1 00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:03,403 Steph Curry is, uh, about to break one of the, like, 2 00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:08,041 hardest records in the NBA-- most three-pointers ever. 3 00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:10,077 I'm assuming it's scored, 'cause otherwise 4 00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,745 that would be a weird record. 5 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,548 Just, like, the most three pointers that someone has tried. 6 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,384 Those should be cool records as well. They should have that. 7 00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:19,887 You tried a lot. I mean, you got none of them, 8 00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:22,556 but you really tried a lot. Most tries. 9 00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:24,558 No, he's gonna break the record. 10 00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:27,027 Uh, it was Ray Allen's record. And then, Ray Allen, 11 00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:28,495 they asked him, "What do you think," and he said, 12 00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:30,497 even if Steph Curry breaks it, I'm still the greatest. 13 00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:33,400 No, you're not. That's literally how records work. 14 00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,002 I'm sorry. You were one of the greatest, 15 00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:36,136 but you're not the greatest. That's literally 16 00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:37,804 how the record works. Yeah. 17 00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:40,140 So Steph has to shoot just two. He shoots one, 18 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,309 and then he's tied. And then he shoots another one 19 00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:44,311 and then he breaks the record. Yes. 20 00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:45,445 Unless he gets cursed and then 21 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,481 never scores another three ever again. 22 00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,850 Like, I... maybe I should be the one to tell you Americans, 23 00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:51,885 Steph Curry's broken basketball. 24 00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:54,488 He figured it out, and your sports is now broken. 25 00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:56,890 Yeah. This is why I like soccer-- no one can break it. 26 00:00:56,990 --> 00:00:59,026 Basketball? Broken. Steph Curry figured out 27 00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:00,894 that if you throw the ball 28 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,129 you could throw it over everybody 29 00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:05,065 and then you just get the same points. 30 00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:06,567 Before that, people were like, 31 00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:09,436 you've got to, like, run and then fight people like Shaq. 32 00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:11,438 Imagine if you had been, like, fighting against Shaq 33 00:01:11,538 --> 00:01:13,073 all those years and then you realize all along, 34 00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:14,908 you could have just thrown the ball in. 35 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,476 And Steph doesn't even do it from, like, the line. 36 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:17,845 'Cause they're like, "This is the three-point line" 37 00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:19,112 then he was like, "But what if you just do it 38 00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:21,448 from, like, the other line?" Then he was like, 39 00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:23,250 "What if you just..." Have you seen, Steph Curry does it 40 00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:25,686 from, like, not even on the court now. 41 00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:26,753 He does it from, like, the tunnel 42 00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:28,322 that comes through the cour... 43 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,357 At some point Steph Curry's just gonna shoot the shit from home, 44 00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:31,925 that's what he's gonna do. Yeah. 45 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:35,329 Steph Curry's gonna be the first work-at-home basketball player. 46 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,563 He's gonna be, like, the first step 47 00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:38,899 of the hybrid work in the-in the NBA. 48 00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:41,335 Be like, "Yeah, man, I remember when the game changed. 49 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,704 "Before that, we had to come into-to the arena, man. 50 00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,706 "You had to play games. And then Steph Curry came along, 51 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:49,109 "man. Shit. Now... now, man, people, 52 00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:51,678 "these (bleep) throwing from home now, man. 53 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,580 Yeah." Just be, like, one of the greatest players 54 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,516 will be, like, someone who lives in some, like, random place, 55 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:58,986 like, he lives in the Maldives. He just throws from there. 56 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:02,890 Man, you can't guard that shit. You can't guard that shit. 57 00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,592 You got to catch two planes just to guard him. 58 00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:07,427 Whole game has changed. 59 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,696 You'll be telling your grandkids, "Back in my day, 60 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:14,067 "in basketball you had to be there to defend the player. 61 00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:17,404 "They were there, shooting in your face, like a man. 62 00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:20,741 "And now, nothing. You don't know when it's gonna come. 63 00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:24,778 "The other day, I got a... I got a envelope in the mail. 64 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,613 "I thought it was from your Nana. 65 00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:31,118 "I opened it, it was a three-point shot. 66 00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:32,819 We lost the game." 67 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,189 (laughs) 68 00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:36,757 -♪ ♪ -ANNOUNCER: Coming to you from the heart 69 00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:40,661 of Times Square in New York City, the only city in America, 70 00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,829 it's The Daily Show. 71 00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:46,200 Tonight, texts from Fox News. 72 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,635 The year in scams. 73 00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:52,105 And Chelsea Handler. 74 00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:56,577 This is The Daily Show with Trevor Noah. 75 00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,145 Hey! What's going on, everybody? 76 00:02:58,245 --> 00:03:00,280 Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Trevor Noah. 77 00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:01,849 And joining me for today's headlines 78 00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:04,451 is my good friend Roy Wood Jr. 79 00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:06,520 -What's going on, Roy? -Hey. What up, man? 80 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,088 I'm just trying to find a karate class. 81 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,523 My five-year-old taking karate, 82 00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:11,758 so that mean I got to learn karate, 'cause 83 00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,794 the showdown is coming. 84 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:15,796 I don't think that's how it works, Roy. 85 00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:18,465 I think you-you can just let him do karate. 86 00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,834 Which one has a child? 87 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,269 -You. -Okay. 88 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:23,770 So then you let me worry about 89 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,772 the showdown that's looming with my child. 90 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,976 Every child, at some point, challenges the father. 91 00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:32,112 That's how it goes. You've seen Star Wars. 92 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,747 -Well, good luck with that, Roy. -Yeah. 93 00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,516 And good luck to your child. All right, 94 00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,217 let's jump right into today's headlines. 95 00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:38,785 ♪ ♪ 96 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:42,322 We kick things off with Omicron, the coronavirus variant 97 00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:45,926 named after disgraced CNN anchor Chris Cuomocron. 98 00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:48,795 It's now been three weeks since Omicron was discovered, 99 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,431 which means scientists are starting to get a handle 100 00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:54,568 on exactly what we might be dealing with. 101 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,937 This morning, the fast-spreading Omicron variant 102 00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:59,273 is adding fresh fears around the world. 103 00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:01,608 British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is warning 104 00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:05,078 of a looming tidal wave of Omicron cases in the U.K. 105 00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:08,148 Health officials here are saying that no other COVID variant 106 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:12,052 has spread this fast, and they fear that in less than 36 hours, 107 00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:14,454 Omicron will become the dominant variant here in London. 108 00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:17,524 Already, it makes up 44% of cases in the city, 109 00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:20,794 and numbers are doubling every two to three days. 110 00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:23,096 The country of Norway is ramping up efforts 111 00:04:23,197 --> 00:04:25,165 to slow the spread of Omicron. 112 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,768 In a new approach to decreasing gatherings there, 113 00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,103 the prime minister announced the country is placing a ban 114 00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:33,240 on serving alcohol in bars and restaurants. 115 00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:35,809 the moratorium comes as the country is facing record-high 116 00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:38,645 COVID-19 infectious and hospitalizations. 117 00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:41,281 Wow. No drinking 118 00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:44,685 in Norway in the winter. 119 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:48,088 I mean, at that point, you might as well die of COVID. 120 00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:51,525 Also, why are they keeping the bars open 121 00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,227 if you can't drink? 122 00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:55,229 Are there people out there who are, like, 123 00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:57,130 "I still enjoy the communal peanuts 124 00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:58,799 "and shouty conversations 125 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:01,468 "and standing in someone else's pee while I pee. 126 00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:04,338 You know? There's more to a bar than just drinking, guys." 127 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,407 But, look, the point is Omicron is spreading super fast, 128 00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:10,611 like, way faster than any other variant. 129 00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:12,880 Like, we hadn't even heard about it a few weeks ago, 130 00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,215 and now it's dominating the world. 131 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,618 It's like the Olivia Rodrigo of variants. 132 00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,086 And as it spreads, 133 00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,188 we're learning more about the effects of Omicron. 134 00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:23,190 In fact, the first large study 135 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:24,958 was just released out of South Africa. 136 00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,059 Whoop, whoop! 137 00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:28,262 And it has good news and bad news. 138 00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:29,296 Womp, womp. 139 00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:30,797 The bad news is, 140 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:33,267 even if you have two doses of the Pfizer vaccine, 141 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,602 you only get 33% protection 142 00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,704 against infection from Omicron. 143 00:05:37,804 --> 00:05:39,673 Right? The good news is, 144 00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,808 if you do get Omicron, 145 00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:44,077 you're about 30% less likely 146 00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:46,813 to go to the hospital than with Delta. 147 00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:49,483 But the bad news is there was a hot single doctor 148 00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:51,685 at the hospital who could have been your soul mate 149 00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,220 and you'll never get to meet him. 150 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,088 Yeah. The good news is 151 00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,623 he has a lot of student debt, 152 00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:58,892 and that would have totally weighed on your relationship 153 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,494 after a while. 154 00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:01,862 Sorry, where was I going with this? 155 00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,198 Oh, yeah, yeah. If you're worried about catching Omicron, 156 00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:08,035 the good news is that a booster shot is actually very effective. 157 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,369 It's really effective protection. 158 00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:11,171 In fact, we shouldn't even be calling it a booster 159 00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:12,272 at this point. 160 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,374 We should just call it "the third shot." 161 00:06:14,474 --> 00:06:16,376 You know? It seems like it's gonna be completely necessary. 162 00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:18,579 Calling it a booster makes it sound optional, 163 00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:21,081 like someone's offering you a hot towel. 164 00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:24,484 "Would you care for a booster shot? Yes?" 165 00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,353 Yeah, what's with them hot towels? 166 00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:27,855 What's with them hot towels anyway, man? 167 00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:30,190 One minute, it's hot. And then, like, a second later, 168 00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:31,658 -it's cold. -Right? 169 00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:33,627 It doesn't even feel like-- It-it felt nice for a second, 170 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,829 then it's gone. Like, it's like-- It's a nice, warm, 171 00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:36,830 hot towel. 172 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,765 Then it just turn into a cold rag. 173 00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:41,735 -(laughs) -Nobody want a rag. 174 00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:43,203 -It's instant as well. -Yeah. 175 00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:44,938 That's-that's part of the problem with it. 176 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,773 It's just like-- It's-it's, like-- it's, like, a thing. 177 00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:48,408 Hot-- But it's like it's too hot as well. 178 00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:49,943 Like, they give it to you and you can't hold it. 179 00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,079 And then the next second, it's freezing cold. 180 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,981 -(yelping) -Where did they heat this thing? 181 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,382 How did they heat this? Like, what temp-- 182 00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:56,817 I don't understand these towels at all. 183 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,185 You know where they messed up with the-- 184 00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:00,787 with this-- with this booster shot also, dawg, 185 00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:02,456 is that they, like-- 186 00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,825 they-they messed up calling the first shot "the vaccine." 187 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,027 We were supposed to be-- Vaccine, done. 188 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,029 They should've just called that "medicine" 189 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,765 and then called this shot "more medicine." 190 00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:13,400 Everybody-everybody like more medicine. 191 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,135 -Extra strength? -More medicine. 192 00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:16,370 -That's all you had to call it. -Yeah. 193 00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:17,938 More medicine. And not market it. 194 00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,473 That's how you do it. 195 00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:21,041 You know why people was taking all that horse stuff 196 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,843 and drinking the bleach? Word of mouth. 197 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,078 Weren't no commercials for it. 198 00:07:25,179 --> 00:07:27,681 Everybody want to be up on that new-new. 199 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,516 -Nobody wants the... -Stop-stop talking about the booster-- 200 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,285 see how many people go get the booster. 201 00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:33,086 You just make it, like, a whisker-- whisper campaign. 202 00:07:33,187 --> 00:07:35,255 Yeah. Yeah, like... (whispers): I got that booster. 203 00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:37,124 (whispers): Nah, there's no booster. 204 00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,458 Hey, I thought it was a booster. 205 00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:39,893 Nah, there's no booster. 206 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,461 Man, let me get the booster. I know you got that booster. 207 00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:42,796 There's no booster, man. 208 00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,064 Stop hating, baby. Come on, man. 209 00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:45,065 All right, I'll talk to you later. 210 00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:47,501 All right. Dope, dope, dope, yeah. 211 00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:49,203 All right, let's move on to a story that involves 212 00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:50,938 two of America's most violent sports, 213 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,106 hockey and capitalism. 214 00:07:53,207 --> 00:07:55,275 Everyone knows that teachers in America are underpaid, 215 00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:58,545 but what's really crazy is that teachers often have to spend 216 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:03,217 their own money to buy supplies for their classrooms. 217 00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:04,384 Which is insane. 218 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,586 I mean, every time you hear this in America, 219 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:06,920 you realize how insane this is. 220 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,056 Because no other job makes you do this. 221 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,291 No one at McDonald's is ever like, 222 00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:13,360 "Oh, they won't fix the ice cream machine. 223 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,596 I guess I'll have to bring my own ice cream from home." 224 00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:16,864 And if it's not depressing enough 225 00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,932 that teachers buy supplies for their students, 226 00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,068 one hockey team in South Dakota, 227 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:24,137 well, they found a way to make it even worse. 228 00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:25,906 Time now for stories everyone's talking about. 229 00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:27,608 This morning, we start in South Dakota. 230 00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:29,610 -This blew up social media yesterday. -Yeah. 231 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,111 -Yeah, a h... -People were angry. 232 00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,113 Yeah, and-and here's the video. We're gonna show it to you. 233 00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:36,283 A hockey team's event drawing some serious criticism. 234 00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:38,218 -Take a look. -(cheering) 235 00:08:41,255 --> 00:08:42,256 All right, so here's what's going on. 236 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:44,057 The Sioux Falls Stampede hockey team held 237 00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,326 a Dash for Cash competition Saturday. 238 00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:48,762 So these are ten teachers crawling around on the ice, 239 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,098 grabbing as much money as they can 240 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,699 to buy classroom supplies. 241 00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,134 However, many found this wrong, 242 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,203 to have teachers fight for money. 243 00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:59,740 Some even compared it to the Netflix show Squid Game. 244 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,409 Oh, come on. This is nothing like Squid Game. 245 00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:04,478 I mean, for starters, you don't need subtitles 246 00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:06,013 to realize how sad this is. 247 00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:08,448 And at least if you win Squid Game, 248 00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,651 you get to keep the money. 249 00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:12,853 These poor teachers are debasing themselves 250 00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,655 to pay for textbooks 251 00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,390 that don't even teach slavery. 252 00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:17,457 And this is the most depressing thing 253 00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:19,426 I've ever seen at a sporting event, 254 00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:22,095 aside from any game where the Jets are playing. 255 00:09:22,196 --> 00:09:24,498 Like, I get that they were trying to help out 256 00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:27,034 the local teachers who need money for their classrooms, 257 00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:31,772 but you realize they could have just given them the money, yeah? 258 00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:36,176 You didn't have to turn their need into our entertainment. 259 00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:39,446 Can you imagine if lifeguards made you do, 260 00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:42,316 like, the Dougie before they saved you? Huh? 261 00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,851 Now you're there, drowning, and you're like... 262 00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,919 (babbling) 263 00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:48,155 I mean, would that be funny? Yes. 264 00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,190 But it's not appropriate. 265 00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,358 And, you know, this really highlights 266 00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:53,060 how America cares so little about education. 267 00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:55,062 I mean, its teachers are wrestling 268 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,530 on the ground for dollar bills. 269 00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:58,532 Meanwhile, the defense budget of this country 270 00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:01,869 is over half a trillion dollars a year. 271 00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:03,837 And I'm not saying that defense contractors 272 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,106 can't have that money, but they should at least 273 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:09,810 have to wrestle around in Jell-O for it. 274 00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,678 And naked. 275 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,747 I want to see butts. 276 00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:16,049 -It's a crazy story, dude. -Right? 277 00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,885 Very crazy. 278 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:21,021 Like, why would you give teachers money for supplies 279 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,257 at the end of the year? 280 00:10:23,357 --> 00:10:25,292 -What? -It's too late. 281 00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:26,894 Them kids already flunked, man. 282 00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:29,763 They needed them supplies back in August. 283 00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,965 Why you getting supplies to help kids? 284 00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,333 You ain't made an F... 285 00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:36,203 You can't bounce back from a December F. 286 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,372 I don't know if you ever had a December F, but it's a wrap. 287 00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:40,374 Ain't nothing else you can do to save that kid. 288 00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,776 You just got to tell them, "See you next year. 289 00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,112 "You can stay in the class for the rest of the year 290 00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:47,347 so you can be familiar with this shit next year." 291 00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:49,783 But once you got a December F, that's a waste of time. 292 00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,919 They should have had them teachers out there on the ice 293 00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:54,288 back in August. 294 00:10:54,388 --> 00:10:56,156 Uh, uh, it's an interesting point, Roy, 295 00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:58,025 -I'm not gonna lie. -It's a fair point. 296 00:10:58,125 --> 00:10:59,826 It's a solid point, is what you meant to say. 297 00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:01,428 -That is what I... Yeah. -It's a solid point. 298 00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:03,263 Also, they didn't offer them teachers a hot towel. 299 00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:04,731 That's the disrespectful part of it. 300 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,800 They touching money. Ugh. 301 00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:07,801 (Noah laughing) 302 00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:10,170 Omicron out there. 303 00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:12,739 You just out there raw-doggin' cash with your hands. 304 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,108 (crew laughing) 305 00:11:15,209 --> 00:11:18,679 Raw-doggin' cash. Do you raw-dog cash? 306 00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:21,215 I've never thought of it like that, actually. 307 00:11:21,315 --> 00:11:22,282 We should hang out. 308 00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:23,784 -We should, Roy. -We should hang out. 309 00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,219 -We should. -You'd learn some shit. 310 00:11:25,319 --> 00:11:26,753 -Yeah, I would. -Okay. 311 00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:28,088 I definitely would. 312 00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:31,458 All right, let's move on now to our main story, 313 00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:36,597 which is about former president Donald Jussie Smollett Trump 314 00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:39,333 and his attempt last year to overturn the election. 315 00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:42,002 which, by the way-- no judgment, no judgment at all. 316 00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,137 I mean, if you lost anything to Joe Biden, 317 00:11:44,238 --> 00:11:45,839 you'd also deny the shit out of it. 318 00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:48,509 An election, a foot race, an arm wrestling match. 319 00:11:48,609 --> 00:11:50,444 I mean, have you seen that guy? 320 00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:52,279 It's like losing to a soggy sponge. 321 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:54,548 Hell, if Joe Biden beat me at rock-paper-scissors, 322 00:11:54,648 --> 00:11:56,350 I'd chop off both my hands, just be like, 323 00:11:56,450 --> 00:11:58,519 "Yeah, I never played this game." 324 00:11:58,619 --> 00:12:00,521 Now, one of the guys who has the most information 325 00:12:00,621 --> 00:12:02,823 about Trump's attempts to overthrow the election 326 00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,626 is his former chief of staff Mark Meadows, 327 00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:10,631 but, as of a few weeks ago, he suddenly stopped talking. 328 00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,633 NEWSMAN: Lawmakers investigating the January 6 attack 329 00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:16,236 on the Capitol have run out of patience with Mark Meadows. 330 00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:17,871 Mark Meadows made the decision to cooperate, 331 00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:19,840 and then he made the decision un-cooperate, 332 00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:22,276 and, as a result, we're gonna have to hold him 333 00:12:22,376 --> 00:12:24,077 in criminal contempt. 334 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:25,445 NEWSMAN: The committee says they've got questions 335 00:12:25,546 --> 00:12:27,447 about documents Meadows has handed over 336 00:12:27,548 --> 00:12:30,083 which shed light on what the Trump White House knew 337 00:12:30,184 --> 00:12:32,419 about the insurrection before it began. 338 00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:33,954 NEWSWOMAN: The committee is also interested 339 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,223 in the weeks leading up to the insurrection 340 00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:38,992 and Meadows' involvement in efforts to undermine 341 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,360 the election outcome. 342 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:43,197 When presented with the idea of certain states sending 343 00:12:43,297 --> 00:12:45,899 alternate slates of electors to Congress, 344 00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:48,702 Meadows responded, "I love it." 345 00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,170 -(snapping fingers) -Mm, mm! 346 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,605 Get you a man who loves you 347 00:12:51,705 --> 00:12:53,774 the way Mark Meadows loves overthrowing democracy! 348 00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:56,710 See that? "I love it! I love it!" 349 00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:58,178 I mean, to be fair, though, 350 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,180 "I love it" is also what you send 351 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,748 when you want the other person 352 00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:03,750 to think you actually read through 353 00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:05,619 all their texts when you didn't. 354 00:13:05,719 --> 00:13:07,654 So maybe it was like that with Mark Meadows? 355 00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:08,922 I don't know. 356 00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:10,791 The fact is, though, it looks like Mark Meadows 357 00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:14,428 was very involved in Trump's plan to overturn the election. 358 00:13:14,528 --> 00:13:16,230 He pushed the Justice Department 359 00:13:16,330 --> 00:13:18,432 to investigate made-up voter fraud. 360 00:13:18,532 --> 00:13:22,202 He tried to block states from certifying their electors. 361 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,938 And he even made Trump lick the Oval Office desk 362 00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:26,440 to claim dibs. 363 00:13:26,540 --> 00:13:28,442 And it definitely doesn't look good 364 00:13:28,542 --> 00:13:31,144 that he stopped cooperating with the investigation. 365 00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:33,280 I mean, I do get it, though. 366 00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:36,316 You know, he can't be disloyal to Trump, 367 00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:40,821 because in Trump world, loyalty is everything. 368 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:45,092 You take care of Trump, and Trump takes care of you. 369 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,894 Unless you're John Bolton. 370 00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,096 Or Jeff Sessions. 371 00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,564 Or Rudy Giuliani. 372 00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:53,934 Or Melania or Michael Cohen or anybody else he's ever known. 373 00:13:54,101 --> 00:13:56,170 It's called loyalty. 374 00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:57,738 But before he stopped cooperating, 375 00:13:57,838 --> 00:14:00,040 Meadows did hand over a lot of documents 376 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:02,442 to the committee, and one thing they discovered 377 00:14:02,543 --> 00:14:06,780 were a bunch of frantic text messages that he got 378 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,783 during the Capitol riot, and some of them... 379 00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:13,420 some of them came from Donald Trump's closest advisors. 380 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,156 Fox entertainers frantically texted Mark Meadows 381 00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,192 as the Capitol riot was happening 382 00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:21,161 and urged him to get then- President Trump to stop it. 383 00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:22,863 NEWSWOMAN: In one text exchange, 384 00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:25,732 Hannity urged Meadows to tell Mr. Trump to, quote, 385 00:14:25,832 --> 00:14:28,869 "make a statement... and ask people to leave the Capitol" 386 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:32,806 Brian Kilmeade saying, "Please get him"-- Trump-- "on TV." 387 00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:35,342 "Destroying everything you have accomplished." 388 00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:37,477 Laura Ingraham writing... 389 00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:46,820 (laughing): Oh, man, this is so amazing. 390 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,890 Yeah, because you realize Fox News has spent the whole year 391 00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:52,993 acting like January 6 was nothing. 392 00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:56,730 Just nothing. It's just a... a few, you know, patriots, 393 00:14:56,830 --> 00:14:58,665 just having their voices heard. 394 00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:00,767 But it turns out that in private, 395 00:15:00,868 --> 00:15:03,504 they were freaking out about it! 396 00:15:03,604 --> 00:15:04,805 Freaking out. 397 00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,507 This is like finding out the flight attendant 398 00:15:06,607 --> 00:15:08,408 who's been telling you that it's just a little turbulence 399 00:15:08,509 --> 00:15:10,878 is actually going back into the cockpit like, 400 00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,713 "Doesn't anybody know how to fly this thing?! 401 00:15:12,813 --> 00:15:14,681 "We're all gonna die! 402 00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:17,851 "On your left, you can see the Rocky Mountains. 403 00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:19,186 "Really beautiful. 404 00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:21,121 Just please stay in your seat, folks." 405 00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:22,623 And I love that they were so concerned 406 00:15:22,723 --> 00:15:25,425 that this could ruin Trump's legacy. 407 00:15:25,526 --> 00:15:26,960 "If he gets somebody killed today, 408 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,428 "no one will remember that time 409 00:15:28,529 --> 00:15:30,564 he told everyone to drink bleach." 410 00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:32,933 It's crazy that CNN fired Chris Cuomo 411 00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:35,068 because he was caught giving secret advice 412 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,703 to a politician: his brother. 413 00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:39,907 But now it turns out that basically everyone at Fox News 414 00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:43,544 was giving secret advice to President Trump and his people. 415 00:15:43,644 --> 00:15:46,647 But, I mean, I guess that's what makes it okay, yeah? 416 00:15:46,747 --> 00:15:48,315 Like, if one person at your network 417 00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:50,484 has no integrity, that's a problem. 418 00:15:50,584 --> 00:15:54,755 But if nobody has integrity, that's a company policy. 419 00:15:54,855 --> 00:15:58,125 Fox News: we all wilin'. 420 00:15:58,225 --> 00:15:59,793 But the best part of this text dump 421 00:15:59,893 --> 00:16:02,296 is that it wasn't just Fox hosts who were freaking out 422 00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:04,665 about Trump's response to the riot. No. 423 00:16:04,765 --> 00:16:06,166 There were also texts 424 00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,569 from President Trump's oldest son 425 00:16:08,669 --> 00:16:11,171 and man who never has to worry about chin cancer, 426 00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:12,906 Don Jr. 427 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,308 As the violence continued, 428 00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:18,212 one of the president's sons texted Mr. Meadows, 429 00:16:18,312 --> 00:16:22,683 "He's got to condemn this shit ASAP. 430 00:16:22,783 --> 00:16:26,153 The Capitol police tweet is not enough," 431 00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:28,622 Donald Trump Jr. texted. 432 00:16:28,722 --> 00:16:32,860 Donald Trump Jr. texted again and again, 433 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:35,429 urging action by the president. 434 00:16:35,529 --> 00:16:39,666 "We need an Oval Office address. 435 00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:42,202 "He has to lead now. 436 00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:44,338 "It has gone too far 437 00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:46,273 and gotten out of hand." 438 00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:50,077 Yeah. It appears that Don Jr. himself 439 00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:53,413 thought the insurrection had gone too far 440 00:16:53,514 --> 00:16:56,483 and had gotten out of hand. 441 00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:58,418 Which suggests 442 00:16:58,519 --> 00:17:01,255 that he was okay with an insurrection 443 00:17:01,355 --> 00:17:03,323 that was a little more in control. 444 00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:05,025 "Whoa, what's with all this violence? 445 00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:08,028 "I kind of thought we could overthrow the government 446 00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:11,298 "in, like, a cool, fun way, like Ocean's Eleven. 447 00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,400 "Like, we sneak in and steal democracy 448 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:14,601 "before anyone notices, 449 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,303 "and we're all wearing cool suits, 450 00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:18,338 "and George Clooney is like, 'You guys are cool.' 451 00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:21,108 "And I'd be like, 'You're cool, George Clooney.' 452 00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,442 Something like that." 453 00:17:22,543 --> 00:17:25,045 Now, clearly, Don Jr.'s texts didn't work, 454 00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:27,314 which, honestly, I'm kind of glad about. 455 00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:29,516 Because the only thing worse than an insurrection 456 00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:31,652 would have been having to thank Don Jr. 457 00:17:31,752 --> 00:17:33,187 for stopping an insurrection. 458 00:17:33,287 --> 00:17:36,757 (mockingly): "Thank you for saving democracy, Don Jr." 459 00:17:36,857 --> 00:17:39,760 But still, seeing Don Jr. 460 00:17:39,860 --> 00:17:43,564 desperately trying to get a message to his own father? 461 00:17:43,664 --> 00:17:46,466 I mean, that tells you a lot about their relationship, right? 462 00:17:46,567 --> 00:17:49,069 And those-those aren't even the only texts 463 00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:51,071 that he sent Mark Meadows that day. 464 00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:55,075 In fact, a source has provided The Daily Show 465 00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,477 with additional texts. 466 00:17:57,578 --> 00:18:01,281 And I'm gonna read them to you right now. 467 00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:06,620 (paper rustles) 468 00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:10,324 Later that day, 469 00:18:10,424 --> 00:18:13,927 Don Jr. texted Mark Meadows again, 470 00:18:14,027 --> 00:18:16,830 "Hey, man, 471 00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:20,467 "just wanted to see if you passed those messages 472 00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:23,036 to my dad yet." 473 00:18:23,070 --> 00:18:25,105 And then, 474 00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:28,308 "Actually, it might be easier 475 00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:30,844 "if you gave me my dad's number 476 00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:33,046 so I can text him directly, 477 00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:35,582 question mark." 478 00:18:35,682 --> 00:18:37,718 Some time passed, 479 00:18:37,818 --> 00:18:39,953 and then another text. 480 00:18:40,053 --> 00:18:43,924 "Let me know about my dad's number, 481 00:18:44,057 --> 00:18:45,893 "but no rush. 482 00:18:46,059 --> 00:18:49,730 I know shit is cray, LOL." 483 00:18:49,830 --> 00:18:53,400 And finally, that night, 484 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,335 "Come on, man, 485 00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:57,871 at least give me his email." 486 00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:59,473 And then 487 00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:03,343 three prayer hands emojis. 488 00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:08,549 There was no response. 489 00:19:11,051 --> 00:19:14,021 So, yes, the January 6th riot 490 00:19:14,054 --> 00:19:16,557 rocked America to its core. 491 00:19:16,657 --> 00:19:18,358 But even worse, 492 00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:21,495 it broke Don Jr.'s heart. 493 00:19:24,131 --> 00:19:25,933 Hilarious. 494 00:19:26,033 --> 00:19:28,202 All right, when we come back, we'll take a look 495 00:19:28,302 --> 00:19:30,037 at all the biggest scams of 2021, 496 00:19:30,070 --> 00:19:32,139 and Chelsea Handler is my guest, 497 00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:34,041 which means she's joining me on the show. 498 00:19:34,141 --> 00:19:35,843 You don't want to miss it. 499 00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:39,579 Welcome back to The Daily Show. 500 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,315 2021 is almost over, 501 00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:44,651 and I think we can all agree that, compared to last year, 502 00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:46,386 it has been a perfect year. 503 00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:48,788 So, for the rest of the month, we'll be remembering 504 00:19:48,889 --> 00:19:51,057 all of 2021's best moments 505 00:19:51,158 --> 00:19:54,594 in our year-end segment A Look Back at 2021: 506 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,097 the Least Bad Year of the Last Two Years. 507 00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:59,266 Tonight, Michael Kosta takes a look 508 00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:02,502 at all the top scams of the year. 509 00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:04,638 ♪ ♪ 510 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,945 A lot changed in 2021-- 511 00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,480 the length of Kanye's name, 512 00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:15,315 the energy level of our president, 513 00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:17,250 my in-laws' Hulu password. 514 00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:19,052 But one thing that didn't change 515 00:20:19,152 --> 00:20:21,888 is that people still fell for anything. 516 00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:24,391 You know how they say a sucker's born every minute? 517 00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:26,893 Well, this year, there was more sucking going on 518 00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,296 than an orgy at the Dyson factory. 519 00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:30,597 Ugh. 520 00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:32,766 Starting with one of the most ridiculous scams 521 00:20:32,866 --> 00:20:35,268 people fell for, NFTs, 522 00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:38,004 otherwise known as non-fungible tokens. 523 00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:39,973 It's basically when you buy the rights 524 00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:41,575 to a piece of digital art. 525 00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:43,577 And hang on to your Apple Wallets-- 526 00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,378 they got pretty expensive. 527 00:20:45,479 --> 00:20:49,850 NEWSWOMAN: $200,000 for a LeBron James dunking clip. 528 00:20:49,950 --> 00:20:53,186 $600,000 for-- I don't even know what that is in the middle. 529 00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:56,790 A-And millions for Jack Dorsey's first tweet. 530 00:20:56,890 --> 00:21:00,727 This image of digital toilet paper is worth $2,100. 531 00:21:00,794 --> 00:21:03,830 Yeah, 2,100 bucks for digital toilet paper. 532 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:04,965 I guess it'll come in handy 533 00:21:05,065 --> 00:21:07,267 when I have to take dump in the metaverse. 534 00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:10,637 Sadly, gullible idiots spent millions on NFTs, 535 00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:12,606 thinking they have actual value, 536 00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:15,408 when, in reality, they can become worthless at any time. 537 00:21:15,509 --> 00:21:17,811 Which I found out the hard way when I sold my house 538 00:21:17,911 --> 00:21:20,847 to buy this NFT of a dog wearing pantyhose. 539 00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:23,216 What can I say? I love art. 540 00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:26,853 My next favorite scam of 2021 was the meme stock. 541 00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,855 All year long, people were pumping money 542 00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:30,423 into terrible businesses 543 00:21:30,524 --> 00:21:32,759 just because the Internet thought it was cool. 544 00:21:32,826 --> 00:21:35,862 It was the financial equivalent of the Tide Pod challenge, 545 00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:39,232 and no stock was more meme'd than GameStop. 546 00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:41,601 Its stock had been declining in value for a long time, 547 00:21:41,701 --> 00:21:44,271 because it's a store that tries to sell you video games 548 00:21:44,371 --> 00:21:46,239 that you can download at home. 549 00:21:46,339 --> 00:21:47,841 And if there's one thing gamers love, 550 00:21:47,941 --> 00:21:50,310 it's leaving their house, ever. 551 00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:52,145 But of course, like all meme stocks, 552 00:21:52,245 --> 00:21:54,948 this whole thing is just a big roller coaster ride, 553 00:21:55,048 --> 00:21:57,551 and the only question is: who's the sucker 554 00:21:57,717 --> 00:22:02,522 who's gonna be left holding the bag when the price crashes? 555 00:22:02,622 --> 00:22:04,191 Turns out it was me. 556 00:22:04,291 --> 00:22:05,859 I bought it all at the top. 557 00:22:05,959 --> 00:22:06,993 Not totally my fault. 558 00:22:07,093 --> 00:22:08,862 My cousin is a hedge fund manager, 559 00:22:08,962 --> 00:22:10,931 and he assured me that this thing was foolproof. 560 00:22:11,031 --> 00:22:12,332 Anyway, he's living in Turks and Caicos now, 561 00:22:12,432 --> 00:22:14,534 and I'm living in an airport La Quinta. 562 00:22:14,634 --> 00:22:17,370 But let's move from Wall Street to Pennsylvania Avenue. 563 00:22:17,470 --> 00:22:20,207 Home of the scam that kicked off 2021 564 00:22:20,307 --> 00:22:22,776 is somehow still going strong. 565 00:22:22,876 --> 00:22:26,446 It's the biggest lie since, "Oh, that fedora looks great on you." 566 00:22:26,546 --> 00:22:29,149 Trump's claims of voter fraud. 567 00:22:29,249 --> 00:22:30,817 He and the GOP convinced his supporters 568 00:22:30,917 --> 00:22:33,220 that Joe Biden stole the 2020 election, 569 00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:36,556 which led to the January 6 insurrection, 570 00:22:36,656 --> 00:22:38,592 aka Q-cella, 571 00:22:38,692 --> 00:22:40,093 MAGA-palooza, 572 00:22:40,193 --> 00:22:41,695 White-stock. 573 00:22:41,761 --> 00:22:43,763 I mean, guys, come on, if the election had been rigged, 574 00:22:43,864 --> 00:22:46,266 we would know by now, probably because Biden 575 00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:48,268 would have accidentally said it in a speech. 576 00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:50,837 The man has no filter. 577 00:22:50,937 --> 00:22:53,006 But instead, people were foolishly led to believe 578 00:22:53,106 --> 00:22:55,141 that they could actually stop the election 579 00:22:55,242 --> 00:22:57,177 from being certified, but the truth is, 580 00:22:57,277 --> 00:22:59,279 that was never possible. 581 00:22:59,379 --> 00:23:02,549 Unfortunately, I only found that out after I got maced 582 00:23:02,716 --> 00:23:06,086 by Capitol police inside Chuck Schumer's office. 583 00:23:06,186 --> 00:23:08,889 I got his mouse pad as a souvenir, though. 584 00:23:08,989 --> 00:23:11,391 (groans) Still has some chicken salad stains on it. 585 00:23:11,491 --> 00:23:13,593 Anyhoo, as I said at my bail hearing, 586 00:23:13,727 --> 00:23:16,196 I deeply regret my participation. 587 00:23:16,296 --> 00:23:20,367 Let's move on to CRT, or Critical Race Theory. 588 00:23:20,467 --> 00:23:23,236 This was a big scam spread by right-wing culture warriors, 589 00:23:23,336 --> 00:23:25,338 that suggested your kid's elementary school 590 00:23:25,438 --> 00:23:28,909 was teaching white kids that slavery was their fault. 591 00:23:29,009 --> 00:23:31,111 (chuckles): And some parents, well, they bought it 592 00:23:31,211 --> 00:23:33,180 hook, line and sinker. 593 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:36,082 The Western culture and values that brought forth Christianity 594 00:23:36,183 --> 00:23:39,553 and the founding documents are being called evil and racist. 595 00:23:42,589 --> 00:23:46,126 Just because I do not want critical race theory 596 00:23:46,226 --> 00:23:48,695 taught to my children in school 597 00:23:48,762 --> 00:23:52,599 does not mean that I am a racist, damn it. 598 00:23:52,699 --> 00:23:54,801 CRT is evil! 599 00:23:54,901 --> 00:23:57,838 If I lived in this school zone or had a kid, 600 00:23:57,938 --> 00:24:01,074 I would pull him out of this school forever! 601 00:24:01,174 --> 00:24:02,342 (sighs) Oh, yeah. 602 00:24:02,442 --> 00:24:04,611 I forgot that I was part of that, too, so... 603 00:24:04,711 --> 00:24:06,947 I got got again. 604 00:24:07,047 --> 00:24:09,382 But the scam that best sums up 2021 605 00:24:09,483 --> 00:24:11,918 is, without a doubt, ivermectin. 606 00:24:12,018 --> 00:24:13,420 It was the medicine for people 607 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,722 who would take anything to prevent COVID 608 00:24:15,789 --> 00:24:17,991 except for the free and effective vaccine 609 00:24:18,091 --> 00:24:19,559 that could prevent COVID. 610 00:24:19,726 --> 00:24:21,094 So, some pretty twisted individuals 611 00:24:21,194 --> 00:24:23,630 took this opportunity to promote the idea 612 00:24:23,730 --> 00:24:25,732 that a veterinary-grade horse dewormer 613 00:24:25,832 --> 00:24:28,001 could prevent and treat COVID. 614 00:24:28,101 --> 00:24:29,803 And people fell for it so bad 615 00:24:29,903 --> 00:24:32,105 that pet stores even started selling out of it, 616 00:24:32,205 --> 00:24:33,907 which really sucks for the horses. 617 00:24:34,007 --> 00:24:36,276 It's bad enough humans give them names 618 00:24:36,376 --> 00:24:39,179 like Daddy's Velvet and Smoky Midnight Blossom. 619 00:24:39,279 --> 00:24:41,481 Now people were taking all their medicine? 620 00:24:41,581 --> 00:24:44,851 Although, full disclosure, I did take some. 621 00:24:44,951 --> 00:24:47,888 But in my defense, it seemed like such a bad idea 622 00:24:47,988 --> 00:24:50,957 that it made me think maybe it wasn't a bad idea. 623 00:24:51,057 --> 00:24:52,893 That's how they get you sometimes. 624 00:24:52,993 --> 00:24:54,794 Anyway, long story short, I came down 625 00:24:54,895 --> 00:24:58,131 with something my vet is calling horse diarrhea. 626 00:24:58,231 --> 00:24:59,933 I don't know exactly what that means 627 00:25:00,033 --> 00:25:02,435 'cause that's the clinical term, but, to be honest, 628 00:25:02,536 --> 00:25:06,139 I've never felt so worm-free in my entire life. 629 00:25:06,239 --> 00:25:08,008 So, as we go into 2022, 630 00:25:08,108 --> 00:25:11,111 let's take with us the lessons we learned this year. 631 00:25:11,211 --> 00:25:12,779 Stay vigilant, be smart 632 00:25:12,879 --> 00:25:15,582 and do your own research, but not in the crazy way. 633 00:25:15,715 --> 00:25:18,251 The only way to protect yourself from getting scammed 634 00:25:18,351 --> 00:25:20,487 -is to... Oh. -(phone chimes) 635 00:25:20,587 --> 00:25:23,290 Holy shit, Bill Gates just emailed me, 636 00:25:23,390 --> 00:25:25,425 and he wants to send me some cash? 637 00:25:25,525 --> 00:25:27,093 I'm gonna be rich! 638 00:25:27,194 --> 00:25:28,328 (whoops) 639 00:25:28,428 --> 00:25:30,163 -(laughs, whoops) -(hooves trotting) 640 00:25:30,263 --> 00:25:32,399 (neighs) 641 00:25:33,366 --> 00:25:34,868 Thank you so much for that, Michael. All right, 642 00:25:34,968 --> 00:25:37,037 when we come back, the hilarious Chelsea Handler 643 00:25:37,137 --> 00:25:39,339 will be joining me right here in the studio, 644 00:25:39,439 --> 00:25:40,807 so don't go away. 645 00:25:42,643 --> 00:25:43,911 Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight 646 00:25:44,011 --> 00:25:46,580 is bestselling author and comedian Chelsea Handler. 647 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,049 She's here to talk about her "Vaccinated and Horny" 648 00:25:49,149 --> 00:25:52,619 stand-up tour, and her recent Grammy nomination. 649 00:25:52,719 --> 00:25:53,687 Chelsea Handler, welcome to the show. 650 00:25:53,787 --> 00:25:56,123 -Hi, Trevor. How are you? -I'm... 651 00:25:56,223 --> 00:25:57,858 I've been better, but I'm good. 652 00:25:57,958 --> 00:25:59,293 -Yeah? -I'm getting better every day. How are you? 653 00:25:59,393 --> 00:26:02,329 I'm doing well. I notice that you got a new studio here. 654 00:26:02,429 --> 00:26:04,531 The last time I was here, we were somewhere else. 655 00:26:04,631 --> 00:26:06,767 Yes, which means we weren't here, but yes. 656 00:26:06,867 --> 00:26:08,835 Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's exactly what it means. 657 00:26:08,936 --> 00:26:10,437 Anyway, congratulations on the upgrade. 658 00:26:10,537 --> 00:26:11,838 -The green rooms were delightful. -Um... 659 00:26:11,939 --> 00:26:13,373 -Well, thank you very much. Thank you so much. -Yeah. 660 00:26:13,473 --> 00:26:15,475 Um, yeah, it's, like, a work in progress of life and... 661 00:26:15,576 --> 00:26:17,578 I feel like we're all in it right now. It's like, 662 00:26:17,678 --> 00:26:19,613 nothing is back to normal, we're in the hybrid phase. 663 00:26:19,713 --> 00:26:21,381 And then, you know, we're gonna get ready to go back 664 00:26:21,481 --> 00:26:22,849 to a different phase of life and... 665 00:26:22,950 --> 00:26:25,085 Let's talk about you and your phases, though. 666 00:26:25,185 --> 00:26:27,487 People's Choice award, congratulations. 667 00:26:27,588 --> 00:26:28,922 Oh, my God, I beat you in the People's Choice 668 00:26:29,022 --> 00:26:31,658 -best comedy tour category. -I was in the category? 669 00:26:31,758 --> 00:26:33,694 Yeah, you were nominated for a People's Choice award 670 00:26:33,794 --> 00:26:36,229 -but then I won. -Well, I wouldn't say 671 00:26:36,330 --> 00:26:37,798 congratulations had I known. I just thought you'd won an award 672 00:26:37,898 --> 00:26:39,299 -and I was happy for you. -Oh, I thought you were being 673 00:26:39,399 --> 00:26:43,136 -a big boy about it. I was gonna say great, look at you. -No. 674 00:26:43,236 --> 00:26:46,340 No. Okay, well, let's take it back, you guys. Let's go back. 675 00:26:46,473 --> 00:26:47,474 No, but for real, congratulations. 676 00:26:47,574 --> 00:26:48,842 -Thank you, thanks. -Um... 677 00:26:48,942 --> 00:26:50,911 and, uh, congratulations, like, for me, 678 00:26:51,011 --> 00:26:52,779 I think, you know, for all of us as comedians, 679 00:26:52,879 --> 00:26:55,849 -the Grammy nomination-- I mean... You know? -Yeah. 680 00:26:55,949 --> 00:26:57,551 -This is your first one, right? -No, I was in Hawaii 681 00:26:57,651 --> 00:26:59,920 with, uh, Jo Koy, and I woke up and I-- 682 00:27:00,020 --> 00:27:01,255 yeah, this is definitely my first one-- 683 00:27:01,355 --> 00:27:04,057 and I got a text from my agent and she said 684 00:27:04,157 --> 00:27:05,525 you've been nominated for a Grammy award. 685 00:27:05,626 --> 00:27:07,294 And I was like, "A Grammy? For what?" 686 00:27:07,394 --> 00:27:09,997 -I mean, the irony. I have, like, no rhythm. -Yes. Yes. 687 00:27:10,097 --> 00:27:12,032 I can't sing. I can't dance. 688 00:27:12,132 --> 00:27:14,635 And so I was like, "Jo, I've been nominated for a Grammy." 689 00:27:14,735 --> 00:27:16,370 He's like, "You're kidding me!" 690 00:27:16,503 --> 00:27:18,238 -So that's exciting. That's so cool. -I feel like all comedians 691 00:27:18,338 --> 00:27:20,507 have that feeling. It literally is a weird feeling. 692 00:27:20,607 --> 00:27:22,709 'Cause you don't think of the Grammys as including, 693 00:27:22,809 --> 00:27:24,511 -like, stand-up in that way. -Yeah. 694 00:27:24,544 --> 00:27:26,513 'Cause it is-- You do have the comedy album as well. 695 00:27:26,613 --> 00:27:28,715 And so, I mean, I-I was just happy for you, 696 00:27:28,815 --> 00:27:30,717 'cause I feel like you've just... 697 00:27:30,817 --> 00:27:32,986 Chelsea, you've been making hits for a very long time. 698 00:27:33,086 --> 00:27:34,922 Like, you're a best-selling author. 699 00:27:35,022 --> 00:27:36,523 Right? What is it, five or six books now? How many? 700 00:27:36,623 --> 00:27:38,959 -Six number one New York Times best-selling books. -Six books. 701 00:27:39,059 --> 00:27:41,194 -I mean, but who am I to brag? You know what I mean? -I mean... 702 00:27:41,295 --> 00:27:44,197 I just want to set the record straight. You know what I mean? 703 00:27:44,298 --> 00:27:45,899 Um, you have... 704 00:27:45,999 --> 00:27:47,968 I mean, every TV show has been a hit. 705 00:27:48,068 --> 00:27:50,470 And now we're seeing the new Chelsea, 706 00:27:50,537 --> 00:27:52,506 -the Chelsea in love. Congratulations. -Oh, yeah. 707 00:27:52,606 --> 00:27:54,174 Right. People love it. 708 00:27:54,274 --> 00:27:55,709 They love to see me in love. 709 00:27:55,809 --> 00:27:57,044 Well, I think, because, for a long time, 710 00:27:57,144 --> 00:27:59,479 people have only seen you as, like, the horny Chelsea. 711 00:27:59,546 --> 00:28:01,848 I mean, like, even your tour's, like, "Vaccinated and Horny." 712 00:28:01,949 --> 00:28:03,483 Like, we know, like, that Chelsea's like, 713 00:28:03,584 --> 00:28:04,818 "I'm drinking wine! I'm horny!" 714 00:28:04,918 --> 00:28:07,487 And now this Chelsea's like, "Well, I'm-I'm in love." 715 00:28:07,521 --> 00:28:08,989 -It's very different. -Yeah. I'm still horny 716 00:28:09,089 --> 00:28:12,492 but more directed at one person now than it's ever been. 717 00:28:12,559 --> 00:28:15,062 And, yeah, it's really nice to see the reaction from people 718 00:28:15,162 --> 00:28:16,496 being so happy that I'm in love. 719 00:28:16,563 --> 00:28:18,966 Like, I didn't realize how many people were rooting for me. 720 00:28:19,066 --> 00:28:22,035 You know? Like, I want to give people-- women my age hope. 721 00:28:22,135 --> 00:28:23,904 Like, you know, if you don't settle 722 00:28:24,004 --> 00:28:25,839 for all these idiots out there, 723 00:28:25,939 --> 00:28:27,808 -the good one is gonna come, and... -(laughs) 724 00:28:27,908 --> 00:28:30,010 I mean, for men and women alike, you know? 725 00:28:30,110 --> 00:28:31,945 And people who don't identify as either. 726 00:28:32,045 --> 00:28:34,615 -It's like when you set the standard for yourself... -Yeah. 727 00:28:34,715 --> 00:28:37,017 -...the-the tide rises, and... -I like that. 728 00:28:37,117 --> 00:28:38,685 -Yeah. I think that's true. -I like that. 729 00:28:38,785 --> 00:28:40,087 One thing I've always wondered though is, like, 730 00:28:40,187 --> 00:28:41,521 what it's like to date a comedian. 731 00:28:41,622 --> 00:28:44,191 I-I don't think I ever could, 732 00:28:44,291 --> 00:28:46,126 because I don't know-- Like, what are the rules? 733 00:28:46,226 --> 00:28:47,628 If you're dating a comedian, 734 00:28:47,728 --> 00:28:49,162 then who gets the jokes? 735 00:28:49,263 --> 00:28:50,998 'Cause, at some point, you're having a conversation, 736 00:28:51,098 --> 00:28:53,333 a brilliant premise comes up. Who gets it? 737 00:28:53,467 --> 00:28:56,236 Yeah. Well, I mean, we're pretty good about sharing that. 738 00:28:56,336 --> 00:28:57,938 You know? And Jo is like a... 739 00:28:58,038 --> 00:29:00,007 -He's not your typical comedian. -No, he's not. 740 00:29:00,107 --> 00:29:03,810 He's very, very bright and cheerful, and it's infectious. 741 00:29:03,911 --> 00:29:06,613 You know? He keeps everybody kind of up, up. 742 00:29:06,713 --> 00:29:08,849 -(laughing) -So, I mean, it's a lot to handle, 743 00:29:08,949 --> 00:29:10,851 especially for me, 'cause I'm such a sinister bitch. 744 00:29:10,951 --> 00:29:12,185 I'm like, "What?" 745 00:29:12,286 --> 00:29:14,221 And-- But then, after a while, it wears off on you. 746 00:29:14,321 --> 00:29:16,790 You're like, "Yeah, I'm feeling pretty happy, too, these days." 747 00:29:16,890 --> 00:29:18,158 So we split the jokes. 748 00:29:18,258 --> 00:29:19,660 You know, like, if he comes up with a... 749 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:22,162 He sleeps with a CPAP machine on his face, for instance, 750 00:29:22,262 --> 00:29:24,765 'cause he has sleep apnea. So he sleeps with the... 751 00:29:24,865 --> 00:29:26,500 -Ow, wow, like one of the, like, the... -contraption. 752 00:29:26,566 --> 00:29:28,001 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Yeah. 753 00:29:28,101 --> 00:29:30,170 -I tried that. It was terrible. -Oh, do you have sleep apnea? 754 00:29:30,270 --> 00:29:32,239 -No, I just tried the machine. -(laughing) 755 00:29:32,339 --> 00:29:34,374 It was just, like, a phase I was going through. 756 00:29:34,508 --> 00:29:37,377 I was just like, "Let's see how this goes." 757 00:29:37,511 --> 00:29:39,413 He sleeps with one of those on, and that's, like, 758 00:29:39,513 --> 00:29:41,014 it's, like, when he puts that on, 759 00:29:41,114 --> 00:29:42,783 it's, like, he is going into a submarine 760 00:29:42,883 --> 00:29:44,685 -for the rest of the night, you know? -Wow. 761 00:29:44,785 --> 00:29:46,286 It's, "Out." It's, "See you later." 762 00:29:46,453 --> 00:29:47,788 -"I'll see you in the morning." -Yes. Right. 763 00:29:47,888 --> 00:29:49,122 Yeah, there's no, like, romance with those things. 764 00:29:49,222 --> 00:29:50,891 -No. -There's no interruption of anything. 765 00:29:50,991 --> 00:29:52,793 -No, no, no. -Yes. It's like you're on life support 766 00:29:52,893 --> 00:29:54,528 -the whole night, and then wake up... -Yeah. 767 00:29:54,628 --> 00:29:56,597 -He's trying not to die all night long, -Essentially. 768 00:29:56,697 --> 00:29:59,466 and then in the morning, he wakes up to this piece of work. 769 00:29:59,533 --> 00:30:01,635 So I told him, you know, I was like, "Listen"-- 770 00:30:01,735 --> 00:30:03,637 he said something about the way I sleep-- 771 00:30:03,737 --> 00:30:05,472 and I said, "Listen, I'm going to bed with an octopus 772 00:30:05,505 --> 00:30:07,240 every single night, so why don't you go..." 773 00:30:07,341 --> 00:30:10,277 And he uses that in his stand-up, you know. 774 00:30:10,377 --> 00:30:12,112 -Oh, I like that. Okay. -'Cause he talks about his sleep apnea. 775 00:30:12,212 --> 00:30:13,647 Apparently, everybody's got sleep apnea, 776 00:30:13,747 --> 00:30:15,816 and most people don't know about it. 777 00:30:15,916 --> 00:30:17,017 -Wow. -So all these men out there-- 778 00:30:17,117 --> 00:30:18,952 I understand it's a contraption, and it's not hot. 779 00:30:19,052 --> 00:30:20,854 -No, it's not. -Not. But, I mean, if I'm sitting there 780 00:30:20,954 --> 00:30:22,489 sleeping with it every night, I bet you 781 00:30:22,556 --> 00:30:24,291 -there's a lot more women out there... -I think that's... 782 00:30:24,391 --> 00:30:25,792 that's, like, the definition of love. 783 00:30:25,892 --> 00:30:28,528 -That's, like, true love is: if you can CPAP at night -Yeah. 784 00:30:28,629 --> 00:30:30,931 With the person next to you, then you know it's love. 785 00:30:31,031 --> 00:30:32,032 -Right. Exactly. -Yeah. 786 00:30:32,132 --> 00:30:33,300 You talk about everything in your stand-up. 787 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:35,302 I've always envied that about you, to be honest. 788 00:30:35,402 --> 00:30:37,704 Like, I love how you just, you share everything in your life. 789 00:30:37,804 --> 00:30:40,007 You'll make jokes about it. You'll have fun with it. 790 00:30:40,107 --> 00:30:42,442 There's no barriers for you. I mean, you even joked 791 00:30:42,542 --> 00:30:46,179 about you wanting to have sex with Andrew Cuomo, 792 00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:48,248 and then, like, dealing with, like, 793 00:30:48,348 --> 00:30:50,250 him now being cancelled and also, just, like, 794 00:30:50,350 --> 00:30:52,252 being found guilty of things, et cetera, et cetera. 795 00:30:52,352 --> 00:30:54,288 -Yeah. Yeah. -Like, as Chelsea Handler, 796 00:30:54,454 --> 00:30:57,024 I would love to know where you got that confidence 797 00:30:57,124 --> 00:30:58,592 just to do that. 798 00:30:58,692 --> 00:31:00,360 -Like, where did that come from? -Oh. Well, thanks. 799 00:31:00,460 --> 00:31:02,462 I mean, I have a lot of misplaced confidence. 800 00:31:02,562 --> 00:31:04,164 For a long time, I thought I could sing and dance, 801 00:31:04,264 --> 00:31:05,999 and so I tried out for the cheerleading squad, 802 00:31:06,099 --> 00:31:08,035 and they tested me for scoliosis the next day. 803 00:31:08,135 --> 00:31:10,237 So I have a lot of confidence in areas, 804 00:31:10,337 --> 00:31:13,774 until somebody flashes a big red light and says "Don't do it." 805 00:31:13,874 --> 00:31:15,342 The Andrew Cuomo thing was very funny 806 00:31:15,475 --> 00:31:16,910 because when that didn't work out 807 00:31:17,010 --> 00:31:19,112 with, you know, Andrew Cuomo... 808 00:31:19,212 --> 00:31:20,914 Like, he... Nothing ever happened between us, 809 00:31:21,014 --> 00:31:22,849 but I had a big, you know, loud crush on him. 810 00:31:22,950 --> 00:31:25,586 My sister's like, "Mom is cockblocking you from heaven." 811 00:31:25,686 --> 00:31:27,154 And I go, "Really? That's what you think 812 00:31:27,254 --> 00:31:29,189 Mom is doing up in heaven? Cockblocking me?" 813 00:31:29,289 --> 00:31:31,592 She was like, "Yeah, you need to be cockblocked by these people." 814 00:31:31,692 --> 00:31:34,161 And then, yeah, she was like, "If you were with Andrew Cuomo, 815 00:31:34,261 --> 00:31:35,495 you would've never met Jo Koy." 816 00:31:35,529 --> 00:31:37,197 She was like, "Mom's at work up there." 817 00:31:37,297 --> 00:31:39,499 I like that. Um, you're on tour. 818 00:31:39,566 --> 00:31:41,234 It's still happening. You've won the award for it 819 00:31:41,335 --> 00:31:42,603 over me. Congratulations. 820 00:31:42,703 --> 00:31:44,338 -Um, you've got the Grammy... -That sounded very angry. 821 00:31:44,438 --> 00:31:46,039 -No, I'm not angry. I'm just... -Angry or bitter. 822 00:31:46,139 --> 00:31:47,908 -Or bitter. -I think I... It's-it's... 823 00:31:48,008 --> 00:31:50,244 The time of the tragedy has not passed yet for me. 824 00:31:50,344 --> 00:31:51,812 -Oh, right. Too soon. -'Cause I just found out about it 825 00:31:51,912 --> 00:31:53,080 -when you sat down here. -Right. 826 00:31:53,180 --> 00:31:54,548 -This was, like... Yeah. -(laughs) You just... 827 00:31:54,648 --> 00:31:56,450 This is a horrible time for me to find out. 828 00:31:56,483 --> 00:31:57,618 So, you've got the tour. 829 00:31:57,718 --> 00:31:58,852 Uh, you got the Grammy nomination. 830 00:31:58,952 --> 00:32:00,053 What are you looking forward to? 831 00:32:00,153 --> 00:32:01,622 Um, I've been really enjoying 832 00:32:01,722 --> 00:32:03,123 being on the road for this tour. 833 00:32:03,223 --> 00:32:04,691 It's been a... It's so great to be a reason, 834 00:32:04,791 --> 00:32:07,027 as you well know, to bring people back together 835 00:32:07,127 --> 00:32:08,128 -for the very first time. -Yeah. Yeah. 836 00:32:08,228 --> 00:32:09,696 To remind people about togetherness 837 00:32:09,796 --> 00:32:12,766 and humanity and, you know, not focus 838 00:32:12,866 --> 00:32:14,601 on the politics of everything right now, 839 00:32:14,701 --> 00:32:16,937 -because I'm so exhausted by all of that, too. -Yeah. 840 00:32:17,037 --> 00:32:18,939 -I think everyone is. Yeah. -Yeah, everyone's sick of it. 841 00:32:19,039 --> 00:32:21,041 Everyone's sick of me hearing and talking about it. 842 00:32:21,141 --> 00:32:23,477 People are sick of talking about it. 843 00:32:23,543 --> 00:32:25,379 So, it's been nice to have, like, a celebratory, 844 00:32:25,479 --> 00:32:28,081 fun, you know, making fun of all the behavior 845 00:32:28,181 --> 00:32:30,217 we all got up to during COVID, 846 00:32:30,317 --> 00:32:32,185 -which was seriously embarrassing. -Yes. 847 00:32:32,286 --> 00:32:33,553 -I mean, I was Windexing... -What, you were embarrassed? 848 00:32:33,654 --> 00:32:35,689 I was Windexing my food, my takeout food, 849 00:32:35,789 --> 00:32:37,491 -for about three months. -Oh, you were one of those, Chelsea. 850 00:32:37,524 --> 00:32:39,826 -So, I didn't get COVID, but I probably have cancer. -Wow. 851 00:32:39,927 --> 00:32:43,130 (laughs) Well, 852 00:32:43,230 --> 00:32:44,731 I'll tell you this, it's always a pleasure having you. 853 00:32:44,831 --> 00:32:46,700 I think this is the fifth time I've had you on the show. 854 00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:47,868 Congratulations on love. 855 00:32:47,968 --> 00:32:49,269 Congratulations on all the success, 856 00:32:49,436 --> 00:32:50,938 and, uh, hope to see you again for the next one. 857 00:32:51,038 --> 00:32:52,673 -Thanks. Thank you so much. -Thank you very much. 858 00:32:52,773 --> 00:32:53,974 All right, people, tickets 859 00:32:54,074 --> 00:32:56,076 for Chelsea's Vaccinated and Horny Tour 860 00:32:56,176 --> 00:32:59,279 are available at ChelseaHandler.com. 861 00:32:59,446 --> 00:33:01,982 It won a People's Choice Award over me, 862 00:33:02,082 --> 00:33:04,217 so go and watch it. All right, we're gonna take a quick break. 863 00:33:04,318 --> 00:33:06,153 We'll be right back after this. 864 00:33:08,322 --> 00:33:09,590 Well, that's our show for tonight. 865 00:33:09,690 --> 00:33:11,959 But before we go, our new Daily Show holiday merch 866 00:33:12,059 --> 00:33:13,694 has officially dropped. 867 00:33:13,794 --> 00:33:16,230 It's our "happy belated holidays" sweatshirt, 868 00:33:16,330 --> 00:33:17,698 the only gift 869 00:33:17,798 --> 00:33:20,000 that won't have you worried about supply chain issues. 870 00:33:20,100 --> 00:33:22,469 So, if you want to check it out, scan the QR code 871 00:33:22,570 --> 00:33:24,104 or head to the link below. 872 00:33:24,205 --> 00:33:26,340 Until tomorrow, stay safe out there. 873 00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:28,342 Get your vaccine, and remember: 874 00:33:28,442 --> 00:33:30,644 if Don Jr. asks, 875 00:33:30,744 --> 00:33:33,214 Donald Trump isn't here. 876 00:33:33,314 --> 00:33:36,550 Now, here it is, Your Moment of Zen. 877 00:33:36,650 --> 00:33:39,286 ♪ ♪ 878 00:33:39,386 --> 00:33:43,123 The number one threat to cryptocurrency is crypto. 879 00:33:43,224 --> 00:33:46,527 Bitcoin could be deplace... displaced by Ether, 880 00:33:46,627 --> 00:33:48,028 which could be displaced by Doge, 881 00:33:48,128 --> 00:33:50,197 which could be displaced by Hamster Coin. 882 00:33:50,297 --> 00:33:52,466 And then there's Cobra Coin. 883 00:33:52,566 --> 00:33:55,769 What could Mongoose Coin do to crypto coin? 884 00:33:55,870 --> 00:33:57,771 Will Mongoose Coin always have a value? 885 00:33:57,872 --> 00:33:59,573 I don't know. I just made it up. It's a joke. 886 00:33:59,673 --> 00:34:01,442 Although I said that about Hamster Coin, 887 00:34:01,542 --> 00:34:04,278 and then I found out there really was a Hamster Coin.