1 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:46,922 Synced by zeFFex to -BBR release 2 00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:51,093 HAPPY GILMORE 3 00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:55,138 My name is Happy Gilmore. 4 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:59,226 Ever since I was old enough to skate, I loved hockey. 5 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,980 I wasn't really the greatest skater. 6 00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:06,733 But that didn't keep my dad from teaching me... 7 00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:09,319 ...the secret of making a great slap shot. 8 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:14,867 My dad worshipped hockey. My mom didn't. 9 00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:20,163 So she moved to Egypt, where there's not a hockey rink within 1500 miles. 10 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,917 Dad took me to games to see our favorite player... 11 00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:26,545 ...Terry O'Reilly, "The Tasmanian Devil". 12 00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:30,924 He wasn't a big guy, but he feared nobody, just like me. 13 00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:35,929 Handsome fellow, huh? He said when I grew up, I could be anything. 14 00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:39,349 But all I ever wanted to be was a hockey player. 15 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:45,022 My childhood was going great, but life is full of surprises. 16 00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:57,701 After the funeral, I was sent to live with my grandma in Waterbury. 17 00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:06,793 I was nervous, since I didn't know her that well. 18 00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:11,298 She dressed like Gene Simmons from KISS to cheer me up. 19 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,384 She's the sweetest person in the world. 20 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:20,891 After my dad died, I developed a short fuse. 21 00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:23,060 That kid stole my party blower. 22 00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:27,439 Instead of asking for it back, I hit him in the head repeatedly... 23 00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:28,398 with a hammer. 24 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:32,569 Most of the time, I was quick to say I was sorry. 25 00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:38,075 Years later, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records... 26 00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:40,369 ...most time spent in a penalty box... 27 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:44,873 ...and I was the only guy to ever try to stab someone with his skates. 28 00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:49,837 After I graduated, I had a lot of different jobs. 29 00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:51,338 I was a road worker... 30 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,092 ...a janitor... 31 00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:00,931 ...a security guard... 32 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,520 ...a gas station attendant... 33 00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:11,525 ...and a plumber. 34 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:16,530 Lately, I've been working construction. It's not bad. 35 00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,740 I'm a good shot with a nail gun. 36 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:24,037 But one day my boss, Mr. Larson, got in the way. 37 00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:29,042 Apparently, he also has a short fuse. Look at the monster. 38 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:33,547 He got in a few lucky punches, but I feel I won the fight. 39 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:35,716 Anyway, those jobs weren't for me. 40 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:39,887 I was put on this planet for one reason... to play hockey. 41 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:45,559 It's my puck, baby! Don't you ever touch my puck! 42 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:50,564 Is that Gilmore again? How many times has he tried out? 43 00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:52,232 At least ten times. 44 00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:54,484 He has a lot of intensity. 45 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,363 Not a strong skater, though. 46 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,240 Nor the best puck handler. 47 00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:06,163 But, my God... 48 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,418 What a shot. 49 00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:17,007 It that goal regulation size or what?! 50 00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:22,971 Number one... 51 00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:26,600 ...number fifty-two... number sixteen... 52 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,937 They saw my power. They won't dog me this year. 53 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,188 ...number nine... 54 00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:35,901 ...and number forty-three. The rest of you... 55 00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,529 ...better luck next year. 56 00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:42,157 Coach, what's going on? What about me? 57 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:43,825 Gilmore. 58 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:47,037 I called your number, didn't I? 59 00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:48,956 No, you didn't. 60 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:52,459 Well, better luck next year. 61 00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:55,629 That wasn't very nice! 62 00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:04,054 You think you're better than me?! 63 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,019 Where you going? I got Subway. 64 00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:12,604 I already ate. 65 00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:16,567 I knew the guy working there, so we got extra meatballs. 66 00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:18,652 Great. I got to run. 67 00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:21,071 Can you stay? I had a rough day. 68 00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:22,072 Bye. 69 00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:24,074 - When will you be back? - Never. 70 00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:31,874 Terry, wait! 71 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,918 Wait! Hold on a second, babe. 72 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:38,046 You're not going for good, are you? 73 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,841 You're going nowhere and taking me with you. 74 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:46,096 All you ever talk about is being a pro hockey player, but you're not any good. 75 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:50,142 I am good! You know what? You're a lousy kindergarten teacher! 76 00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:53,770 I saw the finger paintings you bring home... they suck! 77 00:05:55,439 --> 00:06:00,027 I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. They're excellent finger paintings. 78 00:06:00,569 --> 00:06:01,945 Please don't go. 79 00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:05,032 I'm not spending the rest of my life with a loser. 80 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,283 I'm gone. 81 00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:11,121 Good! Get the hell out of my life! Who needs you? Beat it! 82 00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:14,124 I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. 83 00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:17,252 I just yell 'cause I get so scared. 84 00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,963 Scared of being a nobody. 85 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:23,634 Why don't you come back upstairs, honey? 86 00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:27,262 I'll give you the old smoochy-smoo kissy-wissy. 87 00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:32,142 You know Happy will make everything okay. 88 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:42,986 I want to kiss you all over 89 00:06:43,529 --> 00:06:45,489 And over and again 90 00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:49,785 I want to kiss you all over 91 00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:55,499 Till the night closes in 92 00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:59,169 Till the night closes in 93 00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:02,172 Terry! 94 00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:20,023 Sit tight. I'll be right over. 95 00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:29,700 Hey, you don't want breakfast? 96 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:40,377 Grandma? 97 00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,799 Put that down! It's my grandmother's! 98 00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:48,719 Cut it out, kid. We're just doing our job. 99 00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:50,554 What are you talking about? 100 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,390 Your grandmother hasn't paid taxes in 10 years. 101 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,312 Grandma, you didn't pay your taxes? 102 00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:01,398 I would have, but I didn't have any money. 103 00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:04,318 Where are you taking her stuff? 104 00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:07,362 I'm not taking her stuff, the government is. 105 00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:11,408 It's not like I'm taking her stuff over to my place. 106 00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:13,076 Don't get mad at me. 107 00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:17,372 But she's an old lady. Look at her. She's old. 108 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:20,834 You can't just take her stuff. She's too old. 109 00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:25,088 I'm sorry. I have no discretion. Her stuff is now our stuff. 110 00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:28,926 Well, at least we got the house. 111 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:32,679 I'll bring furniture from my place. We'll be okay. 112 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,433 Now you'll really be mad. I'm taking the house, too. 113 00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:40,103 My grandfather built this house with his bare hands. 114 00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:44,691 My grandma's been here over 60 years. You can't take her house. 115 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:49,613 Mrs. Gilmore owes the IRS $270,000 in back taxes. 116 00:08:49,905 --> 00:08:52,282 We have to take the house. 117 00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:57,287 If you can't repay the money in 90 days, we sell the house to someone else. 118 00:08:57,621 --> 00:08:58,997 You hate me, don't you? 119 00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:01,083 No, I don't hate you. 120 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,091 He hates me. 121 00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:14,221 Don't worry- things will be okay. 122 00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:16,306 Look at this place. 123 00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:20,894 Silver Acres Rest Home. It looks more like a country club. 124 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,397 Nice grass, nice people. 125 00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:25,899 I hope you brought your bathing suit. 126 00:09:26,275 --> 00:09:28,902 You're going to make friends in no time. 127 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:29,820 Mister! 128 00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:34,116 Get me out of here!!! 129 00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:38,287 Here, eat that! Leave us alone! 130 00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:42,166 Grandma, you could come live with me. 131 00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:44,751 Nonsense, dear. You're a grown man. 132 00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:48,505 I wouldn't burden you like that and that's final. 133 00:09:48,839 --> 00:09:51,758 Tell me, how is that nice girlfriend of yours? 134 00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:54,261 She got hit by a car. She's dead. 135 00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:58,432 Listen, I will get that $270,000 and get your house back. 136 00:09:58,849 --> 00:09:59,975 I promise. 137 00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:01,351 Oh, sure. 138 00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:05,606 In the meantime, just stay here and have some fun. 139 00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:07,816 I will, dear. Don't worry. 140 00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:12,154 Pardon me, but it's nap time. 141 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,698 Nap time... that sounds nice. 142 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,492 - You go. - I love you. 143 00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,621 I love you, too, darling. 144 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:26,668 Buddy, do me a favor. You see that lady? 145 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,171 She's very important to me. 146 00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:32,841 I want you to take extra special care of her. 147 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,718 You know what I mean? 148 00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:38,055 I can't accept that. But this is what I can do. 149 00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:42,309 I can take extra special care of that young lady for nothing. 150 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,979 I appreciate that. 151 00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,482 Have a nice afternoon. 152 00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:53,862 Sir, could I trouble you for a glass of warm milk? It helps put me to sleep. 153 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:57,407 You could trouble me for a warm glass of shut the hell up. 154 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,703 Go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. 155 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:05,249 Check out the name tag. You're in my world now, Grandma. 156 00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:07,251 Oh, dear. 157 00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:12,339 Bet you I can hit a ball past that tree. 158 00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:14,716 Twenty bucks says you can't. 159 00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:17,970 Morons, I told you I want to watch the hockey game. 160 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,681 Cut the golf sissy crap and finish up. 161 00:11:21,098 --> 00:11:22,015 Oh, relax. 162 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:26,019 You can enjoy your grandma's possessions for another half hour. 163 00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:31,441 Oh, you got a hold of that one! 164 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:34,236 - You try it. - It's not as easy as it looks. 165 00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:36,864 Sorry, ladies. I'm not the golfing type. 166 00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:39,366 You hit a ball past my ball... 167 00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:43,120 ...we'll finish work so you can watch your hockey game. 168 00:11:43,412 --> 00:11:45,372 Give me the stupid club. 169 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,130 Look at this stupid thing. 170 00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:56,884 This will be hilarious. Look how he's standing. 171 00:11:57,593 --> 00:11:59,261 You like that? 172 00:12:13,317 --> 00:12:14,818 Holy shit. 173 00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:15,944 Back to work. 174 00:12:16,153 --> 00:12:18,030 That house is 400 yards away. 175 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,156 Is that good? 176 00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,992 - That's unbelievable. - Beginner's luck. 177 00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:24,494 I bet $20 you can't do it again. 178 00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:26,079 Bring it on. 179 00:12:39,510 --> 00:12:41,678 You boys are going to pay for that... 180 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,683 - You hit him! - He shouldn't have been standing there. 181 00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:49,436 One more time. Double or nothing. 182 00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:50,979 You better pay up. 183 00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:04,451 Oops. Maybe we should get back inside. 184 00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:07,454 You made a bet. Pay the man. 185 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,391 Thanks. Tell your friends. 186 00:13:27,683 --> 00:13:29,643 Step right up, folks! 187 00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:34,773 See if you can outdrive the amazing Golf Ball, uh, Whacker Guy! 188 00:13:37,693 --> 00:13:39,486 That's great. 189 00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,154 Very good. 190 00:13:42,281 --> 00:13:46,326 Bend your knees. Remember, it's in the hips. You're doing great. 191 00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:48,245 It's in the hips. 192 00:13:48,537 --> 00:13:51,165 Fifty bucks I can hit it over the highway. 193 00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:02,009 That's real good. 194 00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,512 So long, sucker. 195 00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:12,436 How often do you play? 196 00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:13,979 This is my first time. 197 00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,858 You should play in the Waterbury Open tomorrow. 198 00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:20,110 Yeah, right, I'll see you there. 199 00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:26,074 He's going to play. 200 00:14:26,617 --> 00:14:28,869 And, by God, he's going to win. 201 00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,215 Mister, you need a helmet. 202 00:14:41,507 --> 00:14:43,050 Don't worry about it. 203 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:51,308 Yeah, bring that shit on. 204 00:14:52,226 --> 00:14:53,393 I love it. 205 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,270 Awesome. 206 00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:57,898 God, that hurt, but I'm okay. 207 00:14:58,315 --> 00:14:59,983 What the hell are you doing? 208 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:04,029 Just 364 more days till the next hockey tryouts. I got to get tough. 209 00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:07,783 God, that felt good. 210 00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:10,285 Cut that out. You're making me sick. 211 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,581 So you're a hockey player. 212 00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:17,918 You got to give that up and concentrate on golf. 213 00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,169 Who are you? 214 00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:21,839 I'm the club pro here... Chubbs Peterson. 215 00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:26,426 I'm offering to teach you how to play golf, personally, for free. 216 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:27,678 No. 217 00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:29,763 You don't know who I am, do you? 218 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,348 No, I don't. 219 00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:33,767 Back in 1965... 220 00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:37,938 ...Sports Illustrated said I would be the next Arnold Palmer. 221 00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:39,189 What happened? 222 00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,692 I wasn't allowed to play pro anymore. 223 00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:44,194 I'm sorry. Because you're black? 224 00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:47,197 Hell, no. An alligator bit my hand off. 225 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:48,782 Oh, my God! 226 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:52,536 Tournament in Florida. My ball went down by a lake. 227 00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:56,999 Damn alligator just popped up! Cut me down in my prime. 228 00:15:57,291 --> 00:16:01,587 But I tore one of that bastard's eyes out. Look at that. 229 00:16:02,296 --> 00:16:03,964 You're pretty sick, Chubbs. 230 00:16:04,298 --> 00:16:05,883 I've never seen anyone... 231 00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:09,720 ...who can hit the ball half as far as you. You got real talent. 232 00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:14,516 That's nice of you to say, but I trained all my life to play hockey. 233 00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:18,145 Golf is no different... requires talent, self-discipline. 234 00:16:18,562 --> 00:16:21,064 Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. 235 00:16:21,398 --> 00:16:24,234 Talk to my neighbor... a great golfer. Huge ass. 236 00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:28,155 I bet your neighbor can't drive the ball 400 yards. 237 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:32,993 I bet your neighbor doesn't have a shot to get on the Pro Tour. 238 00:16:33,911 --> 00:16:35,162 How would I do that? 239 00:16:35,496 --> 00:16:38,499 You win the Open tomorrow, you're on the Pro Tour. 240 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,919 Then, who knows? Maybe you'll win the Tour Championship. 241 00:16:42,586 --> 00:16:44,254 Get that gold jacket I never got. 242 00:16:44,755 --> 00:16:47,174 Gold jacket, green jacket... who cares? 243 00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:55,516 Don't worry. It's made of wood... real sturdy. 244 00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:03,190 Sorry about that. 245 00:17:03,524 --> 00:17:06,360 It was good to meet you, but, uh... 246 00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:09,780 I'm out of here. 247 00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:12,199 This is not real smart, kid. 248 00:17:12,491 --> 00:17:15,828 I thought you were pro material, primed for the big bucks. 249 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:24,294 Hey, Chubbs... 250 00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:26,380 ...what kind of big bucks? 251 00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:36,890 Stupid golf clubs. Why the hell am I doing this? 252 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:43,480 Whoa... must be Burt Reynolds or something. 253 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,401 Good morning! 254 00:17:47,943 --> 00:17:52,114 Isn't this great? Blue skies, fresh-cut grass, birds chirping. 255 00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:56,785 You going to recite me a poem? Geez, you love this golf stuff. 256 00:17:57,536 --> 00:18:00,873 A guy your size... why not play a real sport, like football? 257 00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:04,334 My mama wouldn't let me. Said it was too dangerous. 258 00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,295 Yeah, good call. 259 00:18:07,004 --> 00:18:08,505 Hey, who's that? 260 00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:12,968 The shorter guy is Doug Thompson, president of the Tour. 261 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:17,347 The other guy is Shooter McGavin, leading money winner this year. 262 00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:18,932 Who's the girl? 263 00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:22,769 I'm Virginia Venit, Director of Public Relations for the Tour. 264 00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:27,566 Of course. I've heard you've done some really interesting things. 265 00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:30,611 Right now I'm working on a promotion... 266 00:18:31,028 --> 00:18:34,448 You know what would be great? If I could get a Pepsi. 267 00:18:34,990 --> 00:18:36,033 Sure. 268 00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:39,161 Oh, miss? 269 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:40,704 Diet. 270 00:18:41,622 --> 00:18:42,998 Right. 271 00:18:44,041 --> 00:18:46,835 Hey, thanks for dressing up. 272 00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:50,797 If I wore clothes like those, I'd have to kick my own ass. 273 00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:52,466 Good morning, everyone. 274 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:57,471 Welcome to the Waterbury Open. Before we begin, I have a treat for you. 275 00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,015 Ladies and gentlemen, Shooter McGavin. 276 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,775 Thank you, Doug. I saw Doug play yesterday. 277 00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:13,445 He spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff. 278 00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,365 Let me get serious. You're all aware... 279 00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:20,744 ...today's winner will be invited to join the Pro Tour. 280 00:19:21,078 --> 00:19:23,747 Although only one will become my colleague... 281 00:19:24,081 --> 00:19:26,166 ...all of you are now my friends. 282 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,214 Thank you. Now go get 'em! 283 00:19:34,716 --> 00:19:39,721 Next up: Lafferty, Daniel and Gilmore... Happy. 284 00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:44,434 Where you taking those clubs, punk?! 285 00:19:46,812 --> 00:19:48,480 Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddy. 286 00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:51,191 Sorry. I'll carry these. 287 00:19:51,275 --> 00:19:53,360 They're my grandfather's. They're pretty old. 288 00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:56,405 What should I do then? 289 00:19:56,697 --> 00:19:58,907 Why don't you just watch me... 290 00:19:59,116 --> 00:20:01,910 ...and make sure I don't do anything stupid? 291 00:20:04,538 --> 00:20:07,374 Mr. Gilmore, Mr. Lafferty is teeing off now. 292 00:20:07,541 --> 00:20:09,543 Okay. Good luck, buddy. 293 00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:12,796 Get out of the way. 294 00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:23,223 Where were you that time, dipshit? 295 00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,448 Probably the best I'll hit all day. 296 00:20:39,781 --> 00:20:41,533 Mr. Gilmore, you're up. 297 00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:04,932 Damn it! 298 00:21:07,017 --> 00:21:08,018 Time! 299 00:21:08,852 --> 00:21:12,022 Relax. Do what we discussed. Don't look at the green. 300 00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:15,442 Hit the ball. There's no goalie anywhere to block it. 301 00:21:15,776 --> 00:21:19,279 Remember, it's all in the hip. Come on. Work with me. 302 00:21:19,613 --> 00:21:22,950 It's all in the hips. All in the hips. 303 00:21:23,367 --> 00:21:25,786 It's all in the hips. 304 00:21:26,203 --> 00:21:27,120 Get off me! 305 00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:30,374 Just easing the tension. Just easing the tension. 306 00:21:30,666 --> 00:21:32,876 Well, ease it on someone else. 307 00:21:51,311 --> 00:21:52,980 What the hell? 308 00:21:56,817 --> 00:21:59,152 Good. Now we just worry about putting. 309 00:21:59,570 --> 00:22:00,988 Oh, yeah. Putting. 310 00:22:02,990 --> 00:22:04,950 Remember what I said. 311 00:22:05,284 --> 00:22:08,203 Use your shoulders to push the ball, not the arms. 312 00:22:08,412 --> 00:22:10,080 Don't break the wrist. 313 00:22:10,414 --> 00:22:14,668 Whoa, you're confusing me. Just let me put the ball in the hole. 314 00:22:29,683 --> 00:22:30,726 Is he kidding? 315 00:22:51,288 --> 00:22:52,706 This is pathetic. 316 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,055 Good shot. 317 00:23:08,472 --> 00:23:09,389 It's about time. 318 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:14,228 True. I just couldn't get the ball in the hole. I wanted to, but I couldn't. 319 00:23:45,175 --> 00:23:47,594 He shoots, he scores! 320 00:23:48,095 --> 00:23:53,016 That was much easier than putting. I should try and do that every time. 321 00:23:53,308 --> 00:23:54,685 Good plan. 322 00:23:54,852 --> 00:23:56,854 - Did you see that? - Yes. Nice. 323 00:23:57,187 --> 00:23:59,690 He got a hole in one on a par four. 324 00:23:59,857 --> 00:24:01,233 I said I saw it. 325 00:24:01,441 --> 00:24:04,695 I hope he wins. He's a publicist's dream. 326 00:24:04,987 --> 00:24:09,283 A guy who can drive the ball that far... he could really draw a crowd. 327 00:24:09,575 --> 00:24:13,537 So could a golfer with an arm growing out of his ass. 328 00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:28,946 Now, you make this one in four or less shots... 329 00:25:29,238 --> 00:25:30,697 ...you win the tournament. 330 00:25:30,906 --> 00:25:31,865 Four shots. 331 00:25:32,866 --> 00:25:36,870 Think of it this way. The other team has pulled their goalie. 332 00:25:37,287 --> 00:25:40,707 It's wide open. All you have to do is tap it in. 333 00:25:41,542 --> 00:25:43,126 I can do that. 334 00:26:02,396 --> 00:26:04,565 Don't worry. You're doing fine. 335 00:26:04,898 --> 00:26:08,569 All you have to do is tap it in. Just tap it in. 336 00:26:09,570 --> 00:26:11,780 Just tap it in. 337 00:26:18,162 --> 00:26:22,749 Just tap it in. Just tap it in. Give it a little tappy. 338 00:26:23,167 --> 00:26:24,585 Tap, tap, tap-a-roo. 339 00:26:28,755 --> 00:26:30,424 Grandma, Grandma... 340 00:26:30,757 --> 00:26:32,926 ...Grandma, Grandma. 341 00:26:36,180 --> 00:26:37,639 All right! 342 00:26:48,692 --> 00:26:51,111 He's going to be on the Tour. Super. 343 00:26:54,615 --> 00:26:56,533 That's cute. 344 00:26:57,451 --> 00:27:02,372 Mr. Gilmore, Virginia Venit. I'm P.R. Director of the Tour. 345 00:27:02,664 --> 00:27:03,624 Nice to meet you. 346 00:27:03,916 --> 00:27:05,375 Congratulations. 347 00:27:05,709 --> 00:27:09,463 I saw that hole in one on a par four. That must be a record. 348 00:27:09,630 --> 00:27:11,632 I got a hockey record. 349 00:27:11,965 --> 00:27:15,719 I tried to stab someone with my skate. Nobody else ever did that. 350 00:27:16,303 --> 00:27:17,471 That's wonderful. 351 00:27:17,804 --> 00:27:20,724 I am a bit bummed. I thought we got money for this. 352 00:27:21,016 --> 00:27:26,021 Cheer up. Next week in Portland, the winner takes home $216,000. 353 00:27:26,730 --> 00:27:28,315 And the guy who comes in last? 354 00:27:29,066 --> 00:27:30,317 $2,400. 355 00:27:30,609 --> 00:27:33,320 So no matter what, I'll get some money. 356 00:27:36,865 --> 00:27:40,327 Yeah. Well, I'll see you next week then. 357 00:27:40,828 --> 00:27:42,162 Bye. 358 00:27:44,998 --> 00:27:48,335 I hate to admit this, but this is my first trophy. 359 00:27:48,752 --> 00:27:51,171 I wish that goofy golf guy wasn't on top. 360 00:27:51,255 --> 00:27:53,674 Maybe I'll put a hockey guy on instead. 361 00:27:53,841 --> 00:27:55,759 Happy, shut your trap. 362 00:27:56,260 --> 00:27:58,554 - You were great out there today. - Thank you. 363 00:27:58,762 --> 00:28:01,682 But not that great. A lot of that was luck. 364 00:28:02,015 --> 00:28:04,810 Some might call it luck. I like to call it... 365 00:28:05,018 --> 00:28:07,020 ...well, luck, I guess. So what? 366 00:28:07,312 --> 00:28:09,189 Don't join the Pro Tour yet. 367 00:28:09,690 --> 00:28:12,442 We got work to do before you go against professionals. 368 00:28:12,609 --> 00:28:15,362 Forget it. I'll pick up the rest as I go. 369 00:28:15,529 --> 00:28:19,533 Don't be a fool! People would kill to hit the long ball like you. 370 00:28:19,825 --> 00:28:22,536 You got an advantage over any other golfer. 371 00:28:22,870 --> 00:28:25,122 By developing the rest of your game... 372 00:28:25,455 --> 00:28:27,040 ...you'd be unstoppable. 373 00:28:27,457 --> 00:28:29,710 You're right, but I need money. 374 00:28:30,043 --> 00:28:34,715 Don't be an asshole. Give me six months. I'll work with you every day. 375 00:28:35,465 --> 00:28:40,262 No, I got to go. I appreciate everything. Wish me luck. 376 00:28:44,433 --> 00:28:46,643 Best of luck, kid. Best of luck. 377 00:28:46,935 --> 00:28:49,980 Marty, shut up and I'll tell you. 378 00:28:50,272 --> 00:28:52,774 The price is $200 per quilt. 379 00:28:52,983 --> 00:28:55,694 Well, this is handmade quality shit. 380 00:28:56,111 --> 00:28:58,822 When do you need them by? Okay. 381 00:28:59,156 --> 00:29:00,824 Good doing business with you. 382 00:29:00,991 --> 00:29:04,328 Okay, everyone. Turn up your volumes. Announcement. 383 00:29:04,661 --> 00:29:07,789 Good news... arts and crafts time is extended 4 hours. 384 00:29:07,998 --> 00:29:09,666 My fingers hurt. 385 00:29:10,083 --> 00:29:11,335 What's that? 386 00:29:12,169 --> 00:29:13,754 My fingers hurt. 387 00:29:15,839 --> 00:29:20,010 Well, soon your back will hurt because you just got landscaping duty. 388 00:29:20,511 --> 00:29:22,095 Anyone else's fingers hurt? 389 00:29:24,056 --> 00:29:25,432 I didn't think so. 390 00:29:27,518 --> 00:29:30,103 Why do you make me act like that, huh? 391 00:29:30,521 --> 00:29:33,440 Mr. Gilmore! Toidy's to the right, dear. 392 00:29:33,774 --> 00:29:36,693 - How's Grandma? - Super. It's arts and crafts time. 393 00:29:36,860 --> 00:29:38,654 Grandma is quite a quilter. 394 00:29:39,780 --> 00:29:41,698 That's a tremendous trophy. 395 00:29:41,990 --> 00:29:44,493 Happy, I'm so glad to see you. 396 00:29:44,701 --> 00:29:46,286 I'm glad to see you, too. 397 00:29:46,453 --> 00:29:48,789 I think about you all the time. 398 00:29:49,206 --> 00:29:51,792 Looks like everyone's having fun here. 399 00:29:56,797 --> 00:30:00,133 Good news... I made the Professional Golfers' Tour. 400 00:30:00,467 --> 00:30:01,593 That's lovely. 401 00:30:01,802 --> 00:30:04,304 You know what else is lovely? 402 00:30:04,721 --> 00:30:08,809 If I can beat those other guys... we'll get the house back. 403 00:30:09,226 --> 00:30:13,397 Oh, thank God! I can't stand to live in this place another minute! 404 00:30:13,689 --> 00:30:15,482 I thought you liked it here. 405 00:30:15,899 --> 00:30:18,485 That orderly is nice. Don't you like him? 406 00:30:18,902 --> 00:30:20,153 Oh, I do. 407 00:30:20,487 --> 00:30:24,950 It's just that the air conditioner's broken. I'm getting a little warm. 408 00:30:25,159 --> 00:30:27,327 Let the kid fix it for you. 409 00:30:27,870 --> 00:30:30,372 Get the little twisty knobs. 410 00:30:31,832 --> 00:30:34,334 That ain't doing it. Okay. 411 00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:39,673 Mister! Mister! 412 00:30:40,090 --> 00:30:42,342 Get this off of me! Mister! 413 00:30:42,676 --> 00:30:44,261 I'll be right down! 414 00:30:44,845 --> 00:30:49,016 You know that "Mister, mister" lady? I think I killed her. 415 00:31:01,778 --> 00:31:05,699 Norman spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff. 416 00:31:06,950 --> 00:31:08,327 Come on, that was funny. 417 00:31:08,535 --> 00:31:11,246 - It was the first time I heard it. - Drink up. 418 00:31:11,538 --> 00:31:16,043 Anyone tapped the keg yet? I'll pump. I'm Happy Gilmore. 419 00:31:16,376 --> 00:31:18,462 Mark Lye. Welcome to the Tour. 420 00:31:18,754 --> 00:31:22,216 I heard about the ace you had on a par four. Impressive. 421 00:31:22,382 --> 00:31:24,051 You heard about that? 422 00:31:24,384 --> 00:31:26,803 Cool. That's a nice jacket. 423 00:31:27,095 --> 00:31:29,890 You get one if you win the Tour Championship. 424 00:31:30,224 --> 00:31:32,226 Oh, yeah? What's that? 425 00:31:32,518 --> 00:31:34,728 Only the biggest tournament of the year. 426 00:31:35,020 --> 00:31:37,731 Oh, really? Where's yours? 427 00:31:37,940 --> 00:31:41,818 Good one. He's funny. I'll have mine in three months. 428 00:31:42,110 --> 00:31:43,779 Not if I have anything to do with it. 429 00:31:44,071 --> 00:31:46,073 Whoa, look out. 430 00:31:46,573 --> 00:31:47,950 You better look out. 431 00:31:48,242 --> 00:31:51,411 If you're free, join us at 9:00 on the ninth green. 432 00:31:51,703 --> 00:31:54,498 - What happens there? - Secret of the pros. 433 00:31:54,832 --> 00:31:56,291 All right, cool. 434 00:31:56,583 --> 00:32:01,588 I'm out of here. I hear the Asteroids machine calling my name. Peace. 435 00:32:02,130 --> 00:32:04,633 And, Happy... dress nice, huh? 436 00:32:04,925 --> 00:32:06,593 All right, all right. 437 00:32:16,937 --> 00:32:18,814 Almost nine o'clock. 438 00:32:41,211 --> 00:32:44,047 Public relations lady, you seen Shooter McGavin? 439 00:32:44,381 --> 00:32:46,967 - No. Why? - I need to beat the piss out of him. 440 00:32:47,301 --> 00:32:50,387 Let me guess... the ninth green at nine trick. 441 00:32:50,721 --> 00:32:52,306 It would appear so. 442 00:32:52,598 --> 00:32:54,141 He does deserve a beating. 443 00:32:54,474 --> 00:32:58,437 But if you beat him up, I'll have to explain to the papers... 444 00:32:58,645 --> 00:33:02,816 ...why the new guy beat up Shooter McGavin. More work for me. 445 00:33:03,150 --> 00:33:04,484 I don't want to do that. 446 00:33:04,818 --> 00:33:07,905 Forget about Shooter. He's just threatened by you. 447 00:33:08,238 --> 00:33:10,532 He's afraid you'll steal his thunder. 448 00:33:10,824 --> 00:33:12,743 That's nice of you to say. 449 00:33:14,912 --> 00:33:18,165 So, I'm going to go change now. 450 00:33:19,917 --> 00:33:23,587 My girlfriend's dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact. 451 00:33:23,879 --> 00:33:26,089 Really? I'm sorry to hear that. 452 00:33:28,342 --> 00:33:32,429 You should get some sleep. Tomorrow's a big day. 453 00:33:32,846 --> 00:33:34,515 You're right. It is. 454 00:33:46,193 --> 00:33:48,904 Hello. I'm Verne Lundquist, with Jack Beard. 455 00:33:49,112 --> 00:33:53,200 We have a nice crowd here on this sun-sational April morning... 456 00:33:53,367 --> 00:33:56,119 ...for the 22nd annual AT&T Invitational. 457 00:33:56,411 --> 00:33:59,540 Here today are elite golfers from around the world. 458 00:33:59,873 --> 00:34:04,044 The favorite is Shooter McGavin. He's won three of the last four. 459 00:34:07,881 --> 00:34:09,550 Thanks, man. 460 00:34:10,384 --> 00:34:11,718 Here's my last buck. 461 00:34:12,052 --> 00:34:13,637 This is the last time. 462 00:34:13,929 --> 00:34:17,808 He's just trying to make some money. Leave him alone. 463 00:34:19,768 --> 00:34:21,728 I don't know why I'm winning. 464 00:34:22,062 --> 00:34:25,190 I'm in the zone. The hole seems to get bigger. 465 00:34:25,399 --> 00:34:26,859 You like being the favorite? 466 00:34:27,067 --> 00:34:30,487 I'm not. With the great players here, anyone could win. 467 00:34:30,821 --> 00:34:32,281 I'll just do my best. 468 00:34:32,489 --> 00:34:36,326 The real favorite is Portland. Every time I visit, it's harder to leave. 469 00:34:36,660 --> 00:34:39,580 Must be something in the water. Well, time to play golf. 470 00:34:39,913 --> 00:34:41,165 Good luck. 471 00:34:42,082 --> 00:34:44,918 I'm a hockey player playing golf today. 472 00:34:45,085 --> 00:34:46,170 Name? 473 00:34:46,336 --> 00:34:47,504 Happy Gilmore. 474 00:34:47,921 --> 00:34:49,590 The guy with the long drive. 475 00:34:49,923 --> 00:34:52,843 - Caddy's name? - You haven't given me one yet. 476 00:34:53,135 --> 00:34:55,429 On the Pro Tour, you provide your own. 477 00:34:55,929 --> 00:34:57,306 Really? 478 00:34:59,183 --> 00:35:00,350 Okay. 479 00:35:02,519 --> 00:35:05,355 Easy with those clubs. They're antiques. 480 00:35:07,608 --> 00:35:10,444 Gary Potter. Great to have you on the Tour. 481 00:35:10,777 --> 00:35:15,240 I feel a lot of solid energy coming out of you. Good positive aura. 482 00:35:15,449 --> 00:35:17,117 Nice to meet you. 483 00:35:17,534 --> 00:35:20,787 Is it always like this... TV cameras, people and stuff? 484 00:35:21,079 --> 00:35:23,582 Yeah, a lot of pressure. Rise above it. 485 00:35:23,790 --> 00:35:26,710 Harness in the good energy, block out the bad. 486 00:35:27,044 --> 00:35:29,129 Harness energy, block bad. 487 00:35:29,546 --> 00:35:32,132 Feel the flow, Happy. It's circular. 488 00:35:32,549 --> 00:35:34,009 It's like a carousel. 489 00:35:34,301 --> 00:35:37,221 You get on the horse. It goes up, down and around. 490 00:35:37,554 --> 00:35:41,600 Circular. Circle. With the music, the flow. All good things. 491 00:35:42,142 --> 00:35:45,395 Okay. Well, great. Thanks. Nice to meet you. 492 00:35:46,230 --> 00:35:47,481 Psycho. 493 00:35:47,981 --> 00:35:50,400 Next to tee off, Happy Gilmore. 494 00:35:52,027 --> 00:35:53,737 Give me a club. 495 00:35:55,489 --> 00:35:56,824 I'll get it. 496 00:36:08,836 --> 00:36:12,381 Fu..., sh..., fu..., ass... 497 00:36:21,765 --> 00:36:22,933 Sorry. 498 00:36:27,938 --> 00:36:28,856 Psycho. 499 00:36:45,205 --> 00:36:47,958 What a shot by Happy Gilmore! 500 00:36:48,250 --> 00:36:50,043 Who the hell is Happy Gilmore? 501 00:37:12,649 --> 00:37:14,109 Oh, yeah! 502 00:37:15,986 --> 00:37:17,154 I got it! 503 00:37:18,989 --> 00:37:19,948 Like that, baby? 504 00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:22,868 Plenty more where that came from! 505 00:37:24,953 --> 00:37:27,247 Get Virginia Venit in here, now. 506 00:37:27,456 --> 00:37:28,999 Use a five iron. 507 00:37:29,249 --> 00:37:31,627 You think so? Give me my wedge. 508 00:37:45,516 --> 00:37:48,810 Five iron, huh? You're fired. Bye-bye. 509 00:38:03,325 --> 00:38:07,913 What are you doing, Happy... riding a bull? You're acting like a damn fool! 510 00:38:14,086 --> 00:38:17,714 Doing the bull dance. Feeling the flow. Working it. 511 00:38:18,006 --> 00:38:21,134 On the 18th green, Shooter McGavin putts for the win. 512 00:38:21,468 --> 00:38:25,722 His crowd seems unusually small for this type of moment. 513 00:38:31,395 --> 00:38:34,189 Most people are over watching Happy Gilmore. 514 00:38:34,481 --> 00:38:36,149 He's the talk of the course... 515 00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:39,820 ...with his huge drives and bizarre behavior. 516 00:38:40,028 --> 00:38:44,408 He's on the 17th green right now, having trouble closing out his day. 517 00:38:44,741 --> 00:38:49,204 Happy, the ball has its own energy or life force, if you will. 518 00:38:49,621 --> 00:38:52,541 Its natural environment is in the hole. 519 00:38:52,833 --> 00:38:54,501 Why don't you send him home? 520 00:38:55,252 --> 00:38:58,088 His bags are packed. He has his plane ticket. 521 00:38:58,380 --> 00:39:00,048 Bring him to the airport. 522 00:39:00,674 --> 00:39:01,800 Send him home. 523 00:39:03,260 --> 00:39:05,762 Send him home. I'll send him home. 524 00:39:06,096 --> 00:39:08,599 It's time to go home, ball. 525 00:39:12,686 --> 00:39:15,689 Son of a bitch ball! Why didn't you go home?! 526 00:39:15,898 --> 00:39:20,068 That's your home! Are you too good for your home?! Answer me! 527 00:39:20,486 --> 00:39:22,905 Suck my white ass, ball! 528 00:39:29,161 --> 00:39:33,081 Draft a press release stating Gilmore is being thrown off the Tour. 529 00:39:33,415 --> 00:39:34,958 I want to see it by 6:00 P.M. 530 00:39:35,292 --> 00:39:39,463 You're right... his behavior is completely unacceptable. 531 00:39:39,796 --> 00:39:43,133 But golf has been waiting for a player like this. 532 00:39:43,425 --> 00:39:46,136 A colorful, emotional, working class hero. 533 00:39:46,345 --> 00:39:49,556 I will not tolerate this behavior. Gilmore is gone. 534 00:39:49,765 --> 00:39:51,642 I got a call from the Dallas Open. 535 00:39:51,850 --> 00:39:55,521 They're deluged with calls from people who want to see Happy. 536 00:39:55,812 --> 00:39:57,814 - They sold out. - Already? 537 00:39:58,106 --> 00:40:01,360 I know he's a little rough. Let me work with him. 538 00:40:03,654 --> 00:40:07,074 Okay. Fine. But he's your responsibility. 539 00:40:07,491 --> 00:40:09,493 If he cleans up, he can stay. 540 00:40:09,701 --> 00:40:11,995 If he doesn't, it's your ass. 541 00:40:12,329 --> 00:40:13,997 And any more of this... 542 00:40:17,501 --> 00:40:18,961 ...and he's gone. 543 00:40:27,010 --> 00:40:28,345 Shooter! Shooter! 544 00:40:28,595 --> 00:40:30,764 What do you think of Happy Gilmore? 545 00:40:30,973 --> 00:40:34,184 I didn't see him play. I was too busy winning. 546 00:40:34,518 --> 00:40:36,687 But a 450-yard drive is impressive. 547 00:40:36,937 --> 00:40:41,275 Yeah. Where did he finish again? Dead last? Yeah, he had a good day. 548 00:40:41,692 --> 00:40:43,277 Did he really make a 450-yard ace? 549 00:40:43,485 --> 00:40:44,862 Where's my check? 550 00:40:45,154 --> 00:40:46,405 We mail them next week. 551 00:40:46,697 --> 00:40:47,948 I want mine now. 552 00:40:48,282 --> 00:40:49,616 I don't have any checks. 553 00:40:49,867 --> 00:40:53,370 He got one. Give me one of them big ones, I don't care. 554 00:40:55,581 --> 00:40:56,832 Give me a beer, pal. 555 00:40:57,249 --> 00:40:58,500 Put that on my tab. 556 00:40:58,834 --> 00:41:01,628 You were the talk of the tournament, Gilmore. 557 00:41:01,837 --> 00:41:03,380 Wow, thanks a lot. 558 00:41:03,714 --> 00:41:07,968 You sure crush the ball at the tee. You'd do well in a long-drive contest. 559 00:41:08,302 --> 00:41:12,055 You'd make good money, traveling, hustling at driving ranges. 560 00:41:12,264 --> 00:41:14,975 I know what you're doing right now... 561 00:41:15,184 --> 00:41:20,189 ...and I don't like it. So just shut your trap before I put my foot in it. 562 00:41:22,566 --> 00:41:26,570 Don't turn your back on me. Listen, this is Shooter's tour. 563 00:41:26,862 --> 00:41:30,115 I worked hard, paid my dues... now it's Shooter's turn. 564 00:41:30,324 --> 00:41:34,578 Shooter won't let his reign at the top be spoiled by some freak. 565 00:41:34,912 --> 00:41:36,371 Did you call me a freak? 566 00:41:36,872 --> 00:41:39,500 I was on this tour for one reason... money. 567 00:41:39,583 --> 00:41:41,877 Now I got a new one... kicking your ass. 568 00:41:42,294 --> 00:41:44,713 I'd like to see you try. 569 00:41:45,756 --> 00:41:46,798 Let's do it. 570 00:41:47,925 --> 00:41:49,259 I meant at golf. 571 00:41:49,510 --> 00:41:51,178 What's going on here? 572 00:41:51,470 --> 00:41:54,181 I was looking for the other half of this bottle. 573 00:41:54,389 --> 00:41:57,226 Oh, there's some of it right there. 574 00:41:57,518 --> 00:41:59,811 - Why don't you put it down? - I know. 575 00:42:00,938 --> 00:42:04,942 Just stay out of my way. Or you'll pay. Listen to what I say. 576 00:42:05,442 --> 00:42:07,402 Why don't I go eat some hay? 577 00:42:07,736 --> 00:42:10,948 I could make things out of clay and lay by the bay. 578 00:42:11,281 --> 00:42:12,741 What do you say? 579 00:42:17,621 --> 00:42:20,249 Calm down or you'll get kicked off the Tour. 580 00:42:20,666 --> 00:42:23,585 - That can't happen. - It can, and I don't want it to. 581 00:42:24,002 --> 00:42:25,462 You could be a big star. 582 00:42:25,671 --> 00:42:27,631 I just want to make some money. 583 00:42:27,965 --> 00:42:31,301 You won't be around long enough to do that if you don't behave. 584 00:42:31,510 --> 00:42:33,387 What do you mean by "behave"? 585 00:42:33,595 --> 00:42:35,973 No swearing, no throwing clubs... 586 00:42:36,223 --> 00:42:38,934 ...and especially no hitting other players. 587 00:42:39,142 --> 00:42:41,019 You mean no fun. 588 00:42:41,228 --> 00:42:42,771 You can have fun. 589 00:42:43,105 --> 00:42:47,651 That's why I think people come to see you. But keep it within reason. 590 00:42:48,819 --> 00:42:53,615 I will work on what you call behaving. But I won't act like a stiff. 591 00:42:54,032 --> 00:42:56,118 Fine. Thank you. 592 00:42:57,703 --> 00:42:59,163 Hey, um... 593 00:42:59,663 --> 00:43:01,331 ...you want to get some food? 594 00:43:01,623 --> 00:43:04,334 No, thanks. I don't date golfers. 595 00:43:04,668 --> 00:43:06,545 Good. I'm a hockey player. 596 00:43:09,047 --> 00:43:11,341 Just behave, okay? 597 00:43:14,469 --> 00:43:18,640 Happy Gilmore approaches the tee in the 72nd annual Cleveland Classic. 598 00:43:19,057 --> 00:43:21,977 Happy Gilmore! Drive it 400 yards! 599 00:43:22,394 --> 00:43:26,023 I can't believe I have fans. I waited all my life for that. 600 00:43:28,025 --> 00:43:29,693 Don't be alarmed, Mr. Gilmore. 601 00:43:29,902 --> 00:43:33,155 I know we had our problems, but I'm proud of you. 602 00:43:33,363 --> 00:43:35,115 Thanks a lot, Mr. Larson. 603 00:43:35,324 --> 00:43:37,326 It's good to see you again. 604 00:43:37,701 --> 00:43:40,037 How's that, uh, thing feeling? 605 00:43:40,329 --> 00:43:42,706 Terrific. The nail comes out next week. 606 00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:45,209 Well, you hardly even notice it. 607 00:43:49,379 --> 00:43:51,173 Let's make a little noise here. 608 00:43:53,550 --> 00:43:55,844 Come on! I can't hear you! 609 00:44:22,454 --> 00:44:24,414 Trying to reach the green from here? 610 00:44:24,665 --> 00:44:26,083 That's not possible, sir. 611 00:44:26,416 --> 00:44:27,376 I beg to differ. 612 00:44:27,459 --> 00:44:31,421 Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat no more than an hour ago. 613 00:44:31,755 --> 00:44:35,592 Well, moron, good for Happy... Oh, my God! 614 00:44:46,144 --> 00:44:47,187 Oh, my God. 615 00:44:54,987 --> 00:44:58,407 Hey, Shooter, you forgot your nine iron. 616 00:45:02,703 --> 00:45:07,207 A large and economically diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational. 617 00:45:07,499 --> 00:45:10,127 It's the tour sensation, Happy Gilmore... 618 00:45:10,419 --> 00:45:15,215 ...who's attracting all types to this course. I even saw one guy... 619 00:45:15,424 --> 00:45:18,886 ...wearing one of those beer-dispensing helmets. 620 00:45:27,853 --> 00:45:30,731 Damn you people. Go back to your shanties. 621 00:45:31,690 --> 00:45:35,319 This is a biggie, pal. I got to make some real money. 622 00:45:35,569 --> 00:45:37,946 What do you think? Slightly downhill? 623 00:45:38,238 --> 00:45:39,406 And slanting left. 624 00:45:39,615 --> 00:45:42,743 No, you think that 'cause you only got one shoe on. 625 00:45:44,495 --> 00:45:45,662 Oh, yeah. 626 00:46:00,052 --> 00:46:01,178 Happy Gilmore 627 00:46:32,167 --> 00:46:33,293 You got the ball? 628 00:46:42,886 --> 00:46:44,680 Happy Gilmore from nine feet. 629 00:46:45,097 --> 00:46:46,890 Here comes the putter throw. 630 00:46:47,182 --> 00:46:52,062 Wait. He's restrained himself. Maybe this is a new Happy Gilmore. 631 00:46:56,358 --> 00:46:59,820 Another tournament here in Dallas, and Shooter McGavin wins again. 632 00:47:00,112 --> 00:47:02,406 He's won here 3 years in a row. 633 00:47:15,752 --> 00:47:17,504 That son of a bitch! 634 00:47:17,921 --> 00:47:22,092 Give me my ball! Give it here! Cough it up, you dirty bastard! 635 00:47:22,426 --> 00:47:23,760 I'll rip it out of you! 636 00:47:24,011 --> 00:47:25,012 Give me... 637 00:47:25,762 --> 00:47:27,097 Give me the ball. 638 00:47:32,227 --> 00:47:33,770 You have one eye. 639 00:47:35,439 --> 00:47:36,690 Chubbs. 640 00:47:37,441 --> 00:47:38,609 You took his hand. 641 00:48:21,318 --> 00:48:24,655 That Happy Gilmore is a real crack-up. He's a hoot! 642 00:48:24,905 --> 00:48:27,908 He's bringing in some big crowds. 643 00:48:28,242 --> 00:48:32,287 Today, one of his fans mooned me. He had "HAPPY" written on his ass. 644 00:48:32,579 --> 00:48:35,916 "HA" was on one cheek and "PPY" on the other. 645 00:48:36,250 --> 00:48:38,001 I love what he's doing for golf. 646 00:48:38,252 --> 00:48:42,089 - Well, I'm starting to come around. - Everyone is. 647 00:48:42,297 --> 00:48:43,841 Well, I'm not, Doug!! 648 00:48:44,091 --> 00:48:45,759 This man is destroying golf. 649 00:48:46,051 --> 00:48:49,179 I saw two fat bikers in the woods off 17 having sex. 650 00:48:49,388 --> 00:48:51,348 How can I chip with that going on? 651 00:48:51,682 --> 00:48:55,644 - Kick him off the Tour. - He hasn't broken any rules. 652 00:48:56,061 --> 00:48:57,437 He's a disgrace to the game! 653 00:48:57,729 --> 00:49:02,317 Yes, but our ratings are up. We're attracting new, youthful sponsors. 654 00:49:02,860 --> 00:49:04,278 I'm sorry, Shooter. 655 00:49:04,611 --> 00:49:06,071 There's nothing I can do. 656 00:49:09,825 --> 00:49:12,619 Then I'll have to take care of this myself. 657 00:49:13,579 --> 00:49:17,207 Grandma, I came in 9th place. I won $35,000. 658 00:49:17,457 --> 00:49:19,126 So we'll get the house back? 659 00:49:19,418 --> 00:49:22,045 As long as I don't place last the next two times... 660 00:49:22,337 --> 00:49:23,797 ...we'll get the money in time. 661 00:49:24,006 --> 00:49:25,966 That's wonderful, Happy. 662 00:49:26,300 --> 00:49:27,885 I love you, Grandma. Bye. 663 00:49:28,177 --> 00:49:29,720 Good-bye, darling. 664 00:49:34,558 --> 00:49:38,187 We should go on that date. I've been pretty good lately. 665 00:49:38,478 --> 00:49:41,815 Oh? I hear you broke a rake and threw it in the woods. 666 00:49:42,065 --> 00:49:45,694 I didn't break it. I was testing its durability. 667 00:49:45,986 --> 00:49:48,906 I put it in the woods because it's made of wood... 668 00:49:49,031 --> 00:49:50,991 ...and he should be with his family. 669 00:49:52,493 --> 00:49:54,328 At least I didn't punch anyone. 670 00:49:55,412 --> 00:49:59,249 Okay, we'll go on a date. But just as friends. 671 00:49:59,750 --> 00:50:02,669 Slow down. I don't want to be more than friends. 672 00:50:03,003 --> 00:50:04,671 I just met you. 673 00:50:08,759 --> 00:50:10,093 Fit you okay? 674 00:50:10,427 --> 00:50:13,347 I haven't skated since I was a little kid. 675 00:50:15,599 --> 00:50:18,435 Can we get a little time here? 676 00:50:19,603 --> 00:50:22,606 For Happy Gilmore, anything. 677 00:50:25,943 --> 00:50:27,611 You played ice hockey? 678 00:50:27,945 --> 00:50:29,071 Shut up. 679 00:50:31,156 --> 00:50:32,950 Oh, my God... power failure. 680 00:50:33,450 --> 00:50:35,452 It's very scary in here. 681 00:50:35,619 --> 00:50:36,787 Did you plan this? 682 00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:38,372 No. 683 00:50:42,709 --> 00:50:45,546 I thought we were going to be just friends. 684 00:50:46,171 --> 00:50:49,633 What? Friends listen to "Endless Love" in the dark. 685 00:51:03,689 --> 00:51:07,568 This song reminds me of seventh grade. 686 00:51:07,734 --> 00:51:10,237 It reminds me of my grandmother. 687 00:51:10,571 --> 00:51:11,822 That's kind of weird. 688 00:51:12,156 --> 00:51:14,241 She took me to see this movie. 689 00:51:14,324 --> 00:51:17,035 I had the biggest crush on Brooke Shields. 690 00:51:18,162 --> 00:51:22,166 My grandma told me I should write her a letter, so I did. 691 00:51:22,583 --> 00:51:25,502 I got a letter back from Brooke two weeks later. 692 00:51:25,669 --> 00:51:28,422 But it was in my grandmother's handwriting. 693 00:51:29,256 --> 00:51:30,924 Your grandma sounds sweet. 694 00:51:31,216 --> 00:51:34,845 She is sweet. That's why I feel so terrible. 695 00:51:35,179 --> 00:51:36,346 Why? 696 00:51:37,681 --> 00:51:39,683 No, forget it. 697 00:51:40,601 --> 00:51:42,686 You can tell me. 698 00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:47,900 She's stuck in a nursing home. The IRS repossessed her house. 699 00:51:48,525 --> 00:51:49,776 That's awful. 700 00:51:50,110 --> 00:51:51,528 That's why I joined the Tour. 701 00:51:51,862 --> 00:51:54,281 I'm close to getting her house back. 702 00:51:54,448 --> 00:51:57,284 Don't tell anyone. I'm kind of embarrassed. 703 00:51:58,744 --> 00:52:01,121 Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. 704 00:52:03,457 --> 00:52:04,875 I'll make you a bet. 705 00:52:05,959 --> 00:52:07,628 Do you always carry a puck? 706 00:52:07,794 --> 00:52:08,879 Yeah. 707 00:52:10,422 --> 00:52:14,384 Now, if you get that puck in the net over there... 708 00:52:14,801 --> 00:52:17,721 ...I’ll never bother you again. 709 00:52:18,222 --> 00:52:20,974 But if you miss... 710 00:52:21,808 --> 00:52:24,603 ...you have to give me a big, fat kiss. 711 00:52:25,020 --> 00:52:26,563 And you have to pretend you like it. 712 00:52:27,105 --> 00:52:28,232 Really? 713 00:52:28,774 --> 00:52:29,817 Good luck. 714 00:52:43,163 --> 00:52:44,414 Shit. 715 00:52:45,249 --> 00:52:47,668 Talk about your all-time backfires. 716 00:52:49,086 --> 00:52:50,170 Happy... 717 00:52:53,799 --> 00:52:55,467 ...I didn't see it go in. 718 00:53:08,272 --> 00:53:11,942 I'll give it all to you 719 00:53:13,610 --> 00:53:16,613 My love, my love, my love 720 00:53:17,364 --> 00:53:19,950 My endless love 721 00:53:37,718 --> 00:53:39,887 Welcome to soggy San Francisco... 722 00:53:40,220 --> 00:53:42,472 ...site of this year's Pepsi Pro-Am. 723 00:53:43,015 --> 00:53:45,392 Hello, Happy. I'm Bob Barker. 724 00:53:45,726 --> 00:53:47,728 What an honor. Nice to meet you. 725 00:53:48,020 --> 00:53:50,230 We're playing together today. 726 00:53:51,148 --> 00:53:53,734 That's funny. Who am I really playing with? 727 00:53:53,984 --> 00:53:56,778 In a Pro-Am, each golfer plays with a celebrity. 728 00:53:56,987 --> 00:53:57,905 Wow. 729 00:53:58,155 --> 00:54:02,409 Nick Faldo and I won last year. I'd like to win this year. 730 00:54:02,618 --> 00:54:04,495 I'll do my best. 731 00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:06,580 Hey, Gilmore? 732 00:54:06,914 --> 00:54:09,416 You suck, you jackass. 733 00:54:09,708 --> 00:54:11,168 Shut the hell up. 734 00:54:13,462 --> 00:54:17,216 I'd love to punch that guy in the face, but I'd get in trouble. 735 00:54:17,508 --> 00:54:19,510 You get this on "Let's Make A Deal"? 736 00:54:19,718 --> 00:54:21,178 "The Price Is Right", Happy. 737 00:54:22,012 --> 00:54:22,930 Oh, yeah. Sorry. 738 00:54:23,263 --> 00:54:25,682 It happens. Let's play some golf. 739 00:54:31,104 --> 00:54:32,439 Jackass. 740 00:54:36,401 --> 00:54:38,070 The club went further than the ball. 741 00:54:39,863 --> 00:54:41,406 What was that all about? 742 00:54:41,698 --> 00:54:46,703 It's just that it's rainy and that guy... It just slipped. 743 00:54:53,627 --> 00:54:58,298 Get a blanket and suntan lotion, 'cause you'll never get off that beach. 744 00:54:58,799 --> 00:55:02,970 Just the way you never got into the NHL, you jackass! 745 00:55:09,643 --> 00:55:11,436 The green's that way. 746 00:55:19,069 --> 00:55:22,072 You will not make this putt, you jackass. 747 00:55:27,828 --> 00:55:29,371 Nice shooting, soldier. 748 00:55:33,834 --> 00:55:35,836 All right, Happy... 749 00:55:36,336 --> 00:55:38,338 ...nice and easy. 750 00:55:43,552 --> 00:55:45,846 That was not nice and easy. 751 00:55:50,642 --> 00:55:52,436 That guy is driving me crazy. 752 00:55:52,728 --> 00:55:56,482 What's driving me crazy is you not getting the ball in the hole. 753 00:55:56,899 --> 00:55:59,693 Don't push me, Bob. Now's not the time. 754 00:56:04,531 --> 00:56:05,866 Jackass. 755 00:56:10,662 --> 00:56:12,539 This guy sucks! 756 00:56:13,582 --> 00:56:17,753 We haven't seen Gilmore play this badly since his first day on tour. 757 00:56:18,045 --> 00:56:21,089 He and Bob Barker are now dead last. 758 00:56:21,381 --> 00:56:25,552 You should be working at the snack bar, not playing golf. 759 00:56:25,802 --> 00:56:27,137 Relax, Bob. 760 00:56:27,346 --> 00:56:31,808 There is no way you could have been as bad at hockey as you are at golf. 761 00:56:32,226 --> 00:56:33,894 Okay, let's go. 762 00:56:35,270 --> 00:56:38,190 You like that, old man?! You want a piece of me? 763 00:56:39,024 --> 00:56:42,152 I don't want a piece of you. I want the whole thing! 764 00:56:57,376 --> 00:56:59,670 Now you're gonna get it, Bobby! 765 00:57:19,898 --> 00:57:21,984 The price is wrong, bitch. 766 00:57:33,245 --> 00:57:34,788 I think you've had enough. 767 00:57:35,956 --> 00:57:36,874 No? 768 00:57:39,918 --> 00:57:41,587 Now you've had enough. 769 00:57:42,421 --> 00:57:43,797 Bitch. 770 00:57:46,592 --> 00:57:48,260 That couldn't have gone better. 771 00:57:48,385 --> 00:57:51,054 Instead of hitting you, he hits Bob Barker. 772 00:57:51,305 --> 00:57:52,306 Perfect. 773 00:57:52,556 --> 00:57:54,641 So, see you at the next tournament? 774 00:57:54,933 --> 00:57:58,896 No need. This was on national TV. Gilmore is gone. 775 00:57:59,104 --> 00:58:02,983 Let's get something at the Red Lobster. My treat. 776 00:58:03,275 --> 00:58:04,526 Some other time. 777 00:58:04,818 --> 00:58:06,612 I thought we were friends. 778 00:58:07,029 --> 00:58:09,323 We are. I just have to go. 779 00:58:09,656 --> 00:58:13,494 I'll be at the Red Lobster in case you change your mind. 780 00:58:13,827 --> 00:58:15,245 God bless! 781 00:58:15,913 --> 00:58:17,247 There you are. 782 00:58:17,581 --> 00:58:19,833 Happy Gilmore, come on down! 783 00:58:20,167 --> 00:58:22,252 Thank you, Shooter. Sit down. 784 00:58:23,003 --> 00:58:26,840 So you got in a fight with a game show host on national TV. 785 00:58:27,049 --> 00:58:28,717 That is not entertainment. 786 00:58:29,009 --> 00:58:32,262 This is not hockey, no matter how much you want it to be. 787 00:58:32,471 --> 00:58:34,681 I know that and I'm sorry. 788 00:58:34,973 --> 00:58:36,934 But there was a guy out there... 789 00:58:37,267 --> 00:58:40,395 ...giving me crap. It took all I had not to hit him. 790 00:58:40,687 --> 00:58:44,358 So you head-butt Bob Barker? Who won that fight, anyway? 791 00:58:44,691 --> 00:58:45,692 Enough, Shooter. 792 00:58:45,943 --> 00:58:48,111 The board has done the following: 793 00:58:48,320 --> 00:58:51,114 Fined you $25,000 and suspended you for one month. 794 00:58:51,448 --> 00:58:54,451 - What?! I got to play! - What?! Kick him off the Tour. 795 00:58:54,993 --> 00:58:57,788 The board thinks that might be extreme... 796 00:58:58,121 --> 00:59:01,458 ...considering the fact that our ratings were... 797 00:59:01,959 --> 00:59:03,627 ...the highest we've ever had. 798 00:59:03,877 --> 00:59:06,547 My grandmother's house got repossessed. 799 00:59:06,880 --> 00:59:10,717 If I don't win more prize money, they'll sell it to someone else. 800 00:59:11,051 --> 00:59:13,345 Whoop-dee-doo. Get out. 801 00:59:18,767 --> 00:59:23,230 It's over. My grandmother will never see her house again. 802 00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:27,818 But you've made a lot of money. You could buy her a nice condo. 803 00:59:27,943 --> 00:59:31,822 My grandfather didn't build any condos with his bare hands. 804 00:59:32,239 --> 00:59:34,616 Damn it, I hate that Bob Barker. 805 00:59:34,908 --> 00:59:38,078 There must be another way to get the $50,000. 806 00:59:38,370 --> 00:59:42,124 I don't want to talk about it. I failed, okay? 807 00:59:42,416 --> 00:59:45,878 Let me just enjoy the one thing that makes me a bit happy... 808 00:59:46,170 --> 00:59:48,797 ...this fresh, delicious, tasty... 809 00:59:49,089 --> 00:59:51,300 ...meaty, turkey-filled... 810 00:59:51,592 --> 00:59:56,430 ...Cold Cut Combo. I eat three every day just to keep me strong. 811 00:59:56,722 --> 00:59:57,973 Hey, Happy... 812 00:59:58,265 --> 00:59:59,933 ...can I have one of those? 813 01:00:00,267 --> 01:00:01,935 Coming right up! 814 01:00:07,441 --> 01:00:09,776 Talk about a hole in one. 815 01:00:10,068 --> 01:00:13,280 Subway sandwiches will drive away your hunger. 816 01:00:14,364 --> 01:00:15,365 What do you think? 817 01:00:15,491 --> 01:00:18,827 I love it. He looks so handsome. And it makes me hungry. 818 01:00:19,119 --> 01:00:22,789 They gave me a card that gives us free Subway for life. 819 01:00:22,998 --> 01:00:24,124 That's lovely. 820 01:00:24,458 --> 01:00:26,460 You know what else is lovely? 821 01:00:26,752 --> 01:00:29,963 That commercial puts us up to $275,000. 822 01:00:30,297 --> 01:00:32,466 Let's go get your house back. 823 01:00:42,184 --> 01:00:43,852 What the hell? 824 01:00:49,066 --> 01:00:50,400 What's going on here? 825 01:00:50,651 --> 01:00:54,488 It's exciting. We're auctioning off your grandmother's house. 826 01:00:54,696 --> 01:00:58,033 You said if we got the money, we could buy it back. 827 01:00:58,325 --> 01:00:59,576 You can buy it back. 828 01:01:00,327 --> 01:01:02,913 Bidding will start at $100,000. Do I hear 100? 829 01:01:03,163 --> 01:01:05,415 This is the exciting part. Have fun. 830 01:01:06,792 --> 01:01:10,420 Look at all these people. What's going on, Happy? 831 01:01:10,838 --> 01:01:12,089 Thank you, two. 832 01:01:12,506 --> 01:01:14,174 They're auctioning it off. 833 01:01:14,424 --> 01:01:17,219 Good. We'll get it cheaper than we thought. 834 01:01:17,511 --> 01:01:19,513 Two fifty, thank you. 835 01:01:20,138 --> 01:01:22,349 Maybe not. Two seventy-five! 836 01:01:22,641 --> 01:01:24,852 Two seventy-five. And three. 837 01:01:25,144 --> 01:01:26,520 Three fifty down front. 838 01:01:26,812 --> 01:01:30,149 I have three fifty. Seventy-five anywhere? 839 01:01:30,566 --> 01:01:34,027 Three fifty... sold to the gentleman in the white sweater. 840 01:01:34,319 --> 01:01:35,863 What just happened, Happy? 841 01:01:37,656 --> 01:01:39,449 Go wait in the car, Grandma. 842 01:01:41,285 --> 01:01:43,370 What the hell is wrong with you? 843 01:01:43,620 --> 01:01:45,706 I enjoy real estate speculation. 844 01:01:47,124 --> 01:01:51,128 You touch me, I burn the house down and piss on the ashes. 845 01:01:51,420 --> 01:01:52,963 What do you want for it? 846 01:01:53,630 --> 01:01:54,631 You know what. 847 01:01:55,048 --> 01:01:57,050 You off the Tour. 848 01:01:57,259 --> 01:01:59,761 Quit, and the house is yours. 849 01:02:00,053 --> 01:02:01,138 Fine. I quit. 850 01:02:01,430 --> 01:02:03,390 No way. Happy, come here. 851 01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:07,478 He's right. I don't belong in golf. I'm a hockey player. 852 01:02:07,686 --> 01:02:10,063 - What team do you play for? - Easy. 853 01:02:10,397 --> 01:02:13,317 Face it, Happy. You are a golfer. 854 01:02:14,151 --> 01:02:18,655 I did this to get Grandma's house back. Now I can. No regrets. 855 01:02:19,072 --> 01:02:24,077 What do you think she wants more... to get her house back or see you succeed? 856 01:02:26,246 --> 01:02:29,917 Maybe she can have both. Hey, Shooter. 857 01:02:30,626 --> 01:02:32,836 The Tour Championship is next week. 858 01:02:33,545 --> 01:02:37,174 If I beat you, I get the house. You beat me, I'll quit. 859 01:02:37,508 --> 01:02:40,427 You're going to beat me? At golf? 860 01:02:42,513 --> 01:02:43,847 You're on. 861 01:02:44,389 --> 01:02:48,018 But you're in trouble. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. 862 01:02:48,268 --> 01:02:50,521 You eat pieces of shit for breakfast? 863 01:02:52,439 --> 01:02:53,565 No. 864 01:02:58,445 --> 01:03:01,615 That was great. I know you will kick his ass. 865 01:03:01,907 --> 01:03:03,575 That makes one of us. 866 01:03:03,867 --> 01:03:06,620 Take care of Grandma. I'll walk from here. 867 01:03:06,912 --> 01:03:09,957 - Where are you going? - To learn to play golf. 868 01:03:12,626 --> 01:03:15,128 I'm stupid, you're smart. 869 01:03:15,671 --> 01:03:17,756 I was wrong, you were right. 870 01:03:18,298 --> 01:03:20,801 You're the best, I'm the worst. 871 01:03:21,093 --> 01:03:24,972 You're very good-looking, I'm not attractive. 872 01:03:25,264 --> 01:03:28,892 Okay, as long as you're willing to admit that. Now... 873 01:03:29,143 --> 01:03:32,980 ...are you ready to work and do what I tell you? 874 01:03:33,313 --> 01:03:34,857 Believe me, I'm ready. 875 01:03:35,983 --> 01:03:37,651 Then let's get to work. 876 01:03:39,570 --> 01:03:42,072 I'm sorry. Here. 877 01:03:43,198 --> 01:03:44,658 Here's your pinky. 878 01:03:52,374 --> 01:03:54,168 "Happyland", just like me. 879 01:03:54,459 --> 01:03:56,753 Don't get excited. I've been here before. 880 01:03:59,339 --> 01:04:03,510 This is embarrassing. I'm a professional golfer, for God's sake. 881 01:04:03,760 --> 01:04:07,598 No, it's your short game that's embarrassing. Let's go. 882 01:04:22,821 --> 01:04:26,158 Just line up the putt. Don't even look at the hole. 883 01:04:26,575 --> 01:04:31,038 Aim for a spot six inches in front of the hole. Line up with that. 884 01:04:31,371 --> 01:04:33,373 Okay. Six inches. 885 01:04:56,396 --> 01:04:58,398 This one's very tough. 886 01:05:03,278 --> 01:05:05,072 He's laughing, having fun. 887 01:05:05,364 --> 01:05:07,658 Yeah, laugh it up. Enjoy your night. 888 01:05:08,575 --> 01:05:10,369 Happy, concentrate. 889 01:05:17,459 --> 01:05:19,002 I hate that clown. 890 01:05:19,336 --> 01:05:24,007 Easy. If you can't beat the clown, how will you beat Shooter McGavin? 891 01:05:32,474 --> 01:05:34,143 You're gonna die, clown! 892 01:05:36,103 --> 01:05:39,022 Is that funny? I don't hear you laughing now! 893 01:05:39,439 --> 01:05:40,607 Enough. 894 01:05:40,816 --> 01:05:42,359 What? I can't do it! 895 01:05:42,901 --> 01:05:46,113 Come with me, Happy. Come on! 896 01:05:46,446 --> 01:05:48,532 You suck, you stupid clown! 897 01:05:50,826 --> 01:05:52,619 Remember, this isn't hockey. 898 01:05:52,911 --> 01:05:57,082 You don't play with raw emotion. You can't putt angry. 899 01:05:57,499 --> 01:06:01,253 You must clear your mind of everything else and stay focused. 900 01:06:06,133 --> 01:06:07,926 How can I do that? 901 01:06:08,343 --> 01:06:11,471 Think of a place that's really perfect. 902 01:06:11,805 --> 01:06:13,974 Your own happy place. 903 01:06:14,308 --> 01:06:17,394 Go there and all your anger will disappear. 904 01:06:17,811 --> 01:06:19,062 Then putt. 905 01:06:20,022 --> 01:06:21,273 Happy place. 906 01:06:21,690 --> 01:06:23,484 Happy place. 907 01:06:23,775 --> 01:06:25,652 Your happy place. 908 01:06:55,599 --> 01:06:56,600 Now how do you feel? 909 01:06:56,850 --> 01:06:57,851 Better. 910 01:06:58,519 --> 01:06:59,520 Now putt. 911 01:07:22,167 --> 01:07:23,544 Your happy place. 912 01:07:30,509 --> 01:07:33,011 We took some giant steps tonight. 913 01:07:33,846 --> 01:07:35,514 I'm really proud of you. 914 01:07:36,056 --> 01:07:37,182 Here. 915 01:07:38,225 --> 01:07:40,519 I got something special for you. 916 01:07:40,936 --> 01:07:41,895 Thanks, Chubbs. 917 01:07:42,187 --> 01:07:46,900 It's the putter I used when I played... slightly modified, of course. 918 01:07:47,192 --> 01:07:49,695 Man, this is excellent. 919 01:07:50,946 --> 01:07:55,826 You got the spirit of a hockey player in you, so I figured... why fight it? 920 01:07:56,076 --> 01:07:58,328 I got something for you, too. 921 01:07:58,871 --> 01:08:02,082 If not for you, none of this would have happened... 922 01:08:02,332 --> 01:08:04,585 ...so I wanted to show my appreciation. 923 01:08:08,589 --> 01:08:10,549 This looks nice. What is it? 924 01:08:10,841 --> 01:08:11,800 Open it. 925 01:08:12,092 --> 01:08:13,051 Shit. 926 01:08:13,760 --> 01:08:14,845 Oh, man. 927 01:08:15,137 --> 01:08:17,097 Remember the 'gator that got your hand? 928 01:08:17,431 --> 01:08:19,099 I got his head. 929 01:08:31,612 --> 01:08:34,323 First my dad and now Chubbs. 930 01:08:34,615 --> 01:08:38,076 Anyone I get close to, dies. If I were you, I'd run. 931 01:08:38,494 --> 01:08:40,871 You can't blame yourself for this. 932 01:08:41,288 --> 01:08:44,458 I guess that alligator finally finished the job. 933 01:08:44,958 --> 01:08:46,543 I'm going to miss you, pal. 934 01:08:55,302 --> 01:08:56,970 How am I going to play today? 935 01:08:57,262 --> 01:08:58,931 Just remember what he taught you. 936 01:08:59,223 --> 01:09:03,227 Congratulations, murderer. You killed a golf legend. 937 01:09:03,519 --> 01:09:04,561 Beat it, McGavin. 938 01:09:04,770 --> 01:09:09,233 I'm dedicating my performance at the Tour Championship to Chubbs' memory. 939 01:09:09,650 --> 01:09:11,652 I'm playing for Chubbs. 940 01:09:11,860 --> 01:09:13,403 I called it first. 941 01:09:13,946 --> 01:09:17,157 You want to beat him? Beat him on the course. 942 01:09:17,491 --> 01:09:20,202 Yeah, I'm gonna beat your ass out there. 943 01:09:20,410 --> 01:09:22,579 Right. And Grizzly Adams had a beard. 944 01:09:22,913 --> 01:09:24,665 Grizzly Adams did have a beard. 945 01:09:28,001 --> 01:09:29,795 The golfers of the Tour Championship... 946 01:09:30,212 --> 01:09:33,549 ...are ready to begin. There may be 63 professionals... 947 01:09:33,841 --> 01:09:35,342 ...vying for the title of world's best... 948 01:09:35,425 --> 01:09:38,846 but in the minds of the spectators, there are only two. 949 01:09:39,096 --> 01:09:41,056 Tour kingpin Shooter McGavin... 950 01:09:41,348 --> 01:09:44,685 ...and bad boy Happy Gilmore, just off suspension. 951 01:09:44,935 --> 01:09:47,938 Wouldn't you know it? They've been paired together. 952 01:09:48,147 --> 01:09:51,775 I have some good interior design ideas for Grandma's house. 953 01:09:52,109 --> 01:09:54,528 You know the bedroom next to the stairs? 954 01:09:54,820 --> 01:09:56,071 Yeah, that was my room. 955 01:09:56,363 --> 01:09:58,866 I'm turning it into my trophy room. 956 01:10:11,795 --> 01:10:13,463 It just may not be big enough. 957 01:10:14,840 --> 01:10:15,966 All right. 958 01:10:30,272 --> 01:10:34,151 You know what's pathetic? You've been playing golf all your life. 959 01:10:38,906 --> 01:10:41,325 Let me show you how we do it in the pros. 960 01:10:48,624 --> 01:10:50,000 That's got to hurt. 961 01:10:58,217 --> 01:11:01,845 Happy learned how to putt. Uh-oh. 962 01:11:03,847 --> 01:11:05,432 Here's a free lesson. 963 01:11:11,772 --> 01:11:13,774 Can't learn that on a hockey rink. 964 01:11:25,244 --> 01:11:27,704 Somebody's closer. 965 01:11:29,790 --> 01:11:32,626 After one day, Shooter McGavin is leading. 966 01:11:32,835 --> 01:11:36,046 But the big surprise is young Happy Gilmore... 967 01:11:36,713 --> 01:11:40,050 ...nipping at his heels, trailing by only one stroke. 968 01:11:41,718 --> 01:11:42,970 Shooter from the sand. 969 01:11:43,262 --> 01:11:45,889 Playing like he really wants that jacket. 970 01:11:51,895 --> 01:11:54,648 Happy Gilmore answers back with a birdie. 971 01:12:08,412 --> 01:12:11,206 Happy with a long eagle opportunity. 972 01:12:13,292 --> 01:12:14,543 It's good! 973 01:12:15,294 --> 01:12:17,254 And Shooter can't believe it! 974 01:12:17,588 --> 01:12:20,591 He is now tied with Happy Gilmore! 975 01:12:23,719 --> 01:12:26,763 Uh-oh. A little too much zip on that one. 976 01:12:28,307 --> 01:12:31,226 Hold it, hold it, hold it. 977 01:12:31,643 --> 01:12:32,895 No! 978 01:12:36,732 --> 01:12:40,694 I didn't see that. Did it go in? I wasn't watching. 979 01:12:41,111 --> 01:12:45,616 I wasn't watching. I saw it go up. Did it go back in? 980 01:12:46,116 --> 01:12:49,244 At the end of day three, Happy Gilmore has the lead. 981 01:12:49,578 --> 01:12:53,749 One has to be impressed with the vast improvement in his short game. 982 01:13:13,352 --> 01:13:14,895 Donald, it's Shooter. 983 01:13:15,312 --> 01:13:17,940 Shooter! It's great to hear from you! 984 01:13:18,232 --> 01:13:20,442 Want to go to Sizzler and get some grub? 985 01:13:20,984 --> 01:13:22,402 No, thanks. Not hungry. 986 01:13:22,611 --> 01:13:27,115 This call is about business. I need you here in the morning. 987 01:13:27,533 --> 01:13:29,743 It's the final day of the Tour Championship... 988 01:13:29,827 --> 01:13:31,995 ...and it promises to be a classic. 989 01:13:32,454 --> 01:13:34,540 Happy Gilmore leads the pack. 990 01:13:34,832 --> 01:13:39,002 Is this a changing of the guard? We'll know in 18 holes. 991 01:13:45,467 --> 01:13:48,262 Happy is really on today. 992 01:14:01,191 --> 01:14:02,234 There he is. 993 01:14:02,860 --> 01:14:04,111 That worm. 994 01:14:04,653 --> 01:14:06,321 Happy, look out! 995 01:14:12,452 --> 01:14:13,537 Are you okay? 996 01:14:13,704 --> 01:14:15,372 Volkswagen. 997 01:14:15,706 --> 01:14:17,291 Jackass! 998 01:14:33,223 --> 01:14:34,558 Jackass! 999 01:14:35,225 --> 01:14:39,188 You have no serious injuries. Just keep off your feet for a few days. 1000 01:14:39,480 --> 01:14:41,273 Forget it. I have to finish. 1001 01:14:41,565 --> 01:14:44,401 Do what you like. What do I know? I'm just a doctor. 1002 01:14:44,568 --> 01:14:46,028 - Are you okay? - I'm fine. 1003 01:14:46,361 --> 01:14:49,490 There is no shame in throwing in the towel. 1004 01:14:49,698 --> 01:14:51,909 You must be careful with your health. 1005 01:14:52,201 --> 01:14:54,077 Let's just play some golf. 1006 01:14:54,912 --> 01:14:56,455 I knew Happy Gilmore was tough... 1007 01:14:56,788 --> 01:15:00,417 ...but I can't believe he's playing after being hit by a car. 1008 01:15:00,751 --> 01:15:03,045 Let's hope it doesn't affect his game. 1009 01:15:07,007 --> 01:15:10,552 That's the first time he's failed to outdrive McGavin. 1010 01:15:10,761 --> 01:15:14,431 Well, well, well. Happy Gilmore is human after all. 1011 01:15:15,432 --> 01:15:19,728 Happy Gilmore is in trouble if he can't hit the long ball. 1012 01:15:20,145 --> 01:15:21,396 If he has a chance... 1013 01:15:21,688 --> 01:15:24,942 ...of winning today, he must do it on the green. 1014 01:15:30,572 --> 01:15:35,285 He has to focus now. He has to save this one for par. 1015 01:15:38,497 --> 01:15:41,208 That bogey drops him out of the lead. 1016 01:15:41,625 --> 01:15:44,419 If he wants to stay in this thing... 1017 01:15:44,753 --> 01:15:46,213 ...he has to calm down. 1018 01:15:53,095 --> 01:15:56,932 Don't worry about your grandma. She can live with me... be my maid. 1019 01:16:03,397 --> 01:16:05,399 Look at the cabbage he's in now. 1020 01:16:05,607 --> 01:16:09,236 Things just keep getting worse for Happy Gilmore. 1021 01:16:11,989 --> 01:16:14,491 Just remember what Chubbs said. 1022 01:16:14,783 --> 01:16:16,743 "Go to a happy place." 1023 01:16:17,202 --> 01:16:19,496 "Go to a happy place." 1024 01:16:57,201 --> 01:16:58,452 God! 1025 01:17:11,215 --> 01:17:13,800 This looks like the end for Happy Gilmore. 1026 01:17:13,800 --> 01:17:16,178 Shooter now has a commanding lead. 1027 01:17:35,906 --> 01:17:37,574 Happy, look who's here. 1028 01:17:37,908 --> 01:17:39,243 Grandma. 1029 01:17:40,077 --> 01:17:42,788 Happy, you look upset. What's wrong? 1030 01:17:43,080 --> 01:17:45,833 I stink. I'm not going to win. 1031 01:17:46,124 --> 01:17:50,712 Don't worry, sweetheart. The house isn't important. It's just a house. 1032 01:17:51,046 --> 01:17:53,423 Stop fraternizing with the help, Gilmore. 1033 01:17:53,715 --> 01:17:56,677 Just hit your ball, if you can find it. 1034 01:17:57,302 --> 01:17:58,428 Hi, Grandma. 1035 01:17:59,471 --> 01:18:03,934 Forget him. I just want you to be happy, darling. 1036 01:18:06,562 --> 01:18:07,938 All right, Grandma. 1037 01:18:14,486 --> 01:18:17,281 Grandma wants me to be happy. 1038 01:18:38,677 --> 01:18:41,889 Chin up, Happy. Don't feel bad about me. 1039 01:18:42,306 --> 01:18:44,099 I got my hand back, see? 1040 01:18:46,477 --> 01:18:49,104 We've only just begun 1041 01:18:51,315 --> 01:18:53,984 To live 1042 01:18:55,777 --> 01:18:58,822 White lace and promises 1043 01:19:00,991 --> 01:19:04,953 A kiss for luck and we're on our way 1044 01:19:14,546 --> 01:19:19,134 It ain't over yet, McGavin. The way I see it, we've only just begun. 1045 01:19:46,870 --> 01:19:49,998 Happy, the gold jacket's yours. Shooter will choke. 1046 01:19:55,420 --> 01:19:56,463 Unbelievable! 1047 01:20:08,767 --> 01:20:12,855 Damn you people! This is golf, not a rock concert! 1048 01:20:19,695 --> 01:20:20,863 Putz! 1049 01:20:40,257 --> 01:20:41,592 Happy... 1050 01:20:42,134 --> 01:20:43,677 ...rules! 1051 01:20:57,441 --> 01:21:00,068 Happy Gilmore has charged in the back nine... 1052 01:21:00,194 --> 01:21:02,446 ...and is now even with Shooter McGavin. 1053 01:21:02,779 --> 01:21:06,116 If Shooter doesn't get out of the funk he's in... 1054 01:21:06,450 --> 01:21:08,702 ...he may miss out on the gold jacket. 1055 01:21:09,161 --> 01:21:13,415 Ladies and gentlemen, the 18th hole is a par three, 160 yards. 1056 01:21:13,624 --> 01:21:16,460 In the event of a tie, there will be a play-off. 1057 01:21:16,752 --> 01:21:19,254 Mr. Gilmore, you have the honors. 1058 01:21:20,506 --> 01:21:22,800 No matter what, I'm having fun. 1059 01:21:23,133 --> 01:21:25,385 You're starting to sound like a golfer. 1060 01:21:25,719 --> 01:21:27,596 I know. Keep it down. 1061 01:21:47,616 --> 01:21:51,245 Nice shot! Fifteen feet short of the hole. 1062 01:22:03,173 --> 01:22:05,134 Shooter's ball is in the woods. 1063 01:22:05,467 --> 01:22:09,179 Happy's on the 18th green, where a car driven by a crazed fan... 1064 01:22:09,513 --> 01:22:11,098 ...rammed the TV tower. 1065 01:22:14,017 --> 01:22:16,478 Let me through... I'm looking for my ball. 1066 01:22:16,687 --> 01:22:20,649 This is golf, okay? Excuse me. Thank you. 1067 01:22:26,530 --> 01:22:27,656 Is this your ball? 1068 01:22:28,490 --> 01:22:30,159 Yes, it is. 1069 01:22:30,367 --> 01:22:32,119 It struck my foot. 1070 01:22:32,578 --> 01:22:33,787 Doug! 1071 01:22:35,164 --> 01:22:36,748 Do I get a drop? 1072 01:22:37,875 --> 01:22:40,043 The rule says, "Play it as it lies." 1073 01:23:03,734 --> 01:23:05,402 That's two so far, Shooter. 1074 01:23:05,736 --> 01:23:07,905 You can count. Good for you. 1075 01:23:08,238 --> 01:23:12,409 And you can count on me waiting for you in the parking lot. 1076 01:23:26,256 --> 01:23:27,591 You're still away. 1077 01:23:27,925 --> 01:23:29,927 I'm aware of that. Thank you. 1078 01:23:31,053 --> 01:23:32,012 I can't see. 1079 01:23:32,304 --> 01:23:33,347 Hey, up here. 1080 01:23:46,902 --> 01:23:49,404 Shooter needs this to put pressure on Happy. 1081 01:23:49,738 --> 01:23:52,199 If he misses, Happy can two-putt to victory. 1082 01:24:03,168 --> 01:24:04,920 Choke on that, baby! 1083 01:24:14,847 --> 01:24:15,973 Shooter. 1084 01:24:24,857 --> 01:24:28,819 If Gilmore sinks this, it will cap an amazing comeback. 1085 01:24:46,545 --> 01:24:49,339 Great. Now I have a tower blocking my ball. 1086 01:24:49,673 --> 01:24:53,093 We'll get it moved and you'll finish tomorrow. Right, Doug? 1087 01:24:53,343 --> 01:24:56,972 No, he has to hit it now. "Play it as it lies." 1088 01:24:57,389 --> 01:25:01,852 I hit it off Frankenstein's fat foot. Those are the rules. 1089 01:25:02,186 --> 01:25:05,022 He's right. Take your shot, Mr. Gilmore. 1090 01:25:06,148 --> 01:25:10,027 Virginia, just so you know, my jacket size is 44 long. 1091 01:25:10,319 --> 01:25:13,655 And my right arm is a bit longer than my left. 1092 01:25:14,198 --> 01:25:18,660 Hit it around the tower, sink your putt and we'll go to sudden death. 1093 01:25:26,043 --> 01:25:28,045 Nah, I'll just beat him now. 1094 01:25:29,713 --> 01:25:30,631 Good luck. 1095 01:25:36,094 --> 01:25:38,555 Chubbs, I know you'll help me here. 1096 01:26:14,133 --> 01:26:16,218 Oh, my God. 1097 01:26:17,052 --> 01:26:20,931 Incredible! Happy Gilmore wins the gold jacket. 1098 01:26:24,143 --> 01:26:26,436 I love you. I love you. 1099 01:26:26,728 --> 01:26:28,438 And I love you. 1100 01:26:29,148 --> 01:26:31,441 Doug! It's impossible! 1101 01:26:31,775 --> 01:26:34,570 That's my jacket! It's mine! 1102 01:26:35,404 --> 01:26:37,281 He stole my jacket! 1103 01:26:37,906 --> 01:26:40,117 I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's. 1104 01:27:02,097 --> 01:27:04,475 I will get you, Shooter! 1105 01:27:05,976 --> 01:27:07,644 Stop! Stop! 1106 01:27:08,770 --> 01:27:10,314 Be still! 1107 01:27:10,647 --> 01:27:11,815 Don't!!! 1108 01:27:24,828 --> 01:27:26,163 - Coming? - You bet. 1109 01:27:26,497 --> 01:27:27,831 All right. 1110 01:27:41,303 --> 01:27:44,014 Here's to Chubbs, wherever he is. 1111 01:27:47,559 --> 01:27:49,019 Hey, Happy. 1112 01:27:51,730 --> 01:27:53,190 Nice jacket. 1113 01:27:56,026 --> 01:27:58,195 Who are you waving at, Happy? 1114 01:27:59,863 --> 01:28:02,574 Nobody, Grandma. Let's go home.