1 00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:04,383 (LASER GUNS SHOOTING) 2 00:00:04,483 --> 00:00:06,384 That's right. Go ahead. 3 00:00:06,484 --> 00:00:09,507 Play, recreate. Just tell me if I'm in your way. 4 00:00:09,607 --> 00:00:11,609 Actually, Mike, I could use a hostage. 5 00:00:13,090 --> 00:00:14,792 We got two days till Thanksgiving, Mike. 6 00:00:14,892 --> 00:00:16,394 Nobody gets any work done in this city. 7 00:00:16,494 --> 00:00:17,955 Oh, I see what's going on. 8 00:00:18,055 --> 00:00:20,397 You guys are staring at a four-day weekend. 9 00:00:20,497 --> 00:00:21,558 You're thinking, 10 00:00:21,658 --> 00:00:25,802 Hey, four whole days. Why not make it five? 11 00:00:25,902 --> 00:00:27,804 So then you're at five mentally, 12 00:00:27,904 --> 00:00:29,646 you look around, no one seems too ticked off, 13 00:00:29,746 --> 00:00:31,747 so you think, "Why not go for six?" Am I right? 14 00:00:32,268 --> 00:00:33,489 Basically. Yeah. 15 00:00:33,589 --> 00:00:34,650 I know how your minds work. 16 00:00:34,750 --> 00:00:37,453 I was a low-level grunt myself once. 17 00:00:37,553 --> 00:00:39,495 Thank you, Mike. Just knowing you care. 18 00:00:39,595 --> 00:00:41,216 Look at this. I think this is very revealing. 19 00:00:41,316 --> 00:00:42,497 The youngest member of our staff 20 00:00:42,597 --> 00:00:44,739 Is the only one who's doing any work. 21 00:00:44,839 --> 00:00:46,841 Miss you, too, honey. 22 00:00:47,282 --> 00:00:49,103 Yeah. Gotta go. 23 00:00:49,203 --> 00:00:50,184 I'm kissing you back. 24 00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:52,587 I gotta go. I really... 25 00:00:52,687 --> 00:00:54,268 Yeah. Uh-huh. Love you a lot. 26 00:00:54,368 --> 00:00:56,270 Bye-bye. 27 00:00:56,370 --> 00:00:57,671 Stuart, I really wish you hadn't done that. 28 00:00:57,771 --> 00:00:59,713 (GASPS MOCKINGLY) 29 00:00:59,813 --> 00:01:00,874 You think this is funny? 30 00:01:00,974 --> 00:01:02,356 I've never told her I loved her before. 31 00:01:02,456 --> 00:01:04,457 Well, I got you over that hump. 32 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,840 Stuart, she's my high school girlfriend. 33 00:01:06,940 --> 00:01:08,041 She's still back in Wisconsin. 34 00:01:08,141 --> 00:01:10,123 She thinks... She thinks that... 35 00:01:10,223 --> 00:01:12,205 She thinks we'll talk about it later. 36 00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:13,366 Oh, no, no, no, no. 37 00:01:13,466 --> 00:01:14,447 Please. Go on. Go on. 38 00:01:14,547 --> 00:01:15,648 This is, uh... 39 00:01:15,748 --> 00:01:17,750 This is why I got into politics. 40 00:01:20,192 --> 00:01:22,134 Well, we've been dating on and off forever, Mike. 41 00:01:22,234 --> 00:01:23,655 I'm not even sure what she wants from me. 42 00:01:23,755 --> 00:01:25,697 To tell you the truth, at this point I'm just thinking... 43 00:01:25,797 --> 00:01:28,199 Shh. That was sarcasm. 44 00:01:30,922 --> 00:01:33,104 It was. 45 00:01:33,204 --> 00:01:35,246 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 46 00:01:45,615 --> 00:01:47,397 So how long have you been going with this girl? 47 00:01:47,497 --> 00:01:48,518 About seven years. 48 00:01:48,618 --> 00:01:49,839 And you never told her you loved her? 49 00:01:49,939 --> 00:01:50,880 No. 50 00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:52,321 I only talked with her for 30 seconds, 51 00:01:52,421 --> 00:01:54,423 and I told her I loved her. 52 00:01:55,024 --> 00:01:56,125 I know, Stuart, but it's hard. 53 00:01:56,225 --> 00:01:57,646 You know, I know that I'm ready to move on. 54 00:01:57,746 --> 00:01:59,088 I just don't want to hurt her feelings. 55 00:01:59,188 --> 00:02:00,369 You know, James, if I may, 56 00:02:00,469 --> 00:02:02,010 you're just... You're too nice a guy. 57 00:02:02,110 --> 00:02:04,112 Take it from another nice guy. 58 00:02:04,553 --> 00:02:05,934 You're only hurting yourself. 59 00:02:06,034 --> 00:02:07,015 No, no, no. 60 00:02:07,115 --> 00:02:08,256 Why don't you just tell her 61 00:02:08,356 --> 00:02:10,498 she'll always have a special place in your heart, 62 00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:11,979 but you're not the one for her. 63 00:02:12,079 --> 00:02:13,341 She should find someone who loves her 64 00:02:13,441 --> 00:02:15,443 the way she deserves to be loved. 65 00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:18,205 What am I, some kind of savage? 66 00:02:19,046 --> 00:02:20,307 All right. You know what? Get off my back. 67 00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,409 I'm only repeating what I heard last night. 68 00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:26,473 Storm's coming, Mike. 69 00:02:26,573 --> 00:02:29,275 Well, Lisa, Lisa. Always nice to see 70 00:02:29,375 --> 00:02:31,517 one of the city council staffers. 71 00:02:31,617 --> 00:02:33,199 It's a fine November morning, isn't it? 72 00:02:33,299 --> 00:02:35,881 Cut the chitchat, Mike. I'm here to talk about Thanksgiving. 73 00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:37,523 Okay. I'm surprised you don't know this, 74 00:02:37,623 --> 00:02:39,665 but our forefathers came over on a big boat... 75 00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:42,007 The contest, Flaherty. 76 00:02:42,107 --> 00:02:43,488 The Mayor's charity Thanksgiving dinner 77 00:02:43,588 --> 00:02:45,090 against the City Council's. 78 00:02:45,190 --> 00:02:46,291 You can't be serious. 79 00:02:46,391 --> 00:02:47,492 Simple scoring system. 80 00:02:47,592 --> 00:02:49,654 One man, one meal, seconds don't count, 81 00:02:49,754 --> 00:02:50,775 desserts are optional. 82 00:02:50,875 --> 00:02:52,877 Whoever feeds the most people wins. 83 00:02:55,039 --> 00:02:58,182 I always enjoy our little competitive events. 84 00:02:58,282 --> 00:03:00,904 I mean, the volleyball, the touch football, 85 00:03:01,004 --> 00:03:03,086 your personal favorite, the Greco-Roman wrestling, 86 00:03:04,608 --> 00:03:06,309 But I'm a little uncomfortable with the idea 87 00:03:06,409 --> 00:03:09,112 betting on who can feed the most homeless people. 88 00:03:09,212 --> 00:03:11,214 Why don't we just line them up and race them? 89 00:03:12,054 --> 00:03:13,035 Come on, Flaherty. 90 00:03:13,135 --> 00:03:14,477 We'll still be doing good. 91 00:03:14,577 --> 00:03:17,319 It's just an added perk that I get to kick your butt again. 92 00:03:17,419 --> 00:03:18,681 I promise you, it won't be as bad 93 00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:20,822 as the time I struck you out in slow-pitch softball. 94 00:03:26,588 --> 00:03:28,570 I hate when you bring that up. 95 00:03:28,670 --> 00:03:30,131 My mistake. 96 00:03:30,231 --> 00:03:32,573 I should have realized that when one is so continuously beaten, 97 00:03:32,673 --> 00:03:34,655 you lose the will to even compete. 98 00:03:34,755 --> 00:03:36,297 I tell you what. I'll be in my office. 99 00:03:36,397 --> 00:03:38,519 You give me a call if you get the stones to get in the game. 100 00:03:43,563 --> 00:03:45,345 Ooh! What the hell was that? 101 00:03:45,445 --> 00:03:47,847 Did she just question my stones? 102 00:03:49,809 --> 00:03:51,551 I don't believe that woman. 103 00:03:51,651 --> 00:03:53,653 I think I'm in love. 104 00:03:53,973 --> 00:03:54,954 You know, Mike, I'm just glad 105 00:03:55,054 --> 00:03:56,715 you didn't stoop to her level. 106 00:03:56,815 --> 00:03:57,917 This is about feeding people in need, 107 00:03:58,017 --> 00:03:59,758 not about who loses and who wins. 108 00:03:59,858 --> 00:04:01,860 Oh, we're going to win, James. 109 00:04:03,942 --> 00:04:05,944 We're going to win big. 110 00:04:06,424 --> 00:04:07,766 Hey. Hey. 111 00:04:07,866 --> 00:04:09,807 I can't believe I didn't get one of these babies sooner. 112 00:04:09,907 --> 00:04:12,930 It's the perfect exercise companion for the mayor on the go. 113 00:04:13,030 --> 00:04:15,653 It's a pretty small demographic, don't you think, sir? 114 00:04:15,753 --> 00:04:18,936 I can make phone calls, watch TV, read the newspaper. 115 00:04:19,036 --> 00:04:21,618 Hey, watch me read, Mike. 116 00:04:21,718 --> 00:04:24,341 I'm walking and reading. I'm walking and reading. 117 00:04:24,441 --> 00:04:28,264 Whoa! Bet you can't do this in Central Park, huh? 118 00:04:28,364 --> 00:04:30,146 What have you got lined up for me on the Thanksgiving front? 119 00:04:30,246 --> 00:04:31,668 Uh, well, sir, you have the photo op 120 00:04:31,768 --> 00:04:33,709 in front of Gracie Mansion with the turkey. 121 00:04:33,809 --> 00:04:36,252 I don't like to meet my food before I eat it, Mike. 122 00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:39,515 Oh, no. This guy's just for show, sir. 123 00:04:39,615 --> 00:04:40,796 You won't be eating him. 124 00:04:40,896 --> 00:04:42,898 You'll be eating his brother. 125 00:04:43,258 --> 00:04:44,439 You know, I was thinking. 126 00:04:44,539 --> 00:04:46,721 Since this is our first Thanksgiving in office, 127 00:04:46,821 --> 00:04:48,823 I'd like to do something meaningful for the less fortunate. 128 00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,726 Well, we, uh... 129 00:04:51,826 --> 00:04:54,088 We, uh... We have that little competition 130 00:04:54,188 --> 00:04:57,131 with the City Council, sir, the annual charity dinner. 131 00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:58,692 Oh, great. Count me in. 132 00:04:58,792 --> 00:04:59,933 What's the wager? 133 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:02,376 The same as always. One of those paperweights... 134 00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:03,737 New York skyline in a bubble. 135 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:04,978 You shake it up and it snows. 136 00:05:05,078 --> 00:05:06,459 Well, when was the last time the... 137 00:05:06,559 --> 00:05:08,561 Why am I yelling? 138 00:05:10,163 --> 00:05:11,864 When was the last time the Mayor's office got it? 139 00:05:11,964 --> 00:05:13,626 Well, I did a little research, Your Honor. 140 00:05:13,726 --> 00:05:16,509 It was, uh... About 13 years ago. 141 00:05:16,609 --> 00:05:19,351 We're in office now, and I say crush them, huh? 142 00:05:19,451 --> 00:05:21,453 That's the spirit, sir. 143 00:05:23,855 --> 00:05:26,077 Hey, look at you, sir. You're walking and dialing. 144 00:05:26,177 --> 00:05:27,319 Walking and dialing. 145 00:05:27,419 --> 00:05:29,881 Speaker Rosen, please. Tell him it's the Mayor. 146 00:05:29,981 --> 00:05:31,883 I bet Rosen doesn't do 45 minutes of cardio every day. 147 00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:34,165 He's shaped like a giant pear, big old blubbery... 148 00:05:34,265 --> 00:05:36,007 Saul! It's Randall. 149 00:05:36,107 --> 00:05:38,449 I'm calling about the kids' little bakeoff. 150 00:05:38,549 --> 00:05:40,551 What do you say you and I make things a little more interesting? 151 00:05:43,073 --> 00:05:44,534 Now, we've got two locations lined up... 152 00:05:44,634 --> 00:05:46,136 The St. Mary's church on the Lower East Side 153 00:05:46,236 --> 00:05:48,378 and St. Stephen's church on the Upper West Side. 154 00:05:48,478 --> 00:05:50,780 It's 1996, which is an even-numbered year, 155 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:52,882 so the Mayor's office has first pick. 156 00:05:54,884 --> 00:05:56,886 Uh, great. We'll, uh... 157 00:05:57,686 --> 00:05:59,628 We'll take St. Mary's. 158 00:05:59,728 --> 00:06:01,470 Then we've got St. Stephen's. 159 00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:03,432 Yes! 160 00:06:03,532 --> 00:06:05,674 Yes. So we've got Alphabet City, 161 00:06:05,774 --> 00:06:06,755 we get the East Village, 162 00:06:06,855 --> 00:06:07,876 we get the Bowery, 163 00:06:07,976 --> 00:06:10,338 and you have the Lincoln Center crowd. 164 00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:14,542 Maybe they'll drop by after the opera. 165 00:06:16,183 --> 00:06:18,606 Right. You've got St. Mary's. Good. 166 00:06:18,706 --> 00:06:20,047 So, now, I've typed up a memo... 167 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,209 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait. Wait. 168 00:06:22,309 --> 00:06:23,290 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 169 00:06:23,390 --> 00:06:24,851 What's wrong with St. Mary's? 170 00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:26,052 Nothing. 171 00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:28,154 All right. I changed my mind. 172 00:06:28,715 --> 00:06:29,736 I want St. Stephen's. 173 00:06:29,836 --> 00:06:31,658 Fine. So, now, as I was saying... 174 00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:33,379 Actually, if it's all the same to you, 175 00:06:33,479 --> 00:06:36,822 I will keep the Lower East Side and St. Stephen's. 176 00:06:36,922 --> 00:06:37,943 That's St. Mary's. 177 00:06:38,043 --> 00:06:39,665 You bet it is. 178 00:06:39,765 --> 00:06:41,066 Be my guest. 179 00:06:41,166 --> 00:06:42,748 What aren't you telling me? 180 00:06:42,848 --> 00:06:45,831 Gave you my memo, you're okay with the Lower East Side, 181 00:06:45,931 --> 00:06:46,911 everything is all set. 182 00:06:47,011 --> 00:06:49,013 No, no. Wait. Wait. Wait a minute. 183 00:06:50,375 --> 00:06:52,356 I changed my mind. I want St. Stephen's. 184 00:06:52,456 --> 00:06:54,458 Whatever. 185 00:07:03,627 --> 00:07:04,648 Did you just trick me? 186 00:07:04,748 --> 00:07:06,750 I don't know. You tell me. 187 00:07:07,710 --> 00:07:09,332 All right. Okay. This isn't fair, all right, 188 00:07:09,432 --> 00:07:11,174 because... Because... Because this isn't about winning or losing. 189 00:07:11,274 --> 00:07:12,615 This is about doing good. 190 00:07:12,715 --> 00:07:14,377 This is about helping people. 191 00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:16,479 LISA: You just keep telling yourself that, Flaherty. 192 00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:21,743 My boss assigned me to City Hall for two days. 193 00:07:21,843 --> 00:07:23,665 And you know what? There is nothing going on. 194 00:07:23,765 --> 00:07:27,188 Everybody is walking around talking about some charity dinner. 195 00:07:27,288 --> 00:07:28,910 You know, if I'm a viewer, 196 00:07:29,010 --> 00:07:31,152 I want to see a story on that charity dinner, 197 00:07:31,252 --> 00:07:33,254 especially the handsome young man who helped organize it. 198 00:07:34,775 --> 00:07:36,197 Mike, how many times do I have to tell you this? 199 00:07:36,297 --> 00:07:38,299 Nobody cares about you. 200 00:07:40,581 --> 00:07:42,402 Thank you, honey. That's comforting. 201 00:07:42,502 --> 00:07:44,164 Except me. 202 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:45,485 Look, I don't think you get this. 203 00:07:45,585 --> 00:07:47,767 If I can get one hot, edgy story, 204 00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:49,489 I am in this slot permanently. 205 00:07:49,589 --> 00:07:51,451 You know, Janet, she moved to Boston. 206 00:07:51,551 --> 00:07:52,772 Wow, that's big. 207 00:07:52,872 --> 00:07:54,253 Who's Janet? 208 00:07:54,353 --> 00:07:55,855 You know Janet. She's a reporter 209 00:07:55,955 --> 00:07:57,857 who covers City Hall for my station. 210 00:07:57,957 --> 00:08:00,199 Tall, blond, great body. 211 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,522 Janet moved? 212 00:08:05,243 --> 00:08:07,966 I... I... I mean, you really think she's got a good body? 213 00:08:09,687 --> 00:08:11,689 I never noticed. 214 00:08:12,610 --> 00:08:14,071 And in the spirit of the season, 215 00:08:14,171 --> 00:08:16,554 the Mayor's office and the Speaker's office 216 00:08:16,654 --> 00:08:19,797 will each be sponsoring a free Thanksgiving dinner 217 00:08:19,897 --> 00:08:21,278 for members of the community. 218 00:08:21,378 --> 00:08:23,040 Donations of canned goods can be dropped off 219 00:08:23,140 --> 00:08:25,442 at City Hall outside the Mayor's office. 220 00:08:25,542 --> 00:08:27,644 Or at Speaker Rosen's office. 221 00:08:27,744 --> 00:08:28,885 The Mayor's office, of course, 222 00:08:28,985 --> 00:08:31,487 is conveniently located on the first floor. 223 00:08:31,587 --> 00:08:33,890 We're also on the first floor, closer to the door. 224 00:08:33,990 --> 00:08:35,851 Yeah. We're... We're going to have 225 00:08:35,951 --> 00:08:37,653 a man standing on the steps outside 226 00:08:37,753 --> 00:08:39,214 with a large cardboard box. Yes? 227 00:08:39,314 --> 00:08:41,577 What sort of a menu will you be serving? 228 00:08:41,677 --> 00:08:43,018 The Mayor's office will be serving 229 00:08:43,118 --> 00:08:46,501 the traditional turkey dinner with all the fixin's. 230 00:08:46,601 --> 00:08:48,543 The Speaker's office will be offering people 231 00:08:48,643 --> 00:08:50,545 their choice of turkey, ham, or sausage 232 00:08:50,645 --> 00:08:52,647 with even more fixin's. 233 00:08:53,047 --> 00:08:54,148 Yes, Ashley. 234 00:08:54,248 --> 00:08:56,250 Do you have any real news for us today? 235 00:08:57,011 --> 00:08:58,392 We're going to have pumpkin pie. 236 00:08:58,492 --> 00:09:00,494 Cobbler. We're having cobbler. 237 00:09:03,897 --> 00:09:05,038 All right, everybody. 238 00:09:05,138 --> 00:09:06,840 Zero hour approaches. 239 00:09:06,940 --> 00:09:09,102 Tomorrow we go out there, and we feed a hungry city. 240 00:09:10,303 --> 00:09:12,045 Whose pumpkin pie is this? 241 00:09:12,145 --> 00:09:14,146 Uh, that's mine. 242 00:09:16,869 --> 00:09:18,871 That's a store-bought pie, isn't it? 243 00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:21,473 Anybody else here buy their desserts? 244 00:09:22,074 --> 00:09:24,496 Huh! I assumed you made yours. 245 00:09:24,596 --> 00:09:27,038 Yeah. The gay guy's the only one who bakes. 246 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:31,322 I also knit those little napkins, you putz. 247 00:09:38,128 --> 00:09:40,551 You guys want to win this thing or not? 248 00:09:40,651 --> 00:09:41,992 STUART: Yeah, well, whatever. 249 00:09:42,092 --> 00:09:44,154 I already told the Mayor we were going to deliver for him. 250 00:09:44,254 --> 00:09:45,956 I even got him to up the bet. 251 00:09:46,056 --> 00:09:48,358 When the City Council loses, 252 00:09:48,458 --> 00:09:50,960 they got to stand up at the next council meeting 253 00:09:51,060 --> 00:09:54,964 and sing the song of our choice from West Side Story. 254 00:09:55,064 --> 00:09:56,565 (ALL CHUCKLE) 255 00:09:56,665 --> 00:09:57,646 I hope it's I Feel Pretty. 256 00:09:57,746 --> 00:09:59,748 I love that song. 257 00:10:02,671 --> 00:10:04,853 So they have to do this at an official meeting 258 00:10:04,953 --> 00:10:06,214 in front of the cameras and everything? 259 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,216 Wait a second. If we lose, 260 00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:09,577 do we have to sing a song, Mike? 261 00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:12,020 No. No, no, no, no, no. 262 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,121 Not from West Side Story. 263 00:10:14,442 --> 00:10:15,823 Nikki: oh, Mike! 264 00:10:15,923 --> 00:10:17,665 I swear to god, I'll kill myself where I stand 265 00:10:17,765 --> 00:10:19,787 if it's from Cats. 266 00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:20,868 The Sound of Music. 267 00:10:20,968 --> 00:10:22,969 STUART: Oh, God! 268 00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,591 Why did you do this? 269 00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:26,233 It wasn't bad enough that we had to buy them beer 270 00:10:26,333 --> 00:10:27,914 after they beat us in softball? 271 00:10:28,014 --> 00:10:29,075 It wasn't that bad. 272 00:10:29,175 --> 00:10:30,356 Forever! 273 00:10:30,456 --> 00:10:32,458 We have to buy them beer forever! 274 00:10:36,542 --> 00:10:38,484 Just look at you people. 275 00:10:38,584 --> 00:10:39,965 It's like you lost already. 276 00:10:40,065 --> 00:10:41,767 Well, I, for one, am not going to stand here 277 00:10:41,867 --> 00:10:43,448 and listen to any of this negative talk. 278 00:10:43,548 --> 00:10:45,090 Not me. Not this guy. 279 00:10:45,190 --> 00:10:46,531 I'm going down to that church, 280 00:10:46,631 --> 00:10:47,612 I'm going to do a little recon, 281 00:10:47,712 --> 00:10:48,733 then I'm going to get us ready 282 00:10:48,833 --> 00:10:51,115 and lead us down the path to victory! 283 00:10:52,436 --> 00:10:54,438 Now, who's with me? 284 00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:03,967 Who wants to skip out a few hours of work? 285 00:11:07,130 --> 00:11:09,592 Aren't you going to go play spy with the older boys? 286 00:11:09,692 --> 00:11:11,674 Nope. I've got to finish this letter to Becky. 287 00:11:11,774 --> 00:11:12,795 I think this is it, though. 288 00:11:12,895 --> 00:11:14,597 I'm just trying to let her down gently. 289 00:11:14,697 --> 00:11:16,359 James, you've been seeing her for seven years. 290 00:11:16,459 --> 00:11:18,240 Gently is no longer an option. 291 00:11:18,340 --> 00:11:19,481 Yeah, but it's not that serious. 292 00:11:19,581 --> 00:11:20,522 James, what do you mean? 293 00:11:20,622 --> 00:11:22,564 She's probably in Wisconsin pining away, 294 00:11:22,664 --> 00:11:24,086 thinking that you're going to be the one. 295 00:11:24,186 --> 00:11:26,187 I meant it's not that serious for me. 296 00:11:27,268 --> 00:11:29,050 I know you're trying to be Mr. Nice guy, 297 00:11:29,150 --> 00:11:31,572 but you're actually going to make it much harder for her in the long run. 298 00:11:31,672 --> 00:11:33,054 You really don't think the letter... 299 00:11:33,154 --> 00:11:35,836 No. Any time over three years requires vocal contact. 300 00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:50,810 Hello, is Becky there, please? 301 00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:53,172 Hello, James. 302 00:11:57,656 --> 00:11:59,658 Wow, what a connection. 303 00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,182 She's behind me, isn't she? 304 00:12:07,826 --> 00:12:09,827 Hi, Becky. 305 00:12:17,074 --> 00:12:19,076 She tricked me! 306 00:12:19,676 --> 00:12:21,098 I like it. 307 00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:23,620 It screams "witch's cottage in the forest." 308 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:26,142 Oh, you should have seen the kitchen at St. Mary's. 309 00:12:26,242 --> 00:12:28,505 Completely remodeled! Spotless! You could eat off the floor. 310 00:12:28,605 --> 00:12:30,606 Paul! Paul! Chrome fixtures... 311 00:12:31,207 --> 00:12:33,209 Don't make me come over there. 312 00:12:35,611 --> 00:12:36,712 This is doable. 313 00:12:36,812 --> 00:12:39,034 It depends on what you want to do. 314 00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:41,216 If you want to get tetanus, it's definitely doable. 315 00:12:44,219 --> 00:12:46,221 (CARTER COUGHING) 316 00:12:47,102 --> 00:12:48,763 Mike, hi! 317 00:12:48,863 --> 00:12:50,865 I see you've found the "kitchen." 318 00:12:52,186 --> 00:12:53,568 Oh, yeah, it was easy. 319 00:12:53,668 --> 00:12:56,250 We just followed the bread crumbs through the forest. 320 00:12:56,350 --> 00:12:58,252 I wasn't even going to attempt a church switch, 321 00:12:58,352 --> 00:13:01,295 but all of the sudden we were in your office, and it was right there. 322 00:13:01,395 --> 00:13:04,938 "I want St. Mary's!" "I want St. Stephen's!" "I want St. Mary's!" 323 00:13:05,038 --> 00:13:07,040 What's a poor girl to do? 324 00:13:07,841 --> 00:13:09,662 We knew it was like this. 325 00:13:09,762 --> 00:13:11,764 That's why we picked it. We love this! 326 00:13:12,885 --> 00:13:14,507 Yeah, right. 327 00:13:14,607 --> 00:13:17,009 Just like you meant to miss that last pitch by about three feet. 328 00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:20,252 I hate when she brings that up! 329 00:13:25,937 --> 00:13:29,320 I'm telling you, we had great Thanksgivings at my family. 330 00:13:29,420 --> 00:13:31,162 It wasn't always that way. 331 00:13:31,262 --> 00:13:33,925 Believe it or not, I actually came out on Thanksgiving. 332 00:13:34,025 --> 00:13:35,806 Oh, how'd you pull that off? 333 00:13:35,906 --> 00:13:37,528 Very subtle. 334 00:13:37,628 --> 00:13:39,630 "Dad, great job carving the turkey. 335 00:13:39,950 --> 00:13:42,132 "I'm a homosexual." 336 00:13:42,232 --> 00:13:44,014 Well, every year, I go to my sister's house, 337 00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:46,176 hug her three beautiful children, 338 00:13:46,276 --> 00:13:48,538 then my family gathers round, ties me to a chair, 339 00:13:48,638 --> 00:13:51,140 and pummels me with questions about why I'm not married yet. 340 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:55,725 Hey. Me, my mom, my dad, three Hungry-Man dinners, and a big box of wine. 341 00:13:58,087 --> 00:14:01,270 First "I hate you" comes out around 9:30. 342 00:14:01,370 --> 00:14:03,672 Okay, guys. Way I look at it, you got two options. 343 00:14:03,772 --> 00:14:05,994 So you can either go in here and start working, 344 00:14:06,094 --> 00:14:09,157 or you can stand out here and start learning the words to Edelweiss. 345 00:14:09,257 --> 00:14:12,720 We would have gone in, Mike, but we didn't want to disturb the rats. 346 00:14:12,820 --> 00:14:14,822 Apparently they're decorating for their Christmas party. 347 00:14:15,623 --> 00:14:17,625 O ye of little faith. 348 00:14:19,506 --> 00:14:23,110 Jeez! Mike, what did you do? Rob an appliance store? 349 00:14:23,990 --> 00:14:25,092 Made a few calls. 350 00:14:25,192 --> 00:14:26,813 Look, we have plates and utensils over there, 351 00:14:26,913 --> 00:14:28,855 and here we got every cooking implement known to man. 352 00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:30,056 We got a spatula. 353 00:14:30,156 --> 00:14:32,158 We got your, uh... Your, uh... 354 00:14:32,758 --> 00:14:34,820 Your squirty thing. 355 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,862 These are technical terms, but I know you'll catch on. 356 00:14:36,962 --> 00:14:38,964 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 357 00:14:40,285 --> 00:14:41,667 Hello. 358 00:14:41,767 --> 00:14:44,329 Big Daddy to home base. Big Daddy to home base. 359 00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:47,032 Come in, Paul. 360 00:14:47,132 --> 00:14:49,133 Big Daddy does not copy. 361 00:14:49,494 --> 00:14:51,115 Paul, I can hear you perfectly. 362 00:14:51,215 --> 00:14:53,217 Still not copying. 363 00:14:53,578 --> 00:14:55,579 Paul... 364 00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:59,023 (SOFTLY) Come in, Big Daddy. 365 00:14:59,743 --> 00:15:01,125 Roger, home base. 366 00:15:01,225 --> 00:15:02,806 What's the situation over there? 367 00:15:02,906 --> 00:15:05,168 They're all set up here. They've already started cooking, okay? 368 00:15:05,268 --> 00:15:06,610 I'll check in again later. 369 00:15:06,710 --> 00:15:08,171 Until then, this is Big Daddy... (MIKE DISCONNECTS) 370 00:15:08,271 --> 00:15:11,814 All right, Lisa's already started. We got to get moving. 371 00:15:11,914 --> 00:15:14,337 I got a refrigerated truck out back. I got 30 birds. 372 00:15:14,437 --> 00:15:17,680 They're all gutless, headless, and happy to be here. 373 00:15:19,641 --> 00:15:21,023 Now, I'll coordinate everything. 374 00:15:21,123 --> 00:15:22,284 I just need someone to be in charge of the cooking. 375 00:15:22,364 --> 00:15:23,705 I'll do it. 376 00:15:23,805 --> 00:15:25,947 Great. That's the kind of enthusiasm I'm looking for. 377 00:15:26,047 --> 00:15:27,028 You like to cook? 378 00:15:27,128 --> 00:15:29,991 No. But I do so love being in charge. 379 00:15:30,091 --> 00:15:33,274 Now, fetch me some spices and some pans, 380 00:15:33,374 --> 00:15:35,776 and, what the hell, give me that squirty thing. 381 00:15:36,657 --> 00:15:38,359 You can't cook at all, can you? 382 00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:40,320 Not a lick. 383 00:15:40,420 --> 00:15:41,962 I thought the subway was nice, 384 00:15:42,062 --> 00:15:44,244 and I really like the soup kitchen, 385 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,246 but since I'm only in town for two days, 386 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,348 maybe we could see something else later. 387 00:15:49,429 --> 00:15:51,431 I've got to be honest with you, Becky. 388 00:15:52,672 --> 00:15:54,674 There's really not that much to see in New York. 389 00:15:56,916 --> 00:15:58,857 Listen, Becky... 390 00:15:58,957 --> 00:16:01,300 Okay, this isn't easy for me to say, but, uh... 391 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,722 You know, I'm so glad I came to see you. 392 00:16:04,843 --> 00:16:07,105 I've been really depressed lately. 393 00:16:07,205 --> 00:16:10,848 You remember my cat Mr. Tuggles? He died. 394 00:16:12,170 --> 00:16:14,332 He was my best friend in the whole world. 395 00:16:15,493 --> 00:16:16,674 I mean, besides you. 396 00:16:16,774 --> 00:16:18,776 (GIGGLES) 397 00:16:20,777 --> 00:16:21,919 That makes things difficult. 398 00:16:22,019 --> 00:16:24,961 My family totally rallied around me, though. 399 00:16:25,061 --> 00:16:27,243 It was funny because my mom gave me a cat, 400 00:16:27,343 --> 00:16:29,365 and my sister gave me a cat. 401 00:16:29,465 --> 00:16:31,007 It really cheered me up. 402 00:16:31,107 --> 00:16:33,249 Aw, that's great. 403 00:16:33,349 --> 00:16:34,650 So what I was saying to you is that... 404 00:16:34,750 --> 00:16:36,052 Of course, they didn't get along. 405 00:16:36,152 --> 00:16:38,153 No, of course, they didn't. 406 00:16:38,714 --> 00:16:42,297 In fact, the cat my sister gave me 407 00:16:42,397 --> 00:16:44,900 actually killed the cat my mom gave me. 408 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,982 You don't say. 409 00:16:47,082 --> 00:16:50,144 Hey, wait, wait... Is that right? 410 00:16:50,244 --> 00:16:53,267 Are you actually questioning my ability to do simple arithmetic? 411 00:16:53,367 --> 00:16:54,909 Why, it's just, uh... 412 00:16:55,009 --> 00:16:57,791 I don't know. That number seems a little low. 413 00:16:57,891 --> 00:16:59,353 Perhaps you're not following my system. 414 00:16:59,453 --> 00:17:01,735 You see, whenever a person walks through the door, 415 00:17:02,816 --> 00:17:04,818 I put a mark on the board. 416 00:17:05,939 --> 00:17:10,563 I respect your position as our team's impartial counter. 417 00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:12,205 I took a pledge, Mike. 418 00:17:12,305 --> 00:17:13,806 Yeah, I appreciate that. 419 00:17:13,906 --> 00:17:15,908 I was just thinking maybe you could come up with a more... 420 00:17:17,509 --> 00:17:19,772 Effective system. 421 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,533 You know what I mean? You know what I mean? 422 00:17:21,633 --> 00:17:24,296 You realize the depths you've sunken to? 423 00:17:24,396 --> 00:17:26,298 I was here first. No, I was! 424 00:17:26,398 --> 00:17:28,399 Don't push me! Will you shut up? 425 00:17:32,363 --> 00:17:34,365 That's two. 426 00:17:35,166 --> 00:17:37,428 I can't break up with her. I mean, what would I say? 427 00:17:37,528 --> 00:17:39,670 Well, first off, you should tell that girl 428 00:17:39,770 --> 00:17:41,952 to think about getting a dog next time. 429 00:17:42,052 --> 00:17:46,036 James, you can't keep stringing her along. 430 00:17:46,136 --> 00:17:47,157 You've got to say something. 431 00:17:47,257 --> 00:17:48,678 Say nothing. 432 00:17:48,778 --> 00:17:50,960 Keep little Miss In-love-with-you on your back burner. 433 00:17:51,060 --> 00:17:52,041 My back burner. 434 00:17:52,141 --> 00:17:53,483 Yeah. 435 00:17:53,583 --> 00:17:56,325 You see, the hot stuff, the stuff I pay attention to 436 00:17:56,425 --> 00:17:57,486 I keep on my front burners, 437 00:17:57,586 --> 00:17:59,848 but I always have a few lonely pots 438 00:17:59,948 --> 00:18:01,450 simmering in the back, 439 00:18:01,550 --> 00:18:05,454 yearning for me, yearning for me to stir them. 440 00:18:05,554 --> 00:18:08,216 That's beautiful, Stuart. 441 00:18:08,316 --> 00:18:10,838 Yeah, well, sometimes a girl's just happy to be on the stove. 442 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:13,301 Stuart, where's my damn poultry? 443 00:18:13,401 --> 00:18:14,942 It's still cooking, not quite done yet. 444 00:18:15,042 --> 00:18:16,063 We're running out of time. 445 00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:18,105 Turn the oven up. We need more power. 446 00:18:18,205 --> 00:18:20,207 (SCOTTISH ACCENT) I'm giving it all she's got, Captain! 447 00:18:20,607 --> 00:18:21,668 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 448 00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:24,151 Come in, talk to me, Big Daddy. 449 00:18:24,251 --> 00:18:25,952 Mike, they're wrapping it up here. 450 00:18:26,052 --> 00:18:28,054 I don't think they're serving anymore. 451 00:18:28,815 --> 00:18:30,516 Paul, are you eating? 452 00:18:30,616 --> 00:18:32,478 No. 453 00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:33,719 Why? 454 00:18:33,819 --> 00:18:35,761 Just give me the final number, all right? 455 00:18:35,861 --> 00:18:38,864 They've had 247 very satisfied customers. 456 00:18:40,546 --> 00:18:42,167 Okay, they're at 247. 457 00:18:42,267 --> 00:18:44,409 We have 245. 458 00:18:44,509 --> 00:18:47,672 No! No, I will not lose to this woman again, do you hear me? 459 00:18:50,875 --> 00:18:52,977 Thank you. 460 00:18:53,077 --> 00:18:55,179 Look who I found, Mike, some more hungry settlers. 461 00:18:55,279 --> 00:18:56,981 Thanks,, sir. That puts us over the top. 462 00:18:57,081 --> 00:18:58,502 Great! Let's have at that turkey. 463 00:18:58,602 --> 00:19:02,266 Turkey! Uh, Carter, how much time do we have? 464 00:19:02,366 --> 00:19:04,908 Hold on, uh, okay, okay... 465 00:19:05,008 --> 00:19:05,989 Two minutes! 466 00:19:06,089 --> 00:19:08,091 You've got exactly two minutes. 467 00:19:08,571 --> 00:19:09,752 Mike! 468 00:19:09,852 --> 00:19:13,676 Mike, what are you doing? It's not ready yet. 469 00:19:13,776 --> 00:19:15,918 That's all right. I'll just, uh... 470 00:19:16,018 --> 00:19:18,020 I'll check its vital signs. 471 00:19:18,821 --> 00:19:20,903 Nope. Nothing. This bird is dead. 472 00:19:21,823 --> 00:19:23,045 Let's carve it up. 473 00:19:23,145 --> 00:19:25,146 No, Mike, the thingamajig hasn't popped up yet. 474 00:19:27,389 --> 00:19:29,390 Yep. Happy Thanksgiving. 475 00:19:31,592 --> 00:19:34,015 Okay, what would you like? 476 00:19:34,115 --> 00:19:36,117 White meat or, uh... 477 00:19:36,517 --> 00:19:38,579 Whiter meat? 478 00:19:38,679 --> 00:19:41,301 For three unlucky men, the Mayor's annual Thanksgiving feast 479 00:19:41,401 --> 00:19:42,903 turned into a nightmare. 480 00:19:43,003 --> 00:19:44,905 Not only were they treated to a free meal, 481 00:19:45,005 --> 00:19:47,387 but also to a mild case of food poisoning. 482 00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:50,149 The culprit? Undercooked turkey. 483 00:19:50,249 --> 00:19:52,071 While no lasting harm was done, 484 00:19:52,171 --> 00:19:55,915 the memory of a hand outstretched in kindness, only to inflict pain, 485 00:19:56,015 --> 00:19:58,998 will stay with these gentlemen for a long, long time. 486 00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:01,139 This is Ashley Schaeffer, Channel 10 News. 487 00:20:03,061 --> 00:20:05,083 I'm back. 488 00:20:05,183 --> 00:20:07,846 You're back. You're back with your typical liberal media bias. 489 00:20:07,946 --> 00:20:11,529 245 satisfied diners and you got to focus on the three guys... 490 00:20:11,629 --> 00:20:13,731 Who spent the night in the hospital. 491 00:20:13,831 --> 00:20:16,053 In private rooms! 492 00:20:16,153 --> 00:20:18,976 Thank you, Paul. In private rooms on the city's tab. 493 00:20:19,076 --> 00:20:21,658 Whatever helps you sleep at night. 494 00:20:21,758 --> 00:20:24,781 Okay, I'll see you at home, and, um, tell you what. 495 00:20:24,881 --> 00:20:26,883 I'll cook tonight. 496 00:20:31,808 --> 00:20:33,109 It's nice of you 497 00:20:33,209 --> 00:20:35,511 to take the bus back to Wisconsin with me, James. 498 00:20:35,611 --> 00:20:37,613 Oh, well, I really wanted to see my folks. 499 00:20:38,814 --> 00:20:40,716 Plus you shouldn't travel alone. 500 00:20:40,816 --> 00:20:43,238 I'm not. 501 00:20:43,338 --> 00:20:46,501 Can you believe they were giving away cats at the bus station? 502 00:20:49,143 --> 00:20:51,145 Oh, good luck, little buddy. 503 00:20:52,987 --> 00:20:55,770 So are we going to have some time to spend with one another 504 00:20:55,870 --> 00:20:57,171 when we get home? 505 00:20:57,271 --> 00:20:59,133 Okay. To tell you the truth, 506 00:20:59,233 --> 00:21:01,595 I really don't think that would be a good idea. 507 00:21:02,756 --> 00:21:05,098 You see, Becky, I, um... 508 00:21:05,198 --> 00:21:07,600 I, um, oh, boy, this is hard for me. 509 00:21:09,562 --> 00:21:11,964 The truth is, Becky, as much as I want to... 510 00:21:14,046 --> 00:21:16,048 I... I don't think we should see each other anymore. 511 00:21:21,133 --> 00:21:23,295 I just think it's best that way for both of us. 512 00:21:24,936 --> 00:21:27,559 (SOBBING) 513 00:21:27,659 --> 00:21:28,880 DRIVER OVER PA: Ladies and gentlemen, 514 00:21:28,980 --> 00:21:30,982 we'll be pulling into Wisconsin in about 14 hours. 515 00:21:33,264 --> 00:21:35,266 Okay, that probably wasn't the best timing. 516 00:21:38,188 --> 00:21:42,172 ♪♪ So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu 517 00:21:42,272 --> 00:21:43,453 ♪♪ Adieu 518 00:21:43,553 --> 00:21:46,156 ♪♪ Adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu ♪♪ 519 00:21:47,797 --> 00:21:50,680 (MUSIC PLAYS) 520 00:21:52,922 --> 00:21:54,824 Are you enjoying the performance, Speaker Rosen? 521 00:21:54,924 --> 00:21:56,926 I'm having a ball! 522 00:21:58,007 --> 00:22:03,331 (MUSIC PLAYS)