1
00:00:07,250 --> 00:00:09,312
(HUMMING THEME SONG)
2
00:00:09,412 --> 00:00:13,376
Oh, great. Must be 3:30,
5:30, 7:30, or 9:30 again.
3
00:00:14,417 --> 00:00:15,998
Honey, it's not like
I want this.
4
00:00:16,098 --> 00:00:19,421
I... I need it.
I... I need my
SportsCenter.
5
00:00:20,782 --> 00:00:22,784
Hey, turn on MTV.
6
00:00:23,184 --> 00:00:25,186
Got it.
7
00:00:25,946 --> 00:00:27,968
I mean, will you just
look at Eddie Vedder?
8
00:00:28,068 --> 00:00:30,090
It's like he's only a guy,
and then he starts singing.
9
00:00:30,190 --> 00:00:31,251
MIKE: I know what
you mean, hon.
10
00:00:31,351 --> 00:00:33,353
I feel the same way
about Wayne Gretzky.
11
00:00:33,953 --> 00:00:35,955
Mike, I don't think
that's possible.
12
00:00:36,756 --> 00:00:37,737
(TURNS OFF TELEVISION)
13
00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:39,338
Ahhh! Ahhh!
What are you doing?
14
00:00:39,438 --> 00:00:41,440
Look at my hands, honey.
Turn it back on.
15
00:00:42,921 --> 00:00:44,262
Honey, this is crazy.
16
00:00:44,362 --> 00:00:45,984
We get one night a week
to spend some real time
together.
17
00:00:46,084 --> 00:00:48,085
We shouldn't spend it
watching TV.
18
00:00:49,727 --> 00:00:51,769
Yeah. Yeah.
19
00:01:02,858 --> 00:01:04,860
(HUMMING
SPORTSCENTER
THEME SONG)
20
00:01:05,821 --> 00:01:07,822
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
21
00:01:18,511 --> 00:01:20,613
Okay, next. Minority
affairs. Carter.
22
00:01:20,713 --> 00:01:23,296
I've got the mayor
having dinner at the
Asian Alliance fund-raiser.
23
00:01:23,396 --> 00:01:26,618
Great. Play up his record
in small business loans,
and sure you bring a fork.
24
00:01:26,718 --> 00:01:28,720
Because he is not too good
with the, uh...
25
00:01:30,001 --> 00:01:32,303
Mike, I think we all
remember the sushi incident.
26
00:01:32,403 --> 00:01:34,845
I thought you could
break a window with
a piece of raw fish.
27
00:01:36,407 --> 00:01:38,188
Well, you live,
and you learn.
28
00:01:38,288 --> 00:01:40,791
Okay, the next piece
of news. Very exciting.
29
00:01:40,891 --> 00:01:42,192
According
to this report,
30
00:01:42,292 --> 00:01:44,314
The crime rate
in the city
of New York,
31
00:01:44,414 --> 00:01:46,756
that's here,
is down 30%.
32
00:01:46,856 --> 00:01:48,157
Paul,
spread the news.
33
00:01:48,257 --> 00:01:51,139
Have no fear,
Captain, good news
is on the case.
34
00:01:54,903 --> 00:01:56,904
You know, he's just
getting stranger.
35
00:01:58,345 --> 00:02:00,207
Okay, next up,
the Sharon Project.
36
00:02:00,307 --> 00:02:01,288
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
37
00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:02,849
That's right.
You're right.
38
00:02:02,949 --> 00:02:04,571
Just because we were
elected to serve
39
00:02:04,671 --> 00:02:05,932
doesn't mean
we have to worry
40
00:02:06,032 --> 00:02:08,694
about some retirement center
in Queens going bankrupt.
41
00:02:08,794 --> 00:02:10,776
Finally,
you're coming around.
42
00:02:10,876 --> 00:02:12,057
We've been trying
to drum up support
43
00:02:12,157 --> 00:02:14,619
for buying
the Sharon Project
for weeks.
44
00:02:14,719 --> 00:02:15,780
I think it's time
to throw it away.
45
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:16,861
No. I don't throw things away.
46
00:02:16,961 --> 00:02:18,963
That's not who I am.
That's not my style.
47
00:02:19,644 --> 00:02:20,985
It's like with underwear.
48
00:02:21,085 --> 00:02:24,908
It doesn't matter how
tattered or torn a pair get,
49
00:02:25,008 --> 00:02:27,070
as long as that sucker
has a waistband in it,
50
00:02:27,170 --> 00:02:29,172
it stays in the rotation.
51
00:02:31,374 --> 00:02:33,556
It's time, 10:00.
Donaldson's never late.
52
00:02:33,656 --> 00:02:35,657
Okay, let's go.
53
00:02:37,059 --> 00:02:38,400
Why are we rolling out
the red carpet
54
00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:40,121
for some real-estate
developer, anyway?
55
00:02:40,221 --> 00:02:42,323
Dan Donaldson is the
real-estate developer.
56
00:02:42,423 --> 00:02:43,604
The man is my hero.
57
00:02:43,704 --> 00:02:45,706
You read his book
Dan I Am?
It's brilliant.
58
00:02:48,028 --> 00:02:50,070
Except for the title,
which he clearly
ripped off.
59
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:52,292
From who?
60
00:02:52,392 --> 00:02:55,034
Think about it in your chair.
Think about it anywhere.
61
00:03:00,399 --> 00:03:01,379
How do I look?
62
00:03:01,479 --> 00:03:03,481
Way too excited.
63
00:03:04,402 --> 00:03:06,344
Oh! Here he comes.
64
00:03:06,444 --> 00:03:08,025
Now, Mike, I think
you should let me
do the talking.
65
00:03:08,125 --> 00:03:09,106
Oh, you do, do you?
66
00:03:09,206 --> 00:03:10,267
Yeah.
Don't get me wrong.
67
00:03:10,367 --> 00:03:11,708
Your little "look at me,
I'm so charming" thing
68
00:03:11,808 --> 00:03:14,110
Works on most people,
but Donaldson's
different.
69
00:03:14,210 --> 00:03:16,472
He's ruthless.
He's serious.
He's my people, Mike.
70
00:03:16,572 --> 00:03:18,574
Flaherty, you and me,
let's go.
71
00:03:25,260 --> 00:03:28,443
Mr. Donaldson,
I'm, uh, I'm pleased to
make your acquaintance.
72
00:03:28,543 --> 00:03:30,744
(MOCKINGLY) Mr. Donaldson,
I'm pleased to make
your acquaintance.
73
00:03:33,387 --> 00:03:35,048
No, actually, I think
Mike and I first met
74
00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:38,011
at a $10,000-a-plate
charity dinner.
75
00:03:38,111 --> 00:03:39,652
I would have
bought dinner,
but I'd just
76
00:03:39,752 --> 00:03:41,974
come from
a $5,000-a-plate
charity lunch
77
00:03:42,074 --> 00:03:44,076
and I was
a little
tapped out.
78
00:03:45,277 --> 00:03:47,099
Dan, I'm sorry
to keep you waiting.
Are you ready?
79
00:03:47,199 --> 00:03:48,660
No problem, Your Honor.
80
00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,942
Nikki, would you
escort Mr. Donaldson
to my office, please?
81
00:03:51,042 --> 00:03:52,823
I'll catch up to you
in a moment.
82
00:03:52,923 --> 00:03:54,465
Mike.
Yes, sir.
83
00:03:54,565 --> 00:03:56,507
I just got off the phone
with Speaker Rosen,
and he tells me
84
00:03:56,607 --> 00:03:58,909
you won't get off his case
about this Sharon Project.
85
00:03:59,009 --> 00:04:00,510
Well, first off, sir...
86
00:04:00,610 --> 00:04:03,553
I'm sympathetic,
Mike, but come on.
You've read the budget.
87
00:04:03,653 --> 00:04:05,474
You know, all my friends
told me that I should,
88
00:04:05,574 --> 00:04:08,477
but I can never get past
the second chapter.
89
00:04:08,577 --> 00:04:11,399
I know it's tough, Mike,
but there are bigger
battles to be won.
90
00:04:11,499 --> 00:04:14,822
Mr. Mayor, I convinced
your yoga instructor
to see you at 5:00.
91
00:04:15,223 --> 00:04:17,224
Yes!
92
00:04:18,065 --> 00:04:20,067
Okay, Mike.
93
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:21,848
The press gods
are restless.
94
00:04:21,948 --> 00:04:24,050
They demand
a sacrifice.
95
00:04:24,150 --> 00:04:26,012
All right,
if Paul's not here
in one minute,
96
00:04:26,112 --> 00:04:28,114
James, you're going on
in his place.
97
00:04:28,834 --> 00:04:32,297
Please, no, Mike.
No, no. I can't.
I'm sorry.
98
00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:35,120
That's okay, James...
Nikki, brief him.
99
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,542
No, no, no.
100
00:04:37,642 --> 00:04:39,143
I can't get any air.
101
00:04:39,243 --> 00:04:41,705
I know, honey.
Now, just try
to pay attention.
102
00:04:41,805 --> 00:04:44,187
Okay, home robbery
is down 17%.
103
00:04:44,287 --> 00:04:45,829
Car theft is
down 28%.
104
00:04:45,929 --> 00:04:47,930
I feel like
I'm being strangled.
105
00:04:50,052 --> 00:04:52,054
Funny.
That's down 12%.
106
00:04:53,495 --> 00:04:55,877
Hey, look who's here.
It's captain good news.
107
00:04:55,977 --> 00:04:58,159
I just went out
to get my morning muffin.
108
00:04:58,259 --> 00:04:59,721
Crime statistics,
Paul, remember?
109
00:04:59,821 --> 00:05:01,963
Big news,
banner day,
safer streets.
110
00:05:02,063 --> 00:05:03,764
I just got mugged.
111
00:05:03,864 --> 00:05:04,805
Yeah!
112
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,446
Yeah, yeah.
He took everything.
113
00:05:06,546 --> 00:05:09,049
He even took
my crime statistics.
114
00:05:09,149 --> 00:05:11,451
Somewhere in
this city, there's
a guy walking around
115
00:05:11,551 --> 00:05:13,412
with my wallet,
my cell phone,
116
00:05:13,512 --> 00:05:17,416
and a big pie chart
showing how much
crime has dropped.
117
00:05:17,516 --> 00:05:19,778
I'm sure they're all
getting a big laugh
out of that
118
00:05:19,878 --> 00:05:21,880
back at the hideout.
119
00:05:25,403 --> 00:05:27,344
Did you get a look at him?
White guy?
Black guy?
120
00:05:27,444 --> 00:05:30,627
Big guy. Massive.
So big, he stood
in front of me,
121
00:05:30,727 --> 00:05:32,729
I thought
it was an eclipse.
122
00:05:33,529 --> 00:05:34,510
Did he have a gun?
123
00:05:34,610 --> 00:05:35,591
No.
124
00:05:35,691 --> 00:05:36,952
A knife?
No.
125
00:05:37,052 --> 00:05:38,674
A comb?
126
00:05:38,774 --> 00:05:40,435
He was just
intimidating,
all right?
127
00:05:40,535 --> 00:05:41,516
What did he say?
128
00:05:41,616 --> 00:05:43,618
Well, he didn't
speak English.
129
00:05:48,943 --> 00:05:50,364
Hey, Paul,
you think there's
an outside chance
130
00:05:50,464 --> 00:05:52,466
this guy
was just asking
for directions?
131
00:05:54,507 --> 00:05:56,289
Look, I know
you guys are
just making jokes
132
00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:59,011
to try and cheer me up,
but it's all right.
133
00:05:59,111 --> 00:06:01,093
Don't you worry,
because I'm not
going to be a victim.
134
00:06:01,193 --> 00:06:02,775
You give me
those statistics,
all right?
135
00:06:02,875 --> 00:06:04,376
I'm going to
blow this baby
out of the water.
136
00:06:04,476 --> 00:06:06,478
Attaboy, Paulie.
137
00:06:07,879 --> 00:06:09,060
Were you just trying
to cheer him up?
138
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,162
Eh!
139
00:06:15,325 --> 00:06:17,327
I finished
my coffee.
140
00:06:17,767 --> 00:06:19,829
Good.
141
00:06:19,929 --> 00:06:21,911
I finished
my brownie, too.
142
00:06:22,011 --> 00:06:23,112
You want another one?
143
00:06:23,212 --> 00:06:25,214
Yeah. You got $9?
144
00:06:26,855 --> 00:06:29,858
I love this place.
I get some of my best
writing done here.
145
00:06:30,298 --> 00:06:32,300
All right.
146
00:06:37,744 --> 00:06:39,746
There you go.
147
00:06:40,507 --> 00:06:42,508
"I'm bored."
148
00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:44,891
It's very creative.
149
00:06:44,991 --> 00:06:46,092
I'm feeling
pretty good about it.
150
00:06:46,192 --> 00:06:47,293
What do you want?
151
00:06:47,393 --> 00:06:49,535
I want
those two waitresses
to huddle up
152
00:06:49,635 --> 00:06:51,636
and tackle
those two waitresses.
153
00:06:53,118 --> 00:06:54,539
You know what,
honey, if you want
to go watch sports,
154
00:06:54,639 --> 00:06:56,781
you can, you know?
Just go home.
155
00:06:56,881 --> 00:06:58,882
It's a tough call.
156
00:07:01,525 --> 00:07:02,586
Hey, Mr. Donaldson.
157
00:07:02,686 --> 00:07:03,667
Mike.
158
00:07:03,767 --> 00:07:04,868
What are you doing here?
159
00:07:04,968 --> 00:07:07,430
Me? I own this place.
160
00:07:07,530 --> 00:07:10,032
Well, actually,
I own the whole chain.
161
00:07:10,132 --> 00:07:11,994
Actually, I own a small
pharmaceutical firm
162
00:07:12,094 --> 00:07:14,095
which recently purchased
parts of Colombia.
163
00:07:15,337 --> 00:07:18,639
The big deal here is
that I get free coffee.
164
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:21,202
Samantha, could I have
a double mochaccino, please?
165
00:07:21,302 --> 00:07:23,243
Throw some nutmeg
on top of there.
Thank you.
166
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,625
Samantha, can I get
a pair of chinos?
167
00:07:28,268 --> 00:07:30,269
Flaherty, I think
you just ordered pants.
168
00:07:31,630 --> 00:07:33,632
Uh, decaf. No pleats.
169
00:07:34,553 --> 00:07:37,015
This isn't really
my type of place,
either, you know?
170
00:07:37,115 --> 00:07:39,898
Sometimes I think
I just buy things
because I'm bored.
171
00:07:39,998 --> 00:07:41,019
No kidding.
172
00:07:41,119 --> 00:07:42,059
Yeah.
173
00:07:42,159 --> 00:07:44,281
Uh, sir,
can you read this?
174
00:07:44,882 --> 00:07:46,824
"I'm bored."
175
00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:48,925
I think I can
help you out.
176
00:07:50,447 --> 00:07:51,708
DONALDSON:
So let's hear it.
177
00:07:51,808 --> 00:07:53,269
I'm giddy
with excitement.
178
00:07:53,369 --> 00:07:54,470
All right, sir.
179
00:07:54,570 --> 00:07:57,553
This is an incredible
business opportunity.
180
00:07:57,653 --> 00:07:59,474
Are you familiar
with the Sharon
Retirement Center?
181
00:07:59,574 --> 00:08:00,555
Yeah.
182
00:08:00,655 --> 00:08:02,317
Okay, so what I'm
proposing is this,
183
00:08:02,417 --> 00:08:04,419
you buy
that facility...
184
00:08:06,380 --> 00:08:08,382
And basically,
that's all
I'm proposing.
185
00:08:10,304 --> 00:08:12,005
Great pitch.
186
00:08:12,105 --> 00:08:14,107
I can have it
typed up for you.
187
00:08:15,068 --> 00:08:16,329
How much?
188
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:17,410
Four million.
189
00:08:17,510 --> 00:08:18,531
That's all?
190
00:08:18,631 --> 00:08:20,632
Because, you know,
I probably got that on me.
191
00:08:22,634 --> 00:08:24,636
Oh, don't tease, sir.
192
00:08:25,076 --> 00:08:26,818
It's not a bad idea,
Flaherty.
193
00:08:26,918 --> 00:08:28,940
Fix the place up,
we hike the fees.
194
00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:30,301
Well, no, see,
it would have to be
195
00:08:30,401 --> 00:08:32,402
the same people
living there
at the same cost.
196
00:08:33,003 --> 00:08:33,984
Oh, great.
197
00:08:34,084 --> 00:08:35,385
What you're
telling me then is,
198
00:08:35,485 --> 00:08:37,227
I basically take
a huge chunk of money
199
00:08:37,327 --> 00:08:39,328
and flush it
down the toilet.
200
00:08:40,209 --> 00:08:42,211
I thought you
would appreciate me
coming to you first.
201
00:08:42,691 --> 00:08:44,713
I like you, Flaherty.
202
00:08:44,813 --> 00:08:46,815
You, sir, are plucky.
203
00:08:47,655 --> 00:08:49,157
What I want to know is,
204
00:08:49,257 --> 00:08:51,259
what's the Mayor's office
getting out of all this?
205
00:08:53,060 --> 00:08:55,062
All right,
all right.
206
00:08:58,265 --> 00:09:00,266
We're trying
to help people.
207
00:09:04,270 --> 00:09:06,271
All right,
I'll take it.
208
00:09:07,352 --> 00:09:09,374
You're kidding.
Really?
209
00:09:09,474 --> 00:09:11,056
Just like that?
210
00:09:11,156 --> 00:09:13,097
Hey, thank you.
Thank you, sir.
211
00:09:13,197 --> 00:09:14,138
Dan.
212
00:09:14,238 --> 00:09:16,420
Dan. Sir Dan.
Like a knight.
213
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,022
I have no idea
what I'm saying.
214
00:09:18,122 --> 00:09:20,744
You did pretty good
for yourself, kid.
215
00:09:20,844 --> 00:09:24,067
Pretty good?
I spun you
like a top.
216
00:09:24,167 --> 00:09:25,508
I figured it out.
217
00:09:25,608 --> 00:09:27,510
The way to you
is through your
heartstrings.
218
00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:30,592
You people think that
rich guys have it so easy.
219
00:09:30,692 --> 00:09:34,996
You go to the market,
at worst, you come home
with an extra pack of cookies.
220
00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:37,218
Me, I just impulse-bought
a retirement home.
221
00:09:38,899 --> 00:09:40,901
Try explaining that
to the wife.
222
00:09:47,266 --> 00:09:49,168
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
223
00:09:49,268 --> 00:09:50,970
(IMITATING HOWARD COSELL)
And there he is...
224
00:09:51,070 --> 00:09:53,092
The young deputy mayor
out of Fordham.
225
00:09:53,192 --> 00:09:56,815
An unprecedented victory
on the Sharon Senior
Citizen Project.
226
00:09:56,915 --> 00:09:58,776
Tell us about it, Mike.
227
00:09:58,876 --> 00:10:00,538
(WITH SOUTHERN ACCENT)
I just want to thank
the good lord
228
00:10:00,638 --> 00:10:02,640
for giving me
the ability to
play this game.
229
00:10:03,841 --> 00:10:05,943
JAMES: Well,
there you have it.
230
00:10:06,043 --> 00:10:08,305
So, Donaldson just bought
the Sharon Center
231
00:10:08,405 --> 00:10:10,106
out of the goodness
of his heart?
232
00:10:10,206 --> 00:10:11,547
Pretty much.
233
00:10:11,647 --> 00:10:14,890
Well, talk about
your fallen idols.
234
00:10:17,813 --> 00:10:20,155
Paulie, listen, good news
on those crime stats.
235
00:10:20,255 --> 00:10:21,356
Front page
of every paper.
236
00:10:21,456 --> 00:10:22,597
I was robbed, Mike.
237
00:10:22,697 --> 00:10:24,759
I know, Paul.
Quit milking it.
238
00:10:24,859 --> 00:10:27,481
No. I mean
I was robbed again.
239
00:10:27,581 --> 00:10:29,643
This time,
he got my apartment.
240
00:10:29,743 --> 00:10:31,004
For those of you
keeping score at home,
241
00:10:31,104 --> 00:10:33,106
that's criminals two,
Lassiter zero.
242
00:10:34,507 --> 00:10:37,009
Wow. Robbed twice
in two days.
243
00:10:37,109 --> 00:10:38,691
Wouldn't that
be weird if it were
the same guy?
244
00:10:38,791 --> 00:10:40,292
Oh, James,
please.
245
00:10:40,392 --> 00:10:43,375
We live in a city
of eight million people.
Same guy. Right.
246
00:10:43,475 --> 00:10:45,696
Paul, when you were mugged,
they got your wallet, right?
247
00:10:45,796 --> 00:10:47,338
What was in there?
Cash, credit cards,
248
00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:49,660
maybe something with
your address on it?
249
00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:51,622
Yeah, my driver's license.
Terrible picture, though.
250
00:10:51,722 --> 00:10:53,623
It was so horrible.
251
00:10:53,723 --> 00:10:55,785
What about
your keys, Paul?
252
00:10:55,885 --> 00:10:58,147
Well, yeah
but I used
my spare set.
253
00:10:58,247 --> 00:10:59,548
My keys.
Oh, my God,
he got my keys.
254
00:10:59,648 --> 00:11:01,310
He knows
where I live.
He got my keys.
255
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,412
My bike!
My bike!
My bike!
256
00:11:08,176 --> 00:11:10,598
I thought we were
going to watch
the game together.
257
00:11:10,698 --> 00:11:12,700
That's what
we're doing,
honey.
258
00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:16,363
You're
in the kitchen.
259
00:11:16,463 --> 00:11:18,925
Sweetheart, anytime
anything even remotely
exciting happens,
260
00:11:19,025 --> 00:11:21,127
they play it again
in slow-motion.
261
00:11:21,227 --> 00:11:22,528
When that happens,
you tell me,
262
00:11:22,628 --> 00:11:24,630
and I'll run right over
to that couch and watch it.
263
00:11:26,111 --> 00:11:27,452
No. You can't watch
a game like that.
264
00:11:27,552 --> 00:11:29,554
You got to sit down.
You got to focus.
265
00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,316
Okay.
266
00:11:32,757 --> 00:11:34,458
Hey, did I tell you
that my sister,
she's changing...
267
00:11:34,558 --> 00:11:36,220
Shh, shh.
268
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,321
There's no...
There's no talking.
269
00:11:40,723 --> 00:11:42,905
But it's a commercial.
270
00:11:43,005 --> 00:11:44,747
Yeah, but I could
just tell
271
00:11:44,847 --> 00:11:47,049
you had more than
30 seconds worth
of conversation.
272
00:11:48,770 --> 00:11:49,751
So who are we
voting for,
273
00:11:49,851 --> 00:11:51,853
the blue guys
or the red guys?
274
00:11:53,695 --> 00:11:54,876
Well, it's
a hockey game,
275
00:11:54,976 --> 00:11:57,698
so it's probably not
going to be decided
by a vote.
276
00:12:03,743 --> 00:12:05,805
We... We are,
however, rooting
277
00:12:05,905 --> 00:12:07,567
for the blue guys.
278
00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:09,328
Gotcha.
279
00:12:09,428 --> 00:12:10,369
Ahem.
280
00:12:10,469 --> 00:12:12,170
Hey, you want
another beer?
281
00:12:12,270 --> 00:12:14,292
No, I'm okay.
282
00:12:14,392 --> 00:12:15,733
Wait a minute.
283
00:12:15,833 --> 00:12:17,835
How come you can get up,
walk around, and talk
and I can't?
284
00:12:18,836 --> 00:12:20,698
Because
I'm getting a beer.
285
00:12:20,798 --> 00:12:22,780
Ah, the rules don't
apply when you're
getting beer.
286
00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,621
Or food.
287
00:12:24,721 --> 00:12:26,262
So no walking
or talking
288
00:12:26,362 --> 00:12:28,344
unless food
and/or beer
are involved.
289
00:12:28,444 --> 00:12:29,866
I got it.
290
00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:31,707
Oh, boy.
291
00:12:31,807 --> 00:12:33,228
This is great.
I got my beer.
292
00:12:33,328 --> 00:12:35,330
I got my game.
I got my girl.
293
00:12:35,731 --> 00:12:37,392
Couldn't be happier.
294
00:12:37,492 --> 00:12:39,494
Good. I'm so glad.
295
00:12:49,062 --> 00:12:50,403
What are you
doing?
296
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,365
Well, I'm sitting here
next to you
297
00:12:52,465 --> 00:12:54,447
watching the game
and not talking.
298
00:12:54,547 --> 00:12:56,548
Besides that.
299
00:12:57,269 --> 00:12:59,291
Paying bills.
300
00:12:59,391 --> 00:13:00,372
All right, see,
okay, this is why
301
00:13:00,472 --> 00:13:02,473
I can't watch
a game with you.
302
00:13:03,674 --> 00:13:05,096
Because I'm
paying bills?
303
00:13:05,196 --> 00:13:07,658
Because you don't even
care what's happening
in the game.
304
00:13:07,758 --> 00:13:09,700
It makes no difference
to you who wins or loses.
305
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,142
You have no personal
investment in the outcome.
You barely...
306
00:13:12,242 --> 00:13:14,964
You know, Mike,
I think the red guys
just scored.
307
00:13:15,444 --> 00:13:17,446
No!
308
00:13:22,611 --> 00:13:24,232
Hey.
309
00:13:24,332 --> 00:13:26,274
You can't tell me
you don't have
your own office
310
00:13:26,374 --> 00:13:27,835
because I've seen
pictures of it.
311
00:13:27,935 --> 00:13:29,757
It's much nicer than mine,
it's got a better view,
312
00:13:29,857 --> 00:13:31,959
and the golf course
is magnificent.
313
00:13:32,059 --> 00:13:33,800
This is nice,
too, Mike.
314
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:36,382
What do you
call this, anyway,
deputy mayor chic?
315
00:13:37,703 --> 00:13:38,764
What is this,
a social call?
316
00:13:38,864 --> 00:13:40,486
Oh, no, no,
much more than that.
317
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:42,568
Now that
I officially own
the Sharon Center,
318
00:13:42,668 --> 00:13:44,249
I reckon it's time
for a little
celebration.
319
00:13:44,349 --> 00:13:45,410
To the Sharon Center.
320
00:13:45,510 --> 00:13:47,452
To new friends.
321
00:13:47,552 --> 00:13:48,573
To generosity.
322
00:13:48,673 --> 00:13:50,054
To the library
annex.
323
00:13:50,154 --> 00:13:52,156
To the Empire State
Building.
324
00:13:53,397 --> 00:13:54,698
I'm not following you.
325
00:13:54,798 --> 00:13:56,940
The new public
library annex,
Mike...
326
00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,202
I'd really like
the construction
contract on that.
327
00:14:00,603 --> 00:14:02,705
Well, I can't wait
to get your bid.
328
00:14:02,805 --> 00:14:04,667
Oh, that's the thing.
329
00:14:04,767 --> 00:14:06,949
You see, I was
kind of hoping
that you'd wait
330
00:14:07,049 --> 00:14:08,310
till all the other
bids came in
331
00:14:08,410 --> 00:14:10,191
and you'd let me know
which one was lowest,
332
00:14:10,291 --> 00:14:12,373
and that way
I could slide
right in underneath.
333
00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:14,875
I'm...I'm sorry.
334
00:14:14,975 --> 00:14:16,977
I don't...
I don't do, uh...
335
00:14:17,498 --> 00:14:19,499
I can do "safe."
336
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:22,362
I can do
"touchdown."
337
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,463
I can even do
that guy in the box.
338
00:14:25,825 --> 00:14:27,406
Yeah, but if I get
this contract,
339
00:14:27,506 --> 00:14:30,289
I'll have an in
for future city work,
and I really want that.
340
00:14:30,389 --> 00:14:32,050
Dan, you know,
I'm not comfortable
341
00:14:32,150 --> 00:14:34,252
making those kinds
of deals.
342
00:14:34,352 --> 00:14:35,853
Uh, even
for a new friend?
343
00:14:35,953 --> 00:14:38,596
Uh, I'm sorry.
My hands are, uh...
344
00:14:39,156 --> 00:14:40,978
Uh...
345
00:14:41,078 --> 00:14:42,139
Look, you got to do
346
00:14:42,239 --> 00:14:43,860
what you're
comfortable with,
right?
347
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:47,503
After all, you know,
comfort's what
it's all about.
348
00:14:47,603 --> 00:14:50,626
For example,
I don't really know
how comfortable I am
349
00:14:50,726 --> 00:14:52,427
owning
an old-age home.
350
00:14:52,527 --> 00:14:54,910
I may be
a little more
comfortable
351
00:14:55,010 --> 00:14:56,671
owning a...
I don't know...
352
00:14:56,771 --> 00:14:57,912
Mini-mall...
353
00:14:58,012 --> 00:15:00,014
A vacant lot,
perhaps.
354
00:15:01,375 --> 00:15:02,836
So that's
what this has
all been about.
355
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:04,037
Oh, no, no, no, Mike.
356
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,719
This has been
a romance.
357
00:15:05,819 --> 00:15:08,081
You're the son
I've never had.
358
00:15:08,181 --> 00:15:11,824
Just imagine my surprise
to learn that you were
the deputy mayor.
359
00:15:13,225 --> 00:15:14,606
All right,
get the hell
out of my office
360
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,788
and take
your cheap...
You own a vineyard?
361
00:15:18,790 --> 00:15:21,132
Mike, if I don't get
this contract from you,
362
00:15:21,232 --> 00:15:23,854
you know I'm going to
go right down the line
until somebody else bites,
363
00:15:23,954 --> 00:15:26,977
and in the meantime,
I own this retirement home.
364
00:15:27,077 --> 00:15:29,339
Now, have you
ever heard the sound
of a wrecking ball?
365
00:15:29,439 --> 00:15:31,341
Boom!
366
00:15:31,441 --> 00:15:33,442
Gives me
goose bumps.
367
00:15:35,164 --> 00:15:36,865
You're a son
of a bitch,
you know that?
368
00:15:36,965 --> 00:15:39,708
Guess you didn't play me
like a top after all,
did you, Flaherty?
369
00:15:39,808 --> 00:15:41,810
Not many people do.
370
00:15:43,051 --> 00:15:45,353
I can't believe I let
that guy beat me.
371
00:15:45,453 --> 00:15:46,554
You know what,
Mike?
372
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:48,596
Maybe we can
find some dirt
on this guy.
373
00:15:48,696 --> 00:15:49,957
Oh, he loves hot dogs.
374
00:15:50,057 --> 00:15:52,519
I always see him
buying them outside.
375
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:53,800
Well, we've got him,
then, don't we?
376
00:15:53,900 --> 00:15:57,863
Well, it's a starting
point, all right?
377
00:16:02,147 --> 00:16:04,609
Don't you people
realize what
you're up against?
378
00:16:04,709 --> 00:16:06,090
Finding dirt
won't do any good.
379
00:16:06,190 --> 00:16:08,332
Donaldson's dirt
just makes him stronger.
380
00:16:08,432 --> 00:16:10,874
Sorry, but it's
survival of the fittest
out there.
381
00:16:12,316 --> 00:16:14,397
If we were
stranded alone
on a desert island...
382
00:16:16,639 --> 00:16:18,641
You would eat me.
383
00:16:22,164 --> 00:16:24,166
I like to think so.
384
00:16:24,486 --> 00:16:25,547
Buck up, Mike.
385
00:16:25,647 --> 00:16:27,829
Look, we're
the dream team,
remember, huh?
386
00:16:27,929 --> 00:16:29,751
We're unbeatable.
387
00:16:29,851 --> 00:16:31,432
Did you really just
tell me to buck up?
388
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:32,993
Sure did.
389
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:35,095
Because if you'd added
the words "little camper,"
390
00:16:36,937 --> 00:16:38,938
you'd be fired.
391
00:16:40,180 --> 00:16:43,082
Look. Look at me.
I've been robbed
twice in two days.
392
00:16:43,182 --> 00:16:45,764
I'm a one-man
crime wave,
393
00:16:45,864 --> 00:16:48,567
but nothing is going to
stop me from feeling
like a winner.
394
00:16:48,667 --> 00:16:49,688
Paychecks,
everyone!
395
00:16:49,788 --> 00:16:51,049
NIKKI: Fantastic.
396
00:16:51,149 --> 00:16:53,171
Oh, goody. You see,
now, I'm going to
take that money,
397
00:16:53,271 --> 00:16:56,494
and I'm going to use it
to buy maybe some furniture,
a new coat...
398
00:16:56,594 --> 00:16:59,776
Mama needs a manicure,
pedicure, wax,
and facial.
399
00:16:59,876 --> 00:17:01,958
Okay, Mama
needs to keep
that stuff to herself.
400
00:17:02,959 --> 00:17:04,100
Thanks.
401
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:06,202
Whoo hoo!
I can buy...
402
00:17:07,002 --> 00:17:09,004
Nothing good.
403
00:17:09,685 --> 00:17:11,186
Ah.
404
00:17:11,286 --> 00:17:13,708
Excuse me. Excuse me.
You skipped me.
405
00:17:13,808 --> 00:17:16,270
Uh, no,
you already
got yours.
406
00:17:16,370 --> 00:17:18,472
I most certainly did not.
I was standing over there.
407
00:17:18,572 --> 00:17:19,673
No, no,
earlier.
408
00:17:19,773 --> 00:17:20,714
Earlier when?
409
00:17:20,814 --> 00:17:22,436
Well, like,
about an hour ago.
410
00:17:22,536 --> 00:17:25,719
You were wearing that
blue suit and that hat
with the ear flaps.
411
00:17:25,819 --> 00:17:26,880
You don't
remember that?
412
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:28,441
Oh, yeah,
that's right.
I got the check,
413
00:17:28,541 --> 00:17:30,763
I went out, cashed it,
bought a new suit,
had it altered,
414
00:17:30,863 --> 00:17:32,865
came back here,
all within an hour.
415
00:17:34,626 --> 00:17:37,128
The guy that mugged you,
robbed your apartment,
416
00:17:37,228 --> 00:17:38,930
also picked up
your paycheck.
417
00:17:39,030 --> 00:17:42,253
Wow! Okay, you see?
Hey, score one for
the criminal, huh?
418
00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:44,354
(CHUCKLES)
Guy's killing me.
419
00:17:47,797 --> 00:17:48,938
I wanted
to thank you.
420
00:17:49,038 --> 00:17:50,500
It's always nice
when you get
knocked down
421
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,342
to have someone
on your team
stand on your neck.
422
00:17:53,442 --> 00:17:57,746
Mike, if it makes you
feel any better,
no one expected you to win.
423
00:17:57,846 --> 00:18:00,708
Yeah, I'm thrilled, Stu.
Why don't we go out
and get a beer?
424
00:18:00,808 --> 00:18:02,670
Back off, Sparky.
If you can't handle it,
425
00:18:02,770 --> 00:18:04,071
maybe you should take
a couple of days off.
426
00:18:04,171 --> 00:18:05,232
I can take care
of things.
427
00:18:05,332 --> 00:18:08,395
Boys, boys,
what's all the
ruckus?
428
00:18:08,495 --> 00:18:10,597
You know,
as a taxpayer,
I'd like to think
429
00:18:10,697 --> 00:18:12,118
that there were
more productive ways
430
00:18:12,218 --> 00:18:13,680
for the Mayor's staff
to spend their time.
431
00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:16,442
I say that every day,
Mr. Donaldson.
432
00:18:16,542 --> 00:18:19,725
Stuart, no one can talk
and kiss ass at the
same time like you.
433
00:18:19,825 --> 00:18:22,007
I bet you can do it
drinking a glass
of water.
434
00:18:22,107 --> 00:18:23,328
Ouch.
435
00:18:23,428 --> 00:18:25,330
That was harsh.
436
00:18:25,430 --> 00:18:27,431
Stuey, you've
been dissed.
437
00:18:29,033 --> 00:18:31,034
It's time you and I
took a little walk,
438
00:18:31,435 --> 00:18:32,496
had a nice
little talk,
439
00:18:32,596 --> 00:18:34,017
get to know
one another.
440
00:18:34,117 --> 00:18:36,119
I really don't like
to be called Stuey.
441
00:18:36,839 --> 00:18:38,501
Stuey's fine.
442
00:18:38,601 --> 00:18:40,602
Stuey, do you like
to read books?
443
00:18:43,925 --> 00:18:45,467
You asked to see me?
444
00:18:45,567 --> 00:18:47,568
Uh, yeah. Come in.
445
00:18:48,890 --> 00:18:50,891
Awfully dark in here,
isn't it, Flaherty?
446
00:18:53,293 --> 00:18:55,756
(CHUCKLES) I get it.
447
00:18:55,856 --> 00:18:57,317
You've read chapter four
of my book,
448
00:18:57,417 --> 00:18:59,419
"How to take control
of a meeting."
449
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,120
I have no idea
450
00:19:01,220 --> 00:19:02,561
what you're
talking about.
451
00:19:02,661 --> 00:19:04,803
Please.
You're backlit.
452
00:19:04,903 --> 00:19:05,924
You've got
the letter opener
453
00:19:06,024 --> 00:19:08,126
aimed directly
at my heart.
454
00:19:08,226 --> 00:19:10,408
Your hands are
in the power tepee.
455
00:19:10,508 --> 00:19:12,730
You've arranged
everything in this room
to make you appear to be
456
00:19:12,830 --> 00:19:14,732
the biggest and most
dominant thing in it.
457
00:19:14,832 --> 00:19:16,833
I did nothing of the sort.
458
00:19:27,763 --> 00:19:29,745
Comfy?
459
00:19:29,845 --> 00:19:32,707
Actually, yes,
and thoroughly intimidated,
460
00:19:32,807 --> 00:19:36,070
but, you know,
I've already won,
so why am I here?
461
00:19:36,170 --> 00:19:37,591
I wanted to give you
one last chance.
462
00:19:37,691 --> 00:19:39,393
To do what, gloat?
463
00:19:39,493 --> 00:19:40,594
To do
the right thing.
464
00:19:40,694 --> 00:19:42,756
Are you still
with the old people?
465
00:19:42,856 --> 00:19:44,797
Mike, that ship
has sailed.
466
00:19:44,897 --> 00:19:47,780
Those old people
are out on a deck
playing shuffleboard.
467
00:19:49,061 --> 00:19:50,522
All right, look...
468
00:19:50,622 --> 00:19:53,325
No, you look, okay?
I don't have time
to play with you anymore.
469
00:19:53,425 --> 00:19:56,007
They're going to award
that new contract
in about half an hour.
470
00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:58,509
If you don't mind,
I think I'm going to
be the lucky one.
471
00:20:02,112 --> 00:20:04,114
Hello, everybody.
472
00:20:05,675 --> 00:20:08,177
Okay, I get it.
473
00:20:08,277 --> 00:20:10,840
We're all playing
"let's hate
the billionaire."
474
00:20:13,002 --> 00:20:15,003
Afternoon,
Your Honor.
475
00:20:15,444 --> 00:20:17,445
Stuart.
476
00:20:19,607 --> 00:20:20,988
All right, what's
going on here?
477
00:20:21,088 --> 00:20:23,090
Ah-ha!
478
00:20:24,651 --> 00:20:26,193
What the hell
is that?
479
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:29,075
It's a tape
of our little talk.
480
00:20:29,175 --> 00:20:32,118
You know, Dan,
if I didn't know that
you were the kind of guy
481
00:20:32,218 --> 00:20:34,960
who would rescue a
retirement center just out of
the goodness of his heart,
482
00:20:35,060 --> 00:20:37,202
I might have to listen
to this little tape...
483
00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:40,245
Maybe along with some
of our mutual friends...
484
00:20:40,345 --> 00:20:42,247
Or the attorney
general, huh?
485
00:20:42,347 --> 00:20:44,468
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Have a good day.
486
00:20:49,473 --> 00:20:52,055
I suppose
this is where
you say, "touche."
487
00:20:52,155 --> 00:20:53,816
Well, I don't
speak French.
488
00:20:53,916 --> 00:20:56,038
I do speak
a little Italian.
489
00:20:56,879 --> 00:20:59,621
Oh!
490
00:20:59,721 --> 00:21:01,623
If any job
opportunities
open up,
491
00:21:01,723 --> 00:21:03,725
please keep me
in mind, sir.
492
00:21:06,207 --> 00:21:07,588
You're quite
an actor, Stu.
493
00:21:07,688 --> 00:21:09,190
I mean, you were
very convincing
494
00:21:09,290 --> 00:21:11,291
as the angry,
bitter underling
with delusions of grandeur.
495
00:21:13,453 --> 00:21:15,475
A bit of a stretch
for you there.
496
00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:17,577
I did a little theater
in high school...
497
00:21:18,017 --> 00:21:19,599
Caesar...
498
00:21:19,699 --> 00:21:21,760
Guard number four.
499
00:21:21,860 --> 00:21:24,363
So that was
all acting?
500
00:21:24,463 --> 00:21:26,464
I was in the moment.
501
00:21:28,586 --> 00:21:30,588
You're
out of it now.
502
00:21:31,348 --> 00:21:33,350
(STRAINS)
Didn't hurt.
503
00:21:35,032 --> 00:21:36,613
Isn't this
the exact same
SportsCenter
504
00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:38,715
you were watching
a couple of hours ago?
505
00:21:39,475 --> 00:21:42,998
Yeah. But emotionally
I'm in a completely
different place now.
506
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:45,501
What are you
listening to?
507
00:21:45,601 --> 00:21:46,702
Rancid?
508
00:21:46,802 --> 00:21:48,263
Smashing Pumpkins?
509
00:21:48,363 --> 00:21:50,345
Rancid Pumpkins?
510
00:21:50,445 --> 00:21:52,447
Yeah, that's it.
511
00:21:53,327 --> 00:21:54,308
You know,
this is great.
512
00:21:54,408 --> 00:21:56,470
You know, we're doing
our own thing,
513
00:21:56,570 --> 00:21:57,631
but we're together.
514
00:21:57,731 --> 00:21:59,733
Yeah. It's called
compromise.
515
00:22:00,614 --> 00:22:02,595
Only one thing would
make it perfect, though.
516
00:22:02,695 --> 00:22:04,277
Please? Ready?
517
00:22:04,377 --> 00:22:06,078
One, two, three...
518
00:22:06,178 --> 00:22:08,180
(BOTH HUMMING
SPORTSCENTER
THEME SONG)