And we are definitely...
[ Metal clanging]
Getting rid of this.
My cuirass. Where did you find it?
You can't throw that away.
Give me a break, hilda.
You haven't used your cuirass
for centuries.
Oh, I was waiting for it to come back into style.
When were you going to use this?
Oh! My mace!
Oh! Remember the good times?
Par-Ty!
Only you would
be nostalgic for the dark ages.
[ Grunting]
I never want to trip over this again.
My Cannon!
Why would you keep an instrument of destruction in the house?
Sentimental reasons?
We don't have room for all this junk.
Junk? You call this junk?
Put the mace down.
All right, I'll make you a deal. You have a week.
If you use these things, you keep them.
If not, they go.
Fine. I accept
because it just so happens you have selected
three items that are very useful to me.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to put my Cannon away.
Okay, okay.
I'll clean my room.
See? Told you it was useful.
Be cool, dadio.
The best way to remember it is,
mandible has a "b", and that stands for bottom.
But how do we remember maxilla?
It's the other one.
[ Bell ringing]
Oh, uh, wait, wait, wait, wait... before you bolt
gordie has a very important announcement
that just might change your lives.
Take it away.
Okay. In 1581, Galileo began...
Make it quick, gordie.
Jumping to the end
of the millennium
the science club will be meeting every day after school
to celebrate national science week.
You mean national geek week.
We hope you'll join us.
Any questions?
Yeah. Can we get out of here?
Sure. Oh, sign up early, win a ham.
It's a tough room, gordie.
Believe me. I know.
Hey, gordie, why don't you come up
with a scientific explanation
for why you're such a loser.
Wesson-head.
Zit-master.
Poor gordie.
I feel so bad for him.
He needs to be in touch with his audience.
No one knows or cares what Galileo did in 1581.
He entered the university of pisa.
Sabrina, I didn't know you were a geek.
I'm not, I just like science. Does that make me a geek?
No, I guess not.
I'm even thinking
about going by the science club after school.
Okay. Now that could be a problem.
Why?
Because, this is high school.
If you show passion or enthusiasm for anything, you're doomed.
You might as well be wearing a big "kick me" sign.
Hey, Harvey, help us out.
Sabrina's got a problem.
What's up?
I was thinking of joining the science club.
Really? I didn't know you were a geek.
I'm not.
That's the problem. I'm afraid
everyone will think I am.
Well, they will.
I explained that we can't change
the whole system just for her.
Why does everyone have to be stuffed in a category?
I mean, I don't get it. Look around
the cheerleaders eat with the cheerleaders.
The geeks only eat with the geeks.
I just don't want to be labeled.
You have no choice.
You have a grace period as a new student
but soon, you'll be stereotyped.
Well, what are you guys?
I'm a quasi-jock with semi-literary aspirations
and a hint of nihilism.
If only it were that simple for me.
Jenny, what are you?
I tried to be an outsider
but I didn't really fit in.
Now Libby calls me a freak, and I'm okay with that.
Well, why can't I just be me?
That's a pretty small group.
We've got spirit!
All: Let's hear it!
Let's go!
I think we should take her advice and just go.
It's spirit week at westbridge.
We're playing eastbridge this weekend
and we're number one.
Yeah. In turnovers and penalties.
We'll be wearing our uniforms this week
and leading cheers at lunch, reminding you
to support our team.
Ready?
All: Okay.
East meets west
and we know who's the best.
All: Whoo!
I don't get it. To me, that looks geeky.
How can she do that and still be so popular?
Libby's not popular.
She's powerful.
How did she get power?
She seized it
and as long as there are people backing her up
she'll keep it.
It's very Stalin.
I don't know what
you guys are talking about.
Libby's always nice to me.
I'm going to get more tatertots.
I'll go with you.
See you tomorrow.
We're number one.
[ Gasping]
Watch where you're going, geek.
You got my uniform wet.
I'm sorry.
You are so transferred.
Libby, lay off him.
It was an accident.
It's just like a freak to defend a geek.
Maybe the two of you can get weekend jobs at the carnival.
Hi, Harvey.
Hi.
See? She's nice.
Sabrina, I thought you were going to science club.
[ Whispering]: I am.
In a minute.
Per our previous discussion.
Got it. Later.
Well, this is a delightful turnout... five.
Same as last year, which means none of you
were killed at summer camp.
[ Clears throat]
Okay. Um... Sherman's sporting a new look.
Did you get contacts?
No. Someone stole my glasses.
All right. Well, uh...
Let's begin by discussing
the biggest science breakthrough in recent months...
Possible evidence of life on Mars.
What does this discovery mean to us?
Howard.
The government's been covering this up for years
and Scully and mulder are right...
The truth is out there.
[ All clamoring]
Calm down, calm down.
Look, how many times do we have to go over this?
The x filesis fiction.
Scully and mulder are played by actors.
Now, come on. Don't get upset.
Hi. Is this science club?
Did you leave something in your desk, Sabrina?
No. I was thinking of joining
unless you're all filled up.
Not at all. Everyone's welcome. Have a seat.
There's a girl in science club.
Don't panic.
Hey. How's it going?
[ Stammering]
I never knew a pickle could be used as a light bulb.
They're super versatile.
Bye, guys. See you later.
What are you doing here so late?
Was there a meeting of the freaks society?
Libby, why don't you..?
Great having you in science club, Sabrina.
Don't forget to bring your rock tumbler tomorrow.
You went to science club?
[ Laughing]
That is too perfect.
You're a geek in freak's clothing.
I am not a geek.
That doesn't prove anything.
Oh, here.
Let me help you.
See you later...
Geek.
[ Playing Beethoven's "fur Elise"]
Look, it still fits.
And it's great for lounging around the house.
That doesn't count as a use.
Why not?
No one wears metal
after labor day.
Aunt hilda
what's the range on your Cannon?
I'll get it. We'll find out.
Hilda, will you please sit down?
Sabrina, a Cannon is not a solution
for a land-based problem.
What's going on?
Libby caught me coming out of science club.
You went to science club?
Oh, that's wonderful.
No, it's not. Now Libby thinks I'm a complete geek.
I knew this would happen.
It's Zelda's influence.
I begged you to watch TV with me so you'd be normal.
Oh, be quiet.
Hey, it's dark in here.
Now, it shouldn't bother you what Libby says.
It shouldn't, but it does.
I want to use my magic to teach Libby a lesson.
That sounds very constructive.
I'm going to give her a snout.
Ooh, good idea.
You need to talk to my friend Cicero.
He's an expert on these matters.
We'll look him up in the book.
Are you coming, hilda?
Yes.
No, I can't.
My outfit's too heavy
but it's very useful.
See when you said look him up in the book
I thought you meant phone book.
No. Magic book.
Cicero is figure 3-a.
He's one of the ancient geeks.
Oh. There he is.
Hello, Cicero.
There's a girl looking at me.
Don't panic.
Ask him what he'd do.
He's very knowledgeable.
His was the first recorded wedgie.
Hey, Cicero.
I'm Sabrina and I have a question.
Ask away, but make it quick.
If the centurions catch me here
it's a guaranteed swirly in the aqueduct.
There's this girl in my school
and she keeps calling me a geek
and I really don't like it.
I suggest you ignore her, okay? Bye-bye.
No, wait!
I can't ignore her.
No one can ignore her. You've got to help.
Well, there are two ways to teach her a lesson.
The first is to just give her a snout.
I knew it.
What's the second?
Give her a taste of her own medicine.
Turn her into a geek.
She'll see how it feels
and learn it's what's inside that really counts.
But how can I do that?
A simple spell.
Just point.
Like this?
Well, actually, you just have to point.
My glasses were slipping.
Thanks, Cicero.
You've been a big help.
Oh...
Nice move, four-eyes.
Hi, Libby.
Are you okay?
Oh, my eyeballs just started itching.
Must be my contacts.
I'll be right back.
Libby wears contacts?
[ Sighs]
Much better.
Oh, my god!
What happened to you?
You look totally weird.
I took my contacts out.
But what did you do to your hair?
I ran my fingers through it a couple times.
Doesn't it look shiny?
More like greasy.
What's with the uniform?
I was cold
so I pulled up my socks.
It's function over fashion.
Since when?
[ Bell ringing]
The bell. We'll be late for class.
We're always late for class. That's what we do.
But we might miss something that's on a test.
Come on.
What are you looking at?
Hey, Harvey, Jenny, over here.
You look happy.
What's going on?
Oh, just a new world order and butterscotch pudding.
Oh, boy. Butterscotch pudding.
Hair check.
Matt sabetti's heading
this way.
Hi, girls.
Hi.
[ Stammering]
What was that noise?
My asthma just kicked in.
I need my inhaler.
Get it later.
It's time to cheer.
We've got spirit!
All: Let's hear it!
Hear it!
Ready?
All: Okay.
East meets west
and we knows who's the...
Ow!
You poked me in the eye.
Emergency huddle.
Not you.
You're huddling without me?
You can't huddle without me.
You can't exclude me.
We just did.
You're sitting out spirit week, chessler.
You're a threat to the whole team.
But where will I go?
Who will I sit with?
I'm sure you'd fit in over there.
[ All laughing]
I don't think so.
Watch where you're going, geek.
Who do you think you're talking to?
Just because I wear glasses and have asthma
and want to do well in school, does not mean I'm a...
[ Snorts]
Oh, no.
Oh!
There's something different about Libby.
Did she change her hair?
Ready?
Okay.
It's spirit week
and Libby's now a geek.
People are laughing at Libby.
I know it's mean to say this, but yes!
Hey, she's always been nice to me.
I'm going to go talk to her.
Whatever Libby's going through
doesn't involve you.
Who said it did? It's not like I feel responsible.
I'm just a really empathetic person.
Gotta go.
Libby?
[ Wheezing]
I know you're in here.
I can hear you wheezing.
What do youwant?
I just came to talk.
Don't you mean gloat?
I can talk and gloat
at the same time.
Look, Libby, I thought you might need a friend.
Why? Because all my other friends dumped me?
Don't they realize
that geeks have needs and wants and feelings?
If you trip us, do we not fall?
If you prick us, do we not scream and pass out?
And what does that
teach you?
To hate cheerleaders.
No. It teaches you
that it's what's inside that counts.
That's what I've learned?
Man, I hope so.
Wait a minute. Let me process this.
It's what's inside that counts
so no matter how I look or dress, I'm still me.
I'm still Libby chessler.
This is very exciting!
[ Wheezing]
But not over-exciting.
Let's go back to lunch.
Can I sit here?
[ All wheezing]
Relax. I'm one of you.
[ Snorting]
[ Laughing]
[ Laughing and snorting]
What's going on?
Libby's sitting with the geeks.
See? I told you she was nice.
What did you say to her?
I just told her to be herself.
Let's talk about power...
How to get it, how to keep it.
Hey, did you see
xena, warrior Princess last night?
Quiet! This is important.
Are you catching the bus?
No. I'm going to science club.
Are you sure you want to broadcast that?
Yeah. I do.
Today the halls are safe for geeks...
But you can't protect them from themselves.
Hey, I brought my rock tumbler.
May we help you?
What are you doing here?
I'm the new president
and, by the way, membership is closed.
Science club is now limited to six people.
That's how many can fit in the space shuttle.
You can't do that.
Where's Mr. Pool?
I sent him for tang and fig Newtons.
Besides
you don't belong here.
You're not a total geek.
Is she, guys?
[ All agreeing]
Yeah. You never sat with us at lunch.
And what's your eyesight, 20/20?
Well, stab me in the back with a protractor.
I can't believe you guys are siding with Libby.
She used to make fun of you all the time.
Yeah, but now she's our leader.
[ Mutters]: She's not myleader.
What did you say, gordie?
I said... You're not my leader.
You're... pushy...
And bossy... and...
If Sabrina goes, I go.
That was very brave of you, gordie.
Don't talk.
Run!
Look Salem, i'm tenderizing the beef with my mace.
It's a deadly weapon and a handy kitchen tool.
Oh, please.
We've all seen the infomercial.
Hi, Sabrina.
I just had a big, stinky day.
Aunt hilda, my magic never works the way I want it.
Would it make you feel better to pound some beef?
Maybe.
Well, you'll be happy to know
I got kicked out of science club.
How come?
Because Libby says
I'm not a total geek.
I thought you were upset yesterday
because she said that you wereone.
Yes.
There is no pleasing you.
All right.
You're a little too good at that.
Let's take a break.
Hey, can I lick the mace?
Oh, all right, but be careful.
Mmm... ow!
But it's worth it.
You know, the point was to teach Libby that
it's what's insidethat counts, but I forgot that inside
she's just a manipulative, conniving dictator.
So, are you reconsidering the snout?
No. I'm just going to turn her back to normal.
I think I need to pound some more beef.
Hey, cee cee, nice uniform.
What does the "w" stand for
"where is my brain?"
Get away, you geeks.
Hey, look at me.
I'm Jill, and I wash my hair every day.
Shields down. Direct hit. Fire again.
Hey, how many cheerleaders
does it take to screw in a pickle?
I don't get it.
You wouldn't.
[ Laughing]
Did you see that?
The cheerleaders are being teased by the geeks.
The revolution is upon us.
I wouldn't be too sure about that.
That's funny.
My eyeballs stopped itching.
Anyway, I checked out the weird al yankovic web site
and I think I'm going to link it to my home page.
Hey, Libby, can I speak with you a moment?
Make it quick. I don't want to be seen talking with you.
Okay. Well, you know, I was just wondering if you'd tried
doing any cheers lately. Bet you could.
Any seal can clap.
I am a higher life-form.
I never would have guessed it
but I think Libby really likes being a geek.
Doesn't surprise me.
Libby doesn't care what group she's in.
As long as she can exclude people
she's happy.
Jenny...
I want you to come to science club with me.
Sorry, I'm not into organized science.
Maybe I can convince you?
I doubt it.
Ow.
I hope I didn't suffer a hematoma.
Save it for club. Come on.
Hey, Harvey.
Hey, guys. What's up?
Wanna come to the science club.
No way.
Weird.
Suddenly, I wish I had every episode
of mystery science theater on tape.
Hurry up. We'll be late.
Calm down.
I'll be right back. Stay here.
[ Sighing]
For the good of mankind.
I can't look.
And the handwriting recognition on my Newton
turned it into "are you afraid of the dork?"
[ Knocking]
I'll get it.
[ Laughing]
Hello, Mr. Pool.
Sabrina?
Let's talk Philip k. Dick.
Hey, you can't come in here.
Of course she can.
I brought some friends with me.
Come on, guys.
Hello.
Hey.
Hi. Hi.
You're all here for science club?
Yeah. Science rocks.
Well, welcome. Welcome.
Oh, what a happy day!
I've touched you kids.
I'm going to save the space program.
Wait one nanosecond.
Science club was supposed to be exclusively for geeks.
It is, but now we're all geeks.
The science club is for everyone.
Are you kidding?
This isn't a club.
It's just a bunch of people
with shared interests, hanging out together.
Well, not me.
I'm going home to wash my hair.
Wait. Don't leave.
You'll miss out.
The rest of us are going to play with really strong magnets.
[ Laughing]
[ Gasps]
Look at you... Geeked to the gills.
This is awful.
I blame myself.
No, wait.
I blame Zelda.
This is all your fault.
My fault?
Oh, Sabrina
you look adorable and so smart.
I feel smart, and you know what?
I learned something.
No matter what we're labeled, Libby will always be Libby
and I will always be me.
You had to become a geek to figure that out?
Well, it's actually rather complex.
I just put it
in layman's terms for you.
I have to do that all the time.
So, what are you saying?
You dumb things down for me?
Well, "c", colon, back slash... duh.
Would you speak English.
You always put science down.
If you're so smart...
[ Arguing]
I'm going to take a shower.
[ Arguing continues]
[ Girls laughing]
Here, let me help.
Wait a minute.
Here you go, gordie.
You're setting me up, aren't you?
Oh, so now we're helping geeks?
I just don't feel like making fun of them anymore.
You know, geeks are people too.
But if we can't make fun of geeks
who will we make fun of?
Hi, Sabrina.
Super freak.
I just thought you should know
the kid next door
is chucking water balloons at our house.
I know, hilda already went out there.
She said she was gonna do something about it.
He's such a little creep.
He's going to break my window.
Hilda: Prepare to be boarded, Timmy.
What was that?
Yes! I used my Cannon.
It stays.