1
00:00:01,776 --> 00:00:02,917
Hey, Carter.
Listen to this.
2
00:00:03,017 --> 00:00:04,879
I'm downstairs,
I'm getting
my morning bagel,
3
00:00:04,979 --> 00:00:07,562
and Jill from
accounting insists
on paying for it.
4
00:00:07,662 --> 00:00:09,724
Oh, I think it's obvious.
She likes you, Mike,
5
00:00:09,824 --> 00:00:12,727
and until you
repay the favor,
you're in her debt.
6
00:00:12,827 --> 00:00:16,331
Janelle, fax her
a cheese Danish.
7
00:00:16,431 --> 00:00:19,054
Should I fax these people
assorted pastries as well?
8
00:00:19,154 --> 00:00:20,375
Who are
all these from?
9
00:00:20,475 --> 00:00:21,897
(SCOFFS) Every unattached
woman in the building.
10
00:00:21,997 --> 00:00:23,999
Oh, lemme see.
11
00:00:24,359 --> 00:00:27,422
Oh. Wait a second.
12
00:00:27,522 --> 00:00:29,584
Half these women
told me they were married.
13
00:00:29,684 --> 00:00:30,986
Hell,
14
00:00:31,086 --> 00:00:33,769
this one's roommate
told me she was dead.
15
00:00:34,810 --> 00:00:35,791
JAMES:
Mike, you have, like,
16
00:00:35,891 --> 00:00:37,432
30 lunch
invites here.
17
00:00:37,532 --> 00:00:38,714
Maria from
the Hispanic commission
18
00:00:38,814 --> 00:00:41,076
wants you to try that new
Cuban place with her.
19
00:00:41,176 --> 00:00:44,079
Yoko from
the Japanese consulate
wants to get sushi.
20
00:00:44,179 --> 00:00:45,200
Lori from
the parks department
21
00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:48,243
wants to
take you out
for wild game.
22
00:00:48,343 --> 00:00:51,026
Well, as long as Julie
from waste disposal
didn't call.
23
00:00:52,227 --> 00:00:53,929
What the hell
is going on?
24
00:00:54,029 --> 00:00:55,651
Mike, the word
of your breakup
is out.
25
00:00:55,751 --> 00:00:58,614
You're officially
in play.
(SCOFFS)
26
00:00:58,714 --> 00:01:01,777
I'm not in play.
I'm on the injured
reserve list,
27
00:01:01,877 --> 00:01:03,879
six to eight weeks
with a broken heart.
28
00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:06,502
Women decide whether
you're in play or not.
29
00:01:06,602 --> 00:01:07,903
You have nothing
to say about it.
30
00:01:08,003 --> 00:01:09,705
I can say
I'm not in play.
31
00:01:09,805 --> 00:01:12,368
(CHUCKLES)
Saying it makes you
even more in play.
32
00:01:14,650 --> 00:01:16,472
You're right.
That could hurt me.
33
00:01:16,572 --> 00:01:18,854
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
34
00:01:22,418 --> 00:01:25,341
(WOMEN LAUGHING AND CHEERING)
35
00:01:30,306 --> 00:01:32,008
Don't scream.
It's just me.
36
00:01:32,108 --> 00:01:33,810
Save your
pickup lines.
37
00:01:33,910 --> 00:01:35,932
Morning, Nikki.
Is she decent?
38
00:01:36,032 --> 00:01:38,034
Uh, she's okay.
39
00:01:40,556 --> 00:01:41,618
What are you guys
doing here?
40
00:01:41,718 --> 00:01:42,939
Wow. Look at
this place.
41
00:01:43,039 --> 00:01:44,821
The opulence...
It's like a spa.
42
00:01:44,921 --> 00:01:47,203
I could send my mother
here for the winter.
43
00:01:48,404 --> 00:01:49,826
We need to talk about
our problem with Mike,
44
00:01:49,926 --> 00:01:51,788
and it seemed like the only
place he wouldn't find us.
45
00:01:51,888 --> 00:01:53,229
He's been working us
past midnight
46
00:01:53,329 --> 00:01:54,511
every night this week.
47
00:01:54,611 --> 00:01:55,632
There's no crisis
going on.
48
00:01:55,732 --> 00:01:56,793
I think
it's ridiculous.
49
00:01:56,893 --> 00:01:58,995
I mean,
you would think...
50
00:01:59,095 --> 00:02:01,157
You would think
that Mike would want
to go home,
51
00:02:01,257 --> 00:02:02,519
but now that's
Ashley's gone,
52
00:02:02,619 --> 00:02:04,080
he's got the whole
place to himself.
He can...
53
00:02:04,180 --> 00:02:05,322
He can
walk around naked.
54
00:02:05,422 --> 00:02:08,004
He can watch SportsCenter.
He can eat in bed.
55
00:02:08,104 --> 00:02:09,206
And, in your mind,
56
00:02:09,306 --> 00:02:11,308
he's doing
all this naked?
57
00:02:14,110 --> 00:02:17,854
Guys, the most important
person in Mike's life
just left him, okay?
58
00:02:17,954 --> 00:02:19,056
He's burying himself
in his work.
59
00:02:19,156 --> 00:02:20,817
What more natural way
can you imagine for him
60
00:02:20,917 --> 00:02:22,019
to deal with
his loneliness?
61
00:02:22,119 --> 00:02:23,860
No, no, no.
I know how
Mike feels.
62
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:25,742
It is hard to go home
to an empty apartment
63
00:02:25,842 --> 00:02:28,185
when you're
used to having
someone there.
64
00:02:28,285 --> 00:02:29,426
Who'd you live
with, James?
65
00:02:29,526 --> 00:02:31,628
Well, you know...
66
00:02:31,728 --> 00:02:33,730
My parents.
67
00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:36,153
Mike, listen,
I'm sorry,
68
00:02:36,253 --> 00:02:37,594
but I've gotta
leave early tonight.
69
00:02:37,694 --> 00:02:39,636
He's trying to go
over the wall.
No, no, no, no.
70
00:02:39,736 --> 00:02:41,438
My fan club's having
its first meeting tonight,
71
00:02:41,538 --> 00:02:42,519
and they want me there.
72
00:02:42,619 --> 00:02:44,441
(BOTH LAUGH)
73
00:02:44,541 --> 00:02:46,884
Lemme see this.
Lemme see this.
74
00:02:46,984 --> 00:02:49,206
Well, it's not
Paul's handwriting.
75
00:02:49,306 --> 00:02:50,888
The postmark
looks legitimate.
76
00:02:50,988 --> 00:02:52,249
It's either
a stunning forgery,
77
00:02:52,349 --> 00:02:53,931
or there are actually
people willing
to give up
78
00:02:54,031 --> 00:02:57,615
their free time
to pay homage to Paul.
79
00:02:57,715 --> 00:02:59,817
That's disturbing,
80
00:02:59,917 --> 00:03:01,919
but I'm gonna have
to let you go.
81
00:03:02,239 --> 00:03:03,621
Thank you.
82
00:03:03,721 --> 00:03:05,543
I know. That guy
is a total pig.
83
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:07,024
I feel like I should wear
a sign across my breasts
84
00:03:07,124 --> 00:03:09,126
that says, "I'm up here."
(LAUGHS)
85
00:03:10,247 --> 00:03:11,228
So, you're assuming
86
00:03:11,328 --> 00:03:13,070
he can read.
Right.
87
00:03:13,170 --> 00:03:14,872
Nikki, you're
just in time.
88
00:03:14,972 --> 00:03:16,974
And, you, you're late.
89
00:03:18,215 --> 00:03:19,197
Who are you?
90
00:03:19,297 --> 00:03:21,399
Mike, this is
Danielle Brinkman.
91
00:03:21,499 --> 00:03:22,520
Oh, that's right.
You're the...
92
00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:23,681
You're the new
assistant D.A.
93
00:03:23,781 --> 00:03:24,762
DANIELLE:
Michael Flaherty.
94
00:03:24,862 --> 00:03:25,843
We went to
Fordham together.
95
00:03:25,943 --> 00:03:27,845
We were in the same
ethics class.
96
00:03:27,945 --> 00:03:29,947
I cut ethics.
97
00:03:33,351 --> 00:03:36,334
Wait, Danielle Brinkman.
You're Todd Burskey's
girlfriend.
98
00:03:36,434 --> 00:03:37,936
How is Todd?
99
00:03:38,036 --> 00:03:40,038
We broke up
eight years ago.
100
00:03:40,758 --> 00:03:42,260
Oh, I'm sorry.
101
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,722
Actually,
I'm kind of over it.
102
00:03:45,643 --> 00:03:47,105
Did it take
the whole eight years,
103
00:03:47,205 --> 00:03:49,267
'cause I'm
on week one,
104
00:03:49,367 --> 00:03:52,390
and I'm nauseous
all the time...
105
00:03:52,490 --> 00:03:54,192
Anyway, good to see you
106
00:03:54,292 --> 00:03:55,473
Mr. Cheated-off-
my-ethics-final-
107
00:03:55,573 --> 00:03:58,316
and-didn't-have-
the-decency-to-thank-me.
108
00:03:58,416 --> 00:04:00,418
We got a "C."
109
00:04:03,101 --> 00:04:05,103
Thanks a lot.
110
00:04:06,064 --> 00:04:08,447
Mike, I hear you've
been burning the midnight oil.
111
00:04:08,547 --> 00:04:09,848
Well, sir,
I've taken
the liberty
112
00:04:09,948 --> 00:04:10,929
of working out
a long-term
113
00:04:11,029 --> 00:04:13,291
political plan
for you.
Uh-huh.
114
00:04:13,391 --> 00:04:15,133
Well, first off, let me say
how flattered I am
115
00:04:15,233 --> 00:04:18,276
that you even have me
alive in 2060.
116
00:04:19,758 --> 00:04:21,179
Never underestimate
science, sir.
117
00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:23,462
Yeah.
118
00:04:23,562 --> 00:04:24,823
PAUL:
Uh, Mr. Mayor?
Yeah.
119
00:04:24,923 --> 00:04:26,705
Listen, I have kind of
a special favor to ask you.
120
00:04:26,805 --> 00:04:27,826
What's that smell?
121
00:04:27,926 --> 00:04:29,108
Oh, that's
my cologne.
122
00:04:29,208 --> 00:04:31,190
It's wonderful.
Thank you.
123
00:04:31,290 --> 00:04:32,271
What brand is it?
124
00:04:32,371 --> 00:04:34,273
Seduction.
125
00:04:34,373 --> 00:04:37,916
Hey, Paul,
men's fragrances
are on the fourth floor.
126
00:04:38,016 --> 00:04:40,839
This is first floor,
city government.
127
00:04:40,939 --> 00:04:42,401
What favor
you wanted to ask?
128
00:04:42,501 --> 00:04:44,924
Sir, there's a meeting
of my fan club tonight.
129
00:04:45,024 --> 00:04:47,406
Paul, well, hey.
You've got
a fan club, huh?
130
00:04:47,506 --> 00:04:49,168
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
131
00:04:49,268 --> 00:04:50,689
Mike, do I have
a fan club?
132
00:04:50,789 --> 00:04:52,531
Oh, yes,
you do, sir.
Oh.
133
00:04:52,631 --> 00:04:54,293
It's called
the city of New York.
Oh.
134
00:04:54,393 --> 00:04:56,375
Yeah, well,
if you're not
too busy,
135
00:04:56,475 --> 00:04:57,857
it would really
be a thrill
136
00:04:57,957 --> 00:05:00,179
if everybody could,
you know, sort of
come by to meet you.
137
00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:01,580
I'd love to, Paul.
138
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,062
Oh! No,
I'm sorry,
I can't.
139
00:05:03,162 --> 00:05:05,504
I've got to, um...
Mike, tell him what.
140
00:05:05,604 --> 00:05:07,627
Oh, you know,
well, you can't, sir.
He can't because
141
00:05:07,727 --> 00:05:08,908
you've got the...
142
00:05:09,008 --> 00:05:11,150
Well, sir,
you're busy for
the next seven years.
143
00:05:11,250 --> 00:05:12,431
Yeah, well, see there?
144
00:05:12,531 --> 00:05:14,474
Damn.
My hands
are tied.
145
00:05:14,574 --> 00:05:16,115
Mr. Mayor,
it's your wife, sir.
146
00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:17,316
(MUMBLES)
147
00:05:17,416 --> 00:05:18,918
Her charity function
was canceled.
148
00:05:19,018 --> 00:05:20,720
She wants to know
if you can meet for dinner.
149
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:23,643
Ah, well, tell her
I've already committed
150
00:05:23,743 --> 00:05:24,764
to making
an appearance
151
00:05:24,864 --> 00:05:26,766
at Paul's fan club
meeting tonight.
152
00:05:26,866 --> 00:05:28,568
If only she had
caught me earlier.
153
00:05:28,668 --> 00:05:30,690
It's all about
timing, sir.
Ooh.
154
00:05:30,790 --> 00:05:31,891
Mike, why do
I have to work
155
00:05:31,991 --> 00:05:33,373
on this midnight
basketball initiative?
156
00:05:33,473 --> 00:05:34,494
This is
minority affairs.
157
00:05:34,594 --> 00:05:36,096
That's Carter's job,
not mine.
158
00:05:36,196 --> 00:05:38,438
You've been out
in the city lately?
You are the minority.
159
00:05:40,039 --> 00:05:41,941
I'm talking here.
160
00:05:42,041 --> 00:05:44,224
Mike, I'd be happy
to do this alone.
Very happy.
161
00:05:44,324 --> 00:05:46,326
Listen up,
Bert, Ernie...
162
00:05:50,930 --> 00:05:53,293
I want this presentation
first thing tomorrow morning.
163
00:05:53,974 --> 00:05:54,915
(SIGHS)
164
00:05:55,015 --> 00:05:56,196
Hey, Mike.
Hey.
165
00:05:56,296 --> 00:05:57,477
Guess who I ran
into this morning.
166
00:05:57,577 --> 00:05:59,319
Do you remember
Joe Reed?
167
00:05:59,419 --> 00:06:01,081
Lived in your
freshman dorm?
168
00:06:01,181 --> 00:06:02,883
Huge head,
size of a pumpkin?
169
00:06:02,983 --> 00:06:06,086
Oh, Joe, yeah.
Joe. Joe.
170
00:06:06,186 --> 00:06:08,048
He could barely
walk upright.
171
00:06:08,148 --> 00:06:09,289
What's he doing now?
172
00:06:09,389 --> 00:06:10,851
Couldn't tell you.
The whole time
he was talking,
173
00:06:10,951 --> 00:06:12,292
I just
kept thinking,
174
00:06:12,392 --> 00:06:15,616
"My God, will you
look at the size
of this guy's melon?"
175
00:06:15,716 --> 00:06:17,978
The guy was
cranially challenged.
176
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:20,180
Let's not
get vicious.
Oh, really?
177
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,463
Now, what was it
you called Joe
in college?
178
00:06:22,563 --> 00:06:24,344
Frankenhead.
179
00:06:24,444 --> 00:06:26,106
Oh, listen, if you
want to talk about
that police thing,
180
00:06:26,206 --> 00:06:27,668
I got ten minutes
right now.
181
00:06:27,768 --> 00:06:29,470
Oh, I can't.
I'm on my way to court.
What about this afternoon?
182
00:06:29,570 --> 00:06:31,071
City council.
183
00:06:31,171 --> 00:06:32,953
Well, we really should
take care of this
pretty soon.
184
00:06:33,053 --> 00:06:34,415
Besides, I want
to catch up on what
everybody's doing.
185
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:36,517
Remember
Betsy Holden?
186
00:06:36,617 --> 00:06:38,839
"Two drinks
and I'm yours"?
187
00:06:38,939 --> 00:06:40,941
She was
my best friend.
188
00:06:42,343 --> 00:06:43,684
I knew that.
189
00:06:43,784 --> 00:06:45,005
I'm kidding.
190
00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:46,847
I knew that.
(CHUCKLES)
191
00:06:46,947 --> 00:06:48,329
Listen, I'm
free tonight.
192
00:06:48,429 --> 00:06:50,731
We could grab dinner
and take care of
all this stuff.
193
00:06:50,831 --> 00:06:53,174
Uh, guys, don't we have
a lot of work tonight?
194
00:06:53,274 --> 00:06:54,895
No. No.
Nothing, nothing.
No. No.
195
00:06:54,995 --> 00:06:56,697
Nothing that
can't wait.
You can go.
196
00:06:56,797 --> 00:06:57,979
Yeah, okay.
Why not?
197
00:06:58,079 --> 00:06:59,020
8:00?
198
00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:00,541
Actually, 7:00's
better for him.
199
00:07:00,641 --> 00:07:02,643
I'll make
the reservations.
200
00:07:06,367 --> 00:07:08,549
Excuse me.
Oh, hi.
201
00:07:08,649 --> 00:07:09,911
I'm Claudia Sacks,
202
00:07:10,011 --> 00:07:12,313
president of
the Paul Lassiter Fan Club.
203
00:07:12,413 --> 00:07:14,395
Yes, I know.
You do wonderful
work, Ms. Sacks.
204
00:07:14,495 --> 00:07:15,516
Oh, it's Claudia.
205
00:07:15,616 --> 00:07:16,598
Claudia, yes.
206
00:07:16,698 --> 00:07:19,561
Oh. Well,
this is the room.
207
00:07:19,661 --> 00:07:21,162
It's a
banquet room.
208
00:07:21,262 --> 00:07:23,685
Actually it's
a conference room.
209
00:07:23,785 --> 00:07:26,087
Conference
slash banquet.
210
00:07:26,187 --> 00:07:28,750
Oh, and here's
your name tag.
211
00:07:29,871 --> 00:07:31,533
Ooh. (LAUGHS)
212
00:07:31,633 --> 00:07:34,376
And, um...
These are
your pictures.
213
00:07:34,476 --> 00:07:36,938
Here's a sharpie,
in case you want
to sign autographs.
214
00:07:37,038 --> 00:07:38,780
Thank you.
This is our newsletter.
215
00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,703
Lassiter Fun Facts
in four different colors.
216
00:07:41,803 --> 00:07:43,985
"Paul won
the bronze medal
for public speaking
217
00:07:44,085 --> 00:07:46,268
"when he was at St. Mary's
Elementary School."
218
00:07:46,368 --> 00:07:49,070
It was a
silver medal, actually.
Oh.
219
00:07:49,170 --> 00:07:50,712
Well, I'll
correct that.
220
00:07:50,812 --> 00:07:53,175
Let it go.
Let it go.
That's fine.
221
00:07:53,695 --> 00:07:55,077
So. I, uh...
222
00:07:55,177 --> 00:07:57,439
(CLICKS TONGUE) I guess
I'm early, huh?
223
00:07:57,539 --> 00:08:00,742
Actually, um... No.
224
00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:03,886
No?
225
00:08:03,986 --> 00:08:05,567
God, I just
feel horrible.
226
00:08:05,667 --> 00:08:08,610
I mean, you really do
have so many fans
out there.
227
00:08:08,710 --> 00:08:11,814
I know.
I talk to them
on the Internet.
228
00:08:11,914 --> 00:08:13,015
This is it?
We have such
229
00:08:13,115 --> 00:08:14,977
a good time
talking about you.
230
00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:18,420
You know, the way you say,
"Next question, please."
231
00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:21,824
That look you give reporters
when you're upset with them...
232
00:08:21,924 --> 00:08:23,746
Like now.
233
00:08:23,846 --> 00:08:25,848
Oh, Mr. Lassiter,
234
00:08:26,809 --> 00:08:27,870
the last thing
I wanted to do
235
00:08:27,970 --> 00:08:29,872
was embarrass you.
236
00:08:29,972 --> 00:08:31,714
I'm not embarrassed.
237
00:08:31,814 --> 00:08:33,816
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen!
238
00:08:38,581 --> 00:08:39,642
Hmm.
239
00:08:39,742 --> 00:08:42,104
Well, at least
there's no line
at the bar.
240
00:08:44,266 --> 00:08:45,928
Guys, this is our first
night off in forever.
241
00:08:46,028 --> 00:08:47,209
Why do we have
to sit around
242
00:08:47,309 --> 00:08:49,492
and you drink
like a bunch
of college boys?
243
00:08:49,592 --> 00:08:51,494
Why can't we
just talk?
244
00:08:51,594 --> 00:08:53,796
So, what's new?
245
00:08:54,757 --> 00:08:56,219
Ta-da!
246
00:08:56,319 --> 00:08:59,021
Ah.
I call it
the Stuart Surprise.
247
00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:01,064
What's in it?
No idea. If I knew,
248
00:09:01,164 --> 00:09:03,906
I'd call it
the Stuart I Know
What's In It.
249
00:09:04,006 --> 00:09:07,270
I'm in. (CLEARS THROAT)
Well, do you
shoot it, or what?
250
00:09:07,370 --> 00:09:09,372
Again, no idea.
251
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,158
(BOTH GAGGING)
252
00:09:15,258 --> 00:09:16,439
Here.
Wash it down
with these.
253
00:09:16,539 --> 00:09:18,541
Wash it down
with these.
254
00:09:20,343 --> 00:09:23,046
(BOTH GAGGING)
255
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:25,008
It's
delicious.
256
00:09:25,108 --> 00:09:27,110
(BOTH COUGHING)
257
00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:30,333
(RASPING) Smooth.
258
00:09:30,433 --> 00:09:32,295
I'm going to
the bathroom.
259
00:09:32,395 --> 00:09:34,397
(STUART LAUGHING)
260
00:09:35,999 --> 00:09:38,161
That guy can't
hold his liquor.
261
00:09:42,766 --> 00:09:45,429
...from the outside,
he sets, he shoots,
he pumps...
262
00:09:45,529 --> 00:09:48,752
Nothing but trash.
My house, huh? Huh?
263
00:09:48,852 --> 00:09:51,855
Yeah, I never
get tired of that game.
264
00:09:53,777 --> 00:09:55,359
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Oh, so now
you wanna
265
00:09:55,459 --> 00:09:56,880
play a little
one-on-one.
266
00:09:56,980 --> 00:09:58,522
Maybe after dinner.
267
00:09:58,622 --> 00:10:01,525
I'm sorry.
I thought you were
the cleaning lady.
268
00:10:01,625 --> 00:10:03,527
Oh. You two play
a lot of basketball,
do you?
269
00:10:03,627 --> 00:10:07,131
Not so much
since she blew
her knee out.
270
00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:09,012
Gimme a couple
of seconds, here.
I'll be ready to go.
271
00:10:09,112 --> 00:10:11,095
All right.
You know,
272
00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:14,098
this is exactly
how I pictured
your office.
273
00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:16,100
Really?
With the, uh, walls
274
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,342
and the door
and everything?
275
00:10:18,442 --> 00:10:21,785
(LAUGHING)
276
00:10:21,885 --> 00:10:24,368
What the hell was that?
That wasn't even funny.
277
00:10:28,172 --> 00:10:29,754
Listen to me.
278
00:10:29,854 --> 00:10:31,756
I sound like
I'm 16 again.
279
00:10:31,856 --> 00:10:33,718
This feels
really familiar.
280
00:10:33,818 --> 00:10:36,721
She's nervous.
There's this weird
kinda tension.
281
00:10:36,821 --> 00:10:39,103
Your hands are sweating.
Why are your hands sweating?
282
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:43,728
Oh, my God.
This is a date.
283
00:10:43,828 --> 00:10:45,830
Red alert. Red alert.
284
00:10:46,430 --> 00:10:48,733
Uh, you know what,
it's a little chilly in here.
285
00:10:48,833 --> 00:10:51,095
Why don't you
put that back on?
286
00:10:51,195 --> 00:10:52,176
Everybody out
of the building.
287
00:10:52,276 --> 00:10:53,458
This is not
a drill.
288
00:10:53,558 --> 00:10:54,939
Oh, are you
ready to go?
289
00:10:55,039 --> 00:10:57,782
You know, I can't,
because I got
this big work thing.
290
00:10:57,882 --> 00:10:59,544
You know,
the safety of the city
291
00:10:59,644 --> 00:11:01,225
basically depends
on it, so...
292
00:11:01,325 --> 00:11:04,068
Don't touch her.
Your hands are slimy.
293
00:11:04,168 --> 00:11:06,991
Oh. Well, we still
have to talk about
that police indictment.
294
00:11:07,091 --> 00:11:08,633
And we should
talk about that,
and we will.
295
00:11:08,733 --> 00:11:09,954
Tell you what,
I'll call you.
296
00:11:10,054 --> 00:11:11,796
No, I'll write...
I'll fax you, all right?
297
00:11:11,896 --> 00:11:13,118
I'll send
a carrier pigeon.
298
00:11:13,218 --> 00:11:15,220
See ya.
Yeah, okay.
All right.
299
00:11:18,183 --> 00:11:20,385
That was nicely handled.
Very smooth.
300
00:11:27,112 --> 00:11:29,114
Oh.
301
00:11:36,561 --> 00:11:38,563
(CHUCKLES)
302
00:11:48,093 --> 00:11:50,095
(SMALL VOICE)
Oh, no.
303
00:11:51,536 --> 00:11:52,998
(NORMAL VOICE) Oh, God!
(YELPS)
304
00:11:53,098 --> 00:11:55,040
Oh, my God!
305
00:11:55,140 --> 00:11:57,142
Oh!
306
00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:00,165
Well, I just
wanna say again
307
00:12:00,265 --> 00:12:02,888
how truly sorry I am
about last night.
308
00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:04,730
Yeah, well, I hope
you didn't bring
the whole fan club here,
309
00:12:04,830 --> 00:12:07,353
you know,
'cause we don't wanna
create a fire hazard.
310
00:12:09,635 --> 00:12:10,776
How did the big
party go?
311
00:12:10,876 --> 00:12:12,178
(STAMMERS)
312
00:12:12,278 --> 00:12:14,860
Oh, come on. Spill it, Paul.
I bet they made up T-shirts.
313
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:15,941
You know,
I would like
314
00:12:16,041 --> 00:12:18,944
to put Paul Lassiter
on my chest.
315
00:12:19,044 --> 00:12:21,967
Yes, I said chest.
You're like a horny
little chimp.
316
00:12:24,450 --> 00:12:25,591
Well, to be
honest with you,
317
00:12:25,691 --> 00:12:27,553
the whole
fan club thing,
it was just...
318
00:12:27,653 --> 00:12:29,115
Only about
the most fun
I've ever had.
319
00:12:29,215 --> 00:12:31,878
Morning, people.
Really, it was delightful.
320
00:12:31,978 --> 00:12:35,181
I only wish that
my supporters were
as loyal as yours.
321
00:12:36,662 --> 00:12:39,085
Well, good morning,
Ms. President.
Mr. Mayor.
322
00:12:39,185 --> 00:12:41,808
Don't forget to tell me
about that next meeting, huh?
323
00:12:41,908 --> 00:12:42,889
PAUL: Mr. Mayor?
Yeah.
324
00:12:42,989 --> 00:12:44,530
Mr. Mayor.
Mr. Mayor.
Yeah.
325
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:46,632
(GRUNTS)
326
00:12:49,716 --> 00:12:51,177
Not a real
hugger, Paul.
327
00:12:51,277 --> 00:12:53,880
Don't take away
my incentive to make
these little gestures.
328
00:12:57,443 --> 00:13:00,046
Are you sure
you don't remember
what happened?
329
00:13:01,648 --> 00:13:03,930
Sorry, Stuart.
It's all a blur.
330
00:13:06,893 --> 00:13:09,175
There might have
been dancing.
331
00:13:12,338 --> 00:13:13,760
Well, look who
decided to show up.
332
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,862
It's America's
favorite couple.
333
00:13:16,703 --> 00:13:17,884
I don't want to hear
any of your excuses, okay?
334
00:13:17,984 --> 00:13:20,046
Your tardiness has put us
way behind schedule,
335
00:13:20,146 --> 00:13:21,888
so why don't you two
cozy up?
336
00:13:21,988 --> 00:13:24,351
'Cause you're
gonna be spendin'
the night together.
337
00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:28,074
It'd be
the first time.
338
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,380
Okay.
Let's get rolling,
339
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,062
'cause we got
a lot of work to do.
340
00:13:35,162 --> 00:13:36,463
(CLEARS THROAT)
Mike, we didn't mind
341
00:13:36,563 --> 00:13:37,704
spending time with you
when Ashley left,
342
00:13:37,804 --> 00:13:39,466
and we know
you're hurting,
343
00:13:39,566 --> 00:13:41,708
so, we understand
why you're burying
yourself in your work,
344
00:13:41,808 --> 00:13:43,810
but enough is enough.
345
00:13:47,014 --> 00:13:48,315
We're worried
about you, Mike.
346
00:13:48,415 --> 00:13:49,877
I'm healing.
I'll be fine.
347
00:13:49,977 --> 00:13:51,198
No. No, no, no.
348
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:54,501
Uh, we're worried
about what we're
gonna to do you
349
00:13:55,983 --> 00:13:58,065
if you keep us here
another night.
350
00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:01,628
Sorry I had
to get rough
with you, man.
351
00:14:05,552 --> 00:14:07,134
Mike... I was supposed
352
00:14:07,234 --> 00:14:09,537
to go have drinks
with some people tonight.
353
00:14:09,637 --> 00:14:11,018
Danielle's
gonna be there.
354
00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:13,501
I thought maybe you'd...
No, no, no, no.
I can't.
355
00:14:13,601 --> 00:14:16,664
No, because
Danielle thinks
I'm in play,
356
00:14:16,764 --> 00:14:18,506
and I can't
even get out of
the locker room.
357
00:14:18,606 --> 00:14:21,729
She's an
offensive machine.
She can score at will.
358
00:14:23,611 --> 00:14:25,613
It's baby steps, Mike.
359
00:14:26,013 --> 00:14:28,115
It's time.
360
00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:29,637
(SCOFFS)
All right. Okay.
361
00:14:29,737 --> 00:14:31,199
All right.
I'll go. I'll go.
362
00:14:31,299 --> 00:14:33,000
You guys all take
the night off.
363
00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:34,362
BOTH: Whoo!
JAMES: Yeah.
364
00:14:34,462 --> 00:14:35,763
Whoo-hoo.
Except you two.
365
00:14:35,863 --> 00:14:37,045
I gotta make that
366
00:14:37,145 --> 00:14:38,646
proposal in
the morning,
so why don't you two
367
00:14:38,746 --> 00:14:40,288
go find a room
and don't come out
368
00:14:40,388 --> 00:14:43,311
until you figure out
a way to make balls
bounce at midnight.
369
00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,222
So, the last time
I saw you in college,
370
00:14:54,322 --> 00:14:55,824
you had your
shirt off,
371
00:14:55,924 --> 00:14:58,747
you were drinking beer
out of one of those
ridiculous hats,
372
00:14:58,847 --> 00:15:02,130
and you were screaming,
"I rule," over and over.
373
00:15:03,571 --> 00:15:04,833
Yeah.
374
00:15:04,933 --> 00:15:06,995
How did you ever
become the deputy mayor?
375
00:15:07,095 --> 00:15:09,858
Well, I did
the exact same thing
during my interview.
376
00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:14,442
Oh, I'm sorry.
You want more peanuts?
377
00:15:14,542 --> 00:15:16,084
Mike, we've already
had four bowls.
378
00:15:16,184 --> 00:15:18,326
See, this is part
of my overall
apology strategy.
379
00:15:18,426 --> 00:15:21,329
I, you know,
say I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
380
00:15:21,429 --> 00:15:22,931
until you find it
really annoying.
381
00:15:23,031 --> 00:15:24,493
It was
a little much.
382
00:15:24,593 --> 00:15:26,134
I'm sorry,
383
00:15:26,234 --> 00:15:27,856
and then,
you know,
384
00:15:27,956 --> 00:15:30,819
that's followed by
endless bowls of peanuts
until you forgive me.
385
00:15:30,919 --> 00:15:32,261
I forgive you.
386
00:15:32,361 --> 00:15:34,483
All right. Then
my work here is done.
Hold the nuts.
387
00:15:35,884 --> 00:15:36,945
Well, this is it.
388
00:15:37,045 --> 00:15:39,108
Chairs.
Podium.
Painting.
389
00:15:39,208 --> 00:15:41,110
Everything you see on TV
except for the cameras,
390
00:15:41,210 --> 00:15:42,191
which you
wouldn't see
391
00:15:42,291 --> 00:15:43,272
because they're...
They're the ones
392
00:15:43,372 --> 00:15:44,753
filming it.
(CHUCKLES)
Wow.
393
00:15:44,853 --> 00:15:47,036
How cool is this?
394
00:15:47,136 --> 00:15:48,837
Yeah.
So impressive.
395
00:15:48,937 --> 00:15:52,301
Paul, can you stand
behind the podium...
396
00:15:54,063 --> 00:15:56,065
For me?
397
00:16:02,872 --> 00:16:04,874
You happy?
398
00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:07,676
I know what
you're trying to do.
399
00:16:08,237 --> 00:16:09,378
Yes, ma'am.
400
00:16:09,478 --> 00:16:10,740
When Mr. Mayor
took office,
401
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:13,983
he promised to take care
of the pothole problem,
402
00:16:14,083 --> 00:16:16,786
yet it seems
to have gotten worse.
403
00:16:16,886 --> 00:16:19,669
Well, appearances
can be deceiving.
404
00:16:19,769 --> 00:16:22,792
You see, because
this administration
has discovered
405
00:16:22,892 --> 00:16:25,435
that potholes
are a way of combating
406
00:16:25,535 --> 00:16:27,917
another scourge
of our city,
407
00:16:28,017 --> 00:16:30,019
drag racing.
408
00:16:30,780 --> 00:16:33,763
So, one has
to ask themself,
409
00:16:33,863 --> 00:16:34,924
are potholes
a problem,
410
00:16:35,024 --> 00:16:37,547
or do they
save lives?
411
00:16:40,069 --> 00:16:42,312
Oh, that
was brilliant.
412
00:16:44,474 --> 00:16:46,656
Yes, ma'am?
You in the front?
413
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:48,758
Mr. Lassiter,
414
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:52,942
would you kiss me?
415
00:16:53,042 --> 00:16:55,365
Well, I see...
I don't think we're
prepared to answer...
416
00:17:00,971 --> 00:17:02,973
They'll be
no further questions.
417
00:17:06,136 --> 00:17:08,358
Is... Is part of
your apology plan
418
00:17:08,458 --> 00:17:10,320
to get me really,
really drunk?
419
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:12,803
No, no, these
are for Nikki
and her friends.
420
00:17:12,903 --> 00:17:14,484
Where did
they go, anyway?
421
00:17:14,584 --> 00:17:16,446
I don't know.
I thought they
were at the bar.
422
00:17:16,546 --> 00:17:17,768
Wait a minute.
Did I hear them
423
00:17:17,868 --> 00:17:19,409
say something about
going to a club?
424
00:17:19,509 --> 00:17:21,051
Oh. Yeah.
You wanna go
find 'em?
425
00:17:21,151 --> 00:17:23,934
No, no. I'm not
a club kinda guy.
426
00:17:24,034 --> 00:17:25,135
If I wanna shout
in someone's ear,
427
00:17:25,235 --> 00:17:27,237
I'll go visit
my grandma.
428
00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:31,582
Are you all right
that we're alone?
429
00:17:31,682 --> 00:17:32,743
You're not about
to have a crisis
430
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,264
at the office,
are you?
431
00:17:34,364 --> 00:17:37,348
Well, I can't
very well do it now
that you said that.
432
00:17:37,448 --> 00:17:40,911
I am just saying
that if you wanna
call it a night, we can.
433
00:17:41,011 --> 00:17:42,913
No. Hey,
come on, look...
434
00:17:43,013 --> 00:17:43,954
I can
handle this.
435
00:17:44,054 --> 00:17:46,957
I mean, after all,
we are two grown-up,
436
00:17:47,057 --> 00:17:49,200
professional people
who just happen to be
437
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:51,962
of the opposite...sex.
438
00:17:52,062 --> 00:17:53,524
I'll tell you what.
439
00:17:53,624 --> 00:17:55,646
We will take all of
the danger out of
the situation
440
00:17:55,746 --> 00:17:57,808
by behaving
exactly the opposite
of how we would
441
00:17:57,908 --> 00:17:59,610
if this was a date.
442
00:17:59,710 --> 00:18:01,412
I... I don't
follow you.
443
00:18:01,512 --> 00:18:03,514
How much money
do you make?
444
00:18:03,914 --> 00:18:06,377
Oh, I get it. I see.
445
00:18:06,477 --> 00:18:09,200
I am
unbelievably shallow.
446
00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:13,124
I'm lookin'
to have kids...
447
00:18:14,125 --> 00:18:16,127
Soon.
448
00:18:16,888 --> 00:18:19,190
I have never
449
00:18:19,290 --> 00:18:21,292
satisfied a woman
in bed,
450
00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:25,737
and I have no problem
with that.
451
00:18:26,497 --> 00:18:28,279
Are you ready
to order?
452
00:18:28,379 --> 00:18:30,441
Yes. I'll have
the lobster.
WAITRESS: Lobster.
453
00:18:30,541 --> 00:18:31,763
Should I really
do this?
454
00:18:31,863 --> 00:18:33,885
Oh, definitely.
Why not?
455
00:18:33,985 --> 00:18:35,987
You're payin'
for it.
456
00:18:37,669 --> 00:18:39,250
You don't
remember anything?
457
00:18:39,350 --> 00:18:40,452
Look...
458
00:18:40,552 --> 00:18:43,214
Even if anything
did go on,
459
00:18:43,314 --> 00:18:46,298
I'm certainly not
gonna go shootin'
my mouth off about it.
460
00:18:46,398 --> 00:18:48,400
I got a rep
to protect.
461
00:18:50,041 --> 00:18:51,102
And you, to be
perfectly honest,
462
00:18:51,202 --> 00:18:53,204
don't make much
of a trophy, okay?
463
00:18:58,570 --> 00:19:00,612
So, you're
ashamed of me?
464
00:19:02,214 --> 00:19:03,555
Nothing happened, okay?
465
00:19:03,655 --> 00:19:05,637
We were drunk.
You couldn't find
your apartment keys,
466
00:19:05,737 --> 00:19:08,000
so I let you
crash at my place.
467
00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:09,321
Why didn't you
tell me?
468
00:19:09,421 --> 00:19:10,602
I wanted to
teach you a lesson.
469
00:19:10,702 --> 00:19:12,404
When you look at me,
all you see is
a gay person.
470
00:19:12,504 --> 00:19:14,726
I'm just a guy, Stuart,
I'm a friend of yours.
471
00:19:14,826 --> 00:19:16,048
I know that.
472
00:19:16,148 --> 00:19:17,229
Oh, really?
Well, if Paul
had taken you home,
473
00:19:17,309 --> 00:19:18,410
would you have
worried then?
474
00:19:18,510 --> 00:19:20,052
No. But he's not gay.
Stuart!
475
00:19:20,152 --> 00:19:21,293
Just because I'm gay,
it doesn't mean
476
00:19:21,393 --> 00:19:22,895
I sleep with
every man I get
a chance to.
477
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,456
Look at you.
You're straight.
478
00:19:24,556 --> 00:19:26,418
Do you sleep with
every woman you
get a change to?
479
00:19:26,518 --> 00:19:28,520
Yes!
480
00:19:34,246 --> 00:19:35,227
Woman?
481
00:19:35,327 --> 00:19:37,329
Man.
482
00:19:38,370 --> 00:19:40,372
Nice ass.
483
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:43,355
You know,
for a guy.
(CHUCKLES)
484
00:19:43,455 --> 00:19:44,557
It's changes
like that
485
00:19:44,657 --> 00:19:46,078
that make me love
this city.
486
00:19:46,178 --> 00:19:48,801
They make me
really fear
blind dates.
487
00:19:48,901 --> 00:19:51,984
Well, this is where
I get off.
488
00:19:55,107 --> 00:19:57,209
And then things
got awkward.
489
00:19:57,309 --> 00:19:58,491
Yeah, yeah.
490
00:19:58,591 --> 00:20:00,733
Well, usually when
an evening goes
this well,
491
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:04,537
this is the point
where the guy...
492
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,639
Or the girl.
493
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,842
I can't do this.
494
00:20:11,764 --> 00:20:14,667
I just ended
a long relationship,
495
00:20:14,767 --> 00:20:16,969
and I'm still at home
reading old letters.
496
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,653
But you know what?
497
00:20:21,174 --> 00:20:23,356
She dumped me.
498
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:24,597
I mean, I should
be able to move on.
499
00:20:24,697 --> 00:20:27,460
I'm a grown man.
I can do this.
500
00:20:30,023 --> 00:20:32,025
I can't do this.
501
00:20:32,425 --> 00:20:33,727
Take your time.
Figure it out.
502
00:20:33,827 --> 00:20:36,730
I don't have to
be at work for
a few hours yet.
503
00:20:36,830 --> 00:20:38,091
Why should I
be uncomfortable?
504
00:20:38,191 --> 00:20:40,513
I mean, I had
a fantastic evening.
505
00:20:41,795 --> 00:20:43,496
You are beautiful.
506
00:20:43,596 --> 00:20:45,598
I really love
being with you.
507
00:20:46,319 --> 00:20:47,941
I can do this.
Mike, I don't know.
508
00:20:48,041 --> 00:20:49,783
Pucker up.
All right.
509
00:20:49,883 --> 00:20:51,885
But I'm not
closing my eyes.
510
00:20:52,846 --> 00:20:54,988
I can't do this.
511
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:56,870
I am
so shocked.
512
00:20:56,970 --> 00:20:58,712
Oh. I just...
It wouldn't be
fair to you,
513
00:20:58,812 --> 00:21:01,655
because I would be
thinking about
somebody else.
514
00:21:02,335 --> 00:21:04,338
I understand.
515
00:21:04,738 --> 00:21:05,799
Timing, huh?
516
00:21:05,899 --> 00:21:07,901
Yeah.
517
00:21:08,302 --> 00:21:09,763
What was her name?
518
00:21:09,863 --> 00:21:11,004
Ashley.
519
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:13,106
Mmm. Pretty name.
520
00:21:13,987 --> 00:21:15,989
Yeah.
521
00:21:17,191 --> 00:21:19,733
Well, good night,
Mike.
522
00:21:19,833 --> 00:21:20,774
Yeah.
523
00:21:20,874 --> 00:21:22,016
I had a really
great time.
524
00:21:22,116 --> 00:21:23,817
Yeah, me, too.
525
00:21:23,917 --> 00:21:25,919
But this is
the right thing.
526
00:21:31,045 --> 00:21:33,247
Oh, my God.
I want her.
527
00:21:34,528 --> 00:21:36,230
Shut up.
528
00:21:36,330 --> 00:21:38,853
Sorry. I'm hungry.
529
00:21:42,777 --> 00:21:44,078
NIKKI:
That's it?
530
00:21:44,178 --> 00:21:46,440
Yeah. I didn't
even kiss her.
531
00:21:46,540 --> 00:21:49,243
Nothing.
Why?
532
00:21:49,343 --> 00:21:51,345
Because you're a wuss.
533
00:21:53,868 --> 00:21:56,651
Apparently, I'm deep.
534
00:21:56,751 --> 00:21:58,012
That doesn't
sound right.
535
00:21:58,112 --> 00:21:59,253
You're not
deep, Mike.
536
00:21:59,353 --> 00:22:00,935
Well, it's late.
537
00:22:01,035 --> 00:22:03,097
Anyone ready
to go to bed?
538
00:22:03,197 --> 00:22:05,199
She wants you.