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00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:05,137
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00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:17,582
Okay, students,
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00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,384
here is your reading assignment
for tonight,
4
00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:21,386
Scenes one through five
in Doctor Faustus.
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Sorry I don't have actual copies
of the play for you
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but, you know... the budget.
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Hey, Mr. O.,
I can't read this.
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00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:29,595
I can't read mine, either.
9
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:33,465
Hmm, I can just make out
the words "incipient migraine."
10
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:36,367
I apologize for the quality
of these, class.
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The school's photocopier
is so very old.
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Darn budget.
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Mr. O'Neill.
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Sorry.
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So it's clear
that in the case of Chechnya,
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conflicts that took generations
to develop
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00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:49,581
will certainly not be resolved
in a period of months.
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00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,417
Excellent report, Jodie.
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Would you like to give your
classmates a clearer picture
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of the hostilities by pointing
out Chechnya on the map?
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Um, Chechnya
became independent in 1991,
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and this map
was printed before then.
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It's completely outdated.
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That's right, Jodie.
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I guess they think
since I teach history,
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I don't need any supplies
created after ve-day.
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Class, I thought
as an exercise in imagination,
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we could deprive ourselves
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of one of our
customary creative tools.
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So today let's all try
to paint a picture
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without using the color red.
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But I like red.
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It reflects
my passionate nature.
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I'm sure it does, Brittany,
but, well,
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I ran out of it yesterday,
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and there's no money
to get any more.
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So you see, Ms. Li,
the other teachers and I thought
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if we could maybe take
some of the money
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we've been spending
on school security
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and instead spend it
on school supplies--
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Mr. O'Neill,
do you have any idea
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what a satellite transmission
jammer costs these days?
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Um...
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Mr. White.
Yeah?
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Why aren't you
out there practicing
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with the other gridironers?
47
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:58,784
Um, the face mask
fell off my helmet.
48
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So get a new helmet.
49
00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:02,054
I can't.
Coach says we're out of money.
50
00:02:02,056 --> 00:02:03,455
That's it.
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00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:06,658
The school financial predicament
has reached crisis proportions.
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So what
we're really talking about
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is a lens of fiscal focus
concentrating the diffused light
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of our students'
discretionary spending
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into a laser beam
of economic clout.
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Mr. Lamm,
I like the way that sounds.
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How many soda machines
do we have in this institution?
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Two in the cafeteria
and one in the teachers' lounge.
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Three?
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No, we need at least
four times that number.
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But can we really make up
the budget deficit
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with the proceeds
on cans of soda?
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Oh, it's not the cans.
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It's the exclusive contract.
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What contract?
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See, what I do
is represent your interests
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to the soda companies.
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I say to each of them,
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"I've got a high school
that's willing to sell
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"no other beverages but yours
in its cafeterias,
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"at its dances, sporting events,
whatever.
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They'll advertise and sell
your product exclusively."
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Advertise?
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Tasteful little posters.
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"And all you have to do,
Mr. Soda company fat cat,
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"is hand over, oh,
let's say $50,000
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to be used
as the school sees fit."
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$50,000.
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And that's if we don't get
a bidding war going.
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Hmm...
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You don't think it's unseemly
to have advert--
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uh, promotion
inside school corridors?
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00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:17,662
Ms. Li,
our kids see advertising
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when they turn on the TV,
when they log onto the web,
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when they drive the highways
and walk through the malls.
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Do we really want school
to be a sheltered ivory tower
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that fails to prepare them
for life outside its walls?
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Hmm, I never thought of it
that way.
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Did you say $50,000?
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00:03:34,949 --> 00:03:37,149
Class,
our planetarium trip
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00:03:37,151 --> 00:03:38,951
has been canceled
due to lack of funds,
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so your assignment tonight
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is to locate Orion the hunter
in the sky,
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then write an essay on why
you think he needs to carry
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a weapon to feel like a man.
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Attention, students.
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An acute paper shortage
prevents us
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from sending home
an announcement
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00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:56,335
about the school review meeting,
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00:03:56,337 --> 00:04:00,939
so please remind your parents
that it's the 30th at 6:00.
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00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:02,373
What'd she say?
The 30th?
102
00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:03,609
Thank you.
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00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:06,078
Why didn't she come on
before the bell rang
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00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,412
so we could hear her?
105
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,647
Well, considering it was about
a school review meeting,
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I'd have to say,
who cares?
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Wait a minute.
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The 30th is a Sunday.
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Who holds school review meetings
on Sunday?
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Daria,
the 30th isn't a Sunday.
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It's super bowl Sunday.
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Be an American, Daria.
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Super bowl Sunday?
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So Stacy showed me her outfit
for Sunday,
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00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:31,135
and she had, like,
this solid cream-colored top,
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and I said,
"Stacy, it's a super bowl party:
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"Guys yelling
and jumping up and down
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and banging into stuff and dip,
Stacy, dip,"
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so she decided to go
with a print instead.
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-
"dip" is short for "dipsaster."
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That's wonderful, honey.
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Did you know Ms. Li called
a school review meeting
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for super bowl Sunday?
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00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,023
Really?
That's odd.
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00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:54,192
Well,
maybe she's not a football fan.
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I think she's trying
to pull something.
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If I were you,
I'd make it a point
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to go to that meeting
and pay extra-close attention.
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00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:02,433
Daria,
you know your father and I
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have to go
to Eric's super bowl party...
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00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:05,403
What?
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00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:07,306
Or I'll look like
I'm not a team player.
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I have to spend
another super bowl
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with a bunch
of freakin' lawyers
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and their freakin' lawyer
highballs and lawyer cigars?
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00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:15,314
Lousy, stuck-up...
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Jake!
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00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,583
I called in some favors
around the office
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and found five people
who promised they'd talk to you.
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You did?
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00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,689
Excuse me,
but doesn't anybody want to hear
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00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:24,690
about Stacy's pants?
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Hello?
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00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:28,225
The high school principal
called a public meeting
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she doesn't want anyone
to attend.
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Daria, if you're so concerned,
why don't you go?
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What?
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00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:40,338
You owe me hugely
for making me miss
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00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,873
the biggest football game
of the year.
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You hate football.
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00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:45,777
Hey, don't try any of your
twisty-turny mind games
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00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,979
on me,
morgendorffer.
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So if I may sum up:
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Our young people
are our greatest resource.
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Therefore,
let us mine that resource
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00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:57,221
and allow their thirst
for refreshment
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to fuel their thirst
for knowledge.
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That, ladies and gentlemen,
is empowerment.
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00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:03,761
Thank you.
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00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:06,264
Yahoo!
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00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,233
Well, if that's not inspiring,
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then I wasn't named
fourth runner-up
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for principal of the year
by the tri-county chapter
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00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:15,740
of the Asian-American women
in education's caucus.
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Now I'm sure you all want
to get home and watch the game,
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but first,
we've allotted three minutes
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for public commentary
on Mr. Lamm's proposal.
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Nobody?
Very well, then.
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Excuse me.
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Um, yes, Ms. Morgendorffer?
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You're planning
to make soda companies
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bid against each other
for the right
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to market their products
in Lawndale High?
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That's right.
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All you kids have to do
is what you'd do anyway:
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Drink soda.
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Does that mean
that everywhere I turn,
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I'll run into a vending machine?
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Well, there wouldn't be
much value to the contract
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if the product
weren't easily available.
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And what else?
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Nothing... but a few small,
discreet advertising posters
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00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:54,946
in the halls,
nothing in questionable taste,
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00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:55,947
and if we're lucky,
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an exciting,
new high-tech scoreboard
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for athletic events,
boys' and girls'.
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So the school will, in effect,
be endorsing the soda?
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Is that really
the school's role:
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To become a shill?
190
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:08,393
Miss, do you drink soda?
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00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:09,995
Huh?
Of course.
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00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:11,196
So...
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00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:13,097
This isn't about
whether I like soda.
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00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,833
It's about whether
a public high school
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00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:17,302
should be using its status
as a place of authority
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to serve as one more marketing
tentacle of corporate america.
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With the taxpayers
subsidizing it.
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00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,108
Surely you give
your friends enough credit
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00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,443
to know when
they're being taught
200
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,778
and when they're being sold to.
201
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,080
I give them enough credit
to figure out
202
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:31,316
about three seconds
after those machines arrive
203
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:33,184
that they can't trust
this institution,
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00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:34,786
the few who still do.
205
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:35,887
Oh, dear.
206
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:37,021
Darn it, our time is up.
207
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:38,089
I've got super bowl fever.
208
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:40,725
Uh, go, teams, go.
209
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:42,560
This whole thing sucks.
210
00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:44,229
They shouldn't be
selling stuff to people
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00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:45,764
under the guise
of educating them.
212
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:48,199
Don't you think it's totally
unethical and underhanded?
213
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:49,400
I don't know.
214
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,335
Let me mull it over
for a few minutes.
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00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,846
Is it my imagination,
216
00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:03,782
or is something about the school
different today?
217
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:08,353
Hey, Daria, Jane.
218
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:09,653
Isn't it great to have
219
00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:11,489
all these new soda machines
everywhere?
220
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,225
It's so easy to get a drink.
221
00:08:13,227 --> 00:08:14,726
And hyperglycemia.
222
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:16,695
I like these machines.
223
00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:19,731
They're so bright,
so soothing...
224
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:22,100
You know,
we're getting a new scoreboard
225
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:23,901
and a whole bunch of equipment
out of this deal.
226
00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:25,737
And new pom-poms
and everything.
227
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,639
And all you have to do for it
228
00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:29,841
is name your firstborn
after Ultra Cola.
229
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,175
What?
230
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,244
You weren't going to call him
Kevin junior, were you?
231
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,446
Oh, kevie,
I hope you're not disappointed.
232
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:36,581
Ultra...
233
00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:38,082
Ultra Thompson.
234
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,751
"Now starting
for the Miami dolphins
235
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:42,286
at quarterback,
ultra... cola... Thompson."
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00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:44,288
Hooray!
237
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:46,024
Yeah, it's cool.
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00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,559
Hey.
239
00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,360
You've got to do something
about this.
240
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,495
About what?
241
00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:51,630
About that.
242
00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:53,064
Oh, yeah.
243
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,833
Yeah, that's kind of sleazy.
244
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:56,635
Are you going to talk
to someone about it?
245
00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,569
I'd have to go to
the superintendent of schools.
246
00:08:58,571 --> 00:08:59,570
So will you?
247
00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:00,872
I don't know.
248
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,941
It's bringing in a lot of money
to the school.
249
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,976
But you just said
you think it's sleazy.
250
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:07,912
Well, yeah,
but the lawndale model congress
251
00:09:07,914 --> 00:09:09,647
is going to Washington
next month,
252
00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:11,115
and for the first time
in three years,
253
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:14,152
we don't have to sell 500 rolls
of gift wrap to pay for the bus.
254
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:17,288
No, instead, they're selling
you colored sugar water
255
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,424
while pretending
to give you an education.
256
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:21,359
Hey, you drink soda,
don't you?
257
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:22,928
That's not the point.
258
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,862
I just don't think
a few little posters
259
00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:26,031
are that big a deal.
260
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:27,766
In a week,
you won't even notice them.
261
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:29,033
All the worse.
262
00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:30,835
Daria, if you don't like it,
you complain.
263
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:31,870
I don't complain.
264
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,104
That's all you ever do.
265
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,940
I mean, I don't get involved.
266
00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:37,475
Then I guess you don't
really care that much, do you?
267
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:42,047
All he wanted just once
was to eat at the table,
268
00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:44,349
but she had a hankering to howl.
269
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,885
Shih tzu?
I hardly know you!
270
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,720
Next on sick, sad world.
271
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:50,688
Do you think I complain a lot?
272
00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:52,023
What are you bitching
about now?
273
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:53,224
I'm serious.
274
00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:55,193
I asked Jodie
if she'd talk to somebody
275
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:57,962
about these soda posters,
and she said I should do it
276
00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,397
since I'm so good
at complaining.
277
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:00,398
Why don't you do it?
278
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:01,900
Well, let's see,
279
00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:04,769
aside from the fact that i'm
already considered a square peg
280
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,905
and a malcontent,
there's the small problem
281
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:09,207
that everyone loves
all this money coming in,
282
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,042
and I seem to be
the only one troubled
283
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,243
by where it's coming from.
284
00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:13,510
So what?
You're still right.
285
00:10:13,512 --> 00:10:14,746
Thank you.
286
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,547
And you have every right
to moan and groan...
287
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:17,782
Thank you.
288
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,517
As long as you try
to do something about it.
289
00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:20,952
Why does it have to be me?
290
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,454
Because nobody else will.
291
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:23,888
But that's what's
so infuriating.
292
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:25,222
Ah-ah-ah.
What?
293
00:10:25,224 --> 00:10:27,091
There you go
complaining again.
294
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:31,496
You owe me hugely
for making me get involved
295
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:32,797
in school district politics.
296
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,098
What are you talking about?
297
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,033
I just asked you
to walk me here.
298
00:10:36,035 --> 00:10:37,335
You're not even going in.
299
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:40,004
Hey, don't try any of
your rhetorical gymnastics
300
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:41,339
on me,
morgendorffer.
301
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,040
You sound a little nervous.
302
00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:44,075
No, I don't.
303
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:45,877
My mistake.
You can go in now.
304
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,311
Eep!
305
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,680
And that's why I really think
it's inappropriate
306
00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:51,682
to be using the school
as a venue
307
00:10:51,684 --> 00:10:53,384
for this cola company's
advertising.
308
00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:54,753
Ms. Morgendorffer,
309
00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,755
I hope you don't mind
that I punched your name up
310
00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,289
on the computer
before you came in.
311
00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:00,258
You have a very impressive
academic record...
312
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:01,593
Um, thanks.
313
00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:04,029
But very little in the way
of extracurriculars.
314
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,964
What does that have to do
with anything?
315
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:08,032
Well, I can't help wondering,
316
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:11,235
do you really object that
strongly to a few soda machines,
317
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:14,105
or is this protest
perhaps an exercise
318
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,740
in extracurricular involvement
319
00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:17,208
to put on
your college applications?
320
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,276
What?
321
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:20,111
Do you drink soda, Daria?
322
00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:21,613
That's not the point.
323
00:11:21,615 --> 00:11:24,281
Lawndale High is now
the only school in the county
324
00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:25,717
running a surplus.
325
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,218
I was going to talk
to Leonard lamm
326
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:30,288
about writing a contract
proposal for all our schools.
327
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,623
Mr. Cartwright, you're right.
328
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:34,959
I'm not a big one
for participation.
329
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:37,394
I went against my instincts
coming here today,
330
00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:38,930
and when word gets around,
331
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:42,133
I'll probably be even
more isolated than I already am.
332
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,300
Oh, I don't...
333
00:11:43,302 --> 00:11:45,336
But I did it,
because as little affection
334
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:47,272
or respect as I have
for my fellow students,
335
00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:49,607
they don't deserve to be treated
as a demographic
336
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:50,708
by their own school.
337
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,610
All that contract
is trying to do
338
00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:54,879
is make the
educational experience better.
339
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,514
Then just come
to Lawndale High
340
00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:57,882
and see if that's happening.
341
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,150
I'll think about it.
342
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,585
Um, that doesn't sound
very convincing.
343
00:12:01,587 --> 00:12:03,187
I'll think about it.
344
00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:04,622
Thank you for coming in.
345
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,660
Well, it's been four weeks,
346
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:11,662
and I'd say we've done
a stellar job
347
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:14,465
of making Ultra Cola available
to our students.
348
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:17,401
Well, you might say so, and
I'm sure I'd agree with you,
349
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,971
but unfortunately,
that won't hold up in court.
350
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:20,972
Huh?
351
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:22,072
The idea wasn't making
352
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,641
the product available
to the students.
353
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:26,644
It was making the students
available to the product.
354
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,980
The Ultra Cola people say
your sales
355
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,548
aren't what they should be.
356
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,984
You do want to make your quotas,
don't you?
357
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,219
Or the school won't get
that nice big check.
358
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:36,353
Oh, my gosh.
359
00:12:36,355 --> 00:12:37,488
What do I have to do?
360
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:40,525
Well,
we need to take it up a notch.
361
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,932
I've got a bad feeling
about this.
362
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,147
Class, there's been
a slight change
363
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:04,716
in our lesson plan.
364
00:13:04,718 --> 00:13:08,052
Today we'll discuss the planet"
relative distance from the sun.
365
00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:10,355
But we did that
two weeks ago, Ms. B.
366
00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:12,924
And now we're gonna
do it again, Charles,
367
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:16,194
unless you wish to spend
the period in independent study.
368
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:18,128
No, not the closet.
369
00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:21,065
Now, the reason for the change
is that I've received
370
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:24,735
a brand-new learning aid.
371
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:26,337
"Why, look, students,
372
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:29,374
"a three-dimensional model
of our solar system
373
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:32,610
"graciously provided
by Ultra Cola.
374
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:36,981
- The favorite
beverage in any universe."
375
00:13:38,417 --> 00:13:41,919
"We can use it to discuss
which planets' atmospheres
376
00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:45,689
might support
the process of carbonation."
377
00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:49,127
Or I can just spend
the rest of the day
378
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:52,597
in the teachers' bathroom
staring at the tiles.
379
00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:55,099
Good Ultra Cola morning,
students.
380
00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:58,236
I am pleased to announce
an Ultra Cola schedule change.
381
00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:00,204
From now on,
the period between classes
382
00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:02,607
will be increased
from five minutes to ten,
383
00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:05,376
allowing you more time to get
to your Ultra Cola lockers,
384
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:07,311
organize
your Ultra Cola backpacks,
385
00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:09,780
and still enjoy
a delicious Ultra Cola.
386
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:13,384
-
the refreshing way to learn.
387
00:14:14,954 --> 00:14:17,321
You don't think they're gonna
try to make Mr. Demartino
388
00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:19,723
use Ultra Cola
in his class lessons, do you?
389
00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:20,724
Argh!
390
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:22,627
Stupid...
391
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:23,628
Argh!
392
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:27,131
Stupid cola... argh... friggin'...
393
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:28,899
Marketing contract...
394
00:14:28,901 --> 00:14:31,202
Auuuugh!
395
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,837
What was the question?
396
00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:38,175
Oh, kevie, it's terrible.
397
00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:39,910
How can I face the world?
398
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:40,911
It's okay, babe.
399
00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:42,814
You look, uh... cute.
400
00:14:42,816 --> 00:14:44,248
What do you mean?
401
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,517
Kind of,
uh... round and shiny.
402
00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:48,486
Ohhhh.
403
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,321
Uh, I like that in a woman?
404
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,355
Nnuh!
405
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:53,457
Ow.
406
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,793
I hate this stupid uniform.
407
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:58,029
You can't build
a human pyramid in this.
408
00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:00,198
Everybody keeps rolling off.
409
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,066
Oh, god, my arms.
410
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,334
I can't feel my arms.
411
00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:07,438
You see,
412
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,340
you're still falling short
of your quotas,
413
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,975
and I don't need to tell you,
those sales have to be made up.
414
00:15:11,977 --> 00:15:13,411
I don't know what to do.
415
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,346
I put in all the machines
they asked for.
416
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,448
I put up all the advertising
they asked for.
417
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:19,384
I instituted the learning aids.
418
00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:20,684
What more can I do?
419
00:15:20,686 --> 00:15:22,120
What more can I do?
420
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:24,855
If only the students
had some motivation
421
00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:26,924
to drink soda
beyond simple thirst.
422
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,326
But that's crazy talk.
423
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:29,994
What other motivation
could there be?
424
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:31,162
You're right; It's stupid.
425
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:32,397
By the way,
426
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:34,499
how are your students' grades
this period?
427
00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:36,000
Huh?
428
00:15:36,002 --> 00:15:38,736
Don't you people like having
that new scoreboard?
429
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:41,271
Don't you like
the digital tackling dummies
430
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,140
and the new towels
that don't smell like
431
00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:44,676
a farm animal's privates?
432
00:15:44,678 --> 00:15:45,943
Um... sure.
433
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,012
Well, why don't you show
your appreciation?
434
00:15:48,014 --> 00:15:49,981
Do you want us to call
the Asian-American women
435
00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:51,516
in education's caucus again?
436
00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:54,585
No, I want you to drink
more soda, damn it, soda!
437
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:55,720
Soda!
438
00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:57,689
Soda, soda, soda.
439
00:15:57,691 --> 00:16:00,024
But we drink that bulk-up
powder, Ms. Li...
440
00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:01,292
For the ladies.
441
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,660
Forget bulking up, damn it.
442
00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:05,897
Who on this team
has an average below c?
443
00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:07,198
Never mind.
444
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,168
Just put up your hand
if your average is above c.
445
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:11,302
Okay, the rest of you,
446
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,736
I'll raise your average
half a point
447
00:16:12,738 --> 00:16:14,472
for every ten cans
of Ultra Cola you drink.
448
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,840
If you've got a 60 average,
drink 20 cans,
449
00:16:16,842 --> 00:16:18,075
and you'll have a 61.
450
00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:19,777
We'll call it
an extra-credit mini-course
451
00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:20,944
in the science of motivation.
452
00:16:20,946 --> 00:16:22,013
What do you say?
453
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,581
Whoo-hoo! Yeah! All right!
454
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,550
All right, men,
give 'em hell,
455
00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:27,452
and drink, my lads, drink.
456
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:29,987
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
457
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,889
Ms. Li, are you sure
you want to do this?
458
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,591
Just what are you saying,
Mr. MacKenzie,
459
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:34,859
it's unethical, immoral,
460
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:36,894
in direct conflict with my role
as an educator?
461
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:39,363
Well, yeah, but mostly
I was thinking
462
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:41,566
I'm the only one on the team
who can count by halves.
463
00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:43,233
Hmph, note to self:
464
00:16:43,235 --> 00:16:45,302
Calculators
for the football team... asap.
465
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,977
Ah, I love the smell
of cola in the morning.
466
00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:01,252
The oakwood taproots
look ready for a whipping,
467
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:04,255
but our lawndale lions
aren't here to do the clipping.
468
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:05,857
I see mighty mack,
but where,
469
00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:08,359
oh, where,
could the other lions be?
470
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:12,763
All right, girls,
just the way we rehearsed it.
471
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,765
- Win, lions, win.
472
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:16,033
Fight, lions, fight.
473
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:19,170
Drink Ultra Cola
till your pants feel tight.
474
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:21,873
Run and pass
and block and blitz.
475
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:24,275
Drink Ultra Cola
and never mind the zits.
476
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:25,943
Go lions.
477
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:28,046
Ugh! Ahhh!
478
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:29,280
Hold on, folks.
479
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:32,716
I've got star qb Kevin Thompson
on the phone.
480
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:36,120
Kevin, tell the loyal fans
what you just told me.
481
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:37,388
Um, hey everybody.
482
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:38,489
Uh, how's it going?
483
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:41,392
Um, I'm real sorry about this,
but, uh,
484
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,060
the lions have to forfeit.
485
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,430
We've all got... tummyaches.
486
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:46,764
Oh, no, Kevin.
487
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:49,667
To what do you attribute this,
the dreaded influenza?
488
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:51,936
No, too much Ultra Cola.
489
00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:54,705
I've got to go to the bathroom.
490
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,376
Drink up, damn it.
Eep.
491
00:17:59,378 --> 00:18:01,178
Leonard lamm says
a forfeited home game
492
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:03,647
is a violation of our contract
with Ultra Cola.
493
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:07,118
I'm already in deep horse plops
from missing the sales quotas.
494
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,919
What about all that soda
the team drank?
495
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:11,121
Yeah, yeah, but he said
since it was from the cafeteria,
496
00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:12,222
it didn't count.
497
00:18:12,224 --> 00:18:13,524
It had to come
from the machines,
498
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:14,525
but nobody told me.
499
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:15,526
Nobody told me, I tell you.
500
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:16,961
Calm down, Ms. Li.
501
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:19,162
Maybe you should lay off the
Ultra Cola for a little while.
502
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:20,230
Lay off the Ultra Cola?
503
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:21,599
Can't lay off the Ultra Cola.
504
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:22,700
Got to drink, drink cola.
505
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,335
I told you to drink up, damn it.
506
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,971
I know,
call the elementary schools.
507
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:28,906
They're always looking
for a cheap field trip.
508
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,708
Tell them to get their kids over
here right away
509
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:31,843
for soda, soda, soda!
510
00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:33,010
Do you think that's really--
511
00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:34,411
just do it.
512
00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:35,512
I can't just sit here.
513
00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:37,148
I've got to move some product,
damn it.
514
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:38,482
Attention, students,
515
00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:40,918
everyone out in the halls
for soda... now!
516
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:46,857
Must drink soda,
soda from machines.
517
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,693
Everybody gather around
the pretty machines.
518
00:18:48,695 --> 00:18:51,028
Ooh!
519
00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:53,564
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
520
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,332
Open up, you lousy
damn machine!
521
00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:57,134
Give up the soda in your bowels!
522
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,170
Soda, soda, must have soda, oh!
523
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:05,309
Arrgh, augh, ooh!
524
00:19:11,050 --> 00:19:15,486
Everybody keep drinking!
525
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:18,489
So the gigantic soda machines
are gone from the hallways.
526
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,324
But still in the cafeterias.
527
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,059
And the advertising is gone
from the walls.
528
00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,827
But still in the school paper.
529
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,330
And the Ultra Cola logo
is gone from the uniforms.
530
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:27,765
But still on the tickets.
531
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,400
I take it
you don't consider this
532
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,369
an all-out triumph
for the forces of good.
533
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:32,970
Did they or did they not
534
00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:34,639
release Ms. Li
from the hospital?
535
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:36,306
Good point,
but come on, Daria,
536
00:19:36,308 --> 00:19:37,842
they changed
the Ultra Cola contract
537
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,543
so they can't advertise
inside the school,
538
00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:41,145
and thanks to Ms. Li's
little freak-out,
539
00:19:41,147 --> 00:19:42,179
no one traced it to you.
540
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,413
Isn't that some kind of victory?
541
00:19:43,415 --> 00:19:44,815
I don't know.
542
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:46,517
Ask those people.
543
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:49,787
♪ La-la, la, la-la ♪
544
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:52,723
Captioning by