1
00:00:11,297 --> 00:00:13,373
I've been working on the railroad...

2
00:00:13,408 --> 00:00:15,415
come on, guys, we know this one.

3
00:00:19,456 --> 00:00:19,923
Daddy!

4
00:00:19,958 --> 00:00:23,624
It was dead already, sweetheart.
Just like the others.

5
00:00:23,659 --> 00:00:24,815
How do you know?

6
00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:26,728
You didn't hear any screaming, did you?

7
00:00:26,763 --> 00:00:28,473
I think people who run over animals

8
00:00:28,508 --> 00:00:31,068
should get run over themselves to see how they like it.

9
00:00:31,103 --> 00:00:33,746
What about unpopular animals?

10
00:00:33,781 --> 00:00:36,000
Unpopular animals don't count.

11
00:00:36,035 --> 00:00:38,127
What about the stupid ones?

12
00:00:38,162 --> 00:00:41,657
Come on, girls.
We'll be at Susan and Doug's soon.

13
00:00:41,692 --> 00:00:42,637
Hooray.

14
00:00:42,672 --> 00:00:45,529
It'll be fun.
You can hang out with Ramona.

15
00:00:45,564 --> 00:00:46,931
Ramona's three.

16
00:00:50,887 --> 00:00:54,571
Daria, on the other hand, is more of a late bloomer socially

17
00:00:54,606 --> 00:00:58,033
and there's nothing wrong with that.
Right, honey?

18
00:01:13,956 --> 00:01:14,848
Read to me.

19
00:01:14,883 --> 00:01:18,803
Isn't she darling?
What is she reading now?

20
00:01:19,985 --> 00:01:21,987
We have to think about college application time.

21
00:01:23,644 --> 00:01:26,239
I mean, it's so hard to get into a good school now.

22
00:01:26,274 --> 00:01:28,110
What are you guys doing about it?

23
00:01:33,981 --> 00:01:37,596
One more time:
I am not taking a college prep course.

24
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:41,211
Actually,
I may just skip college and stay home.

25
00:01:41,246 --> 00:01:44,232
It'll save me the trouble of moving back in later.

26
00:01:45,677 --> 00:01:46,569
Watch the road!

27
00:01:46,651 --> 00:01:50,228
Daria, if you don't get into a decent school your life will be ruined.

28
00:01:50,263 --> 00:01:51,419
End of discussion.

29
00:01:51,454 --> 00:01:54,547
Way to go, Mom.
She can't get her way all the time.

30
00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:57,740
Actually, Quinn, it wouldn't hurt if you took the course too.

31
00:01:57,775 --> 00:01:58,752
Wait a minute!

32
00:01:59,901 --> 00:02:01,474
Maybe we can sit together.

33
00:02:04,877 --> 00:02:08,020
Today's admission standards are more rigorous than ever, which is why...

34
00:02:08,054 --> 00:02:10,360
Can we get on with this? I have someplace to go.

35
00:02:10,395 --> 00:02:12,772
Television counts as a place.

36
00:02:12,807 --> 00:02:16,897
Okay, okay. Topic one: testing.

37
00:02:16,932 --> 00:02:19,663
You have to know how to take a test.

38
00:02:19,698 --> 00:02:22,385
Like, when you get a multiple-choice question,

39
00:02:22,420 --> 00:02:25,233
you can usually eliminate two of the answers right off.

40
00:02:25,268 --> 00:02:29,021
Excuse me, sir?
Does that work with true/false?

41
00:02:32,337 --> 00:02:33,066
Okay,

42
00:02:33,105 --> 00:02:37,838
this is an informational sheet Push Comes to Love sends around to 600 leading colleges.

43
00:02:37,873 --> 00:02:41,104
It's called My Personal Goals and Aspirations.

44
00:02:41,139 --> 00:02:43,283
Let's all talk about college...

45
00:02:43,318 --> 00:02:45,495
Daria, what did you get for number one?

46
00:02:45,530 --> 00:02:47,834
The thing about who I really am?

47
00:02:47,869 --> 00:02:48,812
Yeah.

48
00:02:48,847 --> 00:02:51,110
Try "cross-dresser. "

49
00:02:51,145 --> 00:02:52,415
Thanks, man, I owe you one.

50
00:02:52,450 --> 00:02:56,191
the goal of the worksheet is to help you focus on what you want out of college.

51
00:02:56,226 --> 00:02:58,447
Okay, when you get a multiple choice...

52
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,059
you focus on personal goals and aspirations...

53
00:03:13,547 --> 00:03:18,141
Kevin...
thank you for my beautiful roses.

54
00:03:18,176 --> 00:03:20,225
Where did you get them?

55
00:03:20,260 --> 00:03:24,614
Oh, it was nothing.
My high-school girlfriend sent them to me.

56
00:03:24,649 --> 00:03:27,542
What a child.

57
00:03:27,577 --> 00:03:29,626
Okay, the goal of college...

58
00:03:31,710 --> 00:03:32,390
Oh, Brittany.

59
00:03:32,425 --> 00:03:36,345
She's got a dark, threatened look.

60
00:03:36,380 --> 00:03:40,940
She never cracked no books.

61
00:03:42,058 --> 00:03:44,866
Brittany, you're the only girl I ever loved!

62
00:03:44,901 --> 00:03:46,099
Will you marry me?

63
00:03:58,437 --> 00:04:00,435
This is all quite amazing.

64
00:04:00,470 --> 00:04:03,498
How could you afford such a space in New York?

65
00:04:03,533 --> 00:04:06,688
I used the money my parents saved for college.

66
00:04:06,723 --> 00:04:10,218
Brilliant!
Just like your art.

67
00:04:11,366 --> 00:04:12,602
it's called "Focus on How to... "

68
00:04:16,385 --> 00:04:20,214
Hey, this must be the new roommate.
Guys.

69
00:04:20,249 --> 00:04:23,106
Excellent, the new roommate.

70
00:04:23,141 --> 00:04:24,595
Howdy, roomy.

71
00:04:24,630 --> 00:04:25,404
Hi.

72
00:04:25,439 --> 00:04:29,869
All right, guys.
Best man wins.

73
00:04:33,952 --> 00:04:35,909
like two of the answers are more rigorous than...

74
00:04:39,099 --> 00:04:42,332
Daria, I know it's only the first week of freshmen year,

75
00:04:42,367 --> 00:04:45,650
but I wonder if you'd consider transferring to the graduate school.

76
00:04:45,685 --> 00:04:48,967
I'm not really sure I want to be a professional student.

77
00:04:49,002 --> 00:04:52,456
But I don't want you to study.
I want you to teach.

78
00:04:52,491 --> 00:04:53,605
Well...

79
00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:56,837
Not here, of course.
On our Paris campus.

80
00:04:56,872 --> 00:04:58,495
Oh! Okay.

81
00:04:58,530 --> 00:05:01,941
Superb!
Now I can use your dorm room to carry on affairs

82
00:05:01,976 --> 00:05:05,004
with some of the more beautiful undergraduates.
Thank you!

83
00:05:05,039 --> 00:05:08,747
How come even in my fantasies everyone's a jerk?

84
00:05:11,556 --> 00:05:14,620
Then we filled out this worksheet,
and that was pretty much it.

85
00:05:14,655 --> 00:05:17,851
Money well spent,
since it wasn't my money.

86
00:05:17,886 --> 00:05:19,893
You left out the best part.

87
00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:23,849
Getting a date with the instructor is only the best part to you.

88
00:05:23,884 --> 00:05:28,316
It's not a date.
We're meeting to discuss scholarship options.

89
00:05:28,351 --> 00:05:31,423
Scholarship?
Way to go, sweetie.

90
00:05:31,458 --> 00:05:35,507
There's no such thing as a making-out scholarship.

91
00:05:35,542 --> 00:05:39,123
Uh, excuse me, but I think he would know better than you.

92
00:05:39,158 --> 00:05:42,143
Anyway, the best part, I meant, was the trip.

93
00:05:42,178 --> 00:05:43,079
What trip?

94
00:05:43,114 --> 00:05:46,397
We have to visit a college of our choosing.

95
00:05:46,432 --> 00:05:49,205
Great!
We'll go to Middleton!

96
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:52,141
We'll all head up to the old alma mater this weekend!

97
00:05:52,176 --> 00:05:53,033
Wait!

98
00:05:53,068 --> 00:05:56,949
We get to pick the college,
and no one said you could come.

99
00:05:56,984 --> 00:05:57,516
But Quinn,

100
00:05:57,588 --> 00:06:00,748
your father and I would love it if you kids followed in our footsteps.

101
00:06:00,783 --> 00:06:02,246
We're walking?

102
00:06:05,564 --> 00:06:08,287
Maybe we should visit your old nursery school first.

103
00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:23,189
Gosh, the old place has hardly changed a bit.

104
00:06:25,019 --> 00:06:27,487
Hey, hey, my man.
Toss me that disk, dude.

105
00:06:27,522 --> 00:06:28,805
Get a life.

106
00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:34,462
Cool. Whatever.
Maybe next time. College punks.

107
00:06:34,497 --> 00:06:36,759
Hi, are you the Morgendorffers?

108
00:06:36,794 --> 00:06:40,631
I'm your tour guide, Heather.
Welcome to Middleton.

109
00:06:40,666 --> 00:06:44,290
Hey, Heather.
What's up?

110
00:06:44,325 --> 00:06:46,416
Uh... shall we get started?

111
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:52,246
These buildings date from when Middleton was a colonial religious college.

112
00:06:52,281 --> 00:06:57,222
Back then, the all-male student body attended chapel twice a day,

113
00:06:57,257 --> 00:07:00,455
and endured whippings as punishment for impure thoughts.

114
00:07:00,490 --> 00:07:03,051
What a bunch of stiffs they must have been, eh, girls?

115
00:07:05,475 --> 00:07:07,729
Damn it!
I'll kill you, college scum!

116
00:07:07,764 --> 00:07:12,623
But, Middleton's time-honored tradition of tomfoolery continues.

117
00:07:12,658 --> 00:07:16,876
Jake, honey,
didn't that balloon just come out of your old dorm window?

118
00:07:16,911 --> 00:07:19,173
What?
Hey, I think you're right.

119
00:07:19,208 --> 00:07:21,557
Come on, let's go take a look at the old cell.

120
00:07:21,592 --> 00:07:23,683
We got time before we go see the Bursar.

121
00:07:23,718 --> 00:07:24,492
Girls?

122
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:27,044
I'm sure we'd only get in the way.

123
00:07:28,533 --> 00:07:32,063
Okay, next is the old bell tower in the center of campus

124
00:07:32,098 --> 00:07:33,871
the historical meeting place of...

125
00:07:33,906 --> 00:07:35,701
That sounds really interesting.

126
00:07:35,736 --> 00:07:39,189
Which historic street are all the fraternities on?

127
00:07:39,224 --> 00:07:41,912
My sister wants to study group psychology.

128
00:07:41,947 --> 00:07:42,890
Right.

129
00:07:46,891 --> 00:07:50,165
At last... college.

130
00:07:52,121 --> 00:07:53,354
Aren't you a Theta pledge?

131
00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:57,438
Well, uh... yes.
Yes, I am.

132
00:07:57,473 --> 00:08:00,374
Then you'd better get over there and help clean the house steps,

133
00:08:00,409 --> 00:08:04,331
or the Council of Ancients will give you a noodle whipping you won't soon forget.

134
00:08:04,366 --> 00:08:08,202
A whipping. It's nice that they keep some of the old traditions.

135
00:08:08,237 --> 00:08:09,308
Yes, ma'am.

136
00:08:09,343 --> 00:08:13,010
I was just directing these girls to the hair and nail salon.

137
00:08:13,045 --> 00:08:14,966
You know, community service.

138
00:08:15,001 --> 00:08:17,094
You're excused.
But make it quick.

139
00:08:17,129 --> 00:08:18,690
Do you have your scrub brush?

140
00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:19,894
No, ma'am.

141
00:08:21,254 --> 00:08:22,190
Good luck, pledge.

142
00:08:24,743 --> 00:08:26,360
Quinn, you're in high school.

143
00:08:26,395 --> 00:08:30,357
Listen, Daria.
I don't stop you from reading.

144
00:08:31,235 --> 00:08:33,066
Don't stop me from this.

145
00:08:35,235 --> 00:08:37,957
She's God's problem now, kid.
Let's get out of here.

146
00:08:37,992 --> 00:08:39,318
This place gives me the creeps.

147
00:08:41,852 --> 00:08:45,488
Well... it smells like your old room.

148
00:08:45,523 --> 00:08:47,706
Hey, guys, what's going down?

149
00:08:47,741 --> 00:08:51,790
You know, I think this might have been my crib when I went here.

150
00:08:51,825 --> 00:08:53,534
It's "crib" now, right?

151
00:08:58,981 --> 00:09:02,171
We're just going to have a quick look-see, okay? Okay.

152
00:09:05,489 --> 00:09:08,169
How refreshing to see someone doing school work.

153
00:09:08,204 --> 00:09:12,210
Actually, I'm sending an erotic letter to a female inmate I met on the Internet.

154
00:09:12,245 --> 00:09:14,168
I think she's female.

155
00:09:15,486 --> 00:09:17,486
Remember when I used to walk through the courtyard?

156
00:09:17,521 --> 00:09:22,463
You and all the other guys would lean out the window and shout obscene comments.

157
00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:28,807
College men. Animals!
Quinn!

158
00:09:31,232 --> 00:09:34,423
Don't worry, men.
The situation is under control.

159
00:09:35,316 --> 00:09:38,039
Hey, can any of you dudes tell me how to get to the Bursar's office?

160
00:09:39,910 --> 00:09:41,782
Okay, no problem, I'll find it myself.

161
00:09:46,674 --> 00:09:47,823
So this is college?

162
00:09:47,858 --> 00:09:51,864
Pretty much. There's also the part about working a stupid job

163
00:09:51,899 --> 00:09:53,566
and begging your parents for money.

164
00:09:53,601 --> 00:09:54,225
Heather?

165
00:09:56,788 --> 00:09:59,629
My psych term paper. Finally.

166
00:10:00,599 --> 00:10:02,300
Nobody respects deadlines anymore.

167
00:10:05,363 --> 00:10:08,257
Uh, you paid somebody to write this for you?

168
00:10:08,292 --> 00:10:09,831
It was a collaboration.

169
00:10:09,866 --> 00:10:13,106
My part was to say how long it should be and when it was due.

170
00:10:13,141 --> 00:10:16,041
But the first paragraph doesn't even make sense.

171
00:10:16,076 --> 00:10:18,041
How much did you pay for this?

172
00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:19,573
Fifty bucks.

173
00:10:19,608 --> 00:10:22,422
I can fix this for you for ten bucks.

174
00:10:22,457 --> 00:10:23,996
Really? Great.

175
00:10:24,031 --> 00:10:27,782
Wow. You know anything about the English Civil War?

176
00:10:27,817 --> 00:10:29,611
How about Renaissance painting?

177
00:10:29,646 --> 00:10:32,674
What I don't know, I can fake. But cash only.

178
00:10:32,709 --> 00:10:35,482
I don't take checks from college students.

179
00:10:37,056 --> 00:10:41,141
Her name's Quinn, and she looks, well... a lot like me.

180
00:10:41,176 --> 00:10:45,310
Some people say sisters even.
Of course, I was a young mother.

181
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:49,309
Too young, really.
How old do you think I am?

182
00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:51,180
I don't really, um... I...

183
00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:55,009
Forty-s... forty-three.
That is, in five years I'll be 43.

184
00:10:55,044 --> 00:10:59,094
Seems like only yesterday I was partying with the best of them.

185
00:10:59,129 --> 00:11:03,774
I was pretty wild.
Still am, when I feel like it.

186
00:11:03,809 --> 00:11:06,539
But you're a college man.
You probably know all about that.

187
00:11:06,574 --> 00:11:10,283
I'm just a freshman and I...
we're not really supposed to...

188
00:11:10,318 --> 00:11:12,708
I get headaches sometimes 'cause I'm allergic to things.

189
00:11:12,743 --> 00:11:15,004
And I... I sort of have to go now, bye.

190
00:11:15,039 --> 00:11:19,301
Well, if you see her, just tell her I'm looking for her.

191
00:11:20,624 --> 00:11:21,768
College punk.

192
00:11:24,114 --> 00:11:26,198
I just can't figure out what all this is paying for.

193
00:11:26,233 --> 00:11:29,474
I understand your feelings, Mr. Morgendorffer.

194
00:11:29,509 --> 00:11:34,240
Many of our parents experience similar sticker shock, if I may.

195
00:11:36,167 --> 00:11:39,302
That's why I refer a lot of our parents to this institution.

196
00:11:39,870 --> 00:11:44,551
It's not a bank, but a family business that understands families.

197
00:11:44,586 --> 00:11:48,208
They can set you up with a cash loan on very agreeable terms.

198
00:11:49,356 --> 00:11:50,505
What's this address?

199
00:11:51,246 --> 00:11:55,798
It's a candy store. That's their business. They sell candy.

200
00:11:55,833 --> 00:11:58,734
And make loans.
Oh, and haul trash.

201
00:11:58,769 --> 00:12:01,499
They got a variety of interests, actually.

202
00:12:01,534 --> 00:12:03,966
You play the ponies, Jake?

203
00:12:15,112 --> 00:12:18,091
Okay, look, I'm not going to rewrite this paper for you,

204
00:12:18,126 --> 00:12:22,219
but I will give you a couple of tips that will help you rewrite it.

205
00:12:22,254 --> 00:12:25,238
First, the book title Sons and Lovers

206
00:12:25,273 --> 00:12:28,684
does not have an apostrophe in it... anywhere.

207
00:12:28,719 --> 00:12:33,577
Second, unless your ex-boyfriend is an authority on D.H. Lawrence,

208
00:12:33,612 --> 00:12:37,150
don't base your thesis on something he said while making out.

209
00:12:37,185 --> 00:12:41,107
What about something he said when we broke up?

210
00:12:41,142 --> 00:12:42,084
No.

211
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:44,964
Okay, thanks.

212
00:12:44,999 --> 00:12:48,154
Thank you, and good luck with the doctorate.

213
00:12:48,189 --> 00:12:50,877
You seem pretty comfortable with the brain-dead.

214
00:12:50,912 --> 00:12:52,664
So, let's go to a party.

215
00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:06,021
Excuse me, ma'am.
Could I trouble you for your underwear?

216
00:13:06,056 --> 00:13:07,340
Say what?

217
00:13:07,375 --> 00:13:09,595
Your panties. May I have them?

218
00:13:09,630 --> 00:13:12,743
Why, you little bastard!
Oh, wait a minute,

219
00:13:12,778 --> 00:13:15,381
hold on here... are you in a fraternity?

220
00:13:15,416 --> 00:13:20,699
Yes, ma'am. Sigma Stigmata, a. k.a., "Sigma Yo' Mama!"

221
00:13:22,022 --> 00:13:23,327
This is a prank, isn't it?

222
00:13:23,362 --> 00:13:26,687
Sort of, ma'am. See, it's a Stigmata tradition

223
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:29,877
to fly a Middleton woman's panties from our flagpole.

224
00:13:29,912 --> 00:13:31,622
You guys!

225
00:13:31,657 --> 00:13:33,665
But since the house moved off-campus,

226
00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:37,237
we found that student panties aren't big enough to be seen from the quad.

227
00:13:37,272 --> 00:13:39,406
I've been observing you, ma'am.

228
00:13:39,441 --> 00:13:42,300
I think your underwear just might do the trick!

229
00:13:42,335 --> 00:13:46,596
Do the trick?! I'll do the trick to you, you little twerp!

230
00:13:46,631 --> 00:13:49,746
And your brothers, too! Frat geek!

231
00:13:49,781 --> 00:13:52,935
Helen! Helen! Terrible news.

232
00:13:52,970 --> 00:13:54,424
Oh, my God, the girls!

233
00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:54,624
No, no.

234
00:13:54,695 --> 00:13:55,730
What's happened?

235
00:13:55,765 --> 00:14:00,288
Tuition... crippling expense... maybe we can just... send...

236
00:14:00,323 --> 00:14:06,329
one of them... to college... Quinn... go... to beauty... school.

237
00:14:06,364 --> 00:14:08,200
Jake... get a grip.

238
00:14:08,235 --> 00:14:10,796
Right now, we don't even know where they are!

239
00:14:10,831 --> 00:14:14,326
Right. Then... let's go... campus police.

240
00:14:14,361 --> 00:14:15,306
The fuzz?

241
00:14:15,341 --> 00:14:19,731
We're... parents... now. Police... good.

242
00:14:19,766 --> 00:14:21,559
Missing daughters... bad.

243
00:14:22,686 --> 00:14:26,982
You're right. Those poor kids are probably scared to death.

244
00:14:30,301 --> 00:14:33,108
Okay, look. I can't play the game for you,

245
00:14:33,143 --> 00:14:37,023
but I will give you a couple of tips so you can play.

246
00:14:37,058 --> 00:14:41,107
As you go around counting off,
for every number that has a three in it

247
00:14:41,142 --> 00:14:44,214
or is a multiple of three, you say, "zoom. "

248
00:14:44,249 --> 00:14:47,361
Every multiple of seven, or number with a seven in it,

249
00:14:47,396 --> 00:14:48,680
you say, "schwartz!"

250
00:14:48,715 --> 00:14:50,891
Can't we just play the one with the quarter?

251
00:14:50,926 --> 00:14:55,061
But you look so cute when you say funny words.

252
00:14:55,096 --> 00:14:58,663
Besides, shouldn't you be saving your quarters for taking us out?

253
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:00,254
One...

254
00:15:00,289 --> 00:15:01,360
Two...

255
00:15:01,395 --> 00:15:02,508
Zoom.

256
00:15:02,543 --> 00:15:03,444
Good!

257
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:10,231
Keg... Queen. Keg... Queen. Keg... Queen.

258
00:15:10,266 --> 00:15:14,741
Ah, they've chosen the Keg Queen. It's a huge honor.

259
00:15:14,776 --> 00:15:18,186
She gets to drive the kegs to and from the distributor.

260
00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:22,313
Wait a minute. That's no queen... that's my sister.

261
00:15:22,348 --> 00:15:24,909
And she doesn't even have a learner's permit.

262
00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:32,056
Quinn! What did they do to you?!

263
00:15:33,119 --> 00:15:36,395
They made me their queen!
Isn't it great?!

264
00:15:36,430 --> 00:15:40,692
I think now would be a good time to teach Quinn about personal responsibility.

265
00:15:40,727 --> 00:15:44,137
Young lady, as the elder sister I hold you partially to blame.

266
00:15:44,172 --> 00:15:46,563
But I stayed with the tour guide.

267
00:15:46,598 --> 00:15:47,627
Hi!

268
00:15:47,662 --> 00:15:50,860
Are these your daughters, Mr. Morgendorffer?

269
00:15:50,895 --> 00:15:53,029
Yes, officer.
Thank you for your help.

270
00:15:53,064 --> 00:15:54,602
They appear to be underage, sir.

271
00:15:54,637 --> 00:15:55,878
Well, of course they're...!

272
00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:57,794
Don't worry, Daddy, I have I.D.

273
00:15:57,829 --> 00:16:00,984
We have strict rules about minors at fraternity parties.

274
00:16:01,019 --> 00:16:03,535
I'm afraid I'm going to have to escort you all off the campus

275
00:16:03,570 --> 00:16:04,727
immediately.

276
00:16:04,762 --> 00:16:05,450
But

277
00:16:05,485 --> 00:16:07,874
Don't make me use the cuffs, Mr. Morgendorffer.

278
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:10,171
Can we keep her?

279
00:16:10,206 --> 00:16:12,298
You certainly cannot!

280
00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:14,298
Then can we have your underwear?

281
00:16:14,333 --> 00:16:15,616
You son of a...!

282
00:16:16,693 --> 00:16:21,372
Okay, okay... so, like, let's all talk about our college experiences.

283
00:16:22,654 --> 00:16:25,716
My big brothers stripped me naked and covered me with molasses,

284
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:28,694
and left me in the middle of a field at night! It was awesome!

285
00:16:28,729 --> 00:16:32,480
I had a good time, too.
I walked into the student center

286
00:16:32,515 --> 00:16:34,394
and these kids were reading poetry

287
00:16:34,429 --> 00:16:37,500
then they let me make up some of my own!

288
00:16:37,535 --> 00:16:42,394
And they were really interested in my feelings and thoughts and stuff.

289
00:16:43,488 --> 00:16:44,721
That sounds stupid.

290
00:16:44,756 --> 00:16:46,253
Shut up, naked boy.

291
00:16:47,317 --> 00:16:47,997
How about you?

292
00:16:48,032 --> 00:16:50,081
I learned about the first-string exemption.

293
00:16:50,116 --> 00:16:52,337
Turns out if you make the starting squad,

294
00:16:52,372 --> 00:16:54,038
you never have to take any exams.

295
00:16:54,073 --> 00:16:55,271
All right!

296
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:58,335
Yeah. I'm looking forward to a great education.

297
00:16:58,370 --> 00:17:00,418
May I please have my money back now?

298
00:17:02,291 --> 00:17:03,226
You little... oh, and you two.

299
00:17:03,261 --> 00:17:05,737
How did you like the famous Middleton College?

300
00:17:05,772 --> 00:17:07,353
Daria got us thrown out.

301
00:17:07,388 --> 00:17:11,181
I got us thrown out?
I beg to differ, Keg Queen.

302
00:17:11,216 --> 00:17:14,244
Keg Queen?!
Can I have your autograph?

303
00:17:14,279 --> 00:17:16,201
Dream on, naked boy.

304
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:19,860
Whoa, whoa, wait a minute!
You got thrown out of Middleton?

305
00:17:19,895 --> 00:17:22,327
I, I just can't understand you kids sometimes.

306
00:17:22,362 --> 00:17:25,050
In my day, we had a little something called respect.

307
00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:27,480
Uh, are we going to need to know this,

308
00:17:27,515 --> 00:17:29,565
or is this, like, personal advice or something?

309
00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:34,627
Thrown out of college without enrolling first.

310
00:17:34,662 --> 00:17:36,796
I'm damn proud of you.

311
00:17:36,831 --> 00:17:37,859
Thanks.

312
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:39,530
How's business?

313
00:17:39,565 --> 00:17:44,168
Booming. I have two econ problem sets and a paper on Kerouac

314
00:17:44,203 --> 00:17:46,593
that I have to get to the delivery guy by 9:00 P.M...

315
00:17:46,628 --> 00:17:49,230
and then, I quit.

316
00:17:49,265 --> 00:17:51,230
But you're just getting started.

317
00:17:51,265 --> 00:17:54,803
I already feel burned out on college and I'm still in high school.

318
00:17:57,525 --> 00:17:58,886
Hey, Daria, come on in!

319
00:17:58,921 --> 00:18:01,950
Uh... what happened?

320
00:18:01,985 --> 00:18:06,630
Nothing. only somebody in this family turned out to be college material.

321
00:18:06,665 --> 00:18:10,883
Quinn was accepted to Manatee College in Florida!

322
00:18:10,918 --> 00:18:15,010
Remember those stupid worksheets we had to fill out for that course? Mine won.

323
00:18:15,045 --> 00:18:16,754
I'm so proud of you, honey.

324
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:22,031
Manatee... it sounds kind of European, don't you think?

325
00:18:22,066 --> 00:18:24,795
Uh, did you guys read this letter?

326
00:18:24,830 --> 00:18:29,432
Yes, and it says right there that she's in.

327
00:18:29,467 --> 00:18:31,006
And here at the bottom it also says,

328
00:18:31,041 --> 00:18:34,239
"Manatee College has no classes,

329
00:18:34,274 --> 00:18:39,301
but offers beachfront accommodations at a cost of $10,000 per semester. "

330
00:18:39,336 --> 00:18:41,514
That's even better than we thought, right, Dad?

331
00:18:41,549 --> 00:18:42,407
Give me that!

332
00:18:47,002 --> 00:18:50,022
Hi, sir. This is something for your daughter, Daria.

333
00:18:50,057 --> 00:18:51,936
She wrote a paper for me.

334
00:18:51,971 --> 00:18:53,892
And she made you pay in cash?

335
00:18:53,927 --> 00:18:54,871
Yes, sir.

336
00:18:54,906 --> 00:18:55,808
Good girl.

337
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:56,572
Jake!

338
00:18:56,607 --> 00:18:58,869
Hi, ma'am! Remember me?

339
00:18:58,904 --> 00:18:59,932
No!

340
00:19:03,932 --> 00:19:06,570
By the way, do you mind paying for this?
I'm broke.

341
00:19:06,605 --> 00:19:08,994
What happened to all your paper-writing money?

342
00:19:09,029 --> 00:19:10,910
My mom wouldn't let me keep it.

343
00:19:10,945 --> 00:19:14,101
She said it was wrong to encourage cheaters and to profit from them.

344
00:19:14,790 --> 00:19:16,694
So, she's giving up being a lawyer?

345
00:19:16,729 --> 00:19:17,829
I asked her that,

346
00:19:17,864 --> 00:19:21,445
and I'm sure some day we'll once again be on speaking terms.

347
00:19:22,241 --> 00:19:24,879
All in all, then, the whole college experience kind of sucked.

348
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:25,944
Pretty much.

349
00:19:26,778 --> 00:19:30,226
Does that mean these are the best years of our lives?

350
00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:31,926
I hope not.

351
00:19:34,322 --> 00:19:37,597
I should have known Daria was right about that making-out scholarship!

352
00:19:40,151 --> 00:19:43,214
But you've gotta admit, there are some pretty choice moments.

353
00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:48,115
Transcript by Sam Johnson and Chris Marcil
www. outpost-daria. com

354
00:19:48,216 --> 00:19:50,216
Synchro by Fifiririloulou
www. forom. com