IN EVERY GENERATION, THERE IS A CHOSEN ONE.
SHE ALONE WILL STAND AGAINST THE VAMPIRES,
THE DEMONS, AND THE FORCES OF DARKNESS.
SHE IS THE SLAYER.
♪ GILDED GHETTO ♪
♪ HOLLYWOOD STAINED BELOW ♪
ALL I'M SAYING IS, IT'S A STUPID IDEA
TO HAVE A VICTORY PARTY AT THE BEACH.
IT'S OFFICIALLY NIPPY.
SO SAY MY NIPS.
I THINK IT'S FESTIVE.
A PARTY WITH NATURE.
WELL, IT'S THE TEAM'S CHOICE.
IT WAS THEIR VICTORY.
TEAM?
SWIM TEAM.
HA HA.
HARDLY WHAT I'D CALL A TEAM.
THE YANKEES.
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO.
THE "A."
NOW, THOSE WERE TEAMS.
JEALOUS?
NO. Y-YES, BUT NO MORE THAN YES.
I MEAN, LOOK AT THAT.
DODD McALVY.
LAST MONTH HE'S THE FREAK WITH JICAMA BREATH WHO WAXES HIS BACK.
HE WINS A FEW MEETS AND SUDDENLY INHERITS THE COOL GENE?
WELL, ALL I KNOW IS, MY CHEERLEADING SQUAD WASTED A LOT OF PEP ON LOSERS.
IT'S ABOUT TIME OUR SCHOOL EXCELLED AT SOMETHING.
HMM. YOU'RE FORGETTING OUR HIGH MORTALITY RATE.
Xander: WE'RE NUMBER ONE!
HUH?
Man: BEAUTIFUL.
ISN'T IT?
YEAH.
IT'S JUST SO...
ETERNAL.
A TRUE MOTHER,
GIVING BIRTH TO NEW LIFE AND DEVOURING OLD.
ALWAYS ADAPTABLE AND NURTURING...
YET...
CONSTANT... AND MERCILESS.
BOY.
I WAS JUST GONNA GO WITH BIG AND WET.
ME AND SOME OF THE OTHER GUYS ON THE TEAM,
WE COME OUT HERE ONCE A WEEK TO TRAIN IN IT.
SEE, WE SWIM AGAINST THE CURRENT.
FUNNY.
THAT'S HOW I FEEL MOST OF THE TIME.
SO, CAMERON WALKER,
YOU JUST WON THE STATE SEMIFINALS.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NEXT?
I'M GOING TO HANG OUT WITH BUFFY SUMMERS.
GET TO KNOW HER.
HEY, PAUSE THAT TAPE FOR A SECOND.
HEY... NO PRESSURE.
I JUST LIKE BEING AROUND YOU. THAT'S ALL.
[SHOUTING AND LAUGHING]
Boy: SOMEBODY HELP ME!
COME ON, JONNY, YOU GOTTA HOLD YOUR BREATH LONGER THAN THAT
IF YOU EVER WANT TO MAKE THE TEAM!
HEY, SOMEBODY TIME HIM!
HEY!
NICE TAT. WHAT, THEY RAN OUT OF TWEETY BIRD?
HEY, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
YOU HAD IT COMING TO YOU, BRO.
CHILL, DUDE. A BUNCH OF US ARE GONNA TAKE
A LITTLE NIGHT DIP DOWN THE BEACH. YOU IN?
Dodd: WHATEVER.
HEY, LET'S--LET'S GET YOU A TOWEL.
NO, WHY DON'T YOU MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS?
I CAN HANDLE THIS WITHOUT YOUR HELP.
[SIGHS]
SEE? IT'S FUN TO HANG OUT WITH ME.
MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE BUFFY.
MAN, THAT GIRL GIVES ME THE CREEPS.
OH! DUDE, WHAT IS THAT FOULNESS?
HEY, DODD!
DUDE!
HUH.
[SCREAM]
[RIPPING SOUND]
OK.
GOOD PIE CHARTS, EVERYONE.
GOOD.
ALL GOOD.
THANKS.
NICE.
GOOD.
GAGE, YOUR PIE CHART
IS LOOKING A LOT LIKE SOLITAIRE...
WITH NAKED LADIES ON THE CARDS?
WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
[BELL RINGS]
NO POINT.
NICE WORK IN YESTERDAY'S MEET, SON.
NOW, LET'S GO FOR IT.
UH, HI THERE, SIR.
ROSENBERG.
HOW'S THE CLASS?
EVERYTHING IN ORDER?
WELL, ACTUALLY--
GREAT.
I'VE BEEN TALKING TO THE BOARD.
WE'VE BEEN HAVING TROUBLE FINDING A COMPETENT TEACHER THIS LATE IN THE TERM.
DO YOU THINK YOU COULD CONTINUE SUBBING THROUGH FINALS?
OH. SURE.
I LIKE TEACHING.
ISN'T THAT NICE?
YOU'RE A TEAM PLAYER AND I LIKE THAT.
A TEAM PLAYER WANTS EVERYONE ON THE TEAM TO SUCCEED.
WANTS EVERYONE TO PASS.
WELL, YEAH. SURE.
I UNDERSTAND THERE'S A PROBLEM WITH GAGE PETRONZI.
OH, GOOD, THEN YOU KNOW.
WELL, YEAH.
BESIDES THE BEHAVIOR PROBLEM, HE WON'T DO HOMEWORK,
AND HIS TEST SCORES ARE...
WELL, ACTUALLY, HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY TEST SCORES
BECAUSE HE NEVER SHOWS UP WHEN WE--
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN ANY OF THAT.
I'M INTERESTED IN WHY, WHEN THIS SCHOOL IS ON THE BRINK OF WINNING
ITS FIRST STATE CHAMPIONSHIP IN 15 YEARS,
YOU SLAP A CRUCIAL MEMBER OF THAT TEAM WITH
A FAILING MARK THAT WOULD FORCE HIS REMOVAL.
IS THAT HOW YOU SHOW YOUR SCHOOL SPIRIT?
YES. WELL, I MEAN... NO.
I'M JUST TRYING TO GRADE FAIRLY.
GAGE IS A CHAMPION.
HE'S UNDER MORE PRESSURE THAN THE OTHER STUDENTS.
AND I THINK WE NEED TO CUT HIM SOME SLACK.
YOU'RE ASKING ME TO CHANGE HIS GRADE?
I NEVER SAID ANY SUCH THING.
ALL I'M SUGGESTING IS...
THAT YOU RECHECK YOUR FIGURES,
AND I THINK WE'LL FIND A GRADE
MORE FITTING TO AN ATHLETE OF GAGE'S STATURE.
PERHAPS SOMETHING IN A "D."
Xander: JUST LIKE THAT?
HE ACTUALLY TOLD YOU TO ALTER HIS GRADE?
EXACTLY.
EXCEPT FOR ACTUALLY TELLING ME TO.
BUT HE MADE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR
OF WHAT HE WASN'T TELLING ME.
THAT IS WRONG,
A BIG, FAT, SPANKING WRONG.
IT'S A SLAP IN THE FACE TO EVERY ONE OF US
WHO STUDIED HARD AND WORKED LONG HOURS
TO EARN OUR Ds.
XANDER, I KNOW YOU TAKE PRIDE
IN BEING THE VOICE OF THE COMMON WUSS,
BUT THE TRUTH IS,
CERTAIN PEOPLE ARE ENTITLED TO SPECIAL PRIVILEGES.
THEY'RE CALLED WINNERS. THAT'S THE WAY THE WORLD WORKS.
AND WHAT ABOUT THAT NUTTY "ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL" THING?
PROPAGANDA SPOUTED OUT BY THE UGLY AND LESS DESERVING.
I THINK THAT WAS LINCOLN.
UGH. DISGUSTING MOLE AND STUPID HAT.
ACTUALLY, IT WAS JEFFERSON.
KEPT SLAVES, REMEMBER?
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRATES MY CHEESE?
THAT BUFFY'S NOT HERE TO SHARE MY MORAL OUTRAGE ABOUT SWIM TEAM PERKS.
SHE'S TOO BUSY BEING ONE OF THEM.
I DON'T KNOW, A DOLPHIN--
A DOLPHIN IN THE OCEAN.
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
WHEN I'M IN THE VASTNESS OF THE OCEAN,
IT'S...
IT'S LIKE I'M NEVER ALONE.
YOU EVER HEAR OF A WOMAN NAMED GERTRUDE EDERLE?
NO.
NO, I CAN'T SAY THAT I HAVE, CAM.
FIRST WOMAN TO SWIM THE ENGLISH CHANNEL. SAME THING.
I MEAN, SHE WOULD TALK TO IT.
SHE'D CARRY ON ENTIRE CONVERSATIONS WITH IT.
SOMETIMES I DO THAT.
ONCE I WAS OUT--
YOU KNOW WHAT, CAM? THANKS.
I'D FORGOTTEN HOW NICE IT IS TO JUST TALK,
OR, IN MY CASE, LISTEN,
WITHOUT ANY ROMANTIC PRESSURE.
HEY...
I'M NOT ABOUT PRESSURE.
I JUST WANT YOU TO BE COMFORTABLE.
I'M COMFY.
I'M SO COMFY, I'M NODDING OFF ACTUALLY,
WHICH IS WHY-- ARE YOU WEARING A BRA?
WHAT?
COME ON.
I MEAN, TELL ME YOU HAVEN'T BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS
EVER SINCE LAST NIGHT.
WHAT I'M THINKING ABOUT IS THAT I SHOULD PROBABLY GET OUT OF THIS CAR--
RELAX.
I'M NOT GOING TO HURT YOU.
OH, IT'S NOT ME I'M WORRIED ABOUT.
YOU LIKE IT ROUGH--
OW! OH!
OH!
AH!
OH, YOU BROKE MY NOSE!
AH!
[GROANING]
OW!
I WASN'T THE ATTACKER, PRINCIPAL SNYDER.
I WAS THE ATTACKED.
THAT'S NOT HOW IT LOOKED FROM WHERE I WAS STANDING.
Cameron: I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
I MEAN, FIRST SHE LEADS ME ON,
THEN SHE GOES SCHIZO ON ME.
LEAD YOU ON?
WHEN DID I LEAD YOU ON?
OH, COME ON.
I MEAN, LOOK AT THE WAY SHE DRESSES.
Snyder: COACH.
HOW WE DOING, CAMERON?
Snyder: COACH MARIN, HOW BAD DOES IT LOOK?
WELL, LUCKILY, IT'S NOT BROKEN,
BUT SURE AS HELL IT'S GONNA STING FOR A FEW DAYS.
I MEAN OUR CHANCES OF WINNING THE STATE CHAMPIONSHIP.
CAN WE STILL DO IT?
I'M GONNA NEED CAMERON BACK AT 110%.
HE'S MY BEST SWIMMER, NOW, WITH DODD...
WHAT HAPPENED TO DODD?
THAT'S NONE OF YOUR CONCERN.
YOU BETTER HOPE THAT BOY'S NOSE HEALS
BEFORE THE MEET THIS FRIDAY.
WALKER, I WANT YOU TO HIT THE STEAM ROOM AS SOON AS YOU'RE DONE HERE.
TRY TO KEEP THOSE SINUSES CLEAR.
TAKE CARE OF MY BOY, RUTHIE.
I ALWAYS DO.
AND YOU...
TRY TO DRESS MORE APPROPRIATELY FROM NOW ON.
THIS ISN'T A DANCE CLUB.
SO I'M TREATED LIKE THE BADDIE
JUST BECAUSE HE HAS A SPRAINED WRIST AND A BLOODY NOSE.
AND I DON'T HAVE A SCRATCH ON ME--
WHICH, GRANTED, HURTS MY CASE A LITTLE ON THE SURFACE--
BUT MEANWHILE HE GETS AWAY WITH IT
BECAUSE HE'S ON THE "AREN'T WE THE MOST" SWIM TEAM,
WHO, BY THE WAY, IF NO ONE'S NOTICED,
HAVE BEEN ACTING LIKE REAL JERKS LATELY.
SO--HA HA...
ANYTHING NEW WITH YOU GUYS?
THANK YOU FOR TAKING AN INTEREST.
APPARENTLY, SOME REMAINS WERE FOUND ON THE BEACH THIS MORNING--
SOME HUMAN REMAINS.
DODD McALVY'S REMAINS.
VAMPIRE?
NO. NO, HE WAS EVISCERATED.
NOTHING LEFT BUT SKIN AND CARTILAGE.
IN OTHER WORDS, THIS WAS NO BOATING ACCIDENT.
SO SOMETHING RIPPED HIM OPEN AND ATE OUT HIS INSIDES?
LIKE AN OREO COOKIE.
WELL, EXCEPT FOR, YOU KNOW,
WITHOUT THE CHOCOLATY COOKIE GOODNESS.
Giles: YEAH. UM, PRINCIPAL SNYDER
HAS--HAS ASKED THE FACULTY
TO KEEP THE NEWS QUIET FOR NOW,
UM, SO AS NOT TO UNDULY UPSET THE STUDENTS.
FOR STUDENTS, READ "SWIM TEAM."
SO, WE'RE LOOKING FOR A BEASTIE.
THAT, UH, EATS HUMANS WHOLE...
EXCEPT FOR THE SKIN.
THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
YEAH. THE SKIN'S THE BEST PART.
ANY DEMONS WITH HIGH CHOLESTEROL?
YOU'RE GONNA THINK ABOUT THAT LATER, MISTER,
AND YOU'RE GONNA LAUGH.
[STEAM HISSING]
[DRIPPING]
[NOISE]
[DOOR OPENS]
OK, SON,
I THINK YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.
TIME TO HIT THE SHOWER.
TOO MUCH RESEARCH.
NEED BEVERAGE.
HEY...
WATCH IT.
OH, FORGIVE ME, YOUR SWIM TEAMLINESS.
LOSER.
LIKING THE NOSE, CAM.
GOOD LOOK FOR YOU.
MEANING WHAT?
MEANING BUFFY MUST NOT BE ON YOUR LIST OF PRIVILEGES AFTER ALL.
HA HA HA HA.
MAN, I LOVE IT WHEN YOU GUYS MESS WITH HER.
YOU'RE LUCKY I'M HUNGRY.
OH, THE CAFETERIA'S CLOSED.
NOT TO ME.
GOD, WHAT IS THAT?
"GRAPE. ORANGE."
"ORANGE. GRAPE."
[SCREAMING]
OH, MY GOD.
AAH!
Xander: NO, NO, NO. THE MOUTH'S A LOT BIGGER.
AND DOWNWARD.
LIKE THIS.
[SIGHS]
WITH MORE TEETH.
I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN.
IS THAT WHAT YOU SAW, XANDER?
Y...
YEAH.
I THINK SO.
PRETTY MUCH.
ARE YOU SURE?
WELL, IT WAS DARK,
AND THE THING WENT THROUGH THE WINDOW SO QUICK,
AND I WAS A... A LITTLE SHOCKED WHEN I SAW IT, AND--
Cordelia: GO AHEAD.
SAY IT.
YOU RAN LIKE A WOMAN.
HEY, IF YOU SAW THIS THING, YOU'D RUN LIKE A WOMAN, TOO.
Willow: BUFFY WAS RIGHT.
ACCORDING TO THE STATISTICS,
DODD AND CAMERON WERE THE BEST SWIMMERS ON THE TEAM.
FIRST AND SECOND, ACTUALLY.
WHICH MEANS IF MY THEORY'S CORRECT,
GAGE PETRONZI, THE THIRD BEST SWIMMER ON THE TEAM,
WOULD BE THE NEXT ITEM ON THE MENU.
Cordelia: GOD, THIS IS SO SAD.
WE'RE NEVER GONNA WIN THE STATE CHAMPIONSHIP.
I THINK I'VE LOST ALL WILL TO CHEERLEAD.
RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU FEEL HER PAIN.
IF YOU'RE SAYING THESE KILLINGS ARE RANDOM,
IT WOULD SUGGEST SOMEONE'S OUT FOR REVENGE.
AND RAISE THE POSSIBILITY
THAT SOMEONE BROUGHT FORTH THIS SEA MONSTER
FROM WHENCE IT CAME TO EXACT THAT REVENGE.
"FROM WHENCE IT CAME?"
I'M SPENDING WAY TOO MUCH TIME AROUND YOU.
WHO WOULD HATE THE SWIM TEAM THAT MUCH, THOUGH?
BESIDES ME, I MEAN.
OH!
WILLOW?
JONATHON.
HE WAS BULLIED BY DODD THE OTHER DAY ON THE BEACH, REMEMBER?
HE DID SAY HE COULD TAKE CARE OF THINGS HIMSELF.
IT'S A GOOD CALL. YOU SHOULD QUESTION HIM.
REALLY?
ME?
I'LL CRACK HIM LIKE AN EGG.
MEANWHILE, I THINK SWIMMER NUMBER 3 MIGHT BENEFIT FROM YOUR...
WATCHFUL EYE AND PROTECTION--
DISCREETLY, OF COURSE.
I'M ON IT.
Xander: WHAT ABOUT ME?
WHAT CAN I DO?
WELL, YOU COULD GO OUT TO THE PARKING LOT
AND PRACTICE RUNNING LIKE A MAN.
SO, JONATHON...
YOU TRIED OUT FOR THE SWIM TEAM TWICE AND NEVER MADE IT?
I'M ASTHMATIC.
I COULDN'T KEEP UP.
YOU RESENTED IT, DIDN'T YOU?
MAYBE.
YOU HATED BEING PUSHED AROUND
BY DODD AND THE OTHERS.
SO?
SO, YOU WANTED REVENGE.
DIDN'T YOU?
YEAH! OK?
I DID!
SO...
YOU DELVED INTO THE BLACK ARTS
AND CONJURED UP A HELLBEAST FROM THE OCEAN'S DEPTHS
TO WREAK YOUR VENGEANCE.
HUH?
DIDN'T YOU?
WHAT?
NO.
I SNUCK IN YESTERDAY AND...
PEED IN THE POOL.
OH.
EW!
Coach Marin: THIS IS SUCH A BLOW.
SOONER OR LATER, THE REST OF MY BOYS ARE GONNA FIND OUT.
HOW CAN I ASK THEM TO SWIM?
IT'S A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE TRAGEDY. WE ALL FEEL YOUR PAIN, COACH.
I DON'T KNOW TWO FINER BOYS THAN CAMERON AND...
THAT OTHER ONE.
BUT I KNOW THEY'D WANT THEIR FRIENDS TO GO ON
AND WIN THAT STATE CHAMPIONSHIP.
IT'S TIME TO THINK ABOUT THE TEAM.
WELL, I DON'T HAVE A COMPLETE TEAM AS IT IS.
IF WE DON'T FIND SOMEONE BY THIS AFTERNOON'S TRYOUTS,
WE WON'T BE ELIGIBLE TO COMPETE.
YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE.
ALL HE HAS TO DO IS WEAR A BATHING SUIT, RIGHT?
♪ IF YOU'D LISTEN ♪
♪ WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS ♪
♪ IF YOU'D JUST LET ME FINISH ♪
♪ STOP CUTTIN' AND JUMPIN' AHEAD ♪
♪ YEAH, IF YOU'D JUST SHUT YOUR PRETTY MOUTH ♪
♪ YOU'D SAVE YOURSELF SOME TEARS ♪
♪ IF YOU CAME BACK FROM THE BATHROOM ♪
♪ WITH SOMETHING ON YOUR SHOE... ♪
THIS ME-AND-MY-SHADOW ACT?
IT'S GETTING OLD.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
WELL,
UM...
IT'S A LITTLE EMBARRASSING.
YOU SEE,
I'M A SWIM GROUPIE.
AHA.
OH, YEAH. YOU KNOW, THERE'S JUST SOMETHING
ABOUT THE SMELL OF CHLORINE ON A GUY. OH, BABY.
HMM.
UH, OK, OK, OK.
OBVIOUSLY, MY SEX APPEAL IS ON THE FRITZ TODAY,
SO I'LL JUST GIVE IT TO YOU STRAIGHT.
THERE'S SOMETHING LURKING OUT THERE,
AND IT'S MAKING FILLETS OF THE POPULACE,
AND I THINK YOU MIGHT BE NEXT.
UH-HUH. AND YOU THINK THAT BECAUSE?
WELL, IT'S ALREADY ATTACKED. IT'S ALREADY KILLED SOME PEOPLE.
YOU'RE ONE TWISTED SISTER, YOU KNOW THAT?
CAM TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR GAMES.
GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO HARASS.
[SIGHS]
WHAT A PSYCHO BITCH, MAN.
GOTTA BE TALKING ABOUT BUFFY.
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
UH, SHE AND I...
HAD THIS THING ONCE, AND...
BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE.
YEAH. MY CONDOLENCES, DUDE.
SHE'S A REAL HEAD-TRIPPER.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
GIRL ACTS LIKE SHE'S GOD'S GIFT OR SOMETHING.
WHO IS SHE-- THE CHOSEN ONE?
EXACTLY.
YOU KNOW, WHAT SHE REALLY NEEDS
IS FOR SOMEONE TO REALLY KNOCK HER DOWN OFF HER NOTCHES.
YEAH, THAT WOULD BE SWEET.
ANYONE IN MIND?
YOU'RE IN LUCK, MY FRIEND.
JUST SO HAPPENS, I'M RECRUITING.
NO! AAH!
SOMEBODY HELP!
AAH! HELP ME! AAH!
AAH!
[SPITS]
WHY, MISS SUMMERS,
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!
[SPITS]
[CHUCKLING]
[SPITS]
Gage: OH.
WAS THAT THE THING THAT KILLED CAMERON?
NO.
THAT WAS SOMETHING ELSE.
SOMETHING ELSE?
YEAH. UNFORTUNATELY, WE HAVE A LOT OF SOMETHING ELSES IN THIS TOWN.
GOOD NIGHT.
HEY!
WALK ME HOME?
SWIMMERS!
TAKE POSITION!
[WHISTLE]
KEEP THE STROKING ON, BOY.
KEEP IT GOING, KEEP IT GOING ALL THE WAY TO THE END.
ALL THE WAY TO THE END. BREATHE DEEP.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
GAGE, YOU WITH US OR NOT?
COME ON, LET'S GO!
SO HE SPIT IT OUT?
I THOUGHT ANGEL LIKED BLOOD.
HE USED TO.
MAYBE HIS EYES WERE TOO BIG FOR HIS STOMACH.
OR MAYBE THERE WAS SOMETHING IN GAGE'S BLOOD THAT ANGEL DIDN'T LIKE.
SAY, FOR EXAMPLE, STEROIDS.
THAT WOULD EXPLAIN ALL THEIR BEHAVIORAL CHANGES.
AND THEIR WINNING STREAK.
SO MAYBE WHATEVER'S IN THEIR BLOOD
IS WHAT'S ATTRACTING THIS CREATURE TO THEM.
ANY LUCK RESEARCHING OUR FISH MONSTER?
ZIPPO. WE COULDN'T FIND ANY SEA DEMON
THAT MATCHED THE DESCRIPTION THAT XANDER GAVE US.
NOT THAT CHICKEN LITTLE'S MUCH OF A WITNESS,
BUT...
OH.
OH, MY!
NOW, THAT, GIRLS, IS MY KIND OF...
Willow: XANDER?
XANDER?
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?
SHH!
I'M UNDERCOVER.
YOU'RE NOT UNDER MUCH.
GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE SOMEONE SEES YOU
IMPERSONATING A MEMBER OF THE SWIM TEAM.
I DON'T DO IMPERSONATIONS.
I TRIED OUT FOR THE TEAM LAST NIGHT. I MADE IT.
REALLY?
YEAH. I FIGURE I CAN KEEP AN EYE ON GAGE
AND THE OTHERS WHEN BUFFY CAN'T.
WHEN YOU'RE NUDE? I--I MEANT TO SAY CHANGING.
Coach Marin: HARRIS!
YOU CAN FLIRT ON YOUR OWN TIME!
OKEYDOKEY, COACHIE.
I'M DATING A SWIMMER FROM THE SUNNYDALE SWIM TEAM.
YOU CAN DIE HAPPY.
Buffy: WHAT ABOUT JONATHON?
IS HE INVOLVED?
OH, NO.
HE JUST... SORT OF PEED IN THE POOL.
OH.
OH!
DON'T YOU GUYS GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC IN HERE?
I MEAN, WHAT'S THE DEAL?
YOU PERSPIRE A LOT.
YOU CAN'T BREATHE.
OR READ.
I MEAN, I GUESS YOU COULD,
BUT THE PAGES WOULD PROBABLY GET ALL WET.
YOU GOTTA LOVE THIS UNDERCOVER DEAL.
20 MINUTES IN A HOT ROOM WITH A BUNCH OF SWEATY GUYS.
WHERE'S GAGE?
I DON'T KNOW. HE WAS RIGHT BEHIND ME, PUTTING HIS SNEAKERS ON.
BUT IT'S NOT THE VELCRO KIND,
SO GIVE HIM A COUPLE OF EXTRA MINUTES.
TAG. YOU'RE IT.
[SNIFFING]
Gage: HELP ME! GOD!
AAH! HELP ME!
HELP ME!
[SCREAMING]
GAGE?
[GROANING]
[PANTING]
HYAH!
AAH!
Nurse: I DON'T THINK THAT THIS IS GOING TO NEED STITCHES,
BUT YOU MIGHT WANT TO HAVE YOUR FAMILY PHYSICIAN TAKE A LOOK AT IT.
HOW ARE YOU?
I'M DEFINITELY FEELING THE BURN.
WELL, THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT IT WOULD APPEAR
THAT NONE OF YOUR TEAM ACTUALLY DIED.
BUT THE BAD NEWS IS...
THEY'RE MONSTERS.
HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?
ARE YOU SAYING YOU DON'T KNOW?
WELL, YOU WORK SO HARD,
YOU START TO WIN SUDDENLY.
YOU THINK IT'S JUST YOU.
YOU'RE INSPIRING THE BOYS TO GREATNESS.
BUT IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND,
YOU START TO WONDER.
YOU NEVER ASKED ANY OF THE BOYS IF THEY WERE TAKING ANYTHING?
MAYBE I WAS AFRAID TO.
[CLICK]
THERE. "DODD McALVY,
"TORN TENDON.
"GAGE PETRONZI, FRACTURED WRIST,
DEPRESSION, HEADACHES."
IT'S ALL THERE IN THE SCHOOL MEDICAL RECORDS.
ALL SYMPTOMATIC OF STEROID ABUSE.
BUT IS STEROID ABUSE USUALLY LINKED WITH, "HEY, I'M A FISH"?
THERE MUST BE SOMETHING ELSE IN THE MIX.
BUT THE POINT IS, THESE BOYS WERE OBVIOUSLY DRUGGED.
AND NURSE GREENLIEGH TREATED EVERY ONE OF THEM.
SHE MUST HAVE KNOWN.
IF STEROIDS ARE THAT DANGEROUS,
WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT TO THEMSELVES?
THEY NEEDED TO WIN, AND WINNING EQUALS TROPHIES,
WHICH EQUALS PRESTIGE FOR THE SCHOOL.
YOU SEE HOW THEY'RE TREATED. IT'S BEEN LIKE THAT FOREVER.
SURE. THE DISCUS THROWERS GOT THE BEST SEATS AT ALL THE CRUCIFIXIONS.
MEANWHILE, I'M BREAKING MY NAILS EVERY DAY BATTLING THE FORCES OF EVIL,
AND MY FRENCH TEACHER CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME.
SO WHAT'S THE DRILL? GET NURSE GREENLIEGH?
LET'S THROW THE BOOK AT HER.
SHE PROBABLY WENT HOME FOR THE DAY. I THINK IT CAN WAIT.
XANDER, WHY DON'T YOU SEE IF YOU CAN FIND OUT WHAT THESE BOYS ARE TAKING
OR AT LEAST HOW THEY'RE TAKING IT?
POWDERS, PILLS, SYRINGE?
I'M "LOOKIN'-AROUND GUY."
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
GILES LOADED UP THE TRANQUILIZER GUN.
WE'RE GOING FISHING.
[SPLASH]
[NOISE]
[RAT SQUEALING]
I FEEL GOOD!
LOVIN' THE SWIMMIN'.
HAD SOME CARROT JUICE THIS MORNING...
A LITTLE WHEAT GERM MIXED IN WITH IT. WOKE ME RIGHT UP.
NOTHIN' LIKE IT, HUH?
BREAKFAST OF STATE CHAMPIONS. YOU BETCHA.
OK. SO... WHEN DO WE GET OUR NEXT DOSE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHO'S CARRYING?
I NEED A LITTLE SOMETHING TO IMPROVE MY PERFORMANCE...
GIVE ME AN EDGE. RRR! [CHUCKLES]
THE STEROIDS. WHERE ARE THEY?
[CHUCKLES]
YOU'RE SOAKIN' IN IT, BUD.
HUH?
[INHALING]
[EXHALES]
AROMATHERAPY.
IT'S IN THE STEAM.
THIS HAS GOT TO STOP, CARL.
THOSE POOR CHILDREN.
WHAT, ARE YOU A QUITTER? WE GOT NO ROOM FOR QUITTERS ON THIS TEAM.
DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT'S HAPPENING?
LISTEN TO YOURSELF.
I'M VERY CLOSE TO PERFECTING THIS.
WE JUST NEED TO ADJUST THE MIX.
CARL.
YOU CAN'T BE THINKING OF CONTINUING TO EXPOSE THESE BOYS.
THEY'RE GONNA BE THE BEST.
I DON'T ACCEPT ANYTHING LESS.
THEY'RE GONNA BE MONSTERS.
CARL, PLEASE.
DON'T MAKE IT ANY WORSE.
YOU'VE ALREADY LOST 3.
LOST? WHAT? THEY'RE NOT LOST.
OH!
AAH!
CARL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
I'M JUST LOOKIN' AFTER MY BOYS.
THEY MAY BE OUT OF THE GAME RIGHT NOW,
BUT THEY'RE STILL A TEAM.
AND A TEAM'S GOTTA EAT.
CARL!
YOU QUITTER.
AAH!
THEY'RE ABSORBING THE STEROID MIXTURE THROUGH THE STEAM.
NOT THEY.
WE.
ME!
WE HAVE TO FIND AN ANTIDOTE, DON'T YOU THINK?
THE CLOCK IS TICKING, PEOPLE!
I WOULDN'T BREAK OUT THE TARTAR SAUCE JUST YET.
IT'S NOT LIKE YOU WERE EXPOSED MORE THAN ONCE.
TWICE?
3 TIMES A FISH GUY.
OH... OH...
WHOA.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
YOU, YOU, YOU. WHAT ABOUT ME?
IT'S ONE THING TO BE DATING THE LAME UNPOPULAR GUY,
BUT IT'S ANOTHER TO BE DATING
THE CREATURE FROM THE BLUE LAGOON.
BLACK LAGOON. THE CREATURE FROM THE BLUE LAGOON WAS BROOKE SHIELDS.
AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT!
I THINK WE'D BETTER FIND THE REST OF THE SWIM TEAM
AND LOCK THEM UP BEFORE THEY GET IN TOUCH WITH THEIR INNER HALIBUT.
YES. YES, GOOD.
UH, WE--WE ALSO NEED TO KNOW
EXACTLY WHAT'S IN THIS-- THIS STEROID GAS
SO THAT THE HOSPITAL'S TOXICOLOGY LAB CAN DEVELOP AN ANTIDOTE.
WELL, I'LL TALK TO NURSE GREENLIEGH.
YOU'RE REALLY GETTING INTO THIS INTERROGATION THING.
THE TRICK IS NOT TO LEAVE ANY MARKS.
ON THAT NOTE,
I THINK I'M GONNA GO HAVE A LITTLE TALK WITH OUR COACH.
SOMEHOW, I DOUBT ALL HE'S BEEN GIVING THESE BOYS
IS INSPIRATION.
YOU GOT SOME IMAGINATION, MISSY.
RIGHT NOW, I'M IMAGINING YOU IN JAIL.
YOU'RE WEARING A BIG, ORANGE SUIT,
AND, OH, LOOK. THE GUARDS ARE BEATING YOU UP.
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PROOF.
TELL ME WHAT'S IN THE STEAM.
AFTER THE FALL OF THE SOVIET UNION,
DOCUMENTS CAME INTO LIGHT
DETAILING EXPERIMENTS WITH FISH DNA ON THEIR OLYMPIC SWIMMERS.
TARPON...
MAKO SHARK...
BUT THEY COULDN'T CRACK IT.
AND YOU DID... SORT OF.
WHY?
WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?
FOR THE WIN.
TO MAKE MY TEAM THE BEST THEY COULD BE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND WE HAVE A SHOT AT THE STATE CHAMPIONSHIP?
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I DON'T CARE?
IT'S OVER. THERE'S NOT GONNA BE ANY SWIM TEAM.
BOY, WHEN THEY WERE HANDIN' OUT SCHOOL SPIRIT,
YOU DIDN'T EVEN STAND IN LINE, DID YOU?
NO. I WAS IN THE LINE FOR SHRED OF SANITY.
WHICH YOU OBVIOUSLY SKIPPED.
GET IN THE HOLE!
IN! NOW!
THIS ISN'T OVER.
IN!
YOU THINK I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY BOYS.
BUT I DO. THEY COUNT ON ME.
AAH!
SO, WHAT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA FEED ME TO 'EM?
OH, THEY'VE ALREADY HAD THEIR DINNER.
BUT BOYS HAVE OTHER NEEDS.
NO ONE. WILLOW AND GILES
MUST'VE ROUNDED UP THE REST OF THE SWIM TEAM.
DOES MY NECK LOOK SCALY TO YOU?
OF COURSE IT LOOKS SCALY, THE WAY YOU'VE BEEN RUBBING IT DRY LIKE AN IDIOT.
I NEED TO LOOK IN A MIRROR. WAIT HERE.
BUT FEEL FREE TO COME IN IF YOU HEAR ME SCREAM.
ANY GILLS YET?
[SPLASH]
XANDER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
XANDER?
OH, MY GOD. XANDER.
IT'S ME--CORDELIA.
I KNOW YOU CAN'T ANSWER ME, BUT...
GOD, THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
YOU JOINED THE SWIM TEAM TO IMPRESS ME.
YOU WERE SO COURAGEOUS.
AND YOU LOOKED REALLY HOT IN THOSE SPEEDOS. [CHUCKLES]
AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I STILL CARE ABOUT YOU,
NO MATTER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.
AND... AND WE CAN STILL DATE.
OR... OR NOT. I MEAN...
I UNDERSTAND IF YOU WANT TO SEE OTHER FISH.
I'LL DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO MAKE YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE BETTER...
WHETHER THAT MEANS LITTLE BATH TOYS OR WHATEVER.
UH... OH!
THAT'S NOT ME.
OHH! OHH!
OH, MY GOD! AAH!
IN YOU GO. IN.
STAY CALM, CHAPS.
EITHER WE'LL FIND AN EFFECTIVE ANTIDOTE,
OR--OR, UH...
S-STAY CALM.
EVERYONE'S ACCOUNTED FOR EXCEPT SEAN.
I THINK WE CAN SAFELY SAY WE'VE FOUND SEAN.
HE WAS IN THE POOL SKINLESS-DIPPING.
WHERE'S BUFFY?
SHE HASN'T COME BACK YET.
GREAT. THIS IS JUST WHAT MY REPUTATION NEEDS...
THAT I DID IT WITH THE ENTIRE SWIM TEAM.
OHH!
WHAT'S UP, COACH?
OH. UH, HARRIS. UH...
[CHUCKLES]
HOW YOU FEELIN'?
LITTLE DRY. NOTHING A LEMON BUTTER SAUCE WON'T CURE.
HEH HEH HEH.
WHERE'S BUFFY?
OH!
BUFFY, HURRY! YOUR HAND!
HOLD ON! UHH!
COME ON! UHH!
UHH! UHH!
PULL!
HOLD ON! UHH!
[COUGHING]
OH...
[PANTING]
THANKS.
JUST DOING MY PART FOR OUR TEAM.
OHHH...
OH! OHH!
UHH! AHH!
AAH!
UHH!
UHH! UHH!
[COUGHING]
Buffy: GRAB MY HAND.
BOYS...
UH, BOYS.
OH, NO. BOYS?
NO! HEY! NO! NO!
NO, BOYS! NO! [SOBBING]
NO, BOYS! AAH!
AAH--
THOSE BOYS REALLY LOVE THEIR COACH.
LET'S SEE. I GOTTA TAKE A MAKEUP CHEM TEST AT 3:00.
AND THEN I'M MEETING SOME OF THE GUYS
FOR PLASMA TRANSFUSIONS AT 5:00.
IT'S TURNED INTO QUITE THE BUSY AFTERNOON.
THE FUN NEVER STOPS WITH YOU, DOES IT?
GILES SEEMS PRETTY CONFIDENT THAT THE TREATMENTS ARE GONNA WORK.
TURNING INTO A CREEPY-CRAWLY WASN'T ON MY TOP 10 LIST
OF THINGS TO DO BEFORE I TURN 20.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU'VE REALLY PROVEN YOURSELF TO ME.
AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO JOIN THE NEW TEAM NEXT YEAR IF YOU DON'T WANT.
I'D BE JUST AS HAPPY IF YOU PLAYED FOOTBALL.
THE PEOPLE FROM ANIMAL CONTROL HAVE JUST LEFT.
OUR CREATURES HAVE APPARENTLY MADE A--A DASH FOR IT.
UM... SO TO SPEAK.
DOES THAT MEAN WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO HUNT THEM AGAIN?
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
I DON'T THINK WE'LL BE SEEING THEM ANYMORE.
WHERE DO YOU THINK THEY'LL GO?
HOME.
GRR! ARRGGH!