[pop music plays]
[alarm clock ringing]
[ringing stops]
[woman] ♪ Pacing slowly back and forth ♪
♪ Just got scolded for the worst ♪
♪ Thinking to myself am I to blame? ♪
♪ Father tells me what to do ♪
♪ Mother tells me how to feel ♪
♪ These days I wonder if I am ali-i-ve ♪
♪ So stop, stop what you'’re doing to me ♪
♪ Can'’t you see how it makes me feel ♪
Alex!
♪ I need to grow up
♪ So stop, stop what you'’re doing to me ♪
Alexia Wheaton! Let'’s get a move on!
♪ Can'’t you see what I see? ♪
♪ I need to grow up
♪ Can'’t have freedom, can'’t have taste ♪
♪ Can'’t I grow my hair this way? ♪
♪ Why do you try and tell me this is wrong? ♪
♪ The less you see, the more you care ♪
♪ When I am home, you are not there ♪
♪ I am youth, but I see just the s-a-ame ♪
♪ Stop, stop what you'’re doing to me ♪
♪ Can'’t you see how it makes me feel? ♪
[honking]
♪ I need to grow up
♪ So stop, stop what you'’re doing to me ♪
[sighs] Man, oh, man.
♪ So I will stop, stop
[groans]
[honking]
Chill, you vagrant! I'’m coming!
Ben, Nan, later.
We can'’t let her go out in public like that, Ben.
Alex! Stop!
-Whoa! -[laughs] Hey!
[all chattering and whooping]
[coughs]
What'’s wrong with you? Besides the obvious.
We'’re gonna be late again.
Oh, pop a Midol.
Who said anything about being late?
[Nan] I'’ve had it, Ben.
I am going to clean out her closet,
and from now on, it'’s cardigan sweaters
and monogrammed blouses, and I don'’t think
That it'’s healthy that she call me "Nan."
It shows a total disregard for our family hierarchy.
Nan, Nan, listen, have you noticed
that when you insist that Alex calls you "mom,"
the greater pleasure she gets From calling you Nan?
-Mm-hmm. -And when we object to her provocative clothing,
she just finds something more provocative
-To wear the next day. -Mmm.
And when we encourage the girls to get along,
The more out of hand their sibling rivalry gets.
I mean, what have our patients been telling us
-all these years? -[sighs]
That their parents have ruined their lives.
Exactly, now, I think the only way
these girls are gonna get along, show us some respect,
and bring harmony to this household
is for you and I to stop interfering.
-Uh-huh -There'’ll be no reason for them
to rebel against our rules and demands because...
There won'’t-- there won'’t be any.
Mm-hmm.
[pop music continues, school bell rings]
♪ So stop, stop what you'’re doing to me ♪
♪ Can'’t you see what I see? ♪
-♪ I need to grow up -[tires screech]
-Morning, Hayley. -Hi.
Oh, excellent shirt, Aly. Wow.
[woman laughs]
[students whispering and giggling]
That'’s three days in a row, Hayley.
If it happens again, I'’m going to start
deducting from your grade.
It won'’t.
All right, now, tomorrow'’s quiz will require
slide identification of the following constellations.
Canis Majorus, Leo, Taurus--
[chuckles] Hey, that rhymes.
Cool shorts, guys.
[coughs] Doctor'’s orders.
He said I had to sit out again.
-[coughs] -Uh-huh.
[women laughing]
What do you think they'’re talking about right now?
Etruscan art.
How should I know?
It'’s your sister.
Sabrina, is that... stubble? Ew.
I swear, I shaved this morning. I must have just missed a spot.
So, Alex, what'’s the limit on the festival again?
No limit.
-Hello, beautiful. -Hello.
How you doing?
All right, test scores are in. Time to face the music.
Mr. Gerard.
You need to make that up with me.
Very nice.
Barely adequate.
Eesh. Alexia.
But Hayley here, very nice.
It'’s nice to see someone coming out smelling like a rose.
Lose the gum, if you would.
So any questions about...
grades, homework, life in general?
-Mr. Watson? -Yes, Alexia?
Can I go to the ladies'’ room please?
What difference does it make?
[Alexia] Oh, I think it'’s so admirable
that you attended the police academy.
You see, it'’s always been a dream of mine
to go into law enforcement, but my parents,
whom, by the way, think you'’re a wonderful administrator,
want me to get a degree first, like you.
I never knew anyone looked to me as a role model.
Oh, since the ninth grade. [giggles]
But in order for me to follow in your path,
I have to start by getting into Felder first.
And, well, I was thinking that you,
being a distinguished principal and all,
might like to write a recommendation for me.
[giggles]
And what might the recommendation say?
"Dear admissions committee,
though Alexia Wheaton is in the bottom half
of her class...
she... dresses well.
Oh! So you'’ll consider it. [giggles]
[classical music playing softly]
Where'’s the dirt?
She hasn'’t written in two weeks. Think she'’s on to us?
Hayley? [whistles]
[chuckles] Okay.
[tires screech]
Do you... think they...
do it?
Well, I don'’t have any documented evidence,
but... [grunts]
[Hayley] Man, they are so in love.
We better evacuate.
[both laughing]
There you are, Kyle.
Thanks, Mrs. Wheaton.
And do you have enough salad there, Caitlin?
[Caitlin] Yes, thanks.
[hissing and bubbling]
[Alexia] You'’ve got to be kidding.
We have guests.
-I don'’t mind. -I don'’t mind.
You'’re part of her experiment.
Now, I made the fuel from an apple you threw away.
It was mealy.
What?
Kyle, would you mind serving me? My nails are still wet.
Sure.
-Oh. Small portions, please. -Sorry.
[giggles] Well, everyone, I found it.
Found what?
The most outrageous dress for winter festival.
-How low is it cut? -And how much?
It'’s 200 and something.
298.
As in over $300 with tax?
For a dress?
Alex, your limit was 200.
Oh, I know, but what'’s an extra hundred
over the course of a lifetime?
Daddy, my children will see me in these photos,
and I want them to think I look nice.
But there must be another nice dress
-for a more reasonable price. -[clears throat]
But this one sounds so very... special.
So, here. Here'’s the credit card.
Wear it in good health.
[Nan] Why don'’t you take Hayley with you
so that she can pick out a dress for the winter festival, too?
That'’s a great idea. Can I come?
Wait. We'’re sisters.
We'’re not friends, and we don'’t shop together.
-Alex, that'’s terrible. -Honey.
I-I'’m not going anyway.
But, muffin!
[scoffs] This is your first winter festival.
And it will be such fun.
And don'’t you wanna be there to see
if your sister gets crowned...
queen?
[chuckles]
You probably know what you want to do.
Stay at home. Watch the Discovery Channel.
Amen.
Oh, go ahead.
Oh, no, no, no, i-it'’s yours.
Well, here. We'’ll share it. There you go.
[Haley] Canis Majorus...
Leo.
Arcturus, where are you?
There you are. Okay.
I wish I were Alexia Wheaton.
[chuckles softly]
[alarm clock ringing]
[ringing stops]
[alarm clock ringing]
[panicked gasping]
[screams]
[both screaming]
Man, oh, man. It worked!
What-- what worked?
-I-I, uh-- -You did this?
I-I made a wish when I-- when I saw a shooting star.
You made a wish to be me?
I didn'’t think it would work.
Ew! [groans and whimpers]
I don'’t like it in here! Wish us back!
I don'’t think that'’s possible... Hayley.
I think it is! Hayley!
Do it now!
I can'’t. It'’s daytime.
Well, I hate to spoil your fun,
but I have a lot of personal stuff to deal with today.
And we are not leaving this house
till things are back in order.
I'’ll handle this.
Me?
I'’m Alexia, Alexia Wheaton.
[squeals]
Personally, I like it best
when my boyfriend Kyle calls me Aly.
[giggles]
♪ Happy birthday
Happy birthday, happy-- yadda, yadda, yadda
Now reverse the wish.
Fine. I wish I were Hayley.
[gasps] Don'’t you know the birthday candle rule?
You have to say the wish to yourself.
Otherwise it can'’t come true.
[groans] On to plan B.
It'’s a wishing well.
Got it.
Would you try it with a little more "oomph"?
[chuckles] Okay.
I can'’t do this.
I-I can'’t be you.
And you obviously lack the social grace to be me.
I don'’t believe this. I-I have split ends.
[gasps] I have an astronomy test today.
Don'’t stress.
I had Frauenfleder when I was a sophomore.
-I'’ll just cheat. -But you can'’t!
Ow. I mean, I-- you--
you can'’t do that.
When he passes out the test, just faint or something.
Get sent home sick. I can make up the test tomorrow.
You can spend the day watching TV and eating.
[chuckles] Deal. Close your eyes.
No one finds out about this, especially Caitlin.
Undoubtedly, she'’d leak it to "The National Enquirer"
I really don'’t want any rumors going around about me
the week of the festival.
Ouch! What about mom and dad?
They'’d have us committed.
So, wait. We have a secret?
You and me?
So, is there anything I need to know about you?
Other than being a grungy social outcast?
I'’m not grungy. I just have my own style.
Oh, dirt under the fingernails is in?
[chuckles] You won'’t mind if I remove it, will you?
So, how do I look?
Today is definitely day one.
-Day one of what? -My diet.
Oh. [laughs] Excuse me. I mean your diet.
A fruit-and-veggie fast. You'’re bloated.
What are you talking about? I'’m a knockout.
The makeup may be a bit heavy. Not me.
[sighs] Whatever. Lose the gum.
Today, you'’re mine.
[chuckles, clears throat]
Good morning, daddy. Mom.
Hayley, you'’re looking particularly...
adorable today.
Mm, and as usual, Alex,
you are looking quite stylish yourself.
Sis, allow me.
How about a little cereal, hmm?
Um... that'’s okay.
I'’m on a fruits-and-veggies fast only.
Actually, we should get going.
Wouldn'’t want Hayley to be late for her big test.
Nan. Ben.
[men cat-calling and whistling]
-Hi. [giggles] -Ew!
Okay, okay.
-[man] Have a nice day! -Excuse me.
-What are you doing? -Driving.
You don'’t know how to drive. Give me my keys.
Give me my keys now.
[tires screech]
You should know better.
If I still had my badge, I'’d have to write you up.
Ow.
[sniffs]
What are you, drunk?
[chuckles] S-she was up late studying
uh, so she could raise her GPA.
Isn'’t that right, Alex?
A-and I was just giving her, Hayley,
my little sis, a driving lesson.
It-- it won'’t happen again.
Hayley, I wouldn'’t want anything to harm your chances
of representing Hunter in the science fair in DC.
I certainly wouldn'’t.
Thank you for being so understanding.
You are a wonderful administrator
and an asset to the school.
At least that'’s what Alex keeps telling me.
Y-you'’re my hero, Mrs. Mittermo--
I won'’t tolerate being called that name.
Now get to class.
[school bell rings]
[women chattering]
You'’ll have approximately two and a half minutes
to answer each question
after the corresponding slide has been shown.
And I do suggest that you keep your eyes on your own paper.
'’Cause if you don'’t, I will pluck them out
and keep them in a little jar on my desk.
[whispers] Hayley, Hayley.
In the Ptolemaic universe, is it the Earth in the middle
with the stars and stuff rotating around,
-or is it the sun in the middle-- -Shh.
Mr. Frauenfleder?
I'’m-- I'’m not feeling very--
[panicked gasps]
Oh... Hayley?
11 serving six!
-Ow. -[woman] Are you okay, Alex?
I'’m fine.
Muffin.
I'’m her mother. Let'’s get you home.
I'’d feel much better if we could get some ice cream
and-- [coughs] maybe stop at Blockbuster on the way?
Hi.
What did I do?
Can'’t I just say hi?
Of course you can. Hi.
Oh, I guess you heard that Hayley went home sick.
I'’m so worried. I'’m going over after school.
I mean, what if there'’s brain damage?
Oh, trust me. She'’ll be fine.
Why don'’t you come and eat lunch with me and my gang?
I mean, Hayley would hate for you to seem like a loner.
Really? Okay.
[man on PA] All science fair participants--
all applications must be approved
by Mr. Frauenfleder by the end...
Talley-- thanks. Talley, Sabrina, Kazumi.
This is Caitlin Scheinbaum.
She'’s eating lunch with us today.
Why?
Because she'’s Hayley'’s very best friend
in the entire world.
-So? -So, uh--
So be nice to her. Hayley went home sick.
You know, Hayley and I always wondered what it would be
like to eat with you guys.
She'’ll be bummed she missed it.
Oh, well, you can both eat with us tomorrow.
We'’d be happy to have you.
Right, guys?
Oh, but don'’t bring another tuna fish sandwich.
It'’s one of our rules.
-Sorry. -Rules?
Duh. They'’re supposed to be secrets.
Your secrets are safe with me. You can tell me anything.
Well, we alternate bringing diet sodas for everyone.
Tomorrow can be your turn.
-Okay. -Tic Tac, anyone?
Oh, Alex! What happened?
Oh. Volleyball, you know.
Looks gruesome.
That no-makeup thing, that'’s actually very in.
"Self," March issue.
Anyway, Alex, tell us what happened last night.
-How did you do it? -Do what?
-Dump Kyle. -[chuckles]
Why would I do a stupid thing like that?
Kyle'’s perfect.
[both] Alex, hello?
-You hit the limit. -What limit?
The three-month max. Rule three?
Designed to maximize our experience
with different men.
As of midnight last night, the clock was up on Kyle.
We reminded you yesterday.
I thought the plan was to ask him over for dinner,
do a little hot tub, call him a sick puppy,
and then send him on his way.
[scoffs softly]
How could I have?
Hey!
-[grunts] -[laughter]
I'’m sorry.
Can I talk to you a minute?
What could there be left to say?
Just give me a second, please?
All right, all right. Fine.
Okay.
Jeez.
Okay, Kyle, whatever I said last night I didn'’t mean.
I wasn'’t being myself.
Let'’s go for a walk this afternoon like old times.
Listen, Alexia. I have practice after school.
I'’m not interested in going with someone
who calls me a sick puppy.
Okay.
I can understand why you'’d be angry.
But...
how can you resist me?
[chuckles] Okay.
I'’m sorry,
I haven'’t been myself lately.
Can'’t we just get together after practice and talk?
I could give you a ride home.
I guess I could use a ride. I'’ll be through at 4:00.
Yes.
[rock music playing]
Mr. Frauenfleder?
Do you remember me, Lexy Wheaton,
Hayley'’s sister?
Yes, you'’re the one who ignited the counter
after neglecting to follow my directions
during chemistry section.
I still can'’t get the funding to replace it.
Hayley just wanted me to stop by and find out
when she could make up the test.
She can take it orally when she'’s better.
Oh, I'’m sure she'’ll be fine tomorrow.
Mr. Frauenfleder?
Out of all your students, is Hayley perhaps your favorite?
You, of all people, should be thankful
I don'’t rank my students, Alexia.
[chuckles] Well, between you and me,
do you think she has a shot at winning the science fair
and going on to nationals?
Well, she'’s not very comfortable with public speaking,
but I expect she'’ll get it right.
Hayley'’s very tenacious.
Thank you.
[woman] ♪ But I can'’t help myself ♪
♪ I must be settling down
♪ Until they stop this thing I'’ll get around ♪
♪ When I hear it'’s been done before ♪
♪ And I hear it'’s a simple thing ♪
♪ Then I hear it'’s quite difficult ♪
-♪ And I hear -[doorbell rings]
♪ Almost everything
I'’m coming!
Oh, we don'’t want any.
Oh, no. They'’re for you, Hayley. A get-well thing.
I-I heard about your episode, and I was worried.
Mmm. Thanks, bud. These are delish.
I'’d ask you in, but I'’m ill.
Maybe I'’ll see you tomorrow at school or something.
You don'’t wanna know who I am?
[laughs]
I don'’t know you?
[chuckles] It'’s weird, you know.
Sometimes it'’s hard for me to keep things straight.
People, places, nouns in general.
That-- that is weird. I'’m Simon Smalley.
I just moved in next door. I'’ve been wanting to meet you.
Thanks for the cookies. [giggles]
[Kyle] So are we gonna get in the car?
Uh, we could do that.
-Okay. -Okay.
Okay.
[engine starts]
-[classical music plays] -[sighs]
-[gears grinding] -[grunting]
Uh...
-[tires screech] -[Kyle] whoa!
[screams]
Jeez...
[chuckles]
Hey, the curb!
Wait, wait, wait! Don'’t you remember where I live?
-Whoa, whoa, whoa! -[screams]
Maybe I should drive.
[rock music playing]
Oh, this is-- this is great. Thanks.
Sure.
Since when do you listen to this?
Oh, that reminds me.
We better do our thing before Alex gets home.
What thing?
You know, see if she made a new entry in her diary.
I'’m dying to figure out what happened between her and Kyle.
Oh, and I have to try on that killer top she wore on Monday.
[giggles]
[classical music playing]
Kyle, I just want you to know that no matter what happens,
I think you'’re the nicest, smartest, most gorgeous guy
I'’ve ever met in my entire life.
I hope this doesn'’t sound lame, but I'’ve...
I'’ve never seen you look as beautiful
as you do right now, Aly.
I mean that.
Without all that makeup and hair spray and stuff,
I can see you.
Kyle, tell me you love me.
Well, I-- I--
Don'’t you?
Yes. [stammers] No.
I mean, I-I really like you a lot.
I-I just-- I--
Let'’s just be together, okay?
Okay.
All right. Come here.
[giggles]
[chomping and slurping]
Mmm.
Hello, dear family.
You look like you'’re craving a salad.
[gasps] Your nails.
So where have you been all afternoon?
So, how is everyone?
Alex, uh, why don'’t you come with me to the kitchen,
and I'’ll show you how to liven up that salad.
Oh, it'’s not that bad.
Ah! Oh...
[chuckles]
-Gosh! -What is that?
-What? What? -This! That!
Ow. I don'’t know.
That'’s a hickey, you-- you tramp!
This? This is a hickey?
Yes!
Sounds like Alex got a hickey, and Hayley finds it distasteful.
Who did this to you? I mean-- I mean me.
I mean-- [grunts] who the hell did this?
Well, Kyle.
We were kissing, and I guess things
got a little out of control.
You don'’t know how to kiss.
I'’m a natural.
Wait a second.
I broke up with Kyle last night.
You got back together with him this afternoon.
[grunts angrily]
This-- this is unethical, Hayley!
How could you?
I couldn'’t resist, Alex.
He told me I never looked prettier.
He was talking to me.
No! No.
He was talking to me. You weren'’t there.
Besides, he didn'’t like all that makeup you wear.
That'’s it. Outside!
Thanks a lot for ruining
the most relaxing day of my life!
I have never seen Hayley express her emotions so openly.
Do it! Do it now!
It'’s overcast. I can'’t.
[groans]
You mean to tell me that I'’m stuck
in this measly little body
for another day while you just-- while--
while you parade around ruining my reputation
and destroying my beautiful nails?
Looks that way, doesn'’t it?
That is it.
This is war.
I'’m gonna get you back.
Fine. Be that way. It was worth it.
[groans]
I'’m on to you, Hayley.
I know all about you and Caitlin invading my privacy,
reading my diary, trying on my clothes.
Excuse me, where do you think you'’re going?
My room.
Let'’s get something straight, Hayley.
You might have my body, breasts, and boyfriend,
but you are not me.
-Go to your own room. -Fine. [chuckles]
But what will mom and dad think?
Fine.
But if you touch anything,
you'’ll wish you had never been born.
-Fine. -Fine.
-Fine! -Fine!
Fine!
[doors slam]
[alarm clock ringing]
Good morning, Alex.
This would be day two of your diet, right?
What diet?
How about some juice with that?
Alex, what are you doing?
You wanna fit into your festival gown, don'’t you?
Screw the festival.
You'’re not--
you'’re not gonna let her go out like that, are you?
I don'’t see why not.
You don'’t think it'’s... flattering?
[stammer] You'’ll make a fool of me!
I mean, her!
Well, I really don'’t care what you think.
Now, Alex, I recall you going out in public
in the same outfit not so long ago.
It was Halloween!
Mom, you gotta lock her in her room
so she can'’t get in any trouble.
-Ben, she'’s got a point. -Ah, ah, ah.
Hayley can wear whatever she wants.
It'’s an expression of her individuality.
And, Alex, the same goes for you.
[grunting angrily]
[chuckles]
Isn'’t that what you wore yesterday?
Mm-hmm.
But the dance photos are today.
Did you at least shower?
No.
What about my ride?
Heard of walking?
No!
[grunting angrily]
Hey. I'’m--
I'’m your new neighbor, Simon. Could I have a ride?
Oh, sure, but hurry and get in
'’cause I'’m trying to make a quick exit.
My sister and I are in a fight, and, well,
she'’s a little crazy.
[tires screech, gears grind]
All right. Hold it there. Good, good.
Good. Hold it. And say "queen."
[together] Queen.
Okay. Let'’s try that again.
Mm-hmm. And say "queen."
[together] Queen.
And say "queen."
[together] Queen.
That'’ll have to do.
[students gasp and murmur, rock music playing]
Hayley?
-What do you want? -[students gasp]
Um, are you up for that oral exam?
Whatever.
[Frauenfleder on tape] Slide one,
Omega nebula in Sagittarius.
Slide two-- Omega nebula.
Define the Ptolemaic universe.
[scoffs] You'’re the teacher. You should know.
Hayley, that'’s enough. Please define it.
I am drawing a blank. How about another question?
All right. Tell me what a comet is.
[chuckles] Now you'’re speaking my language.
It'’s an abrasive product used to scrub away sink residue.
[man on PA] Attention, all students.
All club dues must be paid by Friday,
uh, except chess club, which has been canceled
this year due to lack of interest.
Aly. Hey.
Hi.
You are so pretty, Aly.
Thanks.
I brought you something.
Oh, Kyle you wrapped it yourself.
-I know it'’s not the best. -No, it'’s great.
Oh.
[gasps ]
Oh, I love it.
Hey, why don'’t you blow off your friends and come sit with me?
I-- I just have to make an appearance.
-I'’ll be there in a sec. -Okay.
Smell much?
Ew!
Same ensemble, two days in a row?
Alex, that'’s violation of rule number four.
[scoffs] Don'’t tell me it'’s from Kyle.
It'’s from Kyle.
Alex, that is totally unacceptable.
We signed these rules in blood.
Some of these rules are a little hard for me
to abide by, sorry.
But they were your idea.
Well, my newest idea is that we abolish them.
[laughs] Oh, very funny.
-Where is she going? -What is she doing?
-It'’s so good to see you. -Likewise.
But what'’s with your sister? Or should I say Madonna?
[Alexia] She'’s just trying to prove a point, you know,
that she doesn'’t care what people think of her.
although I know she really does.
-Hi, -I can'’t relate to her anymore.
I thought about it, and I realized
that I fit in better with you and your friends.
You got it all wrong, Caitlin. Stay away from them.
[rock music plays]
[students exclaiming and hooting]
♪ You walk the walk
♪ You talk the talk
♪ It makes me feel
[all hooting and cheering]
♪ The way you move
♪ The way you smile
♪ It touches me
♪ Deep inside
[singing indistinctly]
Oh, Kyle, you'’re such a good kisser!
Give me another hickey, baby!
-♪ The things that you do -[grunting]
-Hey, check it out. -Oh, my God!
♪ The things you do
♪ The things that you do
[click, music stops]
[Mittermiller] What do you think your parents will do
when they find out what a disgrace the two of you are?
You can rest assured they'’ll be in this office
tomorrow to hear all about it.
I should'’ve blown the whistle on you
when I caught you driving.
But this, such disrespect.
This is grounds for disqualification
from the science fair.
Who wants to be in a geek fest anyway?
Wait! I-it means everything in the world to you.
Just give her another chance, Ms. Mittermiller, please.
As for you, Alexia, one more scene of misconduct,
and I'’m going to suspend you.
How would that look to the Felder panel?
Or for that matter, to the festival voters?
Do it, and we'’ll find out.
But I'’ve-- I-I mean, she'’s--
she'’s worked her entire life on-- on becoming queen.
And I'’ve admired it so. Don'’t do it, Ms. Mittermiller.
So who'’s gonna vote for you anyway?
The student body'’s opinion of you both
is on display in the ladies'’ bathroom.
Follow me.
Clean it off if you want to be admitted back to class.
I can'’t believe you would do that.
I'’ve been working a year on that project.
If I could'’ve, I would have had you expelled, too.
I mean, first you come home with a hickey on your neck.
Next, you'’re practically mauling my boyfriend
at the cafeteria.
What next, Hayley?
What, are you gonna lose my virginity, too?
You-- you'’re-- you'’re a virgin?
Yes, I'’m a virgin! I have morals, Hayley!
You obviously don'’t know very much about me!
Wow, I mean, Caitlin and I were sure
that you and Kyle were--
well, I didn'’t do anything like that.
Except kiss.
-A lot. -You didn'’t?
I can'’t believe you actually thought I would do that.
What am I supposed to think?
I'’m sorry, Alex. I'’m really sorry.
[Hayley] Look, we'’d better cut this out
before we just destroy each other'’s lives.
Okay, there'’s nothing more important to me
than going to Felder.
I just want a chance.
Please don'’t take that away from me.
I won'’t.
But you gotta get me out of this
and into the science fair.
Deal.
[school bell rings]
You deserve a lot of credit
for my brilliant accomplishments.
You'’re the finest teacher I ever had.
[chuckles]
Please give me my spot back.
[chuckles]
Okay. Let me start over.
I'’ve worked a year conceiving and--
and putting this project into practice,
Mr. Frauenfleder.
[sighs]
And I had high hopes for you,
but you'’ve, uh, brought back the...
memory of your sister.
That was an accident.
Besides, Alex wasn'’t that bad, was she?
What do you expect from a girl like that?
That'’s a little harsh.
Who did you come here to defend?
Hay-- me.
Winning the science fair and going to nationals
would be the highlight of a lifetime.
[Frauenfleder] Mm-hmm.
I know I'’ve made some mistakes,
but please don'’t take that away from me.
[grunts]
Truce?
I'’ve got a couple more conditions.
Stop chewing that gum. You'’re giving me cavities.
[gulps]
Wait, Hold on. One more thing.
I-I-- I can'’t bear to look at this any longer.
You'’re coming to the mall with me to pick up my dress.
I don'’t wanna let you out of my sight.
-Can Kyle come? -Fine.
Look, you can put your arms around him,
or you can hold his hand, but no kissing, okay?
It'’s just not right.
-Truce? -Truce.
[giggles]
-See you. -Bye.
Let'’s go home and make that wish.
Yeah.
[Hayley] So what did my friends say when they saw you
in the same outfit two days in a row?
Violation of rule four.
[laughs] Oh.
So I guess you heard about the rules.
Yeah, that one, three-month max,
and no tuna at lunch?
[both chuckle]
What other bizarre restrictions do they put on your life?
[chuckles] Well, let'’s see.
You have to shave your legs every day,
you have to read "Self" cover to cover,
and, uh, you have to weigh in every Friday.
Do you know that Talley has a scale in her locker?
-You kidding? -[laughs] No.
I kind of suggested you abolish the three-month max.
Yeah, that rule needs to be amended.
I really want to be with him.
I noticed.
At least I got to see how it feels
for someone to really like you.
A lot of guys really like you.
I mean, you as you.
You can get a boyfriend.
I mean--
[chuckles] you'’re-- you'’re cute.
It'’s just a matter of having confidence.
You know, Talley told me there are 910 boys
in the student body.
911 if you, uh--
if you count our new neighbor.
-[laughs] -Simon?
Yes, Simon. I think you should go for it.
[giggles]
I'’d-- I'’d be all tongue-tied.
So forget about talking. Go in for the kill.
You'’re an experienced kisser now.
What-- what if--
what if...
we spent one more day as each other?
Why would you want to do that?
Well, you could help convince
a few of my teachers that I'’m not really an airhead,
and I'’ll show you how easy it is
for Hayley Wheaton to get a guy.
They will be lining up.
So, you would sacrifice your life
-for one more day? -Yeah. It'’ll be fun.
Ben...
you were right.
I know. I know.
[Mittermiller] Alex was mauling a boy
while the little one danced seductively
on the cafeteria table miming sexual lyrics.
And she was dressed like a hooker.
[laughs] It wasquite the getup, wasn'’t it?
You saw it?
And you let her out of the house?
Oh, uh--
Well, honey, you better explain to Ms. Mittermiller
what we'’re trying to accomplish.
We'’re trying to change our parental strategy
to a more hands-off method.
You see, we-- we believe that a child will fare better
in a home that shuns traditional discipline
and learns from his own experiences.
Uh, well, it seems to be-- it'’s been shaky
the first few days, but, um,
we'’re l-looking for long-term results.
It'’s pretty innovative, don'’t you think?
Eventually, we plan to write a book.
[Ben] Now, we do realize there are rules
and regulations here at school, but that'’s separate.
So just feel free to discipline them
however you feel is appropriate.
Just so long as the discipline doesn'’t come from the parents,
we should be just fine.
[Nan] It sounds extreme, but, uh,
it seems to be working.
Well.
[device whirring]
Thank you for taking time out from your work to see me.
-It'’s been enlightening. -You'’re welcome.
[whirring stops]
[grunts]
Those poor girls.
No wonder.
Up a little bit.
[chuckles] A little to the right.
A little bit more.
Test tomorrow. Let'’s review.
Any volunteers?
[Alexia clears throat]
Yoo-hoo!
Alexia, do you think you could learn to use the ladies'’ room
beforeyou come to class?
No. I wanna try it. Please?
Try... the problem?
You heard her.
Okay, let'’s see...
a cleaning solution is made up of three chemicals,
"A," "B" and "C."
So far, so good.
There are equal amounts of "A" and "B"...
and four times as much "C" as there is "A."
What percentage of the bottle is full of "C"?
You, uh, think you can walk us through this, Alexia?
Okay. "B" equals "A," and "C" equals 4A.
Therefore, "A" plus "A" plus 4A equals 6A.
For your percentage, it'’s 4A over 6A.
The A'’s cross off. 4/6 is converted to 2/3.
Therefore, your percentage is 66.6%.
Oh.
Okay. Okay.
Yeah. Anyone, uh-- anyone agree?
I definitely agree.
[coach] Pick it up. Come on, guys.
Speed. Let'’s go!
Okay, let'’s bring everybody in!
[all] And... team!
Kyle, hold up a second. I'’m gonna start you.
Well, thanks a lot, coach.
Hey, Aly.
Hey. Oh, I was just studying for a math test.
-It'’s tomorrow. -Well, guess what I'’m doing tomorrow.
I give up.
I'’m starting! Coach said my game is stronger.
It'’s gonna be amazing!
I'’m gonna lead my team to victory.
You'’re gonna be crowned queen, and we'’ll dance all night.
How does that sound?
Like, uh, someone else.
I mean, there'’s no guarantee that it'’s all gonna work out,
but... it'’s cool to think about.
Well, listen...
I was gonna wait until the dance to tell you this,
but... I want you to know something.
I'’m, uh-- I'’m sure it can wait.
I love you, Aly.
What?
-I said I love you. -Y-you shouldn'’t--
you shouldn'’t have said that to me.
Well, I mean, there'’s no pressure or anything.
I mean, you don'’t have to say anything back.
But I-- it was just something that happened this week.
I, um-- I gotta go home. I gotta study.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. That'’s it?
Listen, the next time that you say it,
you know, the "L" word,
if you decide you still feel that way,
pretend-- pretend like it'’s the first time, okay?
That wasthe first time.
Wasn'’t so great.
Hi, Alex.
Hi. I was just wondering if maybe I could--
-if I could have a ride. -Sure, get in.
Here.
Oh! So sweet!
To thank you for driving me.
Oh, Simon, that'’s so thoughtful.
Really, it'’s a pleasure driving you home.
[classical music playing]
[clears throat]
I couldn'’t stop myself, Alexia.
Look, Simon, I think you'’re great.
I think you'’re great, too.
You'’re just attracted to my looks.
It'’s not your looks.
I mean-- well, no offense.
It'’s just that, physically, you'’re not really my type.
At first, I actually thought I had a crush on Hayley,
but now that I'’m getting to you know,
I realize our personalities are much more compatible.
Hayley'’s too wild for me.
Wait, back up. We'’re talking about Hayley?
You think Hayley'’s attractive?
Well, it'’s what'’s inside that really matters.
Um, look, Simon,
I think you need to get to know Hayley better.
We'’re sisters, you know?
We'’re a lot more alike than you think.
[door opens]
[door closes]
-Hi. -Hi.
Oh, I checked the forecast.
Clear skies. Perfect for star gazing.
-Great. -Could you come over here a second?
I need your help.
I still don'’t understand this paint-mixing problem.
Really? Why?
I just keep thinking about those skanky painters next door.
Ugh!
Okay, well, um, pretend it'’s not paint.
Say, instead, it'’s-- it'’s... perfume.
[chuckles] Chanel?
-Okay. -Okay.
All right, so a perfume bottle is filled
with three different fragrances,
"A," "B" and "C."
So...
So "X" equals...
-300? -Yes!
-Yes! Yes? I got it right? -Yes!
-Yes, you got it right! -[laughing]
[door opens, Nan laughs]
Oh, stop. We should do this more often.
Honey.
What should we do? Should--
Should we take '’em to bed ourselves?
Well, it'’s not as if we'’re telling them to go to bed.
We'’re just putting them there.
[Ben] It'’s perfectly harmless, right?
-Mm-hmm. -Okay. Good idea.
Here we are, baby. Yeah. [kisses]
Good night, sweetheart.
Come on.
Where'’s the star?
I wish I were Hayley Wheaton.
[alarm clock ringing]
[blender whirring]
Morning.
[blender stops]
We picked a really bad night to fall asleep early.
I'’m making a protein shake '’cause we'’re gonna need
a lot of extra energy to pull this one off.
I laid out an outfit for you on my bed.
Please don'’t forget to bring down the gown, okay?
You'’ll be presented at halftime. My moment of glory.
And you will get to experience it.
Um, by the way, there is a lovely picture of you
and the court in the paper.
I'’ve been working on your presentation,
I still-- I don'’t understand
that whole distillation-process thing.
Don'’t you have anything to say?
Man, oh, man.
This is your life.
[sighs] Okay, Hayley. Let'’s get to school.
Morning, mom.
Oh, don'’t forget to drop my dress off at school, okay?
Girls, we know this is a big day for you both.
We just want you to know
that whatever happens... um, happens.
[both] We know that.
Ready to write that book?
[both chuckle]
[Hayley] The college guidelines say
that they like to hear original responses.
So, Alexia,
we'’ve noticed that your grade point average is a 2.07.
Why do you want to go to Felder,
and what makes you think we would admit you?
I'’m not who you think I am?
[man on PA] Attention, all students, remember,
today is the day to get your votes in for queen.
The ballot box will be closed by 5:00 PM.
The winners will be announced tonight at the dance.
Okay, during the distillation, the alcohol vapors
run through the coils and condense...
Within the container and come out
the other end of the coils a-and into the bowl.
[laughs] I get it. I actually get it.
Okay, so here are the note cards just in case you get stuck.
Oh, please. I'’m gonna totally kick butt.
Aren'’t you miss know-it-all. [sighs]
What'’s your problem?
Nothing.
It'’s my project. I wanted to present it.
I'’m just doing my best.
Okay, if you win, you get to present it
at the nationals in DC.
I'’m not counting on it.
Hey, it'’s the place to be before the dance.
-This is Caitlin'’s house. -Way to go, Caitlin.
Oh, no, no, no, no, her parents would never,
never ever let her have an open party, Alex.
[crying] I never said an open party.
My parents will slaughter me.
It'’s a small price to pay when you consider
what it'’ll do for your social life.
Um, Hayley, didn'’t you say
you needed to talk to Caitlin for a minute?
Yeah, Caitlin, can I talk to you for a minute?
Let me get this straight-- she invited you for dinner,
and you proceed to include the rest of the student body?
It'’s pretty crafty, huh?
What makes you think you can treat people like this?
[Sabrina] we learned it from you.
Remember our motto "act superior,"
our number-one rule?
Don'’t you guys ever get tired of acting like snobs?
Alex, we'’re seniors. We'’re supposed to live it up.
We have parties.
We use little weaklings like Caitlin.
If you think it'’s acceptable to treat a kind
and generous person like Caitlin like that,
we have no business being friends.
And who else are you gonna hang out with
-for the rest of the year? -Who cares?
Okay, okay! It'’s cancelled.
We'’ll party at the point instead.
Good. Now apologize to Caitlin.
She'’s a sophomore. What do you expect from us?
[scoffs] Nothing.
A decent gesture would be far too dignified
for the three of you.
You know, you looked hideous in the newspaper.
See if we vote for you for queen.
Guys, we already did.
Alex.
-What? -We need to talk.
Whatever it is, I'’m sure it can wait.
Wait, I saw you groveling with some other guy
-at your car yesterday. -Were you spying on me?
What difference does it make?
Look, I just wanna end this once and for all.
You were right the first time.
Three months is more than enough.
You know what else?
I didn'’t mean what I said yesterday.
Love is a reciprocal thing. It'’s not just one-sided.
Ohh! Oh, no, no! No, go back in!
Go back in! Oh, gosh! Ohh!
Note cards. [gasps]
[door slams, man grunts]
Any time, Hayley.
Do you have a role model, Alexia?
My, uh... [chuckles]
my younger sister.
She believes in me.
Um... I don'’t know, uh, what goes on at your homes,
but I have a sister who is incredibly wasteful.
If she bites into an apple that'’s a little--
a little mealy, she throws it away.
Um, by combining things like rejected apples
along with sugar and yeast and, uh, converting,
um, the substance into alcohol with a homemade pressure cooker,
it produces a grade of ethyl alcohol
that meets many of my household energy needs.
That is, if I could convince my parents
into reading by lantern light.
[all chuckles]
[crowd cheering]
[buzzer]
[fanfare plays]
[announcer] Now, ladies and gentlemen,
if I could have your attention, please.
Hunter High School is proud to present
the finalists for this year'’s winter festival.
And here they are, the beautiful,
the talented Jennifer Hatfield,
Laura Simms, Nikki Snow,
Danielle Swanson and Alexia Wheaton!
Come on. We'’ve got things to do.
Okay.
[fight song playing]
[cheering and music fade]
Hayley? Hi.
What are you doing in here?
I'’ve been looking all over for you.
Wow. Look at you.
It'’s a thank-you present.
I knew you loved the dress. But check these out.
Ah, red shoes to match.
Caitlin talked me into them. Megabucks.
So, what do you think?
Do youlike it?
Of course I do.
It'’s a reflection of my fashion sense.
Could you live your life like that?
Sure, but that'’s irrelevant. We'’re gonna switch back.
Oh, Alex.
It'’s irreversible. We can'’t switch back.
Of course we can.
[sniffles] No, we can'’t.
Why?
Last night when you were asleep,
I made the wish.
Look at me.
I'’m still you.
And you'’re still me.
Hayley, come here. Come sit down.
I saw the--
the same shooting star when I was with Kyle.
I made a wish, too.
A wish? [sniffles]
I made a wish that I was you.
Why would you wish that?
There I was, this--
this C-minus student
about to break up with my boyfriend over--
over some self-imposed rule.
I felt totally bored with myself and my friends and everything.
[sighs] I realized that I didn'’t have
much of a shot at getting into college.
And-- [chuckles]
I look up on the balcony and I see--
I see my brainy, adventurous little sister...
[chuckles, sniffles] with all these interests,
like conserving energy
and listening to that awful music.
And... I knew you would never make the same mistakes I made.
[sniffles] And I just--
I wondered what it would be like to be Hayley Wheaton,
and then I saw the star.
Why were you so mad when we switched places?
[chuckles] First of all,
I wasn'’t about to admit that I wanted to be you.
And, I mean, I panicked.
I never actually thought that it would happen.
I guess we made the same wish at the very same time.
T-that'’s why it didn'’t work.
Mm-hmm.
What are we waiting for?
I must have messed up my mascara.
No, you'’re okay. I'’m just the person to fix it.
There you go.
You watch that half. I'’ll watch this one.
[Hayley] Oh, you must be dying to know about the science fair.
The results won'’t be posted till tomorrow,
but I gave a spectacular presentation.
Maybe I'’ll be a science major if I get into Felder.
You will, Alex.
That is, if you can pull off the 3.0
I promised them this semester.
-Hayley, look. Right there! -Okay.
Ready?
[both thinking] -I wish I were Hayley Wheaton. -I wish I were Alexia Wheaton.
-[both scream] -It worked!
Oh, my gosh! I'’m home!
[laughs] How do you feel?
Tall.
[laughs] Oh! Ah!
How am I-- how am I ever gonna keep this neat?
You'’ll get used to it.
-I'’ll help you. -[laughing]
Come on!
[crowd cheering]
Oh!
♪ On a train headin'’ east of here ♪
♪ Where I'’ll end up, I'’m not quite clear ♪
♪ But I can'’t help myself, I must be settling down ♪
♪ Until I stop this thing I'’ll get around ♪
♪ When I hear it'’s been done before ♪
♪ And I hear it'’s a simple thing ♪
♪ Then I hear it'’s quite difficult ♪
♪ And I he-a-ar almost everything ♪
♪ Pass through deserts and mountain streams ♪
♪ Outside my window, the scene'’s serene ♪
♪ The day I find myself, I'’ll be so very proud ♪
♪ But I will not get passed up in the crowd ♪
♪ When I hear it'’s been done before ♪
♪ And I hear it'’s a simple thing ♪
I'’m gonna go find Simon, okay?
Okay.
♪ And I he-e-e-ar
Hey, hey, Hayley! Hey, you wanna dance?
Hayley, yeah! That'’s me! Maybe later!
-All right! -Okay.
[singer vocalizing]
Hi.
Killer dress!
Hey, look, here'’s the deal, Alex.
We forget about all the rules, except for number nine.
Number nine?
The one that says that we'’ll be friends forever.
Thanks, you guys.
I'’ll see you later, okay?
-Okay. -Okay.
♪ Now I'’m not trying to cut anyone down ♪
♪ But I know it'’s been going on too long ♪
♪ Simply doin'’ what you feel ♪
♪ Is the best way not to go wrong ♪
Just give me one more chance, please?
What about that other guy I saw you with?
Other guy?
Yeah.
Kyle, you'’ve got it all wrong.
There'’s only one guy for me.
I love you.
♪ When I hear it'’s been done before ♪
♪ And I hear it'’s a simple thing ♪
♪ Then I hear it'’s quite difficult ♪
♪ And I he-e-ar
I love you too, Aly.
♪ And I hear it'’s a simple thing ♪
♪ Then I hear it'’s quite difficult ♪
♪ And I he-e-ar
♪ Almost everything
♪ Almost every, every, every every, every, every, every ♪
♪ Every, every, every, every little thing ♪
[cheering and whistling]
Hey, everybody, I'’d like to congratulate
the Vikings on their victory, all right!
[cheering]
Also, I would like to take this time to announce
this year'’s winter festival queen of Hunter High.
And the winner is...
Alexia Wheaton!
[cheering]
Yeah! Whoo!
-Alex! -Not now.
But you just won! You just won!
[laughs] Go!
[wolf whistle]
Whoo! Alex!
[slow ballad plays]
♪ I believe in heaven and love ♪
-Hi. -Hi.
[sighs]
Look, Simon, I know you haven'’t gotten
the best impression of me so far.
So let'’s start over.
♪ Surely I should see it all ♪
Alex did say I should get to know you better.
♪ So take care, and don'’t go too far ♪
♪ I will miss you so
♪ And when the distance grows ♪
Hayley.
♪ And the nights are long
♪ And you'’re scared at times and you wonder why ♪
♪ Take care and don'’t go too far ♪
♪ I will miss you so
♪ So take care and don'’t go too far ♪
♪ I will miss you so
♪ And when the distance grows ♪
♪ And the nights are long
♪ And you'’re scared at times, and you wonder why ♪
♪ Take care and don'’t go too far ♪
♪ The road back home is shorter than you know ♪
♪ Oh
♪ The road back home is shorter than you know ♪
[vocalizing]