It's been a really rough, uh, I just want to check in on
all of you. Everybody who works here.
I know this has been a really rough time this past week.
Um,
a lot of cartoon characters have been changing their outfits,
and I just wanted to make sure you guys are all
feeling safe and secure.
The M&M's thing rocked people.
Um, now Disney announced that Minnie is going to be
wearing a pantsuit. People are losing their shit over this,
because, apparently, they liked those sexy, sleek legs of hers.
A lot of people don't know what this means for
the future of the country.
I'm, I'm not going to lie, I-I-I-I didn't ever think
a country could be this angry about
cartoon characters...
changing their outfits.
Like, people are angry.
"Minnie Mouse should be wearing that mini-skirt.
"Okay?
"It's called-- She's called Minnie Mouse,
"Not-not Pants Mouse, okay?
I want to see that ass! Okay?!"
People literally are on the news being like,
"This is destroying the fabric of society.
"Huh? What's next? Donald Duck?
You're not going to be able to see his dick? Huh?!"
Just wear different outfits.
The only people who shouldn't wear different outfits
are, like, people who are geniuses,
because they don't want to waste time. Like,
like Albert Einstein.
He says he wore the same clothes every day
because he didn't want to waste time
thinking about what he was gonna wear.
He's like, "I'm trying to solve the universe,
I can't figure out if, like, check goes with polka dot."
You know what I mean?
Trying to figure shit out.
Uh, Steve Jobs? Same thing.
He was like, "Yo, same outfit,
I'm not wasting my brain power."
A lot of people do that in, like, life now.
They go like, "Yeah, I don't waste time thinking
because I want to..." But people don't realize,
not picking your clothes doesn't mean
you automatically become smarter.
Some people are still dumbasses, but now you just
wear the same clothes every day.
Yeah, I don't think people realize that
that might be the one saving grace that you have,
Because now you're coming with the same dumb shit every day
and you look the same.
If you switch things up, people will be like,
"That shit was dumb again, but nice shirt."
♪ ♪
Coming to you from the heart of Times Square in New York City,
the only city in America,
It's The Daily Show.
Tonight, schools in Omicron,
"Why Football is Weird,"
And Lindsey Vonn.
This is The Daily Show with Trevor Noah.
Hey! What's going on, everybody?
Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Trevor Noah.
Let's jump straight into today's headlines.
♪ ♪
And we begin with the Supreme Court.
The world's lamest gospel choir.
Today, major news, people,
Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer has officially
announced that he is retiring.
And I know you're thinking, "Wait,
we spoke about this yesterday."
No, that wasn't officially.
That was unofficially.
That was like a tweet.
That was official, but it wasn't official.
This is official-official. Right?
And this is going to have ramifications,
but before we get into the politics,
let's take a moment to honor Justice Breyer's career.
And that's enough of that. All right, so,
Joe Biden, you may remember, promised during the campaign
that he was going to nominate a Black woman
if an opening on the Supreme Court came up
because he cares deeply about representation...
...and winning Georgia.
And so, now it looks like that's what we're planning to do.
But everyone is not happy about that.
Right off the bat, he is excluding
all potential candidates who are not African-American women.
So, if you're a man,
if you happen to be white,
an Asian-American, Hispanic-American,
Joe Biden will not even look at your resume.
To exclude certain candidates based solely on race and gender
is beyond extremely divisive.
Uh, it may even be illegal.
I don't think the president
should ever, ever insult the person he's gonna nominate
by saying, "You're not the most qualified person.
You're just the most qualified Black woman person."
NEWSWOMAN: Well, I mean, what kind of qualification is that,
being a Black woman?
I mean, i-is this our standards now
in terms of the highest court in the land?
You almost got the impression that Joe Biden believes
all Black women are the same. They're identical.
This is exactly why decent Americans hated segregation.
It dehumanized people.
And why isn't there an American Indian on the court?
Or a genderqueer?
Why isn't there an Afghan refugee
under consideration?
"Yeah, and why isn't there a sexy M&M under consideration?
"I'm talking about one of those M&Ms
"that goes right from the legs straight to the shell. Hmm?
Did we all just get horny? Hmm? Just me?"
Look, man, there's a lot to unpack here,
but most importantly, being a Black woman
isn't the qualification.
All right? Joe Biden is gonna pick a Black woman
who is also qualified.
These people act like Biden
is just gonna show up at the mall and be like,
"Yo, Shaniqua, come with me."
"Uh, my name is Regina."
"Uh, it doesn't matter. Just put on these robes.
I need help with abortion."
No. She's going to be qualified.
And why is that a bad thing?
Why not try to make the Supreme Court
a little more representative
of the country it represents?
I mean, their rulings impact the lives
of every person in the country,
so it would be nice to have at least one justice on there
who's had to ask the Walgreens guy
to unlock the shampoo shelf.
But at the same time, at the same time,
I also hear what these Fox people are saying.
You know? It shouldn't matter
whether you're Black or white.
This position should only go
to the most qualified judge
who also thinks that guns are people.
And, I mean, I feel bad for Tucker Carlson.
Of course he's upset. You know, think about it.
For almost all of American history,
the entire Supreme Court was white dudes
with bow ties and weird hair.
And now that's all gone. Huh? It's all gone.
Where's Tucker's representation, huh?
Lacrosse lives matter, people.
All right, let's move on from America
to America's estranged dad, Great Britain.
Their Prime Minister Boris Johnson
has been embroiled in scandal ever since it was discovered
that while Britons were in lockdown,
he broke the rules
and threw a bunch of office parties.
And apparently they were partying for everything.
Retirement parties, birthday parties,
regular hangout parties.
Shit, they were throwing parties
just because someone figured out how to unjam the printer.
"It's working. It's really working.
Well, this calls for a spot of bubbly."
(chanting): "Greg! Greg! Greg! Greg! Greg! Greg!"
And as if that wasn't bad enough,
now Boris has another scandal brewing.
NEWSMAN: British Prime Minister Boris Johnson--
get this--
is once again on the defense
over another issue.
This time it's whether he authorized
the evacuation of cats and dogs from Afghanistan.
A batch of leaked emails appear to contradict
Johnson's claims of having nothing to do
with the evacuation of animals
from a British charity in Afghanistan
as the country fell to the Taliban
and humans being were scrambling
to find a way out of that country.
The prime minister has always denied intervening,
a denial he repeated this lunchtime.
This whole thing is-is-is total rhubarb.
The military always prioritized,
uh, human, uh, beings,
and that was quite right.
And I think we should be incredibly proud
of-of Op Pitting and what it achieved.
Yo, can I be honest?
This is the most white people scandal of all time.
You rescued pets before human beings?
Guys, you have to prioritize saving people over animals
because people will be grateful about it.
You rescue a cat from Afghanistan,
it'll act like it's doing you a favor.
"Meow. Thanks."
Now, Boris says that this whole scandal is
"total rhubarb," so you can tell he's stressed,
because British people only bust out the obscure vegetables
when their backs are against the wall.
"Prince Andrew, what were you doing
on Jeffrey Epstein's island?"
"Oh, brussels sprouts, it's not what you think."
This is when you realize how special Trump was
at getting out of a jam, right? Remember that guy?
Because where most politicians try and undo the scandal,
Trump was a genius, man.
He would just add another one to throw us off the trail.
"I know you're upset,
"but why are we talking about me sleeping with a porn star
"when I'm about to overthrow the government, huh?
"That's the real story, folks.
"Throwing over my own government.
"And I'm gonna overthrow it with me inside it.
Now I'm upside down."
All right, finally, let us turn to today's big education news.
"I" before "E" except after "C."
Apparently, it's not true. You can just flip that shit.
I based my whole personality on that.
Also, another education story is over the last few months,
there have been big movements by conservatives
to put limits on what kids can learn in schools.
Laws saying that you can't teach divisive concepts about race.
Uh, laws saying that books should be pulled from libraries
for talking about gender identity.
Basically, at this point, if it's not math, science
or how to hide from a shooter,
they don't think it's appropriate
for kids to know about.
And now one school board
is going after a surprising new target.
A Tennessee school board decided to ban
the Pulitzer Prize-winning graphic novel Maus.
It's the only graphic novel ever to win the Pulitzer,
but the McMinn County School Board in Tennessee
has banned the book.
One board member said...
Maus is widely seen as the gold standard
when it comes to teaching kids about the Holocaust,
given its unique voice, its unique approach.
This decision baffling the author of Maus, Art Spiegelman.
He was interviewed by CNBC about this dec-- the decision
and he said this.
Now, if you don't know Maus,
the whole reason this book is taught in middle school
is that it's a serious book about the Holocaust
that kids actually want to read.
And adults, too. All right?
Because a subject this huge and horrifying
is hard to get your head around.
So what Maus does is it turns all of the people
into cartoon animals. Right?
The Jews are represented by mice,
the Germans are represented by cats.
And because that's a trope that we're familiar with
from comic books, it helps people process this event
that's unthinkable otherwise.
I mean, it's either a comic book
or that Peanuts special
It's Genocide, Charlie Brown.
No, but, seriously though, just because you show something
doesn't mean you are promoting it.
You need to include certain stories
because they represent reality.
Right? It's like having the N-word in Huckleberry Finn
or the N-word in To Kill a Mockingbird
or the N-word in Of Mice and Men or the N-word...
♪ ♪
...Goodnight Moon.
Wow.
They said the N-word a lot. (chuckles)
So, listen, Tennessee school board,
you don't need to be denying the Holocaust, okay?
That's YouTube's job.
Stay in your lane.
And when you teach kids, teach them the whole truth.
You can't teach it while avoiding
some of the unpleasant parts. That's not a thing.
That's history. You're supposed to teach it properly.
And it's gonna make these kids look really dumb
later on in life.
"Ah, yes, the Holocaust.
"When, uh, millions of people were given free pajamas.
No?"
Okay. Enough of that.
Let's move on to our main story,
which is once again about the coronavirus pandemic.
And I know it seems like we talk about COVID every single day,
but, don't worry, this is a new variant.
One thing everyone agrees on is that, sooner or later,
kids need to be back in school.
Because Zoom classes are a nightmare.
And they were especially hard for the teachers
at that Euphoria high school.
"Will everyone please turn on your cameras?
"Everyone turn-- Wait, wait, is that a penis?
Is that-- Turn it off! Turn it off!"
Now, unfortunately,
schools have to contend with COVID,
which also likes everyone being inside classrooms.
So how are schools dealing with in-person classes
during a pandemic?
Well, let's find out in another installment
of Getting Back to Normal-ish.
♪ ♪
If there's one thing we've learned about COVID
is that it spreads most when people are crowded indoors.
And if there's one thing that schools are about,
it's crowding people into tight spaces--
classrooms, hallways,
lockers.
So, as you can imagine, this has caused a lot of problems
for students.
Since Omicron started,
countless kids around the country have gotten infected
or they've had to isolate
because some kid in their class got infected.
And when you think about it, it's disorienting
not to know what each day is gonna bring.
Are they gonna be in class? Are they gonna be home?
Is the bullying gonna be in person or cyber?
You need to plan.
It's been chaos for students,
which is why some schools have decided
to do away with the indoor part
of indoor learning altogether.
The pandemic has many parents and school districts
still struggling with remote versus in-person learning.
But some schools are finding a compromise
in the great outdoors.
NEWSWOMAN: Despite frigid temperatures
in Wisconsin and Maine,
these schools moved some classes outside
to help prevent the spread.
NEWSMAN: 17 schools in Portland, Maine,
built outdoor learning spaces.
Plenty of winter gear and Wi-Fi.
With wind chill, it's minus-seven.
CHILD: Try not to burn your mittens.
Yeah, that's right, COVID. You're not gonna get these kids.
'Cause they're gonna freeze to death first.
Ha-ha. Checkmate.
And look, I know those classrooms might be colder
than the middle of Trader Joe's burrito,
but there are probably a lot of benefits for the students. Yeah.
Younger kids get to play in the snow,
and high schoolers-- well, they don't have to worry
about spontaneous erections anymore.
Everybody wins.
Not to mention, these kids will be the first generation
that can outflex their grandparents
about how hard they had it.
I used to walk ten miles in the snow just to get to school!
Bitch, the snow was my school!
But if kids are stressed out by everything that's going on,
it's also hard on the teachers.
A lot of them are staying home because they're either worried
about getting COVID, or they already have it,
which is why there's a big teacher shortage right now
all across the country, and that's a problem,
because without teachers, you don't have a school.
I mean, now it's just juvie.
So schools around the country are trying
to solve their staffing problems with whoever they can find.
NEWSWOMAN: As Omicron surges on,
teachers are calling out with COVID,
leading to a potential crisis across the nation's schools.
NEWSWOMAN 2: With record numbers calling in sick,
thousands of schools have been forced to close.
Schools scrambling to keep kids in the classroom,
forced to come up with creative solutions.
NEWSMAN: In Miami, a staggering 1,700 teachers
called in sick today. It was all hands on deck.
Even the district superintendent filled in
as a substitute science teacher.
In Michigan, lunch ladies
and school bus drivers are stepping in
to supervise classes.
NEWSWOMAN 3: School districts facing teacher shortages
are asking parents and alum to fill in as substitutes.
NEWSMAN 2: Hundreds of parents in Palo Alto, California
are volunteering at schools,
doing anything from light custodial work to food services.
WOMAN: I've cleaned tables, I've swept floors.
NEWSMAN 3: In New Mexico, the governor now calling
on the National Guard to teach kids.
In Oklahoma, off-duty police officers
are now stepping in to teach.
Wow. They're using cops as substitute teachers?
I mean, that's one way
to get the Black kids raising their hands in class.
Uh, Kevin, did you... did you have a question?
Nah, sir. I just don't want any trouble.
It would actually be pretty funny
if the teachers and cops switched jobs permanently.
Because you got to admit, it would be so nice
to get pulled over by a teacher for a change.
Because they'd just be like,
"Sir, do you know how fast you were going?
"Because, you see, you left Tulsa at 3:08 p.m.
and arrived here two hours later, which means?"
I'm not hating, though. I'm not hating. I think it's great
that people from the community are stepping up.
But let's not forget, there's no way
to replace a professional substitute teacher.
Yeah, you think anyone can just show up, pass out a worksheet
and then get roasted for eight hours
by a bunch of 11-year-olds?
No, that is an art form.
So a lot of these pandemic policies have been hard
on students and teachers.
But the people making the policies
aren't getting off easy.
And I'm talking about the local school boards.
Yeah, they're stuck in the middle between parents
who are terrified of their kids' safety,
and parents who are terrified
that the masks their kids wear will turn their kids
into tiny little Faucis.
I'm home from school, Mom, and all the data supports me
getting some mac and cheese right now.
Follow the science, Mommy!
So, school boards are in a tough spot,
and, uh, not every parent is showing their appreciation.
NEWSWOMAN: This school board meeting in Virginia
taking a wild turn Thursday
as a Page County parent was arrested and released
on a $5,000 bond after she was captured on tape threatening
to bring guns to her children's school
if the district continued to enforce their mask mandate.
My children will not come to school
on Monday with a mask on, all right?
That's not happening.
And I will bring every single gun loaded
and ready to... I-I will call every...
Okay, that's three minutes.
You've gone past your time. It's a policy.
-Thank you. -Mm-hmm.
I'll see y'all on Monday.
So you don't want to hear the end of the threat?
I mean, I know there's a time policy,
but if someone's threatening to kill me,
I want to hear what they have to say so I know how to escape.
I mean, this does show you
how often school boards get death threats screamed at them.
Did you see how calm those people were?
This woman is talking about bringing every loaded gun
to school, and they're like, "Time is up. Thank you."
(laughter)
"The next speaker is Jennifer Higgins
"who has a proposal for burning down our houses.
"Go ahead, Jennifer, and please remember,
keep it to three minutes."
For more on the disruption that Omicron is causing
with schools, let's go out now to Roy Wood, Jr.
who is standing outside a random school.
Do I have to be out here, Trevor?
It's cold as hell.
I could just talk to you in the studio.
I'm sorry, Roy. That's not possible.
This is how the news is.
You see, we're talking about a school,
so you have to be at a school.
Otherwise, how will the people trust what a school is?
Anyway, let's talk about all the chaos
in schools right now, Roy.
It almost feels like we're back in 2020, right?
It sure as shit does.
I'm so fed up with Omicron, man. It's ruining everything.
It's ruining things for students, for teachers,
parents, everybody, not to mention
all the money I'm losing on these shirts
I printed up a couple of months ago.
Look at this, man!
I hadn't sold a single one of these!
Damn Omicron. You don't know the overhead on that.
Really gives you a new appreciation
for all those chill viruses we have out there.
Yeah, that's so... Wait. I'm sorry.
Did you say "chill viruses"?
I-I don't think there's such a thing as a chill virus, Roy.
No, I think that's where you're wrong, Trevor.
There are plenty of viruses out there
just keeping to themselves,
not stirring up trouble all the time,
like, uh, hepatitis A.
I'm sorry, Roy.
Are you saying that hepatitis A is a chill virus?
Yeah, totally chill virus, Trevor. Calm as hell.
Nobody's getting hepatitis A
just standing in line at Walmart.
Only way you're getting it is if you go out to eat
and the cook don't wash his hands after wiping his ass.
You don't have to worry about masks or booster shots
with hepatitis A.
Just don't order a sloppy joe at a truck stop,
and you're good.
Well, Roy, I wasn't planning on it, but...
yeah, I see what you're saying, you know?
Like, maybe we should give credit
to all those viruses out there
that are less annoying day to day.
Like... like, what's that virus that causes mono?
Oh. You're talking about my boy.
Epstein-Barr.
Or also known as the "kissing disease."
Now, you may not know this, Trevor,
but you know why they call it the kissing disease?
'Cause you get it from kissing.
It's one of the few diseases where the diagnosis
comes with a high five.
That's so true, Roy.
You know, the doctor's just like:
I got good news and bad news.
The bad news is: you got mono.
The good news is: my man!
-(chuckling) -Hell yeah.
By the way, did you know that Epstein-Barr
is named after Jeffrey Epstein
and former attorney general Bill Barr?
It was their first collab before Barr killed Epstein
in a jail cell.
I did not know that, Roy.
Yeah, well, now you do. I don't preach, I teach.
And here's one other virus that I've never really appreciated
until corona came along:
herpes.
Huh. I-I don't know, man.
I don't think I'm ready to throw my support behind herpes.
Well, you should be. Did you know, Trevor,
200 million people in this country have herpes,
but it's such a chill virus
that most people don't even realize they have it.
It's just like Cinemax, sitting up there at channel 637,
just minding its own business.
Hell, I'll bet you have herpes.
(chuckles) No, I don't... I don't have herpes.
-I do not, Roy. -Statistically, you probably do.
I don't... I'm sure that I don't, Roy.
-Thank you so much. -Yeah, look, it doesn't matter
if or how you got herpes, man.
The point is, I want to take a moment
to apologize to all the chill viruses out there.
We took you for granted before, but no longer.
We appreciate you and all you do for us.
From hep A all the way to Trevor Noah's herpes, thank you.
I... I do not... I do not have herpes.
-Thank you so much, Roy. -Thank you, hep.
-Cut it. Let's just cut his feed. -Thank you, herpes.
All right, ignore that. We're gonna take a quick break,
and when we come back, Ronny Chieng will explain
why American football makes no sense.
You don't want to miss it.
We can cut out all the herpes stuff, right?
We can just cut out the herpe...
What do you mean we're live?
(stammers)
We're just gonna have herpes... my herpes is on T...
No, I don't have herpes. I'm just saying
the thing he said about my herpes on TV now.
It's confirmed. He has it. Yes.
Yes, he does. Okay. Just making sure.
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
If you spent your whole life in America,
you might not know what other countries
think about this great country.
Well, luckily, Ronny Chieng is happy to tell you
in his new segment, America WTF.
As someone who's lived all over the world,
it's my responsibility to let Americans know
the rest of us think a lot of what you guys do
is super weird.
♪ ♪
-For example... -(whistle blows)
-(crowd cheering) -American football,
which you guys think of as the most normal thing ever.
Let me assure you everything about it is crazy.
Before the game even starts, everyone has to stand up
and sing the national anthem together?
Nobody else on the planet does that.
We just assume everyone knows what country they're in
before the game starts.
And then there's the game itself.
First of all, the teams all have, like, 300 people.
That's not a sport. That's an army.
That's so many people that everyone has
their own special, little job to do.
Like, one guy throws the ball. One guy kicks the ball.
-MAN: And hut! -One guy throws the ball
to the guy who throws the ball.
And speaking of the ball,
this is isn't normal, either, okay?
Balls are supposed to be round.
That's the main thing that makes it a ball.
But in this insane sport,
even the ball looks like it has brain damage.
And what's with the scoring? Six points for a touchdown.
One point for the kick after you make it,
but if you make the same kick before you scored,
it would have been three points.
And you can also score a touchdown again
after the touchdown,
but this time, it's only worth two points.
Who came up with this shit?
If you ask me, a touchdown should be worth 100 points.
The player deserves it.
He basically dodged a mugging
with a slippery almond in his hand.
And 100 points would be way easier to keep up with
than all these other numbers.
How do you people get drunk at these games
and still follow along without a spreadsheet?
And speaking of drinking,
you guys realize how weird tailgating is, right?
Like, I don't care how you want to brand it--
getting drunk in a parking lot isn't a family activity.
It's a sign to get your life together.
I feel like the whole thing started
because a bunch of pickup trucks broke down
in a stadium parking lot
and they just tried to play it off, like,
"Uh, oh, no, no, no, we meant to park here
for five hours before the game."
But if you're tailgating at a game,
better not be too young. Because don't forget
about America's super weird drinking age.
You got to be 21 to drink in this country?
That doesn't make sense.
Okay, I guess they're trying to keep college kids
from becoming alcoholics or something,
but I'm pretty sure that experiment has failed.
College dorms are so soaked in booze
that if you lit a match, the whole building would explode.
So maybe you're not going to a game.
Maybe you're watching at home instead.
In which case, you'll probably see about 50 TV ads
for prescription drugs,
which I know you think is normal
but, trust me, you're the only ones.
There's a reason this doesn't happen in other countries.
Most of the people watching TV aren't doctors,
so there's no reason to market to them directly,
especially the way they do it.
They always ask you questions like...
-(yawning) -"Hey, are you drowsy or sad
-or achy or farting?" -(fart sound)
Yes! I'm all those things right now
because I'm a (bleep) person.
If someone needs a drug, their doctor will prescribe it.
You shouldn't have to ask them if it's right for you.
This doesn't happen in any other part of medical care.
Okay? There's no TV ads asking you to ask your doctor
whether they should cup your balls and make you cough.
Your pervert doctor will do that on their own.
Look, do your thing, America.
Okay? Just know that, whenever you're ready,
you're more than welcome to join the rest of the world
and start following soccer,
a sport where the ball is round,
the scoring is simple
and the only thing fans are doing in a parking lot
is fighting each other to the death,
like God intended.
♪ ♪
Thank you so much for that, Ronny.
All right, when we come back,
Olympic champion Lindsey Vonn
will be joining me right here on the show.
So don't go away.
Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight
is Olympic gold medalist and the most decorated
female skier of all time, Lindsey Vonn.
She's here to talk about her new memoir,
about her record-breaking skiing career
and her new journey as an entrepreneur.
Lindsey Vonn, welcome to The Daily Show.
Hey, thanks for having me.
Um, I-I've known you for a few years,
so I knew some of the stories in this book,
but, like, I didn't know how much of a--
-let me choose my words carefully... -(chuckles)
-...crazy person you were. -(laughing)
-Um... -I was expecting something like this.
No, no, no! You know why? I'll tell you why.
I'll tell you why. Because, like, I struggle to plan
-what I'm going to do next week in life. -(laughs)
You had a ten-year plan to make it to the Olympics,
and this is a plan as a nine-year-old, I have to add,
-on top of that. So, at nine-years-old, -(laughter)
you're like, "I want to go to the Olympics in ten years."
Yeah. I mean, my dad definitely helped me with the planning.
Um... but we had-- Yeah. I met Picabo Street, my idol,
-when I was nine. Came home, -Yes.
and I was like, "This is it, this is what I want to do."
And I was like, "Okay, let's make a plan."
We printed out calendars,
we had highlighters, it was, like, a whole thing.
What are you planning in that ten years?
-I'm... (laughs) Thank you. -No, I mean, I know
you're the greatest, but what takes ten years?
-I need to understand what takes... -So, when you're nine,
-you have to, like, build up a point profile. -Okay.
You know, certain requirements that you have to make
in order to kind of make the progression
to even get to the U.S. Ski Team and then to the Olympics.
So... And my dad was a racer when he was growing up.
-NOAH: Right, right, right. -VONN: He was a junior racer,
so he knew kind of all the levels that I needed to get.
And, you know, obviously,
I had to start expanding my repertoire
'cause I was from Minnesota.
So, 300 vertical feet is not a place
-where you learn downhill skiing. -(laughs)
So we had to move to Colorado
-when I was 12, so it was like... -Got it.
-You know, the ten-year plan was extensive. -Okay. Okay.
I understand. I mean, you... Yeah, Minnesota
might not have been great for your repertoire,
but it was great for preparing you
for, uh, the doldrums of the cold.
-Do you even feel cold anymore? -(laughs) I hate the cold.
Like, everyone is dying here in New York.
Everyone's freezing. And then today when you came in,
I was like, "Oh, she's just gonna come in, like, a tank top
"and be like, 'Oh, a summer day, everybody.
-How you doing?'" -I hate the cold.
-I hate it. -You're like the Bane of the cold.
-"Ah, Batman." Like, that's you. -(laughs)
-Bane of the cold. -You are the Bane of the cold.
I mean, why do you think I ski fast?
-To get out of the cold? -I... Exactly.
-(laughs) -Literally.
I make it to the bottom as fast I can,
-I put my clothes back on. -Okay.
-This makes a lot of sense. Yeah. -Makes a lot of sense now.
-Yeah. -I also didn't know, and this was really cool
to read in the book.
Y-You're an interesting human being
in that you-you talk about how...
like, how hard life was for you in some instances.
Athletes used to be told, "Hey, don't...
-Don't tell people you're depressed." -Yeah.
"You'll lose everything. Endorsements.
Don't. People don't want you on a team."
You came out and said, "Hey, I'm struggling with depression,
and this is what I'm doing about it."
But what was interesting to me
is the fact that you-you don't...
You don't seem to have fear when it comes to the slopes, though.
Like, life is this scary thing,
and then you're going down a hill
at I don't know how many miles an hour.
-85, roughly. -85 miles an hour.
-85 miles. Not kilometers. -Miles, right. Correct.
Miles per hour.
-And there's no fear. -No.
I mean, the skiing is, like, the most, uh,
simple thing in my life. The easiest thing.
Everything else was hard.
-And skiing was like my sanctuary. -How many...
how many times have you crashed?
I mean, we don't have enough, you know, hours in the show
-to talk about all the crashes. -After the first crash, no fear?
No. It's just-- That's part of the job. You know?
Like, that's-that's the risk factor in skiing,
and that's honestly one of the things that makes it exciting.
-Right. -You know? It wouldn't-wouldn't be exciting
if, every time you fell, you fell into a pile of pillows.
Well, that's what I thought it was. I wanted to go skiing.
I've-- I don't know how to ski, and I always wanted to learn
-how to ski. And then... -Okay, it's done. We're doing it.
And then-- No. And then I saw all of your injuries.
Then I was like-- I thought the whole point of skiing
is that you fall into, like, clouds
and then you don't get hurt and then...
Snow is not as soft as it may appear.
-Yeah, you see? That's ridiculous. -No, it's not.
-Ice is hard. Yes. -That's like a... (laughing)
Um, Lindsey Vonn has gone on to inspire so many people.
You know? Uh, you-you're mentoring,
you know, some of the skiers, some of the athletes
who are going to-to the, um... to the Winter Olympics.
You're gonna be commentating on that.
When you-- when you're watching, um, the Olympics,
do you have favorites? Do you have sports that you love?
Is it always gonna be skiing or are there some winter,
like, sports where you're like, "Nah, this is, like,
"my secret passion. Like, curling is my shit.
-That's how I roll"? -I mean, I'm from Minnesota,
so curling should be my shit.
-Okay. -But-but i-it's not.
Sorry.
I love figure skating.
I just think it's really cool.
Like, figure skating and gymnastics are my jam.
But, you know, I always love alpine skiing.
And, of course, I'm gonna be cheering for people that,
you know, I've helped over the last couple years
and throughout my career.
-Um, and, obviously, Team USA. -Right.
Um, but it's also gonna be, you know, hard,
a little bit, to watch, 'cause I'm be miss--
I-I will miss competing a little bit.
One of the hardest things athletes face
is the fact that their careers are essentially "over"
-when life... sort of begins. -Yeah.
You know? Athletes talk about this all the time,
you know, whether it's, you know, Chris Bosh,
you know, whether it's Dwyane Wade, whether it's yourself.
Everyone goes, "Yeah, I'm-I'm 36 years old,
37 years old and now life is over?"
-How have you dealt with that? -It was a tough transition.
I think the first year was-was really hard.
And even though I had set up business,
and I had so much to do, it didn't take away from the fact
-that, you know, skiing was-was gone. -Right.
VONN: You know, it's something you've done your entire life.
And it's not like a career change where,
you know, you can change your mind and go back to it.
It's like, one day you wake up,
and literally what you love to do is no longer possible.
-Wow. -So it was just... I don't know.
It was a hard moment for me, but I figured it out,
and I found new passions and new ways to challenge myself.
I think that's the most important thing.
You know, athletes are very driven and goal-oriented,
and we just need something to push ourselves towards.
And for me, that's become business,
and, you know, I'm in venture capital a bit now.
So, there's just a lot of things going on,
which, you know, excites me.
-It's not going 85 miles an hour down a mountain. -Right.
But, you know, I will make do with what I have.
Are there any things that you... that you miss,
that you... that you're trying to apply to your life now?
Like, I didn't know, for instance,
that before you went downhill, you would... you would spit.
I didn't know if I was reading that correctly.
You-you... you were spitting. Yes?
Of all the things to pick out in my book,
you know, we can talk about spitting, but, yeah, I just...
This is the thing to not... Like, I didn't understand this.
Well, I don't know. I think that's just something
that I naturally did, but I guess it, like,
boosts testosterone. I think some athletes do it.
So it's not very, um, ladylike.
So you spit before, like, you do the thing?
Yeah, it's just like a... I don't know.
-It's a... it's a thing. I don't know. -Wow.
Do you do that now before big meetings?
-No. -(laughing)
-No. -It could bring back the thrill.
No, I don't think the boardroom is meant for spitting.
Yeah, you do it outside the boardroom.
-I don't think it's a... Yeah. -Obviously. I mean,
-this is a civilized environment. -Okay.
-Just outside the boardroom, before the boardroom. -Right.
-Giant spit. -Right, just before in the bathroom,
before I go to my meeting, I just get into it.
You know what? Don't knock it before you try it.
I'll just do some Lil Wayne instead, I think. Okay.
Lindsey Vonn, congratulations on writing an amazing book.
It's really fun, it's a really inspiring story.
Um, I think people will really enjoy it, and, uh,
-good luck for the Olympics. -Thank you.
Good luck for the world of venture capital and business.
And, uh, hopefully, we'll see you again on the show.
-Thank you. -All right, people.
Lindsey's memoir, Rise, is available
wherever books are sold.
We're gonna take a quick break,
but we'll be right back after this.
-(imitates spitting) -(laughs)
Well, that's our show for tonight, but before we go,
today is Holocaust Remembrance Day,
so please consider supporting
the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum.
It's a living memorial that seeks to inspire citizens
and leaders worldwide to confront hatred,
prevent genocide and promote human dignity.
If you would like to help support their programs,
then please donate at the link below.
Until next time, stay safe out there, get your vaccine,
and remember, if you're out in the woods,
and you come across a classroom of students,
that's their home, and they're more scared of you
than you are of them.
Now, here it is-- Your Moment of Zen.
♪ ♪
♪ Do you want to build a snowman? ♪
What's that saying? Do you want to build a snowman?
Oh, yeah. Do you want to build a snowman?
-♪ Do you want to build a snowman? ♪ -Aw.
Jackie, question for you. Do you want to build a snowman?
NEWSMAN 3: Do you want to build a snowman?
NEWSWOMAN 6: Or an iceman.
Don't put that in my head, Jacob.
Oh, that's going...
♪ Do you want to build a snowman? ♪
-I know. -Either that, or the Bruno song.
Which one, you know?
-We don't talk about Bruno. -We don't...
-We don't talk about Bruno. -Let's not talk about Bruno.
We don't talk about Bruno. No, no, no.