1
00:00:01,615 --> 00:00:04,678
James, great speech
for the Scouts of America.

2
00:00:04,778 --> 00:00:06,279
Although for future reference,

3
00:00:06,379 --> 00:00:09,022
we got to keep the mayor away
from words like "Webelo."

4
00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:12,205
I'll add that to the list.

5
00:00:12,305 --> 00:00:15,128
We've got these
two school closings
up in the Bronx.

6
00:00:15,228 --> 00:00:19,452
Whoever goes up there
is going to take
a real beating, so, uh...

7
00:00:19,552 --> 00:00:21,494
Stuart, why don't you
handle that?

8
00:00:21,594 --> 00:00:22,695
They're here!

9
00:00:22,795 --> 00:00:24,617
They're here, they're here,
they're here.

10
00:00:24,717 --> 00:00:26,218
Okay, people, listen up.

11
00:00:26,318 --> 00:00:27,580
According to
<i>Manhattan</i> magazine,

12
00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:31,944
as of 9:23 on this glorious
October morning,

13
00:00:32,044 --> 00:00:34,466
I, Michael T. Flaherty,
am now officially...

14
00:00:34,566 --> 00:00:36,988
the sexiest man in Manhattan.

15
00:00:37,088 --> 00:00:39,411
(ALL CHEERING)

16
00:00:42,894 --> 00:00:45,356
JFK Jr. took himself
out of the running.

17
00:00:45,456 --> 00:00:47,959
I don't want this to disrupt
things here at the office.

18
00:00:48,059 --> 00:00:51,702
After all, I'm no sexier today
than I was yesterday, so.

19
00:00:52,543 --> 00:00:53,925
What about
Alec Baldwin?

20
00:00:54,025 --> 00:00:56,027
Not technically
a New Yorker.

21
00:00:56,707 --> 00:00:58,529
Now the mayor's being
honored on Friday

22
00:00:58,629 --> 00:01:00,371
by the association
of Christians and Jews.

23
00:01:00,471 --> 00:01:01,692
You're all expected
to attend.

24
00:01:01,792 --> 00:01:03,974
Please, keep in mind
these are religious people.

25
00:01:04,074 --> 00:01:06,076
So choose your dates
with care.

26
00:01:06,677 --> 00:01:08,098
There are ten commandments.

27
00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:10,200
I'd like your dates
to check out on
at least seven of them.

28
00:01:12,042 --> 00:01:13,143
That's kind of tough, Mike.

29
00:01:13,243 --> 00:01:15,065
Even assuming they haven't
killed anybody,

30
00:01:15,165 --> 00:01:17,167
They still have
to go six for nine.

31
00:01:19,449 --> 00:01:21,451
What about
Billy Baldwin?

32
00:01:23,453 --> 00:01:25,475
Los Angeles.

33
00:01:25,575 --> 00:01:26,996
Do we have to bring a date?

34
00:01:27,096 --> 00:01:29,799
No, but anybody
who doesn't bring a date

35
00:01:29,899 --> 00:01:31,681
will be placed on Helen duty
for the evening.

36
00:01:31,781 --> 00:01:33,282
Oh!

37
00:01:33,382 --> 00:01:35,244
Personally, there's nothing
I'd rather do

38
00:01:35,344 --> 00:01:37,206
than spend an evening
with the mayor's wife,

39
00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:40,389
but unfortunately for me,
being the sexiest man
in New York,

40
00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:42,611
I already got a date.

41
00:01:42,711 --> 00:01:45,454
You're telling me
there isn't a single
Baldwin brother

42
00:01:45,554 --> 00:01:47,556
in any of the boroughs?

43
00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:50,278
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

44
00:02:01,609 --> 00:02:03,671
Ashley, maybe
I need to clarify.

45
00:02:03,771 --> 00:02:06,954
I have no comment.
I have nothing to say.

46
00:02:07,054 --> 00:02:09,597
I have no idea what
you're talking about, okay?

47
00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:12,039
Fine. Just one final
question, though.

48
00:02:12,139 --> 00:02:13,120
One.

49
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:15,222
Well, it's divided
into three parts.

50
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:17,644
Paul, I have
something important

51
00:02:17,744 --> 00:02:19,006
to discuss
with Miss Schaeffer.

52
00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:20,307
Could you allow us
a moment
of privacy, please?

53
00:02:20,387 --> 00:02:22,389
Gladly.

54
00:02:25,351 --> 00:02:27,353
(WHISTLING)

55
00:02:30,036 --> 00:02:32,038
I take it
the magazine came out?

56
00:02:35,401 --> 00:02:37,803
Next on the runway,
Mr. Michael Flaherty.

57
00:02:39,845 --> 00:02:41,847
And...

58
00:02:42,528 --> 00:02:44,230
He's wearing...

59
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,331
His Marky Marks.

60
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:50,475
Named for a man who, while
quite sexy in his own right,

61
00:02:50,575 --> 00:02:53,218
must now toil
in Flaherty's shadow.

62
00:02:54,179 --> 00:02:56,241
Do you mind?
People are eating here.

63
00:02:56,341 --> 00:02:59,144
(IN GERMAN ACCENT) What?
Am I too sexy for you?

64
00:03:00,945 --> 00:03:03,168
Yes. Yes. I am so woozy
with desire,

65
00:03:03,268 --> 00:03:05,049
I can barely finish
eating this carrot.

66
00:03:05,149 --> 00:03:08,813
Then I will just...
Wait for you here.

67
00:03:08,913 --> 00:03:10,915
Thank you.

68
00:03:11,555 --> 00:03:13,557
(CHUCKLES)

69
00:03:13,958 --> 00:03:15,960
Ashley...

70
00:03:17,921 --> 00:03:19,923
You want a piece
of this?

71
00:03:28,692 --> 00:03:32,515
Would I be having sex
with you or with the
sexiest man in New York?

72
00:03:32,615 --> 00:03:35,338
Well, you can't have one
without the other.

73
00:03:36,059 --> 00:03:37,600
Then I'll pass.

74
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:38,881
What do you mean
you pass?

75
00:03:38,981 --> 00:03:41,604
You can't pass on an
opportunity like this.

76
00:03:41,704 --> 00:03:43,005
I've slept
with you before.

77
00:03:43,105 --> 00:03:45,568
I'm familiar
with the procedure.

78
00:03:45,668 --> 00:03:48,411
I wouldn't pass
on a chance to sleep
with the sexiest woman...

79
00:03:48,511 --> 00:03:50,252
Don't finish
that sentence, mister!

80
00:03:50,352 --> 00:03:52,354
Because that's you!

81
00:03:54,676 --> 00:03:56,018
PAUL: Mike?
Yes, Paul.

82
00:03:56,118 --> 00:03:58,300
I know that
Ashley Schaeffer's
your girlfriend,

83
00:03:58,400 --> 00:03:59,861
and let me just say,
I think she's wonderful.

84
00:03:59,961 --> 00:04:02,304
She's beautiful, charming,
witty, a real catch.

85
00:04:02,404 --> 00:04:03,385
Spill it, Paul.

86
00:04:03,485 --> 00:04:05,487
She's evil, Mike.

87
00:04:07,489 --> 00:04:09,831
I'm telling you, she's all
over me. It's eerie.

88
00:04:09,931 --> 00:04:12,313
It's like she can
read my mind.

89
00:04:12,413 --> 00:04:14,515
She's just on a hot streak.
It's going to pass.

90
00:04:14,615 --> 00:04:16,277
I'm telling you,
she's out to get me.

91
00:04:16,377 --> 00:04:17,638
What is she
on to now?

92
00:04:17,738 --> 00:04:19,800
Some internal audit
of this high school
out in Queens.

93
00:04:19,900 --> 00:04:21,842
What's that
all about anyway?

94
00:04:21,942 --> 00:04:23,844
We got a custodian

95
00:04:23,944 --> 00:04:25,946
at a high school
in Queens,

96
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,889
happens to own
a fishing boat.

97
00:04:28,989 --> 00:04:31,351
A municipal worker
who owns a boat. So?

98
00:04:32,552 --> 00:04:34,655
So, there's just
some concern that

99
00:04:34,755 --> 00:04:37,297
the boat might be
misrepresented by the press.

100
00:04:37,397 --> 00:04:39,399
Misrepresented how?

101
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,001
As a yacht.

102
00:04:43,603 --> 00:04:44,624
Is it a yacht?

103
00:04:44,724 --> 00:04:46,346
No, it's, uh...

104
00:04:46,446 --> 00:04:48,468
It's not a yacht.
It's the guy's fishing boat.

105
00:04:48,568 --> 00:04:51,130
You know,
it's a dinghy, really.

106
00:04:51,971 --> 00:04:54,233
All right, fine.
Sure, okay.

107
00:04:54,333 --> 00:04:56,335
All right.
I'll see you.

108
00:04:58,057 --> 00:05:00,059
Does this boat
have a jacuzzi?

109
00:05:00,699 --> 00:05:01,680
Why do you ask?

110
00:05:01,780 --> 00:05:03,362
Oh, no, Mike!

111
00:05:03,462 --> 00:05:04,523
Aw, Mike, no!

112
00:05:04,623 --> 00:05:06,325
We're talking scandal!
We're talking kickback!

113
00:05:06,425 --> 00:05:07,726
We're talking
news footage

114
00:05:07,826 --> 00:05:09,488
of crumbling
inner-city schools

115
00:05:09,588 --> 00:05:10,809
cross-cut with photos

116
00:05:10,909 --> 00:05:12,851
of a janitor sitting
in his jacuzzi

117
00:05:12,951 --> 00:05:14,953
aboard a 60-foot yacht.

118
00:05:15,994 --> 00:05:17,735
It's got a big mother
of a satellite dish.

119
00:05:17,835 --> 00:05:19,837
Oh!

120
00:05:21,079 --> 00:05:22,780
Hey, hey. You guys
read my article yet?

121
00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:23,981
Ah, yes.

122
00:05:24,081 --> 00:05:26,864
It was fascinating.
I'm having it framed.

123
00:05:26,964 --> 00:05:29,347
Mike, Wordsworth is
my favorite poet, too.

124
00:05:29,447 --> 00:05:31,629
Is that who I put?

125
00:05:31,729 --> 00:05:33,791
They faxed me
this little questionnaire.

126
00:05:33,891 --> 00:05:37,234
Since when do you
kayak on the weekends?

127
00:05:37,334 --> 00:05:40,377
I kayak in my spare time.

128
00:05:41,658 --> 00:05:43,600
In my spare time...

129
00:05:43,700 --> 00:05:46,203
Of which I have none.

130
00:05:46,303 --> 00:05:49,205
However do you find time
for all your hobbies,

131
00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:51,448
playing squash,
cooking pasta,

132
00:05:51,548 --> 00:05:54,450
and contemplative
introspection?

133
00:05:54,550 --> 00:05:57,613
Thinking, Mike?
That's your hobby?

134
00:05:57,713 --> 00:05:58,935
You guys are
missing the point.

135
00:05:59,035 --> 00:06:00,456
The point is,

136
00:06:00,556 --> 00:06:03,019
I'm the sexiest man
in New York,

137
00:06:03,119 --> 00:06:06,222
And I bet statistically,
I'm sexier than all of you
put together...

138
00:06:06,322 --> 00:06:07,903
Yeah, maybe,
but that's only

139
00:06:08,003 --> 00:06:10,005
because Stuart's
dragging us down.

140
00:06:12,728 --> 00:06:14,109
Well, be that
as it may,

141
00:06:14,209 --> 00:06:15,270
I got a date
for tomorrow night.

142
00:06:15,370 --> 00:06:17,372
and if tradition holds,
none of you do.

143
00:06:19,294 --> 00:06:21,596
I'll tell you what.
I'll pass the savings
on to you.

144
00:06:21,696 --> 00:06:23,638
I suggest dividing
Mrs. Winston up

145
00:06:23,738 --> 00:06:26,201
into easy-to-swallow
30-minute shifts.

146
00:06:26,301 --> 00:06:28,683
This isn't fair.
You have a live-in date.

147
00:06:28,783 --> 00:06:30,785
You'll never have
to go on Helen duty.

148
00:06:31,265 --> 00:06:32,487
I'll tell you what I'll do.

149
00:06:32,587 --> 00:06:36,570
If all of you get dates
for Friday night,

150
00:06:36,670 --> 00:06:38,672
I'll take care
of Mrs. Winston.

151
00:06:40,074 --> 00:06:43,777
Of course, the banquet would
probably have been canceled,

152
00:06:43,877 --> 00:06:45,999
what with hell having
frozen over and all.

153
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:48,422
James,

154
00:06:48,522 --> 00:06:50,263
would you like to go to dinner
with me Friday night?

155
00:06:50,363 --> 00:06:51,345
Sure.

156
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:52,706
No, no, hey, wait a minute.

157
00:06:52,806 --> 00:06:54,347
Karen, would you
go to dinner with me?

158
00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:55,829
I'd love to!
Oh, great.

159
00:06:55,929 --> 00:06:57,931
You can't. No.
Hey, that's not fair.

160
00:06:59,692 --> 00:07:02,135
Well, Stuart, Carter...

161
00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:10,903
Guess you guys will be
sharing Helen duty.

162
00:07:18,430 --> 00:07:20,432
Pick you up at 7:00?

163
00:07:23,715 --> 00:07:25,657
You know, I take it
there is some impropriety

164
00:07:25,757 --> 00:07:27,058
going on down
at that school.

165
00:07:27,158 --> 00:07:28,820
Well, that depends on what
you mean by impropriety, sir.

166
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:30,422
Larceny, fraud,
embezzlement.

167
00:07:30,522 --> 00:07:32,524
Well, then, yes.

168
00:07:33,284 --> 00:07:35,146
So have you briefed Paul?

169
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,708
Yeah. I told him we want
to keep it quiet.

170
00:07:36,808 --> 00:07:39,390
You know, we want
to do our own
internal investigation.

171
00:07:39,490 --> 00:07:40,872
There's no telling
how high up the...

172
00:07:40,972 --> 00:07:43,634
Hmm.
...ladder this thing goes,

173
00:07:43,734 --> 00:07:46,117
so we wouldn't want
to make the mistake of...

174
00:07:46,217 --> 00:07:48,839
Can I help you
at all, sir?

175
00:07:48,939 --> 00:07:51,061
You know, they're right.
You are a very sexy man.

176
00:07:51,902 --> 00:07:53,043
Striking.

177
00:07:53,143 --> 00:07:55,145
All right, sir, I'm going
to be honest with you.

178
00:07:56,146 --> 00:07:58,148
I'm already taken.

179
00:07:58,749 --> 00:07:59,930
You know, uh,

180
00:08:00,030 --> 00:08:01,611
you better get used
to people looking at you,

181
00:08:01,711 --> 00:08:04,574
because from now on,
everything you do is a story.

182
00:08:04,674 --> 00:08:06,696
I mean, the restaurants
you eat at,

183
00:08:06,796 --> 00:08:08,698
the movies that you see,
the way you look.

184
00:08:08,798 --> 00:08:11,140
I'm sure it's not going to be
that much of a burden, sir.

185
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,383
Once you're
in the public spotlight,

186
00:08:13,483 --> 00:08:15,424
you can't get out.

187
00:08:15,524 --> 00:08:16,746
You walk down the street,

188
00:08:16,846 --> 00:08:20,589
you start to feel
people looking at you.

189
00:08:20,689 --> 00:08:25,154
Everywhere you turn,
nothing but eyes staring...

190
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:27,476
Judging...

191
00:08:27,576 --> 00:08:30,499
Gazing into the very recesses
of your soul.

192
00:08:33,141 --> 00:08:35,203
MIKE: No, no.
Wait, wait. Stop.

193
00:08:35,303 --> 00:08:37,305
ASHLEY: What?
What's the matter?

194
00:08:38,266 --> 00:08:40,208
I, I can't do this.

195
00:08:40,308 --> 00:08:42,310
What is it?

196
00:08:42,710 --> 00:08:44,712
Uh, I don't know.
I just...

197
00:08:45,153 --> 00:08:46,974
I feel weird...

198
00:08:47,074 --> 00:08:49,217
Like, uh...

199
00:08:49,317 --> 00:08:51,319
Like people
are watching me.

200
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:54,542
Well, why don't you
close your eyes

201
00:08:54,642 --> 00:08:56,584
and just let me
help you get over it?

202
00:08:56,684 --> 00:08:58,946
No. Honey, you
don't understand.

203
00:08:59,046 --> 00:09:00,828
This is like, uh...

204
00:09:00,928 --> 00:09:02,930
It's like a major
malfunction...

205
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:05,612
Kind of
a hydraulics problem.

206
00:09:06,133 --> 00:09:08,315
What do you mean?

207
00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:12,799
Okay, uh, you know when
your foot falls asleep?

208
00:09:12,899 --> 00:09:15,261
Yeah. I just shake it
real hard and stomp on it.

209
00:09:17,704 --> 00:09:19,706
Not a good idea.

210
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:22,208
Oh.

211
00:09:22,308 --> 00:09:24,310
Oh...

212
00:09:28,073 --> 00:09:29,495
Hey there, sexy.

213
00:09:29,595 --> 00:09:31,177
You're looking
mighty fine today.

214
00:09:31,277 --> 00:09:32,778
Right back
at you, Roberta.

215
00:09:32,878 --> 00:09:34,059
You're number one.

216
00:09:34,159 --> 00:09:35,861
You know it, kid.

217
00:09:35,961 --> 00:09:37,963
I'm living a lie.

218
00:09:40,165 --> 00:09:41,867
Honey, really,
it's going to be fine.

219
00:09:41,967 --> 00:09:43,869
No. I'm a big,
fat phony.

220
00:09:43,969 --> 00:09:46,391
MAN: Hey, sexiest man
in New York, up top!

221
00:09:46,491 --> 00:09:47,792
I can't go on
with this.

222
00:09:47,892 --> 00:09:50,034
This has got
to stop.

223
00:09:50,134 --> 00:09:51,596
Hey, Mike, nice tie.

224
00:09:51,696 --> 00:09:54,278
Oh, for God's sake,
will you people
please leave him alone?

225
00:09:54,378 --> 00:09:56,380
What do you want
from him?

226
00:09:59,784 --> 00:10:01,786
Thanks, honey.
That's much better.

227
00:10:05,509 --> 00:10:07,511
Everything all right?

228
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:09,293
Yeah. Fine.

229
00:10:09,393 --> 00:10:11,395
All right,
so whip it out.

230
00:10:13,957 --> 00:10:15,178
What?

231
00:10:15,278 --> 00:10:16,740
The football pool.

232
00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:18,261
Giants over Dallas.
I won.

233
00:10:18,361 --> 00:10:20,363
Oh, God,
the football pool.

234
00:10:22,245 --> 00:10:24,467
Oh, thank God. Okay.

235
00:10:24,567 --> 00:10:26,469
Here you go.
That's a 20, Mike.

236
00:10:26,569 --> 00:10:28,951
Yeah. Well, you keep the rest

237
00:10:29,051 --> 00:10:31,334
because I'm just going
to go lie down.

238
00:10:32,655 --> 00:10:35,518
...which are just a few
of the many reasons

239
00:10:35,618 --> 00:10:38,120
why the mayor has issued
this proclamation

240
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:41,243
making today
pedestrian safety day.

241
00:10:41,343 --> 00:10:42,644
Yeah. Yes, Ashley?

242
00:10:42,744 --> 00:10:44,686
Thank you. I just wanted
to follow up on that audit

243
00:10:44,786 --> 00:10:45,888
of that high school
out in Queens.

244
00:10:45,988 --> 00:10:47,849
First, I'd like to respond
to any and all

245
00:10:47,949 --> 00:10:49,951
pedestrian safety-related
questions.

246
00:10:52,073 --> 00:10:53,375
Okay, then.

247
00:10:53,475 --> 00:10:55,737
Have the school books,
in fact, been audited?

248
00:10:55,837 --> 00:10:56,818
Ah, no.

249
00:10:56,918 --> 00:10:58,099
So all the funds
are accounted for?

250
00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,781
Yes. They have.
That's correct.

251
00:10:59,881 --> 00:11:01,462
But you don't
really know that,

252
00:11:01,562 --> 00:11:03,745
because as you said,
the books haven't been
audited yet, right?

253
00:11:03,845 --> 00:11:06,347
Right. Wrong. Wrong.

254
00:11:06,447 --> 00:11:07,828
That's, uh, I mean, uh...

255
00:11:07,928 --> 00:11:09,930
Why are you
doing this to me?

256
00:11:11,372 --> 00:11:12,433
ASHLEY: What are we doing?

257
00:11:12,533 --> 00:11:14,435
MIKE: We're just coming home

258
00:11:14,535 --> 00:11:15,836
for a little
early lunch.

259
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:17,478
Mike, it's quarter
after 9:00.

260
00:11:17,578 --> 00:11:19,680
A late breakfast.

261
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,521
All right, you know
why we're here.

262
00:11:21,621 --> 00:11:23,623
I got to get right
back on the horse.

263
00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:28,868
Does the horse have
any say in this?

264
00:11:29,869 --> 00:11:31,811
The horse gets no say.

265
00:11:31,911 --> 00:11:34,033
If the horse likes,
it can whinny.

266
00:11:35,074 --> 00:11:36,896
All right, now, please,

267
00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:38,998
just strip and lie back
on the bed.

268
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:41,701
Excuse me?

269
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:43,342
Do you have any idea

270
00:11:43,442 --> 00:11:46,305
how many people subscribe
to <i>Manhattan</i> magazine?

271
00:11:46,405 --> 00:11:49,028
246,000.

272
00:11:49,128 --> 00:11:51,870
I feel like I'm having sex
in the middle
of Yankee stadium,

273
00:11:51,970 --> 00:11:55,734
and they're all watching me
and judging me.

274
00:11:57,496 --> 00:11:59,117
Honey, maybe you should
see someone about this.

275
00:11:59,217 --> 00:12:01,219
You know, talk to somebody,
a professional.

276
00:12:04,302 --> 00:12:06,304
Is there a good reason
you're not naked yet?

277
00:12:07,345 --> 00:12:09,607
If I do this, it is only
because I love you

278
00:12:09,707 --> 00:12:11,569
and because it is clear
that you're about
to lose your mind.

279
00:12:11,669 --> 00:12:14,051
Well, those are
two excellent reasons

280
00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:15,893
to have sex with a person.

281
00:12:15,993 --> 00:12:18,376
All right.
Now, I just...

282
00:12:18,476 --> 00:12:19,897
I got to remember...

283
00:12:19,997 --> 00:12:23,060
no matter how much
they may want me,

284
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,662
I'm not making love
to the entire city.

285
00:12:25,762 --> 00:12:27,264
You just got
to narrow it down.

286
00:12:27,364 --> 00:12:29,306
A few square
city blocks.

287
00:12:29,406 --> 00:12:31,408
Pretend I'm Chinatown.

288
00:12:32,529 --> 00:12:34,431
Chinatown?

289
00:12:34,531 --> 00:12:36,513
Oh, yeah.

290
00:12:36,613 --> 00:12:38,034
Yeah. I like that.

291
00:12:38,134 --> 00:12:39,476
Mmm. Chinatown.

292
00:12:39,576 --> 00:12:41,598
Mmm. I'm thinking...

293
00:12:41,698 --> 00:12:43,720
I'm thinking silk kimonos.

294
00:12:43,820 --> 00:12:45,281
I'm thinking
geisha girls.

295
00:12:45,381 --> 00:12:46,562
Geisha girls
are Japanese.

296
00:12:46,662 --> 00:12:47,683
So?

297
00:12:47,783 --> 00:12:49,405
So are kimonos.
So?

298
00:12:49,505 --> 00:12:51,787
So we shouldn't have
culturally insensitive sex.

299
00:12:56,592 --> 00:12:58,874
Not exactly
my biggest problem
right now.

300
00:13:00,355 --> 00:13:02,557
I'll apologize
to the Pacific rim
when we're done.

301
00:13:03,278 --> 00:13:05,100
I'm sorry.

302
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,982
Okay, where were we?

303
00:13:07,082 --> 00:13:09,144
I mean, you were
just trying to help.

304
00:13:09,244 --> 00:13:10,705
Oh, yeah. Chinatown.

305
00:13:10,805 --> 00:13:12,227
Mmm. Yeah.

306
00:13:12,327 --> 00:13:14,329
I'm thinking chopsticks.

307
00:13:14,689 --> 00:13:15,910
I'm thinking...

308
00:13:16,010 --> 00:13:18,613
Dead ducks hanging
in store windows.

309
00:13:24,979 --> 00:13:26,981
You've ruined Chinatown
for me.

310
00:13:27,461 --> 00:13:28,442
Well, it's a big city.

311
00:13:28,542 --> 00:13:30,544
We just got to try
someplace else.

312
00:13:31,545 --> 00:13:32,566
Little Italy?

313
00:13:32,666 --> 00:13:33,607
Mmm.

314
00:13:33,707 --> 00:13:35,709
Oh, <i>bene, bene.</i>
<i>Molto bene.</i>

315
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,454
Checkered tablecloths.

316
00:13:40,554 --> 00:13:42,375
Um, tiramisu.

317
00:13:42,475 --> 00:13:44,177
Penne puttanesca.

318
00:13:44,277 --> 00:13:46,279
You're making me hungry.

319
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,822
No, no.
It's just New York.

320
00:13:48,922 --> 00:13:51,284
How about Santa Fe?

321
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:53,466
BOTH: No.

322
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:54,627
Minneapolis?

323
00:13:54,727 --> 00:13:56,729
No.
Houston?

324
00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:59,171
Houston?
Houston.

325
00:14:01,854 --> 00:14:03,856
Houston.

326
00:14:04,256 --> 00:14:06,258
We have a problem.

327
00:14:12,904 --> 00:14:15,006
We have just got to stop
obsessing about this.

328
00:14:15,106 --> 00:14:16,888
You're right.
You're right.

329
00:14:16,988 --> 00:14:19,350
I mean, it's not really
that big a deal.

330
00:14:21,513 --> 00:14:23,514
I won't blame you
if you want to leave me.

331
00:14:25,596 --> 00:14:27,298
Come on. I love you,
and I will love you

332
00:14:27,398 --> 00:14:29,400
even if you can never
have sex again.

333
00:14:30,521 --> 00:14:32,523
Thanks.

334
00:14:33,324 --> 00:14:35,766
Up until this moment,
I hadn't considered
that possibility.

335
00:14:37,808 --> 00:14:38,989
Excuse me.

336
00:14:39,089 --> 00:14:41,872
Aren't you
on Helen duty tonight?

337
00:14:41,972 --> 00:14:44,895
'Cause I'm Helen, and
where have you been?

338
00:14:46,376 --> 00:14:47,477
You know,
down at the office,

339
00:14:47,577 --> 00:14:49,279
we don't refer to it
as Helen duty.

340
00:14:49,379 --> 00:14:51,761
We refer to it
as Helen privilege.

341
00:14:51,861 --> 00:14:54,424
You really didn't
have to get me
a corsage, James.

342
00:14:59,749 --> 00:15:01,651
I thought it would make it
look more like a real date.

343
00:15:01,751 --> 00:15:03,753
If you were
prom king, maybe!

344
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:06,135
Oh, I'm just kidding.

345
00:15:06,235 --> 00:15:07,376
We're gonna have
a good time.

346
00:15:07,476 --> 00:15:08,818
Well, you better believe it,

347
00:15:08,918 --> 00:15:10,920
'cause look
what I smuggled in.

348
00:15:13,122 --> 00:15:15,124
We got peach schnapps.

349
00:15:19,488 --> 00:15:21,269
You're kidding.

350
00:15:21,369 --> 00:15:23,512
We're gonna party
very hard tonight.

351
00:15:23,612 --> 00:15:25,613
You're not kidding.

352
00:15:26,094 --> 00:15:28,456
So, both of you guys
are in a rowboat...

353
00:15:34,742 --> 00:15:37,525
No, no, no. Stop me
if you've heard this one.

354
00:15:37,625 --> 00:15:40,608
Right now, 100,000 papers
are being printed up,

355
00:15:40,708 --> 00:15:43,791
and every one of them
has a picture of a janitor
on a yacht.

356
00:15:44,471 --> 00:15:46,654
And you know why, Karen?

357
00:15:46,754 --> 00:15:48,756
Because he
was cleaning it?

358
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:51,658
Because of me.
Because I can't do my job.

359
00:15:51,758 --> 00:15:52,860
I'm an albatross.

360
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,302
Are you gonna eat
that cherry?

361
00:15:55,402 --> 00:15:56,503
So, how are
you guys doing?

362
00:15:56,603 --> 00:15:58,605
Paul's making me sad.

363
00:16:01,568 --> 00:16:02,789
You should go and dance.

364
00:16:02,889 --> 00:16:04,891
Okey-dokey.

365
00:16:06,452 --> 00:16:07,513
What's up?

366
00:16:07,613 --> 00:16:09,615
Ah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
I'm, I'm fine.

367
00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:13,159
How many drinks
have you had?

368
00:16:13,259 --> 00:16:15,261
Oh, this is my first one.

369
00:16:19,305 --> 00:16:20,446
Really?

370
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:22,708
All right. All right. Two.

371
00:16:28,834 --> 00:16:30,836
Unbelievable.

372
00:16:31,316 --> 00:16:33,558
Hey, Paul.
Let me ask you something.

373
00:16:34,239 --> 00:16:36,241
How much do you weigh?

374
00:16:36,681 --> 00:16:39,063
I don't know.
About 175.

375
00:16:39,163 --> 00:16:40,825
Popular kid in school,
were you?

376
00:16:40,925 --> 00:16:42,927
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

377
00:16:43,367 --> 00:16:45,369
Yeah, guys love me.
Yeah. Yeah.

378
00:16:46,370 --> 00:16:47,391
Where did you go
to college?

379
00:16:47,491 --> 00:16:48,512
Notre Dame.

380
00:16:48,612 --> 00:16:49,794
There it is.
I see it.

381
00:16:49,894 --> 00:16:52,436
What? What? I did.
I went to Notre Dame.

382
00:16:52,536 --> 00:16:54,238
Paul, you have a tell.

383
00:16:54,338 --> 00:16:55,919
You tip it
when you lie.

384
00:16:56,019 --> 00:16:57,321
I do not.

385
00:16:57,421 --> 00:16:58,442
Oh, yeah, really?

386
00:16:58,542 --> 00:17:00,364
When did you
lose your virginity?

387
00:17:00,464 --> 00:17:01,725
I don't know.
When I was 16.

388
00:17:01,825 --> 00:17:02,766
Paul.

389
00:17:02,866 --> 00:17:04,888
All right. I was in college.
Paul.

390
00:17:04,988 --> 00:17:07,210
All right! I was 33.

391
00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:08,932
But, oh, Mike,
you should have seen her.

392
00:17:09,032 --> 00:17:10,934
She was beautiful.
She was a model.

393
00:17:11,034 --> 00:17:12,535
You know, she didn't
like me at first,

394
00:17:12,635 --> 00:17:15,178
But then, oh, then,
she was head-over-heels
for me.

395
00:17:15,278 --> 00:17:17,180
Oh, my God!
Oh, God!

396
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,021
I touch my face
when I lie!

397
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,503
Oh, my God!

398
00:17:20,603 --> 00:17:22,725
Oh, Mike! Oh, no!
Oh, God!

399
00:17:23,766 --> 00:17:25,668
Carter, let me
ask you something.

400
00:17:25,768 --> 00:17:27,870
Shoot.

401
00:17:27,970 --> 00:17:29,972
Suppose I was...

402
00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:34,096
You know.

403
00:17:34,736 --> 00:17:37,239
Gay, Stuart.
The word is gay.

404
00:17:37,339 --> 00:17:39,421
It only has one syllable.
I know you can say it.

405
00:17:41,022 --> 00:17:43,024
Okay. Suppose I was gay.

406
00:17:43,785 --> 00:17:45,787
Would you find me...
No!

407
00:17:52,753 --> 00:17:54,755
Not even a...
No!

408
00:17:55,636 --> 00:17:56,657
I work out.

409
00:17:56,757 --> 00:17:58,759
I don't care.

410
00:18:00,761 --> 00:18:02,763
Can I, can I
ask you something?

411
00:18:03,123 --> 00:18:04,745
Fire away.

412
00:18:04,845 --> 00:18:06,987
When you, uh...

413
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:08,509
When you first started
making speeches,

414
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:10,991
you know, and
running for office,

415
00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:13,713
and being
in the public eye,

416
00:18:13,813 --> 00:18:18,378
Did you develop
any problems, you know,

417
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:21,361
handling the pressure?

418
00:18:21,461 --> 00:18:22,482
You know,

419
00:18:22,582 --> 00:18:25,625
I've never told anybody
about this before.

420
00:18:27,787 --> 00:18:28,888
Once I took Helen

421
00:18:28,988 --> 00:18:31,731
to this beautiful,
old romantic inn

422
00:18:31,831 --> 00:18:33,832
to get away
for the weekend,

423
00:18:34,593 --> 00:18:36,775
and, bam, it happened.

424
00:18:36,875 --> 00:18:38,697
That's right.

425
00:18:38,797 --> 00:18:40,539
Bam!

426
00:18:40,639 --> 00:18:42,020
That's the way
it was for me.

427
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,122
My golf game
went right out the window.

428
00:18:46,885 --> 00:18:48,867
And by your golf game,

429
00:18:48,967 --> 00:18:50,969
I take it
you actually...

430
00:18:52,170 --> 00:18:54,172
Mean your golf game.

431
00:18:54,692 --> 00:18:57,155
I used to play
every day.

432
00:18:57,255 --> 00:19:00,358
Sometimes twice
if I had the stamina.

433
00:19:00,458 --> 00:19:03,120
Then I became
Mayor Winston.

434
00:19:03,220 --> 00:19:04,402
I completely fell apart.

435
00:19:04,502 --> 00:19:07,324
I can still manage
to make it to the green,

436
00:19:07,424 --> 00:19:08,806
but then I'd pull
my putter out...

437
00:19:08,906 --> 00:19:10,908
(POIT) Nothing.

438
00:19:11,468 --> 00:19:13,690
It just... It just
didn't feel right.

439
00:19:13,790 --> 00:19:15,292
Exactly.

440
00:19:15,392 --> 00:19:18,175
My confidence was shot.

441
00:19:18,275 --> 00:19:20,777
You know, and you can't
fix that at the driving range.

442
00:19:20,877 --> 00:19:22,979
Oh, no.

443
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:25,081
You can practice
by yourself all day...

444
00:19:27,123 --> 00:19:29,185
It's just not the same.

445
00:19:29,285 --> 00:19:31,287
You speak the truth.

446
00:19:33,209 --> 00:19:34,430
So, what did you do?

447
00:19:34,530 --> 00:19:36,032
I mean, how did you
get past it?

448
00:19:36,132 --> 00:19:38,134
I didn't.
I quit the game.

449
00:19:40,416 --> 00:19:42,838
Golf isn't
everything, Mike.

450
00:19:42,938 --> 00:19:46,662
Oh, but what if you
really, really loved golf?

451
00:19:47,863 --> 00:19:49,645
Well...

452
00:19:49,745 --> 00:19:51,446
If I was going to try
to get back on the course,

453
00:19:51,546 --> 00:19:52,648
I think I would focus

454
00:19:52,748 --> 00:19:54,910
on what drew me there
in the first place.

455
00:19:56,551 --> 00:19:58,553
The pure, simple

456
00:19:59,634 --> 00:20:01,636
beauty of the game.

457
00:20:04,959 --> 00:20:06,961
The beauty of the game?

458
00:20:08,523 --> 00:20:10,665
Thank you, sir.

459
00:20:10,765 --> 00:20:12,767
Are you a golfer, Flaherty?

460
00:20:13,567 --> 00:20:15,569
Uh, used to be.

461
00:20:16,370 --> 00:20:18,772
Haven't played much
in a while.

462
00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:23,877
I'm thinking
of taking it up again.

463
00:20:23,977 --> 00:20:26,380
Well, you should.
Best six hours of your life.

464
00:20:28,822 --> 00:20:31,464
I think that might be
a little optimistic, sir.

465
00:20:33,827 --> 00:20:35,829
Well, this has been
a little slice of heaven.

466
00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:38,451
He's awful cute, though.

467
00:20:38,551 --> 00:20:40,553
JAMES: Thank you.

468
00:20:41,834 --> 00:20:46,539
You are so
unbelievably beautiful.

469
00:20:46,639 --> 00:20:48,641
JAMES: Thank you.

470
00:20:51,644 --> 00:20:55,187
When I look
into your eyes,

471
00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:57,609
I just want to be with you
for the rest of my life.

472
00:20:58,450 --> 00:21:00,352
Excuse us.

473
00:21:00,452 --> 00:21:03,034
Mike, there are
people around.

474
00:21:03,134 --> 00:21:04,756
You know what?

475
00:21:04,856 --> 00:21:06,958
I don't care.

476
00:21:07,058 --> 00:21:09,160
I want you

477
00:21:09,260 --> 00:21:11,442
right here and right now.

478
00:21:11,542 --> 00:21:13,484
You don't have to put
this kind of pressure
on yourself.

479
00:21:13,584 --> 00:21:15,586
This really is not
the kind of place...

480
00:21:19,110 --> 00:21:20,531
Let's go.
Yeah.

481
00:21:20,631 --> 00:21:23,073
Excuse us. Coming through.
Deputy mayor.
Official business.

482
00:21:28,278 --> 00:21:30,280
MIKE: It's alive!

483
00:21:32,803 --> 00:21:34,104
I don't want to be
baby-sat

484
00:21:34,204 --> 00:21:36,206
every time
we leave the house.

485
00:21:38,208 --> 00:21:39,549
So I suppose I could,

486
00:21:39,649 --> 00:21:42,252
in situations where
your career is at stake,

487
00:21:43,012 --> 00:21:45,014
Take more care
to be...

488
00:21:45,895 --> 00:21:47,897
Appropriate.

489
00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:53,963
That's my deputy mayor
and his girlfriend.

490
00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:55,524
Mmm.
Mmm.

491
00:21:55,624 --> 00:21:57,566
They seem very happy.

492
00:21:57,666 --> 00:21:59,668
You would be, too,
if you just had sex.

493
00:22:00,709 --> 00:22:02,711
Father!