1 00:00:01,464 --> 00:00:03,927 Well, that's unbelievable. Danielle just called me. 2 00:00:04,027 --> 00:00:05,328 She canceled our dinner for tonight. 3 00:00:05,428 --> 00:00:07,771 She claims she had her wisdom teeth removed. 4 00:00:07,871 --> 00:00:09,053 This is not a lie, Mike. 5 00:00:09,153 --> 00:00:10,494 I just saw her an hour ago. 6 00:00:10,594 --> 00:00:13,718 We are talking big cheeks, numb lips, lots of drool. 7 00:00:14,558 --> 00:00:16,541 So she's up and around. 8 00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:17,662 Mike. 9 00:00:17,762 --> 00:00:19,624 This is unb... Look at me! 10 00:00:19,724 --> 00:00:22,788 My first Valentine's Day alone in this harsh world. 11 00:00:22,888 --> 00:00:25,791 Is it so wrong that I want a little female companionship? 12 00:00:25,891 --> 00:00:27,713 If you really want, I can set you up with someone. 13 00:00:27,813 --> 00:00:29,435 Yes, I want. I want. Yes. 14 00:00:29,535 --> 00:00:31,998 All right, fine. I'll call Suzanne. 15 00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:34,200 No, no. She does this twirly thing with her hair 16 00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:35,802 that I know would drive you up the wall. 17 00:00:35,902 --> 00:00:38,805 Maybe Veronica. Although this being your first date back, 18 00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:40,247 Veronica might be a bit too aggressive, 19 00:00:40,347 --> 00:00:41,528 you know, sexually speaking. 20 00:00:41,628 --> 00:00:43,691 I've got it! 21 00:00:43,791 --> 00:00:45,172 Katie would be perfect. 22 00:00:45,272 --> 00:00:47,335 She's cute. She's the sweetest thing you'll ever meet. 23 00:00:47,435 --> 00:00:49,457 Tell me more about Veronica. 24 00:00:49,557 --> 00:00:50,898 Mike, listen. 25 00:00:50,998 --> 00:00:52,620 Is it all right if I come in a little late tomorrow? 26 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,103 Because, tonight I got plans with Claudia. 27 00:00:55,203 --> 00:00:57,826 (CLICKS TONGUE) We may have to sleep in a little, if you know what I mean? 28 00:00:57,926 --> 00:01:00,189 You can come in late, as long as you promise 29 00:01:00,289 --> 00:01:02,291 not to tell me what you mean. 30 00:01:03,452 --> 00:01:04,874 Wait a minute. Why am I setting you up? 31 00:01:04,974 --> 00:01:06,436 I don't even have a date yet. 32 00:01:06,536 --> 00:01:08,638 You're always welcome to join me at the bar. 33 00:01:08,738 --> 00:01:11,521 I'll be reenacting my traditional bad holiday ritual. 34 00:01:11,621 --> 00:01:15,085 It involves a good book and a big bottle of Chianti. 35 00:01:15,185 --> 00:01:17,247 No expectations. No disappointments. 36 00:01:17,347 --> 00:01:19,530 Forgive me, Stuart, but when I close my eyes 37 00:01:19,630 --> 00:01:21,652 and try to envision the perfect Valentine's Day, 38 00:01:21,752 --> 00:01:24,876 you are usually bound and gagged in a shed somewhere. 39 00:01:26,077 --> 00:01:28,079 Ooh. (CHUCKLING) 40 00:01:29,761 --> 00:01:31,583 You know, Nikki, sometimes the perfect date 41 00:01:31,683 --> 00:01:33,685 is right under your nose. 42 00:01:36,408 --> 00:01:37,830 You know what? You're right. 43 00:01:37,930 --> 00:01:39,272 This is not a time for pride. 44 00:01:39,372 --> 00:01:41,374 I need to start calling old boyfriends. 45 00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:43,877 Well, I am no longer 46 00:01:43,977 --> 00:01:45,478 desperate and alone this evening. 47 00:01:45,578 --> 00:01:47,841 Spence called. He wants to see me. 48 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,884 Spence? The guy who dumped you twice, Spence? 49 00:01:50,984 --> 00:01:53,487 I prefer just Spence. 50 00:01:53,587 --> 00:01:55,449 Well, that can only mean on thing, he wants you back. 51 00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,412 Come on. Spence and I are over. 52 00:01:57,512 --> 00:02:01,536 Tonight is merely a friendly little extension of the olive branch. 53 00:02:01,636 --> 00:02:03,638 Is that a euphemism? 54 00:02:07,843 --> 00:02:10,386 Please. Tonight is totally casual. In fact, Mike, 55 00:02:10,486 --> 00:02:12,828 if your date doesn't pan out, feel free to stop by. 56 00:02:12,928 --> 00:02:14,791 Spence is bringing a friend of his, a woman. 57 00:02:14,891 --> 00:02:17,594 Sounds great. Thank you, Carter. It's a good plan "B". 58 00:02:17,694 --> 00:02:21,798 Plan "B"? You are going out with a friend of mine tonight, buster! 59 00:02:21,898 --> 00:02:23,200 How immature are you? 60 00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:25,082 I'm not immature. 61 00:02:25,182 --> 00:02:27,184 Just in case she's an uggo. 62 00:02:28,105 --> 00:02:30,107 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 63 00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:43,302 Well, am I... 64 00:02:43,402 --> 00:02:45,785 glad Nikki thought of setting us up. 65 00:02:45,885 --> 00:02:49,949 I mean, we just met, and... And already I'm feeling pretty comfortable. 66 00:02:50,049 --> 00:02:52,432 And I think that's unusual, because, you know, 67 00:02:52,532 --> 00:02:55,555 sometimes these things can be pretty awkward. 68 00:02:55,655 --> 00:02:57,117 I can tell within 15 minutes 69 00:02:57,217 --> 00:02:59,219 whether or not I'm gonna have sex with a guy. 70 00:03:04,625 --> 00:03:05,686 Really? 71 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,168 I, uh... 72 00:03:07,268 --> 00:03:09,991 I have an aunt who can guess people's favorite colors. 73 00:03:11,913 --> 00:03:13,815 Come on. Everybody's the same way. 74 00:03:13,915 --> 00:03:15,778 At least, I have the guts to admit it. 75 00:03:15,878 --> 00:03:17,860 So... 76 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:19,962 when do my 15 minutes start? 77 00:03:20,443 --> 00:03:22,585 They already did. 78 00:03:22,685 --> 00:03:24,387 That's all right. I can handle pressure. 79 00:03:24,487 --> 00:03:26,069 I deal with it every day. 80 00:03:26,169 --> 00:03:28,171 Thrive on it. 81 00:03:28,732 --> 00:03:30,994 Fourteen fifty-eight... 82 00:03:31,094 --> 00:03:32,596 Uh, can I get some wine, please? 83 00:03:32,696 --> 00:03:34,698 Hurry! 84 00:03:44,028 --> 00:03:46,031 (SIGHS) 85 00:03:47,592 --> 00:03:49,595 (CLEARS THROAT) 86 00:03:52,478 --> 00:03:54,480 (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 87 00:03:59,365 --> 00:04:01,368 Coming! 88 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,413 (SINGSONG) Coming! 89 00:04:13,180 --> 00:04:15,183 (EXHALES) 90 00:04:22,871 --> 00:04:23,932 Spence Kamer! 91 00:04:24,032 --> 00:04:26,035 How you doin', Carter? 92 00:04:31,841 --> 00:04:33,823 Okay. Got through that. 93 00:04:33,923 --> 00:04:35,105 Ha-ha. Yeah. 94 00:04:35,205 --> 00:04:37,207 Come on in. Sit down. 95 00:04:38,328 --> 00:04:42,232 Oh... I miss this couch! 96 00:04:42,332 --> 00:04:43,594 Yeah, well, you got the stereo, 97 00:04:43,694 --> 00:04:45,696 I got the couch. 98 00:04:46,337 --> 00:04:47,678 I didn't say I want the couch. 99 00:04:47,778 --> 00:04:49,781 I just said I miss the couch. 100 00:04:51,222 --> 00:04:52,524 Uh, white wine okay? 101 00:04:52,624 --> 00:04:54,406 Sure, thanks. 102 00:04:54,506 --> 00:04:56,528 (SIGHS) You look great. 103 00:04:56,628 --> 00:04:58,210 Yeah, you, too. 104 00:04:58,310 --> 00:04:59,572 I like that goatee. 105 00:04:59,672 --> 00:05:01,814 Yeah, well, they, uh... (CHUCKLING) 106 00:05:01,914 --> 00:05:03,736 seem pretty hip, but you get a few stray hairs 107 00:05:03,836 --> 00:05:05,178 growing in the wrong direction, 108 00:05:05,278 --> 00:05:07,280 you start to look like Count Chocula! 109 00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,222 (EXHALES) 110 00:05:09,322 --> 00:05:11,324 And that's not good. 111 00:05:12,766 --> 00:05:14,768 No. 112 00:05:16,410 --> 00:05:18,232 Uh, where's your friend? Is she coming? 113 00:05:18,332 --> 00:05:19,634 I thought you said she was coming. 114 00:05:19,734 --> 00:05:21,275 Not that I'm not glad to see you. 115 00:05:21,375 --> 00:05:24,199 It's just that... (CLEARS THROAT) I'm babbling. 116 00:05:24,299 --> 00:05:26,481 It's okay, though, actually, I kinda miss that. 117 00:05:26,581 --> 00:05:28,163 Um, I asked her to stop by a little later. 118 00:05:28,263 --> 00:05:30,986 I'd like to spend some time alone with you first, if that's okay. 119 00:05:32,267 --> 00:05:34,250 Oh. Okay. 120 00:05:34,350 --> 00:05:36,452 Whatever. 121 00:05:36,552 --> 00:05:38,554 (SOFTLY) Boy! 122 00:05:40,396 --> 00:05:43,019 Just relax, okay? 123 00:05:43,119 --> 00:05:45,262 Drink the wine... 124 00:05:45,362 --> 00:05:47,224 breathe the secondhand smoke... 125 00:05:47,324 --> 00:05:49,326 (INHALES) 126 00:05:50,487 --> 00:05:53,010 And think about the emptiness of your life. 127 00:05:54,532 --> 00:05:56,534 Don't you think that's a little dark? 128 00:05:57,215 --> 00:05:59,077 Sit down. 129 00:05:59,177 --> 00:06:01,039 Everyone'll wind up here, eventually. 130 00:06:01,139 --> 00:06:02,160 They always do. 131 00:06:02,260 --> 00:06:05,244 No, no. Not Nikki. She's out with Kevin. 132 00:06:05,344 --> 00:06:07,366 Right now, she's probably laughing at his little jokes, 133 00:06:07,466 --> 00:06:08,527 laughing at his stories... 134 00:06:08,627 --> 00:06:09,729 What's he do? 135 00:06:09,829 --> 00:06:11,831 He's a comedian. 136 00:06:14,233 --> 00:06:15,655 You know she'll fall for the guy, 137 00:06:15,755 --> 00:06:17,057 and I'll get to hear about it every day 138 00:06:17,157 --> 00:06:18,899 until my ears bleed. 139 00:06:18,999 --> 00:06:21,001 I hate this. 140 00:06:22,402 --> 00:06:24,405 (DOOR SLAMS CLOSE) 141 00:06:28,849 --> 00:06:32,594 (MUSIC PLAYING) Oh, Paul, this is so sexy! 142 00:06:32,694 --> 00:06:35,997 You're telling me. And watch your feet. 143 00:06:36,097 --> 00:06:38,560 This is gonna be the best Valentine's Day 144 00:06:38,660 --> 00:06:40,282 of your life, darlin'. And dip. (THUDS) 145 00:06:40,382 --> 00:06:42,164 Oh! I'm sorr... 146 00:06:42,264 --> 00:06:44,266 I'm so sorry! I'm sorry! 147 00:06:45,708 --> 00:06:46,729 Oh! Are you all right? 148 00:06:46,829 --> 00:06:48,651 I'm okay. I'm okay, honey. 149 00:06:48,751 --> 00:06:51,414 I know this isn't the best place to dance. (MUSIC STOPS) 150 00:06:51,514 --> 00:06:53,517 It's just... 151 00:06:53,837 --> 00:06:55,379 Well, I wanted to start our evening 152 00:06:55,479 --> 00:06:58,182 in the room where our lips first met. 153 00:06:58,282 --> 00:07:01,786 Oh, Paul. Sweep me off my feet right now, 154 00:07:01,886 --> 00:07:03,888 and I'm yours forever. 155 00:07:04,409 --> 00:07:06,471 (MUSIC PLAYING) 156 00:07:06,571 --> 00:07:08,673 Tango? 157 00:07:08,773 --> 00:07:10,775 Take me. 158 00:07:12,618 --> 00:07:17,403 Tonight... Cupid's arrow will strike sharply and precisely. 159 00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:18,885 Open! 160 00:07:18,985 --> 00:07:20,987 (GAGS) Ooh! Ooh! 161 00:07:22,028 --> 00:07:23,089 I'm sorry! 162 00:07:23,189 --> 00:07:24,290 Oh, I'm sorry! 163 00:07:24,390 --> 00:07:26,633 I should have taken out the thorns. 164 00:07:27,394 --> 00:07:28,655 I'm sorry. 165 00:07:28,755 --> 00:07:29,776 (WATCH BEEPS) 166 00:07:29,876 --> 00:07:31,879 Ah. So... 167 00:07:33,641 --> 00:07:35,643 How'd I do? 168 00:07:36,003 --> 00:07:38,005 I'm not gonna have sex with you tonight. 169 00:07:39,767 --> 00:07:41,950 Well. Then, uh... 170 00:07:42,050 --> 00:07:44,052 I'm not gonna have sex with you, either. 171 00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:50,519 Good night, Michael Flaherty. 172 00:07:50,619 --> 00:07:52,621 Good night, Veronica... 173 00:07:54,504 --> 00:07:56,506 Veronica. 174 00:07:57,707 --> 00:08:00,130 So I gathered a few thousand of my closest friends, 175 00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,292 and we swarmed the state legislature. 176 00:08:02,392 --> 00:08:04,615 We got arrested, but we got results. 177 00:08:04,715 --> 00:08:07,698 Still doing the whole angry black man thing, huh? 178 00:08:07,798 --> 00:08:09,800 Yeah, well, I think it works for me. 179 00:08:11,442 --> 00:08:13,765 Tried the angry Chinese man thing, but... 180 00:08:15,166 --> 00:08:17,629 couldn't seem to nail it. 181 00:08:17,729 --> 00:08:20,372 Well, the Carter I knew would have nailed that Chinese man. 182 00:08:21,813 --> 00:08:23,816 Or at least, bought him a few drinks. 183 00:08:24,536 --> 00:08:26,198 (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 184 00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:28,521 God, I miss laughing like this. Yeah, I know. 185 00:08:28,621 --> 00:08:30,763 This is great. 186 00:08:30,863 --> 00:08:32,285 Hey! 187 00:08:32,385 --> 00:08:34,568 Uh... 188 00:08:34,668 --> 00:08:36,089 Mike! 189 00:08:36,189 --> 00:08:38,212 Uh... what... What happened to... 190 00:08:38,312 --> 00:08:39,333 Veronica? 191 00:08:39,433 --> 00:08:40,774 Pfft! 192 00:08:40,874 --> 00:08:42,877 I dumped her. 193 00:08:44,118 --> 00:08:45,860 Spence Kamer, Mike Flaherty. 194 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:46,981 Mike Flaherty. 195 00:08:47,081 --> 00:08:48,623 Hey, uh, Spence. Hey, Mike. 196 00:08:48,723 --> 00:08:51,106 So, Spence, when's this mystery woman showing up? 197 00:08:51,206 --> 00:08:53,629 Actually, I asked her to come by a little later, 198 00:08:53,729 --> 00:08:55,591 because I wanted to talk to you about something 199 00:08:55,691 --> 00:08:57,713 while we were, uh, alone. 200 00:08:57,813 --> 00:08:59,595 (SIGHS) 201 00:08:59,695 --> 00:09:02,178 That's okay. I have no secrets from Mike. 202 00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:06,543 We're very close. 203 00:09:07,183 --> 00:09:09,506 Okay. Carter, Melissa and I are getting married. 204 00:09:10,387 --> 00:09:12,289 To who? 205 00:09:12,389 --> 00:09:15,012 Listen, Carter, I found out a lot about myself 206 00:09:15,112 --> 00:09:17,775 in the last year, and the fact is, I'm straight, 207 00:09:17,875 --> 00:09:19,537 and we're getting married. 208 00:09:19,637 --> 00:09:21,639 I came here to ask you to be my best man. 209 00:09:26,444 --> 00:09:28,907 I can't believe what I'm hearing. 210 00:09:29,007 --> 00:09:30,309 (MIKE CLEARS THROAT) 211 00:09:30,409 --> 00:09:32,411 All right, let me get this straight. 212 00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:35,815 Let me... Let me cut straight to the chase. 213 00:09:36,856 --> 00:09:38,858 I can't stop saying "straight." 214 00:09:41,101 --> 00:09:42,402 This uncomfortable for you guys? 215 00:09:42,502 --> 00:09:43,844 A little bit. Yeah. 216 00:09:43,944 --> 00:09:46,046 So it's not just me. No. 217 00:09:46,146 --> 00:09:48,148 Well, we got that straight. 218 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,251 You sure you're all right? 219 00:09:50,351 --> 00:09:51,652 Oh, I'm fine. 220 00:09:51,752 --> 00:09:54,055 I think the bleeding's almost stopped. (CHUCKLING) 221 00:09:54,155 --> 00:09:55,697 So... 222 00:09:55,797 --> 00:09:56,778 Do you trust me? 223 00:09:56,878 --> 00:09:58,019 Forever. 224 00:09:58,119 --> 00:09:59,541 Well, that's good. 225 00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:00,983 Because... 226 00:10:01,083 --> 00:10:02,544 Ooh! 227 00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:05,507 Are you going to interrogate me until you break my will 228 00:10:05,607 --> 00:10:08,150 and I submit to your every desire? 229 00:10:08,250 --> 00:10:10,253 No. I just thought this would be neat. 230 00:10:12,055 --> 00:10:14,077 Now, don't be afraid. Okay. 231 00:10:14,177 --> 00:10:15,599 This is just phase two. 232 00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:17,721 (CHUCKLES) 233 00:10:17,821 --> 00:10:18,802 (POPS) 234 00:10:18,902 --> 00:10:21,205 Oh, I know that sound. 235 00:10:21,305 --> 00:10:23,087 Phase three... 236 00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:25,489 is a carriage ride around the city. 237 00:10:25,589 --> 00:10:28,132 Ooh! Those are expensive. 238 00:10:28,232 --> 00:10:30,335 Well, I have a coupon. 239 00:10:30,435 --> 00:10:32,437 (LAUGHING) 240 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:37,082 Drink. 241 00:10:38,684 --> 00:10:40,386 And now, my darling, 242 00:10:40,486 --> 00:10:42,568 chase it down with this. 243 00:10:44,490 --> 00:10:46,072 Mmm! 244 00:10:46,172 --> 00:10:48,995 What is that taste? It's very interesting. Mmm. 245 00:10:49,095 --> 00:10:51,398 How could you not know what a strawberry tastes like? 246 00:10:51,498 --> 00:10:53,800 (WHIMPERS) 247 00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:56,824 How was I supposed to know she was allergic to strawberries? 248 00:10:58,586 --> 00:10:59,607 Refresh my memory. 249 00:10:59,707 --> 00:11:01,889 Was phase three the romantic carriage ride 250 00:11:01,989 --> 00:11:03,992 or the trip to the emergency room? 251 00:11:04,592 --> 00:11:05,974 You should have seen her. 252 00:11:06,074 --> 00:11:08,537 Her head swelled up. Her face turned blue. 253 00:11:08,637 --> 00:11:10,959 She looked like that crazy girl from Willy Wonka. 254 00:11:13,802 --> 00:11:15,584 Will you look at Nikki? 255 00:11:15,684 --> 00:11:17,466 If I didn't know her, I'd make a move on her. 256 00:11:17,566 --> 00:11:20,029 But I do know her. And she knows me. 257 00:11:20,129 --> 00:11:22,432 Well, if you're gonna make a move, you gotta have an edge. 258 00:11:22,532 --> 00:11:24,534 You can't be normal, James. 259 00:11:25,415 --> 00:11:26,516 Hey, James. Brought you a beer. 260 00:11:26,616 --> 00:11:27,638 You wanted a light, right? 261 00:11:27,738 --> 00:11:29,520 Yeah, thanks. Hey, Nikki, 262 00:11:29,620 --> 00:11:31,602 why don't you and I sit over at that table? 263 00:11:31,702 --> 00:11:33,704 Why? 264 00:11:34,465 --> 00:11:36,648 Why? 265 00:11:36,748 --> 00:11:38,409 Why? 266 00:11:38,509 --> 00:11:40,692 Paul feels really bad about Claudia, 267 00:11:40,792 --> 00:11:42,254 and I'd just like a moment alone 268 00:11:42,354 --> 00:11:44,356 to comfort him. 269 00:11:45,717 --> 00:11:47,720 Okay. 270 00:11:51,964 --> 00:11:53,706 I really appreciate that, Stuart. 271 00:11:53,806 --> 00:11:56,990 I really do, because, I mean, my relationship with Claudia is... 272 00:11:57,090 --> 00:11:59,092 Don't care. 273 00:12:00,974 --> 00:12:02,116 I'll be rational about this. 274 00:12:02,216 --> 00:12:04,158 I'm sure this happens to thousands of people 275 00:12:04,258 --> 00:12:06,260 thousands of times. 276 00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,104 You really think so? 277 00:12:12,347 --> 00:12:14,169 I'm sorry. You... You were starting to talk. 278 00:12:14,269 --> 00:12:16,271 I made him straight, Mike. 279 00:12:19,755 --> 00:12:20,896 I mean, how would you feel 280 00:12:20,996 --> 00:12:22,017 if a woman you were dating 281 00:12:22,117 --> 00:12:24,160 left you to be with another woman? 282 00:12:25,601 --> 00:12:27,603 Just a second. 283 00:12:28,004 --> 00:12:30,006 Trying to picture it. 284 00:12:30,887 --> 00:12:32,789 It's not just that he's moved on. 285 00:12:32,889 --> 00:12:33,950 It's that... 286 00:12:34,050 --> 00:12:35,032 (SIGHS) Everything about my life 287 00:12:35,132 --> 00:12:36,673 says that I've been standing still. 288 00:12:36,773 --> 00:12:38,475 He's changed his sexual orientation. 289 00:12:38,575 --> 00:12:40,898 I can't even change the message on my answering machine! 290 00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:44,522 You are being too hard on yourself, all right? 291 00:12:44,622 --> 00:12:46,624 You bought that new bread maker. 292 00:12:47,425 --> 00:12:49,427 Thanks, Mike. I'll cling to that. 293 00:12:50,989 --> 00:12:53,892 Spence knows me better than anybody else in the world. 294 00:12:53,992 --> 00:12:55,654 It probably took him five seconds to figure out 295 00:12:55,754 --> 00:12:57,056 I was still waiting for him. 296 00:12:57,156 --> 00:12:58,738 He's gonna come back up here feeling sorry for me. 297 00:12:58,838 --> 00:13:00,179 (SIGHS) 298 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,342 I don't think I can take that. 299 00:13:02,442 --> 00:13:04,584 Listen, Carter... 300 00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:06,686 I've been through this. 301 00:13:07,127 --> 00:13:09,710 Well, not exactly this, but... 302 00:13:09,810 --> 00:13:12,673 something very similar, and... And... 303 00:13:12,773 --> 00:13:15,536 And I know how painful this can be. 304 00:13:17,778 --> 00:13:19,801 If there's anything I can do for you, 305 00:13:19,901 --> 00:13:22,163 just ask, all right? 306 00:13:22,263 --> 00:13:25,287 Even if... Even if I can make tonight a little bit easier. 307 00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:27,089 You know, I... I'm at your service. 308 00:13:27,189 --> 00:13:29,451 I'm in your corner. I'm on your team. 309 00:13:29,551 --> 00:13:31,554 (DOOR OPENS) 310 00:13:48,532 --> 00:13:50,534 Thanks, honey. 311 00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:55,640 Isn't this just great? 312 00:13:55,740 --> 00:13:57,482 I mean, I can't believe this. 313 00:13:57,582 --> 00:14:00,245 The two of you, the two of us sitting here, 314 00:14:00,345 --> 00:14:02,347 getting to know each other. 315 00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:12,699 Me, too. 316 00:14:12,799 --> 00:14:14,100 Michael? 317 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,203 Isn't this great? 318 00:14:19,606 --> 00:14:21,609 Oh, sure... 319 00:14:22,049 --> 00:14:24,051 honey. 320 00:14:24,892 --> 00:14:26,915 So, Melissa... 321 00:14:27,015 --> 00:14:28,156 (GIGGLES) 322 00:14:28,256 --> 00:14:29,437 How'd you two meet? 323 00:14:29,537 --> 00:14:32,000 We worked together on an ad campaign. 324 00:14:32,100 --> 00:14:34,643 It would have been love at first sight, but I thought he was gay. 325 00:14:34,743 --> 00:14:36,745 He was! 326 00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:39,729 Does anybody want a beer or... 327 00:14:39,829 --> 00:14:41,831 I... uh, I'll take a couple dozen. 328 00:14:43,793 --> 00:14:45,014 I'll help you. 329 00:14:45,114 --> 00:14:47,057 Oh, I don't know. Few minutes alone with you, 330 00:14:47,157 --> 00:14:49,179 I might come back straight! (CHUCKLES) 331 00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:51,281 Hell, I might come back white! 332 00:14:53,764 --> 00:14:56,107 James, really, this is unnecessary. 333 00:14:56,207 --> 00:14:58,269 Ah, yes, but a gesture is romantic 334 00:14:58,369 --> 00:15:00,772 largely because it is unnecessary. 335 00:15:02,453 --> 00:15:04,456 Think about it. 336 00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:15,808 I'd rather not. 337 00:15:15,908 --> 00:15:17,890 James, you're acting really weird. 338 00:15:17,990 --> 00:15:19,993 Listen, Nikki, uh... 339 00:15:20,834 --> 00:15:23,356 you think you know me, but you don't. 340 00:15:24,317 --> 00:15:26,320 You only know a... 341 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:27,901 Office James. 342 00:15:28,001 --> 00:15:30,524 Don't get me wrong. Great guy. Love him. 343 00:15:34,008 --> 00:15:35,390 He's harmless, you know? 344 00:15:35,490 --> 00:15:36,871 He's the kinda guy you give your keys to 345 00:15:36,971 --> 00:15:39,394 if you needed someone to feed your cats. 346 00:15:39,494 --> 00:15:41,496 You have never met... 347 00:15:42,297 --> 00:15:44,299 after-hours James. 348 00:15:44,940 --> 00:15:46,242 After-hours James. 349 00:15:46,342 --> 00:15:49,185 Let us just say you don't give your keys to... 350 00:15:50,346 --> 00:15:52,348 after-hours James. 351 00:15:54,671 --> 00:15:56,673 You lock your door. 352 00:15:57,153 --> 00:15:59,656 I'm gonna go to the bathroom, 353 00:15:59,756 --> 00:16:00,778 and when I come back, 354 00:16:00,878 --> 00:16:03,300 I wanna meet one of two people, 355 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:05,903 either office James... 356 00:16:06,003 --> 00:16:08,686 or outside hailing a cab James. 357 00:16:11,169 --> 00:16:13,151 I'll tell you, you... 358 00:16:13,251 --> 00:16:15,253 You're a very lucky guy. 359 00:16:20,259 --> 00:16:22,261 Oh, you mean Carter. 360 00:16:23,102 --> 00:16:25,104 Lucky. 361 00:16:27,347 --> 00:16:29,449 Lucky me. 362 00:16:29,549 --> 00:16:33,233 You know, Mike, you are exactly Carter's type. 363 00:16:34,515 --> 00:16:36,517 Super. 364 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:40,782 SPENCE: So, Michael, 365 00:16:40,882 --> 00:16:42,503 when did you come out? 366 00:16:42,603 --> 00:16:43,705 Uh... Huh? 367 00:16:43,805 --> 00:16:44,906 SPENCE: Oh. 368 00:16:45,006 --> 00:16:46,067 Forget it. Don't say anything. 369 00:16:46,167 --> 00:16:48,390 I can tell. You haven't yet, have you? 370 00:16:48,490 --> 00:16:50,232 Uh, well... 371 00:16:50,332 --> 00:16:52,394 Manhattan is... 372 00:16:52,494 --> 00:16:54,496 such a conservative town. 373 00:16:56,258 --> 00:16:58,261 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 374 00:17:00,343 --> 00:17:02,485 SPENCE: Ah. So, Carter, 375 00:17:02,585 --> 00:17:04,588 what do you say? 376 00:17:05,068 --> 00:17:06,770 Would you like to be my best man? 377 00:17:06,870 --> 00:17:09,693 I... I'd love to, but I'm really busy. 378 00:17:09,793 --> 00:17:11,015 Well, we haven't set a date yet. 379 00:17:11,115 --> 00:17:12,256 We could plan it around your schedule. 380 00:17:12,356 --> 00:17:13,818 Busy, busy, busy. 381 00:17:13,918 --> 00:17:16,461 I can barely come up for air. 382 00:17:16,561 --> 00:17:18,563 Tell him. Tell him, Mike. 383 00:17:21,646 --> 00:17:23,648 Busy as a little bee. 384 00:17:25,651 --> 00:17:27,713 Come on, Carter. Don't be like this. 385 00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:28,954 Stop pushing me. 386 00:17:29,054 --> 00:17:31,637 You always did that. It's driving me crazy. 387 00:17:31,737 --> 00:17:33,740 It's not gonna happen, okay? 388 00:17:38,745 --> 00:17:39,886 (BOTH SIGH) 389 00:17:39,986 --> 00:17:41,768 Can't you say something to him? 390 00:17:41,868 --> 00:17:44,191 You know what he's like when he's in one of his moods. 391 00:17:49,437 --> 00:17:51,659 My date was a bust. Thank you, Nikki. 392 00:17:51,759 --> 00:17:53,702 Carter, how'd things go with Spence? 393 00:17:53,802 --> 00:17:55,864 Uh, you know what, he's not even my type any more. 394 00:17:55,964 --> 00:17:57,386 I don't know what I was thinking. 395 00:17:57,486 --> 00:17:59,027 Paul, you and Claudia? 396 00:17:59,127 --> 00:18:01,130 Tried to kill her. 397 00:18:04,013 --> 00:18:05,635 Hi, Veronica. 398 00:18:05,735 --> 00:18:07,517 (DOOR CLOSES) 399 00:18:07,617 --> 00:18:10,200 Hi. Look, I been doing a lot of thinking, 400 00:18:10,300 --> 00:18:12,502 and I decided I acted badly earlier. 401 00:18:13,223 --> 00:18:14,645 I made a big mistake. 402 00:18:14,745 --> 00:18:16,487 You're a man. I'm a woman. 403 00:18:16,587 --> 00:18:17,888 It's Valentine's Day. 404 00:18:17,988 --> 00:18:19,990 There's no reason we shouldn't have sex. 405 00:18:23,915 --> 00:18:25,136 Okay, is this real, 406 00:18:25,236 --> 00:18:27,839 or did someone set this up to make me crazy? 407 00:18:30,642 --> 00:18:34,186 All right, hold on a minute, all right? 408 00:18:34,286 --> 00:18:36,228 You know, I have feelings, you know. 409 00:18:36,328 --> 00:18:38,551 You can't just come waltzing in here and expect me... 410 00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:40,753 Yes or no? Yes. 411 00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:42,435 I'll let you say good-bye to your friends, 412 00:18:42,535 --> 00:18:44,537 and I'll be right back. 413 00:18:49,823 --> 00:18:52,906 Well, who says you don't get rewarded for good deeds? 414 00:18:56,270 --> 00:18:58,272 Hey, Spence! 415 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:06,822 Listen, Carter, I... 416 00:19:06,922 --> 00:19:08,263 I couldn't leave it like that. 417 00:19:08,363 --> 00:19:12,588 Welcome to our table of romantic failures, Spence. 418 00:19:12,688 --> 00:19:14,751 Yeah, Mike's the only lucky one here tonight. 419 00:19:14,851 --> 00:19:17,554 Of course. He's got carter. 420 00:19:17,654 --> 00:19:19,316 Mike and Carter? What do you mean Mike and Cart... 421 00:19:19,416 --> 00:19:21,418 (KICKS) Ow! Ow! 422 00:19:22,058 --> 00:19:23,080 Somebody kicked me! 423 00:19:23,180 --> 00:19:25,442 Sorry. Sorry. I was just uncrossing my legs. 424 00:19:25,542 --> 00:19:26,564 No problem. 425 00:19:26,664 --> 00:19:27,685 What do you mean Mike and Cart... 426 00:19:27,785 --> 00:19:29,046 (KICKS) Ow! 427 00:19:29,146 --> 00:19:31,129 Ow! Ow! 428 00:19:31,229 --> 00:19:34,092 Sorry. Me again. Me again. Just getting crowded under there. 429 00:19:34,192 --> 00:19:36,534 Well, please! I bruise easily. 430 00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:37,776 What... Ow! 431 00:19:37,876 --> 00:19:39,878 Ow! 432 00:19:43,842 --> 00:19:45,624 That was me. 433 00:19:45,724 --> 00:19:47,727 I mean, why shouldn't I get to play? 434 00:19:50,249 --> 00:19:54,434 Uh, Spence, Mike and I haven't told everyone here that... 435 00:19:54,534 --> 00:19:56,897 we were in love... yet. 436 00:19:58,859 --> 00:20:00,861 I can't believe this. 437 00:20:01,302 --> 00:20:03,304 You finally... 438 00:20:04,025 --> 00:20:06,027 tell me you love me... 439 00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:10,612 You do it here. 440 00:20:10,712 --> 00:20:12,714 So, you wanna get out of here? 441 00:20:19,441 --> 00:20:21,444 (SIGHS) 442 00:20:22,645 --> 00:20:24,687 Boy, are you barking up the wrong tree. 443 00:20:30,894 --> 00:20:32,556 Then I guess I'll be going. 444 00:20:32,656 --> 00:20:34,658 I'll see you to the door. 445 00:20:34,979 --> 00:20:37,642 Happy Valentine's Day, fellas. 446 00:20:37,742 --> 00:20:39,484 You know, I work with Nikki, too. 447 00:20:39,584 --> 00:20:41,586 You're not Stuart, right? 448 00:20:42,106 --> 00:20:44,109 No. 449 00:20:47,592 --> 00:20:49,595 Well, you did the right thing. 450 00:20:50,075 --> 00:20:51,176 Feel better? 451 00:20:51,276 --> 00:20:53,539 No, not really. 452 00:20:53,639 --> 00:20:56,062 Wish you were a little more petty and vindictive? 453 00:20:56,162 --> 00:20:58,024 Yeah, pretty much. 454 00:20:58,124 --> 00:21:00,306 I know how that goes. 455 00:21:00,406 --> 00:21:02,309 I still want him in my life. 456 00:21:02,409 --> 00:21:04,411 So... 457 00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:07,735 this is being gay. 458 00:21:09,817 --> 00:21:11,819 Yeah. This is what we're fighting for. 459 00:21:14,822 --> 00:21:17,485 As much as I'd like to hang around and experiment, 460 00:21:17,585 --> 00:21:19,768 I'm afraid I must get back to the heterosexual world. 461 00:21:19,868 --> 00:21:22,211 Mike, I really appreciate... Don't, all right? 462 00:21:22,311 --> 00:21:24,633 No, don't. Don't even say it. 463 00:21:26,275 --> 00:21:29,939 You were there for me, and whenever you need it, 464 00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:31,861 I'll be there for you. 465 00:21:31,961 --> 00:21:32,942 Good. 466 00:21:33,042 --> 00:21:35,045 Wedding's in June. 467 00:21:36,887 --> 00:21:38,889 You're gonna need to get a tux. 468 00:21:44,014 --> 00:21:45,516 Oh, I ruined Valentine's Day. 469 00:21:45,616 --> 00:21:48,199 Oh, Paulie, it's just one night. 470 00:21:48,299 --> 00:21:51,002 Besides, it's, what, only ten to 12:00. 471 00:21:51,102 --> 00:21:53,445 There's still time left for romance. 472 00:21:53,545 --> 00:21:55,087 Really? Yeah. 473 00:21:55,187 --> 00:21:57,369 Why don't you start by getting me a drink? 474 00:21:57,469 --> 00:22:00,052 I could use one. 475 00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:02,735 That'll take too long. Here, take mine. I'll get a fresh one. 476 00:22:02,835 --> 00:22:04,837 Okay. Thank you, honey. 477 00:22:05,398 --> 00:22:06,659 Mmm. 478 00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:08,762 I know that taste. 479 00:22:09,242 --> 00:22:10,944 It's a daiquiri. 480 00:22:11,044 --> 00:22:13,046 I'll call an ambulance.