1 00:00:01,736 --> 00:00:02,758 The mayor will be giving 2 00:00:02,858 --> 00:00:04,080 a State-of-the-City address within the hour. 3 00:00:04,180 --> 00:00:06,203 Now, I cannot overstate the delicacy of this. 4 00:00:06,303 --> 00:00:08,247 P.C. watchdogs are gonna be out in full force, 5 00:00:08,347 --> 00:00:10,811 particularly after the mayor's little performance this weekend. 6 00:00:10,911 --> 00:00:12,493 Uh, Mike, it was absolutely essential 7 00:00:12,593 --> 00:00:14,656 that the mayor attend that Unity Pride Day. 8 00:00:14,756 --> 00:00:18,262 And by jumping up on that stage and performing with that rap band, 9 00:00:18,362 --> 00:00:20,565 he showed those kids he understood their world. 10 00:00:22,168 --> 00:00:23,350 Carter, don't get me wrong. 11 00:00:23,450 --> 00:00:25,073 I've got nothing against rap music. 12 00:00:25,173 --> 00:00:26,915 I happen to like the rap music, 13 00:00:27,015 --> 00:00:30,321 but whether it's rap, country and western, or a damn show tune, 14 00:00:30,421 --> 00:00:31,963 the mayor should not be singing any song 15 00:00:32,063 --> 00:00:34,066 called Yo Bitch. 16 00:00:35,989 --> 00:00:37,011 Hey! What happened to you? 17 00:00:37,111 --> 00:00:38,253 Skateboard accident. 18 00:00:38,353 --> 00:00:39,976 Paul, I've seen you dislocate your shoulder 19 00:00:40,076 --> 00:00:42,139 running for an elevator. 20 00:00:42,239 --> 00:00:43,741 Stay off the skateboard. 21 00:00:43,841 --> 00:00:45,224 This little monster from across the street 22 00:00:45,324 --> 00:00:47,267 comes barreling down the sidewalk I'm on, all right? 23 00:00:47,367 --> 00:00:48,990 So I manage to avoid him, right? 24 00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:50,432 But I'm thrown off-balance 25 00:00:50,532 --> 00:00:53,817 and his kid sister nails me with her big wheel. 26 00:00:55,740 --> 00:00:58,805 So technically, it's a big wheel accident. 27 00:00:58,905 --> 00:01:01,168 Yo, Paul, those things come standard equipped with the little hand brakes, 28 00:01:01,268 --> 00:01:03,732 so if I were you I'd be asking myself, 29 00:01:03,832 --> 00:01:05,835 "Was it really an accident?" 30 00:01:07,839 --> 00:01:09,842 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 31 00:01:16,051 --> 00:01:18,054 (PARROT SQUAWKS) 32 00:01:21,059 --> 00:01:25,366 Looking back at the past 12 months I've been in office, 33 00:01:25,466 --> 00:01:28,491 I can point with pride to the many accomplishments 34 00:01:28,591 --> 00:01:30,594 of my administration. 35 00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:33,678 Crime is down. 36 00:01:35,601 --> 00:01:38,266 You are now less likely to be murdered 37 00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:40,970 or violently assaulted on the streets of this city... 38 00:01:42,973 --> 00:01:45,357 than at any other time 39 00:01:45,457 --> 00:01:47,540 in the past 20 years. 40 00:01:48,221 --> 00:01:50,224 At the same time... 41 00:01:53,910 --> 00:01:57,796 we are experiencing a cultural renaissance. 42 00:02:01,041 --> 00:02:03,825 Once again, New York is a mecca 43 00:02:03,925 --> 00:02:06,630 for filmmakers, musicians, 44 00:02:06,730 --> 00:02:09,574 writers, and television producers. 45 00:02:09,975 --> 00:02:12,038 (SNIFFS) 46 00:02:12,138 --> 00:02:14,141 And, uh... 47 00:02:17,026 --> 00:02:19,690 this, uh... This both contributes to our tax base 48 00:02:19,790 --> 00:02:21,973 and attracts thousands of visitors 49 00:02:22,073 --> 00:02:24,076 to our city each year. 50 00:02:24,597 --> 00:02:26,640 Now, if it wasn't for... 51 00:02:30,126 --> 00:02:32,129 Dude, I said I was sorry. 52 00:02:33,371 --> 00:02:35,374 You think this... 53 00:02:37,097 --> 00:02:39,100 means "I'm sorry"? 54 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,123 This was a State-of the-City address 55 00:02:41,223 --> 00:02:42,725 seen by millions of New Yorkers, 56 00:02:42,825 --> 00:02:45,009 and do you know what our message was? 57 00:02:45,109 --> 00:02:46,651 Crime is down, jobs are up, 58 00:02:46,751 --> 00:02:49,376 and the mayor hates deaf people. 59 00:02:49,476 --> 00:02:51,299 Back off, pal. I'm just a temp. 60 00:02:51,399 --> 00:02:54,103 Ha! Just a temp. 61 00:02:54,203 --> 00:02:57,007 And you! Where did you find this guy? 62 00:02:57,608 --> 00:02:59,611 Temp agency. 63 00:03:03,898 --> 00:03:07,904 Paul, I'm thinking of having you replaced with a monkey. 64 00:03:09,427 --> 00:03:12,652 So! Why did the agency send you over, anyway? 65 00:03:12,752 --> 00:03:15,276 His resume said he knew sign language. 66 00:03:16,437 --> 00:03:18,541 He lied on his resume, Mike? 67 00:03:18,641 --> 00:03:20,784 (SARCASTICALLY) It would appear so. 68 00:03:20,884 --> 00:03:23,388 You guys telling me you never lied on your resume before? 69 00:03:23,488 --> 00:03:24,590 Nope. No. 70 00:03:24,690 --> 00:03:26,072 Not a chance. STUART: Not me. 71 00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:27,515 PAUL: Nope. Not me, either. 72 00:03:27,615 --> 00:03:30,760 Uh, I'm still gonna get paid for today, right? 73 00:03:30,860 --> 00:03:33,984 (SARCASTICALLY) Oh, yeah. The "check" is, uh, "in the mail." 74 00:03:35,827 --> 00:03:38,091 So, what exactly is the purpose of this meeting? 75 00:03:38,191 --> 00:03:39,934 Sarah Edelman is coming by. 76 00:03:40,034 --> 00:03:42,698 She's the director of the New York Coalition for the Hearing Impaired. 77 00:03:42,798 --> 00:03:44,902 I'm trying to make an overture to the deaf community. 78 00:03:45,002 --> 00:03:46,865 She's deaf? 79 00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:49,549 Yeah, Paul. Makes for a better overture. 80 00:03:49,649 --> 00:03:51,712 So how come Stuart gets to go and I don't? 81 00:03:51,812 --> 00:03:54,877 Because we're trying to actually accomplish something. 82 00:03:54,977 --> 00:03:57,882 Because Stuart knows sign language. 83 00:03:57,982 --> 00:03:59,244 You just worry about getting better. 84 00:03:59,344 --> 00:04:00,325 Claudia staying at your place? 85 00:04:00,425 --> 00:04:01,567 Is she taking good care of you? 86 00:04:01,667 --> 00:04:02,849 Ho ho ho! Is she ever. 87 00:04:02,949 --> 00:04:04,732 I have two words for you gentlemen... 88 00:04:04,832 --> 00:04:06,835 Sponge bath. 89 00:04:07,556 --> 00:04:09,179 STUART: You know what Claudia's doing, Paul? 90 00:04:09,279 --> 00:04:10,581 What? She's nesting. 91 00:04:10,681 --> 00:04:11,743 Nesting? 92 00:04:11,843 --> 00:04:13,386 MIKE: That's right, Paul. 93 00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:15,128 Next thing you know, her earrings are gonna be on your night stand, 94 00:04:15,208 --> 00:04:17,111 her toothbrush will be in your medicine cabinet, 95 00:04:17,211 --> 00:04:20,637 and she'll show up at your door with a bunch of twigs in her beak. 96 00:04:20,737 --> 00:04:23,882 Oh, wow. That could only mean one thing... 97 00:04:23,982 --> 00:04:26,866 Claudia wants to lay her eggs in my apartment. 98 00:04:28,509 --> 00:04:30,572 Oh, she'll lay them in your apartment, 99 00:04:30,672 --> 00:04:31,734 but they're gonna hatch in a house 100 00:04:31,834 --> 00:04:33,837 you can't afford on Long Island. 101 00:04:34,799 --> 00:04:35,940 Good night. 102 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:37,944 We would like to convey our sincerest apologies 103 00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:40,207 for the events that took place this morning. 104 00:04:41,529 --> 00:04:43,532 Can't she understand me? 105 00:04:44,574 --> 00:04:46,577 Yes. She understands. 106 00:04:53,307 --> 00:04:56,132 Gee, Stu, how'd you ever pick that up? 107 00:04:56,232 --> 00:04:58,015 Well, that was easy. Thanks for coming up. 108 00:04:58,115 --> 00:04:59,457 It's always nice dealing with somebody 109 00:04:59,557 --> 00:05:01,560 who is so understanding. 110 00:05:03,643 --> 00:05:05,646 No, she understands you because she reads lips. 111 00:05:06,488 --> 00:05:08,270 She does not, however, 112 00:05:08,370 --> 00:05:10,113 understand how this administration 113 00:05:10,213 --> 00:05:11,676 thinks it can get away 114 00:05:11,776 --> 00:05:15,021 with a simple, empty, insincere apology. 115 00:05:19,187 --> 00:05:21,190 Because it's always worked before? (LAUGHS) 116 00:05:24,035 --> 00:05:25,898 (MAYOR LAUGHING) 117 00:05:25,998 --> 00:05:28,261 Yeah... Okay, Mike. 118 00:05:28,361 --> 00:05:31,266 I think I've warmed her up. 119 00:05:31,366 --> 00:05:32,868 Why don't you bring this one home? 120 00:05:32,968 --> 00:05:34,972 Nice meeting you, ma'am. 121 00:05:35,853 --> 00:05:37,856 Uh, please. 122 00:05:42,022 --> 00:05:43,565 Ms. Edelman... 123 00:05:43,665 --> 00:05:45,668 Uh, may I call you Sarah? 124 00:05:47,230 --> 00:05:49,234 Go for it. 125 00:05:50,235 --> 00:05:54,342 Sarah, we're well aware that words alone 126 00:05:54,442 --> 00:05:57,587 cannot undo the hurt and... And pain 127 00:05:57,687 --> 00:06:00,311 that we've inflicted upon these most valued members 128 00:06:00,411 --> 00:06:02,414 of our community. 129 00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:06,120 What'd she say? 130 00:06:06,220 --> 00:06:07,362 Can you believe this? 131 00:06:07,462 --> 00:06:10,146 Followed by an expletive referring to cow dung. 132 00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:17,077 Okay. 133 00:06:17,437 --> 00:06:20,161 Sarah, uh, I'm gonna level with you. 134 00:06:20,842 --> 00:06:22,305 We screwed up, 135 00:06:22,405 --> 00:06:25,730 and... And I don't have a good excuse ready. 136 00:06:28,735 --> 00:06:31,319 She appreciates your candor, 137 00:06:31,419 --> 00:06:35,445 but she thinks that anything less than a public apology 138 00:06:35,545 --> 00:06:37,689 would be viewed by the hearing impaired community 139 00:06:37,789 --> 00:06:39,291 as a slap in the face. 140 00:06:39,391 --> 00:06:41,174 You got it. 141 00:06:41,274 --> 00:06:42,777 And if it makes you feel any better, 142 00:06:42,877 --> 00:06:45,561 feel free to slap Stuart in the face. 143 00:06:48,926 --> 00:06:50,969 No. That's not funny. 144 00:06:53,253 --> 00:06:55,316 If I can add on a personal note, 145 00:06:55,416 --> 00:06:58,240 it's always great to reach out to members 146 00:06:58,340 --> 00:07:00,564 of the hearing impaired community, 147 00:07:00,664 --> 00:07:02,928 though may I add, in this case 148 00:07:03,028 --> 00:07:05,752 it's particularly great. 149 00:07:13,243 --> 00:07:15,147 She says that politicians are always trying 150 00:07:15,247 --> 00:07:16,629 to charm her, but in this case 151 00:07:16,729 --> 00:07:18,732 it's particularly annoying. 152 00:07:21,096 --> 00:07:22,598 Charming. 153 00:07:22,698 --> 00:07:24,701 It's particularly charming. 154 00:07:30,710 --> 00:07:33,134 Aren't our resumes supposed to be kept confidential? 155 00:07:33,234 --> 00:07:35,899 Why, Mr. Heywood? You have something to hide? 156 00:07:35,999 --> 00:07:38,182 No. (STUART CHUCKLES) 157 00:07:38,282 --> 00:07:40,786 When were you a clerk for the United Nations? 158 00:07:40,886 --> 00:07:41,948 Hmm? 159 00:07:42,048 --> 00:07:44,232 Oh! That. 160 00:07:44,332 --> 00:07:47,076 Um, actually, it was the Model United Nations, 161 00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:48,759 you know, in high school. 162 00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,982 Oh! It was a very big deal. 163 00:07:52,304 --> 00:07:54,688 Paul, between your junior and senior years 164 00:07:54,788 --> 00:07:56,571 you ran a re-election campaign 165 00:07:56,671 --> 00:07:58,454 for Sheik Taranchi of Jordan? 166 00:07:58,554 --> 00:08:00,557 That is correct. Uh-huh. 167 00:08:00,997 --> 00:08:02,740 Jordan's a monarchy. 168 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:04,463 They don't have elections. 169 00:08:04,563 --> 00:08:08,108 It was a grassroots movement. 170 00:08:08,208 --> 00:08:11,113 Janelle, when do you know you have to go to the dentist? 171 00:08:11,213 --> 00:08:12,676 You got a little toothache there? 172 00:08:12,776 --> 00:08:14,999 Yeah. I was... I was chewing on my pen, on the end of it, 173 00:08:15,099 --> 00:08:17,924 and I think I cracked my molar right in half. 174 00:08:18,024 --> 00:08:19,045 Ahhh. 175 00:08:19,145 --> 00:08:21,369 I'll make an appointment. Ahhh. 176 00:08:21,469 --> 00:08:22,611 Ah, Nikki, you got aspirin? 177 00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:23,893 Yeah, I do. 178 00:08:23,993 --> 00:08:25,295 I can't believe the way you people 179 00:08:25,395 --> 00:08:26,337 lie on your resumes. 180 00:08:26,437 --> 00:08:28,340 Really? When was the last time you typed 181 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:30,303 110 words per minute? 182 00:08:30,403 --> 00:08:33,848 Probably the same day you spoke conversational Farsi. 183 00:08:34,850 --> 00:08:35,992 Look at this... 184 00:08:36,092 --> 00:08:39,838 James Leonard Hobert III claims he can tap dance. 185 00:08:39,938 --> 00:08:41,941 (SOUND OF TAP DANCING) 186 00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,568 Were you considered cool in Wisconsin? 187 00:09:03,534 --> 00:09:05,117 If you're looking for your remotes, 188 00:09:05,217 --> 00:09:07,961 I used my glue gun to put a strip of Velcro on each one 189 00:09:08,061 --> 00:09:09,844 and mounted them to the side of the TV. 190 00:09:09,944 --> 00:09:11,927 (CHUCKLING) 191 00:09:12,027 --> 00:09:14,131 You know, I never used to have trouble finding my things. 192 00:09:14,231 --> 00:09:15,413 What does that mean? 193 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:16,975 Nothing, nothing. 194 00:09:17,075 --> 00:09:18,617 I'm just pointing out that before you cleaned my apartment 195 00:09:18,717 --> 00:09:20,981 I knew where everything was and you had to ask. 196 00:09:21,081 --> 00:09:24,266 Now you know where everything is and I have to ask. 197 00:09:24,366 --> 00:09:27,591 Come on, Paulie. This place was a mess before I cleaned it up. 198 00:09:27,691 --> 00:09:29,354 You know, I found a half cream cheese sandwich... 199 00:09:29,454 --> 00:09:30,997 Underneath the sofa on top of the magazines. 200 00:09:31,097 --> 00:09:33,080 I know... I know exactly where it was. I put it there. 201 00:09:33,180 --> 00:09:34,362 It's... It's gone now! 202 00:09:34,462 --> 00:09:36,525 (STAMMERS) I've... I gotta shower. 203 00:09:36,625 --> 00:09:37,927 Honey, let me help you. 204 00:09:38,027 --> 00:09:40,371 No, no, no, no, no. I... I can bathe myself. 205 00:09:40,471 --> 00:09:43,496 Anything I can't reach I'll just use my loofa on a stick. 206 00:09:43,596 --> 00:09:45,539 Okay. Well, be careful. 207 00:09:45,639 --> 00:09:48,063 Remember what the doctor said about getting your cast wet. 208 00:09:48,163 --> 00:09:50,146 PAUL: I remember. I remember. 209 00:09:50,246 --> 00:09:51,749 Oh, and watch out for my bird. 210 00:09:51,849 --> 00:09:53,271 I hung him in your shower. 211 00:09:53,371 --> 00:09:54,313 What? 212 00:09:54,413 --> 00:09:56,035 (PARROT SCREECHING) PAUL: Ahhh! 213 00:09:56,135 --> 00:09:58,138 (CRASH) 214 00:10:00,823 --> 00:10:02,826 Hiya, Mike. Back from the dentist? 215 00:10:03,547 --> 00:10:04,528 Oh, this? 216 00:10:04,628 --> 00:10:06,051 Bird in the shower. 217 00:10:06,151 --> 00:10:08,174 Broke all five toes in my foot. 218 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:11,419 MIKE: I can't believe this guy is my press secretary. 219 00:10:11,519 --> 00:10:12,901 You know, when I had my wisdom teeth out 220 00:10:13,001 --> 00:10:14,624 I was in bed for three days, 221 00:10:14,724 --> 00:10:16,427 and I had put it off, 222 00:10:16,527 --> 00:10:18,790 so by the time I got it the roots had twisted 223 00:10:18,890 --> 00:10:20,473 around and around and around... 224 00:10:20,573 --> 00:10:21,715 MIKE: Shut up. 225 00:10:21,815 --> 00:10:25,040 Shut up, shut up. 226 00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:27,003 The apology press conference. It's all set up. 227 00:10:27,103 --> 00:10:29,687 And I personally invited a hearing impaired reporter to cover it. 228 00:10:29,787 --> 00:10:31,490 Charming fellow. 229 00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:33,533 MIKE: All this Novocain is supposed to shield me from the pain, 230 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,176 and yet I still hear him. 231 00:10:35,276 --> 00:10:36,979 There he is! Hiya, Tim! 232 00:10:37,079 --> 00:10:39,503 (HEARING IMPAIRED INTONATION) Thank you for having me here, Mr. Flaherty. 233 00:10:39,603 --> 00:10:41,606 (MUFFLED) Thank you for coming. 234 00:10:44,170 --> 00:10:46,193 (INTONATION) What are you saying? 235 00:10:46,293 --> 00:10:48,296 (MUFFLED) What do you mean, what am I saying? 236 00:10:50,740 --> 00:10:52,743 (INTONATION) Are you making fun of me? 237 00:10:53,424 --> 00:10:55,207 No, I'm just trying to tell you 238 00:10:55,307 --> 00:10:57,530 that I'm sensitive 239 00:10:57,630 --> 00:11:00,795 to the needs... Feelings of the deaf community. 240 00:11:04,281 --> 00:11:06,284 MIKE: Oh, no. 241 00:11:10,691 --> 00:11:13,195 Stuart, damage report. 242 00:11:13,295 --> 00:11:16,580 Engine number 4 is in flames, and we're losing altitude fast. 243 00:11:18,102 --> 00:11:20,205 Needless to say, we're suspending beverage services 244 00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:22,329 in the main cabin. 245 00:11:22,429 --> 00:11:24,532 Nikki, damage report. 246 00:11:24,632 --> 00:11:26,615 Apparently, Ms. Edelman has quite a bit of clout. 247 00:11:26,715 --> 00:11:28,819 She's already organized a demonstration for tomorrow 248 00:11:28,919 --> 00:11:30,301 outside of city hall. 249 00:11:30,401 --> 00:11:32,104 She's gotten support from every special interest group 250 00:11:32,204 --> 00:11:34,067 that has hearing impaired constituents. 251 00:11:34,167 --> 00:11:36,711 Check out this list, Mike. They're all showing up. 252 00:11:36,811 --> 00:11:38,874 Hey! Gay and Lesbian Liberation Union. 253 00:11:38,974 --> 00:11:40,557 That's me! That's me. 254 00:11:40,657 --> 00:11:43,301 Uh, Mike, can I have tomorrow morning off? 255 00:11:45,024 --> 00:11:46,486 So let me just assure you 256 00:11:46,586 --> 00:11:48,289 that in the future our screening process for interpreters 257 00:11:48,389 --> 00:11:49,771 will be much more thorough. 258 00:11:49,871 --> 00:11:51,414 For starters, we're gonna just go ahead and throw in 259 00:11:51,514 --> 00:11:54,378 all the applicants who don't actually know sign language. 260 00:11:54,478 --> 00:11:55,821 As for yesterday afternoon, 261 00:11:55,921 --> 00:11:58,304 I think any of you who have had major dental surgery 262 00:11:58,404 --> 00:12:00,348 can appreciate what I was going through. 263 00:12:00,448 --> 00:12:02,311 Mr. Mayor, will there be a formal reprimand 264 00:12:02,411 --> 00:12:03,633 of your deputy mayor? 265 00:12:03,733 --> 00:12:05,315 This man did nothing wrong. 266 00:12:05,415 --> 00:12:07,318 I mean, have we finally reached a point 267 00:12:07,418 --> 00:12:10,483 where anything can be taken out of context 268 00:12:10,583 --> 00:12:12,526 and cause a politically correct house of cards 269 00:12:12,626 --> 00:12:13,848 to come tumbling down? 270 00:12:13,948 --> 00:12:15,932 You know, it's like that interview I did last year 271 00:12:16,032 --> 00:12:17,574 I caught all that flack for. 272 00:12:17,674 --> 00:12:20,438 What was it that I referred to the Latino community as? 273 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:22,983 Um... (CLEARS THROAT) 274 00:12:23,083 --> 00:12:25,086 Lateenies, sir. 275 00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:28,191 Paul, you should see Chester. 276 00:12:28,291 --> 00:12:31,476 His feathers are ruffled, his beak's quivering. 277 00:12:31,576 --> 00:12:33,799 He's been in attack position all day. 278 00:12:33,899 --> 00:12:35,402 You really spooked him. 279 00:12:35,502 --> 00:12:36,964 I spooked him? 280 00:12:37,064 --> 00:12:39,368 Jeez, that thing practically tore my face off. 281 00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:41,872 I kept waiting for Alfred Hitchcock to yell "cut." 282 00:12:43,113 --> 00:12:45,858 Okay, sour puss. I'll make this quick. 283 00:12:45,958 --> 00:12:47,981 I'm gonna stop by the store on my way home. 284 00:12:48,081 --> 00:12:49,183 Do you want me to pick up some more 285 00:12:49,283 --> 00:12:50,826 of those pudding packs you like? 286 00:12:50,926 --> 00:12:52,228 No. 287 00:12:52,328 --> 00:12:53,750 No pudding packs? 288 00:12:53,850 --> 00:12:54,952 No. 289 00:12:55,052 --> 00:12:57,917 For God's sake, Paul. What's wrong? 290 00:12:58,017 --> 00:12:59,839 Claudia, I'm 35 years old. 291 00:12:59,939 --> 00:13:02,984 I've been living on my own for almost four years now. 292 00:13:09,514 --> 00:13:11,257 What are you saying, Paul? 293 00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:12,419 I'm set in my ways. 294 00:13:12,519 --> 00:13:13,661 I'm not used to having people 295 00:13:13,761 --> 00:13:15,263 hanging their pets in my shower, 296 00:13:15,363 --> 00:13:17,026 or their... Their clothes in my closet 297 00:13:17,126 --> 00:13:19,830 or their feminine accessories all over my sink. 298 00:13:19,930 --> 00:13:22,074 My moisturizer? 299 00:13:22,174 --> 00:13:25,279 This morning, you know, I mistook it for my toothpaste. 300 00:13:25,379 --> 00:13:27,863 Now everything I eat tastes like your neck. 301 00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:32,269 I think I understand, Paul. I'll see you tonight. 302 00:13:37,518 --> 00:13:39,521 Neck. 303 00:13:41,684 --> 00:13:43,467 ♪♪ O'er the land 304 00:13:43,567 --> 00:13:46,792 ♪♪ Of the free 305 00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:50,538 ♪♪ Hee! 306 00:13:52,381 --> 00:13:55,025 ♪♪ And the home...♪♪ 307 00:13:55,906 --> 00:13:57,849 (SLAMS PIANO KEYS) 308 00:13:57,949 --> 00:14:01,074 Okay. Fine. Piano, three octave range. 309 00:14:01,915 --> 00:14:03,498 Check. 310 00:14:03,598 --> 00:14:05,942 All this proves is that you were 311 00:14:06,042 --> 00:14:09,026 a lonely, geeky kid. 312 00:14:09,126 --> 00:14:11,370 You know what, Stuart? I wasn't lonely. 313 00:14:12,972 --> 00:14:14,975 I had my music. 314 00:14:15,576 --> 00:14:17,119 You know, I gotta agree with the mayor on this. 315 00:14:17,219 --> 00:14:19,523 This P.C. thing is just way out of control. 316 00:14:19,623 --> 00:14:20,845 I'm with Mike. 317 00:14:20,945 --> 00:14:22,527 You know, Stu, I know you're being supportive, 318 00:14:22,627 --> 00:14:25,392 but when you do that, it just makes me doubt myself. 319 00:14:27,315 --> 00:14:29,138 If we have to apologize every time 320 00:14:29,238 --> 00:14:31,742 we unintentionally offend somebody, where does that end? 321 00:14:31,842 --> 00:14:33,865 If I'm walking down the street and I'm singing 322 00:14:33,965 --> 00:14:35,988 Girls Just Want To Have Fun, 323 00:14:36,088 --> 00:14:38,272 as I often do, 324 00:14:38,372 --> 00:14:40,275 should I apologize for suggesting 325 00:14:40,375 --> 00:14:42,158 that guys just want to work? 326 00:14:42,258 --> 00:14:44,041 No, but you would have to apologize 327 00:14:44,141 --> 00:14:46,084 for using the term girls instead of women. 328 00:14:46,184 --> 00:14:47,927 There you go, right there. 329 00:14:48,027 --> 00:14:49,930 When does a girl become a woman? 330 00:14:50,030 --> 00:14:52,033 One day with me. 331 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,984 Stu, I'm begging you. Jump to the other side. 332 00:14:59,084 --> 00:15:01,307 Give me a break, Mike. We're a dying breed. 333 00:15:01,407 --> 00:15:02,709 Who's looking out for the white, 334 00:15:02,809 --> 00:15:04,953 middle class, heterosexual male? 335 00:15:05,053 --> 00:15:07,056 Congress. 336 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,529 You know, Sarah, when you told me 337 00:15:15,629 --> 00:15:19,135 not to bring Stuart because your friends knew sign language... 338 00:15:19,235 --> 00:15:21,258 silly me, I took that to mean 339 00:15:21,358 --> 00:15:23,361 they'd be able to interpret for me. 340 00:15:36,341 --> 00:15:38,344 Thank you. 341 00:15:43,352 --> 00:15:45,836 Okay. Don't worry about me. I'll just entertain myself. 342 00:15:47,118 --> 00:15:49,342 ♪♪ Oh, girls just wanna have fun 343 00:15:49,442 --> 00:15:52,346 ♪♪ That's all they really want 344 00:15:52,446 --> 00:15:55,070 ♪♪ Oh, girls just wanna have fun 345 00:15:55,170 --> 00:15:57,734 (FALSETTO VOICE) ♪♪ That's all they really want 346 00:15:58,295 --> 00:16:00,879 ♪♪ Some fun 347 00:16:00,979 --> 00:16:03,123 ♪♪ Come home in the middle of the night 348 00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:07,049 ♪♪ My mama says "What you gonna do with your life?" 349 00:16:07,149 --> 00:16:10,014 ♪♪ Oh, mama dear we're not the fortunate ones 350 00:16:10,114 --> 00:16:13,539 ♪♪ 'Cause girls just wanna have fun 351 00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:16,143 ♪♪ Oh, girls just wanna have fun 352 00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:19,108 (FALSETTO) ♪♪ That's all they really want♪♪ 353 00:16:19,208 --> 00:16:20,309 You know what? 354 00:16:20,409 --> 00:16:21,431 We should probably talk about 355 00:16:21,531 --> 00:16:23,534 this demonstration you're planning. 356 00:16:25,257 --> 00:16:27,260 What? What'd I do now? 357 00:16:35,312 --> 00:16:36,334 All right, I get what's going on here. 358 00:16:36,434 --> 00:16:37,816 This is... This is very clever. 359 00:16:37,916 --> 00:16:39,139 You're a... You're teaching me a lesson 360 00:16:39,239 --> 00:16:41,743 about what it's like to be excluded. 361 00:16:41,843 --> 00:16:44,026 Well, not only do I not need that lesson, 362 00:16:44,126 --> 00:16:45,829 I don't deserve that lesson, all right? 363 00:16:45,929 --> 00:16:47,792 So, good night. Enjoy your dinner. 364 00:16:47,892 --> 00:16:49,975 Wait, Mike. Don't go. 365 00:16:51,057 --> 00:16:53,060 You can speak. 366 00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:56,105 (SARCASTICALLY) No. You're hearing things. 367 00:16:59,870 --> 00:17:02,775 Okay. Here are your remotes... 368 00:17:02,875 --> 00:17:04,297 TV... 369 00:17:04,397 --> 00:17:05,619 VCR, 370 00:17:05,719 --> 00:17:07,302 cable box, 371 00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:08,584 stereo, 372 00:17:08,684 --> 00:17:10,627 and garage door opener. 373 00:17:10,727 --> 00:17:11,869 Where are you going? 374 00:17:11,969 --> 00:17:13,191 Home. But not to worry. 375 00:17:13,291 --> 00:17:16,396 I put all your dirty laundry back on your floor, 376 00:17:16,496 --> 00:17:19,481 I sprayed a ring of filth around your tub, 377 00:17:19,581 --> 00:17:21,965 and I even made you a half a cream cheese sandwich 378 00:17:22,065 --> 00:17:24,929 and put it where I knew you'd find it. 379 00:17:25,029 --> 00:17:26,932 It was nice getting to know you, Paul. 380 00:17:27,032 --> 00:17:29,897 I hope you find true happiness someday. 381 00:17:29,997 --> 00:17:31,900 Goodbye. Goodbye? 382 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,102 PARROT: Goodbye, Paul! 383 00:17:33,202 --> 00:17:35,205 Claudia! 384 00:17:35,806 --> 00:17:38,230 Ow... Ooh! 385 00:17:38,330 --> 00:17:39,993 Claudia, Claudia, come back. 386 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,235 Come back, Claudia. Please. 387 00:17:41,335 --> 00:17:42,717 Please don't leave me! 388 00:17:42,817 --> 00:17:44,920 Claudia, please! I'm getting rug burns! 389 00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:46,563 Claudia! I love you! 390 00:17:46,663 --> 00:17:49,047 Oh, Claudia. Oh, please, please! 391 00:17:49,147 --> 00:17:51,671 The apartment seems so empty without you. 392 00:17:52,592 --> 00:17:54,595 You mean it, Paulie? 393 00:17:55,877 --> 00:17:57,379 Nah, it started out rough, 394 00:17:57,479 --> 00:18:00,344 but I gotta tell you, Sarah and I are having a great time. 395 00:18:00,444 --> 00:18:03,288 (WHISPERS) Yeah. Oh, listen, I gotta go. Here she comes. Bye. 396 00:18:05,732 --> 00:18:08,397 You don't have to whisper, Mike. 397 00:18:08,497 --> 00:18:10,119 Sorry. 398 00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:12,603 Wait a minute... How did you know I was whispering? 399 00:18:12,703 --> 00:18:14,706 You make a funny face. 400 00:18:18,071 --> 00:18:19,894 You know what's great about this? 401 00:18:19,994 --> 00:18:21,537 I don't often get the opportunity 402 00:18:21,637 --> 00:18:23,660 to meet someone like you, 403 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:26,384 and... And if I hadn't, I wouldn't have known 404 00:18:26,484 --> 00:18:29,649 that you're such a beautiful, charming, intelligent woman. 405 00:18:30,811 --> 00:18:32,814 Say that again. 406 00:18:33,295 --> 00:18:34,437 Oh! I'm sorry. 407 00:18:34,537 --> 00:18:35,719 I was just saying you're a beautiful, 408 00:18:35,819 --> 00:18:37,842 charming, intelligent woman. 409 00:18:37,942 --> 00:18:39,324 I understood you. 410 00:18:39,424 --> 00:18:41,427 I wanted to hear it again. 411 00:18:43,471 --> 00:18:47,016 Suppose I wanted to take you out for dinner. 412 00:18:47,116 --> 00:18:49,500 How long would it take me to learn sign language? 413 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,324 I don't know, uh, about a year. 414 00:18:52,885 --> 00:18:54,888 How about lunch? 415 00:18:56,170 --> 00:18:58,314 If you don't talk with your mouth full, 416 00:18:58,414 --> 00:19:00,517 you'll be fine. 417 00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:01,839 You know, I hate to do this, 418 00:19:01,939 --> 00:19:03,522 but it's... It's getting late. 419 00:19:03,622 --> 00:19:05,365 We'd better talk about work. 420 00:19:05,465 --> 00:19:06,566 Go ahead. 421 00:19:06,666 --> 00:19:09,170 Okay. You... You know what I think? 422 00:19:09,270 --> 00:19:12,976 I think you knew that our administration had no bad intentions 423 00:19:13,076 --> 00:19:14,699 towards your organization. 424 00:19:14,799 --> 00:19:17,724 You were just being incredibly opportunistic to further your own cause. 425 00:19:18,485 --> 00:19:20,488 So? 426 00:19:23,452 --> 00:19:26,878 So I think you have to make a choice. 427 00:19:26,978 --> 00:19:28,360 You can either trust me when I say 428 00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:30,684 that this mayor is good for your organization, 429 00:19:30,784 --> 00:19:32,527 and while I can't make any promises, 430 00:19:32,627 --> 00:19:34,850 we want to work on issues that matter to you, 431 00:19:34,950 --> 00:19:37,454 or you can have your demonstration, 432 00:19:37,554 --> 00:19:40,038 draw your battle lines, and take your chances. 433 00:19:42,041 --> 00:19:44,886 You want me to trust you? 434 00:19:46,488 --> 00:19:48,491 Will you look at this face? 435 00:19:51,135 --> 00:19:54,300 You want me to make a decision right now? 436 00:19:58,026 --> 00:19:59,809 Uh, no. We... We... We... 437 00:19:59,909 --> 00:20:01,912 We can finish our coffee. 438 00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:10,425 New York is one of the most progressive cities in the world 439 00:20:10,525 --> 00:20:12,388 when it comes to the rights of the hearing impaired. 440 00:20:12,488 --> 00:20:15,433 But be assured we will not be resting on our laurels. 441 00:20:15,533 --> 00:20:17,436 We understand your concerns, 442 00:20:17,536 --> 00:20:20,060 and I'm sure our response is coming in loud and clear. 443 00:20:21,302 --> 00:20:23,005 Now I don't literally mean loud and clear. 444 00:20:23,105 --> 00:20:24,847 What I means is... 445 00:20:24,947 --> 00:20:27,452 I know what you mean. 446 00:20:27,552 --> 00:20:30,096 Thank you for your understanding. 447 00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:32,339 Uh... 448 00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:34,442 This means horny. 449 00:20:36,405 --> 00:20:38,408 Beep. 450 00:20:38,929 --> 00:20:40,832 Okay. Well. 451 00:20:40,932 --> 00:20:42,715 This means horny. 452 00:20:42,815 --> 00:20:44,117 I'll make a note of that. 453 00:20:44,217 --> 00:20:46,501 (STUART LAUGHING) 454 00:20:46,982 --> 00:20:48,123 Time! 455 00:20:48,223 --> 00:20:49,926 Twenty seconds. A new record. 456 00:20:50,026 --> 00:20:52,731 Ah. You don't know how many women have said that to me! 457 00:20:52,831 --> 00:20:55,295 All right, Bondek, outta the chair. Outta the chair. 458 00:20:55,395 --> 00:20:57,378 Mike, I gotta go to the bathroom. I need the chair back. 459 00:20:57,478 --> 00:21:00,222 You're gonna have to hold it for no more than, what? Twenty seconds. 460 00:21:00,322 --> 00:21:02,225 On your mark... Get set... 461 00:21:02,325 --> 00:21:03,988 Hold on, Mike, please? Go! 462 00:21:04,088 --> 00:21:05,190 And he's off! Flaherty looks strong. 463 00:21:05,290 --> 00:21:06,592 Coming up to the first turn! 464 00:21:06,692 --> 00:21:09,076 Whoa! He negotiates it with ease! Look out, pal. 465 00:21:09,176 --> 00:21:11,219 Hey, good-looking! How you doing? 466 00:21:12,701 --> 00:21:14,003 And around we go! 467 00:21:14,103 --> 00:21:16,407 Look out, people. Mike Flaherty, king of the wheelchairs! 468 00:21:16,507 --> 00:21:18,530 Looking good as he goes into the final stretch 469 00:21:18,630 --> 00:21:20,634 on his way... to... 470 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,963 victory. 471 00:21:29,888 --> 00:21:31,631 You know, I'm wondering, why do you have the college 472 00:21:31,731 --> 00:21:32,953 that you graduated from, 473 00:21:33,053 --> 00:21:35,397 but not whether you got a B.A. or a B.S.? 474 00:21:35,497 --> 00:21:37,119 I didn't? Let me write that in. 475 00:21:37,219 --> 00:21:39,623 Why don't you put down B.S.? 476 00:21:41,826 --> 00:21:43,970 'Cause you didn't graduate from college, did you? 477 00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:46,974 No, I did. I did! I was there for four years. 478 00:21:47,074 --> 00:21:49,819 Who's gonna stay a fifth for two lousy gym credits? 479 00:21:49,919 --> 00:21:51,341 Certainly not the guy who's gonna buy us beer 480 00:21:51,441 --> 00:21:53,444 for the rest of the night. Ahhh! 481 00:21:54,606 --> 00:21:55,708 Well, that was a treat. 482 00:21:55,808 --> 00:21:57,711 Well, I do what I can. Why is there no music? 483 00:21:57,811 --> 00:22:00,475 Hmm. Jukebox is broken. 484 00:22:00,575 --> 00:22:03,200 Say, sport, is that gonna be much longer? 485 00:22:03,300 --> 00:22:04,522 Hey, don't ask me, man. 486 00:22:04,622 --> 00:22:06,745 I have no idea what I'm doing.