Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Spike, this is the Hellmouth.
You have a soul? Fine. Show me.
- Get out of this basement. - I don't have anywhere else to go.
There will always be vengeance demons.
But now you, Anya, You're out.
Whatever's between us, it doesn't matter.
You shouldn't be alone in this.
Yes, I should.
You're gonna live in the small room there.
Looks like a closet, but it's a room now. You're not gonna touch my food.
I take the first shower, and if I use up all the hot water, that's your tough noogies.
And I hate this plan. Are you keepin' up, or do you need some kind...
of English to constant-pain-in-my-ass translation?
Invitation? Is there something more emphatic than "hate"?
Can I "revile" the plan?
Fine. I invite you in, nimrod.
Don't want your sodding food anyway.
I don't understand when his problems became your problems-- more specifically, mine.
The school basement is making him crazy. We can't just leave him there.
Why not? Crazy Basement Guy is better than Stalking Buffy Guy.
It's true. You guys aren't--
You're not starting up again with the whole-- No. A thousand gallons of "No."
It's just, things are different now. He has a soul.
I'm sure that'll be a real comfort when he soulfully attacks you again.
Yeah. What does that mean, exactly, that Spike is all soul-having?
[ Sighs ] I don't know.
But he's been through a lot, okay? And nobody is attacking-- Buffy?
[ Gasps ] Sorry.
No, it's me. I just-- I'll go. This can't work.
It will. It already is, okay? You know, you've been out of the basement for half an hour,
and you've already stopped talking to invisible people. Bollocks.
Okay, so there was that one episode in the car, but--
No. Bollocks to the whole thing. I don't need your mollycoddling. It's not coddling.
Now go to your closet.
[ Footsteps Departing ] [ Sighs ]
[ Dawn ] So, what is it? [ Buffy ] What's what?
[ Dawn ] Last night, you said you weren't helping Spike out of pity.
What is it? It's a good question.
Is sitting there drinking soda some kind of a Zen non-answer?
[ Sighs ] No. I just--
I don't know what I'm feeling. I--
I think I can't stand him, but then sometimes--
You love him? No.
I-- I feel for him.
Feel what, exactly? Dawn--
No, um, I'm just trying to understand.
I mean, none of it makes sense.
First you say Spike disgusts you, but secretly you two are doin' it like bunnies.
And then Spike says he'd die for you, but he tries to rape you.
[ Sighs ] For the record, Spike knew how wrong it was, and that's why he went away.
But to get a soul, like that would make him a better man?
Xander had a soul when he stood Anya up at the altar.
And now he says he still wants her?
I just don't think it's the school basement that's making people crazy.
Oh, I should really get back. You coming with?
I just don't see why people bother.
I mean, you put all this energy into chasing and having and brooding, and...
I just don't understand these relationships where you all do insane things.
Bye, rant-girl. Well, you could, like, paint a beautiful mural...
on every ugly wall in the world,
and then you could paint a beautiful mural on every ugly mural in the wor--
♪ [ "Theme to A Summer Place" ]
♪ [ Continues ]
[ Yelps ] [ Clatters ]
[ Growling ]
Maybe I'm not even the right Anyanka. Ever think about that?
I mean, tons of Anyankas out there.
[ Blows Landing ] Maybe one of them pissed off this, uh--
What did you say his name was? D'Hoffryneffer?
[ Groans ]
Good thing I stopped by and heard screaming.
So, I guess D'Hoffryn decided to take you out after all?
Yeah. He's, uh,
not head of vengeance for nothing.
Well, thank you for the generous life-saving. Now,
please go away.
Look, I don't need anyone's help.
Or, okay, clearly I do,
but I don't want to need anyone's help, so...
stop helping.
I get it.
After last week you feel you need to be all renegade and broody.
Taking yourself out of the loop--
I need to figure out who I am. Another, something bad is happening.
I don't want my friends out there alone right now, okay?
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
Well, I-- I guess you guys could use my help.
Willow's not very good with the practical strategizing... except when she's evil.
And Dawn, she's not really good for anything.
[ Woman ] ♪ When I think of you ♪
♪ I think ♪ [ Sighs ]
♪ I'm just a fool ♪ [ Mouthing Words ]
♪ With handsome drink ♪
♪ It never fails ♪
♪ That I can't sleep Dreamin' of you ♪
[ Girl ] You guys, I've been thinking about it, and I think I can still cheer.
I mean, I could use a chair, or we all could, like the Laker Girls.
Oh, honey, you need to concentrate on getting better.
Don't worry. We'll find a replacement for you tomorrow.
I just feel like I let you down.
[ Dawn ] Hey, R.J.
Oh. Dawn.
Hey, Summers.
Um, so, I-I was wondering,
you had Mr. Gurin for English back at your old school, right?
We all did.
I have him this year.
- What a drag. - I actually kinda liked him.
Right. Right. Uh, no, no. I like him. It's just,
you know, I-I meant "drag" in a good, fun way.
So, are the tryouts tomorrow? You gonna make the new girls jump up and down a lot, right?1
[ Scoffs ] God, gross.
A vending machine fell on Cheryl,
and all you can think about is new cheerleaders?
[ Chuckles ] Hey, um, so, you know,
I heard someone saying yesterday that...
we're gonna go all the way to the championships this year...
in football.
We actually have a good shot, considering we're a new team.
Yeah, if you can get us past Highland, we got a good shot. Oh, like you could do better?
- We'll see. - You think coach would start you at quarterback over me?
I'm just saying. The quarterback is the most important member of the team.
He is like the rudder that guides the ship.
Right. Could I give you a hand with that?
- Would you really? - Oh, it's okay. She can do it herself.
Hey, we're all on the same team, right?
Yeah. You're all on the team.
We'll talk later, guys. That's cool.
[ Man ] ♪ Well, if you took to me ♪
♪ Like a gull takes to the wind ♪
♪ Well, I'd have jumped from my trees ♪
♪ And I'd have danced like the king of the eyesores ♪ Go, Razorbacks!
♪ And the rest of our lives ♪
[ Scattered Applause ] [ Girl ] Okay. Awesome. Thank you.
Up next we have...
Dawn Summers.
- Nice outfit. - [ Crowd Chuckles ]
[ Chanting ] Razorbacks! Razorbacks! We're gonna play.
We've got a secret weapon, and his name is R.J.!
Hear us cheer, hear us yell. Listen what we say.
Razorbacks! Razorbacks! Go, R.J.!
[ Yelps ]
Whoa.
[ Girl ] Okay. Thank you. Very spirited.
Come on, Dawnie. Come out. [ Sobbing ]
Dawn, sweetheart, it's not that bad.
How would you even know? R.J.'s never gonna notice me now.
From what you said, I'm sure he already noticed you.
I mean, with the falling and the... spirit! Spirit!
He--They said you were spirited, right? Go away!
Dawn. [ Sobbing ]
Things a lot better, I see.
I don't think tonight's gonna be good for videos, Xand.
Right, with the wailing and the crying. Still better than a cozy evening with Spike.
Shall I order a pizza? Don't teens in a snit like pizza?
It is not a snit.
I-I finally met him-- the guy of my dreams, okay-- and I blew it.
R.J. hates me now.
Dawn, what is that?
Just the end of my life. [ Sobs ]
Remember when she used to have a crush on me?
I miss the much cuter "me" crush.
♪ [ Rock, On Speaker, Low ]
You shredded my outfit.
I'll buy you a new one.
That's not the point. I don't want a new cheerleading outfit.
Now, now, let's not be hasty.
Not the right time.
[ Sighs ]
Dawn, I'm sorry that you feel so bad.
Okay? But in the morning, this won't seem so terrible. [ Sniffles ]
You don't even know this R.J. Not really.
I do know him. I know his soul.
Really? Dawn, he wasn't even on your radar yesterday. It's the jacket.
It's true. Something about the big letter on the chest. Makes girls get all swoony and crushy.
I saw it all the time in school.
You couldn't pin any old felt letter to your coat and get play.
Not that I tried.
It isn't a crush.
It's love. I love R.J.
Again, since yesterday. Dawn, it's awfully fast.
What, you're telling me I don't feel what I feel? No, of course not.
I believe that you think it's real. It seems real to you.
[ Scoffs ] Know what?
Maybe I don't want advice from the dysfunction queen.
You have no idea how I feel.
You have no idea what real love is.
Maybe if you did, you wouldn't make fun of me this way.
Dawn, I'm not making fun of you. Just go.
Leave me alone.
[ Bell Rings ]
Hey, Brooks. Uh, I just talked to the coach.
Yeah? I told you, man. All those fumbles in practice-- he was gonna come down on you.
I'm starting on Saturday.
Great. Who knew fumblin' all the time was the key?
It's just time to let someone else have a turn, man. And you knew this was comin'.
Yeah, sure.
[ Book Clatters In Locker ]
You can't do this to R.J.
Oh, hey, it's you. Nice cheering the other day. [ Chuckle ]
It isn't fair. He works so hard. What do you care? I mean, this is how the game is played.
It's dog eat dog. May the best man win. But nobody's better than R.J.
[ Chuckles ] Yeah, well, that's not really up to you, is it, hmm?
It all happened so fast.
I mean, one minute he was walking, and the next...
he stumbled and then he fell.
Why would he say you pushed him down the stairs?
I don't know. Maybe he was just embarrassed.
It's hard being clumsy, especially when you're popular and athletic, I bet.
Yeah. Well, to be candid, it wouldn't be the first time I caught O'Donnell in a lie.
It would be nice if his lies didn't involve my sister.
Anyway, I'm gonna have to call Coach Wheeler and, uh, tell him the bad news.
Not a conversation I really want to have.
At least he's still got R.J. to take over.
Yeah. Well, I think we have everything we need for now.
I'm sorry you had to get involved in this, Dawn.
That's okay. I'm just really sorry it happened.
Summers! Hey. Hi.
I heard Wood hauled you into his office. Uh, well, yeah.
About O'Donnell? Yes.
That sucks, facin' the whole inquisition thing.
Yeah. "No one expects the Spanish Inquisition."
[ Chuckles ] God. It's like I have a disease or something.
[ Sighs ] It was really no big deal. No, it was.
I think it's cool that you faced him. Wood.
We just talked. He just wanted me to tell him about the accident.
Yeah.
It sucks when these things just happen... outta nowhere.
Right, out of nowhere.
You know, I was thinkin' of headin' out tonight after practice. You wanna meet up?
Um-- [ Giggles ]
[ Woman ] ♪ Hold what you've got ♪
♪ While Xenia twists up the sky ♪
♪ Akron flakes out ♪
♪ Grindcore little fury ♪ ♪ I feel hot tire ♪
♪ Why is it floating ♪ You know, Spike definitely seems a little more cogent, less--
[ Burbling ] I'm just sayin'-- Once you get back the soul,
doesn't that mean you start, like, pickin' up your own wet towels off the floor?
No, but maybe you start to feel really bad about leaving them there.
At least he's showering, and that's a refreshing and delightful change.
- Buff. - I think that's the guy.
- What guy? - The one who, according to Dawn, is the, quote,
"smartest, funniest, coolest, hottest and...
"having-the-thickest- boy-eyelashes boy in school," unquote.
He don't seem so tough. Check out the fan club.
- Daddy like. - What's that shirt made of, paint?
- Buff. - Glad Dawnie isn't here to see her precious boyfriend...
getting all thrusty with some slutbag hussy--
- Oh. - Oh. Oh, no! Daddy no--
I wasn't-- When I was lookin' I wasn't-- Oh, God.
Right there with ya.
♪ I got an empty case of whippets No more time on the meter ♪
♪ Daybreak About-face ♪
So, do you have plans later,
or are you just gonna go down to the docks, wait for the fleet to come in?
What? Where do I start with the bad?
First, you told me you were going to the library.
Second, you do not go out on a date without informing me first. Third,
Anna Nicole Smith thinks you look tacky.
Yeah, well, I think I look hot and so does R.J. Oh, I bet he does.
Maybe I should go have a little word with him. No!
Don't you dare embarrass me in front of him.
I don't like this. This boy has you acting crazy.
It's my life. I'll do what I want to. I don't think so.
Oh. So, what-- suddenly you're Mom now? No, I'm not.
And I am glad she's not here to see you like this.
Look, I'm sorry. I just--
You just can't handle it. What?
You've always been the special one-- hot little Buffy with her boyfriends. The Slayer.
And now someone likes me, and you just can't stand that I'm getting the attention.
That is the farthest thing from true. No, it's not.
I'm sorry, but I like the way R.J. makes me feel,
and if you think that makes me a slut or whatever, I don't care.
Oh, no, no, no. You are not going back out on that dance floor.
[ Empty Can Rattles ]
- R.J.? - I know what you're doing, slut.
I saw you. I saw you with R.J.
So? We were just dancing. Right. You think I'm stupid?
You're gonna back off now.
You know what's sad? A girl who can't move on when she's been dumped.
He didn't dump me! [ Both Squealing, Screaming ]
Okay. First with the lap dance, now with the catfight. Hey, wanna get drunk and barf next?
Let go of me! This isn't finished.
I'll never let you have him, bitch!
R.J. is mine. I mean it. Stay away from him!
[ Sighs ]
Well, at least someone agrees you shouldn't be dating this guy.
[ Bell Rings ]
How about if you try doing your own homework for a change, all right?
No more getting these young, impressionable women to do it for you.
Avoid detention, R.J. Sound good? Whatever.
Oh, sweet, infectious enthusiasm.
Whoa, hang on there, slappy. I'm not done with you yet.
Oh, man. Like, it's not bad enough I got that guy ridin' my back all the time.
- Now I gotta deal with you too? - Actually, I'm a bit more formidable than Mr. Wood.
You might come to look fondly on his back riding.
Yeah, but come on. Sit.
Hey, I told him I was sorry about the homework.
Mmm. Not the homework, Mr. Wizard, the girls--
what you're doing to them, in specific, my sister.
Hey, I-I didn't do anything to your sister. And you saw how hot she looked last night.
I think that proved that she-- Ah-ah, no more with the talky.
[ Sighs ] Look, I know how guys like you work.
You turn on the charm, you get whatever you want, no matter who gets in your way.
Okay. Look, it's not like that. I just get along really well with girls.
Oh, I see how you get along. "Ooh, look at me. I'm Mr. Quarterback.
"I crush little girls and all their little feelings. All I have to do is...
"lead a... team of high school athletes...
"trying their best to do a good job.
Everyone depending on me--"
Boy, that is a lot of pressure. But...
it doesn't mean you get to disregard other people's feelings.
It's not like I meant to hurt anyone.
No. I know that.
It's just-- you're a leader. A captain, okay?
People look up to you, and you need to keep that in mind when you--
I bet you run a lot, huh?
I mean, they work you pretty hard, don't they?
Yeah. I guess so.
I get that. I do. I'm there.
Or at least I was there when I was still in high school-- which I was...
just a couple of years ago, really.
You know, I-I just-- [ Chuckles ] realized,
I-I'm basically the same age as you.
I'm not really older at all actually.
I'm just like you...
but with the sexual experience and stuff.
I think I hear what you're sayin'.
Uh, right. [ Clears Throat ] I'm--
I'm really glad that we-- we had this talk. So, uh, I think you better get back to class then.
Okay. Thanks.
♪ [ "Theme to A Summer Place" ]
♪ [ Continues ]
[ Giggles ]
[ Buffy ] Dawn, you wanna come talk to me?
Ambush.
I wanted to tell you that I talked to R.J. today.
He's okay. I think he likes you.
Really? Tell me what he said about me--
every word, including intonation and facial expressions.
Well, he thinks you're-- you're funny and pretty and interesting.
Didn't have a thing to say against you.
Yes, he did. I can tell.
Just the tiniest thing.
He might have said that you came on a little strong.
Oh, my God.
- I'm the pushy queen of Slut Town. - No, honey, honey. Not at all.
No, no. It's just, you know, lay back a little. Let him come to you.
I'm just scared that while I'm laying back, some other girl's gonna come and sweep him up.
But we have inside info. We know he doesn't like being swept.
He likes to be the sweeper.
Dawn, you're gonna come out the winner here... with me looking out for you.
Yeah, I guess so. Thank you.
So we do know that 6x + y = 16. So we can solve for "y" in terms of--
Sorry to interrupt. Um, we need to see R.J. Brooks down in the guidance office.
There's no one here.
Yeah, there is.
There's one of you,
and there's one of me.
You were the one in math class. Tell me what that adds up to.
I'm not coming on too strong if I just look at him.
[ Man ] ♪ A warning sign ♪
♪ I missed the good part ♪ [ Buffy ] I've always been fascinated by football.
♪ [ Continues ] So, what's it like to lead a team?
The thing of it is is the time.
Nobody gets how much time goes into it with practices and games.
I totally get it. I was kinda juggling some stuff...
when I was in high school too, which was also very recent.
Principal Snyder was always on me.
Well, I still say Wood's the worst. You haven't seen the way that guy rides me.
I wish somebody would just get him off my back.
Yeah. That would be cool.
And sometimes I didn't even do anything wrong.
Oh, wow, you-- You're like a teacher.
Not really.
But I mean, does it bother you?
Not so much.
- [ Bell Rings ] - ♪ I miss you ♪
♪ Yeah the truth is ♪
♪ That I miss you so ♪
[ Whimpers ]
Dawn, what's wrong?
Is this-- Did that guy in the jacket--
[ Growls ] I don't even want to hear his name anymore.
I just called him "that guy in the jacket."
That's what I used to call him in my head before I knew his real name.
Dawnie, honey, you seem... extremely perturbed. [ Sobs ]
Maybe I should go get Buffy. No! [ Sniffles ]
I don't ever want to see her again.
I thought this was about that guy in the--
the, um-- that guy with the thing.
[ Sobs ] No. It's about both of them.
[ Whimpers ]
[ Both Moaning ] Buffy, I think Dawn needs you. Hey!
Xander. Hi. This is R.J.
Uh, hey, guy. It's called knocking.
I'm sorry. It's just checkout time was an hour ago. We were hoping to make up the bed.
And also, it's a classroom, you chowderhead!
Now, get off the boy, Buffy. We're goin' home.
[ Sobbing ] Dawn, please stop crying. Please?
Crying isn't gonna make his love for me go away, you know.
Listen, you're under a love spell. That's what this has to be.
You're right. He's right.
You're under a spell. Oh, poor little Dawnie.
But we're working on it. It'll be better soon.
Yes. Soon neither one of you will be in love with this boy.
- He's not a boy. - What do you know about our love?
It's true and real.
This isn't magic. This is my heart.
Fine. We'll be working.
Look, I know this feels terrible, but it isn't real. Try to hold on to that.
Did you hear that? It isn't real. You're just crazy.
It is so real. I love him.
You knew how I felt-- like I'd finally found something-- and you betrayed me.
I betrayed you?
You're the one that constructed this elaborate fantasy about you and my lover.
Your "lover"? Your "lover"?
Guys, guys-- I tried to get you to back away.
- That's right. You lied to me. - But did you want me to tell you that he's in love with me,
that your little crush is hopeless? It's not a crush!
Stop! You're not supposed to do this. Why?
Because he's younger than me? You know, I am extremely youthful and peppy.
No, 'cause you were the one I trusted.
Dawn, wait! [ Door Slams ]
Crazy little lust puppies, aren't they? At least the yelling went away.
It was startin' to sound like Christmas morning with my family.
Love spells. People forget how dangerous they can be.
- Hey, been there. - [ Women ] Xander! Xander! Xander!
Stop it! Stop!
- Good times. - Here. Something.
[ Sighs ] She's locked her door. That spell has her good and loopy.
- Info on one R.J. Brooks. - Oh! Let me see. Is there a picture?
Family stuff. Hey, I knew his brother.
He was a big jock at Sunnydale High too, a couple of years ahead of us.
He used to stick chewing gum in my hair.
- Hmm. - What are you thinkin'?
Well, I think my relationship with R.J.'s brother was complex at best,
but maybe he's a way in.
Now look for a picture.
I'm just sayin', we're-- we're tangling with a powerful spell here,
and we don't know what the deal is, so-- so keep an eye out if this guy looks twitchy.
And don't let this guy charm you either.
He had everyone around him practically kissing his ring back in high school.
[ Doorbell Rings ]
[ Door Opens, Creaks ]
Yeah?
Construction, huh? That's awesome. [ Xander ] Yeah.
So, what's up with R.J.? How's he doin' at the old "alpha" mater?
Uh, good. It's just,
I know a girl that might be goin' out with him, and I was wondering--
Got it. You wanna know if he's a good guy?
Truth is, he's the best. Followin' in my footsteps.
You might not know it now, lookin' at me with a couple extra pounds,
but back then I was quite the guy.
Yeah. I gather that R.J. is pretty popular too.
Hey, I gotta tell ya. There was a time I was worried about R.J.
Used to be all into comic books, Model U.N., geek stuff. No offense, Harris.
One time, I found all this poetry under his bed.
Turns out he wrote it.
Then he, uh-- what do you call it-- blossomed. That's what it was like.
And do you have any idea why he, you know, burst into a flower?
You're wearing your brother's jacket. Here in this picture.
Oh, no, dude. He's wearin' mine. That jacket was with me all the way through high
Gave it to him when I graduated.
Right before I started over at the Pizza Barn. I'm in the management program.
So, Lance, where did you get the jacket?
Oh, Dad gave it to me. Made a big deal about it, too, how he met Mom wearin' that jacket.
She was a former Miss Arkansas. Very hot in her day.
Wow. That's wonderful. Boy, it's gettin' late.
Hey, you guys don't have to take off if you don't want to. I-I got...
sort of a rumpus room set up in the basement.
There's air hockey and a minifridge.
We could party.
[ Woman ] Lance, do you have guests down there?
- There's little boxes of raisins if you want snacks. - We really gotta go.
[ Keystrokes ] [ Sighs ] Damn love spell.
I have tried every anti-love spell spell I can find.
Even if you found the right one, guy would probably just do...
an anti-anti-love spell spell... spell.
What? [ Doorbell Rings ]
I'll get it. Maybe it's Xander with some answers from the brother.
- Oh. You have to be-- - I was lookin' for Buffy-- Miss Summers?
- Buffy's not here. Go away. - You sure?
No Buffy for you. Leave quickly now.
Uh-huh. Okay.
Tell her to call me.
Man. [ Whew ]
Good thing Buffy and Dawn are upstairs.
If they knew he was here-- ♪ [ "Theme to A Summer Place" ]
♪ [ Continues ]
But you don't even know him. Yes, I do. I looked into him, and I saw his soul.
He was walking away. So unless his soul is in his ass--
A.J. is my best friend and my dearest darling.
It's "R.J.," and what you were picking up on was his deep caring and devotion to me.
What's going on? Willow thinks she's in love with my boyfriend, R.J.
What? No! You two can't do this.
[ Buffy ] Willow, you're a gay woman... and he isn't.
This isn't about his physical presence.
- It's about his heart. - His physical presence has a penis!
- I can work around it. - This isn't fair. How can you all be doing this to me?
Okay. Wait. Everyone wait. Just calm down, okay? I think I know what this is.
Clearly, you've both been affected by the same love spell that got Dawn.
This isn't a spell. He owns my heart.
Dawn, be quiet. We're trying to work this out. We don't need you interfering.
There's a simple answer to this. Just think about who loves him the most.
Clearly I do, since I'm willing to look past the whole orientation thing.
- I need him. - Well, you're gonna have to do better than that.
I'd kill for him. You'd kill for a chocolate bar.
No. Yes! Kill for him.
I'm a Slayer. "Slayer" means "kill."
Oh! I'll kill the principal. Hmm. That is hard to top.
Yeah? Well, I have skills. I can prove my love with magic.
Yeah, right. What are you gonna do? Use magic to make him into a girl?
Oh, damn.
[ Anya ] Oh, wait! I know what he'll like.
Sorry, Dawnie.
- You're never gonna get him. - No, never.
[ Train Horn Blares, Distant ]
O Hecate, I call on you.
I humbly ask your will be done.
Hear my request, a simple change--
[ Thunderclap ] Create a daughter from a s--
[ Crystals Pattering ]
Oh, man. Now I've got to start all over. Hecate hates that.
What the hell are you doing? Proving I love R.J. the most.
Wil, honey, R.J.'s a guy.
Well, I did notice that, yeah. That's why I'm doin' my spell,
'cause, you know, he doesn't have to be.
Now, hand me back my crystals. I don't have much time. Much time before what?
Before Buffy and Anya and Dawn have a chance to prove...
they love R.J. the most. How are they gonna do that?
Well, Buffy's gonna kill Principal Wood-- Fine. Okay. Let's start there.
♪ [ Soft Latin Jazz ]
[ Spike Roars, Distant ]
[ Buffy Yells, Distant ]
Hey!
[ Panting ] What are you guys doing?
Locator spell, human variety. Almost done.
Ooh. I've got a principal to kill. What's going on? Who are we looking for?
[ Train Horn Blares, Loud ]
You realize Anya is probably seducing R.J. even as we speak. My God, you think so?
Well, I wouldn't put it past her. She's recently evil, you know.
[ Horn Blaring, Louder ] Well, so am I. Why should I miss out?
Hey, crazy chicks, look.
- Dawn? - [ Horn Continues ]
- Dawn! - Buffy!
[ Train Horn #2 Blasts ]
What were you doing? What is this?
It doesn't matter. This is a plan? You're gonna steal R.J. by being trisected?
What, am I gonna compete with you?
You're older and hotter and have sex that's rough and kill people.
I don't have any of that stuff. Um, but if I did this, then his whole life he'd know...
there was someone that loved him so much they'd give up their life.
Dawn.
[ Sighs ] And it would be true... forever.
No guy is worth your life, not ever.
R.J. is and don't say he isn't. Look what you were willing to do.
Dawn, I would give him to you in a second if I could. That's how much you're scaring me.
But I-- I thought you wanted him... for you.
Nah.
Well, yeah.
My God, that boy is hot.
Sorry. I think I might be under a spell here.
I hear ya.
Now, you're sure you understand the plan? I think I got it. Yeah.
Hey! Hey!
Ow! [ Gasps ]
♪ [ Rock, On Speaker, Low ] That, my friends, is the smell of sweet, sweet victory.
♪ [ Continues ] Also burning cotton-poly blend.
Xander, be honest. You didn't, you know, think about...
slippin' that jacket on just a little bit?
I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it didn't fit.
Man, this tool gets this jacket from his brother,
who got it from their father, and we'll never know where he got it.
That bites. Nah, welcome to the Hellmouth, where even outerwear isn't safe.
- I can't believe I almost-- - I can't believe I almost--
It was a spell. We were helpless.
We're not responsible for anything we did, morally or, you know, legally.
True. You fell for a mystical, ancient curse.
Who hasn't made that mistake, mmm, seven, eight times?
Can you hear that? Not your fault.
[ Sighs ]
I'm just so--
The way I acted, the way I talked to you--
I feel so stupid. All over a spell.
Get ready to feel even stupider when it's not.
Hey, Anya, you never told us what you "can't believe you almost--"
"Almost" who now?
No. You can't be the only not-embarrassed one. What did you do?
Uh-- I, uh, wrote a poem,
an epic poem,
- comparing him to a daisy... and a tower and a lake. - ♪ [ Stops ]
[ Announcer ] And now the latest on Sunnydale's late-night bandit who is still at large.
- A masked thief held up a number of-- - [ Switch Clicks ]
Okay. Great. Ice cream. My treat?
Grr! Arrgh!