Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
[ Buffy ] Tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting.
[ Travers ] Glory isn't a demon. She's a god.
We had to hide the key. Made it human and sent it to you.
- Dawn. - I'm not real.
You're the key.
Go. Before she finds you. She's here.
I won't help her find the key. I would never do that to an innocent--
- An innocent? - It's not a person.
- What about the key? - He indicated that it was a person.
I'll tell you who the sodding key is.
The vampire is lying to me.
The Slayer is going to kick your lopsided ass.
- Professor Lillian? - Buffy.
I'm sorry that I missed the lecture today.
Was it good?
Um, of course it was.
Do you want me to try?
Yes, thanks. The slide is stuck in the... thing.
Okay. Um, I just came by to tell you...
that, uh, I have to drop this class.
Um, all my classes, actually.
I'm not finishing the semester.
I wish, um--
I just-- I can't be in school right now.
I have to take care of my sister.
Yes, I-- I thought you might.
I was very sorry to hear about your loss.
Um, I have these forms from the registrar's office that I need you to sign.
Oh. Yes.
Thanks.
Is there something else? No.
Yes. Yeah.
Um, I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed this class.
I mean, I know that I wasn't the best student,
but I really learned a lot.
And I really like poetry.
I really do.
Ooh. Sorry.
I'm glad you like poetry, Buffy.
I wish I had time for it, but I just don't right now.
Well, maybe short poems.
Yeah, like those Japanese ones that, um, sound like a sneeze.
Haiku? Right.
Maybe those.
And hopefully, I'll be back next semester when I'm more myself again.
[ Sighs ] Benjamin.
This is a pleasant surprise.
I'm sorry I'm late. You're not late.
But, sir-- You can't be late to a job that you don't have.
Interestingly enough, I've decided to give your job...
to someone who will actually do it.
Honest to God, Ben. I've been calling you for two weeks.
Where the hell you been? I didn't wanna--
I'm sorry to fire you, but I need somebody I can count on.
I haven't been here-- I haven't been here in two weeks.
There's an explanation for this,
which I can't exactly give you.
I-- Can I just tell you it's not my fault?
Sure. You can also tell me that the dog ate your homework...
or maybe eating Twinkies made you do it.
Or maybe, yeah, that there's really a wicked, demonic creature...
living inside you that takes control of your body...
and forces you to do its bidding.
[ Sighs ] Take responsibility for your actions, Ben.
I-- This--
You know, forget it. Just forget it.
This is so unfair. You're taking everything away from me.
Everything I worked for, I earned, I care about.
These are my choices. This is my life, and you're ruining it.
No. No.
Not here. Not now. Please.
I'm Ben. I'm Ben. I'm Ben.
I'm Ben. I'm Ben.
I'm hungry.
Ahh. They got this part right, that's for sure.
Lot of sucky things in this dimension.
Bubble baths? Not one of 'em.
Know what I mean?
I am in thunderous agreement,
oh glittering, glistening Glorificus.
I wasn't talking to you.
Uh, begging your pardon, and begging in general,
but were you talking to me?
Eww. Yeah, right.
Like any of you have ever bathed anyway.
Oh, but we do, Your Scrumptiousness.
We bathe in your splendiferous radiance, your aromatic--
How 'bout you shut up and listen to me, you disgusting little fools?
Okay. Now I asked for the key,
and you brought me a vampire.
A pulseless, impure, follicley-fried vampire.
Loofah.
So, what I think we have here...
is a failure for you to do your frickin' jobs!
Pardon my French.
Mimosa.
Mmm.
Vitamins.
So I think you better rack your little minion brains...
and tell me everything you saw when you were spying on Buffy and her wacky pals.
Everything. Mmm.
Then I'll figure out who the key is.
[ Buffy ] You lied to me?
I didn't lie e-exactly. Really?
What about all the times I asked you how school was, and you said "Fine"?
Well, it was.
You didn't ask if I was in it when it was fine.
[ Sighs ] I-I don't know what to say.
I'm sure you're aware that the past few months,
you know, have been kind of hard for Dawn.
Not that I'm saying that's an excuse.
I understand. Your mother was a lovely woman, and we'll all miss her very much.
I know how difficult it must be.
It is, especially for Dawn. She's just a kid.
Well, I think we both know...
that Dawn is a lot more than just a kid.
She's a talented young girl with a sharp mind...
when she puts the effort in.
Look, I realize that there's been some ball-dropping,
but I'm sure this will all--
Dawn, why don't you wait outside for a few minutes?
Honey, old saying: "A watched customer never buys."
They would if they were patriotic.
Okay, I'm going in. Patriotic?
Yes. I've recently come to realize...
there's more to me than just being human.
I'm also an American.
Yes, I suppose you are, in a manner of speaking.
You were born here-- your mortal self.
Well, that's right, foreigner.
So I've been reading a lot about the good ol' US of A,
embracing the extraordinarily precious ideology...
that's helped to shape and define it.
- Democracy? - Capitalism:
A free market dependent on the profitable exchange of goods for currency,
a system of symbiotic beauty apparently lost on these old people.
Look at 'em-- Perusing the shelves,
undressing the merchandise with their eyeballs--
All ogle, no cash.
It's not just annoying. It's un-American.
Appalling. Almost as if they no longer think money can buy happiness.
Totally un-American.
You know what else is un-American? French people.
- You don't say? - From what I hear, they don't tip.
Now, French old people-- that's really the bottom of the barrel, you know?
An, how's about we try being a bit less prejudiced and a bit more inclusive?
Not us, just you.
Fine. I'm gonna make those fogies buy things.
Hey, what's up? It's Dawn Giovanni and the Buffster.
Hi. Hey, everybody.
I trust everything went well at university.
Yep. I'm, uh, all dropped out.
Good on you. Welcome to the real world.
Lot of fun to be had on the outside. You'll see.
Well, it's just for now. I'm thinking that I'm probably gonna go back next semester.
And that's cool too. Whatever you choose, you've got my support.
Just think of me as--
as your--
you know, I'm searching for supportive things, and I'm coming up all bras.
So something slightly more manly, think of me as that.
Seriously, whatever you need.
Thank you. Actually, I need to talk to Giles alone for a minute.
[ Xander ] Cool. That's cool.
Dawn, why don't you get started on your homework?
Uh, if you need help, Wil, could you--
Okay.
I just don't know what I'm gonna do.
She's messing up. I'm messing up. It's a mess.
You're going to have to put your foot down with her.
I try. It's just my foot's not used to being put down.
I want you to do it. You can be the foot putting-downer.
No, Buffy, I don't think I can.
Please? Pretty please?
I mean, your foot is way bigger than mine,
and you're so much more a grown-up than me.
Dawn needs an authority figure, a strong guiding hand.
She'll listen to you.
Just like you always have.
I listen.
I do.
Well, then perk up your ears.
I may be a grown-up, but you're her family.
Her only real family now.
She needs you to do this.
Right. She needs me.
Me, the grown-up,
the authority figure, the strong guiding hand,
and stompy foot that is me.
That's the spirit.
Okay. I can do this.
I know you can.
Please? No.
Okay. Here we go.
Early to bed, early to rise.
Balanced breakfasts, hospital corners. It's a new beginning.
Discipline, authority, order.
[ Laughter ]
What is this? I thought I told you to do your homework.
- I was. - Please don't lie to me.
I'm not.
We were acting out a geometry problem,
'cause I read this really neat article...
that said kids learn math better...
if you stimulate their, uh, visual learning pattern.
You know, using the right side of the brain...
instead of just the left?
Stuff like that. Uh-huh.
So we made a triangle with our bodies.
And that's when I called Xander obtuse, and he got really grumpy,
and then Dawn said we were "acute" triangle,
and, well, hilarity ensued.
Right. Well, you know what I think?
I think maybe Dawn should do her homework at home.
B-But it was working. I was really learning.
Please get your stuff.
Fine. Don't listen to me.
Please don't be grouchy with her.
Who among us can resist the allure...
of really funny math puns?
It's really important that Dawn finishes her schoolwork right now.
Yeah, I know.
But we were having good, clean, educational fun.
Then all of the sudden, it was all gloom and doom...
and the outlawing of human triangles.
It's really important...
that Dawn finishes her schoolwork right now.
I know it is, and I'm a big fan of school.
You know me. I'm like-- [ Rhythmically ] Go school. It's your birthday.
Or something to that effect.
Look, Willow, I know that you mean well, but you just don't understand.
And there's no way that you could. I do so understand.
You're stressed out. I'm more than stressed out.
I'm freaked out.
Yeah. Well, maybe you need a break to de-freak.
Hey, you could go to the World Culture Fair if you want to with me and Tara.
I don't think so. Come on. You can bring Dawn.
It'll be fun. Good, educational-type fun...
in a discipliney sort of way.
I can't do it, Wil.
Don't worry. It's not like I don't have a life.
I do. I have Dawn's life.
Ready?
So it's her. Under our noses all this time.
I like the detail work those monks did.
Quirks, foibles, passions.
It's all so cute, so...
human, you know?
Pretty convincing, really.
But not convincing enough.
You all know your assignments.
I think it's time to collect the key.
It wasn't anything, really.
Buffy was just a little crabby at Dawn about her schoolwork.
Well, it's understandable. Yeah, sure it is.
I'd totally be blowing off classes...
if I were in Dawnie's shoes.
Sweetie, you wouldn't blow off a class if your head was on fire.
And I meant Buffy.
- Buffy what? - Understandable-- about the crabby.
She has to look after Dawn now.
Yeah, but not in a Miss-Minchin's-Select- Seminary-For-Girls way.
I mean, she's just gonna make Dawnie more rebellious.
I had to deal with my brother's problems after--
I mean, you can't really know what it's like to--
Yeah, I know that.
- I didn't mean to-- - No, I just--
I know I can't know what you went through.
But I just-- It's no big.
I made you mad. No. No.
All I meant was that-- It's okay.
This whole Buffy thing, let's just forget it.
No, please. I mean-- I mean, tell me if I said something wrong.
Otherwise, I know I'll say it again, probably often and in public.
No, I was snippy gal.
It's just... I know I can't on some level--
It's like my opinion isn't worth anything...
because I haven't been through--
I didn't lose my mom, so I don't know.
Wil, I'm not the expert.
I mean, I've only lost the one.
Do I act like the big knowledge woman?
No.
Is that "no" spelled Y-E-S?
S-O-R-T of.
I mean, I just feel like...
the junior partner.
You've been doing everything longer than me.
You've been out longer,
you've been practicing witchcraft way longer.
But you're way beyond me there. In just a few--
I mean, it frightens me how powerful you're getting.
That's a weird word.
"Getting"?
It frightens you? I frighten you?
That is so not what I meant. I meant it impresses-- impressive.
Well, I took Psych 101.
I mean, I took it from an evil government scientist...
who was skewered by her Frankenstein-like creation before the final,
but I know what a Freudian slip is.
D-Don't you trust me?
- With my life. - That's not what I mean.
Can't we just go to the fair?
I don't feel real multicultural right now.
What is it about me that you don't trust?
It's not that. I worry sometimes.
You're changing so much, so fast.
I don't know where you're heading.
- Where I'm heading? - I'm saying everything wrong.
No, I think you're being pretty clear.
This isn't about the witch thing.
It's about the other changes in my life.
I trust you. I just--
I don't know where I'm gonna fit in in your life when--
When... I change back?
Yeah, this is a college thing,
just a little experimentation...
before I get over the thrill and head back to Boys Town.
You think that? Should I?
I'm really sorry that I didn't establish my lesbo street cred...
before I got into this relationship.
You're the only woman I've ever fallen in love with,
so how on earth could you ever take me seriously?
Willow, please. Have fun at the fair.
Okay, so I think the next step...
is to make a chart, a schedule.
I'll write down all the things you're supposed to do and when you have to do them,
and then I'll leave a box next to it,
which you can mark with an "X" when you've accomplished the task.
What? You want gold stars?
Okay, you can have gold stars.
I don't want gold stars.
I don't want any of this.
I'm just trying to give you a normal life.
Well, good luck.
What? What am I doing wrong now?
This is for real, Dawn.
No, it's not.
I'm not real, so why would my exciting graph of chores be real?
Who cares if a key gets an education, anyway?
It's a chart, not a graph.
And you are real. Yeah?
Those monks put grades "K" through eight in my head.
Can't we just wait and see if they drop nine in there too?
[ Slams Hand On Table ] Damn it, Dawn! This is serious.
Why? Why should I care about any of this?
Because they'll take you away.
Take me away?
What do you mean?
They'll take you away from me.
That's what your principal told me when you weren't in the room.
If I can't make you go to school,
then I won't be found fit to be your legal guardian.
Where would I go?
I don't know.
Dad maybe... or foster care at--
I didn't really want to ask.
You could've told me that.
I just did.
[ No Audio ]
Is this seat taken?
Well, I hope this isn't a return.
Everyone wants petrified hamsters, and they're never happy with them.
- You all right? - Yeah.
Ah, yes, because your good mood is both obvious and contagious.
I had a fight with Tara. It was awful.
Oh, I'm sorry. Me too.
You two don't quarrel much, do you?
Never... until today.
Ah, well, it's over. Over?
How can it be over? I-- I just found her.
- The quarrel is over. - Oh.
Yeah.
And you'll feel better when you've made your apologies...
and you'll know that you can fight without the world ending.
I know it all seems bleak now, but, as they say,
this too... shall pass.
Wow!
Now, what do we have here?
Oh, he's one of those things that work for Glory.
Yes, how helpful.
I do, indeed, work for the god.
Let me go if you do not wish to incur her anger.
She's not here.
What a marvelous opportunity for you and me to talk.
I will not betray Glorificus.
I will never talk, no matter what heinous torture--
Actually, you're talking quite a lot, just not about the right things.
Tell us why you're here.
No word shall pass my lips...
that would bring peril to Glorificus.
Girls, get the twine that's on the counter. Let's tie him up.
[ Crackle ] Aaah! Oh! Don't. I'll tell you anything!
Please, whatever you want! Just-- I'll--
Anything.
- What happened? - He changed his mind.
I'm-- I'm supposed to watch.
We're watching the Slayer's people,
while Glory fetches the key.
- Glory knows who the key is? - Oh, God.
- We've gotta call Buffy. - Too late. Too late.
Glorificus will find the witch, and there's nothing you can do to stop her.
Witch? What do you mean?
- Tara. - She's the new one among you. It wasn't hard to figure out.
The Glorious One will have found her by now. Willow, wait! I'll go with--
No! Call Buffy and go look in Tara's room! I'm gonna check the fair!
Oh, this is nice.
Just hangin' out. Just us girls.
- You like this sort of thing, don't you? - [ Cracking ]
Aaa-- [ Whimpers ] Don't... make a sound.
Nah, they won't help you. I'd kill them.
You know that.
[ Police Radio Chatter ]
There's no one here that can stop me.
I'll kill her and-- and them.
I'll kill... him... and her and her.
And it'll all be your fault.
It's kinda funny, isn't it?
All these people here and...
no one who can do a thing.
Not a person who can help you.
But that's people for ya.
They're pretty worthless.
But keys, on the other hand...
keys are worth a very lot.
You lying little tramp. You're not the key!
You're nothing! Just another worthless human being!
I didn't-- I hate being lied to.
It makes me feel so betrayed.
Hey.
You wanna make it all better?
If you tell me who the key really is,
I'll let you go.
[ Bones Crack ] Think about it.
[ Whimpers ] You think your hand hurts?
Imagine what you'd feel with my fingers...
wiggling in your brain.
It doesn't kill you.
What it does...
is make you feel like you're in a noisy little dark room,
naked and ashamed,
and there are things in the dark that need to hurt you because you're bad.
Little pinching things that go in your ears...
and crawl on the inside of your skull.
And you know, if the noise and the crawling would stop,
that you could remember how to get out.
But you never, ever will.
[ Bones Crack ] [ Gasps, Whimpers ]
Who is the key?
Fine. Let's get crazy.
Tara! Tara!
By the force of heart and mindful power,
by waning time and waxing hour,
I, um-- When I decree--
Uh, what is it? What is it?
[ Gasps ] No! Nooo!
That-- That she I love must now be free!
[ Glory Yelling ]
Tara!
No! Tara!
Tara, are you okay?
It's dirty. It's all dirty.
And all over me. Dirty. Dirty.
Oh, bad. Bad.
[ Whimpers ]
Tara. Tara, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. [ Sobs ]
Can't she go home now?
Unfortunately, no. Hospital policy dictates we keep her for the night.
But does she have to? I can take care of her at home.
It's poisoned. Why didn't I tell you that?
It-- It has to be checked, though.
She your sister?
It has to be verified, of course. Anyone can tell you that.
Of course, of course, of course.
She's my everything.
Well, you can get her released first thing in the morning.
But she's got to spend one night in the psych ward.
Just for observation.
We'll keep an eye on her, do a couple basic tests, then you take her home.
Does that sound fair?
Well, you sit tight then, and I'll send a nurse by in a few minutes...
to pick up Tara.
Man, words cannot express how much I hate this place.
It's dreadful.
It's like communism.
Hey. Wil, I'm so sorry.
They kill mice.
Tara.
I'm sorry it took me so long.
But Dawn's safe with Spike, so I--
I can stay as long as you need.
I'm so scared.
[ Spike ] Nothin' to be worried about, kid. No one's gonna hurt you.
Oh, yeah?
The same no one who did that to you?
[ Huffs ] What these? It's just a few bruises.
Nothing to write home about.
Hey, chin up, platelet.
Don't get scared.
Maybe Glory doesn't want to kill you.
- Maybe it's something--- - Worse?
Hey. You want to know what I'm scared of, Spike?
Me.
Right now, Glory thinks Tara's the key.
But I'm the key, Spike.
I am.
And anything that happens to Tara...
is 'cause of me.
Your bruises, your limp--
that's all me too.
I'm like a lightning rod for pain and hurt.
And everyone around me suffers...
and dies.
I must be something so horrible...
to cause so much pain... and evil.
Rot.
What do you know?
I'm a vampire.
I know something about evil.
You're not evil.
Maybe I'm not evil.
But I don't think I can be good.
Well, I'm not good, and I'm okay.
Don't! Please don't with that treachery.
[ Huffs ] I told the cats.
And now I beg my mother, sitting all alone.
Bye, Tara. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you.
Willow, no. It's just for one night.
Yeah, I know, but it's a whole night.
I don't think I can sleep without her.
You can sleep with me.
Well, now, that came out a lot more lesbian than it sounded in my head.
Wil, you just have to rest.
Okay, right now there's nothing you can do.
Yes, there is. No--
No way. You cannot even think about taking on Glory.
You saw what she did to Tara. I can't let her get away with it.
No, you have to let her get away with it.
Even I'm no match for her. You know that.
But maybe I am. You're not.
And I won't let you go. This is not your choice. It's mine.
This is not the time.
When, Buffy? When is?
When you feel like it? When it's someone you love as much as I love Tara?
When it's Dawn, is that it?
When we have a chance.
We'll fight her when we have a chance.
You wouldn't last five minutes with her, Willow.
She's a god.
Fine. I'll wait.
It's the only way.
Yeah.
- Can I do anything? - Just let me be alone.
You know, I think I'm a little buzzed from eating that witch!
What a mind she had.
Mmm, nummy treat.
But is Your Grace not the slightest bit concerned about--
What, about the Slayer? Don't be stupid.
I know I'm closing in. The key's as good as mine.
Girl like Buffy's got just so many friends.
All I gotta do is rip through 'em, one by one...
until I finally--
[ Loud Rumbling ]
Did anybody order an apocalypse?
Kali, Hera, Kronos, Tonic...
air like nector, thick as onyx...
Cassiel by your second star--
Oh, it's the lover. That's so cute.
Hold mine victim, as in tar.
I owe you pain!
[ Screaming ]
It's all my fault. No.
Sweetheart, it is not your fault.
How's Willow?
She was looking to go all paybacky on Glory for a minute,
but I cooled her down a little.
Actually, a lot.
So she's not gonna do anything rash then.
No.
I explained there was no point.
[ Skeptical ] Mm-hmm.
What?
You-- So you're saying that a...
powerful and mightily pissed-off witch...
was plannin' on goin' and spillin' herself a few pints of god blood...
until you, what-- "explained"?
You think she-- No.
I told Willow it would be like suicide.
I'd do it.
Right person.
Person I loved.
I'd do it.
Think, Buffy,
if Glory had done that to me.
Shatter!
Is that it? Is that the best you can do?
You think I care about all this-- the apartment, the clothes?
Now, sucking on your girlfriend's mind?
That was something to treasure.
What's this? Bag of tricks?
Bag of knives.
Spirit of serpents now appear.
Hissing, writhing, striking near.
Now this is getting weak.
And so are you, honey. Aren't ya?
No!
You know what they used to do to witches, lover? Crucify 'em.
- They used to bow down to gods. - Ha. Ooh!
Things change!
That witch really slowed me down.
Thicken.
This isn't over, you hear me?! It isn't over!
Chicken salad? Right here.
Eggplant, that's me.
Salami with-- Eww! Peanut butter?
Dawn. Yeah, like eggplant is normal.
It's what, half egg, half plant?
'Cause that's just unnatural.
What's Tara got?
Oh, I got her tuna. Does she like--
Tara?
Plastic and their sick sisters.
Six sick sisters.
- Willow? - It's okay.
Let's just start slow today.
Buffy, could I have that?
Here you go.
That's my girl.
Can I help?
What are you gonna need? I don't know.
They gave me a lot of stuff to keep her calm.
They said I might have to restrain her at night.
But... sometimes she's fine.
She looks at me and...
she's fine.
- I'm sorry. I couldn't-- - It's okay. I can do this.
I'm gonna take care of her, even if she never--
She's my girl.
I understand.
I know you do.
Hear that, baby?
You're my always.
I told you this wasn't over.
No! The place is cracking. It's cracking!
Cracking! No, no!
- No, Tara, it's okay. - Oh, look at that.
Look at that. Oh, the light.
Oh, it's so pure.
Such pure, green energy.
- [ Gasps ] - Oh, it's so beautiful.
Grr! Arrgh!