Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
- Why won't you sleep with me again? - Because I don't love you.
Like hell.
- I thought you were gonna go see Tara. - She's seeing someone else.
- Probably just friends. - We should have some coffee sometime.
I'm free tomorrow.
- Whoa. - [ Warren ] Shut it down! Shut it all down!
Is that the camera in the Magic Box?
Oh, my God.
Oh, God. What is she--
That's enough.
You left me, Xander. At the altar.
I don't owe you anything.
So you go out and bang the first body you can find?
It's good enough for Buffy.
Shut up and leave her out of--
- Tara? - You can't just have coffee and expect--
- I know. - There's just so much to work through.
Trust has to be built again. On both sides.
Can we just skip it? Can you just be kissing me now?
[ Moaning ]
[ Giggling ]
When did morning happen? After the moon went down.
[ Laughs ]
Mmm. Ohh.
Mmm. I forgot how good this could feel--
us together without the magic.
There was plenty of magic. [ Laughs ]
[ Sighs ] It's getting late.
Want to get up? No.
Oh, God. No. [ Chuckles ]
Mmm. I was just thinking about Buffy.
Oh. She still isn't back?
I didn't hear her.
She wouldn't talk about what happened at the magic shop when she got home last night.
She just wanted to know how close I was...
to tracing the camera signal back to the empire of the nerds.
Then, she left again.
I'm sure she'll be okay.
Yeah, I-- I'm not really worried about her...
going up against Warren and the others.
I know this is going to sound crazy, but...
I think something might be going on...
with Spike and Buffy.
I mean, she looked so hurt when she saw him with Anya.
I think maybe-- They've been sleeping together.
[ Laughs ] No.
I wouldn't go that far.
No, I mean, she told me they've been sleeping together.
Sleeping together?
You mean, like, the naked kind of "together"?
[ Sighs ] I'm sorry I didn't say anything, but I--
I promised her I wouldn't.
Does everybody else know? Am I the only one she didn't--
God, no. She-- She didn't even mean to tell me.
It just came out. [ Sighs ]
How could she hide something like this from me?
I think she was afraid of the look you'd get on your face.
Kind of like the one you're wearing now.
Oh, no. I'm not--
I'm just trying to understand.
So is she.
Wow. She probably really needs someone to talk to.
[ Inhales ] Probably.
We've been kind of busy. Maybe we didn't hear her come home.
[ Chuckles ] [ Knocking ]
Buffy?
[ Sighs ]
- She back yet? - Oh. Not yet.
I'm sure she'll be home soon.
- Everything's fine. Just go back to bed. - [ Scoffs ] It's 10:00.
Oh. Uh--
You don't think she's gonna hurt Spike, do you?
She told you about Spike?
It was kind of obvious after last night.
Yeah, I totally knew.
Must've hurt so much to see him and-and Anya like that.
And poor Xander. Everything is so screwed up.
It's gonna be all right. It's just complicated.
Yeah, when-when people have such strong feelings for each other,
sometimes-- Is she back yet?
- Oh. Hey. - [ Chuckles ] You and--
Uh, that's my cue to go put some clothes on. No! No-No-No.
I-I-- I'm totally not here. You guys, you do whatever you want.
Um, I'll go watch TV-- [ Giggles ]-- downstairs, really loud...
in the basement, where I can't hear anything.
[ Squeals ] Oh, my God!
I love you guys! [ Squeals ]
All right. Let's make this quick.
Fine. But I'm not leaving till we have a little chat.
Very little, considering the pummeling that needs to occur.
I mean, guys, hello?
Slayer here.
Did you honestly think I wouldn't find you?
- Well, that can't be good. - [ Metallic Grinding ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Groans ]
Okay. That's gonna cost ya.
Okay, we're here, ready for action.
Uh, bad guy fighting action. [ Laughs ]
Guys, you didn't have to, you know,
if you still want to be alone.
No, no. We're good. We're better than good.
- Great. - Super.
[ Giggles ] Ahhh.
- Okay. All right. We'll stop. - Oh, you better not.
So, uh, nerds? How are them-- they?
Well, I found their lair, but they obviously knew we were tracing their signal.
They left in a hurry. The van was gone, but everything else was still there.
Uh, we should go back. Uh, Tara and I can Sherlock around and--
Nothing left now-- giant buzz saw.
It was a thing. This is all that I could save.
I know it's not much, but we need to go through it and see if we can find...
anything that might tell us what they're doing, where they're going.
[ Clears Throat ] Oh!
Uh, this might take a while. [ Nervous Chuckles ]
Anything we can do to fast-forward?
We need to find Warren and the others before anyone gets hurt.
Should we call Xander?
I don't think he's really in the Scooby space.
We need to give him some time.
Maybe they've heard something in the demon bars about those guys?
- Uh, Spike-- - Spike--
Spike's not part of the team.
So, he's not... going to be around anymore?
Uh, I don't know, Dawn. Not-Not for a while.
What about Anya? She might be able to help with the demon text.
[ Buffy Sighs ] I'm guessing she's not feeling real researchy right now.
[ Sobbing ]
I know how you feel. Maybe I can help.
[ Sobbing ] How could Carl do that to me, that bastard?
He's a man. Look no further.
But with my sister? She's not even pretty.
Well, it isn't always about looks... or a beating heart.
Sometimes intimate sweaty relations with the wrong person...
just seems like a good idea at the time.
She's fat. He cheated on me...
with my fat, ugly sister. [ Sobs ]
Likes 'em fleshy, huh?
Bet you wish he'd bloat up a couple of thousand pounds...
and pop like a big old meat zeppelin, don't you?
- He said he loved me. - Well, gee. Then he must have meant it,
'cause, hey, guys never say anything they don't really mean, do they?
But we-- They say, "I love you," and you think it's true.
They say, "Oh, Anya. I want to be with you for the rest of my life."
And-And you believe them.
You believe they feel the same way about you, because that's the way...
- love's supposed to be, right? - Who's Anya?
And then you get all excited with the tingly anticipation. But wait!
Not so fast. There's the apocalypse.
And the back from the grave. And the blah-blah, blah-blah-blah.
And by the time you're standing there in that beautifully expensive white dress...
you've dreamed about ever since you became human,
he gets all heebie-jeebie and decides, "You know, I'd rather just go steady."
Men suck. I wish Carl's flesh would--
You know, he said it isn't me, but how can I believe him?
I mean, he knew he didn't want to get married.
Deep down, he knew. But he lied to me every day for months.
- I wish-- - And he lied and lied and lied some more.
'Cause, hey, who's gonna notice with all the other lies flying around like little monkeys.
Then he thinks he can just sweep the carnage underneath the rug by saying, "Oh--"
I'm sorry! Sorry! I'm sorry!
Sorry, please! I'll never try to desecrate your chamber again!
[ Growling ] Don't hurt me, please.
[ Roars ]
- Hit him again! Hit him again! - [ Demon Shrieking ]
Wow. These things are tougher than I thought.
You know, one jolt from this should've dropped an elephant.
You want a piece of this, huh? Yeah!
Not so tough, are ya now, Pufnstuf!
Hey, hey, hey! We need him fresh, all right? Not smokehouse.
I'm done bein' the bait. Next time, one of you can wiggle on the hook.
If this works, the next time we'll be the thing that everyone's afraid of.
[ Sniffles ] Okay, so... what now?
Well, now, it's your turn, Sparky.
[ Sighs ]
[ Dawn ] Does it help?
[ Smacks Lips ] It doesn't hurt.
Not plannin' a campout, are we? No.
I'm sleeping over at Janice's.
Figured Willow and Tara might want some time to, uh--
Oh, so the birds are flying again, eh?
Ain't love grand?
I wanted to stop by on my way and, you know.
Everybody's pretty mad at you.
Yeah. Kinda picked up on that.
You're not gonna be coming around anymore,
are you?
It's complicated, nibblet.
[ Chuckles ] Everybody's been saying that.
It must be true then.
Was it worth it?
What you did with Anya?
Buffy told you?
Kinda caught the show.
There was a camera somewhere in the Magic Box.
Uh, Warren and-and Jonathan and that other guy have been watching Buffy.
[ Sighs ] Wankers.
Do you love her?
Oh, no. No.
It was just a-- uh--
it was a bad day, for both of us.
And we'd just had a few drinks, and things just--
No. Not Anya.
Buffy.
Do you really love her?
Then how could you do that to her?
Oh right, 'cause big sis was treatin' me so well up until that point.
[ Sighs ]
Must still be a bit of the evil left in me after all.
I don't know what happened between you two.
But what you did last night?
If you wanted to hurt Buffy, congratulations.
It worked.
[ Door Opening, Closing ]
[ Gurgling Growl ]
This is it. We found it.
- You sure it's in there? - Be careful.
Only Nezzla demons can pass through the barrier.
Everything else gets curly fried. This sucks.
-Just make sure all your skin's covered. -Why can't I just use a glamour?
You can't Siegfried and Roy the barrier. It's gotta be the real deal.
- [ Groans ] - [ Laughs ]
- It's still wet. - Good. Then it should, uh,
- still be fresh enough. - Should be?
Wait a minute. What do you mean should be? What? Wait! [ Screams ]
- [ Groans ] - I wasn't sure that would work.
Jackass.
- You think he knows? - Well, if he did, why would he be here?
Why is he? Our mojo's tight, bro. We could have pulled this ourselves.
Yeah, well, somebody had to guinea pig the meat suit.
- Were-Were you gonna volunteer? - [ Nervous Laugh ]
- I don't trust that leprechaun. - Just stay frosty. If this works the way we planned it,
by the end of the evening, Jonathan won't be a problem.
You got it? Yeah, I got it.
- [ Andrew ] That's it? - [ Jonathan ] It better be.
No way I'm goin' back through there. That thing stings like a mother.
Dude. Unholy hair gel.
- Get off. - Make me, skin job.
Just shut up.
[ Whirring. Beeping ]
[ Grunts ] Oh!
Gentlemen, the orbs of Nezzla'Khan.
Strength, invulnerability-- the deluxe package.
They're everything I've ever dreamed of.
You know, those things have been down there for, like, a zillion years.
- How do we know they'll still work? - [ Power Surging ]
[ Laughs ]
Ah, they work.
[ Jonathan ] You don't look any different.
I thought they were supposed to make us all huge and veiny.
- Are you sure they're working right? - [ Growling ]
- Let's find out. - [ Demon Grunts ]
Mahatma.
- Welcome to the show, boys! - That was so hot.
- Let me try 'em! - Watch the paws, little man.
Ow. You're supposed to share.
Oh, relax. Now, you'll each get a whirl.
As soon as I'm done playing with them. [ Chuckles ]
[ Knocking ]
Hey.
I think there's still a cold one in the fridge. Thanks.
But, uh, I think it's still a little early for me.
She loves you.
You know that. Anya was just--
She was hurting.
She was hurting, and-and she did this really stupid thing.
[ Chuckles ] With your boyfriend.
He's not my boyfriend.
I know why Anya--
I understand. I do.
But you?
[ Chuckles ]
All those times I told Spike to get lost,
that he didn't have a chance with a girl like you. [ Laughs ]
You don't know how hard it's been.
- What, lying to me? - Being here.
After I was brought back--
[ Exhales ]
You have no idea how hard it is just being here.
- You could have told me. - You didn't want to know.
So you went to him instead.
Xander, what I do with my personal life is none of your business.
It used to be.
It just happened, okay?
[ Laughs ] Oh, like uh,
"Say, you're evil.
Get on me?"
You fought side-by-side with him when I was gone.
- You let him take care of Dawn. - But I never forgot what he really is.
- God, what were you thinking? - [ Laughing ] You're asking me that?
Oh, 'cause your decision-making skills have really sparkled lately.
I'm not saying I didn't make any mistakes.
But last time I checked, slaughtering half of Europe wasn't one of them.
He doesn't have a soul, Buffy,
just some leash they jammed in his head.
You think he'd still be all snuggles if that chip ever stopped working?
Would you still trust him with Dawn then?
It doesn't matter.
I'm not seeing him anymore.
- It's over. - Yeah.
There's a lot of that goin' around. [ Can Crumpling ]
[ Door Opens, Slams Shut ]
♪♪ [ Guitar ]
[ Woman ] ♪ It's just a simple line ♪
♪ I can still hear it ♪
♪ All of the time ♪
♪ But if I can just hold on tonight ♪
♪ I know that nothing nothing survives ♪
♪ Nothing survives ♪
♪ I think I'm turned around ♪
♪ I'm lookin' up not lookin' down ♪
♪ And when I'm standing still ♪
♪ Watchin' you run Watchin' you fall ♪
♪ Fallin'-- ♪♪ [ Willow ] It's all a mess.
These things take time. We'll figure it out.
Sure, we'll decipher codes, foil evil schemes.
- Finally get out of bed. - I was with ya up until there.
- [ Chuckles ] - Whoa.
- What is it? - Uh, one of their data C.D.'s.
It's filled with encrypted blueprints, schematics.
- To what? - I'm not sure.
Their designations have been stripped.
Maybe we can cross-reference them with the county clerk's office.
Would that involve getting up?
- Eventually. - Then I'm coming out firmly against it.
What about the trio's evil scheme?
Well, I'm kinda busy workin' on my own.
[ Laughs ]
You're all wet.
It's a good thing I'm part fish. Which part?
- The part with the hook in it. - Careful.
Someone might reel you in.
Yeah, but...
then there'd be the flopping and the gasping and--
Maybe it'd work out, but chances are I'd up and leave you at the helm in your white dress,
then find you spawning with another fish who turns out to be...
spawning my very good friend, night and day, behind my back.
And then comes the fighting, and again with the flopping and the gasping, it's--
Hey, Chicken of the Sea here's not doin' too good with the women these days.
- Huh? - Sorry. I'm just...
lookin' to curl up with a quiet alone tonight.
We don't have time for this.
Ease up, twitchy.
All right.
Let's make some noise.
[ Grunting, Growling ]
Not bad. How hard you gonna hit when you're blowin' in the wind?
[ Grunts ] Ohh!
[ Groans ]
That was rhetorical.
[ Groans ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Faucet Creaking, Water Running ]
Are you hurt? You're not movin' so well.
- Get out. - We have to talk.
- I really don't. - Well, this isn't just about you...
as much as you'd like it to be.
You spoke. I listened. Now leave.
I'm sorry.
Not that it matters anymore. But I needed you to know that.
- Why? - 'Cause I care about you.
Then you might want to try the not sleeping with my friends.
I didn't go to Anya for that. I was looking for a spell.
- You were gonna use a spell on me? - [ Sigh ] It wasn't for you.
I wanted something.
Anything to make this feeling stop. I just wanted it to stop.
[ Chuckles ] You should've let him kill me.
- I couldn't do that. - Why?
- You know why. - Because you love me.
- No, I don't. - Why do you keep lying to yourself?
How many times-- I have feelings for you.
I do. But it's not love.
I could never trust you enough for it to be love.
[ Laughs ] Trust is for old marrieds, Buffy.
Great love... is wild...
and passionate and dangerous.
It burns and consumes.
Until there's nothing left.
Love like that doesn't last.
I know you feel like I do. You don't have to hide it anymore.
- Spike, please stop this. - Let yourself feel it.
- No! - You love me.
Ow, no. Stop it! You love me.
Spike, stop! Ow! What are you doing? Ow!
Ow! Oh! [ Grunts ] Let it go.
Let yourself love me. [ Grunting ]
Buffy. Buffy. Spike, no! Ow, I'm hurt!
[ Buffy Protesting ] Ow! Don't! No!
[ Pained Cries ] [ Hisses ]
- Stop! Ow! Stop it! - I knew you felt it...
- when I was inside you. - [ Grunting ] No! No!
[ Grunting, Groaning ]
Please, please! Spike, please stop--
- You'll feel it again, Buffy. - Please don't do this!
- I'm gonna make you feel it! - [ Screams ] Stop!
- [ Buffy Grunts ] - [ Groans ]
Ask me again why I could never love you.
- Buffy, my God, I didn't-- - Because I stopped you!
Something I should have done a long time ago.
[ Chattering ]
What are we doing here? Somebody might recognize us.
[ Scoffs ] This is great.
We're risking everything so that Charles Atlas can get a date.
He's gonna end up getting us thrown into jail. Or worse.
- Maybe you and I should think about-- - Warren's the boss.
He's Picard. You're Deanna Troi.
Get used to the feeling, Betazoid.
The clothes and the cars and the money--
see, it's all just window dressing.
Baby, this is what's really important.
Two souls comin' together. [ Man Shouting ] Hey!
She only comes together with me. So get lost, shrimp.
Frankie? Oh, my God, is that you?
How long has it been? It's Warren. Remember, Warren,
gym class, fifth period?
You and your jock buddies used to give me such a hard time.
That thing with the underwear. God, I thought I'd never stop crying.
Yeah, that was you? Yeah, that was me. But hey, no hard feelings.
I mean, I know you were just foolin' around,
like I'm gonna be with your girl in about five minutes.
What'd you say? You heard me, meathead. Take a walk.
Oh, you're dead, you little--
- This ain't high school. - [ Grunts ]
[ Bouncer ] Frankie!
[ Grunts ] [ Groans ]
Let's party!
[ Bouncer ] I think he broke my hand.
Oh, don't worry about the tab now, ladies.
It's on Daddy tonight.
[ Toilet Flushing ]
Don't worry, babies. Daddy gonna give you some too.
See now, I think it's the daddy thing that's throwin' her.
- 'Cause incest? Not that sexy. - Oh, crap.
So why don't we leave the ladies with their impending nausea and move the freak show outside.
What do you say? Okay. But let me ask you somethin' first.
You think maybe you could put in a word for me with that Anya chick?
'Cause if she's taking it from a vamp, I think I might have a chance.
No wonder she's screwin' a dead guy. You hit like a girl.
Well, at least I know how to get one.
Let's see how popular you are without a face.
Warren, we have to go. We'll go when I'm ready.
Hey, it's your call, but we're gonna miss that thing...
you wanted to do tonight if we don't leave right now.
That's all I'm saying. Yeah. [ Huffs ]
- It's your lucky night, chump. - We just gonna leave him there?
- What if he sics the Slayer on us? - Bring her on.
Buffy? I found Warren!
Actually, my face kinda found him.
Is this what you call not seein' Spike anymore?
What did he do? Did he hurt you?
He tried. He didn't--
- Son of a bitch! - Don't.
Please, just... don't.
[ Door Closing ]
Hey! I think we finally have something.
- What happened? - Nothing.
What'd you find out?
We were able to decipher pretty much everything, except these.
It isn't written in any ancient language we could identify.
Hmph. It's Klingon. They're-- They're love poems.
Which has nothing to do with the insidious scheme you're about to describe.
What have you got for me that doesn't rhyme?
Oh, um, this. It was filled with encoded blueprints and schematics.
To what?
Um, banks, armored car routes, corporate vaults.
- This is big. - They're lookin' to score some serious dinero.
We don't think they're planning just one job.
Spree, anyone?
I-I can't cover all these at once. You don't have to.
We think there's one they may hit tonight.
- It's time sensitive. - Be careful.
Warren's gone all Mighty Mouse. Emphasis on the might. Good.
Then I won't have to hold back.
[ Sobbing ] Please, stop it!
No, stop, please! Please, don't do this! Please!
Please, stop it! Please! Buffy?
- I'm gonna make you feel it! - [ Screams ] No! Stop!
Uh, knock, Knock? [ Chuckles ]
I was just in the neighborhood, so I thought, you know,
there's a Knight Rider marathon on the TV, so--
I got hot wings!
What have I done?
Why didn't I do it?
[ Sigh ] What has she done to me?
She done-- Who?
Oh. Slayer, huh?
Gosh. She break up with you again?
We were never together.
Not really.
She'd never lower herself that far.
She's a sweet girl, Spike. But hey, whoo.
Issues. [ Chuckles ]
And no wonder, with the whole...
comin' back from the grave, and whatnot.
Hey, I had this cousin who got resurrected by some kooky shaman.
[ Chuckles ] Whoo, boy. Was that a mess.
- Why do I feel this way? - Love's a funny thing.
Is that what this is?
I can feel it...
squirmin' in my head.
Love? The chip.
Gnawing bits and chunks.
Uh, maybe a wet cloth?
You know, everything always used to be so clear.
Slayer, vampire. Vampire kills Slayer.
Sucks her dry. Picks his teeth with her bones.
It's always been that way.
I've tasted the life of two Slayers.
But with Buffy--
It isn't supposed to be this way!
It's the chip--
steel and wires and silicon!
[ Sighs ]
It won't let me be a monster.
And I can't be a man.
I'm nothing. Hey!
Come on now, Mr. Negative.
You never know what's just around the corner.
- Things change. - Yeah, they do.
[ Laughs ]
If you make them.
[ Grunts ]
All right, that's the last one.
Quite a haul, huh? Always the biggest gate of the year.
Yeah. Don't lose any.
Yeah.
Wanna grab a bite after? I think Ruby's is still open.
- [ Engine Revving, Tires Squealing ] - What the hell?
There's something back there! I can't wait to get my hands n his orbs.
Yeah, I'm sure he'll be givin' 'em up any second now.
Hi! Is this your bank?
'Cause if not, there's gonna be a fee for that.
[ Grunts ]
- [ Groans ] - I was wondering when Super Bitch would show up.
- You really got a problem with strong women, don't ya? - Nothing I can't handle.
- You seem a little off. Is this a bad day? - [ Grunts ]
It's gettin' better. [ Grunts ]
That all ya got? [ Stones Crumbling ]
No!
There's two ways this can end. And right now,
I'm thinkin' they're both gonna hurt.
[ Stones Clattering ] I think you're right.
What's the matter, baby?
You never fight a real man before?
Wow. That almost hurt, kitten.
[ Grunts ] [ Grunts ]
- Kill her. Kill her! - [ Both Grunting ]
- You know who I am, Slayer? - You're a murderer.
- Well that too. But more to the point-- - [ Buffy Grunting ]
I'm the guy that beat you. [ Grunting ]
- And it's not the muscles, baby. - [ Groans ]
- It's the brains. - I'll remember that when I knock 'em clean out of your--
- [ Gasps, Gags ] - Oh, Sparky! I didn't think ya had it in ya!
Orbs. Smash his orbs.
- [ Groans ] - Say good night, bitch.
- "Good night, bitch." - [ Warren Groans ]
You're nothing but a sad little boy, Warren.
But it's time you grow up and pay for what you've done.
Get away from me. I swear to God I'm gonna take you down,
you piece of-- [ Screams ]
Oh, come on.
Well played, Slayer.
[ Whines ] Why didn't I get one of those?
This round to you. But the game's far from over.
[ Sirens Blaring ]
[ Police Radio Chatter ]
[ Sniffles ] Jet packs. You jerks were setting me up to take the fall.
He left me. He flew away and left me.
Oh, God.
The big house.
How could he do this to me?
He promised we'd be together, but...
he was just using me.
He never really loved... hanging out with us.
[ Sobs ]
You think he'll come back for us? I mean,
he wouldn't just take off, would he?
Get nice and comfy, Slayer. I'll be back.
And when I do, things are gonna change.
Hmph. Hey, clothes.
Better not get used to 'em. Mmm. Yes, ma'am.
Mmm. Xander.
Okay, not quite the response I was fishin' for.
No, he's here.
Think they're making up?
I hope so. That's the best part.
Time for the spring poking already?
Just making sure there are no more evil trio cameras.
Or evil uno.
The sinister, yet addictive card game?
Warren. Jonathan and Andrew got clinked,
but Warren pulled a rocket man.
You'll find him. He won't be much good without his friends.
No, he won't.
[ Inhales Deeply ] How did we get here?
Scenic route. Long drive.
The past few weeks-- I know.
I thought I hit bottom, but... it hurt...
that you didn't trust me enough to tell me about Spike.
It hurt. I'm sorry.
I should've told you.
Maybe you would have, if I hadn't given you...
so many reasons to think I'd be an ass about it.
Guess we've all done a lot of things lately we're not proud of.
I think I've got you beat.
Want to compare? Not so much.
I don't know what I'd do...
without you and Wil.
Let's not find out.
Oh. I love you.
You know that, right?
- [ Footsteps ] - Buffy!
You think you could just do that to me?
You think I'd let you get away with that?
[ Laughs ] Think again.
- Your shirt. - Tara?
Sweet fancy Moses! Where the hell did he--
- Oh, God. - Tara? [ Sobbing ]
Baby? Baby, come on!
- Get up! - Oh, God. Buffy? Buffy?
- Buffy? - [ Wailing ] No! No!
No!
[ Gasping Sobs ]
Grr! Arrgh!