[ Man ] PREVIOUSLY ON BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER.
[ Thinking ] NOBODY KNOWS WHO I AM. NOT THE REAL ME.
NO ONE UNDERSTANDS.
NO ONE HAS AN OLDER SISTER WHO'S A SLAYER.
I KNOW IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY. SHE'S THE BABY.
BUT FOR SOME REASON LATELY IT'S JUST REALLY GETTING TO ME.
WELL, YEAH. YOU'RE LIKE HER IDOL, BUFFY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
LEAVE ME ALONE.
I WILL, AFTER YOU COME BACK INSIDE THE HOUSE. LET GO OF ME!
NO, IT'S NOT SAFE OUT HERE. [ Gasps ]
[ Screams ]
ANYA!
THIS HEAD WOUND LOOKS BAD. I'M GONNA GET HER TO A HOSPITAL.
[ TV: Indistinct ]
I WISH I HAD SOMETHING FOOD-LIKE TO OFFER YOU GUYS,
BUT THE HOT PLATE'S OUT OF COMMISSION. WE THINK THE CAT PEED ON IT.
AAH! OH! [ Xander ] I DO HAVE SPAGHETTIOS.
SET 'EM ON TOP OF THE DRYER, AND YOU'RE A FLUFF CYCLE AWAY FROM LUKEWARM GOODNESS.
YEAH. I HAD DRYER FOOD FOR LUNCH.
[ Door Slams ] HUH. GUESS THE FOLKS ARE BACK.
[ Man, Woman Arguing ] [ Crashing ]
NO, NO. I WAS WRONG. JUST INCOMPETENT BURGLARS.
[ Man ] LIKE-- LIKE I'M GONNA LISTEN TO YOUR FRIENDS SOBER?
[ Woman ] YOU ARE SUCH A PIG! [ Thudding ]
[ Man ] OH, ALL RIGHT WITH ME. YEAH, THAT'S GREAT.
YEAH, MAYBE IT'S DEFINITELY TIME TO START LOOKING FOR A NEW PLACE.
SOMETHING A LITTLE NICER. BUFFY, YOU'VE BEEN TO HELL.
THEY HAD ONE-BEDROOMS, RIGHT?
HEY, BUFFY, HOW'S THAT BOOK? FULL OF ZIPPY DATES AND ZESTY NAMES?
I'M FINE.
HEY! I'M ENJOYING THE STUDYING. WHO ARE YOU LATELY?
GIVE IT UP AND WATCH THE MOVIE.
I GUESS IT HAS BEEN A LONG DAY WITH THE CRUSADES.
I COULD TAKE A LITTLE BREAK FROM THE VIOLENCE FOR SOME-- OH, FIGHTING.
IF YOU REALLY WANT, WE CAN FIGHT YOU AS WELL.
INCOMPETENTLY DUBBED KUNG FU. OUR MOST VALUABLE CHINESE IMPORT.
MUCH MORE DURABLE THAN THEIR HOT PLATES.
HERE.
JUST RELAX. MMM.
MMM, THAT FEELS GOOD.
[ Cracks Knuckles ] OW!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I HAVE A DISLOCATED SHOULDER!
I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE ON THE KICKING MOVIE.
HEY. RUBBING WENT AWAY.
OH. SORRY, I... GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE ACTION.
YEAH. IT'S PRETTY GOOD.
OH, GIVE ME A BREAK! UH!
THIS IS ALL WRONG. SEE, FIRST YOU WOULD GET THE BIG GUY,
LIKE, A FLYING KICK, THEN YOU WOULD TAKE OUT ALL THE LITTLE ONES-- BAM, BAM.
SEE? NOW WITH THE FLYING KICK. FROM A DEAD STOP. WHAT'S POWERING IT? RAW ENTHUSIASM?
HEY, BUFF, MAYBE YOU OUGHTA LEAVE THE WORK BEHIND SOMETIMES.
YOU'RE NOT ALWAYS ON SLAYER DUTY, YOU KNOW?
IT WOULD DRIVE YOU CRAZY IF WE WERE WATCHING AN ARMY MOVIE...
AND THEY WERE ALL SALUTING BACKWARDS...
AND INVADING ALL WILLY-NILLY.
[ Woman ] GONNA RUN AWAY, HUH? YEAH, 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU DO BEST!
[ Coughing ]
ANYWAY, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T BLAME ME FOR BEING CRITICAL.
WILLOW'S THE SAME WAY WHEN WE WATCH A MOVIE ABOUT WITCHES, RIGHT, XANDER?
WHAT?
OH, YEAH. SHE'S ALL, LIKE, "WHAT'S THAT? A CAULDRON?
WHO USES A CAULDRON ANYMORE?"
THE LAST STEP OF MY FORGING IS MY PAIN--
THE PRICE WITH WHICH I PURCHASE,
THE DEATH OF THE SLAYER.
AAH!
IF YOU GET THE APARTMENT, THIS'LL BE YOUR HALLWAY.
WE'LL WALK DOWN THIS HALL, AND WE'LL SAY, "LA, LA, I'M ON MY WAY TO XANDER'S."
JUST WARNING YOU, XANDER. I PROBABLY WON'T BE DOING THAT. [ Riley ] REALLY? I WILL.
HEY, WE'RE JUST LOOKING. RENT'S WAY HIGH, SO DON'T GET YOUR HOPES ALL CARBONATED.
BUT YOU HAVE REFERENCES.
NO, I HAVE ALBERT, WHICH IS ME DOING AN IMPORTANT VOICE.
[ Clipped Tones ] XANDER HARRIS? AN EXCELLENT TENANT...
AND A VERY NICE-LOOKING FELLOW.
OH... BIG!
[ Buffy ] IT'S NICE... AND NOT SUBTERRANEAN.
IT'S VERY ABOVE-TERRANEAN.
I WANT IT. PAY ANYTHING.
XANDER HARRIS? UH, NO. RILEY FINN.
THIS IS XANDER.
HEY. AH.
I BROUGHT MY FRIENDS. I SEE.
THEY WOULDN'T ALWAYS BE AROUND. BUT WE'RE CLEAN AND QUIET.
[ Anya ] WE CAN HAVE THE SCOOBY MEETINGS IN THE LIVING ROOM,
AND GILES CAN EXPLAIN THE BORING THINGS OVER THERE.
OH! THERE'S A MICROWAVE!
IT WOULD BE LIKE HAVING HOT AND COLD RUNNING POPCORN.
PHONE AND ELECTRICITY ARE HOOKED UP.
THERE'S A PRIVATE BALCONY, CEILING FAN, CLOSET SPACE...
AND THAT'S THE BEDROOM.
GUYS, YOU CAN'T SAVE IT FOR THE BEDROOM?
OKAY. GOOD POINT.
I BROUGHT AN APPLICATION FOR YOU TO FILL OUT.
AN APPLICATION? I CAN'T JUST... TELL YOU MY REFERENCES?
BECAUSE THERE'S ALBERT. WE RUN YOUR CREDIT CHECK BASED ON THE APPLICATION.
OH! CREDIT CHECK.
LITTLE CHECK ON THE CREDIT. SEE HOW CREDIBLE MY CHECKS ARE. [ All Giggle ]
AND WE'LL BE ASKING FOR FIRST, LAST, SECURITY AND A SMALL CLEANING DEPOSIT.
THE TOTAL'S AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SHEET THERE.
HE'LL TAKE IT. XANDER, GO GET THE FURNITURE. I'LL WAIT HERE.
HE'S BEEN LIVING IN HIS DRUNKEN PARENTS' BASEMENT,
WHERE SOMETHING URINATED ON THE HOT PLATE.
UH... CAN WE...
TALK QUIETLY OVER THERE?
[ Whispers ] EXCUSE US.
UH, WE, UM--
UH, WE LIKE THE CEILING FAN. YES.
[ Willow ] IT'S VERY, YOU KNOW, KIND OF "OLD SOUTH."
BUT WITHOUT THE UNPLEASANT SLAVERY ASSOCIATIONS.
[ Anya ] BUT WHY CAN'T WE HAVE IT? I TOLD YOU.
MY CONSTRUCTION JOB IS ENDING, AND I WON'T HAVE ANY MORE MONEY COMING IN.
AND BY THE WAY, YOU DO HAVE YOUR OWN PLACE.
SO WHEN I WANNA VISIT YOU, I HAVE TO BE IN THAT AWFUL BASEMENT?
NOT FOREVER. JUST UNTIL THINGS COME TOGETHER. WHICH IS WHEN, XANDER?
'CAUSE RIGHT NOW, THINGS ARE LOOKING PRETTY UN-TOGETHER,
AND YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME JUST TO WAIT AROUND FOR--
QUIET, PLEASE. ANYA, WHAT IS THIS?
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU? WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME...
IS MY ARM HURTS, AND I'M TIRED, AND I DON'T REALLY FEEL LIKE...
TAKING A TOUR OF BEAUTIFUL THINGS THAT I CAN'T HAVE.
I GUESS I'LL JUST START ON THAT APPLICATION.
I THINK YOU'LL LIKE IT. I'VE BEEN TOLD I HAVE LOVELY PENMANSHIP.
"MISCELLANEOUS CURSES." [ Chuckles ]
BRILLIANT.
BE LUCKY IF I DON'T CURSE MY HANDS OFF AT THE WRIST. OH!
THE SLAYER IS NOT HERE.
[ Gasps ] RABBIT'S FOOT. NO, WAIT.
[ Grunts ] THAT IS A FERTILITY GOD.
FEEBLE MAN. YOU ARE NOT LIKELY TO STRIKE-- UHH!
YOU ARE NOT THE SLAYER.
YOU DO NOT CONCERN ME.
[ Growls ]
OHH.
LIKE THIS... AND THIS... AND THIS. THAT THING'S PRETTY HEAVY.
[ Willow ] THAT'S OOFDAR.
GODDESS OF CHILDBIRTH. SHE'S GOT SOME NICE HEFT TO HER.
YEAH. HOW BADLY DID YOU HURT HIM?
WELL, HURT, UM-- MAYBE NOT HURT.
WELL, I-I'M SURE HE WAS STARTLED.
UH, YES, YES. I'D IMAGINE IT GAVE HIM RATHER A TURN.
HE RAN AWAY, HUH? UM... SORT OF MORE, UH...
TURNED AND SWEPT OUT MAJESTICALLY, I SUPPOSE.
HE SAID I DIDN'T CONCERN HIM.
SO A MYTHIC TRIUMPH OVER A COMPLETELY INDIFFERENT FOE.
WELL, I'M NOT DEAD OR UNCONSCIOUS, SO I SAY BRAVO FOR ME.
SOME GOOD DEMONS IN THIS ONE. SEE IF YOUR GUY'S IN HERE.
SO YOU BOUGHT THE MAGIC SHOP, AND YOU WERE ATTACKED BEFORE IT OPENED.
WHO'S UP FOR A SWINGIN' CHORUS OF THE "WE TOLD YOU SO" SYMPHONY?
OWNING THIS PLACE DOES SEEM KIND OF DANGEROUS.
TOTH. WHAT?
HE CALLED YOU A TOTH. IT'S A BRITISH EXPRESSION. IT MEANS, LIKE, MORON.
NO. TOTH IS THE NAME OF THE DEMON.
BE CAREFUL WITH THAT.
ANCIENT DEMON. VERY STRONG. LAST SURVIVOR OF THE TOTHRIC CLAN.
IT ALSO SAYS THAT FOR A DEMON, HE'S UNUSUALLY SOPHISTICATED.
SOPHISTICATED. SO I SHOULD DISCUSS MEN'S FASHIONS WITH HIM BEFORE I CHOP HIS HEAD OFF?
THEY'RE REFERRING TO THE FACT THAT HE DOES NOT FIGHT BAREHANDED.
HE USES TOOLS, DEVICES. OH, HE'S ALSO SUPPOSED TO BE VERY FOCUSED.
AND SINCE HE MENTIONED THE SLAYER, I THINK WE KNOW WHAT THE FOCUS IS.
HE MENTIONED BUFFY? WHERE DO WE FIND HIM, AND HOW HARD CAN I KILL HIM?
WELL, THERE'S NO MENTION OF THE TYPES OF PLACES HE MIGHT FREQUENT, BUT...
I HAVE AN IDEA.
HE HAD A VERY SPECIFIC OLFACTORY PRESENCE.
WELL, I GUESS WE'RE OFF TO THE OLD FACTORY. I HATE THAT PLACE.
I'M JOKING. I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS. HE SMELLED. RIGHT?
SOME DEMON RITUALS INVOLVE ANOINTING WITH OILS.
WAS IT SORT OF SANDALWOODY?
UM... NOT EVEN REMOTELY. BUT HE WAS VERY, UM...
DISTINCTIVE.
THE CITY DUMP, WHERE SMELLS GO TO RELAX AND BE THEMSELVES.
PEOPLE SAY THEY'RE RECYCLING. THEY'RE NOT RECYCLING.
I FOUND A SPELL SO YOU CAN'T SMELL ANYTHING,
BUT IT DOES IT BY TAKING YOUR NOSE OFF, SO, NO.
[ Clattering ]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, SPIKE?
OH, THERE'S A NICE LADY VAMPIRE WHO SET UP A CHARMING TEAROOM...
OVER THE NEXT PILE OF CRAP.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING? I'M SCAVENGING, AIN'T I?
VERY PRETTY. [ Giles ] SPIKE, UM,
WE'RE LOOKING FOR A DEMON, UM... TALL, ROBED,
SKIN SORT OF HANGING OFF, DEEP VOICE.
YOU MEAN A GREAT, TALL ROBEY THING LIKE THAT ONE?
TAKE COVER! BIG GUY! KICK HER ASS!
OH, VERY NICE! I WAS ON YOUR SIDE!
WATCH OUT! [ Buffy ] UHH!
HEY, YOU OKAY?
[ Willow ] BUFFY, HE'S GONE.
I'M FINE. EASY. EASY.
[ Groaning ]
[ Riley ] HE DISAPPEARED.
THAT HAD TO HURT. YEAH, YEAH.
[ Giles ] TAKE IT SLOWLY.
ANYA... ARE YOU TRYING TO USE THE HOT PLATE AGAIN?
[ Insects Buzzing ]
UH-OH.
[ Knocking ] ANYA? AN?
OH! [ Groaning ]
OH, MY GOD!
WHAT? NO WAY! WHO IS--
ME? WHAT AM I DOIN' IN THERE? BUFFY.
NEED BUFFY. HUH!
NO, IT ATE MY QUARTER. UH-HUH.
BUT, SEE, I'M SORT OF HAVING THIS AGGRESSIVELY BAD DAY.
OOH! I FOUND A QUARTER. I FOUND A QUARTER.
WELL, MA'AM, FOR ME, IT IS WORTH GETTING EXCITED ABOUT.
[ Punching Keypad ]
[ Line Ringing ] COME ON, BUFFY.
[ Buffy ] HELLO?
THEY HUNG UP.
[ Sighs ] WELL, IF THIS GUY WANTS TO FIGHT WITH WEAPONS,
I'VE GOT IT COVERED FROM "A" TO "Z"-- FROM AX TO...
ZEE OTHER AX.
RELAX.
ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER DEMON.
RIGHT. IT'LL BE GOOD.
HEY...
[ Gagging Sounds ]
[ Coughing ]
MY FRIEND SHARON'S OLDER BROTHER KNOWS A GIRL WHO DIED...
'CAUSE SHE CHOKED ON HER BOYFRIEND'S TONGUE.
GO AWAY, DAWN. I'M NOT IN YOUR ROOM.
I'M IN THE HALLWAY. THE HALLWAY DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU.
GET OUT OF HERE.
MOM, I CAN STAND IN THE HALLWAY, RIGHT?
SHE'S WATCHING US LIKE A BIG FREAK!
UH! THIS MUST BE MY "TWO TEENAGE GIRLS IN THE HOUSE" HEADACHE.
I THOUGHT IT FELT FAMILIAR.
GOOD WORK, DAWN. YOU GAVE HER A HEADACHE.
I DID NOT. DID I GIVE YOU A HEADACHE, MOM?
I'M SURE PART OF IT IS BUFFY'S. BUT PART OF IT IS DAWN'S.
IT'S SO NICE YOU'VE LEARNED TO SHARE.
YOU GIRLS SORT THIS OUT YOURSELVES. IT'S GOOD FOR YOU.
SHE DIDN'T SAY I COULDN'T STAND HERE. HMM!
OW!
VERY POSH.
OH, SLAYER.
ONE OF THESE DAYS.
HEY, HARRIS. HARRIS!
HARRIS. SORRY. YEAH.
IN MY TRAILER, OKAY? I'M TALKING TO ALL THE GUYS TODAY. THE JOB'S WINDING DOWN.
RIGHT. I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
WELCOME TO PAYBACK, MR. EVIL-PLAN FACE-STEALER.
YOU TAKE MY LIFE? YOU GET MY BEING FIRED ABSOLUTELY FREE!
HARRIS. WHERE'S YOUR HARD HAT?
SIT DOWN.
HOW LONG YOU WORK HERE, HARRIS? HUH? I'M NOT SURE.
ABOUT THREE MONTHS? I GUESS. YEAH.
AND YOU HAVEN'T DONE MUCH CONSTRUCTION WORK BEFORE THIS. IS THAT RIGHT?
I KNEW THEY WERE GONNA NOTICE THAT!
I HAVE TO TELL YOU, THAT'S SURPRISING,
'CAUSE YOUR WORK HERE HAS BEEN FIRST-RATE.
WE HAVE ANOTHER JOB LINED UP IN CARLTON WHEN YOU FINISH HERE.
YOU EVER THINK ABOUT STAYING ON FULL-TIME?
WHAT? WHY ISN'T HE FIRING ME-- HIM?
I WAS THINKING THAT I'D HAVE YOU HEAD UP OUR INTERIOR CARPENTRY CREW.
SEE HOW IT GOES. IT'S MORE RESPONSIBILITY, BUT THE PAY IS BETTER.
THAT WOULD BE GREAT. A PROMOTION? BUT I--
I MEAN, HE DIDN'T-- DOESN'T HE SEE THE SHINY THING?
CONGRATULATIONS, HARRIS. YOU AND YOUR GIRL SHOULD GO OUT AND CELEBRATE.
I ALREADY HAVE AN IDEA HOW.
I WAS GOING TO CALL YOU, MR. HARRIS,
LET YOU KNOW YOUR CREDIT CHECKED OUT FINE,
BUT I REALLY DIDN'T THINK YOU'D BE BACK.
"MR. HARRIS"? YEAH, RIGHT.
I'M SURE YOU'LL LIKE THE BUILDING.
I THINK SOMEONE SAID YOU'RE CURRENTLY IN YOUR PARENTS' BASEMENT?
RIGHT. THERE COMES A POINT WHERE YOU EITHER HAVE TO MOVE ON,
OR JUST BUY YOURSELF A KLINGON COSTUME AND GO WITH IT.
[ Laughing ]
WELL...
I HOPE YOU'LL BE HAPPY HERE, MR. HARRIS.
WE'RE CERTAINLY HAPPY TO HAVE YOU. THANK YOU.
AND IF YOU NEED ANYTHING,
DAY OR NIGHT, PLEASE CALL ME.
I, UM-- I'M LEAVING MY HOME NUMBER HERE.
SHE'S COMING ON TO HIM-- ME.
CALL ME...
EVEN FOR, YOU KNOW,
NON-BUSINESS STUFF.
MAYBE WE COULD, UH, DO SOMETHING?
PLEASE, LADY. THAT IS SO NOT ME.
HE'S TOO CLEAN FOR ONE THING, AND HIS SOCKS ARE ALL MATCHY, AND--
REMEMBER... ANYTIME.
ANYA, YOU THERE?
LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE STILL MAD, BUT I FIGURE YOU'RE PROBABLY SITTIN' THERE...
PRETENDING YOU'RE NOT HOME BUT LISTENING ANYWAY. AM NOT.
LOOK, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU. MEET ME AT THE APARTMENT.
YOU KNOW THE ONE. 9:00.
[ Clicks, Beeps ]
YAAAH!
WON'T LET YOU DO THIS! [ Woman ] WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE?
YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!
OH, MAN. I NEED BUFFY.
[ Xander Double ] NO, NO. HE LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE ME.
IT STOLE MY FACE. WE HAVE TO FIND IT, AND WE HAVE TO KILL IT.
[ Panting ] SHE SEES IT'S NOT ME.
PLEASE, BUFFY. RESIST HIS SPELL.
DO THIS FOR ME.
DON'T WORRY, XANDER. WHATEVER STOLE YOUR FACE,
IT HAS TO DEAL WITH THE SLAYER NOW.
DON'T BE SCARED, WIL. JUST LISTEN. IT'S ME, XANDER.
AND I CAN PROVE IT. UM... OKAY.
LET'S SEE. STUFF ONLY YOU AND ME KNOW.
OKAY! ON MY SEVENTH BIRTHDAY, I WANTED A TOY FIRE TRUCK,
AND I DIDN'T GET IT, AND YOU WERE REAL NICE ABOUT IT,
AND THEN THE HOUSE NEXT DOOR BURNT DOWN, AND THEN REAL FIRE TRUCKS CAME,
AND FOR YEARS I THOUGHT YOU SET THE FIRE FOR ME.
AND IF YOU DID, YOU CAN TELL ME.
FOR A WHILE LAST YEAR, I THOUGHT I WAS LACTOSE INTOLERANT,
BUT IT WAS JUST SOME BAD BRIE.
OH! EVERY CHRISTMAS WE WATCH CHARLIE BROWN TOGETHER,
AND I DO THE SNOOPY DANCE.
XANDER, STOP DANCING.
AHA! YOU CALLED ME XANDER!
XANDER, SHUT UP. WHY WOULDN'T I THINK YOU WERE XANDER?
OH. HUH.
WHAT'S GOIN' ON? [ Panting ]
OKAY. I WOKE UP IN THE DUMP THIS MORNING.
XANDER, THE BASEMENT ISN'T A DUMP.
IT-IT'S MORE LIKE A REALLY NICE HOVEL.
NO. THE DUMP. THE CITY DUMP.
I GOT HIT LAST NIGHT. FALL DOWN, BOOM. WOKE UP THIS MORNING.
UH-UH. WE WALKED YOU HOME LAST NIGHT, REMEMBER?
YOU WALKED?
WIL... DID I DO ANYTHING WEIRD?
DID I WAVE ANY SHINY THINGS AROUND?
SHINY THINGS. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
LAST NIGHT. THAT WASN'T ME.
THERE'S A DOUBLE OUT THERE.
SOME... THING HAS STOLEN MY FACE,
AND IT'S GOING AROUND PRETENDING TO BE ME, AND IT'S HYPNOTIZING PEOPLE.
IT EVEN GOT TO BUFFY AND GILES AND RILEY.
IT'S OVER THERE RIGHT NOW, AND THEY HAVE NO IDEA.
WHAT'S INTRIGUING ME IS THAT THERE ARE A NUMBER OF DEMONS...
WITH THE ABILITY TO MIMIC A SIMPLE FORM,
BUT, UH... THIS SOUNDS LIKE MORE THAN THAT.
HOLD UP. DO WE REALLY HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS?
LET'S JUST GO KILL IT. [ Riley ] YEAH. WHEN THE IMPOSTER'S KILLED,
THE BODY'LL PROBABLY TURN BACK INTO WHATEVER IT REALLY IS, AND THEN WE'LL KNOW.
TOTH. THE DEMON WITH THE CREEPY STICK THING.
TOTH. IT'S GOTTA BE.
HE HIT XANDER WITH THAT BLAST, AND SOMEHOW IT ALLOWED HIM TO TAKE XANDER'S FORM.
COULDN'T THAT BE WHAT THE CREEPY STICK THING DID?
YES. I SUPPOSE. YES. YES, IT MAKES SENSE.
A SHAPE-SHIFTING DEVICE. IT DOES MAKE SENSE. IT MUST BE TOTH.
IT'S A ROBOT. IT'S AN EVIL ROBOT CONSTRUCTED FROM EVIL PARTS...
THAT LOOK LIKE ME, DESIGNED TO DO EVIL.
UH-HUH. OR IT'S TOTH.
OR... IT'S TOTH!
I WAS GONNA LOOK FOR TOTH ANYWAY.
GUESS NOW I START LOOKING FOR YOU.
SHOULD I GO WITH YOU? I TOLD ANYA TO MEET ME AT MY NEW PLACE.
I'D FEEL A WHOLE LOT BETTER KNOWING SHE'S SAFE FROM THIS CREEP.
GO BE WITH HER. I MEAN, IF YOU WERE OUT THERE LOOKING FOR THE DOUBLE TOO--
LET'S JUST SAY THAT I WOULDN'T WANNA RUN INTO YOU AND KILL THE WRONG ONE.
GOOD THINKING. WHEN YOU KILL THIS THING, YOU'D BETTER MAKE SURE...
YOU GOT THE ONE WHO'S ACTUALLY-- A DEMON.
A DEMON HAS TAKEN MY LIFE FROM ME,
AND HE'S LIVING IT BETTER THAN I DO.
UH... WELL, WE'RE WORKING ON IT.
THERE HAS TO BE A WAY TO GET TO BUFFY TO UN-HYPNOTIZE HER.
I'LL FIND A SPELL TO SNAP HER OUT OF IT.
RIGHT. WHATEVER.
XANDER, YOU SOUND A LITTLE--
YOU HAVE TO HELP ME FIGURE THIS OUT, YOU KNOW.
BUT I NEVER HELP. I GET IN TROUBLE, AND BUFFY SAVES ME.
THAT'S NOT TRUE. SOMETIMES WE ALL HELP TO SAVE YOU.
AND SOMETIMES YOU'RE NOT IN TROUBLE.
I'M JUST... ANOTHER GREAT HUMILIATION.
AND THIS TIME, IT'S EVEN WORSE.
THIS DEMON, HE'S, LIKE, TAKING MY LIFE, AND EVERYONE'S TREATING HIM--
EVERYONE'S TREATING HIM LIKE A GROWN-UP.
WIL, I'M STARTING TO FEEL LIKE-- LIKE WHAT?
LIKE... HE'S DOING EVERYTHING BETTER.
HE'S SMARTER, AND--
I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I SHOULD JUST LET HIM HAVE IT.
TAKE MY LIFE, PLEASE. XANDER, NO!
YOU'RE JUST TIRED AND ALL SOGGY.
THAT'S WHY IT SEEMS SO HARD, BUT YOU CAN'T LET HIM JUST TAKE YOUR WHOLE EXISTENCE.
WHY NOT? IT'S NOT LIKE I WAS DOING ANYTHING SO GREAT WITH IT.
HEN I GET TO HE PEARLY GATES, 'M SURE THE GUY'S NOT GONNA GO,
"HEY, WHAT A KICK-ASS COMIC BOOK COLLECTION. COME ON IN!"
WHAT HAVE I GOT THAT'S EVEN WORTH--
ANYA.
YOU THINK HE'S AFTER HER? SHE WON'T KNOW. HE CAN JUST--
NO. NO WAY!
NO WAY. HE CAN TAKE ANYTHING, BUT HE CAN'T HAVE HER! I NEED HER!
REALLY? HE COULD BE WITH HER RIGHT NOW.
FIGURE OUT A SPELL, SOMETHING... "REVEALY."
I GOTTA FIND HER. XANDER,
YOU ALREADY KNEW HE WAS TAKING OVER YOUR LIFE,
AND YOU DIDN'T THINK ABOUT ANYA TILL JUST NOW?
HEY, WAIT TILL YOU HAVE AN EVIL TWIN. SEE HOW YOU HANDLE IT.
[ Door Shuts ] I HANDLED IT FINE.
ANYA? AN?
[ Beeps, Xander Double ] MEET ME AT THE APARTMENT. YOU KNOW THE ONE. 9:00.
[ Clicks Off, Beeps ]
IT'S GOTTA BE HERE. WHERE IS IT?
YOU'RE LYING. IT'S A TRICK.
NO. TRUST ME.
YOU REALLY GOT THIS APARTMENT? I REALLY DID.
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?
THE CEILING FANS? THEY'RE VERY ATTRACTIVE.
NO. IT'S BECAUSE I KNEW YOU WANTED IT.
IT'S ALL FOR YOU.
ANYA, YOU DIDN'T SEE ME TODAY, DID YOU? I MEAN, WE DIDN'T TALK?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I JUST GOT YOUR PHONE MESSAGE. THAT'S ALL.
GOOD.
SO--
[ Sighs ] WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
WELL, AT SOME POINT, WE TAKE OFF OUR CLOTHES.
I MEAN, WHAT HAPPENS NEXT IN OUR LIVES?
WHEN DO WE GET A CAR? A CAR?
AND A BOAT. NO, WAIT. I DON'T MEAN A BOAT.
I MEAN, A PUPPY OR A CHILD. I HAVE A LIST SOMEWHERE.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? JUST, WE HAVE TO GET GOING.
I DON'T HAVE TIME JUST TO LET THESE THINGS HAPPEN.
THERE'S NO HURRY. YES, THERE IS!
THERE'S A HURRY, XANDER.
I'M DYING.
I MAY HAVE AS FEW AS 50 YEARS LEFT.
FIFTY YEARS? WHAT IS THIS?
OH, WAIT A MINUTE. THIS IS ABOUT THIS.
WHAT ABOUT THE SLING?
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HURT LIKE THIS SINCE YOU BECAME HUMAN.
MAYBE IT'S FINALLY HITTING YOU WHAT BEING HUMAN MEANS.
NO. THAT'S NOT IT. YES. I THINK IT IS.
YOU WERE GONNA LIVE FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS.
AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA AGE AND DIE.
THAT MUST BE TERRIFYING.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE.
BEING SUDDENLY HUMAN?
I THINK I CAN GET WHAT THAT WOULD BE LIKE.
AND WE CAN GET THROUGH IT TOGETHER.
YOU CAN'T MAKE IT ANY DIFFERENT. I'M GOING TO GET OLD.
AND YOU CAN'T PROMISE YOU'LL BE WITH ME WHEN I'M WRINKLY AND MY TEETH ARE ARTIFICIAL...
AND STUCK INTO MY WRINKLY MOUTH WITH AN ADHESIVE.
NO, I CAN'T PROMISE THAT.
BUT IT DOESN'T SOUND TERRIBLE, AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING.
I PROMISE YOU, ANYA.
VERY SOON, YOU WON'T BE THINKING ABOUT GETTING OLDER.
GET AWAY FROM HER! XANDER!
XANDER? GET OUT.
YOU DON'T BELONG HERE. ANYA, IT'S ME.
IT'S A DEMON.
HE STOLE MY FACE. HE'S TRYING TO TRICK YOU.
ANYA, YOU KNOW I'M ME, RIGHT? NO!
WHAT IS IT? MAKE IT GO AWAY.
SO YOU'RE THINKING WE SPLIT UP? YEAH.
YOU CHECK THE PLACES WHERE HE MIGHT TRY AND GO AND BLEND IN AS XANDER.
I'LL CHECK THE PLACES WHERE TOTH MIGHT HANG OUT.
I SWEAR, THIS TIME I KNOW I HAD THAT LOCKED.
BUFFY, TOTH LOOKS LIKE XANDER. WE ALREADY KNOW. WE'RE ON OUR WAY.
WAIT A SECOND. HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?
HE CAME TO ME. I MEAN, XANDER DID.
AND HE'S IN TERRIBLE SHAPE. WE NEED TO HELP HIM.
[ Riley ] HE CAME TO US TOO.
NO. WE EACH HAD A XANDER. I MEAN, YOU DIDN'T HAVE A XANDER.
YOU HAD A DEMON IN A XANDER SUIT.
WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE THAT YOURS IS THE RIGHT ONE?
HE KNEW STUFF. HE DID THE SNOOPY DANCE. BUFFY, IT WAS XANDER, AND HE NEEDS US.
OH, DEAR LORD. [ Riley ] BUFFY,
OUR XANDER-- DID HE SEEM A LITTLE--
HE SEEMED KIND OF FORCEFUL AND CONFIDENT. THAT'S NOT XANDER.
I SAID, "OH, DEAR LORD." YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT.
WELL, IT'S ALWAYS IMPORTANT.
NEITHER XANDER IS A DEMON.
UM... IS ONE OF THEM A ROBOT? WHAT? NO.
UM, THE ROD DEVICE, IT'S CALLED A FERULA GEMINA.
IT SPLITS ONE PERSON INTO HALF, DISTILLING PERSONALITY TRAITS INTO TWO SEPARATE BODIES.
AS NEAR AS I CAN TELL, TOTH WAS ATTEMPTING TO SPLIT THE SLAYER INTO TWO DIFFERENT ENTITIES.
TWO BUFFIES?
YES. ONE WITH ALL THE QUALITIES INHERENT IN BUFFY SUMMERS.
THE OTHER WITH EVERYTHING THAT BELONGS TO THE SLAYER ALONE--
THE STRENGTH, THE SPEED, THE HERITAGE-- AND WHEN IT HIT XANDER,
I THINK IT SEPARATED HIM INTO HIS STRONGEST POINTS AND HIS WEAKEST.
BUT WHICH ONE'S THE REAL ONE? THEY'RE BOTH REAL. THEY'RE BOTH XANDER.
NEITHER ONE OF THEM IS EVIL. THERE'S NOTHING IN EITHER OF THEM...
THAT OUR XANDER DIDN'T ALREADY POSSESS.
I STILL DON'T GET THE ORIGINAL PLAN. I MEAN, WHY DO IT?
THE SLAYER HALF WOULD BE LIKE SLAYER CONCENTRATE-- PRETTY UN-KILLABLE.
[ Giles ] BUT THE TWO HALVES CAN'T EXIST WITHOUT EACH OTHER.
KILL THE WEAKER BUFFY HALF, AND THE SLAYER HALF DIES.
SO THE SAME GOES FOR THE XANDERS.
WE LOSE ONE. WE LOSE THEM BOTH.
HE'S THE DEMON! OR POSSIBLY A ROBOT. LOOK AT ME.
LOOK IN MY EYES. CAN'T YOU SEE IT'S ME?
I-I DON'T KNOW.
PLEASE... LOOK AT HIM! LISTEN TO HIM!
HE'S ALL SMOOTH.
YOU HAVE TO KNOW IT'S ME! DON'T WORRY, ANYA.
I'LL GET RID OF THIS THING.
I'M THINKING THIS IS GONNA LAST ABOUT 15 SECONDS.
I'M THINKING LESS.
[ Anya ] NO, DON'T SHOOT HIM!
CAN'T THIS THING GO ANY FASTER?
ULTIMATE DRIVING MACHINE, MY ASS.
WE'RE PUSHING 70.
RILEY, DO YOU WISH-- NO.
NO? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY.
YES, I DO. UM... YOU WANTED TO KNOW IF I WISHED YOU GOT HIT...
BY THE FERULA GEMINA, GOT SPLIT IN TWO.
WELL, YOU HAVE BEEN KIND OF RANKLY ABOUT THE WHOLE SLAYER GIG.
INSTEAD OF HAVING SLAYER-BUFFY, YOU COULD HAVE BUFFY-BUFFY.
I HAVE BUFFY-BUFFY.
BEING THE SLAYER'S PART OF WHO YOU ARE. YOU KEEP THINKING I DON'T GET THAT, BUT--
IT'S JUST... I KNOW HOW UN-FUN IT CAN BE--
THE BAD HOURS, FREQUENT BRUISING, CRANKY MONSTERS.
BUFFY...
IF YOU LED A PERFECTLY NORMAL LIFE,
YOU WOULDN'T BE HALF AS CRAZY AS YOU ARE.
I GOTTA HAVE THAT. I GOTTA HAVE IT ALL. WE'RE TALKIN' TOES, ELBOWS,
THE WHOLE "BAD ICE-SKATING MOVIE" OBSESSION, EVERYTHING.
THERE'S NO PART OF YOU I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH.
OH, WE BETTER GET THERE SOON.
IF XANDER KILLS HIMSELF, HE'S DEAD.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
LET GO! I HAVE TO KILL THE DEMON-BOT!
[ Anya ] OW!
ANYA... GET OUT OF THE WAY.
XANDER! IT'S ALL RIGHT, BUFFY. I HAVE HIM.
NO, BUFFY! I'M ME! HELP ME!
[ Anya ] MY GUN. HE'S GOT MY GUN.
YOU OWN A GUN?
XANDER-- GUN-HOLDING XANDER-- GIVE IT TO ME.
BUFFY, WHICH ONE'S REAL? I AM.
NO, I AM.
[ Grunting ]
THANK YOU.
UH! OW!
WILD. YEAH.
OKAY, XANDER... SES. [ Sighs ]
YOU'VE BEEN SPLIT IN TWO. BUT YOU'RE BOTH XANDER, AND YOU CAN'T KILL EACH OTHER.
I MEAN, WELL, YOU COULD, BUT IT WOULD BE REALLY BAD.
NO WAY. HE CAN'T BE ME.
HE'S ALL FANCY.
WE CAN PROVE YOU'RE BOTH XANDER. YEAH! HOW?
[ Buffy ] UM-- ELL, THERE HAS TO BE A WAY.
WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF? I DON'T THINK THAT'S GONNA DO IT.
[ Both ] ELEVEN AND A HALF. WRONG. OH! BUT SEE?
NO. WE'RE NOT THE SAME. WE'RE ALL DIFFERENT.
DIFFERENT PROPERTIES WENT INTO EACH OF YOU, BUT YOU'RE BOTH XANDER.
DIFFERENT PROPERTIES? WHAT DIFFERENT PROPERTIES?
UH... UH, YOU KNOW.
UH... SENSE OF DIRECTION. GOOD NIGHT-VISION. STUFF LIKE THAT.
OH, BUT HE HAS A THING IN HIS POCKET.
A SHINY DISK THAT STUNS AND DISORIENTS. WHAT DISK?
COVER YOUR EYES! THIS?
IT'LL MELT YOUR BRAIN!
LOOK.
IT'S A NICKEL SOMEONE FLATTENED ON THE RAILROAD TRACK.
I FOUND IT ON THE CONSTRUCTION SITE. I THOUGHT IT WAS COOL.
IT'S NOT MAGIC. NO, I--
HUH.
IT IS KINDA COOL. WASHINGTON'S STILL THERE, BUT HE'S ALL SMUSHY.
AND HE MAY BE JEFFERSON. [ Anya ] OKAY.
ISN'T ANYONE GONNA TELL ME WHY THERE ARE TWO XANDERS?
I WILL ON THE WAY TO GILES'S. LET'S GO.
OH, GREAT. ROD BOY.
I WILL NOT MISS AGAIN, SLAYER.
THE GUN! PICK UP THE LITTLE GUN PIECES!
HEY, I JUST MADE A SMALL CLEANING DEPOSIT!
[ Grunting, Groaning ]
SWORD.
AAH!
OH, YEAH. [ Smacks Lips ] THAT CLEANING DEPOSIT'S GONE.
I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING!
HEY, DO YOU SUPPOSE WE'RE BOTH XANDER?
LOOK AND ADMIRE, LADIES.
LOOK, THERE'S A SCAR THERE, AND THERE'S THE SAME ONE RIGHT THERE.
[ Willow ] IT'S ALL DOUBLED.
THIS ZIT, AND THIS... KINDA FUNNY DIPPY THING.
AND THIS WEIRD LITTLE HAIR THAT GROWS IN THE WRONG WAY.
OKAY! BACK OFF, LADIES.
PSYCHOLOGICALLY, THIS IS FASCINATING.
DOESN'T IT MAKE EVERYONE WANT TO LOCK THEM IN SEPARATE ROOMS AND DO EXPERIMENTS ON THEM?
JUST ME THEN.
SO, UM, YOU XANDERS REALLY DO HAVE ALL THE SAME MEMORIES, ALL THE SAME--
[ Clicks Tongue ] PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES? [ Chuckles ]
WE'RE COMPLETELY IDENTICAL.
YEAH. WE CHECKED OUT SOME STUFF IN THE CAR ON THE WAY OVER.
FINGERPRINTS.
WELL, MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T DO THIS REINTEGRATION THING RIGHT AWAY.
SEE, I CAN TAKE THE BOYS HOME, AND, YOU KNOW, WE CAN ALL HAVE SEX TOGETHER,
AND THEN, YOU KNOW, JUST SLAP 'EM BACK TOGETHER IN THE MORNING.
[ Xander Double ] SHE'S JOKING. NO, SHE'S NOT!
SHE ENTIRELY WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH US TOGETHER, WHICH IS... WRONG,
AND-- AND IT WOULD BE VERY CONFUSING.
WE JUST NEED TO ARRANGE THE CANDLES.
ALSO, WE SHOULD CONTINUE TO PRETEND WE HEARD NONE OF THE DISTURBING SEX TALK.
[ Willow ] CHECK. CANDLES AND PRETENSE.
IT'S NOT LIKE IT'D BE CHEATING. THEY'RE BOTH XANDER. NOW, HOLD ON A SEC.
IF YOU WEREN'T PUTTING A WHAMMY ON PEOPLE WITH THE SHINY THING, HOW'D YOU DO IT?
HOW'D YOU GET THE PROMOTION? WELL, I'M GOOD AT THAT STUFF.
I AM? YEAH.
AND, HEY, HOW 'BOUT THAT LADY, HUH? THE APARTMENT MANAGER.
HOW WEIRD WAS IT WHEN SHE CALLED ME "MR."? YEAH!
WE'RE READY. WE SHOULD DO IT NOW.
[ Anya ] WELL, WHAT DO WE DO IF IT DOESN'T WORK? [ Both ] KILL US BOTH, SPOCK!
[ Laughing ]
THEY'RE KINDA THE SAME NOW.
YES, HE'S CLEARLY A BAD INFLUENCE ON HIMSELF.
HEY, SUMMON THE GODDESS. CHANT THE CHANT. LET'S DO IT.
ACTUALLY, IT'S NOT THAT HARD. YOUR NATURAL STATE IS TO BE TOGETHER.
TOTH'S SPELL IS DOING ALL THE WORK OF KEEPING YOU APART.
I JUST HAVE TO BREAK IT. SO YOU TWO...
STAND RIGHT HERE.
SIDE BY SIDE. WE DON'T WANT YOU TO END UP WITH TWO FRONTS, NOW DO WE?
ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THIS?
[ Exhales ] HERE WE GO. BRACE YOURSELVES.
LET THE SPELL BE ENDED.
YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING.
"LET THE SPELL BE ENDED." THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK.
OH.
I LIKED IT THE OTHER WAY. PUT HIM BACK.
GETTING NOSTALGIC?
I DON'T KNOW. AT FIRST, IT'S JUST A PLACE.
THEN YOU START TO MAKE MEMORIES,
AND THEN YOU'RE LIKE, THAT'S WHERE SPIKE SLEPT,
AND THERE, THAT'S WHERE ANYA AND I DROWNED THE SEPAVRO DEMON.
OH! AND RIGHT THERE, THAT'S WHERE I GOT MY HEART ALL RIPPED OUT.
I REALLY HATE THIS PLACE.
ANYA. OHH! I SEE YOU'VE JOINED THE NOT-SLING-WEARING CROWD.
YES. I'M FEELING BETTER. AND I ANTICIPATE MANY YEARS BEFORE MY DEATH--
EXCEPTING DISEASE OR AIR-BAG FAILURE.
THAT SOUNDS NICE.
OH! PRESENTS?
NOT UNLESS YOU WANT MY COLLECTION OF BABYLON 5 COMMEMORATIVE PLATES,
WHICH YOU CANNOT HAVE.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU COULD HELP CARRY A LITTLE.
ME? BUFFY HAS SUPER STRENGTH.
WHY DON'T WE JUST LOAD HER UP LIKE ONE OF THOSE LITTLE HORSES?
ANYA. PLEASE.
FINE. I'M JUST YOUR SLAVE.
HOW IS IT THAT SHE CAN ALWAYS MAKE ME FEEL SUAVE XANDER'S LEFT THE BUILDING?
YOU TWO HAVE YOUR FRICTION, BUT SHE DIGS THE WHOLE PACKAGE.
IT'S OBVIOUS. STILL, I DO ENVY YOU SOMETIMES.
I MEAN, FOR THE SANITY.
NOT THAT I'M STILL INTO BUFFY. NOT THAT I EVER WAS.
HEY, I'M WELL AWARE OF HOW LUCKY I AM--
LIKE, LOTTERY LUCKY.
BUFFY'S LIKE NOBODY ELSE IN THE WORLD.
WHEN I'M WITH HER, IT'S LIKE-- IT'S LIKE I'M SPLIT IN TWO.
HALF OF ME IS JUST ON FIRE,
GOING CRAZY IF I'M NOT TOUCHING HER.
THE OTHER HALF IS SO STILL AND PEACEFUL,
JUST PERFECTLY CONTENT.
JUST KNOWS, THIS IS THE ONE.
BUT SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME.
YOU GOT SOMETHING ELSE FOR ME TO CARRY?
UH, YOU CAN HELP ME PACK THIS. SURE.
MMM. SURE.
GRR! ARRGH!