Hang on there, Clyde-
Sorry, miss, we're closed-
Just look at what I'm selling- You'll plotz-
Good work, Harley girl-
Now, what would be a suitable trade for our joke-in-the-box?
For some reason, this just speaks to me- What do you think, Harl?
It's you, pudding-
Awfully nice doing business with you-Ta-
What a pleasant fellow-
It's weird-All this junk and the Joker only takes one lousy statue-
Especially since word on the street says he's desperate for cash these days-
Things are never what they seem with the Joker-
I guess the night brings out all the wackos-
It was made of jade, worth maybe a hundred grand-
I'd like a closer look-
Hey-He can't leave a crime scene with evidence-
You want to stop him, be my guest-
According to this, the Laughing Dragon has earned quite a foreboding reputation-
Ever since it was carved in China nearly 30 years ago...
...it has passed through several owners, all of whom died prematurely-
And I can tell you why-
This so-called jade is emitting low-level radiation-
Alfred, isn't Bruce Wayne about due for a trip to Metropolis?
Yes, but do you think this is an appropriate time?
I'd say the timing couldn't be better-
Ladies and gentlemen of the press...
...if you stay calm, you may actually live to write about this-
Is the president secured?
Copy-We've already informed him...
...of our change in flight plans.
- What's going on? - What's he doing to her?
Let's make an example of this hero-
A very tragic example, I'm afraid, Miss...?
- Lane- - Lane? Lois Lane?
The one Superman always saves?
Afraid so-
Thanks for strapping me in-
Happy I could help out, Mr-President-
I hope I didn't shake you and the others up too badly-
I hate to say, I've gotten used to it-
Superman?
Yes?
How can I put this?
I was just thinking, it might be nice to see each other...
...when I wasn't, I don't know, falling out a window or something-
I'm grateful for all the times you've helped me, you understand...
- I understand- - You do?
- It's the First National Bank- - You'd better go-People might...
Get hurt-
"I understand, Lois-" "Really, you do?"
"Yep-You're a complete moron-" "Why, thank you, Superman-
I think I'm a total loser too-" Jeez-
"A grateful president bestows heartfelt thanks...
...on Metropolis' favorite son, Superman-"
Favorite son, my...
Mercy- Start the car-I'm coming down-
Right away, Lex-
The office-Now-
Swell, Mr-L-
"Mr-L-"? Mercy?
Oh, yeah, she had a little accident-
All right, missy-I don't know what your game is...
...but I promise you you'll pay dearly for this!
You're dead-Do you hear me?
Blah, blah, blah-
Whoa, mama! Check out the cute hitchhiker-
Yoo-hoo!
- Joker- - Lexy, old kid-
Do I have a deal for you-
Rich Corinthian leather-
What do you want?
I sense we are kindred spirits, you and I-
Oh, there are differences to be sure- Like hair-
But underneath it all, we're both entrepreneurs, men of vision-
We see an opportunity, we grab it- Am I right?
Right-
But in the past few weeks, I've had a run of bad luck...
...bad luck that wears a cape-
Thanks to that miserable, pointy-eared rodent, Batman...
...all my operations in Gotham City have been shut down-
But you too have an overgrown bully in long underwear...
...which brings me to my little proposition-
I'm listening-
Pay me one billion dollars, and I'll kill Superman-
What makes you think you can kill Superman...
...when you can't even handle a mere mortal in a Halloween costume?
There's nothing mere about that mortal-Besides...
...I've read up on your flyboy-
I know his weakness-
See? Solid Kryptonite-
You know I can't be connected to this in any way-
Oh, you'll be Mr-Clean, I promise-Deal?
Deal-
I hear Wayne's deal with LexCorp could run into the billions-He's a high roller-
I hear he's nothing but Gotham trash-
Rich, spoiled...
...and absolutely gorgeous-
- Mr-Wayne-Mr-Wayne- - What brings you to Metropolis?
How long will you stay?
Quick, is my hair straight?
Excuse me, aren't you the famous Lois Lane?
Me? Famous? Well, hardly- I mean, uh... This is Clark Kent-
Mr-Wayne-
I read all about your adventure on Air Force One-
- You're quite the newsmaker- - No more than you-
Which brings up the question of why you're in town-
Mr-Wayne, your car-
Maybe we can discuss it over dinner, if you're available-
Totally-I mean, I think so- I'll have to check my calen... Yes-
Great-I'll pick you up at 8-
Who'd have figured a guy named Weasel could cook this good?
Caesar Carlini, my old pal-
Why, I haven't seen you since... Wait-
I've never seen you, have I? You need to get out more-
- Who is this clown? - Not "Clown-"
Joker-
I'm in town on business and I need a place to hang my hat-
Try the Motel Nine-
But it would be so much cozier at your place, like a sleepover-
Are you nuts?
Kill him-
Can I play too?
Carlini, all that spicy food- You look a little gassy-
No-Stop-
Holy guacamole-Looks like you need a new leader-
I nominate me-
I second the nomination-
All opposed?
They found him like this at the city dump-
The lights are on but nobody's home-
But we know who did it-
He's telling us right now-
As you can see, the WayneLex T7 can traverse the most difficult terrain...
...never losing sight of its ultimate target-
Fourteen-point-eight seconds-
Congratulations-
This is your project too, you know-
Well, I'm proud of the work both our teams have done-
These robots are gonna revolutionize unmanned space travel-
Actually, there may be a use for them closer to home-
The Joint Chiefs have shown tremendous interest-
It doesn't take much imagination to envision these robots on the battlefield-
Except I won't allow it-
- What? - I don't like guns-
Well, Bruce, I think I have something to say about this-
Not according to our deal-
All technological applications need my approval first-
Blame it on me, Lex-
Tell your pals at the Pentagon...
...I just don't have the imagination-
So he just appears when there's trouble? No special signal?
He's not like your Batman, thank goodness-
Then how do you contact him?
Committing a felony helps-
Listen, you seem awfully interested in Superman-
- Do you want me to fix you two up? - Sorry-
No, I'm sorry- It's just that I was hoping...
...to get away from the subject of the Man of Steel for one night-
I've been a little too consumed with him lately-
Maybe we could change subjects-
No more men in tights?
Deal-
So just keep your ears open-
Let me know if you hear any buzz about the Joker-
Sure thing, Mr-Kent-
But, uh, which one?
There's lots of jokers around here-
Hey, sweetheart- What are you, deaf? Another round!
- What's going on? - What's happening?
Who is he?
It's been a long time, Binko-
I heard your boss Carlini's been replaced-
We need to talk-
Let's get out of here-
Get him!
Hey!
Where's the Joker?
Who knows? Making ha-ha with Harley Quinn-
I don't know-Honest- I never went back after he muscled in-
I don't want nothing to do with that clown-
That's enough- I think you got your answer-
I heard you were crazy- I didn't think you were stupid-
- Bruce Wayne? - You peeked-
I won't have vigilantism in my town-
You'll be rid of me- As soon as I find the Joker-
That may not be soon enough-
It doesn't take much, does it?
The Joker has 20 pounds more where this came from-
Thought you might like to know-
- Hello- - Hi-
I just wanted to let you know, I'll be in late tomorrow-
I'm having breakfast with Bruce-
Isn't that special?
Do I detect a note of disapproval?
You were the one who compared him to garbage-
Well, I was wrong.
He's very thoughtful and much deeper...
...than the gossipmongers would lead you to believe-
- You'd be surprised- - Would I now?
I'll let you go so you can count sheep...
...or whatever you Kansas boys dream about. Bye.
Touché-
[ENGLISH]