1
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:56,224
Hey, Bob, wait up.

2
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:12,140
HOWARD: "And sunlight
clasped the earth

3
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:15,309
"and the moonbeams
kiss the sea

4
00:01:16,344 --> 00:01:19,213
"What are all
these kissings worth

5
00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:23,217
"if thou kiss not me?"

6
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:28,055
That's it.

7
00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:29,657
(CLASS LAUGHS)

8
00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:34,162
Mike.
Mr. Brackett, okay.

9
00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:37,331
That Cameron Drake guy,
did you really teach him?

10
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,300
Yes, I did, Mike.
Right here
in this very room.

11
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:41,502
Do you have a question
about the poem?

12
00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:45,139
Yes, Meredith.

13
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:47,441
When Cameron went here,
did he have a girlfriend?

14
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:48,676
Please.
Jack!

15
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:51,479
Mr. Brackett.
Vicky.

16
00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:53,481
Does this have to do
with the poem?
Oh, yeah.

17
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:57,151
You have a comment
about English literature
or Romantic poetry?

18
00:01:57,851 --> 00:01:59,753
Absolutely.
Oh, let's hear it.

19
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:02,723
Well, when Cameron
went here and he studied
English literature

20
00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:05,359
and Romantic poetry...
(CLASS LAUGHS)

21
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,627
...was he really cute?
(ALL LAUGH)

22
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:10,298
No, he's had
massive surgery.
A complete overhaul.

23
00:02:10,398 --> 00:02:12,666
He was an iguana.
(CLASS LAUGHS)

24
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:17,137
But you know,
he loved this poem.

25
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:21,442
JACK: Excuse me,
Mr. Brackett.

26
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:23,711
Mr. Brackett.

27
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:24,712
Jack.

28
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:27,415
It's here.
What?

29
00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:28,649
From Indiana State.

30
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:30,251
And? Hey, Joe.

31
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:31,719
Will you open it?
It'll make it a lot easier.

32
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,321
I mean, what if I...

33
00:02:33,421 --> 00:02:35,556
I... I mean,
I'm not gonna get in.

34
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,459
I bet that it just says,
"Nice try, you moron.

35
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:40,761
"You loser, get lost.
Get out of here."

36
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,263
That's not quite
the way they put it, Jack.

37
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:43,297
Hey.

38
00:02:44,332 --> 00:02:46,334
Yes. You're in!
Full scholarship!
Yes? Yes?

39
00:02:46,434 --> 00:02:48,168
Way to go!
(LAUGHS)

40
00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:49,737
Yes!

41
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,340
(HUSHED CONVERSATIONS)

42
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,375
(SHUSHING)

43
00:02:57,978 --> 00:03:00,748
Gentlemen, are we
having a practice?

44
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:04,151
Uh, we can't, you know?
It's our coach.

45
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:05,753
You know, he's getting
married this week.

46
00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:08,689
Yes, that's correct.

47
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:10,724
And he's drunk.

48
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,194
I'm drunk?

49
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:16,430
Pretty soon!

50
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:17,698
(CORKS POPPING)

51
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,333
(ALL YELLING)

52
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:24,472
You guys!

53
00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:29,443
Congratulations,
Mr. Brackett!

54
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:34,515
(GASPS)

55
00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:40,454
You're so beautiful.

56
00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:42,290
Howard.

57
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,392
You look exquisite.

58
00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:46,727
Oh, I just wish
my folks were still here.

59
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,329
They never thought
it would happen.

60
00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:50,398
They never thought
I'd get married.

61
00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:52,232
We're your family
now, dear.

62
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:54,768
I'm not just Howard's mom.
I'm yours.

63
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:57,371
Beware.
But, honey, when you walked
in here last month,

64
00:03:57,471 --> 00:04:00,240
I almost died.
I didn't recognize you.

65
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:02,610
She's worked very hard.
Isn't she a knockout?

66
00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:04,378
Absolutely.
Well, I just have been
fat my whole life,

67
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,747
and I was not gonna
waddle down that aisle,

68
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,949
and when I saw that
Richard Simmons infomercial...

69
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,851
I love him.

70
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:13,554
Well, remember
when he actually
went to that woman's house

71
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,889
who lost over 400 pounds
using the tapes?

72
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,391
BERNIECE: Oh, yes.

73
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:20,628
I just thought, "If she
can do it, so can I."

74
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:23,631
And you did.
Bridal Barn,
we salute you.

75
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:28,902
It's a straitjacket
is what it is.
Dad.

76
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,372
It's a classic, the J-12.

77
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,240
You know, everybody
in town's been stopping by,

78
00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:34,642
revving up
for your nuptials.

79
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:35,509
WALTER: Look at this.

80
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:40,714
Oh, son,
I don't know.

81
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:42,850
The Torme.

82
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:52,059
(CLINKING GLASS)

83
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:57,831
Thank you.
Well, uh,

84
00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,534
in just a few short days,
Emily and I will be married

85
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,803
after three long years.

86
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,872
Now, what, you may
be asking yourself,
was the problem?

87
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:07,375
You said it!
(ALL LAUGH)

88
00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:11,379
HOWARD: Well, Aunt Becky,
I think I have the answer.

89
00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:13,547
I vowed that
I would not be married

90
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:16,417
until Cameron Drake
was nominated for an Oscar.

91
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:19,319
I thought I was safe.
(ALL LAUGH)

92
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,956
Now tonight's the night,
for Cameron, at least,

93
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:25,726
and so I'll let you all
get back to your sets,

94
00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:28,596
and this Sunday,
thanks to my mom and dad

95
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,431
and Emily,

96
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:32,766
it's gonna be
the happiest day of my life.

97
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:35,869
(APPLAUSE)

98
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,842
(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

99
00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:45,312
Wouldn't it be extraordinary
if Cameron actually wins?

100
00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:47,381
You remember I had him.

101
00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:49,517
You did?
Yeah, I was
a student teacher.

102
00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:50,784
(MUSIC STOPS)
It was sophomore English.

103
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:53,721
He used to come
every day after school
for extra help.

104
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:56,690
We spent the whole year
reciting Romeo and Juliet
to each other.

105
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,693
Oh, really?
Just the two of you?

106
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:02,663
He was just a student.

107
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,632
Hmm, well, all right.

108
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,702
Now, which channel?

109
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:12,005
Hmm. Who wants
movie-style buttery lite?

110
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:14,408
GIRL: Me, I do.

111
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:16,644
Score pads and pencils!

112
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,683
Gretchen, what do you have
for best documentary?

113
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,585
Something about
Polish mine workers

114
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:26,587
and their struggle
to be free.

115
00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:29,490
I hope that nice
Sally Field wins.

116
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:31,759
But she's not nominated.

117
00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:33,093
Even so.

118
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:34,528
It's almost time.

119
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:36,597
Oh, turn it on.
Turn it on.

120
00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:46,940
PETER MALLOY: The place,
Hollywood, USA.

121
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,913
This is Peter Malloy
for Inside Entertainment

122
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,649
inviting you to join me
for Hollywood's
night of nights,

123
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,552
the 68th Annual
Academy Awards.

124
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,387
(CHEERING)

125
00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:02,389
Ladies and gentlemen,

126
00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:05,826
here is another screen legend,
an Oscar winner herself,
Miss Whoopi Goldberg!

127
00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:09,463
CROWD: Whoopi!
I love you, Whoopi!

128
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:12,533
So, Whoop, Cameron Drake.
His chances?

129
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,134
I think this kid
is incredible.

130
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,937
He is so sexy,
so sweet.
WOMAN: It's Cameron!

131
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:19,940
I mean, I just adore him.
I mean, and he's just the best
there is, you know?

132
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,075
It's Cameron Drake!

133
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,645
There he is! Look.

134
00:07:26,514 --> 00:07:29,950
CROWD: (CHANTING)
Cameron!

135
00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:35,589
Cameron, Cameron!
Cameron!

136
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,596
He is just so cool.

137
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,565
What is that stuff
on his chin?

138
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,967
He looks like a troll doll.
Did he just wake up?

139
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,636
Shut up.

140
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:53,206
Ladies and gentlemen,
here comes America's
hottest young star

141
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,909
and People magazine's
sexiest man of the year,
poor guy,

142
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:57,745
Cameron Drake.

143
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:00,948
Hello.
Hey.

144
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:02,482
Hey.

145
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,484
(CROWD CHEERING)

146
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:08,656
So, Cameron,
tonight's the big night.

147
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,991
All the marbles.
Planet Cameron.
Right.

148
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,762
Uh, excuse me?
I said right.

149
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:18,031
Yeah. Everyone's saying
that you won't be going
home empty-handed.

150
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,000
How do you feel about that?
And speak up.

151
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,871
Well,
basically to me,

152
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:26,206
awards are meaningless.

153
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:29,242
Um, I'm an artist,
it's about the work.

154
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,645
All the nominees
are artists.

155
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:35,148
We shouldn't be forced
to compete with each other
like dogs.

156
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:36,884
Oh, I hear you.
Good point.

157
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:38,051
So then why
are you here?

158
00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:40,053
In case I win.

159
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,657
(CROWD CHEERING)

160
00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:54,935
ANNOUNCER: (ON TV) And now
we return to the 68th Annual
Academy Awards.

161
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:58,505
Coming up, the Oscar
for best performance
by an actor.

162
00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:00,941
Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Glenn Close.

163
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,944
(APPLAUSE)

164
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,829
And now our final nominee
for best actor,

165
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:23,330
Cameron Drake.

166
00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:34,775
Cameron rocketed to stardom
with courage and charisma,

167
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:38,245
tackling the role
of a brave gay soldier

168
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:40,914
in the breakthrough film
To Serve And Protect.

169
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:45,753
(EXPLOSIONS)

170
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,856
(SCREAMING)

171
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:57,831
You're gonna
make it, Danny.

172
00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:00,701
I love you, Billy.

173
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:04,004
Wait. Do you love me
as a friend?

174
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:07,340
Or in another way?
Another way, Billy.

175
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:09,743
You mean as a brother?

176
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:12,012
No, another way.

177
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:15,949
You mean as a cousin?
No, another way.

178
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,653
(SIGHS)
You mean as a pen pal?

179
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,389
My legs hurt.

180
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:26,694
(SCREAMING)

181
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:35,769
MAN: Proceed.

182
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:40,874
Lieutenant Stevens,

183
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,643
you've been awarded
two Purple Hearts

184
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,746
and a Congressional
Medal of Honor.

185
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,647
You saved the lives
of your entire unit.

186
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:51,752
However, your sergeant
has come across

187
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:54,021
the following items
in your footlocker.

188
00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:57,090
Will you kindly
tell the court
if they are yours?

189
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,892
A personal letter
to another soldier.

190
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,660
Oh, no.
(SOBS)

191
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:02,629
Yes, sir.

192
00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:06,967
A photograph signed,
"Danny, San Francisco."

193
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:07,968
Yes, sir.

194
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,705
(MURMURING)

195
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:17,410
And finally,
an autographed copy
of Beaches,

196
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,746
starring Bette Midler.

197
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:20,313
Give that back!

198
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:22,215
Discharge, dishonorable!

199
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:33,761
They're kicking him out.

200
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:35,829
That's not fair.

201
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:38,799
I mean, he killed people.

202
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:40,000
Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.

203
00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:48,275
Danny, I just don't know.

204
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,710
Did I do the right thing?

205
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:54,714
Ask him.

206
00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:58,819
Well, Mr. President,

207
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:01,088
am I still
a good American?

208
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:07,995
It's a statue, Billy.

209
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,066
Oh, Danny.

210
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:15,135
I love you.

211
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:18,806
Come on.
Let's go home.

212
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,078
Billy.

213
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,284
Billy!

214
00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:35,322
(APPLAUSE)

215
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,024
Billy!

216
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:40,293
Billy!

217
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:45,098
(CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

218
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,936
Oh, look.
Here he is.

219
00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:55,909
This is Cameron's
first nomination,

220
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:58,879
and he's in extremely
good company.

221
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,815
Tonight he joins fellow
best actor nominees...

222
00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,851
Paul Newman for Coot.

223
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,353
(APPLAUSE)

224
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:09,056
Clint Eastwood
for Codger.

225
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:14,027
Michael Douglas
for Primary Urges.

226
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,796
(APPLAUSE)

227
00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:23,203
And Steven Seagal
for Snowball In Hell.

228
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,338
(APPLAUSE)

229
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,807
And the winner is...

230
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:33,346
Cameron Drake,
To Serve And Protect.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

231
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:35,815
Oh, my God!

232
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:38,185
Oh, my God!

233
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,287
(CHEERING)

234
00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:47,827
BOYS: (CHANTING)
Doofus! Doofus! Doofus!

235
00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:50,597
Doofus! Doofus!

236
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:54,968
That's our boy.
Look at him!

237
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,036
Oh, my God!

238
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,040
Thank you.

239
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,543
(SIGHS)

240
00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:04,978
Nice, man.

241
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,548
Nice.

242
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:11,384
I'd like to thank
uh, a great director,

243
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,221
an incredible cast,

244
00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:16,489
my agent and my new agent,

245
00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:19,192
but I'm just an actor
playing someone.

246
00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:23,263
This really belongs to all
the gay soldiers and sailors

247
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:25,232
and other guys and women

248
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,068
who defend this country
to keep us free,

249
00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:31,338
but can't date.
(APPLAUSE)

250
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:37,945
So maybe I should thank
someone else.

251
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:40,847
Someone who's
really been there.

252
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:42,582
Someone who taught me a lot

253
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,985
about poetry and Shakespeare

254
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:46,419
and just, like, you know,

255
00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:49,923
staying awake, man.
(CROWD LAUGHS)

256
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:53,026
Someone who's just an overall
great guy and a great teacher.

257
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,863
To Howard Brackett
from Greenleaf, Indiana.

258
00:14:56,964 --> 00:14:59,566
Oh, my God!
Oh, wow.

259
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:01,334
Oh, I can't believe it.
Oh, wow.

260
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:02,335
Oh.

261
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:04,904
And he's gay.

262
00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:13,446
CAMERON: You know,
I've been thinking a lot
about this night,

263
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:18,418
and I've decided
to dedicate this whole night
to a great gay teacher.

264
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,455
Mr. Brackett, we won!

265
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,692
(APPLAUSE)

266
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:36,069
(TV SWITCHES OFF)

267
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:38,471
(GASPS)

268
00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:51,718
Howard?

269
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,388
Hmm?
Howard.

270
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,924
Precious.
Howard,
what is he talking about?

271
00:15:58,025 --> 00:15:59,392
(DOORBELL RINGS)
I have no idea!

272
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:02,462
What?

273
00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:09,969
Mom? Dad?

274
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:14,107
Is there something
you wanna tell us?

275
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:15,342
Something about
the wedding?

276
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:17,710
I'm not gay!

277
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:20,613
Oh. Of course not.

278
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,349
No! No, no,
no, no.

279
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:24,484
My son's not gay.
No way!

280
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:26,386
No how!
No dice!

281
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,088
Nowhere!
No, sir!

282
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,622
But that boy
on television...

283
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:31,291
I don't know
what that was about.

284
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:34,361
I am outraged!
I may hire an attorney.
I may sue!

285
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,363
That's right. That's right.
That's a very good idea.

286
00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:38,098
You think?
Cochran.
Get that Johnnie Cochran,

287
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:40,400
not that woman.
Good idea.

288
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,702
Now, we have to remember,
he's been in Hollywood
a long time,

289
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:45,172
and he may be
under the influence
of something,

290
00:16:45,272 --> 00:16:46,373
or he may have
joined a cult.

291
00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:48,075
(GASPS)
Oh, my Lord.

292
00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:49,709
That little zombie.

293
00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:52,145
His family was...
Oh, I hate to say this,

294
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,181
but when they
lived here,

295
00:16:54,281 --> 00:16:56,483
they were not active
in the PTA.

296
00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:58,017
He used to mow our lawn.

297
00:16:58,385 --> 00:16:59,352
Never again.

298
00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:03,356
Howard, we want
you to know

299
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,358
you're our son,
and we'll always love you.

300
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,395
Gay, straight,
red, green,

301
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:11,231
if you rob a bank,
if you kill someone.

302
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,800
If you get drunk,
climb a clock tower
and take out the town.

303
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:16,436
As long
as you get married.

304
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:18,705
I need that wedding.

305
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:20,673
I need some beauty
and some music

306
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:21,808
and some place cards
before I die.

307
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:23,410
It's like heroin.

308
00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:26,045
Do you hear me, Howard?

309
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:28,315
Hmm?

310
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:34,254
Oh. Emily, can we
give you a lift?

311
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,324
Oh.

312
00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:38,458
Will you be all right?

313
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:41,428
Of course. I'm fine.

314
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,496
We're getting married.

315
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:45,265
I love you.

316
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,104
HOWARD: Good night.

317
00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,276
(TELEPHONE RINGS)

318
00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,245
Hello.

319
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,213
No, I'm not.

320
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:11,158
(SONG PLAYING ON RADIO)

321
00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:48,528
(GIRLS GIGGLING)

322
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,275
All right, let's go.

323
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:11,484
(MURMURING)

324
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,291
REPORTER: There he is!
That's him!

325
00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:20,760
Hey! Howard!

326
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:22,429
Howard!
Howard!

327
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:26,566
(REPORTERS SHOUTING)

328
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:30,270
Do you have a boyfriend?

329
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,605
I am getting married!
I am not gay!

330
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:33,673
Do you know Ellen?

331
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:39,546
A teacher in trouble,
a town under siege,

332
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:41,548
a journey to the heartland.

333
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:43,483
Peter Malloy,
stay tuned.

334
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,385
Howard! Howard!

335
00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:47,420
REPORTER: Should gays
be allowed to handle
fresh produce?

336
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,722
I don't care!
This is a classroom!

337
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:54,394
Class.

338
00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:56,629
HOWARD: So, uh,
where were we?

339
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:01,167
Romantic poetry.
Shakespeare.

340
00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:03,270
Talented, English, dead.

341
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:05,238
The sonnets.

342
00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:06,873
"Shall I compare thee
to a summer's gay?"

343
00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:09,309
(CLASS SNICKERING)
"Thou art more lovely
and more temperate.

344
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,746
"Rough winds do shape
the darling buds of May,
and sum..."

345
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,327
Okay.

346
00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:30,530
Let's get it out
into the open right now.

347
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:32,299
What's on your mind?
What do you want to know?

348
00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:35,001
Is it true?

349
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:39,739
Of course not!
I'm getting married
in three days!

350
00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:41,974
See? I knew it!

351
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,777
Told you.
All right. Class, class.

352
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:47,714
But why did he say it
on TV in front
of the whole world?

353
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:50,483
Yeah, I mean, were you, like,
incredibly embarrassed?

354
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,885
Did you just wanna stick
a grenade in your mouth?

355
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:56,356
All right. Okay,
that's... Class, class.

356
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:58,625
I don't know why he said it.
I've been trying to figure
that out myself,

357
00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:00,660
but that is not why
we're here today.
We're here today...

358
00:21:01,328 --> 00:21:03,396
Mr. Brackett.
Mike.

359
00:21:04,897 --> 00:21:07,500
Well, I've been thinking
about it all night.

360
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,502
Why would that guy
say you were gay?

361
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:10,637
And I got it figured out.
I got it.

362
00:21:12,539 --> 00:21:14,441
What have you got?
Well, look at you.

363
00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:17,544
I beg your pardon?
MIKE: I mean, no offense,

364
00:21:17,644 --> 00:21:20,246
but you're an English teacher.
Exactly.

365
00:21:20,347 --> 00:21:23,483
I mean, all this poetry
and odes and bonnets.

366
00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:25,718
Sonnets?
And you're kinda prissy.

367
00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:28,921
Prissy?
Well, not in a bad way.

368
00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:31,591
I mean,
like, you're smart...

369
00:21:31,691 --> 00:21:34,394
And well-dressed.
And really clean.

370
00:21:34,494 --> 00:21:36,896
It doesn't look good.
And plus you got
the drama club,

371
00:21:36,996 --> 00:21:39,265
and you ride
that bicycle.

372
00:21:39,366 --> 00:21:42,635
You've been engaged
to Miss Montgomery
for like three years.

373
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:44,671
What, what does
that have to...
I mean, think about it.

374
00:21:44,771 --> 00:21:47,340
If you add it up, of course
the guy thinks you're gay!

375
00:21:47,774 --> 00:21:49,409
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

376
00:21:49,509 --> 00:21:53,680
And plus,
he was in that movie,

377
00:21:53,780 --> 00:21:56,749
so his brain is, like,
already going that way,

378
00:21:57,584 --> 00:22:00,420
and then he remembers you

379
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,790
and he goes, "Smart, clean,
totally decent human being...

380
00:22:03,890 --> 00:22:04,891
"Gay!"

381
00:22:07,394 --> 00:22:09,496
(REPORTERS SHOUTING)

382
00:22:09,596 --> 00:22:11,398
...gays in the space program?

383
00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:13,299
WOMAN: Lesbians on Mars?
MAN: Do you have any comment?

384
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:14,834
Excuse me. Excuse me.

385
00:22:16,903 --> 00:22:18,705
Mr. Brackett.

386
00:22:18,805 --> 00:22:20,607
Boys and girls.
Mr. Halliwell.

387
00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:23,510
Howard, could, uh,
could I...
Oh.

388
00:22:24,110 --> 00:22:25,978
Class, excuse me.

389
00:22:26,078 --> 00:22:29,649
The school is surrounded.
There are TV cameras,
reporters.

390
00:22:29,749 --> 00:22:31,718
See? They want pictures
of the gay guy!

391
00:22:31,818 --> 00:22:33,019
(CLASS LAUGHING)

392
00:22:35,955 --> 00:22:37,690
I tried to reason
with them.

393
00:22:37,790 --> 00:22:39,358
I told them
I was the principal,
and they...

394
00:22:40,727 --> 00:22:43,596
They, they mocked me.
I'm sorry.

395
00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:45,364
HALLIWELL: Could you,
could you talk to them?

396
00:22:45,832 --> 00:22:46,799
HOWARD: Right away.

397
00:22:48,435 --> 00:22:50,336
Uh, class, page 58.

398
00:22:50,437 --> 00:22:52,038
Yes, learn, learn
all you can.

399
00:22:52,138 --> 00:22:53,673
Mr. Brackett.
Yes?

400
00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:55,708
Watch the hands.

401
00:22:56,976 --> 00:22:58,645
Oh.
Uh, good, good point.

402
00:23:00,713 --> 00:23:02,615
REPORTER:
Howard, are you gay?
Are you gay?

403
00:23:05,718 --> 00:23:08,555
MAN: I'm sorry.
I think that the jury
is still out on this.

404
00:23:08,655 --> 00:23:10,990
WOMAN:
No way. He's been here
for how many years?

405
00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:12,859
Oh, come on.
I always knew.

406
00:23:12,959 --> 00:23:14,727
Well, I say bravo.

407
00:23:14,827 --> 00:23:16,896
It's a blow
for freedom.
Good for Howard.

408
00:23:16,996 --> 00:23:18,498
To quote
Mr. Bob Dylan,

409
00:23:18,598 --> 00:23:20,900
"How many roads
must a man walk down,

410
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,435
"before we call him a man?"

411
00:23:22,535 --> 00:23:25,638
Ed, don't. It's early.
Knew what?

412
00:23:25,738 --> 00:23:29,576
* And how many seas
must the white dove sail
Ed, please.

413
00:23:29,676 --> 00:23:32,011
* Before she sleeps
Shut up, Ed!

414
00:23:32,111 --> 00:23:34,481
Trina!
We're talking about Howard.

415
00:23:34,581 --> 00:23:35,648
Why are we talking
about Howard?

416
00:23:36,483 --> 00:23:37,950
'Cause he likes dick, Carl.

417
00:23:40,019 --> 00:23:41,488
(DOOR OPENS)

418
00:23:42,755 --> 00:23:44,857
Good morning, everyone.
How are you?

419
00:23:46,058 --> 00:23:47,860
ALL: Hey.
Terrific!

420
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:51,498
Fabulous.
Is that, uh, Xerox
still on the fritz?

421
00:23:51,598 --> 00:23:53,866
How are you, sunshine?
Oh, fine.

422
00:23:53,966 --> 00:23:55,401
Oh, look at you.

423
00:23:55,502 --> 00:23:56,636
Dick who?

424
00:23:57,837 --> 00:24:00,473
He's getting married
this week.

425
00:24:00,573 --> 00:24:02,875
See? He's not gay.
I told you.

426
00:24:02,975 --> 00:24:05,545
But, man, think about it.
I mean, like, gay guys.

427
00:24:05,645 --> 00:24:06,979
I don't wanna
think about it.

428
00:24:07,079 --> 00:24:10,583
There's only two times
where it's okay to do,
like, gay stuff.

429
00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:12,084
Two, like, emergency
situations.

430
00:24:12,184 --> 00:24:13,686
What? Which situations?

431
00:24:13,786 --> 00:24:15,722
Prison, when it's
like a substitute.
Right.

432
00:24:15,822 --> 00:24:18,057
Or guys in space.
Guys in space?

433
00:24:18,157 --> 00:24:19,659
Well, not on purpose.

434
00:24:19,759 --> 00:24:22,695
It just happens because
they're weightless,

435
00:24:22,795 --> 00:24:24,764
and they float
into each other
when they're asleep.

436
00:24:27,199 --> 00:24:28,467
You're so lame.

437
00:24:29,201 --> 00:24:31,470
Well, I know
it's wrong.

438
00:24:31,571 --> 00:24:33,606
It's against, like, nature.
Basic plumbing.

439
00:24:34,707 --> 00:24:35,808
What?

440
00:24:35,908 --> 00:24:37,810
It's the human body.

441
00:24:37,910 --> 00:24:40,980
It's divided up
into in-holes
and out-holes.

442
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:42,982
And stuff
is supposed to go
in the in-holes

443
00:24:43,082 --> 00:24:44,450
and come out
the out-holes.

444
00:24:44,551 --> 00:24:46,185
But gay guys,

445
00:24:46,285 --> 00:24:48,755
they, like, put stuff
in the out-holes.

446
00:24:50,690 --> 00:24:53,693
Wait. So is a mouth,
like, an in-hole?

447
00:24:53,793 --> 00:24:56,262
Right. 'Cause you put
burgers in it and brew.

448
00:24:57,229 --> 00:24:59,165
Unless you're sick,
and you puke,

449
00:24:59,265 --> 00:25:00,733
and then it's
an out-hole, so it's wrong.

450
00:25:05,705 --> 00:25:07,607
Guys, guys, come on!
Hustle!

451
00:25:07,707 --> 00:25:08,941
You'll be late for class.
Let's go!

452
00:25:11,944 --> 00:25:12,812
What's going on?

453
00:25:14,213 --> 00:25:16,683
Um, Mr. Brackett,
could you, like,
excuse us?

454
00:25:17,884 --> 00:25:18,918
Why?

455
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:22,589
Mike's being a jerk.

456
00:25:22,689 --> 00:25:24,891
No. Just until we're,
like, dressed and ready.

457
00:25:26,058 --> 00:25:28,027
This doesn't have anything
to do with the Oscars

458
00:25:28,127 --> 00:25:29,061
and Cameron Drake,
does it?

459
00:25:30,129 --> 00:25:31,831
No. Come on.
Of course not.

460
00:25:33,365 --> 00:25:34,667
Well, what is it then?

461
00:25:36,102 --> 00:25:38,170
Well, it's just
before the Oscars,
it was different.

462
00:25:38,270 --> 00:25:39,672
I mean, you weren't...

463
00:25:41,273 --> 00:25:42,308
I wasn't what?

464
00:25:45,778 --> 00:25:46,679
Famous.

465
00:25:53,820 --> 00:25:55,554
(LAUGHING)
You guys.

466
00:26:15,307 --> 00:26:16,743
Peter Malloy, network.

467
00:26:17,810 --> 00:26:19,946
No, no, no, no, no.
No more interviews.

468
00:26:20,046 --> 00:26:21,580
No, I have nothing
to say.
I have no comments.

469
00:26:21,681 --> 00:26:23,582
(SPOON CLANKING)

470
00:26:23,683 --> 00:26:25,918
I have no thoughts
on gay marriage,

471
00:26:26,018 --> 00:26:27,954
I did not see
The Birdcage and I'm trying
to have my dinner.

472
00:26:28,054 --> 00:26:30,690
Of course. I'm sorry.

473
00:26:30,790 --> 00:26:32,759
You should be.
What are you
sitting down for?

474
00:26:32,859 --> 00:26:35,127
You people. You people.
Have some decency.

475
00:26:35,227 --> 00:26:36,262
You've been
hounding me all day.

476
00:26:36,362 --> 00:26:38,564
At my school, at my home.

477
00:26:38,665 --> 00:26:40,066
You should be ashamed
of yourselves.

478
00:26:40,166 --> 00:26:42,301
I am.
Of those leeches.

479
00:26:42,401 --> 00:26:44,804
They have no right
to pry into your life.

480
00:26:44,904 --> 00:26:47,640
They're sleazy.
I don't know. I kind of
like that Barbara Walters.

481
00:26:48,107 --> 00:26:49,375
Did Barbara call you?

482
00:26:50,076 --> 00:26:51,110
No.

483
00:26:54,046 --> 00:26:55,147
Howard.

484
00:26:55,815 --> 00:26:57,116
Howard!

485
00:26:57,216 --> 00:26:59,786
No!
Oh, Howard.

486
00:26:59,886 --> 00:27:02,722
Leave me alone,
you smut peddler you!
Howard...

487
00:27:02,822 --> 00:27:04,991
You professional gossip
with a permanent tan!
Will you get real?

488
00:27:05,091 --> 00:27:06,158
Shh.

489
00:27:07,093 --> 00:27:08,027
Look at me.
Why?

490
00:27:08,895 --> 00:27:10,162
Well, sure, I look great,

491
00:27:10,262 --> 00:27:11,864
but my ratings.

492
00:27:11,964 --> 00:27:15,201
Look, everyone wants
to talk to Diane Sawyer
or Joan Lunden.

493
00:27:15,301 --> 00:27:16,936
And my network's killing me.

494
00:27:17,036 --> 00:27:18,137
They want me blond.

495
00:27:18,237 --> 00:27:19,806
With your coloring?

496
00:27:19,906 --> 00:27:22,641
Look, all those reporters,
after today, they're gone.

497
00:27:22,742 --> 00:27:23,876
They've got their story.

498
00:27:24,811 --> 00:27:27,013
But I care.
I am doing a full week.

499
00:27:29,115 --> 00:27:30,750
A week? No, you can't.

500
00:27:30,850 --> 00:27:32,885
Oh, but I have to.
It's too good.

501
00:27:32,985 --> 00:27:35,154
No, no. I have
classes to teach.
I'm getting married.

502
00:27:35,254 --> 00:27:36,823
I'll be there.

503
00:27:36,923 --> 00:27:39,625
No. I'll kill you.
But it's classic.

504
00:27:39,726 --> 00:27:41,694
Sex, a small town,
and a movie star.

505
00:27:41,794 --> 00:27:43,295
Why can't you see that?

506
00:27:43,395 --> 00:27:45,664
"Howard Brackett.
In and out."

507
00:27:47,266 --> 00:27:50,770
My God, you are
pure television.

508
00:27:51,303 --> 00:27:52,671
Stop it.

509
00:27:53,372 --> 00:27:54,406
Good night.

510
00:28:01,748 --> 00:28:03,916
(LAUGHING)

511
00:28:04,016 --> 00:28:05,818
Guys, remember.
I got that, Walt.

512
00:28:05,918 --> 00:28:08,921
Thanks. Don't say nothing
about the Oscars

513
00:28:09,021 --> 00:28:10,256
or Cameron Drake.
None of that.

514
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:14,794
MAN: I think he's coming.

515
00:28:21,167 --> 00:28:22,234
Shh. Shh.

516
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:29,208
He's here!

517
00:28:29,308 --> 00:28:31,010
ALL: Yeah!

518
00:28:33,279 --> 00:28:35,915
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah, baby!

519
00:28:36,015 --> 00:28:38,684
ALL: Whoo!

520
00:28:38,785 --> 00:28:41,020
Are we gonna have
a bachelor party?
ALL: Yeah!

521
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,022
And we gonna
get down and dirty?
ALL: Yeah!

522
00:28:43,122 --> 00:28:44,957
Disgustingly,
pukingly drunk?

523
00:28:46,525 --> 00:28:48,828
We've been working
on this for weeks, man,

524
00:28:48,928 --> 00:28:51,363
and we got
all your favorite stuff,
everything you love!

525
00:28:51,463 --> 00:28:52,731
Hit me!

526
00:28:54,901 --> 00:28:56,735
What are we talking
about here, triple x?

527
00:28:56,836 --> 00:28:58,971
Uh, Little Oral Annie?
Traci Lords?

528
00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:00,773
Lay some adult video
on me.

529
00:29:00,873 --> 00:29:02,708
We got it. Uncut.

530
00:29:02,809 --> 00:29:04,110
Funny girl!

531
00:29:04,210 --> 00:29:05,878
(CHEERING)

532
00:29:09,882 --> 00:29:11,984
Funny girl?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

533
00:29:12,084 --> 00:29:14,086
I don't believe this.
Barbra Streisand?

534
00:29:14,186 --> 00:29:16,055
You had that little
film festival last year.

535
00:29:16,155 --> 00:29:18,124
Yeah, you made us all
watch all her movies.
It was fun.

536
00:29:19,892 --> 00:29:21,994
Guys. Guys,
I'm truly offended.

537
00:29:22,094 --> 00:29:24,730
Don't you see,
this is precisely the reason

538
00:29:24,831 --> 00:29:26,899
why Cameron Drake and
half the civilized world

539
00:29:26,999 --> 00:29:28,835
think that I'm...
You know.

540
00:29:28,935 --> 00:29:31,270
ALL: Oh, no!
No, no, no.

541
00:29:31,370 --> 00:29:33,873
You're a guy's guy!
No, no, no.

542
00:29:33,973 --> 00:29:35,474
Well, I don't know
how this got started,

543
00:29:35,574 --> 00:29:38,744
but this is my goddamn
bachelor party,

544
00:29:38,845 --> 00:29:41,113
and I am not going
to goddamn watch,

545
00:29:41,213 --> 00:29:42,748
pardon my split infinitive,

546
00:29:42,849 --> 00:29:44,116
Funny Girl!

547
00:29:44,216 --> 00:29:46,886
Me neither.
I hate that crap.
Thank you!

548
00:29:46,986 --> 00:29:48,821
You got A Star Is Born?
Oh, sure.

549
00:29:48,921 --> 00:29:51,190
A Star Is Born?
She looks bad
in A Star Is Born.

550
00:29:51,290 --> 00:29:53,059
Yentl.
Yentl!

551
00:29:55,127 --> 00:29:57,296
I love Yentl!

552
00:29:57,396 --> 00:29:58,965
Yeah! "Papa,
can you hear me?"

553
00:30:00,632 --> 00:30:03,035
Dudes, hombres , guys!

554
00:30:03,135 --> 00:30:05,771
Guys, I'm sorry.
I am truly offended.

555
00:30:05,872 --> 00:30:07,373
I thought
I knew you guys.

556
00:30:07,473 --> 00:30:08,307
I thought
you were studs.

557
00:30:11,510 --> 00:30:12,578
I guess I thought wrong.

558
00:30:13,412 --> 00:30:14,280
I'm out of here.

559
00:30:15,982 --> 00:30:17,917
Aw, maybe he's right.
Yentl sucks.

560
00:30:19,551 --> 00:30:20,786
MAN 1: Ooh.

561
00:30:20,887 --> 00:30:21,954
MAN 2: Uh-oh.

562
00:30:23,389 --> 00:30:24,390
What did you say?

563
00:30:25,958 --> 00:30:27,026
Yentl. It sucks.
It's boring.

564
00:30:32,464 --> 00:30:33,599
Say that again.

565
00:30:38,470 --> 00:30:41,173
She was too old
for Yentl!

566
00:30:45,044 --> 00:30:46,612
(EVERYONE SHOUTING)

567
00:31:04,163 --> 00:31:07,033
(APPLAUSE)
I guess you heard
the latest story.

568
00:31:07,133 --> 00:31:09,301
Michael Jackson
getting married again.
Yes, it is true.

569
00:31:09,401 --> 00:31:11,370
And this time he's made
the perfect choice.

570
00:31:11,470 --> 00:31:13,405
Howard Brackett.
Yes, Howard Brackett.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

571
00:31:17,543 --> 00:31:18,945
This is Peter Malloy
with day two

572
00:31:19,045 --> 00:31:20,846
of "Howard Brackett,
will there be a wedding?"

573
00:31:20,947 --> 00:31:22,982
I'm standing
with Aldo Hooper,
Howard's barber.

574
00:31:23,082 --> 00:31:26,185
Stylist. Razor cuts,
color, full blow dry.

575
00:31:26,285 --> 00:31:28,387
That's very nice.
So, Aldo, what do you think?

576
00:31:28,487 --> 00:31:29,989
Will there be a wedding?

577
00:31:30,089 --> 00:31:32,258
Howard is booked
for Saturday.
A full styling.

578
00:31:32,358 --> 00:31:33,292
I say yes.

579
00:31:35,127 --> 00:31:37,396
Emmett Wilson,
who has just delivered
Howard's mail,

580
00:31:37,496 --> 00:31:39,999
his intimate
correspondence,
letters to alleged.

581
00:31:40,099 --> 00:31:41,567
Anything
we should know about?

582
00:31:41,667 --> 00:31:43,902
I can't reveal that.
I'm a postal employee.

583
00:31:44,470 --> 00:31:45,571
Don't make him mad.

584
00:31:45,671 --> 00:31:47,373
Of course Howard's
getting married.

585
00:31:47,473 --> 00:31:48,907
He's a man of his word.

586
00:31:49,508 --> 00:31:52,111
Is this national?
You bet.

587
00:31:52,211 --> 00:31:55,214
Please use
your full zip codes.

588
00:31:56,615 --> 00:31:58,484
Greenleaf High,
cradle of crisis.

589
00:31:58,584 --> 00:32:01,120
Howard's seniors,
youth in the crossfire.

590
00:32:01,220 --> 00:32:03,922
Tell us in your own
innocent young words,
is he gay?

591
00:32:04,023 --> 00:32:06,025
Oh, no.
No, he told us.

592
00:32:06,125 --> 00:32:08,294
It was all, like,
this big, huge mistake.

593
00:32:08,394 --> 00:32:11,197
It just happened 'cause
Mr. Brackett likes poetry
and Shakespeare

594
00:32:11,297 --> 00:32:13,432
and uses his napkin.
Unlike some people.

595
00:32:13,532 --> 00:32:15,901
What?
Teens in turmoil.

596
00:32:16,002 --> 00:32:17,369
And your message
to America?

597
00:32:17,469 --> 00:32:20,172
Greenleaf rules! Yeah!

598
00:32:20,272 --> 00:32:22,341
Kids on the edge.
A community in chaos.

599
00:32:22,441 --> 00:32:25,077
Indiana cries out.
Howard, can you hear?

600
00:32:32,051 --> 00:32:34,953
Uh, Howard,
you got a minute?

601
00:32:36,488 --> 00:32:37,523
(DOOR CLOSES)

602
00:32:39,025 --> 00:32:40,292
Howard, uh...

603
00:32:42,028 --> 00:32:43,495
Your, your life,
I mean, since...

604
00:32:44,763 --> 00:32:47,166
Since the Oscars
I can only imagine.

605
00:32:47,266 --> 00:32:48,934
Well, you know,
it's over now.

606
00:32:49,035 --> 00:32:51,103
It's fine.
It's just fine.

607
00:32:51,203 --> 00:32:53,139
It's all
ancient history.
Howard, we...

608
00:32:53,239 --> 00:32:56,242
We do have graduation
coming up Monday,
and you kind of,

609
00:32:57,576 --> 00:33:00,112
you know, put us right...
Right in the spotlight.
(CHUCKLES)

610
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,215
I'm so sorry, Tom.
This, this...

611
00:33:03,315 --> 00:33:06,218
Howard, I'd be
less than honest
if I didn't tell you

612
00:33:06,318 --> 00:33:08,454
that I've gotten
some calls from...

613
00:33:10,522 --> 00:33:12,358
From parents, uh,

614
00:33:12,458 --> 00:33:15,294
wondering if in fact
you were a ho...

615
00:33:15,727 --> 00:33:17,363
Ho...

616
00:33:17,463 --> 00:33:19,465
(STUTTERING) Ho...
H-ho...

617
00:33:19,565 --> 00:33:22,334
Home room teacher?
Homosexual.

618
00:33:24,203 --> 00:33:26,638
Tom, do I look
like a homosexual?

619
00:33:26,738 --> 00:33:28,407
Would you walk for me?

620
00:33:30,209 --> 00:33:31,210
Excuse me.

621
00:33:32,478 --> 00:33:33,312
Uh, Howard?

622
00:33:34,313 --> 00:33:35,614
Yes.

623
00:33:35,714 --> 00:33:37,416
Do you, do you
enjoy teaching?

624
00:33:39,085 --> 00:33:40,252
No, I don't enjoy it.

625
00:33:41,253 --> 00:33:42,688
(STAMMERING)
You, you don't?

626
00:33:42,788 --> 00:33:44,290
No, I love it.
It's my life.

627
00:33:45,357 --> 00:33:47,293
Then, then you'd,
uh, you'd miss it?

628
00:33:51,830 --> 00:33:54,233
Are, are you
threatening me?

629
00:33:54,633 --> 00:33:56,768
No, no. I'm...

630
00:33:56,868 --> 00:34:00,072
I'm your friend.
Friends don't threaten.

631
00:34:01,373 --> 00:34:02,308
No, they don't.

632
00:34:02,708 --> 00:34:04,143
Friends warn.

633
00:34:05,377 --> 00:34:06,478
And you, uh...

634
00:34:07,513 --> 00:34:09,481
You, you are getting
married, aren't you?

635
00:34:11,517 --> 00:34:14,453
But are you saying
that if I weren't
getting married

636
00:34:15,521 --> 00:34:16,488
I'd be fired?

637
00:34:18,824 --> 00:34:21,059
But that's not
an issue, is it?
No.

638
00:34:22,828 --> 00:34:24,196
Best wishes.

639
00:34:37,676 --> 00:34:39,611
Hi.
Bless you, my son.

640
00:34:39,711 --> 00:34:41,280
Thank you.

641
00:34:41,380 --> 00:34:42,481
Would you like
to tell me your sins?

642
00:34:43,282 --> 00:34:44,316
Yes.

643
00:34:44,416 --> 00:34:45,717
Yes.

644
00:34:45,817 --> 00:34:48,320
First of all,
I'm not Catholic.

645
00:34:48,420 --> 00:34:50,055
Well, then
why are you here?

646
00:34:50,156 --> 00:34:51,423
I have a friend
who's Catholic,
and he's very busy.

647
00:34:53,159 --> 00:34:54,326
Well, aren't you helpful?

648
00:34:55,527 --> 00:34:57,829
What are his,
you know, sins?
Your friend's?

649
00:34:57,929 --> 00:35:00,199
He's a,
he's a plumber,

650
00:35:00,299 --> 00:35:02,134
and, uh, he's about
to be married.

651
00:35:02,234 --> 00:35:04,069
He's been engaged
for three years.

652
00:35:04,170 --> 00:35:06,272
Well, caution
is a virtue.

653
00:35:06,372 --> 00:35:08,607
Yeah, but, see,
everyone's...

654
00:35:08,707 --> 00:35:12,411
Everyone's saying
something about him,
something that isn't true.

655
00:35:12,511 --> 00:35:15,214
I mean,
it's not a bad thing,
but he isn't that thing.

656
00:35:15,314 --> 00:35:17,082
Which thing?

657
00:35:17,183 --> 00:35:18,384
Which thing are people
saying about him?

658
00:35:19,651 --> 00:35:20,652
That, um...

659
00:35:22,221 --> 00:35:23,689
(WHISPERING)
That he's gay.

660
00:35:23,789 --> 00:35:24,856
That he's what?

661
00:35:25,857 --> 00:35:27,193
That he's gay.

662
00:35:27,793 --> 00:35:29,628
Oh! Oh, my. Oh, my.
Yeah.

663
00:35:29,728 --> 00:35:31,863
Oh, my, my, my, my.

664
00:35:31,963 --> 00:35:34,233
Well, that's rather
like that fellow
on the Oscars.

665
00:35:34,333 --> 00:35:37,869
That, uh,
Howard Brackett
from over at Greenleaf.

666
00:35:37,969 --> 00:35:39,771
Yeah, but it's not him.
This is a different guy.

667
00:35:39,871 --> 00:35:41,207
Well, what is it
he wants to know?

668
00:35:41,873 --> 00:35:44,142
He wants to know
what he should do.

669
00:35:44,243 --> 00:35:45,677
What is the right thing?
He needs to know...

670
00:35:46,778 --> 00:35:48,614
His mother's planning
this huge wedding

671
00:35:48,714 --> 00:35:50,782
with the whole town,

672
00:35:50,882 --> 00:35:52,784
and it's her whole life.

673
00:35:52,884 --> 00:35:57,223
It's gonna be beautiful,
but he, he...

674
00:35:57,323 --> 00:36:00,158
He, he love... He doesn't
want to leave this town.

675
00:36:00,859 --> 00:36:03,862
And, uh, he has
this wonderful fiancee

676
00:36:03,962 --> 00:36:07,399
who's sweet
and thin and...

677
00:36:07,499 --> 00:36:10,202
He just has never had
a physical relationship
with her.

678
00:36:10,302 --> 00:36:12,738
Never?
In three years?

679
00:36:12,838 --> 00:36:14,740
He respects her.
He's gay.

680
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:16,442
No, he's not.
Yes, he is.

681
00:36:16,542 --> 00:36:18,344
No, he can't... No.

682
00:36:19,311 --> 00:36:20,946
Well, then he must
go to her.

683
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:23,282
He's got to find out.

684
00:36:23,382 --> 00:36:25,584
He must be...
You know...

685
00:36:25,917 --> 00:36:27,453
Be with her.

686
00:36:27,986 --> 00:36:29,555
Huh?
Really?

687
00:36:29,655 --> 00:36:30,689
Mmm-hmm.

688
00:36:33,259 --> 00:36:34,460
Before the wedding?

689
00:36:36,595 --> 00:36:37,729
Godspeed, my son.

690
00:36:40,299 --> 00:36:41,833
WOMAN: (ON TV)
Now let's do Michael.

691
00:36:41,933 --> 00:36:43,235
* Michael, Michael,
Bo bicheal

692
00:36:43,335 --> 00:36:44,836
* Banana Fana
Fo fichael

693
00:36:44,936 --> 00:36:46,305
* Fee Fi Mo Michael
Michael

694
00:36:47,005 --> 00:36:49,408
* Michael Ha-ha-ha!

695
00:36:50,876 --> 00:36:52,511
* Donna, Donna,
Bo bonna *

696
00:36:53,044 --> 00:36:54,546
(POUNDING AT DOOR)
Oh!

697
00:36:58,817 --> 00:37:01,287
HOWARD: Emily! Emily!

698
00:37:01,387 --> 00:37:02,721
Howard.
Emily.

699
00:37:02,821 --> 00:37:03,989
Howard.

700
00:37:05,891 --> 00:37:07,493
Howard.
Howard.

701
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,529
We're getting married.
We are.

702
00:37:10,629 --> 00:37:12,230
We are getting married.
Of course we're getting...

703
00:37:13,031 --> 00:37:14,766
I'm glad we're getting
married, Howard.

704
00:37:14,866 --> 00:37:16,635
(MOANING)

705
00:37:18,604 --> 00:37:20,472
(GASPS)
Howard!

706
00:37:20,572 --> 00:37:21,807
Yeah! Who's gay, huh?

707
00:37:21,907 --> 00:37:23,375
(CHUCKLES)

708
00:37:23,842 --> 00:37:25,010
Howard.

709
00:37:30,816 --> 00:37:31,883
(SCREAMS)

710
00:37:31,983 --> 00:37:33,752
(WHIMPERS)

711
00:37:33,852 --> 00:37:36,455
Howard,
what is all this?

712
00:37:36,555 --> 00:37:38,690
I'm sorry. I'm under
a lot of pressure.

713
00:37:38,790 --> 00:37:40,726
I, uh... Could you
turn him off?

714
00:37:40,826 --> 00:37:42,494
Howard, Howard.
I can't.

715
00:37:42,594 --> 00:37:44,896
Howard, I love you.
I'm not worried.

716
00:37:44,996 --> 00:37:47,366
You don't understand.
Of course I do.

717
00:37:48,500 --> 00:37:51,803
Look at your life.
The Oscars, the press.

718
00:37:51,903 --> 00:37:53,839
It's no wonder
you're going crazy.

719
00:37:53,939 --> 00:37:55,574
But it doesn't matter.
Why not?

720
00:37:55,674 --> 00:37:58,810
Because I love you,
and we're getting married.

721
00:37:58,910 --> 00:38:00,579
You still want that,
Howard, don't you?

722
00:38:02,013 --> 00:38:04,683
That's why
I transformed myself,
isn't it?

723
00:38:05,951 --> 00:38:08,253
Do you want me
to start eating again?
No!

724
00:38:08,354 --> 00:38:11,423
I can, Howard!
I'm very fragile!

725
00:38:15,060 --> 00:38:16,428
I love you.

726
00:38:25,604 --> 00:38:27,706
(MUTTERING)

727
00:38:30,942 --> 00:38:32,043
(SIGHS)

728
00:38:36,582 --> 00:38:37,816
(HORN HONKS)

729
00:38:38,750 --> 00:38:40,352
(SCREAMS)

730
00:38:43,822 --> 00:38:45,056
Oh, my God! Howard!

731
00:38:45,691 --> 00:38:47,325
Howard, you okay?

732
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:51,697
No.
No, I'm not okay.

733
00:38:52,964 --> 00:38:54,332
I've never been
so not okay in my life.

734
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:56,435
I tried to stop. I...

735
00:38:57,403 --> 00:38:58,937
One week ago,
I was fine.

736
00:38:59,037 --> 00:39:00,772
I was... I was perfect.

737
00:39:03,775 --> 00:39:05,611
I want my life back!

738
00:39:05,711 --> 00:39:08,747
Well, that is not
going to happen, Howard.

739
00:39:08,847 --> 00:39:10,348
Your life has changed.

740
00:39:10,449 --> 00:39:13,318
But why?
Why is this happening?

741
00:39:13,419 --> 00:39:15,487
I haven't changed.
One little word,
and everybody changes.

742
00:39:15,587 --> 00:39:16,822
I'm still
the same person.

743
00:39:16,922 --> 00:39:18,924
Why doesn't anyone
believe me?

744
00:39:19,024 --> 00:39:20,959
Well, this town
is crazy about you.

745
00:39:21,059 --> 00:39:22,461
I've talked to everyone.

746
00:39:22,561 --> 00:39:24,530
Stop! That's it!
That's the problem!

747
00:39:24,630 --> 00:39:26,998
It's you! You're trying
to turn me into a story,

748
00:39:27,098 --> 00:39:29,334
into something juicy
for your show!

749
00:39:29,435 --> 00:39:31,503
Well, I am not
a sound bite!

750
00:39:31,603 --> 00:39:33,539
I'm...
Look, I'm... Oh.

751
00:39:34,473 --> 00:39:37,409
I am hurting the people
I care about.

752
00:39:37,509 --> 00:39:40,579
My students,
my family, Emily.
I love Emily!

753
00:39:40,679 --> 00:39:44,049
Well, then think about
what you're doing to her.

754
00:39:44,149 --> 00:39:46,718
Oh, will you, what...
It's like, you're like
talking to... I...

755
00:39:48,086 --> 00:39:49,621
Why am I talking
to you?

756
00:39:49,721 --> 00:39:51,623
You couldn't
possibly understand
what this is like!

757
00:39:51,723 --> 00:39:52,524
Howard, I'm gay.

758
00:39:54,460 --> 00:39:56,161
You're what?
I'm gay. I came out.

759
00:39:59,097 --> 00:40:01,900
To whom?
Who? To everyone.

760
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:05,103
My folks, my boss,
my dog.

761
00:40:05,203 --> 00:40:07,639
Yeah, one day,
I just snapped.

762
00:40:07,739 --> 00:40:10,041
I just got tired
of switching pronouns

763
00:40:10,141 --> 00:40:12,377
and remembering
to lower my voice,

764
00:40:12,478 --> 00:40:14,913
and I couldn't take
lying to the people
that I love.

765
00:40:15,013 --> 00:40:17,082
Does that sound
familiar?
No.

766
00:40:17,182 --> 00:40:20,586
So I just said,
"Mom, Dad, Sparky, I'm gay."

767
00:40:22,888 --> 00:40:23,722
What happened?

768
00:40:25,557 --> 00:40:28,059
Well, my mom cried
for exactly 10 seconds.

769
00:40:28,159 --> 00:40:29,595
My boss said,
"Who cares?"

770
00:40:29,695 --> 00:40:31,797
And my dad said,
"But you're so tall."

771
00:40:32,631 --> 00:40:35,066
Howard, everyone
surprised me

772
00:40:35,166 --> 00:40:37,803
once I let them,
once I trusted them.

773
00:40:38,203 --> 00:40:40,438
You know,

774
00:40:40,539 --> 00:40:42,941
sometimes the worst thing
you think can happen

775
00:40:43,041 --> 00:40:43,942
turns out to be
the best thing.

776
00:40:46,612 --> 00:40:48,514
For you.
For anyone.

777
00:40:48,614 --> 00:40:51,082
Yes, but I'm not gay!

778
00:40:51,182 --> 00:40:52,684
What was Streisand's
eighth album?

779
00:40:52,784 --> 00:40:54,620
Uh, Color Me Barbra.
Stud.

780
00:40:54,720 --> 00:40:57,022
Everyone knows that!
Everyone where?

781
00:40:57,122 --> 00:40:59,090
The little gay bar
on the prairie?

782
00:40:59,190 --> 00:41:00,425
You know
what you need?

783
00:41:00,526 --> 00:41:01,727
Yeah, I need a wedding!
I need...

784
00:41:18,043 --> 00:41:19,611
You... You...

785
00:41:24,716 --> 00:41:26,585
You kissed me.
You noticed.

786
00:41:28,587 --> 00:41:30,656
You, you...
This, this is not
Los Angeles.

787
00:41:31,590 --> 00:41:33,458
What, people don't kiss
in Greenleaf?

788
00:41:33,559 --> 00:41:35,927
Not at an intersection!
(HORN HONKS)

789
00:41:36,895 --> 00:41:39,565
Oh. Oh, stop.
Oh, hello, sweetheart!

790
00:41:39,665 --> 00:41:42,000
Mom!
Dad! Hi.

791
00:41:42,968 --> 00:41:44,636
Look, it's the cake.

792
00:41:44,736 --> 00:41:46,471
Yeah, well...
FRANK: Everything
okay there?

793
00:41:46,572 --> 00:41:47,873
Well, oh, yeah, fine.
We, uh...

794
00:41:47,973 --> 00:41:49,507
This is my Peter...
Friend, Peter.

795
00:41:49,608 --> 00:41:50,942
We just ran into each other
here at the intersexual...

796
00:41:51,042 --> 00:41:52,143
Homosection...

797
00:41:52,243 --> 00:41:53,812
Intersection.
I gotta go.

798
00:41:54,980 --> 00:41:59,184
Oh, it's that fella
from TV.
Thank you.

799
00:41:59,284 --> 00:42:01,653
Well, if you're Howard's
buddy, I do hope you'll be
coming to the wedding.

800
00:42:03,088 --> 00:42:04,055
The wedding.

801
00:42:04,990 --> 00:42:08,226
That's right.
Sunday morning, 9:00 a.m.

802
00:42:08,326 --> 00:42:09,828
I gotta go. I have
to prepare myself.

803
00:42:09,928 --> 00:42:11,096
It's formal, you know?

804
00:42:16,134 --> 00:42:17,669
(DOOR SLAMS)

805
00:42:28,179 --> 00:42:29,615
Okay.

806
00:42:30,148 --> 00:42:31,817
Okay. Okay.

807
00:42:41,827 --> 00:42:43,995
(DRAMATIC BRASS
INTRODUCTORY THEME)

808
00:42:45,396 --> 00:42:47,065
ANNOUNCER: Welcome
to our series

809
00:42:47,165 --> 00:42:48,700
on exploring
your masculinity.

810
00:42:49,668 --> 00:42:52,570
This is audio tape
number one.

811
00:42:52,671 --> 00:42:54,706
"Getting a grip."
(MUSIC ENDS)

812
00:42:54,806 --> 00:42:57,575
Are you dressed in
suitably masculine attire?

813
00:42:58,343 --> 00:42:59,678
Very.

814
00:42:59,778 --> 00:43:00,912
ANNOUNCER: Are you in control?

815
00:43:01,012 --> 00:43:02,313
Yes.

816
00:43:02,413 --> 00:43:04,049
ANNOUNCER: Are you
ready to take charge?

817
00:43:05,917 --> 00:43:07,585
Are you a man?

818
00:43:08,253 --> 00:43:10,055
Yes!

819
00:43:10,155 --> 00:43:11,122
ANNOUNCER: Stand up.

820
00:43:15,794 --> 00:43:17,328
Stand straight and tall.

821
00:43:18,964 --> 00:43:20,666
Excuse me,
are we a little teapot?

822
00:43:22,668 --> 00:43:23,902
Untuck your shirt.

823
00:43:26,071 --> 00:43:27,072
Just one side.

824
00:43:28,339 --> 00:43:29,741
(GROANS)

825
00:43:31,009 --> 00:43:32,610
ANNOUNCER: You hate this,
don't you?

826
00:43:33,011 --> 00:43:34,579
Well, look at it!

827
00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:35,647
ANNOUNCER:
You want to be neat.

828
00:43:36,181 --> 00:43:37,382
You want to be tidy.

829
00:43:38,216 --> 00:43:39,617
Adjust yourself.

830
00:43:41,820 --> 00:43:42,754
Not there.

831
00:43:43,354 --> 00:43:45,023
The package, sissy man.

832
00:43:45,991 --> 00:43:47,158
The family jewels.

833
00:43:50,228 --> 00:43:51,329
Grab 'em.

834
00:43:53,064 --> 00:43:55,633
Mmm.
ANNOUNCER:
You're in a barroom.

835
00:43:55,734 --> 00:43:57,635
Okay.
ANNOUNCER: Repeat after me.

836
00:43:58,069 --> 00:44:00,271
"Yo."
Yo!

837
00:44:00,371 --> 00:44:02,273
"Hot damn."
Hot damn!

838
00:44:02,373 --> 00:44:04,242
"What a fabulous
window treatment."

839
00:44:04,342 --> 00:44:05,744
What a fabulou...
That was a trick.

840
00:44:06,111 --> 00:44:09,114
Oh!
Damn!

841
00:44:09,214 --> 00:44:12,383
ANNOUNCER: We have come
to the most critical area
of masculine behavior.

842
00:44:12,483 --> 00:44:14,753
What?
Dancing.

843
00:44:14,853 --> 00:44:16,722
WOMAN: (SINGING)
* First I was afraid

844
00:44:16,822 --> 00:44:18,356
* I was petrified
Yes.

845
00:44:19,457 --> 00:44:21,927
ANNOUNCER:
Truly manly men do not dance.

846
00:44:22,427 --> 00:44:24,262
Oh, come on!

847
00:44:24,362 --> 00:44:25,897
ANNOUNCER:
Under any circumstances.

848
00:44:26,865 --> 00:44:29,034
This will be
your ultimate test.

849
00:44:29,134 --> 00:44:31,136
At all costs, avoid

850
00:44:31,236 --> 00:44:33,671
rhythm, grace,
and pleasure.

851
00:44:34,873 --> 00:44:37,743
Whatever you do,
do not dance.

852
00:44:37,843 --> 00:44:39,878
(SONG SPEEDS UP
WITH DISCO BEAT)

853
00:44:40,411 --> 00:44:41,913
I won't!

854
00:44:42,013 --> 00:44:43,815
ANNOUNCER:
Can you hear it?
Yes.

855
00:44:44,349 --> 00:44:46,752
Can you hear the demon?

856
00:44:46,852 --> 00:44:48,920
"Dance,"
the demon whispers.

857
00:44:49,888 --> 00:44:51,757
Everyone else
is dancing.

858
00:44:52,523 --> 00:44:54,192
They're getting down.

859
00:44:54,292 --> 00:44:55,794
They're getting funky now.

860
00:44:55,894 --> 00:44:57,162
They're having fun!

861
00:44:57,262 --> 00:44:59,097
Not you!
No.

862
00:44:59,197 --> 00:45:00,732
Catch the fever.

863
00:45:00,832 --> 00:45:03,134
Feel the heat
of the disco beat.

864
00:45:03,902 --> 00:45:05,403
It's calling to you.

865
00:45:05,503 --> 00:45:07,138
Do not listen!

866
00:45:07,238 --> 00:45:09,240
Men do not dance.

867
00:45:09,340 --> 00:45:11,309
They work, they drink,

868
00:45:11,409 --> 00:45:12,944
they have bad backs.

869
00:45:13,044 --> 00:45:14,279
They do not dance.

870
00:45:14,379 --> 00:45:16,281
Hold still. Hold tight.

871
00:45:16,381 --> 00:45:19,050
Whatever you do,
do not dance!

872
00:45:21,219 --> 00:45:22,387
* Hey, hey

873
00:45:22,487 --> 00:45:24,722
* I, I will survive

874
00:45:24,823 --> 00:45:25,957
ANNOUNCER:
What are you doing?

875
00:45:27,458 --> 00:45:29,928
Stop dancing,
you big ballerina!

876
00:45:31,196 --> 00:45:32,263
Stop waving those hands!

877
00:45:35,466 --> 00:45:37,202
Aren't you listening,
you pantywaist?

878
00:45:37,302 --> 00:45:38,436
Stop it!

879
00:45:38,536 --> 00:45:40,071
Stop shaking that booty!

880
00:45:42,273 --> 00:45:43,474
Be a man!

881
00:45:43,574 --> 00:45:45,276
Kick someone!
Punch someone!

882
00:45:46,177 --> 00:45:47,779
Bite someone's ear!

883
00:45:47,879 --> 00:45:49,147
(MUSIC PLAYING)

884
00:45:50,215 --> 00:45:51,249
Stop it!

885
00:45:51,349 --> 00:45:52,750
Get a grip!

886
00:45:53,819 --> 00:45:55,320
Think about John Wayne,

887
00:45:55,420 --> 00:45:57,322
Arnold Schwarzenegger.

888
00:45:57,422 --> 00:45:59,124
Arnold doesn't dance!

889
00:45:59,224 --> 00:46:00,158
He can barely walk.

890
00:46:01,192 --> 00:46:02,293
Stop it!

891
00:46:02,393 --> 00:46:03,461
Stop it!

892
00:46:03,561 --> 00:46:05,997
Just stop dancing!

893
00:46:06,097 --> 00:46:07,265
(MUSIC STOPS
ABRUPTLY)

894
00:46:08,099 --> 00:46:10,535
So how did you do,
pussy boy?

895
00:46:21,579 --> 00:46:23,614
(CHURCH BELLS CHIMING)

896
00:46:26,517 --> 00:46:28,153
Oh, is it all right?
Is my veil crooked?

897
00:46:28,253 --> 00:46:29,988
Oh, it's perfect.

898
00:46:30,088 --> 00:46:32,057
You're everything
I've ever dreamed of

899
00:46:32,157 --> 00:46:33,458
for a wedding and more.

900
00:46:33,558 --> 00:46:34,826
Do you have
an attorney?
Hush.

901
00:46:35,593 --> 00:46:37,062
You're radiant, dear.

902
00:46:38,396 --> 00:46:39,764
Oh, I just can't
believe it.

903
00:46:39,865 --> 00:46:40,999
It's really happening.

904
00:46:41,099 --> 00:46:42,333
My life.

905
00:46:42,433 --> 00:46:44,502
After all those years,
it's starting.

906
00:46:44,602 --> 00:46:46,204
My mom says
it won't last.

907
00:46:47,038 --> 00:46:48,339
Your mom
is an alcoholic.

908
00:46:57,182 --> 00:46:59,084
That's terrible.
That's terrible!

909
00:46:59,184 --> 00:47:00,418
Son, do you need
some help there?

910
00:47:00,518 --> 00:47:02,053
No, I'm fine.

911
00:47:02,153 --> 00:47:03,788
It's just that
the dry cleaners left
a shine on my trousers,

912
00:47:03,889 --> 00:47:06,324
and, uh, my right lapel
is slightly bent,

913
00:47:06,424 --> 00:47:08,426
and the laundry
did not use enough starch
in my shirt front.

914
00:47:08,526 --> 00:47:10,828
I mean, where are we,
the Ukraine?

915
00:47:10,929 --> 00:47:12,097
How can I get married
if I look like a hobo?

916
00:47:12,630 --> 00:47:14,065
Howard.

917
00:47:14,165 --> 00:47:15,333
I'm coming, dad.
I'm coming.
One minute.

918
00:47:18,636 --> 00:47:20,205
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

919
00:47:25,243 --> 00:47:26,611
WOMAN: Oh, there he is.

920
00:47:28,579 --> 00:47:29,847
Oh.

921
00:47:53,404 --> 00:47:55,873
(PLAYING THE WEDDING MARCH)

922
00:48:42,587 --> 00:48:43,921
PREACHER:
What a joyous morning.

923
00:48:44,355 --> 00:48:46,557
What a perfect day.

924
00:48:46,657 --> 00:48:49,460
What a gloriously
splendid occasion.

925
00:48:50,195 --> 00:48:51,196
(SOBS)

926
00:48:51,662 --> 00:48:53,931
Dearly, dearly beloved,

927
00:48:55,266 --> 00:48:57,902
we are gathered here
to join this wonderful couple

928
00:48:58,003 --> 00:48:59,404
in the state
of holiest matrimony

929
00:49:01,006 --> 00:49:02,140
before the eyes of God.

930
00:49:04,775 --> 00:49:06,911
Before we begin
the vows,

931
00:49:07,012 --> 00:49:09,314
is there anyone present
who knows of a reason

932
00:49:09,414 --> 00:49:12,417
why this couple
should not be joined
in holy wedlock?

933
00:49:15,253 --> 00:49:16,387
(COUGHING)

934
00:49:21,126 --> 00:49:21,993
Very good.

935
00:49:23,694 --> 00:49:24,962
Because
let us remember,

936
00:49:25,696 --> 00:49:27,365
a marriage is truly
a blessed event.

937
00:49:29,067 --> 00:49:31,402
It must be a union
based on deepest love,

938
00:49:32,570 --> 00:49:34,039
total kinship,

939
00:49:34,705 --> 00:49:36,741
and absolute honesty.

940
00:49:39,577 --> 00:49:40,411
Let us begin.

941
00:49:42,580 --> 00:49:44,249
Do, you, Emily,
take this man

942
00:49:44,349 --> 00:49:45,750
to be your lawfully
wedded husband,

943
00:49:46,684 --> 00:49:48,253
to have and to hold,

944
00:49:49,154 --> 00:49:50,255
till death do you part?

945
00:49:51,589 --> 00:49:52,490
I do.

946
00:49:53,458 --> 00:49:54,959
Oh.

947
00:49:55,060 --> 00:49:56,494
And do you, Howard...
Hmm?

948
00:49:56,594 --> 00:49:58,296
Take this woman
to be your lawfully
wedded wife

949
00:50:00,065 --> 00:50:01,499
to have and to hold

950
00:50:02,467 --> 00:50:04,001
till death
do you part?

951
00:50:07,738 --> 00:50:09,006
I'm gay.

952
00:50:11,376 --> 00:50:12,277
PREACHER: Pardon?

953
00:50:13,478 --> 00:50:15,012
(CROWD MURMURING)

954
00:50:23,721 --> 00:50:24,755
I'm...

955
00:50:25,856 --> 00:50:27,292
I'm gay.
You're what?

956
00:50:27,725 --> 00:50:29,026
He's gay.

957
00:50:29,394 --> 00:50:30,261
I heard him!

958
00:50:33,798 --> 00:50:35,100
Oh, uh...

959
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:37,168
Everyone, everyone.

960
00:50:37,268 --> 00:50:38,436
Um, what Howard
meant to say was

961
00:50:39,337 --> 00:50:41,172
he's having
a wonderful day.

962
00:50:41,639 --> 00:50:42,573
Mom.

963
00:50:47,278 --> 00:50:48,246
Dad.

964
00:50:56,587 --> 00:50:57,488
I'm gay.

965
00:51:05,563 --> 00:51:07,365
Oh. Whoa.

966
00:51:12,470 --> 00:51:14,172
(WHIMPERS)

967
00:51:36,294 --> 00:51:37,462
Seventy-five pounds.

968
00:51:38,163 --> 00:51:39,264
I lost 75 pounds.

969
00:51:40,498 --> 00:51:41,299
I'm a horrible person,

970
00:51:42,300 --> 00:51:43,334
and you have
every right to hate me.

971
00:51:43,834 --> 00:51:44,635
You should hate me.

972
00:51:45,503 --> 00:51:46,571
I want you to hate me.

973
00:51:46,671 --> 00:51:47,638
I insist that
you hate me!

974
00:51:48,373 --> 00:51:49,474
I'm, I'm scum,

975
00:51:49,574 --> 00:51:51,108
I'm garbage,
I'm vermin,

976
00:51:51,642 --> 00:51:53,444
and, and, and I'm sorry.

977
00:51:54,245 --> 00:51:55,346
You're sorry?

978
00:51:56,581 --> 00:51:57,648
You're sorry?

979
00:51:58,416 --> 00:51:59,650
After I, I...

980
00:52:00,785 --> 00:52:03,221
Wait for you for...
No!

981
00:52:04,189 --> 00:52:07,525
No! No!
Not just three years.

982
00:52:08,426 --> 00:52:10,361
My entire life!

983
00:52:10,461 --> 00:52:13,498
After I plan my future
around our wedding,

984
00:52:13,598 --> 00:52:18,269
after I base my entire
concept of self-esteem

985
00:52:18,369 --> 00:52:20,271
on the fact that you're
willing to marry me...

986
00:52:21,206 --> 00:52:22,440
And you're sorry?

987
00:52:23,541 --> 00:52:24,409
I'm sorry.

988
00:52:27,245 --> 00:52:28,813
Thank God
my parents are dead!

989
00:52:28,913 --> 00:52:30,147
This would've killed them!

990
00:52:36,887 --> 00:52:37,922
Are, are you...

991
00:52:39,524 --> 00:52:41,359
Are you really gay?

992
00:52:43,628 --> 00:52:44,662
Mmm-hmm.

993
00:52:44,762 --> 00:52:45,596
Mmm-hmm.

994
00:52:47,365 --> 00:52:48,266
Was...

995
00:52:49,500 --> 00:52:50,535
There...

996
00:52:50,635 --> 00:52:51,536
Oh...

997
00:52:53,571 --> 00:52:55,206
Any other time

998
00:52:55,306 --> 00:52:56,574
you might've
told me this?

999
00:52:59,844 --> 00:53:01,812
I'm wearing a wedding dress

1000
00:53:01,912 --> 00:53:04,181
which you picked out!

1001
00:53:04,749 --> 00:53:06,817
I, I, I
highlighted my hair

1002
00:53:06,917 --> 00:53:08,653
because you said
I needed shimmer!

1003
00:53:09,454 --> 00:53:10,755
I, I loved you

1004
00:53:10,855 --> 00:53:13,358
and believed you

1005
00:53:13,458 --> 00:53:15,426
and pretended
not to notice
the Streisand thing.

1006
00:53:16,661 --> 00:53:18,496
I thought you were
just creative.

1007
00:53:18,596 --> 00:53:20,164
I thought you were
just smarter than me

1008
00:53:20,265 --> 00:53:21,632
and more sensitive

1009
00:53:22,733 --> 00:53:24,735
and more interesting.

1010
00:53:24,835 --> 00:53:27,305
I thought you were
the most wonderful man
who ever lived.

1011
00:53:27,405 --> 00:53:30,741
I thought you could
just change my life

1012
00:53:30,841 --> 00:53:33,611
and show me
the whole world

1013
00:53:33,711 --> 00:53:35,813
and teach me

1014
00:53:35,913 --> 00:53:38,616
about art and life
and magic.

1015
00:53:38,716 --> 00:53:40,851
And I thought you could

1016
00:53:40,951 --> 00:53:43,454
make me feel like
a beautiful woman,

1017
00:53:44,489 --> 00:53:46,324
instead of the girl
nobody wanted.

1018
00:53:48,659 --> 00:53:50,628
Oh, no.
Emily.

1019
00:53:51,696 --> 00:53:52,563
But, but...

1020
00:53:53,564 --> 00:53:54,432
Emily. Emily.

1021
00:53:57,702 --> 00:54:00,338
Does anybody here know

1022
00:54:00,438 --> 00:54:02,473
how many times I've had
to watch Funny Lady?

1023
00:54:06,411 --> 00:54:08,813
It was a sequel.
She was under contract.

1024
00:54:09,980 --> 00:54:12,517
Fuck Barbra Streisand!

1025
00:54:13,451 --> 00:54:14,385
And you!

1026
00:54:15,753 --> 00:54:16,621
(CROWD GASPS)

1027
00:54:26,331 --> 00:54:27,632
HOWARD: Emily!

1028
00:54:31,802 --> 00:54:33,438
Emily. Emily.

1029
00:54:58,463 --> 00:55:01,699
Howard!
You did it!

1030
00:55:01,799 --> 00:55:03,534
I'm so proud of you.
Congratulations.

1031
00:55:04,034 --> 00:55:05,836
Congratulations?

1032
00:55:05,936 --> 00:55:07,538
I just destroyed
Emily's life!

1033
00:55:07,638 --> 00:55:08,773
I killed her!

1034
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:10,741
You saved her life.

1035
00:55:11,041 --> 00:55:12,309
Oh.

1036
00:55:12,877 --> 00:55:13,811
I don't believe it.

1037
00:55:13,911 --> 00:55:15,045
I...

1038
00:55:16,647 --> 00:55:18,483
I just came out...

1039
00:55:19,384 --> 00:55:20,718
At my wedding!

1040
00:55:21,652 --> 00:55:23,454
In front of everybody!

1041
00:55:23,554 --> 00:55:26,591
My family, my friends,
my mom, my dad.

1042
00:55:27,091 --> 00:55:28,593
Look at my hand.

1043
00:55:28,693 --> 00:55:29,960
It was fantastic!

1044
00:55:30,060 --> 00:55:31,462
It was a nightmare!

1045
00:55:31,562 --> 00:55:33,498
(STUTTERING)

1046
00:55:33,598 --> 00:55:35,700
I just demolished
my mother's dream wedding!

1047
00:55:35,800 --> 00:55:37,702
I'm, I'm, I'm a monster!

1048
00:55:37,802 --> 00:55:38,736
I'm, I'm a lunatic!

1049
00:55:38,836 --> 00:55:39,837
PETER: You're a hero,

1050
00:55:39,937 --> 00:55:41,939
and I've got
great footage!

1051
00:55:42,039 --> 00:55:43,441
I got
the whole thing!

1052
00:55:43,541 --> 00:55:45,309
Oh, is that what
this is all about?
Footage?

1053
00:55:45,410 --> 00:55:46,644
Here, I'll give you
your headline.

1054
00:55:47,945 --> 00:55:50,415
Howard Brackett
is a big homo,

1055
00:55:50,515 --> 00:55:53,384
queer, Mary,
sissy man!

1056
00:55:53,484 --> 00:55:55,786
He just came out at
his big church wedding!

1057
00:55:55,886 --> 00:55:58,456
Martha Stewart is furious!

1058
00:55:58,556 --> 00:55:59,690
There.
Is that what you want?

1059
00:55:59,790 --> 00:56:00,658
That was great stuff.

1060
00:56:16,641 --> 00:56:18,709
No. Tell him I really
appreciate the offer,

1061
00:56:18,809 --> 00:56:20,711
but I just don't think
I'm right for it.

1062
00:56:21,946 --> 00:56:24,381
This is Peter Malloy
for Inside Entertainment.

1063
00:56:24,482 --> 00:56:27,351
I'm standing
in front of Greenleaf's
First Methodist Church,

1064
00:56:27,452 --> 00:56:28,886
where Howard Brackett
has boldly declared,

1065
00:56:29,620 --> 00:56:30,888
"I don't."

1066
00:56:30,988 --> 00:56:33,491
WOMAN: Cam!
Come look at this!

1067
00:56:33,591 --> 00:56:36,360
Brackett, outed by
Cameron Drake at the Oscars,

1068
00:56:36,461 --> 00:56:38,596
today, to the amazement
of family and friends,

1069
00:56:38,696 --> 00:56:40,798
outed himself
at his own wedding.

1070
00:56:41,732 --> 00:56:43,634
You can imagine
the fireworks.

1071
00:56:43,734 --> 00:56:44,969
He's been besieged
by the media,

1072
00:56:45,069 --> 00:56:46,971
his job may be
in jeopardy,

1073
00:56:47,071 --> 00:56:49,907
and as for his fiancee,
fellow English teacher
Emily Montgomery,

1074
00:56:50,007 --> 00:56:51,542
well, who knows?

1075
00:56:51,976 --> 00:56:52,910
Miss Montgomery?

1076
00:56:54,011 --> 00:56:55,746
But the real question is,

1077
00:56:55,846 --> 00:56:57,548
where is Cameron Drake?

1078
00:56:58,649 --> 00:57:00,451
This is Peter Malloy
for Inside Entertainment.

1079
00:57:01,085 --> 00:57:02,520
You got to get
out of here.

1080
00:57:03,521 --> 00:57:04,522
Cam?

1081
00:57:04,889 --> 00:57:06,156
We got to go.

1082
00:57:06,891 --> 00:57:08,392
Go where?

1083
00:57:08,493 --> 00:57:09,927
Greenleaf,
because of what I said.

1084
00:57:10,995 --> 00:57:12,062
I got to see
what's going on.

1085
00:57:12,162 --> 00:57:13,564
I got to do something.

1086
00:57:13,664 --> 00:57:15,600
But I promised Isaac
I'd do his show.

1087
00:57:15,700 --> 00:57:17,167
The new collection
is this afternoon.

1088
00:57:17,267 --> 00:57:19,203
I have to shower
and vomit.

1089
00:57:24,642 --> 00:57:25,543
Man!

1090
00:57:25,943 --> 00:57:27,845
At his wedding.

1091
00:57:27,945 --> 00:57:28,879
Yeah, poor
Miss Montgomery.

1092
00:57:30,948 --> 00:57:32,149
So, I guess
Mr. Brackett's

1093
00:57:32,249 --> 00:57:34,519
really like that
Cameron guy said.

1094
00:57:34,619 --> 00:57:35,786
Uh, duh.

1095
00:57:35,886 --> 00:57:37,755
And you, like,
hung out with him.

1096
00:57:37,855 --> 00:57:39,524
He drove you to that
college interview.

1097
00:57:40,224 --> 00:57:42,727
Didn't you, like,
stay over somewhere?

1098
00:57:43,293 --> 00:57:45,596
But nothing happened.

1099
00:57:45,696 --> 00:57:47,464
I mean, I don't even
know the guy.

1100
00:57:47,932 --> 00:57:49,466
Not anymore.

1101
00:57:49,567 --> 00:57:51,569
Excuse me.
You don't know the guy?

1102
00:57:51,669 --> 00:57:53,470
He only got you
into college.

1103
00:57:53,571 --> 00:57:55,239
I mean, just last week,
he was only, like,
your total hero.

1104
00:57:55,906 --> 00:57:57,542
That was last week.

1105
00:57:57,775 --> 00:57:58,776
Guys...

1106
00:57:59,677 --> 00:58:01,679
We had a gay teacher
all year.

1107
00:58:02,947 --> 00:58:04,582
We have to face that

1108
00:58:05,249 --> 00:58:07,051
and move on
with our lives.

1109
00:58:07,151 --> 00:58:08,719
What are you
talking about?

1110
00:58:10,254 --> 00:58:11,656
WOMAN: Kids,
how was the wedding?

1111
00:58:13,891 --> 00:58:14,959
ALL: Fine!

1112
00:58:39,917 --> 00:58:42,687
You know,
I can understand
about Howard being gay,

1113
00:58:43,688 --> 00:58:45,522
but I will never,
ever understand,

1114
00:58:45,623 --> 00:58:47,858
as long as I live,
as God is my witness,

1115
00:58:48,859 --> 00:58:50,895
how could he not want
a wedding?

1116
00:58:52,597 --> 00:58:54,932
Oh, sweetie,
it's not your fault.

1117
00:58:55,833 --> 00:58:57,668
You have two boys.

1118
00:58:57,768 --> 00:58:59,503
You fed them the same,
you raised them the same,

1119
00:58:59,604 --> 00:59:00,805
and you loved them
the same.

1120
00:59:00,905 --> 00:59:01,839
And one of them is gay.

1121
00:59:03,073 --> 00:59:04,609
And the other one is...
Walter.

1122
00:59:06,844 --> 00:59:09,513
Howard was just
being honest,

1123
00:59:09,614 --> 00:59:12,049
clearing the air before
he made a real mess.

1124
00:59:12,149 --> 00:59:13,250
What's wrong with that?

1125
00:59:14,118 --> 00:59:16,921
What are we all
so afraid of?

1126
00:59:17,021 --> 00:59:20,290
What do we think
will happen if we all
just spill the beans?

1127
00:59:21,726 --> 00:59:23,928
Oh...
I don't know.

1128
00:59:24,929 --> 00:59:26,563
All right, I'll start.

1129
00:59:29,934 --> 00:59:31,101
My Rice Krispie treats

1130
00:59:32,202 --> 00:59:33,638
that I made
for the reception,

1131
00:59:35,706 --> 00:59:37,341
they're not my recipe.

1132
00:59:39,276 --> 00:59:40,811
It's Harriet Carter's.

1133
00:59:41,879 --> 00:59:44,281
After she died from
that massive embolism,

1134
00:59:45,049 --> 00:59:46,283
a lie was born.

1135
00:59:48,919 --> 00:59:50,855
These are
a dead woman's treats.

1136
00:59:51,388 --> 00:59:52,923
(GASPING)

1137
00:59:53,357 --> 00:59:54,591
Oh, my.

1138
00:59:58,963 --> 00:59:59,864
All right.

1139
01:00:00,665 --> 01:00:02,833
I'll say it
right out loud.

1140
01:00:05,402 --> 01:00:08,038
I hated The Bridges
of Madison County.

1141
01:00:11,375 --> 01:00:13,277
My husband
has three testicles.

1142
01:00:13,377 --> 01:00:14,879
(GASPING)

1143
01:00:16,246 --> 01:00:17,147
Bob?

1144
01:00:19,116 --> 01:00:19,950
It's disgusting.

1145
01:00:22,052 --> 01:00:23,788
(LAUGHING)

1146
01:00:28,092 --> 01:00:29,026
Oh.

1147
01:00:29,994 --> 01:00:32,162
(ALL LAUGHING)

1148
01:00:34,865 --> 01:00:35,966
Oh!

1149
01:00:36,066 --> 01:00:37,134
I love this.

1150
01:00:37,234 --> 01:00:39,036
(LAUGHING)

1151
01:00:50,080 --> 01:00:51,081
Howard?

1152
01:01:21,111 --> 01:01:22,012
So?

1153
01:01:24,849 --> 01:01:25,783
So.

1154
01:01:30,420 --> 01:01:31,956
Are you still gay?

1155
01:01:34,391 --> 01:01:35,692
Yep.

1156
01:01:40,998 --> 01:01:42,466
Are you going to have
an operation?

1157
01:01:43,100 --> 01:01:44,001
Excuse me?

1158
01:01:44,902 --> 01:01:47,071
Will you be going
into show business?

1159
01:01:48,072 --> 01:01:49,173
Absolutely.

1160
01:01:49,273 --> 01:01:50,240
Vegas.

1161
01:01:51,976 --> 01:01:53,043
I'm making
an effort here.

1162
01:01:54,411 --> 01:01:55,980
I know, Dad.

1163
01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:57,214
I'm a farmer.

1164
01:02:00,050 --> 01:02:01,351
Your mother asked me
to come here.

1165
01:02:01,451 --> 01:02:02,719
She's worried about you.

1166
01:02:02,820 --> 01:02:03,954
She's afraid
you're not eating.

1167
01:02:07,191 --> 01:02:08,793
She sent you this.

1168
01:02:09,193 --> 01:02:10,294
What is it?

1169
01:02:10,394 --> 01:02:11,996
Wedding cake.

1170
01:02:12,096 --> 01:02:13,363
She's diabolical.

1171
01:02:13,463 --> 01:02:14,899
She's insane.

1172
01:02:19,970 --> 01:02:21,906
Will, uh...

1173
01:02:22,006 --> 01:02:24,074
...we be seeing you at
the graduation tomorrow?

1174
01:02:26,877 --> 01:02:28,312
I got a call
right after the wedding,

1175
01:02:28,412 --> 01:02:29,914
or after there was
no wedding.

1176
01:02:31,081 --> 01:02:31,982
They fired me.

1177
01:02:42,459 --> 01:02:43,928
You taught those kids.

1178
01:02:46,563 --> 01:02:48,398
If you're not there,

1179
01:02:48,498 --> 01:02:49,766
what are they
going to think?

1180
01:02:51,268 --> 01:02:52,937
I don't know.

1181
01:02:57,107 --> 01:02:58,108
(SIGHS)

1182
01:02:59,309 --> 01:03:02,279
That Barbra Streisand,
did she do something to you?

1183
01:03:02,379 --> 01:03:03,280
Dad.

1184
01:03:09,253 --> 01:03:10,855
(DOOR CLOSES)

1185
01:03:11,288 --> 01:03:12,322
CAMERON: Thank you.

1186
01:03:13,290 --> 01:03:14,191
Cam.

1187
01:03:16,226 --> 01:03:17,161
Cam!

1188
01:03:20,530 --> 01:03:23,533
Cameron,
where are we?

1189
01:03:23,633 --> 01:03:25,202
I told you.
It's a motel.

1190
01:03:27,938 --> 01:03:30,307
Cameron, you don't
seem to realize.

1191
01:03:31,175 --> 01:03:32,809
I am a supermodel.

1192
01:03:33,143 --> 01:03:34,211
I am Sonya!

1193
01:03:34,611 --> 01:03:36,380
And I'm in a motel

1194
01:03:36,480 --> 01:03:38,315
in Greenblatt?

1195
01:03:38,415 --> 01:03:39,950
Greenleaf. This is
where I grew up.

1196
01:03:40,317 --> 01:03:41,886
I don't care!

1197
01:03:41,986 --> 01:03:45,089
Sonya, we're here
to help someone.

1198
01:03:45,189 --> 01:03:46,490
For once, we're going
to think about something

1199
01:03:46,590 --> 01:03:48,358
besides our careers
and our hair.

1200
01:03:50,060 --> 01:03:51,295
We're going to help
Mr. Brackett,
if I can find him.

1201
01:03:55,365 --> 01:03:56,266
Cam!

1202
01:03:56,633 --> 01:03:57,868
Cam.

1203
01:03:58,402 --> 01:03:59,836
Cameron,
where are you going?

1204
01:04:00,437 --> 01:04:01,338
Cam.

1205
01:04:02,572 --> 01:04:03,908
You can't just
leave me here.

1206
01:04:06,143 --> 01:04:07,111
There's a diner
down the block.

1207
01:04:07,978 --> 01:04:09,179
Go eat something.
I'm begging you.

1208
01:04:12,116 --> 01:04:13,117
You look like
a swizzle stick.

1209
01:04:13,918 --> 01:04:14,851
It's unhealthy.

1210
01:04:15,585 --> 01:04:16,853
Food?

1211
01:04:17,354 --> 01:04:18,588
Cameron,

1212
01:04:18,688 --> 01:04:20,624
I'm warning you.
I'm calling my agency.

1213
01:04:36,340 --> 01:04:37,241
Cam!

1214
01:04:38,542 --> 01:04:41,411
(TIRES SQUEAL)

1215
01:04:50,420 --> 01:04:51,888
Well, can I get a drink?

1216
01:04:54,258 --> 01:04:55,159
Uh...

1217
01:04:57,194 --> 01:04:58,328
What kind?

1218
01:04:58,428 --> 01:05:00,297
Let's see.
What kind? Uh...

1219
01:05:01,265 --> 01:05:02,132
Is vodka okay?

1220
01:05:02,967 --> 01:05:04,434
That's right.
Straight up.

1221
01:05:06,370 --> 01:05:08,272
And, uh...
Some peanuts,

1222
01:05:09,173 --> 01:05:10,040
lots of them.

1223
01:05:11,008 --> 01:05:12,242
I don't care about
anything anymore.

1224
01:05:13,310 --> 01:05:14,678
EMILY: What else have you
got back there?

1225
01:05:15,279 --> 01:05:16,313
I just want to eat.

1226
01:05:17,381 --> 01:05:18,248
I just want to gorge.

1227
01:05:19,349 --> 01:05:20,184
Hey, thanks.

1228
01:05:26,690 --> 01:05:27,691
You're from TV.

1229
01:05:30,494 --> 01:05:31,895
Guilty.

1230
01:05:31,996 --> 01:05:34,064
You're that guy.
What are you doing here?

1231
01:05:34,498 --> 01:05:35,632
Well...

1232
01:05:35,732 --> 01:05:38,268
I am getting drunk.

1233
01:05:39,269 --> 01:05:42,372
I had a bad day.
A very, very bad day.

1234
01:05:44,541 --> 01:05:46,176
Excuse me?

1235
01:05:46,643 --> 01:05:48,478
You win.
I hate men.

1236
01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:52,082
(EMILY CRYING)

1237
01:05:52,549 --> 01:05:54,184
Am I so repulsive

1238
01:05:55,019 --> 01:05:56,320
that no man
would want me?

1239
01:05:56,620 --> 01:05:58,022
No!

1240
01:05:58,688 --> 01:06:00,057
You're very attractive.

1241
01:06:02,126 --> 01:06:05,129
Howard didn't think so.
Howard didn't want me.

1242
01:06:06,230 --> 01:06:07,097
Listen to me.

1243
01:06:10,567 --> 01:06:13,203
Now, this is
Howard's problem,
not yours,

1244
01:06:14,304 --> 01:06:15,305
and he should've
told you.

1245
01:06:16,373 --> 01:06:17,307
Years ago.

1246
01:06:20,310 --> 01:06:21,245
Okay?

1247
01:06:30,354 --> 01:06:31,455
I love you.

1248
01:06:32,456 --> 01:06:33,257
You're nice.

1249
01:06:35,059 --> 01:06:37,961
I'm not nice.
I'm a hack.

1250
01:06:38,062 --> 01:06:39,363
I'm show business
garbage.

1251
01:06:44,834 --> 01:06:46,170
Will you sleep with me?

1252
01:06:54,344 --> 01:06:55,245
What?

1253
01:06:57,781 --> 01:07:00,184
Three years!

1254
01:07:00,284 --> 01:07:01,318
Oh, my god.

1255
01:07:01,418 --> 01:07:04,321
Three years of sunsets

1256
01:07:04,421 --> 01:07:06,056
and long talks

1257
01:07:06,156 --> 01:07:08,392
and loving, supportive
friendship!

1258
01:07:08,492 --> 01:07:11,027
Oh, my God!
This is
my wedding night!

1259
01:07:11,628 --> 01:07:13,563
I'm there!
I'm ready!

1260
01:07:13,663 --> 01:07:15,265
This is
a medical condition!

1261
01:07:15,632 --> 01:07:17,267
Gee, thank you,

1262
01:07:17,367 --> 01:07:19,303
but, uh, I can't.

1263
01:07:19,403 --> 01:07:20,670
What, are you married?
Are you seeing someone?

1264
01:07:20,770 --> 01:07:22,038
I don't care!

1265
01:07:22,139 --> 01:07:23,240
No, I...
You're a man!

1266
01:07:23,340 --> 01:07:24,241
I'm a woman!

1267
01:07:25,242 --> 01:07:26,076
I'm gay.

1268
01:07:33,117 --> 01:07:36,220
EMILY: Is everybody gay?

1269
01:07:37,287 --> 01:07:39,223
Is this
The Twilight Zone?

1270
01:07:40,490 --> 01:07:42,259
Ooh! Oh, hey!

1271
01:07:42,592 --> 01:07:44,594
Oh! Oh, hi!

1272
01:07:44,694 --> 01:07:46,796
Hi! Will you
marry me?

1273
01:07:47,431 --> 01:07:48,798
I have the dress!

1274
01:07:48,898 --> 01:07:50,300
I have
the plane tickets!

1275
01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:52,068
I'm packed!

1276
01:07:55,372 --> 01:07:56,273
Stop!

1277
01:07:56,840 --> 01:07:58,708
Stop! Please!

1278
01:07:58,808 --> 01:08:00,410
Stop!
You have to stop!

1279
01:08:00,510 --> 01:08:02,212
It's an emergency!

1280
01:08:02,312 --> 01:08:05,215
I need a heterosexual,
code red!

1281
01:08:05,315 --> 01:08:07,251
(HONKS HORN)
(TIRES SCREECHING)

1282
01:08:07,351 --> 01:08:08,285
Oh!

1283
01:08:09,553 --> 01:08:11,355
(EMILY CRYING)

1284
01:08:11,455 --> 01:08:13,089
Miss, are you okay?

1285
01:08:14,424 --> 01:08:15,225
Do you need help?

1286
01:08:16,393 --> 01:08:18,061
No, no, no!

1287
01:08:18,162 --> 01:08:19,363
I'm just beyond help!

1288
01:08:20,197 --> 01:08:21,398
I'm, I'm
just a grinch!

1289
01:08:22,399 --> 01:08:23,233
I'm a jinx!

1290
01:08:23,700 --> 01:08:25,169
(SOBBING)

1291
01:08:32,309 --> 01:08:34,110
Miss... Miss Montgomery?

1292
01:08:45,455 --> 01:08:46,523
Cameron?

1293
01:08:51,961 --> 01:08:53,397
Oh, my God.

1294
01:08:53,830 --> 01:08:55,232
Cameron?

1295
01:08:57,201 --> 01:08:58,235
What happened to you?

1296
01:09:00,737 --> 01:09:02,172
Well...

1297
01:09:02,272 --> 01:09:03,907
Well, everything! I...

1298
01:09:04,508 --> 01:09:06,276
Well, you won the Oscar

1299
01:09:06,376 --> 01:09:08,545
and you said
Howard was gay

1300
01:09:08,645 --> 01:09:10,280
and I didn't believe you

1301
01:09:10,380 --> 01:09:12,449
and I had
no self-esteem!
No, I, I mean your...

1302
01:09:13,817 --> 01:09:15,185
Your body.
What happened?

1303
01:09:15,585 --> 01:09:16,420
Well...

1304
01:09:16,986 --> 01:09:18,322
Well, what happened?

1305
01:09:19,489 --> 01:09:20,890
I was fat!

1306
01:09:21,525 --> 01:09:23,427
And I, and I...

1307
01:09:23,527 --> 01:09:25,829
Swore I'd become
someone else tonight!

1308
01:09:25,929 --> 01:09:29,866
I did, and now I'm more
miserable than ever.

1309
01:09:29,966 --> 01:09:32,202
And I'm a mess,

1310
01:09:32,302 --> 01:09:35,205
and I'm starving!

1311
01:09:35,772 --> 01:09:36,606
But, but why?

1312
01:09:37,907 --> 01:09:39,175
Why did you want
to change?

1313
01:09:40,377 --> 01:09:42,712
You, you were
so beautiful.

1314
01:09:47,517 --> 01:09:48,418
I was?

1315
01:09:49,253 --> 01:09:50,387
I, I mean,
you still are.

1316
01:09:50,820 --> 01:09:51,621
You always were.

1317
01:09:53,323 --> 01:09:54,924
It's just skinny girls
can be so annoying
sometimes.

1318
01:09:56,393 --> 01:09:57,627
Oh, I mean,
but you're not.

1319
01:10:00,397 --> 01:10:01,498
You're, you're just like
I remember you

1320
01:10:02,266 --> 01:10:03,233
from after school.

1321
01:10:05,869 --> 01:10:06,736
You remember?

1322
01:10:09,306 --> 01:10:13,209
"But soft, what light
through yonder
window breaks?

1323
01:10:13,877 --> 01:10:15,745
"It is the east,
and Juliet is the sun."

1324
01:10:17,414 --> 01:10:18,348
Huh.

1325
01:10:19,416 --> 01:10:20,684
"How camest thou hither?

1326
01:10:22,419 --> 01:10:23,320
"Tell me.

1327
01:10:24,654 --> 01:10:25,655
"And wherefore?"

1328
01:10:30,059 --> 01:10:32,629
"With love's light wings
did I o'erperch
these walls

1329
01:10:38,768 --> 01:10:40,637
"For stony limits
cannot hold love in."

1330
01:10:43,006 --> 01:10:44,240
Out.

1331
01:10:46,810 --> 01:10:48,244
"Cannot hold love out."

1332
01:11:05,795 --> 01:11:06,763
I can't.
You're a student.

1333
01:11:07,564 --> 01:11:08,632
Not anymore.

1334
01:11:28,918 --> 01:11:29,819
EMILY: I've seen
all your movies.

1335
01:11:31,688 --> 01:11:32,622
CAMERON: Both of them?

1336
01:11:48,071 --> 01:11:49,639
GIRL: Kim, Karen,
wait up!

1337
01:11:53,377 --> 01:11:55,278
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

1338
01:11:55,379 --> 01:11:56,312
BOY: Let's go,
it's starting!

1339
01:11:56,980 --> 01:11:57,814
GIRL: Is my cap
on straight?

1340
01:12:21,671 --> 01:12:22,739
Hey, Jack.

1341
01:12:28,412 --> 01:12:29,879
Hey, Mr. Brackett.

1342
01:12:31,881 --> 01:12:32,882
Big day.

1343
01:12:33,750 --> 01:12:35,318
Yeah.

1344
01:12:35,419 --> 01:12:36,453
Yeah, I, I can't
believe it.

1345
01:12:38,755 --> 01:12:40,356
Congratulations.

1346
01:12:41,491 --> 01:12:42,626
Yeah, thanks.
Jack!

1347
01:12:43,092 --> 01:12:44,394
Come on,
we're late!

1348
01:12:45,128 --> 01:12:46,463
Good luck next year.

1349
01:12:47,997 --> 01:12:49,999
You, too.

1350
01:12:50,099 --> 01:12:51,367
Indiana State
is lucky to have you.

1351
01:13:04,147 --> 01:13:07,617
* Hail to thee
O Greenleaf High

1352
01:13:08,117 --> 01:13:12,422
* 'Neath the Indiana sky

1353
01:13:12,522 --> 01:13:15,492
* Through thy halls
we spent our youth

1354
01:13:16,493 --> 01:13:20,497
* Seeking knowledge
learning truth

1355
01:13:20,597 --> 01:13:24,701
* Like a friend
who walks beside us

1356
01:13:24,801 --> 01:13:29,005
* Greenleaf High
will always guide us

1357
01:13:29,105 --> 01:13:33,477
* We will love thee
till we die

1358
01:13:33,577 --> 01:13:39,415
* Hail to thee
O Greenleaf High *

1359
01:13:40,750 --> 01:13:43,887
(APPLAUSE)

1360
01:13:46,723 --> 01:13:50,426
That song always, uh,
reminds me of our...

1361
01:13:51,495 --> 01:13:52,862
Our school motto...

1362
01:13:54,664 --> 01:13:58,434
Studiare,
imparare, partire.

1363
01:14:00,169 --> 01:14:04,641
Study, learn, leave.

1364
01:14:05,942 --> 01:14:08,077
Now, before we begin
handing out diplomas,

1365
01:14:08,177 --> 01:14:10,413
I have an announcement
to make.

1366
01:14:10,514 --> 01:14:12,582
We've, uh...
(CROWD MURMURS)

1367
01:14:16,052 --> 01:14:17,621
Well, we've, uh...

1368
01:14:18,287 --> 01:14:20,557
We've had quite a year,
haven't we?

1369
01:14:20,657 --> 01:14:24,694
Uh, but let's begin
our ceremony on a high note.

1370
01:14:25,762 --> 01:14:27,697
We're awfully proud,
of course,

1371
01:14:27,797 --> 01:14:30,133
of our Oscar-winning
graduate,

1372
01:14:30,233 --> 01:14:32,001
but today, we have, uh...

1373
01:14:33,937 --> 01:14:35,572
Another winner,
if you will.

1374
01:14:36,540 --> 01:14:39,643
That's right.
Our teacher of the year.

1375
01:14:40,810 --> 01:14:42,078
And, uh,
what do they say?

1376
01:14:42,178 --> 01:14:44,548
May I have the envelope,
please?

1377
01:14:46,816 --> 01:14:48,484
(DRUM ROLL)

1378
01:14:49,318 --> 01:14:50,887
The, uh,
the winner is...

1379
01:14:52,889 --> 01:14:54,624
I get so nervous here.

1380
01:14:54,724 --> 01:14:55,992
Can you hear
my heart beating?

1381
01:14:56,092 --> 01:14:56,960
(LAUGHING)

1382
01:14:59,829 --> 01:15:01,865
Seriously, though,
ladies and gentlemen,

1383
01:15:01,965 --> 01:15:04,668
our brand-new
teacher of the year,

1384
01:15:06,202 --> 01:15:08,037
Edward Kenrow.

1385
01:15:08,938 --> 01:15:10,139
No.

1386
01:15:10,239 --> 01:15:11,808
(EDWARD LAUGHS)

1387
01:15:15,144 --> 01:15:16,746
This is
such a surprise.

1388
01:15:16,846 --> 01:15:17,781
Ed, Ed, Ed.

1389
01:15:18,782 --> 01:15:19,649
Thank you, Tom.

1390
01:15:22,018 --> 01:15:23,653
Hoosiers.

1391
01:15:23,753 --> 01:15:26,489
What is the definition
of a Hoosier?

1392
01:15:26,590 --> 01:15:28,057
Well...
Uh, Mr. Kenrow?

1393
01:15:29,025 --> 01:15:30,960
Excuse me?

1394
01:15:31,060 --> 01:15:34,598
Mr. Kenrow, I guess
I'm a recent Greenleaf
graduate.

1395
01:15:35,364 --> 01:15:37,100
Oh, my god,
it's Cameron Drake!

1396
01:15:37,200 --> 01:15:39,068
(GIRLS SCREAMING)

1397
01:15:39,168 --> 01:15:40,704
GIRL: It's Cameron!

1398
01:15:44,073 --> 01:15:45,809
Guys, please, please.

1399
01:15:51,247 --> 01:15:52,849
People!

1400
01:15:52,949 --> 01:15:54,851
Can we have a little
respect here?

1401
01:15:54,951 --> 01:15:57,286
We have our teacher,
our teacher of the year.

1402
01:15:57,386 --> 01:16:00,123
(CROWD CHEERING WILDLY)

1403
01:16:00,223 --> 01:16:01,858
Guys, please, please.

1404
01:16:03,159 --> 01:16:04,093
Uh...

1405
01:16:04,828 --> 01:16:06,896
Man, I am...

1406
01:16:06,996 --> 01:16:08,865
I'm really sorry to
interrupt graduation
and everything.

1407
01:16:10,299 --> 01:16:11,735
I was looking
for Mr. Brackett.

1408
01:16:12,301 --> 01:16:13,937
Hey, Mr. Brackett.

1409
01:16:15,772 --> 01:16:17,040
Uh, Cameron.

1410
01:16:17,140 --> 01:16:19,042
Mr. Brackett, weren't
you up for this teacher
of the year thing?

1411
01:16:19,142 --> 01:16:20,276
No, uh...

1412
01:16:20,376 --> 01:16:22,245
Withdrawn. Tom.

1413
01:16:22,345 --> 01:16:23,913
Uh, ineligible.

1414
01:16:25,148 --> 01:16:26,716
Mr. Brackett is...

1415
01:16:26,816 --> 01:16:29,052
He's no longer,
no longer an employee here.

1416
01:16:29,786 --> 01:16:31,187
What?

1417
01:16:31,287 --> 01:16:32,656
Oh, why?
What happened?

1418
01:16:33,222 --> 01:16:35,291
He resigned.
Sadly.

1419
01:16:36,893 --> 01:16:38,561
It's fine, Cameron.
It's all over
and done with.

1420
01:16:38,662 --> 01:16:39,963
Today belongs
to the students.

1421
01:16:40,063 --> 01:16:42,298
Yes, this is
for the kids,
for the youngsters.

1422
01:16:42,398 --> 01:16:43,900
They canned him?

1423
01:16:44,000 --> 01:16:46,135
Wait, is this
about the Oscars
and the gay thing?

1424
01:16:46,235 --> 01:16:47,303
No.

1425
01:16:47,403 --> 01:16:49,038
No. No, no, no.

1426
01:16:50,339 --> 01:16:52,041
Then, what is it?

1427
01:16:52,141 --> 01:16:53,643
Well, we, we felt...

1428
01:16:53,743 --> 01:16:58,114
The, the community, uh,
felt that it was...

1429
01:16:58,214 --> 01:16:59,649
It was a question
of, of, uh...

1430
01:17:01,184 --> 01:17:02,618
Influence.

1431
01:17:04,287 --> 01:17:05,955
I'm sorry.
I'm a little slow.

1432
01:17:06,956 --> 01:17:10,059
I was a "C" student,
and now I'm an actor, so...

1433
01:17:10,894 --> 01:17:12,361
Influence?

1434
01:17:12,461 --> 01:17:14,731
Well, you know, I mean,
it's all right to be,

1435
01:17:14,831 --> 01:17:17,633
uh, this way
or that way at home,

1436
01:17:18,201 --> 01:17:19,803
you know, in, in your,

1437
01:17:19,903 --> 01:17:22,038
in your private area,
arena, arena.

1438
01:17:23,106 --> 01:17:24,908
But, uh, but, uh,

1439
01:17:25,008 --> 01:17:27,711
Mr. Brackett,
after all, is, was...

1440
01:17:28,244 --> 01:17:29,078
Uh, a teacher.

1441
01:17:30,246 --> 01:17:31,881
CAMERON: Oh, I see, I see.

1442
01:17:31,981 --> 01:17:33,116
So you're thinking
about the students?

1443
01:17:34,050 --> 01:17:35,819
Yes. Yes, that's,
that's what...

1444
01:17:35,919 --> 01:17:37,086
That's what
this is all about.

1445
01:17:38,788 --> 01:17:40,156
Oh, okay, so,
all right, so, um,

1446
01:17:40,256 --> 01:17:41,357
stay with me here, then.

1447
01:17:41,457 --> 01:17:42,726
So what
you're saying then is

1448
01:17:43,392 --> 01:17:45,161
since Mr. Brackett's gay,

1449
01:17:45,261 --> 01:17:47,897
that he's going
to, like, send out

1450
01:17:47,997 --> 01:17:49,699
some kind of
voodoo vibes

1451
01:17:49,799 --> 01:17:52,802
or, uh, gay microwaves

1452
01:17:52,902 --> 01:17:55,638
and, uh, make
everybody else gay?

1453
01:17:55,739 --> 01:17:58,875
Well, in a, in a,
in a crude manner
of speaking.

1454
01:17:58,975 --> 01:18:00,944
Well, seniors,
you've all had Mr. Brackett.

1455
01:18:01,911 --> 01:18:03,412
Is that the way it works?

1456
01:18:03,512 --> 01:18:06,082
Kids, you don't have
to answer that question.

1457
01:18:06,182 --> 01:18:08,051
It's not the time
and place to discuss
and answer that.

1458
01:18:08,151 --> 01:18:09,919
AVA: It's a completely
inappropriate forum
to discuss this.

1459
01:18:10,019 --> 01:18:12,088
This is still
a graduation ceremony.

1460
01:18:12,188 --> 01:18:14,023
May I please finish
my acceptance speech?

1461
01:18:14,123 --> 01:18:15,658
Hoosiers.

1462
01:18:15,759 --> 01:18:18,061
What is the definition
of a Hoosier?

1463
01:18:18,161 --> 01:18:19,395
Well, way back in...

1464
01:18:19,495 --> 01:18:20,830
STUDENT: Excuse me, I'm gay!

1465
01:18:25,201 --> 01:18:26,069
Who said that?

1466
01:18:31,975 --> 01:18:32,842
Jack.

1467
01:18:40,016 --> 01:18:41,717
I had Mr. Brackett
for senior English.

1468
01:18:43,452 --> 01:18:44,120
He taught me
Shakespeare.

1469
01:18:46,222 --> 01:18:47,824
Well, he was
my track coach,

1470
01:18:47,924 --> 01:18:49,292
and he also helped me
get into college.

1471
01:18:52,261 --> 01:18:55,098
I just realized that
what Mr. Halliwell
said is right.

1472
01:18:59,168 --> 01:19:00,069
It must've rubbed off.

1473
01:19:01,270 --> 01:19:02,138
I'm gay.

1474
01:19:03,339 --> 01:19:04,908
(CROWD MURMURS)

1475
01:19:05,008 --> 01:19:06,442
You see? This is
exactly my point.

1476
01:19:06,542 --> 01:19:07,743
A young life corrupted.

1477
01:19:07,844 --> 01:19:09,145
Thank you.
Very brave.

1478
01:19:09,412 --> 01:19:10,413
Oh!

1479
01:19:10,513 --> 01:19:11,747
Oh, my god!

1480
01:19:12,281 --> 01:19:13,282
Oh, my god!

1481
01:19:13,382 --> 01:19:14,483
Young lady?

1482
01:19:14,583 --> 01:19:16,119
It's happening.

1483
01:19:16,219 --> 01:19:17,486
I had Mr. Brackett
all year, and...

1484
01:19:18,221 --> 01:19:20,089
Oh, my God,
I'm gay!

1485
01:19:20,489 --> 01:19:21,991
Excuse me?

1486
01:19:22,091 --> 01:19:24,861
If there's something wrong
with Mr. Brackett or Jack,

1487
01:19:24,961 --> 01:19:26,129
then there's
something wrong with me.

1488
01:19:26,529 --> 01:19:27,831
I'm gay.

1489
01:19:27,931 --> 01:19:29,866
So am I.
Oh, she is not!

1490
01:19:29,966 --> 01:19:31,267
You're not.
I know you're not.

1491
01:19:31,367 --> 01:19:32,936
You're a tramp.

1492
01:19:33,036 --> 01:19:34,871
(CROWD MURMURS)

1493
01:19:34,971 --> 01:19:35,839
Mike!

1494
01:19:36,305 --> 01:19:37,240
Michael.
Oh, man.

1495
01:19:38,141 --> 01:19:39,742
Stirgo.
All right.

1496
01:19:39,843 --> 01:19:43,279
I'm gay.
I'm a homo. I like guys.

1497
01:19:43,379 --> 01:19:44,981
I mean, I still
do it with chicks
every chance I get,

1498
01:19:45,081 --> 01:19:46,282
and I'm totally
good at it,

1499
01:19:48,117 --> 01:19:51,220
but I hate it,
and I'm gay.

1500
01:19:51,320 --> 01:19:53,923
Kids, kids, kids,
please, please, sit down.

1501
01:19:54,891 --> 01:19:56,459
We're here to graduate.

1502
01:19:56,559 --> 01:20:00,129
I'm sure Mr. Brackett
is gratified by,
by your display.

1503
01:20:01,464 --> 01:20:05,034
Compassion is
a wonderful quality,
however misguided.

1504
01:20:05,134 --> 01:20:06,569
But as Howard
very well knows,

1505
01:20:07,303 --> 01:20:09,038
the decision is not yours.

1506
01:20:09,138 --> 01:20:10,439
It is a gonad thing.

1507
01:20:10,539 --> 01:20:12,408
(MURMURING)

1508
01:20:12,508 --> 01:20:14,210
A grown-up thing.

1509
01:20:16,279 --> 01:20:17,914
I have to answer
to the community,

1510
01:20:18,014 --> 01:20:19,348
and as far as
the community is concerned

1511
01:20:21,885 --> 01:20:26,155
toward Howard Brackett,
they have said no, no, no.

1512
01:20:27,957 --> 01:20:31,227
Please sit down and let's
pass out some diplomas.

1513
01:20:32,428 --> 01:20:33,897
Well, I'm a...

1514
01:20:40,036 --> 01:20:41,370
I'm a member
of the community,

1515
01:20:41,470 --> 01:20:42,939
and I don't mind
that Howard's gay.

1516
01:20:43,439 --> 01:20:44,607
But you're his brother.

1517
01:20:47,310 --> 01:20:49,845
As you know.

1518
01:20:54,050 --> 01:20:55,184
So you know
what that means?

1519
01:20:58,421 --> 01:21:00,856
Uh-oh.
I must be gay.

1520
01:21:02,491 --> 01:21:04,928
But you're not
a parent, are you?

1521
01:21:06,062 --> 01:21:07,096
Excuse me,
I'm a parent.

1522
01:21:11,067 --> 01:21:12,868
I've lived in this town
all my life.

1523
01:21:14,603 --> 01:21:16,205
I'm Howard's father.

1524
01:21:19,608 --> 01:21:20,876
And I'm gay!

1525
01:21:25,081 --> 01:21:28,117
I'm Howard's mother, and
I'm very proud of him,

1526
01:21:29,185 --> 01:21:31,220
and I'm a lesbian.

1527
01:21:35,391 --> 01:21:37,093
WOMAN: Excuse me.

1528
01:21:37,193 --> 01:21:40,329
Hi. I run
the Bridal Barn
for better brides,

1529
01:21:40,429 --> 01:21:42,865
and I can tell you
Howard has
perfect taste.

1530
01:21:42,966 --> 01:21:45,268
So do I.
So, I'm gay.

1531
01:21:46,970 --> 01:21:49,172
I'm Howard's stylist,
and I'm gay.

1532
01:21:50,239 --> 01:21:51,474
And I'm bald.

1533
01:21:54,377 --> 01:21:57,113
I deliver Howard's mail
and everybody else's.

1534
01:21:57,213 --> 01:22:00,283
I'm a federal employee,
and I'm gay!

1535
01:22:00,383 --> 01:22:03,552
Fire Chief Fred Mooney
and the volunteer
fire brigade.

1536
01:22:03,652 --> 01:22:05,354
Howard has always been
ready to lend a hand.

1537
01:22:06,389 --> 01:22:07,690
BRIGADE: Gay!

1538
01:22:08,724 --> 01:22:10,193
ALL: I'm gay.

1539
01:22:10,459 --> 01:22:11,927
I'm gay!

1540
01:22:12,261 --> 01:22:13,329
I'm gay!

1541
01:22:14,130 --> 01:22:15,098
I'm gay!

1542
01:22:15,398 --> 01:22:16,465
I'm gay!

1543
01:22:17,300 --> 01:22:18,434
I'm gay!

1544
01:22:19,135 --> 01:22:20,303
I'm gay!

1545
01:22:20,636 --> 01:22:22,338
I'm gay!

1546
01:22:22,438 --> 01:22:23,472
PETER: I'm gay!

1547
01:22:30,246 --> 01:22:32,515
But he's not
the teacher of the year!

1548
01:22:32,615 --> 01:22:36,019
I am, and this
belongs to me!

1549
01:22:36,119 --> 01:22:38,021
Well, maybe Mr. Brackett
deserves something else.

1550
01:22:38,354 --> 01:22:41,124
(ALL CHEERING)

1551
01:22:43,292 --> 01:22:46,029
(BAND PLAYING)

1552
01:23:19,562 --> 01:23:21,230
(CROWD ROARING)

1553
01:23:38,347 --> 01:23:39,248
You ready?

1554
01:23:39,682 --> 01:23:40,549
Nearly.

1555
01:23:42,585 --> 01:23:43,786
Oh, very snappy.

1556
01:23:44,553 --> 01:23:46,055
Nervous?

1557
01:23:46,155 --> 01:23:48,257
No. Why should I
be nervous?

1558
01:23:48,357 --> 01:23:50,126
It's just a wedding.
I just want everything
to be perfect.

1559
01:23:50,626 --> 01:23:51,427
It will be.

1560
01:23:52,561 --> 01:23:54,263
Is your cameraman here?

1561
01:23:54,363 --> 01:23:56,465
No, not today.
I'm not filming this.

1562
01:23:57,700 --> 01:23:59,568
There are some things
more important
than showbiz.

1563
01:24:00,869 --> 01:24:02,238
Really. Like what?

1564
01:24:02,871 --> 01:24:04,773
I don't know,

1565
01:24:04,873 --> 01:24:06,142
but didn't
that sound good?

1566
01:24:06,242 --> 01:24:07,576
Guys,
we're starting.

1567
01:24:10,879 --> 01:24:12,281
Preacher's waiting.

1568
01:24:18,821 --> 01:24:21,056
PREACHER: What a truly
special occasion.

1569
01:24:21,790 --> 01:24:23,559
What a joyous ceremony.

1570
01:24:24,760 --> 01:24:26,495
What an unusual couple.

1571
01:24:30,799 --> 01:24:33,169
Berniece,
after 42 years,

1572
01:24:33,269 --> 01:24:35,138
do you still take Frank
to be your lawfully
wedded husband?

1573
01:24:36,705 --> 01:24:37,806
I do.

1574
01:24:38,807 --> 01:24:40,576
And do you, Frank,
take Berniece

1575
01:24:40,676 --> 01:24:41,510
to be your lawfully
wedded wife?

1576
01:24:41,610 --> 01:24:43,078
I'd better.

1577
01:24:44,813 --> 01:24:46,849
I now pronounce
your vows renewed

1578
01:24:47,683 --> 01:24:49,585
for another 42 years.

1579
01:24:49,685 --> 01:24:51,254
You may kiss the bride.

1580
01:24:52,855 --> 01:24:55,224
(APPLAUSE)