1 00:00:01,401 --> 00:00:03,971 People are still, today, talking about Snoop Dogg smoking weed 2 00:00:04,071 --> 00:00:05,706 before his Super Bowl performance. 3 00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:07,207 Which I don't even understand, like, 4 00:00:07,307 --> 00:00:09,376 how anyone would even go, like, "This is anything of-- 5 00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:10,911 a-anything to write about." But they're like, 6 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,946 "Snoop Dogg smoked weed before his..." 7 00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:14,815 I was shocked that Snoop Dogg ever not-- 8 00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:16,783 doesn't smoke weed. Do you know what I mean? 9 00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:19,286 'Cause, to me, that would just seem like more like a top-up. 10 00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:21,288 It's not like-- They-they made it seem like Snoop Dogg smoked 11 00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:23,557 for the first time. Like the Super Bowl was about to start, 12 00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:26,093 then he's like, "Oh, shit, cuz, let me try this." 13 00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,695 Like, this is Snoop Dogg. He's the guy of the-- 14 00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:30,464 First, also, it's le-- it's legal. 15 00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:31,698 Right? That's a thing people don't-- 16 00:00:31,798 --> 00:00:33,000 You're in California. 17 00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:34,935 It is completely legal for Snoop Dogg to do that. 18 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,370 Also, he is Snoop Dogg. 19 00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:38,805 -It was legal for him before it was legal. -(chuckling) 20 00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:41,508 That's like-- He's the guy of weed. 21 00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:44,878 Like, him and weed are, like, old friends from way back. 22 00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:47,080 Be like, "Did you see Snoop smoking?" 23 00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:50,083 I would be shocked if Snoop didn't smoke weed. 24 00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:51,318 I was actually wondering. I was like, 25 00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:53,187 "What if we don't know who Snoop is?" 26 00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:55,889 We know "Snoop on weed" Snoop. 27 00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:56,957 You know? 28 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,392 Like, that man has smoked so much weed 29 00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:00,961 that we think we know him. But what if that's not him? 30 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,596 Like, what if, like, we know-- You know what I mean? 31 00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,665 He smokes his weed and then, like, he does his thing. 32 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:05,866 But what if he doesn't smoke his weed, 33 00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:07,367 he's, like, a totally different person? 34 00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:08,969 You know? You'd be like, "Oh, shit! It's Snoop Dogg!" 35 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,137 And then he hasn't smoked and he's like, 36 00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,672 "Hello, young man. 37 00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:13,473 Good to see you all again." 38 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,975 You're like, "Shit, why you talking like that, Snoop?" 39 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,310 Then he's like, "Oh. (laughs) 40 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,945 "Hold on, I didn't... (puffing) 41 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,280 (inhales deeply) Shit, cuz." 42 00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:22,683 -♪ ♪ -ANNOUNCER: Coming to you from the heart of Times Square, 43 00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:23,984 in New York City, 44 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,786 the only city in America, 45 00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:27,921 it's The Daily Show. 46 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:31,258 Tonight, the war on books. 47 00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:33,861 Black athletes conquer the cold. 48 00:01:33,961 --> 00:01:36,597 And Hasan Minhaj. 49 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:41,368 This is The Daily Show with Trevor Noah. 50 00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:43,103 Hey! What's going on, everybody? 51 00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:44,771 Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Trevor Noah. 52 00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:47,307 Let's jump straight into today's headlines. 53 00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:49,810 ♪ ♪ 54 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:54,414 We kick things off with Russia's potential invasion of Ukraine, 55 00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,417 which, at this moment in time, is a little like a package sent 56 00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:58,585 via the post office. 57 00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:00,387 It could either come tomorrow 58 00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:01,522 or never. 59 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:02,689 There's no way to know. 60 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,491 The Biden administration says the invasion 61 00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:06,260 is all but certain 62 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,428 and has warned all U.S. citizens 63 00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:11,832 to leave Ukraine immediately, 64 00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:14,601 Which, I mean, you'd think would be obvious at this point. 65 00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:17,070 You know? But you got to admit-- there's always that one person 66 00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:19,706 who needs the danger spelled out for them. 67 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,376 "It's dangerous. Can't you see?" 68 00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,811 You know? It's like the people in-in horror movies. 69 00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:28,081 "Honey! There's an evil clown at the door selling knives! 70 00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:30,284 "I'm gonna let him in. (chuckles) 71 00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:31,718 See what happens." 72 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,086 But over the last couple of days, 73 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:34,621 there have also been some promising signs 74 00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:35,889 of de-escalation. 75 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,658 Like, for instance, Russia said 76 00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,526 that it would continue negotiations, 77 00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:41,094 and it claimed 78 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,730 that it had pulled some of its troops away from the border. 79 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,732 Right? That's a really good thing. 80 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,935 And-and there's no way to know why this is happening. 81 00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:49,970 But I will say, 82 00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:52,439 I'd probably put some of my money on this. 83 00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:55,409 NEWSMAN: Just across from Russia, in the city of Mariupol, 84 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,578 some Ukrainians are preparing. 85 00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:00,047 Basic training for the whole family, 86 00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:03,684 learning first aid to treat gunshot and shrapnel wounds. 87 00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:08,288 And weapons training on a 7.62-caliber AK-47 88 00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:12,092 is Valentina Konstantinovskaya. 89 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,095 This 79-year-old is a retired accountant 90 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,064 and a great-grandmother. 91 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,573 Wow. I've never seen someone who looks so adorable 92 00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:27,975 sound so threatening. 93 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:29,543 "When this shit goes down, 94 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:32,346 "I will head-shot a bitch from 300 yards. 95 00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:34,081 Some lemon in your tea?" 96 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:35,983 This woman is a badass though, you know? 97 00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:37,551 Actually, if you ask me, 98 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,620 I think this is a brilliant deterrent, 99 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,221 to have grannies on the front lines. 100 00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:42,923 No, think about it. Think about it. 101 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:46,193 Right? If you're part of the elite Russian invasion squad, 102 00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,862 there's no way in hell you want to get taken down 103 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,764 by a 79-year-old woman. 104 00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:52,566 I mean, if that happens, 105 00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:53,901 they're probably gonna have to make something up 106 00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:55,369 to tell your family. 107 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:58,472 "I'm sorry to say your son was killed by very strong young man. 108 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,574 "Definitely not old woman who learned to use gun 109 00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:01,675 four days ago." 110 00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:04,211 Oh, and, uh, just one more thing. 111 00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:07,548 Before you get too attached to Granny Rambo, 112 00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:09,516 the militia that's training her in that news clip-- 113 00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:12,152 well, they're reportedly far-right ultranationalists 114 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:15,389 with neo-Nazi tendencies, so, uh, just a friendly reminder. 115 00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:18,926 Everything you love will eventually disappoint you. 116 00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:20,227 But let's move on, 117 00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:21,795 because while Russia is threatening 118 00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,730 to violate Ukraine's sovereignty, 119 00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:27,067 they're already violating the rules of the Olympics, 120 00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:29,469 and it's causing a huge controversy 121 00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:31,705 in the world of figure skating. 122 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,707 NEWSWOMAN: With the world watching her every move, 123 00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:36,443 this morning, 15-year-old Russian figure skater 124 00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:39,079 Kamila Valieva is set to take to the ice, 125 00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,181 despite testing positive for an illegal 126 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,550 performance-enhancing substance before the games. 127 00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:45,552 CHRISTINE BRENNAN: A positive drug test is gonna be 128 00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:48,655 on the ice here in a few hours skating at the Olympic Games. 129 00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:50,457 I cannot believe I just said that sentence. 130 00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,793 NEWSWOMAN: The IOC now saying that Valieva claims 131 00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:55,596 there was a mix-up with her grandfather's heart medication. 132 00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:58,298 An international court deciding she can still compete 133 00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:01,668 while they investigate further. In the response, the IOC saying, 134 00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:03,170 "If Valieva lands in the top three, 135 00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:05,138 "there will be no medals handed out 136 00:05:05,239 --> 00:05:07,174 until the investigation is complete." 137 00:05:07,274 --> 00:05:09,176 I can't believe they caught someone cheating, 138 00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:10,878 and they're still letting her compete 139 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,746 while they investigate more. 140 00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,414 Like, guys, it almost feels like 141 00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:16,583 the investigation is not about whether she cheated or not. 142 00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:18,418 It's almost like the real investigation here is, 143 00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,420 "Okay, let's-let's see what these drugs can do. 144 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,089 "Let her rip. Come on, let's just see. We just... 145 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,424 We want to know, right? Everybody wants to know." 146 00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:27,060 I also knows that nobody believes her excuse, right? 147 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:30,697 That she accidentally took her grandfather's heart medication. 148 00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:33,433 But I do. I believe her. 149 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,102 Because I know what it was like growing up. 150 00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:36,703 Me and my family-- we always had a big bowl 151 00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:38,172 of loose pills all mixed together. 152 00:05:38,272 --> 00:05:39,740 It's an easy mistake to make. 153 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,308 Is this one yours? I don't know. 154 00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:43,911 I know my estrogen has changed, Grandma, but I don't know. 155 00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,747 Meanwhile, everyone's obsessed with this girl and the pills. 156 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,248 That's all everyone is talking about. They're like, 157 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,784 "This 15-year-old took the pills, and she did this, and..." 158 00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:53,287 Yeah, everyone's focusing on... No one is focusing on the fact 159 00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:55,689 that her grandpa took her medication. 160 00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,258 Now he's dominating bingo at the old folks home. 161 00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,826 I will say, you know, like, one of the things 162 00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,228 that shocked me about this story is 163 00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:03,797 that I've always pictured performance-enhancing drugs 164 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:06,600 and steroids for things that you need, like, power for. 165 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,402 Do you know what I mean? Like-like, extreme power. 166 00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:11,038 Sprinting, lifting. Brrr! 167 00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,506 I never thought I'd see the day 168 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,608 where a figure skater would be injecting themselves. Just like, 169 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:18,111 "All right, let's go! Ah." 170 00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:19,847 Now, a lot of people are scratching their heads. 171 00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:21,849 A lot of people have been asking this online, saying, 172 00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:24,718 "Why?" Why is it that this Russian skater 173 00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,854 is still being allowed to compete 174 00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:29,256 in the Olympics when Sha'Carri Richardson-- 175 00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:32,059 remember her?-- she was kicked out of the Olympics 176 00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:34,328 after she smoked weed. Yeah. 177 00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:35,796 But apparently, the reason for this-- 178 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,899 and I-I just found this out-- is that one difference is 179 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,968 that if you're a minor in sports, 180 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,637 and you get caught doping, they give you more leeway 181 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,539 because you're young, and you're impressionable, 182 00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:46,874 and you may not be in control 183 00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,509 of what you're putting into your body. 184 00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,077 Yeah, I didn't know that. 185 00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,679 That's a pretty big loophole in the anti-doping rules. 186 00:06:52,779 --> 00:06:54,915 Like, I'm not saying Russia had this minor take steroids 187 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,783 on purpose because they knew she wouldn't get in trouble, 188 00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:59,219 but if they did do it on purpose, 189 00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:01,121 I mean, you got to admit, that's a pretty slick move, you know? 190 00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:02,523 It's the same reason 191 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,391 drug dealers put kids out on the corner. They're like, 192 00:07:04,491 --> 00:07:06,293 "Shit, the worst that you get is juvie. Come on, man." 193 00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:08,128 But again, I'm not saying that Russia did this on purpose. 194 00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:09,563 I'm not saying that. 195 00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:12,466 I'm just saying, don't be shocked when later this week, 196 00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:14,768 they use 15-year-olds to invade Ukraine. 197 00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,170 All right, that's it for the headlines. 198 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:18,505 Let's jump straight into our main story, 199 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:22,042 and this story is about America's favorite pastime-- 200 00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:25,579 the culture wars. Ooh, they're back, baby! 201 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:28,182 You see, every few months, especially before elections, 202 00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:31,051 politicians in this country-- they have to find a reason 203 00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:33,820 to rile people up so that they can drum up support 204 00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:35,722 and distract voters from the fact 205 00:07:35,822 --> 00:07:38,358 that they haven't solved any of their real problems. 206 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,395 Yeah, I know the bridges keep collapsing, 207 00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:43,197 and I know you don't have jobs, 208 00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:45,666 but we got to focus on the real threat. 209 00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:48,702 People are using the wrong bathrooms! 210 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,204 Vote for me. 211 00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:51,772 And what always happens is the same, right? 212 00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:54,575 The problems pop up, and then after the elections, 213 00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:57,578 everything is magically not a problem anymore. Yeah. 214 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,146 Like, remember kneeling during "The Anthem"? 215 00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:02,149 Huge problem before the elections. Huge. 216 00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:03,750 Then after the election, suddenly it's over. 217 00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:06,253 Meh. Even Eminem can do it. 218 00:08:06,353 --> 00:08:08,589 Yeah. The war on Christmas, every year. 219 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,624 Huge problem! Huge! 220 00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,059 Then the elections, 221 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:15,596 and then suddenly we can say "Merry Christmas" again. Ah. 222 00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,531 Remember when Mr. Potato Head lost his penis? 223 00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:20,100 It's a problem! You know? It's a huge problem! 224 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,202 This is our society. We're shutting down... 225 00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:25,038 Then the election came, and now he's got a huge hog. 226 00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:27,574 Biggest one you've ever seen. Hits kids in the eyes with it. 227 00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,810 Bap! Bap! Bap! Mr. Potato Head's back. 228 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,212 Well, now we're getting close to another election. 229 00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:34,548 So that means it's time to find out what the latest fight 230 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:38,151 is all about in another installment of Culture Wars: 231 00:08:38,252 --> 00:08:41,054 Moral Kombat! 232 00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:42,422 ANNOUNCER: Culture Wars: 233 00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:45,659 Moral Kombat! 234 00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:48,929 So, the new culture war raging across America 235 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:50,297 is over books, 236 00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:54,201 aka movies without the cool sound effects. 237 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:56,236 Yeah, I always think the movies are better. 238 00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,405 Gonna read a book, and then I got to do it myself. 239 00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,407 "Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!" said Harry Potter. 240 00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:03,243 Now, even though most kids only read books in school 241 00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:06,213 to hide their erections, some parents and politicians 242 00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:08,182 have suddenly gotten very concerned 243 00:09:08,282 --> 00:09:10,717 about which books are available in schools. 244 00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:12,486 And they're dealing with this problem 245 00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:15,122 that they invented, by the way, in a time-honored way-- 246 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,658 with a good, old-fashioned book ban. 247 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:19,326 According to The New York Times, 248 00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:21,361 the pace at which groups of parents 249 00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:23,597 and officials and lawmakers are challenging books 250 00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:26,033 in school libraries has reached a speed 251 00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:28,836 that many haven't seen in decades. 252 00:09:28,936 --> 00:09:30,504 Just since the start of the school year, 253 00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:33,307 the American Library Association has tracked 254 00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:37,177 more than 230 book challenges nationwide. 255 00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:38,779 NEWSWOMAN: Parents and school officials banning books 256 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,581 at an unprecedented rate. 257 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,716 Record requests to nearly a hundred Texas districts 258 00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:45,285 found that during the first four months of this school year, 259 00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,921 parents made at least 75 formal complaints, 260 00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:49,723 compared to only one filed 261 00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,692 during the same period last year. 262 00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,427 NEWSMAN: A Virginia school district is pulling 263 00:09:53,527 --> 00:09:55,095 library books off of the shelves, 264 00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:57,931 and some board members say they want to burn them. 265 00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,701 I want to look at every book that you guys... 266 00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:03,804 a copy of every book that has brought... 267 00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:06,173 pulled out of circulation. 268 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,575 I'm sure we've got hundreds of people out there 269 00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:12,479 that would like to see those books before we burn them. 270 00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:15,148 They want to burn books? 271 00:10:15,249 --> 00:10:19,052 Burn books? We're not in the 1900s. 272 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:21,889 We're living in 2022. 273 00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,690 We shouldn't be burning books. 274 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,626 We have air fryers and microwaves 275 00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:27,528 and all kinds of cool shit now. 276 00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:28,996 We could be, like, fileting the books. 277 00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:30,964 You know? We could be lightly roasting the books. 278 00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:33,433 Put some butter and some salt. (kiss) Ooh! 279 00:10:33,534 --> 00:10:35,569 You taste that book now? Mmm, that's food for thought. 280 00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,070 See what I did there? 281 00:10:37,171 --> 00:10:38,639 But yeah, that's the situation right now. 282 00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:41,275 Parents across the country are trying to get books banned 283 00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:43,110 from certain schools, right? 284 00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,646 And I'll be honest, if I was a kid in school right now, 285 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:48,849 I would jump in and use this outrage to my advantage. 286 00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,984 Yeah, the parents would all be there like: 287 00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:53,820 We have to get these books off the shelves! 288 00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:56,857 Yeah! And don't forget the trigonometry textbooks! 289 00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:59,426 And the yearbook where I had that weird rash on my face! 290 00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,461 Burn them all! 291 00:11:01,562 --> 00:11:03,330 Now, I'll be honest, people, I don't know 292 00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:05,566 if these culture warriors have thought this through, 293 00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,835 because making something forbidden 294 00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:10,304 just makes teenagers want it more. 295 00:11:10,404 --> 00:11:13,307 Think about it, anytime, anytime parents would say 296 00:11:13,407 --> 00:11:16,143 something would make them mad, what would happen? 297 00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:17,845 Their kids would want to do it even more. 298 00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:20,280 Yeah. Now they're gonna be like: No books for these kids! 299 00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,516 You keep this up, and soon reading books is gonna be 300 00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:24,651 the new dating a Black guy. 301 00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:27,087 And look, there have always been-- don't get me wrong-- 302 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,922 there have always been some parents 303 00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:31,758 who've wanted books pulled from schools and libraries. 304 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,760 That's always been a thing. You know, like, conservatives 305 00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:37,097 wanted to ban Harry Potter for promoting witchcraft. 306 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,233 Liberals want to ban Huckleberry Finn 307 00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:40,868 for using the N-word. 308 00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:43,937 Mockingbirds want to burn that book about killing them. 309 00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:47,107 But recently, recently the number of books being targeted 310 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,276 has gotten out of control. 311 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,879 And the types of books that are being targeted now 312 00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:53,780 are very revealing. 313 00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:55,883 NEWSMAN: Books on race, gender and sexuality 314 00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:58,619 are disappearing from school shelves. 315 00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:01,388 Books about coming of age and reckoning with real-world 316 00:12:01,488 --> 00:12:03,757 problems, like depression, gender politics and 317 00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:07,661 racial injustice, history like the Holocaust or slavery. 318 00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,596 NEWSWOMAN: One Tennessee district banning Maus, 319 00:12:09,696 --> 00:12:13,066 a Pulitzer prize-winning graphic novel about the Holocaust. 320 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,935 NEWSMAN 3: One tells the story of school segregation 321 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,271 through the eyes of Mexican-American students. 322 00:12:17,371 --> 00:12:18,972 One is about the March on Washington, 323 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,476 and two are about Civil Rights icon Ruby Bridges. 324 00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,111 NEWSWOMAN 2: One parent even asked the district to 325 00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,413 remove a biography of Michelle Obama, 326 00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,715 arguing the book promotes "reverse racism." 327 00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:30,617 The district denied the request. 328 00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:32,186 I can't believe these people want to ban 329 00:12:32,286 --> 00:12:35,422 a Michelle Obama biography. 330 00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:39,826 It's a biography. That totally gives away the game 331 00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,262 that this is more about ginning up a culture war 332 00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:44,498 than protecting kids. Because once you're 333 00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,934 banning a book about any first lady, 334 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,269 that's political. I don't care what anybody says. 335 00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:52,206 There's no book about a first lady that's controversial, 336 00:12:52,306 --> 00:12:53,907 you know? Unless, maybe, it's like, 337 00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:56,944 Martha Jefferson's book, 101 Tips for Owning Slave Children 338 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,513 Who Kinda Look Like My Husband. 339 00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:01,448 Yeah, that's a little edgy for the kids, 340 00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,450 but otherwise, pretty chill. 341 00:13:04,685 --> 00:13:07,688 And you can see how crazy this book-banning trend has gotten. 342 00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:10,057 Right? They're banning books about race, 343 00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:12,059 about gender, about sexuality, 344 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,127 about emotions, about history. 345 00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:16,897 Guys, that's all books. 346 00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:18,465 Think about it, y-you take away all of those books 347 00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,067 and what are you gonna be left with? Huh? 348 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,102 A how-to book about making pottery? 349 00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:25,072 Wrong! That vase is too sexy. 350 00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,541 I also can't believe they're gonna ban Ruby Bridges. 351 00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,109 You understand how crazy that is? 352 00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:32,813 You're gonna ban a book about Ruby Bridges. 353 00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:35,082 So, that poor girl needed the National Guard to get her into 354 00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:36,483 school, now they're gonna have the National Guard 355 00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:37,718 escort her out. 356 00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:39,419 And, look, I'm not saying that schools shouldn't 357 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,154 be allowed to curate what books they carry. 358 00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:42,523 I'm not saying that. I know people are gonna say, 359 00:13:42,623 --> 00:13:44,358 "You are saying that the schools shouldn't get to decide 360 00:13:44,458 --> 00:13:45,659 for themselves?" No, I'm not saying-- 361 00:13:45,759 --> 00:13:46,994 I'm exactly not saying that. 362 00:13:47,094 --> 00:13:49,363 "But you are saying that." I'm not saying that! 363 00:13:49,463 --> 00:13:51,231 Libraries have always decided which books are in and 364 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:52,866 which books are not in. Like, you can't have 365 00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:54,868 a Playboy in the school library. 366 00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:56,537 I mean, I did it, but I brought it in myself. 367 00:13:56,637 --> 00:13:57,771 They didn't stock it for me, they just 368 00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:59,673 gave me the space to read it. 369 00:13:59,773 --> 00:14:01,875 But I guarantee you, the vast majority of schools don't even 370 00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:04,478 have the most outrageous books that are on these lists. 371 00:14:04,578 --> 00:14:06,413 What's happening here, what's happening here is 372 00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:09,483 is that people are finding the most scary parts of 373 00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:12,452 the most scary books, and then they're making a bad-faith 374 00:14:12,553 --> 00:14:14,421 argument that kids are being bombarded 375 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:18,659 with all of this stuff. So, all the books to go. 376 00:14:18,759 --> 00:14:20,961 And that happens even if you try and talk about books. 377 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,930 Like, if I say books shouldn't be banned, 378 00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:25,532 I know someone's gonna pull out the most extreme example 379 00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,367 from some random library at school and be like, 380 00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:31,338 "Oh, really, Trevor? You're okay with kids reading this?" 381 00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:33,507 And I don't know. Maybe I'm not, 382 00:14:33,607 --> 00:14:36,677 but now we're arguing about one page in one book as if that's 383 00:14:36,777 --> 00:14:41,181 the story, when the actual story is people are using these books 384 00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:44,751 as an excuse to go after all the books that they don't like. 385 00:14:44,852 --> 00:14:46,320 Because again, people, 386 00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:48,088 this isn't about books, all right? 387 00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:49,823 This is about keeping the culture war going 388 00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:51,658 for political benefits. 389 00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:54,828 All right? Y-You don't just have Republicans in dozens of states 390 00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:57,598 around the country suddenly realizing all at the same time 391 00:14:57,698 --> 00:15:00,200 that there are books that they want to ban in their libraries. 392 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:01,835 All at the same time? 393 00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:04,605 Come on. It's happening because they think it's a winning issue. 394 00:15:04,705 --> 00:15:06,907 Or at least they think it's more of a winning issue 395 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,876 than "Trump is secretly still the president." 396 00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:12,045 "But I am." "Shut up! You're gonna make us lose." 397 00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:14,381 And the problem with waging a culture war 398 00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:16,450 instead of debating a political issue 399 00:15:16,550 --> 00:15:18,585 is that when people are fighting a war, 400 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:21,455 they don't want to just win an argument. 401 00:15:21,555 --> 00:15:25,058 No, they want to punish the enemy. 402 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,060 NEWSWOMAN: In Wyoming, a county prosecutor's office 403 00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:29,363 considered charges against library employees 404 00:15:29,463 --> 00:15:32,065 for stocking books like Sex Is a Funny Word 405 00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:34,168 and This Book Is Gay. 406 00:15:34,268 --> 00:15:35,903 NEWSWOMAN 2: In Oklahoma, a bill 407 00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:38,338 sets a $10,000 bounty 408 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,107 to be collected by parents 409 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:43,710 for each day a challenged book remains on library shelves. 410 00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:45,179 NEWSWOMAN 3: Texas Governor Greg Abbott 411 00:15:45,279 --> 00:15:47,281 called for criminal charges against staff 412 00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:50,083 who provide kids with pornographic books. 413 00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:52,986 School librarians fearing for their own safety now 414 00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,588 over books. 415 00:15:54,688 --> 00:15:57,224 Many of us have had to take measures in our personal lives 416 00:15:57,324 --> 00:16:00,027 that we never would have imagined we had to do 417 00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:02,462 because of our profession. 418 00:16:02,563 --> 00:16:04,932 Wow, people, are you... are you seeing this? 419 00:16:06,567 --> 00:16:08,769 You seeing this? Like, this is the interview 420 00:16:08,869 --> 00:16:10,237 an insider gives 421 00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:12,806 when they're ratting out El Chapo. 422 00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:15,042 Not when they've exposed the magical friendship 423 00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,211 between a pig and a spider. 424 00:16:17,311 --> 00:16:19,279 I mean, think... Just think about how insane 425 00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:21,715 things have gotten where school librarians 426 00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:23,584 feel scared for their safety. 427 00:16:23,684 --> 00:16:25,752 They've got these crazy parents coming after them 428 00:16:25,853 --> 00:16:27,087 on top of all the other stuff 429 00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:28,956 that they have to worry about on a daily basis. 430 00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:31,558 School shootings. COVID. Their students finding out 431 00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,627 that they just made up the Dewey decimal system 432 00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:35,562 to sound smarter than everyone else. 433 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:36,964 "This book is by Dr. Seuss. 434 00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:38,565 Is that under 'S'?" 435 00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,133 (laughs evilly) 436 00:16:40,234 --> 00:16:41,802 "No, actually, 437 00:16:41,902 --> 00:16:45,606 "that book's in 791.45/75, 438 00:16:45,706 --> 00:16:49,476 you idiot!" (laughs evilly) 439 00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:51,345 And look, man, i-it's one thing for parents to be upset 440 00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:53,514 about a-a book that their kid is reading at school. 441 00:16:53,614 --> 00:16:55,516 Once you offer a $10,000 bounty, 442 00:16:55,616 --> 00:16:56,950 think about what you're doing there. 443 00:16:57,084 --> 00:17:00,187 Now you're using money to just try and stir up shit. 444 00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:02,456 I mean, of course people are gonna start combing the shelves 445 00:17:02,556 --> 00:17:05,425 for anything that might pay out. Ten grand is a lot of money. 446 00:17:05,526 --> 00:17:07,861 Ten grand for banning a book is more than most authors made 447 00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,696 for writing that book. 448 00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,031 So, that's the latest culture war 449 00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,866 that's tearing America apart. 450 00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,535 It's happening in schools, 451 00:17:14,635 --> 00:17:16,403 and who knows if it'll even stop there. 452 00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:18,338 'Cause maybe it'll start in schools, 453 00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:21,542 but pretty soon, any place that kids go to 454 00:17:21,642 --> 00:17:25,345 to find books could become a target. 455 00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:27,481 ♪ ♪ 456 00:17:29,683 --> 00:17:31,451 Hey, y'all. LeVar Burton here, 457 00:17:31,552 --> 00:17:34,521 and I am so excited to read with you today. 458 00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:38,592 Our first selection is called Rosa. 459 00:17:38,692 --> 00:17:41,261 And it's the story of Rosa Parks, who... 460 00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:43,764 (static crackling) 461 00:17:43,864 --> 00:17:46,166 So, as it turns out, 462 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,601 that book is banned 463 00:17:47,701 --> 00:17:50,137 because reading about segregation 464 00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:52,072 is divisive. 465 00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,341 But since almost any book with Black people these days 466 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:55,943 is considered divisive, 467 00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:57,444 here's one 468 00:17:57,544 --> 00:18:00,848 that doesn't have any people in it at all. 469 00:18:01,014 --> 00:18:04,818 It's about two penguins and their little baby. 470 00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:08,355 Both penguins are boys. 471 00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:10,023 (static crackling) 472 00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:13,594 Well, I'm told that that book is also banned 473 00:18:13,694 --> 00:18:15,796 because of sexual perversion, 474 00:18:15,896 --> 00:18:19,333 which is weird because there's no sex in the book at all. 475 00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:21,835 Y'all, they adopted the baby. 476 00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:24,338 What do you guys want? A mommy and a daddy penguin 477 00:18:24,438 --> 00:18:27,508 so the kids can make sure that the penguins are knocking boots? 478 00:18:27,608 --> 00:18:29,376 A-All right. I've got one 479 00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:32,779 that they can't possibly have a problem with. 480 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,281 Hop on Pop. 481 00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:35,516 (static crackling) 482 00:18:35,616 --> 00:18:37,784 What?! Disrespectful to parents? 483 00:18:37,885 --> 00:18:39,820 You got to be kidding me! All right, listen, 484 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,524 there-there are plenty of books to choose from. 485 00:18:43,624 --> 00:18:45,759 But you know what? No. 486 00:18:45,859 --> 00:18:48,095 Read the books they don't want you to. 487 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:50,297 That's where the good stuff is. 488 00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:53,800 -(siren wails) -Oh, shit. They're coming. 489 00:18:53,901 --> 00:18:55,903 Read banned books! 490 00:18:56,069 --> 00:18:57,504 (static crackling) 491 00:18:57,604 --> 00:19:00,207 Phew! Stay safe, LeVar. 492 00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:01,608 All right, when we come back, 493 00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:03,443 Roy Wood Jr. looks at the Winter Olympians 494 00:19:03,544 --> 00:19:05,212 you forgot about. 495 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:06,680 You don't want to miss it. 496 00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:09,482 Welcome back to The Daily Show. 497 00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:12,051 As you know, it is Black History Month. 498 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,854 And as you also know, the Winter Olympics are on. 499 00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:17,556 So to celebrate both at the same time, 500 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,959 here's Roy Wood Jr. with a special episode 501 00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:21,427 of CP Time. 502 00:19:21,527 --> 00:19:23,562 ♪ ♪ 503 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,200 Ooh. Ooh. 504 00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:30,536 Ooh, now, that's a nice tie. 505 00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:31,938 Ah. 506 00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,839 Welcome to CP Time, 507 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:36,575 the only show that's for the culture. 508 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,911 Today, we'll be discussing the history 509 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,314 of Black Winter Olympians. 510 00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:43,783 Now, I know when you think of Winter Olympians, 511 00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,585 you think of Bjørgen, 512 00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:46,919 Bjorn, 513 00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,287 Bjoerndalen 514 00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:51,757 and many other names that sound like IKEA tables. 515 00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,627 But not all Winter Olympians look like they walked off 516 00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:56,395 Hitler's vision board. 517 00:19:56,495 --> 00:19:57,930 Take Debi Thomas, 518 00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:01,400 an American figure skater who became the first Black athlete 519 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:04,470 to win a medal at the Winter Olympics. 520 00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:06,772 She had to overcome life-changing challenges 521 00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,541 that would break the most of us-- 522 00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,810 racism, sexism, 523 00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:13,679 and the cold. 524 00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:16,949 But Debi's persistence got her to the '88 Olympics, 525 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:20,086 where she faced off against East Germany's Katarina Witt 526 00:20:20,186 --> 00:20:22,221 in the Battle of the Carmens, 527 00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:25,725 since they both skated to music from the opera Carmen. 528 00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,293 Which just makes sense. 529 00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,962 I mean, what other opera are you going to ice skate to? 530 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,764 La traviata? 531 00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:33,032 (chuckles) 532 00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:35,635 PBS folks know what I'm talking about. 533 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:39,405 Our next Winter Olympian is Tofiri Kibuuka, 534 00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:43,509 a blind skier from Uganda, who, in 1976, 535 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:46,012 became the first African athlete 536 00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:48,848 to compete at The Paralympic Winter Games. 537 00:20:48,948 --> 00:20:52,919 1976-- it's not that long ago. 538 00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:56,756 George Jefferson was already in a deluxe apartment in the sky, 539 00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:58,891 Kool had already met The Gang, 540 00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:02,161 and Bernie Sanders was a young 97. 541 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:05,998 Still, Kibuuka won five silver Paralympic medals 542 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:10,469 and also scaled Mount Kilimanjaro. 543 00:21:10,536 --> 00:21:12,939 To cap it off, in 1996, 544 00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:16,976 Kibuuka became the first Black flag bearer of Norway, 545 00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:19,745 where he still resides today. 546 00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:22,782 I just hope that he never regains his sight and realizes 547 00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:26,018 that he is the only brother in that country. 548 00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:28,321 But sometimes you chase the dream, 549 00:21:28,487 --> 00:21:31,791 and sometimes the dream chases you. 550 00:21:31,891 --> 00:21:34,594 That's what happened to Mathilde-Amivi Petitjean, 551 00:21:34,694 --> 00:21:39,498 representing the nation of Togo in cross country skiing in 2014. 552 00:21:39,599 --> 00:21:42,234 The crazy part? Mathilde never even thought 553 00:21:42,335 --> 00:21:44,103 about skiing in the Olympics 554 00:21:44,203 --> 00:21:47,907 until her country reached out to her on Facebook. 555 00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:50,509 Now, that there is a DM. 556 00:21:50,543 --> 00:21:53,713 Only Facebook messages I get are from Russian robot booty. 557 00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:58,184 That's how I met my fiancée Tatiana 696969. 558 00:21:58,284 --> 00:21:59,952 Love you, baby. 559 00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:02,154 I'm sending my routing number shortly, 560 00:22:02,255 --> 00:22:03,522 and I hope that my credit cards 561 00:22:03,623 --> 00:22:05,358 can get you those plane tickets to America. 562 00:22:05,524 --> 00:22:07,660 See you soon. 563 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:11,964 But perhaps the most famous Black Winter Olympians 564 00:22:12,064 --> 00:22:15,835 are the 1988 bobsled team from Jamaica. 565 00:22:15,935 --> 00:22:17,603 They made no sense. 566 00:22:17,703 --> 00:22:20,873 Bobsledding requires ice, sleds 567 00:22:20,973 --> 00:22:24,043 and intense concentration for up to four minutes, 568 00:22:24,143 --> 00:22:27,313 none of which Jamaicans were thought to have. 569 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,015 But in 1987, 570 00:22:29,115 --> 00:22:32,151 Jamaica recruited a ragtag team of bobsledders, 571 00:22:32,251 --> 00:22:35,521 including 22-year-old Devon Harris, 572 00:22:35,621 --> 00:22:38,891 who at the time was serving in the Jamaican army. 573 00:22:38,991 --> 00:22:40,526 Now I'll be honest in telling you 574 00:22:40,626 --> 00:22:42,361 I did not even know that Jamaica had an army. 575 00:22:42,495 --> 00:22:45,031 Who the hell is mad at Jamaica? 576 00:22:45,131 --> 00:22:47,166 Friendly people. If you're mad at Jamaicans, 577 00:22:47,266 --> 00:22:49,936 the problem is you. 578 00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:51,604 Now, Devon Harris and the rest of the team 579 00:22:51,704 --> 00:22:53,406 were so unfamiliar with the sport 580 00:22:53,506 --> 00:22:55,741 that they didn't even know what bobsledding was. 581 00:22:55,841 --> 00:22:57,877 They probably thought it was sledding 582 00:22:57,977 --> 00:23:01,213 on top of a guy named Bob. (chuckles) 583 00:23:01,314 --> 00:23:03,883 But of course it hadn't been that way since 1942, 584 00:23:03,983 --> 00:23:05,918 when Bob died. 585 00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:08,454 (quietly): Poor bastard. 586 00:23:08,487 --> 00:23:11,524 Anyway, the Jamaican team somehow qualified 587 00:23:11,624 --> 00:23:15,728 for the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary, Canada, 588 00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:19,165 even after crashing their sled more times than Bitcoin. 589 00:23:19,265 --> 00:23:21,233 And if that weren't crazy enough, 590 00:23:21,334 --> 00:23:25,304 the team recruited and trained a fourth member 591 00:23:25,471 --> 00:23:29,542 three days before the Olympic event. 592 00:23:29,642 --> 00:23:31,310 That doesn't seem like a lot of training, 593 00:23:31,477 --> 00:23:33,646 but two days is still more training 594 00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:36,382 than most police officers. 595 00:23:36,482 --> 00:23:38,251 On the third run at the Olympic Games, 596 00:23:38,351 --> 00:23:40,586 the Jamaican team got into a horrible crash 597 00:23:40,686 --> 00:23:42,488 and they were disqualified, 598 00:23:42,521 --> 00:23:45,258 but they heroically walked to the finish line. 599 00:23:45,358 --> 00:23:47,660 It was a dramatic moment that was made famous 600 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:52,031 in the 1993 movie Cool Runnings. 601 00:23:52,131 --> 00:23:54,033 A movie I auditioned for, 602 00:23:54,133 --> 00:23:55,701 but ultimately didn't get the part, 603 00:23:55,801 --> 00:24:00,139 because of my, quote, "Offensive Jamaican accent." 604 00:24:00,239 --> 00:24:02,174 (Jamaican accent) Come on, now, man, you know me accent 605 00:24:02,275 --> 00:24:04,877 no offend ya, man. Me grew up in Kingston. Me smoke the 606 00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:07,013 -reefer, me eat the plantains.. -MAN: Stop. Stop, stop, stop! 607 00:24:07,113 --> 00:24:08,948 -Stop! -What...? Stop, 608 00:24:09,048 --> 00:24:10,683 That was a terrible accent, Roy. 609 00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:12,685 Wait-- Wait. Who's there? Who are you? 610 00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:16,455 It's me, man. Devin Harris from the original bobsled team. 611 00:24:16,522 --> 00:24:20,459 I hacked into your monitor to tell you to stop doing 612 00:24:20,559 --> 00:24:22,561 a Jamaican accent. You... 613 00:24:22,662 --> 00:24:25,932 You sound like Miss Cleo had sex with Jar Jar Binks. 614 00:24:26,032 --> 00:24:28,467 How did you hack into my monitor? 615 00:24:28,534 --> 00:24:30,369 Because I believe in myself. 616 00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:33,639 And if you believe in yourself, you can do anything. 617 00:24:33,739 --> 00:24:35,875 Well, except for you. 618 00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:37,977 You'll never do a good Jamaican accent. 619 00:24:38,077 --> 00:24:40,146 It sounds like how fake dreadlocks look. 620 00:24:40,246 --> 00:24:43,082 So, does this mean I can't audition 621 00:24:43,182 --> 00:24:45,151 for Cool Runnings Part Two? 622 00:24:45,251 --> 00:24:47,119 There's not gonna be a part two. 623 00:24:47,219 --> 00:24:49,589 And even if there was, you know, let's face it, 624 00:24:49,689 --> 00:24:52,491 you don't exactly look like an Olympic athlete. 625 00:24:52,525 --> 00:24:55,094 I would say you look like you're competing 626 00:24:55,194 --> 00:24:58,130 to be America's next top Steve Harvey. 627 00:24:58,230 --> 00:24:59,732 So, you know. 628 00:24:59,832 --> 00:25:01,167 Well... 629 00:25:01,267 --> 00:25:03,970 Well, excuse me. I thought Jamaicans 630 00:25:04,070 --> 00:25:06,238 were supposed to be friendly. All that damn weed you smoke. 631 00:25:06,339 --> 00:25:07,573 "One love," my ass. 632 00:25:07,673 --> 00:25:09,575 -I heard that. -Good. I hope you did. 633 00:25:09,675 --> 00:25:11,177 Well, that's all the time we have for today. 634 00:25:11,277 --> 00:25:13,045 I'm Roy Wood Jr., 635 00:25:13,145 --> 00:25:15,481 and this has been CP Time. 636 00:25:15,581 --> 00:25:17,917 Remember, we're for the culture. 637 00:25:18,017 --> 00:25:19,318 Now, since I got you here, tell me, 638 00:25:19,452 --> 00:25:20,820 have y'all ever thought about using dogs? 639 00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:22,188 That's a different type of sled. 640 00:25:22,288 --> 00:25:23,556 No, I mean, to, like, to... 641 00:25:23,656 --> 00:25:25,458 As a teammate to help you push. 642 00:25:25,524 --> 00:25:27,727 Have you ever seen Air Bud? 643 00:25:27,827 --> 00:25:29,262 ♪ ♪ 644 00:25:29,362 --> 00:25:31,264 Thank you so much for that, Roy. All right, when we come back, 645 00:25:31,364 --> 00:25:34,133 I am so excited because former Daily Show correspondent 646 00:25:34,233 --> 00:25:36,502 and current superstar Hasan Minhaj 647 00:25:36,602 --> 00:25:39,305 will be joining me on the show, so don't go away. 648 00:25:41,473 --> 00:25:42,874 Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight 649 00:25:42,974 --> 00:25:46,177 is a comedian and he is a former Daily Show correspondent. 650 00:25:46,277 --> 00:25:47,846 He goes by the name Hasan Minhaj. 651 00:25:47,946 --> 00:25:51,983 He's here to talk about his stand-up tour The King's Jester. 652 00:25:52,083 --> 00:25:53,485 -What's going on, Hasan? How you doing, my dude? -(chuckles) 653 00:25:53,585 --> 00:25:55,120 -What's up, man? -Is this weird for you? 654 00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:56,755 This is upsetting. 655 00:25:56,855 --> 00:25:58,056 -Why is it upsetting? -This is upsetting. 656 00:25:58,156 --> 00:25:59,691 It can't be upsetting. It's just different. 657 00:25:59,791 --> 00:26:01,893 This-this feel and this vibe 658 00:26:01,993 --> 00:26:03,328 feels very... 659 00:26:03,428 --> 00:26:04,863 Red Table Talk right now. 660 00:26:04,963 --> 00:26:06,164 -Oh, I like... -It's a little bit-- You know what I mean? 661 00:26:06,264 --> 00:26:07,432 -Want to spill about your relationship? -(laughs) 662 00:26:07,532 --> 00:26:08,800 -We can do that. -You're gonna tell me how my wife 663 00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:10,268 -is sleeping with an R&B singer? -Hey, my friend, 664 00:26:10,368 --> 00:26:11,803 -we can do anything at this table. -(laughs) 665 00:26:11,903 --> 00:26:13,004 -But how are you, man? -I've been good, man. 666 00:26:13,104 --> 00:26:14,939 -Good to see you. -You-You're more than good. 667 00:26:15,039 --> 00:26:16,241 -I'm great. -Like, I-- Can I tell you? 668 00:26:16,341 --> 00:26:18,209 It's so much fun to watch good people 669 00:26:18,309 --> 00:26:19,878 get good things in life. You know? 670 00:26:19,978 --> 00:26:21,780 -Thank you, man. -Like-like, you-- Dude, you-you were there 671 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:23,114 at the very beginning of The Daily Show, 672 00:26:23,214 --> 00:26:24,516 -my Daily Show, you know? -Yes. 673 00:26:24,616 --> 00:26:26,651 -W-We went through the trenches together... -Together. 674 00:26:26,751 --> 00:26:28,019 ...like, where people were like, "It's terrible. 675 00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:29,654 "It'll never last. These people are horrible. 676 00:26:29,754 --> 00:26:31,723 -They're not funny." We felt it all. -Yes. 677 00:26:31,823 --> 00:26:34,125 -We rode through it together, and now... -And, and, and, 678 00:26:34,225 --> 00:26:35,660 to your credit, you didn't fire me. 679 00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,495 And I rea-- and I really needed health insurance at the time. 680 00:26:37,595 --> 00:26:38,830 (laughing) 681 00:26:38,930 --> 00:26:42,167 I was like, "Yo, this dude from South Africa's here. 682 00:26:42,300 --> 00:26:44,702 Heads are about to roll." 683 00:26:44,803 --> 00:26:45,904 I just got married. 684 00:26:46,004 --> 00:26:47,839 Like, I was like, "Bro, don't do this to me. 685 00:26:47,939 --> 00:26:49,541 Like, don't do this to me." Yeah. 686 00:26:49,641 --> 00:26:51,142 And look at you now. Look at, like-- 687 00:26:51,309 --> 00:26:53,344 -Forgive me if I miss a thing. I mean... -Sure. 688 00:26:53,445 --> 00:26:54,679 -Patriot Act. -Yes. 689 00:26:54,779 --> 00:26:56,614 Multiple award-winning show. Congratulations. 690 00:26:56,714 --> 00:26:57,982 -Six seasons on Netflix. -Thank you. 691 00:26:58,083 --> 00:26:59,317 Then you-you leave there 692 00:26:59,417 --> 00:27:01,052 to go and do completely different things. 693 00:27:01,152 --> 00:27:03,488 I mean, then-then we see you in everything from, like, ads 694 00:27:03,588 --> 00:27:05,490 to shows that are, like, huge. 695 00:27:05,590 --> 00:27:07,425 -The Morning Show, season two. Congratu... -Yeah, thank you. 696 00:27:07,525 --> 00:27:09,727 I see you-- I saw you dancing with, like, Reese Witherspoon. 697 00:27:09,828 --> 00:27:11,463 I was like, "Is this-- Am I..." 698 00:27:11,563 --> 00:27:12,697 -I was like, "Well." -It was dope. 699 00:27:12,797 --> 00:27:14,032 You're not-- you're not just doing TV. 700 00:27:14,132 --> 00:27:15,867 -You're on tour again. -Yes. 701 00:27:15,967 --> 00:27:18,736 -You put out Homecoming King. -Yes. 702 00:27:18,837 --> 00:27:21,072 Easily, like, one of the most innovative shows 703 00:27:21,172 --> 00:27:22,574 that-that anyone had ever seen. 704 00:27:22,674 --> 00:27:24,342 -Your-your new tour now, you're doing the same thing. -Yeah. 705 00:27:24,442 --> 00:27:25,744 Same sort of thing, where... 706 00:27:25,844 --> 00:27:27,946 I've always liked it-- the lighting design, 707 00:27:28,046 --> 00:27:29,681 -stage design, graphics. -Yeah. 708 00:27:29,781 --> 00:27:31,483 I just feel like my brain already works that way, 709 00:27:31,583 --> 00:27:32,784 -visually. -Right. 710 00:27:32,884 --> 00:27:34,486 And so I always loved shows that were like that. 711 00:27:34,586 --> 00:27:37,489 And whenever you go to the UK or you actually watch theater, 712 00:27:37,589 --> 00:27:39,023 you see all those elements. 713 00:27:39,124 --> 00:27:40,558 -Oh, that's interesting. -Do you see what I'm saying? 714 00:27:40,658 --> 00:27:42,060 -Okay. Okay. -Wh-When you go-- When you see a show on Broadway 715 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:43,595 -or you see a show in the UK... -Yeah. 716 00:27:43,695 --> 00:27:45,930 ...you'll see act breaks. 717 00:27:46,030 --> 00:27:48,299 You'll see changes of colors 718 00:27:48,399 --> 00:27:49,534 -that represent different... -So you think of it 719 00:27:49,634 --> 00:27:51,002 -as, like, an entire production. -Yeah. Totally. 720 00:27:51,102 --> 00:27:53,204 I've always loved the visual experience 721 00:27:53,304 --> 00:27:55,039 of going to see music that way 722 00:27:55,140 --> 00:27:56,374 -or going to see theater that way... -Yeah. 723 00:27:56,474 --> 00:27:58,543 and I always thought, "Why can't comedy be that?" 724 00:27:58,643 --> 00:28:00,311 -Here's a question I have with the show. -Yeah, what's up? 725 00:28:00,412 --> 00:28:02,113 -Yes. -So you've got all of these visual elements. 726 00:28:02,213 --> 00:28:03,648 -Yes. -I don't want to give away, 727 00:28:03,748 --> 00:28:06,217 like, any big parts of the show, but I know you have a joke 728 00:28:06,317 --> 00:28:08,219 -about infertility. -Yeah. 729 00:28:08,319 --> 00:28:09,754 -Your infertility, in particular. -Yes. 730 00:28:09,854 --> 00:28:12,123 Which I was like, "Wow. Okay, Hasan, brave." 731 00:28:12,223 --> 00:28:15,026 -Um, so, are there visual aids that go with that? -Nah. 732 00:28:15,126 --> 00:28:17,128 I didn't just, like, show a dia... 733 00:28:17,228 --> 00:28:19,330 Like, so, speaking of my vas deferens, I didn't do anything. 734 00:28:19,397 --> 00:28:20,865 -Okay, okay. -But it's... 735 00:28:20,965 --> 00:28:23,768 But to me, the, um... what I love about comedy, 736 00:28:23,868 --> 00:28:26,671 and my favorite comedy is confessional. 737 00:28:26,771 --> 00:28:28,039 I'm going to tell you something 738 00:28:28,139 --> 00:28:30,208 I'm too afraid to tell other people. 739 00:28:30,341 --> 00:28:31,976 -I like that. -So, actually, the beginning of the show 740 00:28:32,077 --> 00:28:34,345 goes back to some of the conversations we had early on. 741 00:28:34,379 --> 00:28:36,981 I remember Beena and I were trying to get pregnant 742 00:28:37,082 --> 00:28:38,716 -while I was still at The Daily Show. -Yup. 743 00:28:38,817 --> 00:28:41,086 And we could not get pregnant, and it was my fault, 744 00:28:41,186 --> 00:28:43,088 and I wasn't telling anybody about this. 745 00:28:43,188 --> 00:28:45,190 And I remember, you would sometimes come up to me 746 00:28:45,290 --> 00:28:47,092 and be like, "Hey, man, you, like... you look a little glum. 747 00:28:47,192 --> 00:28:49,327 "Like, are you.. you okay? 748 00:28:49,427 --> 00:28:51,496 You and Beena okay? You guys are like Indian Barbie and Ken." 749 00:28:51,596 --> 00:28:53,832 And I'm like, "I-I know, and kind of like Ken, 750 00:28:53,932 --> 00:28:58,136 I... I'm infertile." -(laughing) 751 00:28:58,303 --> 00:29:00,939 My genitals don't work, either. 752 00:29:01,039 --> 00:29:03,641 And that's, like, a... It's-it's a thing you carry. 753 00:29:03,742 --> 00:29:06,311 -It's not usually talked about for most men. -Yes. 754 00:29:06,411 --> 00:29:08,880 And I start the show that way-- fertility, 755 00:29:08,980 --> 00:29:11,015 fatherhood, freedom of speech. 756 00:29:11,116 --> 00:29:12,650 All the things that I've been going through 757 00:29:12,751 --> 00:29:14,586 -the past four or five years of my life. -That jump-- I... 758 00:29:14,686 --> 00:29:16,888 Don't even explain it. I just love that. 759 00:29:16,988 --> 00:29:18,823 -Fertility, fatherhood, freedom of speech. -Yeah. 760 00:29:18,923 --> 00:29:20,792 -I like how... -Yeah. 761 00:29:20,892 --> 00:29:22,460 -It's like, of course. -That's a big (bleep). 762 00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:24,696 Of course, these things go together. 763 00:29:24,796 --> 00:29:26,431 You're a father of two, though, now, correct? Congratulations. 764 00:29:26,531 --> 00:29:28,500 -Yeah. Four and two, yeah. -Yeah? You enjoying it? 765 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:32,637 -Yes. -(laughs) 766 00:29:32,737 --> 00:29:33,972 Yes, it's... 767 00:29:34,072 --> 00:29:35,774 You know, this is gonna be public record, 768 00:29:35,874 --> 00:29:37,509 and I... I just want my children to know, I... 769 00:29:37,609 --> 00:29:39,778 It's been a thrill of a lifetime, and, um, 770 00:29:39,878 --> 00:29:43,481 it's-it's a true honor and privilege being their father. 771 00:29:43,581 --> 00:29:45,049 Are your kids starting to, like, show you a bit 772 00:29:45,150 --> 00:29:47,452 -of your funny back to you? -Yeah, they're really funny. 773 00:29:47,552 --> 00:29:49,120 -Yeah? -Yeah, my daughter is, like, 774 00:29:49,287 --> 00:29:50,655 really, really, really funny. 775 00:29:50,755 --> 00:29:53,324 She knows how to needle my wife and I, yeah. 776 00:29:53,425 --> 00:29:57,028 Like, the other day, she was getting into it with Beena, 777 00:29:57,128 --> 00:29:59,664 and she knows... she knows. Like, look, 778 00:29:59,764 --> 00:30:01,966 when-when comedians will make fun of each other, we'll go, 779 00:30:02,066 --> 00:30:04,102 "I don't like that jacket, I don't like your hair." 780 00:30:04,202 --> 00:30:06,204 But her... She was arguing with Beena, 781 00:30:06,304 --> 00:30:07,939 and she knew, "I'm not even gonna mess with nouns. 782 00:30:08,039 --> 00:30:09,107 "I'm gonna go right at adjectives. 783 00:30:09,207 --> 00:30:11,109 -I'm gonna go at your soul." -(laughs) 784 00:30:11,209 --> 00:30:14,612 She's like, "Mommy, don't tell me what to do. You're fake." 785 00:30:14,712 --> 00:30:18,716 -Wow. -And my... Beena was just like, "Wow." 786 00:30:18,817 --> 00:30:21,119 I was like, you should just make fun of the way she looks. 787 00:30:21,219 --> 00:30:23,321 -Wow. -Yeah, don't talk about the content of her character. 788 00:30:23,354 --> 00:30:25,056 That's actually crueler than being like, 789 00:30:25,156 --> 00:30:27,325 -"I don't like your hair." -But she nailed it, though, 790 00:30:27,392 --> 00:30:28,793 Yeah, she was like, "They're fake." 791 00:30:28,893 --> 00:30:30,829 And I was like, "Hey, don't do that. 792 00:30:30,929 --> 00:30:32,797 Don't be mean to Mommy," and she's like, "You're projecting." 793 00:30:32,897 --> 00:30:34,499 I'm like, "Hey, what is happening? 794 00:30:34,599 --> 00:30:35,700 What is going on right now?" 795 00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:37,902 Okay, let me tell you something. I also want... 796 00:30:38,002 --> 00:30:41,039 I want the Twitterati to know. I want everyone to know this. 797 00:30:41,139 --> 00:30:43,908 It was so cool of you. You also were one of the first people 798 00:30:44,008 --> 00:30:46,678 that kind of gave me my first test drive through fame. 799 00:30:46,778 --> 00:30:48,279 Remember you were my Met Gala date? 800 00:30:48,346 --> 00:30:49,914 -I was your Met Gala date. -That was fun. 801 00:30:50,014 --> 00:30:51,750 -No, no, no, I was your Met Gala date. -Yeah. 802 00:30:51,850 --> 00:30:54,085 And you go, and I remember I was being very awkward and weird, 803 00:30:54,185 --> 00:30:56,020 and you go, "Hey, man, you're being very awkward and weird. 804 00:30:56,121 --> 00:30:57,622 -You need to enjoy this." -Did I say that? 805 00:30:57,722 --> 00:30:59,290 Yeah. You go, "Hey, man, listen, listen." 806 00:30:59,357 --> 00:31:01,025 -'Cause you could see it in my eyes. -Okay, yes, that's true. 807 00:31:01,126 --> 00:31:02,694 -I didn't know I said "awkward and weird." -Yeah. 808 00:31:02,794 --> 00:31:04,295 I-I think I said, "You look uncomfortable." 809 00:31:04,362 --> 00:31:05,730 -Yeah. -I wouldn't say to somebody 810 00:31:05,830 --> 00:31:07,532 they look awkward and weird, but... 811 00:31:07,632 --> 00:31:09,134 -No, you said it in a very kind way. -Okay. 812 00:31:09,300 --> 00:31:11,002 I read this on text. And you go, 813 00:31:11,102 --> 00:31:13,438 "Hey, listen, man"-- and this was a really profound quote-- 814 00:31:13,538 --> 00:31:15,907 you go: Listen, if you see anybody 815 00:31:16,007 --> 00:31:17,575 that you respect or admire, 816 00:31:17,675 --> 00:31:19,677 you should take a selfie with them tonight. 817 00:31:19,778 --> 00:31:22,013 You should treat fame like a rental car. 818 00:31:22,113 --> 00:31:23,348 Take a spin around the block. 819 00:31:23,448 --> 00:31:25,016 That way, when they take the car back, 820 00:31:25,116 --> 00:31:26,951 you won't feel like they're taking a piece of you. 821 00:31:27,051 --> 00:31:28,586 And I don't know if you remember this, 822 00:31:28,686 --> 00:31:30,455 -at the end of the night, we saw Nicki Minaj. -Yep. 823 00:31:30,555 --> 00:31:32,524 -She was walking down the stairs leaving the Met Gala, -Yep. 824 00:31:32,624 --> 00:31:34,058 and I was too nervous to say anything, 825 00:31:34,159 --> 00:31:35,660 and you go, "Hey, Nicki! Nicki, turn around!" 826 00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,062 -And, you know, she was, like, dressed like Dr. Seuss. -Yep. 827 00:31:38,163 --> 00:31:39,431 -And she turned around... -I remember. 828 00:31:39,531 --> 00:31:41,599 she turned around, and you go, "Look-- it's your cousin. 829 00:31:41,699 --> 00:31:44,569 -(laughing) -Take a photo with your cousin." 830 00:31:44,669 --> 00:31:47,639 And she was like, "What? 831 00:31:47,739 --> 00:31:50,108 (crew laughing) 832 00:31:50,275 --> 00:31:51,709 No." 833 00:31:51,810 --> 00:31:54,045 And then she just walked off with... 834 00:31:54,145 --> 00:31:55,647 with her umbrella. 835 00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:57,816 And I'm so glad she said no, 836 00:31:57,916 --> 00:32:00,151 because I would have been that cousin 837 00:32:00,285 --> 00:32:02,287 that had the swollen testicles 838 00:32:02,353 --> 00:32:04,789 that was the reason why she didn't get the vaccine. 839 00:32:04,889 --> 00:32:06,591 Getty Images would have been like: 840 00:32:06,691 --> 00:32:10,662 Swollen Testicle Minhaj is the reason why Nicki 841 00:32:10,762 --> 00:32:13,098 -Oh, man. -did not get the vaccine. 842 00:32:13,198 --> 00:32:14,766 Just Getty Images, my goofy face. 843 00:32:14,866 --> 00:32:16,301 -You know what I mean? -That was a fun night. 844 00:32:16,367 --> 00:32:18,002 -That was a fun night. -Before I let you go, though... 845 00:32:18,103 --> 00:32:19,604 -Yes. -Radio City Music Hall. 846 00:32:19,704 --> 00:32:21,172 -Radio City Music Hall. -Five shows? 847 00:32:21,306 --> 00:32:23,041 -Five shows. -Man, congrats. 848 00:32:23,141 --> 00:32:25,610 -Thank you, man. -Like, like, a thousand times, cong... 849 00:32:25,710 --> 00:32:27,345 Dude, I remember, like, where you'd be, like, 850 00:32:27,445 --> 00:32:29,414 -stressed about a show. -Yes. 851 00:32:29,514 --> 00:32:31,316 You'd be like, "Oh, man, is this gonna sell out? 852 00:32:31,382 --> 00:32:33,084 Is this gonna do this? Is it... What do you think about..." 853 00:32:33,184 --> 00:32:34,786 -And look at you now. -Yeah, man. 854 00:32:34,886 --> 00:32:36,321 -You deserve all of it, my friend. -Thank you, man. 855 00:32:36,387 --> 00:32:37,956 For real, man. You're one of the funniest people I know. 856 00:32:38,056 --> 00:32:39,657 Uh, one of the most insightful people. 857 00:32:39,758 --> 00:32:41,025 Just in, like, how you've lived, 858 00:32:41,126 --> 00:32:42,560 how you've enjoyed, how you've done your thing. 859 00:32:42,660 --> 00:32:46,064 Um, I-I do have to, like, relearn your name, 860 00:32:46,164 --> 00:32:47,866 -which is weird. I'm not gonna lie. -Yes. 861 00:32:47,966 --> 00:32:49,400 Because it's like... 862 00:32:49,501 --> 00:32:51,436 Now I feel like I'm in your family, 863 00:32:51,536 --> 00:32:52,904 -which I think you understand. -Yes. 864 00:32:53,004 --> 00:32:54,272 'Cause, like, all my Indian friends 865 00:32:54,305 --> 00:32:55,740 have, like, the way everyone says their name 866 00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:57,108 -and they say their name at, like, work. -Yeah. 867 00:32:57,275 --> 00:32:58,710 And then how their family says their name. 868 00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:00,412 -Like, the first time you hear it... -In the living room. Yes. 869 00:33:00,512 --> 00:33:01,946 The first time you hear it will be, like, with the dad. 870 00:33:02,046 --> 00:33:03,515 -Yeah. -So you'll be visit... You'll be like, "Hey, Hasan, 871 00:33:03,615 --> 00:33:05,717 Hasan, Hasan." It'll be like, "Hey, Hasan. It's me, Hasan." 872 00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:07,018 -And then it'll be like, "Hasan!" -Yeah. 873 00:33:07,118 --> 00:33:08,486 And then you're like, "Who's that?" 874 00:33:08,586 --> 00:33:10,188 -And you're like, "Who's that?" -Yeah. And now I feel 875 00:33:10,288 --> 00:33:11,990 like I'm, like, almost overstepping boundaries. 876 00:33:12,090 --> 00:33:13,491 And I'm like, "Oh, Hasan." I'm like, "Am I trying 877 00:33:13,591 --> 00:33:15,293 -to be his dad? Am I trying to be..." You know? -No. 878 00:33:15,393 --> 00:33:16,728 It's not that... Look, for me, 879 00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:18,663 it just came to this moment in my career and my life 880 00:33:18,763 --> 00:33:21,332 where I'm like, "All I really want to do is close the gap 881 00:33:21,433 --> 00:33:23,601 "between who I am on Instagram 882 00:33:23,701 --> 00:33:25,336 and who I am on iMessage." 883 00:33:25,437 --> 00:33:27,472 (laughing) 884 00:33:29,507 --> 00:33:31,643 -You know what I mean? Now I'm iMessage me. -I get you. 885 00:33:31,743 --> 00:33:33,745 -Okay. Okay. -Yeah. So, that's the show. 886 00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:37,615 -When do we get to WhatsApp you? -WhatsApp me is-is really wild. 887 00:33:37,715 --> 00:33:39,317 -That's when it gets pretty... -All right, so just iMessage you 888 00:33:39,417 --> 00:33:41,419 -for now. Okay. -iMessage is cool, yeah. Yeah. 889 00:33:41,519 --> 00:33:43,088 And that's-that's what I want to show the world, you know? 890 00:33:43,254 --> 00:33:44,389 -And that's what the show is. -That's what you're showing 891 00:33:44,489 --> 00:33:45,790 -the world. My dude, I appreciate it. -Yeah. 892 00:33:45,890 --> 00:33:47,358 -Uh, I will be at the show. -Thank you. Thank you. 893 00:33:47,459 --> 00:33:48,827 -Congrats, my dude. On everything, man. -Appreciate it. 894 00:33:48,927 --> 00:33:50,595 -Appreciate you, man. Thank you. -So much fun. 895 00:33:50,695 --> 00:33:52,831 Don't forget, people, tickets for The King's Jester 896 00:33:52,931 --> 00:33:55,133 are available on HasanMinhaj.com. 897 00:33:55,266 --> 00:33:56,434 We're gonna take a quick break, 898 00:33:56,534 --> 00:33:58,002 but we'll be right back after this. 899 00:33:58,103 --> 00:34:00,004 -Thank you, man. -That was amazing. 900 00:34:00,105 --> 00:34:01,439 Thank you so much. You see? It's different. 901 00:34:01,539 --> 00:34:03,074 -It's fun. You see? -This was fun. This was actually... 902 00:34:04,608 --> 00:34:05,876 Until tomorrow, stay safe out there, 903 00:34:05,976 --> 00:34:08,279 get your vaccine, and remember, if you want to read 904 00:34:08,379 --> 00:34:10,214 Michelle Obama's biography in school, 905 00:34:10,314 --> 00:34:13,117 just make sure you hide it inside a Playboy. 906 00:34:13,217 --> 00:34:14,718 They'll never know. 907 00:34:14,819 --> 00:34:17,521 Now, here it is, Your Moment of Zen. 908 00:34:17,621 --> 00:34:19,657 ♪ ♪ 909 00:34:22,226 --> 00:34:23,794 The Feds are using a sneaky tactic 910 00:34:23,894 --> 00:34:27,431 to encourage people to give exes a Valentine's Day surprise. 911 00:34:27,531 --> 00:34:29,667 The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms 912 00:34:29,767 --> 00:34:32,336 posted that Valentine's Day can be fun 913 00:34:32,436 --> 00:34:34,071 even if you broke up. 914 00:34:34,171 --> 00:34:36,707 NEWSWOMAN: Valentine's Day celebrates you and your partner, 915 00:34:36,807 --> 00:34:39,910 but the ATF is using the day as a way to get revenge 916 00:34:40,010 --> 00:34:42,446 on your ex or even current partner 917 00:34:42,546 --> 00:34:45,349 by reporting illegal gun or drug use.