel room,
flip on the telly,
and get CNN and find out what was happening
in the first and second worlds. Huh?
All I know is that before I book our vacations
in places like that,
I always ask if they, you know, have CNN.
Most of the places have CNN now.
And actually, not only do they have CNN,
they have MTV.
Oh.
Oh, I know.
I think it is.
There are certain shows that are educational.
Yes.
Television is the worst fucking thing
that has ever happened to America.
What makes you say that?
You know, you sit there,
and you watch all these little talk shows...
talk show after talk show.
And you sit there, and you're entertained
by all these fucked up dysfunctional people.
And then they come along with...
Nice little television news
with these 30-second sound bites.
Throw in a couple of little human interest stories.
Cute. Nice and cute,
so that all of us won't take a fucking .45,
put it in my mouth,
and blow our fucking brains out.
Don't be so dramatic.
Isn't that good, Max?
You want to know what television really is?
It's your paycheck.
Television...
Is a frontal lobotomy.
That's what it is.
Let's hear it for Joseph Lenin's right-hand man
over there,
spouting his poet-warrior philosophies
about television.
No, thank you.
Dope-smoking, man-kissing Max, huh?
Hey, tambourine man, the sixties are over.
You know what, don?
Fuck you.
Well, on that signal...
Anybody care for dessert?
We've got Bailey's, haagen-dazs.
Your favorite, don.
We've got to go.
We have to go in a moment.
That finished the party off.
I just thought we would lighten things up a bit,
have a real conversation for a change, hmm?
I don't think so.
Everybody was having a really great time
until you decided to make it serious.
It's like you have to let everybody know
what a deep thinker you are and how stupid we all are.
I don't think that's it at all.
I think that some people are more interested
in other things.
Oh, yeah, like your assistant, for example.
Mickey? What? Come on.
Oh, she hangs onto your every word.
What are you talking about?
Hmm?
Are you fucking her?
What?
Well, somebody has to be getting it,
and it sure as hell ain't me.
She'd like you to fuck her.
Oh. Oh, really?
Really. Or what about Marie, hmm?
She seemed to find you fascinating suddenly.
Well, yeah, yeah, I am fascinating.
Speaking of Marie,
maybe Marie does find me fascinating
because her husband was sitting there
looking down your dress all night.
So now it's the dress?
Oh, no, I like the dress.
Great, great.
No, it's how you wear the dress.
Well, I think you may be in the minority there,
because, to be quite honest,
it's nice to know that some men
find me attractive.
Mimi, come on now. You are attractive,
but you just don't have to expose your breasts
to be constantly fucking endorsed.
That's what I'm saying.
I...
I was not...
Did it even dawn on you
that when you leaned over the table
that you are exposing your fucking breasts?
Fuck you.
Did it dawn on you?
Or is this something that you work all out?
Is that it?
Oh.
You are so...
Maybe you worked this all out.
You are just so stoned out of your mind,
because you're not making any sense.
I'll try.
I don't know what you're trying to say.
Listen, listen.
Is it possible
when you go and buy
those little low-cut dresses of yours
that you go there and you, like...
Decide on if a lean to the left
or a shade too much... No.
Of the left side...
No, you don't buy dresses that way.
If you lean to the right,
then you might show too much of the little pink area.
Whoo.
May I help you, sir?
Yes. I'm looking for Charlie Rivas.
He's right over there.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Hey, man.
How you doing?
Good morning, Charlie.
Hi, gentlemen.
How did you sleep?
Uh...
uh...
ok.
I'm going to give Charlie his bath.
You may prefer to wait outside.
Hmm. Stick around.
We got a good sleep last night.
Max?
Max.
It's Vernon.
Charlie's brother.
Vernon. Oh.
Hi. How you doing?
All right.
Oh, shit. Sorry. Let's get rid of these.
Anyway...
So, how are things going here?
Well...
The doctor gives him a week, maybe 2.
Yeah.
Hey, I hear things are going great for you.
Charlie said business is good.
Yeah, yeah, things are fine.
That's nice to hear. That's good to hear.
Being in L.A., enjoying it out there...
what a dream that must be.
I'm doing well.
Yeah, good.
That's great. You meet any stars?
Do you ever...
Probably not. Well, that's all right.
I was trying to think of the last time I saw you.
You know, is there a bathroom around here?
Uh, yeah, there's one...
oh, you don't want to use that one.
I think it's down on the left.
Great. Excuse me.
It's ok.
Max, how you doing, buddy?
I'm fine. How are you?
I'm really tired,
but I can't sleep.
How long can you stay?
I know Vern gave you the skinny, ok?
I know it, so...
Yeah.
Best thing you can do is just, you know...
I'll be straight with you, you be straight with me.
All right.
You know what's going on.
Ok.
Look, I'm just here to be useful, all right?
Anything you want, you just ask,
and I'll do it.
The first thing you can do is to help me move this pillow,
turn it around. This side is wet.
And pull me over a little to the left.
Ok.
Here we go.
Sweatin' my skull off.
How's that?
Man, such a difference.
You all right?
You are sweating.
Ah...
Get me some really good bud.
I should have known.
It's done.
Ok.
Did you come alone?
Sure.
Mimi's gonna come a little bit later on.
Mimi's coming?
Yeah.
Ah. I must be a lot sicker than I thought.
Um...
The traffic sucks.
So by the time that I want to see the people,
the people I love,
they don't get me at my best.
Sloppy, you know what I'm saying?
I need you to manage it and just...
You can do it without being impolite and all that.
All right.
What's the best time I should visit?
The graveyard.
Right before dawn. That's when it's really scary.
At 5:30, 5:45.
I shit in my pants for fear of death.
Be here then. It would be nice.
I'll be here.
I realized that he was going to die.
Course, I had known that all along,
but up until that moment,
it was an abstract idea.
Now it was reality.
What I meant was that Charlie was gonna leave soon,
and he wouldn't be coming back.
Death is so fucking strange.
Everything in me that was hollow and false
seemed so clear suddenly.
Look at you.
You're beautiful.
Ok, start the party.
I have arrived.
Hey, now.
It's on the fifth, not the third.
The day after tomorrow.
No, it's on the third.
It's on the fifth.
You lied.
All right, it's the third.
Oh.
Hey, Vern.
Oh, Max, how you doing?
Hey, Vern. How you doing?
Good to see you.
Hey, listen, I'd like you to meet my wife.
There you go.
Hi. How are you?
Hi.
Exhausted.
Thanks for coming all the time.
When's your wife coming in?
Is your wife coming in?
Yeah.
Is she?
Yeah.
When's she get in? Tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
We should get together and have dinner.
There's a great little place downtown.
You like Sushi?
But... Yeah.
That's good. Let's do it.
Don't go there, he says. Don't go there.
I'm scared
because that list with all the people...
But I slept great, and I got to call all these people?
I got to call...
and I'm angry 'cause of these sores in my mouth,
and my Kevin doesn't even want to kiss me anymore.
I'm just gonna listen to your heart.
Ok.
Yeah?
It sounds good.
Still there?
Still there.
Good, good, good.
Let's try the lungs.
I need you to breathe for me a little bit.
Ok.
Take one.
One more.
I think, um, I'm gonna go ahead and go now, ok?
I would.
Is there anything that you want from the store?
Ready for one more breath, Charlie?
You need some good food?
Some good food or... I don't know...
or carnegie deli. Good, good, good.
No. How about some of that papaya juice
you had the other day?
Papaya juice. Yeah. She said the enzyme thing.
It's good for your mouth.
Ok.
All right?
Uh-huh.
Ok, I'm gonna put the blue shirt on.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, Max.
Yeah?
Um...
You're kicking ass,
doing a great job for me,
but I'm worried about you, because...
You're worried about me?
Yeah. You don't look happy.
You deserve to be happy.
You spend all your time here, and you look...
I want to check his back for sores.
Chris said that you're anxious and depressed,
and I said, yup.
Isn't that what you said?
Anxious and depressed.
You worry about you, ok? I'll worry about me.
Ok, but listen, man, all right? Look at me.
Life is short. Ok?
Yeah.
The tree huggers are right, man.
This is not a rehearsal. This is it.
Good-bye. I'll see you soon.
Ok.
How's the breathing going?
It's good.
He's gonna get me some grass. Is that ok?
No, it's not ok.
Why? I have no immunities now anyway.
What's that gonna do?
It's gonna be harder for you to breathe.
¶ Charlie, Happy Birthday ¶
¶ you're so cool ¶
Charlie.
Remember me?
It's good to see ya.
Hey. Happy Birthday.
I didn't even know it was your birthday.
Max didn't tell me.
We have 2, 2 beautiful kids.
Yeah, we couldn't bring them.
Great. Is this ok?
It's really good to see you, Charlie. Yeah.
I wanted to, um...
Us to celebrate.
It's your birthday, right?
Who is that talking with, um, Charlie?
That's Vernon, his brother.
Oh, that's Vernon.
I got to go.
I'm not gonna be able to come in for a few days.
Max is gonna be here.
I'll be back when I can. Take care.
Hi, Vernon. Yes, uh, this is, uh, my wife Mimi.
Hello, Vernon. It's a pleasure.
Very nice to meet you.
This is, uh...
Karen.
Oh, nice to meet you, Karen.
And, uh, you are...
My wife.
Ok, that's what I figured.
It's great you can be here.
Yeah.
Oh, sure, sure.
Oh, my God!
Way to go, doc.
Listen, uh, anybody hungry?
That's ok. No, no.
Yes, actually.
The place we talked about...
remember that Sushi?
Oh, I love Sushi.
Oh, it's fantastic, this place.
I'm not hungry.
Maybe it was like a woman's instinct
or a maternal instinct, protecting our kids.
Remember, honey?
I was just, like, I have to sell this house.
Didn't I tell you, right?
I said I have to sell this house.
I just have a sixth sense.
And we sold the house right before the earthquake.
You had an intuition.
Exactly. Right, Max?
That's a lot of what real estate is.
So we sold the house, at a really good price, too.
And then the earthquake hit,
the big northridge earthquake.
It totaled the house.
I felt really bad for the couple who bought it.
It got totaled during the earthquake? Yes.
After you sold it?
After we sold it.
Ooh. Oh. That is beautiful.
Don't you just love Japanese food?
They're so pretty, huh?
Anyways, the prices of real estate went down,
way down, and we got our new home,
this beautiful house,
for, like, what, half the price?
It's just gorgeous.
That's very smart. That's very smart.
I think the housing prices out there
are at their lowest rate since before the gold rush.
Right, right. And then with the mud slides,
everybody was afraid to move.
You know the mud slides were started intentionally?
What?
They put all the fire hoses up there.
Ok, right, honey.
So... ha ha ha.
So dramatic.
Such a goofball. So...
We were tempted.
We were really tempted to move out there, but, um...
Well, I was tempted.
It was a little more difficult for Karen
because of her work.
So, um, what do you do, Karen?
I'm a rocket scientist.
Uh...
She... she works for the Fairchild group.
It's a company that design rockets
for, uh...
Oh, satellite communication systems...
And telephone systems.
Oh, wow. Really? Hmm.
But they closed down
their west coast division last year,
so it didn't make any sense for us to move out, so...
We're still here.
So you still live in New York?
Mm-hmm.
What part?
Upstate. Upstate.
Oh.
We got a beautiful home outside of Albany.
Oh, Albany. Yeah, yeah. I've heard of Albany.
Don't we have a friend in Albany, Max?
No.
In fact, we got to be getting back tomorrow,
so, I thought, uh...
Max, if it's all right with you,
I'm gonna leave you a couple of numbers.
And the cell phone's on here.
I'm gonna give you the home in case, uh...
Anything should happen with Charlie.
This must be really, really difficult for you.
What?
You mean watch my brother die, not being able to do anything?
Yeah. It's, uh...
It's so sad.
Yep. It is. It sure is,
but... It's something to be expected.
You know, with the lifestyle these guys lead, it's...
I mean, you don't watch someone out playing
in the middle of a minefield
and not expect to hear an explosion, right?
It just didn't have to happen to him.
It's just so stupid.
Max, I'm glad you're here.
I know it means a lot to Charlie.
Well, it means a lot to me, too, vern.
So, what do you say?
How about a toast to Charlie?
To Charlie.
Yes, to Charlie.
To Charlie.
Mm-hmm.
I'm fine.
We should start digging into this
before... It gets what? Warm?
Ha ha ha ha.
You get it?
Oh, anyway, what do you want?
You want the tuna?
Hey, cheer me up.
Surprise me.
Hey, here we go. Ho.
Taxi! Hey!
Oh, we're sorry. Ha ha ha.
That's good timing.
Perfect.
All right, hey, this is for you.
No, no, no. You take it. You go ahead.
It's all right.
No, no, no, you go ahead.
No, it's all right.
Look, there's another one. We'll catch the next one.
Please.
It was a good time.
Good to see you.
Good to see you, too, Vern.
Oh, it was a real pleasure, Vernon.
We'll have to do it again.
I hope so.
Oh, Karen. Nice to meet you.
Good night.
Let me get this.
Good night.
Hey.
God, I wish I had a cigarette.
Give him a shot.
It's ok. It's ok.
It's ok.
Ok.
Because I don't know what you're talking about.
So listen and learn.
Why don't you speak sentences instead of generalizations?
You know what?
No, you know what?
What are you talking about?
See? That's... that's where...
Morning.
Hey, Max.
Hey. It's not much,
but I brought you a little something.
A token of my appreciation
for what you're doing for Charlie.
Thank you. Thank you.
She's tired.
I mean, thank you.
He's hanging in.
Great. I'm going.
Ok. See you a bit later.
Thanks, mate.
Hi.
When'd you get back?
Last night.
I liked your wife.
She liked you, too.
Really?
So how is he doing?
Not so good.
But he talked a lot.
He told me you came to visit him last year, and...
I realized it was that same time.
Yeah.
Same time.
Is this really difficult for you?
No, it's ok.
As far as I'm concerned...
Nothing happened.
Uh-huh. Exactly.
Nothing happened.
Yeah, well...
I'm going.
Gosh.
Oh, Max.
Max.
Uh-huh.
Good morning, Charlie.
Hey, man.
New shift is here.
How you feeling?
Good.
Did you get some sleep?
Mm-hmm.
Listen, Kevin is coming at 5:00, ok?
And then I'll be here this afternoon.
Um...
Hey, man.
Sorry to, uh... Wake you.
Are you doing all right?
Why are you kissing...
My sister-in-law?
Ok.
Remember when I came to New York...
To visit you?
I missed my flight.
So what should I do?
Life is an orange, Max.
What does that mean?
Don't you remember that joke?
The young Jewish boy
sitting at the foot of his wise father.
And his father says,
"always remember, son,
life is an orange."
And he ponders
and thinks on the meaning of this phrase
his whole life.
About 60 years later, his father's dying,
and he goes to see him for the last time.
And his father's slipping away.
And he says, "what did that mean, pop?"
And he says, "what did what mean, son?"
And then he says,
"you know, that life is an orange."
And then with his dying breath,
his father says,
"I haven't a fucking clue."
Right.
You gotta work out your shit, Max.
That bad stuff between you and me,
that was a stupid waste of time.
No, I was stupid.
I know, I know. You...
It was me. I was envious.
Envy is a God-awful thing.
I was just very...
I was pissed 'cause you left,
and you didn't take me with you.
But I couldn't, Charlie. I didn't know how.
I know.
I just want things to be clean between us.
I'm sorry.
That's ok, babe.
It's ok.
I know this is a lot harder for my friends
than it is for me.
There's something I gotta ask you.
Do you want a priest?
You listen to me, ok?
Listen to me right now.
I've seen too many people
lose their courage at the last minute.
I'm not sorry.
I'm frightened. Yeah.
Frightened.
But...
I'm also fascinated...
By what's next, so...
Thanks, but, no, thanks.
All right.
Charlie, your dad was here.
I guess that, uh, I'll best...
Best remember him as my kid brother
on the beach
with dreams of hitting the big time
on Broadway.
And, uh...
I remember...
One time I was coming home from school and, uh,
I got home and there he was
coming out of our mother's bedroom
dressed in one of her outfits.
He had lipstick on.
My brother, he was, uh,
definitely ahead of his time.
Anyway, it was his last wish
that we have a celebration of his life,
and that's what we're gonna do.
Uh...
After the service,
we're gonna have a party,
and, uh, it's what he wanted.
He paid for everything.
So that's what we're gonna do.
I don't know.
Who could use a drink?
You want a drink?
Max, would you like a drink?
You know, actually,
I think I'm gonna take a little walk.
I'll be in shortly.
Ok.
Karen.
Just lie down.
Ohh.
Be all right, Karen.
It's just in the air.
I just feel it.
I'm certain tonight is the night.
Understand that?
Oh, boy.
It's just... it's in the air.
I just think we should all get pregnant
and all get high.
Are you ok?
Have all these little Charlies.
What's wrong with Karen?
I think she had too much to drink.
She fell dancing.
We're both wearing Congo boots.
You better take these fucking things off.
Very strange.
We should have little Charlies. I'm serious.
You want some of this, Max?
Still don't look happy, Max.
Do something.
Uh, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
Can I cut in?
You want to cut in?
Oh, yeah.
No, no. Dance with this.
There you go.
Hey, hey, hey.
What are you doing?
I kinda thought we were dancing.
What are you doing?
I'm dancing with you.
You gonna dance with me?
Wait. Where you going? Dance with me.
Whoa, whoa. Hold it. Whoa, whoa.
Come on. Dance with me.
Please.
We should stay inside.
Come on.
Are you crazy?
I'm not crazy.
It's just a fuck.
Oh! My shoes!
I think there's someone there.
I think there's someone in the house.
Ooh.
This Internet thing, um,
it's just all a new concept to me.
I was to me for a long time, too,
but once you start, you can't stop.
I mean, anything you want to know...
It just baffles me.
It's great. And you get addicted to it.
I mean, how does it... you know?
Yeah, I've been out of touch for a little bit,
but that's about where it's at.
Nice acreage?
Yeah, you can get some good stuff.
Can you grow marijuana?
You can grow anything you want.
It just makes me wonder about people's minds.
What they can come up with.
For me, little ol' me, I can't conceive of it.
The kids use it instead of the encyclopedia.
I went up to see Charlie last week.
At the grave.
Yeah.
Put some flowers down.
I stopped by the house. You wouldn't believe it.
What they've done to it?
Oh, it's completely different.
They got the gardens all done over.
Remember how they were kind of nice, overgrown?
Everything... everything's different.
You don't even recognize it anymore.
It so strange, you walk back to a place that was your own,
and it's kinda not your own.
But the only thing that I hear
about the Internet thing,
is, um, what... Cybersex?
Porch is gone.
The porch is gone.
Took the porch off. It was such a nice porch.
They rebuilt it,
walled it in with glass.
Garden's completely changed.
The pool's gone.
Everything's all manicured,
precise.
Mmm. Sheesh.
Ahem.
Stuffed.
Yeah. It's good.
Mmm.
Hey. Check, please.
Here we go.
Let me get that.
No, no. We'll split it.
Ok.
Thank you.
What do you say we go down to Soho
and get a drink, huh?
Uh, can't.
Gotta pick the kids up in about an hour.
Oh, that's right. Where are they?
At the movies.
Yeah.
What'd they see?
Something completely unsuitable for them.
But Max insisted.
Come on. Come on.
You know, we gotta stop treating them like children.
They grow up too fast as it is, honey.
They hear everything in school anyway.
Yeah, it's weird.
What can you do?
I had this...
I had this weird dream the other night.
I was, uh,
I was in this hotel,
and, uh, by myself.
I didn't know where I was or anything,
but I was sitting there and the phone rang.
So I picked it up,
and it was Charlie.
And he says, uh, "hey, man, how you doing?"
I said ok.
He said, "don't worry. Everything's all right.
Everything's cool."
Life's an orange.
It is.
Life is short.
Yeah.
I thought it was cool.
You know, it just made me feel good.
Uh, Max, you wanna take this one?
No, no. You go ahead.
Why don't you go ahead? No, it's all right.
You go ahead. It's ok.
No, you're in a hurry. You go ahead.
It's fine. Go ahead.
We're gonna just walk around
and enjoy the fresh air.
If you can call this fresh air.
It's better than L.A.
Yeah, well, anything's better than L.A.
Ok.
See you.
Take care.
All right.
Ok.
All right.
Excuse me.
So you'll bring the kids
straight to the airport tomorrow, right?
Yes.
All right. The flight's at 1:00.
It's good to see you, Max.
It's good to see you, too.
Max. Max!
Can you make sure
that the kids are properly packed this time?
Last time you left half their stuff at your place.
I'll do it. Good-bye.
Ahh.
Nina Simone: ¶ I know why I waited ¶
¶ know why I been blue ¶
¶ I been waitin' ¶
¶ each day ¶
¶ for someone exactly like you ¶
¶ why should I spend some money ¶
¶ on a show or 2 ¶
¶ when nobody sings those love songs ¶
¶ exactly like you? ¶
¶ you make me feel so grand ¶
¶ I wanna give this world to you ¶
¶ you make me understand ¶
¶ these foolish little dreams ¶
¶ I'm dreamin' ¶
¶ and schemes I'm schemin' ¶
¶ now I know why my mama ¶
¶ she taught me to be true ¶
¶ she knew just around the corner ¶
¶ was somebody like you ¶
¶ You ¶
¶ make me feel ¶
¶ so grand ¶
¶ I wanna give this world to you ¶
¶ baby, you make me understand ¶
¶ these foolish little dreams ¶
¶ I'm dreamin' ¶
¶ schemes I'm schemin' ¶
¶ now I know why my mama ¶
¶ she taught me to be true ¶
¶ she knew just around the corner ¶
¶ yes, she knew just around the corner ¶
¶ there was somebody ¶
¶ exactly ¶
¶ like you ¶