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People are still, today, talking
about Snoop Dogg smoking weed
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00:00:04,071 --> 00:00:05,706
before
his Super Bowl performance.
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Which I don't even
understand, like,
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how anyone would even go, like,
"This is anything of--
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a-anything to write about."
But they're like,
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"Snoop Dogg smoked weed
before his..."
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I was shocked
that Snoop Dogg ever not--
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doesn't smoke weed.
Do you know what I mean?
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'Cause, to me, that would just
seem like more like a top-up.
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It's not like-- They-they made
it seem like Snoop Dogg smoked
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for the first time. Like the
Super Bowl was about to start,
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then he's like, "Oh, shit, cuz,
let me try this."
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Like, this is Snoop Dogg.
He's the guy of the--
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First, also,
it's le-- it's legal.
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Right?
That's a thing people don't--
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You're in California.
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It is completely legal
for Snoop Dogg to do that.
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Also, he is Snoop Dogg.
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-It was legal for him before it
was legal. -(chuckling)
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That's like--
He's the guy of weed.
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Like, him and weed are, like,
old friends from way back.
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Be like,
"Did you see Snoop smoking?"
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I would be shocked
if Snoop didn't smoke weed.
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I was actually wondering.
I was like,
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"What if we don't know
who Snoop is?"
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We know "Snoop on weed" Snoop.
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You know?
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Like, that man has smoked
so much weed
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that we think we know him.
But what if that's not him?
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Like, what if, like, we know--
You know what I mean?
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He smokes his weed and then,
like, he does his thing.
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But what if he doesn't smoke
his weed,
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he's, like,
a totally different person?
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You know? You'd be like,
"Oh, shit! It's Snoop Dogg!"
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And then he hasn't smoked
and he's like,
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"Hello, young man.
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Good to see you all again."
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You're like, "Shit, why you
talking like that, Snoop?"
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Then he's like,
"Oh. (laughs)
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"Hold on, I didn't...
(puffing)
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(inhales deeply)
Shit, cuz."
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-♪ ♪ -ANNOUNCER: Coming to you
from the heart of Times Square,
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in New York City,
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the only city in America,
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it's The Daily Show.
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Tonight, the war on books.
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Black athletes conquer the cold.
48
00:01:33,961 --> 00:01:36,597
And Hasan Minhaj.
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This is The Daily Show
with Trevor Noah.
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Hey! What's going on, everybody?
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Welcome to The Daily Show.
I'm Trevor Noah.
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Let's jump straight
into today's headlines.
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♪ ♪
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We kick things off with Russia's
potential invasion of Ukraine,
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which, at this moment in time,
is a little like a package sent
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via the post office.
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It could either come tomorrow
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or never.
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00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:02,689
There's no way to know.
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00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,491
The Biden administration
says the invasion
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is all but certain
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and has warned all U.S. citizens
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to leave Ukraine immediately,
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Which, I mean, you'd think
would be obvious at this point.
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You know? But you got to admit--
there's always that one person
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who needs the danger
spelled out for them.
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"It's dangerous. Can't you see?"
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You know? It's like the people
in-in horror movies.
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"Honey! There's an evil clown
at the door selling knives!
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"I'm gonna let him in.
(chuckles)
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See what happens."
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But over the last couple
of days,
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there have also been
some promising signs
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of de-escalation.
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Like, for instance, Russia said
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that it would continue
negotiations,
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and it claimed
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that it had pulled some of
its troops away from the border.
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Right?
That's a really good thing.
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00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,935
And-and there's no way to know
why this is happening.
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But I will say,
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I'd probably put some
of my money on this.
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NEWSMAN: Just across from
Russia, in the city of Mariupol,
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some Ukrainians are preparing.
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Basic training
for the whole family,
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00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:03,684
learning first aid to treat
gunshot and shrapnel wounds.
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00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:08,288
And weapons training
on a 7.62-caliber AK-47
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00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:12,092
is Valentina Konstantinovskaya.
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00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,095
This 79-year-old
is a retired accountant
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and a great-grandmother.
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00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,573
Wow. I've never seen someone
who looks so adorable
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00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:27,975
sound so threatening.
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00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:29,543
"When this shit goes down,
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00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:32,346
"I will head-shot a bitch
from 300 yards.
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00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:34,081
Some lemon in your tea?"
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00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:35,983
This woman is a badass though,
you know?
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00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:37,551
Actually, if you ask me,
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00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,620
I think this is
a brilliant deterrent,
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00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,221
to have grannies
on the front lines.
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00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:42,923
No, think about it.
Think about it.
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00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:46,193
Right? If you're part of the
elite Russian invasion squad,
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00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,862
there's no way in hell
you want to get taken down
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00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,764
by a 79-year-old woman.
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00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:52,566
I mean, if that happens,
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00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:53,901
they're probably gonna have
to make something up
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00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:55,369
to tell your family.
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00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:58,472
"I'm sorry to say your son was
killed by very strong young man.
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00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,574
"Definitely not old woman
who learned to use gun
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00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:01,675
four days ago."
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00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:04,211
Oh, and, uh,
just one more thing.
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00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:07,548
Before you get too attached
to Granny Rambo,
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00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:09,516
the militia that's training her
in that news clip--
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00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:12,152
well, they're reportedly
far-right ultranationalists
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00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:15,389
with neo-Nazi tendencies, so,
uh, just a friendly reminder.
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00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:18,926
Everything you love
will eventually disappoint you.
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00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:20,227
But let's move on,
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00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:21,795
because while Russia
is threatening
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00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,730
to violate
Ukraine's sovereignty,
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00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:27,067
they're already violating
the rules of the Olympics,
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00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:29,469
and it's causing
a huge controversy
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00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:31,705
in the world of figure skating.
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00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,707
NEWSWOMAN: With the world
watching her every move,
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00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:36,443
this morning, 15-year-old
Russian figure skater
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00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:39,079
Kamila Valieva is set
to take to the ice,
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00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,181
despite testing positive
for an illegal
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00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,550
performance-enhancing
substance before the games.
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00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:45,552
CHRISTINE BRENNAN: A positive
drug test is gonna be
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00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:48,655
on the ice here in a few hours
skating at the Olympic Games.
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00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:50,457
I cannot believe
I just said that sentence.
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00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,793
NEWSWOMAN: The IOC now saying
that Valieva claims
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00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:55,596
there was a mix-up with her
grandfather's heart medication.
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00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:58,298
An international court deciding
she can still compete
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00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:01,668
while they investigate further.
In the response, the IOC saying,
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00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:03,170
"If Valieva lands
in the top three,
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00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:05,138
"there will be no medals
handed out
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00:05:05,239 --> 00:05:07,174
until the investigation
is complete."
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00:05:07,274 --> 00:05:09,176
I can't believe
they caught someone cheating,
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00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:10,878
and they're still
letting her compete
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00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,746
while they investigate more.
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00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,414
Like, guys, it almost feels like
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00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:16,583
the investigation is not about
whether she cheated or not.
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00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:18,418
It's almost like the real
investigation here is,
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00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,420
"Okay, let's-let's see
what these drugs can do.
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00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,089
"Let her rip. Come on,
let's just see. We just...
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00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,424
We want to know, right?
Everybody wants to know."
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00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:27,060
I also knows that nobody
believes her excuse, right?
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00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:30,697
That she accidentally took her
grandfather's heart medication.
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00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:33,433
But I do.
I believe her.
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00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,102
Because I know
what it was like growing up.
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00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:36,703
Me and my family--
we always had a big bowl
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00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:38,172
of loose pills
all mixed together.
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00:05:38,272 --> 00:05:39,740
It's an easy mistake to make.
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00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,308
Is this one yours?
I don't know.
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00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:43,911
I know my estrogen has changed,
Grandma, but I don't know.
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00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,747
Meanwhile, everyone's obsessed
with this girl and the pills.
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00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,248
That's all everyone
is talking about. They're like,
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00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,784
"This 15-year-old took the
pills, and she did this, and..."
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00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:53,287
Yeah, everyone's focusing on...
No one is focusing on the fact
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00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:55,689
that her grandpa
took her medication.
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00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,258
Now he's dominating bingo
at the old folks home.
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00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,826
I will say, you know, like,
one of the things
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00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,228
that shocked me
about this story is
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00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:03,797
that I've always pictured
performance-enhancing drugs
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00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:06,600
and steroids for things
that you need, like, power for.
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00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,402
Do you know what I mean?
Like-like, extreme power.
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00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:11,038
Sprinting, lifting. Brrr!
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00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,506
I never thought
I'd see the day
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00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,608
where a figure skater would be
injecting themselves. Just like,
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00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:18,111
"All right, let's go! Ah."
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00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:19,847
Now, a lot of people
are scratching their heads.
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00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:21,849
A lot of people have been
asking this online, saying,
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00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:24,718
"Why?" Why is it
that this Russian skater
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00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,854
is still being allowed
to compete
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00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:29,256
in the Olympics
when Sha'Carri Richardson--
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00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:32,059
remember her?-- she was
kicked out of the Olympics
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00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:34,328
after she smoked weed. Yeah.
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00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:35,796
But apparently,
the reason for this--
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00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,899
and I-I just found this out--
is that one difference is
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00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,968
that if you're a minor
in sports,
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00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,637
and you get caught doping,
they give you more leeway
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00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,539
because you're young,
and you're impressionable,
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00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:46,874
and you may not be in control
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00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,509
of what you're putting
into your body.
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00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,077
Yeah, I didn't know that.
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00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,679
That's a pretty big loophole
in the anti-doping rules.
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00:06:52,779 --> 00:06:54,915
Like, I'm not saying Russia
had this minor take steroids
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00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,783
on purpose because they knew
she wouldn't get in trouble,
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00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:59,219
but if they did do it
on purpose,
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00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:01,121
I mean, you got to admit, that's
a pretty slick move, you know?
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00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:02,523
It's the same reason
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00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,391
drug dealers put kids out
on the corner. They're like,
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00:07:04,491 --> 00:07:06,293
"Shit, the worst that you get
is juvie. Come on, man."
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00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:08,128
But again, I'm not saying
that Russia did this on purpose.
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00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:09,563
I'm not saying that.
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00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:12,466
I'm just saying, don't be
shocked when later this week,
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00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:14,768
they use 15-year-olds
to invade Ukraine.
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00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,170
All right, that's it
for the headlines.
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00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:18,505
Let's jump straight
into our main story,
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00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:22,042
and this story is about
America's favorite pastime--
200
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:25,579
the culture wars.
Ooh, they're back, baby!
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00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:28,182
You see, every few months,
especially before elections,
202
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:31,051
politicians in this country--
they have to find a reason
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00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:33,820
to rile people up
so that they can drum up support
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00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:35,722
and distract voters
from the fact
205
00:07:35,822 --> 00:07:38,358
that they haven't solved any
of their real problems.
206
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,395
Yeah, I know the bridges
keep collapsing,
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00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:43,197
and I know you don't have jobs,
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00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:45,666
but we got
to focus on the real threat.
209
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:48,702
People are using
the wrong bathrooms!
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00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,204
Vote for me.
211
00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:51,772
And what always happens
is the same, right?
212
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:54,575
The problems pop up,
and then after the elections,
213
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:57,578
everything is magically
not a problem anymore. Yeah.
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00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,146
Like, remember kneeling
during "The Anthem"?
215
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:02,149
Huge problem
before the elections. Huge.
216
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:03,750
Then after the election,
suddenly it's over.
217
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:06,253
Meh. Even Eminem can do it.
218
00:08:06,353 --> 00:08:08,589
Yeah. The war on Christmas,
every year.
219
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,624
Huge problem! Huge!
220
00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,059
Then the elections,
221
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:15,596
and then suddenly we can say
"Merry Christmas" again. Ah.
222
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,531
Remember when Mr. Potato Head
lost his penis?
223
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:20,100
It's a problem! You know?
It's a huge problem!
224
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,202
This is our society.
We're shutting down...
225
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:25,038
Then the election came,
and now he's got a huge hog.
226
00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:27,574
Biggest one you've ever seen.
Hits kids in the eyes with it.
227
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,810
Bap! Bap! Bap!
Mr. Potato Head's back.
228
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,212
Well, now we're getting close
to another election.
229
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:34,548
So that means it's time to
find out what the latest fight
230
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:38,151
is all about in another
installment of Culture Wars:
231
00:08:38,252 --> 00:08:41,054
Moral Kombat!
232
00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:42,422
ANNOUNCER:
Culture Wars:
233
00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:45,659
Moral Kombat!
234
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:48,929
So, the new culture war raging
across America
235
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:50,297
is over books,
236
00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:54,201
aka movies
without the cool sound effects.
237
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:56,236
Yeah, I always think
the movies are better.
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00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,405
Gonna read a book,
and then I got to do it myself.
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00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,407
"Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!"
said Harry Potter.
240
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:03,243
Now, even though most kids
only read books in school
241
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:06,213
to hide their erections,
some parents and politicians
242
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:08,182
have suddenly gotten
very concerned
243
00:09:08,282 --> 00:09:10,717
about which books
are available in schools.
244
00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:12,486
And they're dealing
with this problem
245
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:15,122
that they invented, by the way,
in a time-honored way--
246
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,658
with a good,
old-fashioned book ban.
247
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:19,326
According to The New York Times,
248
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:21,361
the pace
at which groups of parents
249
00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:23,597
and officials and lawmakers
are challenging books
250
00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:26,033
in school libraries
has reached a speed
251
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:28,836
that many haven't seen
in decades.
252
00:09:28,936 --> 00:09:30,504
Just since the start
of the school year,
253
00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:33,307
the American Library Association
has tracked
254
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:37,177
more than 230 book challenges
nationwide.
255
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:38,779
NEWSWOMAN: Parents and
school officials banning books
256
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,581
at an unprecedented rate.
257
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,716
Record requests to nearly
a hundred Texas districts
258
00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:45,285
found that during the first
four months of this school year,
259
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,921
parents made at least
75 formal complaints,
260
00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:49,723
compared to only one filed
261
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,692
during the same period
last year.
262
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,427
NEWSMAN: A Virginia
school district is pulling
263
00:09:53,527 --> 00:09:55,095
library books
off of the shelves,
264
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:57,931
and some board members say
they want to burn them.
265
00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,701
I want to look at every book
that you guys...
266
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:03,804
a copy of every book
that has brought...
267
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:06,173
pulled out of circulation.
268
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,575
I'm sure we've got hundreds
of people out there
269
00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:12,479
that would like to see
those books before we burn them.
270
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:15,148
They want to burn books?
271
00:10:15,249 --> 00:10:19,052
Burn books?
We're not in the 1900s.
272
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:21,889
We're living in 2022.
273
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,690
We shouldn't be burning books.
274
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,626
We have air fryers
and microwaves
275
00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:27,528
and all kinds of cool shit now.
276
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:28,996
We could be, like,
fileting the books.
277
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:30,964
You know? We could be
lightly roasting the books.
278
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:33,433
Put some butter and some salt.
(kiss) Ooh!
279
00:10:33,534 --> 00:10:35,569
You taste that book now?
Mmm, that's food for thought.
280
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,070
See what I did there?
281
00:10:37,171 --> 00:10:38,639
But yeah, that's the situation
right now.
282
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:41,275
Parents across the country
are trying to get books banned
283
00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:43,110
from certain schools, right?
284
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,646
And I'll be honest, if I was
a kid in school right now,
285
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:48,849
I would jump in and use
this outrage to my advantage.
286
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,984
Yeah, the parents
would all be there like:
287
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:53,820
We have to get these books
off the shelves!
288
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:56,857
Yeah! And don't forget
the trigonometry textbooks!
289
00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:59,426
And the yearbook where I had
that weird rash on my face!
290
00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,461
Burn them all!
291
00:11:01,562 --> 00:11:03,330
Now, I'll be honest, people,
I don't know
292
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:05,566
if these culture warriors
have thought this through,
293
00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,835
because making something
forbidden
294
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:10,304
just makes teenagers
want it more.
295
00:11:10,404 --> 00:11:13,307
Think about it, anytime,
anytime parents would say
296
00:11:13,407 --> 00:11:16,143
something would make them mad,
what would happen?
297
00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:17,845
Their kids would want
to do it even more.
298
00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:20,280
Yeah. Now they're gonna be like:
No books for these kids!
299
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,516
You keep this up, and soon
reading books is gonna be
300
00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:24,651
the new dating a Black guy.
301
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:27,087
And look, there have always
been-- don't get me wrong--
302
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,922
there have always been
some parents
303
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:31,758
who've wanted books pulled
from schools and libraries.
304
00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,760
That's always been a thing.
You know, like, conservatives
305
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:37,097
wanted to ban Harry Potter
for promoting witchcraft.
306
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,233
Liberals want to ban
Huckleberry Finn
307
00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:40,868
for using the N-word.
308
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:43,937
Mockingbirds want to burn
that book about killing them.
309
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:47,107
But recently, recently the
number of books being targeted
310
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,276
has gotten out of control.
311
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,879
And the types of books
that are being targeted now
312
00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:53,780
are very revealing.
313
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:55,883
NEWSMAN: Books on race,
gender and sexuality
314
00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:58,619
are disappearing
from school shelves.
315
00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:01,388
Books about coming of age
and reckoning with real-world
316
00:12:01,488 --> 00:12:03,757
problems, like depression,
gender politics and
317
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:07,661
racial injustice, history
like the Holocaust or slavery.
318
00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,596
NEWSWOMAN: One Tennessee
district banning Maus,
319
00:12:09,696 --> 00:12:13,066
a Pulitzer prize-winning graphic
novel about the Holocaust.
320
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,935
NEWSMAN 3: One tells the
story of school segregation
321
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,271
through the eyes of
Mexican-American students.
322
00:12:17,371 --> 00:12:18,972
One is about the March
on Washington,
323
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,476
and two are about Civil Rights
icon Ruby Bridges.
324
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,111
NEWSWOMAN 2: One parent
even asked the district to
325
00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,413
remove a biography
of Michelle Obama,
326
00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,715
arguing the book
promotes "reverse racism."
327
00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:30,617
The district denied the request.
328
00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:32,186
I can't believe
these people want to ban
329
00:12:32,286 --> 00:12:35,422
a Michelle Obama biography.
330
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:39,826
It's a biography.
That totally gives away the game
331
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,262
that this is more about
ginning up a culture war
332
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:44,498
than protecting kids.
Because once you're
333
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,934
banning a book
about any first lady,
334
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,269
that's political.
I don't care what anybody says.
335
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:52,206
There's no book about a
first lady that's controversial,
336
00:12:52,306 --> 00:12:53,907
you know?
Unless, maybe, it's like,
337
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:56,944
Martha Jefferson's book, 101
Tips for Owning Slave Children
338
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,513
Who Kinda Look Like My Husband.
339
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:01,448
Yeah, that's a little
edgy for the kids,
340
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,450
but otherwise, pretty chill.
341
00:13:04,685 --> 00:13:07,688
And you can see how crazy this
book-banning trend has gotten.
342
00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:10,057
Right? They're
banning books about race,
343
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:12,059
about gender, about sexuality,
344
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,127
about emotions, about history.
345
00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:16,897
Guys, that's all books.
346
00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:18,465
Think about it, y-you
take away all of those books
347
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,067
and what are you
gonna be left with? Huh?
348
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,102
A how-to book
about making pottery?
349
00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:25,072
Wrong!
That vase is too sexy.
350
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,541
I also can't believe
they're gonna ban Ruby Bridges.
351
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,109
You understand
how crazy that is?
352
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:32,813
You're gonna ban a book
about Ruby Bridges.
353
00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:35,082
So, that poor girl needed the
National Guard to get her into
354
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:36,483
school, now they're gonna
have the National Guard
355
00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:37,718
escort her out.
356
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:39,419
And, look, I'm not saying
that schools shouldn't
357
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,154
be allowed to curate
what books they carry.
358
00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:42,523
I'm not saying that.
I know people are gonna say,
359
00:13:42,623 --> 00:13:44,358
"You are saying that the
schools shouldn't get to decide
360
00:13:44,458 --> 00:13:45,659
for themselves?"
No, I'm not saying--
361
00:13:45,759 --> 00:13:46,994
I'm exactly not saying that.
362
00:13:47,094 --> 00:13:49,363
"But you are saying that."
I'm not saying that!
363
00:13:49,463 --> 00:13:51,231
Libraries have always decided
which books are in and
364
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:52,866
which books are not in.
Like, you can't have
365
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:54,868
a Playboy in the school library.
366
00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:56,537
I mean, I did it,
but I brought it in myself.
367
00:13:56,637 --> 00:13:57,771
They didn't stock it for
me, they just
368
00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:59,673
gave me the
space to read it.
369
00:13:59,773 --> 00:14:01,875
But I guarantee you, the vast
majority of schools don't even
370
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:04,478
have the most outrageous books
that are on these lists.
371
00:14:04,578 --> 00:14:06,413
What's happening here,
what's happening here is
372
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:09,483
is that people are finding
the most scary parts of
373
00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:12,452
the most scary books, and then
they're making a bad-faith
374
00:14:12,553 --> 00:14:14,421
argument that kids
are being bombarded
375
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:18,659
with all of this stuff.
So, all the books to go.
376
00:14:18,759 --> 00:14:20,961
And that happens even if you
try and talk about books.
377
00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,930
Like, if I say books
shouldn't be banned,
378
00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:25,532
I know someone's gonna pull
out the most extreme example
379
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,367
from some random library
at school and be like,
380
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:31,338
"Oh, really, Trevor? You're
okay with kids reading this?"
381
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:33,507
And I don't know.
Maybe I'm not,
382
00:14:33,607 --> 00:14:36,677
but now we're arguing about one
page in one book as if that's
383
00:14:36,777 --> 00:14:41,181
the story, when the actual story
is people are using these books
384
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:44,751
as an excuse to go after all
the books that they don't like.
385
00:14:44,852 --> 00:14:46,320
Because again, people,
386
00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:48,088
this isn't about books,
all right?
387
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:49,823
This is about keeping the
culture war going
388
00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:51,658
for political benefits.
389
00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:54,828
All right? Y-You don't just have
Republicans in dozens of states
390
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:57,598
around the country suddenly
realizing all at the same time
391
00:14:57,698 --> 00:15:00,200
that there are books that they
want to ban in their libraries.
392
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:01,835
All at the same time?
393
00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:04,605
Come on. It's happening because
they think it's a winning issue.
394
00:15:04,705 --> 00:15:06,907
Or at least they think
it's more of a winning issue
395
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,876
than "Trump is secretly
still the president."
396
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:12,045
"But I am." "Shut up!
You're gonna make us lose."
397
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:14,381
And the problem
with waging a culture war
398
00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:16,450
instead of debating
a political issue
399
00:15:16,550 --> 00:15:18,585
is that when people
are fighting a war,
400
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:21,455
they don't want
to just win an argument.
401
00:15:21,555 --> 00:15:25,058
No, they want
to punish the enemy.
402
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,060
NEWSWOMAN: In Wyoming,
a county prosecutor's office
403
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:29,363
considered charges
against library employees
404
00:15:29,463 --> 00:15:32,065
for stocking books
like Sex Is a Funny Word
405
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:34,168
and This Book Is Gay.
406
00:15:34,268 --> 00:15:35,903
NEWSWOMAN 2:
In Oklahoma, a bill
407
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:38,338
sets a $10,000 bounty
408
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,107
to be collected by parents
409
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:43,710
for each day a challenged book
remains on library shelves.
410
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:45,179
NEWSWOMAN 3:
Texas Governor Greg Abbott
411
00:15:45,279 --> 00:15:47,281
called for criminal charges
against staff
412
00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:50,083
who provide kids
with pornographic books.
413
00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:52,986
School librarians
fearing for their own safety now
414
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,588
over books.
415
00:15:54,688 --> 00:15:57,224
Many of us have had to take
measures in our personal lives
416
00:15:57,324 --> 00:16:00,027
that we never would have
imagined we had to do
417
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:02,462
because of our profession.
418
00:16:02,563 --> 00:16:04,932
Wow, people, are you...
are you seeing this?
419
00:16:06,567 --> 00:16:08,769
You seeing this?
Like, this is the interview
420
00:16:08,869 --> 00:16:10,237
an insider gives
421
00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:12,806
when they're ratting out
El Chapo.
422
00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:15,042
Not when they've exposed
the magical friendship
423
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,211
between a pig and a spider.
424
00:16:17,311 --> 00:16:19,279
I mean, think...
Just think about how insane
425
00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:21,715
things have gotten
where school librarians
426
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:23,584
feel scared for their safety.
427
00:16:23,684 --> 00:16:25,752
They've got these crazy parents
coming after them
428
00:16:25,853 --> 00:16:27,087
on top of all the other stuff
429
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:28,956
that they have to worry about
on a daily basis.
430
00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:31,558
School shootings. COVID.
Their students finding out
431
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,627
that they just made up
the Dewey decimal system
432
00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:35,562
to sound smarter
than everyone else.
433
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:36,964
"This book is by Dr. Seuss.
434
00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:38,565
Is that under 'S'?"
435
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,133
(laughs evilly)
436
00:16:40,234 --> 00:16:41,802
"No, actually,
437
00:16:41,902 --> 00:16:45,606
"that book's in 791.45/75,
438
00:16:45,706 --> 00:16:49,476
you idiot!"
(laughs evilly)
439
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:51,345
And look, man, i-it's one thing
for parents to be upset
440
00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:53,514
about a-a book that their kid
is reading at school.
441
00:16:53,614 --> 00:16:55,516
Once you offer a $10,000 bounty,
442
00:16:55,616 --> 00:16:56,950
think
about what you're doing there.
443
00:16:57,084 --> 00:17:00,187
Now you're using money
to just try and stir up shit.
444
00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:02,456
I mean, of course people are
gonna start combing the shelves
445
00:17:02,556 --> 00:17:05,425
for anything that might pay out.
Ten grand is a lot of money.
446
00:17:05,526 --> 00:17:07,861
Ten grand for banning a book
is more than most authors made
447
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,696
for writing that book.
448
00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,031
So, that's
the latest culture war
449
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,866
that's tearing America apart.
450
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,535
It's happening in schools,
451
00:17:14,635 --> 00:17:16,403
and who knows
if it'll even stop there.
452
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:18,338
'Cause maybe it'll start
in schools,
453
00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:21,542
but pretty soon,
any place that kids go to
454
00:17:21,642 --> 00:17:25,345
to find books
could become a target.
455
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:27,481
♪ ♪
456
00:17:29,683 --> 00:17:31,451
Hey, y'all. LeVar Burton here,
457
00:17:31,552 --> 00:17:34,521
and I am so excited
to read with you today.
458
00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:38,592
Our first selection
is called Rosa.
459
00:17:38,692 --> 00:17:41,261
And it's the story
of Rosa Parks, who...
460
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:43,764
(static crackling)
461
00:17:43,864 --> 00:17:46,166
So, as it turns out,
462
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,601
that book is banned
463
00:17:47,701 --> 00:17:50,137
because reading
about segregation
464
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:52,072
is divisive.
465
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,341
But since almost any book
with Black people these days
466
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:55,943
is considered divisive,
467
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:57,444
here's one
468
00:17:57,544 --> 00:18:00,848
that doesn't have
any people in it at all.
469
00:18:01,014 --> 00:18:04,818
It's about two penguins
and their little baby.
470
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:08,355
Both penguins are boys.
471
00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:10,023
(static crackling)
472
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:13,594
Well, I'm told
that that book is also banned
473
00:18:13,694 --> 00:18:15,796
because of sexual perversion,
474
00:18:15,896 --> 00:18:19,333
which is weird because there's
no sex in the book at all.
475
00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:21,835
Y'all, they adopted the baby.
476
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:24,338
What do you guys want?
A mommy and a daddy penguin
477
00:18:24,438 --> 00:18:27,508
so the kids can make sure that
the penguins are knocking boots?
478
00:18:27,608 --> 00:18:29,376
A-All right. I've got one
479
00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:32,779
that they can't possibly
have a problem with.
480
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,281
Hop on Pop.
481
00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:35,516
(static crackling)
482
00:18:35,616 --> 00:18:37,784
What?! Disrespectful to parents?
483
00:18:37,885 --> 00:18:39,820
You got to be kidding me!
All right, listen,
484
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,524
there-there are plenty of books
to choose from.
485
00:18:43,624 --> 00:18:45,759
But you know what? No.
486
00:18:45,859 --> 00:18:48,095
Read the books
they don't want you to.
487
00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:50,297
That's where the good stuff is.
488
00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:53,800
-(siren wails)
-Oh, shit. They're coming.
489
00:18:53,901 --> 00:18:55,903
Read banned books!
490
00:18:56,069 --> 00:18:57,504
(static crackling)
491
00:18:57,604 --> 00:19:00,207
Phew! Stay safe, LeVar.
492
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:01,608
All right, when we come back,
493
00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:03,443
Roy Wood Jr.
looks at the Winter Olympians
494
00:19:03,544 --> 00:19:05,212
you forgot about.
495
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:06,680
You don't want to miss it.
496
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:09,482
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
497
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:12,051
As you know,
it is Black History Month.
498
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,854
And as you also know,
the Winter Olympics are on.
499
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:17,556
So to celebrate both
at the same time,
500
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,959
here's Roy Wood Jr.
with a special episode
501
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:21,427
of CP Time.
502
00:19:21,527 --> 00:19:23,562
♪ ♪
503
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,200
Ooh. Ooh.
504
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:30,536
Ooh, now, that's a nice tie.
505
00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:31,938
Ah.
506
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,839
Welcome to CP Time,
507
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:36,575
the only show
that's for the culture.
508
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,911
Today, we'll be discussing
the history
509
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,314
of Black Winter Olympians.
510
00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:43,783
Now, I know when you think
of Winter Olympians,
511
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,585
you think of Bjørgen,
512
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:46,919
Bjorn,
513
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,287
Bjoerndalen
514
00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:51,757
and many other names
that sound like IKEA tables.
515
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,627
But not all Winter Olympians
look like they walked off
516
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:56,395
Hitler's vision board.
517
00:19:56,495 --> 00:19:57,930
Take Debi Thomas,
518
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:01,400
an American figure skater who
became the first Black athlete
519
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:04,470
to win a medal
at the Winter Olympics.
520
00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:06,772
She had to overcome
life-changing challenges
521
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,541
that would break
the most of us--
522
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,810
racism, sexism,
523
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:13,679
and the cold.
524
00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:16,949
But Debi's persistence
got her to the '88 Olympics,
525
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:20,086
where she faced off against
East Germany's Katarina Witt
526
00:20:20,186 --> 00:20:22,221
in the Battle of the Carmens,
527
00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:25,725
since they both skated to music
from the opera Carmen.
528
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,293
Which just makes sense.
529
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,962
I mean, what other opera
are you going to ice skate to?
530
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,764
La traviata?
531
00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:33,032
(chuckles)
532
00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:35,635
PBS folks know
what I'm talking about.
533
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:39,405
Our next Winter Olympian
is Tofiri Kibuuka,
534
00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:43,509
a blind skier from Uganda,
who, in 1976,
535
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:46,012
became the first African athlete
536
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:48,848
to compete at The Paralympic
Winter Games.
537
00:20:48,948 --> 00:20:52,919
1976-- it's not that long ago.
538
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:56,756
George Jefferson was already in
a deluxe apartment in the sky,
539
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:58,891
Kool had already met The Gang,
540
00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:02,161
and Bernie Sanders
was a young 97.
541
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:05,998
Still, Kibuuka won
five silver Paralympic medals
542
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:10,469
and also scaled
Mount Kilimanjaro.
543
00:21:10,536 --> 00:21:12,939
To cap it off, in 1996,
544
00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:16,976
Kibuuka became the first
Black flag bearer of Norway,
545
00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:19,745
where he still resides today.
546
00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:22,782
I just hope that he never
regains his sight and realizes
547
00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:26,018
that he is the only brother
in that country.
548
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:28,321
But sometimes
you chase the dream,
549
00:21:28,487 --> 00:21:31,791
and sometimes
the dream chases you.
550
00:21:31,891 --> 00:21:34,594
That's what happened
to Mathilde-Amivi Petitjean,
551
00:21:34,694 --> 00:21:39,498
representing the nation of Togo
in cross country skiing in 2014.
552
00:21:39,599 --> 00:21:42,234
The crazy part?
Mathilde never even thought
553
00:21:42,335 --> 00:21:44,103
about skiing in the Olympics
554
00:21:44,203 --> 00:21:47,907
until her country reached out
to her on Facebook.
555
00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:50,509
Now, that there is a DM.
556
00:21:50,543 --> 00:21:53,713
Only Facebook messages I get
are from Russian robot booty.
557
00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:58,184
That's how I met my fiancée
Tatiana 696969.
558
00:21:58,284 --> 00:21:59,952
Love you, baby.
559
00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:02,154
I'm sending my routing number
shortly,
560
00:22:02,255 --> 00:22:03,522
and I hope that my credit cards
561
00:22:03,623 --> 00:22:05,358
can get you those plane tickets
to America.
562
00:22:05,524 --> 00:22:07,660
See you soon.
563
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:11,964
But perhaps the most famous
Black Winter Olympians
564
00:22:12,064 --> 00:22:15,835
are the 1988 bobsled team
from Jamaica.
565
00:22:15,935 --> 00:22:17,603
They made no sense.
566
00:22:17,703 --> 00:22:20,873
Bobsledding requires ice, sleds
567
00:22:20,973 --> 00:22:24,043
and intense concentration
for up to four minutes,
568
00:22:24,143 --> 00:22:27,313
none of which Jamaicans
were thought to have.
569
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,015
But in 1987,
570
00:22:29,115 --> 00:22:32,151
Jamaica recruited
a ragtag team of bobsledders,
571
00:22:32,251 --> 00:22:35,521
including 22-year-old
Devon Harris,
572
00:22:35,621 --> 00:22:38,891
who at the time was serving
in the Jamaican army.
573
00:22:38,991 --> 00:22:40,526
Now I'll be honest
in telling you
574
00:22:40,626 --> 00:22:42,361
I did not even know
that Jamaica had an army.
575
00:22:42,495 --> 00:22:45,031
Who the hell is mad at Jamaica?
576
00:22:45,131 --> 00:22:47,166
Friendly people.
If you're mad at Jamaicans,
577
00:22:47,266 --> 00:22:49,936
the problem is you.
578
00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:51,604
Now, Devon Harris
and the rest of the team
579
00:22:51,704 --> 00:22:53,406
were so unfamiliar
with the sport
580
00:22:53,506 --> 00:22:55,741
that they didn't even know
what bobsledding was.
581
00:22:55,841 --> 00:22:57,877
They probably thought
it was sledding
582
00:22:57,977 --> 00:23:01,213
on top of a guy named Bob.
(chuckles)
583
00:23:01,314 --> 00:23:03,883
But of course it hadn't been
that way since 1942,
584
00:23:03,983 --> 00:23:05,918
when Bob died.
585
00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:08,454
(quietly):
Poor bastard.
586
00:23:08,487 --> 00:23:11,524
Anyway, the Jamaican team
somehow qualified
587
00:23:11,624 --> 00:23:15,728
for the 1988 Winter Olympics
in Calgary, Canada,
588
00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:19,165
even after crashing their sled
more times than Bitcoin.
589
00:23:19,265 --> 00:23:21,233
And if that
weren't crazy enough,
590
00:23:21,334 --> 00:23:25,304
the team recruited and trained
a fourth member
591
00:23:25,471 --> 00:23:29,542
three days
before the Olympic event.
592
00:23:29,642 --> 00:23:31,310
That doesn't seem
like a lot of training,
593
00:23:31,477 --> 00:23:33,646
but two days
is still more training
594
00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:36,382
than most police officers.
595
00:23:36,482 --> 00:23:38,251
On the third run
at the Olympic Games,
596
00:23:38,351 --> 00:23:40,586
the Jamaican team got
into a horrible crash
597
00:23:40,686 --> 00:23:42,488
and they were disqualified,
598
00:23:42,521 --> 00:23:45,258
but they heroically
walked to the finish line.
599
00:23:45,358 --> 00:23:47,660
It was a dramatic
moment that was made famous
600
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:52,031
in the 1993 movie
Cool Runnings.
601
00:23:52,131 --> 00:23:54,033
A movie I auditioned for,
602
00:23:54,133 --> 00:23:55,701
but ultimately didn't get the
part,
603
00:23:55,801 --> 00:24:00,139
because of my, quote,
"Offensive Jamaican accent."
604
00:24:00,239 --> 00:24:02,174
(Jamaican accent) Come on,
now, man, you know me accent
605
00:24:02,275 --> 00:24:04,877
no offend ya, man. Me grew up
in Kingston. Me smoke the
606
00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:07,013
-reefer, me eat the plantains..
-MAN: Stop. Stop, stop, stop!
607
00:24:07,113 --> 00:24:08,948
-Stop!
-What...? Stop,
608
00:24:09,048 --> 00:24:10,683
That was a
terrible accent, Roy.
609
00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:12,685
Wait-- Wait. Who's
there? Who are you?
610
00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:16,455
It's me, man. Devin Harris
from the original bobsled team.
611
00:24:16,522 --> 00:24:20,459
I hacked into your monitor to
tell you to stop doing
612
00:24:20,559 --> 00:24:22,561
a Jamaican accent. You...
613
00:24:22,662 --> 00:24:25,932
You sound like Miss Cleo
had sex with Jar Jar Binks.
614
00:24:26,032 --> 00:24:28,467
How did you hack
into my monitor?
615
00:24:28,534 --> 00:24:30,369
Because I believe in myself.
616
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:33,639
And if you believe in
yourself, you can do anything.
617
00:24:33,739 --> 00:24:35,875
Well, except for you.
618
00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:37,977
You'll never do a
good Jamaican accent.
619
00:24:38,077 --> 00:24:40,146
It sounds like how
fake dreadlocks look.
620
00:24:40,246 --> 00:24:43,082
So, does this mean
I can't audition
621
00:24:43,182 --> 00:24:45,151
for Cool Runnings Part Two?
622
00:24:45,251 --> 00:24:47,119
There's not gonna be a part two.
623
00:24:47,219 --> 00:24:49,589
And even if there was,
you know, let's face it,
624
00:24:49,689 --> 00:24:52,491
you don't exactly look
like an Olympic athlete.
625
00:24:52,525 --> 00:24:55,094
I would say
you look like you're competing
626
00:24:55,194 --> 00:24:58,130
to be America's
next top Steve Harvey.
627
00:24:58,230 --> 00:24:59,732
So, you know.
628
00:24:59,832 --> 00:25:01,167
Well...
629
00:25:01,267 --> 00:25:03,970
Well, excuse me.
I thought Jamaicans
630
00:25:04,070 --> 00:25:06,238
were supposed to be friendly.
All that damn weed you smoke.
631
00:25:06,339 --> 00:25:07,573
"One love," my ass.
632
00:25:07,673 --> 00:25:09,575
-I heard that.
-Good. I hope you did.
633
00:25:09,675 --> 00:25:11,177
Well, that's all the time
we have for today.
634
00:25:11,277 --> 00:25:13,045
I'm Roy Wood Jr.,
635
00:25:13,145 --> 00:25:15,481
and this has been CP Time.
636
00:25:15,581 --> 00:25:17,917
Remember, we're for the culture.
637
00:25:18,017 --> 00:25:19,318
Now, since I got you here,
tell me,
638
00:25:19,452 --> 00:25:20,820
have y'all ever thought
about using dogs?
639
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:22,188
That's a different type of sled.
640
00:25:22,288 --> 00:25:23,556
No, I mean, to, like, to...
641
00:25:23,656 --> 00:25:25,458
As a teammate to help you push.
642
00:25:25,524 --> 00:25:27,727
Have you ever seen Air Bud?
643
00:25:27,827 --> 00:25:29,262
♪ ♪
644
00:25:29,362 --> 00:25:31,264
Thank you so much for that, Roy.
All right, when we come back,
645
00:25:31,364 --> 00:25:34,133
I am so excited because
former Daily Show correspondent
646
00:25:34,233 --> 00:25:36,502
and current superstar
Hasan Minhaj
647
00:25:36,602 --> 00:25:39,305
will be joining me on the show,
so don't go away.
648
00:25:41,473 --> 00:25:42,874
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
My guest tonight
649
00:25:42,974 --> 00:25:46,177
is a comedian and he is a former
Daily Show correspondent.
650
00:25:46,277 --> 00:25:47,846
He goes by the name
Hasan Minhaj.
651
00:25:47,946 --> 00:25:51,983
He's here to talk about his
stand-up tour The King's Jester.
652
00:25:52,083 --> 00:25:53,485
-What's going on, Hasan? How
you doing, my dude? -(chuckles)
653
00:25:53,585 --> 00:25:55,120
-What's up, man?
-Is this weird for you?
654
00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:56,755
This is upsetting.
655
00:25:56,855 --> 00:25:58,056
-Why is it upsetting?
-This is upsetting.
656
00:25:58,156 --> 00:25:59,691
It can't be upsetting.
It's just different.
657
00:25:59,791 --> 00:26:01,893
This-this feel and this vibe
658
00:26:01,993 --> 00:26:03,328
feels very...
659
00:26:03,428 --> 00:26:04,863
Red Table Talk right now.
660
00:26:04,963 --> 00:26:06,164
-Oh, I like... -It's a little
bit-- You know what I mean?
661
00:26:06,264 --> 00:26:07,432
-Want to spill about
your relationship? -(laughs)
662
00:26:07,532 --> 00:26:08,800
-We can do that. -You're
gonna tell me how my wife
663
00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:10,268
-is sleeping with an R&B singer?
-Hey, my friend,
664
00:26:10,368 --> 00:26:11,803
-we can do anything
at this table. -(laughs)
665
00:26:11,903 --> 00:26:13,004
-But how are you, man?
-I've been good, man.
666
00:26:13,104 --> 00:26:14,939
-Good to see you.
-You-You're more than good.
667
00:26:15,039 --> 00:26:16,241
-I'm great.
-Like, I-- Can I tell you?
668
00:26:16,341 --> 00:26:18,209
It's so much fun
to watch good people
669
00:26:18,309 --> 00:26:19,878
get good things in life.
You know?
670
00:26:19,978 --> 00:26:21,780
-Thank you, man. -Like-like,
you-- Dude, you-you were there
671
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:23,114
at the very beginning
of The Daily Show,
672
00:26:23,214 --> 00:26:24,516
-my Daily Show, you know?
-Yes.
673
00:26:24,616 --> 00:26:26,651
-W-We went through the trenches
together... -Together.
674
00:26:26,751 --> 00:26:28,019
...like, where people were like,
"It's terrible.
675
00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:29,654
"It'll never last.
These people are horrible.
676
00:26:29,754 --> 00:26:31,723
-They're not funny."
We felt it all. -Yes.
677
00:26:31,823 --> 00:26:34,125
-We rode through it together,
and now... -And, and, and,
678
00:26:34,225 --> 00:26:35,660
to your credit,
you didn't fire me.
679
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,495
And I rea-- and I really needed
health insurance at the time.
680
00:26:37,595 --> 00:26:38,830
(laughing)
681
00:26:38,930 --> 00:26:42,167
I was like, "Yo, this dude
from South Africa's here.
682
00:26:42,300 --> 00:26:44,702
Heads are about to roll."
683
00:26:44,803 --> 00:26:45,904
I just got married.
684
00:26:46,004 --> 00:26:47,839
Like, I was like,
"Bro, don't do this to me.
685
00:26:47,939 --> 00:26:49,541
Like, don't do this to me."
Yeah.
686
00:26:49,641 --> 00:26:51,142
And look at you now.
Look at, like--
687
00:26:51,309 --> 00:26:53,344
-Forgive me if I miss a thing.
I mean... -Sure.
688
00:26:53,445 --> 00:26:54,679
-Patriot Act.
-Yes.
689
00:26:54,779 --> 00:26:56,614
Multiple award-winning show.
Congratulations.
690
00:26:56,714 --> 00:26:57,982
-Six seasons on Netflix.
-Thank you.
691
00:26:58,083 --> 00:26:59,317
Then you-you leave there
692
00:26:59,417 --> 00:27:01,052
to go and do
completely different things.
693
00:27:01,152 --> 00:27:03,488
I mean, then-then we see you
in everything from, like, ads
694
00:27:03,588 --> 00:27:05,490
to shows that are, like, huge.
695
00:27:05,590 --> 00:27:07,425
-The Morning Show, season two.
Congratu... -Yeah, thank you.
696
00:27:07,525 --> 00:27:09,727
I see you-- I saw you dancing
with, like, Reese Witherspoon.
697
00:27:09,828 --> 00:27:11,463
I was like, "Is this-- Am I..."
698
00:27:11,563 --> 00:27:12,697
-I was like, "Well."
-It was dope.
699
00:27:12,797 --> 00:27:14,032
You're not--
you're not just doing TV.
700
00:27:14,132 --> 00:27:15,867
-You're on tour again.
-Yes.
701
00:27:15,967 --> 00:27:18,736
-You put out Homecoming King.
-Yes.
702
00:27:18,837 --> 00:27:21,072
Easily, like, one
of the most innovative shows
703
00:27:21,172 --> 00:27:22,574
that-that anyone had ever seen.
704
00:27:22,674 --> 00:27:24,342
-Your-your new tour now, you're
doing the same thing. -Yeah.
705
00:27:24,442 --> 00:27:25,744
Same sort of thing, where...
706
00:27:25,844 --> 00:27:27,946
I've always liked it--
the lighting design,
707
00:27:28,046 --> 00:27:29,681
-stage design, graphics.
-Yeah.
708
00:27:29,781 --> 00:27:31,483
I just feel like my brain
already works that way,
709
00:27:31,583 --> 00:27:32,784
-visually.
-Right.
710
00:27:32,884 --> 00:27:34,486
And so I always loved shows
that were like that.
711
00:27:34,586 --> 00:27:37,489
And whenever you go to the UK
or you actually watch theater,
712
00:27:37,589 --> 00:27:39,023
you see all those elements.
713
00:27:39,124 --> 00:27:40,558
-Oh, that's interesting.
-Do you see what I'm saying?
714
00:27:40,658 --> 00:27:42,060
-Okay. Okay. -Wh-When you go--
When you see a show on Broadway
715
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:43,595
-or you see a show in the UK...
-Yeah.
716
00:27:43,695 --> 00:27:45,930
...you'll see act breaks.
717
00:27:46,030 --> 00:27:48,299
You'll see changes of colors
718
00:27:48,399 --> 00:27:49,534
-that represent different...
-So you think of it
719
00:27:49,634 --> 00:27:51,002
-as, like, an entire production.
-Yeah. Totally.
720
00:27:51,102 --> 00:27:53,204
I've always loved
the visual experience
721
00:27:53,304 --> 00:27:55,039
of going to see music that way
722
00:27:55,140 --> 00:27:56,374
-or going to see theater
that way... -Yeah.
723
00:27:56,474 --> 00:27:58,543
and I always thought,
"Why can't comedy be that?"
724
00:27:58,643 --> 00:28:00,311
-Here's a question I have
with the show. -Yeah, what's up?
725
00:28:00,412 --> 00:28:02,113
-Yes. -So you've got all
of these visual elements.
726
00:28:02,213 --> 00:28:03,648
-Yes.
-I don't want to give away,
727
00:28:03,748 --> 00:28:06,217
like, any big parts of the show,
but I know you have a joke
728
00:28:06,317 --> 00:28:08,219
-about infertility.
-Yeah.
729
00:28:08,319 --> 00:28:09,754
-Your infertility,
in particular. -Yes.
730
00:28:09,854 --> 00:28:12,123
Which I was like,
"Wow. Okay, Hasan, brave."
731
00:28:12,223 --> 00:28:15,026
-Um, so, are there visual aids
that go with that? -Nah.
732
00:28:15,126 --> 00:28:17,128
I didn't just, like,
show a dia...
733
00:28:17,228 --> 00:28:19,330
Like, so, speaking of my vas
deferens, I didn't do anything.
734
00:28:19,397 --> 00:28:20,865
-Okay, okay.
-But it's...
735
00:28:20,965 --> 00:28:23,768
But to me, the, um...
what I love about comedy,
736
00:28:23,868 --> 00:28:26,671
and my favorite comedy
is confessional.
737
00:28:26,771 --> 00:28:28,039
I'm going to tell you something
738
00:28:28,139 --> 00:28:30,208
I'm too afraid
to tell other people.
739
00:28:30,341 --> 00:28:31,976
-I like that. -So, actually,
the beginning of the show
740
00:28:32,077 --> 00:28:34,345
goes back to some of the
conversations we had early on.
741
00:28:34,379 --> 00:28:36,981
I remember Beena and I were
trying to get pregnant
742
00:28:37,082 --> 00:28:38,716
-while I was still at
The Daily Show. -Yup.
743
00:28:38,817 --> 00:28:41,086
And we could not get pregnant,
and it was my fault,
744
00:28:41,186 --> 00:28:43,088
and I wasn't telling anybody
about this.
745
00:28:43,188 --> 00:28:45,190
And I remember, you would
sometimes come up to me
746
00:28:45,290 --> 00:28:47,092
and be like, "Hey, man, you,
like... you look a little glum.
747
00:28:47,192 --> 00:28:49,327
"Like, are you.. you okay?
748
00:28:49,427 --> 00:28:51,496
You and Beena okay? You guys are
like Indian Barbie and Ken."
749
00:28:51,596 --> 00:28:53,832
And I'm like,
"I-I know, and kind of like Ken,
750
00:28:53,932 --> 00:28:58,136
I... I'm infertile."
-(laughing)
751
00:28:58,303 --> 00:29:00,939
My genitals don't work, either.
752
00:29:01,039 --> 00:29:03,641
And that's, like, a...
It's-it's a thing you carry.
753
00:29:03,742 --> 00:29:06,311
-It's not usually
talked about for most men. -Yes.
754
00:29:06,411 --> 00:29:08,880
And I start the show that way--
fertility,
755
00:29:08,980 --> 00:29:11,015
fatherhood, freedom of speech.
756
00:29:11,116 --> 00:29:12,650
All the things
that I've been going through
757
00:29:12,751 --> 00:29:14,586
-the past four or five years
of my life. -That jump-- I...
758
00:29:14,686 --> 00:29:16,888
Don't even explain it.
I just love that.
759
00:29:16,988 --> 00:29:18,823
-Fertility, fatherhood,
freedom of speech. -Yeah.
760
00:29:18,923 --> 00:29:20,792
-I like how...
-Yeah.
761
00:29:20,892 --> 00:29:22,460
-It's like, of course.
-That's a big (bleep).
762
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:24,696
Of course,
these things go together.
763
00:29:24,796 --> 00:29:26,431
You're a father of two, though,
now, correct? Congratulations.
764
00:29:26,531 --> 00:29:28,500
-Yeah. Four and two, yeah.
-Yeah? You enjoying it?
765
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:32,637
-Yes.
-(laughs)
766
00:29:32,737 --> 00:29:33,972
Yes, it's...
767
00:29:34,072 --> 00:29:35,774
You know, this is gonna be
public record,
768
00:29:35,874 --> 00:29:37,509
and I... I just want my children
to know, I...
769
00:29:37,609 --> 00:29:39,778
It's been a thrill
of a lifetime, and, um,
770
00:29:39,878 --> 00:29:43,481
it's-it's a true honor and
privilege being their father.
771
00:29:43,581 --> 00:29:45,049
Are your kids starting
to, like, show you a bit
772
00:29:45,150 --> 00:29:47,452
-of your funny back to you?
-Yeah, they're really funny.
773
00:29:47,552 --> 00:29:49,120
-Yeah?
-Yeah, my daughter is, like,
774
00:29:49,287 --> 00:29:50,655
really, really, really funny.
775
00:29:50,755 --> 00:29:53,324
She knows how to needle
my wife and I, yeah.
776
00:29:53,425 --> 00:29:57,028
Like, the other day, she was
getting into it with Beena,
777
00:29:57,128 --> 00:29:59,664
and she knows... she knows.
Like, look,
778
00:29:59,764 --> 00:30:01,966
when-when comedians will make
fun of each other, we'll go,
779
00:30:02,066 --> 00:30:04,102
"I don't like that jacket,
I don't like your hair."
780
00:30:04,202 --> 00:30:06,204
But her...
She was arguing with Beena,
781
00:30:06,304 --> 00:30:07,939
and she knew, "I'm not even
gonna mess with nouns.
782
00:30:08,039 --> 00:30:09,107
"I'm gonna go right
at adjectives.
783
00:30:09,207 --> 00:30:11,109
-I'm gonna go at your soul."
-(laughs)
784
00:30:11,209 --> 00:30:14,612
She's like, "Mommy, don't tell
me what to do. You're fake."
785
00:30:14,712 --> 00:30:18,716
-Wow. -And my...
Beena was just like, "Wow."
786
00:30:18,817 --> 00:30:21,119
I was like, you should just
make fun of the way she looks.
787
00:30:21,219 --> 00:30:23,321
-Wow. -Yeah, don't talk about
the content of her character.
788
00:30:23,354 --> 00:30:25,056
That's actually crueler
than being like,
789
00:30:25,156 --> 00:30:27,325
-"I don't like your hair."
-But she nailed it, though,
790
00:30:27,392 --> 00:30:28,793
Yeah, she was like,
"They're fake."
791
00:30:28,893 --> 00:30:30,829
And I was like,
"Hey, don't do that.
792
00:30:30,929 --> 00:30:32,797
Don't be mean to Mommy," and
she's like, "You're projecting."
793
00:30:32,897 --> 00:30:34,499
I'm like,
"Hey, what is happening?
794
00:30:34,599 --> 00:30:35,700
What is going on right now?"
795
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:37,902
Okay, let me tell you something.
I also want...
796
00:30:38,002 --> 00:30:41,039
I want the Twitterati to know.
I want everyone to know this.
797
00:30:41,139 --> 00:30:43,908
It was so cool of you. You also
were one of the first people
798
00:30:44,008 --> 00:30:46,678
that kind of gave me my
first test drive through fame.
799
00:30:46,778 --> 00:30:48,279
Remember you were
my Met Gala date?
800
00:30:48,346 --> 00:30:49,914
-I was your Met Gala date.
-That was fun.
801
00:30:50,014 --> 00:30:51,750
-No, no, no, I was
your Met Gala date. -Yeah.
802
00:30:51,850 --> 00:30:54,085
And you go, and I remember I was
being very awkward and weird,
803
00:30:54,185 --> 00:30:56,020
and you go, "Hey, man, you're
being very awkward and weird.
804
00:30:56,121 --> 00:30:57,622
-You need to enjoy this."
-Did I say that?
805
00:30:57,722 --> 00:30:59,290
Yeah. You go,
"Hey, man, listen, listen."
806
00:30:59,357 --> 00:31:01,025
-'Cause you could see it in my
eyes. -Okay, yes, that's true.
807
00:31:01,126 --> 00:31:02,694
-I didn't know I said
"awkward and weird." -Yeah.
808
00:31:02,794 --> 00:31:04,295
I-I think I said,
"You look uncomfortable."
809
00:31:04,362 --> 00:31:05,730
-Yeah.
-I wouldn't say to somebody
810
00:31:05,830 --> 00:31:07,532
they look awkward and weird,
but...
811
00:31:07,632 --> 00:31:09,134
-No, you said it
in a very kind way. -Okay.
812
00:31:09,300 --> 00:31:11,002
I read this on text.
And you go,
813
00:31:11,102 --> 00:31:13,438
"Hey, listen, man"-- and this
was a really profound quote--
814
00:31:13,538 --> 00:31:15,907
you go:
Listen, if you see anybody
815
00:31:16,007 --> 00:31:17,575
that you respect or admire,
816
00:31:17,675 --> 00:31:19,677
you should take a selfie
with them tonight.
817
00:31:19,778 --> 00:31:22,013
You should treat fame
like a rental car.
818
00:31:22,113 --> 00:31:23,348
Take a spin around the block.
819
00:31:23,448 --> 00:31:25,016
That way,
when they take the car back,
820
00:31:25,116 --> 00:31:26,951
you won't feel like
they're taking a piece of you.
821
00:31:27,051 --> 00:31:28,586
And I don't know
if you remember this,
822
00:31:28,686 --> 00:31:30,455
-at the end of the night,
we saw Nicki Minaj. -Yep.
823
00:31:30,555 --> 00:31:32,524
-She was walking down the stairs
leaving the Met Gala, -Yep.
824
00:31:32,624 --> 00:31:34,058
and I was too nervous
to say anything,
825
00:31:34,159 --> 00:31:35,660
and you go, "Hey, Nicki!
Nicki, turn around!"
826
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,062
-And, you know, she was, like,
dressed like Dr. Seuss. -Yep.
827
00:31:38,163 --> 00:31:39,431
-And she turned around...
-I remember.
828
00:31:39,531 --> 00:31:41,599
she turned around, and you go,
"Look-- it's your cousin.
829
00:31:41,699 --> 00:31:44,569
-(laughing)
-Take a photo with your cousin."
830
00:31:44,669 --> 00:31:47,639
And she was like, "What?
831
00:31:47,739 --> 00:31:50,108
(crew laughing)
832
00:31:50,275 --> 00:31:51,709
No."
833
00:31:51,810 --> 00:31:54,045
And then she just walked off
with...
834
00:31:54,145 --> 00:31:55,647
with her umbrella.
835
00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:57,816
And I'm so glad she said no,
836
00:31:57,916 --> 00:32:00,151
because I would have been
that cousin
837
00:32:00,285 --> 00:32:02,287
that had the swollen testicles
838
00:32:02,353 --> 00:32:04,789
that was the reason why
she didn't get the vaccine.
839
00:32:04,889 --> 00:32:06,591
Getty Images
would have been like:
840
00:32:06,691 --> 00:32:10,662
Swollen Testicle Minhaj
is the reason why Nicki
841
00:32:10,762 --> 00:32:13,098
-Oh, man.
-did not get the vaccine.
842
00:32:13,198 --> 00:32:14,766
Just Getty Images,
my goofy face.
843
00:32:14,866 --> 00:32:16,301
-You know what I mean?
-That was a fun night.
844
00:32:16,367 --> 00:32:18,002
-That was a fun night.
-Before I let you go, though...
845
00:32:18,103 --> 00:32:19,604
-Yes.
-Radio City Music Hall.
846
00:32:19,704 --> 00:32:21,172
-Radio City Music Hall.
-Five shows?
847
00:32:21,306 --> 00:32:23,041
-Five shows.
-Man, congrats.
848
00:32:23,141 --> 00:32:25,610
-Thank you, man. -Like, like,
a thousand times, cong...
849
00:32:25,710 --> 00:32:27,345
Dude, I remember, like,
where you'd be, like,
850
00:32:27,445 --> 00:32:29,414
-stressed about a show.
-Yes.
851
00:32:29,514 --> 00:32:31,316
You'd be like, "Oh, man,
is this gonna sell out?
852
00:32:31,382 --> 00:32:33,084
Is this gonna do this? Is it...
What do you think about..."
853
00:32:33,184 --> 00:32:34,786
-And look at you now.
-Yeah, man.
854
00:32:34,886 --> 00:32:36,321
-You deserve all of it,
my friend. -Thank you, man.
855
00:32:36,387 --> 00:32:37,956
For real, man. You're one
of the funniest people I know.
856
00:32:38,056 --> 00:32:39,657
Uh, one of the most
insightful people.
857
00:32:39,758 --> 00:32:41,025
Just in, like, how you've lived,
858
00:32:41,126 --> 00:32:42,560
how you've enjoyed,
how you've done your thing.
859
00:32:42,660 --> 00:32:46,064
Um, I-I do have to, like,
relearn your name,
860
00:32:46,164 --> 00:32:47,866
-which is weird.
I'm not gonna lie. -Yes.
861
00:32:47,966 --> 00:32:49,400
Because it's like...
862
00:32:49,501 --> 00:32:51,436
Now I feel
like I'm in your family,
863
00:32:51,536 --> 00:32:52,904
-which I think you understand.
-Yes.
864
00:32:53,004 --> 00:32:54,272
'Cause, like,
all my Indian friends
865
00:32:54,305 --> 00:32:55,740
have, like,
the way everyone says their name
866
00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:57,108
-and they say their name
at, like, work. -Yeah.
867
00:32:57,275 --> 00:32:58,710
And then how their family
says their name.
868
00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:00,412
-Like, the first time you hear
it... -In the living room. Yes.
869
00:33:00,512 --> 00:33:01,946
The first time you hear it
will be, like, with the dad.
870
00:33:02,046 --> 00:33:03,515
-Yeah. -So you'll be visit...
You'll be like, "Hey, Hasan,
871
00:33:03,615 --> 00:33:05,717
Hasan, Hasan." It'll be like,
"Hey, Hasan. It's me, Hasan."
872
00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:07,018
-And then it'll be like,
"Hasan!" -Yeah.
873
00:33:07,118 --> 00:33:08,486
And then you're like,
"Who's that?"
874
00:33:08,586 --> 00:33:10,188
-And you're like, "Who's that?"
-Yeah. And now I feel
875
00:33:10,288 --> 00:33:11,990
like I'm, like,
almost overstepping boundaries.
876
00:33:12,090 --> 00:33:13,491
And I'm like, "Oh, Hasan."
I'm like, "Am I trying
877
00:33:13,591 --> 00:33:15,293
-to be his dad? Am I trying
to be..." You know? -No.
878
00:33:15,393 --> 00:33:16,728
It's not that... Look, for me,
879
00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:18,663
it just came to this moment
in my career and my life
880
00:33:18,763 --> 00:33:21,332
where I'm like, "All I really
want to do is close the gap
881
00:33:21,433 --> 00:33:23,601
"between who I am on Instagram
882
00:33:23,701 --> 00:33:25,336
and who I am on iMessage."
883
00:33:25,437 --> 00:33:27,472
(laughing)
884
00:33:29,507 --> 00:33:31,643
-You know what I mean?
Now I'm iMessage me. -I get you.
885
00:33:31,743 --> 00:33:33,745
-Okay. Okay.
-Yeah. So, that's the show.
886
00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:37,615
-When do we get to WhatsApp you?
-WhatsApp me is-is really wild.
887
00:33:37,715 --> 00:33:39,317
-That's when it gets pretty...
-All right, so just iMessage you
888
00:33:39,417 --> 00:33:41,419
-for now. Okay.
-iMessage is cool, yeah. Yeah.
889
00:33:41,519 --> 00:33:43,088
And that's-that's what I want
to show the world, you know?
890
00:33:43,254 --> 00:33:44,389
-And that's what the show is.
-That's what you're showing
891
00:33:44,489 --> 00:33:45,790
-the world. My dude,
I appreciate it. -Yeah.
892
00:33:45,890 --> 00:33:47,358
-Uh, I will be at the show.
-Thank you. Thank you.
893
00:33:47,459 --> 00:33:48,827
-Congrats, my dude. On
everything, man. -Appreciate it.
894
00:33:48,927 --> 00:33:50,595
-Appreciate you, man.
Thank you. -So much fun.
895
00:33:50,695 --> 00:33:52,831
Don't forget, people,
tickets for The King's Jester
896
00:33:52,931 --> 00:33:55,133
are available
on HasanMinhaj.com.
897
00:33:55,266 --> 00:33:56,434
We're gonna take a quick break,
898
00:33:56,534 --> 00:33:58,002
but we'll be right back
after this.
899
00:33:58,103 --> 00:34:00,004
-Thank you, man.
-That was amazing.
900
00:34:00,105 --> 00:34:01,439
Thank you so much.
You see? It's different.
901
00:34:01,539 --> 00:34:03,074
-It's fun. You see? -This
was fun. This was actually...
902
00:34:04,608 --> 00:34:05,876
Until tomorrow,
stay safe out there,
903
00:34:05,976 --> 00:34:08,279
get your vaccine, and remember,
if you want to read
904
00:34:08,379 --> 00:34:10,214
Michelle Obama's biography
in school,
905
00:34:10,314 --> 00:34:13,117
just make sure you hide it
inside a Playboy.
906
00:34:13,217 --> 00:34:14,718
They'll never know.
907
00:34:14,819 --> 00:34:17,521
Now, here it is,
Your Moment of Zen.
908
00:34:17,621 --> 00:34:19,657
♪ ♪
909
00:34:22,226 --> 00:34:23,794
The Feds are using
a sneaky tactic
910
00:34:23,894 --> 00:34:27,431
to encourage people to give exes
a Valentine's Day surprise.
911
00:34:27,531 --> 00:34:29,667
The Bureau of Alcohol,
Tobacco and Firearms
912
00:34:29,767 --> 00:34:32,336
posted
that Valentine's Day can be fun
913
00:34:32,436 --> 00:34:34,071
even if you broke up.
914
00:34:34,171 --> 00:34:36,707
NEWSWOMAN: Valentine's Day
celebrates you and your partner,
915
00:34:36,807 --> 00:34:39,910
but the ATF is using the day
as a way to get revenge
916
00:34:40,010 --> 00:34:42,446
on your ex
or even current partner
917
00:34:42,546 --> 00:34:45,349
by reporting
illegal gun or drug use.