1 00:00:01,869 --> 00:00:03,611 Geez, Mike. You look horrible. What's the matter? 2 00:00:03,711 --> 00:00:06,013 MIKE: I had dinner last night at the Irish consulate. 3 00:00:06,113 --> 00:00:08,335 My name tag said "Flaherty." You can do the math. 4 00:00:08,435 --> 00:00:10,297 Not quite the recovery time you used to have, 5 00:00:10,397 --> 00:00:12,619 huh, frat boy? Here's the mail. 6 00:00:12,719 --> 00:00:14,701 MIKE: Whoa, whoa. You wanna get that out of here? 7 00:00:14,801 --> 00:00:16,182 What, this? 8 00:00:16,282 --> 00:00:18,284 Sorry. Here's the rest. 9 00:00:19,205 --> 00:00:21,547 MIKE: Well, okay. Look... hold all my calls. 10 00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:23,649 No interruptions. No visitors. 11 00:00:24,930 --> 00:00:26,912 JANELLE: Go on in. 12 00:00:27,012 --> 00:00:28,914 Mike, you gotta see this. It's gonna kill you. 13 00:00:29,014 --> 00:00:30,155 MIKE: Good. 14 00:00:30,255 --> 00:00:33,398 Introducing the office impression of the day... 15 00:00:33,498 --> 00:00:35,820 NIKKI AND CARTER: Feeding time at the aquarium! 16 00:00:48,912 --> 00:00:51,274 MIKE: Oh, that's hysterical. Please stop. 17 00:00:52,115 --> 00:00:53,536 Oh, Mike, you're no fun. 18 00:00:53,636 --> 00:00:55,818 I ate soap for your amusement! 19 00:00:55,918 --> 00:00:57,140 MIKE: Go away. 20 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,622 Please! Please, people. Will you leave Mike alone? 21 00:00:59,722 --> 00:01:02,465 Please. Mike, you gotta help me. 22 00:01:02,565 --> 00:01:04,566 Do my tonsils look swollen? 23 00:01:06,768 --> 00:01:08,770 It hurts when I swallow. 24 00:01:09,811 --> 00:01:13,154 Get back. Get out. Get out! Out-out-out-out, 25 00:01:13,254 --> 00:01:15,256 or I'll run you through! 26 00:01:16,097 --> 00:01:18,279 There's plenty more where that came from. 27 00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:20,381 Ow! Ahhh! 28 00:01:20,941 --> 00:01:22,943 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 29 00:01:35,274 --> 00:01:36,856 Mr. Mizrahi, we'd like to thank you again 30 00:01:36,956 --> 00:01:39,619 for donating your time to our little charity fashion show. 31 00:01:39,719 --> 00:01:41,540 I should thank you, actually. 32 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:42,982 I mean, if it wasn't for working on this show, 33 00:01:43,082 --> 00:01:45,083 I'd never would have met Carter. 34 00:01:45,524 --> 00:01:47,526 What can I say? I'm a perk. 35 00:01:49,127 --> 00:01:50,188 You know, I take great pride 36 00:01:50,288 --> 00:01:51,990 in welcoming diverse groups to the mansion. 37 00:01:52,090 --> 00:01:54,032 In fact, we've had many gay couples 38 00:01:54,132 --> 00:01:56,134 pay us a visit. 39 00:01:56,734 --> 00:01:58,736 You're very hip, sir. 40 00:01:59,577 --> 00:02:01,398 Anyone want more wine? 41 00:02:01,498 --> 00:02:04,441 Well! Nice of you to finally show up. 42 00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:06,543 I'll have some. 43 00:02:07,344 --> 00:02:09,085 Where's the food? I'm starving. 44 00:02:09,185 --> 00:02:10,247 Well, dear, perhaps you should have 45 00:02:10,347 --> 00:02:11,688 come down an hour and a half ago 46 00:02:11,788 --> 00:02:13,790 when we were supposed to be eating. 47 00:02:14,310 --> 00:02:16,452 I was just being fashionably late. 48 00:02:16,552 --> 00:02:18,554 (LAUGHS) Little joke for you, Isaac. 49 00:02:21,677 --> 00:02:24,620 I'm sure they find your insensitive behavior quite appealing. 50 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,602 Randall, sit down. Let's not make a scene. 51 00:02:28,763 --> 00:02:30,765 No, we will not be sitting. 52 00:02:31,406 --> 00:02:33,408 Well, this is exciting. 53 00:02:35,409 --> 00:02:36,951 I, for one, am not going to start this meal 54 00:02:37,051 --> 00:02:39,293 until you apologize to our guests. 55 00:02:41,855 --> 00:02:43,857 Well! There it is. I heard it. 56 00:02:44,938 --> 00:02:46,800 Mike, she didn't say a word. 57 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,202 Oh, no. She did, sir. I... I heard her very clearly. Carter, you must have... 58 00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:50,804 Oh! Loud and clear, Mike. 59 00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,986 Gentlemen, if you'll excuse me. 60 00:02:57,990 --> 00:03:00,753 Wow. That was a fabulous exit. 61 00:03:02,714 --> 00:03:04,716 So Bette Davis. 62 00:03:05,437 --> 00:03:08,260 Twenty-two years I've been putting up with that. 63 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:10,762 Women. I tell you, you boys have the right idea... 64 00:03:11,923 --> 00:03:13,144 You know, except for the sex. 65 00:03:13,244 --> 00:03:15,246 (SPITS) 66 00:03:19,370 --> 00:03:21,752 They really got so mad that they were throwing plates? 67 00:03:21,852 --> 00:03:23,554 Who's to say it was out of anger? 68 00:03:23,654 --> 00:03:25,355 Do not our Greek friends break plates 69 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,597 as a sign of joy? 70 00:03:27,697 --> 00:03:29,919 How do you explain the choke-hold? 71 00:03:30,019 --> 00:03:32,141 Do our Greek friends not wrestle for sport? 72 00:03:34,223 --> 00:03:36,265 Who am I kidding? I need a drink. 73 00:03:37,386 --> 00:03:38,607 Who wants to come? 74 00:03:38,707 --> 00:03:40,809 I can't. I have to give a speech at my co-op board. 75 00:03:40,909 --> 00:03:42,911 They catch you sunbathing nude on the roof again? 76 00:03:44,072 --> 00:03:46,074 I never saw what the big deal was with that. 77 00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:49,397 You were on somebody's skylight. 78 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:53,621 Stop living in the past, Mike. 79 00:03:53,721 --> 00:03:55,343 We need a new laundry room. 80 00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:56,904 Ours is so bad, none of the chicks 81 00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:58,626 will wash their skivvies in-house. 82 00:03:58,726 --> 00:04:00,427 And by chicks, you're referring to... 83 00:04:00,527 --> 00:04:02,529 Broads. Dames. Skirts. 84 00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:05,011 She-meat. 85 00:04:05,932 --> 00:04:08,074 I know for a fact there's phenomenal talent 86 00:04:08,174 --> 00:04:10,436 in my building, but, with no laundry room, 87 00:04:10,536 --> 00:04:12,839 I'm left with no natural way to approach them. 88 00:04:12,939 --> 00:04:14,940 Stuart, is this really your speech? Mmm-hmm. 89 00:04:16,021 --> 00:04:17,443 "I'm sick of the crummy laundry room. 90 00:04:17,543 --> 00:04:18,684 "You gotta do something about it. 91 00:04:18,784 --> 00:04:20,786 "It's scaring all the tenants away." 92 00:04:21,346 --> 00:04:22,608 At least he referred to them as tenants 93 00:04:22,708 --> 00:04:24,850 and not she-meat. 94 00:04:24,950 --> 00:04:26,651 You know, Stuart, if you want I can help you with this. 95 00:04:26,751 --> 00:04:28,413 But it's good, right? There's stuff you can work with. 96 00:04:28,513 --> 00:04:30,515 Oh, yeah, yeah. We're just gonna tweak it a little. 97 00:04:32,957 --> 00:04:34,539 Hey, Nikki, what do you say? You wanna go for a drink? 98 00:04:34,639 --> 00:04:35,780 No can do, Mike. 99 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:37,922 I'm going to meet Carter and Isaac Mizrahi. 100 00:04:39,923 --> 00:04:42,125 You just feel so cool saying that, don't you? 101 00:04:43,006 --> 00:04:44,788 You know it. 102 00:04:44,888 --> 00:04:46,149 Janelle? 103 00:04:46,249 --> 00:04:48,591 Can't. My boss is making me work late. 104 00:04:48,691 --> 00:04:51,254 I'm your boss. And no, I'm not. 105 00:04:52,134 --> 00:04:53,676 You caught me. 106 00:04:53,776 --> 00:04:55,838 Does anybody want to go for a drink with me? 107 00:04:55,938 --> 00:04:56,959 Sure, Mike. 108 00:04:57,059 --> 00:04:59,061 I'll go out and tip a few sudsies with you. 109 00:05:01,023 --> 00:05:02,564 All right, big daddy. You're on. 110 00:05:02,664 --> 00:05:06,247 PAUL: Great! It's beer night at my favorite karaoke bar. 111 00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:07,689 ♪♪ What's new, pussycat? 112 00:05:07,789 --> 00:05:09,831 ♪♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa Whoa, whoa... ♪♪ 113 00:05:16,637 --> 00:05:18,058 When I see women and children 114 00:05:18,158 --> 00:05:19,700 dragging bags of laundry down the street 115 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,301 looking like they can't walk another step, 116 00:05:21,401 --> 00:05:23,944 I ask myself, why? 117 00:05:24,044 --> 00:05:27,067 When I spend $2.50 of my hard-earned money 118 00:05:27,167 --> 00:05:29,269 on a washing machine with a final spin cycle 119 00:05:29,369 --> 00:05:31,190 that leaves my clothes sopping wet, 120 00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:33,292 I ask myself, why? 121 00:05:35,214 --> 00:05:37,116 Now I, for one, have had enough. 122 00:05:37,216 --> 00:05:39,718 My fellow tenants, it's time to stop asking why 123 00:05:39,818 --> 00:05:41,820 and start asking, what if? 124 00:05:43,101 --> 00:05:45,103 Amen! I hear you, brother! 125 00:05:47,625 --> 00:05:49,627 Sorry. You were saying? 126 00:05:52,069 --> 00:05:53,731 There's me, 127 00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:55,813 and there's Bobby De Niro 128 00:05:55,913 --> 00:05:58,455 and John-John and Caroline, 129 00:05:58,555 --> 00:06:00,557 who is wearing Prada. 130 00:06:01,518 --> 00:06:02,939 I'm not bitter. 131 00:06:03,039 --> 00:06:04,461 Oh! And look, here in the corner 132 00:06:04,561 --> 00:06:06,563 is our Carter. 133 00:06:07,443 --> 00:06:08,865 Carter, I can't believe you didn't tell me. 134 00:06:08,965 --> 00:06:10,546 You are friends with Robert De Niro? 135 00:06:10,646 --> 00:06:11,908 Yeah. We're splitting house with him 136 00:06:12,008 --> 00:06:13,549 in the Hamptons this summer. 137 00:06:13,649 --> 00:06:15,671 I'm standing 8 feet behind him in a picture. 138 00:06:15,771 --> 00:06:17,713 He doesn't even know I'm alive. 139 00:06:17,813 --> 00:06:19,875 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 140 00:06:19,975 --> 00:06:21,396 Hello? 141 00:06:21,496 --> 00:06:23,118 Oh. This is important. 142 00:06:23,218 --> 00:06:25,780 Um, it's a fashion emergency. 143 00:06:26,541 --> 00:06:28,543 Take it in my room. 144 00:06:31,345 --> 00:06:33,607 Okay, What the hell is a fashion emergency? 145 00:06:33,707 --> 00:06:36,190 Oh, Carter, I think Isaac is amazing. 146 00:06:37,191 --> 00:06:39,012 CARTER: He is. 147 00:06:39,112 --> 00:06:40,374 He's brilliant, 148 00:06:40,474 --> 00:06:42,295 he's funny, he's cute. 149 00:06:42,395 --> 00:06:43,416 He's just too much. 150 00:06:43,516 --> 00:06:45,458 He enjoys life in the fast lane. 151 00:06:45,558 --> 00:06:47,140 I don't like the clubs, the parties, 152 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,541 the whole fashion scene. 153 00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:50,643 And you have the nerve to call yourself gay? 154 00:06:51,884 --> 00:06:53,265 I miss my lectures. 155 00:06:53,365 --> 00:06:55,587 I miss my reading group. I want my life back. 156 00:06:55,687 --> 00:06:57,509 Why? Why don't you just keep this one 157 00:06:57,609 --> 00:06:59,611 and donate yours to some 90-year-old? 158 00:07:01,813 --> 00:07:03,675 ♪♪ What's new, pussycat? 159 00:07:03,775 --> 00:07:05,917 ♪♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa... ♪♪ 160 00:07:06,017 --> 00:07:08,019 Get out of my head. Damn you! 161 00:07:08,819 --> 00:07:10,821 (WHISTLING) 162 00:07:17,547 --> 00:07:19,730 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 163 00:07:19,830 --> 00:07:21,211 Paul, if that's you, 164 00:07:21,311 --> 00:07:23,313 I still refuse to sing You Don't Bring Me Flowers. 165 00:07:27,757 --> 00:07:29,178 Hello, Michael. 166 00:07:29,278 --> 00:07:31,300 Sir. 167 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,402 So, how's the Mrs.? 168 00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:37,986 I'm sorry, Nikki. I'm just a quiet, boring, 169 00:07:38,086 --> 00:07:40,308 slightly uptight gay man. 170 00:07:40,408 --> 00:07:41,990 Oh, put that in a personal ad 171 00:07:42,090 --> 00:07:44,092 and you can have anyone in town. 172 00:07:44,892 --> 00:07:47,115 Oh, you know what? A little bad news. 173 00:07:47,215 --> 00:07:48,836 Cindy can't do your fashion show. 174 00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:49,877 Aw. 175 00:07:49,977 --> 00:07:51,038 But you know what? 176 00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,260 I was thinking about this. Stand up a second. 177 00:07:56,103 --> 00:07:58,425 Actually, you know, the dress would fit you. 178 00:08:00,307 --> 00:08:02,308 How would you like to replace her? 179 00:08:03,790 --> 00:08:05,291 You know, I always had to wear 180 00:08:05,391 --> 00:08:07,013 my brother's hand-me-downs growing up, 181 00:08:07,113 --> 00:08:08,854 but I always wanted to be glamorous. 182 00:08:08,954 --> 00:08:10,536 I actually used to go to bed at night 183 00:08:10,636 --> 00:08:12,538 and dream of walking down the runway. 184 00:08:12,638 --> 00:08:14,640 And some people just want to cure cancer. 185 00:08:16,081 --> 00:08:17,703 I say give us a laundry room 186 00:08:17,803 --> 00:08:19,344 where mothers don't lose precious quarters 187 00:08:19,444 --> 00:08:20,665 in broken machines, 188 00:08:20,765 --> 00:08:22,427 where children can feel safe 189 00:08:22,527 --> 00:08:23,748 in dry jammies, 190 00:08:23,848 --> 00:08:26,511 and where a man can put on a clean shirt 191 00:08:26,611 --> 00:08:28,873 and go to work, proud to be a man! 192 00:08:28,973 --> 00:08:30,795 I say give us a laundry room 193 00:08:30,895 --> 00:08:31,916 or we will give you a fight 194 00:08:32,016 --> 00:08:34,017 like you have never seen. 195 00:08:40,263 --> 00:08:41,564 Oh, it's always been this way. 196 00:08:41,664 --> 00:08:43,206 Every Spring like clockwork, 197 00:08:43,306 --> 00:08:46,289 we have this giant month-long argument. 198 00:08:46,389 --> 00:08:48,891 Gosh, sir. That's... healthy. 199 00:08:48,991 --> 00:08:51,313 You blow off steam, you get it all out. 200 00:08:52,674 --> 00:08:54,216 That way, you don't let the tension build up. 201 00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:56,318 We do that the other 11 months out of the year. 202 00:08:57,519 --> 00:08:59,060 This is no way to live, Mike. 203 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:00,662 Yeah, well, it's no Gracie Mansion, sir, 204 00:09:00,762 --> 00:09:02,764 but I call it home. 205 00:09:03,204 --> 00:09:05,226 A little joke, sir. Just trying to cheer you up. 206 00:09:05,326 --> 00:09:07,328 I'm not sure that's possible. 207 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,090 Hey, Your Honor. 208 00:09:11,091 --> 00:09:12,873 You know what they say about time. 209 00:09:12,973 --> 00:09:14,434 Yeah. Eventually it catches up to you 210 00:09:14,534 --> 00:09:16,757 and forces you to face... 211 00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:19,739 the emptiness that's become your life. 212 00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:25,264 I was actually going for, uh... 213 00:09:25,705 --> 00:09:27,706 it heals all wounds, sir. 214 00:09:28,828 --> 00:09:30,369 Well, it's late. 215 00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:32,531 Thanks for the sandwich and the sympathetic ear. 216 00:09:32,631 --> 00:09:34,533 I don't mean to drag you into all this. 217 00:09:34,633 --> 00:09:38,056 No, no, I'm just going to go and get a hotel room or something. 218 00:09:38,156 --> 00:09:39,137 Don't you be silly, sir. 219 00:09:39,237 --> 00:09:40,298 That's what I'm here for. 220 00:09:40,398 --> 00:09:42,660 Besides, hotel and politician 221 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,762 equal scandal. 222 00:09:46,203 --> 00:09:47,665 You may check in as Randall Winston 223 00:09:47,765 --> 00:09:48,946 but you'll be checking out 224 00:09:49,046 --> 00:09:51,048 as the artist formerly known as the Mayor. 225 00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:55,212 Welcome to Chez Flaherty. 226 00:09:56,693 --> 00:09:58,695 Thank you, Mike. 227 00:10:01,177 --> 00:10:02,518 I really mean that. 228 00:10:02,618 --> 00:10:04,240 Aw, hey, sir. 229 00:10:04,340 --> 00:10:06,522 That is what I'm here for. 230 00:10:06,622 --> 00:10:09,525 And, uh, you just let me know 231 00:10:09,625 --> 00:10:11,987 if there's anything I can do to make your stay more comfortable. 232 00:10:13,548 --> 00:10:15,550 I'm sure I'll be fine. 233 00:10:21,556 --> 00:10:23,558 Nighty-night, sir. 234 00:10:31,124 --> 00:10:33,126 Nikki, what is wrong with you? 235 00:10:34,407 --> 00:10:36,309 I'm practicing my runway walk. 236 00:10:36,409 --> 00:10:37,350 Oh. Thank God. 237 00:10:37,450 --> 00:10:39,632 I thought you dislocated something. 238 00:10:39,732 --> 00:10:41,434 Stuart, how'd the meeting go? Hey. 239 00:10:41,534 --> 00:10:43,356 Did you get your washing machines? 240 00:10:43,456 --> 00:10:44,557 I got more than that. 241 00:10:44,657 --> 00:10:46,799 They elected me president of the building. 242 00:10:46,899 --> 00:10:48,901 Oh, God. What have I done to those poor people? 243 00:10:49,621 --> 00:10:51,643 I have 180 tenants under my command 244 00:10:51,743 --> 00:10:54,025 and I wield supreme executive power. 245 00:10:55,186 --> 00:10:56,528 What are you going to do, 246 00:10:56,628 --> 00:10:58,630 declare war on another building? 247 00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:01,853 Good morning, Janelle. Any messages? 248 00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:03,955 Yeah. Brush your hair. 249 00:11:05,196 --> 00:11:06,497 For your information I had a little problem 250 00:11:06,597 --> 00:11:08,599 with the hot water in my apartment this morning. 251 00:11:08,999 --> 00:11:10,461 There wasn't any. 252 00:11:10,561 --> 00:11:12,823 Oh, that's odd. I had the most wonderful shower. 253 00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:14,624 Very refreshing. 254 00:11:14,724 --> 00:11:16,726 All 47 minutes of it. 255 00:11:17,847 --> 00:11:19,849 Oh, Mike, do you know what you need for your bathroom? 256 00:11:20,570 --> 00:11:22,572 A bouncer? 257 00:11:23,132 --> 00:11:24,153 Eucalyptus, Mike. 258 00:11:24,253 --> 00:11:25,674 You just toss a few drops of that, 259 00:11:25,774 --> 00:11:26,916 and with the steam that I generated 260 00:11:27,016 --> 00:11:29,017 it would be like a spa. 261 00:11:30,819 --> 00:11:32,200 So, Janelle, by any chance 262 00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:34,302 did, um, Mrs. Winston call? 263 00:11:35,343 --> 00:11:37,345 Sorry, sir. 264 00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:40,968 You know, if you'd like, sir, 265 00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:43,451 I can call Mrs. Winston right now. 266 00:11:43,551 --> 00:11:45,553 Oh. You want me to leave you alone, Mike? 267 00:11:46,193 --> 00:11:48,195 No, sir. I meant I will dial the phone 268 00:11:48,755 --> 00:11:50,537 for you, you would talk, 269 00:11:50,637 --> 00:11:52,499 and I would leave you alone. 270 00:11:52,599 --> 00:11:54,701 No, no, no. I'm not making the first gesture, Mike. 271 00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,543 I am tired of crawling back to her 272 00:11:56,643 --> 00:11:59,385 and apologizing for things that I'm not really sorry about. 273 00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:01,507 Well, sir, uh, correct me if I'm wrong, 274 00:12:01,607 --> 00:12:03,949 but isn't that what marriage is all about? 275 00:12:04,049 --> 00:12:05,431 I mean, after all... 276 00:12:05,531 --> 00:12:07,232 You know, Mike, how hard it is 277 00:12:07,332 --> 00:12:10,796 to balance a relationship and a career in politics? 278 00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,277 You know, I was thinking that last night, sir, 279 00:12:12,377 --> 00:12:14,379 as I was having sex with my comforter. 280 00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:17,642 I am proud of the work that I do for this city. 281 00:12:17,742 --> 00:12:19,964 You should be, sir. I can hold out as long as she can. 282 00:12:20,064 --> 00:12:21,285 Be strong, sir. 283 00:12:21,385 --> 00:12:22,767 If I have to, you know, 284 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,868 I can stay with you till the end of time. 285 00:12:25,949 --> 00:12:27,951 Oh, God, sir. 286 00:12:31,194 --> 00:12:32,656 I'm telling you, Mike, they're onto us. 287 00:12:32,756 --> 00:12:35,338 The entire press corps is camped outside Gracie Mansion. 288 00:12:35,438 --> 00:12:37,660 They haven't seen the mayor enter or exit for three days now 289 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:38,821 and I don't know what to tell them. 290 00:12:38,921 --> 00:12:40,263 It's killing me. 291 00:12:40,363 --> 00:12:41,824 Oh, it's killing you? 292 00:12:41,924 --> 00:12:44,106 I'm... I'm living with the guy. 293 00:12:44,206 --> 00:12:45,547 I have to watch his television shows, 294 00:12:45,647 --> 00:12:46,949 listen to his music. 295 00:12:47,049 --> 00:12:48,310 "Why do you get the bathroom first?" 296 00:12:48,410 --> 00:12:50,232 "Because I'm the mayor." 297 00:12:50,332 --> 00:12:51,673 Try that one on for size. 298 00:12:51,773 --> 00:12:53,194 It's bad, but please, Mike. 299 00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:55,356 You gotta help me. I'm this close to a nervous breakdown. 300 00:12:55,456 --> 00:12:57,458 Look, look, you see? I think I got a hive. 301 00:13:00,261 --> 00:13:02,263 It's jelly, Paul. 302 00:13:02,623 --> 00:13:04,745 Oh. I had a donut. 303 00:13:05,946 --> 00:13:07,448 You got it all over your jacket, too. 304 00:13:07,548 --> 00:13:11,691 Did you eat that donut or mate with it? 305 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,073 Thanks a lot. Making fun of my eating habits. 306 00:13:18,077 --> 00:13:20,099 Hey, I don't care if the last co-op president 307 00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:21,540 fixed every little leak. 308 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:23,682 Call me back when you have people rowing in your kitchen. 309 00:13:25,044 --> 00:13:26,185 Come on. I don't want to be late 310 00:13:26,285 --> 00:13:27,586 for the Charity Fashion Ball. 311 00:13:27,686 --> 00:13:29,688 (TELEPHONE RINGS) 312 00:13:30,729 --> 00:13:32,731 President Bondek here. 313 00:13:33,611 --> 00:13:34,833 Yes, Mrs. Schnoll. 314 00:13:34,933 --> 00:13:36,474 I realize that the gutters are clogged 315 00:13:36,574 --> 00:13:38,076 but I'm really in kind of a... 316 00:13:38,176 --> 00:13:41,959 Uh-huh... Uh-huh... Uh-huh. 317 00:13:42,059 --> 00:13:43,521 James, your stupid speech ruined my life. 318 00:13:43,621 --> 00:13:46,563 I'll be returning the favor when you least expect it. 319 00:13:46,663 --> 00:13:47,925 I'm gonna go hang out with models, Stuart. 320 00:13:48,025 --> 00:13:49,326 Are you coming or not? 321 00:13:49,426 --> 00:13:50,687 Uh-huh... 322 00:13:50,787 --> 00:13:52,449 Uh-huh... 323 00:13:52,549 --> 00:13:54,130 Uh-huh... 324 00:13:54,230 --> 00:13:56,232 Uh-huh! 325 00:13:56,552 --> 00:13:57,733 What, are they leaving already? 326 00:13:57,833 --> 00:13:59,835 Uh-huh. 327 00:14:00,236 --> 00:14:02,238 Phone's for you. 328 00:14:04,159 --> 00:14:05,741 Hello? 329 00:14:05,841 --> 00:14:07,583 Ah-hah. 330 00:14:07,683 --> 00:14:09,905 Ah-hah. Ah-hah. 331 00:14:10,005 --> 00:14:12,187 Well, you know, my gutter was clogged once, 332 00:14:12,287 --> 00:14:14,429 and, you know, I figured it was just like, you know, sticks and mud 333 00:14:14,529 --> 00:14:16,190 and, like, wet leaves and stuff, 334 00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:18,513 so we got a broom handle and we just, you know, shoved it down there 335 00:14:18,613 --> 00:14:20,394 and I found out where my neighbor's cat was missing. 336 00:14:20,494 --> 00:14:22,356 (LAUGHS) 337 00:14:22,456 --> 00:14:23,597 Hello? 338 00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,699 Hello? 339 00:14:30,864 --> 00:14:33,526 Mike, this is a groovy scene. 340 00:14:33,626 --> 00:14:36,249 I can't remember the last time I had so much fun. 341 00:14:36,349 --> 00:14:37,970 Well, if "groovy" is any indication, sir, 342 00:14:38,070 --> 00:14:39,892 I'd say it's been at least 25 years. 343 00:14:39,992 --> 00:14:41,994 Ah! (LAUGHS) 344 00:14:42,474 --> 00:14:44,536 Hello, Randall. 345 00:14:44,636 --> 00:14:46,618 Helen. I didn't expect to see you here. 346 00:14:46,718 --> 00:14:47,859 Who invited you anyway? 347 00:14:47,959 --> 00:14:49,020 Well, actually, it was... 348 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,663 Is it really important who invited whom? 349 00:14:51,763 --> 00:14:53,464 What is important is that fate 350 00:14:53,564 --> 00:14:54,786 brought you both together tonight. 351 00:14:54,886 --> 00:14:56,908 Now, I know you both believe deeply in this charity, 352 00:14:57,008 --> 00:15:00,030 so, why not put our differences aside for the evening, 353 00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:01,672 walk down that runway, 354 00:15:01,772 --> 00:15:03,954 and show this town what kind of first couple you really are. 355 00:15:04,054 --> 00:15:05,115 Fine. 356 00:15:05,215 --> 00:15:07,217 I'll meet you back here in five minutes. 357 00:15:09,859 --> 00:15:11,861 Well, that kind of love just warms my heart. 358 00:15:14,023 --> 00:15:15,485 I love fashion, 359 00:15:15,585 --> 00:15:17,647 and there are so many beautiful people. 360 00:15:17,747 --> 00:15:20,509 James, we're genetically inferior. 361 00:15:21,830 --> 00:15:24,112 They've been programmed not to talk to us. 362 00:15:27,876 --> 00:15:29,577 Hi. 363 00:15:29,677 --> 00:15:30,699 I'm Stuart Bondek. 364 00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:31,860 Hi. 365 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:34,142 I make a lot less money than you 366 00:15:34,242 --> 00:15:35,783 and I'm not nearly your physical match, 367 00:15:35,883 --> 00:15:37,665 but how about throwing away your pride 368 00:15:37,765 --> 00:15:39,306 and lowering yourself down to my level 369 00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:41,408 for, hmm, a night? 370 00:15:41,969 --> 00:15:43,971 (LAUGHING) 371 00:15:47,133 --> 00:15:48,715 Wait a second. 372 00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:50,397 I know you. 373 00:15:50,497 --> 00:15:52,498 You're the president of my co-op. 374 00:15:53,459 --> 00:15:54,921 No, I'm not. 375 00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:56,522 Yes, you are. I got the flyer you put out 376 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,964 announcing it to the building. 377 00:15:59,064 --> 00:16:01,647 Well, then, is there anything I can do for you? 378 00:16:01,747 --> 00:16:04,669 You could start by wiping the butt print off my skylight. 379 00:16:07,312 --> 00:16:09,314 You look so much older through the glass. 380 00:16:10,475 --> 00:16:12,477 That was my mother. 381 00:16:22,005 --> 00:16:24,448 Oh! Good. The dress. 382 00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:27,290 You better work it, honey. 383 00:16:28,051 --> 00:16:29,312 How do you feel? 384 00:16:29,412 --> 00:16:30,954 I... I can't breathe. 385 00:16:31,054 --> 00:16:33,055 Perfect! 386 00:16:33,776 --> 00:16:35,718 ♪♪ I'm too sexy for my job 387 00:16:35,818 --> 00:16:37,359 ♪♪ Too sexy for my job 388 00:16:37,459 --> 00:16:39,461 ♪♪ Too sexy... ♪♪ 389 00:16:45,307 --> 00:16:47,889 Hey, sexy. Have you seen Isaac? 390 00:16:47,989 --> 00:16:49,090 Uh, yeah. Yeah. He's over there. 391 00:16:49,190 --> 00:16:50,331 He's, uh, talking to the lighting guy. 392 00:16:50,431 --> 00:16:51,412 They're either talking about work 393 00:16:51,512 --> 00:16:53,514 or he's trying to land a plane. 394 00:16:53,995 --> 00:16:55,256 Hey, Mike. You don't have to be scared. 395 00:16:55,356 --> 00:16:57,218 You can go out there and sit down. 396 00:16:57,318 --> 00:16:58,299 No, no, Carter. 397 00:16:58,399 --> 00:16:59,500 This is the perfect spot 398 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:00,581 to keep an eye on the mayor. 399 00:17:00,681 --> 00:17:01,662 See, I got press everywhere here, 400 00:17:01,762 --> 00:17:03,984 so, I got people stationed at every door. 401 00:17:04,084 --> 00:17:06,366 If anything happens we can get out of here in eight seconds. 402 00:17:07,647 --> 00:17:09,469 Enjoy. Yeah. Thanks. 403 00:17:09,569 --> 00:17:11,571 ♪♪ I'm too sexy for my job... ♪♪ 404 00:17:12,772 --> 00:17:14,594 Well, this shouldn't be so bad. 405 00:17:14,694 --> 00:17:16,155 If I have to stay here for more than an hour 406 00:17:16,255 --> 00:17:17,676 I'm going to kill someone. 407 00:17:17,776 --> 00:17:19,778 Dear God, let it be me. 408 00:17:24,462 --> 00:17:27,465 I am doing so much with so little here. 409 00:17:28,586 --> 00:17:30,668 You should come to one of my shows sometime. 410 00:17:31,389 --> 00:17:32,610 Oh, yeah. 411 00:17:32,710 --> 00:17:34,712 Will you embrace it? 412 00:17:36,233 --> 00:17:38,235 I'll give it a shot. 413 00:17:41,198 --> 00:17:42,859 Wow. 414 00:17:42,959 --> 00:17:44,961 God, I'm good. 415 00:17:46,122 --> 00:17:48,304 Mike, check this out! 416 00:17:48,404 --> 00:17:50,406 Geez, Nikki. You've got beautiful... 417 00:17:51,207 --> 00:17:53,209 dress. 418 00:17:53,889 --> 00:17:55,891 He approves. 419 00:18:00,535 --> 00:18:02,537 (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) 420 00:18:17,751 --> 00:18:19,753 No! 421 00:18:21,194 --> 00:18:23,196 (SCREAMS) 422 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,322 You're doing just great. 423 00:18:37,129 --> 00:18:39,591 Oh. Nice distraction back there at the show, Mike. 424 00:18:39,691 --> 00:18:42,274 Oh, don't thank me, sir. Thank Nikki. 425 00:18:42,374 --> 00:18:44,376 She really took one for the team. 426 00:18:44,696 --> 00:18:46,197 Is she okay? 427 00:18:46,297 --> 00:18:47,639 Oh, I think so. 428 00:18:47,739 --> 00:18:49,740 I mean, I don't know 'cause she's not talking to me. 429 00:18:50,541 --> 00:18:52,963 Well! I think I've got about everything. 430 00:18:53,063 --> 00:18:54,685 Yeah, anything you've forgot, I'll just bring it. 431 00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:56,006 Okay. 432 00:18:56,106 --> 00:18:58,108 Uh, sir, wait a minute, uh... 433 00:18:58,989 --> 00:19:00,731 I didn't know you used... 434 00:19:00,831 --> 00:19:01,972 Herbal Extract. 435 00:19:02,072 --> 00:19:03,253 Mmm-hmm. 436 00:19:03,353 --> 00:19:05,355 This is my shampoo, isn't it, sir? 437 00:19:05,755 --> 00:19:06,856 Didn't I bring that with me? 438 00:19:06,956 --> 00:19:08,498 No, you know, I thought both your suitcase 439 00:19:08,598 --> 00:19:10,980 and your hair looked fuller. 440 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,422 All right, Mike, so I accidentally took your shampoo. 441 00:19:13,522 --> 00:19:15,564 And my conditioner. 442 00:19:17,005 --> 00:19:19,187 Sir. 443 00:19:19,287 --> 00:19:21,289 My pumice stone? 444 00:19:22,250 --> 00:19:23,591 Mike... Sir, it's all right. 445 00:19:23,691 --> 00:19:25,693 You just keep those. 446 00:19:26,854 --> 00:19:28,856 I am going to have to charge you for the robe. 447 00:19:30,778 --> 00:19:31,999 Thanks for having me, Mike. 448 00:19:32,099 --> 00:19:33,561 You know, I just don't think I could have... 449 00:19:33,661 --> 00:19:34,962 There's no need to explain, okay? 450 00:19:35,062 --> 00:19:36,363 We'll just behave like those people 451 00:19:36,463 --> 00:19:37,764 who crashed in the Andes 452 00:19:37,864 --> 00:19:39,806 and not talk about it. 453 00:19:39,906 --> 00:19:41,208 Well, that shouldn't be too difficult. 454 00:19:41,308 --> 00:19:43,309 Helen and I have been pretending for years. 455 00:19:44,831 --> 00:19:46,292 You know, Mike, I wish you had known her 456 00:19:46,392 --> 00:19:47,894 when we first met. 457 00:19:47,994 --> 00:19:49,655 There was a sweetness to her, 458 00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:51,757 a gentleness. 459 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:56,221 I know, I know, it's hard to believe, 460 00:19:56,321 --> 00:19:57,342 but I just want you to know 461 00:19:57,442 --> 00:20:00,105 that it's not all her fault. 462 00:20:00,205 --> 00:20:03,108 Well, look, sir. Sometimes people grow together, 463 00:20:03,208 --> 00:20:05,230 sometimes they... They grow apart, they change. 464 00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:07,712 You know, sometimes they just move on. 465 00:20:07,812 --> 00:20:09,233 When you think of the ramifications 466 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:12,856 of a mayor who can't even keep his own marriage intact. 467 00:20:13,497 --> 00:20:15,499 Hmm. 468 00:20:17,821 --> 00:20:19,823 You know, sir, I, uh... 469 00:20:20,143 --> 00:20:22,145 I hate the idea of you going back, 470 00:20:22,625 --> 00:20:24,447 knowing how much you don't want to. 471 00:20:24,547 --> 00:20:26,049 What are you saying? 472 00:20:26,149 --> 00:20:27,570 I'm just saying maybe you should do 473 00:20:27,670 --> 00:20:29,672 whatever makes you happy and... 474 00:20:29,992 --> 00:20:31,614 let me worry about the ramifications. 475 00:20:31,714 --> 00:20:33,656 Seriously, Mike, divorce? 476 00:20:33,756 --> 00:20:35,757 I've never even said the word. 477 00:20:36,798 --> 00:20:38,800 Well, you just did, sir. 478 00:20:40,041 --> 00:20:41,062 You know, I gotta be honest. 479 00:20:41,162 --> 00:20:42,624 Sometimes I feel it would be 480 00:20:42,724 --> 00:20:45,166 the right thing to do for both of us. 481 00:20:46,487 --> 00:20:48,229 I'm with you. 482 00:20:48,329 --> 00:20:50,331 Well, thank you, Mike. 483 00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:53,314 You know, the next couple of weeks 484 00:20:53,414 --> 00:20:55,235 are going to be extremely difficult. 485 00:20:55,335 --> 00:20:57,197 Maybe if I need someplace to stay... 486 00:20:57,297 --> 00:20:59,299 Not in your life, sir. 487 00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,482 This new speech better work. 488 00:21:02,582 --> 00:21:04,163 I want out of this job. 489 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:06,265 Don't worry about it. I plagiarized quite a bit from Jesse Jackson. 490 00:21:08,227 --> 00:21:10,229 (CLEARS THROAT) 491 00:21:10,589 --> 00:21:11,891 Dear, dear neighbors. 492 00:21:11,991 --> 00:21:13,572 It is with great regret and heavy heart 493 00:21:13,672 --> 00:21:14,693 that I must stand before you 494 00:21:14,793 --> 00:21:15,814 and reject the high title 495 00:21:15,914 --> 00:21:17,916 you have generously bestowed upon me. 496 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:23,821 I reiterate... 497 00:21:23,921 --> 00:21:26,824 My role was never to complicate or obligate. 498 00:21:26,924 --> 00:21:29,226 No, my role was to generate! 499 00:21:29,326 --> 00:21:31,388 My role was to liberate! 500 00:21:31,488 --> 00:21:34,031 My role was to increase the number of machines 501 00:21:34,131 --> 00:21:35,312 to an even-ate! 502 00:21:35,412 --> 00:21:36,673 Good people of Bailey Manor, 503 00:21:36,773 --> 00:21:37,954 my work here is done! 504 00:21:38,054 --> 00:21:40,056 Good night! 505 00:21:42,338 --> 00:21:45,061 When are you going to unstop my gutters?