[theme music]
[music continues]
whoosh
Get ready. Now!
beep beep beep
whoosh
beep beep beep
whoosh
boom
The readings are off the scale!
whoosh
No sign of it.
Professor, he's coming back!
Congratulations, professor.
Your team did a fantastic job
of refitting this vehicle for space travel.
It's hard to believe it's the same rocket
that brought me to Earth.
It was our honor, Superman.
To study a vehicle like this is any scientist's dream.
Uh, where did you say you've kept it all these years?
I didn't.
Sorry, I didn't mean to pry.
But I can't help wondering
about the civilizations on other worlds.
Their great achievements, their brilliant minds.
burp
I'm givin' you geeks ten seconds
before I frag everything in sight!
One, ten!
[all screaming]
(Lobo) 'Not you, Sqweek.'
Yike!
Ugh. Heh-heh. Hey, Lobo.
Heh, long time no s-e-e.
Emperor Spewge knows it was you
what pilfered his treasury, Sqweek.
He's paying me to bring the dough back
in a nice little pile.
- What about me? - Same deal.
Framed! I was framed!
Is that so?
No. No. H-e-elp.
Hey, leave my little brother alone.
Well, if it ain't Gnaww Vermin
and his Roach Motel rejects.
Don't tell me you're after this bounty, too?
If anyone's gonna collect on Sqweek, it's gonna be family.
- Hand him over. - Sure.
thud
I was hoping I'd see some excitement on this job.
- Ooh! - Ah!
Huh, guess not.
[cloamoring]
[mumbling]
[grunting]
Hold on, Sqweek.
[grunting]
Lobo.
Hey, wait, ah, ooh!
bang bang bang
Aah!
Ahh. Old weasel spit.
Too bad I can't stick around.
[whistles]
bang
[engine revving]
Hey, argh!
Ergh! Ah.
boom
[all groaning]
Now I'm mad!
Now I'm really mad!
It's always sweeter collecting a reward
knowing you beat some other geek out of it.
The bounty hunter has entered range.
Proceed.
Aah! Holy fragarolli!
F-feels like I'm being torn apart!
Cool.
Oh, yeah. Someone is definitely tired of breathing.
Show yourself, ya slimy geek-wad!
I am the Preserver.
And I'm the night manager at the Hotel de Frag.
Lookie there. It's checkout time.
Fragging gizzards!
'You are Lobo, assassin'
brigand, sociopath, monster.
You left out "Scourge of the Cosmos."
And the most ruthless bounty hunter in the galaxy.
I want to hire you.
Sorry, dude. I'm already on a job. Hey!
Your prisoner will be held until you return.
Besides, this job should be no great task
to one with your skills.
Behold.
Gathered here are the rarest creatures
in the universe.
Each, the last survivor of its race.
So you got a thing for varmints. So what?
Many years ago
the planet Krypton was destroyed.
I had long believed, all members
'of the Kryptonian race were extinct..'
'...until I found evidence of one'
'living on a distant world called Earth.'
(Lobo) 'Looks like a first class wimp to me.'
(Preserver) 'He is more than he appears.'
Sluggo, I got better ways to waste my time
than rounding up bugs for your flea circus.
So if you'll hand over the runt
I'll cancel the home-made colostomy
I'm planning to inflict on your tiny, wrinkled..
[gasps] Oh, mama!
That's a lot of mai tais.
Hoo-ah!
(Preserver) 'You deliver the last Kryptonian'
'and the jewels are yours.'
'Do we have a bargain?'
(Lobo) Hose down a cage, boss.
You're getting a new monkey.
(woman on TV) 'Remember those blurry photos of UFOs'
'that looked like garbage pail lids?'
'Well, we finally got one'
'that's as clear as it is confusing.'
After careful analysis, experts agree
it's a scroungy biker on a flying motorcycle.
Yeah, right!
Hey, how's it going, chief? Uh, maybe you can help me.
I'm new in town, and I'm looking to find this geek here.
Superman? We don't keep tabs on him.
He only shows up if there's trouble.
I can do trouble.
I'm confused, Kent, see, I've lived in Metropolis
most of my life and I can't figure out
how some yokel from Smallville
is suddenly getting every hot story in town.
Well, Lois, the truth is
I'm actually Superman in disguise.
And I only pretend to be a journalist
in order to hear about disasters as they happen
and then squeeze you out of the byline.
You're a sick man, Kent.
You asked.
pew pew pew
boom
[telephone ringing]
Yeah? Lane.
What? I'll be right there.
Some lunatic's just opened fire on the midtown..
...police station.
Oh, no, you don't, Kent, not this time.
boom
bang
[yawns]
Aw, this is getting lame.
I thought he'd be here by now. Whoa!
Mosquito!
boom
Ooh!
thud
whizz
Time to up the ante, I'm thinkin'.
beep beep
Huh?
Finally. I've been trying to get in touch with you all day!
- Who are you? - Oh, I'm sorry. My card.
bam
The name's Lobo, that's L as in lacerate
O as in obliterate, B as in disembowel
and O as in, uh..
Oh, I guess I can use obliterate twice, huh?
What do you think?
I think you're a certifiable madman.
Huh?
Thanks.
Oh. Ah!
thud
Ee-aah!
Superman, roll clear!
Aaah! Uh.
hiss
cough cough
Gas?
Now you ankle suckers are playing dirty!
I'm losing it!
Going under..
Ah, uh.
- Stay back! - What is it?
I don't know. I've never seen a creature like this.
Mwah. I love you, too.
[grunting]
First rule of hunting, superdude.
Make the target come to you.
Aah! Ugh!
Good advice.
Ugh!
[whistles]
Mm, hey. No riders.
(Lois) 'Stop here, driver. There they are.'
I don't believe it!
[all screaming]
Believe me, Mr. President.
You have my word that my new weapon system will--
boom
bang
What the devil?
Ah!
Ugh!
Huh?
[dramatic music]
[all screaming]
boom
- Look out. No. - Oh!
Look out, look out!
[indistinctive mumbling]
- Huh? - Ugh.
Hey, man!
I gotta say, I am impressed.
When I seen you go after that rocket
I couldn't figure what you were doing.
Then it hit me, you didn't want no one else getting hurt
even if you took the fragging yourself!
You actually care about them geeks.
They're human beings. Uh.
Yeah, well, they're gonna have to make do
without their big blue babysitter from now on.
See, someone's paying me a heap of cash
for your carcass
and the main man always delivers.
Now, the more you move, the worse it'll hurt.
So feel free to go crazy.
Excuse me?
Leave him alone!
Go on, get out of here.
Well, little lady.
Hello.
Lois, stay back!
- Aah! - Pipe down, junior!
Lois, huh?
Guess that means you know this loser.
Right, honeybuns?
You his girlfriend or something?
Drop dead.
Aah! Uh.
[gasps]
crunch crunch
Of course, any babe with class
would rather be hanging with the main man.
Why don't you show old Lobo how classy you are?
You pig! Ow!
Hah! I like a babe who plays rough.
Come on, let me have another, right here.
Right.. Ugh!
You dirty fraggin' back fraggin', son of a..
(Lex) 'Get maintenance teams on every floor.'
Put them on 'round-the-clock shifts if you have to
but I want all repairs completed..
Kill, main, frag, destroy!
...immediately!
- Are you alright?
- I'm fine.
- Gotta go. - Give him one for me.
Make it a dozen!
thud
Last call? Already?
Uh-oh.
Ugh!
Get up. I said, get up!
You ain't half the boy scout you're cracked up to be.
Looks like I'm in for a real fight.
[whistles]
Ugh.
screech
thud
I think I'll take five until I'm ready to resume kicking
the collective butts of you
and everyone else on this dung heap.
Ciao!
whoosh
(Hamilton) 'But you've never tested the vehicle in deep space before'
let alone under combat conditions.
I can't risk that maniac coming back to Earth, professor.
I've got one chance to drive him away, and I'm taking it.
Sensors have picked up his bike's ion trail.
He's close.
(Superman) 'But I can't get a definite fix.'
Ding dong. Lobo calling.
Hi, there.
Aah aah!
Okay, frag face, let's tango!
Arrrgh!
boom
bang bang bang
boom
bang bang bang
beep beep beep
[instrumental music]
I guess the only way to reason with you
is to take away your toy.
Hey! Hands off my hog!
Ee-aah!
Lobo has lured the Kryptonian into range.
Excellent. Fire when ready.
Aah!
Lights out, Clyde.
Huh?
This can't be. Krypton?
(Preserver) 'No, but an incredible simulation.'
Let me guess.
You're the one who hired Lobo to get me.
I do what I must to preserve species
threatened with extinction.
You are the last Kryptonian.
Therefore, your place is here.
I think not! Ohh!
Like Krypton's red sun
this light cancels
the unnatural abilities given to you
by the yellow sun of Earth.
I always strive for complete accuracy.
Swell.
Hey! Monkey want banana?
When I get out, I'm shoving that arrogant smirk
right down your throat.
Oh, yeah!
You know, I believe that Lois gal
might be getting a tad lonely, now that you're doing time
in a cosmic petting zoo.
Maybe I'll go back and cheer her up.
Of course, I do have to collect the bounty on this geek first.
Emperor Spewge got a bad temper on him.
Adios, wrinkles.
You want any more rare dorks snagged
you got my number.
Actually, there is one other being
I need for my collection.
The last Czarnian.
Hah! That's rich. I'm the last Czarnian.
I fragged the rest of the planet
for my high school science project.
Gave myself an A.
Hey!
Hm?
cough cough
You ugly, two-timing..
[grunting]
cough cough
You just carved your own headstone.
cough cough
(Lobo) 'Nobody...double-crosses..'
'...the main man.'
Nobody.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]