People are still, today, talking about Snoop Dogg smoking weed
before his Super Bowl performance.
Which I don't even understand, like,
how anyone would even go, like, "This is anything of--
a-anything to write about." But they're like,
"Snoop Dogg smoked weed before his..."
I was shocked that Snoop Dogg ever not--
doesn't smoke weed. Do you know what I mean?
'Cause, to me, that would just seem like more like a top-up.
It's not like-- They-they made it seem like Snoop Dogg smoked
for the first time. Like the Super Bowl was about to start,
then he's like, "Oh, shit, cuz, let me try this."
Like, this is Snoop Dogg. He's the guy of the--
First, also, it's le-- it's legal.
Right? That's a thing people don't--
You're in California.
It is completely legal for Snoop Dogg to do that.
Also, he is Snoop Dogg.
-It was legal for him before it was legal. -(chuckling)
That's like-- He's the guy of weed.
Like, him and weed are, like, old friends from way back.
Be like, "Did you see Snoop smoking?"
I would be shocked if Snoop didn't smoke weed.
I was actually wondering. I was like,
"What if we don't know who Snoop is?"
We know "Snoop on weed" Snoop.
You know?
Like, that man has smoked so much weed
that we think we know him. But what if that's not him?
Like, what if, like, we know-- You know what I mean?
He smokes his weed and then, like, he does his thing.
But what if he doesn't smoke his weed,
he's, like, a totally different person?
You know? You'd be like, "Oh, shit! It's Snoop Dogg!"
And then he hasn't smoked and he's like,
"Hello, young man.
Good to see you all again."
You're like, "Shit, why you talking like that, Snoop?"
Then he's like, "Oh. (laughs)
"Hold on, I didn't... (puffing)
(inhales deeply) Shit, cuz."
-♪ ♪ -ANNOUNCER: Coming to you from the heart of Times Square,
in New York City,
the only city in America,
it's The Daily Show.
Tonight, the war on books.
Black athletes conquer the cold.
And Hasan Minhaj.
This is The Daily Show with Trevor Noah.
Hey! What's going on, everybody?
Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Trevor Noah.
Let's jump straight into today's headlines.
♪ ♪
We kick things off with Russia's potential invasion of Ukraine,
which, at this moment in time, is a little like a package sent
via the post office.
It could either come tomorrow
or never.
There's no way to know.
The Biden administration says the invasion
is all but certain
and has warned all U.S. citizens
to leave Ukraine immediately,
Which, I mean, you'd think would be obvious at this point.
You know? But you got to admit-- there's always that one person
who needs the danger spelled out for them.
"It's dangerous. Can't you see?"
You know? It's like the people in-in horror movies.
"Honey! There's an evil clown at the door selling knives!
"I'm gonna let him in. (chuckles)
See what happens."
But over the last couple of days,
there have also been some promising signs
of de-escalation.
Like, for instance, Russia said
that it would continue negotiations,
and it claimed
that it had pulled some of its troops away from the border.
Right? That's a really good thing.
And-and there's no way to know why this is happening.
But I will say,
I'd probably put some of my money on this.
NEWSMAN: Just across from Russia, in the city of Mariupol,
some Ukrainians are preparing.
Basic training for the whole family,
learning first aid to treat gunshot and shrapnel wounds.
And weapons training on a 7.62-caliber AK-47
is Valentina Konstantinovskaya.
This 79-year-old is a retired accountant
and a great-grandmother.
Wow. I've never seen someone who looks so adorable
sound so threatening.
"When this shit goes down,
"I will head-shot a bitch from 300 yards.
Some lemon in your tea?"
This woman is a badass though, you know?
Actually, if you ask me,
I think this is a brilliant deterrent,
to have grannies on the front lines.
No, think about it. Think about it.
Right? If you're part of the elite Russian invasion squad,
there's no way in hell you want to get taken down
by a 79-year-old woman.
I mean, if that happens,
they're probably gonna have to make something up
to tell your family.
"I'm sorry to say your son was killed by very strong young man.
"Definitely not old woman who learned to use gun
four days ago."
Oh, and, uh, just one more thing.
Before you get too attached to Granny Rambo,
the militia that's training her in that news clip--
well, they're reportedly far-right ultranationalists
with neo-Nazi tendencies, so, uh, just a friendly reminder.
Everything you love will eventually disappoint you.
But let's move on,
because while Russia is threatening
to violate Ukraine's sovereignty,
they're already violating the rules of the Olympics,
and it's causing a huge controversy
in the world of figure skating.
NEWSWOMAN: With the world watching her every move,
this morning, 15-year-old Russian figure skater
Kamila Valieva is set to take to the ice,
despite testing positive for an illegal
performance-enhancing substance before the games.
CHRISTINE BRENNAN: A positive drug test is gonna be
on the ice here in a few hours skating at the Olympic Games.
I cannot believe I just said that sentence.
NEWSWOMAN: The IOC now saying that Valieva claims
there was a mix-up with her grandfather's heart medication.
An international court deciding she can still compete
while they investigate further. In the response, the IOC saying,
"If Valieva lands in the top three,
"there will be no medals handed out
until the investigation is complete."
I can't believe they caught someone cheating,
and they're still letting her compete
while they investigate more.
Like, guys, it almost feels like
the investigation is not about whether she cheated or not.
It's almost like the real investigation here is,
"Okay, let's-let's see what these drugs can do.
"Let her rip. Come on, let's just see. We just...
We want to know, right? Everybody wants to know."
I also knows that nobody believes her excuse, right?
That she accidentally took her grandfather's heart medication.
But I do. I believe her.
Because I know what it was like growing up.
Me and my family-- we always had a big bowl
of loose pills all mixed together.
It's an easy mistake to make.
Is this one yours? I don't know.
I know my estrogen has changed, Grandma, but I don't know.
Meanwhile, everyone's obsessed with this girl and the pills.
That's all everyone is talking about. They're like,
"This 15-year-old took the pills, and she did this, and..."
Yeah, everyone's focusing on... No one is focusing on the fact
that her grandpa took her medication.
Now he's dominating bingo at the old folks home.
I will say, you know, like, one of the things
that shocked me about this story is
that I've always pictured performance-enhancing drugs
and steroids for things that you need, like, power for.
Do you know what I mean? Like-like, extreme power.
Sprinting, lifting. Brrr!
I never thought I'd see the day
where a figure skater would be injecting themselves. Just like,
"All right, let's go! Ah."
Now, a lot of people are scratching their heads.
A lot of people have been asking this online, saying,
"Why?" Why is it that this Russian skater
is still being allowed to compete
in the Olympics when Sha'Carri Richardson--
remember her?-- she was kicked out of the Olympics
after she smoked weed. Yeah.
But apparently, the reason for this--
and I-I just found this out-- is that one difference is
that if you're a minor in sports,
and you get caught doping, they give you more leeway
because you're young, and you're impressionable,
and you may not be in control
of what you're putting into your body.
Yeah, I didn't know that.
That's a pretty big loophole in the anti-doping rules.
Like, I'm not saying Russia had this minor take steroids
on purpose because they knew she wouldn't get in trouble,
but if they did do it on purpose,
I mean, you got to admit, that's a pretty slick move, you know?
It's the same reason
drug dealers put kids out on the corner. They're like,
"Shit, the worst that you get is juvie. Come on, man."
But again, I'm not saying that Russia did this on purpose.
I'm not saying that.
I'm just saying, don't be shocked when later this week,
they use 15-year-olds to invade Ukraine.
All right, that's it for the headlines.
Let's jump straight into our main story,
and this story is about America's favorite pastime--
the culture wars. Ooh, they're back, baby!
You see, every few months, especially before elections,
politicians in this country-- they have to find a reason
to rile people up so that they can drum up support
and distract voters from the fact
that they haven't solved any of their real problems.
Yeah, I know the bridges keep collapsing,
and I know you don't have jobs,
but we got to focus on the real threat.
People are using the wrong bathrooms!
Vote for me.
And what always happens is the same, right?
The problems pop up, and then after the elections,
everything is magically not a problem anymore. Yeah.
Like, remember kneeling during "The Anthem"?
Huge problem before the elections. Huge.
Then after the election, suddenly it's over.
Meh. Even Eminem can do it.
Yeah. The war on Christmas, every year.
Huge problem! Huge!
Then the elections,
and then suddenly we can say "Merry Christmas" again. Ah.
Remember when Mr. Potato Head lost his penis?
It's a problem! You know? It's a huge problem!
This is our society. We're shutting down...
Then the election came, and now he's got a huge hog.
Biggest one you've ever seen. Hits kids in the eyes with it.
Bap! Bap! Bap! Mr. Potato Head's back.
Well, now we're getting close to another election.
So that means it's time to find out what the latest fight
is all about in another installment of Culture Wars:
Moral Kombat!
ANNOUNCER: Culture Wars:
Moral Kombat!
So, the new culture war raging across America
is over books,
aka movies without the cool sound effects.
Yeah, I always think the movies are better.
Gonna read a book, and then I got to do it myself.
"Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!" said Harry Potter.
Now, even though most kids only read books in school
to hide their erections, some parents and politicians
have suddenly gotten very concerned
about which books are available in schools.
And they're dealing with this problem
that they invented, by the way, in a time-honored way--
with a good, old-fashioned book ban.
According to The New York Times,
the pace at which groups of parents
and officials and lawmakers are challenging books
in school libraries has reached a speed
that many haven't seen in decades.
Just since the start of the school year,
the American Library Association has tracked
more than 230 book challenges nationwide.
NEWSWOMAN: Parents and school officials banning books
at an unprecedented rate.
Record requests to nearly a hundred Texas districts
found that during the first four months of this school year,
parents made at least 75 formal complaints,
compared to only one filed
during the same period last year.
NEWSMAN: A Virginia school district is pulling
library books off of the shelves,
and some board members say they want to burn them.
I want to look at every book that you guys...
a copy of every book that has brought...
pulled out of circulation.
I'm sure we've got hundreds of people out there
that would like to see those books before we burn them.
They want to burn books?
Burn books? We're not in the 1900s.
We're living in 2022.
We shouldn't be burning books.
We have air fryers and microwaves
and all kinds of cool shit now.
We could be, like, fileting the books.
You know? We could be lightly roasting the books.
Put some butter and some salt. (kiss) Ooh!
You taste that book now? Mmm, that's food for thought.
See what I did there?
But yeah, that's the situation right now.
Parents across the country are trying to get books banned
from certain schools, right?
And I'll be honest, if I was a kid in school right now,
I would jump in and use this outrage to my advantage.
Yeah, the parents would all be there like:
We have to get these books off the shelves!
Yeah! And don't forget the trigonometry textbooks!
And the yearbook where I had that weird rash on my face!
Burn them all!
Now, I'll be honest, people, I don't know
if these culture warriors have thought this through,
because making something forbidden
just makes teenagers want it more.
Think about it, anytime, anytime parents would say
something would make them mad, what would happen?
Their kids would want to do it even more.
Yeah. Now they're gonna be like: No books for these kids!
You keep this up, and soon reading books is gonna be
the new dating a Black guy.
And look, there have always been-- don't get me wrong--
there have always been some parents
who've wanted books pulled from schools and libraries.
That's always been a thing. You know, like, conservatives
wanted to ban Harry Potter for promoting witchcraft.
Liberals want to ban Huckleberry Finn
for using the N-word.
Mockingbirds want to burn that book about killing them.
But recently, recently the number of books being targeted
has gotten out of control.
And the types of books that are being targeted now
are very revealing.
NEWSMAN: Books on race, gender and sexuality
are disappearing from school shelves.
Books about coming of age and reckoning with real-world
problems, like depression, gender politics and
racial injustice, history like the Holocaust or slavery.
NEWSWOMAN: One Tennessee district banning Maus,
a Pulitzer prize-winning graphic novel about the Holocaust.
NEWSMAN 3: One tells the story of school segregation
through the eyes of Mexican-American students.
One is about the March on Washington,
and two are about Civil Rights icon Ruby Bridges.
NEWSWOMAN 2: One parent even asked the district to
remove a biography of Michelle Obama,
arguing the book promotes "reverse racism."
The district denied the request.
I can't believe these people want to ban
a Michelle Obama biography.
It's a biography. That totally gives away the game
that this is more about ginning up a culture war
than protecting kids. Because once you're
banning a book about any first lady,
that's political. I don't care what anybody says.
There's no book about a first lady that's controversial,
you know? Unless, maybe, it's like,
Martha Jefferson's book, 101 Tips for Owning Slave Children
Who Kinda Look Like My Husband.
Yeah, that's a little edgy for the kids,
but otherwise, pretty chill.
And you can see how crazy this book-banning trend has gotten.
Right? They're banning books about race,
about gender, about sexuality,
about emotions, about history.
Guys, that's all books.
Think about it, y-you take away all of those books
and what are you gonna be left with? Huh?
A how-to book about making pottery?
Wrong! That vase is too sexy.
I also can't believe they're gonna ban Ruby Bridges.
You understand how crazy that is?
You're gonna ban a book about Ruby Bridges.
So, that poor girl needed the National Guard to get her into
school, now they're gonna have the National Guard
escort her out.
And, look, I'm not saying that schools shouldn't
be allowed to curate what books they carry.
I'm not saying that. I know people are gonna say,
"You are saying that the schools shouldn't get to decide
for themselves?" No, I'm not saying--
I'm exactly not saying that.
"But you are saying that." I'm not saying that!
Libraries have always decided which books are in and
which books are not in. Like, you can't have
a Playboy in the school library.
I mean, I did it, but I brought it in myself.
They didn't stock it for me, they just
gave me the space to read it.
But I guarantee you, the vast majority of schools don't even
have the most outrageous books that are on these lists.
What's happening here, what's happening here is
is that people are finding the most scary parts of
the most scary books, and then they're making a bad-faith
argument that kids are being bombarded
with all of this stuff. So, all the books to go.
And that happens even if you try and talk about books.
Like, if I say books shouldn't be banned,
I know someone's gonna pull out the most extreme example
from some random library at school and be like,
"Oh, really, Trevor? You're okay with kids reading this?"
And I don't know. Maybe I'm not,
but now we're arguing about one page in one book as if that's
the story, when the actual story is people are using these books
as an excuse to go after all the books that they don't like.
Because again, people,
this isn't about books, all right?
This is about keeping the culture war going
for political benefits.
All right? Y-You don't just have Republicans in dozens of states
around the country suddenly realizing all at the same time
that there are books that they want to ban in their libraries.
All at the same time?
Come on. It's happening because they think it's a winning issue.
Or at least they think it's more of a winning issue
than "Trump is secretly still the president."
"But I am." "Shut up! You're gonna make us lose."
And the problem with waging a culture war
instead of debating a political issue
is that when people are fighting a war,
they don't want to just win an argument.
No, they want to punish the enemy.
NEWSWOMAN: In Wyoming, a county prosecutor's office
considered charges against library employees
for stocking books like Sex Is a Funny Word
and This Book Is Gay.
NEWSWOMAN 2: In Oklahoma, a bill
sets a $10,000 bounty
to be collected by parents
for each day a challenged book remains on library shelves.
NEWSWOMAN 3: Texas Governor Greg Abbott
called for criminal charges against staff
who provide kids with pornographic books.
School librarians fearing for their own safety now
over books.
Many of us have had to take measures in our personal lives
that we never would have imagined we had to do
because of our profession.
Wow, people, are you... are you seeing this?
You seeing this? Like, this is the interview
an insider gives
when they're ratting out El Chapo.
Not when they've exposed the magical friendship
between a pig and a spider.
I mean, think... Just think about how insane
things have gotten where school librarians
feel scared for their safety.
They've got these crazy parents coming after them
on top of all the other stuff
that they have to worry about on a daily basis.
School shootings. COVID. Their students finding out
that they just made up the Dewey decimal system
to sound smarter than everyone else.
"This book is by Dr. Seuss.
Is that under 'S'?"
(laughs evilly)
"No, actually,
"that book's in 791.45/75,
you idiot!" (laughs evilly)
And look, man, i-it's one thing for parents to be upset
about a-a book that their kid is reading at school.
Once you offer a $10,000 bounty,
think about what you're doing there.
Now you're using money to just try and stir up shit.
I mean, of course people are gonna start combing the shelves
for anything that might pay out. Ten grand is a lot of money.
Ten grand for banning a book is more than most authors made
for writing that book.
So, that's the latest culture war
that's tearing America apart.
It's happening in schools,
and who knows if it'll even stop there.
'Cause maybe it'll start in schools,
but pretty soon, any place that kids go to
to find books could become a target.
♪ ♪
Hey, y'all. LeVar Burton here,
and I am so excited to read with you today.
Our first selection is called Rosa.
And it's the story of Rosa Parks, who...
(static crackling)
So, as it turns out,
that book is banned
because reading about segregation
is divisive.
But since almost any book with Black people these days
is considered divisive,
here's one
that doesn't have any people in it at all.
It's about two penguins and their little baby.
Both penguins are boys.
(static crackling)
Well, I'm told that that book is also banned
because of sexual perversion,
which is weird because there's no sex in the book at all.
Y'all, they adopted the baby.
What do you guys want? A mommy and a daddy penguin
so the kids can make sure that the penguins are knocking boots?
A-All right. I've got one
that they can't possibly have a problem with.
Hop on Pop.
(static crackling)
What?! Disrespectful to parents?
You got to be kidding me! All right, listen,
there-there are plenty of books to choose from.
But you know what? No.
Read the books they don't want you to.
That's where the good stuff is.
-(siren wails) -Oh, shit. They're coming.
Read banned books!
(static crackling)
Phew! Stay safe, LeVar.
All right, when we come back,
Roy Wood Jr. looks at the Winter Olympians
you forgot about.
You don't want to miss it.
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
As you know, it is Black History Month.
And as you also know, the Winter Olympics are on.
So to celebrate both at the same time,
here's Roy Wood Jr. with a special episode
of CP Time.
♪ ♪
Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh, now, that's a nice tie.
Ah.
Welcome to CP Time,
the only show that's for the culture.
Today, we'll be discussing the history
of Black Winter Olympians.
Now, I know when you think of Winter Olympians,
you think of Bjørgen,
Bjorn,
Bjoerndalen
and many other names that sound like IKEA tables.
But not all Winter Olympians look like they walked off
Hitler's vision board.
Take Debi Thomas,
an American figure skater who became the first Black athlete
to win a medal at the Winter Olympics.
She had to overcome life-changing challenges
that would break the most of us--
racism, sexism,
and the cold.
But Debi's persistence got her to the '88 Olympics,
where she faced off against East Germany's Katarina Witt
in the Battle of the Carmens,
since they both skated to music from the opera Carmen.
Which just makes sense.
I mean, what other opera are you going to ice skate to?
La traviata?
(chuckles)
PBS folks know what I'm talking about.
Our next Winter Olympian is Tofiri Kibuuka,
a blind skier from Uganda, who, in 1976,
became the first African athlete
to compete at The Paralympic Winter Games.
1976-- it's not that long ago.
George Jefferson was already in a deluxe apartment in the sky,
Kool had already met The Gang,
and Bernie Sanders was a young 97.
Still, Kibuuka won five silver Paralympic medals
and also scaled Mount Kilimanjaro.
To cap it off, in 1996,
Kibuuka became the first Black flag bearer of Norway,
where he still resides today.
I just hope that he never regains his sight and realizes
that he is the only brother in that country.
But sometimes you chase the dream,
and sometimes the dream chases you.
That's what happened to Mathilde-Amivi Petitjean,
representing the nation of Togo in cross country skiing in 2014.
The crazy part? Mathilde never even thought
about skiing in the Olympics
until her country reached out to her on Facebook.
Now, that there is a DM.
Only Facebook messages I get are from Russian robot booty.
That's how I met my fiancée Tatiana 696969.
Love you, baby.
I'm sending my routing number shortly,
and I hope that my credit cards
can get you those plane tickets to America.
See you soon.
But perhaps the most famous Black Winter Olympians
are the 1988 bobsled team from Jamaica.
They made no sense.
Bobsledding requires ice, sleds
and intense concentration for up to four minutes,
none of which Jamaicans were thought to have.
But in 1987,
Jamaica recruited a ragtag team of bobsledders,
including 22-year-old Devon Harris,
who at the time was serving in the Jamaican army.
Now I'll be honest in telling you
I did not even know that Jamaica had an army.
Who the hell is mad at Jamaica?
Friendly people. If you're mad at Jamaicans,
the problem is you.
Now, Devon Harris and the rest of the team
were so unfamiliar with the sport
that they didn't even know what bobsledding was.
They probably thought it was sledding
on top of a guy named Bob. (chuckles)
But of course it hadn't been that way since 1942,
when Bob died.
(quietly): Poor bastard.
Anyway, the Jamaican team somehow qualified
for the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary, Canada,
even after crashing their sled more times than Bitcoin.
And if that weren't crazy enough,
the team recruited and trained a fourth member
three days before the Olympic event.
That doesn't seem like a lot of training,
but two days is still more training
than most police officers.
On the third run at the Olympic Games,
the Jamaican team got into a horrible crash
and they were disqualified,
but they heroically walked to the finish line.
It was a dramatic moment that was made famous
in the 1993 movie Cool Runnings.
A movie I auditioned for,
but ultimately didn't get the part,
because of my, quote, "Offensive Jamaican accent."
(Jamaican accent) Come on, now, man, you know me accent
no offend ya, man. Me grew up in Kingston. Me smoke the
-reefer, me eat the plantains.. -MAN: Stop. Stop, stop, stop!
-Stop! -What...? Stop,
That was a terrible accent, Roy.
Wait-- Wait. Who's there? Who are you?
It's me, man. Devin Harris from the original bobsled team.
I hacked into your monitor to tell you to stop doing
a Jamaican accent. You...
You sound like Miss Cleo had sex with Jar Jar Binks.
How did you hack into my monitor?
Because I believe in myself.
And if you believe in yourself, you can do anything.
Well, except for you.
You'll never do a good Jamaican accent.
It sounds like how fake dreadlocks look.
So, does this mean I can't audition
for Cool Runnings Part Two?
There's not gonna be a part two.
And even if there was, you know, let's face it,
you don't exactly look like an Olympic athlete.
I would say you look like you're competing
to be America's next top Steve Harvey.
So, you know.
Well...
Well, excuse me. I thought Jamaicans
were supposed to be friendly. All that damn weed you smoke.
"One love," my ass.
-I heard that. -Good. I hope you did.
Well, that's all the time we have for today.
I'm Roy Wood Jr.,
and this has been CP Time.
Remember, we're for the culture.
Now, since I got you here, tell me,
have y'all ever thought about using dogs?
That's a different type of sled.
No, I mean, to, like, to...
As a teammate to help you push.
Have you ever seen Air Bud?
♪ ♪
Thank you so much for that, Roy. All right, when we come back,
I am so excited because former Daily Show correspondent
and current superstar Hasan Minhaj
will be joining me on the show, so don't go away.
Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight
is a comedian and he is a former Daily Show correspondent.
He goes by the name Hasan Minhaj.
He's here to talk about his stand-up tour The King's Jester.
-What's going on, Hasan? How you doing, my dude? -(chuckles)
-What's up, man? -Is this weird for you?
This is upsetting.
-Why is it upsetting? -This is upsetting.
It can't be upsetting. It's just different.
This-this feel and this vibe
feels very...
Red Table Talk right now.
-Oh, I like... -It's a little bit-- You know what I mean?
-Want to spill about your relationship? -(laughs)
-We can do that. -You're gonna tell me how my wife
-is sleeping with an R&B singer? -Hey, my friend,
-we can do anything at this table. -(laughs)
-But how are you, man? -I've been good, man.
-Good to see you. -You-You're more than good.
-I'm great. -Like, I-- Can I tell you?
It's so much fun to watch good people
get good things in life. You know?
-Thank you, man. -Like-like, you-- Dude, you-you were there
at the very beginning of The Daily Show,
-my Daily Show, you know? -Yes.
-W-We went through the trenches together... -Together.
...like, where people were like, "It's terrible.
"It'll never last. These people are horrible.
-They're not funny." We felt it all. -Yes.
-We rode through it together, and now... -And, and, and,
to your credit, you didn't fire me.
And I rea-- and I really needed health insurance at the time.
(laughing)
I was like, "Yo, this dude from South Africa's here.
Heads are about to roll."
I just got married.
Like, I was like, "Bro, don't do this to me.
Like, don't do this to me." Yeah.
And look at you now. Look at, like--
-Forgive me if I miss a thing. I mean... -Sure.
-Patriot Act. -Yes.
Multiple award-winning show. Congratulations.
-Six seasons on Netflix. -Thank you.
Then you-you leave there
to go and do completely different things.
I mean, then-then we see you in everything from, like, ads
to shows that are, like, huge.
-The Morning Show, season two. Congratu... -Yeah, thank you.
I see you-- I saw you dancing with, like, Reese Witherspoon.
I was like, "Is this-- Am I..."
-I was like, "Well." -It was dope.
You're not-- you're not just doing TV.
-You're on tour again. -Yes.
-You put out Homecoming King. -Yes.
Easily, like, one of the most innovative shows
that-that anyone had ever seen.
-Your-your new tour now, you're doing the same thing. -Yeah.
Same sort of thing, where...
I've always liked it-- the lighting design,
-stage design, graphics. -Yeah.
I just feel like my brain already works that way,
-visually. -Right.
And so I always loved shows that were like that.
And whenever you go to the UK or you actually watch theater,
you see all those elements.
-Oh, that's interesting. -Do you see what I'm saying?
-Okay. Okay. -Wh-When you go-- When you see a show on Broadway
-or you see a show in the UK... -Yeah.
...you'll see act breaks.
You'll see changes of colors
-that represent different... -So you think of it
-as, like, an entire production. -Yeah. Totally.
I've always loved the visual experience
of going to see music that way
-or going to see theater that way... -Yeah.
and I always thought, "Why can't comedy be that?"
-Here's a question I have with the show. -Yeah, what's up?
-Yes. -So you've got all of these visual elements.
-Yes. -I don't want to give away,
like, any big parts of the show, but I know you have a joke
-about infertility. -Yeah.
-Your infertility, in particular. -Yes.
Which I was like, "Wow. Okay, Hasan, brave."
-Um, so, are there visual aids that go with that? -Nah.
I didn't just, like, show a dia...
Like, so, speaking of my vas deferens, I didn't do anything.
-Okay, okay. -But it's...
But to me, the, um... what I love about comedy,
and my favorite comedy is confessional.
I'm going to tell you something
I'm too afraid to tell other people.
-I like that. -So, actually, the beginning of the show
goes back to some of the conversations we had early on.
I remember Beena and I were trying to get pregnant
-while I was still at The Daily Show. -Yup.
And we could not get pregnant, and it was my fault,
and I wasn't telling anybody about this.
And I remember, you would sometimes come up to me
and be like, "Hey, man, you, like... you look a little glum.
"Like, are you.. you okay?
You and Beena okay? You guys are like Indian Barbie and Ken."
And I'm like, "I-I know, and kind of like Ken,
I... I'm infertile." -(laughing)
My genitals don't work, either.
And that's, like, a... It's-it's a thing you carry.
-It's not usually talked about for most men. -Yes.
And I start the show that way-- fertility,
fatherhood, freedom of speech.
All the things that I've been going through
-the past four or five years of my life. -That jump-- I...
Don't even explain it. I just love that.
-Fertility, fatherhood, freedom of speech. -Yeah.
-I like how... -Yeah.
-It's like, of course. -That's a big (bleep).
Of course, these things go together.
You're a father of two, though, now, correct? Congratulations.
-Yeah. Four and two, yeah. -Yeah? You enjoying it?
-Yes. -(laughs)
Yes, it's...
You know, this is gonna be public record,
and I... I just want my children to know, I...
It's been a thrill of a lifetime, and, um,
it's-it's a true honor and privilege being their father.
Are your kids starting to, like, show you a bit
-of your funny back to you? -Yeah, they're really funny.
-Yeah? -Yeah, my daughter is, like,
really, really, really funny.
She knows how to needle my wife and I, yeah.
Like, the other day, she was getting into it with Beena,
and she knows... she knows. Like, look,
when-when comedians will make fun of each other, we'll go,
"I don't like that jacket, I don't like your hair."
But her... She was arguing with Beena,
and she knew, "I'm not even gonna mess with nouns.
"I'm gonna go right at adjectives.
-I'm gonna go at your soul." -(laughs)
She's like, "Mommy, don't tell me what to do. You're fake."
-Wow. -And my... Beena was just like, "Wow."
I was like, you should just make fun of the way she looks.
-Wow. -Yeah, don't talk about the content of her character.
That's actually crueler than being like,
-"I don't like your hair." -But she nailed it, though,
Yeah, she was like, "They're fake."
And I was like, "Hey, don't do that.
Don't be mean to Mommy," and she's like, "You're projecting."
I'm like, "Hey, what is happening?
What is going on right now?"
Okay, let me tell you something. I also want...
I want the Twitterati to know. I want everyone to know this.
It was so cool of you. You also were one of the first people
that kind of gave me my first test drive through fame.
Remember you were my Met Gala date?
-I was your Met Gala date. -That was fun.
-No, no, no, I was your Met Gala date. -Yeah.
And you go, and I remember I was being very awkward and weird,
and you go, "Hey, man, you're being very awkward and weird.
-You need to enjoy this." -Did I say that?
Yeah. You go, "Hey, man, listen, listen."
-'Cause you could see it in my eyes. -Okay, yes, that's true.
-I didn't know I said "awkward and weird." -Yeah.
I-I think I said, "You look uncomfortable."
-Yeah. -I wouldn't say to somebody
they look awkward and weird, but...
-No, you said it in a very kind way. -Okay.
I read this on text. And you go,
"Hey, listen, man"-- and this was a really profound quote--
you go: Listen, if you see anybody
that you respect or admire,
you should take a selfie with them tonight.
You should treat fame like a rental car.
Take a spin around the block.
That way, when they take the car back,
you won't feel like they're taking a piece of you.
And I don't know if you remember this,
-at the end of the night, we saw Nicki Minaj. -Yep.
-She was walking down the stairs leaving the Met Gala, -Yep.
and I was too nervous to say anything,
and you go, "Hey, Nicki! Nicki, turn around!"
-And, you know, she was, like, dressed like Dr. Seuss. -Yep.
-And she turned around... -I remember.
she turned around, and you go, "Look-- it's your cousin.
-(laughing) -Take a photo with your cousin."
And she was like, "What?
(crew laughing)
No."
And then she just walked off with...
with her umbrella.
And I'm so glad she said no,
because I would have been that cousin
that had the swollen testicles
that was the reason why she didn't get the vaccine.
Getty Images would have been like:
Swollen Testicle Minhaj is the reason why Nicki
-Oh, man. -did not get the vaccine.
Just Getty Images, my goofy face.
-You know what I mean? -That was a fun night.
-Before I let you go, though...
-Yes. -Radio City Music Hall.
-Five shows?
-Five shows. -Man, congrats.
-Thank you, man. -Like, like, a thousand times, cong...
Dude, I remember, like, where you'd be, like,
-stressed about a show. -Yes.
You'd be like, "Oh, man, is this gonna sell out?
Is this gonna do this? Is it... What do you think about..."
-And look at you now. -Yeah, man.
-You deserve all of it, my friend. -Thank you, man.
For real, man. You're one of the funniest people I know.
Uh, one of the most insightful people.
Just in, like, how you've lived,
how you've enjoyed, how you've done your thing.
Um, I-I do have to, like, relearn your name,
-which is weird. I'm not gonna lie. -Yes.
Because it's like...
Now I feel like I'm in your family,
-which I think you understand. -Yes.
'Cause, like, all my Indian friends
have, like, the way everyone says their name
-and they say their name at, like, work. -Yeah.
And then how their family says their name.
-Like, the first time you hear it... -In the living room. Yes.
The first time you hear it will be, like, with the dad.
-Yeah. -So you'll be visit... You'll be like, "Hey, Hasan,
Hasan, Hasan." It'll be like, "Hey, Hasan. It's me, Hasan."
-And then it'll be like, "Hasan!" -Yeah.
And then you're like, "Who's that?"
-And you're like, "Who's that?" -Yeah. And now I feel
like I'm, like, almost overstepping boundaries.
And I'm like, "Oh, Hasan." I'm like, "Am I trying
-to be his dad? Am I trying to be..." You know? -No.
It's not that... Look, for me,
it just came to this moment in my career and my life
where I'm like, "All I really want to do is close the gap
"between who I am on Instagram
and who I am on iMessage."
(laughing)
-You know what I mean? Now I'm iMessage me. -I get you.
-Okay. Okay. -Yeah. So, that's the show.
-When do we get to WhatsApp you? -WhatsApp me is-is really wild.
-That's when it gets pretty... -All right, so just iMessage you
-for now. Okay. -iMessage is cool, yeah. Yeah.
And that's-that's what I want to show the world, you know?
-And that's what the show is. -That's what you're showing
-the world. My dude, I appreciate it. -Yeah.
-Uh, I will be at the show. -Thank you. Thank you.
-Congrats, my dude. On everything, man. -Appreciate it.
-Appreciate you, man. Thank you. -So much fun.
Don't forget, people, tickets for The King's Jester
are available on HasanMinhaj.com.
We're gonna take a quick break,
but we'll be right back after this.
-Thank you, man. -That was amazing.
Thank you so much. You see? It's different.
-It's fun. You see? -This was fun. This was actually...
Until tomorrow, stay safe out there,
get your vaccine, and remember, if you want to read
Michelle Obama's biography in school,
just make sure you hide it inside a Playboy.
They'll never know.
Now, here it is, Your Moment of Zen.
♪ ♪
The Feds are using a sneaky tactic
to encourage people to give exes a Valentine's Day surprise.
The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms
posted that Valentine's Day can be fun
even if you broke up.
NEWSWOMAN: Valentine's Day celebrates you and your partner,
but the ATF is using the day as a way to get revenge
on your ex or even current partner
by reporting illegal gun or drug use.