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It has been described
as one of the most vicious

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presidential races in the
history of American politics.

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And one of the closest.

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The Republican
nominee,

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Senator Russell P.
Kramer of Ohio,

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is practically dead even in the
polls with his bitter rival,

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Democratic Governor
Matt Douglas of Indiana.

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To say there is no love lost
between these two candidates

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is a gross understatement.

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And yet, tonight,
in spite of their almost overwhelming

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distaste for each other,

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one of these men will
have to salute the other

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as the next President
of the United States.

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Thank you!

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Thank you!
God bless you!

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What was once a dream
is now a reality.

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We love you!

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You know, I've always said

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that our dreams
are like our children.

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They need encouragement
and support to grow.

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They must be nurtured
and sheltered

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but allowed to run free.

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We are here to help your dream
become real, America.

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And I'm confident
that we'll be here

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for a long, long time to come!

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And so it appears the American
people have spoken.

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A few minutes ago,

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I congratulated Governor
Douglas on his victory.

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We fought bravely,
but the time has come for us

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to stand behind
our new president

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and put aside
any feelings of ill will,

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rancor,

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hostility,

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and serious doubts about this
man's ability to lead a nation...

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That I hope none of us feels.

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A funny thing happened on
the way to the office tonight.

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I got elected president
of the United States!

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A funny thing happened on the
way to the hotel tonight.

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No, the people have spoken.

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Maybe we don't agree
with their decision...

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How are you?
Congratulations.

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What a night!

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I think it's time, sir.

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Well, all right, then.
How about it?

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Shall we greet the nation,
Mr. Vice president elect?

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I guess so. But are we sure
it's official, sir?

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Ted, President Douglas
just conceded.

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I'd say that's a pretty
damn good sign.

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Oh. Yeah.

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Let's go.
Yep.

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HANEY!

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I have always believed
that dreams are like children.

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They need encouragement
and support to grow.

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But ultimately,
it is perseverance

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that will turn a dream
into a reality,

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countries into world powers,

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and your own Hiroshi Ashino

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into Matsamuda's insurance
underwriter of the year.

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Congrats.

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What the hell?

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Jesus Christ.

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The damn thing
just grabbed me.

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What the hell am I
supposed to do, knock it down?

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You handled it very well, sir.
Oh, you think so, Caldwell?

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Well, tomorrow morning there's going to be
a picture of me dancing with a giant dog

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in every newspaper
on this planet.

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I believe it was a panda, sir.
The dark fur around the eyes.

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Why a Japanese company
would choose...

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I don't care.

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Did Jefferson dance
with a bear? Did Lincoln?

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Did Reagan fox trot with a friggin' panda?
I could check, sir.

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The point is I was President
of the United States.

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I don't dance
with animals.

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Yes, sir.
No dancing with animals, sir.

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Sir,
message from the President.

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Oh, thanks, Jim.
Jim's off today, sir. I'm Bruce.

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Oh, sorry.

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You and Jim
look very much alike.

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Jim's black, sir.

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Yeah.

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I know.

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But you're both...

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Uh, tall.

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Aw, damn it, he's sending me
to another funeral.

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I can't believe I just
did it with Matt Douglas.

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You were
the leader of the free world.

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My mother has a commemorative
plate with your face on it.

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Joanna, you haven't said
anything about my book,

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the new draft.
Better?

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Well, um...

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I'm your editor.

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Keep in mind
I'm supposed to be critical.

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It, um...
It stinks, right?

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No, it doesn't stink.
I would never...

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Yeah, it is pretty stinky.
I'm sorry.

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It's just you spend
too much of the book

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talking about what you
wanted to do and didn't do

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instead of what you did.
That's because I didn't do much.

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How's that for honesty?

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I believe that's yours.

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Look, Joanna,
if the book goes,

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if it doesn't go,
I don't really care.

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I'm only writing it
'cause, frankly,

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I don't know
what else to do.

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I'm sure you've got plenty of options.
Not really.

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But I'll tell you one thing, I'll never be
like Kramer. Running around the country

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sucking up every dime
that isn't nailed down.

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Now, Jimmy Carter,
there's a class act.

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He goes around
building homes for poor people

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with his own hands.
That's classy.

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Well, you could do that.

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Yeah, yeah, maybe.
In a couple of years.

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But right now, my attitude is

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they didn't vote for me,
let 'em freeze.

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That was a little too easy.
You guys are getting soft.

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Mr. President, once again,
we really wish you wouldn't do that.

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You put yourself
at great risk, sir.

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Oh, yeah, right.
Let me ask you something.

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In all the years ex-presidents

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have had secret-service protection,
has there ever been

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even one assassination attempt
on any of them?

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Uh, no, sir.

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I find that sad.

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The minute
you're out of office,

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they don't care enough about
you to kill you anymore.

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People are fickle.

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Uh, sir, before we go in,
Chet and I would really like to know

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how you got out
of that bathroom stall

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without us seeing.

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Why don't you guys
just relax?

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Take a night off. Go rent
In the Line of Fire again.

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We'll be at Air Force One
shortly, President Douglas.

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I hate these funerals.

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It's just awful when another
good Democrat passes on.

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I believe the deceased
was a Republican, sir.

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Oh. Well, then,
it might not be so bad.

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Hello, baby.

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Daddy's home.

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Mr. President.

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And there's the old seat.

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President Douglas.

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00:09:08,667 --> 00:09:09,834
President Kramer.

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Uh-huh.

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Well, that covers that.

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Russell, I just have to ask.

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Hmm?

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When you dance with a panda...

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Who leads?

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What,
are you working on your book?

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Mmm-hmm.
Yeah.

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I find writing
very gratifying. I must.

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I've written seven books
on my years at the helm.

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You've obviously got
a great knack for fiction.

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And how is Mrs. Douglas?

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00:10:03,041 --> 00:10:04,754
We're in the middle
of a divorce.

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00:10:04,954 --> 00:10:06,648
Oh, yeah.
I knew that, didn't I?

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00:10:06,848 --> 00:10:08,342
I guess
life in the White House

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put too much of a strain
on your marriage.

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00:10:10,788 --> 00:10:12,634
No,
it was being out of the White House

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00:10:12,834 --> 00:10:15,091
that Katherine couldn't stand.
Well, gee, that's funny.

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Your being out of the White House went
over so well with the rest of the country.

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00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,542
Oh, yeah, you want to compare
popularity polls?

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00:10:20,742 --> 00:10:22,050
Yeah,
let's talk about popularity.

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There was only one
assassination attempt on me.

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You had three.

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00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,542
Two! The woman in Phoenix
doesn't count!

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She only had a starter pistol!

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Stop. Just stop.

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We're only together
because a man has died.

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00:10:32,750 --> 00:10:35,875
I think that we can attempt some
semblance of civility, can't we?

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00:10:36,075 --> 00:10:37,333
Well, I know I can.

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00:10:41,166 --> 00:10:43,708
You're a whore. Admit it.
Admit you're a big whore. Go ahead.

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Name three women
from the District of Columbia

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00:10:45,866 --> 00:10:47,625
that you didn't bang
when you were in office.

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What am I talking about?
Name one.

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Screw you.
Blow me.

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When I appointed
general Charles Sherman

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to the Joint Chiefs,

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I knew that he was
a man with a dream.

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00:11:01,875 --> 00:11:05,667
And I have always believed that
dreams are like our children.

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00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:09,717
Buy a new speech, Russell.

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00:11:09,917 --> 00:11:11,629
That dead general's
the lucky one.

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00:11:11,829 --> 00:11:13,689
He won't ever have to
hear it again.

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00:11:13,889 --> 00:11:15,550
Grab me a towel,
would you, Carl?

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00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:17,625
You know, I don't like to be
interrupted when I'm on the bike.

186
00:11:18,417 --> 00:11:19,759
What's going on?

187
00:11:19,959 --> 00:11:22,379
Mr. President, I'm afraid
a situation's come up.

188
00:11:22,579 --> 00:11:25,000
The Democrats may have
some damaging information

189
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,437
about Olympia.

190
00:11:27,637 --> 00:11:29,675
Sir...
Olympia?

191
00:11:29,875 --> 00:11:31,962
We've had that buried for years.
Yes, sir.

192
00:11:32,162 --> 00:11:34,250
But I was thinking,
when all this took place,

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00:11:34,450 --> 00:11:35,675
Kramer was president.

194
00:11:35,875 --> 00:11:38,650
There's a possibility we could
lay the scandal on him.

195
00:11:38,850 --> 00:11:41,625
Yeah, but he didn't know
anything about that little deal.

196
00:11:41,825 --> 00:11:43,625
Could always make it appear
that he did.

197
00:11:43,825 --> 00:11:45,792
A little fiddling
with the records,

198
00:11:45,992 --> 00:11:47,759
some judicious rewriting
of history.

199
00:11:47,959 --> 00:11:49,879
Oh, I don't know, Carl.
That's tricky stuff.

200
00:11:50,079 --> 00:11:52,000
You know, you get into
that kind of thing,

201
00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,634
you open up
a whole new bag of cats.

202
00:11:53,834 --> 00:11:56,458
My honest opinion, if this matter
isn't taken care of immediately,

203
00:11:56,658 --> 00:12:00,458
no less than the presidency
is at stake, sir.

204
00:12:00,658 --> 00:12:02,091
Don't worry, sir.

205
00:12:02,291 --> 00:12:03,959
I think I can promise you this is
the last you'll hear about it.

206
00:12:04,834 --> 00:12:05,792
Hear about what?

207
00:12:10,291 --> 00:12:14,166
Mrs. Sherman has told me that
Charlie had a favorite song.

208
00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:16,500
One that always cheered him
when he was down.

209
00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:18,562
Please, God,
don't let him quote lyrics.

210
00:12:18,762 --> 00:12:20,425
And I can't think
of anything more fitting

211
00:12:20,625 --> 00:12:23,959
than to share with you
the words from that song now.

212
00:12:24,159 --> 00:12:25,125
Oh, Christ.

213
00:12:26,917 --> 00:12:28,671
Muskrat Susie...

214
00:12:28,871 --> 00:12:30,425
Muskrat Sam...

215
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:33,041
Do the jitterbug
out in muskrat land.

216
00:12:33,834 --> 00:12:35,667
And they shimmy.

217
00:12:38,208 --> 00:12:40,000
And Sammy's so skinny.

218
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:41,375
Oy.

219
00:13:00,625 --> 00:13:01,917
Mr. President, hello.

220
00:13:02,117 --> 00:13:03,175
Kaye!

221
00:13:03,375 --> 00:13:05,634
What a lovely surprise.

222
00:13:05,834 --> 00:13:08,667
And how is my favorite
television news person?

223
00:13:08,867 --> 00:13:09,966
Oh, I'm
your favorite?

224
00:13:10,166 --> 00:13:11,834
I thought Diane Sawyer
was your favorite.

225
00:13:12,034 --> 00:13:13,166
She is. How is she?

226
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,417
Rumor has it a major scandal
is about to blow.

227
00:13:18,375 --> 00:13:20,208
And it may involve you.

228
00:13:20,408 --> 00:13:22,187
Oh, not me, Kaye.

229
00:13:22,387 --> 00:13:23,966
My nose is clean.

230
00:13:24,166 --> 00:13:26,587
What I'm hearing is
that your last year in office

231
00:13:26,787 --> 00:13:29,208
you took a very generous,
let's call it a fee,

232
00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:30,841
for delivering
a big defense contract.

233
00:13:31,041 --> 00:13:33,858
I'm just looking
for a confirmation on that.

234
00:13:34,058 --> 00:13:36,875
Are you saying that I took a k...
A kickback?

235
00:13:39,792 --> 00:13:42,050
Excuse me, Matt.
You got a minute? Sure, Joe.

236
00:13:42,250 --> 00:13:45,025
Looks like Haney's involved
in this Kramer kickback story,

237
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:48,000
but there's a defense contractor
who's prepared to say

238
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,508
that Kramer's the guy
he paid off.

239
00:13:49,708 --> 00:13:51,883
Kramer? Then that's that.
Cased closed.

240
00:13:52,083 --> 00:13:55,250
No, it's not. Our sources tell us
that Haney's shifting the blame.

241
00:13:55,450 --> 00:13:58,000
Word is it was done over lunch
in the Oval Office.

242
00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,750
Oh, really?
Just you and the contractor. Very cozy.

243
00:14:00,950 --> 00:14:02,467
Who is this contractor?

244
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:04,921
The contractor's
Charlie Reynolds.

245
00:14:05,121 --> 00:14:07,175
Oh, you're kidding.
Charlie? Charlie.

246
00:14:07,375 --> 00:14:10,083
Now, Mr. President, you know I would
tell you the name of the contractor

247
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,291
if I was your favorite
television news person,

248
00:14:12,491 --> 00:14:13,959
but since I'm not...

249
00:14:14,159 --> 00:14:15,583
Take care.

250
00:14:18,417 --> 00:14:19,717
Margaret,
did you hear that?

251
00:14:19,917 --> 00:14:22,817
Yeah, I did. It's a crock,
and we both know it.

252
00:14:23,017 --> 00:14:25,717
It's a kick in the balls.
Sorry, sweetheart.

253
00:14:25,917 --> 00:14:28,959
Please, I'm a politician's wife.
I have a set of my own.

254
00:14:29,159 --> 00:14:30,625
Look, I know you and Charlie
were friends,

255
00:14:30,825 --> 00:14:32,091
but the poor bastard's
in over his head.

256
00:14:32,291 --> 00:14:35,417
Now, you're going to Washington
for that book convention, right?

257
00:14:35,617 --> 00:14:37,458
I think it would be
a great time for you to stop

258
00:14:37,658 --> 00:14:39,062
and see your old friend
and talk to him.

259
00:14:39,262 --> 00:14:40,667
Yeah, well,
I'd like to help you, Joe,

260
00:14:40,867 --> 00:14:42,562
but I'm not getting involved.

261
00:14:42,762 --> 00:14:44,258
Matt,
if you do this for us,

262
00:14:44,458 --> 00:14:46,091
the party'd
be extremely grateful.

263
00:14:46,291 --> 00:14:49,025
We both know you want another
crack at that Oval Office.

264
00:14:49,225 --> 00:14:51,959
Hold on. I told you I was
thinking about running again.

265
00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,091
Just thinking.

266
00:14:53,291 --> 00:14:56,208
Besides, the party wouldn't
back me again. They wouldn't.

267
00:14:56,408 --> 00:14:57,759
Would they?

268
00:14:57,959 --> 00:15:00,208
Of course they would.
I'm the Democratic chairman.

269
00:15:00,408 --> 00:15:01,550
We need your help.

270
00:15:01,750 --> 00:15:04,458
And if you're seriously
considering running again,

271
00:15:04,658 --> 00:15:06,175
you're gonna need ours.

272
00:15:06,375 --> 00:15:08,166
When was this supposed to
have taken place?

273
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:09,883
It was seven years ago.

274
00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:12,500
I don't understand it.
I mean, why me and why now?

275
00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:14,625
Who stands to benefit
from framing me?

276
00:15:14,825 --> 00:15:15,425
Ladies and gentlemen,

277
00:15:15,625 --> 00:15:17,333
the President
of the United States.

278
00:15:34,875 --> 00:15:36,966
I've been thinking
about your offer, Joe.

279
00:15:37,166 --> 00:15:39,708
Not that I'd ever run again,
but do you really think

280
00:15:39,908 --> 00:15:42,800
the party would back me
if I helped out?

281
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:46,792
It's already
been discussed, Mr. President.

282
00:15:46,992 --> 00:15:47,800
Really?

283
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:52,166
Now that I think of it,
there is an extra bonus to this.

284
00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:57,337
Maybe to get
the son of a bitch I hate

285
00:15:57,537 --> 00:16:00,375
and the son of a bitch
I really hate...

286
00:16:03,917 --> 00:16:04,708
I'll do it.

287
00:16:10,083 --> 00:16:12,191
Just get me the name
of that contractor.

288
00:16:12,391 --> 00:16:14,500
You got to dig that up for me,
Caldwell.

289
00:16:14,700 --> 00:16:17,091
I'll get right on it, sir.

290
00:16:17,291 --> 00:16:20,875
Sir, we agreed the zipper
would be in the up position.

291
00:16:21,075 --> 00:16:22,875
It's part of the deal, sir.

292
00:16:24,708 --> 00:16:25,592
I wonder what they'd pay me

293
00:16:25,792 --> 00:16:28,250
if I tattooed their damn logo
across my ass.

294
00:16:28,450 --> 00:16:29,508
I could ask.

295
00:16:29,708 --> 00:16:30,750
Just drive the cart!
Yes.

296
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,125
Yes!

297
00:16:45,083 --> 00:16:47,458
You know, I've actually thought
about playing professionally.

298
00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:49,917
Ah, well, gee, I don't know
about that, Bill.

299
00:16:50,117 --> 00:16:51,217
I think that the ladies tour

300
00:16:51,417 --> 00:16:52,917
likes their players
to be a little more masculine.

301
00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:59,458
Ah!

302
00:17:11,542 --> 00:17:12,917
Hold this, Russ.

303
00:17:19,708 --> 00:17:22,208
Thank you, Russ.
That's for you.

304
00:17:22,408 --> 00:17:24,291
You son of a...

305
00:17:39,375 --> 00:17:40,583
Ohh!

306
00:17:42,959 --> 00:17:44,966
I'm so sorry,
and I'm so embarrassed,

307
00:17:45,166 --> 00:17:48,667
and I hope that this doesn't
scare you away from golf

308
00:17:48,867 --> 00:17:50,675
because
it's such a great sport.

309
00:17:50,875 --> 00:17:53,542
I know your people,
the black people,

310
00:17:53,742 --> 00:17:54,966
don't really enjoy the game.

311
00:17:55,166 --> 00:17:57,625
But I think that's because you
can't get into the nice clubs.

312
00:17:57,825 --> 00:17:59,258
The restricted ones.

313
00:17:59,458 --> 00:18:02,000
And on the other hand,
your people are so good at so many sports

314
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,104
that maybe it's good
that we white folk

315
00:18:04,304 --> 00:18:06,008
have a sport you guys
are not so good at.

316
00:18:06,208 --> 00:18:08,342
Mr. Vice President, this way.
Is there a problem?

317
00:18:08,542 --> 00:18:11,500
There'll be less of one if you step this way.
Okay. So long.

318
00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:13,000
Oh, man,
I'm getting a cramp.

319
00:18:17,417 --> 00:18:19,133
Interesting game
we got here.

320
00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:21,417
You're playing pretty tough,
Bill.

321
00:18:21,617 --> 00:18:23,166
Tough enough to win,
I hope.

322
00:18:23,366 --> 00:18:24,800
Yeah. Maybe.

323
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,500
But you never know when you're
gonna get stuck with a bad lie.

324
00:18:37,375 --> 00:18:40,917
Watch out. Here comes Douglas
fighting back from behind.

325
00:18:41,117 --> 00:18:43,354
Too little too late.
You're never gonna catch us.

326
00:18:43,554 --> 00:18:45,792
No, but I'm pretty sure
I'll catch one of you.

327
00:18:51,375 --> 00:18:54,008
Yes.

328
00:18:54,208 --> 00:18:57,250
Yes, excellent work, Caldwell.
I'll be in touch. Bye-bye.

329
00:18:57,450 --> 00:18:59,300
So what did he find?
It's Charlie Reynolds.

330
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:02,750
He's the friggin' contractor
who says I took that kickback.

331
00:19:02,950 --> 00:19:04,175
Don't say "frigging," Russ.

332
00:19:04,375 --> 00:19:06,375
If you have to use the "f" word,
go for the gold.

333
00:19:06,575 --> 00:19:08,125
Now why would he
say such a thing?

334
00:19:08,325 --> 00:19:09,675
I think
he's covering for Haney.

335
00:19:09,875 --> 00:19:12,375
It's Haney's mess, but now
he's shifting the stink to me.

336
00:19:12,575 --> 00:19:14,542
I didn't think
he was that smart.

337
00:19:14,742 --> 00:19:16,500
He learned from the master.

338
00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:18,258
I met Reynolds once.

339
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:20,500
Haney brought him in to the office for lunch,
but nothing much happened.

340
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,133
As I remember,

341
00:19:22,333 --> 00:19:24,795
we sat around talking
about golf most of the time.

342
00:19:24,995 --> 00:19:27,272
Now Reynolds is getting ready
to release an affidavit

343
00:19:27,472 --> 00:19:29,750
saying that at that meeting
he was alone with me.

344
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:33,208
Don't do that with the liquor,
Russ.

345
00:19:33,408 --> 00:19:34,792
It's so George Bush.

346
00:19:38,208 --> 00:19:40,508
Hey, wait a minute.
Yeah, wait a minute.

347
00:19:40,708 --> 00:19:43,091
If the meeting took place
in the Oval Office,

348
00:19:43,291 --> 00:19:46,625
then there has to be a record
of it in the appointment log

349
00:19:46,825 --> 00:19:48,083
naming everybody present.

350
00:19:48,283 --> 00:19:49,342
Well, this is easy.

351
00:19:49,542 --> 00:19:51,342
I send Caldwell down
to the national archives

352
00:19:51,542 --> 00:19:54,792
and get some hard evidence that I
can shove right in Reynolds' face.

353
00:19:54,992 --> 00:19:56,217
Well done, dear.

354
00:19:56,417 --> 00:19:58,750
Now, before we check out,
do you want me to steal

355
00:19:58,950 --> 00:20:01,583
all the little shampoos
and conditioners?

356
00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:04,417
Oh, God, Margaret.
Come on, now, please.

357
00:20:04,617 --> 00:20:05,917
I already got them.

358
00:20:15,792 --> 00:20:17,258
What do you mean
it's not there?

359
00:20:17,458 --> 00:20:20,208
Sir, I have the appointment
log right in front of me.

360
00:20:20,408 --> 00:20:22,925
I see your name,
Charles Reynolds' name,

361
00:20:23,125 --> 00:20:27,291
and at the bottom, the word
"Olympia" circled in red.

362
00:20:27,491 --> 00:20:29,625
Sir?

363
00:20:34,959 --> 00:20:35,883
Don't be a moron, Charlie!

364
00:20:36,083 --> 00:20:38,208
You're saying
you offered me a kickback

365
00:20:38,408 --> 00:20:39,091
right there
in the Oval Office,

366
00:20:39,291 --> 00:20:42,191
and I took it?
That's how I remember it, sir.

367
00:20:42,391 --> 00:20:44,804
As I recall,
just the two of us were there.

368
00:20:45,004 --> 00:20:47,217
And you were very pleased
about the deal.

369
00:20:47,417 --> 00:20:49,966
Wait a minute. Just the two of
us? Are you sure about that?

370
00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:52,375
Mr president, I don't believe we
have anything further to discuss.

371
00:20:52,575 --> 00:20:54,708
Oh, yes. We have lots
to discuss, Chuckie.

372
00:20:54,908 --> 00:20:56,841
How's this for openers,
you and your buddies

373
00:20:57,041 --> 00:21:00,300
tampering with official documents
in the national archives?

374
00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:03,583
That's gonna be kind of hard to explain
when you get subpoenaed, isn't it?

375
00:21:03,783 --> 00:21:04,841
I'm sorry, sir.

376
00:21:05,041 --> 00:21:07,258
I have no idea
what you're talking about.

377
00:21:07,458 --> 00:21:11,500
I'm going to have to stand
by my original statement.

378
00:21:11,700 --> 00:21:13,291
Well, you're gonna
stand alone, buster.

379
00:21:20,500 --> 00:21:22,133
Let's go, Bruce.
It's Jim, sir.

380
00:21:22,333 --> 00:21:24,625
Yeah, yeah.
You're black, you're tall.

381
00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:26,041
Whoop-dee-friggin'- doo.
Let's go.

382
00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:36,000
Mr. Reynolds,
the president is here.

383
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:37,437
He just left.

384
00:21:37,637 --> 00:21:38,875
No, another one.

385
00:21:39,625 --> 00:21:41,417
Charlie, old buddy.

386
00:21:41,617 --> 00:21:42,550
Matt?

387
00:21:42,750 --> 00:21:43,959
What do you say
we take a walk,

388
00:21:44,159 --> 00:21:45,375
talk about old times.

389
00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:50,550
I assure you, Matt,

390
00:21:50,750 --> 00:21:52,875
the arrangement was made
with President Kramer

391
00:21:53,075 --> 00:21:54,342
and President Kramer alone.

392
00:21:54,542 --> 00:21:56,775
Charlie, we're friends.
I want to believe you.

393
00:21:56,975 --> 00:21:59,512
But there are people
who say it wasn't that way.

394
00:21:59,712 --> 00:22:02,250
Now, this is turning
into a huge political bomb.

395
00:22:02,450 --> 00:22:04,875
Not that I mind,
'cause when it blows,

396
00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:06,300
my party's going to begin.

397
00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:10,883
Look, Haney, Kramer,
one of them is going down.

398
00:22:11,083 --> 00:22:14,667
Now, the Democrats can offer you
immunity if you give us a name.

399
00:22:14,867 --> 00:22:17,125
Now, come on, Charlie,
who took the kickback?

400
00:22:17,325 --> 00:22:18,383
Now, please,
tell me it's Kramer.

401
00:22:18,583 --> 00:22:20,625
If it is, I'll give you
a big kiss on the lips.

402
00:22:20,825 --> 00:22:21,542
Tongue, no tongue,
your choice.

403
00:22:25,417 --> 00:22:28,883
Carl,
I'm in a very tough spot here.

404
00:22:29,083 --> 00:22:31,542
I know, Charlie, but there's
nothing to worry about.

405
00:22:31,742 --> 00:22:32,675
Just hang tight.

406
00:22:32,875 --> 00:22:35,000
They came to my office
yesterday, Carl.

407
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,458
They came
to my place of business.

408
00:22:37,658 --> 00:22:39,717
Now, look,
I know we have a deal,

409
00:22:39,917 --> 00:22:41,917
but if I knew this was
going to be happening,

410
00:22:42,117 --> 00:22:42,883
I wouldn't have signed on.

411
00:22:43,083 --> 00:22:44,675
Just be calm
and know that you have

412
00:22:44,875 --> 00:22:47,083
the full power
of the White House behind you.

413
00:22:47,283 --> 00:22:48,625
Okay?
I'll be in touch.

414
00:22:51,208 --> 00:22:52,458
Reynolds sounds shaky.

415
00:22:54,750 --> 00:22:57,333
I better get over there and give
our friend a little moral support.

416
00:23:07,708 --> 00:23:10,129
Okay, folks. Please step back.
Form a line.

417
00:23:10,329 --> 00:23:12,752
Thank you.
Everyone will get an autograph.

418
00:23:12,952 --> 00:23:15,375
A cookbook. He wrote a cookbook!
How dare he?

419
00:23:15,575 --> 00:23:16,592
Well, you know,
when he was president,

420
00:23:16,792 --> 00:23:18,217
he did cook for his guests all the time.
That's not the point.

421
00:23:18,417 --> 00:23:21,667
Did George Washington write a book
called Your Wooden Teeth and You?

422
00:23:21,867 --> 00:23:24,500
Did William Howard Taft write
30 Days to a Slimmer Ass?

423
00:23:24,700 --> 00:23:26,083
It's shameful, just shameful!

424
00:23:26,283 --> 00:23:27,091
Mr. President!

425
00:23:27,291 --> 00:23:29,417
Oh, yeah.
It's okay, Chet.

426
00:23:31,250 --> 00:23:32,670
Sir, Mr. Reynolds
would appreciate

427
00:23:32,870 --> 00:23:34,291
you signing this
for his daughter.

428
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:35,962
Charlie?

429
00:23:36,162 --> 00:23:37,125
Yes, sir.

430
00:23:44,667 --> 00:23:46,000
Be glad to.

431
00:23:47,625 --> 00:23:48,841
There you go.

432
00:23:49,041 --> 00:23:50,333
This will make him very happy.

433
00:23:54,208 --> 00:23:58,208
President Douglas, here's that
turkey and Swiss you ordered.

434
00:23:58,408 --> 00:24:00,166
Uh, just one moment.

435
00:24:02,417 --> 00:24:04,050
Uh, Chet.

436
00:24:04,250 --> 00:24:05,708
Chet, could you...

437
00:24:07,333 --> 00:24:09,166
I didn't order a sandwich.

438
00:24:10,208 --> 00:24:11,421
Yes, sir.

439
00:24:11,621 --> 00:24:12,634
Sandwich boy.

440
00:24:12,834 --> 00:24:14,275
Come with us, sir.

441
00:24:14,475 --> 00:24:15,717
Drop the bag, please.

442
00:24:15,917 --> 00:24:17,462
Hands behind your back.
What did I do?

443
00:24:17,662 --> 00:24:19,189
Do not move.
He said turkey and swiss!

444
00:24:19,389 --> 00:24:20,917
What's in the bag, son?
A sandwich!

445
00:25:04,208 --> 00:25:05,750
You made the right choice,
Charlie.

446
00:25:05,950 --> 00:25:07,417
I hope so, Matt.
Get in.

447
00:25:08,291 --> 00:25:09,583
President Douglas!

448
00:25:14,041 --> 00:25:16,291
It's my duty to officially
serve you with this subpoena.

449
00:25:16,491 --> 00:25:18,125
Oh, God!
Did you have to do that?

450
00:25:19,583 --> 00:25:20,750
I've always admired you, sir.

451
00:25:23,083 --> 00:25:24,125
What the hell?

452
00:25:25,208 --> 00:25:27,708
Aw, my ex-wife.

453
00:25:27,908 --> 00:25:29,217
Damn.

454
00:25:29,417 --> 00:25:31,625
Don't ever get a divorce,
Charlie.

455
00:25:31,825 --> 00:25:34,217
I swear, half the time,

456
00:25:34,417 --> 00:25:37,250
I wish somebody'd
just walk up and shoot me.

457
00:25:38,792 --> 00:25:40,258
Oh, my God!

458
00:25:40,458 --> 00:25:42,125
Hey, what the hell
are you doing here?

459
00:25:44,458 --> 00:25:45,858
Hey, what's going on,
Douglas?

460
00:25:46,058 --> 00:25:47,458
What are you...
Oh, my God.

461
00:25:47,658 --> 00:25:48,425
He's dead.

462
00:25:48,625 --> 00:25:50,462
Oh, my God!
Hey, what the hell...

463
00:25:50,662 --> 00:25:52,627
Shut up, Kramer.
Don't make a scene.

464
00:25:52,827 --> 00:25:54,592
What did you do?
Oh, what did I do?

465
00:25:54,792 --> 00:25:56,792
Right, you caught me.
We got into a huge argument

466
00:25:56,992 --> 00:25:58,175
about your cookbook,
so I plugged him.

467
00:25:58,375 --> 00:26:01,091
You got a problem with my cookbook?
Kramer!

468
00:26:01,291 --> 00:26:04,166
We are two ex-presidents of the United
States inches away from a dead man.

469
00:26:04,366 --> 00:26:05,728
This is not a good place
for us to be.

470
00:26:05,928 --> 00:26:07,135
What were you doing
with Reynolds?

471
00:26:07,335 --> 00:26:08,463
You know about Olympia,
don't you?

472
00:26:08,663 --> 00:26:09,919
I know about
the kickback you took.

473
00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:11,175
I didn't take any
damn kickback.

474
00:26:11,375 --> 00:26:13,091
And what business
is it of yours, anyway?

475
00:26:13,291 --> 00:26:14,792
Let's not discuss it here.
Where can we go and talk?

476
00:26:14,992 --> 00:26:17,000
I know. Follow me.

477
00:26:31,667 --> 00:26:33,300
Douglas, for the last time,

478
00:26:33,500 --> 00:26:35,008
I'm telling you
everything I know,

479
00:26:35,208 --> 00:26:38,792
and I don't have the slightest
clue what the hell Olympia is.

480
00:26:38,992 --> 00:26:40,834
Excuse me, Dad, did you guys
want something to drink?

481
00:26:41,034 --> 00:26:42,467
Fruit juice for me, honey.

482
00:26:42,667 --> 00:26:45,583
I'd kill for a vodka tonic.
I'm sure we can swing that.

483
00:26:45,783 --> 00:26:48,291
I never touch alcohol.
Dulls the senses.

484
00:26:48,491 --> 00:26:49,375
You're so full of shit.

485
00:26:51,875 --> 00:26:53,133
Hi, there.

486
00:26:53,333 --> 00:26:54,587
We're talking big-people talk.

487
00:26:54,787 --> 00:26:55,841
You didn't hear that, did you?

488
00:26:56,041 --> 00:26:58,542
Here, here.
Money. That's for you.

489
00:26:58,742 --> 00:26:59,634
Thanks.

490
00:26:59,834 --> 00:27:01,467
Please don't do that!
Why not?

491
00:27:01,667 --> 00:27:03,458
I'm just showing your grandson
how you got elected.

492
00:27:04,875 --> 00:27:06,217
Grandpa, play with me.

493
00:27:06,417 --> 00:27:09,050
I can't right now, Davey,
but here.

494
00:27:09,250 --> 00:27:11,083
See, you take this and run along.
Grandpa.

495
00:27:11,283 --> 00:27:12,383
Okay.

496
00:27:12,583 --> 00:27:14,841
Give me the gun.
Now, you go hide.

497
00:27:15,041 --> 00:27:18,083
I'll count down from 100
and then come find you, okay?

498
00:27:18,283 --> 00:27:19,041
Okay!
Skedaddle.

499
00:27:19,241 --> 00:27:20,624
100!

500
00:27:20,824 --> 00:27:22,008
99!

501
00:27:22,208 --> 00:27:24,250
Nine... Okay, where were we?

502
00:27:27,750 --> 00:27:28,795
Well, I don't think
you had anything to do

503
00:27:28,995 --> 00:27:30,022
with Charlie's death,
but I'm pretty sure

504
00:27:30,222 --> 00:27:31,050
you're involved
in this mess somehow.

505
00:27:31,250 --> 00:27:33,800
I'm involved?
Well, what about you?

506
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:36,087
You were the one sitting
in the car next to a dead man.

507
00:27:36,287 --> 00:27:38,375
Well, now you know. I enjoy
spending time with dead men.

508
00:27:38,575 --> 00:27:40,041
You don't believe me?
Go ahead and die.

509
00:27:40,241 --> 00:27:41,883
It will perk me right up.
You...

510
00:27:42,083 --> 00:27:44,583
Daddy, there's someone here to see you.
Huh?

511
00:27:46,333 --> 00:27:49,300
Good afternoon, sirs.
Colonel Paul Tanner, N.S.A.

512
00:27:49,500 --> 00:27:52,291
President Haney needs to meet with the
both of you as quickly as possible.

513
00:27:52,491 --> 00:27:54,833
We have transportation
to Camp David on the way.

514
00:27:55,033 --> 00:27:57,375
Yeah, but, Colonel,
how did you find us here?

515
00:27:57,575 --> 00:28:00,291
We know where you are
at all times, sir.

516
00:28:00,491 --> 00:28:01,750
That's our business.

517
00:28:37,166 --> 00:28:39,050
Major, is there a problem?

518
00:28:39,250 --> 00:28:41,754
I don't remember the flight to
Camp David taking this long.

519
00:28:41,954 --> 00:28:44,258
Mr. President, I'm sorry.
My orders didn't mention Camp David.

520
00:28:44,458 --> 00:28:47,108
We were told we were going to Camp
David to meet with President Haney.

521
00:28:47,308 --> 00:28:49,959
Sir, as far as I know,
President Haney's back at the White House.

522
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,108
Something's wrong.

523
00:28:53,308 --> 00:28:54,217
Oh, swell. Now what?

524
00:28:54,417 --> 00:28:55,717
Haney's back in Washington.

525
00:28:55,917 --> 00:28:58,333
They're taking us
out to the middle of nowhere.

526
00:28:58,533 --> 00:29:00,800
Oh, that duplicitous
little turd.

527
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:02,800
Major, I want to speak to
the White House immediately.

528
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:06,125
I'm sorry, sir. I've been instructed
to maintain radio silence.

529
00:29:06,325 --> 00:29:08,208
Then put this bird
on the ground right now

530
00:29:08,408 --> 00:29:10,008
and that's an order!

531
00:29:10,208 --> 00:29:12,542
Respectfully, sir, I can't do that.
My orders are classified.

532
00:29:14,166 --> 00:29:16,500
All right, major,
you land this contraption

533
00:29:16,700 --> 00:29:18,667
or I'll blow
your friggin' head off!

534
00:29:28,667 --> 00:29:32,500
You gentlemen said you wanted
to maintain radio silence.

535
00:29:32,700 --> 00:29:34,300
Douglas!
What the hell?

536
00:29:34,500 --> 00:29:37,091
You don't shoot a gun off
in a confined area!

537
00:29:37,291 --> 00:29:39,375
Are you trying to deafen us all?
Just get out of the chopper.

538
00:29:39,575 --> 00:29:41,500
What?
Get out of the chopper!

539
00:29:41,700 --> 00:29:42,667
The crops?

540
00:29:42,867 --> 00:29:43,834
Get out!

541
00:29:52,667 --> 00:29:54,300
What do we do now?

542
00:29:54,500 --> 00:29:58,250
I don't know. It's our butts if
we let them out of our sight.

543
00:29:58,450 --> 00:30:00,354
If I have to get
a hearing aid after this,

544
00:30:00,554 --> 00:30:02,458
don't be surprised
when I send you the bill.

545
00:30:02,658 --> 00:30:04,175
If I have to listen
to you bitch,

546
00:30:04,375 --> 00:30:06,875
don't be surprised when I beat
you to death with my shoe!

547
00:30:07,075 --> 00:30:09,083
Oh, yeah? Now what the hell
are they doing?

548
00:30:09,283 --> 00:30:11,124
Get out of here!
Get out!

549
00:30:11,324 --> 00:30:12,966
Go on! Get going!
Shoo! Shoo!

550
00:30:13,166 --> 00:30:14,754
Gee,
they're not leaving, Russell.

551
00:30:14,954 --> 00:30:16,542
Maybe if you make
a scary face.

552
00:30:16,742 --> 00:30:18,050
Wait a minute, Einstein.

553
00:30:18,250 --> 00:30:20,875
Do you know we never had
to leave the chopper?

554
00:30:21,075 --> 00:30:22,300
You've got their gun.

555
00:30:22,500 --> 00:30:24,417
We could've made them
take us back to Washington.

556
00:30:24,617 --> 00:30:25,634
Now you figure that out!

557
00:30:25,834 --> 00:30:27,966
Well, as usual, the Republican
comes up with a plan

558
00:30:28,166 --> 00:30:31,000
while the Democrat just
aimlessly wanders in the woods.

559
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:32,667
Just shut up
and flag them down.

560
00:30:32,867 --> 00:30:34,417
All right.
Come on down.

561
00:30:34,617 --> 00:30:35,917
Bring it down.

562
00:30:36,117 --> 00:30:37,417
Bring it down!

563
00:30:58,375 --> 00:30:59,542
They're down.

564
00:31:15,041 --> 00:31:16,925
I don't believe this.
It's madness!

565
00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:19,333
And you know what
really gives me the red ass?

566
00:31:19,533 --> 00:31:20,217
The red ass?

567
00:31:20,417 --> 00:31:22,091
Haney's behind
the whole thing.

568
00:31:22,291 --> 00:31:24,125
Well, damn it,
he's not gonna get away with it.

569
00:31:24,325 --> 00:31:25,467
We'll go public.

570
00:31:25,667 --> 00:31:27,879
I'm gonna call Kaye Griffin,
we'll go on TV,

571
00:31:28,079 --> 00:31:30,291
and we'll tell them
about Reynolds' murder

572
00:31:30,491 --> 00:31:31,792
and the helicopter explosion.

573
00:31:31,992 --> 00:31:32,966
Are you crazy?

574
00:31:33,166 --> 00:31:34,795
We can't go public
without evidence!

575
00:31:34,995 --> 00:31:36,751
We'll look like
a couple of morons!

576
00:31:36,951 --> 00:31:38,708
The people will believe us!
Why?

577
00:31:38,908 --> 00:31:40,000
Because we're presidents.

578
00:31:42,750 --> 00:31:44,258
Okay, they won't believe us.

579
00:31:44,458 --> 00:31:47,000
What the hell are we supposed to do now?
I don't know.

580
00:31:50,625 --> 00:31:52,883
Wilkerson, call Douglas
and Kramer's families,

581
00:31:53,083 --> 00:31:55,524
tell them the presidents were
called away to an emergency summit.

582
00:31:55,724 --> 00:31:58,166
They will not be reachable,
and we have no further information.

583
00:31:58,366 --> 00:31:59,800
Unless you find them
in that wreckage,

584
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,525
they're still out there with
about a three-hour head start.

585
00:32:02,725 --> 00:32:05,250
Put up checkpoints for 10 square
miles around that crash site.

586
00:32:05,450 --> 00:32:06,834
I want this resolved tonight.

587
00:32:15,208 --> 00:32:16,133
I'm hungry.

588
00:32:16,333 --> 00:32:18,500
Give me one of those
tootsie rolls you've got.

589
00:32:20,417 --> 00:32:21,667
Wait a minute.

590
00:32:23,458 --> 00:32:25,000
There's a half.
You owe me.

591
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:26,500
I owe you?

592
00:32:26,700 --> 00:32:27,800
What, a penny?

593
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:29,917
Man, you are
one cheap son of a bitch.

594
00:32:30,117 --> 00:32:31,500
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

595
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:35,800
Yeah.

596
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:38,133
Yeah,
I am one cheap son of a bitch,

597
00:32:38,333 --> 00:32:40,667
and that's exactly what's
gonna save our backsides.

598
00:32:40,867 --> 00:32:42,675
I had the White House
kitchen staff

599
00:32:42,875 --> 00:32:45,175
track every meal
so I wouldn't go over budget.

600
00:32:45,375 --> 00:32:48,750
They have a complete record of
everything served and to whom.

601
00:32:48,950 --> 00:32:50,291
You're even cheaper
than I thought.

602
00:32:50,491 --> 00:32:51,749
Aw, stow it, sailor.

603
00:32:51,949 --> 00:32:53,008
That log is gonna prove

604
00:32:53,208 --> 00:32:55,250
that Haney was at
that lunch with Reynolds,

605
00:32:55,450 --> 00:32:57,750
and it's not
in the national archives.

606
00:32:57,950 --> 00:33:00,050
It's at my
presidential library in Ohio.

607
00:33:00,250 --> 00:33:02,875
So I'll just call the library
and have them fax the records

608
00:33:03,075 --> 00:33:04,175
to a few key people.

609
00:33:04,375 --> 00:33:06,383
No, you can't call.
Somebody wants us dead.

610
00:33:06,583 --> 00:33:09,083
When they find out we're not,
they're going to come looking for us.

611
00:33:09,283 --> 00:33:11,166
That means they're gonna be
tapping some phones.

612
00:33:11,366 --> 00:33:12,812
Our home phones,
our office phones.

613
00:33:13,012 --> 00:33:14,843
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah. I don't know.

614
00:33:15,043 --> 00:33:16,875
Well, how are we gonna contact
the library?

615
00:33:17,075 --> 00:33:18,717
It's a nice night
to walk to Ohio.

616
00:33:18,917 --> 00:33:21,375
Walk to Ohio?
We don't even know what state we're in!

617
00:33:21,575 --> 00:33:23,583
Come on, Grandpa.
What'd you say?

618
00:33:23,783 --> 00:33:24,750
You heard me.

619
00:33:25,917 --> 00:33:27,875
Try to keep up with me,
buster.

620
00:33:36,083 --> 00:33:37,250
Joe Hollis.

621
00:33:38,333 --> 00:33:39,583
Thank you.

622
00:33:44,250 --> 00:33:46,175
Hello, Joe.

623
00:33:46,375 --> 00:33:51,091
Well, Kaye, what an unexpected
and bloodcurdling surprise.

624
00:33:51,291 --> 00:33:54,500
You just know how to make a girl
get all gooey inside, don't you?

625
00:33:54,700 --> 00:33:56,083
What have you heard
about the Kramer scandal?

626
00:33:56,283 --> 00:33:57,050
Not a word.

627
00:33:57,250 --> 00:33:59,592
Now, if you'll excuse me,
my salad's getting cold.

628
00:33:59,792 --> 00:34:02,500
Kramer's office cancelled all
of his appointments this week.

629
00:34:02,700 --> 00:34:04,425
Seems he's disappeared.

630
00:34:04,625 --> 00:34:07,125
Honey, I have a tough enough time keeping
track of the Democrats, let alone...

631
00:34:07,325 --> 00:34:08,375
Douglas has dropped
off the planet, too.

632
00:34:08,575 --> 00:34:10,841
What a coincidence.

633
00:34:11,041 --> 00:34:13,166
I tell you what,
If I hear so much as one word,

634
00:34:13,366 --> 00:34:14,979
you'll be the very first
to know, okay?

635
00:34:15,179 --> 00:34:16,969
Come on, Joe.
What's going on here?

636
00:34:17,169 --> 00:34:18,959
Is it possible
that Kramer and Douglas

637
00:34:19,159 --> 00:34:20,333
are in on this together?

638
00:34:22,333 --> 00:34:23,625
Over their dead bodies.

639
00:34:49,417 --> 00:34:50,500
How's it going?

640
00:34:54,667 --> 00:34:55,667
Oh.

641
00:35:05,291 --> 00:35:06,759
Are you them?

642
00:35:06,959 --> 00:35:08,625
I mean, are you the real guys?

643
00:35:08,825 --> 00:35:10,208
Oh, yeah. We are.

644
00:35:10,408 --> 00:35:11,125
Oh, man!

645
00:35:12,667 --> 00:35:13,834
I think you're awesome.

646
00:35:14,034 --> 00:35:15,258
No fair peaking.

647
00:35:15,458 --> 00:35:17,667
Oh, uh, sorry about that.

648
00:35:17,867 --> 00:35:19,425
I'm just kidding.

649
00:35:19,625 --> 00:35:21,458
I think
you're doing a great job, too.

650
00:35:21,658 --> 00:35:22,667
Nice stance.
That's important.

651
00:35:26,583 --> 00:35:27,458
It's an honor, sir.

652
00:35:30,708 --> 00:35:31,966
I can't shake right now.

653
00:35:32,166 --> 00:35:33,708
I have to keep my hands
on the first penis.

654
00:35:35,291 --> 00:35:38,333
Oh, uh, uh, no problem.

655
00:35:38,533 --> 00:35:39,375
Uh...

656
00:35:40,500 --> 00:35:42,000
It's a pleasure to meet ya!

657
00:35:49,083 --> 00:35:50,875
Ooh, boy!

658
00:35:52,041 --> 00:35:54,800
The first penis?

659
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:57,083
Actually, I think that's what
I'm gonna call it from now on.

660
00:35:59,250 --> 00:36:00,542
What do you think, blinky?

661
00:36:07,041 --> 00:36:08,050
So what's the deal, fellas?

662
00:36:08,250 --> 00:36:10,208
Bobby didn't say nothin'
about no presidents.

663
00:36:10,408 --> 00:36:11,708
Figured I was working
this gig alone.

664
00:36:11,908 --> 00:36:13,175
It don't matter none.

665
00:36:13,375 --> 00:36:16,217
What's your name?
Matt Douglas.

666
00:36:16,417 --> 00:36:18,083
No, sir, but I know who you're
supposed to look like.

667
00:36:18,283 --> 00:36:20,050
What are your real names?

668
00:36:20,250 --> 00:36:23,208
Tom...and, uh,
this is Blinky.

669
00:36:25,083 --> 00:36:27,550
Tom and Blinky.
I'm Francis.

670
00:36:27,750 --> 00:36:30,175
Let's get one thing straight.
No sharing tips.

671
00:36:30,375 --> 00:36:33,250
Once we get on that train, it's every man
for himself until we pull into Cleveland.

672
00:36:34,500 --> 00:36:35,583
Now, let's rock and roll.

673
00:36:37,166 --> 00:36:39,508
We'll be right there.
Cleveland!

674
00:36:39,708 --> 00:36:42,083
I think we're
out of the woods... Blinky.

675
00:36:42,283 --> 00:36:43,458
You dirty, son of a...

676
00:36:53,375 --> 00:36:54,375
Hey, everybody.

677
00:36:56,500 --> 00:36:58,166
Thank you very much.

678
00:36:58,366 --> 00:36:59,166
Thank you.

679
00:37:04,750 --> 00:37:06,083
Oh, this is going to be fun.

680
00:37:15,208 --> 00:37:17,000
It's spooky.
He really looks like him.

681
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:18,500
Nah, his nose is bigger.

682
00:37:18,700 --> 00:37:19,425
Mister,

683
00:37:19,625 --> 00:37:22,000
have you ever met
the real President Kramer?

684
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,834
Actually, I have.
A great American.

685
00:37:25,034 --> 00:37:25,883
Give me a break!

686
00:37:26,083 --> 00:37:29,091
Our dreams are like children?
They need to be nurtured.

687
00:37:29,291 --> 00:37:31,250
They need to be supported.
They need to eat their vegetables.

688
00:37:32,458 --> 00:37:33,208
Prick.

689
00:37:34,667 --> 00:37:35,675
This is so weird.

690
00:37:35,875 --> 00:37:38,166
I shouldn't tell you this,
but a couple of years ago,

691
00:37:38,366 --> 00:37:40,792
I had a thing with
the real President Douglas

692
00:37:40,992 --> 00:37:43,834
at a fourth of July do.
And we did.

693
00:37:44,034 --> 00:37:45,508
How about that.

694
00:37:45,708 --> 00:37:47,508
Stick a fork in the guy.
He's done.

695
00:37:47,708 --> 00:37:49,675
He was president.
He had his four years.

696
00:37:49,875 --> 00:37:51,959
We don't need another
piece-of-crap book from him.

697
00:37:52,159 --> 00:37:53,841
I thought he was
a good president.

698
00:37:54,041 --> 00:37:56,708
All these old guys, they want to stay in
the game, but they don't have it anymore.

699
00:37:56,908 --> 00:37:58,667
Lie down, old fella, you're
dead, and you don't know it!

700
00:38:00,750 --> 00:38:02,175
Hey!
Did you see that?

701
00:38:02,375 --> 00:38:04,375
A muscle spasm.
I've been getting them lately.

702
00:38:04,575 --> 00:38:05,959
I'm terribly sorry.
I don't know what...

703
00:38:06,159 --> 00:38:07,467
They just...
There it goes again.

704
00:38:07,667 --> 00:38:10,000
It just seems to...
It's very embarrassing.

705
00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:12,175
I'd better go
and take my medication.

706
00:38:12,375 --> 00:38:14,925
I hope you don't mind my asking,
but how was he? Any good?

707
00:38:15,125 --> 00:38:17,458
Well, to tell you the truth,
it was a lot like his presidency.

708
00:38:17,658 --> 00:38:19,583
There was a lot of talk
leading up to it,

709
00:38:19,783 --> 00:38:21,417
but then he didn't do much.

710
00:38:22,917 --> 00:38:25,133
Excuse me.

711
00:38:25,333 --> 00:38:27,508
Douglas,
this thing stops in Akron,

712
00:38:27,708 --> 00:38:30,025
which isn't far from Cuyahoga
Falls where my library is.

713
00:38:30,225 --> 00:38:32,342
What's it doing there?
Weren't you born in Cleveland?

714
00:38:32,542 --> 00:38:34,875
Well, yeah, I was,
but Cleveland wouldn't cut me a decent deal

715
00:38:35,075 --> 00:38:36,175
on the property taxes.

716
00:38:36,375 --> 00:38:37,841
I mean,
moving that house was a bitch,

717
00:38:38,041 --> 00:38:41,750
but the financial benefits
have been fantastic.

718
00:38:50,375 --> 00:38:51,875
I don't think
we're gonna make it to Akron.

719
00:38:53,875 --> 00:38:55,792
Let's start at the front
of the train and move back.

720
00:38:55,992 --> 00:38:57,667
We'll do it quickly,
we'll do it quietly.

721
00:38:57,867 --> 00:38:59,133
Meet us at the next station.

722
00:38:59,333 --> 00:39:01,041
That's where we'll
pull them off. Let's move.

723
00:39:45,959 --> 00:39:47,250
Oh, great!

724
00:39:48,750 --> 00:39:49,750
We're at the end of the line.

725
00:40:01,583 --> 00:40:03,800
Oh, my God!
How are we gonna do this?

726
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,291
It's simple.
You just jump, tuck, and roll.

727
00:40:06,491 --> 00:40:08,145
It's all hay and grass
out there.

728
00:40:08,345 --> 00:40:09,800
It's the amber waves of grain.

729
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,150
I can't do that.
Of course you can.

730
00:40:12,350 --> 00:40:14,300
You can do it!
Come on! I can't!

731
00:40:14,500 --> 00:40:16,500
Close your eyes, count to three.
We'll jump together.

732
00:40:16,700 --> 00:40:18,542
Now, come on. Close them,
Russell! Close them!

733
00:40:18,742 --> 00:40:19,675
All right.

734
00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:21,834
Count one...two...

735
00:40:24,875 --> 00:40:25,875
God that felt good.

736
00:40:28,125 --> 00:40:29,041
One, two, three!

737
00:40:52,834 --> 00:40:54,000
Jesus.

738
00:40:56,708 --> 00:40:57,834
Douglas!

739
00:40:58,750 --> 00:40:59,875
Where are you?

740
00:41:01,208 --> 00:41:02,775
Oh, damn it.

741
00:41:02,975 --> 00:41:04,342
Douglas!

742
00:41:04,542 --> 00:41:06,337
Stop yelling, you dick.

743
00:41:06,537 --> 00:41:08,333
Okay.
Where are you?

744
00:41:08,533 --> 00:41:09,375
I'm over here.

745
00:41:18,375 --> 00:41:19,966
Nice amber waves.

746
00:41:20,166 --> 00:41:23,417
I think I got a chunk of purple
mountain's majesty up my ass.

747
00:41:23,617 --> 00:41:24,425
Here.

748
00:41:24,625 --> 00:41:26,717
Just don't.
Just don't help me.

749
00:41:26,917 --> 00:41:29,041
The last thing I need
is you helping me.

750
00:41:29,241 --> 00:41:30,458
That's fine by me.

751
00:41:30,658 --> 00:41:32,041
Let's go.

752
00:41:33,917 --> 00:41:35,542
Do you smell food?

753
00:41:36,542 --> 00:41:37,708
Ohh!

754
00:41:50,083 --> 00:41:52,959
I'm out of money.
Lend me five bucks for a burger.

755
00:41:53,159 --> 00:41:55,125
What kind of burger?
Uh, one with bacon.

756
00:41:55,325 --> 00:41:56,250
That's $1.99.

757
00:41:57,625 --> 00:41:58,759
Yeah...

758
00:41:58,959 --> 00:42:01,883
You want $5 to buy
a $1.99 hamburger,

759
00:42:02,083 --> 00:42:03,583
and you're wondering why
the Democrats are in trouble.

760
00:42:10,708 --> 00:42:12,542
Oh, we got company.

761
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,417
Do you know who those two guys are?
They're presidents.

762
00:42:24,583 --> 00:42:26,000
Cool.

763
00:42:26,834 --> 00:42:28,291
Presidents of what?

764
00:42:31,625 --> 00:42:32,759
Great. Cleveland, Ohio.

765
00:42:32,959 --> 00:42:34,400
Oh, God,
I hope this works.

766
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:35,841
We don't have
any other choice.

767
00:42:36,041 --> 00:42:38,834
Hi, I'm Matt Douglas.
This is President Kramer.

768
00:42:39,034 --> 00:42:40,342
How do you do?

769
00:42:40,542 --> 00:42:43,000
I'm sure it's a bit overwhelming
for you to meet us like this,

770
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:44,425
but we're on
a fact-finding mission

771
00:42:44,625 --> 00:42:47,166
for the interstate commerce
commission. Headed for Ohio?

772
00:42:47,366 --> 00:42:48,417
Yep.

773
00:42:49,959 --> 00:42:52,025
Yeah, well, we have to
ride with you

774
00:42:52,225 --> 00:42:54,091
so we can gain
a personal perspective

775
00:42:54,291 --> 00:42:56,959
on the transportation capabilities
of our interstate system.

776
00:42:57,159 --> 00:42:59,583
Well, nobody rides for free.
Cost you 50 bucks.

777
00:42:59,783 --> 00:43:01,125
Well,
we don't have any cash.

778
00:43:02,458 --> 00:43:03,425
I'll take your watch.

779
00:43:03,625 --> 00:43:07,250
Well, you must be joking.
That's a constellation.

780
00:43:07,450 --> 00:43:08,667
It was given to me
by Gorbachev.

781
00:43:19,166 --> 00:43:21,800
This really steams my clams.

782
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:25,254
There are only two watches
like that in the entire world.

783
00:43:25,454 --> 00:43:28,708
Reagan has one, and now Shamu
the killer hick has the other.

784
00:43:28,908 --> 00:43:31,458
Will you shut up?
We don't want to piss her off.

785
00:43:31,658 --> 00:43:33,467
The burrito's really great.

786
00:43:33,667 --> 00:43:36,250
Better you eatin' them
than me. I'm dieting.

787
00:43:36,450 --> 00:43:37,966
Really? You don't need to.

788
00:43:38,166 --> 00:43:40,834
What's wrong with you?
I'm obese. Open your damn eyes.

789
00:43:41,034 --> 00:43:42,258
I don't think you're obese.

790
00:43:42,458 --> 00:43:44,966
You must be one
of those rare gals

791
00:43:45,166 --> 00:43:48,542
who look good carrying an extra one, two...
Hundred pounds.

792
00:43:48,742 --> 00:43:51,008
What are you saying?
I'm fat. I'm a fat pig.

793
00:43:51,208 --> 00:43:53,133
You know, that's the trouble
with you boys in Washington.

794
00:43:53,333 --> 00:43:55,583
You wouldn't know the plain truth if
it jumped up and bit you in the butt.

795
00:43:55,783 --> 00:43:57,417
Nice job
not pissing her off.

796
00:44:00,417 --> 00:44:03,133
So, uh, what are we haulin'?

797
00:44:03,333 --> 00:44:05,458
Nothing excitin'.
Farm equipment.

798
00:44:05,658 --> 00:44:07,208
Uh-huh.

799
00:44:13,250 --> 00:44:14,041
I'm gonna have to pull over.

800
00:44:17,458 --> 00:44:20,041
Now, not to worry anybody,
but you might want to make a run for it.

801
00:44:20,241 --> 00:44:21,333
What the hell is...

802
00:44:25,375 --> 00:44:27,175
Come on, come on, come on.

803
00:44:27,375 --> 00:44:28,875
Halt!
Stop where you are!

804
00:44:31,500 --> 00:44:33,375
This is immigration
and naturalization service.

805
00:44:33,575 --> 00:44:34,750
What?

806
00:44:40,083 --> 00:44:41,300
Farm equipment?

807
00:44:41,500 --> 00:44:44,008
I knew
that damn broad was trouble!

808
00:44:44,208 --> 00:44:46,583
All I care
is that chopper's not for us.

809
00:44:52,041 --> 00:44:55,050
That chopper's for us.
This is I.N.S. 1-1.

810
00:44:55,250 --> 00:44:56,966
You are interfering
with an official operation.

811
00:44:57,166 --> 00:44:59,717
You must vacate this area immediately.
Negative I.N.S.

812
00:44:59,917 --> 00:45:02,041
We're in the middle of a highly
classified N.S.A. Operation.

813
00:45:02,241 --> 00:45:04,145
You are ordered
to leave the area.

814
00:45:04,345 --> 00:45:06,050
Negative.
I will not abort my mission

815
00:45:06,250 --> 00:45:08,250
until I'm given proper
verification of your authority.

816
00:45:10,959 --> 00:45:12,333
Verification acknowledged.
Have a nice night.

817
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:17,212
Senores!

818
00:45:17,412 --> 00:45:18,425
Huh?

819
00:45:18,625 --> 00:45:20,458
Down here!

820
00:45:40,083 --> 00:45:41,170
Burt, what do you have?

821
00:45:41,370 --> 00:45:42,258
Nothing yet, sir!

822
00:45:42,458 --> 00:45:43,917
Let's face it, Douglas.
We're dead.

823
00:45:44,117 --> 00:45:44,841
No.

824
00:45:45,041 --> 00:45:47,108
They no kill you, senor.
They send you back.

825
00:45:47,308 --> 00:45:49,554
You wait one month
and then you try again.

826
00:45:49,754 --> 00:45:52,000
I try four times already.
I love this country.

827
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:54,542
Do me a favor, son.
Put el socko in it.

828
00:46:07,542 --> 00:46:09,875
Are you talking about me?
No.

829
00:46:10,075 --> 00:46:10,834
Are you cold?

830
00:46:11,034 --> 00:46:12,091
Si.

831
00:46:12,291 --> 00:46:14,008
Here. Take this.

832
00:46:14,208 --> 00:46:16,133
Oh, no, no, no.
Is okay.

833
00:46:16,333 --> 00:46:19,000
Take it. I could be dead in a
couple of minutes. I won't need it.

834
00:46:21,041 --> 00:46:21,959
Gracias, senor.

835
00:46:28,667 --> 00:46:30,508
Now you take this.

836
00:46:30,708 --> 00:46:32,708
No, don't worry about it.
No, no, no, take it.

837
00:46:32,908 --> 00:46:34,091
You give to me,
now I give to you.

838
00:46:34,291 --> 00:46:37,717
This help me
get to my new home. America.

839
00:46:37,917 --> 00:46:39,500
Maybe this will help you
get to where you have to go.

840
00:46:41,041 --> 00:46:42,083
Thanks.

841
00:46:43,250 --> 00:46:44,542
Gracias, mi amigo.

842
00:46:48,041 --> 00:46:49,467
Hey.

843
00:46:49,667 --> 00:46:50,708
Oh, no. They're coming.
They're coming.

844
00:46:52,917 --> 00:46:54,067
You're crazy!

845
00:46:54,267 --> 00:46:55,217
It is
true!

846
00:46:55,417 --> 00:46:57,208
Everybody in this country
has a gun!

847
00:47:04,041 --> 00:47:04,834
There he goes!

848
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:15,675
My coat.
They think he's me.

849
00:47:15,875 --> 00:47:18,250
Well, he's not,
so he'll be okay.

850
00:47:18,450 --> 00:47:19,604
Let's get out of here.

851
00:47:19,804 --> 00:47:20,959
Oh, hey, by the way...

852
00:47:56,834 --> 00:47:58,091
Let's talk.

853
00:47:58,291 --> 00:48:00,300
Why?
'Cause I'm bored.

854
00:48:00,500 --> 00:48:03,083
I have nothing to say to you.
Well, I have nothing to say to you.

855
00:48:03,283 --> 00:48:05,354
That doesn't mean
we can't talk.

856
00:48:05,554 --> 00:48:07,625
My parents
proved that conclusively.

857
00:48:09,208 --> 00:48:10,966
What do you miss most
about the office?

858
00:48:11,166 --> 00:48:14,083
I don't miss anything.
I don't live in the past.

859
00:48:15,625 --> 00:48:16,759
Rita. What about Rita?

860
00:48:16,959 --> 00:48:19,046
Oh, God, Rita.
Yes, I do miss Rita.

861
00:48:19,246 --> 00:48:21,085
Greatest cook
the White House ever had.

862
00:48:21,285 --> 00:48:22,925
The only cook the
White House ever had.

863
00:48:23,125 --> 00:48:25,000
I think Rita started
with George Washington.

864
00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:25,925
You know,
when I couldn't sleep,

865
00:48:26,125 --> 00:48:28,625
I'd go downstairs,
and she'd make this dessert.

866
00:48:28,825 --> 00:48:31,333
It was a cream puff
with raspberry sauce...

867
00:48:31,533 --> 00:48:33,729
Did you ever have
one of her pizzas?

868
00:48:33,929 --> 00:48:36,125
It was like a wet dream
with a crust.

869
00:48:37,708 --> 00:48:39,592
A wet dream?

870
00:48:39,792 --> 00:48:42,291
I don't think I need to hear
Russell P. Kramer saying

871
00:48:42,491 --> 00:48:43,383
the words "wet dream"

872
00:48:43,583 --> 00:48:45,650
I'll wake up screaming
every night till I die.

873
00:48:45,850 --> 00:48:47,917
There's nothing wrong
with wet dreams. Stop!

874
00:48:48,117 --> 00:48:49,300
I had a couple
when I was a kid.

875
00:48:49,500 --> 00:48:51,500
Great. I'll look for that
exhibit in your library.

876
00:48:51,700 --> 00:48:52,625
Just stop!

877
00:48:54,667 --> 00:48:56,300
Okay, I got one.

878
00:48:56,500 --> 00:48:58,300
When you were in
the White House,

879
00:48:58,500 --> 00:49:01,542
who was the person you were
most excited to meet?

880
00:49:01,742 --> 00:49:03,458
Nelson Mandela.
I'm not a reporter.

881
00:49:03,658 --> 00:49:04,925
Ella Fitzgerald.
Ah.

882
00:49:05,125 --> 00:49:07,667
Mandela was a great man,
but he couldn't sing worth shit.

883
00:49:07,867 --> 00:49:09,091
Joe DiMaggio.

884
00:49:09,291 --> 00:49:11,667
That was a thrill.

885
00:49:16,166 --> 00:49:17,834
What?

886
00:49:19,083 --> 00:49:20,041
Eighty million.

887
00:49:22,542 --> 00:49:24,542
That's how many people
voted against me

888
00:49:24,742 --> 00:49:25,750
the last time out.

889
00:49:29,041 --> 00:49:31,342
That's how many people

890
00:49:31,542 --> 00:49:36,875
didn't trust me,
didn't like me, didn't...

891
00:49:38,291 --> 00:49:39,417
Who knows?

892
00:49:44,917 --> 00:49:46,834
I stayed in bed
for a week and a half

893
00:49:47,034 --> 00:49:48,375
after they voted me out.

894
00:49:53,667 --> 00:49:56,583
Let's stop talking. We're about to bond.
It'll make me vomit.

895
00:49:56,783 --> 00:49:58,041
Oh, why don't you
go to hell?

896
00:49:58,241 --> 00:49:59,250
Now, that's better.

897
00:50:01,250 --> 00:50:02,708
What time you got?

898
00:50:04,083 --> 00:50:05,208
Screw you!

899
00:50:07,625 --> 00:50:09,125
Hold it. Hold it.

900
00:50:10,250 --> 00:50:11,291
I think I hear people.

901
00:50:21,041 --> 00:50:22,759
Wayne, slow down.

902
00:50:22,959 --> 00:50:25,583
That bacon doesn't have wings.
It won't fly away.

903
00:50:25,783 --> 00:50:27,375
I want
to get back on the road.

904
00:50:29,375 --> 00:50:30,750
Sweet Jesus.

905
00:50:32,417 --> 00:50:33,883
Good morning!

906
00:50:34,083 --> 00:50:36,217
It's wonderful
to see an American family

907
00:50:36,417 --> 00:50:39,550
out enjoying the natural
splendor of our great country.

908
00:50:39,750 --> 00:50:42,375
President Kramer! Yes, ma'am.
I'm so pleased to meet you.

909
00:50:42,575 --> 00:50:45,041
Won't you please sit down.
That's all, son.

910
00:50:45,241 --> 00:50:46,250
You can put it at ease.
That's it.

911
00:50:46,450 --> 00:50:47,800
I'm on a fact-finding mission

912
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:49,841
from the department
of the interior.

913
00:50:50,041 --> 00:50:51,966
Now tell me, do you find
that the rest areas

914
00:50:52,166 --> 00:50:54,500
are conveniently located
and properly maintained?

915
00:50:54,700 --> 00:50:57,258
Oh, um, yes, sir.

916
00:50:57,458 --> 00:50:59,592
Good morning.
President Douglas!

917
00:50:59,792 --> 00:51:02,483
Well, it's been a delight
speaking to you folks.

918
00:51:02,683 --> 00:51:05,175
And don't forget,
these woods are your heritage.

919
00:51:05,375 --> 00:51:08,959
Enjoy them and protect them.
They deserve our respect.

920
00:51:09,159 --> 00:51:10,959
These trees
are like our children.

921
00:51:11,159 --> 00:51:12,625
Get in the damn car!

922
00:51:13,500 --> 00:51:14,750
Bye-bye.

923
00:51:26,458 --> 00:51:29,333
Oh, yeah.
Hey, we're just south of Galax, Virginia.

924
00:51:29,533 --> 00:51:31,508
In a couple of miles,
we hit 77.

925
00:51:31,708 --> 00:51:34,667
That takes us all the way directly into Ohio.
We're fine.

926
00:51:34,867 --> 00:51:36,271
Unless we run into trouble.

927
00:51:36,471 --> 00:51:37,875
Which I predict we won't.

928
00:51:53,959 --> 00:51:55,875
If you'd have told us
how important the mission was,

929
00:51:56,075 --> 00:51:58,229
we'd have loaned you the car
straight-out,

930
00:51:58,429 --> 00:52:00,383
no questions asked.
Again, we apologize,

931
00:52:00,583 --> 00:52:03,041
but, you know, those boys from
the department of the interior

932
00:52:03,241 --> 00:52:04,467
can be very secretive.

933
00:52:04,667 --> 00:52:06,583
We're just happy that
you're headed for Cleveland.

934
00:52:06,783 --> 00:52:08,416
That's where we have to
file our report.

935
00:52:08,616 --> 00:52:10,050
Well, we're just happy
to do our part.

936
00:52:10,250 --> 00:52:12,917
Hey, another out-of-state
license plate, Kevin.

937
00:52:13,117 --> 00:52:14,708
We're hoping
to spot all 50 states.

938
00:52:14,908 --> 00:52:16,717
We're gettin' there, too.

939
00:52:16,917 --> 00:52:19,708
Can anybody make that one out?
Looks like a "U."

940
00:52:21,542 --> 00:52:23,008
Utah!
Utah!

941
00:52:23,208 --> 00:52:25,170
No, that's
a U.S. Government plate.

942
00:52:25,370 --> 00:52:27,333
Guy looks like a cop
or something.

943
00:52:32,125 --> 00:52:33,634
Hey, good buddy!

944
00:52:33,834 --> 00:52:36,917
God bless America!
Keep on truckin'!

945
00:52:37,117 --> 00:52:39,750
Hey, hey, now!
Wave, Kevin!

946
00:52:41,375 --> 00:52:43,542
Well, he wasn't too friendly,
now, was he?

947
00:52:43,742 --> 00:52:46,375
Mom! The presidents
are squishin' me!

948
00:52:46,575 --> 00:52:47,708
Isn't this fun?

949
00:53:04,291 --> 00:53:07,087
We're never getting to Ohio.
Not the way this guy drives.

950
00:53:07,287 --> 00:53:10,083
Every 500 feet they stop
to take another damn picture.

951
00:53:10,283 --> 00:53:12,000
The Donner party moved faster.

952
00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:13,917
Aw, shut up.
I'm trying to sleep.

953
00:53:16,667 --> 00:53:20,125
Oh, my God,
he's squeezing my breast again.

954
00:53:20,325 --> 00:53:22,250
This time,
pretend not to enjoy it.

955
00:53:22,450 --> 00:53:24,375
Aw, shut your cake hole,
Douglas.

956
00:53:31,583 --> 00:53:33,295
Hi.

957
00:53:33,495 --> 00:53:35,008
Hello.

958
00:53:35,208 --> 00:53:38,000
You know, we'd have been fine
outside in the tent,

959
00:53:38,200 --> 00:53:39,625
but thanks for
sharing the bed.

960
00:53:39,825 --> 00:53:41,625
It means a lot.

961
00:53:41,825 --> 00:53:42,925
Oh, sure.

962
00:53:43,125 --> 00:53:45,208
You know, we voted for you.

963
00:53:45,408 --> 00:53:47,625
Oh.

964
00:53:49,166 --> 00:53:51,959
Oh, I-I'm sorry about that,
sir.

965
00:53:52,159 --> 00:53:53,175
We're Republican.

966
00:53:53,375 --> 00:53:55,383
Well,
at least you can admit it.

967
00:53:55,583 --> 00:53:58,625
That's the first step
towards recovery.

968
00:53:59,792 --> 00:54:01,275
I'm hot!

969
00:54:01,475 --> 00:54:02,959
Ahhh!

970
00:54:13,375 --> 00:54:14,966
Any idea how much longer
to Cleveland, Wayne?

971
00:54:15,166 --> 00:54:19,000
I may have to call the boys in our department
and tell them what time to expect us.

972
00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:20,467
Oh, about eight to 10 hours.

973
00:54:20,667 --> 00:54:22,966
You know, I was thinking,
after we drop you off,

974
00:54:23,166 --> 00:54:26,542
I might take the family up to the
Dakotas to see Mount Rushmore.

975
00:54:26,742 --> 00:54:29,375
That's one of America's
greatest natural wonders, son.

976
00:54:29,575 --> 00:54:32,050
Not really.
It's not a natural wonder.

977
00:54:32,250 --> 00:54:34,166
A man by the name
of Gutzon Borglum carved it.

978
00:54:35,708 --> 00:54:37,634
What? Somebody carved it?

979
00:54:37,834 --> 00:54:40,166
Well,
that ruins the whole thing.

980
00:54:40,366 --> 00:54:42,925
Whoops!
Diaper patrol, Matt!

981
00:54:43,125 --> 00:54:45,125
Looks like we'll need
those pampers again!

982
00:54:45,325 --> 00:54:45,966
Whoo!

983
00:54:46,166 --> 00:54:47,383
Oh, boy.

984
00:54:47,583 --> 00:54:48,717
Is he healthy?

985
00:54:48,917 --> 00:54:51,467
Dad, who's on Mount Rushmore?

986
00:54:51,667 --> 00:54:54,458
Well, there's Abe Lincoln.
He chopped down the cherry tree.

987
00:54:54,658 --> 00:54:57,354
And then there's
Franklin Theodore Roosevelt.

988
00:54:57,554 --> 00:55:00,010
He killed him a bear
when he was only three.

989
00:55:00,210 --> 00:55:02,467
You got to be kidding,
right, Wayne?

990
00:55:02,667 --> 00:55:04,342
You got Lincoln mixed up
with George Washington

991
00:55:04,542 --> 00:55:06,500
and you've got the Roosevelt's
mixed up with Davy Crockett.

992
00:55:06,700 --> 00:55:09,333
Do you have any idea
what you're talking about?

993
00:55:09,533 --> 00:55:12,166
Uh, no disrespect, sir,
but you're in my car.

994
00:55:12,366 --> 00:55:13,133
Well, you're in my
country.

995
00:55:13,333 --> 00:55:15,550
Well, our country.
Get your facts straight.

996
00:55:15,750 --> 00:55:17,792
How do you expect your son to
respect the nation's history

997
00:55:17,992 --> 00:55:19,050
if you don't?

998
00:55:19,250 --> 00:55:21,175
That kind of ignorance
is dangerous.

999
00:55:21,375 --> 00:55:24,208
Forget our nation's history.
What about our nation right now?

1000
00:55:24,408 --> 00:55:25,841
Wayne, don't.

1001
00:55:26,041 --> 00:55:28,375
No. The country's fallin' apart.
People are losin' their homes.

1002
00:55:28,575 --> 00:55:31,000
They can't find work.
You talk about ignorance.

1003
00:55:31,200 --> 00:55:32,634
You're the ignorant ones,
both of you.

1004
00:55:32,834 --> 00:55:35,875
Why, you've... You've ignored
the voice of the people.

1005
00:55:36,075 --> 00:55:37,666
The voice of the people?

1006
00:55:37,866 --> 00:55:39,258
There is no such thing.

1007
00:55:39,458 --> 00:55:42,550
You got 240 million voices all
yelling for something different.

1008
00:55:42,750 --> 00:55:46,083
The only thing you all seem to agree
on is you don't want higher taxes.

1009
00:55:46,283 --> 00:55:47,125
The voice of the people,
my fanny.

1010
00:55:49,083 --> 00:55:50,083
Pull over, Wayne.

1011
00:55:57,333 --> 00:55:59,917
Kevin, honey, run throw this
in the trash for mama, okay?

1012
00:56:00,117 --> 00:56:00,917
Okay.

1013
00:56:02,458 --> 00:56:03,792
There we go.

1014
00:56:07,917 --> 00:56:08,959
Please get out of our car.

1015
00:56:11,625 --> 00:56:13,208
Listen, I'm sorry...

1016
00:56:13,408 --> 00:56:14,458
No.

1017
00:56:16,083 --> 00:56:18,083
We invited you into our home.

1018
00:56:20,250 --> 00:56:21,291
Not our car...

1019
00:56:22,166 --> 00:56:23,000
Our home.

1020
00:56:25,792 --> 00:56:27,258
We lost our jobs

1021
00:56:27,458 --> 00:56:29,959
because of your budget cuts,
President Kramer.

1022
00:56:32,750 --> 00:56:34,883
And we lost our home

1023
00:56:35,083 --> 00:56:38,917
because
of your economic downturn,

1024
00:56:39,117 --> 00:56:40,800
President Douglas.

1025
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:43,483
All we have now
is the slim chance of a job

1026
00:56:43,683 --> 00:56:46,166
at my uncle's paint factory
in Cleveland.

1027
00:56:47,750 --> 00:56:49,583
So I will ask you once again.

1028
00:56:50,750 --> 00:56:52,300
Please...

1029
00:56:52,500 --> 00:56:54,125
Get out of our car.

1030
00:57:11,500 --> 00:57:12,634
Hello.

1031
00:57:12,834 --> 00:57:14,133
Joe, it's me.

1032
00:57:14,333 --> 00:57:16,583
Oh, Matt.
Where the hell are you and what's going on?

1033
00:57:16,783 --> 00:57:18,708
I'm with Kramer.
Are you kidding me, Matt?

1034
00:57:18,908 --> 00:57:20,667
Haney had Charlie Reynolds
killed,

1035
00:57:20,867 --> 00:57:22,008
now they're trying to kill us.

1036
00:57:22,208 --> 00:57:23,921
What? Haney?
Well, I'm pretty sure.

1037
00:57:24,121 --> 00:57:25,634
He sent Marine One
to pick us up,

1038
00:57:25,834 --> 00:57:28,166
and we got out just before it blew up.
My God.

1039
00:57:28,366 --> 00:57:29,800
I didn't want to call anyone,

1040
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:31,841
but you're the only person
I can trust.

1041
00:57:32,041 --> 00:57:34,675
Listen, get in touch
with your CIA contacts.

1042
00:57:34,875 --> 00:57:36,625
See if they can find out what
the hell this is all about.

1043
00:57:36,825 --> 00:57:37,425
Okay, you got it.

1044
00:57:37,625 --> 00:57:39,441
Now for Christ's sake,
keep out of sight.

1045
00:57:39,641 --> 00:57:41,303
It's okay.
I think we're in the clear.

1046
00:57:41,503 --> 00:57:43,166
I haven't seen any N.S.A.
yet today,

1047
00:57:43,366 --> 00:57:44,542
so I'm guessing we lost them.

1048
00:57:56,917 --> 00:57:58,250
They're moving north?

1049
00:57:58,917 --> 00:58:00,375
What a coincidence.

1050
00:58:00,959 --> 00:58:02,542
So are we.

1051
00:58:20,208 --> 00:58:23,917
Ohh, baby.

1052
00:58:26,625 --> 00:58:28,050
Excuse me.

1053
00:58:28,250 --> 00:58:29,375
How much
is that piece of pie?

1054
00:58:29,575 --> 00:58:30,375
$1.50.

1055
00:58:34,250 --> 00:58:36,625
Oh, never mind,
but thank you.

1056
00:58:39,583 --> 00:58:40,750
Hey.

1057
00:58:43,875 --> 00:58:45,542
Here you go.
It's on the house.

1058
00:58:46,750 --> 00:58:48,217
I'm sorry.
I couldn't do that.

1059
00:58:48,417 --> 00:58:50,208
I said it was on the house,
old man.

1060
00:58:51,792 --> 00:58:53,375
Old man?

1061
00:59:05,917 --> 00:59:07,291
Old man.

1062
00:59:10,208 --> 00:59:12,462
Okay, let's go.
What's the matter?

1063
00:59:12,662 --> 00:59:14,717
I want to
get the hell out of here.

1064
00:59:14,917 --> 00:59:16,962
I'm gonna call home,
tell my wife that I'm okay,

1065
00:59:17,162 --> 00:59:19,356
and I don't give a damn
if the phone is tapped.

1066
00:59:19,556 --> 00:59:21,750
You do what you want,
but when the N.S.A. shows up,

1067
00:59:21,950 --> 00:59:23,000
we'll know who gave us away,
won't we?

1068
00:59:43,959 --> 00:59:44,841
Good morning!

1069
00:59:45,041 --> 00:59:46,792
How can I...

1070
00:59:46,992 --> 00:59:48,300
Oh, my!

1071
00:59:48,500 --> 00:59:49,717
Oh, my!

1072
00:59:49,917 --> 00:59:52,358
Is this for real?
Is this a joke or what?

1073
00:59:52,558 --> 00:59:55,000
No, it's really us.
No. Get out of here!

1074
00:59:55,200 --> 00:59:55,966
Get out!

1075
00:59:56,166 --> 00:59:57,467
Charlene, what's wrong?

1076
00:59:57,667 --> 00:59:59,875
Oh, my God.
President Douglas.

1077
01:00:00,075 --> 01:00:01,291
And President Kramer...

1078
01:00:01,491 --> 01:00:02,708
On our shift!

1079
01:00:04,333 --> 01:00:06,337
We'd, uh,
like to rent a car.

1080
01:00:06,537 --> 01:00:08,342
Oh,
we only got two cars left

1081
01:00:08,542 --> 01:00:10,358
because of that
big livestock auction.

1082
01:00:10,558 --> 01:00:12,375
Would you like a Hyundai
or a Lexus?

1083
01:00:15,458 --> 01:00:18,625
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
Oh, I'm sorry!

1084
01:00:18,825 --> 01:00:20,217
Miss airhead,
at your service.

1085
01:00:20,417 --> 01:00:23,041
Okay, now, we'll need to see
some identification, please.

1086
01:00:43,417 --> 01:00:44,966
Well?
What?

1087
01:00:45,166 --> 01:00:48,000
I haven't driven myself since
my first year in the house.

1088
01:00:48,200 --> 01:00:49,417
Give me a second.

1089
01:01:04,250 --> 01:01:05,500
It's like riding a bike.

1090
01:01:23,291 --> 01:01:25,420
Will you stop whistling,
please?

1091
01:01:25,620 --> 01:01:27,550
I'm trying
to sleep over here.

1092
01:01:27,750 --> 01:01:29,750
Sleeping too much
is a sign of depression.

1093
01:01:29,950 --> 01:01:31,091
Yeah, well,
you keep whistling,

1094
01:01:31,291 --> 01:01:32,634
and I'll put a depression
in your skull.

1095
01:01:32,834 --> 01:01:36,083
We've got damn near eight hours
before we get to the library.

1096
01:01:36,283 --> 01:01:38,083
I'm trying to stay alert.
I hate that song.

1097
01:01:38,283 --> 01:01:40,083
So do I. I made up words
to the damn thing.

1098
01:01:40,283 --> 01:01:41,383
What?

1099
01:01:41,583 --> 01:01:43,675
I made up words
to Hail to the Chief.

1100
01:01:43,875 --> 01:01:46,000
I sing them to myself
every time they play it.

1101
01:01:46,200 --> 01:01:47,425
I made up words to it,
too.

1102
01:01:47,625 --> 01:01:49,358
Yeah? Let me hear yours.
No, you go first.

1103
01:01:49,558 --> 01:01:51,291
No, no. You do yours,
then I'll sing mine.

1104
01:01:54,583 --> 01:01:55,883
♪ Hail to the chief

1105
01:01:56,083 --> 01:01:57,925
♪ He's the chief
and he needs hailing

1106
01:01:58,125 --> 01:02:01,458
♪ He is the chief,
so everybody hail like crazy

1107
01:02:01,658 --> 01:02:02,467
♪ Hail to... ♪

1108
01:02:02,667 --> 01:02:04,458
That's more or less...
Mmm-hmm.

1109
01:02:06,458 --> 01:02:08,458
Okay, well, let's hear
your version, Gershwin.

1110
01:02:08,658 --> 01:02:09,550
No.

1111
01:02:09,750 --> 01:02:11,792
What do you mean no?
I sang mine.

1112
01:02:11,992 --> 01:02:13,625
I know.
You're an idiot.

1113
01:02:25,458 --> 01:02:27,458
Mr. President,
CNN's set up near the park.

1114
01:02:27,658 --> 01:02:29,125
Maybe you should put this on.

1115
01:02:29,325 --> 01:02:30,592
Not so fast, Carl.
Slow down.

1116
01:02:30,792 --> 01:02:33,667
I don't like people running faster than I do.
It makes me look poky.

1117
01:02:33,867 --> 01:02:34,634
Sorry, sir.

1118
01:02:34,834 --> 01:02:36,634
Lakers? I thought
we were solid in Los Angeles?

1119
01:02:36,834 --> 01:02:39,166
We were, sir, but then you
cut back on disaster relief.

1120
01:02:39,366 --> 01:02:40,841
Too fast again.
Sorry.

1121
01:02:41,041 --> 01:02:43,250
I don't want to wear this.
I'm a Houston fan.

1122
01:02:43,450 --> 01:02:44,667
Ted!

1123
01:02:45,542 --> 01:02:46,500
Hey, a hat.

1124
01:02:50,542 --> 01:02:52,508
Kaye Griffin called
this morning.

1125
01:02:52,708 --> 01:02:55,166
She's getting ready to report that Douglas
and Kramer have dropped out of sight

1126
01:02:55,366 --> 01:02:58,041
and they're working together
to expose a major cover-up.

1127
01:02:58,241 --> 01:03:00,020
I'll look into that right away.
Well, you better.

1128
01:03:00,220 --> 01:03:02,000
I want those idiots found
before they dig any deeper.

1129
01:03:16,542 --> 01:03:17,883
What? What are you doing?

1130
01:03:18,083 --> 01:03:20,417
I needed a cup of coffee.
Oh, good.

1131
01:03:20,617 --> 01:03:22,592
Did you get me one?
No.

1132
01:03:22,792 --> 01:03:25,041
You cheap bastard.
I only had 50 cents.

1133
01:03:25,959 --> 01:03:27,717
Give me a sip.

1134
01:03:27,917 --> 01:03:30,500
Oh, yeah, I'm about to share my coffee
with the Washington love machine.

1135
01:03:30,700 --> 01:03:32,383
No dice.

1136
01:03:32,583 --> 01:03:34,708
You could spit in a petri dish and
start a whole new civilization.

1137
01:03:34,908 --> 01:03:36,708
Here, you want to lick the lid?
Screw you.

1138
01:03:38,375 --> 01:03:39,500
Give me that.

1139
01:03:43,208 --> 01:03:45,175
Decaf? You pussy!

1140
01:03:45,375 --> 01:03:46,542
I gotta go find a john!

1141
01:04:05,083 --> 01:04:08,333
Sir, I'm Agent Wilkerson. We have reason
to believe your life is in danger.

1142
01:04:08,533 --> 01:04:09,959
We've been ordered to
transfer you out of the area.

1143
01:04:12,708 --> 01:04:14,800
♪ Hey, Macarena ♪

1144
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:16,917
Sir, if you could just
step out of the vehicle.

1145
01:04:17,117 --> 01:04:19,125
We'll get you to the...

1146
01:04:25,917 --> 01:04:26,675
Hurry up!

1147
01:04:26,875 --> 01:04:29,667
Get in!
Did we get collision coverage?

1148
01:04:29,867 --> 01:04:31,083
Why?
Oh, nothing.

1149
01:04:34,375 --> 01:04:35,458
Look out!
Hold on!

1150
01:04:49,000 --> 01:04:49,792
Ahh!

1151
01:04:51,083 --> 01:04:57,383
Ahh!

1152
01:04:57,583 --> 01:04:58,792
Jesus! Get it out!

1153
01:04:58,992 --> 01:05:00,258
I'm trying!

1154
01:05:00,458 --> 01:05:01,917
I can't see!
Get it the hell out!

1155
01:05:15,959 --> 01:05:16,750
Go!

1156
01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:25,458
Ahh!

1157
01:05:29,333 --> 01:05:30,500
Nice going, Mario.

1158
01:05:30,700 --> 01:05:31,834
Shut up.

1159
01:05:35,834 --> 01:05:36,667
That way.

1160
01:05:40,041 --> 01:05:41,333
Oh, not good.

1161
01:05:45,291 --> 01:05:46,375
Let's go! Let's go!

1162
01:05:51,917 --> 01:05:52,841
Now what?

1163
01:05:53,041 --> 01:05:54,500
Just blend in.
Just blend in.

1164
01:05:59,542 --> 01:06:01,208
Look! It's the president!

1165
01:06:02,291 --> 01:06:04,254
Hi!
Hi!

1166
01:06:04,454 --> 01:06:06,217
How are you?

1167
01:06:06,417 --> 01:06:07,508
President Kramer?

1168
01:06:07,708 --> 01:06:09,458
President Douglas?
How's it going?

1169
01:06:09,658 --> 01:06:11,133
This is amazing.

1170
01:06:11,333 --> 01:06:13,542
Not really.
We march in these things all the time. Wow!

1171
01:06:38,208 --> 01:06:40,667
Oh, my Lord & Taylor!
What are you doing here?

1172
01:06:40,867 --> 01:06:41,883
Are you coming out?

1173
01:06:42,083 --> 01:06:44,542
No, no, no, no. I've always
supported gay rights.

1174
01:06:44,742 --> 01:06:46,750
I'm not coming out.
He is.

1175
01:06:49,291 --> 01:06:50,675
Closet case. Very sad.

1176
01:06:50,875 --> 01:06:51,750
Are you talking about me?
No.

1177
01:06:55,125 --> 01:06:57,462
Don't hide who you really are.
Be brave.

1178
01:06:57,662 --> 01:07:00,000
Here you go.
It's a freedom-ring necklace.

1179
01:07:00,200 --> 01:07:01,542
Wear it with pride.

1180
01:07:03,750 --> 01:07:06,425
Watch out.
Come here.

1181
01:07:06,625 --> 01:07:09,295
What's wrong, ladies?
I don't think you can help much, Dorothy,

1182
01:07:09,495 --> 01:07:12,166
unless you and your ruby slippers
can get us to Cuyahoga Falls.

1183
01:07:12,366 --> 01:07:13,759
No.

1184
01:07:13,959 --> 01:07:15,083
But I have some friends who
might be able to lend a hand.

1185
01:07:48,792 --> 01:07:50,258
You know,
after that bike ride

1186
01:07:50,458 --> 01:07:52,792
I think I'm changing my
position on an important issue.

1187
01:07:52,992 --> 01:07:54,508
Yeah?

1188
01:07:54,708 --> 01:07:55,917
I think the military can
definitely use some of those gals.

1189
01:07:57,125 --> 01:08:00,091
Now, is this impressive,
or what?

1190
01:08:00,291 --> 01:08:02,458
Research room is down that way.
Uh-huh.

1191
01:08:02,658 --> 01:08:04,125
Wait a minute.

1192
01:08:04,325 --> 01:08:05,792
Hmm-hmm-hmm.

1193
01:08:07,291 --> 01:08:10,291
Oh, my, oh, my.

1194
01:08:10,491 --> 01:08:11,300
Uh-huh.

1195
01:08:11,500 --> 01:08:13,004
How about this?

1196
01:08:13,204 --> 01:08:14,708
Huh? Ha ha.

1197
01:08:16,041 --> 01:08:18,467
Oh, yeah. Uh-huh.

1198
01:08:18,667 --> 01:08:20,966
Oh, you gotta be kidding.

1199
01:08:21,166 --> 01:08:23,250
Our dreams
are like our children.

1200
01:08:23,450 --> 01:08:25,133
Huh?

1201
01:08:25,333 --> 01:08:27,920
Don't you fall into the trap.
Democrats are full of crap.

1202
01:08:28,120 --> 01:08:30,708
Anything you really like,
I can get it for you at cost.

1203
01:08:31,667 --> 01:08:34,091
I feel dirty.

1204
01:08:34,291 --> 01:08:35,592
Have you found it yet?

1205
01:08:35,792 --> 01:08:38,166
Working on it.
Hey, there's something you never got.

1206
01:08:38,366 --> 01:08:40,375
I was Time magazine's
"man of the year."

1207
01:08:40,575 --> 01:08:42,375
So was Hitler.
Not twice.

1208
01:08:43,333 --> 01:08:45,425
Hey! Here it is.

1209
01:08:45,625 --> 01:08:48,792
"Chef's log, October 14th,
lunch. Oval office,

1210
01:08:48,992 --> 01:08:51,396
"President Kramer
and Charles Reynolds,

1211
01:08:51,596 --> 01:08:54,000
"ham and cheese omelets,
$6.95 each."

1212
01:08:54,200 --> 01:08:55,333
What the...

1213
01:08:58,542 --> 01:09:01,375
Where's Haney?
He isn't here.

1214
01:09:03,834 --> 01:09:05,583
They must have
fixed this book, too.

1215
01:09:05,783 --> 01:09:07,583
They knew we were coming.

1216
01:09:07,783 --> 01:09:09,383
Where's your gun?

1217
01:09:09,583 --> 01:09:12,250
Oh, I have it...
In my coat.

1218
01:09:14,083 --> 01:09:15,708
Get that light.

1219
01:09:34,917 --> 01:09:37,083
Hey, great job, Douglas!

1220
01:09:37,283 --> 01:09:38,875
Oh, God, it's Ben.

1221
01:09:40,250 --> 01:09:41,759
Hurry up with the ice.

1222
01:09:41,959 --> 01:09:44,917
Excuse me. I don't know
my way around "Kramer world."

1223
01:09:45,117 --> 01:09:46,875
Lucky for you, Ben,
we came along when we did.

1224
01:09:47,075 --> 01:09:48,342
You were in a pretty bad way.

1225
01:09:48,542 --> 01:09:51,917
I can't say that I can recall
that ever happening before.

1226
01:09:52,117 --> 01:09:55,759
A book just falling off
a shelf like that.

1227
01:09:55,959 --> 01:09:58,750
Ben, is there any way someone
could have broken in here

1228
01:09:58,950 --> 01:09:59,717
without you knowing?

1229
01:09:59,917 --> 01:10:01,775
No, sir.
Not on my shift.

1230
01:10:01,975 --> 01:10:03,634
Oh, I just remembered...

1231
01:10:03,834 --> 01:10:06,000
A young lady gave me
an envelope for you.

1232
01:10:06,200 --> 01:10:07,383
Told me to be sure
you got it.

1233
01:10:07,583 --> 01:10:11,083
I think she said she was
a friend from Washington.

1234
01:10:11,283 --> 01:10:13,258
Washington?
What the heck is this?

1235
01:10:13,458 --> 01:10:17,166
"Dear Mr. President,
my name is Kathleen Taylor.

1236
01:10:17,366 --> 01:10:20,166
"I'm Charles Reynolds'
secretary.

1237
01:10:20,366 --> 01:10:22,458
"Mr. Reynolds has disappeared.

1238
01:10:22,658 --> 01:10:24,550
"I don't know who to turn to.

1239
01:10:24,750 --> 01:10:27,171
"The last people he spoke with
were you,

1240
01:10:27,371 --> 01:10:29,792
"President Douglas,
and Carl Witnaur."

1241
01:10:29,992 --> 01:10:31,175
Witnaur?

1242
01:10:31,375 --> 01:10:33,900
Haney's chief of staff.
That son of a bitch.

1243
01:10:34,100 --> 01:10:36,425
He lives just outside of D.C.
in Chevy Chase.

1244
01:10:36,625 --> 01:10:38,792
I was there a couple months
ago for a dinner he threw.

1245
01:10:38,992 --> 01:10:40,383
My God
did he put on a spread.

1246
01:10:40,583 --> 01:10:42,834
Those little chicken livers with
the bacon wrapped around them

1247
01:10:43,034 --> 01:10:45,458
and the toothpick,
and the dip for the broccoli...

1248
01:10:45,658 --> 01:10:46,759
Could you focus, please?

1249
01:10:46,959 --> 01:10:50,008
I'm sorry.
Look, if we left...

1250
01:10:50,208 --> 01:10:52,837
If we left now,
we could get there by early morning, huh?

1251
01:10:53,037 --> 01:10:55,667
Ben, we're gonna need to borrow your car.
Is that okay?

1252
01:10:55,867 --> 01:10:57,167
Do I have a choice?
No.

1253
01:10:57,367 --> 01:10:58,667
Then it's okay.
Thank you.

1254
01:11:19,500 --> 01:11:20,733
Oooh!

1255
01:11:20,933 --> 01:11:22,166
Carl!

1256
01:11:23,500 --> 01:11:25,467
Oh, ahh!

1257
01:11:25,667 --> 01:11:28,333
Ow, ow, ow, honey,
honey, you're hurting me.

1258
01:11:28,533 --> 01:11:29,342
Better her than me, Carl.

1259
01:11:29,542 --> 01:11:31,834
This is President Douglas,
I'm with President Kramer,

1260
01:11:32,034 --> 01:11:33,708
and that's a gun
pressed against your head.

1261
01:11:33,908 --> 01:11:35,333
Well, I'm assuming
that's your head.

1262
01:11:39,375 --> 01:11:43,342
This is unbelievable.
How dare you?

1263
01:11:43,542 --> 01:11:45,875
Look, Witnaur,
we're gonna ask this just once.

1264
01:11:46,075 --> 01:11:47,771
What is Olympia,
and who is behind it?

1265
01:11:47,971 --> 01:11:49,667
I don't know
what you're talking about.

1266
01:11:50,417 --> 01:11:51,417
Okay.

1267
01:12:06,583 --> 01:12:09,342
Matt!
I'm damn glad to see you.

1268
01:12:09,542 --> 01:12:11,754
Yeah, well, it's good
to see you, too, Joe.

1269
01:12:11,954 --> 01:12:14,166
Joe, we could use
a little help out here.

1270
01:12:14,366 --> 01:12:16,175
Wait a minute...

1271
01:12:16,375 --> 01:12:18,083
Is that President Kramer
holding a gun

1272
01:12:18,283 --> 01:12:20,583
on a naked
guy in a blindfold?

1273
01:12:20,783 --> 01:12:21,708
Yeah.

1274
01:12:23,625 --> 01:12:24,917
Well, come on in.

1275
01:12:29,083 --> 01:12:30,841
Carl, my CIA buddies

1276
01:12:31,041 --> 01:12:32,759
were clueless
about what you were up to,

1277
01:12:32,959 --> 01:12:35,291
but they gave me something
just for this occasion.

1278
01:12:35,491 --> 01:12:37,959
So, my boy,
I hope this goes well.

1279
01:12:38,159 --> 01:12:39,217
It's all brand-new to me.

1280
01:12:39,417 --> 01:12:42,483
I'm not even sure
about the dosage,

1281
01:12:42,683 --> 01:12:45,550
but what do you say
we wing it, huh?

1282
01:12:45,750 --> 01:12:49,000
Go to hell. You don't scare me.
I'm not trying to scare you.

1283
01:12:49,200 --> 01:12:50,541
I don't think
we want to see this.

1284
01:12:50,741 --> 01:12:52,083
Enjoy the ride, Witnaur.

1285
01:13:05,792 --> 01:13:08,625
Dang vein.
Keeps wanting to jump around.

1286
01:13:08,825 --> 01:13:10,959
Oh, there he is.
You little beggar.

1287
01:13:11,159 --> 01:13:12,425
There it is.

1288
01:13:12,625 --> 01:13:14,775
Okay! I'll talk!
Okay! Okay!

1289
01:13:14,975 --> 01:13:17,125
I'll talk.
I like to talk.

1290
01:13:19,000 --> 01:13:21,091
It's amazing.

1291
01:13:21,291 --> 01:13:23,959
Look, Haney had to find a way
to spin dry the kickback money,

1292
01:13:24,159 --> 01:13:25,592
that's where Olympia came in.

1293
01:13:25,792 --> 01:13:27,467
It was a front company,
that's all.

1294
01:13:27,667 --> 01:13:30,250
And again, I never ordered
anyone to kill you.

1295
01:13:30,450 --> 01:13:31,667
Yeah, but you did order
the cover-up.

1296
01:13:31,867 --> 01:13:33,091
Yes.

1297
01:13:33,291 --> 01:13:36,875
The appointment log
at the national archives,

1298
01:13:37,075 --> 01:13:39,217
the book in your library,

1299
01:13:39,417 --> 01:13:41,425
all that was done
at my request.

1300
01:13:41,625 --> 01:13:43,091
What about Charlie Reynolds?

1301
01:13:43,291 --> 01:13:44,983
Were you in charge
of taking care of him?

1302
01:13:45,183 --> 01:13:46,875
No. I never ordered anyone
to kill Reynolds.

1303
01:13:50,291 --> 01:13:52,667
Who said Charlie was dead?

1304
01:13:52,867 --> 01:13:54,800
Okay, look, Tanner...

1305
01:13:55,000 --> 01:13:57,875
I'm telling you, it was Tanner.
This guy is out of control.

1306
01:13:58,075 --> 01:13:59,508
Oh, that's a lot of bull!

1307
01:13:59,708 --> 01:14:02,291
You're saying that you got
a rogue agent turned hit man

1308
01:14:02,491 --> 01:14:04,258
in your ranks?
Well, I don't believe it!

1309
01:14:04,458 --> 01:14:07,083
You ordered Tanner
to put us on that chopper,

1310
01:14:07,283 --> 01:14:08,542
and you pushed the button!

1311
01:14:08,742 --> 01:14:09,883
Chopper?

1312
01:14:10,083 --> 01:14:11,792
What chopper?

1313
01:14:16,667 --> 01:14:18,942
Looks like Tanner's been
getting his marching orders

1314
01:14:19,142 --> 01:14:21,417
directly from Haney.
What do we do now, Joe?

1315
01:14:21,617 --> 01:14:22,854
Well, you got
a couple of options.

1316
01:14:23,054 --> 01:14:24,091
You can go
to the White House,

1317
01:14:24,291 --> 01:14:26,217
and tell Haney
you know about Olympia.

1318
01:14:26,417 --> 01:14:28,542
Of course, to get to him,
you gotta go through Tanner.

1319
01:14:28,742 --> 01:14:29,675
Now, Tanner's probably
gonna kill you.

1320
01:14:29,875 --> 01:14:32,166
Oh, that's a hell of an option.
What's the other one?

1321
01:14:32,366 --> 01:14:33,791
You got a confession on tape.

1322
01:14:33,991 --> 01:14:35,417
Stop running.
Go to the press.

1323
01:14:35,617 --> 01:14:36,508
I'll call Kaye,

1324
01:14:36,708 --> 01:14:39,917
and by noon Washington will be
up to its knees in Olympia.

1325
01:14:42,041 --> 01:14:43,083
Call her?

1326
01:14:44,708 --> 01:14:46,091
Yeah.

1327
01:14:46,291 --> 01:14:48,708
You're doing the smart thing,
gentlemen.

1328
01:14:50,250 --> 01:14:51,508
Damn.

1329
01:14:51,708 --> 01:14:53,841
Damn!
What?

1330
01:14:54,041 --> 01:14:57,500
Oh, if we go public,
there will only be another cover-up.

1331
01:14:57,700 --> 01:14:59,959
Bureaucrats like Witnaur
might pay a price,

1332
01:15:00,159 --> 01:15:01,467
but the big fish
is gonna get away.

1333
01:15:01,667 --> 01:15:04,083
Are we really willing
to let that happen?

1334
01:15:04,283 --> 01:15:05,750
We've done enough already.

1335
01:15:05,950 --> 01:15:07,217
Oh, no. No.

1336
01:15:07,417 --> 01:15:09,342
No, I've made a career
out of doing enough.

1337
01:15:09,542 --> 01:15:11,608
I always did just enough
not to piss anybody off,

1338
01:15:11,808 --> 01:15:13,875
'cause a pissed-off somebody
won't vote for you.

1339
01:15:14,075 --> 01:15:15,675
That's all part of the game.
Right.

1340
01:15:15,875 --> 01:15:17,875
Well, tell that to Wayne
and Genny and their kids

1341
01:15:18,075 --> 01:15:19,675
living in their car.

1342
01:15:19,875 --> 01:15:22,625
"I'm sorry things are tough,
but I've been playing the game."

1343
01:15:22,825 --> 01:15:24,687
Well, I can't play it anymore,
Russell.

1344
01:15:24,887 --> 01:15:26,550
I'm going to see Haney.
Hold on, Rambo.

1345
01:15:26,750 --> 01:15:29,125
Remember what Joe said?
You can't get past Tanner.

1346
01:15:29,325 --> 01:15:30,666
I don't care. I'm going.

1347
01:15:30,866 --> 01:15:32,208
Well, you're a damn fool.

1348
01:15:35,375 --> 01:15:36,800
Yeah.

1349
01:15:37,000 --> 01:15:38,250
You're probably right.

1350
01:15:39,333 --> 01:15:40,508
But you know something?

1351
01:15:40,708 --> 01:15:42,675
Somewhere out there
there's another fool,

1352
01:15:42,875 --> 01:15:47,458
some idealistic sucker
who still believes in us.

1353
01:15:49,500 --> 01:15:53,083
After all the scandals,
and the party politics,

1354
01:15:53,283 --> 01:15:54,841
and all the bull,

1355
01:15:55,041 --> 01:15:57,417
there's somebody out there who
still believes that we care,

1356
01:15:57,617 --> 01:15:59,375
that we would do
what we promised to do,

1357
01:15:59,575 --> 01:16:01,333
and that's what I'm doing now,
Russell.

1358
01:16:01,533 --> 01:16:02,883
I'm doing what I promised.

1359
01:16:03,083 --> 01:16:05,258
Preserve,
protect, and defend.

1360
01:16:05,458 --> 01:16:08,383
Because if we lose
that idealistic,

1361
01:16:08,583 --> 01:16:12,834
gloriously diluted fool out
there, hey, it's all over.

1362
01:16:15,458 --> 01:16:18,625
Thank God you never spoke
like this during our debates.

1363
01:16:18,825 --> 01:16:20,625
My margin of loss
would have been staggering.

1364
01:16:24,166 --> 01:16:25,925
All right.

1365
01:16:26,125 --> 01:16:28,467
Let's do it.
Are you sure?

1366
01:16:28,667 --> 01:16:31,091
If I can ride 300 miles
at top speed

1367
01:16:31,291 --> 01:16:34,375
with my hands on a lesbian's midsection,
I can handle Tanner.

1368
01:16:34,575 --> 01:16:35,841
Now, hold on,
hold on a minute.

1369
01:16:36,041 --> 01:16:39,041
If we do get to Haney, how can
we be sure he'll cooperate?

1370
01:16:39,241 --> 01:16:41,125
I'm bringing Mr. Witnaur
with us.

1371
01:16:41,325 --> 01:16:43,050
Learn from the master.

1372
01:16:43,250 --> 01:16:46,125
Gentlemen,
Kaye's on her way over now.

1373
01:16:46,325 --> 01:16:47,675
Change of plans, Joe.

1374
01:16:47,875 --> 01:16:50,208
Mr. Kramer and Mr. Douglas
are going to Washington.

1375
01:17:00,333 --> 01:17:02,583
Kramer and Douglas broke into
Witnaur's house last night

1376
01:17:02,783 --> 01:17:04,175
and kidnapped him.

1377
01:17:04,375 --> 01:17:05,800
And we're just now
hearing about it?

1378
01:17:06,000 --> 01:17:08,417
His lady called the White
House operator in a panic.

1379
01:17:08,617 --> 01:17:10,125
They thought it was a prank.
Enough.

1380
01:17:10,325 --> 01:17:11,634
We better button-up
the White House.

1381
01:17:11,834 --> 01:17:14,708
If they get to the president,
the game's over.

1382
01:17:27,083 --> 01:17:29,217
Morning, Rita.
How you doing, Don?

1383
01:17:29,417 --> 01:17:32,542
I'd be doing a lot better if I was
getting some of your blueberry muffins.

1384
01:17:32,742 --> 01:17:35,250
Soon as I tend to the president
I'll see what I can do.

1385
01:17:36,333 --> 01:17:37,508
What do you got back here?

1386
01:17:37,708 --> 01:17:39,691
Picked up a whole lot
of fresh produce

1387
01:17:39,891 --> 01:17:41,875
at the farmer's market
this morning.

1388
01:17:42,075 --> 01:17:43,000
Have a peak if you'd like.

1389
01:17:44,708 --> 01:17:45,754
That's okay, Rita.

1390
01:17:45,954 --> 01:17:47,000
You have a good one.

1391
01:17:47,200 --> 01:17:48,041
Thanks, Don.

1392
01:17:55,083 --> 01:17:57,024
Rita...
"Have a peak if you'd like"?

1393
01:17:57,224 --> 01:17:58,845
You're lucky
I didn't have a stroke.

1394
01:17:59,045 --> 01:18:00,839
Wasn't that a little risky,
Rita?

1395
01:18:01,039 --> 01:18:02,634
Mr. Presidents,
please, hush up.

1396
01:18:02,834 --> 01:18:04,250
As long as you're in my car,
you're produce.

1397
01:18:08,583 --> 01:18:09,542
Mr. President.

1398
01:18:10,417 --> 01:18:11,417
We're ready, sir.

1399
01:18:13,542 --> 01:18:14,841
The ceremony
on the south lawn

1400
01:18:15,041 --> 01:18:16,917
honoring the Dutch resistance
during World War II.

1401
01:18:17,750 --> 01:18:18,841
Highlight of my day.

1402
01:18:19,041 --> 01:18:21,300
Who cares about
the damn Dutch, anyway?

1403
01:18:21,500 --> 01:18:23,750
Is Vice President Matthews
going to this thing?

1404
01:18:23,950 --> 01:18:24,883
Yes, sir.

1405
01:18:25,083 --> 01:18:27,316
Well, let's avoid a possible
embarrassment, shall we?

1406
01:18:27,516 --> 01:18:29,750
Remind him that these people
are from the Netherlands,

1407
01:18:29,950 --> 01:18:30,875
and not the nether regions.

1408
01:18:32,083 --> 01:18:33,883
Oh, and, uh...

1409
01:18:34,083 --> 01:18:35,592
Have we heard
from Witnaur yet?

1410
01:18:35,792 --> 01:18:37,792
No, Mr. President.
All right. Thank you.

1411
01:18:41,750 --> 01:18:44,300
Gather 'round, everyone.
The tour's about to begin.

1412
01:18:44,500 --> 01:18:47,083
That's it. Come on in. come on
in here in the back. Welcome.

1413
01:18:47,283 --> 01:18:48,883
Oh, great.
We can't go that way.

1414
01:18:49,083 --> 01:18:51,650
A million people come through
the White House every year.

1415
01:18:51,850 --> 01:18:54,417
Better smile. They're gonna
know we're here in 10 seconds.

1416
01:18:55,583 --> 01:18:56,792
Come on.
Huh?

1417
01:18:58,625 --> 01:19:00,592
Hi, everyone,
you ready for the tour?

1418
01:19:00,792 --> 01:19:03,625
What the hell are you doing? This is
the only way we're gonna get to Haney.

1419
01:19:03,825 --> 01:19:05,925
Mr. President,
and Mr. President.

1420
01:19:06,125 --> 01:19:08,250
You know, folks, the tour guides
are the hardest-working people

1421
01:19:08,450 --> 01:19:11,166
in the White House, and,
as our way of saying thank you,

1422
01:19:11,366 --> 01:19:14,083
President Kramer and I are
gonna lead your tour ourselves.

1423
01:19:14,283 --> 01:19:15,125
We're what?

1424
01:19:16,041 --> 01:19:17,675
The Oval Office.

1425
01:19:17,875 --> 01:19:20,500
Oh, hey, yeah! Who knows this
place better than we do, huh?

1426
01:19:22,041 --> 01:19:24,375
Okay, let's go, everybody.
Gather 'round.

1427
01:19:24,575 --> 01:19:26,667
Follow your presidents.

1428
01:19:26,867 --> 01:19:27,800
Come along.

1429
01:19:28,000 --> 01:19:29,500
This is gonna be fun for you.

1430
01:19:34,000 --> 01:19:36,800
Sir, they're in.

1431
01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:38,383
How?
They used the tour.

1432
01:19:38,583 --> 01:19:40,125
Okay,
this is the green room.

1433
01:19:40,325 --> 01:19:41,300
It's a room.
It's green.

1434
01:19:41,500 --> 01:19:42,754
Hence the name.
Any questions?

1435
01:19:42,954 --> 01:19:44,208
Not from me.
Okay, then shall we?

1436
01:19:45,333 --> 01:19:46,712
That's it?

1437
01:19:46,912 --> 01:19:48,091
Go, go, go.

1438
01:19:48,291 --> 01:19:50,417
We grab them as soon as we can
and carry them out tonight.

1439
01:19:50,617 --> 01:19:52,383
A lot of people
have seen them here.

1440
01:19:52,583 --> 01:19:55,750
The cover still works. They met here and
they took the chopper to the ceremonies

1441
01:19:55,950 --> 01:19:57,208
where the president
was gonna meet them later.

1442
01:20:00,708 --> 01:20:02,258
The crash site
is still secure.

1443
01:20:02,458 --> 01:20:03,667
All we have to do is adjust
the time of the accident.

1444
01:20:04,542 --> 01:20:05,841
It could work.

1445
01:20:06,041 --> 01:20:07,583
Call Haney. As soon as
you get them, call me.

1446
01:20:11,208 --> 01:20:13,542
We occasionally use this as
a shortcut to the Oval Office.

1447
01:20:13,742 --> 01:20:14,841
Let's pick up the pace, eh?

1448
01:20:15,041 --> 01:20:16,583
The older folks
are dragging us down.

1449
01:20:22,834 --> 01:20:25,008
We're covering
all of the exits,

1450
01:20:25,208 --> 01:20:26,667
there's no way they can
get out of the building.

1451
01:20:28,083 --> 01:20:28,966
There they are!

1452
01:20:29,166 --> 01:20:30,500
Guest quarters.
Mr. President!

1453
01:20:40,792 --> 01:20:42,925
Mr. Presidents,
please unlock the door.

1454
01:20:43,125 --> 01:20:45,383
Come on.
That desk belonged to Thomas Jefferson.

1455
01:20:45,583 --> 01:20:48,542
The declaration of independence could
have been written on that thing.

1456
01:20:48,742 --> 01:20:52,000
Well, Tom isn't here to help me pick it up,
so move your ass!

1457
01:20:52,200 --> 01:20:54,383
Mr. Presidents, please!

1458
01:20:54,583 --> 01:20:55,800
When we think of
the Netherlands,

1459
01:20:56,000 --> 01:20:58,750
no doubt most of us have
images of a tranquil land...

1460
01:20:58,950 --> 01:21:00,646
Yes?

1461
01:21:00,846 --> 01:21:02,342
Good.

1462
01:21:02,542 --> 01:21:05,917
Secure the room, but do not
move in till I get there.

1463
01:21:06,117 --> 01:21:07,625
And, Wilkerson,
call the press.

1464
01:21:13,125 --> 01:21:15,708
I found Haney.
He's on the south lawn.

1465
01:21:15,908 --> 01:21:16,966
I don't like this at all.

1466
01:21:17,166 --> 01:21:20,125
They've had us pinned in here
for 15 minutes.

1467
01:21:20,325 --> 01:21:21,666
What the hell are they doing?

1468
01:21:21,866 --> 01:21:23,008
Preparing for our funeral.
What?

1469
01:21:23,208 --> 01:21:26,291
The report came in just minutes
ago from the White House.

1470
01:21:26,491 --> 01:21:28,458
The helicopter went down
somewhere over

1471
01:21:28,658 --> 01:21:30,425
the blue ridge mountains
of North Carolina.

1472
01:21:30,625 --> 01:21:33,792
President Kramer and President
Douglas were reportedly on board.

1473
01:21:33,992 --> 01:21:35,333
Search teams
are speeding to the area.

1474
01:21:44,083 --> 01:21:45,125
Phone's dead.

1475
01:21:46,417 --> 01:21:48,091
What are you doing?

1476
01:21:48,291 --> 01:21:50,837
During my years here,
one of the butlers told me about

1477
01:21:51,037 --> 01:21:53,583
a secret door that was
supposed to be in this room.

1478
01:21:53,783 --> 01:21:55,258
The Kennedy door he called it.

1479
01:21:55,458 --> 01:21:57,583
I think it was just
one of those stories.

1480
01:21:57,783 --> 01:21:59,083
Russell, it's over here.

1481
01:22:01,166 --> 01:22:02,667
I almost forgot.
Uh-huh.

1482
01:22:07,875 --> 01:22:09,675
What are you looking at?

1483
01:22:09,875 --> 01:22:11,792
Have you been down to that
farmer's market lately?

1484
01:22:11,992 --> 01:22:13,592
It's brutal.

1485
01:22:13,792 --> 01:22:17,834
I used this thing for a couple
of midnight rendezvous.

1486
01:22:18,034 --> 01:22:19,917
Oh, I'll never forget
this one girl.

1487
01:22:20,117 --> 01:22:21,800
She was a stewardess
with Pan Am...

1488
01:22:22,000 --> 01:22:24,375
I don't need to hear this.
She was also a contortionist.

1489
01:22:24,575 --> 01:22:25,854
Go on.

1490
01:22:26,054 --> 01:22:27,133
Later.

1491
01:22:27,333 --> 01:22:28,667
Right now
we gotta get to that ceremony.

1492
01:22:32,083 --> 01:22:34,217
If we can get ourselves
seen on TV,

1493
01:22:34,417 --> 01:22:37,959
then everyone's gonna know we're
not dead in North Carolina,

1494
01:22:38,159 --> 01:22:39,291
and Tanner is out of business.

1495
01:22:41,667 --> 01:22:42,667
Break it down.

1496
01:22:48,208 --> 01:22:49,208
Come on!

1497
01:22:54,708 --> 01:22:56,208
Where the hell are they?

1498
01:22:58,458 --> 01:22:59,675
Come on.
Hurry up.

1499
01:22:59,875 --> 01:23:01,383
Be glad I'm not Gerry Ford.

1500
01:23:01,583 --> 01:23:03,333
We'd be lying in a heap
at the bottom of the stairs.

1501
01:23:07,417 --> 01:23:09,008
It's been a while,

1502
01:23:09,208 --> 01:23:10,708
but I think the way out is
straight down and to the left.

1503
01:23:11,458 --> 01:23:13,316
This whole thing is crazy.

1504
01:23:13,516 --> 01:23:15,175
You know what I can't figure?

1505
01:23:15,375 --> 01:23:18,462
How does a twisted psycho like
Tanner end up in the N.S.A?

1506
01:23:18,662 --> 01:23:21,750
I know. Why isn't he in the
postal service where he belongs?

1507
01:23:23,750 --> 01:23:26,217
Oh, great.
"Down and to the left."

1508
01:23:26,417 --> 01:23:28,625
Oh, cork it!
It's not the end of the world, you know?

1509
01:23:30,250 --> 01:23:31,717
Hello, sirs.

1510
01:23:31,917 --> 01:23:34,375
No need for concern,
it's only me.

1511
01:23:34,575 --> 01:23:35,883
The twisted psycho.

1512
01:23:36,083 --> 01:23:38,066
We're not gonna have
a long chat.

1513
01:23:38,266 --> 01:23:40,050
In fact,
I don't think I could stand

1514
01:23:40,250 --> 01:23:42,500
to listen to either one of you
another second.

1515
01:23:42,700 --> 01:23:43,542
I'm just gonna kill you.

1516
01:23:43,742 --> 01:23:45,675
So, who goes first?

1517
01:23:45,875 --> 01:23:48,583
The old man
or the ladies' man?

1518
01:23:54,792 --> 01:23:56,125
Nice work, Russell.

1519
01:23:56,325 --> 01:23:57,717
Thank you.

1520
01:23:57,917 --> 01:24:00,750
I've got to change my shorts
now.

1521
01:24:08,792 --> 01:24:10,625
Pennsylvania Avenue
is almost clear, sir.

1522
01:24:14,750 --> 01:24:16,258
Ah, here we are.

1523
01:24:16,458 --> 01:24:17,959
Oh, hey.
Watch it, watch it.

1524
01:24:19,166 --> 01:24:20,425
We're on the north lawn.

1525
01:24:20,625 --> 01:24:22,792
We're totally on the other
side of where we want to be.

1526
01:24:22,992 --> 01:24:23,759
Oh, good going, Douglas.

1527
01:24:23,959 --> 01:24:25,750
I didn't build
the damn tunnel.

1528
01:24:29,208 --> 01:24:31,295
Now what?
Who am I, fucking MacGyver?

1529
01:24:31,495 --> 01:24:33,583
I'm making this up
as I go along.

1530
01:24:33,783 --> 01:24:35,291
Over there!

1531
01:24:37,291 --> 01:24:38,291
What the...

1532
01:24:40,083 --> 01:24:41,291
Hang on, Kramer.

1533
01:24:44,000 --> 01:24:45,883
Hold it!
Stop right there!

1534
01:24:46,083 --> 01:24:48,458
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Stop! Get off the horse!

1535
01:24:48,658 --> 01:24:49,883
Get off the horse!

1536
01:24:50,083 --> 01:24:52,254
We can't get any cars
through the block.

1537
01:24:52,454 --> 01:24:54,625
You run after them,
I'll cut them off.

1538
01:24:57,208 --> 01:24:58,625
Ohh!

1539
01:25:01,708 --> 01:25:03,175
When this is over,

1540
01:25:03,375 --> 01:25:05,458
promise me we'll come back
and look for my balls.

1541
01:25:09,500 --> 01:25:11,333
Stop!

1542
01:25:13,834 --> 01:25:16,129
Marksmen, intruders,
north lawn. This is Tanner.

1543
01:25:16,329 --> 01:25:18,625
Driving to south gate to
intercept. Shoot to kill.

1544
01:25:18,825 --> 01:25:19,467
This is
Lieutenant Fleming,

1545
01:25:19,667 --> 01:25:21,375
we're moving into position
now, sir.

1546
01:25:21,575 --> 01:25:22,875
Go, go, go.

1547
01:25:32,667 --> 01:25:34,800
Wait. Hold your fire.

1548
01:25:35,000 --> 01:25:36,796
That looks like
Presidents Kramer and Douglas.

1549
01:25:36,996 --> 01:25:38,792
That's impossible.
The presidents are dead.

1550
01:25:38,992 --> 01:25:39,875
Shoot them, damn it!

1551
01:25:42,875 --> 01:25:44,041
Repositioning to south side.

1552
01:25:46,166 --> 01:25:48,583
...these people came together
bound by love of country

1553
01:25:48,783 --> 01:25:49,750
and risked their lives...

1554
01:25:51,375 --> 01:25:52,375
Open the gate!

1555
01:25:57,041 --> 01:25:58,108
Nice horsy.

1556
01:25:58,308 --> 01:25:59,375
Oh, God!

1557
01:26:00,875 --> 01:26:02,083
On your command, sir.

1558
01:26:07,000 --> 01:26:10,133
I gave you a direct order!
Shoot!

1559
01:26:10,333 --> 01:26:12,792
Lieutenant Fleming,
request permission to shoot.

1560
01:26:17,166 --> 01:26:18,608
Douglas!

1561
01:26:18,808 --> 01:26:20,050
Down!

1562
01:26:20,250 --> 01:26:21,834
...this was a struggle
for democracy...

1563
01:26:22,034 --> 01:26:23,383
Lieutenant! Lieutenant!

1564
01:26:23,583 --> 01:26:24,917
...it was a struggle
for truth...

1565
01:26:25,117 --> 01:26:26,208
We must fire, sir.

1566
01:26:31,083 --> 01:26:33,291
...it was a struggle
between life and death.

1567
01:26:43,250 --> 01:26:44,750
Those are
the presidents.

1568
01:26:52,083 --> 01:26:52,925
...and in conclusion,

1569
01:26:53,125 --> 01:26:56,550
I'd like to say
that it is our great

1570
01:26:56,750 --> 01:27:00,458
pleasure to welcome these Dutch
resistance fighters here.

1571
01:27:00,658 --> 01:27:03,759
Douglas!

1572
01:27:03,959 --> 01:27:07,634
Would somebody
go collect Blinky?

1573
01:27:07,834 --> 01:27:09,667
That's fine. That's fine.
Let him come ahead.

1574
01:27:09,867 --> 01:27:11,175
Well, what a surprise.

1575
01:27:11,375 --> 01:27:13,959
Ladies and gentlemen,
President Matthew Douglas.

1576
01:27:17,708 --> 01:27:19,545
Thank you.
Thank you.

1577
01:27:19,745 --> 01:27:21,583
We have to talk...
Now.

1578
01:27:26,250 --> 01:27:29,208
Look, Haney had to find a way
to spin dry the kickback money.

1579
01:27:29,408 --> 01:27:30,759
That's where Olympia came in.

1580
01:27:30,959 --> 01:27:34,125
Oh, Russell, please, there's
got to be a way around this.

1581
01:27:34,325 --> 01:27:36,208
I'll give you anything you want.
I have money.

1582
01:27:36,408 --> 01:27:37,800
I beg your pardon?

1583
01:27:38,000 --> 01:27:40,959
Are you honestly saying that
Russell P. Kramer can be bought?

1584
01:27:41,159 --> 01:27:42,925
Shut up, Douglas.
Why should I resign?

1585
01:27:43,125 --> 01:27:45,625
I don't know anything about Reynolds'
death or the chopper crash.

1586
01:27:45,825 --> 01:27:48,008
Okay, yes, all right,
I admit, I used the office,

1587
01:27:48,208 --> 01:27:51,125
but how is that any different
from what you are doing, Russ?

1588
01:27:51,325 --> 01:27:52,800
You know you've made money
from this office.

1589
01:27:53,000 --> 01:27:56,792
Two things, bill, one,
I never did anything illegal.

1590
01:27:56,992 --> 01:27:57,966
Big difference.

1591
01:27:58,166 --> 01:28:00,417
Two,
I never did it for the money.

1592
01:28:00,617 --> 01:28:01,592
Oh, come on! Sure you did.

1593
01:28:01,792 --> 01:28:03,650
No, no,
you just don't get it.

1594
01:28:03,850 --> 01:28:05,708
My books,
my personal appearances,

1595
01:28:05,908 --> 01:28:07,383
those are things I do

1596
01:28:07,583 --> 01:28:09,667
so the people will know I'm still here,
so they don't forget me...

1597
01:28:12,750 --> 01:28:15,500
And so I can get
just a little taste of...

1598
01:28:16,750 --> 01:28:19,417
What it's like to be...

1599
01:28:22,208 --> 01:28:23,667
What I was.

1600
01:28:28,500 --> 01:28:30,670
This office has done
a hell of a lot for me,

1601
01:28:30,870 --> 01:28:33,041
now I'm gonna do something
for it. Get you out!

1602
01:28:35,583 --> 01:28:37,342
Excuse me, sirs.
I'm Agent Kopeck.

1603
01:28:37,542 --> 01:28:39,300
Agent in charge of secret
service, White House detail.

1604
01:28:39,500 --> 01:28:42,000
I thought you'd like to meet
secret-service officer Ralph Fleming.

1605
01:28:42,200 --> 01:28:44,166
He's the man
who stopped Colonel Tanner.

1606
01:28:44,366 --> 01:28:46,333
Thank you, Ralph.
You saved our lives.

1607
01:28:46,533 --> 01:28:48,000
It's an honor to meet you,
son.

1608
01:28:48,200 --> 01:28:49,667
Actually, sir,
we've met before.

1609
01:28:49,867 --> 01:28:51,592
We have? Where?

1610
01:28:51,792 --> 01:28:54,250
Somewhere over the rainbow.

1611
01:29:02,417 --> 01:29:03,942
Ah, ye...

1612
01:29:04,142 --> 01:29:05,667
He was, uh...

1613
01:29:11,041 --> 01:29:14,508
And so,
it is with a heavy heart,

1614
01:29:14,708 --> 01:29:20,342
and, ironically,
a weak heart, that I resign

1615
01:29:20,542 --> 01:29:23,792
from the office of President
of the United States.

1616
01:29:23,992 --> 01:29:26,008
Poor president, Haney.

1617
01:29:26,208 --> 01:29:28,959
Oh, don't you worry, Rita,
he's gonna be just fine.

1618
01:29:29,159 --> 01:29:30,917
Damn, Rita,
you haven't lost your touch.

1619
01:29:31,117 --> 01:29:33,383
Uh-huh.
I miss you, too.

1620
01:29:33,583 --> 01:29:36,191
I was finally
getting used to him.

1621
01:29:36,391 --> 01:29:39,000
Now I've gotta start
all over again.

1622
01:29:39,200 --> 01:29:40,458
President Matthews.

1623
01:29:43,458 --> 01:29:45,792
Who would've
ever thought of that.

1624
01:29:46,834 --> 01:29:48,759
President Matthews?

1625
01:29:48,959 --> 01:29:52,250
There's only one way that
moron was ever gonna become...

1626
01:29:53,750 --> 01:29:54,966
President.

1627
01:29:55,166 --> 01:29:57,166
Either Haney would
have to be assassinated,

1628
01:29:57,366 --> 01:29:58,583
or he'd have to...

1629
01:30:01,458 --> 01:30:02,675
Resign.

1630
01:30:02,875 --> 01:30:06,792
...I'm convinced that it's
for the nation's better good,

1631
01:30:06,992 --> 01:30:07,959
that I step aside.

1632
01:30:09,792 --> 01:30:11,337
Two more minutes,
Mr. President.

1633
01:30:11,537 --> 01:30:13,627
Thank you, Bill.
I'll be ready.

1634
01:30:13,827 --> 01:30:15,522
Ted, we need to talk
and right now.

1635
01:30:15,722 --> 01:30:17,417
Will you excuse us a minute,
Pete?

1636
01:30:17,617 --> 01:30:19,271
Yes, sir.
So, what's up?

1637
01:30:19,471 --> 01:30:20,925
We've figured it out.

1638
01:30:21,125 --> 01:30:22,291
You'll never
get away with it.

1639
01:30:22,491 --> 01:30:23,550
I already did.

1640
01:30:23,750 --> 01:30:25,634
Chief Justice Renquist
just swore me in.

1641
01:30:25,834 --> 01:30:27,917
I'm about to go on television
in front of the nation

1642
01:30:28,117 --> 01:30:30,008
to reluctantly
accept my charge.

1643
01:30:30,208 --> 01:30:31,800
You're the one,
you sent Tanner to kill us.

1644
01:30:32,000 --> 01:30:35,000
We investigate Olympia, wind up dead,
it all gets tied to Haney,

1645
01:30:35,200 --> 01:30:36,125
either way he goes down,
and you're in.

1646
01:30:37,000 --> 01:30:38,675
You're right.

1647
01:30:38,875 --> 01:30:40,883
There've been a couple
of unfortunate deaths,

1648
01:30:41,083 --> 01:30:43,634
but they can be blamed
on the late Colonel Tanner.

1649
01:30:43,834 --> 01:30:46,708
I guess I won't have to appoint
him to the Joint Chiefs after all.

1650
01:30:46,908 --> 01:30:47,550
How do you explain
us being here?

1651
01:30:47,750 --> 01:30:49,733
Aren't we both dead
in a helicopter crash?

1652
01:30:49,933 --> 01:30:51,717
Oh, your chopper
definitely went down,

1653
01:30:51,917 --> 01:30:54,834
but we are so thankful it
turned out you weren't aboard.

1654
01:30:55,034 --> 01:30:57,041
Press secretary's
already issued a statement

1655
01:30:57,241 --> 01:30:58,375
apologizing for any confusion.

1656
01:30:59,667 --> 01:31:00,900
Thirty seconds, sir.

1657
01:31:01,100 --> 01:31:02,133
Thank you, Bill.

1658
01:31:02,333 --> 01:31:04,175
Well, gentlemen,
if you ask me,

1659
01:31:04,375 --> 01:31:05,875
this whole thing's
been a real coup.

1660
01:31:08,041 --> 01:31:09,300
Funny thing, isn't it?

1661
01:31:09,500 --> 01:31:11,925
Everyone thinks
I'm this idiot,

1662
01:31:12,125 --> 01:31:14,333
but nobody knows it was all just a big
"fa-cade."

1663
01:31:18,041 --> 01:31:19,417
Who's the idiot now?

1664
01:31:28,250 --> 01:31:29,750
Hello, Mr. President.
Good to see you.

1665
01:31:29,950 --> 01:31:30,542
Welcome home, sir.

1666
01:31:33,375 --> 01:31:35,583
Well, I guess
that's all she wrote.

1667
01:31:37,917 --> 01:31:42,125
Russell, you want to know
what gives me the red ass?

1668
01:31:42,325 --> 01:31:43,467
What?

1669
01:31:43,667 --> 01:31:45,608
He damn near
got away with it.

1670
01:31:45,808 --> 01:31:47,550
What do you mean
"damn near"?

1671
01:31:47,750 --> 01:31:49,917
You got the whole conversation
on tape?

1672
01:31:50,117 --> 01:31:52,217
I learned from the master.

1673
01:31:52,417 --> 01:31:55,583
The only problem is if I drop
this off at CNN on my way home,

1674
01:31:55,783 --> 01:31:57,542
and Matthews
gets thrown out of office,

1675
01:31:57,742 --> 01:31:59,550
according
to the 25th amendment,

1676
01:31:59,750 --> 01:32:01,583
the speaker of the house
will become president.

1677
01:32:01,783 --> 01:32:03,008
Oh, God, anybody but him.

1678
01:32:03,208 --> 01:32:06,250
Tell me about it.
But, I guess we have no other choice.

1679
01:32:06,450 --> 01:32:08,396
We did everything we could.
Yeah.

1680
01:32:08,596 --> 01:32:10,342
I'm gonna go home,
kiss my wife,

1681
01:32:10,542 --> 01:32:12,583
take a shower,
and go to bed for a month.

1682
01:32:12,783 --> 01:32:14,425
Sounds good.

1683
01:32:14,625 --> 01:32:17,671
You know something?
I gotta tell you,

1684
01:32:17,871 --> 01:32:21,377
after going through
this whole thing,

1685
01:32:21,577 --> 01:32:25,083
I've realized
I really don't like you.

1686
01:32:25,283 --> 01:32:26,300
No kidding.

1687
01:32:26,500 --> 01:32:30,462
But that isn't exactly
what I wanted to say.

1688
01:32:30,662 --> 01:32:34,625
It, the thing is,
I don't like you, but...

1689
01:32:36,792 --> 01:32:38,421
I think I'm gonna,

1690
01:32:38,621 --> 01:32:40,250
you know, miss you.

1691
01:32:43,583 --> 01:32:45,550
If we hadn't spent
the last 30 years

1692
01:32:45,750 --> 01:32:49,291
hating each other's guts,
we might have been friends.

1693
01:32:54,333 --> 01:32:56,425
I think I'll stop there,

1694
01:32:56,625 --> 01:32:59,083
because I feel the goat-cheese
pizza backing up on me.

1695
01:33:04,417 --> 01:33:06,258
You take care of yourself.

1696
01:33:06,458 --> 01:33:09,208
And, uh...
Don't jump off any trains.

1697
01:33:09,408 --> 01:33:10,749
I was pushed.

1698
01:33:10,949 --> 01:33:12,291
Same difference.

1699
01:33:19,375 --> 01:33:21,000
Hey, Russell.
Yeah?

1700
01:33:23,166 --> 01:33:24,425
♪ Hail to the chief

1701
01:33:24,625 --> 01:33:27,041
♪ If you don't,
I'll have to kill you

1702
01:33:27,241 --> 01:33:28,759
♪ I am the chief

1703
01:33:28,959 --> 01:33:30,375
♪ So you'd better watch
your step, you bastards ♪

1704
01:33:31,542 --> 01:33:32,959
We're even.

1705
01:33:46,750 --> 01:33:48,275
I was briefed
about what happened, sir.

1706
01:33:48,475 --> 01:33:50,000
It's amazing
what you went through.

1707
01:33:51,875 --> 01:33:54,217
Yes, I guess it was.

1708
01:33:54,417 --> 01:33:57,083
Well, now you can go home to
Cleveland for a well-deserved rest.

1709
01:33:57,283 --> 01:33:58,417
Oh, yes.

1710
01:33:59,750 --> 01:34:01,375
When it comes time
for a rest,

1711
01:34:03,166 --> 01:34:04,875
there's no place
like Cleveland.

1712
01:34:08,291 --> 01:34:10,375
This must've been a very difficult
experience for you, sir.

1713
01:34:10,575 --> 01:34:12,008
Yeah. It was pretty bad.

1714
01:34:12,208 --> 01:34:16,675
On some level,
I enjoyed it.

1715
01:34:16,875 --> 01:34:22,550
It was just nice to do something
and have a goal again.

1716
01:34:22,750 --> 01:34:24,959
I think it was a great service
you did for your country, sir.

1717
01:34:25,159 --> 01:34:26,708
Most people in that situation,
they would have given up.

1718
01:34:28,542 --> 01:34:31,208
You and President Kramer,
you did everything you could.

1719
01:34:32,667 --> 01:34:34,375
I'm proud to be
attached to you, sir.

1720
01:34:43,208 --> 01:34:45,458
No, Chet, you're wrong.

1721
01:34:46,917 --> 01:34:48,583
We didn't do
everything we could.

1722
01:34:50,792 --> 01:34:53,258
Nine months after
he took the oath of office,

1723
01:34:53,458 --> 01:34:56,750
former president and
convicted felon Ted Matthews

1724
01:34:56,950 --> 01:34:57,717
today began
serving his sentence

1725
01:34:57,917 --> 01:35:00,550
at a federal prison
in Stafford, Virginia.

1726
01:35:00,750 --> 01:35:04,417
But unlike other political
scandals of the past,

1727
01:35:04,617 --> 01:35:07,417
this one has spawned
an unusual coupling.

1728
01:35:07,617 --> 01:35:09,091
For that story,
we take you

1729
01:35:09,291 --> 01:35:11,834
to correspondent Kaye Griffin
in California.

1730
01:35:14,250 --> 01:35:16,458
Two of America's
biggest political rivals

1731
01:35:16,658 --> 01:35:17,841
are making history.

1732
01:35:18,041 --> 01:35:20,125
Running on the same ticket
as independents

1733
01:35:20,325 --> 01:35:22,966
are ex-presidents
Kramer and Douglas.

1734
01:35:23,166 --> 01:35:26,417
You know,
I come to this country with those fellows.

1735
01:35:26,617 --> 01:35:28,133
However, we have yet to hear

1736
01:35:28,333 --> 01:35:29,959
who will be running
as president,

1737
01:35:30,159 --> 01:35:31,883
and who as vice president.

1738
01:35:32,083 --> 01:35:35,291
I'm not ashamed to say it,
I slept with both those guys.

1739
01:35:38,792 --> 01:35:40,300
My love.

1740
01:35:40,500 --> 01:35:42,959
Any words of wisdom for the candidate?
Of course.

1741
01:35:43,159 --> 01:35:44,583
Don't make a friggin' fool
of yourself.

1742
01:35:44,783 --> 01:35:45,883
Margaret, please,

1743
01:35:46,083 --> 01:35:47,875
if you're gonna use the f-word,
go for the gold.

1744
01:35:48,075 --> 01:35:49,925
Excuse us, Margaret.

1745
01:35:50,125 --> 01:35:52,375
Are you ready to face
the voting public?

1746
01:35:52,575 --> 01:35:53,383
Let's do it.
All right.

1747
01:35:53,583 --> 01:35:54,800
I'll make the announcement,
then I'll introduce you.

1748
01:35:55,000 --> 01:35:58,542
To keep things straight,
you're saying I'm gonna be president,

1749
01:35:58,742 --> 01:36:00,188
and you're gonna
be vice president.

1750
01:36:00,388 --> 01:36:01,634
Now wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

1751
01:36:01,834 --> 01:36:03,629
After everything
we went through together,

1752
01:36:03,829 --> 01:36:05,731
you still don't trust me?
I trust you.

1753
01:36:05,931 --> 01:36:07,448
Well, thank you.
Just as you trust me.

1754
01:36:07,648 --> 01:36:09,057
I think I'll make
the announcement.

1755
01:36:09,257 --> 01:36:10,667
I thought we agreed
that I would do it.

1756
01:36:10,867 --> 01:36:12,091
Will you let go of me?

1757
01:36:12,291 --> 01:36:14,375
I'm not letting go.
I'm not letting go, either.

1758
01:36:15,875 --> 01:36:17,375
Get out of my way,
old man.

1759
01:36:17,575 --> 01:36:18,542
No way, sleazebag.

1760
01:36:18,742 --> 01:36:20,271
How are you?

1761
01:36:20,471 --> 01:36:21,800
Hey! Money.

1762
01:36:22,000 --> 01:36:24,667
Will you...
Did you drop that?

1763
01:36:24,867 --> 01:36:25,458
Yeah. That's mine.

1764
01:36:26,667 --> 01:36:28,208
My fellow Americans...

1765
01:36:28,408 --> 01:36:29,166
You son of a...