1
00:00:01,906 --> 00:00:03,248
Good morning,
everyone.
ALL: Good morning.
2
00:00:03,348 --> 00:00:05,290
I have some
very exciting news.
3
00:00:05,390 --> 00:00:09,214
It's 9:05, and we already
have our first official
mistake of the day,
4
00:00:09,314 --> 00:00:12,337
beating the old record
set by Paul Lassiter
by a full seven minutes.
5
00:00:12,437 --> 00:00:14,619
I couldn't have done it
without my family.
6
00:00:14,719 --> 00:00:17,222
Stuart, the mayor
was in his office
at 9:00 a.m.,
7
00:00:17,322 --> 00:00:19,024
which is when he
should have been...
8
00:00:19,124 --> 00:00:21,446
At the small business
owners breakfast.
So? Not my fault.
9
00:00:23,168 --> 00:00:26,351
(CHUCKLES)
Did I schedule that
and forget to tell anyone?
10
00:00:26,451 --> 00:00:27,993
We have a winner.
(STUART SIGHS).
11
00:00:28,093 --> 00:00:29,395
I don't want to
hear any excuses.
12
00:00:29,495 --> 00:00:31,076
You sure?
Because I've been
saving the doozie.
13
00:00:31,176 --> 00:00:34,640
It starts out as an excuse,
but I end up blaming James.
14
00:00:34,740 --> 00:00:37,243
Well, James, as it turns out,
has some problems of his own.
15
00:00:37,343 --> 00:00:39,205
James, last night,
you had the mayor
16
00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:41,847
tell the women's
coalition that
his main goal was...
17
00:00:41,947 --> 00:00:43,689
To put more women
in managerial positions.
18
00:00:43,789 --> 00:00:46,392
(IMITATES BUZZER)
Missionary positions.
19
00:00:51,037 --> 00:00:53,079
I'm, I'm sorry, Mike.
My mind must have
been wandering.
20
00:00:54,961 --> 00:00:56,963
Even when you daydream,
you're conservative.
21
00:01:01,647 --> 00:01:03,670
And, Nikki,
mind sharing with us
22
00:01:03,770 --> 00:01:06,553
what you budgeted for
the hot-lunch program
at P.S. 434?
23
00:01:06,653 --> 00:01:08,635
Sure. 12...
24
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,917
million dollars.
25
00:01:11,017 --> 00:01:12,959
No. No. No need
to apologize.
26
00:01:13,059 --> 00:01:14,761
I've had lunch
in that cafeteria.
27
00:01:14,861 --> 00:01:16,863
The service
is impeccable.
28
00:01:18,264 --> 00:01:20,266
You must
try the duck.
29
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:23,890
And last but
not least, Carter.
30
00:01:23,990 --> 00:01:26,573
Great. Never gotten
to be last but not least.
31
00:01:26,673 --> 00:01:28,775
That's usually
my slot.
32
00:01:28,875 --> 00:01:30,938
No matter how good it is
for community relations,
33
00:01:31,038 --> 00:01:34,461
you have to promise me
that the mayor will
never, ever, ever again
34
00:01:34,561 --> 00:01:36,563
sing at a gospel brunch.
35
00:01:38,325 --> 00:01:40,027
People, I managed to catch
most of these mistakes,
36
00:01:40,127 --> 00:01:41,108
and there's nothing
too crippling,
37
00:01:41,208 --> 00:01:43,190
but you know what
surprises me the most?
38
00:01:43,290 --> 00:01:45,312
Besides the fact that the man
who wrote Amazing Grace
39
00:01:45,412 --> 00:01:47,414
hasn't hunted the mayor
down and killed him...
40
00:01:49,817 --> 00:01:51,318
is that I'm not angry.
41
00:01:51,418 --> 00:01:53,841
I'm not angry, 'cause
you're the best staff
I could ever ask for.
42
00:01:53,941 --> 00:01:56,524
We've been working
14-hour days without a break
for almost a year now,
43
00:01:56,624 --> 00:01:58,606
and that is simply
not the kind of schedule
44
00:01:58,706 --> 00:02:00,708
that is conducive
to staying sharp,
45
00:02:01,429 --> 00:02:02,730
so...
46
00:02:02,830 --> 00:02:03,811
PAUL: Air hockey?
47
00:02:03,911 --> 00:02:05,333
Cool!
48
00:02:05,433 --> 00:02:06,574
MIKE: So when you get
a five-minute window,
49
00:02:06,674 --> 00:02:08,376
just come in here,
unwind, relax,
50
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:10,017
play a few games,
it will help your work.
51
00:02:10,117 --> 00:02:13,261
Great. I was afraid you
were going to give us
more vacation time.
52
00:02:13,361 --> 00:02:14,822
Unless I can lie down
on this table
53
00:02:14,922 --> 00:02:17,705
and have a big, muscular
German man give me
a full-body massage,
54
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,807
this ain't gonna
work for me.
55
00:02:20,128 --> 00:02:22,130
(SPEAKS IN GERMAN)
56
00:02:23,571 --> 00:02:25,854
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
57
00:02:36,545 --> 00:02:38,006
While I know
that Mayor Winston
58
00:02:38,106 --> 00:02:40,048
is using this downward
trend in crime
59
00:02:40,148 --> 00:02:41,970
as a feather
in his cap,
60
00:02:42,070 --> 00:02:44,293
I'm sure we all agree
that the real credit
61
00:02:44,393 --> 00:02:47,376
is due to my officers
out there walking the beat.
62
00:02:47,476 --> 00:02:50,299
Okay. Uh, we just have time
for one more question.
63
00:02:50,399 --> 00:02:51,860
Uh, Mr. Commissioner,
64
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,222
are you saying
the mayor's office
65
00:02:53,322 --> 00:02:55,664
is overestimating its impact
on the decrease in crime?
66
00:02:55,764 --> 00:02:58,467
Uh, look at that, sir.
We got to go. I'm sorry,
right this way, sir.
67
00:02:58,567 --> 00:03:00,569
PAUL: There you go.
Thank you very much, sir.
68
00:03:02,011 --> 00:03:04,033
Paul, you said
you had time for
one more question.
69
00:03:04,133 --> 00:03:06,615
Yes, but just the question,
not the answer.
70
00:03:07,776 --> 00:03:09,638
What was that
all about, Howard?
71
00:03:09,738 --> 00:03:12,041
Huh? I mean, do you know
how much heat I take
72
00:03:12,141 --> 00:03:14,123
in defending your budget
with the city council?
73
00:03:14,223 --> 00:03:15,484
I mean, if it
was up to them,
74
00:03:15,584 --> 00:03:18,047
the police force would be
you and eight guys in a cab
75
00:03:18,147 --> 00:03:20,309
going to and from
the crime scenes.
76
00:03:21,791 --> 00:03:23,212
Maybe I'd be
better-served with a
77
00:03:23,312 --> 00:03:25,314
police commissioner
who understood that.
78
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:27,957
Worth thinking about.
79
00:03:28,398 --> 00:03:29,659
You know what,
Flaherty.
80
00:03:29,759 --> 00:03:31,381
I wouldn't mind him
taking the credit
81
00:03:31,481 --> 00:03:33,783
if I thought
he really respected
what we do out there.
82
00:03:33,883 --> 00:03:35,885
Hell, he's the mayor.
I'm sure he can fake it.
83
00:03:37,447 --> 00:03:38,748
With all due
respect, sir,
84
00:03:38,848 --> 00:03:40,830
just a few rules
if you want
to be successful
85
00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:42,152
in city politics.
86
00:03:42,252 --> 00:03:46,036
Uh, one, don't shake
hands during
cold-and-flu season.
87
00:03:46,136 --> 00:03:50,620
Uh, two, never kiss a baby
unless you're absolutely
sure it's a baby.
88
00:03:52,662 --> 00:03:54,644
And three, don't go
in that room
89
00:03:54,744 --> 00:03:56,647
and embarrass my guy
in front of the press,
all right?
90
00:03:56,747 --> 00:03:59,890
You know, the, the mayor tips
his hat to law enforcement
every chance he gets.
91
00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:01,892
You know that.
Talk is cheap.
92
00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:04,254
Couldn't even
make an appearance
at the policemen's ball.
93
00:04:04,354 --> 00:04:06,817
Okay, okay, there you go, sir.
See, that was my fault.
94
00:04:06,917 --> 00:04:09,019
Uh, uh, we had your event
on the schedule,
95
00:04:09,119 --> 00:04:12,222
but there were two parades
that day and an Italian-
American festival,
96
00:04:12,322 --> 00:04:14,825
and the mayor simply got
caught up in an important
business lunch
97
00:04:14,925 --> 00:04:16,347
with some
Italian-American businessmen.
98
00:04:16,447 --> 00:04:17,868
Yeah. I saw him
on the six o'clock news.
99
00:04:17,968 --> 00:04:20,831
in a cannoli-eating contest.
100
00:04:20,931 --> 00:04:24,054
(STUTTERING) What do you
want him to do?
Just give his title away?
101
00:04:25,616 --> 00:04:27,919
So, you've really
never played?
102
00:04:28,019 --> 00:04:30,421
Doesn't really seem
like a lot to pick up.
Let's go.
103
00:04:32,263 --> 00:04:35,446
No. It's too unfair.
104
00:04:35,546 --> 00:04:38,129
You have no chance
against my expertise.
105
00:04:38,229 --> 00:04:39,651
I would have
to teach you
106
00:04:39,751 --> 00:04:42,694
to isolate your
opponent's weaknesses,
then capitalize on them,
107
00:04:42,794 --> 00:04:45,416
never paying heed
as they beg for mercy,
108
00:04:45,516 --> 00:04:49,821
and to be relentless
till victory was yours.
109
00:04:49,921 --> 00:04:52,283
And you wonder why no one
will go out with you twice.
110
00:04:53,525 --> 00:04:55,527
You see, grasshopper...
111
00:04:58,850 --> 00:05:00,992
one must understand
the rhythms of the game...
112
00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:03,275
(YELLS)
113
00:05:03,375 --> 00:05:05,157
...in order to
truly master it.
114
00:05:05,257 --> 00:05:08,420
Ebb and flow.
Yin and yang.
115
00:05:11,023 --> 00:05:12,885
Are you prepared
to do battle?
116
00:05:12,985 --> 00:05:14,987
(SARCASTICALLY)
No. I want you
to talk some more.
117
00:05:18,070 --> 00:05:20,072
Begin.
118
00:05:22,915 --> 00:05:24,917
Yang that.
119
00:05:25,798 --> 00:05:27,740
Stuart, here's the fax
you were waiting for
120
00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:29,622
and a message
from Roberta
in payroll.
121
00:05:29,722 --> 00:05:31,343
Oh, and I almost forgot.
122
00:05:31,443 --> 00:05:33,926
I also have your pride,
self-respect, and what's
left of your manhood.
123
00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:42,134
You should
get that back.
124
00:05:44,457 --> 00:05:46,439
Might need that
someday.
125
00:05:46,539 --> 00:05:49,082
Hey, did anybody
read this?
Bingo died.
126
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,164
Oh, who's Bingo?
127
00:05:51,264 --> 00:05:54,167
Only the most-decorated
police dog in
the city's history.
128
00:05:54,267 --> 00:05:57,170
Oh, yeah, right. He pulled
that drowning kid
out of the reservoir.
129
00:05:57,270 --> 00:06:00,653
And didn't he sniff out
ten kilos of cocaine
at La Guardia?
130
00:06:00,753 --> 00:06:02,755
Yeah. Poor little guy
didn't sleep for weeks
after that.
131
00:06:08,081 --> 00:06:11,304
Look at this.
They note his passing
on page 39.
132
00:06:11,404 --> 00:06:12,385
I mean, that's just...
133
00:06:12,485 --> 00:06:14,347
that's a total
lack of respect.
134
00:06:14,447 --> 00:06:16,449
I mean, that's,
that's like
Marmaduke country.
135
00:06:18,572 --> 00:06:20,994
I assume you all know
what I'm thinking.
136
00:06:21,094 --> 00:06:22,996
That no matter how
desperate we ever get,
137
00:06:23,096 --> 00:06:26,380
we will never use
the death of an animal
for our own benefit?
138
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,824
No.
139
00:06:31,785 --> 00:06:34,648
In fact, we're going to
have a very public show
of support for Bingo.
140
00:06:34,748 --> 00:06:36,770
And, yes,
it is gonna help us.
141
00:06:36,870 --> 00:06:38,052
Stuart, are you
with me on this?
142
00:06:38,152 --> 00:06:42,736
I want to be,
But a dead dog?
That's bad vodou.
143
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,778
James, I need you
to whip up a eulogy
144
00:06:44,878 --> 00:06:45,940
for the mayor
to give at the funeral.
145
00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:49,023
Mike. Mike, I can't just
whip up a eulogy.
146
00:06:49,123 --> 00:06:52,006
I mean, you're asking
for a meaningful
summation of an entire life.
147
00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:55,289
Did he have friends?
What were his hobbies?
148
00:06:57,852 --> 00:07:00,454
Well, man was
his best friend.
149
00:07:04,539 --> 00:07:05,840
And as far
as hobbies go,
150
00:07:05,940 --> 00:07:07,522
I'd have to say
uh, digging holes
151
00:07:07,622 --> 00:07:09,704
and, uh,
licking himself.
152
00:07:14,909 --> 00:07:17,172
He was a dog, James.
153
00:07:17,272 --> 00:07:19,734
Carter, go pick up
the beloved late pooch.
154
00:07:19,834 --> 00:07:22,697
Ah, transporting
dead animals.
155
00:07:22,797 --> 00:07:23,899
What a striking
coincidence.
156
00:07:23,999 --> 00:07:25,340
See, I was offered
that job once,
157
00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:27,802
but unfortunately
I'd already accepted
my position here.
158
00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:30,786
Take Paul
with you.
159
00:07:30,886 --> 00:07:32,828
What's all
the hubbub?
160
00:07:32,928 --> 00:07:34,029
Bingo's dead.
161
00:07:34,129 --> 00:07:35,350
Not true.
162
00:07:35,450 --> 00:07:37,753
There's a great game
over at St. Marys
every Tuesday,
163
00:07:37,853 --> 00:07:40,415
and I am
on a terrific
hot streak.
164
00:07:43,498 --> 00:07:46,682
I'm sorry, Mike, but after
his behavior in the press
conference this morning,
165
00:07:46,782 --> 00:07:49,244
I'm just not too eager
to put on a big show
for the commissioner.
166
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:51,367
Oh, don't think of it as
doing something for
the commissioner, sir.
167
00:07:51,467 --> 00:07:53,929
You're doing it
for a brave, fallen
four-legged hero.
168
00:07:54,029 --> 00:07:55,851
Oh, yes,
the dog.
169
00:07:55,951 --> 00:07:57,953
You know,
I had a dog
when I was a boy.
170
00:07:59,074 --> 00:08:00,856
What are
the odds
of that?
171
00:08:00,956 --> 00:08:03,779
if I do make this eulogy,
maybe I should talk about him.
172
00:08:03,879 --> 00:08:05,301
Who else...
Show people
my soft side.
173
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:07,403
I don't think that
could hurt, sir.
174
00:08:07,963 --> 00:08:09,966
Sniffer!
175
00:08:11,167 --> 00:08:13,169
Excuse me?
176
00:08:14,010 --> 00:08:15,471
Sniffer.
177
00:08:15,571 --> 00:08:17,513
That, that's what
I named the little guy.
Oh.
178
00:08:17,613 --> 00:08:19,615
I'm sure you can guess
how I came up
with it, Mike.
179
00:08:20,616 --> 00:08:22,618
Family name, sir?
180
00:08:23,900 --> 00:08:25,321
210 West 71st,
please.
181
00:08:25,421 --> 00:08:26,883
You know,
I've been allergic
to cats all my life,
182
00:08:26,983 --> 00:08:28,445
but at the pet morgue,
nothing.
183
00:08:28,545 --> 00:08:31,247
Turns out I'm not allergic
to dead cats.
184
00:08:31,347 --> 00:08:33,349
Then you should
definitely get one.
185
00:08:34,150 --> 00:08:36,132
Excuse me.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Interesting.
186
00:08:36,232 --> 00:08:38,174
How come you pretended
not to see me,
187
00:08:38,274 --> 00:08:40,657
but then you
pulled over
for him?
188
00:08:40,757 --> 00:08:42,339
I don't know what
you're talking about.
189
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:45,282
Here, does
this look familiar?
"Taxi! taxi!"
190
00:08:46,283 --> 00:08:47,624
I didn't notice you.
191
00:08:47,724 --> 00:08:48,785
You noticed him?
192
00:08:48,885 --> 00:08:50,887
He has
a very big head.
193
00:08:51,928 --> 00:08:53,030
You know,
you're very rude.
194
00:08:53,130 --> 00:08:54,671
I think you owe
both of us
an apology.
195
00:08:54,771 --> 00:08:56,914
For what?
I am doing my job.
196
00:08:57,014 --> 00:08:59,356
Why can't you
just let me do my job
without pestering me?
197
00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:01,598
Oh, all right.
Would you take 11th,
because it's faster.
198
00:09:01,698 --> 00:09:03,700
I am not
a race car driver!
199
00:09:05,582 --> 00:09:07,404
No. You're
a racist driver.
200
00:09:07,504 --> 00:09:09,166
Oh, ho, good one.
201
00:09:09,266 --> 00:09:12,089
That's it.
Both of you,
out of my cab.
202
00:09:12,189 --> 00:09:14,331
You know, what? We don't want
to be in this cab, anyway.
Let's go, Paul.
203
00:09:14,431 --> 00:09:15,573
All right, fine.
How much do we owe you?
204
00:09:15,673 --> 00:09:17,455
Go! Let's go!
Get out! Get out
of the cab!
205
00:09:17,555 --> 00:09:19,216
(ALL YELLING AT ONCE)
206
00:09:19,316 --> 00:09:20,418
Okay, okay, okay.
207
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:23,040
Can we just wait
till we get off
of the bridge?
208
00:09:25,002 --> 00:09:28,106
I just wanted you
to know how important
this is to us.
209
00:09:28,206 --> 00:09:31,029
Bingo was the finest dog
ever to carry a shield.
210
00:09:31,129 --> 00:09:33,131
Yeah, that reminds me, sir.
I've always wondered...
211
00:09:33,651 --> 00:09:35,653
Chain around
his neck.
212
00:09:38,376 --> 00:09:39,677
Bingo.
213
00:09:39,777 --> 00:09:41,639
Please sit.
214
00:09:41,739 --> 00:09:44,923
Uh, sir, listen,
I, I just wanted
you to know,
215
00:09:45,023 --> 00:09:46,404
believe me
when I say this, uh,
216
00:09:46,504 --> 00:09:48,166
that I want
this to be such
a fitting tribute
217
00:09:48,266 --> 00:09:50,609
that I pulled
all my people off
their regular duties
218
00:09:50,709 --> 00:09:52,490
so they can focus
100 percent on this.
219
00:09:52,590 --> 00:09:54,593
That's game!
220
00:09:55,193 --> 00:09:56,575
What most people
don't understand
221
00:09:56,675 --> 00:09:58,697
is that these dogs
are not just animals,
222
00:09:58,797 --> 00:09:59,858
they're our partners
out there.
223
00:09:59,958 --> 00:10:01,980
Don't you worry
about a thing, sir.
224
00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:03,221
We are going
to treat Bingo
225
00:10:03,321 --> 00:10:06,144
with the dignity
and respect
that he deserves.
226
00:10:06,244 --> 00:10:08,427
That's right, pal!
Get out of here!
227
00:10:08,527 --> 00:10:10,469
Don't worry about it, Paul.
We'll get another cab.
228
00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:13,072
I'm sure we will.
Do you think it will have
a dead dog in it, too?
229
00:10:13,172 --> 00:10:15,174
Because he's got ours
in his trunk.
230
00:10:20,299 --> 00:10:21,520
I'm going
to call Mike.
231
00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:22,842
Here, let me do it.
You're just going
to blame me.
232
00:10:22,942 --> 00:10:25,244
Paul, stop it.
We're two grown men.
I'm an adult.
233
00:10:25,344 --> 00:10:28,447
Give me the phone!
Give me the phone!
Give it to me!
234
00:10:28,547 --> 00:10:31,170
I'm going to make the call.
I'm going to make the call.
It's my call.
235
00:10:31,270 --> 00:10:32,331
(PHONE BEEPS)
236
00:10:32,431 --> 00:10:33,733
CARTER: (ON PHONE)
Mike, it's Carter.
237
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:36,195
Here's the situation.
Ow! Get off!
238
00:10:38,237 --> 00:10:40,179
PAUL:
Mike, Paul here. Now, look,
239
00:10:40,279 --> 00:10:43,423
we have very troubling news.
There's a slight logistics
problem with Bingo.
240
00:10:43,523 --> 00:10:45,064
CARTER: Slight
logistics problem?
241
00:10:45,164 --> 00:10:47,867
Mike, Paul lost
the dog.
242
00:10:47,967 --> 00:10:49,969
PAUL: I knew you were
going to blame me.
243
00:10:50,770 --> 00:10:52,772
Thank you.
244
00:10:55,415 --> 00:10:58,158
Hi, Mom. It's me.
Quick question.
245
00:10:58,258 --> 00:10:59,679
I heard a message
on Mike's machine
246
00:10:59,779 --> 00:11:01,401
that would make
a great story,
247
00:11:01,501 --> 00:11:04,044
but the only reason I heard it
is because I live with him.
248
00:11:04,144 --> 00:11:06,146
Is it okay to use it?
249
00:11:06,586 --> 00:11:08,588
Yeah, that's what
all my friends said.
250
00:11:10,991 --> 00:11:12,993
Put dad on.
251
00:11:15,155 --> 00:11:16,857
Bye, Mom.
252
00:11:16,957 --> 00:11:18,619
Huh, that was quick.
253
00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:21,181
Well, you know, it always is.
"How's the weather?
How's your health?
254
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,984
Stop wasting your time
with that Flaherty boy."
255
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:27,067
Well, you used to be
throwing your life away
with that Flaherty boy.
256
00:11:27,167 --> 00:11:28,909
I think she's
coming around.
257
00:11:29,009 --> 00:11:31,011
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
258
00:11:34,615 --> 00:11:35,996
Hello.
259
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:38,299
Paul! This better be
good news, Paul.
260
00:11:40,060 --> 00:11:41,242
You better listen
to me, Paul.
261
00:11:41,342 --> 00:11:43,004
You better find me
that damn dog,
262
00:11:43,104 --> 00:11:44,885
or I'm going to come down
there, duct-tape a fur coat
to your ass
263
00:11:44,985 --> 00:11:46,987
and shove you
in a little box!
264
00:11:52,914 --> 00:11:55,256
The dog, Paul!
Find me the dog!
265
00:11:55,356 --> 00:11:59,320
I want a... nice wreath, too.
Okay? Something decent.
Money's no object.
266
00:12:00,121 --> 00:12:01,663
Thank you.
267
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:03,765
Can't skimp
on these things.
268
00:12:04,405 --> 00:12:05,947
You're doing
it again.
269
00:12:06,047 --> 00:12:07,268
Doing what?
270
00:12:07,368 --> 00:12:10,271
Covering.
I am telling you,
it is too cute.
271
00:12:10,371 --> 00:12:13,274
I, uh, I have
no idea what
you're talking about.
272
00:12:13,374 --> 00:12:15,537
I, uh, have
nothing to hide.
273
00:12:19,461 --> 00:12:20,682
Something
is bothering you.
274
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,003
Maybe it would just
make you feel better
275
00:12:22,103 --> 00:12:24,466
just to, you know,
relax, let it out.
276
00:12:25,507 --> 00:12:27,509
I'm just excited.
that's all.
277
00:12:28,550 --> 00:12:30,552
I love funerals.
278
00:12:31,753 --> 00:12:33,375
I really,
really do.
279
00:12:33,475 --> 00:12:35,477
Bet you didn't know
I had a dark side, huh?
280
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:42,084
I believe I left
a package in one
of your cabs yesterday.
281
00:12:43,045 --> 00:12:44,386
What was in it?
282
00:12:44,486 --> 00:12:48,010
You're going to laugh.
it was a dead
German shepherd.
283
00:12:49,491 --> 00:12:51,493
He hung up on me.
284
00:12:52,214 --> 00:12:54,517
Mike, Mike, we're
making phone calls.
don't you worry.
285
00:12:54,617 --> 00:12:55,558
(BOTH TALKING TOGETHER)
286
00:12:55,658 --> 00:12:57,199
MIKE: Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.
287
00:12:57,299 --> 00:12:58,481
It's okay.
288
00:12:58,581 --> 00:13:00,603
I can see how
this could happen.
289
00:13:00,703 --> 00:13:02,705
After all, there's
plenty of ways you
could lose a dog.
290
00:13:03,346 --> 00:13:05,348
He could
wander off.
291
00:13:07,029 --> 00:13:09,031
He could
chase a cat.
292
00:13:09,912 --> 00:13:13,016
Of course, those
are generally things
a live dog would do.
293
00:13:13,116 --> 00:13:14,777
Don't let Carter
blame it on me,
294
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,900
because he's the one
who got us kicked out
of the cab in the first place.
295
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,621
Paul, I'm not pointing
any fingers here,
296
00:13:18,721 --> 00:13:19,943
but if you had
to hazard a guess,
297
00:13:20,043 --> 00:13:22,045
whose fault would
you think it was?
298
00:13:23,766 --> 00:13:25,869
Look, I'm not interested
in assigning blame here.
299
00:13:25,969 --> 00:13:27,631
There will be plenty
of time for that
after the funeral,
300
00:13:27,731 --> 00:13:28,912
which starts
in 20 minutes,
301
00:13:29,012 --> 00:13:31,014
and for which
the guest of honor
is currently AWOL.
302
00:13:32,255 --> 00:13:33,236
ASHLEY: Hi, Mike.
303
00:13:33,336 --> 00:13:34,838
Hi, Ash.
Bye, Mike.
304
00:13:34,938 --> 00:13:36,720
MIKE: Bye, Ash.
305
00:13:36,820 --> 00:13:39,302
Communication is
the cornerstone
of our relationship.
306
00:13:41,745 --> 00:13:43,747
So...
307
00:13:44,708 --> 00:13:46,810
Too bad
about that dog.
308
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:48,492
What do you mean?
309
00:13:48,592 --> 00:13:49,693
What could I mean?
310
00:13:49,793 --> 00:13:51,615
I don't know.
311
00:13:51,715 --> 00:13:54,398
Only one thing wrong
with the dog, he's dead.
312
00:13:59,283 --> 00:14:00,664
Damn!
313
00:14:00,764 --> 00:14:02,386
Yeah, I know
this sounds crazy,
314
00:14:02,486 --> 00:14:04,488
but, see, I left a...
315
00:14:06,010 --> 00:14:09,013
I left a suitcase
in one of your cabs.
316
00:14:11,175 --> 00:14:13,177
Cherry with brass handles.
317
00:14:15,620 --> 00:14:16,961
Ooh, damn!
318
00:14:17,061 --> 00:14:19,063
You weren't exaggerating.
He's terrible.
319
00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:21,406
You know what
the problem is?
320
00:14:21,506 --> 00:14:22,767
I don't have
any motivation.
321
00:14:22,867 --> 00:14:26,531
I'm a money player,
so what do you say
we bet?
322
00:14:26,631 --> 00:14:28,052
You're a baby now.
I can't imagine
323
00:14:28,152 --> 00:14:30,635
how bad it will be when
you're paying my rent.
324
00:14:31,596 --> 00:14:33,578
NIKKI: I'll bet
20 bucks on her.
325
00:14:33,678 --> 00:14:35,580
Oh, me, too.
I'm no dope.
326
00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:38,183
Well, looks like it's
the men against the women.
James will cover their bets.
327
00:14:38,283 --> 00:14:40,465
Ah, no, James won't.
328
00:14:40,565 --> 00:14:42,787
James is betting
on Janelle.
329
00:14:42,887 --> 00:14:44,889
James thinks Stuart's
a big bag of free money.
330
00:14:47,973 --> 00:14:51,636
Well, fine.
Stuart will bet
60 bucks on himself.
331
00:14:51,736 --> 00:14:52,958
Goal.
332
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:54,519
(CLINK)
Whoo!
333
00:14:54,619 --> 00:14:56,621
It's got
to be frustrating.
334
00:14:57,582 --> 00:15:00,205
Hold this. You know,
it's one thing to use
this to relax,
335
00:15:00,305 --> 00:15:02,668
It's another thing
to constantly abuse
the privilege. Oh, hi, Mike.
336
00:15:04,349 --> 00:15:06,932
Great, great.
you're all having fun,
337
00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:08,414
but let's just review
what we know.
338
00:15:08,514 --> 00:15:09,535
All right, Mike,
we're sorry.
339
00:15:09,635 --> 00:15:11,617
No, no, please
indulge me. Okay?
340
00:15:11,717 --> 00:15:15,781
We're missing a dog that could
make or break our relationship
with the police department.
341
00:15:15,881 --> 00:15:16,942
But you know what?
you're right.
342
00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:19,745
Go ahead, relax.
Have a good time.
343
00:15:19,845 --> 00:15:20,986
Okay, quick one
to five.
344
00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:23,909
That's it.
Playtime is over.
345
00:15:24,009 --> 00:15:25,311
I don't care
how you do it.
346
00:15:25,411 --> 00:15:27,994
I want that dog
or a damn fine
replacement, all right?
347
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,036
I want everybody
thinking about one thing
and one thing only,
348
00:15:30,136 --> 00:15:31,838
B-I-N-G-O.
349
00:15:31,938 --> 00:15:34,360
And the first person
who says "and Bingo
was his name-o"
350
00:15:34,460 --> 00:15:36,462
is fired!
351
00:15:39,225 --> 00:15:42,008
What on earth possessed you
to buy this?
352
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,130
Mike said he
wanted a wreath.
Nice, huh?
353
00:15:44,230 --> 00:15:45,892
I think it's really
going to help.
354
00:15:45,992 --> 00:15:49,816
We still don't have Bingo,
but I'm sure the bone wreath
will save the day.
355
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:51,918
Open the door,
I'm going to
set this up.
356
00:15:56,082 --> 00:15:57,704
All right, we're
obviously not ready,
357
00:15:57,804 --> 00:15:59,666
why can't we just
push this thing back
till tomorrow?
358
00:15:59,766 --> 00:16:03,009
This isn't a wedding.
We can't exactly tell people
that Bingo got cold feet.
359
00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:06,533
Well, actually...
360
00:16:06,853 --> 00:16:08,855
Okay.
361
00:16:11,898 --> 00:16:13,040
Not bad, huh?
362
00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:14,481
I got him
at the pound.
363
00:16:14,581 --> 00:16:16,743
Even Bingo's
mother would
have to look twice.
364
00:16:18,225 --> 00:16:20,487
Mike, this dog
isn't exactly right.
365
00:16:20,587 --> 00:16:22,890
Yeah, I know.
It's a slight different
coloration around the face,
366
00:16:22,990 --> 00:16:24,451
but I think
we're going to get
away with it.
367
00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:27,394
And you never noticed
any other problems?
368
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:32,339
Curve of the tail?
The thickness of the coat?
369
00:16:32,439 --> 00:16:34,441
He's alive?
370
00:16:34,842 --> 00:16:37,024
PAUL: Ashley's coming in.
Oh, look at the puppy.
371
00:16:37,124 --> 00:16:39,126
Come here, puppy...
372
00:16:40,968 --> 00:16:42,029
MIKE: Hi, Ash.
373
00:16:42,129 --> 00:16:44,131
NIKKI: Hey, Ash.
STUART: How are you?.
374
00:16:49,897 --> 00:16:51,679
I just wanted to pay
my respects now.
375
00:16:51,779 --> 00:16:53,681
Don't want to tear up
in front of everyone.
376
00:16:53,781 --> 00:16:56,164
I don't think it's
a good idea for you
to see him now,
377
00:16:56,264 --> 00:16:59,287
cause you know how
emotional you get.
378
00:16:59,387 --> 00:17:01,389
That's ridiculous.
Let me just take a look.
379
00:17:01,709 --> 00:17:03,932
MIKE: Uh...
380
00:17:04,032 --> 00:17:06,294
CARTER: What is it?
Have you lost weight?
You look fabulous.
381
00:17:06,394 --> 00:17:09,938
Uh... I can't watch you
fall apart like this.
382
00:17:10,038 --> 00:17:11,780
You're just crumbling
right in front of me.
383
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:13,341
Can you please
just escort her out?
384
00:17:13,441 --> 00:17:15,443
Oh, absolutely.
385
00:17:20,449 --> 00:17:22,631
I think this
is going to work.
All right, watch this.
386
00:17:22,731 --> 00:17:24,993
Sit, sit, sit.
There you go.
387
00:17:25,093 --> 00:17:27,276
Okay, lie down,
lie down.
388
00:17:27,376 --> 00:17:29,378
All right,
play dead.
389
00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:35,124
Look at that,
dead as a door-nail.
390
00:17:35,224 --> 00:17:37,006
Mike, I'm sorry, it is over.
You got to go out there
391
00:17:37,106 --> 00:17:38,888
and tell the Commissioner
we lost the dog.
392
00:17:38,988 --> 00:17:41,570
If we're going to go down,
we're going to go down
in flames, all right.
393
00:17:41,670 --> 00:17:42,771
Turn the lights down low.
394
00:17:42,871 --> 00:17:44,733
We'll just move
everybody past real quick.
395
00:17:44,833 --> 00:17:45,855
(BARKS)
396
00:17:45,955 --> 00:17:47,957
Okay, that could
be a problem.
397
00:17:49,238 --> 00:17:50,980
MIKE: I think we
should get going, sir.
398
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:52,622
I can't tell you
what this means to me,
399
00:17:52,722 --> 00:17:55,184
to see my men here,
gathered to say good-bye.
400
00:17:55,284 --> 00:17:57,306
I won't
forget this,
Randall.
401
00:17:57,406 --> 00:18:00,289
It's the least
we could do.
Our condolences.
402
00:18:03,573 --> 00:18:05,355
Nice work.
403
00:18:05,455 --> 00:18:10,079
By the way, how'd you find
a vet that could tranquilize
him on short notice?
404
00:18:10,179 --> 00:18:12,742
(WHISPERING) I got a guy
I use when I need
to keep things quiet.
405
00:18:15,104 --> 00:18:17,247
Relax, it's perfectly safe.
It's the same stuff
406
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:19,349
you give your dog
when you put him
on the plane.
407
00:18:21,831 --> 00:18:24,214
Who's that?
Who is that?
408
00:18:24,314 --> 00:18:26,496
I think it's
Bingo's partner.
409
00:18:26,596 --> 00:18:27,938
Oh, no.
Are you sure?
410
00:18:28,038 --> 00:18:30,720
Uh, he's holding
a picture of them
together in uniform.
411
00:18:32,402 --> 00:18:33,864
This is bad.
412
00:18:33,964 --> 00:18:35,145
Oh, this is bad.
413
00:18:35,245 --> 00:18:37,027
Turn around, turn
around. turn around
and go away.
414
00:18:37,127 --> 00:18:38,789
MIKE: Turn around
and go away. Yes!
415
00:18:38,889 --> 00:18:40,270
Yes!
416
00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:42,372
I mean, aww.
417
00:18:44,254 --> 00:18:45,235
Yes!
418
00:18:45,335 --> 00:18:46,597
Mike, Mike,
it's over.
419
00:18:46,697 --> 00:18:47,958
It's done.
we did it.
420
00:18:48,058 --> 00:18:49,400
Just look at
my wreath.
421
00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:51,502
stop with
the wreath already!
422
00:18:54,144 --> 00:18:58,089
Ladies and gentlemen,
I want to express
my deepest sorrow.
423
00:18:58,189 --> 00:19:01,292
Now, I didn't know
Bingo personally,
424
00:19:01,392 --> 00:19:04,675
But I do know
from talking to all of you,
he was truly special.
425
00:19:13,804 --> 00:19:17,548
Rest assured,
Bingo will not
be forgotten.
426
00:19:17,648 --> 00:19:20,151
His voice
will be heard
in the echo
427
00:19:20,251 --> 00:19:22,373
of dogs barks everywhere.
428
00:19:22,814 --> 00:19:24,816
(BARKS)
429
00:19:25,617 --> 00:19:27,779
Yes, woof.
430
00:19:32,664 --> 00:19:34,666
It's a miracle.
431
00:19:36,788 --> 00:19:38,790
He's alive!
432
00:19:39,431 --> 00:19:41,433
Clap.
(EVERYONE CLAPPING)
433
00:19:45,837 --> 00:19:47,839
Picked up
the new Beck CD.
434
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,502
Oh, thanks.
435
00:19:50,602 --> 00:19:52,024
Yeah, I thought maybe
we'd just, uh...
436
00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:54,706
God, I hate this
damn shrink wrap.
437
00:19:54,806 --> 00:19:57,509
...you know, open up
a bottle of wine,
438
00:19:57,609 --> 00:19:59,631
relax, listen to
a little music tonight.
439
00:19:59,731 --> 00:20:01,734
Ouch!
440
00:20:05,818 --> 00:20:07,820
We can watch
a video.
441
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:11,404
Sorry, it's just
that I have had
a really bad day.
442
00:20:11,504 --> 00:20:13,165
(SIGHS)
443
00:20:13,265 --> 00:20:16,148
This is off. I mean, off,
off, off, off, off
the record, all right?
444
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:19,692
We lost Bingo.
445
00:20:19,792 --> 00:20:23,176
I know, I know!
I heard it on
the machine,
446
00:20:23,276 --> 00:20:25,778
and it drove me crazy
because it was right there
in front of me.
447
00:20:25,878 --> 00:20:27,880
I can't believe you
didn't run with it.
448
00:20:28,641 --> 00:20:31,744
I mean, that story,
it had everything, Mike.
449
00:20:31,844 --> 00:20:34,908
The indignant
Police Commissioner,
the hapless Deputy Mayor,
450
00:20:35,008 --> 00:20:37,010
the lost local hero.
451
00:20:37,850 --> 00:20:39,852
Hapless?
452
00:20:41,334 --> 00:20:43,196
It was
a bad choice
of words.
453
00:20:43,296 --> 00:20:45,298
Look at us.
454
00:20:45,899 --> 00:20:47,400
Back at it again.
455
00:20:47,500 --> 00:20:49,502
Yep. Does it scare you?
456
00:20:49,823 --> 00:20:51,164
No.
457
00:20:51,264 --> 00:20:53,266
Cause I know
you love me,
458
00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:54,648
you need me...
459
00:20:54,748 --> 00:20:55,689
Mm-hmm.
460
00:20:55,789 --> 00:20:58,492
You'd never ever,
ever, ever
461
00:20:58,592 --> 00:21:00,954
run with
anything that
would cause me pain.
462
00:21:02,916 --> 00:21:04,918
Don't press
your luck, mister.
463
00:21:07,361 --> 00:21:10,344
Hey, so how is, how is
Bingo's partner doing?
464
00:21:10,444 --> 00:21:12,466
I mean, I am telling you,
when that dog stood up,
465
00:21:12,566 --> 00:21:14,568
he looked like it was
the Second Coming.
466
00:21:16,690 --> 00:21:19,333
Mike, tell me
you told him.
467
00:21:21,295 --> 00:21:23,197
WOMAN: Help! Help!
468
00:21:23,297 --> 00:21:25,299
He just stole
my purse!
469
00:21:27,021 --> 00:21:29,023
Go get him, Bingo!
Go get him! Go...
470
00:21:30,104 --> 00:21:32,186
Bingo, what the hell's
the matter with you?
471
00:21:33,627 --> 00:21:36,250
MIKE: And now we're gambling.
Well, that's special.
472
00:21:36,350 --> 00:21:38,212
That's just what we need
in the City Hall,
isn't it, sir?
473
00:21:38,312 --> 00:21:39,293
Uh-huh.
474
00:21:39,393 --> 00:21:41,015
One more goal.
475
00:21:41,115 --> 00:21:43,117
MIKE: No, now.
And rest assured this table
will be gone tomorrow.
476
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,282
MAYOR: Huh.
477
00:21:48,603 --> 00:21:50,144
I can't believe
they were betting.
478
00:21:50,244 --> 00:21:52,247
I-I'm embarrassed, sir.
479
00:21:52,927 --> 00:21:54,629
Well, I might as well
put this table
480
00:21:54,729 --> 00:21:56,151
in the rumpus room
of the mansion.
481
00:21:56,251 --> 00:21:57,912
(STUTTERING) I was actually
kind of thinking
482
00:21:58,012 --> 00:22:00,014
it would look good
in my office.
483
00:22:01,616 --> 00:22:03,318
Best of three.
484
00:22:03,418 --> 00:22:05,480
You got it, Your Honor.
485
00:22:05,580 --> 00:22:07,582
Woof-woof, dog boy!