1 00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:39,205 [Vocalizing] 2 00:02:14,842 --> 00:02:16,552 [Tires Screeching] 3 00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:34,612 [Chattering, Laughing] 4 00:02:34,695 --> 00:02:38,491 [Man On P.A. System] The seminar will begin in five minutes. 5 00:02:38,574 --> 00:02:41,369 It will be in room "C." 6 00:02:41,410 --> 00:02:45,164 [Man] So, uh, how about Chow Yun Fat? 7 00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:48,584 I don't know. I love Chow Yun Fat. 8 00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,878 - I just don't see him playing Madman. - Awesome. 9 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,339 Thank you. 10 00:02:53,422 --> 00:02:56,050 [Chattering] 11 00:02:58,719 --> 00:03:02,974 Could you sign it: "To a really big fan"? 12 00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:06,769 Uh, you bet. 13 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,355 I love this book, man. This shit is awesome! 14 00:03:09,438 --> 00:03:11,357 I wish I was like these guys. Gettin' stoned, 15 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:14,986 talkin' all raw about chicks and fightin' supervillains! 16 00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:18,990 I love these guys! You know what. They're like Bill and Ted... 17 00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:21,158 meet Cheech and Chong! 18 00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:23,369 Yeah. I kind of like to think of them... 19 00:03:23,452 --> 00:03:25,997 as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern meet Vladimir and Estragon. 20 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,000 Yes! Who? 21 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:33,504 So, do you, like, draw this or something? 22 00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,299 [Sighs] 23 00:03:36,340 --> 00:03:38,968 I ink it, and I'm also the colorist. The guy next to me draws it. 24 00:03:39,051 --> 00:03:41,512 But we both came up with the characters. Next! 25 00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:43,014 What does that mean, you "ink it"? 26 00:03:43,097 --> 00:03:45,933 Well, it means that Holden draws the pictures in pencil. 27 00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:48,895 And then he gives it to me to go over in ink. Next! 28 00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:51,189 So, basically, you just trace. 29 00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:55,568 It's, uh, it's not tracing, all right? 30 00:03:55,651 --> 00:03:58,529 I add depth and shading to give the image more definition. 31 00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:01,449 Only then does the drawing truly take shape. 32 00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:06,787 No, no, no. You go over what he draws with a pen, all right? That's tracing. 33 00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:09,707 Not really. Next. 34 00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:14,670 Hey, man, let me ask you somethin'. 35 00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:18,090 Somebody draws something and then you draw the exact same thing, 36 00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:21,719 like, right on top of it without going outside the original designated art. 37 00:04:21,802 --> 00:04:23,763 What do you call that? 38 00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:26,432 - I don't know, man. Tracing? - See? 39 00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:28,017 You want your book signed or what? 40 00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,228 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 41 00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:34,565 Don't get all testy just because you got a problem with your station in life. 42 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:35,983 Oh, I'm secure with what I do. 43 00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:39,153 Then just say it. You're a tracer. 44 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:40,446 How should I sign this? 45 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:42,448 I don't want you to sign it, man. 46 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,784 I want the guy who draws Bluntman & Chronic to sign it. 47 00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:48,454 - You're just the tracer. - Tell him, little shaver. 48 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:52,416 - Who do I sign it to? - [Crashing] 49 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,877 [Shouting Indistinctly] You fuckin' tracer! 50 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:58,756 I'll trace a chalk line around your dead fuckin' body, you fuck! 51 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,758 Would you get him outta here? 52 00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:05,555 Hey, wait a second! He jumped me! You fuckin' tracer! 53 00:05:05,596 --> 00:05:07,890 Your mother's a tracer! 54 00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:09,934 Can I explain the audience principle to you? 55 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,894 If you assault and accost them, then we have no audience. 56 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:15,648 He started it, fuckin' cock-knocker! 57 00:05:15,731 --> 00:05:19,777 He's lucky I didn't put my pen through his thorax! 58 00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:23,781 Need I remind you? Curtain's in ten minutes. Okay? 59 00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:27,118 [Man On P.A.] The Word's Up: Minority Voices in Comics panel discussion... 60 00:05:27,201 --> 00:05:30,371 - All right. - ...is about to begin in room "F." 61 00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:34,292 For years in this industry... 62 00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:37,461 whenever an African-American character, hero or villain, 63 00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:41,799 was introduced, usually, by white artists and writers, 64 00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:44,927 they got slapped with racist names... 65 00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:47,471 that singled them out as Negroes. 66 00:05:49,932 --> 00:05:52,810 Now, my book-- 67 00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:55,813 White Hatin' Coon-- 68 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:57,982 don't have none of that bullshit. 69 00:05:58,065 --> 00:06:01,110 The hero's name is Maleekwa, a descendant from the black tribe... 70 00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:04,155 that established the first society on the planet, 71 00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:07,283 while you European motherfuckers were still hidin' in caves and shit, 72 00:06:07,366 --> 00:06:09,744 all terrified of the sun. 73 00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:14,540 He's a strong role model that a young black reader can look up to, 74 00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:19,128 'cause I'm here to tell ya: The chickens is comin' home to roost, y'all. 75 00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:23,341 The black man's no longer gonna play the minstrel in comics and sci-fi fantasy. 76 00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:28,346 We keepin' it real, and we gonna get respect by any means necessary. 77 00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:31,766 Ah, come on! That's a bunch of horseshit! 78 00:06:31,849 --> 00:06:34,560 Lando Calrissian was a black guy, you know. 79 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:37,063 He got to fly the Millennium Falcon. What's the matter with you? 80 00:06:37,146 --> 00:06:39,774 - Who said that? - I did. 81 00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:44,153 Lando Calrissian is a positive role model in science-fiction fantasy. 82 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,281 Fuck Lando Calrissian! Uncle Tom nigger! 83 00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:50,409 Always some white boy gotta invoke the holy trilogy. 84 00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:55,832 Those movies are about how the white man keeps the brother man down... 85 00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:58,918 even in a galaxy far, far away. 86 00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:02,880 Check this shit. You got cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker-- 87 00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:04,966 Nazi poster boy-- blond hair, blue eyes-- 88 00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:06,968 and then you got Darth Vader. 89 00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:09,637 The blackest brother in the galaxy, Nubian guy. 90 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:13,307 - What's a Nubian? - Shut the fuck up! 91 00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:18,813 Now, Vader, he's a spiritual brother, you know. 92 00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:21,107 Down with the force and all that good shit. 93 00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:24,443 Then this cracker, Skywalker, gets his hands on a light saber, 94 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,863 and the boy decides he's gonna run the fuckin' universe. 95 00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:29,824 Gets a whole Klan of whites together. 96 00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:32,952 And they gonna bust up Vader's hood, the Death Star. 97 00:07:33,035 --> 00:07:34,954 Now, what the fuck do you call that? 98 00:07:35,037 --> 00:07:38,332 - Intergalactic civil war? - Gentrification! 99 00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:43,838 They gonna drive out the black element... 100 00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:47,008 to make the galaxy "safe" for white folks. 101 00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:50,720 And Jedi's the most insulting installment! 102 00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:54,390 Because Vader's beautiful black visage is sullied... 103 00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:59,562 when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty, old white man. 104 00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:04,150 They're tryin' to tell us that deep inside we all wants to be white! 105 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,820 Well, isn't that true? 106 00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,492 - [Audience Screaming] - [Microphone Whining] 107 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,456 - Black rage! - [Gunshot] 108 00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:20,666 Black rage! I'll kill any white folks... 109 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:25,338 I lay my motherfuckin' eyes on! 110 00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:53,533 "What's a Nubian?" Bitch, you almost made me laugh. 111 00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:56,327 Man, what about you? You didn't tell me you were gonna scream, "Black rage!" 112 00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:58,329 I nearly pissed myself. 113 00:08:58,412 --> 00:09:00,331 How do you manage to get away with this all the time? 114 00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:02,959 I mean, shouldn't the cops be busting your head open right about now? 115 00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:06,921 - Wrong coast. - Well, this here, she full of blanks. 116 00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:12,426 And, uh, Opiate gets all sorts of legal clearances before I go on. 117 00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,554 So your publisher actually condones these theatrics? 118 00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:19,058 Condones? Honey, they insist. I need to sell the image to sell the book. 119 00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:21,352 Would the audience still buy the whole black rage angle... 120 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:25,231 if they found out the book was written by a, a--you know. 121 00:09:25,314 --> 00:09:27,817 - Faggot? - When you say it, it sounds so sexy. 122 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:32,947 Hey, hey, hey! I'll play your victim, but not your catcher, all right? 123 00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,534 Hooper, how come you sound like Minister Farrakhan when you're onstage... 124 00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:39,620 and the king of pop when you're not? 125 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,622 Look out, boys! This kitten has a whip! 126 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,624 [Alyssa] Always before I get to speak, you dick. 127 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,751 - [Laughs] - I swear! Jesus! 128 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:48,713 The next con I attend, and they ask me to be on the minority panel, 129 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:52,592 if I see your name anywhere near that list, I'm passing! 130 00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:56,762 Holden, Banky, this pile of P.M.S. is Alyssa Jones. 131 00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,806 She does that book, Idiosyncratic Routine. 132 00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:04,729 Oh, I've read your book. It's cute. Chick stuff, but cute. What? 133 00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:07,148 Sorry about him. He's, uh, he's dealing with being an inker. 134 00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:09,775 Oh. You trace. 135 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:15,239 I really like your book. I'm surprised we never met at any other cons before. 136 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,825 Yeah, well, lose the dick or change the skin tone, 137 00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:20,912 and we can get to know each other on panel after panel. 138 00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:25,333 These boys do Bluntman & Chronic, which outsells both of our books put together. 139 00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:28,836 Hence, they're never on the panel with the likes of us. 140 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,630 They slummin' it right now. 141 00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:33,966 I promised Alyssa I'd buy her a post-rave drink. 142 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,344 Do the Garden Staters have to sprint to the Lincoln Tunnel, 143 00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:39,222 or can you stay for a round in the big, scary city? 144 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,390 - We're gonna go-- - We'll take-- 145 00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:46,687 [Sighs] We'll go. 146 00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:51,359 [Banky] Archie. All right? 147 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,987 Archie and the Riverdale gang were a pure and fun-lovin' bunch. 148 00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:58,950 You can't find dysfunction in those comics. They were flat-out wholesome. 149 00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,869 - Archie and Jughead were lovers. - Shut the fuck up! 150 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:06,207 It's true. Archie was the bitch, and Jughead was the butch. 151 00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:09,836 That's why Jughead wears that crown-lookin' hat all the time. 152 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:12,964 He the king of Queen Archie's world. 153 00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:14,966 Man, I feel a hate crime comin' on. 154 00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:17,385 Well, you know, he does have a point. 155 00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:19,512 I mean, Archie never did quite settle on Betty or Veronica. 156 00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:22,640 'Cause he wanted them both at the same time, you assholes! 157 00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:26,060 He didn't choose one, because he was trying to get them into a three-way. 158 00:11:26,143 --> 00:11:29,522 - Here. - What? 159 00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:33,526 I want you to go down to the corner store and buy yourself a clue. 160 00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:36,028 - Go on. - Eat it, Urkel. 161 00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:39,198 Uh! I done told you to watch it with that Urkel shit. 162 00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:42,326 Face it, girl. Archie's a sister. 163 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:49,208 - That's it. You! - Moi? 164 00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:53,129 Yeah, you. You are marching back across the street with me, 165 00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,923 and we're gonna pick up a shitload of Archie books. 166 00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:58,885 And I'm going to prove to you beyond the shadow of a doubt... 167 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:01,470 that Archie is all about pussy. 168 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,472 - Come on! - [Laughs] 169 00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:05,766 This boy is conflicted. 170 00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,729 I shall play mother therapist for him. 171 00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:13,065 You two sit tight. We shall return promptly. 172 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:18,779 Is he always like that? 173 00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:22,116 Who, him? Yeah. Ever since the third grade. 174 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,203 This, uh, this nun was teaching us about the Blessed Trinity, you know? 175 00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:28,289 She was going on and on about the three persons in one God thing. 176 00:12:28,372 --> 00:12:30,416 Father, Son, the Holy Spirit. 177 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:34,128 Banky just goes ballistic on her. They got in this huge fight. 178 00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:37,798 An eight-year-old kid? How bad could it have been? 179 00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:40,927 Well, have you ever seen a nun call a small child a "fucking cunt-rag"? 180 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:43,971 It wasn't pretty. Shit like that's bound to happen... 181 00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:47,016 when you make a kid wear a matching tie and slacks every day. 182 00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:51,479 Right. And your parochial school misadventures? 183 00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:55,316 Oh, mostly limited to wine-tasting prior to mass. 184 00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:57,902 Turned me into a grade school alcoholic altar boy though. 185 00:12:57,985 --> 00:13:00,112 Can't tell you how many mornings after serious benders... 186 00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:02,532 I'd wake up next to strange priests. 187 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,451 - Aren't you the sharp wit? - Sharp? No. 188 00:13:05,535 --> 00:13:08,496 I'm just a fan of clergy-molestation humor. 189 00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:13,626 Probably why the extended family quit inviting me to first communion parties. 190 00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:18,422 - Tsk. - You play darts? 191 00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:23,094 Uh, not professionally. You know, only in bars. 192 00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:25,346 [Alyssa] I don't know. 193 00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:29,433 Maybe I should just sign one of those exclusive deals like you guys. 194 00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,435 Your new book seems to be selling like mad. 195 00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:36,232 Well, it all goes back to somethin' my grandmother told me when I was a kid. 196 00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:40,611 "Holden," she said, "the big bucks are in dick and fart jokes." 197 00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:43,030 - She was a churchgoer. - Oh! 198 00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:47,076 The cry from the heart of a real artist trapped in commercial hell, 199 00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,579 pitying his good fortune. 200 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:53,040 I'm sure you can dry your eyes on all those fat checks you rake in. 201 00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:57,211 Oh, I'm sorry. What was that? Did I detect a note of bitter envy in there? 202 00:13:57,253 --> 00:14:00,131 No, I'm happy my stuff gets read at all. 203 00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:02,383 There's very little market for hearts and flowers... 204 00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:06,596 in this spandex-clad, big pecs, big tits, big guns field. 205 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,765 If I sell two issues, I feel like John Grisham. 206 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,809 Well, it's all about marketing. 207 00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:16,898 Over-or under-weight guys that don't get laid. They're our bread and butter. 208 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:20,234 People like those two outside should be yours. 209 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:23,237 And sadly, there are more of our core audience. 210 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:26,908 Kind of gives you a charge though. See two people like that in love. 211 00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:29,285 And all over Banky's car, no less. 212 00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:32,038 You know, that car's seeing more action right now than it's seen in years. 213 00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:36,751 - Bubbly guy like that? It's hard to figure out why. - Yeah. 214 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,962 You gotta respect that kind of display of affection. You know what I mean? 215 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,590 Sure, it's crazy. It's rude. It's self-absorbed. 216 00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:45,927 But, uh, you know, it's love. 217 00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:48,971 - It's not love. - Oh, says you. 218 00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:52,016 That out there? That's fleeting. 219 00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:55,228 - Fleeting? - Mm-hmm. Well, I gotta split. 220 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:58,940 It was really nice meeting you. Good luck with your book. 221 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:03,819 Tell Hooper I'll call him later. And... tell your friend to calm down. 222 00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,953 [Hooper] Shut up already. 223 00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:14,747 You shut up! You're insane. 224 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:17,583 Archie is not fucking Mr. Weatherbee! 225 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:21,128 Deny, deny, deny. 226 00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:25,174 - Where's Alyssa? - She left, said she'd call you later. 227 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,927 Look, he's just offering to help Archie with his fuckin' homework! 228 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:30,304 Read between the lines, bitch. 229 00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:33,683 Fuck this. Let's go. Traffic. 230 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:36,310 - Holden! - What? 231 00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:40,481 - Let's go! - See that dent in the hood of your car? 232 00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,358 Son of a bitch! 233 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:49,824 Let me guess. You like her. 234 00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:52,326 - Who? - Miss Alyssa Jones. 235 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:58,875 - She's all right. - As long as that's all. 236 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:01,335 [Rap, Indistinct] 237 00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:26,319 This is one of the best streetlights you've ever drawn. 238 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,529 It's the one from across the street from the post office. 239 00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:31,365 - Looks just like it. - Thanks. 240 00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:34,869 So, uh, what do you want to do tonight? 241 00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:38,331 I don't know. Get a pizza. Watch Degrassi Junior High. 242 00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:41,125 You got a weird thing for Canadian melodrama. 243 00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:43,836 I got a weird thing for girls who say "aboot." 244 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:48,132 - [Phone Rings, Beeps] - Bank Holdup. 245 00:16:48,216 --> 00:16:53,429 Hooper here. Listen, I know how you 'burb fiends hate the city, 246 00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:56,891 but there's a club shindig goin' down tonight I think you'd really get into. 247 00:16:56,974 --> 00:17:00,770 - Where is it? - Meow Mix. I'm temping as barkeep. 248 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:04,023 Oh, I don't know, Hoop. 249 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,943 We're prepping the next issue. We got that stupid meeting in the morning. 250 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,946 - I told her you wouldn't be interested. - Told who? 251 00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:12,949 Alyssa. 252 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,992 Alyssa from last night Alyssa? 253 00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:17,411 How do you begin and end a question with the same word like that? 254 00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:20,414 You got skill. Yes, that one! 255 00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:22,917 She asked me to invite you. Now, here's the part where you say-- 256 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:28,339 - I'll be there. - Thought so. 10:00. Later. 257 00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:33,636 - Who was that? - Hooper. He invited me to a club. 258 00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:37,348 Man, when's that faggot gonna learn? You like chicks. 259 00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:40,476 - Not that kind of club. - So when we leavin'? 260 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:44,689 We? You can't go. He's hookin' me up with Alyssa. 261 00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:48,150 - And? - And I don't want you messing it up. 262 00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:51,612 I care about your shit. Maybe I'll hook up myself. 263 00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:53,990 I told you. It's not that kind of club. 264 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:58,161 How does one man get to be so funny? 265 00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:02,623 Look, how you gonna get home when I hook up, huh? 266 00:18:02,707 --> 00:18:07,086 - Like that'll happen. - Let me explain, my witless chum. 267 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,505 The other night, we two, Alyssa and I, 268 00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:12,008 we, uh, well, we shared a moment. 269 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:15,344 - Oh, you had a moment. - No. 270 00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:18,139 We shared a moment, all right? 271 00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:23,644 And in that moment, one thing was made abundantly clear. 272 00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:27,148 This girl loves me, my friend. 273 00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:30,943 Loves me. You know what I'm sayin'? 274 00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:33,487 [Humming] Ah, who's your daddy now 275 00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:35,865 Come on. Mmm. [Humming] 276 00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:37,867 - Ah - Shut up! 277 00:18:37,909 --> 00:18:41,704 It's your birthday It's your birthday 278 00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:46,250 Go, Sheila, it's your birthday Go, Sheila, it's your birthday 279 00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:49,545 All right. Bring on the free hootch. 280 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:53,216 Free? I didn't invite your tired ass. So, where's your better half? 281 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:56,385 Takin' a piss. The guy's got a bladder like an infant. 282 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:59,263 That's funny. He says you're hung like an infant. 283 00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:02,058 Does his mother tell him everything? 284 00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:04,852 - Hey! - What'd you do, fall in love? 285 00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:06,938 - Where is she? - Over there. 286 00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:12,109 Look at her in her net shirt. Been dancin' for an hour. Hasn't stopped yet. 287 00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:15,154 She ain't no Deney Terrio, I'll say that. 288 00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:19,200 Listen, if I'm not back by Tuesday, call my mother. All right? 289 00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:22,912 Wait, wait, wait, wait. There's somethin' you should know. 290 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,665 - She got a boyfriend? - Well, no. 291 00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:30,044 Then what's to know, my friend? [Grunts] What's to know? 292 00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:32,839 [Rap, Indistinct] 293 00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:42,265 Hey, lady! You fucked up my cabbage patch! 294 00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:46,853 Well, well, well, if it isn't Bluntman himself, or should I call you Chronic? 295 00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:51,065 Call me flattered. I heard you sent me the invite to this little soiree. 296 00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:54,819 From a former hometown girl to Mr. Hometown himself. 297 00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:57,530 - You're saying you're from the 'burbs? - Middletown, New Jersey 298 00:19:57,572 --> 00:20:00,908 - Get outta here! I'm from Highlands! - I know. Hooper told me. 299 00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:02,910 How is it that we never ran into one another? 300 00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:04,912 - Did you graduate from Hudson? - Yeah, '88. 301 00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:08,040 - I went to North. - What a small fuckin' world. 302 00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:10,418 - So you know the tri-town area? - Quiz me. 303 00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:12,461 - Miller Hill? - I wrote my name on the wall. 304 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:15,214 - Sandy Hook? - Lost my virginity there. 305 00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:18,593 - This is so cool. The mall? - Eton preppy or Menlo Park? 306 00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:21,929 Oh, no. Here's the big test. Quick Stop? 307 00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:24,932 My best friend fucked a dead guy in the bathroom. 308 00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:28,060 - You know that girl? - I did, before she was committed. 309 00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:34,108 There's a lot of chicks in this place. 310 00:20:34,192 --> 00:20:38,237 Chicks? You're such a man. 311 00:20:38,321 --> 00:20:41,282 You know what this is? This is fate. 312 00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:45,536 No, this is "The Rog." [Laughs] 313 00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:48,164 I'm talking about us meeting. What are the chances? 314 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:51,959 Pretty slim. I haven't been back to the 'burbs since my friend's funeral. 315 00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:54,921 - The Quick Stop girl died? - Uh-uh. Another girl. 316 00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:57,548 - Julie Dwyer. She died in the-- - The YMCA pool! Damn! 317 00:20:57,632 --> 00:20:59,884 - You knew her too? - So well. 318 00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:03,346 Wow! One friend in the asylum, the other friend in the grave. 319 00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:06,349 - You're a dangerous person to know. - Ah, but I can tap. 320 00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:08,434 [Shoes Tapping] 321 00:21:08,518 --> 00:21:11,354 - That's the Buffalo two-step. - Yeah, well, it's very solid. 322 00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:14,315 That's what six years of tap lessons yields. 323 00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:17,693 Two towns away from each other for years, we had to meet in New York. 324 00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:21,280 Could have been worse. Could have not met at all. 325 00:21:21,364 --> 00:21:23,574 [Cheering, Applause] 326 00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:29,789 Okay, we're back. 327 00:21:29,872 --> 00:21:31,958 Thank you. Thank you. 328 00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:35,044 So, a long time ago, we used to have this bass player, 329 00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:38,464 who took off one day to draw funny books or something. 330 00:21:38,548 --> 00:21:41,634 Maybe you've heard of her stuff? Idiosyncratic Routine? 331 00:21:45,096 --> 00:21:47,348 But what a lot of people don't know... 332 00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:50,351 is that she used to harbor these delusions that she could sing, 333 00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:54,480 and she used to subject us to throaty renditions of Debbie Gibson tunes. 334 00:21:54,564 --> 00:21:56,858 [Crowd Laughing] 335 00:21:56,899 --> 00:22:00,444 So, she's here tonight, and I think if we all beg her... 336 00:22:00,528 --> 00:22:03,197 or maybe offer her some "X," 337 00:22:03,239 --> 00:22:05,825 she'll come up here and treat us to some of her vocal stylings. 338 00:22:05,908 --> 00:22:07,827 What do ya say, Alyssa? 339 00:22:07,910 --> 00:22:10,872 - Yeah! - [Crowd Cheering] 340 00:22:10,913 --> 00:22:14,542 Oh, she's shy! 341 00:22:14,625 --> 00:22:17,503 Get up here and sing, bitch! 342 00:22:17,587 --> 00:22:21,382 All right! Go. Go up there. 343 00:22:21,424 --> 00:22:23,384 Whoo! 344 00:22:23,426 --> 00:22:27,722 Whoo! Yea! [Laughs] 345 00:22:27,805 --> 00:22:32,351 What am I doing here? This is so fucking gay. 346 00:22:36,063 --> 00:22:39,942 She is such a cunt. 347 00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:43,946 You guys know the one I wanna do, right? 348 00:22:43,988 --> 00:22:47,116 All right. I should dedicate this, right? 349 00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:53,206 This is for that someone special out there. 350 00:22:53,289 --> 00:22:55,708 Ready? 351 00:22:55,791 --> 00:23:00,421 I'm feelin' awful 352 00:23:00,463 --> 00:23:03,841 But all alone 353 00:23:03,925 --> 00:23:08,429 Just missin' someone 354 00:23:08,471 --> 00:23:12,225 I don't even know 355 00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:15,937 But until I find him 356 00:23:15,978 --> 00:23:19,899 I'll wait patiently 357 00:23:19,982 --> 00:23:24,737 Just feelin' nothin' 358 00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:27,615 Inside of me 359 00:23:27,657 --> 00:23:31,577 And where are you, baby 360 00:23:31,661 --> 00:23:34,580 Where can you be 361 00:23:34,664 --> 00:23:39,377 Why aren't you here 362 00:23:39,460 --> 00:23:42,463 Lovin' me 363 00:23:42,547 --> 00:23:46,259 'Cause I want to kiss you 364 00:23:46,342 --> 00:23:50,346 And make you feel right 365 00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:53,975 I want to lay with you 366 00:23:54,016 --> 00:23:57,311 All through the night 367 00:23:57,353 --> 00:24:01,148 And I wanna feel passion I wanna feel pain 368 00:24:01,190 --> 00:24:04,777 I wanna weep at the sound of your name 369 00:24:04,861 --> 00:24:08,322 Come make me laugh or come make me cry 370 00:24:08,406 --> 00:24:15,329 Just make me feel alive 371 00:24:15,371 --> 00:24:19,083 And so I'll wait 372 00:24:19,167 --> 00:24:22,712 For that glorious day 373 00:24:22,795 --> 00:24:25,965 When the one I dream of 374 00:24:26,048 --> 00:24:30,511 Comes my way 375 00:24:30,595 --> 00:24:34,098 And when our lips touch 376 00:24:34,182 --> 00:24:37,935 So tenderly 377 00:24:38,019 --> 00:24:42,273 I know I'll feel somethin' 378 00:24:42,356 --> 00:24:48,112 Inside of me 379 00:24:48,196 --> 00:24:52,450 I wanna feel passion I wanna feel pain 380 00:24:52,533 --> 00:24:56,037 I wanna weep at the sound of your name 381 00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:59,499 Come make me laugh or come make me cry 382 00:24:59,582 --> 00:25:03,794 Just make me feel 383 00:25:03,878 --> 00:25:07,173 Alive 384 00:25:09,884 --> 00:25:12,887 Yeah! Whoo! 385 00:25:16,224 --> 00:25:19,185 Whoo! 386 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,985 [Band Resumes] 387 00:26:04,647 --> 00:26:06,566 Hot! 388 00:26:10,695 --> 00:26:15,491 Now, that, my friend, is a shared moment. 389 00:26:31,591 --> 00:26:33,342 - What? - It's rude. 390 00:26:33,426 --> 00:26:37,096 When are we gonna get a chance to see this shit live without payin' for it? 391 00:26:38,931 --> 00:26:43,603 - Sorry. It's just new to him. - Oh, and you're an old hand at this? 392 00:26:43,686 --> 00:26:48,733 No, no, I should apologize. I don't normally get all mushy in public, 393 00:26:48,816 --> 00:26:51,861 but it's been a while since I've seen Kim here. 394 00:26:51,944 --> 00:26:54,280 You know what? I wanna dance. 395 00:26:54,363 --> 00:26:56,699 Go ahead. I'll watch from here. 396 00:26:56,782 --> 00:26:59,410 No! I wanna dance with you! 397 00:26:59,494 --> 00:27:03,956 Don't be a rag. I have to sit here and work up the desire to fuck you later. 398 00:27:05,708 --> 00:27:08,461 Please! 399 00:27:13,382 --> 00:27:14,300 Yes? 400 00:27:14,383 --> 00:27:16,719 You said "fuck." She said "fuck." 401 00:27:16,802 --> 00:27:19,096 You said "fuck" to that girl. You said that you'd fuck her. 402 00:27:19,180 --> 00:27:21,933 - And? - How can a girl fuck another girl? 403 00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:23,935 Were you talking about strap-ons or something? 404 00:27:23,976 --> 00:27:25,937 - Oh, Jesus. Would you shut up? - What? 405 00:27:25,978 --> 00:27:27,396 It's okay. 406 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:30,274 I don't know how many times I can apologize for him. 407 00:27:30,316 --> 00:27:33,903 No, Banky, I've never used a strap-on. 408 00:27:33,986 --> 00:27:35,905 Then what's with saying "fuck"? 409 00:27:35,988 --> 00:27:40,618 Shouldn't you say "eat her out" or modify the term "fuck" with "fist"? 410 00:27:40,660 --> 00:27:44,831 Let me ask you a question. Can men fuck each other? 411 00:27:44,914 --> 00:27:48,918 - You asking for my permission? - In your estimation. 412 00:27:49,001 --> 00:27:51,003 Sure. 413 00:27:51,087 --> 00:27:54,549 So, for you, to fuck is to penetrate. 414 00:27:54,632 --> 00:27:57,510 You're used to the more traditional definition. 415 00:27:57,593 --> 00:28:01,305 You, inside some girl you've duped, jackhammerin' away, 416 00:28:01,347 --> 00:28:03,349 not noticing that bored look in her eyes. 417 00:28:03,391 --> 00:28:07,979 Hey, I always notice that bored look in their eyes, all right? 418 00:28:08,062 --> 00:28:11,524 Fucking is not limited to penetration, Banky. 419 00:28:11,607 --> 00:28:16,028 For me, it describes any sex when it's not totally about love. 420 00:28:16,112 --> 00:28:19,031 I don't love Kim, but I'll fuck her. 421 00:28:19,073 --> 00:28:21,033 I'm sure you don't love every girl you sleep with. 422 00:28:21,075 --> 00:28:23,161 Some of them I downright loathe. 423 00:28:23,244 --> 00:28:26,664 Aha, but I'll bet it's different with the ones you do love. 424 00:28:26,706 --> 00:28:28,666 Like, you'll go down on 'em longer. 425 00:28:28,708 --> 00:28:30,334 - Here we go. - I don't do that. 426 00:28:30,376 --> 00:28:33,588 - What? - I stopped. It got to be frustrating. 427 00:28:33,671 --> 00:28:37,300 As stupid as you usually come off during this little diatribe of yours, 428 00:28:37,383 --> 00:28:39,468 you're gonna come off ten times as stupid on this occasion. 429 00:28:39,552 --> 00:28:42,513 I lost my tolerance for the baggage that comes with eating girls out. 430 00:28:42,555 --> 00:28:44,515 What's the big deal? 431 00:28:44,557 --> 00:28:47,351 If you say the smell, so help me, I will slug you. 432 00:28:47,393 --> 00:28:49,437 Not the smell. The smell is good. 433 00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:52,190 I'm talkin' about not being able to do it properly. 434 00:28:52,231 --> 00:28:54,192 My mother brought me up to believe... 435 00:28:54,233 --> 00:28:56,986 if I can't do something right, I shouldn't do it at all. 436 00:28:57,069 --> 00:29:00,573 Of course, my father told me she gave lousy head, but that's beside the point. 437 00:29:00,656 --> 00:29:04,076 Well, at least you blame yourself for your sexual inadequacies. 438 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,370 No. I blame them. 439 00:29:06,454 --> 00:29:11,209 Chicks never help you out. They never tell you what to do, right? 440 00:29:11,250 --> 00:29:14,879 And most of them are all self-conscious about the smell factor. 441 00:29:14,962 --> 00:29:19,425 And, so, most of the time, they just lay there frozen like a deer in headlights. 442 00:29:19,509 --> 00:29:22,136 I mean, not for nothin', but when a chick goes down on me, 443 00:29:22,220 --> 00:29:25,306 I let her know where to go and what the status is. 444 00:29:25,389 --> 00:29:29,393 You gotta handle it like CNN and the Weather Channel. 445 00:29:29,477 --> 00:29:31,604 Constant updates. 446 00:29:31,687 --> 00:29:33,856 - You are such an idiot. - [Growls] 447 00:29:33,940 --> 00:29:37,401 No, no, he's got a point. I mean, that's how I was in high school. 448 00:29:37,443 --> 00:29:41,072 You know, all nervous and inhibited about being eaten out. 449 00:29:41,155 --> 00:29:44,617 But by the time I got to college, that all changed. 450 00:29:44,700 --> 00:29:46,786 I've loosened up. 451 00:29:46,869 --> 00:29:49,413 I was like one of those guys at the airport with those big flashlights, 452 00:29:49,455 --> 00:29:53,417 wavin' 'em this way, directin' 'em that way, tellin' 'em when to stop. 453 00:29:53,459 --> 00:29:56,921 And that's all I'm sayin'. It would be different if chicks helped out. 454 00:29:57,004 --> 00:29:59,465 You know, pointed a guy in the right direction. 455 00:29:59,507 --> 00:30:04,971 There'd be no bullshit, no wasted time and no chance for permanent injuries. 456 00:30:05,012 --> 00:30:06,973 Permanent injuries? 457 00:30:07,014 --> 00:30:10,601 Sure. You wanna see somethin' permanent? 458 00:30:10,685 --> 00:30:12,812 - See that? - Uh-huh. 459 00:30:12,895 --> 00:30:15,648 I got that from Nina Rollins, sophomore year. 460 00:30:15,731 --> 00:30:17,650 I'm goin' down on her, right? 461 00:30:17,733 --> 00:30:19,986 - [Moaning] - Out of nowhere, her cat jumps on her. 462 00:30:20,027 --> 00:30:25,449 She does this big pelvic thrust, cracks my tooth and sends it down my throat. 463 00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:28,494 I had to get a crown for the stub. 464 00:30:29,829 --> 00:30:32,957 I got that beat. I got that beat. 465 00:30:32,999 --> 00:30:37,879 Junior year, I'm goin' down on Cynthia Slater in her dorm room. 466 00:30:37,962 --> 00:30:43,176 I'm totally drunk, and in the middle of it, I fall asleep right in her lap. 467 00:30:43,217 --> 00:30:45,178 She got so mad, she digs her heel into my back. 468 00:30:45,219 --> 00:30:49,515 - Ow! - Right there. That's permanent. 469 00:30:49,599 --> 00:30:53,311 All right. All right. See this? 470 00:30:55,354 --> 00:30:57,857 That's the farthest I can move my neck to the right. 471 00:30:57,899 --> 00:31:02,028 Again, sophomore year, I'm goin' out with Brandy Svining. 472 00:31:02,111 --> 00:31:05,907 And for six months, I'm goin' down on her. Not a damn thing's happening. 473 00:31:05,990 --> 00:31:09,702 So, one night, I change a position or vary my lapping speed, 474 00:31:09,744 --> 00:31:13,956 and suddenly it's a whole new world. 475 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:17,001 She's movin' around, convulsing, breathing heavy, 476 00:31:17,043 --> 00:31:19,712 and her legs are pressed up against my ears so tightly... 477 00:31:19,754 --> 00:31:23,674 that I don't hear her father come into the room. 478 00:31:23,716 --> 00:31:26,844 He grabs my hair and pulls me way back, hard. 479 00:31:31,599 --> 00:31:34,727 Senior year, spring formal. 480 00:31:34,810 --> 00:31:37,730 I'm eatin' out Missy Kurt in her brother's car. 481 00:31:37,813 --> 00:31:42,276 She's layin' across the backseat. I'm half hangin' out, knees on the ground. 482 00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:47,240 She's flailin' around, and she-- she knocks the parking brake off. 483 00:31:47,281 --> 00:31:51,702 The car starts rolling down the hill. 484 00:31:51,786 --> 00:31:54,914 And my left knee is cut up to shit... 485 00:31:54,997 --> 00:32:00,586 like a kiddy's scissors class cut it up for paper dolls! 486 00:32:03,798 --> 00:32:08,094 [Laughing Continues] 487 00:32:15,810 --> 00:32:17,770 Whoa! Hey! Look at the time. 488 00:32:17,854 --> 00:32:19,772 We gotta-- We gotta beat that traffic, huh? 489 00:32:19,856 --> 00:32:22,108 What traffic? It's 1:30 in the morning. 490 00:32:22,149 --> 00:32:25,695 And rush hour starts in six hours. Let's go. 491 00:32:25,778 --> 00:32:30,074 Uh, thanks for inviting us out. It was educational. 492 00:32:30,158 --> 00:32:32,076 Come on. 493 00:32:37,248 --> 00:32:39,167 Since you like chicks, right, 494 00:32:39,250 --> 00:32:41,919 you just look at yourself naked in the mirror all the time? 495 00:32:51,179 --> 00:32:53,139 [Holden] Look, here's the deal. 496 00:32:53,181 --> 00:32:55,600 When we get in there, don't be a complete Potzer, like last night. 497 00:32:55,683 --> 00:32:57,643 This is business now, okay? 498 00:32:57,685 --> 00:33:02,023 Oh, why are you in such a bad mood? Still dwelling on that dyke? 499 00:33:02,106 --> 00:33:04,233 - Hey, knock it off, will you? - What'd I tell you? 500 00:33:04,317 --> 00:33:06,819 She just needs the right guy. 501 00:33:06,903 --> 00:33:11,741 All every woman really wants is some serious deep-dicking. 502 00:33:11,824 --> 00:33:15,328 - [Phone Ringing] - Sorry. 503 00:33:16,913 --> 00:33:19,874 See, that's why I can't buy lesbians. 504 00:33:19,916 --> 00:33:22,126 Everyone needs dick. 505 00:33:22,210 --> 00:33:24,837 See, I can buy fags, a bunch of guys that need dick. 506 00:33:24,879 --> 00:33:27,757 You know, just plain need it. That I get. 507 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:31,677 Dykes? Bullshit posturing. 508 00:33:31,719 --> 00:33:34,096 But, live and let live, I guess. 509 00:33:34,180 --> 00:33:37,016 I'm sure the gay community appreciates your support. 510 00:33:37,058 --> 00:33:41,020 We'd like to start off by saying that it is a real pleasure to finally meet you. 511 00:33:41,062 --> 00:33:43,356 Absolute pleasure. 512 00:33:43,397 --> 00:33:46,275 One of the reasons we started this whole thing was to finally meet the guys... 513 00:33:46,359 --> 00:33:48,694 that do Bluntman & Chronic. 514 00:33:48,778 --> 00:33:50,738 - [Together] Snootchie bootchies! - Huh? 515 00:33:50,780 --> 00:33:54,158 Which now brings us to our proposal. 516 00:33:54,242 --> 00:33:56,911 Look, fellas, the days of Butt-Head are over. 517 00:33:56,994 --> 00:34:01,666 We're interested in doing 12 half-hour Bluntman & Chronic cartoons. 518 00:34:01,749 --> 00:34:04,293 What do you say? 519 00:34:04,418 --> 00:34:06,879 Are we in business? 520 00:34:10,466 --> 00:34:12,593 - [Knocking Gently] - [TV] The boy wonder. 521 00:34:12,677 --> 00:34:17,390 [TV] Batman and Robin, the dynamic duo against crime and corruption. 522 00:34:17,473 --> 00:34:20,393 Yeah, hi. Somebody told me they make comic books here, 523 00:34:20,434 --> 00:34:24,063 which is so weird, because I have this great idea for a story. 524 00:34:24,146 --> 00:34:27,358 It's about a guy who comes to this club and-- [Whistles] 525 00:34:27,441 --> 00:34:29,527 hightails it when he finds out-- 526 00:34:29,610 --> 00:34:31,195 Ready for this? 527 00:34:33,447 --> 00:34:36,242 This girl is gay. 528 00:34:38,369 --> 00:34:42,415 Any interest in a story like that? 529 00:34:42,498 --> 00:34:44,625 - An animated series? - Twelve episodes. 530 00:34:44,709 --> 00:34:48,087 - Well, that's great, isn't it? - Banky seems to think so. 531 00:34:48,171 --> 00:34:50,715 - But you don't. - Well, I-- 532 00:34:50,798 --> 00:34:53,759 I don't know if that's the perception I want people to have of our work. 533 00:34:53,843 --> 00:34:55,928 I know this sounds pretentious as hell, but... 534 00:34:56,012 --> 00:34:58,139 I'd like to think of us as artists, you know? 535 00:34:58,222 --> 00:35:01,267 I'd like to get back to doing something more personal, like our first book. 536 00:35:01,309 --> 00:35:04,770 Well, when are you gonna do that? 537 00:35:04,812 --> 00:35:08,232 When we have something personal to say. 538 00:35:08,316 --> 00:35:10,776 I weirded you out the other night. 539 00:35:10,860 --> 00:35:13,613 Uh, no, not really. 540 00:35:13,696 --> 00:35:16,699 - Oh, come on! - Well, it's just-- 541 00:35:16,782 --> 00:35:18,993 I'd never seen that kind of thing up close and personal before. 542 00:35:19,076 --> 00:35:21,037 It just took a while to process. 543 00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:23,122 You wanna talk about it? 544 00:35:23,206 --> 00:35:25,291 If you want to. 545 00:35:25,374 --> 00:35:28,169 I like you, Holden. 546 00:35:28,252 --> 00:35:30,546 I haven't liked a man in a long time. 547 00:35:30,630 --> 00:35:35,301 And it's not because I'm a man-hater or something like that. 548 00:35:35,343 --> 00:35:38,971 It's just been some time since I've been exposed to a man that didn't... 549 00:35:39,055 --> 00:35:42,600 immediately live into a stereotype of some sort. 550 00:35:42,683 --> 00:35:45,311 And I want you to feel comfortable with me, 551 00:35:45,353 --> 00:35:48,356 because I'd really like us to be friends. 552 00:35:48,439 --> 00:35:51,859 So if there's anything you wanna know, it's okay to ask me. 553 00:35:51,901 --> 00:35:55,154 - Okay. - Okay. 554 00:35:55,196 --> 00:35:58,491 Okay. Why girls? 555 00:36:00,201 --> 00:36:03,412 - Why men? - Well, because that's the standard. 556 00:36:03,496 --> 00:36:06,499 If that's the only reason you're attracted to women-- 557 00:36:06,582 --> 00:36:08,668 No, it's more than that. 558 00:36:08,709 --> 00:36:10,837 So you've never been curious about men? 559 00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:15,383 Curious? Well, I always wondered why my father watched Hee Haw, but-- 560 00:36:15,424 --> 00:36:17,677 - [Laughs] You know what I mean. - No. 561 00:36:17,718 --> 00:36:19,679 - Why not? - No interest. 562 00:36:19,720 --> 00:36:22,515 - Because? - Girls feel right. 563 00:36:22,557 --> 00:36:26,894 Well, that's how I feel. You know, I've never really been attracted to men. 564 00:36:26,936 --> 00:36:30,523 - Well, so, you're still a virgin then? - No. 565 00:36:30,565 --> 00:36:32,525 But you've only been with girls. 566 00:36:32,567 --> 00:36:34,527 So you're saying a person is a virgin... 567 00:36:34,569 --> 00:36:37,572 until they've had intercourse with a member of the opposite sex. 568 00:36:37,613 --> 00:36:39,949 Isn't that the standard definition? 569 00:36:40,032 --> 00:36:42,160 Again with your standards. 570 00:36:42,243 --> 00:36:45,621 I think virginity is lost when you make love for the first time. 571 00:36:45,705 --> 00:36:48,499 - With a member of the opposite sex. - Why? Why only then? 572 00:36:48,583 --> 00:36:51,502 Because that's the standard. What do you want me to tell ya? 573 00:36:51,586 --> 00:36:55,840 So if a virgin is raped, then she's still a virgin? 574 00:36:55,923 --> 00:36:58,384 - No, of course not. - But rape is not the standard. 575 00:36:58,467 --> 00:37:01,762 So she's had sex, but not the standard idea of sex. 576 00:37:01,804 --> 00:37:04,640 Hence, according to your definition, she'd still be a virgin. 577 00:37:04,724 --> 00:37:07,518 - Okay, fine, I'll revise. - Uh-huh. 578 00:37:07,602 --> 00:37:10,688 [Clears Throat] Virginity is lost when the hymen is broken. 579 00:37:10,771 --> 00:37:13,983 - Then I lost my virginity at ten. - Really? 580 00:37:14,066 --> 00:37:17,653 'Cause, see, I fell on a fence post when I was ten, and it broke my hymen. 581 00:37:17,737 --> 00:37:20,781 Okay. Second revision. 582 00:37:20,865 --> 00:37:23,493 Virginity is lost through penetration. 583 00:37:23,576 --> 00:37:25,953 Physical penetration or emotional. 584 00:37:25,995 --> 00:37:27,955 - Emotional penetration? - Mmm. 585 00:37:27,997 --> 00:37:31,083 I fell in love hard with Caitlin Bree when we were in high school. 586 00:37:31,167 --> 00:37:32,251 Physical penetration. 587 00:37:32,335 --> 00:37:35,004 - We had sex. - Yeah, but not real sex. 588 00:37:37,006 --> 00:37:40,092 I move to have that remark stricken from the record, 589 00:37:40,176 --> 00:37:44,263 on account of it makes you come off as completely naive and infantile. 590 00:37:44,347 --> 00:37:47,558 Well, where's the penetration in lesbian sex? I-- 591 00:37:47,642 --> 00:37:52,188 A finger? I've had my finger up my ass. I wouldn't say I've had anal sex. 592 00:37:54,273 --> 00:37:56,192 Observe. 593 00:37:59,278 --> 00:38:04,033 You're kidding me! How? 594 00:38:04,116 --> 00:38:06,786 Our bodies are built to pass a child, for Christ's sake. 595 00:38:06,869 --> 00:38:09,372 Yeah, but I mean-- Jesus! Doesn't that hurt? 596 00:38:09,455 --> 00:38:12,750 - Sure, but in that good way. - Oh. 597 00:38:12,834 --> 00:38:16,879 And it's only a once-in-a-while thing reserved for really special occasions. 598 00:38:16,963 --> 00:38:21,050 - How about not-so-special occasions? - Tongue only. 599 00:38:21,133 --> 00:38:24,387 Well, but see-- Come on. That's what I'm sayin'. 600 00:38:24,470 --> 00:38:27,723 It's like, how can that be enough? How big can a tongue really get? 601 00:38:31,727 --> 00:38:33,646 My God. 602 00:38:33,729 --> 00:38:38,484 [Laughs] Let's go. 603 00:38:40,903 --> 00:38:43,197 Come on. Come on. 604 00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:45,741 You're really gonna have to give me a minute, I think. 605 00:38:45,867 --> 00:38:48,703 [Holden] Would you stop futzing with your fuckin' bag? We're late already. 606 00:38:48,744 --> 00:38:50,945 - [Banky] I have to get something. - Look, man, we miss this train, 607 00:38:50,997 --> 00:38:54,542 I'm gonna shitcan you and just hire Charles Schulz. 608 00:38:54,625 --> 00:38:57,920 Oh, my God. Who are you? Larry Fucking Flynt? 609 00:38:58,004 --> 00:39:00,631 - What are you gonna do with all those? - Read the articles. 610 00:39:00,715 --> 00:39:04,552 What do you think I'm gonna do with 'em? They're stroke books, stupid. 611 00:39:04,635 --> 00:39:07,638 You got, like, 30 books in there. We're only gonna be gone for two days. 612 00:39:07,722 --> 00:39:10,558 Variety is the spice of life. I like a wide selection. 613 00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:12,894 Sometimes I'm in the mood for nasty close-ups. 614 00:39:12,935 --> 00:39:15,229 Sometimes I like 'em arty and airbrushed. 615 00:39:15,313 --> 00:39:17,565 Sometimes it's a spread brown-eye kind of night. 616 00:39:17,648 --> 00:39:20,067 - Sometimes it's girl-on-girl time. - [Beeping] 617 00:39:20,109 --> 00:39:22,069 Sometimes a steamy letter will do. 618 00:39:22,111 --> 00:39:25,072 Sometimes, not often, but sometimes... 619 00:39:25,114 --> 00:39:29,410 I like the idea of a chick with a horse. 620 00:39:29,452 --> 00:39:31,954 Go get our tickets. I gotta call Alyssa. 621 00:39:32,038 --> 00:39:34,790 - His master's voice. - Put that stuff away! 622 00:39:44,133 --> 00:39:46,052 Hi. 623 00:39:53,100 --> 00:39:57,939 [Coins Clattering] 624 00:40:03,319 --> 00:40:07,740 [Alyssa] One minute, five seconds. Ah, you are such my bitch. 625 00:40:07,824 --> 00:40:09,742 What's up? I'm about to get on a train. 626 00:40:09,826 --> 00:40:12,995 - Oh! Why? - Last-minute invite to the Boston Con. 627 00:40:13,079 --> 00:40:16,916 - Shit. - What? 628 00:40:16,999 --> 00:40:19,627 Well, my sister's at my parents', and I was gonna go see her. 629 00:40:19,710 --> 00:40:21,671 - The one that wrote the book? - Yeah. 630 00:40:21,712 --> 00:40:26,300 But I was stayin' all weekend. I wanted to hang out with you. This sucks. 631 00:40:26,342 --> 00:40:30,596 You know, um, both of us don't have to go. 632 00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:32,640 - Really? - Yeah. Banky can do this by himself. 633 00:40:32,682 --> 00:40:35,893 I mean, you know, it's not like we're on a panel. It's just a signing appearance. 634 00:40:35,977 --> 00:40:38,729 If you come pick me up, I'll be your best friend. 635 00:40:38,813 --> 00:40:41,023 Where's your apartment? 636 00:40:41,107 --> 00:40:45,027 And then Black Beauty couldn't take it any longer, 637 00:40:45,111 --> 00:40:50,575 and he finally did some of his own mounting. 638 00:40:50,658 --> 00:40:52,618 What are you doing? 639 00:40:52,702 --> 00:40:54,829 I think I want kids of my own one day. They're fun. 640 00:40:54,912 --> 00:40:58,291 Listen to me. I'm not going. You're gonna have to do this one by yourself. 641 00:40:58,374 --> 00:41:00,334 - What? Why? - Alyssa's comin' down for the weekend. 642 00:41:00,418 --> 00:41:02,879 I'm gonna hang out with her. You don't need me for this. 643 00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:05,923 Look, I'll take the bags. You can, uh, keep the filth. 644 00:41:06,007 --> 00:41:07,925 I'll pick you up at 9:00 Sunday night. 645 00:41:08,009 --> 00:41:10,887 Don't forget to plug the annual, and don't mention the TV show, okay? 646 00:41:10,928 --> 00:41:13,431 Call me if you get bored. 647 00:41:13,514 --> 00:41:15,474 [Man] All aboard! 648 00:41:18,060 --> 00:41:20,354 Explain this again. 649 00:41:20,396 --> 00:41:22,899 How could you have grown up on the shore and never played skee-ball? 650 00:41:22,940 --> 00:41:24,942 What did you do with your youth? 651 00:41:25,026 --> 00:41:27,445 Stayed out late, smoked pot, screwed around. 652 00:41:27,528 --> 00:41:29,614 Not your grade school years, your high school years. 653 00:41:29,697 --> 00:41:33,201 - This looks complicated. - Jesus. Potzer, uh-- 654 00:41:33,284 --> 00:41:35,912 - The premise is very basic, okay? - Uh-huh. 655 00:41:35,995 --> 00:41:39,123 You roll the ball up the rampart in an effort to pop it into the score circle. 656 00:41:39,207 --> 00:41:40,750 The higher the score, the more prize tickets you get. 657 00:41:40,833 --> 00:41:42,793 Well, what do you do with the prize tickets? 658 00:41:42,877 --> 00:41:45,296 You trade them in for prizes, 659 00:41:45,379 --> 00:41:48,466 which are not worth nearly as much as you've paid to play the game. 660 00:41:48,549 --> 00:41:51,844 - Well, what's the point? - It's fun. 661 00:41:51,928 --> 00:41:54,764 And you question my lifestyle. 662 00:41:54,805 --> 00:41:58,017 - [Coat Clatters On Floor] - Observe. 663 00:42:03,689 --> 00:42:05,483 See? It's just that simple. 664 00:42:05,566 --> 00:42:08,194 Well, why not just walk up there and put it in the 50 every time-- 665 00:42:08,277 --> 00:42:12,448 - Well, where's the skill in that? - Oh, this is a skill. 666 00:42:12,532 --> 00:42:14,867 I'm sorry. I had no idea. 667 00:42:14,909 --> 00:42:16,869 Just toss one. 668 00:42:19,747 --> 00:42:21,707 [Ball Thuds, Man Groans] 669 00:42:21,749 --> 00:42:26,504 Uh, I'm sorry there, man. She's a little new at this. 670 00:42:26,587 --> 00:42:29,048 Thanks. Thanks a lot. 671 00:42:29,090 --> 00:42:31,717 Underhand, okay? Throw it underhand. 672 00:42:31,801 --> 00:42:34,345 And this is where you take straight chicks on dates. 673 00:42:34,428 --> 00:42:36,347 This place is like Spanish fly. 674 00:42:36,430 --> 00:42:38,766 This will probably be the first time I don't score afterward. 675 00:42:38,850 --> 00:42:41,769 I don't know. I'm starting to get a tingle in my bottom. 676 00:42:45,106 --> 00:42:46,941 - Ten. - Very nice. 677 00:42:47,024 --> 00:42:48,943 - So, what'd you do last night? - Got laid. 678 00:42:49,026 --> 00:42:51,737 [Machine Clattering] 679 00:42:53,364 --> 00:42:56,742 Some more of that, uh, skill you were tellin' me about? 680 00:42:56,784 --> 00:43:00,413 I never will regret this 681 00:43:00,454 --> 00:43:02,999 I never will, never will Never will regret this 682 00:43:03,082 --> 00:43:05,001 Never will regret this 683 00:43:05,084 --> 00:43:09,589 I never will, never will Never will regret this 684 00:43:18,264 --> 00:43:22,643 Well, give us today and I'm not scared to say 685 00:43:22,685 --> 00:43:25,563 I'm afraid 686 00:43:25,646 --> 00:43:28,274 Yes, I have a couple of hesitations 687 00:43:28,357 --> 00:43:30,651 And I'll open the door 688 00:43:30,735 --> 00:43:35,072 And I wonder if she might come in 689 00:43:35,156 --> 00:43:40,453 And do you really need an invitation now 690 00:43:40,495 --> 00:43:44,624 'Cause I think I'm feeling really something today 691 00:43:44,665 --> 00:43:48,920 Yes, I think I feel a little spark, hey 692 00:43:49,003 --> 00:43:51,964 [Alyssa] Are you sure that control is working, Banky? 693 00:43:52,006 --> 00:43:55,468 I thought you lived in the city. 694 00:43:55,510 --> 00:43:57,470 It's like the umpteenth time I've seen ya here. 695 00:43:57,512 --> 00:44:00,848 Isn't that grounds for the little pink mafia to throw you outta their club? 696 00:44:00,932 --> 00:44:02,808 Hey! That's the last time. 697 00:44:02,850 --> 00:44:06,646 I think I feel a little spark, hey 698 00:44:06,687 --> 00:44:10,066 A little jump start Never will forget this 699 00:44:10,149 --> 00:44:13,069 I never will, never will Never will forget this 700 00:44:13,152 --> 00:44:15,488 Never will forget this 701 00:44:15,530 --> 00:44:18,282 I never will, never will Never will forget this 702 00:44:18,366 --> 00:44:20,535 Never will forget this 703 00:44:20,618 --> 00:44:23,329 I never will, never will Never will forget this 704 00:44:23,412 --> 00:44:25,623 Never will forget this 705 00:44:25,706 --> 00:44:27,959 I never will, never will Never will forget this 706 00:44:31,546 --> 00:44:33,923 [Sighs] 707 00:44:34,006 --> 00:44:37,385 - [Video Game Beeps] - Wow. How bad do you suck? 708 00:44:37,426 --> 00:44:41,472 - [Video Game Beeps] - How was your pseudo date? 709 00:44:41,556 --> 00:44:43,641 - Leave it alone. - That chick bugs me. 710 00:44:43,724 --> 00:44:47,270 - No, everyone bugs you. - Get off! 711 00:44:47,353 --> 00:44:50,898 - [Video Game Whirring] - Fuckin' faggot. Did you see that? 712 00:44:50,982 --> 00:44:55,486 Your dyke-courting ass just got me scored on. 713 00:44:55,570 --> 00:44:58,406 You know, you should watch that, man. 714 00:44:58,447 --> 00:45:01,242 If you're gonna get so bent outta shape while playing the game-- 715 00:45:01,325 --> 00:45:04,370 so much so that you feel the need to curse the TV-- 716 00:45:04,412 --> 00:45:06,747 try not to gay bash it, all right? 717 00:45:06,789 --> 00:45:09,000 You're not that kind of guy. 718 00:45:09,083 --> 00:45:13,880 And don't call her a dyke. She's a lesbian. Okay? 719 00:45:20,720 --> 00:45:23,806 What the fuck is goin' on here? 720 00:45:23,890 --> 00:45:26,184 - I'm starting a new page? - Not with this shit! With you! 721 00:45:26,267 --> 00:45:28,227 What the fuck is goin' on with you and that girl? 722 00:45:28,269 --> 00:45:31,439 - We're just friends! - She's programming you! 723 00:45:31,522 --> 00:45:33,441 I beg your pardon? Programming? 724 00:45:33,524 --> 00:45:36,027 Yeah, and apparently you don't even fuckin' realize it. 725 00:45:36,110 --> 00:45:38,821 What does it matter if I refer to her as a dyke? 726 00:45:38,905 --> 00:45:42,575 Or if I call the Whalers faggots in the privacy of my own office... 727 00:45:42,617 --> 00:45:45,495 far from the sensitive ears of the rest of the world? 728 00:45:45,578 --> 00:45:49,207 Look, man, it's passive-aggressive gay bashing. 729 00:45:49,290 --> 00:45:51,292 And I know you're not really prejudiced at heart. 730 00:45:51,375 --> 00:45:57,298 I think you should find some other way to express your anger is all I'm saying. 731 00:45:59,133 --> 00:46:01,093 [Sighs] 732 00:46:09,685 --> 00:46:12,271 [Sighs] What are you doing? 733 00:46:12,355 --> 00:46:18,069 Just bear with me here. I want to put you through this little exercise. 734 00:46:25,576 --> 00:46:29,664 All right, now, see this? This is a four-way road, okay? 735 00:46:29,747 --> 00:46:34,252 And dead in the center is a crisp, new hundred-dollar bill. 736 00:46:34,335 --> 00:46:38,339 Now, at the end of each of these streets are four people. Okay? You following? 737 00:46:38,422 --> 00:46:40,341 - Yeah. - Good. 738 00:46:40,424 --> 00:46:43,594 Over here we have a male-affectionate, easy-to-get-along-with, 739 00:46:43,678 --> 00:46:46,472 nonpolitical-agenda lesbian. 740 00:46:46,556 --> 00:46:50,476 Down here we have a man-hating, angry-as-fuck, 741 00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:54,021 agenda-of-rage, bitter dyke. 742 00:46:54,105 --> 00:46:58,943 Over here we got Santa Claus, and up here, the Easter Bunny. 743 00:46:59,026 --> 00:47:03,614 Which one is going to get to the hundred-dollar bill first? 744 00:47:03,698 --> 00:47:05,616 - What is this supposed to prove? - No, I'm serious. 745 00:47:05,700 --> 00:47:08,703 This is a serious exercise. It's like an S.A.T. question. 746 00:47:08,786 --> 00:47:11,873 Which one is going to get to the hundred-dollar bill first? 747 00:47:11,956 --> 00:47:14,834 The male-friendly lesbian? The man-hating dyke? 748 00:47:14,917 --> 00:47:16,836 Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny? 749 00:47:16,919 --> 00:47:19,630 - The man-hating dyke. - Good. 750 00:47:19,714 --> 00:47:21,632 - Why? - I don't know. 751 00:47:21,716 --> 00:47:25,636 Because the other three are figments of your fucking imagination! 752 00:47:25,720 --> 00:47:28,764 I don't need this. I'll be hiding from your fuckin' shit in my room. 753 00:47:28,848 --> 00:47:31,517 - What? - What is it about this girl, man? 754 00:47:31,601 --> 00:47:34,353 You know you have no shot at getting her into bed! 755 00:47:34,437 --> 00:47:36,856 Why do you bother wasting time with her? 756 00:47:36,939 --> 00:47:39,901 - Because you're Holden Fucking McNeil. - Right. 757 00:47:39,942 --> 00:47:44,530 Most persistent traveler on the road. That's not the path of least resistance. 758 00:47:44,614 --> 00:47:47,033 Everything's gotta be a fuckin' challenge for you. 759 00:47:47,116 --> 00:47:49,452 And this little relationship with that bitch... 760 00:47:49,535 --> 00:47:52,538 is a prime example of your fucking condition. 761 00:47:52,622 --> 00:47:54,916 Well, I don't need a magic eight ball to look into your future. 762 00:47:54,999 --> 00:47:59,795 You want a forecast? Here. Will Holden ever fuck Alyssa? 763 00:47:59,879 --> 00:48:02,840 Oh, what a shock. Not fucking likely. 764 00:48:02,924 --> 00:48:06,928 This relationship is affecting you, our work and our friendship. 765 00:48:07,011 --> 00:48:10,556 The time's gonna come when I throw down the gauntlet and say, "It's me or her." 766 00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:12,600 - Then what are you gonna say? - I say you should let this one go! 767 00:48:12,642 --> 00:48:16,521 No. What would you say? Would you trash 20 years of fuckin' friendship... 768 00:48:16,604 --> 00:48:18,856 because you've got some idiotic notion... 769 00:48:18,940 --> 00:48:22,360 that this chick would even let you sniff her panties, let alone fuck her? 770 00:48:22,443 --> 00:48:25,613 Look, fuckin' asshole, I'm telling you, okay? Let it go! 771 00:48:25,696 --> 00:48:27,657 What the fuck, man? 772 00:48:27,698 --> 00:48:29,700 What the fuck makes this bitch all that important? 773 00:48:29,784 --> 00:48:32,954 'Cause I'm fuckin' in love with her, man, okay? 774 00:48:39,293 --> 00:48:41,212 [Whispers] Fuck. 775 00:48:46,801 --> 00:48:51,180 - Well, I thought it was love - Thought it was love 776 00:48:51,264 --> 00:48:53,432 'Cause my heart-- 777 00:48:53,516 --> 00:48:57,645 [Continues, Indistinct] 778 00:48:57,687 --> 00:49:00,439 Wish you were the one being pursued for the cartoon. 779 00:49:00,523 --> 00:49:02,108 Oh, really? 780 00:49:02,191 --> 00:49:06,320 Yeah, then maybe you could sell out and pick up a check every once in a while. 781 00:49:06,362 --> 00:49:08,322 We're leaving? 782 00:49:08,364 --> 00:49:11,325 Well, it's not like this is a bed and breakfast. 783 00:49:11,367 --> 00:49:14,203 I've got a little business to conduct. 784 00:49:19,834 --> 00:49:24,046 Hello there. Let me ask you a question. 785 00:49:24,130 --> 00:49:28,551 Are you an authorized deal maker in this establishment? 786 00:49:28,593 --> 00:49:31,554 Do you have the power to negotiate? 787 00:49:31,637 --> 00:49:34,557 You wanna haggle over the price of your French dip? 788 00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:39,979 No, I wanna haggle over the price of fine art. 789 00:49:40,062 --> 00:49:43,149 - What do you mean? - There. By the kitchen. 790 00:49:43,232 --> 00:49:46,486 See? That painting. 791 00:49:46,569 --> 00:49:50,948 - What about it? - The price tag says 75. 792 00:49:51,032 --> 00:49:54,202 - So? - Tell me you're kidding. 793 00:49:54,243 --> 00:49:58,748 - I'll give you 50. - [Scoffs] 794 00:50:02,752 --> 00:50:08,007 Manuel, could you bring the Dyksiezski down off the wall, please? 795 00:50:08,174 --> 00:50:10,801 My new Dyksiezski. 796 00:50:10,885 --> 00:50:14,764 - Where are you gonna hang it? - I'm not. You are. 797 00:50:14,847 --> 00:50:16,766 Oh? You want me to hang it for you? 798 00:50:16,849 --> 00:50:18,768 You better hope it doesn't get out to the girl nation... 799 00:50:18,851 --> 00:50:20,770 you needed a man to help you hang a picture. 800 00:50:20,853 --> 00:50:24,690 No, no, no. You're going to hang it in your house. 801 00:50:24,732 --> 00:50:28,194 - Yeah, right. - I'm serious. 802 00:50:32,824 --> 00:50:36,452 - Why? - Because it's captured the moment. 803 00:50:36,536 --> 00:50:39,372 It'll be a constant reminder, not just of tonight, 804 00:50:39,413 --> 00:50:44,085 but of our introduction, of the building of our friendship, everything. 805 00:50:44,168 --> 00:50:48,673 Make no mistake about it, my friend, it is a gift from me to you, 806 00:50:48,714 --> 00:50:52,009 so you'll always remember us. 807 00:51:00,059 --> 00:51:03,187 [Keys Jingle, Engine Off] 808 00:51:04,730 --> 00:51:06,691 Why are we stopping? 809 00:51:06,732 --> 00:51:09,986 - Because I can't take this. - Can't take what? 810 00:51:10,069 --> 00:51:12,697 I love you. 811 00:51:12,738 --> 00:51:15,366 [Thunderclap] 812 00:51:19,829 --> 00:51:21,998 You love me? 813 00:51:22,081 --> 00:51:25,835 I love you and not, not in a friendly way. 814 00:51:25,918 --> 00:51:28,045 Although, I think we're great friends. 815 00:51:28,129 --> 00:51:31,507 And not in a misplaced affection, puppy dog way. 816 00:51:31,591 --> 00:51:33,676 Although, I'm sure that's what you'll call it. 817 00:51:33,759 --> 00:51:37,221 I love you. Very-- 818 00:51:37,263 --> 00:51:40,600 Very simple. Very truly. 819 00:51:40,683 --> 00:51:45,480 You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. 820 00:51:45,563 --> 00:51:47,565 And I know that you think of me as just a friend, 821 00:51:47,607 --> 00:51:50,109 and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option... 822 00:51:50,151 --> 00:51:52,028 you would ever consider, 823 00:51:52,111 --> 00:51:56,991 but-- [Sighs] I had to say it. 824 00:51:57,074 --> 00:51:59,076 I just-- I can't take this anymore. 825 00:51:59,118 --> 00:52:02,163 I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. 826 00:52:02,246 --> 00:52:04,624 I can't-- I can't look into your eyes without feeling that-- 827 00:52:04,665 --> 00:52:07,752 that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. 828 00:52:07,793 --> 00:52:13,508 I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. 829 00:52:13,591 --> 00:52:19,055 And I know this will probably queer our friendship-- no pun intended-- 830 00:52:19,138 --> 00:52:24,769 [Sighs] but I had to say it. 831 00:52:24,810 --> 00:52:28,272 'Cause I've never felt this way before. 832 00:52:28,314 --> 00:52:33,736 And I don't care. I like who I am because of it. 833 00:52:33,820 --> 00:52:37,198 And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, 834 00:52:37,281 --> 00:52:40,451 then that hurts me. 835 00:52:40,493 --> 00:52:42,995 But, God, I just-- I couldn't allow another day to go by... 836 00:52:43,037 --> 00:52:46,958 without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, 837 00:52:46,999 --> 00:52:52,547 which, by the look on your face, is to be the inevitable... 838 00:52:52,630 --> 00:52:55,341 shoot down. 839 00:52:55,424 --> 00:53:00,680 And, you know, I'll accept that. 840 00:53:00,763 --> 00:53:04,600 But I know-- I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment. 841 00:53:04,684 --> 00:53:08,354 And if there's a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. 842 00:53:08,396 --> 00:53:10,356 And all I ask, please, is that you just-- 843 00:53:10,398 --> 00:53:15,862 you just not dismiss that and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. 844 00:53:17,238 --> 00:53:19,157 Ah. 845 00:53:20,449 --> 00:53:22,743 [Sighs] Alyssa. 846 00:53:22,827 --> 00:53:28,332 There isn't another soul on this fucking planet... 847 00:53:28,416 --> 00:53:32,795 who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you. 848 00:53:32,879 --> 00:53:36,966 And I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau, 849 00:53:37,049 --> 00:53:39,093 because it is there between you and me. 850 00:53:39,177 --> 00:53:42,972 You can't deny that. 851 00:53:51,439 --> 00:53:54,567 Even if, you know-- 852 00:53:58,112 --> 00:54:02,074 Even if we never talk again after tonight, 853 00:54:02,158 --> 00:54:06,621 please know that I am forever changed... 854 00:54:06,704 --> 00:54:11,083 because of who you are and what you've meant to me, 855 00:54:11,167 --> 00:54:15,254 which, while I do appreciate it, 856 00:54:15,338 --> 00:54:20,885 I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of. 857 00:54:35,733 --> 00:54:38,778 [Whispers] Oh, God. 858 00:54:38,861 --> 00:54:42,323 Was it something I said? 859 00:54:42,365 --> 00:54:45,284 [Whispers] Fuck. 860 00:54:47,245 --> 00:54:50,164 [Thunder Rumbling] 861 00:54:50,206 --> 00:54:52,917 - What are you doing? - Get in the car and get outta here! 862 00:54:53,000 --> 00:54:55,211 - You're gonna hitch to New York? - Yep! 863 00:54:55,294 --> 00:54:58,464 - Aren't you at least gonna comment? - Here's my comment: Fuck you! 864 00:54:58,548 --> 00:55:00,508 - Why? - That was so unfair. 865 00:55:00,591 --> 00:55:01,968 You know how unfair that was. 866 00:55:02,009 --> 00:55:03,970 What? It's unfair that I'm in love with you? 867 00:55:04,011 --> 00:55:06,514 No, it's unfortunate that you're in love with me. 868 00:55:06,556 --> 00:55:10,017 It's unfair you felt the fuckin' need to unburden your soul about it. 869 00:55:10,059 --> 00:55:13,312 Do you remember for one fucking second who I am? 870 00:55:13,396 --> 00:55:15,731 So? I mean, you know, people change. 871 00:55:15,815 --> 00:55:17,733 Oh! Oh! It's that simple! 872 00:55:17,817 --> 00:55:20,611 You fall in love with me and want a romantic relationship. 873 00:55:20,695 --> 00:55:22,613 Nothing changes for you... 874 00:55:22,697 --> 00:55:25,158 with the exception of feeling hunky-dory all the time. 875 00:55:25,241 --> 00:55:29,203 But what about me, Holden? It's not that simple! 876 00:55:29,245 --> 00:55:31,664 I just can't get into a relationship with you... 877 00:55:31,706 --> 00:55:34,834 without throwing my whole fucking world into upheaval. 878 00:55:34,917 --> 00:55:39,172 That's every relationship. There's always gonna be a period of adjustment. 879 00:55:39,213 --> 00:55:41,799 Period of adjustment? 880 00:55:41,883 --> 00:55:46,179 There's no period of adjustment, Holden! I am fucking gay! 881 00:55:46,262 --> 00:55:48,306 That's who I am! 882 00:55:48,389 --> 00:55:54,270 You assume I can turn all that around because you've got a fucking crush? 883 00:55:56,355 --> 00:55:58,274 If this is a crush, 884 00:55:58,357 --> 00:56:02,028 I don't think I could take it if the real thing ever happened. 885 00:56:02,111 --> 00:56:04,572 Go home, Holden. 886 00:56:04,655 --> 00:56:07,366 [Thunder Rumbling] 887 00:56:37,104 --> 00:56:39,023 [Cries] 888 00:56:50,409 --> 00:56:52,954 [Thunder Rumbling] 889 00:57:33,132 --> 00:57:37,303 [Radio Announcer] You're back with Chaz and Stu and the New Zoo Review. 890 00:57:37,386 --> 00:57:41,307 As always behind us we got wacky-- [Radio Continues, Indistinct] 891 00:57:57,990 --> 00:57:59,950 [Door Slams] 892 00:57:59,992 --> 00:58:02,745 I take it that's not good. 893 00:58:02,828 --> 00:58:06,332 [Sighs] Stay here. 894 00:58:06,415 --> 00:58:10,002 Be right back. [Groans] 895 00:58:29,188 --> 00:58:32,316 Catholic schoolgirls. 896 00:58:32,358 --> 00:58:37,446 The uniform's what does it for me. 897 00:58:37,530 --> 00:58:41,367 I wish I'd went with more Catholic schoolgirls when I was a kid. 898 00:58:41,408 --> 00:58:46,956 As it stands, I have no "And then she unzipped her jumper" stories. 899 00:58:48,040 --> 00:58:51,335 You seemed weirded-out back there. 900 00:58:51,377 --> 00:58:55,965 - That's my couch you were fucking on. - Sorry. 901 00:58:56,048 --> 00:58:59,343 I wanted to watch some TV. Hard to do when your best friend is... 902 00:58:59,385 --> 00:59:03,514 wrapped around a naked rug-muncher on your couch. 903 00:59:03,556 --> 00:59:06,100 She had boxers on. 904 00:59:09,645 --> 00:59:14,066 - [Sighs] This is all gonna end badly. - You don't know that. 905 00:59:14,150 --> 00:59:17,820 I know you. You're way too conservative for that girl. 906 00:59:17,903 --> 00:59:22,408 She's been around and seen things we've only read about in books. 907 00:59:22,491 --> 00:59:26,245 We have read about them, so we're prepared. 908 00:59:26,328 --> 00:59:29,582 There's no "we" here. 909 00:59:31,333 --> 00:59:33,878 You're gonna have to go through this alone. 910 00:59:33,919 --> 00:59:35,921 It's one thing to read about shit, 911 00:59:35,963 --> 00:59:40,092 something different when you're forced to deal with it on a regular basis. 912 00:59:40,176 --> 00:59:43,971 When you are walking in a mall and your heads turn at a nice-looking chick, 913 00:59:44,054 --> 00:59:47,099 it's gonna eat you up inside. 914 00:59:47,183 --> 00:59:51,729 You'll spend most of your time wondering when the other shoe's gonna drop. 915 00:59:51,812 --> 00:59:55,858 'Cause for you this isn't about cool, weird sex stuff. 916 00:59:55,941 --> 00:59:58,194 It's about love. 917 00:59:58,277 --> 01:00:01,405 Maybe it is for her as well. 918 01:00:01,447 --> 01:00:04,700 Somehow I doubt it. 919 01:00:04,784 --> 01:00:07,620 Everybody's not out to get someone in life, Bank. 920 01:00:07,661 --> 01:00:11,540 Everybody has an agenda, all right? Everyone. 921 01:00:11,624 --> 01:00:13,250 Yourself? 922 01:00:13,292 --> 01:00:16,253 - My agenda is to watch your back. - To what end? 923 01:00:16,295 --> 01:00:19,256 To insure that all this time we've spent together, building something, 924 01:00:19,298 --> 01:00:20,424 wasn't wasted. 925 01:00:20,466 --> 01:00:24,553 Oh, she's not gonna ruin the comic. 926 01:00:27,014 --> 01:00:29,642 I wasn't talkin' about the comic. 927 01:00:31,644 --> 01:00:34,480 [Sighing] I'm gonna go get a bagel. 928 01:00:34,522 --> 01:00:38,234 Clean off my fucking couch so I can watch TV. 929 01:00:41,320 --> 01:00:43,280 [Sighs] 930 01:00:49,161 --> 01:00:51,330 From what I understand, when you sign with a publisher... 931 01:00:51,372 --> 01:00:54,166 someone else does all this work for you, and you just sit back and collect. 932 01:00:54,250 --> 01:00:57,628 And miss these late-night cram sessions with my nearest and dearest? 933 01:00:57,670 --> 01:01:00,089 - Never. - I don't know what she's bitching about. 934 01:01:00,172 --> 01:01:02,758 All she's done since we got here is pound Merlot. 935 01:01:02,842 --> 01:01:03,926 Yeah, you're a real help. 936 01:01:04,009 --> 01:01:06,679 I'd like to know why we're here at all... 937 01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:08,681 when we haven't seen Princess Funny Book in a month. 938 01:01:08,722 --> 01:01:13,686 - Yeah. Who you shackin' up with? - "Shacking up with"? Please. 939 01:01:15,396 --> 01:01:17,648 [Giggling] I'm so in love! 940 01:01:17,731 --> 01:01:19,942 [All] Ohh! 941 01:01:20,025 --> 01:01:24,363 I know, I know. I feel like such a goon, but I can't help it. 942 01:01:24,447 --> 01:01:27,366 - We have such a great time together. - Who is it? 943 01:01:27,450 --> 01:01:29,368 Someone you guys don't know. 944 01:01:29,452 --> 01:01:31,454 That chick you left the restaurant with that night. 945 01:01:31,537 --> 01:01:33,456 They're not from around here. 946 01:01:33,539 --> 01:01:35,458 Don't even tell me you met her down the shore. 947 01:01:35,541 --> 01:01:38,210 Ew, a bridge-and-tunnel Jersey dyke. 948 01:01:38,252 --> 01:01:40,796 - With huge hair and acid-washed jeans. - [Laughs] 949 01:01:40,880 --> 01:01:44,884 For your information, they don't have big hair or wear acid-wash. 950 01:01:44,967 --> 01:01:46,969 They're from my hometown. 951 01:01:51,766 --> 01:01:53,893 Why are you playing the pronoun game? 952 01:01:53,976 --> 01:01:57,730 - What are you talking about? I'm not. - You are. 953 01:01:57,772 --> 01:02:03,152 I met "someone." "We" have a great time. "They're" from my hometown. 954 01:02:03,235 --> 01:02:05,404 Doesn't this tube of wonderful have a name? 955 01:02:12,620 --> 01:02:14,872 Holden. 956 01:02:29,470 --> 01:02:31,555 [Sighs] Well... 957 01:02:34,391 --> 01:02:36,352 here's to the both of you. 958 01:02:40,022 --> 01:02:42,566 Another one bites the dust. 959 01:02:51,325 --> 01:02:53,744 Can I ask you a question? 960 01:02:53,828 --> 01:02:57,540 Don't even tell me you want to do it again. 961 01:02:59,834 --> 01:03:04,255 Why me? You know? Why now? 962 01:03:04,338 --> 01:03:07,800 Well, because you were givin' me that look and I got all wet. 963 01:03:07,883 --> 01:03:10,094 You know what I mean. 964 01:03:10,177 --> 01:03:12,638 Why not you? 965 01:03:12,721 --> 01:03:17,852 Well, I'm a guy. I mean... you're attracted to girls. 966 01:03:17,935 --> 01:03:20,479 I see you've been taking notes. 967 01:03:20,521 --> 01:03:23,732 Historically, yes. That's true. 968 01:03:23,816 --> 01:03:26,610 Then why this? 969 01:03:31,157 --> 01:03:34,493 Well, I've given that a lot of thought, you know. 970 01:03:34,535 --> 01:03:37,538 Now that I'm being ostracized by my friends, 971 01:03:37,580 --> 01:03:39,540 I've had plenty of time to think about it. 972 01:03:39,582 --> 01:03:43,002 And what I've come up with is really simple. 973 01:03:44,378 --> 01:03:47,715 I came to this on my own terms. 974 01:03:47,798 --> 01:03:50,718 You know, I didn't just heed what I was taught: 975 01:03:50,760 --> 01:03:54,638 Men and women should be together, it's the natural way, 976 01:03:54,722 --> 01:03:56,640 that kind of thing. 977 01:03:56,724 --> 01:04:00,936 I'm not with you because of what family, society, life... 978 01:04:01,020 --> 01:04:04,523 tried to instill in me from day one. 979 01:04:06,525 --> 01:04:08,819 The way the world is, 980 01:04:08,903 --> 01:04:13,908 how seldom it is that you meet that one person who... 981 01:04:13,991 --> 01:04:16,535 just gets you. 982 01:04:16,619 --> 01:04:19,038 It's so rare. 983 01:04:19,080 --> 01:04:22,208 My parents didn't really have it. 984 01:04:22,249 --> 01:04:27,713 There were no examples set for me in the world of male-female relationships. 985 01:04:27,797 --> 01:04:31,967 And to cut oneself off from finding that person-- 986 01:04:32,051 --> 01:04:36,388 to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility... 987 01:04:36,430 --> 01:04:40,142 of finding that one person within your own gender-- 988 01:04:40,226 --> 01:04:42,353 that just seemed stupid to me. 989 01:04:42,436 --> 01:04:45,272 So I didn't. 990 01:04:45,314 --> 01:04:48,567 But then you came along. 991 01:04:48,609 --> 01:04:52,571 You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy. 992 01:04:52,655 --> 01:04:55,116 [Chuckling] Still am. 993 01:04:55,157 --> 01:05:00,246 And while I was falling for you I put a ceiling on that, 994 01:05:00,329 --> 01:05:03,124 because you were a guy. 995 01:05:03,207 --> 01:05:08,045 Until I remembered why I opened the door to women in the first place: 996 01:05:08,129 --> 01:05:12,425 To not limit the likelihood of finding that one person who'd... 997 01:05:12,466 --> 01:05:14,844 complement me so completely. 998 01:05:19,140 --> 01:05:22,268 So, here we are. 999 01:05:22,309 --> 01:05:24,687 I was thorough when I looked for you. 1000 01:05:26,772 --> 01:05:30,401 And I feel justified lying in your arms... 1001 01:05:30,484 --> 01:05:34,196 'cause I got here on my own terms, 1002 01:05:34,238 --> 01:05:39,034 and I have no question there was someplace I didn't look. 1003 01:05:39,076 --> 01:05:41,829 For me that makes all the difference. 1004 01:05:58,053 --> 01:06:01,140 Can I at least tell people all you needed was some serious deep-dicking? 1005 01:06:01,223 --> 01:06:05,311 [Laughing] 1006 01:06:08,022 --> 01:06:10,608 - Move! - Stop! 1007 01:06:23,496 --> 01:06:26,415 - What? - Check out page 48. 1008 01:06:38,594 --> 01:06:41,514 - So? - Did you see the nickname? 1009 01:06:43,933 --> 01:06:46,644 - "Finger Cuffs." - And? 1010 01:06:46,727 --> 01:06:51,148 - Weird nickname. What's your point? - Do you know why it's "Finger Cuffs"? 1011 01:06:51,232 --> 01:06:54,485 - No. I suppose you do. - I do. 1012 01:06:57,071 --> 01:07:01,659 Remember Cohee Lundin? Left Hudson and went to North our senior year? 1013 01:07:01,742 --> 01:07:03,661 Yeah. 1014 01:07:03,744 --> 01:07:06,914 Well, asshole, I ran into him at the stores the other day. 1015 01:07:06,997 --> 01:07:09,458 God, it's been ages since I've seen him. 1016 01:07:09,500 --> 01:07:13,003 - Mentioned you were dating Alyssa. - Did you? 1017 01:07:13,087 --> 01:07:15,339 Yeah. Funny thing is, you know what he said? 1018 01:07:15,381 --> 01:07:20,177 Shit, I know Alyssa Jones. I mean, I know Alyssa Jones. 1019 01:07:20,219 --> 01:07:24,306 Me and Rick Derris used to hang around her house after school... 1020 01:07:24,390 --> 01:07:27,017 and shit, 'cause her parents were, like, never home and shit, right? 1021 01:07:27,101 --> 01:07:29,854 But one day Rick whips it out and starts rubbin' it on her leg and shit, 1022 01:07:29,895 --> 01:07:32,064 chasin' her around the living room; I was dyin'. 1023 01:07:32,148 --> 01:07:34,859 You know what the crazy bitch did? She fuckin' drops to her knees... 1024 01:07:34,900 --> 01:07:37,778 and starts suckin' him off right in front of me, like I wasn't even there. 1025 01:07:37,862 --> 01:07:40,156 I almost died. But that's not the fucked-up part. 1026 01:07:40,239 --> 01:07:44,160 The fucked-up part was Rick, right in the middle of it, pointin' at her, 1027 01:07:44,243 --> 01:07:46,579 and he says "Cohee," just like that, "Cohee." 1028 01:07:46,662 --> 01:07:48,581 So I'm like, "Yo, I'll give it a shot." 1029 01:07:48,664 --> 01:07:51,459 I start pullin' her pants down and shit, all slow 'cause I figure any second... 1030 01:07:51,542 --> 01:07:53,669 she's gonna turn around and belt me in the mouth, right? 1031 01:07:53,753 --> 01:07:57,214 But she's all into it, man! She don't try to stop me or nothin'! 1032 01:07:57,298 --> 01:08:00,134 She's all wet and I just start goin' to work, you know what I'm sayin'? 1033 01:08:00,217 --> 01:08:03,053 Me and Rick are goin' to town on this crazy bitch, and she's lovin' it, 1034 01:08:03,095 --> 01:08:05,055 all moaning and shit. 1035 01:08:05,097 --> 01:08:06,974 It was fucked-up. So Rick came up with the nickname. 1036 01:08:07,057 --> 01:08:11,645 That day she had us locked in from both sides like Chinese finger cuffs. 1037 01:08:11,729 --> 01:08:12,980 He's full of shit. 1038 01:08:13,063 --> 01:08:15,983 Cohee's a lot of things, but an exaggerator he's not. 1039 01:08:16,066 --> 01:08:18,110 - The dude's Catholic. - She's never even been with a guy. 1040 01:08:18,194 --> 01:08:21,405 That's what she says. But I say her on her hands and knees... 1041 01:08:21,447 --> 01:08:24,742 getting filled out like an application constitutes "being with a guy." 1042 01:08:24,784 --> 01:08:27,787 Look, man. Cohee Lundin is pulling your chain, okay? 1043 01:08:27,870 --> 01:08:30,956 The fact you even believe him makes you look like a complete fuckin' idiot. 1044 01:08:31,040 --> 01:08:33,292 I'm getting your back, asshole! 1045 01:08:33,375 --> 01:08:35,961 People don't forget shit like "Finger Cuffs." 1046 01:08:36,045 --> 01:08:39,590 What if it got out that she's queer as well? How's that gonna make you look? 1047 01:08:39,673 --> 01:08:43,010 - Well, I give a shit what people think. - Fuck! 1048 01:08:43,094 --> 01:08:46,222 All right. What if she's carrying a disease? 1049 01:08:46,305 --> 01:08:48,265 - Fuck you! - What? 1050 01:08:48,307 --> 01:08:51,477 Oh, it's not possible that she's all crudded-up? 1051 01:08:51,560 --> 01:08:55,064 Cohee I can vouch for is clean. The dude never got laid in high school. 1052 01:08:55,147 --> 01:08:57,983 But Derris? He's an arch-fucking-bushman! 1053 01:08:58,067 --> 01:09:01,779 Name me one chick in our senior class that he didn't nail, for Christ's sake! 1054 01:09:01,862 --> 01:09:05,116 Let it go, okay? I'm telling you, she's never even been with a guy, 1055 01:09:05,157 --> 01:09:07,201 much less these two fuckin' zeroes. 1056 01:09:07,284 --> 01:09:10,913 And the bitch could be a bigger germ farm than that monkey in Outbreak! 1057 01:09:10,996 --> 01:09:14,917 Would you let it go, okay? I'm fuckin' tired of this shit! 1058 01:09:15,000 --> 01:09:19,964 She's my goddamn girlfriend! Show a little fuckin' respect! 1059 01:09:20,047 --> 01:09:23,259 And I swear to God, if I ever hear you so much as fucking mention... 1060 01:09:23,342 --> 01:09:28,347 Alyssa looks a little peaked, I'll put your fucking teeth down your throat! 1061 01:09:31,350 --> 01:09:34,186 Maybe I'll put your fuckin' teeth down your throat. 1062 01:09:34,228 --> 01:09:36,814 Yeah, maybe. 1063 01:09:37,857 --> 01:09:40,651 [Footsteps Down Stairs] 1064 01:09:41,694 --> 01:09:44,405 I've been workin' out, ya know! 1065 01:09:45,489 --> 01:09:48,617 You better be ready to make that deal. 1066 01:09:50,870 --> 01:09:53,789 So, where's that bitch partner of yours been? 1067 01:09:53,873 --> 01:09:55,082 Sulking. 1068 01:09:55,166 --> 01:09:57,168 He's having a real problem with this Alyssa thing. 1069 01:09:57,251 --> 01:10:01,505 I think it's more like Banky's having a real problem with all things not hetero, 1070 01:10:01,589 --> 01:10:04,467 and I'm just another paradigm of said aberration. 1071 01:10:04,550 --> 01:10:09,764 - Banky does not hate gays. - But he is a bit homophobic. 1072 01:10:09,847 --> 01:10:13,392 This latest episode between you and Miss Thing has tapped into that. 1073 01:10:13,476 --> 01:10:17,980 In his warped perception, he lost you to the "dark side," which is she. 1074 01:10:18,063 --> 01:10:19,982 You make it sound like me and him were dating. 1075 01:10:20,065 --> 01:10:21,400 Don't kid yourself. 1076 01:10:21,442 --> 01:10:24,403 That boy loves you in a way that he ain't ready to deal with. 1077 01:10:26,405 --> 01:10:28,365 [Clears Throat] 1078 01:10:28,407 --> 01:10:33,662 - He's been digging up dirt on Alyssa. - Uh-uh, honey! 1079 01:10:33,746 --> 01:10:39,627 And just what has Mr. Angela Lansbury uncovered about your lady fair? 1080 01:10:39,710 --> 01:10:42,421 [Whispering] He heard some bullshit story that she took on two guys. 1081 01:10:42,505 --> 01:10:44,548 Really? 1082 01:10:44,632 --> 01:10:48,594 Then he's barkin' up the wrong tree if he wants to split you up, isn't he? 1083 01:10:48,677 --> 01:10:51,097 He's not gonna make you see the error of your ways... 1084 01:10:51,180 --> 01:10:53,265 by pointing out how truly gay she's not. 1085 01:10:53,349 --> 01:10:56,185 - This one? - I have it. 1086 01:10:56,268 --> 01:11:01,315 - Actually, it has kinda gotten to me. - How so? 1087 01:11:01,398 --> 01:11:03,901 Well, Banky's got a pretty good bullshit detector. 1088 01:11:03,943 --> 01:11:06,278 - He's not known for misinformation. - So what if it is true? 1089 01:11:06,362 --> 01:11:08,906 - Would that bother you? - Sex with multiple partners? 1090 01:11:08,989 --> 01:11:10,950 - [Gasps] - At the same time? 1091 01:11:10,991 --> 01:11:12,952 Ah! Ooh! 1092 01:11:12,993 --> 01:11:15,621 Thanks for being so comforting. I appreciate it. 1093 01:11:15,704 --> 01:11:17,623 So, what do you care? 1094 01:11:17,706 --> 01:11:19,917 That's just it, you know? I shouldn't care. 1095 01:11:19,959 --> 01:11:21,919 - But it just-- It gets to me. - Look, 1096 01:11:21,961 --> 01:11:24,797 the kind of gal Alyssa is, you don't think she's been in the middle... 1097 01:11:24,839 --> 01:11:27,258 of an all-girl group grope? 1098 01:11:29,969 --> 01:11:33,472 You see, that doesn't bother me, right? But just the thought of her with guys-- 1099 01:11:33,556 --> 01:11:37,184 Oh, Holden, I beg you, please. Don't drop 50 stories in my opinion of you... 1100 01:11:37,268 --> 01:11:40,312 by falling prey to that latest of trendy beasts. 1101 01:11:40,396 --> 01:11:42,440 - Which is? - Lesbian chic. 1102 01:11:42,523 --> 01:11:46,861 It's oh-so acceptable to be a gay girl nowadays. People think it's cute. 1103 01:11:46,944 --> 01:11:50,322 Got this fool picture of lipstick lesbians in their heads, 1104 01:11:50,406 --> 01:11:54,452 like they all resemble Alyssa, while most of 'em look more like you. 1105 01:11:54,535 --> 01:11:57,455 Do I detect a little intersubculture cattiness here? 1106 01:11:57,496 --> 01:11:59,832 Gay or straight, ugly's still ugly. 1107 01:11:59,915 --> 01:12:02,543 - And most of those boys are scary. - [Laughs] 1108 01:12:02,626 --> 01:12:04,593 I thought you fags were all super-supportive of one another. 1109 01:12:04,628 --> 01:12:06,505 Screw that all-for-one shit. 1110 01:12:06,547 --> 01:12:09,175 I gotta deal with bein' a minority in the minority of the minority, 1111 01:12:09,258 --> 01:12:11,427 and nobody's supportin' my ass. 1112 01:12:11,510 --> 01:12:14,847 While the whole of society's fawning over girls-on-girls, 1113 01:12:14,889 --> 01:12:16,849 here I sit, a reviled gay man. 1114 01:12:16,891 --> 01:12:19,351 And to top that off, I'm a gay black man, 1115 01:12:19,393 --> 01:12:21,353 notoriously, the most swishy of the bunch. 1116 01:12:21,395 --> 01:12:23,397 - Three strikes-- - Hey, hey! There's a line. 1117 01:12:23,481 --> 01:12:26,400 - [Boy] Are you Hooper X? - [Rap Over Stereo] 1118 01:12:29,653 --> 01:12:33,783 - Salaam alaykem, little brother. - Could you sign my comic? 1119 01:12:38,329 --> 01:12:40,414 Hey. You see that man right there? 1120 01:12:41,749 --> 01:12:45,503 He the devil. Understand? 1121 01:12:45,544 --> 01:12:48,506 Never take your eye off the Man. 1122 01:12:54,887 --> 01:12:58,224 - Fight the power, little G. - Word is bond. 1123 01:12:58,307 --> 01:13:00,559 Word is bond. 1124 01:13:04,855 --> 01:13:07,316 Look at what I have to resort to for professional respect. 1125 01:13:07,317 --> 01:13:08,150 Look at what I have to resort to for professional respect. 1126 01:13:08,192 --> 01:13:11,529 What is it about gay men that terrifies the rest of the world? 1127 01:13:11,612 --> 01:13:13,531 [Sighs] 1128 01:13:13,614 --> 01:13:17,368 - As for this hang-up with Alyssa's past, ... - Um-hm. 1129 01:13:17,451 --> 01:13:21,372 ...maybe what's troubling you is that your fragile fantasy might not be true. 1130 01:13:21,455 --> 01:13:24,708 - What does that mean? - Holden, don't even try to come off... 1131 01:13:24,792 --> 01:13:26,877 like you don't know what I'm sayin'. 1132 01:13:26,961 --> 01:13:31,674 Men need to believe that they're Marco-fuckin'-Polo when it comes to sex. 1133 01:13:31,715 --> 01:13:34,385 Like they're the only ones who've ever explored new territory. 1134 01:13:34,468 --> 01:13:37,054 And it's hard not to let 'em believe it. 1135 01:13:37,138 --> 01:13:39,515 - I let my boys run with it for a while. - [Scoffs] 1136 01:13:39,557 --> 01:13:42,268 Feed 'em some of that "I've never done this before" bullshit... 1137 01:13:42,351 --> 01:13:44,770 and let them labor under the delusion that they're rockin' my world... 1138 01:13:44,854 --> 01:13:47,731 until I can't stand 'em no more, then I hit 'em with the truth. 1139 01:13:47,773 --> 01:13:49,733 It's a sick game. 1140 01:13:49,775 --> 01:13:51,735 The world would be a better place... 1141 01:13:51,777 --> 01:13:53,821 if people would just accept there's nothin' new under the sun, 1142 01:13:53,904 --> 01:13:55,823 and anything you can do with a person... 1143 01:13:55,906 --> 01:13:58,784 has probably been done long before you got there. 1144 01:13:58,868 --> 01:14:02,288 - Hey, I can accept that. - Honey, that almost sounded convincing. 1145 01:14:02,371 --> 01:14:07,084 Do yourself a favor: Just ask the girl about her past point-blank. 1146 01:14:07,168 --> 01:14:10,087 Get it out of the way before it gets too big for both of y'all to move. 1147 01:14:10,171 --> 01:14:12,089 Ooh! Yanni! 1148 01:14:15,509 --> 01:14:20,055 - [Spectators Cheering] - [Organ Playing] 1149 01:14:24,935 --> 01:14:28,522 - [Crowd Shouts and Cheers] - [Alyssa] Boo! Boo! 1150 01:14:31,525 --> 01:14:33,986 Since most of these people are rooting for the home team, 1151 01:14:34,070 --> 01:14:35,988 I'm going to cheer for the visitors. 1152 01:14:36,072 --> 01:14:38,324 I'm a big visitors fan. 1153 01:14:38,407 --> 01:14:41,952 Especially the kind that make coffee for you in the morning before they go. 1154 01:14:43,996 --> 01:14:47,124 That was a joke. Bah-dum-bah. 1155 01:14:47,208 --> 01:14:50,252 A little wacky wordplay. [Giggles] 1156 01:14:50,336 --> 01:14:53,089 Wha-What do you mean, "visitors"? 1157 01:14:53,172 --> 01:14:55,132 Was I being too obscure? 1158 01:14:55,216 --> 01:15:00,387 The kind that, until recently, had no dicks and would stay the night. 1159 01:15:01,680 --> 01:15:05,601 So, uh, that was until recently, right? 1160 01:15:05,684 --> 01:15:07,770 Uh, yeah. 1161 01:15:13,692 --> 01:15:17,780 Hey! Foul! Foul! He was traveling or something. 1162 01:15:17,863 --> 01:15:22,159 So, nobody but me has spent the night at your place since we got together? 1163 01:15:22,201 --> 01:15:24,161 Somethin' on your mind, Holden? 1164 01:15:24,203 --> 01:15:28,624 - Just wondering. - If I've been faithful or something? 1165 01:15:28,707 --> 01:15:32,128 I was just asking. 1166 01:15:32,211 --> 01:15:35,506 Oh, sweetie. 1167 01:15:35,548 --> 01:15:38,968 I only have eyes for you. 1168 01:15:43,556 --> 01:15:48,310 If you don't start usin' that whistle, I'm gonna jam it straight up your ass! 1169 01:15:48,394 --> 01:15:50,312 Right? 1170 01:15:51,814 --> 01:15:54,817 What's uh-- What's with "Finger Cuffs"? 1171 01:16:08,414 --> 01:16:10,374 "Finger Cuffs"? 1172 01:16:10,416 --> 01:16:15,296 In your senior yearbook your nickname was Finger Cuffs. What does that mean? 1173 01:16:15,379 --> 01:16:18,048 - It was? - Yeah. 1174 01:16:18,132 --> 01:16:21,844 Shit. Damned if I can remember. 1175 01:16:21,927 --> 01:16:25,097 I'd look it up, but I threw all that shit out years ago. 1176 01:16:25,181 --> 01:16:28,058 - Where'd you see a North yearbook? - Do you know a Rick Derris? 1177 01:16:30,227 --> 01:16:33,105 - Rick Derris? - Yeah. 1178 01:16:33,189 --> 01:16:35,316 [Pulse Beating] 1179 01:16:35,399 --> 01:16:38,402 Sure. We used to hang out in high school. 1180 01:16:38,486 --> 01:16:40,863 Punch him in the fuckin' neck, number 12! 1181 01:16:40,946 --> 01:16:44,158 Come on. Come on! 1182 01:16:44,241 --> 01:16:46,660 Did you guys, like, date or something? 1183 01:16:46,744 --> 01:16:50,998 Date Rick Derris? No, no. We just hung out a lot. 1184 01:16:51,082 --> 01:16:53,501 Just-Just you and Rick. 1185 01:16:53,584 --> 01:16:57,588 No. Me, Rick and, um-- 1186 01:16:57,671 --> 01:16:59,882 God, what was his name? 1187 01:16:59,965 --> 01:17:02,259 Um-- What was his name? 1188 01:17:02,301 --> 01:17:04,804 - What was his name? - Cohee. 1189 01:17:04,845 --> 01:17:07,098 - Yes! Cohee! Cohee Lundin! - [Pulse Continues] 1190 01:17:07,181 --> 01:17:09,433 God, I haven't thought about that name in years. 1191 01:17:12,645 --> 01:17:16,148 Those guys used to come over to my house almost every day after school. 1192 01:17:16,232 --> 01:17:20,361 They'd bug my sisters, look through my dad's closet for porno tapes, 1193 01:17:20,444 --> 01:17:22,530 raid the fridge. 1194 01:17:22,613 --> 01:17:25,699 They really took advantage of my parents' never being home. 1195 01:17:29,161 --> 01:17:31,122 This one day, 1196 01:17:31,163 --> 01:17:35,126 Rick pulled his dick out and started chasing me around the house with it. 1197 01:17:35,209 --> 01:17:37,378 Right in front of Cohee, man. I couldn't believe it. 1198 01:17:40,840 --> 01:17:43,801 Rick pulled his dick out? Really? 1199 01:17:43,843 --> 01:17:46,429 - [Laughing] - What did you do? 1200 01:17:46,512 --> 01:17:49,140 [Loudly] I blew him while Cohee fucked me! 1201 01:17:50,558 --> 01:17:54,145 [Pulse Stops, Crowd Cheering] 1202 01:17:54,186 --> 01:17:57,314 - Excuse me? - That's what you wanted to hear. 1203 01:17:57,398 --> 01:18:02,445 That's what this little cross-examination of your is all about? 1204 01:18:02,528 --> 01:18:04,989 Well, next time try not to make it so obvious, all right? 1205 01:18:05,030 --> 01:18:09,452 There's subtler ways of badgering a witness. Am I right? 1206 01:18:09,535 --> 01:18:12,788 Geez, man. Even I knew what you were gettin' at. 1207 01:18:12,872 --> 01:18:16,292 If you wanted background information on me, all you had to do was ask. 1208 01:18:16,375 --> 01:18:18,335 I would have gladly volunteered it. 1209 01:18:18,377 --> 01:18:20,921 You didn't have to go playing Hercule-fucking-Poirot. 1210 01:18:27,052 --> 01:18:29,013 Told ya these were good seats. 1211 01:18:38,773 --> 01:18:41,692 Hey. Hey! 1212 01:18:43,736 --> 01:18:46,030 - Hey, would you wait a minute? - Get the fuck off me! 1213 01:18:46,072 --> 01:18:50,201 - So it's true, right? - Is that what you wanna hear? 1214 01:18:50,242 --> 01:18:52,203 Yeah, Holden, it's true. 1215 01:18:52,244 --> 01:18:56,207 In fact, everything you heard or dug up on me is probably true. 1216 01:18:56,290 --> 01:18:58,709 Yeah, I took on two guys at once! 1217 01:18:58,751 --> 01:19:02,213 [Sobbing] You wanna hear some gems you might not have unearthed? 1218 01:19:02,296 --> 01:19:05,382 I took a 26-year-old guy to my senior prom... 1219 01:19:05,424 --> 01:19:09,845 and left to have sex with him and Gwen Turner in the back of a limo. 1220 01:19:09,929 --> 01:19:14,975 How about in college when I let Shannon Hamilton videotape us having sex, 1221 01:19:15,059 --> 01:19:19,688 only to find out he broadcast it on the campus cable station. 1222 01:19:19,772 --> 01:19:24,735 They're all true. Didn't you know? I am the queen of suburban legend! 1223 01:19:24,777 --> 01:19:27,029 Did you somehow fuckin' fail to mention this to me? 1224 01:19:27,113 --> 01:19:29,365 What the fuck's wrong with you? How could you do all those things? 1225 01:19:29,448 --> 01:19:30,950 Easily! 1226 01:19:31,033 --> 01:19:35,913 Some I did out of stupidity, some I did out of what I thought was love. 1227 01:19:35,955 --> 01:19:38,999 But good or bad, they are my choices, 1228 01:19:39,083 --> 01:19:42,128 and I am not making apologies for them now! 1229 01:19:42,211 --> 01:19:45,589 Not to you, or not to anyone! 1230 01:19:45,631 --> 01:19:50,511 And how dare you lay a guilt trip on me about it, in public, no less? 1231 01:19:50,594 --> 01:19:54,140 Who the fuck do you think you are, you judgmental prick? 1232 01:19:54,223 --> 01:19:56,475 How the fuck am I supposed to feel about all this? 1233 01:19:56,559 --> 01:19:58,727 How are you supposed to feel about it? 1234 01:19:58,811 --> 01:20:02,648 Feel whatever the fuck you want to about it, all right? 1235 01:20:02,690 --> 01:20:07,027 The only thing that matters is how you feel about me. 1236 01:20:08,946 --> 01:20:11,157 - I don't know how I feel about you now. - Why? Why? 1237 01:20:11,240 --> 01:20:13,951 - Because I had some sex? - Some sex? 1238 01:20:13,993 --> 01:20:18,539 Yes, Holden. That's all it was, some sex. 1239 01:20:18,622 --> 01:20:20,958 Most of it stupid high school sex. 1240 01:20:21,000 --> 01:20:23,502 Like you never had sex in high school. 1241 01:20:23,544 --> 01:20:27,840 There is a world of fucking difference between typical high school sex... 1242 01:20:27,923 --> 01:20:31,802 and getting fucked by two fuckin' guys at the same time! 1243 01:20:31,844 --> 01:20:36,182 - They fuckin' used you. - No! I used them! 1244 01:20:36,223 --> 01:20:40,561 You don't think I would have let it happen if I hadn't wanted to, do you? 1245 01:20:40,644 --> 01:20:44,732 I was an experimental girl, for Christ's sake! 1246 01:20:44,815 --> 01:20:49,111 Maybe you knew early on that your track was from point A to B, 1247 01:20:49,195 --> 01:20:53,032 but, unlike you, I was not given a fucking map at birth. 1248 01:20:53,074 --> 01:20:55,284 So I tried it all. 1249 01:20:55,367 --> 01:21:00,539 That is until we-- that's you and I-- got together. 1250 01:21:00,623 --> 01:21:03,626 And suddenly I was sated. 1251 01:21:03,709 --> 01:21:07,254 Can't you take some fucking comfort in that? 1252 01:21:07,338 --> 01:21:11,342 [Sobbing] You turned out to be all I was looking for, 1253 01:21:11,425 --> 01:21:15,763 the missing piece in the big fucking puzzle. 1254 01:21:15,846 --> 01:21:18,265 [Sobbing] 1255 01:21:20,392 --> 01:21:24,980 Look, I'm sorry I let you believe you were the only guy I'd ever been with. 1256 01:21:25,064 --> 01:21:28,109 I should have been more honest. 1257 01:21:28,192 --> 01:21:32,405 But it just didn't-- It seemed to make you feel special in a way... 1258 01:21:32,446 --> 01:21:38,369 that me telling you over and over how incredible you are wouldn't get across. 1259 01:21:39,453 --> 01:21:42,456 Holden, I'm sorry. 1260 01:21:42,540 --> 01:21:44,542 Just don't do that. 1261 01:21:47,795 --> 01:21:52,842 Do you mean to tell me that, while you have zero problem... 1262 01:21:52,925 --> 01:21:55,886 with me sleeping with half the women in New York City, 1263 01:21:55,970 --> 01:21:59,390 you have some sort of half-assed, mealy-mouthed objection... 1264 01:21:59,473 --> 01:22:03,185 to pubescent antics that took place almost ten years ago? 1265 01:22:03,269 --> 01:22:06,522 What the fuck is your problem? 1266 01:22:08,023 --> 01:22:10,609 I want us to be something that we can't be. 1267 01:22:10,651 --> 01:22:12,611 And what's that? 1268 01:22:12,653 --> 01:22:15,114 A normal couple. 1269 01:22:16,991 --> 01:22:20,911 So why don't you give your little voice a rest 1270 01:22:20,995 --> 01:22:24,123 - [Screaming] Fuck! - Come on up inside my bed 1271 01:22:24,165 --> 01:22:27,877 And just pretend you need me 1272 01:22:29,628 --> 01:22:34,175 You don't have to lie about what you know 1273 01:22:34,300 --> 01:22:39,889 Even though I've been sufferin' 1274 01:22:41,599 --> 01:22:45,561 And I don't need to be your only one 1275 01:22:45,644 --> 01:22:48,647 I don't need your comforting 1276 01:22:48,731 --> 01:22:52,902 I just need you with me 1277 01:22:54,403 --> 01:22:58,866 Stay, stay, stay with me 1278 01:22:58,949 --> 01:23:03,412 Stay, stay with me 1279 01:23:04,997 --> 01:23:06,916 Stay and don't you ever roll away from me 1280 01:23:06,957 --> 01:23:08,417 The girl? 1281 01:23:10,836 --> 01:23:12,755 Stay 1282 01:23:12,838 --> 01:23:17,134 Stay with me 1283 01:23:17,218 --> 01:23:19,178 Oh, and did she ever 1284 01:23:25,976 --> 01:23:29,438 Well, look at this morose motherfucker right here. 1285 01:23:32,566 --> 01:23:36,070 Smells like someone shit in his cereal. Nooch. 1286 01:23:36,112 --> 01:23:38,531 What took you guys so long? What are you, at the mall again? 1287 01:23:38,614 --> 01:23:43,077 Bitch, don't even start, all right? We stopped that shit years ago. 1288 01:23:43,119 --> 01:23:45,079 Toss the salad. 1289 01:23:45,121 --> 01:23:47,581 [Groans] 1290 01:23:51,001 --> 01:23:54,088 Damn, this likeness rights shit is more profitable than sellin' smoke. 1291 01:23:55,673 --> 01:23:58,134 How did a dirt merchant like you ever learn about likeness rights? 1292 01:23:58,217 --> 01:24:01,720 We deal to a lot of lawyers. You know what I'm sayin'? 1293 01:24:01,804 --> 01:24:05,433 Speaking of which-- A little signin' bonus and shit? 1294 01:24:05,516 --> 01:24:11,313 No, I'll pass. Did you guys take a look at the issue? 1295 01:24:11,397 --> 01:24:13,941 Yeah. 1296 01:24:14,024 --> 01:24:18,279 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1297 01:24:18,320 --> 01:24:20,448 You need to throw some pussy in that book, man. 1298 01:24:20,531 --> 01:24:23,367 Like, throw some supervillain with big fuckin' tits... 1299 01:24:23,451 --> 01:24:26,328 that shoot milk or somethin', and I'll just, like, suck her dry... 1300 01:24:26,370 --> 01:24:28,998 and bust some moves on her. 1301 01:24:32,960 --> 01:24:36,338 Then she has to fuck me. I mean, fuck us. 1302 01:24:36,380 --> 01:24:38,966 I'll see what I can do. 1303 01:24:40,926 --> 01:24:44,847 - All right, boys. What'll it be? - I'm all set, thanks. 1304 01:24:44,930 --> 01:24:49,101 Yo, Flo. Tell Mel to whip me up a toasted bagel with cream cheese. 1305 01:24:49,185 --> 01:24:54,231 You want one too? Make that two, and kiss my grits. Nooch. 1306 01:24:55,983 --> 01:24:59,653 Did you ever watch that show, Alice? That show was funny as hell, man. 1307 01:24:59,695 --> 01:25:04,200 So why the long face, horse? Banky on the rag? 1308 01:25:04,283 --> 01:25:07,536 I'm just, uh-- I'm just havin' a little girl trouble. 1309 01:25:07,578 --> 01:25:10,164 Bitch pressin' charges? I get that a lot. 1310 01:25:10,206 --> 01:25:13,834 No. I'm just, uh-- 1311 01:25:15,294 --> 01:25:17,505 I'm just at a point where I don't really know what to do. 1312 01:25:17,546 --> 01:25:21,300 Kick her to the fuckin' curb. Girls get to be too much trouble. 1313 01:25:21,383 --> 01:25:24,512 There's always the band... of the hand. 1314 01:25:26,055 --> 01:25:28,891 Can't do it, G. I'm in love. 1315 01:25:28,974 --> 01:25:33,020 Nah, there ain't no such thing. You got to boil it down to the essentials. 1316 01:25:33,104 --> 01:25:37,900 It's like Cube says: Life ain't nothin' but bitches and money 1317 01:25:39,568 --> 01:25:43,030 Thanks, guys. That's just what I needed. Advice from the 'hood. 1318 01:25:43,072 --> 01:25:47,743 - So who is this girl? - Oh, I don't think you know her. 1319 01:25:48,994 --> 01:25:51,831 Come on, man. I'm people who know people. 1320 01:25:51,914 --> 01:25:53,833 You sound like Barbra Streisand. 1321 01:25:53,916 --> 01:25:56,669 Maybe 'cause I got this tubby bitch playin' her greatest hits tape... 1322 01:25:56,752 --> 01:25:58,671 in my ear all the time. 1323 01:25:58,754 --> 01:26:02,967 You gotta see it. When she starts singin' "You Don't Bring Me Flowers," 1324 01:26:03,050 --> 01:26:06,178 this faggot starts cryin' like a little girl with a skinned knee and shit. 1325 01:26:06,262 --> 01:26:10,099 Big fuckin' softie. So what's the skirt's name? 1326 01:26:10,182 --> 01:26:12,601 I'm tellin' ya, man. You don't know the girl. 1327 01:26:12,643 --> 01:26:16,939 I ain't playin', man. Come on, tell me her name, Mysterio. 1328 01:26:18,649 --> 01:26:20,609 Alyssa Jones. 1329 01:26:22,862 --> 01:26:25,781 Holy fuckin' shit. Finger Cuffs? 1330 01:26:25,823 --> 01:26:30,494 You're dating Finger Cuffs, you silly son of a bitch? 1331 01:26:30,578 --> 01:26:32,788 Wait a second. I thought she was all gay and shit. 1332 01:26:32,830 --> 01:26:35,750 She was, or she is. I don't know. 1333 01:26:35,791 --> 01:26:38,919 And you're dating her. Man, you're a lucky fuck. 1334 01:26:38,961 --> 01:26:40,921 She ever bring bitches to bed with you? 1335 01:26:40,963 --> 01:26:43,174 Get a little of that Filet-O-Fish sandwich goin' on? 1336 01:26:43,257 --> 01:26:45,760 Yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about, baby. Right? 1337 01:26:45,843 --> 01:26:49,722 What's up? Yeah. So four tits and what? 1338 01:26:49,805 --> 01:26:53,476 - No, man. It's not like that. - What's it like, then? 1339 01:26:53,559 --> 01:26:57,438 Right now? I don't know. 1340 01:26:57,521 --> 01:27:00,483 I love her, you know? But, uh, she has a past. 1341 01:27:00,566 --> 01:27:04,487 I'll say. Stuffin' two guys, eatin' chicks out and shit. 1342 01:27:04,528 --> 01:27:06,822 You know, I heard one time she had this dog-- 1343 01:27:06,906 --> 01:27:10,117 Eat your fuckin' bagel already and shut up. 1344 01:27:10,201 --> 01:27:14,121 Look at this touchy motherfucker right here. 1345 01:27:14,205 --> 01:27:16,665 So if you're all in love and shit, what's the problem? 1346 01:27:16,707 --> 01:27:20,377 The problem is stupid shit like that. 1347 01:27:20,461 --> 01:27:22,296 It was bad enough when it was just girls, you know? 1348 01:27:22,379 --> 01:27:26,300 You throw guys into the mix-- two guys at once, no less-- 1349 01:27:26,383 --> 01:27:29,470 All that experience, you know? What am I supposed to think? 1350 01:27:29,553 --> 01:27:34,475 Think "good," ya fuckin' ninny shithead, 'cause now she'll be all true and blue. 1351 01:27:34,558 --> 01:27:39,355 Bitch tasted life. Now she's settlin' for your borin' funny-book-makin' ass. 1352 01:27:39,438 --> 01:27:42,650 Settling for my boring ass. That's comforting. Thanks, Jay. 1353 01:27:42,733 --> 01:27:47,696 - That's what I'm here for. - I'm just havin' a problem with it. 1354 01:27:47,780 --> 01:27:51,992 It's like I can't get these visuals out of my head of her doing all this shit. 1355 01:27:52,076 --> 01:27:56,455 And I don't know why I can't let it go, 'cause I'm crazy about this girl. 1356 01:27:56,539 --> 01:28:00,543 - I look at her, I see kids, grandkids-- - You're scarin' me. 1357 01:28:00,626 --> 01:28:03,254 Yeah, well, I'm scarin' myself 'cause I think so much of this girl... 1358 01:28:03,337 --> 01:28:06,382 that I can't get stupid shit like "Finger Cuffs" out of my head. 1359 01:28:08,008 --> 01:28:11,720 [Sighs] I don't know. I don't know what I'm doin'. 1360 01:28:15,266 --> 01:28:17,226 Chasin' Amy. 1361 01:28:19,061 --> 01:28:22,231 What? What did you say? 1362 01:28:22,273 --> 01:28:24,358 [Spits] 1363 01:28:24,442 --> 01:28:27,570 - You're chasing Amy. - What do you look so shocked for, man? 1364 01:28:27,653 --> 01:28:31,615 Fat bastard does this all the time. He thinks 'cause he don't say anything... 1365 01:28:31,699 --> 01:28:34,368 it'll have some huge impact when he does open his fuckin' mouth. 1366 01:28:34,452 --> 01:28:36,370 Jesus Christ, why don't you shut up? 1367 01:28:36,454 --> 01:28:40,875 Always yap-yap-yapping all the time. Give me a fuckin' headache. 1368 01:28:40,958 --> 01:28:43,753 I went through somethin' like what you're talkin' about a couple years ago. 1369 01:28:43,836 --> 01:28:46,130 - This chick named Amy. - When? 1370 01:28:47,548 --> 01:28:49,759 A couple of years ago. 1371 01:28:49,842 --> 01:28:52,052 What, she live in Canada or something? Why don't I remember this? 1372 01:28:52,136 --> 01:28:54,096 Bitch, what you don't know about me... 1373 01:28:54,138 --> 01:28:56,098 I could just about squeeze in the Grand-fucking-Canyon. 1374 01:28:56,140 --> 01:29:00,561 Did you know I always wanted to be a dancer in Vegas? Huh? 1375 01:29:00,644 --> 01:29:04,356 Bet you didn't even know that shit, did you? 1376 01:29:04,440 --> 01:29:07,276 Just tell your fuckin' story so we can get out of here and smoke this. 1377 01:29:09,028 --> 01:29:13,908 So there's me and Amy. And we're inseparable. Just big-time in love. 1378 01:29:13,991 --> 01:29:16,911 Then four months down the road the idiot gear kicks in, 1379 01:29:16,994 --> 01:29:20,456 and I ask about the ex-boyfriend which, as we all know, is a really dumb move. 1380 01:29:20,498 --> 01:29:23,918 But you know how it is: You don't want to know, but you just have to know. 1381 01:29:24,001 --> 01:29:25,920 Stupid guy bullshit. 1382 01:29:26,003 --> 01:29:28,464 So, anyway, she starts tellin' me about him. 1383 01:29:28,547 --> 01:29:32,843 They fell in love, went out for a couple of years, lived together. 1384 01:29:32,927 --> 01:29:36,847 Her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm okay. 1385 01:29:36,889 --> 01:29:39,934 But then she drops the bomb on me, and the bomb is this: 1386 01:29:40,017 --> 01:29:43,312 It seems that a couple of times, while they were goin' out, 1387 01:29:43,354 --> 01:29:45,648 he brought some people to bed with them. 1388 01:29:45,731 --> 01:29:48,109 Menage-a-trois, I believe it's called. 1389 01:29:48,192 --> 01:29:51,654 Now this just blows my mind, right? I'm not used to this sort of thing. 1390 01:29:51,737 --> 01:29:56,117 - I was raised Catholic, for God's sakes. - Saint Shithead. 1391 01:29:56,200 --> 01:29:58,119 Do somethin'. 1392 01:29:58,202 --> 01:30:01,455 So I'm totally weirded out by this, right? And I just start blastin' her. 1393 01:30:01,539 --> 01:30:04,291 I don't know how to deal with what I'm feelin', so I figure the best way is... 1394 01:30:04,375 --> 01:30:07,336 if call her "slut," right, and tell her she was used. 1395 01:30:07,420 --> 01:30:10,506 I'm out for blood. I really want to hurt this girl. 1396 01:30:10,548 --> 01:30:14,427 "What the fuck is your problem?" And she's just calmly trying to tell me, 1397 01:30:14,510 --> 01:30:18,431 "It was that time, that place," and she doesn't think she should apologize... 1398 01:30:18,514 --> 01:30:20,599 because she doesn't feel that she's done anything wrong. 1399 01:30:20,683 --> 01:30:25,479 I'm like, "Oh, really?" I look her in the eye and tell her it's over. I walk. 1400 01:30:27,273 --> 01:30:29,358 Fuckin' A. 1401 01:30:29,442 --> 01:30:32,153 No, idiot. It was a mistake. 1402 01:30:32,236 --> 01:30:34,321 I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid. 1403 01:30:34,363 --> 01:30:38,159 You know, at that moment I felt small, like I'd lacked experience, 1404 01:30:38,200 --> 01:30:42,747 like I'd never be on her level, never be enough for her or something like that. 1405 01:30:42,830 --> 01:30:46,250 But what I did not get, she didn't care. 1406 01:30:46,333 --> 01:30:50,880 She wasn't lookin' for that guy anymore, she was lookin' for me, for the Bob. 1407 01:30:50,963 --> 01:30:56,177 But by the time I figured this all out, it's too late, man. She moved on. 1408 01:30:56,218 --> 01:31:00,055 All I had to show for it was foolish pride which then gave way to regret. 1409 01:31:01,682 --> 01:31:06,020 She was the girl. I know that now. 1410 01:31:06,061 --> 01:31:08,856 But... 1411 01:31:10,441 --> 01:31:12,985 I pushed her away. 1412 01:31:18,991 --> 01:31:23,287 So I've spent every day since then chasing Amy. 1413 01:31:25,372 --> 01:31:27,333 So to speak. 1414 01:31:27,416 --> 01:31:32,171 Enough of this fuckin' melodrama. My advice? Forget her, dude. 1415 01:31:32,254 --> 01:31:36,634 There's one bitch in the world, one bitch with many faces. 1416 01:31:36,717 --> 01:31:41,222 Get up, tons of fun. We gotta book. 1417 01:31:41,305 --> 01:31:45,059 - Catchin' a bus to Chi-town. - Why? What's there? 1418 01:31:45,101 --> 01:31:48,854 Business, yo. How many more of those fat envelopes we get comin' to us? 1419 01:31:48,938 --> 01:31:51,774 Uh, I don't know. 1420 01:31:51,816 --> 01:31:54,276 I don't know how much longer the book's gonna be around. 1421 01:31:54,360 --> 01:31:57,446 Yeah, good. I'll be glad as shit when it's gone. 1422 01:31:57,530 --> 01:32:01,700 There's a million people who'd love to see themself in a comic book. 1423 01:32:01,784 --> 01:32:04,495 But that ain't like us at all, all slapsticky and shit, 1424 01:32:04,578 --> 01:32:06,247 runnin' around like a couple of dickheads. 1425 01:32:06,288 --> 01:32:09,208 Sayin'-- What's that shit he got us sayin'? 1426 01:32:09,291 --> 01:32:12,628 Oh, um... "snootchie-bootchies." 1427 01:32:12,670 --> 01:32:18,092 "Snootchie-bootchies." Who the fuck talks like that? That is baby talk. 1428 01:32:19,802 --> 01:32:23,013 It's a big world, G. We're bound to run into you again. 1429 01:32:23,097 --> 01:32:26,976 - Till then, keep your unit on ya. - I'll try. 1430 01:32:27,017 --> 01:32:30,479 No, no, no, no, no. Do or do not. There is no try-- 1431 01:32:30,563 --> 01:32:34,859 Knock that shit off! We got a bus to catch. 1432 01:32:34,942 --> 01:32:38,904 Jedi bitch. Man, what do you always have to tell that fuckin' gay story for? 1433 01:32:38,988 --> 01:32:40,865 - Man, shut up. - You shut up, you fat fuck. 1434 01:33:30,164 --> 01:33:32,124 Okay. 1435 01:33:32,208 --> 01:33:36,754 You guys are probably wondering why I asked you here at the same time... 1436 01:33:36,837 --> 01:33:40,549 knowing that we have shit to settle between us separately. 1437 01:33:40,633 --> 01:33:43,886 I just figured you wanted to kill two birds with one stone. 1438 01:33:43,969 --> 01:33:46,806 You know, by telling her to fuck off with me here... 1439 01:33:46,889 --> 01:33:49,350 so you wouldn't have to go through the story again later on. 1440 01:33:49,391 --> 01:33:52,812 - Fuck you. - Not even if you let me videotape it. 1441 01:33:52,895 --> 01:33:55,856 Okay, enough. All right? 1442 01:33:57,274 --> 01:34:00,319 Enough. [Sighs] 1443 01:34:00,403 --> 01:34:04,365 Now, I've been going over and over and over this whole thing, 1444 01:34:04,407 --> 01:34:07,076 and I've dissected it a thousand different ways. 1445 01:34:07,118 --> 01:34:10,830 Banky, there's tension between you and I for the first time in our lives. 1446 01:34:10,913 --> 01:34:15,668 You hate me dating Alyssa and you want me to sign off on this cartoon thing. 1447 01:34:15,751 --> 01:34:17,920 How perceptive. 1448 01:34:17,962 --> 01:34:18,462 Alyssa, 1449 01:34:22,299 --> 01:34:24,343 you and I have hit a wall... 1450 01:34:24,427 --> 01:34:28,889 'cause I don't know how to deal with your, uh, your past, I guess. 1451 01:34:28,931 --> 01:34:30,891 That's a nice way of putting it. 1452 01:34:30,933 --> 01:34:32,935 I'd have said "the whole double stuff" thing. 1453 01:34:39,525 --> 01:34:43,112 I'm only gonna tell you this once: Shut up. 1454 01:34:45,531 --> 01:34:47,450 Now, [Sighs] 1455 01:34:47,533 --> 01:34:51,579 I know I'm to blame one way or another on both accounts. 1456 01:34:51,662 --> 01:34:55,624 Alyssa, with you because... I feel inadequate, 1457 01:34:55,708 --> 01:34:58,961 because you've had such a big life and so much experience, 1458 01:34:59,003 --> 01:35:01,756 and my life's been pretty small in comparison. 1459 01:35:01,839 --> 01:35:05,009 - That doesn't matter to me. - Please. 1460 01:35:05,092 --> 01:35:08,387 I have to get through this, okay? 1461 01:35:08,471 --> 01:35:13,225 Banky, I know why you're having such a hard time with me and Alyssa. 1462 01:35:13,309 --> 01:35:16,228 It's something that's been obvious forever and I guess-- 1463 01:35:16,312 --> 01:35:19,482 I guess I just didn't acknowledge it. 1464 01:35:21,025 --> 01:35:22,985 You're in love with me. 1465 01:35:25,237 --> 01:35:27,156 What? 1466 01:35:27,239 --> 01:35:32,036 You're attracted to me. Just as, in a way, I guess I'm... attracted to you. 1467 01:35:32,119 --> 01:35:34,830 It makes sense. We've been together so long, we have so much in common. 1468 01:35:34,872 --> 01:35:37,833 Well, I gotta get goin'. 1469 01:35:37,875 --> 01:35:40,461 I gotta catch the last few minutes of Little House. 1470 01:35:49,053 --> 01:35:51,680 It's somethin' you're gonna have to deal with, Bank. 1471 01:35:53,182 --> 01:35:55,392 And that would explain your jealousy of Alyssa, 1472 01:35:55,476 --> 01:35:58,145 your homophobia, your sense of humor-- 1473 01:35:58,229 --> 01:36:00,981 Jesus, just 'cause a guy's got a predilection toward dick jokes-- 1474 01:36:01,065 --> 01:36:03,734 Bank. Stop. 1475 01:36:03,818 --> 01:36:06,862 Deal with it. You'll feel much better. 1476 01:36:09,240 --> 01:36:11,450 [Holden] Okay. 1477 01:36:16,497 --> 01:36:20,418 Now, you guys are probably asking yourselves the same question... 1478 01:36:20,459 --> 01:36:24,422 that I've been going over and over in my head the past few weeks: 1479 01:36:24,505 --> 01:36:26,424 What does one have to do with the other? 1480 01:36:26,507 --> 01:36:27,716 Don't. 1481 01:36:27,800 --> 01:36:31,387 And when I did some serious soul-searching, 1482 01:36:31,429 --> 01:36:33,722 it came to me from outta nowhere. 1483 01:36:33,764 --> 01:36:38,894 And it all made sense. And a calm came over me. 1484 01:36:38,936 --> 01:36:42,022 I know what we have to do. 1485 01:36:42,106 --> 01:36:46,360 And then you, Banky, you, Alyssa, and I-- 1486 01:36:46,444 --> 01:36:51,365 all of us-- can finally be... all right. 1487 01:36:51,449 --> 01:36:53,659 Please don't say it. 1488 01:36:56,287 --> 01:36:59,206 We've all gotta have sex together. 1489 01:37:08,507 --> 01:37:10,468 I mean, look, don't you see? 1490 01:37:10,509 --> 01:37:14,263 That would take care of everything. 1491 01:37:14,305 --> 01:37:17,349 Alyssa, with you, I won't feel too inadequate or conservative anymore, 1492 01:37:17,433 --> 01:37:20,603 because I'll have done something on a par with all your experience. 1493 01:37:20,686 --> 01:37:25,399 And it will be with you, which will make it that much more powerful. 1494 01:37:25,483 --> 01:37:27,401 Banky, you can take that leap... 1495 01:37:27,485 --> 01:37:29,820 that everyone else but you sees you should take. 1496 01:37:29,862 --> 01:37:33,240 And it'll be with me, your best friend for years. 1497 01:37:33,324 --> 01:37:35,284 We've been everything to each other but intimates, 1498 01:37:35,326 --> 01:37:37,953 and now we'll have been through that together too. 1499 01:37:37,995 --> 01:37:40,790 And it won't be a total leap for you because a woman will be involved. 1500 01:37:40,831 --> 01:37:44,960 And when it's over, all that hostility you feel toward Alyssa will be gone... 1501 01:37:45,002 --> 01:37:47,838 because you'll have shared in something beautiful with the woman I love. 1502 01:37:47,880 --> 01:37:50,633 It'll be cathartic. 1503 01:37:50,674 --> 01:37:53,594 This will keep us together. 1504 01:37:57,056 --> 01:37:59,016 [Exhales] 1505 01:38:03,229 --> 01:38:05,689 What do ya say? 1506 01:38:11,612 --> 01:38:13,531 [Exhales] 1507 01:38:20,162 --> 01:38:22,081 Sure. 1508 01:38:37,972 --> 01:38:40,975 You know I need this. 1509 01:38:41,016 --> 01:38:43,602 You know it'll help. 1510 01:38:43,686 --> 01:38:46,021 No. 1511 01:38:46,105 --> 01:38:48,274 [Sighs] Thank Christ. 1512 01:38:50,860 --> 01:38:53,154 Sorry. 1513 01:38:59,076 --> 01:39:03,038 No? I thought you'd be into this. 1514 01:39:03,122 --> 01:39:07,501 You did? What does that say about me? 1515 01:39:07,585 --> 01:39:10,671 Sweetheart, you've done stuff like this before. 1516 01:39:10,755 --> 01:39:12,673 This should be no big deal for you. 1517 01:39:12,757 --> 01:39:17,136 You don't want this. You really don't want this. 1518 01:39:17,178 --> 01:39:22,892 No, I do want this. This has to happen. Can't you see that? 1519 01:39:22,975 --> 01:39:27,563 I mean, how can you not? No? What does that say about me? 1520 01:39:27,646 --> 01:39:29,982 You can take it from two guys whose names you can hardly remember, 1521 01:39:30,024 --> 01:39:34,236 but I ask you to share an experience about intimacy, and you say no? 1522 01:39:34,320 --> 01:39:38,824 - I can't. - Baby, yes, you can. 1523 01:39:38,866 --> 01:39:43,120 I'll be there. And when it's over we'll be the strongest we've ever been... 1524 01:39:43,204 --> 01:39:45,122 'cause we'll have been through this together. 1525 01:39:45,206 --> 01:39:49,168 Then we'll be on the same level and there'll be nothing we can't accomplish. 1526 01:39:49,251 --> 01:39:52,379 [Crying] Oh, Holden. 1527 01:39:54,715 --> 01:39:56,884 That time is over for me. 1528 01:39:56,967 --> 01:39:58,886 I've been there and I've done it... 1529 01:39:58,969 --> 01:40:02,890 and I didn't find what I was looking for in any of it. 1530 01:40:02,932 --> 01:40:06,894 I found that it you. In us. 1531 01:40:06,936 --> 01:40:10,606 Doing this won't help you forget about the things you're hung up on. 1532 01:40:10,689 --> 01:40:15,069 - It'll create more. - No. I've thought about all that. 1533 01:40:15,152 --> 01:40:18,114 Yes, it will! 1534 01:40:20,950 --> 01:40:25,162 [Sobs] Maybe you'll see me differently from then on. 1535 01:40:25,246 --> 01:40:30,418 Maybe you'll despise me for going along with it once you're in the moment. 1536 01:40:30,501 --> 01:40:32,420 Maybe I'll moan differently, 1537 01:40:32,503 --> 01:40:36,424 and then you'll resent Banky and become suspicious of us. 1538 01:40:36,465 --> 01:40:39,468 Or you'll alienate him because of it. 1539 01:40:39,552 --> 01:40:45,224 You'll grow to blame and hate me for the deterioration of your friendship. 1540 01:40:45,266 --> 01:40:48,519 Or what if-- and God, I sincerely doubt it-- 1541 01:40:48,602 --> 01:40:52,732 but what if I saw something in Banky that I've never seen before, 1542 01:40:52,815 --> 01:40:56,944 you know, and I fell in love with him and left you? 1543 01:40:58,028 --> 01:41:02,158 I've been down roads like this before. 1544 01:41:02,241 --> 01:41:04,160 Many times. 1545 01:41:07,204 --> 01:41:11,751 I know you feel doing this will broaden your horizons... 1546 01:41:11,834 --> 01:41:15,129 and give you experience. 1547 01:41:15,212 --> 01:41:20,050 But I've had those experiences, on my own. 1548 01:41:20,134 --> 01:41:23,679 And I can't accompany you on yours. 1549 01:41:23,763 --> 01:41:26,307 I'm past that now. 1550 01:41:29,477 --> 01:41:31,937 [Sighing] 1551 01:41:31,979 --> 01:41:35,524 Or maybe I just love you too much. 1552 01:41:35,608 --> 01:41:41,072 And I feel hurt and let down that you would want to share me with anyone. 1553 01:41:42,156 --> 01:41:45,534 Because I would never want to share you. 1554 01:41:51,499 --> 01:41:53,459 [Sniffling] 1555 01:41:57,671 --> 01:42:00,424 Regardless, 1556 01:42:00,508 --> 01:42:03,344 I can't be a part of this. 1557 01:42:03,385 --> 01:42:07,890 Or you. Not anymore. 1558 01:42:10,059 --> 01:42:14,146 [Sighs] I love you. 1559 01:42:14,188 --> 01:42:16,690 I always will. 1560 01:42:16,732 --> 01:42:19,693 Know that. 1561 01:42:26,200 --> 01:42:29,370 But I'm not your fucking whore. 1562 01:42:34,417 --> 01:42:36,377 He's yours again. 1563 01:42:39,922 --> 01:42:42,258 [Footsteps Retreating] 1564 01:43:15,624 --> 01:43:17,543 [Sighs] 1565 01:43:23,174 --> 01:43:26,218 [Woman's Voice Over P.A., Crowd Chattering] 1566 01:43:34,977 --> 01:43:36,937 A blast from the past. 1567 01:43:36,979 --> 01:43:39,774 Do you know how much it's going for these days? $110. 1568 01:43:39,815 --> 01:43:41,817 You sign it, it'll push that up even higher. 1569 01:43:41,901 --> 01:43:44,612 You sell it I want a kickback. 1570 01:43:44,695 --> 01:43:46,155 I don't know if it's true, 1571 01:43:46,197 --> 01:43:48,324 but I heard once there was going to be an animated series? 1572 01:43:48,407 --> 01:43:50,659 - There was going to be. - What happened? 1573 01:43:50,743 --> 01:43:53,746 You're lookin' at it. No Chronic, no cartoon. 1574 01:43:53,829 --> 01:43:57,166 - That would have been awesome! - Tell me about it. 1575 01:43:57,249 --> 01:44:00,002 So is that what happened with you and Holden McNeil? 1576 01:44:00,086 --> 01:44:02,588 You got into a fight over the rights or something? 1577 01:44:02,671 --> 01:44:05,966 - It was more complicated than that. - Whatever happened to that guy? 1578 01:44:06,050 --> 01:44:08,844 I don't know. Quit the biz, I guess. 1579 01:44:08,928 --> 01:44:10,930 So, you guys don't talk anymore? 1580 01:44:11,013 --> 01:44:14,934 No. Not really. 1581 01:44:15,017 --> 01:44:19,355 Yeah. That happened to me once. Me and this guy started a comic club. 1582 01:44:19,438 --> 01:44:24,443 And we got into a fight over who looked better in bare legs, Electra or Robin. 1583 01:44:24,527 --> 01:44:30,282 Anyway, I disbanded the club and struck out on my own, kinda like Nomad. 1584 01:44:30,366 --> 01:44:33,994 I'm rambling on now. What I meant to say is... 1585 01:44:34,078 --> 01:44:36,789 that you probably shouldn't have killed off Chronic. 1586 01:44:36,872 --> 01:44:41,252 Guess not. Some doors just shouldn't be opened. 1587 01:44:41,335 --> 01:44:44,004 Oh, like the door to death in Baby Dave's Winter Special, 1588 01:44:44,088 --> 01:44:46,048 which you did on your own. 1589 01:44:46,090 --> 01:44:50,344 See? You don't need that McNeil guy, anyway. You do great work on your own. 1590 01:44:50,386 --> 01:44:54,515 Look at your line work. Look at all the detail in this douche bag on page 18. 1591 01:44:54,557 --> 01:44:56,350 Look at how you draw a fart. 1592 01:44:56,392 --> 01:44:59,729 And tell me you're not better off without Holden McNeil. 1593 01:44:59,812 --> 01:45:02,398 I mean, you were just carrying that guy like a brown-bag lunch, 1594 01:45:02,481 --> 01:45:04,400 you know what I'm saying? 1595 01:45:04,483 --> 01:45:08,237 - You're so right. - Yeah, well, the true fans always are. 1596 01:45:08,320 --> 01:45:13,325 Well, keep up the good work, man. Love those dick jokes. Love 'em. 1597 01:45:15,661 --> 01:45:17,580 See ya. 1598 01:45:20,082 --> 01:45:22,042 Yeah. 1599 01:45:24,336 --> 01:45:26,255 Bye. 1600 01:45:38,017 --> 01:45:40,227 Okay. Who's next? 1601 01:45:41,979 --> 01:45:43,939 Hi. 1602 01:45:50,112 --> 01:45:53,032 Thanks for readin' it. 1603 01:45:53,115 --> 01:45:56,077 I can't believe this place. These people are so weird. 1604 01:45:56,160 --> 01:45:58,120 You wanted to come. 1605 01:45:58,162 --> 01:46:00,498 God, I can't believe you call these people contemporaries. 1606 01:46:00,581 --> 01:46:03,125 Look at this guy over here with the pointy ears? What's that? 1607 01:46:03,209 --> 01:46:05,127 - He's a Vulcan. - A what? 1608 01:46:05,211 --> 01:46:07,588 - A Vulcan. Jesus, potzer. - [Laughs] 1609 01:46:07,630 --> 01:46:10,132 Why don't you take a walk and get us something to drink? 1610 01:46:10,216 --> 01:46:11,634 Okay, I will. 1611 01:46:30,528 --> 01:46:32,530 Um, this isn't one of mine. 1612 01:46:32,613 --> 01:46:34,532 It's mine. 1613 01:46:36,200 --> 01:46:38,369 I saved you a copy. 1614 01:46:41,664 --> 01:46:43,582 Hi. 1615 01:46:43,666 --> 01:46:45,584 Hi. 1616 01:46:45,668 --> 01:46:48,003 How've you been? 1617 01:46:48,045 --> 01:46:52,508 Uh, good. Really good. Yourself? 1618 01:46:52,550 --> 01:46:54,510 Good. 1619 01:47:01,225 --> 01:47:04,812 The new issue's selling like crazy, for some reason. 1620 01:47:04,895 --> 01:47:08,607 Yeah, well, it's because it's really good. I liked it a lot. 1621 01:47:08,691 --> 01:47:10,609 Thank you. 1622 01:47:13,237 --> 01:47:15,906 I haven't even seen this yet. Did it just come out? 1623 01:47:15,990 --> 01:47:19,535 Uh, oh, about a month ago. I did a really small run. 1624 01:47:19,577 --> 01:47:21,704 Self-financed, only about 500 issues. 1625 01:47:21,746 --> 01:47:24,415 Will I enjoy it? 1626 01:47:25,624 --> 01:47:28,127 You might. It's familiar subject matter. 1627 01:47:45,644 --> 01:47:49,440 Looks like a very personal story. 1628 01:47:52,610 --> 01:47:56,697 [Sighs] I finally had something personal to say. 1629 01:48:01,702 --> 01:48:05,247 Well, I'm gonna go. I don't wanna hold up your line here. 1630 01:48:05,289 --> 01:48:07,875 Yeah. 1631 01:48:07,958 --> 01:48:11,879 I mean, it can get ugly. I just saw this nun call a small child a cunt-rag. 1632 01:48:11,962 --> 01:48:13,881 [Chuckles] 1633 01:48:20,304 --> 01:48:22,723 You know, read that, if you have a minute. 1634 01:48:22,807 --> 01:48:25,267 I will. 1635 01:48:28,979 --> 01:48:33,901 If you get the chance, call me. I'd like to hear your thoughts, or... whatever. 1636 01:48:33,984 --> 01:48:36,737 Okay. 1637 01:48:38,322 --> 01:48:40,241 Okay. 1638 01:48:42,576 --> 01:48:44,703 It was really nice seeing you again. 1639 01:48:44,787 --> 01:48:47,998 It was really nice to see you too. 1640 01:49:01,512 --> 01:49:04,807 - Who was that? - Huh? 1641 01:49:04,890 --> 01:49:06,767 Who was that? 1642 01:49:16,694 --> 01:49:20,781 Oh, just some guy I knew. 1643 01:49:34,086 --> 01:49:37,882 Next. So, what do you want to do tonight? 1644 01:49:39,216 --> 01:49:44,680 I was tappin' my foot on a Friday night 1645 01:49:44,764 --> 01:49:49,727 To my favorite band I was pushed aside 1646 01:49:49,810 --> 01:49:54,732 I said hey, don't push me No, no, no one pushes me 1647 01:49:54,815 --> 01:49:59,737 When I was face to face with a woman I admired 1648 01:49:59,820 --> 01:50:02,239 And she gave me this look 1649 01:50:02,364 --> 01:50:04,700 I could not believe 1650 01:50:04,784 --> 01:50:09,914 And the cold stare remained I wanted to leave 1651 01:50:12,333 --> 01:50:17,588 Yeah, I do believe anger is offset by sorrow 1652 01:50:17,671 --> 01:50:22,468 But you destroy today you might regret tomorrow 1653 01:50:22,551 --> 01:50:25,179 When you're young and defensive 1654 01:50:25,221 --> 01:50:27,556 It comes off offensive 1655 01:50:27,640 --> 01:50:32,561 And it's hard to repay the tolerance that you borrowed 1656 01:50:32,603 --> 01:50:37,775 The lasting relationship sinks right off the pier 1657 01:50:37,858 --> 01:50:42,446 Who wears the pants It's faded but clear 1658 01:50:44,949 --> 01:50:49,412 She's your girlfriend and she ain't too fond of me 1659 01:50:49,453 --> 01:50:55,167 I guess if that's the way it was meant to be 1660 01:50:55,251 --> 01:51:00,131 There we were just we three 1661 01:51:00,214 --> 01:51:03,884 You, your girlfriend and me 1662 01:51:26,949 --> 01:51:31,912 I've known you forever You two just met 1663 01:51:31,954 --> 01:51:36,542 So easily amused how fast we forget 1664 01:51:36,625 --> 01:51:41,756 Ain't my jealousy my self-righteous greed 1665 01:51:41,797 --> 01:51:46,594 She's a bit like a book I'm too farsighted to read 1666 01:51:46,635 --> 01:51:51,640 And I wish you the best but sometimes feel the need 1667 01:51:51,724 --> 01:51:55,936 To say Remember me 1668 01:51:58,439 --> 01:52:03,819 Yeah, she's your girlfriend as far as we can see 1669 01:52:03,903 --> 01:52:08,824 Does she look at you the way she looks at me 1670 01:52:08,866 --> 01:52:13,954 And here we are just we three 1671 01:52:14,038 --> 01:52:18,542 You, your girlfriend and me 1672 01:52:20,836 --> 01:52:25,674 She's your girlfriend it's gettin' harder to see 1673 01:52:25,758 --> 01:52:30,554 Better just take her home Better just let her be 1674 01:52:30,638 --> 01:52:35,851 When she walks out that door you come looking for me 1675 01:52:49,949 --> 01:52:52,493 [Jay] Man, what do you always have to tell that fuckin' gay story for? 1676 01:52:52,535 --> 01:52:55,162 - [Silent Bob] Man, shut up. - You shut up, you fat fuck.