1
00:00:03,611 --> 00:00:06,274
James. Hey.
2
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:09,237
Mmm. I missed you.
How was your Christmas?
3
00:00:09,337 --> 00:00:10,478
Uh, it was
good, Nikki.
4
00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:12,580
I missed
you, too.
5
00:00:13,501 --> 00:00:14,762
I can't tell you
how excited I was
6
00:00:14,862 --> 00:00:16,364
when you asked me out
for a drink tonight.
7
00:00:16,464 --> 00:00:19,186
Yeah, well,
the others should
be here pretty soon.
8
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,189
Uh, the others?
9
00:00:22,830 --> 00:00:23,891
Great.
10
00:00:23,991 --> 00:00:26,574
That way, you know,
we don't have to be alone,
11
00:00:26,674 --> 00:00:28,816
just the two of us.
12
00:00:28,916 --> 00:00:30,057
Hey.
Hey, hey.
13
00:00:30,157 --> 00:00:31,238
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
14
00:00:31,318 --> 00:00:33,140
Hey, guys.
How was
your Christmas?
15
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:34,221
Nice.
16
00:00:34,321 --> 00:00:36,503
(UNENTHUSIASTICALLY)
Lots of family.
17
00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:37,945
Mine was perfect.
18
00:00:38,045 --> 00:00:39,987
I gave myself
a steak dinner,
a case of Heineken,
19
00:00:40,087 --> 00:00:44,031
and a few
very special
adult videos.
20
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:46,113
If you were spending
the holiday alone,
you should have called me.
21
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,215
Oh, my parents
were there.
22
00:00:49,776 --> 00:00:50,998
Oh, don't
sit there.
That's broken.
23
00:00:51,098 --> 00:00:52,279
Oh.
24
00:00:52,379 --> 00:00:54,841
So, I guess Mike's
not going to be
joining us, huh?
25
00:00:54,941 --> 00:00:56,963
I... I called him
a couple of times,
left messages.
26
00:00:57,063 --> 00:00:58,325
He's not
picking up.
27
00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:00,407
I can't believe Mike
and Ashley broke up.
28
00:01:00,507 --> 00:01:01,888
I really thought they were
gonna go the distance.
29
00:01:01,988 --> 00:01:03,850
So, does anyone know
why they broke up?
30
00:01:03,950 --> 00:01:06,253
I've heard,
like, hundreds
of different rumors.
31
00:01:06,353 --> 00:01:08,295
Hey, you're
in a public position,
people are gonna talk.
32
00:01:08,395 --> 00:01:10,337
There's probably
not a person
in this city
33
00:01:10,437 --> 00:01:11,778
that doesn't know
about this.
34
00:01:11,878 --> 00:01:14,661
Happy New Year, guys!
35
00:01:14,761 --> 00:01:17,223
So, did you make any
resolutions this year, huh?
36
00:01:17,323 --> 00:01:20,266
Mine is to be
less gullible this year.
37
00:01:20,366 --> 00:01:22,028
Did you hear?
Mike and Ashley
broke up.
38
00:01:22,128 --> 00:01:24,130
(LAUGHING)
Oh, come on.
39
00:01:25,051 --> 00:01:26,272
Very good.
40
00:01:26,372 --> 00:01:27,373
Not going to work.
Uh-huh.
Oh, don't sit there.
41
00:01:27,453 --> 00:01:28,875
That's broken.
42
00:01:28,975 --> 00:01:30,076
Oh, please.
43
00:01:30,176 --> 00:01:31,557
Oh, people,
what do you
44
00:01:31,657 --> 00:01:32,799
take me for, huh?
ALL: Paul.
45
00:01:32,899 --> 00:01:34,901
(NIKKI SCREAMS)
46
00:01:36,782 --> 00:01:38,784
Mike and Ashley
broke up?
47
00:01:39,505 --> 00:01:41,747
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
48
00:01:52,238 --> 00:01:53,579
Good morning.
Welcome back.
49
00:01:53,679 --> 00:01:55,301
How's everybody doing?
NIKKI: Hi, Mike.
50
00:01:55,401 --> 00:01:57,143
STUART: Hi.
JAMES: Hey, Mike.
How are you?
51
00:01:57,243 --> 00:01:59,305
How are you
doing, Mike?
52
00:01:59,405 --> 00:02:01,407
Oh, God.
The pity face.
53
00:02:03,048 --> 00:02:05,311
Look, you got to
get a message back
to girl headquarters.
54
00:02:05,411 --> 00:02:07,853
Let them know
guys hate the pity face.
55
00:02:09,855 --> 00:02:11,437
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
It's
pretty bad.
56
00:02:11,537 --> 00:02:13,799
All right, I take it you
all heard that Ashley
and I split up.
57
00:02:13,899 --> 00:02:15,761
So, I should probably make
a brief statement.
58
00:02:15,861 --> 00:02:17,763
Ashley got offered
a terrific job in L.A.
59
00:02:17,863 --> 00:02:19,725
She took it.
I supported her.
60
00:02:19,825 --> 00:02:23,228
She left. She's fine.
I'm fine. The end.
61
00:02:25,230 --> 00:02:26,211
Press two if you want
62
00:02:26,311 --> 00:02:28,313
this message
repeated in Spanish.
63
00:02:29,234 --> 00:02:30,415
What's in the box?
64
00:02:30,515 --> 00:02:32,938
Just some of her stuff.
It's, uh... You know,
65
00:02:33,038 --> 00:02:35,420
sweatshirt, four books,
66
00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:38,823
six CDs, picture frame,
pair of earrings...
67
00:02:38,923 --> 00:02:41,106
Bra.
68
00:02:41,206 --> 00:02:43,028
That's pathetic.
69
00:02:43,128 --> 00:02:44,509
What? What?
70
00:02:44,609 --> 00:02:46,471
Come on, Mike.
It's so obvious.
71
00:02:46,571 --> 00:02:47,672
It's a breakup box.
72
00:02:47,772 --> 00:02:48,813
You could have thrown
all that stuff out,
73
00:02:48,893 --> 00:02:50,595
but, no, you had
to send it all back,
74
00:02:50,695 --> 00:02:51,676
hoping that each item
75
00:02:51,776 --> 00:02:53,318
dredges up
some painful memory.
76
00:02:53,418 --> 00:02:54,639
Yeah.
77
00:02:54,739 --> 00:02:56,741
Especially the bra.
78
00:02:58,583 --> 00:03:01,646
See, it was
the first one she gave me.
79
00:03:01,746 --> 00:03:04,188
It was designed
to both lift and separate.
80
00:03:05,309 --> 00:03:06,771
Come on.
It's her stuff.
81
00:03:06,871 --> 00:03:07,932
I got to send it
back to her.
82
00:03:08,032 --> 00:03:09,253
Can we move on,
please?
83
00:03:09,353 --> 00:03:10,815
You know,
I got dumped once.
84
00:03:10,915 --> 00:03:12,917
No.
85
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:17,061
No, seriously,
I did.
86
00:03:17,161 --> 00:03:18,863
I'd like
to point out that
this is irrelevant,
87
00:03:18,963 --> 00:03:20,104
seeing as
I did not get dumped.
88
00:03:20,204 --> 00:03:22,186
We broke up.
It's a giant difference.
89
00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:23,267
It is huge.
90
00:03:23,367 --> 00:03:25,369
Can I tell
my story anyway?
91
00:03:27,211 --> 00:03:28,632
All right.
92
00:03:28,732 --> 00:03:30,434
I met this girl
in college, all right?
93
00:03:30,534 --> 00:03:32,196
She was a sophomore.
I was a freshman.
94
00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:33,637
We dated
for three years,
95
00:03:33,737 --> 00:03:35,739
and she just up
and left me.
96
00:03:36,420 --> 00:03:37,641
James,
97
00:03:37,741 --> 00:03:39,743
she graduated.
98
00:03:41,785 --> 00:03:44,768
I'm really excited
to release these holiday
tourism statistics.
99
00:03:44,868 --> 00:03:47,391
Press eats
this stuff up like
yogurt-covered raisins.
100
00:03:48,872 --> 00:03:49,893
That's an
interesting reference.
101
00:03:49,993 --> 00:03:52,055
Hey, you cover
anything with yogurt...
102
00:03:52,155 --> 00:03:55,018
(LAUGHS)
Count me in.
103
00:03:55,118 --> 00:03:57,561
That attitude
can get you in a lot
of trouble, Paul.
104
00:03:58,602 --> 00:04:00,223
Oh, you're not
really gonna
105
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:01,465
use those statistics,
are you?
106
00:04:01,565 --> 00:04:03,347
'Cause, uh...
107
00:04:03,447 --> 00:04:04,628
'Cause I made
them up.
108
00:04:04,728 --> 00:04:05,989
What?
109
00:04:06,089 --> 00:04:07,270
Oh, no.
No, Mike.
110
00:04:07,370 --> 00:04:08,592
I could lose
my job for this.
111
00:04:08,692 --> 00:04:09,993
I could go to jail.
112
00:04:10,093 --> 00:04:11,274
Jeez, Paul,
come on, I thought
113
00:04:11,374 --> 00:04:12,956
you weren't going to be
so gullible this year.
114
00:04:13,056 --> 00:04:15,158
Oh, why did I tell
you people about my
New Year's resolution?
115
00:04:15,258 --> 00:04:17,260
Stupid.
Stupid. Stupid.
116
00:04:18,181 --> 00:04:19,322
Why am
I here anyway?
117
00:04:19,422 --> 00:04:21,404
I mean, this is
routine stuff.
118
00:04:21,504 --> 00:04:22,605
Well, you
and Ashley saw
119
00:04:22,705 --> 00:04:24,287
a lot of each other
in that room,
120
00:04:24,387 --> 00:04:25,929
and, uh, you know...
121
00:04:26,029 --> 00:04:27,090
Oh, no.
So, you're thinking
122
00:04:27,190 --> 00:04:29,732
if I don't go back
in there today,
123
00:04:29,832 --> 00:04:31,094
I may never
go back?
124
00:04:31,194 --> 00:04:32,175
Yeah.
125
00:04:32,275 --> 00:04:33,696
Come on, Paul.
126
00:04:33,796 --> 00:04:34,777
You've been watching
too many soaps.
127
00:04:34,877 --> 00:04:36,879
Let's get this thing
over with.
128
00:04:39,522 --> 00:04:41,944
(INDISTINCT CHATTER INSIDE)
129
00:04:42,044 --> 00:04:44,067
What?
130
00:04:44,167 --> 00:04:46,028
I... (SIGHS)
131
00:04:46,128 --> 00:04:49,111
I don't know.
I can't go in there.
132
00:04:49,211 --> 00:04:51,213
I can't go
in that room.
133
00:04:52,054 --> 00:04:54,357
It's like...
(SIGHS)
134
00:04:54,457 --> 00:04:57,740
It's like there's
this invisible barrier that
135
00:04:59,101 --> 00:05:00,563
my heart
won't let me cross.
136
00:05:00,663 --> 00:05:02,665
Oh, God.
137
00:05:03,626 --> 00:05:05,868
Oh, God.
It's too soon,
isn't it?
138
00:05:07,509 --> 00:05:09,511
This is gonna be
a long year
for you, Paul.
139
00:05:13,676 --> 00:05:16,779
Mike, read...
Morning, sir.
140
00:05:16,879 --> 00:05:20,022
Read this, please.
All right.
141
00:05:20,122 --> 00:05:23,065
Wow. John Tesh is giving
a free concert in the park.
142
00:05:23,165 --> 00:05:24,186
No, no.
143
00:05:24,286 --> 00:05:25,948
The next page.
144
00:05:26,048 --> 00:05:28,050
I love John Tesh.
145
00:05:29,811 --> 00:05:31,813
I know you do, sir.
146
00:05:32,454 --> 00:05:34,396
Oh, sir, these are
political cartoons.
147
00:05:34,496 --> 00:05:36,878
Yes, but they have gotten
very personal, Mike.
148
00:05:36,978 --> 00:05:39,321
You're a public figure.
You're gonna get nailed
a few times.
149
00:05:39,421 --> 00:05:41,163
Besides, the fact
that they choose you
to make fun of
150
00:05:41,263 --> 00:05:42,844
could almost be
considered flattering.
151
00:05:42,944 --> 00:05:44,166
Oh, really?
Well, what about
the one here
152
00:05:44,266 --> 00:05:46,268
where I have
an ass head?
153
00:05:47,709 --> 00:05:50,492
Well, the donkey
has long been a popular
political symbol.
154
00:05:50,592 --> 00:05:52,974
No, not a
donkey head, Mike.
155
00:05:53,074 --> 00:05:55,076
An ass head.
156
00:05:55,637 --> 00:05:57,639
Oh, my. Well...
157
00:06:02,483 --> 00:06:05,386
It's not
very flattering
at all, is it, sir?
158
00:06:05,486 --> 00:06:07,108
All right,
I'll tell you what,
I'll give them a call.
159
00:06:07,208 --> 00:06:08,990
Or we could
just hoist you up
on the copy machine,
160
00:06:09,090 --> 00:06:10,552
fax them
a better likeness.
161
00:06:10,652 --> 00:06:12,714
(CHUCKLING)
162
00:06:12,814 --> 00:06:15,837
Yeah, yes,
you're right.
Well, listen,
163
00:06:15,937 --> 00:06:17,999
this cartoon isn't
the real reason
I came in here.
164
00:06:18,099 --> 00:06:19,360
I heard about
you and...
165
00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:20,481
Ashley.
Yeah.
166
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:23,604
Yeah, I figured.
I'm okay.
167
00:06:23,704 --> 00:06:24,966
If you need
any time off or...
168
00:06:25,066 --> 00:06:26,287
I just had some.
Oh.
169
00:06:26,387 --> 00:06:28,329
I tell you what, though.
I'll take a rain check.
170
00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:30,451
That way, if there's
any lingering sadness
171
00:06:30,551 --> 00:06:33,634
in say, like, July,
when the weather's
really hot...
172
00:06:35,676 --> 00:06:37,678
I'll take
a few long weekends.
173
00:06:38,119 --> 00:06:39,740
(LAUGHS)
174
00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:41,842
I don't think so.
175
00:06:43,364 --> 00:06:45,686
Look, sir, I'm not
gonna lie to you.
176
00:06:46,367 --> 00:06:48,148
It's not easy to end
177
00:06:48,248 --> 00:06:49,830
a relationship.
So, there's nothing
I can do.
178
00:06:49,930 --> 00:06:51,932
I'm fine, sir.
179
00:06:55,255 --> 00:06:57,257
CARTER: Heading out?
I'm trying to.
180
00:06:57,858 --> 00:06:59,239
And good.
181
00:06:59,339 --> 00:07:01,902
You're taking your little
cardboard friend with you.
182
00:07:02,983 --> 00:07:05,085
All right
now, Mike.
183
00:07:05,185 --> 00:07:06,206
If you need to talk
to anyone later...
184
00:07:06,306 --> 00:07:07,367
(SIGHS)
...I'm gonna
be kinda hard
185
00:07:07,467 --> 00:07:09,009
to get a hold of
because I've got a date.
186
00:07:09,109 --> 00:07:12,893
I don't think
Mike needs to hear
about that right now.
187
00:07:12,993 --> 00:07:14,935
In fact, I don't think
Mike needs you to be
dating, period.
188
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,037
No more dating!
189
00:07:17,597 --> 00:07:19,860
You know, that's
a catchy slogan, James.
190
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,021
If we need
to lock up
the Amish vote,
191
00:07:21,121 --> 00:07:23,343
we can slap that
on a buggy sticker.
192
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,105
Uh, point
of information, Mike.
193
00:07:25,205 --> 00:07:27,307
Technically, the Amish
are not allowed
194
00:07:27,407 --> 00:07:29,409
to decorate
their buggies.
195
00:07:30,290 --> 00:07:32,352
How could you
possibly know that?
196
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,555
The Amish
have a website
on the Internet.
197
00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,277
You know,
normal people
198
00:07:37,377 --> 00:07:39,539
download
nudie pictures,
199
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:44,524
but you hang out
on the Amish home page.
200
00:07:44,624 --> 00:07:46,626
They have
nudie pictures.
201
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,292
Yeah?
202
00:07:53,392 --> 00:07:55,394
How do you log on?
203
00:07:56,035 --> 00:07:58,117
Am-babe.com.
204
00:08:01,921 --> 00:08:04,423
You know what it's like
to feel empty, Clayton?
205
00:08:04,523 --> 00:08:07,646
Feel a big, gaping hole
around you wherever you go?
206
00:08:12,171 --> 00:08:14,173
Can I just get
my nine bucks?
207
00:08:15,094 --> 00:08:17,076
I mean,
look at me, Clayton.
208
00:08:17,176 --> 00:08:20,759
Look at me. This...
This isn't who I am.
209
00:08:20,859 --> 00:08:23,842
All right, look.
You can give me a ten
or a 20. I don't care.
210
00:08:23,942 --> 00:08:25,204
I can make change.
211
00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:26,485
All right,
Clayton, come on.
Look, have a slice
212
00:08:26,585 --> 00:08:27,686
with me, okay?
213
00:08:27,786 --> 00:08:29,768
Sorry the place
is a mess, but...
214
00:08:29,868 --> 00:08:31,250
Here. See?
All right? Okay?
215
00:08:31,350 --> 00:08:32,851
We'll hang out.
We'll have a beer.
216
00:08:32,951 --> 00:08:35,954
Just two guys.
We don't need anybody.
217
00:08:38,196 --> 00:08:39,978
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Oh, hey.
218
00:08:40,078 --> 00:08:42,160
Be a sport
and get that for me,
would you, Clayton?
219
00:08:44,603 --> 00:08:46,605
I'm looking for
Michael Flaherty.
MIKE: Oh, hey.
220
00:08:47,406 --> 00:08:49,548
Beerski, friend?
221
00:08:49,648 --> 00:08:51,650
Dude, get out
while you can.
222
00:08:52,971 --> 00:08:54,553
I'm... I'm just here
for a signature.
223
00:08:54,653 --> 00:08:55,634
I just want
nine bucks.
224
00:08:55,734 --> 00:08:57,736
I've been here
since noon.
225
00:09:00,619 --> 00:09:03,441
Listen, I just have
the paper plates.
Is that okay?
226
00:09:03,541 --> 00:09:06,084
Listen, sir,
this pizza's
on me. See ya.
227
00:09:06,184 --> 00:09:08,606
Well, hey, Clayton.
Clayton. Whoa.
228
00:09:08,706 --> 00:09:10,708
Clayton.
229
00:09:11,669 --> 00:09:13,671
You're good
people, Clayton.
230
00:09:14,913 --> 00:09:16,915
Guy really
understands me.
231
00:09:18,076 --> 00:09:20,078
So...
232
00:09:20,959 --> 00:09:23,021
(DOOR SLAMS)
233
00:09:23,121 --> 00:09:25,123
Gonna be able
to hang out
for a bit?
234
00:09:26,964 --> 00:09:28,226
Uh, you have
a package going
235
00:09:28,326 --> 00:09:32,470
to Ashley Schaeffer
in Los Angeles?
236
00:09:32,570 --> 00:09:33,871
Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.
237
00:09:33,971 --> 00:09:35,313
Right over...
(GRUNTS)
238
00:09:35,413 --> 00:09:37,195
Whoa.
Here we go.
239
00:09:37,295 --> 00:09:38,796
If you
would just sign
by the "X," sir.
240
00:09:38,896 --> 00:09:40,898
All right.
So, hey, Jimmy.
241
00:09:41,419 --> 00:09:42,480
You look like
the type of fella
242
00:09:42,580 --> 00:09:44,362
who's had
a few relationships.
243
00:09:44,462 --> 00:09:46,664
Keep your eye
on that "X," sir.
244
00:09:49,707 --> 00:09:51,649
All business,
huh, Jimmy?
245
00:09:51,749 --> 00:09:53,751
I respect that.
I know the type.
246
00:09:54,992 --> 00:09:56,413
There you go.
247
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,515
Okay.
248
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,518
(SIGHS)
249
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,822
I'm sorry.
I know this
250
00:10:04,922 --> 00:10:06,223
is gonna sound
weird to you,
251
00:10:06,323 --> 00:10:08,545
but I can't let you
take this box.
252
00:10:08,645 --> 00:10:10,307
Listen, buddy,
you just signed
the invoice.
253
00:10:10,407 --> 00:10:12,069
It's officially
my responsibility now.
254
00:10:12,169 --> 00:10:14,311
I have to take it.
(GRUNTS)
255
00:10:14,411 --> 00:10:16,633
Maybe you could just take
something else, huh?
256
00:10:16,733 --> 00:10:19,396
How about
the lazy Susan?
257
00:10:19,496 --> 00:10:21,398
All right. Okay.
I got the invoice.
258
00:10:21,498 --> 00:10:23,360
You're free to go.
259
00:10:23,460 --> 00:10:26,963
Oh. I get it.
What?
260
00:10:27,063 --> 00:10:29,065
It's a breakup box.
261
00:10:31,188 --> 00:10:33,330
You can't prove that.
262
00:10:33,430 --> 00:10:34,971
Listen, buddy,
trust me.
263
00:10:35,071 --> 00:10:36,653
I do this every day.
264
00:10:36,753 --> 00:10:39,516
She's not coming back.
She doesn't love you anymore.
265
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:45,762
You're never getting
this away from me.
266
00:10:47,003 --> 00:10:48,585
Jimmy.
267
00:10:48,685 --> 00:10:50,026
Jimmy!
268
00:10:50,126 --> 00:10:52,388
(BOTH GRUNTING)
269
00:10:52,488 --> 00:10:54,570
You know,
you're stronger
than you look.
270
00:10:56,773 --> 00:10:59,055
Jimmy,
give me the box.
Give me the box.
271
00:11:02,658 --> 00:11:04,160
You got
back together
with him?
272
00:11:04,260 --> 00:11:07,243
Yes. That's what makes
my breakup story so good...
273
00:11:07,343 --> 00:11:08,925
The rare
double breakup.
274
00:11:09,025 --> 00:11:10,486
We lived together.
He left me.
275
00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:13,409
I took him back.
He left me again.
No warning.
276
00:11:13,509 --> 00:11:15,811
One day,
I got home from work,
277
00:11:15,911 --> 00:11:16,893
he'd already
moved his things
278
00:11:16,993 --> 00:11:18,854
into a
friend's apartment.
279
00:11:18,954 --> 00:11:20,416
His, uh,
280
00:11:20,516 --> 00:11:22,698
things?
281
00:11:22,798 --> 00:11:26,442
Yeah, you know,
handcuffs, whips,
other sex toys.
282
00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:29,565
His clothes,
you fool.
283
00:11:30,286 --> 00:11:31,667
Personal effects.
God.
284
00:11:31,767 --> 00:11:32,748
Sorry.
285
00:11:32,848 --> 00:11:34,850
I wandered.
Sue me.
286
00:11:35,931 --> 00:11:37,633
Guys, it is
almost noon.
287
00:11:37,733 --> 00:11:38,834
Mike is still
not in yet.
288
00:11:38,934 --> 00:11:40,676
Yeah, I know.
I'm worried, too.
289
00:11:40,776 --> 00:11:42,518
I think we should wait
about another 15 minutes,
290
00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:44,620
and if he doesn't
show up, call it a day.
291
00:11:46,061 --> 00:11:47,883
I'm going to
try him again.
292
00:11:47,983 --> 00:11:50,966
So, Nik...
what you doing tonight?
293
00:11:51,066 --> 00:11:52,928
"Nik"?
294
00:11:53,028 --> 00:11:54,369
Cozy night
with Mr. TV?
295
00:11:54,469 --> 00:11:57,332
Nah, Mr. Fuchs.
Dan, my date.
296
00:11:57,432 --> 00:11:59,634
(IMITATING NIKKI)
My date this,
my date that.
297
00:12:01,316 --> 00:12:03,338
(NORMAL VOICE)
I was just mumbling.
298
00:12:03,438 --> 00:12:04,780
Mike?
It's Nikki.
299
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:08,343
Hey, Nikki.
How you doing?
300
00:12:08,443 --> 00:12:10,305
Forget about me.
How are you doing?
301
00:12:10,405 --> 00:12:12,407
Oh, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
302
00:12:13,248 --> 00:12:15,270
Just taking
a personal day.
303
00:12:15,370 --> 00:12:16,911
Well, you want
some company?
304
00:12:17,011 --> 00:12:19,634
Oh, I don't think
there's a whole lot
of room in here.
305
00:12:19,734 --> 00:12:21,076
I mean, I got
a few people over,
306
00:12:21,176 --> 00:12:23,718
and there's
an occupancy limit.
307
00:12:23,818 --> 00:12:25,820
(FORCED LAUGH)
308
00:12:26,581 --> 00:12:28,203
Anyway, I'm...
I'm fine.
309
00:12:28,303 --> 00:12:30,124
Thanks for
checking on me.
310
00:12:30,224 --> 00:12:31,246
(STAMMERS) Okay.
311
00:12:31,346 --> 00:12:33,348
Okay.
312
00:12:34,188 --> 00:12:35,370
That was
a special treat
313
00:12:35,470 --> 00:12:36,971
watching you handle
that briefing, sir.
314
00:12:37,071 --> 00:12:38,973
Yeah, with what passes
for news these days,
315
00:12:39,073 --> 00:12:40,495
I knew there'd be
more than a...
316
00:12:40,595 --> 00:12:41,616
Well, a couple
of questions
317
00:12:41,716 --> 00:12:44,298
about Mike's
personal life,
318
00:12:44,398 --> 00:12:45,660
and what kind of friend
would I be
319
00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:48,462
if I didn't just step in
and deflect a few shots, huh?
320
00:12:48,562 --> 00:12:50,785
(LAUGHS) May I say, sir,
it was very impressive.
321
00:12:50,885 --> 00:12:51,946
Well, thank you
very much.
322
00:12:52,046 --> 00:12:54,749
I've always excelled
at public speaking.
323
00:12:54,849 --> 00:12:56,831
Well, that's...
324
00:12:56,931 --> 00:12:59,814
That's an advantage
in the political arena,
no doubt, sir.
325
00:13:01,015 --> 00:13:02,276
Well, I really
appreciate you
letting me,
326
00:13:02,376 --> 00:13:03,597
you know, sub in
for you today.
327
00:13:03,697 --> 00:13:06,080
(LAUGHS) Oh. You can fill
my shoes anytime, sir.
328
00:13:06,180 --> 00:13:09,243
Yeah, well, Paul,
therein lies the problem.
329
00:13:09,343 --> 00:13:10,284
Problem?
330
00:13:10,384 --> 00:13:11,845
Well, see, interacting
with the press
331
00:13:11,945 --> 00:13:15,649
is one of
my favorite things
about public office,
332
00:13:15,749 --> 00:13:17,691
but with you
here, I...
333
00:13:17,791 --> 00:13:20,794
I just don't get
to seem to do it
as often as I'd like.
334
00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:23,497
What are you
getting at, sir?
335
00:13:23,597 --> 00:13:26,220
Well, I've decided
to discontinue
your position here
336
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:28,642
and handle
things myself.
337
00:13:29,803 --> 00:13:31,805
We're going to
let you go, Paul.
338
00:13:32,766 --> 00:13:35,789
Oh. Well... I'll...
I'll just pack
339
00:13:35,889 --> 00:13:37,671
my things, sir.
340
00:13:37,771 --> 00:13:39,953
Boy, Paul.
They were right.
You're easy pickings.
341
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:42,055
(LAUGHS)
342
00:13:46,620 --> 00:13:48,642
Hey, Lassiter,
your fly's open.
343
00:13:48,742 --> 00:13:50,744
Oh.
344
00:13:54,187 --> 00:13:56,289
I can't believe
you cooked for me.
345
00:13:56,389 --> 00:13:57,530
Well, uh, before
I became
346
00:13:57,630 --> 00:14:00,173
a bond trader,
I was a chef
for a while.
347
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:01,574
Wow.
348
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,997
Got any other
interesting jobs
in your past?
349
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:05,859
I was a masseur.
350
00:14:05,959 --> 00:14:07,460
Yes!
351
00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:09,262
If you tell me
you've never been
convicted of a felony,
352
00:14:09,362 --> 00:14:10,783
you can move
in tomorrow.
353
00:14:10,883 --> 00:14:12,625
(CLICKS TONGUE)
Ooh, so close.
354
00:14:12,725 --> 00:14:15,588
I tell you,
you kill one guy,
and it haunts you forever.
355
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:16,789
But two out of three
ain't bad, right?
356
00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:18,871
I mean, this date's
going pretty well.
357
00:14:18,971 --> 00:14:20,433
What, are
you kidding?
358
00:14:20,533 --> 00:14:22,635
You know what that
sound is, don't you?
359
00:14:22,735 --> 00:14:24,917
The sound
of us clicking.
You hear that?
360
00:14:25,017 --> 00:14:27,019
I think so.
361
00:14:29,742 --> 00:14:32,004
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
362
00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:33,926
Oh, yeah,
I'm definitely
picking it up now.
363
00:14:34,026 --> 00:14:36,028
It's... It's more
of a knocking sound.
364
00:14:39,471 --> 00:14:40,933
Nikki. Nikki,
you were right.
365
00:14:41,033 --> 00:14:42,174
I am an idiot.
366
00:14:42,274 --> 00:14:44,937
I need to talk,
and I need you
to listen.
367
00:14:45,037 --> 00:14:46,819
Hi. I'm Mike...
368
00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:48,921
Nikki's 9:00 date.
369
00:14:50,202 --> 00:14:54,286
Dan, I'd like you
to meet Mike, my boss.
370
00:14:57,009 --> 00:15:00,172
Uh, well, I should
probably go.
371
00:15:06,058 --> 00:15:07,199
No. You stay.
372
00:15:07,299 --> 00:15:08,600
I asked you to talk.
You came to talk.
373
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:10,702
We're going to talk,
just you and me.
374
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:13,325
And Dan.
375
00:15:13,425 --> 00:15:15,047
Oh, I don't want to
drag you guys down.
376
00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:18,490
I mean,
the date must go on.
377
00:15:18,590 --> 00:15:19,931
What did you guys
have planned?
378
00:15:20,031 --> 00:15:23,054
Well, we were gonna catch
the new Star Trek movie.
379
00:15:23,154 --> 00:15:25,156
Well, I've seen that.
380
00:15:26,117 --> 00:15:27,499
Of course you have.
381
00:15:27,599 --> 00:15:30,702
What about dinner?
I mean, that's
a date thing, right?
382
00:15:30,802 --> 00:15:34,025
Yeah, we could eat...again.
383
00:15:34,125 --> 00:15:35,306
Okay, great.
Well, listen.
384
00:15:35,406 --> 00:15:37,749
I'm just going
to use the bathroom.
385
00:15:37,849 --> 00:15:40,892
Dan, why don't you
pick the restaurant?
386
00:15:42,213 --> 00:15:43,595
Oh, you are a doll.
387
00:15:43,695 --> 00:15:46,357
He has been
in such a bad place.
388
00:15:46,457 --> 00:15:47,558
I know this is
really awkward for you.
389
00:15:47,658 --> 00:15:48,920
Nah, it's okay.
It's like we have
390
00:15:49,020 --> 00:15:50,001
our own chaperone...
391
00:15:50,101 --> 00:15:51,522
(DOOR OPENS)
392
00:15:51,622 --> 00:15:53,624
...or two.
393
00:15:55,546 --> 00:15:56,487
James?
394
00:15:56,587 --> 00:15:58,589
Hey, Nikki.
Excuse me.
395
00:16:01,232 --> 00:16:03,234
You must
be the date.
396
00:16:04,195 --> 00:16:06,197
Dan.
Uh-uh.
397
00:16:07,638 --> 00:16:10,341
James, what are
you doing here?
398
00:16:10,441 --> 00:16:13,184
I... I came
to talk about Mike.
399
00:16:13,284 --> 00:16:14,745
I'm really
worried about him.
400
00:16:14,845 --> 00:16:17,167
Oh, actually,
he's here.
Yeah, whatever.
401
00:16:19,890 --> 00:16:21,872
So...
402
00:16:21,972 --> 00:16:23,974
What do
you do, Dan?
403
00:16:35,946 --> 00:16:37,948
I like your box.
404
00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,051
Thank you.
405
00:16:41,151 --> 00:16:44,374
Mike... I thought
you wanted to talk tonight.
406
00:16:44,474 --> 00:16:46,536
Yeah, yeah, I just got
to go slow, okay?
407
00:16:46,636 --> 00:16:47,978
I want to
ease into it.
408
00:16:48,078 --> 00:16:49,499
You know,
I've been through
409
00:16:49,599 --> 00:16:51,301
a couple of
painful breakups.
410
00:16:51,401 --> 00:16:52,743
Oh, you hear
that, Nikki?
He loves them
411
00:16:52,843 --> 00:16:54,844
and leaves them.
412
00:16:56,366 --> 00:16:57,387
Citizens
of Gotham.
413
00:16:57,487 --> 00:16:58,748
Howdy,
howdy, howdy.
414
00:16:58,848 --> 00:16:59,990
More friends?
415
00:17:00,090 --> 00:17:03,073
I... I like to date
in large groups.
416
00:17:03,173 --> 00:17:04,354
Who's the new guy?
417
00:17:04,454 --> 00:17:05,675
Nikki's date, Dan.
418
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:06,836
Oh, how's
the date going?
419
00:17:06,936 --> 00:17:08,938
(GRUNTS)
420
00:17:09,339 --> 00:17:10,560
So, Mr. Big Talk,
421
00:17:10,660 --> 00:17:11,721
you going
to finish your
422
00:17:11,821 --> 00:17:12,922
breakup story
or what?
423
00:17:13,022 --> 00:17:15,365
I did. She climbed
down the fire escape
424
00:17:15,465 --> 00:17:17,647
and left
my life forever.
That's it?
425
00:17:17,747 --> 00:17:19,689
Hey. We lived
on the 14th floor.
426
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:21,090
She was carrying
all my luggage...
(SIGHS)
427
00:17:21,190 --> 00:17:22,892
...and my TV.
428
00:17:22,992 --> 00:17:24,574
My breakup story's
much better than that.
429
00:17:24,674 --> 00:17:26,055
Well, mine was
better than yours.
430
00:17:26,155 --> 00:17:27,697
Nah. No.
I just heard it.
431
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:29,539
You know what?
It's getting late.
432
00:17:29,639 --> 00:17:30,700
I should really
get going.
433
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,843
Uh... I had
a wonderful date
434
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,806
with all of you.
435
00:17:37,566 --> 00:17:39,428
Good night, Nikki.
436
00:17:39,528 --> 00:17:41,631
Sorry about
this, Dan.
437
00:17:41,731 --> 00:17:44,033
Give me
a call sometime.
We'll go out again.
438
00:17:44,133 --> 00:17:45,915
You can
count on it.
439
00:17:46,015 --> 00:17:46,996
CARTER:
Drive safely.
440
00:17:47,096 --> 00:17:48,477
Thanks for
dinner, Dan.
Okay, Dan.
441
00:17:48,577 --> 00:17:50,579
Go get
'em, tiger.
442
00:17:53,462 --> 00:17:54,683
He is so
not going
to call you.
443
00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:55,764
Not a chance, Nik.
444
00:17:55,864 --> 00:17:57,987
Sayonara,
Danny boy.
445
00:18:01,750 --> 00:18:03,332
I'm going
to get us
another round.
446
00:18:03,432 --> 00:18:05,434
I'll help carry.
447
00:18:06,395 --> 00:18:08,417
Well, she might not have
the best breakup story,
448
00:18:08,517 --> 00:18:11,180
but now
she's definitely
got the quickest.
449
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,522
I don't know.
Yours is pretty fast.
450
00:18:14,683 --> 00:18:16,965
It's like Ashley
just disappeared.
451
00:18:17,966 --> 00:18:19,988
She left
last Tuesday.
452
00:18:20,088 --> 00:18:21,310
New Year's Eve?
453
00:18:21,410 --> 00:18:22,711
Yeah.
454
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:24,813
Tough travel day.
455
00:18:25,574 --> 00:18:27,716
And you didn't
ask her to stay?
456
00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,718
Nope. Nope.
Stuart, it wouldn't
457
00:18:29,818 --> 00:18:31,720
have been fair
to either of us.
458
00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:33,962
So, she just
got on a plane.
459
00:18:34,062 --> 00:18:36,064
What a bitch.
460
00:18:41,549 --> 00:18:43,671
The situation, Mike,
not the girl.
461
00:18:46,274 --> 00:18:48,096
What are
you doing?
462
00:18:48,196 --> 00:18:50,698
(GRUNTS) Nothing.
463
00:18:50,798 --> 00:18:53,181
Nothing.
Just playing
around.
464
00:18:53,281 --> 00:18:55,283
I don't like
that game.
465
00:18:59,447 --> 00:19:01,549
Mike, you left
your coat.
466
00:19:01,649 --> 00:19:02,990
Thanks.
467
00:19:03,090 --> 00:19:04,072
Everything okay
in there?
468
00:19:04,172 --> 00:19:05,873
James and Carter
are fine.
469
00:19:05,973 --> 00:19:07,515
Stuart's hiding
under a table.
470
00:19:07,615 --> 00:19:08,836
Oh, you're
trying to tell me
I'm the first boss
471
00:19:08,936 --> 00:19:10,978
who tried to choke
Stuart to death?
472
00:19:11,899 --> 00:19:13,801
Mike, you got
a problem here.
473
00:19:13,901 --> 00:19:15,122
Yeah.
Tell me about it.
474
00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:16,684
It's impossible
to catch a cab
in this city
475
00:19:16,784 --> 00:19:18,786
when you're
carrying a box.
476
00:19:19,186 --> 00:19:21,188
Damn Unabomber.
477
00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:23,130
Oh, yeah. Great.
478
00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:24,612
Mike,
you can't do this.
479
00:19:24,712 --> 00:19:26,694
Yeah, you're right. My bad.
You take the first one.
480
00:19:26,794 --> 00:19:28,496
We're not ready yet.
Thanks.
481
00:19:28,596 --> 00:19:30,958
Oh, no, hey.
Oh. No, wait.
482
00:19:32,199 --> 00:19:33,621
Well, that's great,
'cause it's going to be
483
00:19:33,721 --> 00:19:35,102
real easy
to get another one.
484
00:19:35,202 --> 00:19:36,343
I don't want
to leave here
until I know
485
00:19:36,443 --> 00:19:37,745
you're going
to be okay.
486
00:19:37,845 --> 00:19:40,347
Jeez, you know,
between you
and Ashley,
487
00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:42,449
that's the second time
I've heard that this week.
488
00:19:43,971 --> 00:19:45,793
But you
know what?
489
00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:47,474
You don't
always get
what you want.
490
00:19:47,574 --> 00:19:51,478
That's why I'm standing
out here in the rain
with this box
491
00:19:51,578 --> 00:19:54,261
with the sweatshirt
that Ashley wore
every Sunday,
492
00:19:55,702 --> 00:19:58,485
pictures of us
on that camping trip,
493
00:19:58,585 --> 00:20:00,607
earrings that she
494
00:20:00,707 --> 00:20:02,169
left at my place
first night she stayed over
495
00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:04,050
that she probably
doesn't even know
I still have.
496
00:20:04,150 --> 00:20:05,772
Call her, Mike.
497
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:08,094
Tell her
you made a mistake.
498
00:20:08,194 --> 00:20:10,337
You shouldn't have
let her leave
like that.
499
00:20:10,437 --> 00:20:12,439
That's the
funny part.
500
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:15,762
I didn't
just let her go.
501
00:20:16,362 --> 00:20:18,765
But you said that...
Yeah, I lied,
all right?
502
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:23,089
I begged her to stay.
503
00:20:24,811 --> 00:20:26,813
She left anyway.
504
00:20:28,214 --> 00:20:30,436
But apparently
I'm a...
505
00:20:30,536 --> 00:20:33,239
I'm a real
special person,
506
00:20:33,339 --> 00:20:35,341
and I got
a good heart,
507
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:39,285
and she won't
forget me.
508
00:20:39,385 --> 00:20:41,667
So, I got that
going for me,
which is nice.
509
00:20:47,873 --> 00:20:49,875
Give it
some time, Mike.
510
00:20:51,517 --> 00:20:54,660
Maybe it'll all
work itself out.
511
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:55,941
Well, she left
because she doesn't
love me
512
00:20:56,041 --> 00:20:58,043
as much as I love her.
513
00:20:59,445 --> 00:21:01,587
There. You happy?
I shared.
514
00:21:01,687 --> 00:21:03,689
Is that what
you wanted?
515
00:21:04,129 --> 00:21:06,131
Mike, I'm so sorry.
516
00:21:07,293 --> 00:21:09,294
It's killing me, Nikki.
517
00:21:09,975 --> 00:21:11,977
I'm just dying inside.
518
00:21:14,219 --> 00:21:15,881
I don't know
what I'm going to do.
519
00:21:15,981 --> 00:21:17,983
Come here.
520
00:21:19,665 --> 00:21:21,907
You're gonna be okay.
You're gonna be okay.
521
00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:28,353
(MIKE CRYING)
522
00:21:31,076 --> 00:21:33,078
I just miss her.
523
00:21:34,439 --> 00:21:36,441
Call me if you
need anything, okay?
524
00:21:38,683 --> 00:21:40,685
PAUL: Bye.
Bye, guys.
525
00:21:41,366 --> 00:21:43,348
Mike, Mike, this reminds me
of when I was a bachelor.
526
00:21:43,448 --> 00:21:44,950
Messy apartment,
fridge full of beer,
527
00:21:45,050 --> 00:21:47,052
late-night TV.
528
00:21:47,372 --> 00:21:50,035
Why the hell
did I ever get married?
529
00:21:50,135 --> 00:21:52,737
Gentlemen, feast
your eyes on this.
530
00:21:54,739 --> 00:21:56,000
Why? It's just...
531
00:21:56,100 --> 00:21:57,642
It's an Amish girl
churning butter.
532
00:21:57,742 --> 00:22:00,184
PAUL: Ah, thou must
be patient.
533
00:22:05,109 --> 00:22:07,111
And there goes
the bonnet.