1 00:00:01,689 --> 00:00:02,551 Please be home. 2 00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:04,931 Please, please, please, please. 3 00:00:04,965 --> 00:00:07,034 [ Phone ringing] 4 00:00:07,068 --> 00:00:08,448 Should I? 5 00:00:08,482 --> 00:00:10,034 Please answer. 6 00:00:10,068 --> 00:00:11,517 I don't know. 7 00:00:11,551 --> 00:00:14,034 Oh. All right. 8 00:00:14,068 --> 00:00:15,413 [ Sneezing] 9 00:00:15,448 --> 00:00:16,517 Hello. 10 00:00:16,551 --> 00:00:18,068 Aunt hilda. I'm so glad you're home. 11 00:00:18,103 --> 00:00:19,769 I left my history book on the kitchen counter. 12 00:00:19,793 --> 00:00:20,689 Do you see it? 13 00:00:20,724 --> 00:00:22,551 Yes. It's right here, where you left it. 14 00:00:22,586 --> 00:00:23,413 Can you send it to me? 15 00:00:23,448 --> 00:00:25,000 Are you alone? 16 00:00:25,034 --> 00:00:25,551 Yes. 17 00:00:25,586 --> 00:00:27,034 Stand back. 18 00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:28,586 [ Sneezing] 19 00:00:28,620 --> 00:00:29,379 Oops. 20 00:00:29,413 --> 00:00:30,241 What happened? 21 00:00:30,275 --> 00:00:31,241 I sneezed. 22 00:00:31,275 --> 00:00:32,137 So where's my book? 23 00:00:32,172 --> 00:00:33,000 I don't know 24 00:00:33,034 --> 00:00:34,965 but I'm sure it will turn up somewhere. 25 00:00:55,034 --> 00:00:56,517 This is my biggest fan. 26 00:01:01,551 --> 00:01:03,793 I just don't get why they're making us read 1984? 27 00:01:03,827 --> 00:01:05,758 When orwell got so much wrong. 28 00:01:05,793 --> 00:01:06,872 Hey guys. I'm selling tickets 29 00:01:06,896 --> 00:01:08,517 for the sophomore class trip to funland. 30 00:01:08,551 --> 00:01:09,241 Do you want to go? 31 00:01:09,275 --> 00:01:11,379 Sure. Funland sounds like fun. 32 00:01:11,413 --> 00:01:12,448 How much? 33 00:01:12,482 --> 00:01:13,172 40 bucks. 34 00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:15,103 Whoa. who has that money? 35 00:01:15,137 --> 00:01:16,000 I do. 36 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,724 The deadline's the end of next week. 37 00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:18,758 So let me know. 38 00:01:18,793 --> 00:01:20,517 I can tell her right now, I'll never be able 39 00:01:20,551 --> 00:01:21,724 to dig up that much cash. 40 00:01:21,758 --> 00:01:23,965 Me neither. Plus I can't ask my aunts. 41 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,275 They're on a teach-her- the-value-of-a-dollar kick. 42 00:01:26,310 --> 00:01:27,241 What made them do that? 43 00:01:27,275 --> 00:01:28,206 I went on 44 00:01:28,241 --> 00:01:31,172 a blow-my-allowance- on-dumb-stuff kick. 45 00:01:31,206 --> 00:01:32,482 And while I was on hold 46 00:01:32,517 --> 00:01:33,758 I realized I need 47 00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:35,655 one of those shoe buffers. 48 00:01:35,689 --> 00:01:36,586 What? 49 00:01:36,620 --> 00:01:37,758 Maxed out? 50 00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:38,862 But that's impossible. 51 00:01:38,896 --> 00:01:42,068 I demand to speak with your super... hello. Hello? 52 00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:43,034 Salem, what's going on? 53 00:01:43,068 --> 00:01:44,241 I don't believe it. 54 00:01:44,275 --> 00:01:46,413 I had my credit card yanked. 55 00:01:46,448 --> 00:01:47,724 Youhave a credit card? 56 00:01:47,758 --> 00:01:49,862 Yes, I was preapproved by the good people 57 00:01:49,896 --> 00:01:51,137 of the bank of Newark 58 00:01:51,172 --> 00:01:53,275 but now I'm a little overextended. 59 00:01:53,310 --> 00:01:54,241 I'm sorry to hear that. 60 00:01:54,275 --> 00:01:56,034 I appreciate your concern. 61 00:01:56,068 --> 00:01:57,562 No cause' I was going to hit you up for a loan. 62 00:01:57,586 --> 00:01:59,758 I was going to ask you for money. 63 00:01:59,793 --> 00:02:00,793 How ironic. 64 00:02:00,827 --> 00:02:02,517 [ Chuckling] 65 00:02:02,551 --> 00:02:03,620 We're doomed. 66 00:02:03,655 --> 00:02:04,137 I guess we're going 67 00:02:04,172 --> 00:02:06,482 to have to get jobs. 68 00:02:06,517 --> 00:02:07,724 [ Knocking] 69 00:02:07,758 --> 00:02:08,965 Coming. 70 00:02:11,034 --> 00:02:12,103 Me again. 71 00:02:12,137 --> 00:02:12,965 Hello, dirk. 72 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,068 Sorry to disturb you 73 00:02:14,103 --> 00:02:16,896 Ms. Zelda p. Spellman, but I just finished my rounds 74 00:02:16,931 --> 00:02:19,862 when I discovered a straggler in the bottom of my bag... 75 00:02:19,896 --> 00:02:21,689 For you.Thanks. 76 00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:22,965 Thought it might be important. 77 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,758 I've been preapproved by the bank of Newark. 78 00:02:25,793 --> 00:02:29,793 Say, uh, I saw you talking to a fed-ex guy the other day. 79 00:02:29,827 --> 00:02:31,724 Is there something I should know about? 80 00:02:31,758 --> 00:02:33,689 He was dropping off a package. 81 00:02:33,724 --> 00:02:35,413 Yeah. I don't trust those guys. 82 00:02:35,448 --> 00:02:38,172 It's not natural for mail to move that fast. 83 00:02:38,206 --> 00:02:39,517 I agree. 84 00:02:39,551 --> 00:02:43,724 And now it's very important that I close the door. 85 00:02:43,758 --> 00:02:46,172 He has really got it bad for you. 86 00:02:46,206 --> 00:02:49,482 I wish there was some gentle way to let him down. 87 00:02:49,517 --> 00:02:50,793 I know what you need. 88 00:02:50,827 --> 00:02:53,620 I just saw an ad for it in modern witch. 89 00:02:53,655 --> 00:02:56,034 It's a new perfume that repels love. 90 00:02:56,068 --> 00:02:57,103 Here it is. 91 00:02:57,137 --> 00:03:00,344 "Somewhere between disdain and contempt lies... 92 00:03:00,379 --> 00:03:01,827 Revulsion." 93 00:03:01,862 --> 00:03:04,620 Revulsion? Hmm... 94 00:03:04,655 --> 00:03:07,103 "Available at full moon beauty supply." 95 00:03:07,137 --> 00:03:08,275 Let's go. 96 00:03:08,310 --> 00:03:10,286 Can't. Full moon beauty supply's only open once a month. 97 00:03:10,310 --> 00:03:11,137 When? 98 00:03:11,172 --> 00:03:12,965 During the full moon. 99 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,172 I knew that. 100 00:03:14,206 --> 00:03:15,206 Accountant? 101 00:03:15,241 --> 00:03:16,275 No. 102 00:03:16,310 --> 00:03:17,310 Crane operator? 103 00:03:17,344 --> 00:03:18,586 No. 104 00:03:18,620 --> 00:03:19,862 System's analyst? 105 00:03:19,896 --> 00:03:21,034 Hey, I can do that. 106 00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:23,000 Good system, bad system. 107 00:03:23,034 --> 00:03:25,620 I think you need to know something about computers. 108 00:03:25,655 --> 00:03:26,724 Hold everything. 109 00:03:26,758 --> 00:03:27,551 Look at this. 110 00:03:27,586 --> 00:03:29,413 "Greater Boston cat show... 111 00:03:29,448 --> 00:03:31,413 Grand prize: $500." 112 00:03:31,448 --> 00:03:32,482 A cat show? 113 00:03:32,517 --> 00:03:34,241 I can't see you in a cat show. 114 00:03:34,275 --> 00:03:35,758 Don't you think I'm pretty? 115 00:03:35,793 --> 00:03:36,827 Of course. 116 00:03:36,862 --> 00:03:38,034 Then get an application. 117 00:03:38,068 --> 00:03:39,965 This is our chance for a quick score. 118 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,000 All right. 119 00:03:44,068 --> 00:03:45,965 Okay, "name"? 120 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,379 Salem spellman. 121 00:03:47,413 --> 00:03:50,000 May I remind you i'm your cat, not your pet. 122 00:03:50,034 --> 00:03:51,620 I have my own last name. 123 00:03:51,655 --> 00:03:52,206 You do? 124 00:03:52,241 --> 00:03:53,103 It's saberhagen. 125 00:03:53,137 --> 00:03:55,172 Salem saberhagen. 126 00:03:55,206 --> 00:03:56,344 And what breed are you? 127 00:03:56,379 --> 00:03:58,862 American shorthair and darn proud of it. 128 00:03:58,896 --> 00:04:01,000 Write that down; The judges will eat that up. 129 00:04:01,034 --> 00:04:03,827 That's all we need... Except for the five-dollar application fee. 130 00:04:03,862 --> 00:04:04,689 Don't look at me. 131 00:04:04,724 --> 00:04:05,724 I'm maxed out. 132 00:04:08,793 --> 00:04:09,517 Will you sign me in? 133 00:04:09,551 --> 00:04:11,275 I'm going to grab the last cage. 134 00:04:11,310 --> 00:04:12,137 Sure. 135 00:04:12,172 --> 00:04:14,000 It's saberhagen, right? 136 00:04:14,034 --> 00:04:15,793 Right. 137 00:04:15,827 --> 00:04:17,344 Here you go. 138 00:04:17,379 --> 00:04:18,275 Are you comfortable? 139 00:04:18,310 --> 00:04:20,000 I feel like a caged animal 140 00:04:20,034 --> 00:04:22,034 in here. 141 00:04:22,068 --> 00:04:24,034 Look at all these losers. 142 00:04:24,068 --> 00:04:25,620 Hey, you better behave yourself. 143 00:04:25,655 --> 00:04:26,275 I will. 144 00:04:26,310 --> 00:04:28,241 You always say that but... 145 00:04:28,275 --> 00:04:29,448 What am I doing? 146 00:04:29,482 --> 00:04:30,596 If people see me talking to my cat, they'll think I'm nuts. 147 00:04:30,620 --> 00:04:31,655 Look around. 148 00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:33,724 Yes, you are. Yes, you are. 149 00:04:33,758 --> 00:04:35,482 You want to bea winner, think like 150 00:04:35,517 --> 00:04:37,000 a winner. 151 00:04:37,034 --> 00:04:39,689 Okay. We can talk all we want. 152 00:04:39,724 --> 00:04:41,241 Hello. 153 00:04:41,275 --> 00:04:43,137 What a pretty cat. 154 00:04:43,172 --> 00:04:45,137 Oh, no ribbons. 155 00:04:45,172 --> 00:04:46,931 This is our first show. 156 00:04:46,965 --> 00:04:49,379 Duke has won quite a few times. 157 00:04:49,413 --> 00:04:51,448 See? 158 00:04:51,482 --> 00:04:52,448 It's nice of your cat 159 00:04:52,482 --> 00:04:53,206 to let you wear them. 160 00:04:53,241 --> 00:04:54,034 Oh, yes. 161 00:04:54,068 --> 00:04:56,586 He's a Burmese, you know? 162 00:04:56,620 --> 00:04:57,793 What's yours? 163 00:04:57,827 --> 00:04:59,275 An American shorthair. 164 00:04:59,310 --> 00:04:59,827 [ Clearing throat] 165 00:04:59,862 --> 00:05:01,068 And darn proud of it. 166 00:05:01,103 --> 00:05:03,000 Well, the Burmese judging is up first. 167 00:05:03,034 --> 00:05:05,344 So we'd better go finish grooming. 168 00:05:05,379 --> 00:05:06,758 Unbelievable. Did you see that? 169 00:05:06,793 --> 00:05:08,724 Her cat had whisker extensions. 170 00:05:08,758 --> 00:05:09,689 How could you tell? 171 00:05:09,724 --> 00:05:12,103 It's soobvious. 172 00:05:12,137 --> 00:05:14,206 I got you a good number... 38. 173 00:05:14,241 --> 00:05:15,344 Excellent. 174 00:05:15,379 --> 00:05:18,482 Lucky 38. 175 00:05:18,517 --> 00:05:19,379 Hey, isn't that 176 00:05:19,413 --> 00:05:21,413 Bob Gordon, the channel eight news guy? 177 00:05:21,448 --> 00:05:23,344 Yeah. I guess he's the judge. 178 00:05:23,379 --> 00:05:26,034 Welcome to the greater Boston cat show. 179 00:05:26,068 --> 00:05:28,482 I'm Bob Gordon. 180 00:05:28,517 --> 00:05:31,000 Today I will be selecting for best of breed. 181 00:05:31,034 --> 00:05:32,314 Those winners will stay overnight 182 00:05:32,344 --> 00:05:34,931 and tomorrow be judged for best of show. 183 00:05:34,965 --> 00:05:37,172 I hope you're all prepared for a thorough 184 00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:39,931 and perhaps even grueling competition. 185 00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:41,206 Psst. Sabrina. 186 00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:41,931 Yeah? 187 00:05:41,965 --> 00:05:43,034 Get the brush. 188 00:05:43,068 --> 00:05:46,620 I'm shedding like crazy. 189 00:05:46,655 --> 00:05:47,517 What is he 190 00:05:47,551 --> 00:05:48,551 looking for? 191 00:05:48,586 --> 00:05:52,206 To see if it's a boy or a girl? 192 00:05:52,241 --> 00:05:54,689 This cat has excellent bone structure 193 00:05:54,724 --> 00:05:58,068 a lovely coat and a somewhat bemused expression. 194 00:05:58,103 --> 00:06:00,655 This is one of my top three American shorthairs. 195 00:06:00,689 --> 00:06:01,586 Whoo-hoo! 196 00:06:01,620 --> 00:06:03,965 Congratulations. 197 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,344 Now let's begin the parade of semifinalists. 198 00:06:07,379 --> 00:06:08,034 Sabrina: Parade? 199 00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:08,931 Watch out for Andrew. 200 00:06:08,965 --> 00:06:10,137 He'll try to trip you. 201 00:06:10,172 --> 00:06:11,310 Watch out for Mrs. Erickson. 202 00:06:11,344 --> 00:06:12,758 She plays head games. 203 00:06:12,793 --> 00:06:15,137 Watch out for Haley... She's paranoid. 204 00:06:15,172 --> 00:06:16,793 Here we go. 205 00:06:16,827 --> 00:06:18,137 [ "The alley cat" playing] 206 00:06:24,034 --> 00:06:26,034 This is the cheesiest thing I've ever done. 207 00:06:26,068 --> 00:06:27,068 Salem: Smile. 208 00:06:28,241 --> 00:06:29,310 Hey! 209 00:06:29,344 --> 00:06:31,551 Did I step on your shoe? 210 00:06:31,586 --> 00:06:34,206 How am I supposed to choose? 211 00:06:39,068 --> 00:06:40,379 Do you mind if I take off? 212 00:06:40,413 --> 00:06:42,034 I'm bored out of my skull. 213 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:45,137 Go ahead. My aunts can pick me up. 214 00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:47,172 This was fun. 215 00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:48,517 Now we will begin 216 00:06:48,551 --> 00:06:49,965 the one-on-one 217 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,413 interviews. 218 00:06:51,448 --> 00:06:54,103 What can you tell me about Salem's temperament? 219 00:06:54,137 --> 00:06:56,379 Well, he's very friendly, very focused 220 00:06:56,413 --> 00:06:58,862 and just a little power mad. 221 00:06:58,896 --> 00:07:00,413 Sounds like he's all cat. 222 00:07:00,448 --> 00:07:03,310 Right. And he's got a real head for numbers. 223 00:07:03,344 --> 00:07:05,620 May I demonstrate? 224 00:07:05,655 --> 00:07:07,620 Ask him a simple multiplication question. 225 00:07:07,655 --> 00:07:08,620 Okay. 226 00:07:08,655 --> 00:07:10,965 Salem, uh, what's seven times five? 227 00:07:12,862 --> 00:07:14,793 Amazing. 228 00:07:14,827 --> 00:07:17,172 Although we do judge purely on appearance. 229 00:07:17,206 --> 00:07:20,758 Isn't that life? 230 00:07:20,793 --> 00:07:22,689 Will all of our semifinalists 231 00:07:22,724 --> 00:07:24,551 please bring their cats forward. 232 00:07:24,586 --> 00:07:28,137 I will now announce my best of breed decisions. 233 00:07:38,034 --> 00:07:40,275 [ Maniacal laughing] 234 00:07:40,310 --> 00:07:41,310 [ Meows] 235 00:07:56,379 --> 00:08:00,862 And thisis my first-place American shorthair. 236 00:08:00,896 --> 00:08:03,275 And darn proud of it. 237 00:08:03,310 --> 00:08:04,413 Come on, hilda. 238 00:08:04,448 --> 00:08:06,034 Full moon. Let's go. 239 00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:07,000 Coming. 240 00:08:07,034 --> 00:08:07,689 Relax. 241 00:08:07,724 --> 00:08:08,931 You'll get your revulsion. 242 00:08:08,965 --> 00:08:10,206 Oh, I hope it works. 243 00:08:10,241 --> 00:08:13,103 I don't want dirk going after the u.P.S. Guy again. 244 00:08:20,413 --> 00:08:21,620 Hello. 245 00:08:21,655 --> 00:08:22,482 Welcome 246 00:08:22,517 --> 00:08:24,620 to full moon beauty supply. 247 00:08:24,655 --> 00:08:26,620 May I help you? 248 00:08:26,655 --> 00:08:28,206 I need a bottle of revulsion. 249 00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:31,034 Ah, someone's bothering you. 250 00:08:31,068 --> 00:08:33,137 A little or a lot? 251 00:08:33,172 --> 00:08:33,793 Well... 252 00:08:33,827 --> 00:08:35,034 Get the bigone. 253 00:08:35,068 --> 00:08:37,965 A pretty girl like you needs a lot of revulsion. 254 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,172 Oh, what's this? 255 00:08:39,206 --> 00:08:42,172 Oh, this is a magic mirror 256 00:08:42,206 --> 00:08:44,000 that shows you at your best. 257 00:08:44,034 --> 00:08:47,034 "The makeover mirror... It's a nice reflection on you." 258 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:49,482 Try it. 259 00:08:49,517 --> 00:08:52,586 I'm ravishing. 260 00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:53,724 I have to have it. 261 00:08:53,758 --> 00:08:56,275 Oh, here. Buy two, one for each of you. 262 00:08:56,310 --> 00:08:57,379 No. 263 00:08:57,413 --> 00:08:59,551 Hilda, you can't buy self-esteem. 264 00:08:59,586 --> 00:09:02,034 Yes, I can, and it's on sale. 265 00:09:02,068 --> 00:09:04,448 Try some wrinkle berries. 266 00:09:04,482 --> 00:09:08,103 They smooth out your face and other places. 267 00:09:08,137 --> 00:09:09,413 Here, I give you half a pound. 268 00:09:09,448 --> 00:09:10,413 No. Thank you. 269 00:09:10,448 --> 00:09:12,068 We can shop for ourselves. 270 00:09:12,103 --> 00:09:13,103 Fine. 271 00:09:15,068 --> 00:09:16,068 Oh, stress mints. 272 00:09:16,103 --> 00:09:16,896 I wonder if they work. 273 00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:19,103 Careful. It says no samples. 274 00:09:19,137 --> 00:09:20,344 I can read. 275 00:09:24,586 --> 00:09:26,275 Hilda, what have you done? 276 00:09:26,310 --> 00:09:27,793 I didn't do anything. 277 00:09:27,827 --> 00:09:28,827 Aha! 278 00:09:28,862 --> 00:09:31,206 My no-sample spell works. 279 00:09:31,241 --> 00:09:32,551 I couldn't help myself. 280 00:09:32,586 --> 00:09:34,034 Change me back, please. 281 00:09:34,068 --> 00:09:38,275 Okay, but first, you'll pay for the stress mints 282 00:09:38,310 --> 00:09:39,896 and then you'll buy a sample antidote. 283 00:09:39,931 --> 00:09:42,275 Then you'll buy a gift certificate. 284 00:09:42,310 --> 00:09:45,758 Oh, sure. Stick it to the little guy. 285 00:09:47,689 --> 00:09:49,206 Today best of breed. 286 00:09:49,241 --> 00:09:51,206 Tomorrow best of show. 287 00:09:51,241 --> 00:09:53,137 You should be very proud, Salem. 288 00:09:53,172 --> 00:09:56,551 Here's your milk... And the economist. 289 00:09:56,586 --> 00:10:00,758 And now I have to go call my aunts. 290 00:10:00,793 --> 00:10:02,241 I guess we're closing down the place. 291 00:10:02,275 --> 00:10:02,793 [ Phone ringing] 292 00:10:02,827 --> 00:10:04,344 Excuse me. Got to go. 293 00:10:04,379 --> 00:10:05,137 Mm-hmm. 294 00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:06,965 [ Clearing throat] 295 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,620 Hello? 296 00:10:09,655 --> 00:10:11,517 Who isthis? 297 00:10:11,551 --> 00:10:12,758 Yes, I'm alone. 298 00:10:12,793 --> 00:10:14,275 Hmm? 299 00:10:14,310 --> 00:10:17,206 In the briefcase? 300 00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:18,724 Oh, dear lord. 301 00:10:18,758 --> 00:10:21,379 Where did you get this photo? 302 00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:22,068 Name your price. 303 00:10:22,103 --> 00:10:24,137 I'll pay you anything. 304 00:10:24,172 --> 00:10:25,448 Uh-huh... 305 00:10:25,482 --> 00:10:26,551 Uh-huh. 306 00:10:26,586 --> 00:10:27,137 That's it? 307 00:10:27,172 --> 00:10:29,896 No, no. No. No problem. 308 00:10:29,931 --> 00:10:32,000 You just keep those negatives to yourself 309 00:10:32,034 --> 00:10:35,172 and I promise your cat will be named best of show. 310 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:54,724 Good night again, Mr. Gor... 311 00:10:54,758 --> 00:10:57,103 Out of my way. 312 00:10:57,137 --> 00:10:58,034 What's with him? 313 00:10:58,068 --> 00:10:59,517 The contest is fixed. 314 00:10:59,551 --> 00:11:02,310 The judge is being blackmailed with an incriminating photo. 315 00:11:02,344 --> 00:11:03,517 Your kidding, of what? 316 00:11:03,551 --> 00:11:05,896 I don't know, but he took it into his office. 317 00:11:05,931 --> 00:11:07,034 I'll go check. 318 00:11:07,068 --> 00:11:08,137 I'll stay here. 319 00:11:15,068 --> 00:11:16,413 There it is. 320 00:11:19,068 --> 00:11:20,655 Incredible. 321 00:11:20,689 --> 00:11:21,965 If people only knew. 322 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,827 I thought I'd closed that. 323 00:11:23,862 --> 00:11:25,379 Meow? 324 00:11:25,413 --> 00:11:26,344 Meow! 325 00:11:26,379 --> 00:11:27,379 Oh, no. 326 00:11:29,793 --> 00:11:32,827 Kitty... 327 00:11:34,137 --> 00:11:36,172 How did you get in here? 328 00:11:36,206 --> 00:11:38,793 Okay, there you go. 329 00:11:38,827 --> 00:11:41,482 There you go. 330 00:11:41,517 --> 00:11:45,517 Oh, you are a pretty little kitty. 331 00:11:45,551 --> 00:11:47,896 Too bad you don't have a chance. 332 00:11:53,034 --> 00:11:54,068 Salem? 333 00:11:54,103 --> 00:11:55,344 Sabrina, where are you? 334 00:11:55,379 --> 00:11:57,551 Next to you... in a cage. 335 00:12:00,827 --> 00:12:02,275 Salem, this is awful. 336 00:12:02,310 --> 00:12:05,000 If I can't point, I can't turn myself back. 337 00:12:05,034 --> 00:12:05,724 What was that? 338 00:12:05,758 --> 00:12:06,517 What? 339 00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:07,734 There's something in here with me! 340 00:12:07,758 --> 00:12:08,482 What? 341 00:12:08,517 --> 00:12:10,620 Oh. It's just my tail. 342 00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:13,482 Hello? 343 00:12:13,517 --> 00:12:15,689 Sabrina, are you in here? 344 00:12:15,724 --> 00:12:18,206 Yes. Next to Salem. 345 00:12:18,241 --> 00:12:19,689 Sabrina? 346 00:12:19,724 --> 00:12:22,655 Hi... or should I say "meow"? 347 00:12:22,689 --> 00:12:25,172 Look how cute the little blonde kitty is. 348 00:12:25,206 --> 00:12:27,068 I have claws, and I will use them. 349 00:12:27,103 --> 00:12:28,413 Now, change me back. 350 00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,379 Here you go. 351 00:12:30,413 --> 00:12:31,724 Oh... 352 00:12:31,758 --> 00:12:33,034 Help me, hilda. 353 00:12:34,689 --> 00:12:35,758 That feels so much... 354 00:12:35,793 --> 00:12:37,068 [ Screaming] 355 00:12:37,103 --> 00:12:38,344 Change the rest of me! 356 00:12:38,379 --> 00:12:39,413 Sorry. 357 00:12:42,275 --> 00:12:43,620 Now what is going on? 358 00:12:43,655 --> 00:12:44,862 I'll explain everything 359 00:12:44,896 --> 00:12:47,413 but right now I really have to get home and brush my teeth. 360 00:12:47,448 --> 00:12:48,586 [ Coughing] 361 00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:51,172 Ugh! Another hair ball. 362 00:12:51,206 --> 00:12:53,034 And to think... They call Bob Gordon 363 00:12:53,068 --> 00:12:55,931 the most trusted name in new england news. 364 00:12:55,965 --> 00:12:56,965 Who would have thought 365 00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,458 the cat show would be a cauldron of corruption? 366 00:12:58,482 --> 00:12:59,655 Don't give up. 367 00:12:59,689 --> 00:13:02,034 All you have to do is figure out who the blackmailer is. 368 00:13:02,068 --> 00:13:04,103 The problem is everyone has a motive... 369 00:13:04,137 --> 00:13:05,482 Everyone wants to win. 370 00:13:05,517 --> 00:13:08,379 But only the blackmailer took this picture. 371 00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:11,827 A "reverse angle" spell will tell us who that is. 372 00:13:11,862 --> 00:13:12,793 There! 373 00:13:12,827 --> 00:13:15,689 And the blackmailer is... 374 00:13:15,724 --> 00:13:18,000 A person wearing a loose robe obscured by shadow 375 00:13:18,034 --> 00:13:20,034 with a big camera covering his... 376 00:13:20,068 --> 00:13:21,275 Or her... face. 377 00:13:21,310 --> 00:13:23,482 There must be some distinguishing characteristic. 378 00:13:23,517 --> 00:13:25,724 All you can see is the right hand... 379 00:13:25,758 --> 00:13:26,896 Wait a sec. 380 00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:29,103 Does that look like a whole finger to you? 381 00:13:29,137 --> 00:13:31,310 No. Whoever took this photo 382 00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:33,689 is missing half an index finger. 383 00:13:33,724 --> 00:13:36,413 And that's who your blackmailer is. 384 00:13:36,448 --> 00:13:37,620 So it's not over? 385 00:13:37,655 --> 00:13:38,931 Not even close. 386 00:13:38,965 --> 00:13:43,827 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go meet and greet. 387 00:13:43,862 --> 00:13:45,275 Did I just do a cat thing? 388 00:13:45,310 --> 00:13:46,034 Yeah. 389 00:13:46,068 --> 00:13:48,310 Ugh... 390 00:13:48,344 --> 00:13:49,275 Good morning, Mrs. Erickson. 391 00:13:49,310 --> 00:13:50,596 I just wanted to wish you good luck. 392 00:13:50,620 --> 00:13:52,034 May the best cat win. 393 00:13:52,068 --> 00:13:53,758 You mean my Duke. 394 00:13:53,793 --> 00:13:54,793 Thanks. 395 00:13:56,724 --> 00:13:59,034 Uh, what a nice grooming mitt. 396 00:13:59,068 --> 00:13:59,793 May I see it? 397 00:13:59,827 --> 00:14:01,172 Get your own. 398 00:14:01,206 --> 00:14:02,551 You're the competition. 399 00:14:04,413 --> 00:14:05,862 Haley, I just 400 00:14:05,896 --> 00:14:06,793 wanted to say 401 00:14:06,827 --> 00:14:09,241 it's been really great getting to know you. 402 00:14:09,275 --> 00:14:10,482 I don't touch people. 403 00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:13,655 How goes the investigation? 404 00:14:13,689 --> 00:14:14,689 Not good. 405 00:14:14,724 --> 00:14:16,034 My three prime suspects 406 00:14:16,068 --> 00:14:18,482 are all cleverly concealing their hands. 407 00:14:18,517 --> 00:14:20,827 I know how to fix that. 408 00:14:20,862 --> 00:14:21,862 Mini-quiches. 409 00:14:21,896 --> 00:14:22,862 No one can resist them. 410 00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:23,965 Oh, looks good. 411 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:24,827 Those aren't for you. 412 00:14:24,862 --> 00:14:26,482 They're for the blackmailer. 413 00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:28,551 Here. 414 00:14:28,586 --> 00:14:29,275 Free quiche! 415 00:14:29,310 --> 00:14:30,000 Help yourselves! 416 00:14:30,034 --> 00:14:31,965 Oh! Don't mind if I do. 417 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,448 Well, maybe just one. 418 00:14:33,482 --> 00:14:36,206 I did skip breakfast. 419 00:14:36,241 --> 00:14:37,517 [ All gasping] 420 00:14:37,551 --> 00:14:39,793 Well, look at that! 421 00:14:39,827 --> 00:14:41,758 I thought I was the only one. 422 00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,586 This is amazing. 423 00:14:43,620 --> 00:14:44,241 Shop class? 424 00:14:44,275 --> 00:14:45,689 Farm accident. 425 00:14:45,724 --> 00:14:47,620 I used to keep wolverines. 426 00:14:47,655 --> 00:14:49,724 We should start a support group. 427 00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:51,000 Oh, thanks for the quiche. 428 00:14:53,586 --> 00:14:55,103 It's over, Salem. 429 00:14:55,137 --> 00:14:57,034 The blackmailer has the perfect cover. 430 00:14:57,068 --> 00:14:58,724 Then take me home. 431 00:14:58,758 --> 00:15:02,896 I want to enjoy something pure, like harness racing. 432 00:15:02,931 --> 00:15:04,044 He's not going to get away with this. 433 00:15:04,068 --> 00:15:07,034 Mr. Gordon, I need to talk to you, right away. 434 00:15:07,068 --> 00:15:09,655 I'm about to make the best of show presentation. 435 00:15:09,689 --> 00:15:10,931 It can wait. 436 00:15:10,965 --> 00:15:13,551 Pushy... like a young Diane Sawyer. 437 00:15:16,275 --> 00:15:17,448 What is it? 438 00:15:17,482 --> 00:15:18,762 I know you're being blackmailed. 439 00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:20,517 I saw the photo; I know your secret. 440 00:15:20,551 --> 00:15:22,034 So what do you want? 441 00:15:22,068 --> 00:15:23,068 Second place? 442 00:15:23,103 --> 00:15:26,206 No. Look, don't give in to them... come clean. 443 00:15:26,241 --> 00:15:27,769 You don't have to hide the fact that you're... 444 00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:28,793 Don't say it! 445 00:15:28,827 --> 00:15:29,344 Bald. 446 00:15:29,379 --> 00:15:30,482 Shh! 447 00:15:30,517 --> 00:15:32,620 You have no idea what this means. 448 00:15:32,655 --> 00:15:34,310 It could destroy my career. 449 00:15:34,344 --> 00:15:36,137 How? Aren't honesty and integrity 450 00:15:36,172 --> 00:15:37,896 the most important to a journalist? 451 00:15:37,931 --> 00:15:39,172 Not in this decade. 452 00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:40,793 People like people with hair. 453 00:15:40,827 --> 00:15:41,965 They've done studies. 454 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,103 The public hasn't trusted a bald man since eisenhower. 455 00:15:45,137 --> 00:15:47,620 But they believe in you, and you're not playing fair. 456 00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:49,206 You want to talk about fair? 457 00:15:49,241 --> 00:15:52,655 I wore a toupee to my first frat party. 458 00:15:52,689 --> 00:15:54,517 Don't talk to meabout fair. 459 00:15:59,724 --> 00:16:01,413 Sabrina, I didn't want 460 00:16:01,448 --> 00:16:03,034 to miss Salem's big showdown. 461 00:16:03,068 --> 00:16:04,241 I'm not late, am I? 462 00:16:04,275 --> 00:16:05,137 You didn't miss anything 463 00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,827 except confirmation we live in a rotten 464 00:16:06,862 --> 00:16:10,379 crooked, corrupt, stinking world. 465 00:16:10,413 --> 00:16:11,448 Good. 466 00:16:11,482 --> 00:16:14,482 The moment we've all been waiting for has arrived. 467 00:16:14,517 --> 00:16:17,724 What does it take to be a championship cat? 468 00:16:17,758 --> 00:16:19,103 Mrs. Erickson 469 00:16:19,137 --> 00:16:20,862 may I please see Duke? 470 00:16:20,896 --> 00:16:23,310 So that's who the blackmailer is. 471 00:16:23,344 --> 00:16:26,344 Duke is a fine, superb cat. 472 00:16:26,379 --> 00:16:27,000 Note the tail 473 00:16:27,034 --> 00:16:28,344 the bone structure 474 00:16:28,379 --> 00:16:30,620 the excellent tension in the whiskers. 475 00:16:30,655 --> 00:16:31,827 What... what is this? 476 00:16:31,862 --> 00:16:34,000 That cat has whisker extensions! 477 00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,206 Those are illegal! 478 00:16:35,241 --> 00:16:37,931 No they're not. I checked the rule book very carefully 479 00:16:37,965 --> 00:16:40,482 and there's nothing wrong with whisker extensions. 480 00:16:40,517 --> 00:16:41,724 Gordon: Absolutely. 481 00:16:41,758 --> 00:16:43,172 If Mrs. Erickson would like 482 00:16:43,206 --> 00:16:45,241 to glue bits of hair onto her animal 483 00:16:45,275 --> 00:16:46,379 to improve its image 484 00:16:46,413 --> 00:16:48,103 she can. 485 00:16:48,137 --> 00:16:50,551 It may seem a little desperate 486 00:16:50,586 --> 00:16:51,965 a little silly 487 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,413 a little vain. 488 00:16:53,448 --> 00:16:55,103 But who are we to... 489 00:16:55,137 --> 00:16:59,448 Oh, dear lord, it's like looking into a mirror. 490 00:16:59,482 --> 00:17:01,793 It's time to come clean. 491 00:17:01,827 --> 00:17:04,793 Our top story tonight is this... 492 00:17:05,931 --> 00:17:07,275 [ Gasps] 493 00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:08,517 He's bald. 494 00:17:08,551 --> 00:17:10,379 None of you saw this. 495 00:17:10,413 --> 00:17:11,689 Stop. It's over. 496 00:17:11,724 --> 00:17:14,413 No, it's just the beginning. 497 00:17:14,448 --> 00:17:17,620 Mr. Gordon thought he needed this to gain people's trust 498 00:17:17,655 --> 00:17:18,758 but trust should not depend 499 00:17:18,793 --> 00:17:20,310 on fake hair. 500 00:17:20,344 --> 00:17:23,000 Trust should depend on real knowledge, integrity 501 00:17:23,034 --> 00:17:24,482 and accurate reporting. 502 00:17:24,517 --> 00:17:26,448 Sabrina, he's on TV news. 503 00:17:26,482 --> 00:17:28,137 Still, we should applaud this man 504 00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:29,206 who stood before us 505 00:17:29,241 --> 00:17:31,724 and bared his naked head. 506 00:17:31,758 --> 00:17:32,758 Thank you. 507 00:17:33,793 --> 00:17:36,172 Big deal! 508 00:17:36,206 --> 00:17:38,448 Now, can we get on with the competition? 509 00:17:38,482 --> 00:17:39,758 Who won best of show? 510 00:17:39,793 --> 00:17:42,655 Duke did. He was already announced the winner. 511 00:17:42,689 --> 00:17:43,965 I take it back. 512 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,793 I'm disqualifying you for attempting 513 00:17:45,827 --> 00:17:47,551 to influence a cat show official. 514 00:17:47,586 --> 00:17:49,448 And that is in the rule book. 515 00:17:49,482 --> 00:17:50,275 You don't understand. 516 00:17:50,310 --> 00:17:51,896 Duke is getting older. 517 00:17:51,931 --> 00:17:54,448 He's not as pretty as he used to be. 518 00:17:54,482 --> 00:17:55,586 Oh, god! 519 00:17:55,620 --> 00:17:57,896 I miss my youth! 520 00:17:57,931 --> 00:18:01,103 Talk about cracking under the pressure. 521 00:18:01,137 --> 00:18:02,517 Enough about people. 522 00:18:02,551 --> 00:18:03,827 Who's the best cat? 523 00:18:06,034 --> 00:18:09,586 The truth makes that decision easy. 524 00:18:09,620 --> 00:18:13,482 This weekend, I have met a rare and extraordinary cat 525 00:18:13,517 --> 00:18:15,275 a cat unlike any other. 526 00:18:17,344 --> 00:18:19,620 Where is Salem saberhagen? 527 00:18:21,482 --> 00:18:22,965 Oh, my god! 528 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,310 Everything's in slow motion. 529 00:18:25,344 --> 00:18:26,517 Now, here is a cat 530 00:18:26,551 --> 00:18:29,344 who is not only attractive but intelligent 531 00:18:29,379 --> 00:18:31,068 and I would like to award it 532 00:18:31,103 --> 00:18:33,172 the first-prize blue ribbon... 533 00:18:33,206 --> 00:18:34,724 Whoa! Whoa! 534 00:18:34,758 --> 00:18:36,241 Wait a minute. 535 00:18:36,275 --> 00:18:38,965 There isanother cat... 536 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,827 The most beautiful little kitty 537 00:18:40,862 --> 00:18:42,206 that I have ever seen. 538 00:18:42,241 --> 00:18:43,965 Where is that blonde cat? 539 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,689 What blonde cat? 540 00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:47,689 Wait a sec. 541 00:18:47,724 --> 00:18:49,586 I know where she is. 542 00:18:49,620 --> 00:18:50,931 What is she doing? 543 00:18:50,965 --> 00:18:52,206 Her cat was about to win. 544 00:18:52,241 --> 00:18:53,379 Don't worry, Harvey. 545 00:18:53,413 --> 00:18:54,517 Sabrina always lands 546 00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:55,655 on her feet. 547 00:18:55,689 --> 00:18:58,379 Pretend I belong to you. 548 00:18:58,413 --> 00:19:00,758 Is this the cat you're looking for? 549 00:19:00,793 --> 00:19:02,034 Why, yes. 550 00:19:02,068 --> 00:19:03,000 What's her name? 551 00:19:03,034 --> 00:19:04,275 Sabrina. 552 00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,275 She named her cat Sabrina? 553 00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:08,103 Doesn't that get confusing around the house? 554 00:19:08,137 --> 00:19:10,448 It's a pretty confusing place in general. 555 00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:12,551 I am pleased and proud to announce 556 00:19:12,586 --> 00:19:14,689 and with the utmost integrity 557 00:19:14,724 --> 00:19:18,172 that this blonde cat is best of show grand champion. 558 00:19:18,206 --> 00:19:19,206 Whoo-hoo! 559 00:19:20,689 --> 00:19:22,827 I was so close. 560 00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,758 [ Salem crying] 561 00:19:27,068 --> 00:19:27,793 No, Harvey. 562 00:19:27,827 --> 00:19:29,034 She's not for sale. 563 00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:30,551 Are you sure? 564 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,448 She's the sweetest, most beautiful cat 565 00:19:32,482 --> 00:19:33,689 I've ever held. 566 00:19:33,724 --> 00:19:34,620 All set. 567 00:19:34,655 --> 00:19:35,482 What did you do? 568 00:19:35,517 --> 00:19:36,862 I felt bad for Bob Gordon. 569 00:19:36,896 --> 00:19:38,689 So I left a little present in his office. 570 00:19:44,689 --> 00:19:46,517 Let's check out the damage. 571 00:19:49,206 --> 00:19:50,862 Oh... 572 00:19:50,896 --> 00:19:52,620 My! 573 00:19:52,655 --> 00:19:54,793 I look fabulous. 574 00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:58,206 Bobby, baby... Bobby, booby. 575 00:19:58,241 --> 00:19:59,965 I'm Bob Gordon 576 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:03,413 and this is eyewitness action news center eight. 577 00:20:06,517 --> 00:20:07,172 Salem? 578 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,172 Meow. 579 00:20:08,206 --> 00:20:09,482 Come on, Salem. 580 00:20:09,517 --> 00:20:10,241 Meow, meow. 581 00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:12,413 You have to talk to me sometime. 582 00:20:12,448 --> 00:20:13,586 I've got your chin. 583 00:20:13,620 --> 00:20:16,413 Oh... oh, that feels good. 584 00:20:16,448 --> 00:20:17,206 Wait. I'm still 585 00:20:17,241 --> 00:20:18,275 mad at you. 586 00:20:18,310 --> 00:20:20,137 I can't believe you did that to me. 587 00:20:20,172 --> 00:20:23,758 I said I was sorry. My vanity took over. 588 00:20:23,793 --> 00:20:24,838 But it all worked out fine. 589 00:20:24,862 --> 00:20:26,113 Harvey and I get to go to funland 590 00:20:26,137 --> 00:20:27,862 and I promise to pay off your debt. 591 00:20:27,896 --> 00:20:30,206 I guess the money is all that matters. 592 00:20:30,241 --> 00:20:31,241 No, it's not. 593 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,586 And that's why you should have this. 594 00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:36,724 The blue ribbon? 595 00:20:36,758 --> 00:20:39,206 You deserve it... after all, you are the best cat. 596 00:20:40,758 --> 00:20:41,655 Salem? 597 00:20:41,689 --> 00:20:42,344 Just got a little something 598 00:20:42,379 --> 00:20:43,448 in my eye. 599 00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:52,379 [ Knocking] 600 00:20:52,413 --> 00:20:53,931 Dirk. I was hoping 601 00:20:53,965 --> 00:20:55,206 you'd stop by today. 602 00:20:55,241 --> 00:20:58,034 I brought your mail and some Omaha steaks 603 00:20:58,068 --> 00:20:59,586 I found in the unclaimed mail room. 604 00:20:59,620 --> 00:21:01,862 How thoughtful. 605 00:21:01,896 --> 00:21:03,344 Hey, would you like to come in 606 00:21:03,379 --> 00:21:04,482 for a cup of coffee? 607 00:21:04,517 --> 00:21:06,103 I'd like that. 608 00:21:06,137 --> 00:21:08,793 Wow! It's really happening. 609 00:21:08,827 --> 00:21:10,551 Do you take cream and sugar? 610 00:21:10,586 --> 00:21:13,517 Yes, please. 611 00:21:13,551 --> 00:21:14,551 Hey! 612 00:21:14,586 --> 00:21:16,448 You're reading the magazine I brought you. 613 00:21:16,482 --> 00:21:18,965 Yes and I'm paying the bills you brought me, too. 614 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,172 I'm sorry about those. 615 00:21:20,206 --> 00:21:22,172 Enough shop talk. 616 00:21:22,206 --> 00:21:24,413 See, Zelda, my interest in you 617 00:21:24,448 --> 00:21:26,241 is not purely professional. 618 00:21:26,275 --> 00:21:28,896 You are no mere "occupant" to me. 619 00:21:28,931 --> 00:21:31,275 You're the bright spot on my route. 620 00:21:31,310 --> 00:21:33,172 Can you meet my parents this Sunday? 621 00:21:33,206 --> 00:21:36,241 I think first you should get to know the real me. 622 00:21:36,275 --> 00:21:38,551 I think I know you pretty well. 623 00:21:38,586 --> 00:21:41,137 Here's your coffee. 624 00:21:41,172 --> 00:21:42,172 Thanks. 625 00:21:43,413 --> 00:21:44,482 You a little tired? 626 00:21:46,344 --> 00:21:47,965 I'm exhausted.