Okay, here goes.
Not again.
You're getting better.
I stink!
Yeah, but you're getting better.
This time, just try to hit it a little higher
a little straighter and a little further.
Or any one of those.
It's these stupid birdies.
Why won't they fly?
Sorry.
Do I get any points for that?
Feeling groovy.
Far out.
To review, bone is comprised
primarily of what?
Come on
it's written on the board behind me... calcium!
I just told you kids five minutes ago.
Don't you listen?
[ Bell rings]
Oh, that you heard.
Okay, for homework tonight, read chapter 15.
And reread chapter 14.
It's for your own good.
Mr. Poole, could I say something?
What is it, Sabrina?
A bone's hardness is derived
mainly from calcium phosphate
and calcium carbonate
with small amounts of fluorides, sulfates and chlorides.
You listened to what I said?
Why didn't you raise your hand?
It's never enough for you, is it?
Waah!
Your point?
I just found out they're offering kung fu as a p.E. Elective.
Isn't that cool?
What about badminton?
Badminton won't register these as lethal weapons.
Well, you said I should register my racket.
You've got to learn to hold onto that thing.
It's hard, I'm not a jock like you.
I mean, you probably have a ton of these.
18 is not a ton
and besides, it's no big deal.
Trophies are just a symbol of superiority and greatness.
Oh, who'd want one of those?
I think this semester I'm going to take basketball.
That way I can get some reading done on the bench.
Actually, I was hoping you'd take
the kung fu with me.
Really?
That'd be fun.
Hi-ya!
[ Groans]
Sorry.
I think that deserves a round of applause.
I said..!
[ Crowd cheering]
Thank you, thank you.
Really, hilda.
We're on our last vase.
But I'm rehearsing for the biggest audition of my career.
I need all the encouragement I can get.
There.
Now take a break.
You've been practicing that same piece
since Mozart wrote it.
No one plays it better than Gustav Von hegel.
He's the one who I have to beat.
Hi, aunties. I'm home.
Hi.
Wow! Pretty roses.
Nice arrangement.
They're from my loyal but imaginary fans.
Did you have fun in school?
Yeah. Harvey asked me to take kung fu with him.
Isn't that sweet?
I just hope I don't maim him.
Will one of you sign my permission slip?
You do it. I have to protect my hands.
What are we doing?
I think this music is supposed to psych us up.
It's not exactly "we will rock you."
[ Screams]
Good day, students.
Mr. Pool?
I am your si fu,
and I'll be teaching you p.E.
So if you'll all please
rise to your feet.
I can't believe Mr. Pool knows kung fu.
I can. Think about how much
he was probably beat up as a kid.
And we'll begin our class with the customary bow
to show respect to your si fu.
Come on. It's tradition.
We'll begin with some breathing exercises
designed to help you locate your chi
and, no, that's not something you left in your locker.
No, chiis inner strength.
So everybody, breathe in...
And out.
Wow. This is easier than badminton.
Not that badminton's easy.
Okay, I'm gonna need a volunteer.
Can I see a show of hands?
No one?
Geez. I might as well be teaching biology.
Mr. Pool? I'll give ageless wisdom a shot.
Thank you.
Now, uh, together we're going to demonstrate
the philosophy of the river and the rock.
Which do you want to you be?
The rock, obviously.
Nothing can move a rock.
Western thinking.
Okay. Sabrina will be the rock.
I'll be the river.
We'll see which one is stronger.
We bow
and... go.
You tripped me!
The river tripped you.
The river always beats the rock
because it has great inner strength.
Maybe the rock has great inner strength too
but just didn't have a chance to use it.
The rock is slow and heavy.
The river is all wet.
The rock wants a rematch.
The river's game.
What are they talking about?
We bow...
And go.
Uh-huh. Very smart.
You see...
The rock wins.
And, uh, that's the proper way to fall.
All right, two out of three.
You got it.
Harvey: I didn't know
Sabrina could do that.
No mas. No mas.
Yeah!
Open the door, Sabrina.
My hands.
It's Mr. Pool. Duck!
The reason I'm here... Well, today in kung fu...
Actually, I think it's better if you hear this from me.
Today in kung fu, I kicked Mr. Pool's butt.
Sabrina, you didn't.
I've never seen such natural gifts.
Which is why I'm here.
Sabrina, are you at all interested in glory?
I could go for some glory.
There's a kung-fu competition in Boston next week.
I think you have the potential
to make some waves in the river.
Aren't we getting a little ahead of ourselves?
She's had one class in a public school.
She can't be ready for competition.
But I am! I can prove it! Want to see me flip Mr. Pool again?
Yes.
Uh, no.
That won't be necessary.
So, can she go?
Well... It's up to her.
Okay.
Great.
I'll just file the necessary paperwork
then swing by my h.M.O. For a quick cat scan
to make sure this ringing in my ears is no big deal.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Hopefully without all these spots.
See ya.
Whoo-hoo!
I think I found my sport!
Yes! I'm a jock!
Pretend you didn't see that.
She seems happy.
It's all a little too easy.
I smell a rat.
Ooh, a rat.
Oh, wait.
I had rat for lunch.
Cute.
And deadly.
[ Knocking]
You knocked?
Can we come in?
All doors are open
on the path to enlightenment.
I'll take that as a yes.
Sabrina, we have a question.
Mr. Pool spoke of your "natural gifts."
We were wondering, are they truly natural
or supernatural?
You mean, did I use my magic?
Bear in mind... We're not accusing.
We're just asking.
Well, I did.
How could you?!
What were you thinking?
I thought you wanted me to use my magic more.
We do, but not when you compete against mortals.
Then your magic gives you an unfair advantage.
That's why I've been practicing so hard.
I want to win first chair
not because I'm a witch, but because I have talent.
But I don't have talent.
In fact, I stink at sports.
Well, have you tried something easy
like badminton?
Look, are you saying I can't do this?
We're saying, let your conscience be your guide.
Use your moral compass.
Or you can borrow mine.
Here, try it.
How accurate is this?
We'll leave you alone to think about that.
Zelda, the door.
Oh. Stop it.
I saw you cracking walnuts earlier.
"Let your conscience be your guide."
I hate when they say that.
Now, I have no idea what to do.
You should consider the pros and cons.
Okay. I use my magic... I win.
Without it, I lose.
Win, lose, win, lose.
I'm going with win.
Wow. Some of these guys are really big.
Yeah. I wish we had trained more.
You know, beyond the breathing exercises.
I'll be fine, Mr. Pool.
Don't forget I've got my inner strength.
And don't forget I have a permission slip
signed by your legal guardians.
I know him...
That's the bad guy from the movie dragonkiller.
His name is tai wai tse
and he's a great fighter with a colossal chi.
Last time I saw him he was impaled on punjy sticks.
He looks good.
Will I be doing combat with him?
Only if you win all three matches
so let's just focus and concentrate
on your first opponent.
Right. Focus and concentrate.
Focus and concentrate.
[ Groans]
Oh, Harvey.
You made it.
I couldn't miss your big match.
I mean, it's amazing all the progress you've made
in the past... two days.
Oh, well, uh...
Mr. Pool's a great teacher.
Well listen, there's something
I want to say to you that... something I always wished
my dad would say to me before a game.
It doesn't matter if you win or lose.
You're still a winner to me.
Thanks.
Now, excuse me, Harvey.
I've got to go kick some butt.
Oh, yeah!
So, tigerbalm...
You killed my brother
you killed my father
and now you've come for me, but you will not succeed.
What are you talking about?
That's what the guy said
at the end of dragonkiller
you know, right before he tossed you
on the punji sticks.
Oh, yeah, punji sticks... That was fun.
You ready to get this over with?
Aren't we suppose to spar verbally first?
Only in the movies.
Now it is time for me to defeat you.
You can try, but you will not succeed.
If the vender comes by, order me an icee.
The winner is Sabrina!
Way to go!
I eat lunch with her!
Oh, a trophy!
I have a trophy!
Is this real gold?
It's such a great trophy, Salem.
Look, it says "first"
and it's got that little gold guy on top.
It really is the best trophy.
And look...
It comes up past my knee
and you know
what else occurs to me?
Is it about the trophy?
I just realized I can retire now...
Because I'm not greedy.
I just wanted one trophy and now I've got one.
I'm glad it all worked out. Now go to sleep.
Okay. Trophy, trophy, trophy.
I'm done.
Cheater.
What?
Cheater.
Salem, what did you say?
I didn't say anything. It came from over there.
Over where?
By your trophy.
My trophy?
Cheater.
My trophy.
Did you say something?
Cheater.
What is this about?
You didn't deserve to win me.
You used magic. You're a cheater.
Hey, lay off
you gold-plated mantel warmer.
Don't start with me tabby.
I'll take you out with a single blow.
I'll mess you up.
You're going down!
Stop it! Both of you.
Can we discuss this in the morning?
Sure, we can discuss this in the morning
but I'm not going to shut up tonight.
Cheater, cheater.
Cheater, cheater, cheater.
Shh. You'll wake up my aunts.
They're asleep?
Yes.
Cheater! Cheater!
You leave me no alternative.
Cheater, cheater.
[ Gurgling]
Oh! Now you're making me mad.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
What's all the noise?
Everything okay?
No, my trophy won't shut up.
Well, just tell it to... huh?
He's calling me names.
I don't know what's happening.
I take it you decided to compete in kung fu.
Yeah, and she won.
Cheater!
That explains it.
The trophy is speaking your guilty conscience.
You told me to decide for myself, and I did.
And you decided wrong.
How do I get it to stop yapping?
Well, you could put a teeny weeny sock in his mouth
or you could clear your conscience.
I have a better idea.
What? That's where I was planning to keep it.
Here's our champion, huh?
Sabrina, I bow to your greatness.
Please, don't.
No, you deserve it. Not many people
could compete the way you did.
That's true.
So, where's your trophy?
At home in the freezer...
With all our other valuables.
Don't you want to show it off in the trophy case?
No. It's really not that great a trophy.
Are you kidding? It comes up to your knee.
Besides, that trophy says you're the best.
Well, that may be what it says to you
but it's not what it says to me.
Hilda.
Gustav.
How nice to see you.
What are you doing here?
Auditioning for first chair.
Same as you.
No. Not same as me.
You never play same as me.
Hello, stradi.
You have a stradivarius?
Yes. That other job I beat you out for
paid me well enough to buy it... And the case.
Well, you're not going to beat me this time.
Oh, no?
I think I will.
I think you are fine
for weddings, bar mitzvahs
hoedowns.
But being first chair requires skill, talent, me.
You know, I've got my fans, too
and they think this is my year.
Give it up. There's nothing you can do.
Oh, yes, there is.
What? Are you going to cry like a little baby?
"Boo hoo. Choose me."
No!
I'm not going to cry.
I'm going to go in there
and play like I've never played before.
That would be an excellent idea.
[ Thunder cracking]
I take it the audition didn't go well.
Gustav got first.
I got second.
I'm so sorry.
Should I notify the weather service?
No.
[ Thunder cracks loudly]
There.
Now it's out of my system.
Hi, guys.
Hi. Hey.
You'll be happy to know
I'm ready to do the right thing.
Oh, Sabrina, that's great.
I did the right thing.
Oh, your audition... how'd it go?
I did the right thing.
So, did you get first chair?
No. I got second chair.
But I tried my hardest
and second chair is even better than first chair
when you think about it over and over
until words lose all meaning.
You can drop it, aunt hilda.
I've already decided
to give back the trophy.
Trophy: Ch-cheater.
Okay, I was going to run you under hot water
but now you get nothing.
I'm tired of playing the ninja assassin.
I know, Marty.
I just want to play the dad on a phone commercial.
[ Knock at door]
Yeah, uh, work on it.
Look, I got to go.
Someone's at the door.
Love you. Ciao.
Hi, tai.
You, uh, probably don't remember me.
Yeah, like so many blonde girls
kick my butt
that I can't keep them straight.
You're Sabrina, right?
Yeah. I came to bring you this.
I think you should have it.
You won it. You keep it.
You keep it. It'll be happier here.
Look.
See? Surrounded by his little friends.
Got to go.
Wait, wait.
I can't keep this trophy.
Even though it comes past my knee
I haven't earned it.
It'd be meaningless.
It's more annoying than meaningless.
I could only accept it if I won it honorably in a rematch.
You mean I'd have to fight you again?
But we already did that.
Okay, how about this... We play foosball?
There is no honor in foosball.
Wrong.
Mr. Pool, can we talk?
Oh, of course, my little dragonkiller killer.
I-I thought you should know
I agreed to a rematch with tai wai tse.
That's fantastic. I'm thrilled.
Although, all future bookings should go through me.
Won't happen again.
Now here's the thing.
I need you to train me.
Sure, we'll do our usual breathing exercises.
No. I mean really train me, like teach me to fight.
But you know how.
I... forgot.
I lost my chi.
Where's my chi? Have you seen it?
Sabrina, it's right there inside you.
Now, you got the stuff.
I don't know what made you lose your confidence
but I suggest you get it back soon really soon.
Okay, you're right.
I just need to focus and concentrate.
Focus and concentrate.
Oh! Oh, sorry.
Good luck. Thanks.
There's tai wai tse.
Does he look flabbier to you?
Not really.
Go get him, Sabrina.
So, Sabrina, we meet again.
Yeah. Hi.
Nice shirt.
Okay.
[ Yells]
Guess upper body isn't my strength.
Let's go for legs.
[ Grunts]
Can you come over here?
I have to ask a question.
No way. It's a trick. You'll pull me down.
No. I just want to ask
if there's an honorable way to beg for mercy.
It's not time
for mercy yet.
How about now?
You have approached this match
with honor, Sabrina
now close your eyes and we'll end it that way.
[ Grunts]
Your knee-high trophy is mine.
Sabrina, are you okay?
I think I bruised my chi, but my conscience is clear.
Excuse me.
There's something I have to do.
So, I guess this is it.
I'm giving you to your rightful owner.
I'm not a cheater anymore.
I know... loser.
I'm not going to miss you one bit.
Hey, aunt Zelda, look.
[ Gasps]
Oh, you did the right thing.
How do you feel?
Sore, but good.
Where's aunt hilda? I want to tell her the news.
She's at the symphony.
It's her first night playing second chair.
I wish she had beaten that guy.
Me too.
But what can you do?
[ Playing Mozart's eine kleine nachtmusik]
Can we come in?
Sure.
We've got something for you.
Is that a trophy?
Uh-huh. And it comes up to your ankle.
"World's greatest niece."
Oh, that's so nice.
Oh, well, you earned it.
Fair and square.
Hey, what's that around your neck?
Nothing.
It's a gold medal, isn't it?
Where did you get that?
Kerri strug gave it to me.
Homework time.