IN EVERY GENERATION THERE IS A CHOSEN ONE.
SHE ALONE WILL STAND AGAINST THE VAMPIRES,
THE DEMONS, AND THE FORCES OF DARKNESS.
SHE IS THE SLAYER.
I WILL BE WHOLE.
I WILL BE NEW.
[BREATHING]
[TUNING INSTRUMENTS]
[STRUMS GUITAR]
[OFF-KEY] ♪ LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF ♪
♪ IS THE GREATEST ♪
♪ LOVE OF ALL ♪
♪ I DECIDED LONG AGO ♪
♪ NEVER TO WALK IN ANYONE'S SHADOW ♪
♪ IF I FAIL ♪
♪ IF I SUCCEED ♪
THANK YOU, CORDELIA.
THAT--THAT'S GOING TO BE LOVELY.
BUT I DIDN'T DO THE PART WITH THE SPARKLERS.
UM, WE'LL, UM, SAVE THAT FOR THE DRESS REHEARSAL.
LISA!
PLEASE!
[CORDELIA SIGHS]
[PLAYS TUBA]
AHH! IF IT ISN'T THE GREAT PRODUCER.
HAD TO SEE THIS TO BELIEVE IT.
- OH, YOU 3. - THE SCHOOL TALENT SHOW.
HOWEVER DID YOU FINAGLE SUCH A PRIMO ASSIGNMENT?
OUR NEW FUHRER-- MR. SNYDER.
I THINK THEY CALL THEM PRINCIPALS NOW.
HE THOUGHT IT WOULD BEHOOVE ME
TO HAVE MORE CONTACT WITH THE STUDENTS.
I DID TRY TO EXPLAIN THAT MY VOCATIONAL CHOICE OF LIBRARIAN
WAS A DELIBERATE ATTEMPT TO MINIMIZE SAID CONTACT,
BUT HE WOULD HAVE NONE OF IT.
GILES, INTO EVERY GENERATION
IS BORN ONE WHO MUST RUN THE ANNUAL TALENTLESS SHOW.
YOU CANNOT ESCAPE YOUR DESTINY.
IF YOU HAD ANY-- A SHRED OF DECENCY,
YOU WOULD HAVE PARTICIPATED OR AT LEAST, UM...HELPED.
NAH! I THINK I'LL TAKE ON YOUR TRADITIONAL ROLE AND WATCH.
- AND MOCK. - AND LAUGH.
OKAY, I THINK MAYBE WE BETTER LEAVE OUR MR. GILES
TO THIS BUSINESS HE CALLS SHOW.
OHH! PRINCIPAL SNYDER.
SO, WE THINK SCHOOL EVENTS ARE STUPID,
AND WE THINK AUTHORITY FIGURES ARE TO BE MADE FUN OF?
NO, NO, WE DON'T. WELL, UNLESS YOU DO.
AND WE THINK OUR AFTERNOON CLASSES ARE OPTIONAL.
ALL 3 OF YOU LEFT CAMPUS YESTERDAY.
WELL, YEAH, BUT WE WERE FIGHTING A DEMON--
- FIGHTING? - NOT FIGHTING.
NO. WE LEFT TO AVOID FIGHTING.
Principal Snyder: REAL ANTISOCIAL TYPES.
YOU NEED TO INTEGRATE INTO THIS SCHOOL, PEOPLE.
I THINK I JUST FOUND 3 EAGER NEW PARTICIPANTS FOR THE TALENT SHOW.
WHAT? NO.
- PLEASE. - I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU 3,
ALWAYS GETTING INTO ONE SCRAPE OR ANOTHER.
WELL, WE'RE REALLY, REALLY SORRY. BUT ABOUT THE TALENT SHOW,
PLEASE, YOU CAN'T MAKE US.
MY PREDECESSOR MR. FLUTIE
MAY HAVE GONE IN FOR ALL THAT TOUCHY/FEELY RELATING NONSENSE,
BUT HE WAS EATEN.
YOU'RE IN MY WORLD NOW,
AND SUNNYDALE HAS TOUCHED AND FELT FOR THE LAST TIME.
CAN I JUST MENTION THAT DETENTION
IS A TIME-HONORED FORM OF PUNISHMENT?
I KNOW THE 3 OF YOU
WILL COME UP WITH A WONDERFUL ACT FOR THE SCHOOL TO WATCH...
AND MOCK...
AND LAUGH...
AT.
NO! NO.
EHH... EHH...
EHH. [WHINING]
THANK YOU.
EW, DUMMY.
DUH-OW! MIME!
I THINK DUMMIES ARE CUTE. YOU DON'T?
EW. THEY GIVE ME THE WIG, EVER SINCE I WAS LITTLE.
WHAT HAPPENED?
I SAW A DUMMY, IT GAVE ME THE WIG.
THERE REALLY WASN'T A STORY THERE.
HI. I'M MORGAN.
AND I'M SID!
HEY, MORGAN...
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL SOME JOKES?
WOULD I.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, IT IS.
IT'S ALSO A WOOD NOSE AND A WOOD MOUTH.
HEH HEH HEH HEH!
I DIDN'T SLEEP AT ALL LAST NIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. TIME OUT.
LET'S STOP THIS BEFORE SOMEONE GETS HURT.
KID, YOU ARE THE WORST.
EVEN I CAN SEE YOUR LIPS MOVE.
[LAUGHTER]
HEY, COME ON, SID. YOU'RE SPOILING MY ACT.
I WORKED ON THESE JOKES FOR WEEKS.
YOU CALL THOSE JOKES?
MY JOCKEY SHORTS ARE MADE OUT OF BETTER MATERIAL.
HA HA HA!
AND THEY'RE EDIBLE.
HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
THERE. YOU SEE?
I'M SURE YOU 3 CAN COME UP WITH SOMETHING EQUALLY EXCITING.
[LOCKER OPENS]
IS ANYBODY THERE?
HELLO?
[HEAVY BREATHING]
HELLO?
[HEAVY BREATHING] AAH!
Demonic Voice: I WILL BE FLESH.
[HOWLING]
I REACH INTO THE HAT
AND OUT COMES... UH--
HAS ANYBODY SEEN A RABBIT?
I CAN'T DO THIS.
XANDER, COME ON.
I--I CAN'T. I HAVE MY PRIDE.
OKAY, I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF MY PRIDE,
BUT I HAVE ENOUGH SO THAT I CAN'T DO THIS.
A DRAMATIC SCENE IS THE EASIEST WAY
TO GET THROUGH THE TALENT SHOW
BECAUSE IT DOESN'T REQUIRE A NATURAL TALENT.
BUT WE HAVE TALENT. WE CAN DO STUFF. BUFFY, UH--
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO, SLAY VAMPIRES ON STAGE?
MAYBE IN A FUNNY WAY.
WILLOW, YOU CAN DO STUFF. UH...THE PIANO.
YOU PLAY?
A LITTLE.
WELL, THAT'S COOL.
YOU COULD ACCOMPANY US, AND WE COULD ATTEMPT TO SING.
OH. IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE?
THEN, NO, I DON'T PLAY.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO CORPORAL PUNISHMENT?
[WOLF WHISTLE] MMM! MMM! MMM!
LOOK AT THE GOODIES.
MORGAN, YOU'RE REALLY GETTING GOOD.
WHERE DID YOU COME UP WITH THAT VOICE?
IT'S KIND OF AN IMITATION OF MY DAD.
SOUNDS REAL. IT IS REAL.
I'M THE ONE WITH THE TALENT HERE.
THE KID'S DEAD WEIGHT.
HOW ABOUT YOU AND I DO A LITTLE REHEARSING ON OUR OWN, HONEY?
- UH, HEY. - YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY:
ONCE YOU GO WOOD, NOTHING'S AS GOOD.
OKAY, MORGAN, WE GET THE JOKE.
HORNY DUMMY. HA HA. IT'S VERY FUNNY,
BUT YOU MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER GETTING SOME NEW SHTICK
UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR PROP ENDING UP AS A DURAFLAME LOG.
KIDS TODAY NEED DISCIPLINE.
IT'S NOT A POPULAR WORD THESE DAYS: DISCIPLINE.
I KNOW PRINCIPAL FLUTIE WOULD HAVE SAID,
"KIDS NEED UNDERSTANDING. KIDS ARE HUMAN BEINGS."
THAT'S THE KIND OF WOOLLY-HEADED LIBERAL THINKING
THAT LEADS TO BEING EATEN.
I THINK PERHAPS
IT WAS A LITTLE MORE COMPLEX THAN, UM--
THIS PLACE HAS QUITE A REPUTATION:
SUICIDE, MISSING PERSONS...
SPONTANEOUS CHEERLEADER COMBUSTION.
YOU CAN'T PUT UP WITH THAT.
YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP AN EYE ON THE BAD ELEMENT...
LIKE THOSE 3.
KIDS...
I DON'T LIKE THEM.
FROM NOW ON, YOU'RE GONNA SEE A VERY DIFFERENT SUNNYDALE HIGH,
A TIGHT SHIP: CLEAN, ORDERLY AND QUIET.
AAH!
WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT IS IT?
AAH!
AHEM. IT WAS EMILY.
EMILY? DANCER EMILY?
OH, MAN. I HATE THIS SCHOOL.
IT MUST HAVE HAPPENED JUST AFTER DRESS REHEARSALS.
THERE WAS A CROSS-COUNTRY MEET AT MELVILLE.
SHE NEVER SHOWED UP FOR IT. VAMPIRE?
UH, I THINK NOT.
GILES, SHARE. WHAT HAPPENED?
HER HEART WAS REMOVED. YIKES.
DOES THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU BESIDES, "OOH"?
THERE ARE VARIOUS DEMONS
WHICH FEED OFF HUMAN HEARTS, BUT, UH--
Buffy: BUT DEMONS HAVE CLAWS AND TEETH.
THEY GOT NO USE FOR A BIG OL' KNIFE.
WHICH MORE THAN LIKELY MAKES OUR MURDERER--
HUMAN. DID I MENTION THAT I HATE THIS SCHOOL?
SO EMILY WAS KILLED BY A REGULAR HUMAN PERSON?
THE EVIDENCE CERTAINLY POINTS THAT WAY.
NO. WAIT.
I'M NOT BUYING, YOU GUYS.
I MEAN, REMEMBER THE HELLMOUTH?
MYSTICAL ACTIVITY IS TOTALLY RIFE HERE.
THIS, TO ME, SAYS DEMON.
I'D LIKE TO THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
A DEMON IS A CREATURE OF EVIL, PURE AND VERY SIMPLE.
A PERSON DRIVEN TO KILL IS, UM--
IT'S MORE COMPLEX.
THE CREEP FACTOR IS ALSO HEIGHTENED.
IT COULD BE ANYONE. IT COULD BE ME.
IT'S NOT, THOUGH.
DEMON OR NO, WE HAVE SOME INVESTIGATING TO DO.
I SUGGEST WE START WITH YOUR TALENT SHOW COMPATRIOTS.
ONE OF THEM MAY HAVE BEEN THE LAST TO SEE HER ALIVE.
I DIDN'T KNOW HER TOO WELL.
THERE'S THAT WHOLE DANCER/BAND RIVALRY, YOU KNOW?
I'VE HEARD ABOUT THAT.
BUT I DID SPEAK TO HER A LITTLE THE DAY THAT-- YESTERDAY.
- HOW DID SHE SEEM? - SHE WAS HAPPY, I GUESS.
SHE WAS PSYCHED TO BE DOING THE SHOW. SHE WAS A REALLY GOOD DANCER.
HERE. PICK A CARD. UH, UM--
NO! WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! NOT THAT ONE.
PICK THIS ONE.
DO YOU REMEMBER THE LAST TIME YOU SAW HER?
- SHE WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE. - WHO?
THAT SMART GUY, THE ONE WITH THE DUMMY.
WHAT'S HIS NAME? MORGAN?
YEAH. THAT'S IT. HE WAS ACTING KIND OF STRANGE.
STRANGE HOW?
IT'S JUST SUCH A TRAGEDY FOR ME.
EMMA WAS, LIKE, MY BEST FRIEND. EMILY.
WELL, MORGAN'S JUST STRANGE.
HE'S ALWAYS RUBBING HIS HEAD A LOT AND MOANING...
ESPECIALLY THE OTHER DAY.
HE SEEMED KIND OF PARANOID, LOOKING AROUND AT EVERYONE.
AND I THINK I SAW HIM ARGUING WITH HIS DUMMY.
ALL I CAN THINK IS "IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME."
WE CAN DREAM.
RIGHT NOW, YOU AND ME GOTTA BE ON THE LOOKOUT,
FIGURE OUT WHO'S GONNA BE NEXT.
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO--
Morgan: HI.
HELLO.
I WAS JUST WORKING ON THROWING MY VOICE.
MORGAN, DID YOU NOTICE ANYTHING WEIRD GOING ON AROUND HERE YESTERDAY?
WEIRD? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WITH EMILY. DID SHE SAY ANYTHING TO YOU?
WAS SHE ARGUING WITH ANYONE?
NO. SHE WAS DANCING.
SID AND I WERE TALKING.
TALKING? REHEARSING.
SO YOU DIDN'T NOTICE ANYTHING WEIRD THAT--
- OH! - MORGAN, ARE YOU OKAY?
LOOK, SWEETHEART, HE ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION.
NOW, LEAVE HIM ALONE.
OKAY, MORGAN, HOW ABOUT TALKING TO ME YOURSELF NOW?
HE SAID ALL HE'S GONNA SAY.
IT'S OKAY, SID. WE'RE DONE.
I'M SORRY. LOOK, I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE YOU MAD.
NO. I'M--
IT'S HIM.
HE'S--
WE HAVE TO GO.
CUTE COUPLE.
NEXT TIME, WE SPLIT UP. SOMEONE ELSE IS ON CORDY DETAIL.
5 MORE MINUTES WITH HER, AND WE WOULD HAVE HAD ANOTHER ORGAN DONOR.
I THINK I HAD A BIT MORE LUCK.
EVERYONE I TALKED TO SEEMED TO POINT THEIR FINGERS AT THE SAME PERSON.
MORGAN? MORGAN.
WE HAVE A WINNER.
I FEAR I WAS LED TO THE SAME CONCLUSION.
WELL, WHAT DO WE DO? WE DON'T SLAY HIM, RIGHT?
WE WANT TO BRING HIM TO JUSTICE.
WE COULD SET UP A COMPLEX STING OPERATION
WHERE WE GET HIM TO CONFESS.
- I SHOULD WEAR A WIRE. - WHOA! HEY, YOU GUYS.
ALL WE KNOW IS THAT MORGAN IS A GRADE "A" LARGE WEIRDO.
THAT DOESN'T LEAD DIRECTLY TO MURDERER.
THE GUY TALKS TO HIS PUPPET.
AND FOR HIS PUPPET.
WELL, YEAH, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE WHOLE IT'S-A-DEMON THEORY?
I'M LOOKING INTO THAT, BUT MY INVESTIGATION IS SOMEWHAT HAMPERED
BY A LIFE IN THE THEATER.
UH, PRIORITY CHECK, GILES:
TALENT SHOW-- MURDER.
YEAH. WE CAN'T DO A TALENT SHOW. IT'S UNTHINKABLE.
I'M NOT ABLE TO THINK IT.
PRINCIPAL SNYDER IS WATCHING US ALL VERY CLOSELY.
NOW, IF HE CHOOSES, HE CAN MAKE ALL OUR LIVES EXTREMELY DIFFICULT.
A SLAYER CANNOT AFFORD THAT.
WE WILL FIND THIS MURDERER, BUT, IN THE MEANTIME,
THE SHOW MUST GO ON.
- THIS IS SO UNFAIR. - BUFFY, YOU WATCH MORGAN.
CHECK HIS LOCKER, SEE IF THERE'S ANYTHING THERE.
- LIKE A HEART? - OR SOMETHING.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL PULL UP HIS LOCKER NUMBER.
CAN I STILL WEAR A WIRE?
OKAY.
2 TO THE LEFT...
3 TO THE RIGHT--
OHH! PRINCIPAL SNYDER.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? UH, LOOKING FOR SOMETHING.
SCHOOL HOURS ARE OVER.
YOU, THEREFORE, SHOULD BE GONE.
AND I'M GOING ANY MINUTE NOW.
THERE ARE THINGS I WILL NOT TOLERATE:
STUDENTS LOITERING ON CAMPUS AFTER SCHOOL,
HORRIBLE MURDERS WITH HEARTS BEING REMOVED,
AND ALSO SMOKING.
WELL, I DON'T DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS, NOT EVER.
THERE'S SOMETHING GOING ON WITH YOU.
I'LL FIGURE IT OUT SOONER OR LATER.
DO YOU NEED SOMETHING HERE?
OH. YEAH. RIGHT.
UM, A FRIEND WANTED ME TO GET SOMETHING OUT OF HIS CASE.
HE MUST HAVE TAKEN IT AND JUST FORGOTTEN TO TELL ME.
MM-HMM.
GET ALONG HOME NOW. IT'S LATE.
NO. I CAN'T DO IT. IT'S THE ONLY WAY.
I DON'T WANT-- SHE'S THE ONE.
BUT-- YOU SAW WHAT SHE DID, HOW STRONG SHE IS.
I KNOW, BUT-- SHE'S THE LAST.
JUST THIS ONE MORE, AND I'LL BE FREE.
I WON'T. I WILL.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
HI, HON. HOW'S IT GOING WITH THE TALENT SHOW?
- IT'LL BE OVER SOON. - IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD.
I, FOR ONE, AM LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING YOUR ACT.
SEEING? IN THE SENSE OF ACTUALLY ATTENDING?
- OF COURSE. - OH, NO, MOM. YOU CAN'T.
I MEAN, IF I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE WATCHING,
I'LL FREEZE UP, STAGE FRIGHT.
BUT I WANT TO SUPPORT WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
LOOK, MOM, IF YOU REALLY LOVE ME
AND WANT TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT,
YOU'LL STAY AWAY... FAR AWAY.
HONEY, IS THERE-- IS THERE SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU?
I MEAN BESIDES YOUR FABULOUS DEBUT?
NOTHING.
THERE'S JUST A LOT GOING ON RIGHT NOW.
WELL, GET SOME SLEEP.
YOU'LL FEEL BETTER IN THE MORNING.
GOOD PLAN.
OOH.
[CREAKING]
[PATTERING]
AAH!
HONEY, WHAT IS IT?
IN THE BED, IN THE COVERS, THERE'S SOMETHING.
WHERE?
THERE'S SOMETHING THERE.
WELL, THERE'S NOTHING THERE NOW.
ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T HAVE A NIGHTMARE?
NO! THERE'S SOME-- THERE IS--
UHH! YEAH.
YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
OH, I'M SORRY I GOT YOU UP.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I WAS DREAMING ABOUT BILLS.
SWEETHEART, YOU SHOULDN'T GO TO SLEEP WITH THE WINDOW OPEN.
I DIDN'T.
AND MY LOVELY ASSISTANT STEPS INTO THE BOX.
AND...
BEHOLD.
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I HAVE TO FOLLOW BRETT AND HIS STUPID BAND.
BECAUSE WE HAVE TO CLEAR THEIR EQUIPMENT BEFORE THE FINALE.
I TOLD YOU.
BUT THE MOOD, IT'LL BE ALL WRONG.
MY SONG IS ABOUT DIGNITY AND HUMAN FEELINGS
AND PERSONAL...
HYGIENE OR SOMETHING.
ANYWAY, IT'S SAPPY.
NO ONE IS GOING TO BE FEELING SAPPY AFTER ALL THAT ROCK AND ROLL.
EH. WHAT?
OH, I'M SORRY. UM, YOUR HAIR, UH--
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY HAIR?
OH, MY GOD.
XANDER WAS RIGHT. IT WORKED LIKE A CHARM.
HELLO.
YOU'RE LOOKING A BIT WORSE FOR, UH, OH--
WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU THE WORST FOR?
WHERE'S MORGAN? UH, RIGHT.
I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM. DID HE DO SOMETHING TO YOU?
NO, IT WAS HIS-- SID, THE DUMMY.
EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME LIKE I'M IN A BUNNY SUIT
'CAUSE THAT'S HOW STUPID I FEEL SAYING THIS.
I THINK SID WAS IN MY ROOM LAST NIGHT.
- WITH MORGAN? - NO, HE WAS ALONE...
AND ALIVE.
- DID YOU SEE HIM? - WELL, I SAW SOMETHING.
IT RAN ACROSS MY FLOOR, UNDER MY BED, AND THEN IT ATTACKED ME.
ATTACKED YOU? HOW?
IT WAS LIKE IT POUNCED ON MY FACE.
- LIKE A CAT? - YEAH, EXACTLY.
BUT WHEN I TURNED THE LIGHTS ON, IT WAS ALREADY GONE. I THINK IT WENT OUT MY WINDOW.
- LIKE A CAT. - YEAH-- NO!
IT WAS SID, THE DUMMY.
OR POSSIBLY THE NIGHTMARE OF SOMEBODY WHO HAD DUMMIES ON HER MIND.
YOU DID SAY THEY CREEP YOU OUT.
EXCUSE ME. CAN I HAVE A LITTLE SUPPORT HERE, PLEASE?
I'M NOT JUST SOME CRAZY PERSON. I'M THE SLAYER.
THE DUMMY SLAYER?
THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT THAT.
WELL, ON THE SIDE OF THE MORGAN'S- JUST-CRAZY THEORY,
THERE IS...
WELL...MORGAN.
I'D LIKE TO SEE MORGAN WITHOUT HIS BETTER HALF FOR A FEW MINUTES.
BET HE COULD TELL ME SOMETHING.
OH, IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION,
I MAY HAVE FOUND A POSSIBLE DEMON CULPRIT.
THERE'S A REFERENCE IN HERE TO A BROTHERHOOD OF 7 DEMONS
WHO TAKE THE FORM OF YOUNG HUMANS.
EVERY 7 YEARS, THESE DEMONS NEED HUMAN ORGANS--
A BRAIN AND A HEART-- TO MAINTAIN THEIR HUMANITY.
OTHERWISE THEY REVERT BACK TO THEIR ORIGINAL FORM,
WHICH IS, UH, SLIGHTLY LESS APPEALING.
SO MORGAN COULD STILL BE THE GUY, ONLY DEMON MORGAN
INSTEAD OF CRAZY MORGAN.
IT'S SAID THAT THESE DEMONS ARE PRETERNATURALLY STRONG,
A-A-AND MORGAN IS--
WELL, HE SEEMS TO BE GETTING WEAKER EVERY DAY.
IT WAS AS A RESULT OF THIS THAT PRESIDENT MONROE
PUT FORTH THE EPONYMOUS, MEANING NAMED AFTER ONESELF,
MONROE DOCTRINE,
WHICH, IN ONE SENSE, ESTABLISHED THE U.S. AS A LOCAL PEACE KEEPER.
LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE DIGS YOU. THAT'S ADORABLE.
YOU AND THE DUMMY COULD TOUR IN THE FREAK SHOW.
OKAY, WHO CAN TELL ME HOW SPAIN RESPONDED TO THIS POLICY?
[WHISPERS] MORGAN.
MORGAN?
WHAT?
MORGAN HAS OTHER THINGS ON HIS MIND.
[CLASS LAUGHS]
GIVE ME YOUR PUPPET.
I'LL PUT HIM AWAY.
YOU'LL GET IT BACK AFTER SCHOOL.
OKAY, THEN, IN THE FIRST PART OF THE 19th CENTURY--
Sid: I'M STILL WATCHING YOU.
MORGAN, THAT IS ENOUGH!
MRS. JACKSON. MORGAN.
YOU SAID YOU'D GIVE ME--
OH, OF COURSE.
YOU KNOW, I WANTED TO ASK YOU,
IS EVERYTHING OKAY AT HOME, HERE AT SCHOOL?
YEAH, IT'S GREAT.
I FEEL LIKE YOU'VE BECOME A LITTLE DETACHED.
YOU'RE ONE OF THE BRIGHTEST KIDS I'VE SEEN IN A LONG TIME,
BUT LATELY IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE NOT ALL THERE.
TRY NOT TO LET OTHER THINGS GET IN THE WAY.
OKAY! CAN I GET SID NOW?
SURE.
[BELL RINGS]
- IT'S GONE. - GONE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "GONE"?
- WHERE COULD HE HAVE GONE? - I PUT IT RIGHT HERE.
HE KNEW TO WAIT FOR ME. HE KNEW I'D BE BACK.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN "HE"? - WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HIM?
WHERE IS HE?
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?
OH, I TOOK IT OUT OF MRS. JACKSON'S CUPBOARD.
I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK TO MORGAN ALONE.
WELL, MORGAN'S ALONE AND, UH, SID'S WITH ME.
HI, BUFFY. HI, WILLOW.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR SOME OFF-COLOR JOKES?
I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD BE DOING THAT.
WHAT? COME ON.
- I'M NOT REAL. - XANDER, QUIT IT.
[THUD THUD] HE'S NOT REAL.
I THINK OUR DEMONSTRATION PROVES THAT, UH, SID...
IS WOOD.
NOW, WHY DON'T YOU GO FIND MORGAN
AND PROVE HE'S... WHATEVER HE IS.
- I IMAGINE HE'S LOOKING FOR HIS PUPPET. - I'LL GO FIND MORGAN.
YOU WATCH THE DUMMY.
BYE-BYE NOW. I'M COMPLETELY INANIMATE.
RED RUM! RED RUM!
WHAT DO WE DO WITH HIM?
EH, I'LL KEEP HIM COMPANY.
WILLOW, WE HAVE SOME HUNTING OF OUR OWN TO DO.
ONCE AGAIN I'M BANISHED TO THE DEMON SECTION OF THE CARD CATALOG.
YOU CONCENTRATE ON REANIMATION THEORY.
I'LL PECK ABOUT IN ORGAN HARVESTING. UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU PREFER--
THAT'S OKAY. YOU CAN HAVE THE ORGANS.
SO, I GUESS IT'S JUST YOU AND ME, HUH?
THAT LOOKS MORE COMFORTABLE.
Buffy: MORGAN?
MORGAN?
PRINCIPAL SNYDER.
LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?
HAVE YOU SEEN MORGAN SHAY?
YOU KNOW, WITH EVERYTHING THAT'S BEEN GOING ON RECENTLY,
I'M NOT SURE HOW SAFE IT IS FOR A GIRL LIKE YOURSELF
TO BE HERE... ALONE.
WELL, I WAS JUST LEAVING.
AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
ALL RIGHT THEN.
LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN THE SECTION ON TOYS AND MAGIC.
"ON RARE OCCASIONS, INANIMATE OBJECTS OF HUMAN QUALITY,
"SUCH AS DOLLS AND MANNEQUINS,
"ALREADY MYSTICALLY POSSESSED OF CONSCIOUSNESS,
"HAVE ACTED UPON THEIR DESIRE TO BECOME HUMAN
BY HARVESTING ORGANS."
EMILY'S HEART. MORGAN'S DUMMY.
HMM.
WHOA!
WHAT IS IT?
HE'S GONE. SID'S GONE.
WHAT? WHOA! UNH!
[SQUEAK]
MORGAN?
MORGAN.
DEMON'S GOT HIMSELF A BRAIN.
UHH.
[FOOTSTEPS RUNNING]
WHOEVER'S OUT THERE, I'M GOING TO HURT YOU!
BADLY!
IF YOU'LL JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE.
AAH!
YOU WIN.
NOW YOU CAN TAKE YOUR HEART AND YOUR BRAIN AND MOVE ON.
I'M SURE THEY WOULD'VE MADE GREAT TROPHIES FOR YOUR CASE.
THAT WOULD'VE BEEN JUSTICE.
YEAH, EXCEPT FOR ONE THING:
YOU LOST AND NOW YOU'LL NEVER BE HUMAN.
YEAH, WELL, NEITHER WILL YOU.
WHAT? WHAT?
Sid: THIS IS WHAT I DO. I HUNT DEMONS.
YEAH. YOU WOULDN'T KNOW IT TO LOOK AT ME.
LET'S JUST SAY THERE WAS ME,
THERE WAS A REALLY MEAN DEMON,
THERE WAS A CURSE,
AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW, I'M NOT ME ANYMORE.
I'M SITTING ON SOME GUY'S KNEE
WITH HIS HAND UP MY SHIRT.
AND EVER SINCE THEN YOU'VE BEEN A LIVING DUMMY?
THE KID HERE WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG.
I SHOULD'VE PICKED YOU TO TEAM UP WITH, BUT I DIDN'T BECAUSE--
BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT I WAS THE DEMON.
WHO CAN BLAME ME FOR THINKING?
LOOK AT YOU. YOU'RE STRONG,
ATHLETIC...
LIMBER...
NUBILE.
I'M BACK.
IN ANY CASE,
NOW THAT THIS DEMON'S GOT THE HEART AND BRAIN,
HE GETS TO KEEP THE HUMAN FORM HE'S IN FOR ANOTHER 7 YEARS.
IT'S A WELCOME CHANGE TO HAVE SOMEONE ELSE EXPLAIN ALL THESE THINGS.
THERE WERE 7 OF THESE GUYS. I'VE KILLED 6.
IF I CAN GET THE LAST ONE, THE CURSE WILL BE LIFTED, AND I'LL BE FREE.
I'M SURE IT'S SOMEONE IN THAT STUPID TALENT SHOW.
YEAH, BUT NOW THE DEMON HAS WHAT HE WANTS. HE'LL BE MOVING ON.
SO ONCE WE KNOW WHO'S MISSING FROM THE SHOW--
- WE'LL KNOW WHO OUR DEMON IS. - THE SHOW!
IT'S GOING TO START. I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
START PULLING EVERYONE'S ADDRESSES IN THE TALENT SHOW.
IF THEY'RE NOT THERE, MAYBE WE CAN CATCH THEM AT HOME.
Sid: AND YOU GET THEM ALL ON STAGE.
FORM THE POWER CIRCLE.
THEN WE CAN SEE WHO'S A NO-SHOW.
T-T-THE WHAT?
THE POWER CIRCLE.
YOU GET EVERYONE TOGETHER, AND YOU GET THEM REVVED UP.
RIGHT.
HOW'D HE EVER GET THAT GIG?
15 MINUTES TO CURTAIN, EVERYONE.
NOW, 15 MINUTES.
I--I CAN'T GO OUT THERE.
ALL THOSE PEOPLE STARING AT ME
AND JUDGING ME LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF... BUFFY.
WHAT IF I MESS UP?
CORDELIA, THERE IS AN ADAGE THAT, UH,
IF YOU'RE FEELING NERVOUS,
THEN YOU SHOULD IMAGINE THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE ARE IN THEIR UNDERWEAR.
EWW!
EVEN MRS. FRANKLIN? UGH!
PERHAPS NOT. UM, ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL ASSEMBLE ON THE STAGE IN 5 MINUTES
FOR THE, UH, POWER THING.
SO WHAT'S YOUR DEAL, KID?
I DON'T FIGURE YOU FOR A DEMON HUNTER.
I'M A VAMPIRE SLAYER.
YOU? YOU'RE THE SLAYER?
DAMN. I KNEW A SLAYER IN THE THIRTIES.
KOREAN CHICK. VERY HOT.
WE'RE TALKING MUSCLE TONE.
MAN, WE HAD SOME TIMES.
HEY, THAT WAS PRE-DUMMY, ALL RIGHT?
I WAS A GUY.
SO YOU KILL THE DEMON AND THE CURSE IS LIFTED, RIGHT?
THAT'S THE DRILL.
YOU DON'T ACTUALLY TURN INTO A PRINCE, DO YOU?
- I--I MEAN, YOUR BODY-- - IS DUST AND BONES.
WHEN I SAY FREE-- YOU MEAN DEAD.
DON'T GET SNIFFLY ON ME, SIS.
I'VE LIVED A LOT LONGER THAN MOST DEMON HUNTERS.
OR SLAYERS, FOR THAT MATTER.
OF COURSE, IF YOU WANT TO SNUGGLE UP AND COMFORT ME--
SO THAT HORNY DUMMY THING REALLY ISN'T AN ACT, IS IT?
NOPE! YUCK.
- Giles: IS EVERYBODY HERE? - I THINK SO.
OKAY, HERE COMES OUR LINEUP.
QUICKLY, EVERYONE, UM...
POWER CIRCLE.
OH. THAT'S THAT THEN.
- EVERYBODY, UH... GET READY. - THAT'S IT?
ALL RIGHT. WE'RE READY.
HOLD ON.
NO ONE'S MISSING.
SO THE DEMON ISN'T IN THE SHOW?
IT SEEMS NOT. TELL THE OTHERS.
IT'S NEARLY CURTAIN. I MUST GET THE SHOW RUNNING.
RIGHT. RIGHT.
SID?
[SPLAT]
OH! AAH!
I'M NEVER GONNA STOP WASHING MY HANDS.
SO THE DUMMY TELLS US THAT HE'S A DEMON HUNTER,
AND WE'RE, LIKE, FINE, LA LA LA LA.
HE TAKES OFF, AND NOW THERE'S A BRAIN.
DOES ANYBODY ELSE FEEL LIKE WE'VE BEEN KEYSER SOZE'D?
SID'S ON THE LEVEL, I'M SURE OF IT,
BUT WHY WOULD THE DEMON HAVE REJECTED THE BRAIN?
I MEAN, I THOUGHT MORGAN WAS THE SMARTEST KID IN SCHOOL.
HE WAS. LOOK AT HIS GRADES: ALL As.
HE WAS EVEN TAKING COLLEGE CLASSES.
- WAIT A SECOND. - WHAT?
ALL THESE SICK DAYS. HE WAS OFF, LIKE, HALF THE YEAR.
CHECK THE SCHOOL NURSE'S FILE.
[TYPING]
LOOK AT THIS.
"IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, CONTACT DR. DALE LEGGETT,
CALIFORNIA INSTITUTE OF NEUROSURGERY, CANCER WARD."
BRAIN CANCER? THAT'S WHY HE HAD ALL THE HEADACHES.
THIS MEANS THAT WHATEVER'S OUT THERE STILL NEEDS A HEALTHY, INTELLIGENT BRAIN.
IN OTHER WORDS, I'M SAFE.
AND IT'S GOING TO BE LOOKING FOR THE SMARTEST PERSON AROUND.
WHAT?
AND THEN IF YOU CALIBRATE THIS UNIT AS A COUNTERWEIGHT,
THEN YOU COULD CALCULATE THE SPECIFIC MAXIMUM VELOCITY ACHIEVED
BEFORE THE POINT OF IMPACT.
GEE, MR. GILES, YOU'RE REALLY SMART.
COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?
WHAT COULD A DEMON POSSIBLY WANT FROM ME?
WHAT'S THE SQUARE ROOT OF 841? 29.
- OH, YEAH. - DON'T WORRY, WILLOW.
AS LONG AS YOU'RE WITH US, THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO WAY
THAT DEMON IS GOING TO GET WHAT HE WANTS.
OH, MY. PRETTY COOL, HUH?
ARE YOU SURE THERE'S NO ONE ELSE WHO COULD HELP YOU OUT?
MY ASSISTANT GOT SICK. YOU WON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING.
I'LL SHOW YOU. LIE DOWN.
H-H-HOW EXACTLY DOES IT WORK?
A GOOD MAGICIAN NEVER TELLS HIS SECRETS.
COME ON. WE HAVEN'T GOT MUCH TIME.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
WE CAN'T JUST SIT HERE AND WAIT FOR HIM TO COME TO US.
WE HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHO WE'RE DEALING WITH.
I STILL VOTE DUMMY.
NO! SO WE RULED OUT THE PEOPLE IN THE TALENT SHOW.
THAT'S BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL THERE,
BUT THAT'S BEFORE WE FOUND THE BRAIN.
RIGHT. SO IT PROBABLY IS ONE OF THEM,
AND--AND GILES DOESN'T KNOW IT.
HE'S WITH THEM ALL RIGHT NOW!
GILES CAN HANDLE HIMSELF. I MEAN, HE IS REALLY...
SMART.
GILES!
S-S-SHOULDN'T IT BE AIMED AT MY NECK?
NO. THIS WAY YOUR SCALP GETS SLICED OFF,
AND YOUR BRAINS JUST COME POURING OUT.
WHAT EXACTLY IS THE TRICK?
TRICK?
MARC?
M-MARC?
ARRGGHH!
EWW!
AAH!
- WHERE ARE THE KEYS? - MARC'S GOT IT.
WILLOW!
HURRY!
HOW DO YOU LOCK THIS THING?
OOH!
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
AAH!
ARRGGHH!
Sid: I FOUND YOU!
LET GO!
UH...
I MUST SAY, ALL OF YOU,
YOUR T-TIMING IS IMPECCABLE.
Sid: AND NOW FOR THE BIG FINISH.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
IT'S NOT ENOUGH.
HE'LL COME BACK.
YOU HAVE TO GET THE HEART.
THEN ALL OF THIS WILL BE OVER.
LET ME. I GOT IT.
THANKS. UGH!
UNH!
IT'S OVER.
I DON'T GET IT.
WHAT IS IT, AVANT-GARDE?
O RULER OF MY COUNTRY, OEDIPUS,
YOU SEE OUR COMPANY AROUND THE ALTAR, AND I, THE PRIEST OF ZEUS.
HA! THEY PROPHESIZE THAT I SHOULD KILL MY FATHER,
BUT HE IS DEAD AND HIDDEN DEEP IN THE SOIL.
BUT SURELY I MUST FEAR MY MOTHER'S BED.
O OEDIPUS, OEDIPUS, UNHAPPY OEDIPUS.
THAT IS ALL I CAN CALL YOU
AND ALL THAT I EVER SHALL CALL YOU.
DARKNESS, AND HORROR OF DARKNESS,
UNFOLDING, RESTLESS VISITANT
SPED BY AN ILL WIND IN HASTE.
MADNESS AND...
MADNESS AND STABBING PAIN
AND-- UH, OH--
OH...
MEMORY OF ILL DEEDS I HAVE DONE.
GRR. ARGH.