I don't get it.
I've been studying my magic book.
It's just too hard.
Here, let me help you.
Ah! Here's one for silence.
"Affix the taste organ of a humped ruminant
adjacent to one's dentation."
I have no idea what that means.
It means, put a camel tongue in your mouth.
It works, but you'll find out
why camels spit so much.
I think I'd actually rather be doing my homework.
Sabrina, magic is part of your education too.
Sure, it's hard work
and it might seem difficult at times
but with plenty of practice...
Oh, why don't you just get a straw and suck all the fun out of it?
You are going to love this section.
"Magic for dummies"?
Try this one. It's a hoot.
It's great at parties.
Oh, please. That's the oldest trick in the book.
That's so old, mortals are doing it.
Let me try.
Okay. Here goes.
Abracadabra.
Hey!
It worked. I pulled a rabbit out of a hat.
Hey
put me back.
My wife, Renee, is about to give birth.
Oh. Sorry.
Relax. That happens a lot with rabbits.
I didn't know.
Uh, as if...
Morning, Salem.
Maybe for you.
I'm having a bad fur day.
Poor kitty. What's wrong?
Couldn't sleep last night.
Tried reading the most boring thing I could find
but not even your diary could do the trick.
How'd you read my diary? It's locked.
I picked it with my dew claw.
So, who's Harvey?
He's... no one.
Yeah. "No one" with "the world's
most perfect sideburns."
That's enough.
Salem: ♪ Harvey and Sabrina
♪ Harvey and sabr...
[ Growls ]
Hey, look. Toast.
Good morning.
I've got great news.
Guess who's going out
with the head of the witch's council
tomorrow night.
I'll give you a hint.
I don't believe it.
You're going out with drell?
The big ugly guy with the mole?
Yes, and I'm so excited.
Oh, hilda, don't.
Excitement brings hope.
What's wrong with hope?
Everytime he makes a date
with hilda he breaks it.
He did that once or twice, or maybe a thousand times
butmay I remind you that every time that drell has canceled
he has always sent me a lovely token of his affection.
Yeah. He always sends a pot roast.
A pot roast?
Flowers wilt.
Say it with beef.
I'd love to stay and listen
to more tales of romance and meat
but I've got school to ruin my day.
See you.
Salem: ♪ Harvey and Sabrina...
Now, the use of the cloth napkin
exploded in the early 19th century
and since there was no TV
napkin-folding became a popular art form.
Let's start
with the bishop's mitre.
Why do we have to learn this?
In case our cable goes out?
[ Giggling]
I think Libby and her friends
are talking about us.
No they're not. Don't be so paranoid, Jenny.
Paranoid? They're pointing at us
and laughing.
Oh, you're right.
Look, just ignore them.
Are they still doing it?
Hey.
Hi.
Hi, Harvey.
I'm having a little trouble
with the bishop's mitre.
The best I can do is a snowball.
I can help.
I'll supervise.
You know, the only reason I took home ec
was so I could eat during class.
Coach says I still have to bulk up
and carbo-loading can get pretty lonely.
We'll keep you company any time you eat.
Yeah. We're good at that.
Hey, I'm going to the pizza place tomorrow night
to force down eight slices
you guys want to you want to watch?
Sure. Cool.
Cool.
Bless you.
Oh, that'll be fun, hanging out with Harvey.
Yeah, that'll be a lot of fun.
Just the three of us.
Okay. Pointy ends...
Do you ever wonder what Harvey's thinking about
when he's looking out the window?
Probably football?
No. No. I bet he's thinking about nature
or... or poetry, or the poetry of nature.
I'm sticking with football.
Jenny: He's so quiet.
I wish I knew him better.
Jenny, are you sure you wouldn't rather go alone with Harvey
tomorrow night, you know, just the two of you?
No. Would you?
No. I just like him as a friend.
Me... me too.
Need help, Sabrina?
Well, I can't really do that bishop's thing
but...
I didmake a Rose.
[ Gasps]
Oh, look. Here comes our fan club.
Hi, Jenny.
Hi, Sabrina.
[ Giggling]
Hey, is there something funny about our names?
Not Jenny's.
You know, why don't you leave us alone?
We're not bothering you.
You're still breathing, aren't you?
Freak.
Double freak.
We can't let her get to us.
That's what she wants.
I just wish I knew what she was saying.
What difference does it make?
Everything Libby says is a lie.
Maybe we could retaliate by spreading lies about her.
What can we say?
That she's actually nice and sweet?
Not much revenge in that.
No. Face it
the world would be a much better place
if everyone told the truth
but... you can't stop someone from lying.
Yes, you can.
You can stop someone from lying.
It's right here, Salem.
"Truth sprinkles."
Do they work?
All too well.
It's how the witch's council got me
to confess my scheme for world domination.
Well, do you want
to help me bake, your highness?
Like I have a choice.
This looks easy.
"Preheat oven to 500 degrees."
I don't think so.
Check again.
"Preheat oven to... 5,000"?
Aunt Zelda?
Can you help me?
I'm trying to make truth sprinkles.
You're using your magic. Excellent.
Do you want to make them from scratch or use instant?
There's instant? I'll use that.
Oh, witchcraft in an mtv world...
It's all quick cuts and funny angles.
Now, we keep our potions
regarding openness and truth in a secret cabinet.
This is a very special moment.
The moment I get to see the secret cabinet?
If you make fun, I won't show it to you.
Psst. The cabinet's over here.
Who said that?
Me... Louisa.
Over here.
Wow.
These walls cantalk.
Sometimes
they never shut up.
Don't start with me, cat.
I've seen what you do
when you're out of the house.
Oh, for Pete's sake, the moment's ruined.
Oh, neat.
Look at all these things.
Frog lips, freeze-dried eye of newt.
Hey. Are these the truth sprinkles?
No. Those are ice cream sprinkles.
They're in the wrong cabinet.
Hey, hilda, have you seen the jiffytruth?
Yeah. It's in my bag.
I used it last week when I took my car in for repairs.
It turns out I really did need new brake pads.
"Jiffytruth... 100% refined truth.
"Trace amounts of harsh reality.
"For best results, sprinkle on something sweet
as the truth can be bitter."
It is great stuff.
It makes you reveal your true feelings.
Oh, which reminds me...
Zelda, the postman has a crush on you.
That is notwhat the sprinkles are for.
They should only be used in serious matters.
Well, this is serious.
You remember Libby?
Well, she's been spreading lies about me and Jenny
and it's really upsetting Jenny.
Well, give Libby some sprinkles.
If those don't work, try some lady bald spot.
You just just spray it...
Hilda, that's enough.
Sabrina, you can take the sprinkles
but let me warn you, the truth can have painful side effects.
Like what?
Itching, chaffing, hurt feelings.
Sounds like gym class.
Harvey, you would not believe what I just heard.
Okay, I'll tell you.
That's not Sabrina's real nose.
It's not?
Don't you get it?
She had surgery.
Why? What's wrong?
Never mind.
All right, everyone to your stations.
You know what today is.
It's bundkuchen freitag.
It's bundt Friday.
Get your pans.
Now... did you know
that Richard Nixon's favorite snack food was the bundt?
Oh, he'd eat it secretly and then deny it
but if you listen closely to those tapes...
Smell your bundts.
Smell your neighbor's bundts.
Mmm...
We got really lucky.
Our Dutch chocolate looks much better
than Libby's 14-grain.
You know, I think maybe I'll offer her a piece of our cake.
Why?
Just to show
she can't get to us.
You're a much nicer person than I am.
Hi, Libby.
Eww. Ugh.
Sabrina.
Do you want to try a piece of our cake?
Like I'd taste anything you gave me.
What's in it? Poison?
No. Just chocolate, lots of chocolate.
Really?
And sprinkles.
Oh, all right
but I'm not going to start being nice to you.
That's okay. I just want to ask you one question.
Libby, what have you been saying
about Jenny and me behind our backs?
Like I'd tell you.
Okay. Here's what I was saying.
I was saying that her father's in jail
and that she cheats on taxes
and then I threw in that you had a nose job.
But those are all lies.
You don't have to tell me.
What's going on?
I was just telling Sabrina
all the rumors we've been spreading about her.
Why? She's not in the loop.
So?
And, by the way, it was Jill
who made up the nose-job story
which is actually very funny
because, uh, she's the one who...
You swore you'd never tell.
And cee cee, she kisses
her Pete Sampras poster every night.
That was a super top secrets! You snitched!
[ Arguing]
I have a feeling
Libby won't be spreading any more lies.
How did you do that?
Piece of cake.
Did you see a container of sprinkles on the counter?
Yeah. Mrs. Bozigian took them.
She got really excited and started putting them on all the bundts
then she left the room.
Got to go.
Mrs. Bozigian?!
Mrs. Bozigian...
Oh, my goodness.
Offering free food to teachers...
I'm lucky I didn't lose a hand.
You took our cake to the faculty lounge?
Yes, and the sprinkles were a delightful touch.
Oh, no.
Is there a problem?
I think I'll skip class.
Truth is, I don't want to be here
anymore than the kids do.
And I can still make the fifth race.
No. It's fine.
And who knows?
It might make the world a better place.
That's the spirit of bundt.
And you say you're a size three when you're really a size five.
Yeah. Well, remember
when I swore I didn't kiss Danny?
I did. I lied.
Hi, Harvey.
How's your cake?
Good. And you know...
I didn't just take home ec
because coach told me to.
I like to cook.
I like it a lot.
Hey!
Hey. Hi.
I saved us a piece, with sprinkles.
Mmm... well, you go first.
Wow. It's good.
You know what it tastes like?
It tastes like I lied to you yesterday.
You lied to me? About what?
The truth is, I'd rather go
to the slicery alone with Harvey tonight.
Just the two of you?
I think Harvey and I might be soul mates
and you said you only liked him
as a friend, so... You don't mind, right?
Yeah. Sure.
Perfect. I'll go tell Harvey you're not coming.
Sabrina, you didn't get
any cake.
No. I'm... really not very hungry.
Freak.
Mutant.
Shufflehead!
Man: Let me give you the truth, Ricky.
You kids come in here
talk about your futures, your dreams
but what about me?
You think I wanted to be a guidance counselor?
Heck, no.
I was born to play the blues.
♪ I got no future...
[ Plays riff]
♪ And neither do you
[ plays riff]
♪ Your s.A.T. Scores are 432
♪ welcome to loserville.
Boy: Come on, how far did she let you go?
How far? I didn't even try to kiss her.
You didn't?
Nah, I'm not ready.
Didn't I tell you I'm a virgin?
Really? Me too?!
Excellent.
I feel really awkward right now.
Attention, students.
This is principal larue.
I just wanted to announce
that as soon as I finish this yummy bundt cake
I'm going to the movies
like I do every Friday afternoon.
And I'm paying for my popcorn with petty cash.
[ Larue chuckles] Thank you.
Sabrina!
Jenny said you weren't coming tonight.
[ Whispering]: Is it something to do with your nose?
No, I just can't make it.
You and Jenny have a good time.
I'm late for the bus.
Hey, you run funny.
Stop whatever you're doing.
This is more important.
I was on the verge of
a major scientific breakthrough.
Nobody cares.
Okay, which look
do you think drell will like better?
Tough chick or...
Damsel in distress?
Tough chick or...
Damsel in distress?
Isn't there something in the middle?
Like a tough chick in distress?
Ooh, I like it.
I hate it.
Why don't you wear what you wore
the last time drell stood you up?
He is not going to stand me up.
Were you cooking something, Zelda?
No. Drell did it again.
He sent you a...
Half a pot roast?
That just means he's going to be a little late.
Oh... he's so thoughtful.
Hey.
Oh, no.
You look unhappy.
Tell Zelda.
I can't let you bring me down. I've got a date.
What's wrong?
Well, you were right.
High school is no place for the truth.
People were blurting out their feelings all over the place. It was awful.
Well, I warned you... The truth can be unruly.
But don't worry.
The sprinkles wear off after 24 hours.
24 hours is too late.
Ignorance was bliss.
I was just too stupid to know it.
Hi, Harvey.
Hey, you made it.
Yeah, I made it.
What now?
You want to order pizza?
Great idea.
So, this is nice.
Just the two of us.
Yeah, no Sabrina.
It's great.
It is?
Sure, now we can order onions.
Sabrina hates onions.
But won't it also give us a chance
to get to know each other better?
Yeah... or we could just play foosball.
I'm not really into sports.
I'd rather talk about poetry and nature.
I'm really not into poetry
but nature's okay.
I mean, I like going outside.
Me too!
But not when it's cold.
I don't like being cold.
See, I'm okay with cold.
Do you like hot?
Not that much.
Oh.
Where is that pizza?
We haven't ordered it yet.
Sabrina, may I come in?
Yeah. I'm just practicing my magic.
Oh, wonderful...
I think I'm getting pretty good.
Oh, no.
And watch...
Ta-da!
I think I'm ready for a cruise ship.
Sabrina, it's Friday night.
Why aren't you out with your friends?
'Cause.
You want to talk about it?
No.
Are you sure?
Come on, I think you need a snack.
I'm really not hungry.
Eat this.
The sprinkles will help you uncover your true feelings.
No, thanks.
I'd rather use lady bald spot.
Trust me.
So why are you home?
Because Jenny told me
she wanted to be alone with Harvey tonight
and I said it was okay.
And is it okay?
Yeah, I guess.
No. No, it's not okay.
Harvey and Jenny are alone together.
It should be Harvey and me or Jenny and me
but it shouldn't be Harvey and Jenny alone without me.
So what are you going to do?
I'm gonna tell Jenny just what I told you.
If I can remember it.
Thanks, aunt Zelda.
You're welcome, dear.
Oh, and by the way...
That dress is really ugly.
Slice number seven.
This one's for the team.
Look, I made a swan.
Thanks.
I've come to speak the truth.
Sabrina! you made it!
Jenny, we need to talk!
Right away!
You should know we ordered onions.
What is it, Sabrina?
I lied to you when I said
I didn't mind you and Harvey
coming here alone.
I do mind, and I know you guys might be soul mates...
We're not soul mates.
You're not?
No. Harvey's really cute and he's really nice
but you can't build a life on that.
I'd be willing to give it a shot.
You guys talking about me?
Yes! yes!
Come talk about me over here.
I was just telling Sabrina
what a crummy time we had without her.
Yeah, she can't even play foosball.
You know, Harvey
I think I liked you better
when you were distant and mysterious.
Up close, you're kind of a loud chewer.
Yeah, well sometimes I put little pieces of paper in your hair
and you don't even notice.
Isn't this great...
Us being honest with each other and all.
[ Whistling]
Do you love my hair?
I see you went with the little black feather... thing.
Yes.
And now I'm off to the linen closet
where I will travel to another dimension of time and space
to have a lovely date with drell.
Don't wait up.
Stop!
I have something to say.
I know I said that drell would stand you up
and this date would never happen
and... I was wrong.
I love it when you say that.
Will you say it again?
No.
Look, just have fun on your date.
After all you've been through with drell
you deserve a good time.
Thanks. Bye.
Got to go.
I don't want to keep drell waiting.
Although it is kind of a funny image.
Drell... waiting.
I just had the best idea.
I'm not going.
What?!
I'm standing drell up.
I'm going to give him
a taste of his own pot roast.
Oh, hilda, that's perfect.
Those self-help books are really paying off.
I know.
Now, lock me in my bedroom
before I change my mind.
Now it's two games apiece.
Hey, Harvey before we play again
can I tell you something?
Sure. Tonight we have no secrets from each other.
Well, it's kind of personal
but I've wanted to tell you this
for the longest time.
I think you have the world's most perfect sideburns.
Really?
Yeah, and one more thing.
Yeah?
Onions give you really bad breath.
Oh, I wish my fur had an elastic waistband.
[ Burps]
Well, stop eating.
I can't.
Hello, hello, hello.
Hi, hi, hi.
How did it go?
Great. You were right.
The truth sprinkles set me free.
Well I'm glad, but they weren't truth sprinkles.
Surprise!
I gave you ice cream sprinkles.
You lied to me?
No, I... Okay, I did.
But, but, the point is, I wanted you to learn
that the truth is something you should find
without magic.
I can't believe you did that.
I told Harvey he had
the world's most perfect sideburns
and I didn't have to.
I am so embarrassed.
Oh, you should never be embarrassed by the truth.
Oh, yeah?
Then why did you change out of your dress?
Hey, you guys want to have lunch today?
As long as Sabrina comes along.
Sure.
Cool.cool.
Cool.
Hi, Libby.
So where are Jill and cee cee?
Like I care.
We are no longer friends.
Hi, Libby.
Nice outfit.
And I love those pants.
What are they, size three?
You know it.
Where have you two been?
Attention, students.
This is the realprincipal larue.
Last Friday, some prankster broke into my office
and impersonated me.
I, of course, was at the district office all day
working to make your school a better place.
Thank you.
You think they bought that?
Huh? Uh...
Oh... oh, no.
I'll miss you, tricia.
See you soon, Samantha.
Take care, Brian.
Good-bye, Bernadette.