This is a piece of interesting news
that happened today. So, they found a shipwreck
from I don't know how many years...
Hundreds, something years ago.
And it's like... It's like another one of those stories.
You know when they go like, "Oh, they went somewhere"?
It was actually a South African ship.
Props to South African ships. You know how we do.
It was a South African ship that, like, went somewhere
to find the ship that was wrecked.
And I don't really care about the details of the shipwreck.
I'll be honest. 'Cause it's like, the ship sank.
I don't care about ships that sank.
I prefer the ships that didn't sink.
Um, but this is what gets me, right,
is how come you're allowed to just keep what you find
in a shipwreck?
Like, I don't understand why, like, "law in the sea"
just is like...
It's like pirate law, essentially.
Everywhere else in the world, we have laws, you know?
Like, you can't find a thing in the desert
and keep it. You understand that?
No one, like, lives... There's, like, big pieces of the desert,
but you can't just find shit there and keep it.
But in the ocean, you can just do whatever you want,
Find a ship, it's yours.
That's it. You can't do that anywhere else.
And they're like, "No, it's the finders keepers law."
Maritime law. You find it,
and then you've got it, and then...
You understand how crazy that would be if we applied that law?
Imagine if you were at a mall
and then, like, you lost your car in the parking lot.
And you're like, "Ah, I lost my car."
And everyone's like, "Ah! It's mine now, bitches!"
That's essentially what's happening here.
Just the chaos. It would be fun, though,
if we did have those laws in life.
Like, the next time you're at a music fest
and you're like, "Oh, I've lost my wife."
And everyone's like... (laughs)
ANNOUNCER: Coming to you from the heart of Times Square
in New York City, the only city in America,
it's The Daily Show.
Tonight, no more matches for Russia,
cancel culture is out of control,
and Dolly Parton and James Patterson.
This is The Daily Show with Trevor Noah.
Hey! What's going on, everybody?
Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Trevor Noah.
We are now entering week three of the war in Ukraine,
and there is a lot going on both in the combat zone
and around the world.
So, let's catch up on all the latest updates
in our ongoing coverage of the war in Ukraine.
♪ ♪
As you probably know, one of the big stories
of Vladimir Putin's invasion of Ukraine
has been the surprising resilience
of the Ukrainian people.
But what's been almost more surprising
is that it turns out the Russian military
wasn't as prepared or powerful
or effective as everybody thought.
Yeah. Their tanks are falling apart,
their trucks are getting stuck in the mud,
and the soldiers don't seem very prepared,
which is not what any of us expected.
You know? Russia struggling is not what anybody thought.
It's like, imagine if in Game of Thrones,
we waited seven seasons for the White Walkers,
and then when they arrived,
it was just a bunch of old dudes using walkers.
You know, I mean, it still would have been
a better ending, but you know what I mean.
You know, when you think about it,
you realize there's a chance that Russia's nukes
don't even work, yeah?
'Cause if you look at the trucks that get stuck in the mud,
you realize there's a chance
that their nuclear weapons don't work.
Like, they might press that red button
and the nukes are just gonna be like...
(coughing)
(thudding sounds)
Yeah.
Now, please note, if I'm wrong about the nukes,
we're all dead.
So, whatever you do, don't act on my intelligence.
This is just me brainstorming here.
The point is that,
in the two weeks that this has been going on,
Russia has only been able to capture,
completely capture, one major Ukrainian city so far.
But that hardly means
that things are going well for Ukraine.
Several other cities are under siege
and facing constant bombardment,
and Russian troops have taken control
of one especially strategic asset.
NEWSMAN: Ukraine is raising alarms
about the situation at the Chernobyl nuclear power plant,
the site of the world's worst nuclear disaster.
Ukrainian officials say Russian forces
disconnected the decommissioned facility from the power grid
but called for a ceasefire in order to restore power.
Ukraine's foreign minister says
the plant has reserve diesel generators
that can power it for 48 hours,
but, after that,
the cooling systems for spent nuclear fuel stored there
will stop,
making radiation leaks imminent.
Ah, come on, Russia!
Can you not mess around with a nuclear power plant?!
It's nuclear power! I mean...
I want season two of Chernobyl, yes,
but I also want to be around to watch season two of Chernobyl.
Now, thankfully,
the International Atomic Energy Agency says
that there's no danger of a leak right now.
Which is good news...
right now.
But, I mean, regardless, Russia, what are you doing? Huh?
I mean, we're already dealing with one meltdown over here.
The world doesn't need another one.
And a Chernobyl disaster is bad news for you.
Think about it. I mean, best-case scenario,
best-case scenario, what happens if you screw this up, huh?
A lot of Russians get sick.
Worst-case scenario,
the radiation is gonna create an army of mutant super Ukrainians.
And, right now, you can't even beat the regular ones,
so is this a move you really want to make?
Now, while all of this is taking place in Eastern Europe,
the West is still trying to figure out
how involved NATO should get
in helping Ukraine fight off the Russian invasion.
Because, you see, so far,
NATO has been sending a lot of weapons into Ukraine.
They've been sending surface-to-air missiles,
antitank missiles,
rocket launchers, guns, ammo,
some LEGOs for the Russians to step on-- everything.
And these weapons are all helping.
But what Ukraine really wants,
really, really, really wants,
is some fighter jets,
which, apparently, is a much trickier request.
The Biden administration racing to catch up to news
that Poland is offering to provide used fighter jets,
MiGs, that could ultimately be delivered to Ukraine.
Multiple sources telling CNN that report
initially caught U.S. officials completely off guard.
Poland said it would give Ukraine all of its MiG-29 jets
but transfer them to an American air base in Germany,
but the Pentagon said no,
that it's too close to direct U.S. military involvement
in the fight against Russia.
Okay, this is... this is weird. This is really weird.
Poland has offered Ukraine fighter jets,
but they don't want to give the jets to Ukraine directly
because then they will be in a direct war with Russia.
So instead, they want to give the jets to America,
and then America hands them to Ukraine.
But then, America doesn't want to do that
because then they are fighting Russia directly.
So now there's jets, and there's Ukraine,
but nobody knows how to bring the two together.
And I'll be honest, I don't know why this is so complicated.
I mean, you just have to treat these jets
like an old couch that you don't want anymore.
Yeah, you just leave it on the sidewalk,
and then, if Ukraine happens to walk by and find a jet,
I mean, what's Poland got to do with it, eh?
Also, I don't know if it's just me.
I don't know if it's just me, but it's weird
that they're going through all these mental gymnastics here
because even if Poland finds some sneaky way
to get these planes to Ukraine, isn't Russia going to know
where the planes came from? You told us on the news!
(Russian accent): Comrade, did you notice
Poland offered Ukraine jets?
Now Ukraine has Polish jets. How did that happen?
(Russian accent): Yeah, probably same way
toast always lands butter side down, huh?
Life is crazy. We'll never know.
And this has been a tricky situation since the war started.
How involved can NATO get without Russia turning on them?
And I'll be honest. I get it. It is hard to figure out.
You know, this is like
the ultimate conundrum of life sometimes.
Like, the other day, I saw a mugging on the subway.
And I'm not going to jump in to stop it
because now, that person is stabbing me.
So instead, I said, "Hey, don't do that!"
And then, I immediately jumped off the train, and I ran away.
Which I think struck the right balance, you know?
Now, while the war-war rages on,
the West's economic war against Russia is ramping up, too.
Just yesterday, President Biden banned all Russian oil
from entering America.
But that's created its own problems
because Americans still need gasoline
to drive cars and to heat offices
and to set their homes on fire for the insurance money.
So, President Biden is going around the world
asking other countries to pump more gas
to replace Russia's, right?
Unfortunately,
some of the country's that could help America
apparently won't pick up the phone.
As Americans watch gas prices rise,
the Biden administration is now looking at importing oil
from hostile countries, but it's not going so well.
The Wall Street Journal reports President Biden tried
to call the leaders of Saudi Arabia
and the United Arab Emirates,
but they would not take his call.
NEWSWOMAN 2: Officials from both countries are upset
over American policy in the Gulf.
Specifically, the Saudis want legal immunity
for Prince Mohammed bin Salman in the U.S.
He's facing several lawsuits over the killing
of journalist Jamal Khashoggi back in 2018.
Saudi Arabia and the UAE also want more backing
from the U.S. in Yemen to quell the civil war there.
And both are also reportedly not happy
with the revival of the Iranian nuclear deal.
You have got to be kidding me.
Apparently, Saudi Arabia won't even pick up the phone
for the president of the United States.
I mean, look, I know it's hard to arrange those calls.
You know, Riyadh is eight hours ahead.
Biden is asleep by 4:00 p.m.
It's a narrow window to make it work, but still.
That must have been really embarrassing for Biden.
Can you imagine?
He phones them, and they don't pick up.
He probably had to do that thing where you pretend
that the other person did pick up.
-(dial tone sounding) -(laughs) Yes. MBS. (laughs) My man.
(laughs) Yeah, Ukraine. That is why I'm calling.
You got me, baby. You got... Yeah.
Oh, I have been working out, yeah.
This guy loves me. He loves me. (chuckles)
Yeah, yeah, okay, I'll call you back.
All right, love you, too.
You know what the White House needs to do?
You know what they should do for this situation?
They need to redirect the call that instead of Washington D.C.,
it looks like the call is coming from Ohio. Yeah.
Because then, the Saudis' curiosity is going to get them.
Phone's gonna ring. They're gonna be like,
"Ah, who's calling from Ohio?
Do we know anybody from Ohio?"
And somebody's gonna be like, "Don't answer, don't answer."
"Ah, but what if it's LeBron? I have to answer.
"Hello. Ah, Joe Biden!
"Damn it, you were right. Ah, shit!
Yes. Yes." (laughs)
"I was hoping you would call."
Now, according to the White House,
according to the White House, this story is totally untrue.
They deny it. Which I would, too.
But either way, man, there is no denying
that Saudi Arabia isn't playing ball with Joe Biden.
And you know what, you can say what you want,
but this would have never happened
to Donald Trump. Never.
No one was ever ignoring Donald Trump's calls.
Yeah, 'cause if you ignored Donald Trump's calls,
you didn't know how he would respond.
Maybe he'd send an angry tweet,
or maybe he'd just, like, ban your country from everything.
You don't know.
That's why I bet in these situations,
Biden actually wishes that he could hire Trump to step in
as President Wild Card. You know?
Just keep everyone on their toes.
'Cause if Trump was calling, you best believe the UAE--
they'll be racing to pick up the phone,
Ah, Mr. Trump! Mr. Trump, we're here, we're here, hello?
Too late, Ahmed, you made me wait two rings.
we're bombing the UAE and the UFC, just in case.
Now, while Biden and NATO are trying to figure out
how to get Russia back in line, people all over the world
are trying to do their part to stand up to the Russian regime.
The only downside is that some people
don't quite seem to understand the assignment.
NEWSMAN: Backlash to the Russian invasion of Ukraine
is leading to some misguided hostility in the U.S.
Congressman, uh, Eric Swalwell, who says that
the consideration of kicking every Russian student
out of the U.S. should be on the table.
NEWSMAN 2: A young Russian pianist who is set to perform
with the Montreal Symphony Orchestra this week
has been struck from the schedule after protests.
NEWSMAN 3: The Cardiff Philharmonic Orchestra have
removed the Russian composer Tchaikovsky from its program
of up-and-coming concerts
due to the current conflict in Ukraine.
NEWSWOMAN: A popular Russian restaurant in D.C.
is now vandalized.
D.C. police say several people broke windows
and spray-painted anti-Russian writing
on the Russia House Restaurant.
NEWSMAN 4: New York's Russian Samovar restaurant
says they've lost 60% of their customers.
The co-owner is half Ukrainian.
NEWSWOMAN 2: He said their sign has been kicked down
and people have been leaving one-star reviews online,
saying things like "stop the war."
Just because you're "Russian establishment"
does not mean you cut a check to Putin or his regime.
Aw, man. Really, people? Really?
You know, the only thing worse than not getting help
is getting help from idiots.
People, just because something is Russian
doesn't mean it's automatically bad. All right?
Like, like Russian dressing, for examp--
Okay, that-that is bad. That's actually bad.
Yeah, that tastes like ketchup died
inside a bottle of mayonnaise, but you get what I'm saying.
Not all Russian things are bad because of
what's happening in Russia. Do you understand?
You're not trying to be against the Russian people,
you're trying to be against the Russian government,
to stop them from what they're doing in Ukraine.
You understand that you can be anti-Russia
and pro-Russian? All right?
It the same way you can question the Chinese government's
handling of coronavirus without
punching Asian grandmothers in the street.
Do you understand this?
Americans, of all people, should understand this.
Yeah. You know, sometimes people want to be separated from
the actions of their government. Yeah, we've seen you Americans
traveling around the world with your Canadian flag
sewn on your backpacks. And you know we can't tell
the difference between your accents.
By the way, you might think it's a good idea
to ban Tchaikovsky now, but wait until Christmas comes
and you're trying to get your Nutcracker on.
Then come talk to me.
But, look, idiots taking their anger out
on Russian restaurants in New York-- that's one thing.
There is another backlash that's going on
with corporations which does make sense.
Every day, more and more corporations are deciding
they don't want to be a part of the Russian economy
that is funding this war. Right?
As we told you yesterday, McDonald's, Starbucks,
and now Coca-Cola have announced
that they're suspending business in Russia. Yes.
Which means the Russian people are gonna be forced
to develop diabetes on their own now.
Yeah. And today--
today, another big name is calling it quits.
ANCHOR: Bumble also announced it will be discontinuing operations
in Russia, removing all of its apps from the
Apple App Store and Google Play Store in Russia and Belarus,
and it's just the latest company to do so.
Wow.
No more Bumble in Russia.
That's harsh.
Yeah, you need dating apps in a country where
the cuffing season is ten months long.
You seen their winters?
And I know you might be saying,
"Oh, Trevor, meeting women in Russia is easy.
All you have to do is look inside a slightly larger woman."
But that's not how it works! Don't be stupid.
This is yet another hit to the Russian people
because of what Putin has done. And, you know,
when you think about it, because Russian people only get
Russian news, they probably have no idea why all these companies
are closing, none.
Think about it. Every day, something else just disappears
from their life. Mcdonald's, gone. Starbucks, gone.
Coca-Cola, gone. You don't know why.
Can you imagine how confusing that must be?
Yeah, there's probably Russians just walking around like,
"Huh, I guess I was the only person drinking Coke?"
Now, as always, where the western companies move out,
the Russian government steps in. And luckily,
for all the Russians looking to meet horny singles in their
area, there's another app that's coming out.
(Russian Accent) Comrades, are you upset that Bumble has
abandoned Mother Russia, like coward?
Well, do not worry, or we put you in jail.
you do not need Bumble, because Russia has new dating app,
Putin' Out. Now you can meet single Russians who match your
interests, like loving Putin or willing to die for Putin
or feet.
Or just swipe right on fellow Russians,
then use chat feature to learn more about them.
Maybe you fall in love, or maybe you report them to police.
Either way, is win.
After matching on Putin' Out, you will enjoy all kinds of
fun dating adventures like storming Odessa Beaches
or cleaning normal glowing rocks in Chernobyl, so fun.
So sign up today for Putin' Out.
Does not matter if you already married.
Is mandatory.
(regular accent): All right, when we come back,
New Yorkers are getting cancelled
and Dolly Parton and James Patterson
are joining me are on the show. You don't want to miss it.
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
You know, these days, a lot of people
are worried about cancel culture.
"Oh, what if a camera catches me saying the wrong thing
at the wrong time and my life is over?"
But the truth is that doesn't happen.
There's no camera that's roaming the streets
trying to cancel people.
So, we thought, "Wouldn't it be great if that was a thing?
What if there was a camera that was doing just that?"
And that's why we have Cancel Cam.
♪ ♪
Yes.
MAN: Um, I have a quick question for you.
♪ ♪
MAN: Excuse me. Um...
I have a question for you. Uh...
-Sorry, northern...? -Northern Canada?
You're talking about Canada?
♪ ♪
MAN: Excuse me. Excuse me.
-Hey. -MAN: Uh...
Um...
I don't know. What do you mean by "left-handed people"?
Oh, my gosh. I don't know.
(laughing)
♪ ♪
Excuse me. Uh...
Elmo? Like from Sesame Street?
Excuse me! Uh...
I'm sorry. Uh, do you speak English?
-Yeah, but that was a hard question. -(chuckles)
♪ ♪
All right, when we come back,
the amazing Dolly Parton
and novelist James Patterson will be joining me on the show.
So don't go away.
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
My guests tonight
are legendary singer-songwriter Dolly Parton
and best-selling author James Patterson.
They're here to discuss the novel that they've cowritten
about the country music industry
and the album Dolly wrote to go with it.
James Patterson, Dolly Parton, welcome to The Daily Show.
-(chuckles) Thank you. -Well, hello, Trevor. How are you?
-(chuckles) -I'm-I'm... I-I could not be in a better place,
because, you realize, I am talking
to two of the most successful people
in the fields that they do anything in.
I mean, James Patterson,
you've written books that have gone around the world.
I mean, hundreds of millions of people have consumed them.
Dolly Parton, we're familiar with your music.
I grew up listening to it with my mom.
Like, we'd be driving around in our, like, Volkswagen Beetle
singing to your songs with Kenny Rogers,
and I would, like, sing your part.
My mom would do Kenny Rogers.
-It's-it's, um... -Let's hear you
do her part now, Trevor.
-(laughs) -(laughs) I... You can't sing Dolly Parton
to Dolly Parton, James. Don't put me on the spot.
Um, Run, Rose, Run.
It's not dark, but it's thrilling.
I mean, it's-it's a really different side
to the music industry than I think
what a lot of people would have expected.
You know, James, I-I maybe would have expected
something like this from you, but, Dolly Parton,
what made you think, "You know what? I'm gonna...
"I'm gonna show you guys maybe another world in music
that you might not be familiar with"?
And, yes, it's fiction, but at the same time,
it touches on some of the themes
that people have encountered in music.
Well, it does. And I...
Like I say, I knew all about the business.
And I've never written a novel before.
I've written books, written children's books and that,
so I know what it's like to kind of write.
But I-I had often thought
I'd like to write a novel when I was older.
And, so, uh, when James presented me with this,
I thought, "Yes."
Why would James Patterson even be searching me out?
And I thought, "Why?" He don't need me.
Look at what all he's done. But it made complete sense
when he told me what the book was gonna be about,
-and I knew I really could contribute to it. -Because,
you know, I mean, Dolly came out of the hills of Tennessee,
and I came out of sort of a similar situation
in Upstate New York.
And the character in the book, also...
I mean, we were both kind of million-to-one shots,
and the character in the book is a million-to-one shot.
-Right. -She's very talented, AnnieLee Keyes,
uh, but that doesn't mean you're gonna make it.
-Yeah. -But, also, her story,
everybody has a story when they come to town.
Everybody's got a past,
their childhood and how they grew up.
And everybody's story is, uh, is, you know, different.
Everybody's life is a soap opera.
And, so, it's really about her-her story.
She was running to something. She loved the music.
But she was running from something.
And, so, I knew that I could write great songs
about, uh, all the bad people in town
like snakes in the grass, about the bad managers
and things, the guys that we...
'Cause I've experienced a lot of that myself, so...
You know, when we met... So, I go back home,
and-and two days later...
I had some notes for-for Dolly to react to.
She sent me notes on the outline,
and she... and she sent me the lyrics for seven songs.
-Well, I got right on it. -This is two days.
-(laughs) -I had said to him...
I said, "Now, look, if I... I'm not the kind of person
"that if we're gonna work together,
"I'm not gonna just put my name on a book,
-you know, you put my name if I don't really work." -Right.
And I thought, "How am I gonna contribute the most to it?"
And then, one day, I thought, "Well,
"I write songs, and-and I know these stories.
-Yeah. -"And I would love to write a book--
"I mean, a-an album about these, um,
situations and the characters in the movie."
So it just seemed to fall so natural,
-and it just really helped us both, I think. -Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
-Yeah. -So I-- It was just such a magical thing...
It worked very quickly. It was kind of like a TV show
where, every week, we would have another episode
or another two or three chapters
-to-to mess around with. -I love that.
And I really enjoyed it, 'cause it just seemed to work
-so well together. -There was-- I mean, I'll tell you
what the best thing of all-- We-we really become
-really good friends. -Yeah, we did.
You know, for my birthday, she sang "Happy Birthday" to me
over the telephone.
I mean, that's-that's all of it.
-Yeah, well, why wouldn't I? -It was. It was great.
-That's everything. -You're my buddy!
-And it was your birthday. -The book is-- the book
is already a success in your world just because of that.
Um, actually, James, from your side,
you-you worked with President Bill Clinton,
writing a book together. Now...
-Yeah. -You-You're a successful author on your own.
I mean, this is what you do.
You're one of the most beloved authors a-around the world.
But, now, when you're writing with somebody
who has their own point of view, who has their own fan base,
who has their own style, I'd love to know
how you find a way to meld those two worlds, you know?
And-and the second part of that question is,
what were the biggest differences
between writing with Dolly Parton and Bill Clinton?
Well, the-the biggest difference between Dolly--
Dolly's a much better singer and Bill's a better sax player,
-I think. Do you play... -(laughs) Oh, that's right.
-Do you play the sax? -He does play sax. No.
-Unless she plays the sax. -Not like Bill Clinton. (chuckles)
Uh, you know, th-they're both great to work with,
and they're both friends.
I mean, it's-it's really--
That's the most precious thing to me
about both of the relationships.
Um, but the authenticity that Bill--
the president brought and then the authenticity,
uh, that-that we worked on, in terms of-of Run, Rose, Run,
um, and-and no egos.
There was never any bumps in the road, ever.
-Not one. No bumps. -No.
-But I think people are... -That's...
Except that she says I can't sing. I didn't like--
-That hurt my feelings. -Well, you can't sing,
-and let's just move on from there. -(laughing)
But... (chuckles) I know that for a fact.
But he can write.
But I really think people are enjoying this book
or gonna enjoy it, 'cause I think, like you said earlier,
they love to see the inside and the stories of these people,
you know, the-- some of the stories behind the scenes
-and what Nashville is kind of like. -Mm-hmm.
Kind of gives them an insight into the business end of it,
not just the entertain-entertainment side.
You know, James, last we spoke,
we talked about your-your family foundation
and how, you know, you have scholarships
and how you get books out to kids
and to just people who want to read,
and it's-it's really important to you.
Dolly, I didn't know why you got into it.
I've always known you as a philanthropist.
I've always known you as somebody who loves giving back
and, you know, loves getting kids reading
and loves donating books, but I didn't know why you got--
I-Is it true that your father couldn't read
and so you said, "You know what, not only is this important to me
"but I think it should be important to everybody,
to-to be literate"?
I absolutely started the Imagination Library
because of my father, who I loved to death.
And he seemed to always be embarrassed
and kind of almost crippled, you know, that he couldn't read
and he thought he couldn't read after he was grown.
But my daddy was so smart, and so good,
and I just... I... It just...
One day, I just thought,
"You know, I'm going to start something,
"where children can learn to read
when they're in their young days."
-That's when they're most impressionable. -Right.
And I wanted to get my daddy involved with me in it.
So my daddy-- I took him with me.
He helped with, you know, with all the little things,
and he just loved to hear the kids call me "The Book Lady."
And I'd say, "This is my dad."
Of course I didn't say anything about that,
that he couldn't read and write at the time.
But anyhow, I was... He got to live long enough
to see the Imagination Library doing so good,
and he was so proud. And so, I have to honestly say,
that's one of the most proud things that I have ever--
I'm proudest of that, I mean--
as anything I have ever done in my whole career.
-That is... that is so... yeah. -Because of my daddy
-and because of the kids. -That is so beautiful.
I mean, I'm sure he's proud of you, I'm sure...
You know, and I'm glad that he got to see it,
-as you say, in-in his lifetime. -Yeah.
People have been eternally grateful
to your organization for this. You know, I remember, as a kid,
you know, one of the biggest things that changed my life
was my mom spent the little money that she had
to get me books, which changed my life forever.
I was actually surprised to see that, um, you know,
in, I think it was a Kentucky state legislator who said,
they don't want some of the books that you were offering
because they didn't think it was appropriate for young kids.
What do you think some people miss in and around,
you know, what kids can or cannot read
or how we process what we are reading?
Well, I would never in a million years begin
to think that I would choose those books. I don't choose...
We have a whole committee of people that choose the books
that are made up of parents and all different people.
So I would never be so bold as to think
I knew what other people's kids should read.
But it goes through a whole committee and, uh,
so we do the best we can.
And I'll let people, you know, fight that out.
So, I just want to be there for the kids.
I mean, they're little. They're from birth to five.
Yeah, somebody's always gonna be complaining about something.
-Yup. -I mean, how hard can it be?
They're not gonna be reading Gone with the Wind.
-You know, and so, anyway... -(Noah laughs)
We'll let people figure that one out.
But we do have other people that choose...
They choose the books, not me.
Uh, James, are you going to try your hand at songwriting?
Is this bug gonna rub off on your side now?
-No! -You know what? The answer is "no."
But when I was down here at Vanderbilt,
you can't help yourself.
So I did when I was down here.
I did try to write some songs. It wasn't a good idea.
What do you think's actually harder, honestly?
Do you think it's harder to write a novel, or do you think
it's harder to write a song, for you, specifically?
Well, for me, no. For me, I can't, no,
'cause I can't write country songs
-or any other kinds of songs. -But I bet you could.
-I mean, you're a writer. -Ah... Yeah, maybe.
-I don't think so. -He could.
The novel thing I've kind of have a groove on it now and...
-Yeah, I believe so. -Yeah.
And all kinds of novels, 'cause I do the kids' stuff
and then, nonfiction, and, you know.
So we're, you know...
I know what I can do and what I can't do.
Let's put it that way.
Dolly, on your side, you've said, and you know,
it's crazy that you have wishes
that haven't been fulfilled in life yet.
But I know one of your wishes is you've said
that you wish that Beyoncé would cover "Jolene."
There are over 400 renditions of "Jolene,"
multiple different languages, people have done it,
and you said you specifically want Beyoncé to do that.
Are there any updates?
Is there-- Like, do you know of this happening, you know,
-and-and why Beyoncé? Maybe that's even more important. -No.
I don't know if she's even got the message.
But wouldn't that be killer? I think she's fantastic
and beautiful and I love her music.
I would just love to hear "Jolene" done
in just a big way, kind of like how Whitney did
my "I Will Always Love You" to someone that can
take my little songs and make 'em like powerhouses,
so that would be a marvelous day in my life
if she ever does do "Jolene."
Um, Dolly, one last thing. You famously donated
a million dollars for, um, the research
that went into helping us get the vaccine for COVID-19.
How is that you've always been on the right side of history?
You know, you've said amazing things
during the civil rights movement, you know, when
many people were far behind, you said amazing things like,
you know, about equality, about women's rights.
You've said amazing things now in and around the vaccines.
Like, what is the magic of Dolly Parton that you're always
-on the right side of history? -Well...
I just love people. I think we're all God's children.
I make no difference in that. I always try to
find the God light in everybody, always keep
my ear and eye trained on what's going on, and I saw right away
that the pandemic was gonna be awful.
I just sensed it. And I thought,
"Well, what can I do, uh, to maybe help a little bit?"
So I donated the money, uh, to the research.
And I'm happy I did. I got a lot more credit
than I deserved, but I am very proud
of whatever affect that I had on that, uh, going on,
because it's still go on.
But I just kind of be aware and want to help when I can.
I think when you get in a position to help, you should.
And the other thing is, um, you know,
Dolly does what Dolly does, but having been around her now
for a year and a half, she is the smartest person I've ever
-dealt with. -Oh, please. (laughter)
-That a piece of it. -(both laughing)
-Well, -Well, thank you both for the compliments.
James Patterson, Dolly Parton,
thank you for your partnership, and thank you so much for
much for taking the time and joining us on The Daily Show.
-Thank you. This is very nice. -And we just love you.
You have a lot of fans, too.
You've just got that God glow and I love it,
so keep up what are you doing.
Thank you very much.
There are few moments in life that I think my mom would
actually, like, consider as me making it.
Interviewing Dolly Parton is one of them.
-(laughter) - Aw...
Like, of all the things in life, that is it.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna go back to her and be like,
"Huh? This, now?" And she'll be like,
"Oh, you did one thing. Well done."
(All laughing)
James, really wonderful seeing you again.
Congratulations, it's a fantastic book, well done.
-Thank you. -Thank you so much. That was very precious, honey.
Thank you so much, Dolly. Great meeting you.
Say hi to your mom for me!
I-I will do! I will do. Definitely.
Personally. Sending it right to her. (laughter)
Okay, I-I'm gonna clip this and send it to her. (laughs)
-All right. -Both the novel and the album
Run Rose Run are available right now.
All right, we're gonna take a quick break,
but we'll be right back after this.
Well, that's our show for tonight, but before we go,
please consider supporting Women Giving Back.
Their mission is to support women and children in crisis by
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Until tomorrow, stay safe out there,
get your vaccine, and remember:
nobody should be bullied because of where they're from.
They should be bullied for liking things that you don't.
Now here it is, Your Moment of Zen.
♪ ♪
NEWSMAN: Hey, if you think the world has a lot of problems,
maybe you can blame this rock in Japan.
-It's called the killing stone. -NEWSWOMAN: Hmm.
NEWSMAN: The rock supposedly contains a demon spirit,
trapped more than 1,000 years ago,
-and the rock has actually split in two. -NEWSWOMAN: Hmm.
NEWSWMAN: So now they wonder
if the demon spirit has been released.
Hopefully the demon spirit got a head start
and is long gone.
-But where? -(laughs)
-(demonic laughter) - ♪ ♪