No, no, no.
But it's mybellybutton.
Uh-uh. It's ourbellybutton.
You can have it back when you turn 18.
Don't tell me she still wants to hang keys off her navel.
Sabrina, even I think that's gross.
I still want to do it.
You'll regret it. I had to wait two centuries
to have the "cromwell rules" tattoo
removed from my shoulder.
That's not where it was.
Be quiet.
The point is, these things
go in and out of style.
You have to remember you're built for the long haul.
Well, I think it's cool
but if I have to wait two years, fine, I will.
Then I'll just have everything pierced.
Okay, very funny.
Now, remove the bone.
Remove the bone!
I'm not going to school like this!
It's camouflage.
I'm over here.
♪ Shake your whammy Fanny...
What are you singing?
Nothing.
Are you going to science?
Oh, figured I'm here
might as well.
So, I was thinking
about going to a movie Saturday night.
You want to come?
Sure, but it's got to be an early show.
My curfew's midnight.
You're so lucky your aunts are strict.
My parents are really relaxed
which makes it hard to rebel.
♪ Ooh, that funky song...
Hey, Harvey.
Hey.
All right, turn it down.
"Shake your whammy Fanny."
Oh, please.
You know, in my day, we had good music.
Mr. Poole, didn't you grow up in the '70s?
Yes.
Never mind.
Okay, uh... today, we're going to talk
about the body's largest organ... The skin.
Now, the skin consists of three different layers:
The dermis, the... epidermis
and the...
Subcutaneous tissue.
What's happening?
I feel like I'm wearing a burlap unitard.
I can't stand the itching!
[ Yelling]
What do we do now?
Well, if Mr. Pool's not back in five minutes, we can ditch.
It's been five minutes
hasn't it?
Let's go.
Sit.
Stay.
Good.
Hello, class.
I am your substitute teacher.
My name is vesta.
I'm an aries.
Now, doesn't anyone want to tell me
where your teacher left off?
You, spill.
W-We were talking about skin.
Always moisturize and use an exfoliant.
Any questions?
Yes.
What does moisturizer have to do
with science?
Science isn't everything.
What about beauty and art and culture?
Why do we have to focus on science?
Because this is biology?
Fine. You want science, listen carefully.
The thermablast join the ranials
which I think explains it all.
Well, that's it for today.
Forget everything I said.
[ Bell rings]
Class dismissed.
Except Sabrina.
You stay after.
What did I do?
I don't know, but if you're not out in five minutes
I'm notifying the school paper.
Great.
It's a weekly.
Sabrina, we need to talk.
Did I do something wrong?
Yes.
No.
Don't you recognize me?
Should I?
I'll give you a hint.
I am your aunt vesta.
Let me guess... from my father's side of the family?
Bingo.
I even carry a photo of me holding you as a baby.
Oh, look, there's aunt hilda and aunt Zelda and...
Is that Andy warhol?
Mm-hmm. Those were the good times.
I don't know why, but the '80s
are always the best decade of every century.
Oh, look
I'd really love to stay and talk
but I've got to get to class.
Don't be silly.
We have a lot of catching up to do.
Now, where can we find a good cup of coffee?
Oh, I know.
Paris.
Voila.
You know the weirdest thing?
I'm missing French class to be here.
No, that's not the weirdest thing.
I once...
Oh, no, never mind.
I think I really should have told someone
I was leaving the country.
Don't be so jittery.
Drink your giant bowl of coffee and relax.
Three sips, and i'm already vibrating.
My other aunts don't let me
drink coffee.
Yes, the evil bean.
I'm sure they're full of all sorts of "can'ts" and "don'ts" like:
[ Hilda's voice]: Don't stay up late.
[ Zelda's voice]: No, you can't get a tattoo.
You sound just like them.
We lived together for 200 years
but we're very, very different.
You see, they actually enjoy living on earth
and I can't stand mortals for too long.
You know, i'm half mortal.
Oh, not that there's anything
wrong with that, darling.
It's just that
well, mortals seem to have to work so hard for everything.
Tends to make them bitter.
Oh, like my teacher, Mr. Pool?
Exactly.
What did you do to him anyway?
Oh, I just gave him a 24-hour bug.
[ Screaming]
My point is that we witches can avoid reality if we choose.
That's why I live in the pleasuredome.
The pleasuredome, where's that?
The other realm.
You could come and visit.
I don't think my aunts would let me.
Well... we'll just have to convince them.
Look, it's been this way for years.
It's time for a change.
I like it the other way.
I'm not going
to stand here all day pointing with you.
Listen up. That was Sabrina's school on the phone.
They said she missed her last five classes.
That's not like her.
Where could she be?
What if she's in trouble?
I hope she's not in trouble.
I'm home.
You are in big trouble.
Where have you been?
And what are you wearing?
I went to Paris with aunt vesta.
Vesta? Vesta?
Bonjour, mes soeurs!
Presies.
Gum?
It's French.
What are you doing here?
I thought you vowed never to set foot on earth again.
How could I stay away? I had to see my niece.
She was supposed to be in school.
We tried to make her last class
but then we stopped in Milano for gelatto.
You have to.
No, you don't.
You have to tell people
when you run off to Europe for snacks.
And you can't just take Sabrina out of school.
I'm only here five seconds
and it's already "can'ts" and "don'ts."
Doesn't anything ever change around here?
We got new fabric for the chair.
It's mayhem.
Look, aunt hilda, aunt Zelda, I'm sorry I didn't call.
I was wrong.
But can I keep the clothes?
Oh, all right.
But call Jenny, get your homework
and start doing it.
It's practically done.
Such a sweet girl
and so hungry for life.
Surprising... I mean, with the example
you've been setting for her.
We are setting a fine example.
We have a loving home
filled with discipline and responsibility.
What about fun?
We have fun.
In fact, this weekend
I have been invited
to attend a very important meeting in Texas
on the super collider... So there.
[ Phone rings]
I'll get it.
It's probably somebody fun.
I doubt it.
So, a symposium in Texas.
Who's invited you?
The visual engineers
for the study of theoretical activity.
I suppose theoretical activity
is better than no activity at all.
You're not going to believe this!
I've been asked to play
with the konniff trio in Orlando thissaturday!
It's a dream come true.
Hilda, lucky you.
I know you mean that sarcastically
but thanks.
I have to pack.
Wait, wait, wait.
You can't just take off.
I have to go to Texas this weekend.
What about Sabrina? We can't leave her alone.
Then we have to find someone she can stay with.
Maybe I can be of help.
Jenny just gave me the bad news.
I have to read 50 pages by Monday.
Queldrag.
Um, Sabrina, since hilda and I
have to work, how would you feel
about spending the weekend
at your aunt vesta's pleasuredome?
I'd really like that, but i'm afraid
if I'm too enthusiastic, you won't let me.
It's fine. In fact, it would help us.
Then... yes!
Whoo-hoo!
Oh, so good to be home.
Welcome to the pleasuredome.
Leave your "can'ts" and your "don'ts" outside.
We have only one rule here.
No mortals.
Great. What a cool place.
So, I guess you're really into doors.
Behind each one is a wish fulfilled.
Go ahead. Take a look.
What's in there?
You'll see.
[ "Funky song" playing]
Is this what I think it is?
Yes. You're backstage at a brothers chunk concert.
Phat!
Wait.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
Open this one.
It's one of my personal faves.
What is it?
The hall
of gratuitous praise.
[ Crowd gasps]
You're fabulous!
We love you!
You're gorgeous!
You're beautiful!
You're in! Yes, you are!
Oh, that was fun.
You know, I feel
really good about myself.
We also have...
A 24-hour mall
and a restaurant filled
with ooey-gooey slimmingdesserts.
And that's a room filled with gorgeous single men.
Maybe I'll just take a peek.
No, don't.
Darling, they know you're here
and the longer you keep them waiting
the more they'll want you.
Oh, so that's how it works?
Uh-huh.
So, we'll save that room till later.
But I'm only here for the weekend.
Well, we'll see about that.
Bonbons?
Oh, is this room 107?
Yes.
That's strange.
See, there's supposed to be a lecture here.
Be kind of crowded.
Do you know anything
about a super collider conference?
No, but I'm always the last to know.
Well... the invitation says 107 and it's engraved.
Nice. Who's it from?
The visual engineers
for the study of theoretical activity.
Why don't they just shorten it to... vesta?
Vesta.
[ Cars zooming loudly]
Hilda!
Zelda, what are you doing here?
Vesta set me up
and she set you up too.
I wondered why they booked a string trio at Daytona.
[ Screeching tires]
Well, there's your big finish.
Come on, let's go.
All right
but vesta's trick backfired.
Our trio just got booked at the indy 500.
What are you reading?
Jude the obscure.
I'll say.
Hey, want to learn the Macarena?
I can't.
I promised hilda and Zelda I'd do my homework.
Sabrina
we need to talk.
Did I do something wrong?
No, it's just your priorities.
Isn't this obsession with homework
getting in the way of your fun?
Well, I have to study.
Why?
You can't have fun all the time.
Why not?
Think about that while we join a conga line.
[ Conga music begins]
Anyone want paella?
I do.
Stop!
What is going on here?
Welcome to homework land.
Move it along.
There is nothing to see here.
How could you?
You tricked us to get Sabrina up here.
Der-hay.
Well, the party's over.
Sabrina's coming home.
You know the rules around here.
Now that Sabrina's at the pleasuredome
she can do whatever she wants.
So that's your plan.
Please.
I don't plan. I scheme.
Forgive me for wanting my niece
to have a little fun.
I have heard enough.
Come on, Sabrina, we're going home.
She's staying here.
She's coming home.
Staying.
You are so selfish.
She is staying.
[ All arguing loudly]
Excuse me!
Can I say something about my life?
Look, you guys didn't tell me
I could stay in the other realm if I wanted to.
I didn't know I had a choice.
Well, you do.
Of course you do.
And we know
you'll make the right one.
I will.
I'm staying here.
Ole!
How can you choose the pleasuredome over high school?
Wait, that didn't come out right.
Why don't you guys stay too?
We're having paella.
No, thanks.
We have reallives back on earth.
Come on, hilda, let's go.
[ Whispering]: We can't just leave her here.
Follow me. I have a hunch.
And don't look back.
Ciao!
Adios!
Okay. Drama's over.
Let's hit the waterslide.
Uh-oh. Are you okay?
Yeah.
I'm fine. I just...
Thought they'd toss around a few more "can'ts" and "don'ts"
before taking off.
Are you insane?
You left without a fight.
What were you thinking?
That I want Sabrina to come home.
Me too. Let's go back and get her.
I'll hold vesta.
No. That won't work.
If we tell Sabrina she can'tstay
then we'll just be playing into vesta's hand.
Can we say it and just not say "can't"?
Hilda, we're giving Sabrina a chance to change her mind.
Have a little faith.
I think she'll come home.
Ooh, Zelda... sneaky.
You had a scheme.
Well, vesta ismy sister.
I want a scheme.
Mmm, that's good...
Sogood.
There's only one thing that could make this better.
Now, thisis relaxing.
I'm wiped.
I rode the roller coaster 17 times, went shoe-shopping
saw the Brad Pitt imax
and, man, those hot tubs take a lot out of you.
Poor thing.
I just want to curl up with a good book.
Oh, Sabrina...
[ Crashing]
Oh, well.
We need to talk.
Did I do something wrong?
No. Why do you always
assume when we need to talk, you did something wrong?
Because I'm a teenager?
Anyway, you can't stay home and read on a Saturday night...
Not when you could be starring in your own rock video.
I can?
Yes, sure. All you need to do is come up with a concept.
Oh, easy!
Okay, we open on smoke rolling across the floor
cue the dancing clowns
and widen to reveal me in a really great outfit.
[ Telephone rings]
Phone.
Thank you.
Hello?
One moment. It's for you.
For me?
Jenny.
Hey, Jenny.
Hey! Sabrina, what's up?
Not much. How'd you get my number?
I called you and your aunts gave it to me.
It had the weirdest 17-digit area code.
Well, I'm visiting family in... Canada.
But I thought we were going to a movie.
I totally forgot.
I'm sorry, Jenny.
Maybe I can get back.
Your video...
Well, can she come watch?
The one rule.
It figures.
Look Jenny, I'm sort of stuck here
but you'll find something fun to do tonight, right?
Sure. Yeah. It's no problem.
Anyway, I'll see you.
I'll see you. Bye.
Oh... you're sad.
This'll cheer you up.
Look, a puppy.
Isn't he cute?
You can't distract me with a puppy, aunt vesta.
I feel awful.
Okay. Remove the puppy.
All right, what's wrong?
Jenny's my best friend
and I just realized if I stay here
I'll never see her again. I'll never see any of my friends again.
Is that all that's bothering you?
You can see your friends anytime you want.
I can?
Yes!
We have super-secret inside-o-vision.
Cool.
Very.
I'm looking for Ringo's nose.
That should not be hard to find.
I've been working on it. Here you go.
I still can't believe
Sabrina doesn't think our lives are exciting enough.
Well, you can see how it snoops.
With this remote
you can see anyone anywhere.
Now, who else do you want to watch?
How about Salem?
[ Rock music playing]
Salem: ♪ shake your whammy Fanny
♪ funky song, funky song
♪ shake your whammy Fanny
♪ fu-unky song
what's he doing?
He's got squeaky toys all over my room.
[ Scoffing]: You live here now.
Oh.
Right. Well, let's see what Harvey's doing.
♪ Shake your whammy Fanny
♪ fu-unky song
I don't want to see this.
[ Turns off]
Uh, I know.
I'll check on Jenny.
She's probably out, though.
[ Sighing]
No, wait.
She's home, and she's reading Jude the obscure.
How pathetic.
But it's my fault she's home on a Saturday night.
I totally stood her up.
Hey, you are in a guilt-free zone.
Now, what about we shake our whammy fannies
and get your video ready?
♪ Fu-unky song
come on, Sabrina!
I am dying to see what you look like.
I don't know whether to get funky
or go fly-fishing.
You look fabulous.
These boots are killing me.
Deal with it.
There's no room for sensible shoes
in rock 'n' roll.
Now, you are large and in charge.
All right, camera ready?
Lights... smoke...
And action!
[ Music plays]
♪ Shake your whammy Fanny
♪ funky song, funky song
♪ shake your whammy Fanny
♪ fu-unky song
all right!
Whoo!
♪ Shake your whammy Fanny
♪ funky song, funky song, shake your whammy Fanny ♪
♪ fu-unky song
come on, energy... up! Up!
♪ Funky song, funky song
♪ got a chunky feelin' ♪
♪ hangin' from the ceilin' ♪
No! That's it!
I can't shake anymore.
Cut!
[ Music stops]
This is a mistake.
Aunt vesta, we need to talk.
Did I do something wrong?
No, idid.
Look, I shouldn't be here.
I should be at the movies with Jenny.
Oh... but that's so ordinary.
I mean, you could be a rock star.
I'm not a rock star, I'm a karaoke singer...
And not a very good one at that.
I think someone needs a little trip
to the hall of gratuitous praise.
No, I don't want to go to the hall of gratuitous praise.
I want to go home.
Sabrina...
You can't go.
I'll be so lonely without you.
Well, you can come stay with hilda and Zelda and me.
Maybe I'll just get that puppy back.
I better run.
Jenny and I can still make a late show...
You know, that is, if hilda and Zelda let me break curfew.
Oh, I guess you'll be needing this.
Thanks.
You know, I had fun.
This isthe pleasuredome.
Ciao!
[ Sighing]
Oh...
What now?
We love you!
You're beautiful!
You're gorgeous!
You're wonderful!
You're fabulous!
So empty...
But it works!
You're fabulous!
You're beautiful!
You're gorgeous!
You're wonderful!
Salem, what are you doing?
Uh... I was just reorganizing?
You know, I saw you singing in the mirror.
Nooo!!!
Did you hear something?
Yes!
Be cool.
Hi!
I'm home!
Oh, hello, Sabrina.
What happened?
Didn't you like the pleasuredome?
It was okay.
But the truth is, "can'ts" and "don'ts"
it's hard to know where the fun is.
It's sure nice to have you back.
And it's nice to be back.
Can I go out?
You know, I promised Jenny
I'd go to the movies with her.
And I should honor that responsibility.
You can go... but don't stay out past 1:00.
And you can't wear those boots.
I'm home!
Better? Got to go.
And... thanks for not making a big deal out of this.
Deal of the century!
She's back!
Both: She's back!
Aah! Yes! Yes!
All right, just let me grab these canisters.
All right, I'm ready for you, little weevil.
Come closer... Come a little closer.
Suck potpourri and die!
[ Screaming]
[ Mumbling]
Oh, man, what a dream.
Sushi and kafka don't mix.
A bug! A bug!