We wish you
a Merry Christmas
We wish you
a Merry Christmas
We wish you
a Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Good tidings we bring for you and your kin
Good tidings on Christmas and a happy New Year
Now bring us
some figgy pudding
Now bring us
some figgy pudding
Now bring us
some figgy pudding
Morning light
All is calm
All is bright
[ Heavy Footsteps Approaching ]
That was lovely.
Cookies anyone?
[ Screaming ]
Oh, goody. A James Brown encore.
Hot thang. Ha.
[ Funk ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Tray Clatters ]
[ Screams ]
[ Scoffs ] Everyone's a critic.
[ Humming ]
[ Water Bubbling ]
[ Creature Squeaking ]
How did the cookies go over?
Like garlic bread at a vampire picnic.
Oh, people here are much more health conscious...
than back in the old country.
Anthrax scotchies are very high in saturated fat.
Well, more for us then, hmm?
What smells so good?
Herman Munster, stop haunting my kitchen.
[ Laughing ]
[ Screams ]
Oh, now shoo. Go help Grandpa and Marilyn decorate the living room.
Ooh, is the tree up? Goody. [ Laughs ]
Oh, and please remind Grandpa...
to check the stockings before he hangs them.
Last year he forgot to take the feet out.
It's Christmas
and the graveyard folk
Have all come out to play
They're going to take--
Well, would you just look at all this.
I don't think I've ever seen halls decked quite as nicely.
If I didn't know any better, I would think...
that this is Santa's Jolly-Holly Mausoleum. [ Laughs ]
I think Grandpa's got a little interior decorator in his blood.
That's where I got the makings for these mistle-toes.
Mistle-toes? Get it? [ Laughs ]
Uncle Herman, can you help me charge up the lights?
Oh, happy to oblige.
[ Electricity Crackling ]
Oh. Oh. [ Chuckles ] It's beautiful.
Well, it-it's about the prettiest tree I've ever seen.
Eddie's going to be so excited when he sees this.
Kids. That's what Christmas is all about.
I can't wait to see the happy expression on his little face...
when he sees this.
[ Door Closes ]
[ Gasps ] Eddie. Eddie, what do you think, huh?
Isn't this the most Christmasy sight you've ever seen?
Well, maybe we should all fan out a little bit...
and let Eddie take it all in.
He's speechless.
We saved something for you, Eddie.
You get to top off the tree, Son.
[ Squeals ]
Oh, yes.
Now-Now it's perfect. What do you think, son?
A little buzzard whispered into my ear...
that this could be the merriest Christmas yet.
Yeah, I guess.
[ Boy ] Hey, quit pushing me, jerk. Get off of me.
Hi, can I walk with you?
Sure.
[ Boy ] Hey, come on.
Ow, ow, ow.
[ Laughing ]
Hey. Hey. Hey.
Oh, no. Hector Barberi.
- Evasive action. - [ Boy ]
Come on. Let's go get 'em.
Are they following us?
I'm too scared to look.
I wish there was a full moon...
so I could change into a werewolf.
Uh-huh. And then we could both fly away in my private Learjet.
- [ Gasps ] - Check it out. An egghead
and some Munster cheese.
Anyone for an omelet?
[ Laughing ]
Come on, Hector. We just wanna go home.
Not till I say so, Wolf-Boy.
Hey, is that for me?
Come on. Give that back.
"Dear Santa--"
[ Snickering ]
"This year I'd be very grateful if you could bring me
the following:
New torture spikes for my iron maiden,
a Mr. Maggot Head,
some cobra venom and a Little Pumper Gas Chamber."
- Oh. - That's sweet.
You're one sick puppy, Munster.
- Santa doesn't visit freaks. - [ Grunts ]
[ Boys Laughing ]
Merry Christmas, loser.
[ Boy ] You're a loser, man.
Ah, come on. Throw it here.
[ Sighs ]
That Munster boy's been digging up people's flower beds again.
[ Wind Whistling ]
Oh. Merry Christmas, Eddie.
Christmas bites.
What's that you're holding? Hmm?
Nothing.
Hmm. What's eating him, I wonder?
Well, there goes the only guy who cares about Christmas more than I do.
Eddie, you're covered in mud.
Have you been burying your classmates at recess again?
Something like that. I'm going to bed now.
[ Bell Tolling ]
Nighty-night, Eddie. Time for bed.
Hiya, champ.
- Hi. - Hi, Wolfie.
Is something bothering you?
Like about Christmas?
The Door Knocker said that you said it bites.
I don't know. It's just not the same here.
Christmas was better back in Transylvania.
I mean, I used to have so much fun.
Had the freezing cold, making snowmen,
having fun with my friends.
[ Sighs ]
I just miss home.
Christmas just isn't the same here.
But we've got a new home, here in America.
Maybe, but it doesn't feel like home.
Doesn't feel like Christmas, either. Good night.
I love you.
[ Door Creaks, Closes ]
Oh, Herman. What are we going to do?
Besides full moons, Christmas has always been Eddie's favorite.
Don't worry, Lily. I'll think of something.
Okay, Munsters.
We are in the holiday crisis mode.
Eddie needs our help, and I'll be poked with a pitchfork...
before I let him down.
Don't knock a little pitchfork poking...
until you've tried it. [ Laughs ]
We have to make Eddie feel like this is home.
Show him that Christmas here can be just as wonderful...
as it was in the old country.
So, we need to give Eddie...
the perfect Transylvanian Christmas?
Right. Now, what does that mean, you might ask?
Presents.
A revelation, Herman.
But not just any present. I'm talking the ultimate present.
Imported directly from Transylvania.
The Fears And Roebuck Holiday Nightmare Catalog.
Look here at page 666.
"The Marquis de Sade
Dungeon Action Playset."
[ Marilyn ] It's so cute. Look at the little thumbscrews.
Plus the rack comes complete with stretch-o-matic action.
What little boy wouldn't love to have that?
Herman. We can't afford this.
Nonsense, Lily. It's Christmas.
I'll just have a-a little talk...
with Mr. Gateman down at the parlor.
I'm sure he'll be happy to give me an advance.
That's it? That's your big plan?
A toy dungeon?
I think someone's neck bolts are too tight.
If someone has another idea, I'd like to hear it.
Actually,
Eddie's homesick for Transylvania.
I say we invite the family from the old country...
and throw a big Christmas party.
Now we're cookin'. Lily? Any ideas?
The reason L.A. doesn't feel like home to Eddie...
is because he's alienated.
He needs to get involved.
The homeowners association is having...
a big holiday decorating contest.
I'm going to enter us and get Eddie to help me.
That way he can feel that he's really involved with something.
Gimme that chalk.
You people are making this so complex, so psychological.
All Eddie needs-- snow.
All Eddie needs...
is an old-fashioned Transylvanian white Christmas.
In Southern California?
You are looking at Eastern Europe's preeminent alchemist.
I could make it snow in your pants if I want.
Well, I'd rather you didn't, if it's all the same to you.
Ah. All it takes, is a little of this,
a little of that, a bit of M.S.G....
and, poof, instant blizzard.
So, what we have now is a-- is a four-step plan.
Everybody's gonna pitch in. I'll get the money for the present.
Uh, uh, Marilyn, you send out the invitations for the Christmas party,
and, Lily, you enter us into the decoration contest.
And, Grandpa, you make it snow, but not in my pants.
Oh, it's gonna be the best Christmas Eddie's ever seen.
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, Herman.
I just love it when you get all "take charge."
Mmm.
[ Laughs ]
[ Man ] Bonus?
You want a bonus?
Well, you see, Mr. Gateman, there's a special gift I'd like to get for Eddie,
and I figured that, well, since, you know, it is Christmas--
Christmas? You want to talk about Christmas?
Oh-oh!
This time of year used to send my business soaring.
Faulty wiring on dried up Christmas trees.
[ Laughs ] Broken dampers on chimney flues.
Drinking and driving. Oh, ho-ho!
But now with...
safety restrictions and fire codes...
and designated drivers,
I'm lucky if I can pay my crematorium bills...
at the end of the month.
Advance?
You're lucky I don't fire your lame carcass...
on the spot!
[ Chuckles ]
[ Marilyn ] The party's gonna rock,
and these family photos are a great way to remember everyone to invite.
By the way, who is this?
[ Grandpa ] Oh.
That's your uncle, Rahman Tha.
He was in line to be a pharaoh,
but they went to the party system, and he lost the vote.
Don't invite him. He's into those pyramid schemes. [ Chuckles ]
Uh-oh. Looks good.
Is that gonna make it snow for Eddie?
No. It's gonna make reality fade for Grandpa.
[ Laughs ]
[ Deep Roaring ]
Hiya, Spot.
[ Roaring Continues ]
0h, feels good, huh?
Why do things always have to change, huh, boy? [ Sighs ]
We're stuck in this lousy place where the sun hurts my eyes.
And Hector Barberi makes fun of my fangs.
And you, you're not even allowed out of the house.
If I can't have a Transylvanian Christmas,
I don't want Christmas at all.
Burn it, Spot.
[ Belches ]
There you are.
All righty, Edna.
You are now officially entered into the Christmas decorations contest.
[ Laughs ]
You, uh, think you're gonna win again this year?
Oh, that certainly would be nice.
Mm-hmm.
But winning first-class ribbon six years in a row...
does seem a lot to hope for.
Oh. My money's on you.
I mean, that display you did last year...
with the square-dancing elves?
Santa's Ho-Ho-Hoedown.
[ Both Laughing ]
[ Lily ] Excuse me. Is this where we sign up for the decorating contest?
- Munster. You're entering? - [ Lily ]
Well, hello, Edna.
Why, yes, Eddie and I are gonna bond a little and decorate the house.
Say hello to Mrs. Dimwitty, Eddie.
Hi.
Shake.
Oh! I'm not touching that.
- [ Growls ] - [ Gasps ]
Probably just as well.
- He's overdue
for his flea dip.
- [ Gasps ]
Oh. Oh!
Good luck in the contest, Edna.
That's my neighbor. [ Giggles ]
Whoa. [ Laughs ]
Whoa! [ Screams ]
[ Groans ]
- 0h! - [ Tires Screech ]
[ Screams ]
[ Thuds ]
Oh. Oh.
Are you all right?
Yeah. Thanks for the assist.
Well, what happened?
It's embarrassing to admit it,
but I saw you and got distracted.
Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry.
I've always been the ugliest member of my family.
You're the ugliest?
Well, yes.
I don't have any neck bolts, fangs or fur.
[ Chuckles ]
And I don't have half the fashion sense my Aunt Lily does.
Okay, now I know you're kidding.
You've got a great sense of humor.
Thanks.
I guess.
Oh, and thanks for helping me pick up my invitations.
No problem.
"Marilyn Munster."
Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.
Beautiful?
Are you okay?
Um, I have to, you know, go now.
Hey! Wait! You forgot one.
[ Sighs ] Ooh-wee. California girls.
"Phantom of The Opera,
Grand Opera House, Paris."
I guess she must know someone in the cast.
[ Liquid Bubbling ]
- Grandpa? - [ Chuckles ] Huh?
Do you think a guy could find me attractive?
Well, now, that's a-- that's a, uh--
that's a very, uh, interesting question. [ Laughs ]
Because I met this guy today who said that I was beautiful.
Well, of course he did. Appearances aren't everything.
You have a good heart.
The guy that gets you is lucky.
- Who is that boy? - Oh, well, I don't know.
I kinda panicked and ran away before I got his name.
Uh-oh. Soup!
[ Laughs ]
We're gonna have a white Christmas for real.
[ Chuckles ]
Bananas are curvy...
and apples are spherical,
bring into this circle...
a cool winter miracle.
[ Explosion ]
This is gonna be tougher than I thought.
Get the blow-dryer.
[ Fizzing, Bubbling ]
[ Exhales ]
[ Eddie's Voice ] Oh, cool!
[ Gasps ] What is it? What is it?
A Marquis de Sade Dungeon Action Playset!
You've made me the happiest Wolf-Boy in the world.
[ Chuckles ]
Look at yourself, Herman Munster.
You talking to me?
Darn, darn, darn right!
I've gotta lay off the hemlock.
Eddie needs your help, and you're moping around feeling sorry for yourself.
I don't have any money.
Then get off your lumpy green keister and find some!
[ Sighs ] He's right.
I mean, I'm right.
I've gotta start seeking alternative sources of income.
[ Herman ] Good day, Madam.
[ Woman Screams ]
[ Herman ] I just--
[ Glass Shattering ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Glass Breaking ]
[ Glass Pieces Clattering ]
[ Thuds ]
[ Metal Creaking ]
[ Creaking Continues ]
[ Squishes ]
[ Oohing ]
[ Applause ]
[ Female Doctor ] Really good.
[ Sucking ]
[ Moans ]
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
[ Wolf Howling ]
[ Growling ]
Something to be proud of, isn't it Eddie?
Decorating the house, getting involved with the neighborhood.
- I'm tired of decorating. Can I take a break?
- You sure?
Oh, yeah.
[ Sighs ] Well, all right then.
But I'll need your help later when it's time to string the mealy worms.
Okay.
Ooh. I'm out of my league here.
I wish I could find an expert on Christmas spirit.
[ Sucks ] Mmm.
[ Bubbling, Fizzing ]
[ Grandpa Laughing ]
[ Cackling ]
[ Grunts, Shouts ]
[ Laughs ]
[ Chuckles ]
Polar Bear to Icehouse.
Do you copy?
That's a roger, Polar Bear.
That last turn was a little wiggy.
I think there's something wrong with Vixen's hoof.
I copy that, Polar Bear.
We'll check it when you touch down.
[ Santa ] Speed diagnostic test, please.
Okay, let's open her up...
and see what this baby's got under the hood.
Whoa!
Oh, Lefty! Larry!
Mind the weight distribution back there.
We seem to have picked up a bit of a wobble.
Sure thing, boss. You got it, chief.
"Mind the weight distribution back there."
Whoa.
[ Groaning ]
Uh--
Lar-- Larry!
[ Grunts ]
Hey.
Ow! Why'd you do that?
Because, I'm cold and I'm overworked...
and I'm tired of taking orders...
from that snowsuit-stretching slave driver up there.
I want a vacation!
[ Thunderclap ]
[ Electricity Buzzing, Crackling ]
Somewhere where it's warm and sunny.
There's hot sand and plenty of cold beer.
[ Laughs ]
And rubbing tanning lotion on supermodels.
Surgically-enhanced supermodels.
[ Both Laugh ]
[ Both Chanting ] Silicone. Silicone. Silicone.
Oh, hush boys.
You're spooking Blitzen.
[ Elves Laughing ]
Gimme a blizzard.
Gimme the big one from the Pole.
Where the fa-la-la-la am I?
What am I doing here?
Who are you people?
Somebody around here has been naughty and I want answers.
Duh, um, "naughty" is a very strong word. [ Laughs ]
Oh, look! Elves!
You guys are so cute.
She thinks we're cute.
I heard.
Pinch me.
Ow! Not so hard, you moron!
Lefty! Larry! Behave yourselves, you boys.
We've gotta find out where we are!
You're in Mockingbird Heights, California.
I'm Marilyn Munster, and this is my grandpa.
He accidentally transported you here.
California?
Two days before Christmas, and I'm in bah-humbuggin' California?
[ Stammering ] Oh, pardon my Norse, Miss.
It's just that, it's a bad time for me,
what with Christmas Eve tomorrow night and all!
Hey, Larry, I've just found religion.
[ Cackles ]
She defies the laws of physics.
It'd take me an hour to climb up that,
[ Together ] but it'd be worth the trip. [ Both Cackling ]
Look, Grandpa, isn't it?
I need to get back to the North Pole right away, or there's going to be...
a lot of very disappointed children this Christmas.
- [ Elves ] My, my, my. - You can send me back there, can't you? Can't you?
Are you kidding me?
[ Marilyn ] Thanks.
I am Eastern Europe's preeminent alchemist.
All it takes is a little magic.
Why don't we give the magic a rest, Grandpa,
before you turn him into a lunch box or something.
Let's try this the safe way.
I'll just call the airlines.
This is great. For once, we're getting what we want for Christmas.
The night off!
Oh.
But what about all the little boys and girls?
Ah, it'll teach 'em to deal with disappointment.
We're in Southern California, dude!
They've got it all here--
surfing, ball games, mud wrestling!
Naked beaches?
All-girl volleyball teams.
Yes, I'd like to book a flight to the North Pole, please.
[ Groaning ]
Hey, face it. As long as Sir Tub-a-lot is stuck here,
the party light is lit!
Yes!
[ Both Laugh ]
Tell them he's the original frequent flier.
The passenger's name is Kringle, first name Kriss.
[ Dial Tone ]
Hello? Hello?
They hung up.
[ Chuckles ]
Well, maybe it's for the best.
I hate traveling by plane.
I don't understand how they keep the darn things in the air.
[ Grandpa ] Well, are we ready to, um,
stoop to use my magic?
After all, I am...
[ All ] Eastern Europe's preeminent alchemist.
We know already.
We should ask Uncle Herman and Aunt Lily first.
Oh, yes.
They'll know what to do.
Oh, good.
No, no, no. We can't do that.
You know how they get.
They become upset, they, uh, blow things out of proportion.
They'll take away my chemicals.
I got it all under control.
Relax. Trust me.
[ Scoffs ]
All right, Eddie,
throw the switch.
[ Beeping ]
[ Engine Whirring ]
That nuclear reactor that Grandpa installed...
sure is a lifesaver.
Especially with our summer air-conditioning bills.
[ Electricity Crackling ]
Oh!
[ Mechanical Whirring ]
I've never seen a house this festive.
Now aren't you proud of what we did together?
Yeah. I guess.
Oh, I know you're sad, Eddie,
but you can let yourself be a little proud of what we've done.
After all, people are impressed with you.
Excuse me. Are you, uh, Lily Munster?
- Why, yes. And you are? - Bob Pawlikowski.
I'm the chair of the voting committee.
Oh. Pleasure to meet you.
Oh. Mmm.
Well, this is it.
We're thinking about calling it "Santa, Bloody Santa."
How cheery.
Uh-oh.
And this is my son, Eddie. He's the artist.
That's your son? [ Chuckles ]
I thought he was one of the decorations.
[ Pawlikowski Chuckling ]
[ Low Growling ]
[ Gasps ] Oh, great flaming bunions! What is that?
That's Eddie's creation. Randolph the Rabid Reindeer.
Show him, Eddie.
Aw, come on, Mom.
Please?
[ Sighs ]
[ Beeping ]
[ Roaring ]
Ugh!
That's real dog foam too.
Us Munsters don't skimp when it comes to Christmas.
It's absolutely horrifying.
You're too kind.
The final vote isn't until Christmas morning,
but as far as your display is concerned,
I'm afraid things look pretty bleak.
Oh, wonderful.
That's exactly the effect we were aiming for.
Oh, he said something to her.
He said something to her and she looks happy?
Lily Munster looks happy.
[ Snoring ]
Poor dear.
A day's work and he's just dead.
[ Snoring Continues ]
[ Larry ] What do we do now?
I say we do some barhopping.
How 'bout mud wrestling? Can we see mud wrestling?
"Nothing mends a broken heart
like a mud-caked bikini model."
[ Cackles ]
Let's make tracks while Captain Wide-load is distracted.
[ Inhales ] Par--
Shh. He's sleeping. Come on.
[ Whispers ] Party. Party.
I hate to be a pest, Grandpa,
but I'm really starting to get nervous.
I mean, the clock is ticking, and we're still here.
[ Chuckles ]
Not to worry.
Your teleportation potion is right here.
[ Laughs ] Whoa.
Radioactive. [ Laughing ]
Four mockingbirds, three French hens
Two turtledoves and
a partridge in a pear tree
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Eight maids a-milking,
seven swans a-swimming
Six geese a-laying
[ Nuns, Herman ] Five golden rings
[ Screaming ]
Whoa!
Sisters, come!
We've still got four more days to get through!
[ Screaming Continues ]
[ Grunts ]
Phooey!
Just look at this place, Eddie.
Awash with Christmas gloom.
Good work, Son.
You must be the proudest little Wolfie-Boy around, huh?
Well, as long as Mom's happy.
No matter what I do, nothing seems to excite him.
I thought he'd at least start to snap out of it by now,
but so far... zero.
Seeing him like this, it really breaks my heart.
Oh, how's the extra cash scheme going?
Well, you know us Munsters, Lily.
Moonlighting's what I do best.
No luck, huh?
Plenty of it. All bad.
Oh.
But I'm not gonna let this beat me, Lily.
I-I know that I'm going to get a job.
I'm-I'm more motivated than ever now.
Now that I'm doing it for-for Eddie.
I can't give up.
[ Explosion ]
Oh, no. Grandpa.
He died with his boots off.
What happened?
What was that noise?
It's Grandpa. He--
[ Grandpa Laughing ] Wow. That was hot.
I nearly singed the hair right off the top of my feet.
- Grandpa?
I demand an explanation.
- It's entirely my fault.
We made an unscheduled stopover,
and Grandpa was just trying to help...
me and the boys go home.
Where are those elves?
Santa? Santa Claus?
Is it really you? [ Laughing ]
[ Back Cracks ]
[ Moans ]
You're hurting him.
[ Santa ] My spine!
[ Groaning ]
Oops. Sorry.
It's okay.
Uh, Herman, right?
[ Laughs ] He knows my name!
Santa Claus knows my name. Oh--
Look who it is, Son. It's Santa himself.
Now doesn't that set your Christmas spirits soaring.
Hmm? Go over there and don't be nervous.
Say hello to him. You-You can sit in his lap later.
- Hi. - You must be Eddie, right?
[ Chuckles ]
How'd you know my name?
I'm Santa Claus, son.
It's my job. [ Chuckles ]
[ Laughing ]
That belly. It really does shake like a bowl of jelly.
[ Laughs ]
No more hugs.
Oh, oh. Sorry.
[ Chuckling ]
[ Laughing ]
Three hundred and sixty-four days out of every year,
all I do is prepare for this one night.
I just can't miss it.
Don't worry. Grandpa's on the case.
Yeah. Sooner or later, he's bound to luck out and get the spell right.
Well, I hope so,
for all the children's sake.
Nothing like a little black widow's tea to calm the nerves.
[ Chuckles ] Thank you, Mrs. Munster.
Mm-hmm.
[ Squeaking ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Squeaking Continues ]
[ Stomps ]
[ Squeaking Stops ]
[ Sighs ]
Well, now, Eddie, um, is there anything you'd like to ask Santa Claus...
as long as we've got the man right here?
No, that's okay. Thanks.
Oh. Okay.
Well, uh, Santa, do you mind if I ask you something?
Go right ahead, Herman.
[ Laughs ]
Let me do this the formal way.
[ Groans ]
Santa? Santa?
How do you do it, hmm?
I mean, how do you deliver all those gifts to all those children...
all over the world in one night, hmm?
And how do you fit those zillion toys into the one big burlap bag?
[ Chuckles ]
[ Groaning ]
I'm gonna black out now.
Herman, I think I hear bones crunching.
[ Groaning ]
Oh!
Oh, sorry, sorry.
Oh, sometimes I wonder...
what pauper's grave they dug my brains out of.
No, it's all right, Herman.
My lap's built up quite a few calluses over the years.
[ Wincing ] Oh!
[ Groaning ] And that lumbar pinch.
[ Sobbing ]
[ Santa ] What's that? That--
[ Gasps ]
It's addressed to me.
- What is that, Eddie? - It's nothing.
Is that your letter to Santa?
It must have gotten lost in the mail.
No worry though.
I can put in an express order for you.
No, thanks. That's okay.
See, I didn't mail it for a reason this year.
I don't want anything from anybody.
I just want Christmas to be over.
Well, I just-- I don't know what to do.
I-I've never seen Eddie like this.
And, Santa, maybe you could--
Oh, might I talk to him?
Oh, Santa.
That would be wonderful.
[ Groans ]
[ Creatures Squealing ]
Fine scorpion farm you've got there.
Mmm. They're tricky to raise.
[ Squeals ]
Eh, careful.
You hold them too close to the stinger,
you might snap the tail.
You know about scorpions?
Oh, I know about a lot of things. I was your age once.
Granted, it was hundreds of years ago,
but nothing ever changes that much.
Yeah? Bet your family never made you move...
to a whole 'nother country.
Oh, they sure did.
One time my dad moved us all to Greenland...
so he could look for work as a toymaker.
I hated Greenland.
It was bitterly cold,
and the only kids around to play with...
were Viking children.
Nothing meaner than a young Viking.
Then you haven't met Hector Barberi.
Oh, I know Hector. Don't worry.
He's on my "coal and deer droppings" list this year.
[ Santa Chuckles ]
So what'd you do about Greenland?
Made the best of it.
Passed the time by learning to build toys.
Pretty soon I had some friends...
and Greenland actually felt like home.
Well, that's easy for you. I mean, you're Santa Claus.
And you're Eddie Munster.
And that's something pretty special, if you ask me.
[ Sniffling ]
Things will get better, son.
But denying yourself the joy of Christmas...
won't make it happen any faster.
[ Scorpion Chitters ]
[ Chuckles ]
[ Choir ]
The little Lord Jesus
Lay down his sweet head
The stars in the bright sky
Looked down where he lay
The lit--
What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?
You know, he tried that with me, but I got his first.
Wanna see?
[ Screaming ]
Oh, poop.
I'm never gonna hear a song all the way through.
Ooh.
[ Murmuring ]
Ah, yes. This display is magnificent.
- Are you serious? - Naturellement.
Obviously a tip of the hat to the Artaudian Theatre of Cruelty.
Please, Peter. Please.
Where are the Artaud's signature dadaist tropes?
Note the interplay...
between the positive and negative space.
Oh, yes! This is clearly Grand Guignol.
Touché, Gerald.
The juxtaposition using the iconography of Christmas...
should make for scathing social commentary.
- Wouldn't you say? - Um, yeah,
I was just thinking that.
[ Chittering ]
Excuse me, ma'am.
[ Murmuring ]
"Marilyn Munster,
1313 Mockingbird Lane."
[ Sighs ] Well, this is it. She's gotta be here.
Whew.
[ Knocking ]
- Um-- - [ Screams ]
Proper etiquette states that three short crisp knocks...
are acceptable form.
Anything more than that is rude.
And, on a personal note, bloody painful.
Sorry, Mr. Talking Door Knocker.
Not at all. And please, call me "Clive."
[ Door Opening ]
Okay. I promise not to say a word.
I just want to hear you sing.
I'm sorry?
[ Stammering ] I promise not to interrupt.
Just sing your Christmas carol to me.
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the--
Marilyn.
Uncle Herman.
- This is-- - Tom.
Ah.
The boy I've been talking about.
You mean you're not here to sing for me?
- Sorry. - Darn, darn, darn!
It's very nice to meet you, young man.
[ Clears Throat ]
Hmm?
Wow. I can't believe you're here.
[ Sighs ] Me neither.
How did you find me?
Um, I-I got your address...
off one of those invitations you dropped.
Oh.
I wanted to let you know that my band is playing at this club,
and if you're interested--
- "Hog Heaven"? - Yeah. It's kind of a rough place.
Bikers, bar brawls, that kind of thing. But you know--
Oh. Well, it sounds nice. Tell you what.
We've got kind of a lot going on around here tonight, but if I can, I'll be there.
[ Laughs ] Sounds good.
That green guy is your uncle?
Yeah. Mom's side of the family got all the looks.
- Oh. - Well, maybe
I'll see you later.
I hope so.
- Bye. - Bye.
[ Both Laugh ]
- Bye. - Bye.
[ Door Closes ]
Oh, to be young and in love again.
Oh, my gosh.
I've got to find something to wear.
How could you forget your I.D.?
I'm 608 years old and I've got a full beard.
I wasn't expecting to get carded.
You're three feet six inches tall. Your toes jingle.
Someone was bound to ask.
Lefty! Larry! Good news, boys.
Grandpa has figured out the missing ingredient...
to his teleportation potion.
Marshmallow fudge,
SnackWells cookies.
- Yes! - Those suckers never cease to amaze me.
[ Grandpa Chuckles ]
We're going back?
There's no way we're going back! No way we're going back!
No! Absolutely no! We can't go back!
Gotta stay here. We're gonna party. Come on.
No way! We can't go back! Wait. No, no, no, wait. We can't go back.
Wait, wait. Come on, come on. Let's go. Come on.
Elves.
Grandpa, how long will it take?
Oh, about an hour.
In the meantime, Grandpa is bushed.
[ Wings Fluttering ]
Gotta get my beauty sleep.
An hour.
Oh, I've gotta get back and finish making those toys for the children.
Boys.
Boys?
Now where have those elves got to?
Oh, well, they're elves, you know.
They're probably off doing something jolly.
What'd you hit me for?
'Cause I'm mad and you're close.
I've had it. I'm not going back!
What are we gonna do?
Something we should have done a long time ago.
Cancel Christmas.
We're gonna put the Load Warrior out of commission.
How we gonna do that?
I don't know. Let me think.
[ Cackles ] Larry, this is it.
Santa's about to have himself-- [ Sniffs ]
a sleepy little Christmas.
[ Sniffs ]
Oh!
[ Sniffs, Cackles ]
Oh, now where did I put my keys?
Sometimes I swear I'd lose my head if it wasn't bolted on.
You know, I'm so excited. I'll be home in one hour.
In the meantime, I've got to go out and get some supplies...
for my, uh, my new job.
Telephone solicitation.
Trying to work my own Christmas magic here.
You know, Herman, I could help you with whatever you need.
Uh, oh, no. Thank you, Santa.
No, I'd rather do it myself. [ Clears Throat ]
And, uh, for Eddie.
I'm sure you'll do just great.
I think so.
I'm a people pleaser. Oh, there it is.
Uh-- Pardon me.
Oh! Oh.
Ah.
Okay, Mr. Stitchie just left out the front door.
Hurry up and add the sleep potion so we can get outta here!
Sleep potion. Right.
All set at this end.
[ Cackling ] Yeah. Yeah.
[ Cackling
Continues ]
Someone's in
the kitchen with Lefty
Someone's in the kitchen I know
We'll give Santa sleeping potion
And Christmas Eve will be no go
[ Cackling ]
Hang on. I'll be right back.
Okay.
[ Sniffing ]
[ Clears Throat,
Imitates Lily ]
Oh, Santa.
Snack time.
Did somebody say "snack"?
I could have sworn that I heard--
[ Liquid Bubbling ]
Oh.
[ Laughing ] Figgy pudding!
What a wonderful family.
[ Smacks Lips ]
Bizarre. Frightening.
But wonderful.
[ Belches ]
[ Clattering ]
- [ Gasps ] - Ooh!
Huh?
Hmm.
[ Grunting ]
I think something went wrong.
"Dessert transmogrification elixir"?
Congratulations, chestnut head.
You just turned Santa into fruitcake.
I did?
Okay, look at the bright side.
We did want Santa out of commission. Let's face it.
You can't get much more out of commission than...
being magically transformed into holiday dessert.
This clears the way for us to have a little fun.
[ Cackling ]
I say we check out this place tonight.
"Hog Heaven." [ Cackles ]
Ooh. Hot music.
Cold beer, dancing.
Whoa. But-But before we go anywhere,
I say we check out Grandpa's lab and...
do a little redecorating. [ Laughing ]
Great idea. Oh, that lab is so dingy and cramped.
We can really open it up a bit.
Add some light. Experiment with colors.
We could create a flow. From the stairs.
Puh-lease! I don't mean really redecorating.
[ Grunts ]
I mean trash the place so nobody can fix Santa!
[ Sputtering ] One thought.
What if while we're gone...
someone tries to eat Santa?
[ Scoffs ] Never happen.
Nobody likes fruitcake.
[ Laughing ]
Oh, hello. Uh, hello, Mrs., uh, Tesseract?
Yes, my name is Herman, and I'm with Consolidated Air Conditioning.
Do you find your home stuffy and uncomfortable?
Do you find yourself soaked with sweat on hot summer days at--
Hmm? Oh, yes. Certainly.
[ Speaking Slower ] Uh, do you find yourself soaked with sweat...
on hot summer days?
[ Mrs. Tesseract
Jabbering ]
Uh--
Yes. Yes. Yes, I'm a big believer in discipline.
[ Jabbering ]
[ Laughs ] My.
Aren't you the curious one?
Um, a nightgown and big boots. How 'bout you?
[ Jabbering ]
W-Well, I guess you won't be needing an air conditioner then.
I'm sorry to trouble you.
[ Jabbering ]
[ Bats Squeaking ]
Santa?
[ Cranking ]
[ Voice Screaming ]
You have to see this monster display.
It's something really special.
You really like this monstrosity?
Well, Fran, it seems you missed...
the obvious tip of the hat to the Artaudian Theatre of Cruelty.
I did?
It jumped right out at me.
But with my extensive background in art--
[ Screaming ]
Maybe if we squint.
Oh, no. The judges are lingering.
That's a bad sign.
[ Whistling ]
[ Continues ]
Is that whistling I hear?
Well, it's hard to be totally grouchy when you got Santa Claus in your house.
He's pretty cool for an old guy.
Old? He's only 970.
And he doesn't look a day over 400.
Yoo-hoo!
Bob! Oh, Bob! Yoo-hoo!
How nice. Edna's coming over to admire our decorations.
Oh, dear.
[ Edna Laughs ]
So, what do you say we leave this ugly, inappropriate lawn...
and walk across the street to my house...
for some delicious decorations.
Oh, oh! [ Laughs ] I mean, dessert.
Uh--
I suppose a tiny little bite wouldn't hurt. Hmm?
Oh, Herman, Edna Dimwitty is outside...
and I don't have a Christmas present for her.
Oh. Oh! A fruitcake.
[ Gasps ] Perfect.
Oh, Herman.
Uh--
You're the best. Mwah!
Dessert. Ooh, my favorite word.
But the judging.
Oh, it can wait.
The last one back to Edna's is a defective lightbulb.
[ Laughing ]
- Oh, Edna. - Oh. Oh, what does she want?
Uh, well, well, go on, go on.
Uh, I'll catch up. [ Chuckles ]
Edna. [ Panting ]
Merry Christmas, Edna.
[ Grunts ]
From my family to yours.
Fruitcake? I can use this.
Hey, thanks, Munster.
Uh, your present is, uh, in the mail.
[ Laughing ]
Lily, we're, um, missing something.
Something big and red and with a twinkle in his eye.
Santa?
Oh, my. Are you sure he's missing?
We haven't seen him for hours.
He could be lost somewhere. Or hurt.
We gotta find him.
Munsters, let's move out.
[ Sniffing ]
[ Snarls, Howls ]
[ Growls, Sniffs ]
[ Snoring ]
[ Snoring Continues ]
Pardon me, Mr. Sweep. Have you seen Santa?
You really didn't have to go to all this trouble, Edna.
[ Chuckles ] No trouble.
Not for my favorite people in the whole darn neighborhood.
Oh.
[ Edna ] So.
How's that judging coming?
Made any decisions yet?
[ Laughs ] Standards are very high this year.
But don't worry. You're one of the front-runners.
Along with the Munsters.
- The Munsters? - That display of theirs
is very sophisticated art.
Did you know that I imported decorations from France this year at great expense?
I hear the Munsters got theirs at a Halloween clearance sale,
but [ Laughs ] we can talk about that over dessert.
So, what's on the menu?
- Oh. - Oh, my!
That cake is incredible.
Time to cut the little fella up and eat him.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Muffled Shouting ]
[ Muffled Shouting Continues ]
[ Laughing ] Uh, don't mind me!
[ Laughing ] I'm just so excited by the competition this year...
that, uh, I can't contain myself.
- [ Squawks ] - [ Laughing ]
See? [ Laughing ]
[ Muffled Screaming ]
[ Gasps ] Ah!
[ Muffled Shouting ]
[ Muffled Shouting Continues ]
Edna, is everything all right?
Yes.
[ Muffled Shouting ]
Never better.
[ Muffled Screaming ]
Aaah! I'll just be one second.
[ Muffled Screaming, Sputtering ]
[ Sputtering Stops ]
[ Grunts, Exhales ]
[ Glass Clattering ]
[ Exhales ]
[ Egg Nog Splashing ]
A novelty item, you see. It's got a microchip in it.
[ Muffled Shouting ]
Aaah! [ Grunts ]
[ Edna ] Oh!
Oh.
Oh!
Wait.
[ Glass Shattering ]
Where do you people think you're going?
[ Gasps ] This is obviously the wrong time.
Oh, no. You don't understand.
It's not me. It's the Munsters.
This fruitcake is on their side. [ Gasps ]
It wants me to lose the contest.
Well, I think we all understand...
how temperamental baked goods can be.
[ Laughing ]
Too much egg nog.
No.
No! [ Echoes ]
[ Sniffles ] We scoured every inch of Mockingbird Heights.
Oh, I am so exhausted.
You could douse me with holy water and I wouldn't budge.
How do you expect to hide a guy as fat as Santa?
Oh, my gosh. Do you think maybe Spot got hungry and--
Uh, no, no. I-I checked his bowl.
There's still half a mail carrier in there.
[ Winch Clanking ]
[ Spot Belching ]
Well, Spot does like to snack, you know. [ Chuckles ]
That's not funny, Grandpa.
I'm sure Santa's out there somewhere, and wherever he is,
[ Inhales ] he's perfectly safe.
What'd I say?
I'm sure Santa's fine, Eddie.
Then why'd he leave us like this?
You don't think he just walked away from Christmas, do you?
Oh. I'm sure it's not like that.
[ Loud Sniffling ]
Oh.
[ Sobs ]
Oh.
[ Banging ]
Seems like someone's tapping.
Tapping at our front door.
Edna. What a lovely surprise.
Can the sweet stuff, Munster.
I happen to know you deliberately sabotaged me.
You and your trick screaming fruitcake.
Edna, I assure you I don't know anything about a screaming fruitcake.
Although I do have a recipe for one that bleeds.
You've got a lot of gall, Munster.
Oh, you're right. Where are my manners? Would you like to come in?
I wouldn't set foot in there if a pack of rabid dogs were after me.
Of course. Why would you be cooped up indoors...
when you could be outside frolicking with rabid dogs?
[ Groans, Mutters ]
Don't be a stranger, Edna.
Oh. Two visits in one day.
We really are starting to fit in.
[ Door Closes ]
The funniest thing just happened.
Edna Dimwitty thinks this fruitcake screamed at her.
The fruitcake is back.
It's like a yummy dessert boomerang.
Oh, I love you pussycat. Bolts and all.
I love you too, dear. [ Chuckles ]
[ Muffled Shouting ]
Aaah!
[ Screams ]
[ Muffled Shouting Continues ]
[ Muffled ] Get me out!
Santa. Is that you in there?
[ Muffled Shouting ]
The mystery is solved.
Somebody slipped Santa...
my dessert transmogrification elixir.
You're what?
It's a potion. It turns you into a fruitcake.
[ Muffled Shouting Continues ]
What's the point of that?
Well, it's, uh, it's a cure so you--
so you won't be a fruitcake. [ Chuckles ]
Now, Grandpa, how many times have we told you...
about these frivolous spells and potions?
And what about the time that you asked me...
to conjure up the Sunday funnies three days early?
You don't call that frivolous?
Well, I-- I was going out of town,
and Little Orphan Annie was in a real jam.
I had to find out how things turned out.
Yeah. Santa?
[ Muffled Talking ]
Santa?
[ Muffled Shouting ]
Don't you worry about a thing.
We're going to go down into the lab...
and have you back to normal in a Saint Nick of time.
[ Grandpa ] Now, all we have to do...
is reverse the formula for the elixir.
My lab.
My beautiful lab!
Well, you can fix Santa, can't you?
Without my lab, I couldn't fix a martini.
[ Voice Screaming ]
[ Screaming ]
That Christmas fairy looks familiar. I--
[ Exhales ] No!
[ Groans ] You can't get away with this!
[ Angry Shouting ]
[ Wind Whistling ]
Santa? Can you hear me in there?
I should've known you wouldn't give up on Christmas.
Well, without being mutated, I mean.
[ Sighs ] You're the best.
[ Sighs ]
[ Earpieces Pop ]
Please hurry, Mom. We need Santa back.
Oh, I'm doing the best that I can, Eddie.
Why isn't Grandpa helping you?
Oh, well, um--
Grandpa had to take a little rest.
Come on, Grandpa. You gotta come out of there sometime.
[ Grandpa ] No, I'm a loser.
I used to be Eastern Europe's preeminent alchemist.
Now I'm just the guy...
who turned Santa into a giant hamburger.
Fruitcake.
What's the difference?
He's not Santa anymore.
You see, Eddie, when I was a little girl,
Grandpa used to show me all his tricks.
We turned wine into weevils,
synthesized the bubonic plague.
Oh, there was no end to the fun.
And now, thanks to this handy cookbook,
modern conjuring is a snap...
using ordinary household items.
Oh, would you hand me that can of gecko tongues, dear.
You can do it, Mom.
I hope so.
[ Sighs, Clears Throat ]
There. Finished.
Herman, why does your steamboat have wheels?
It's a ducky.
You see, I figured that since Santa's so far behind schedule...
that I'd help him out by making a few toys, hmm?
One down and, uh, 14 million to go.
[ Grunts ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Roaring ]
Oh, these people are sick.
Sick!
- [ Growling ] - [ Screaming ]
[ Screaming ]
[ In High-pitched Voice ] Help me! Help me!
[ Screaming ]
[ Thud ]
[ Coughing ]
[ Gasping, Coughing ]
Cross your fingers.
Three times for luck. [ Grunting ]
[ Thunderclap ]
Oh, ah, gracious. It's working.
[ Muffled Shouting ]
[ Muffled Grunting, Groaning ]
[ Muffled Sobbing ]
Well, back to the drawing board.
[ Muffled Groaning ]
[ Muffled Shouting ]
[ Muffled Shouting Continues ]
[ Muffled Grunting, Groaning ]
Oh, dear.
Now I'm not even getting the holiday right.
Darn, darn, darn.
This is hopeless.
Well, let's not give up, Herman Munster.
Go down to Grandpa's lab and see if any of his blowfish bile survived.
Maybe that's what I'm missing.
That's my Lily.
She's got a true never-say-die attitude.
Well, I'm a vampire, dear. I can't.
Eddie? Marilyn? Aaah!
What are you kids doing down here?
We're trying to figure out who trashed Grandpa's lab.
Sounds like a long shot to me.
Wait a minute. [ Blowing ]
What is it, Wolf-Boy?
I smell something.
Elves.
[ Herman ] Elves did this?
Santa's adorable little mop-top elves?
Santa's trusty never-say-die helpers?
Well, I don't mind saying I feel a little bit betrayed.
Yeah, well, just imagine how poor Santa must feel.
It's the night before Christmas Eve, and his own men turned on him.
I wonder where those little stinkers got to.
How did this get down here?
Tom gave me this flyer. I stuck it on the fridge.
Do you think the elves brought it down here?
Hey. Maybe that's where they went.
Kids. I think it's time we paid a visit to Hog Heaven.
[ Rock ]
Come on!
Are you sure this is what the kids are wearing these days?
How we gonna find these two little losers?
Well, they don't exactly fit in.
I'm glad you could make it.
I'm glad to be here.
Uh, so you guys are rehearsing...
for some sort of, uh, performance art piece.
Is that it?
Uh, let me buy you a drink. Hey!
What's your poison?
Strychnine. What's yours?
[ Chuckles ] How about something nonlethal?
All right. Virgin Bloody Mary.
Light on the virgin's blood, if you don't mind.
[ Continues ]
Hello, boys.
[ Gasps ]
What do you want?
I think you know.
What we did was between us and the jolly old suet sack.
This has nothing to do with you.
[ Larry, Lefty ] Oh! Aaah!
Hey! I thought elf-tossing was Thursday night!
Nothing to do with us? You guys are ruining Christmas.
You have to help us change the fruitcake back into Santa Claus.
Before you guys showed up, I couldn't have cared less about Christmas.
But Santa showed me how important it really is.
Now, thanks to you guys, there won't even be a Christmas.
Puh-lease!
Don't "oh, please" us.
What you did broke Eddie's heart.
And that puts you two at the top of my naughty list.
Now, just imagine all the kids in all the world...
who are gonna wake up tomorrow and find nothing under their trees.
If you don't come help us, Christmas won't even happen.
Sorry. We got better things to do.
Right, Larry? Larry!
Fine.
Well, I hope you two are darn proud of yourselves. Come on, kids.
Um, I gotta run...
'cause we're storming out and everything,
but maybe I could come back and see you later.
That is, if you don't mind.
Mind?
Can't wait to hear what the story is with the little...
guys in tights.
Okay.
Do you think we're being too selfish?
No, I don't think we're being selfish.
Everybody's entitled to a little fun.
I couldn't help but overhear your conversation.
Hot damn!
I used to think short guys were really hot.
I even used to have fantasies about elves.
But you guys are really uncool.
Shame on you for ruining Christmas!
I'll make this fast, Santa.
You look like you need to go out.
[ Whining ]
[ Shouts ]
Oh? Oh!
[ Barking ]
Ah! Oh! [ Laughing ]
[ Clearing Throat ]
Oh.
[ Laughing ]
[ Lily ] Ta-da!
Oh, Santa! You fixed Santa!
Christmas is saved!
Not entirely, I'm afraid.
What do you mean?
It's so late.
I couldn't possibly make it home in time...
to load my sleigh and make my ride.
Well, we could help. I made a ducky.
Oh, and I'm sure that we could find a sleigh... somewhere.
Oh, it's more complicated than that.
I need elfin magic.
Elfin magic?
Elves are magical creatures. They bend the laws of physics.
That's how I can make millions of toys,
fit them on one tiny sled and make all my deliveries in one night.
The elves are my secret.
Well, let us be your secret.
We can all pitch in together.
[ Marilyn ] Yeah.
Thank you, Eddie, but this is one problem good intentions can't solve.
Millions of disappointed boys and girls.
[ Door Opening ]
Start your engines, the elves are in the house. [ Laughing ]
What do you holiday wreckers want?
Well, we thought about what you said.
You were right.
We acted like jerks, but we want to make up for it.
Besides, the babe at the bar dissed us.
But we haven't got any toys to distribute.
[ Laughing ] Got it covered.
How? Even with your magic, we don't have the manpower.
[ Laughing ]
Let's make some Christmas!
[ Laughing,
Shouting ]
- I hear you guys
needed some help.
- All right!
[ Laughing ]
Where's Grandpa?
Oh, he's down in the lab working on something with Lefty and Larry.
But at least he's not sulking in his coffin anymore.
Look up.
Hope you don't mind.
Mind? [ Chuckles ]
I insist.
Oh, Eddie, look.
A Christmas kiss underneath the mistletoe.
Yuck!
You said it, kid.
[ Chattering ]
You guys are gonna love this.
Now, you know me, Santa. I'm always gonna look out for work-saving methods.
Usually hiding behind the paint shed.
[ Chuckles ] But go on.
Well, I've been noodling on an idea...
that will keep us from busting our butts all year long.
Ladies and gentlemen--
or whatever else you consider yourselves--
allow me to present to you the Toymaster 6000!
[ Chugging ]
With Herman Munster interface!
[ Lefty Laughing ] Observe.
Why, this is even better than the ones back home.
Aaah! Still warm too!
It can make just about any kind of toy you want.
All we have to do is show Herman a picture here...
and it comes out there.
[ Santa Laughs ]
How fast can it work?
Oh, we've got this baby tweaked to the max!
We'll have no problems cranking out plenty of toys...
just in time for Santa's run.
[ Eddie ] Great.
That means we're gonna save Christmas after all.
Boys, I am impressed!
Why, if we had one of these machines back at the North Pole,
we could increase production ten times over!
And that would allow us to give all you elves...
a couple of months' vacation every year...
on the company nickel, of course. [ Laughing ]
- You mean it? - Trust me.
You guys deserve a vacation.
Just one thing though.
No more fruitcake shenanigans! Deal?
Deal.
It was his idea.
Shut up!
You mean you want me to do this again?
Yes! [ Laughing ]
You are coming to the North Pole next Christmas, aren't you, Herman?
- [ Santa Laughs ] - Are you kidding?
I'd love to! [ Laughing ]
What are we waiting for? We got a holiday to save.
[ Triumphal ]
[ Santa ] That's great. [ Laughing ]
Well done, Tommy. Thank you, Marilyn.
[ Laughing ]
[ Santa ] How's it going, Slammer?
That's right, keep it coming, keep it coming.
Oh, Lily, why, thank you so much.
Plenty more where these came from.
[ Laughing ]
Randolph Derkins gets the chemistry set.
[ Laughing ]
Check.
All righty then. Bag the sucker.
[ Nose Tinkles ]
I love that trick.
Trade secret.
[ Tinkles ]
[ Santa Chuckles ]
[ Tinkles ]
Now, who's next?
[ Engine Revs ]
[ Tires Screeching ]
Come on, Grandpa.
"Come on, Grandpa."
Why is it always, "Come on, Grandpa"?
Why can't it be, "Sit here and relax, Grandpa"?
I'm almost 800 years old. I can't keep doing this stuff.
Here we are.
Don't you think this is the perfect vehicle...
for Santa to be making his appointed rounds in?
You're gonna get us shot.
Grandpa, please.
Now, it's not like our domestic situation...
doesn't merit a little drastic action.
Besides--
[ Thud ]
it's not like were stealing.
We're commandeering.
And what are you gonna tell the cops...
when they pull us over for "commandeering" city property?
Well, we'll tell them that Santa Claus needs it.
[ Metal Groans ]
Besides, who can say no to Santa Claus?
[ Siren Wailing ]
[ Tires Screeching ]
You, uh, goin' somewhere, pops?
Well, actually,
my son-in-law and I are commandeering this sleigh...
because Santa Claus needs it...
to deliver all his toys tonight.
Uh-huh. You wanna step out of the vehicle, sir?
[ Thudding ]
[ Heavy Footsteps Approaching ]
Is there a problem, Officer?
There's no problem, no.
No, I got no problem. No problem with anybody!
[ Engine Starts ]
There's no problem at all! No!
[ Engine Revs ]
[ Tires Squealing ]
No problem!
Whoa! Wait for me!
Well, you see?
You mention Santa, and suddenly everything's all right.
[ Laughing ]
[ Laughing Continues ]
Yes. [ Chuckles ]
Well, that looks like everything. Mount up, boys.
We've got a long night ahead of us.
You know, Santa,
I-I was noticing that you've got some...
extra room in the front seat, and, um--
Well, I was wondering, do you ever think about...
bringing along, you know, an extra helper?
Extra helper?
Uh, why? I've got the boys.
[ Laughing ]
Yes.
Well, it's just that-- I mean,
if you were to ever meet someone whose lifelong dream...
was to make your Christmas Eve ride with you,
Well, then you'd have a lot of room for him,
uh, even if he was, uh, heroically proportioned.
Hmm. Never thought of that.
What a wonderful idea! Boys, take a note.
Starting next Christmas,
we bring along one lucky passenger with us on our ride.
- Gotcha, boss. - [ Chuckles ]
Thank you, Herman.
You've made some little boy or girl very happy.
Well, hmph, whoop-de-do for them.
Oh, and, uh-- [ Laughs ]
Herman? [ Chuckles ]
What's this?
Early Christmas gift. Open it.
Oh. It's a Santa suit.
It's a uniform.
And you'd better put it on quick if you want to come with us tonight.
[ Wheezing Gasp ]
I'll be back in two shakes of a harpy's pinfeather!
[ Herman Laughs ]
[ Heavy Rapid Footsteps ]
[ Heavy Footsteps Approaching ]
Aaah!
[ Laughing ]
What a great Christmas.
I wonder if anyone's as caught up in the spirit of the season as we are.
[ Together ] Mm-hmm!
Santa? I just had a terrible thought.
- Oh? - Now that we've got the presents,
the sleigh and the elves,
how we gonna get the sleigh to, um, you know, fly?
[ Laughing ] Well, that's where the reindeer come in, Eddie.
Don't you ever watch any of those TV Christmas specials?
But we don't have any reindeer.
Well, we're going to have to improvise.
[ Laughing ]
Rocco.
Yeah.
Knuckles.
Yo.
Slammer.
Yeah.
Zero.
Yeah.
Chopper?
Yo!
Bomber.
What?
Bammer.
Yo!
[ Gasps ]
Cool.
[ Chuckles ]
Bye, Lily.
Bye, pussycat.
- Oh! Oh! - Sorry. Sorry, Santa.
[ Santa ] Ooh!
Oh, Herman.
Oh.
Sorry. [ Chuckles ]
You know, Santa,
I understand about the sleigh, but what are we going to do about the...
reindeer?
[ Laughing ]
[ Larry, Lefty Laughing ]
[ Laughing ]
[ Laughing Continues ]
Well, we had to improvise, Herman.
The elves whipped up a magic harness to make them fly.
Pretty neat, huh?
Um, are-are you guys all-all right with this?
Sure. Santa promised me a choo-choo.
You know, Eddie,
I couldn't have done it without you.
Well, I'm just glad I could help.
And besides, I'd do anything to make sure Hector got his coals on time.
Don't forget the deer droppings. [ Laughing ]
Come on, Herman. The children are waiting.
Prepare for liftoff!
Oh, boy! Oh, boy! [ Babbling ]
On, Leadfoot! On, Rocco!
On, Knuckles and Slammer!
On, Zero! On, Chopper!
On, Bomber and Bammer!
Oh!
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!
It's working, Mom. It's working.
We did it. Christmas is going to happen on schedule.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
Don't wait up for me, Lily!
Merry Christmas!
[ All ] Merry Christmas!
[ Munsters, Bikers Cheering ]
[ Growling ]
Hey!
[ Creaking ]
Ah, no. [ Laughing ]
Oh, no, Santa, don't, no.
No, don't retire. No, Santa, no.
I couldn't possibly take over for you.
[ Santa ] Merry Christmas, Herman!
[ Laughing ]
What? Oh.
Long night. I must've dozed.
Bye, Santa.
"Dear Herman:
Since you've been so busy helping me, I thought I'd help you...
with your Christmas shopping for Eddie.
Love, Santa."
Santa, you shouldn't have.
But I'm glad you did!
Lily.
I'm afraid I've missed almost all of Christmas. I--
Lily, you look beautiful. I--
Merry Christmas!
[ Cheering ]
Hello, Herman!
They've been arriving all morning long.
Merry Christmas, Herman!
[ Chattering ]
Put this under the tree, Eddie. Hi.
[ Lily ] Everyone is here too. The Headless Horseman made it.
And your cousin Rosemary.
Rosemary? Rosemary's here? Where?
Oh, I don't know. But she left Junior over there.
Ah.
[ Baby Crying ]
[ Flatulence ]
Oh, no. I'm not changing that.
[ Organ Intro ]
[ Rock ]
[ Continues ]
Oop.
Whoo!
This is some party, huh, Uncle Herman?
You betcha.
Thanks for all your help there, Tom.
Hey, no problem, Mr. Munster.
Ow. Christmas costume party.
Now that's the kind of idea that could really catch on.
Huh. Yeah.
[ Lily, Herman Laughing ]
Hmm. Did somebody show up, uh, in a costume?
Mm-mmm. Not that I know of.
Oh.
Well, he's a tad confused, but he's a nice person, you know?
He saw beneath Marilyn's homely exterior...
to what a beautiful person she is.
Well, did you get a load of him?
Uh.
Beggars can't be choosers.
[ Laughing ]
[ Gasping ] Oh, Lily.
[ Electricity Crackling ]
Lily, you'll bury me. [ Laughs ]
[ Laughing ]
- Again. [ Laughing ] - [ Laughing ]
[ Sloshing ]
[ Thudding ]
Not now, Boy Scout. I am working here.
I've gotta tell you, Edna, it was close this year.
You and the Munsters were neck and neck all the way.
Could we just get to the part where you announce the winner?
Oh, right. Of course.
It is with great pride that I award you,
Edna Dimwitty--
[ Gasps ] Look, it's snowing at the Munsters'!
Look.
Son of a gun.
He made it snow.
Way to go, Santa!
Oh, wow!
Excuse me.
That's really pretty.
Excuse me. Could we finish?
"Pretty"? It's perfect.
[ Edna ] Hello?
Ahhh!
Ah. I'd like to change my vote.
- Yeah, yeah. - So would I.
Well, let's get over there.
Oh, no. I won.
Oh, it was-- I was gonna be winner six years in a row!
Congratulations, Eddie.
You've won first prize...
in the homeowners association decoration contest.
- All right! - We won, Eddie. We won!
[ Grunts ] Snow.
- [ Cackling ] - [ Shrieking ]
[ Whimpering ]
[ Judges Shrieking, Whimpering ]
Now our whole family will feel...
we're living in a weird neighborhood.
Just look at that trophy.
I've never won anything before.
You see, Eddie?
We came together, worked hard and now we're the talk of the neighborhood.
And the best is yet to come, Eddie. Why don't you open your present?
[ Gasps ]
A Marquis de Sade Dungeon Action Playset!
[ Laughing ]
Merry Christmas, Pop.
Merry Christmas, Son.
[ Intro ]
It's Christmas
and the graveyard folks
are coming out to play
The skeletons and zombies sing a ghoulish rondelet
The goblins wear
their jingle bells
And wait
for Santa's sleigh
Good tidings
of mayhem and gore
Blood on the floor
May your Christmases be scary evermore
- [ Cheering ] - Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!