1
00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:03,403
Steph Curry is, uh, about
to break one of the, like,
2
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:08,041
hardest records in the NBA--
most three-pointers ever.
3
00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:10,077
I'm assuming it's scored,
'cause otherwise
4
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,745
that would be a weird record.
5
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,548
Just, like, the most three
pointers that someone has tried.
6
00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,384
Those should be cool records
as well. They should have that.
7
00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:19,887
You tried a lot.
I mean, you got none of them,
8
00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:22,556
but you really tried a lot.
Most tries.
9
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:24,558
No, he's gonna break the record.
10
00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:27,027
Uh, it was Ray Allen's record.
And then, Ray Allen,
11
00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:28,495
they asked him, "What do you
think," and he said,
12
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:30,497
even if Steph Curry breaks it,
I'm still the greatest.
13
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:33,400
No, you're not. That's
literally how records work.
14
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,002
I'm sorry.
You were one of the greatest,
15
00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:36,136
but you're not the greatest.
That's literally
16
00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:37,804
how the record works.
Yeah.
17
00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:40,140
So Steph has to shoot just
two. He shoots one,
18
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,309
and then he's tied.
And then he shoots another one
19
00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:44,311
and then he breaks
the record. Yes.
20
00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:45,445
Unless he gets cursed and then
21
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,481
never scores
another three ever again.
22
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,850
Like, I... maybe I should be
the one to tell you Americans,
23
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:51,885
Steph Curry's
broken basketball.
24
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:54,488
He figured it out, and your
sports is now broken.
25
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:56,890
Yeah. This is why I like
soccer-- no one can break it.
26
00:00:56,990 --> 00:00:59,026
Basketball? Broken.
Steph Curry figured out
27
00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:00,894
that if you throw the ball
28
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,129
you could throw it
over everybody
29
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:05,065
and then you just
get the same points.
30
00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:06,567
Before that, people were like,
31
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:09,436
you've got to, like, run
and then fight people like Shaq.
32
00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:11,438
Imagine if you had been,
like, fighting against Shaq
33
00:01:11,538 --> 00:01:13,073
all those years and then
you realize all along,
34
00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:14,908
you could have just
thrown the ball in.
35
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,476
And Steph doesn't even do it
from, like, the line.
36
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:17,845
'Cause they're like,
"This is the three-point line"
37
00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:19,112
then he was like,
"But what if you just do it
38
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:21,448
from, like, the other line?"
Then he was like,
39
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:23,250
"What if you just..." Have you
seen, Steph Curry does it
40
00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:25,686
from, like,
not even on the court now.
41
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:26,753
He does it from,
like, the tunnel
42
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:28,322
that comes through the cour...
43
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,357
At some point Steph Curry's just
gonna shoot the shit from home,
44
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:31,925
that's what he's gonna do.
Yeah.
45
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:35,329
Steph Curry's gonna be the first
work-at-home basketball player.
46
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,563
He's gonna be, like,
the first step
47
00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:38,899
of the hybrid work
in the-in the NBA.
48
00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:41,335
Be like, "Yeah, man, I
remember when the game changed.
49
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,704
"Before that, we had to
come into-to the arena, man.
50
00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,706
"You had to play games.
And then Steph Curry came along,
51
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:49,109
"man. Shit.
Now... now, man, people,
52
00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:51,678
"these (bleep) throwing
from home now, man.
53
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,580
Yeah." Just be, like, one
of the greatest players
54
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,516
will be, like, someone who lives
in some, like, random place,
55
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:58,986
like, he lives in the Maldives.
He just throws from there.
56
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:02,890
Man, you can't guard that shit.
You can't guard that shit.
57
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,592
You got to catch two planes
just to guard him.
58
00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:07,427
Whole game has changed.
59
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,696
You'll be telling your
grandkids, "Back in my day,
60
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:14,067
"in basketball you had to be
there to defend the player.
61
00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:17,404
"They were there, shooting
in your face, like a man.
62
00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:20,741
"And now, nothing. You don't
know when it's gonna come.
63
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:24,778
"The other day, I got a...
I got a envelope in the mail.
64
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,613
"I thought
it was from your Nana.
65
00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:31,118
"I opened it,
it was a three-point shot.
66
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:32,819
We lost the game."
67
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,189
(laughs)
68
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:36,757
-♪ ♪ -ANNOUNCER: Coming to you
from the heart
69
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:40,661
of Times Square in New York
City, the only city in America,
70
00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,829
it's The Daily Show.
71
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:46,200
Tonight, texts from Fox News.
72
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,635
The year in scams.
73
00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:52,105
And Chelsea Handler.
74
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:56,577
This is The Daily Show
with Trevor Noah.
75
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,145
Hey!
What's going on, everybody?
76
00:02:58,245 --> 00:03:00,280
Welcome to The Daily Show.
I'm Trevor Noah.
77
00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:01,849
And joining me
for today's headlines
78
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:04,451
is my good friend Roy Wood Jr.
79
00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:06,520
-What's going on, Roy?
-Hey. What up, man?
80
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,088
I'm just trying to find
a karate class.
81
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,523
My five-year-old taking karate,
82
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:11,758
so that mean
I got to learn karate, 'cause
83
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,794
the showdown is coming.
84
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:15,796
I don't think
that's how it works, Roy.
85
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:18,465
I think you-you can just
let him do karate.
86
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,834
Which one has a child?
87
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,269
-You.
-Okay.
88
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:23,770
So then you let me worry about
89
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,772
the showdown that's looming
with my child.
90
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,976
Every child, at some point,
challenges the father.
91
00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:32,112
That's how it goes.
You've seen Star Wars.
92
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,747
-Well, good luck with that, Roy.
-Yeah.
93
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,516
And good luck to your child.
All right,
94
00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,217
let's jump right into
today's headlines.
95
00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:38,785
♪ ♪
96
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:42,322
We kick things off with Omicron,
the coronavirus variant
97
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:45,926
named after disgraced
CNN anchor Chris Cuomocron.
98
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:48,795
It's now been three weeks since
Omicron was discovered,
99
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,431
which means scientists
are starting to get a handle
100
00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:54,568
on exactly what
we might be dealing with.
101
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,937
This morning, the fast-spreading
Omicron variant
102
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:59,273
is adding fresh fears
around the world.
103
00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:01,608
British Prime Minister
Boris Johnson is warning
104
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:05,078
of a looming tidal wave
of Omicron cases in the U.K.
105
00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:08,148
Health officials here are saying
that no other COVID variant
106
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:12,052
has spread this fast, and they
fear that in less than 36 hours,
107
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:14,454
Omicron will become the dominant
variant here in London.
108
00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:17,524
Already, it makes up 44%
of cases in the city,
109
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:20,794
and numbers are doubling
every two to three days.
110
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:23,096
The country of Norway
is ramping up efforts
111
00:04:23,197 --> 00:04:25,165
to slow the spread of Omicron.
112
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,768
In a new approach
to decreasing gatherings there,
113
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,103
the prime minister announced
the country is placing a ban
114
00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:33,240
on serving alcohol
in bars and restaurants.
115
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:35,809
the moratorium comes as the
country is facing record-high
116
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:38,645
COVID-19 infectious
and hospitalizations.
117
00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:41,281
Wow. No drinking
118
00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:44,685
in Norway in the winter.
119
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:48,088
I mean, at that point,
you might as well die of COVID.
120
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:51,525
Also, why are they
keeping the bars open
121
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,227
if you can't drink?
122
00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:55,229
Are there people out there
who are, like,
123
00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:57,130
"I still enjoy
the communal peanuts
124
00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:58,799
"and shouty conversations
125
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:01,468
"and standing in someone
else's pee while I pee.
126
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:04,338
You know? There's more to a
bar than just drinking, guys."
127
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,407
But, look, the point is
Omicron is spreading super fast,
128
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:10,611
like, way faster
than any other variant.
129
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:12,880
Like, we hadn't even heard
about it a few weeks ago,
130
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,215
and now it's dominating
the world.
131
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,618
It's like the Olivia Rodrigo
of variants.
132
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,086
And as it spreads,
133
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,188
we're learning more
about the effects of Omicron.
134
00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:23,190
In fact, the first large study
135
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:24,958
was just released out
of South Africa.
136
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,059
Whoop, whoop!
137
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:28,262
And it has good news
and bad news.
138
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:29,296
Womp, womp.
139
00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:30,797
The bad news is,
140
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:33,267
even if you have two doses
of the Pfizer vaccine,
141
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,602
you only get 33% protection
142
00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,704
against infection from Omicron.
143
00:05:37,804 --> 00:05:39,673
Right? The good news is,
144
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,808
if you do get Omicron,
145
00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:44,077
you're about 30% less likely
146
00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:46,813
to go to the hospital
than with Delta.
147
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:49,483
But the bad news is
there was a hot single doctor
148
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:51,685
at the hospital who could
have been your soul mate
149
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,220
and you'll never get
to meet him.
150
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,088
Yeah. The good news is
151
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,623
he has a lot of student debt,
152
00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:58,892
and that would have totally
weighed on your relationship
153
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,494
after a while.
154
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:01,862
Sorry,
where was I going with this?
155
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,198
Oh, yeah, yeah. If you're
worried about catching Omicron,
156
00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:08,035
the good news is that a booster
shot is actually very effective.
157
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,369
It's
really effective protection.
158
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:11,171
In fact, we shouldn't
even be calling it a booster
159
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:12,272
at this point.
160
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,374
We should just call it
"the third shot."
161
00:06:14,474 --> 00:06:16,376
You know? It seems like it's
gonna be completely necessary.
162
00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:18,579
Calling it a booster
makes it sound optional,
163
00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:21,081
like someone's offering you
a hot towel.
164
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:24,484
"Would you care
for a booster shot? Yes?"
165
00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,353
Yeah, what's
with them hot towels?
166
00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:27,855
What's with them hot towels
anyway, man?
167
00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:30,190
One minute, it's hot.
And then, like, a second later,
168
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:31,658
-it's cold.
-Right?
169
00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:33,627
It doesn't even feel like--
It-it felt nice for a second,
170
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,829
then it's gone. Like,
it's like-- It's a nice, warm,
171
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:36,830
hot towel.
172
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,765
Then it just turn
into a cold rag.
173
00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:41,735
-(laughs)
-Nobody want a rag.
174
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:43,203
-It's instant as well.
-Yeah.
175
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:44,938
That's-that's part
of the problem with it.
176
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,773
It's just like-- It's-it's,
like-- it's, like, a thing.
177
00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:48,408
Hot-- But it's like
it's too hot as well.
178
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:49,943
Like, they give it to you
and you can't hold it.
179
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,079
And then the next second,
it's freezing cold.
180
00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,981
-(yelping)
-Where did they heat this thing?
181
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,382
How did they heat this?
Like, what temp--
182
00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:56,817
I don't understand
these towels at all.
183
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,185
You know where they messed up
with the--
184
00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:00,787
with this-- with
this booster shot also, dawg,
185
00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:02,456
is that they, like--
186
00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,825
they-they messed up calling
the first shot "the vaccine."
187
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,027
We were supposed to be--
Vaccine, done.
188
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,029
They should've just called that
"medicine"
189
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,765
and then called this shot
"more medicine."
190
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:13,400
Everybody-everybody like
more medicine.
191
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,135
-Extra strength?
-More medicine.
192
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:16,370
-That's all you had to call it.
-Yeah.
193
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:17,938
More medicine.
And not market it.
194
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,473
That's how you do it.
195
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:21,041
You know why people
was taking all that horse stuff
196
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,843
and drinking the bleach?
Word of mouth.
197
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,078
Weren't no commercials for it.
198
00:07:25,179 --> 00:07:27,681
Everybody want to be up
on that new-new.
199
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,516
-Nobody wants the... -Stop-stop
talking about the booster--
200
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,285
see how many people go get
the booster.
201
00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:33,086
You just make it, like,
a whisker-- whisper campaign.
202
00:07:33,187 --> 00:07:35,255
Yeah. Yeah, like...
(whispers): I got that booster.
203
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:37,124
(whispers):
Nah, there's no booster.
204
00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,458
Hey, I thought it was a booster.
205
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:39,893
Nah, there's no booster.
206
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,461
Man, let me get the booster.
I know you got that booster.
207
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:42,796
There's no booster, man.
208
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,064
Stop hating, baby. Come on, man.
209
00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:45,065
All right,
I'll talk to you later.
210
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:47,501
All right.
Dope, dope, dope, yeah.
211
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:49,203
All right, let's move on
to a story that involves
212
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:50,938
two of America's
most violent sports,
213
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,106
hockey and capitalism.
214
00:07:53,207 --> 00:07:55,275
Everyone knows that teachers
in America are underpaid,
215
00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:58,545
but what's really crazy is that
teachers often have to spend
216
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:03,217
their own money to buy supplies
for their classrooms.
217
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:04,384
Which is insane.
218
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,586
I mean, every time
you hear this in America,
219
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:06,920
you realize how insane this is.
220
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,056
Because no other job
makes you do this.
221
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,291
No one at McDonald's
is ever like,
222
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:13,360
"Oh, they won't fix
the ice cream machine.
223
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,596
I guess I'll have to bring
my own ice cream from home."
224
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:16,864
And if it's
not depressing enough
225
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,932
that teachers buy supplies
for their students,
226
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,068
one hockey team in South Dakota,
227
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:24,137
well, they found a way
to make it even worse.
228
00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:25,906
Time now for stories
everyone's talking about.
229
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:27,608
This morning,
we start in South Dakota.
230
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:29,610
-This blew up social media
yesterday. -Yeah.
231
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,111
-Yeah, a h...
-People were angry.
232
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,113
Yeah, and-and here's the video.
We're gonna show it to you.
233
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:36,283
A hockey team's event drawing
some serious criticism.
234
00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:38,218
-Take a look.
-(cheering)
235
00:08:41,255 --> 00:08:42,256
All right,
so here's what's going on.
236
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:44,057
The Sioux Falls Stampede
hockey team held
237
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,326
a Dash for Cash competition
Saturday.
238
00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:48,762
So these are ten teachers
crawling around on the ice,
239
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,098
grabbing as much money
as they can
240
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,699
to buy classroom supplies.
241
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,134
However, many found this wrong,
242
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,203
to have teachers fight
for money.
243
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:59,740
Some even compared it
to the Netflix show Squid Game.
244
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,409
Oh, come on. This is nothing
like Squid Game.
245
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:04,478
I mean, for starters,
you don't need subtitles
246
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:06,013
to realize how sad this is.
247
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:08,448
And at least
if you win Squid Game,
248
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,651
you get to keep the money.
249
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:12,853
These poor teachers
are debasing themselves
250
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,655
to pay for textbooks
251
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,390
that don't even teach slavery.
252
00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:17,457
And this is
the most depressing thing
253
00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:19,426
I've ever seen
at a sporting event,
254
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:22,095
aside from any game
where the Jets are playing.
255
00:09:22,196 --> 00:09:24,498
Like, I get that
they were trying to help out
256
00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:27,034
the local teachers who need
money for their classrooms,
257
00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:31,772
but you realize they could have
just given them the money, yeah?
258
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:36,176
You didn't have to turn their
need into our entertainment.
259
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:39,446
Can you imagine
if lifeguards made you do,
260
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:42,316
like, the Dougie
before they saved you? Huh?
261
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,851
Now you're there, drowning,
and you're like...
262
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,919
(babbling)
263
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:48,155
I mean, would that be funny?
Yes.
264
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,190
But it's not appropriate.
265
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,358
And, you know,
this really highlights
266
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:53,060
how America cares so little
about education.
267
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:55,062
I mean,
its teachers are wrestling
268
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,530
on the ground for dollar bills.
269
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:58,532
Meanwhile, the defense budget
of this country
270
00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:01,869
is over half a trillion
dollars a year.
271
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:03,837
And I'm not saying
that defense contractors
272
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,106
can't have that money,
but they should at least
273
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:09,810
have to wrestle around
in Jell-O for it.
274
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,678
And naked.
275
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,747
I want to see butts.
276
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:16,049
-It's a crazy story, dude.
-Right?
277
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,885
Very crazy.
278
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:21,021
Like, why would you give
teachers money for supplies
279
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,257
at the end of the year?
280
00:10:23,357 --> 00:10:25,292
-What?
-It's too late.
281
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:26,894
Them kids already flunked, man.
282
00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:29,763
They needed them supplies
back in August.
283
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,965
Why you getting supplies
to help kids?
284
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,333
You ain't made an F...
285
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:36,203
You can't bounce back
from a December F.
286
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,372
I don't know if you ever had
a December F, but it's a wrap.
287
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:40,374
Ain't nothing else you can do
to save that kid.
288
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,776
You just got to tell them,
"See you next year.
289
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,112
"You can stay in the class
for the rest of the year
290
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:47,347
so you can be familiar
with this shit next year."
291
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:49,783
But once you got a December F,
that's a waste of time.
292
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,919
They should have had them
teachers out there on the ice
293
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:54,288
back in August.
294
00:10:54,388 --> 00:10:56,156
Uh, uh,
it's an interesting point, Roy,
295
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:58,025
-I'm not gonna lie.
-It's a fair point.
296
00:10:58,125 --> 00:10:59,826
It's a solid point,
is what you meant to say.
297
00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:01,428
-That is what I... Yeah.
-It's a solid point.
298
00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:03,263
Also, they didn't offer
them teachers a hot towel.
299
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:04,731
That's the disrespectful part
of it.
300
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,800
They touching money. Ugh.
301
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:07,801
(Noah laughing)
302
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:10,170
Omicron out there.
303
00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:12,739
You just out there raw-doggin'
cash with your hands.
304
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,108
(crew laughing)
305
00:11:15,209 --> 00:11:18,679
Raw-doggin' cash.
Do you raw-dog cash?
306
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:21,215
I've never thought of it
like that, actually.
307
00:11:21,315 --> 00:11:22,282
We should hang out.
308
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:23,784
-We should, Roy.
-We should hang out.
309
00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,219
-We should.
-You'd learn some shit.
310
00:11:25,319 --> 00:11:26,753
-Yeah, I would.
-Okay.
311
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:28,088
I definitely would.
312
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:31,458
All right, let's move on now
to our main story,
313
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:36,597
which is about former president
Donald Jussie Smollett Trump
314
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:39,333
and his attempt last year
to overturn the election.
315
00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:42,002
which, by the way--
no judgment, no judgment at all.
316
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,137
I mean, if you lost anything
to Joe Biden,
317
00:11:44,238 --> 00:11:45,839
you'd also deny
the shit out of it.
318
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:48,509
An election, a foot race,
an arm wrestling match.
319
00:11:48,609 --> 00:11:50,444
I mean, have you seen that guy?
320
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:52,279
It's like losing
to a soggy sponge.
321
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:54,548
Hell, if Joe Biden beat me
at rock-paper-scissors,
322
00:11:54,648 --> 00:11:56,350
I'd chop off both my hands,
just be like,
323
00:11:56,450 --> 00:11:58,519
"Yeah,
I never played this game."
324
00:11:58,619 --> 00:12:00,521
Now, one of the guys
who has the most information
325
00:12:00,621 --> 00:12:02,823
about Trump's attempts
to overthrow the election
326
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,626
is his former chief of staff
Mark Meadows,
327
00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:10,631
but, as of a few weeks ago,
he suddenly stopped talking.
328
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,633
NEWSMAN: Lawmakers investigating
the January 6 attack
329
00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:16,236
on the Capitol have run out
of patience with Mark Meadows.
330
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:17,871
Mark Meadows made the decision
to cooperate,
331
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:19,840
and then he made
the decision un-cooperate,
332
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:22,276
and, as a result,
we're gonna have to hold him
333
00:12:22,376 --> 00:12:24,077
in criminal contempt.
334
00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:25,445
NEWSMAN: The committee says
they've got questions
335
00:12:25,546 --> 00:12:27,447
about documents
Meadows has handed over
336
00:12:27,548 --> 00:12:30,083
which shed light on what
the Trump White House knew
337
00:12:30,184 --> 00:12:32,419
about the insurrection
before it began.
338
00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:33,954
NEWSWOMAN:
The committee is also interested
339
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,223
in the weeks
leading up to the insurrection
340
00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:38,992
and Meadows' involvement
in efforts to undermine
341
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,360
the election outcome.
342
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:43,197
When presented with the idea
of certain states sending
343
00:12:43,297 --> 00:12:45,899
alternate slates of electors
to Congress,
344
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:48,702
Meadows responded, "I love it."
345
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,170
-(snapping fingers)
-Mm, mm!
346
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,605
Get you a man who loves you
347
00:12:51,705 --> 00:12:53,774
the way Mark Meadows loves
overthrowing democracy!
348
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:56,710
See that?
"I love it! I love it!"
349
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:58,178
I mean, to be fair, though,
350
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,180
"I love it"
is also what you send
351
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,748
when you want the other person
352
00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:03,750
to think
you actually read through
353
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:05,619
all their texts when you didn't.
354
00:13:05,719 --> 00:13:07,654
So maybe it was like that
with Mark Meadows?
355
00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:08,922
I don't know.
356
00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:10,791
The fact is, though,
it looks like Mark Meadows
357
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:14,428
was very involved in Trump's
plan to overturn the election.
358
00:13:14,528 --> 00:13:16,230
He pushed the Justice Department
359
00:13:16,330 --> 00:13:18,432
to investigate
made-up voter fraud.
360
00:13:18,532 --> 00:13:22,202
He tried to block states
from certifying their electors.
361
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,938
And he even made Trump lick
the Oval Office desk
362
00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:26,440
to claim dibs.
363
00:13:26,540 --> 00:13:28,442
And it definitely
doesn't look good
364
00:13:28,542 --> 00:13:31,144
that he stopped cooperating
with the investigation.
365
00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:33,280
I mean, I do get it, though.
366
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:36,316
You know,
he can't be disloyal to Trump,
367
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:40,821
because in Trump world,
loyalty is everything.
368
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:45,092
You take care of Trump,
and Trump takes care of you.
369
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,894
Unless you're John Bolton.
370
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,096
Or Jeff Sessions.
371
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,564
Or Rudy Giuliani.
372
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:53,934
Or Melania or Michael Cohen
or anybody else he's ever known.
373
00:13:54,101 --> 00:13:56,170
It's called loyalty.
374
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:57,738
But before
he stopped cooperating,
375
00:13:57,838 --> 00:14:00,040
Meadows did hand over
a lot of documents
376
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:02,442
to the committee,
and one thing they discovered
377
00:14:02,543 --> 00:14:06,780
were a bunch of frantic
text messages that he got
378
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,783
during the Capitol riot,
and some of them...
379
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:13,420
some of them came from
Donald Trump's closest advisors.
380
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,156
Fox entertainers
frantically texted Mark Meadows
381
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,192
as the Capitol riot
was happening
382
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:21,161
and urged him to get then-
President Trump to stop it.
383
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:22,863
NEWSWOMAN:
In one text exchange,
384
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:25,732
Hannity urged Meadows
to tell Mr. Trump to, quote,
385
00:14:25,832 --> 00:14:28,869
"make a statement... and ask
people to leave the Capitol"
386
00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:32,806
Brian Kilmeade saying, "Please
get him"-- Trump-- "on TV."
387
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:35,342
"Destroying everything
you have accomplished."
388
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:37,477
Laura Ingraham writing...
389
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:46,820
(laughing):
Oh, man, this is so amazing.
390
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,890
Yeah, because you realize Fox
News has spent the whole year
391
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:52,993
acting like January 6
was nothing.
392
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:56,730
Just nothing. It's just a...
a few, you know, patriots,
393
00:14:56,830 --> 00:14:58,665
just having their voices heard.
394
00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:00,767
But it turns out
that in private,
395
00:15:00,868 --> 00:15:03,504
they were freaking out
about it!
396
00:15:03,604 --> 00:15:04,805
Freaking out.
397
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,507
This is like finding out
the flight attendant
398
00:15:06,607 --> 00:15:08,408
who's been telling you that
it's just a little turbulence
399
00:15:08,509 --> 00:15:10,878
is actually going back
into the cockpit like,
400
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,713
"Doesn't anybody know
how to fly this thing?!
401
00:15:12,813 --> 00:15:14,681
"We're all gonna die!
402
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:17,851
"On your left,
you can see the Rocky Mountains.
403
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:19,186
"Really beautiful.
404
00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:21,121
Just please stay in your seat,
folks."
405
00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:22,623
And I love
that they were so concerned
406
00:15:22,723 --> 00:15:25,425
that this could ruin
Trump's legacy.
407
00:15:25,526 --> 00:15:26,960
"If he gets somebody killed
today,
408
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,428
"no one will remember that time
409
00:15:28,529 --> 00:15:30,564
he told everyone
to drink bleach."
410
00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:32,933
It's crazy
that CNN fired Chris Cuomo
411
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:35,068
because he was caught
giving secret advice
412
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,703
to a politician: his brother.
413
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:39,907
But now it turns out that
basically everyone at Fox News
414
00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:43,544
was giving secret advice to
President Trump and his people.
415
00:15:43,644 --> 00:15:46,647
But, I mean, I guess
that's what makes it okay, yeah?
416
00:15:46,747 --> 00:15:48,315
Like, if one person
at your network
417
00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:50,484
has no integrity,
that's a problem.
418
00:15:50,584 --> 00:15:54,755
But if nobody has integrity,
that's a company policy.
419
00:15:54,855 --> 00:15:58,125
Fox News: we all wilin'.
420
00:15:58,225 --> 00:15:59,793
But the best part
of this text dump
421
00:15:59,893 --> 00:16:02,296
is that it wasn't just Fox hosts
who were freaking out
422
00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:04,665
about Trump's response
to the riot. No.
423
00:16:04,765 --> 00:16:06,166
There were also texts
424
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,569
from President Trump's
oldest son
425
00:16:08,669 --> 00:16:11,171
and man who never has to worry
about chin cancer,
426
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:12,906
Don Jr.
427
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,308
As the violence continued,
428
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:18,212
one of the president's sons
texted Mr. Meadows,
429
00:16:18,312 --> 00:16:22,683
"He's got to condemn
this shit ASAP.
430
00:16:22,783 --> 00:16:26,153
The Capitol police tweet
is not enough,"
431
00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:28,622
Donald Trump Jr. texted.
432
00:16:28,722 --> 00:16:32,860
Donald Trump Jr.
texted again and again,
433
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:35,429
urging action by the president.
434
00:16:35,529 --> 00:16:39,666
"We need an Oval Office address.
435
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:42,202
"He has to lead now.
436
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:44,338
"It has gone too far
437
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:46,273
and gotten out of hand."
438
00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:50,077
Yeah. It appears
that Don Jr. himself
439
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:53,413
thought the insurrection
had gone too far
440
00:16:53,514 --> 00:16:56,483
and had gotten out of hand.
441
00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:58,418
Which suggests
442
00:16:58,519 --> 00:17:01,255
that he was okay
with an insurrection
443
00:17:01,355 --> 00:17:03,323
that was
a little more in control.
444
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:05,025
"Whoa,
what's with all this violence?
445
00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:08,028
"I kind of thought we
could overthrow the government
446
00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:11,298
"in, like, a cool, fun way,
like Ocean's Eleven.
447
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,400
"Like, we sneak in
and steal democracy
448
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:14,601
"before anyone notices,
449
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,303
"and we're all wearing
cool suits,
450
00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:18,338
"and George Clooney is like,
'You guys are cool.'
451
00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:21,108
"And I'd be like,
'You're cool, George Clooney.'
452
00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,442
Something like that."
453
00:17:22,543 --> 00:17:25,045
Now, clearly,
Don Jr.'s texts didn't work,
454
00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:27,314
which, honestly,
I'm kind of glad about.
455
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:29,516
Because the only thing worse
than an insurrection
456
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:31,652
would have been
having to thank Don Jr.
457
00:17:31,752 --> 00:17:33,187
for stopping an insurrection.
458
00:17:33,287 --> 00:17:36,757
(mockingly): "Thank you
for saving democracy, Don Jr."
459
00:17:36,857 --> 00:17:39,760
But still, seeing Don Jr.
460
00:17:39,860 --> 00:17:43,564
desperately trying to get
a message to his own father?
461
00:17:43,664 --> 00:17:46,466
I mean, that tells you a lot
about their relationship, right?
462
00:17:46,567 --> 00:17:49,069
And those-those
aren't even the only texts
463
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:51,071
that he sent Mark Meadows
that day.
464
00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:55,075
In fact, a source has provided
The Daily Show
465
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,477
with additional texts.
466
00:17:57,578 --> 00:18:01,281
And I'm gonna read them to you
right now.
467
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:06,620
(paper rustles)
468
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:10,324
Later that day,
469
00:18:10,424 --> 00:18:13,927
Don Jr.
texted Mark Meadows again,
470
00:18:14,027 --> 00:18:16,830
"Hey, man,
471
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:20,467
"just wanted to see
if you passed those messages
472
00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:23,036
to my dad yet."
473
00:18:23,070 --> 00:18:25,105
And then,
474
00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:28,308
"Actually, it might be easier
475
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:30,844
"if you gave me my dad's number
476
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:33,046
so I can text him directly,
477
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:35,582
question mark."
478
00:18:35,682 --> 00:18:37,718
Some time passed,
479
00:18:37,818 --> 00:18:39,953
and then another text.
480
00:18:40,053 --> 00:18:43,924
"Let me know
about my dad's number,
481
00:18:44,057 --> 00:18:45,893
"but no rush.
482
00:18:46,059 --> 00:18:49,730
I know shit is cray, LOL."
483
00:18:49,830 --> 00:18:53,400
And finally, that night,
484
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,335
"Come on, man,
485
00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:57,871
at least give me his email."
486
00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:59,473
And then
487
00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:03,343
three prayer hands emojis.
488
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:08,549
There was no response.
489
00:19:11,051 --> 00:19:14,021
So, yes, the January 6th riot
490
00:19:14,054 --> 00:19:16,557
rocked America to its core.
491
00:19:16,657 --> 00:19:18,358
But even worse,
492
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:21,495
it broke Don Jr.'s heart.
493
00:19:24,131 --> 00:19:25,933
Hilarious.
494
00:19:26,033 --> 00:19:28,202
All right, when we come back,
we'll take a look
495
00:19:28,302 --> 00:19:30,037
at all the biggest scams
of 2021,
496
00:19:30,070 --> 00:19:32,139
and Chelsea Handler is my guest,
497
00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:34,041
which means
she's joining me on the show.
498
00:19:34,141 --> 00:19:35,843
You don't want to miss it.
499
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:39,579
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
500
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,315
2021 is almost over,
501
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:44,651
and I think we can all agree
that, compared to last year,
502
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:46,386
it has been a perfect year.
503
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:48,788
So, for the rest of the month,
we'll be remembering
504
00:19:48,889 --> 00:19:51,057
all of 2021's best moments
505
00:19:51,158 --> 00:19:54,594
in our year-end segment
A Look Back at 2021:
506
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,097
the Least Bad Year
of the Last Two Years.
507
00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:59,266
Tonight,
Michael Kosta takes a look
508
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:02,502
at all the top scams
of the year.
509
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:04,638
♪ ♪
510
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,945
A lot changed in 2021--
511
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,480
the length of Kanye's name,
512
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:15,315
the energy level
of our president,
513
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:17,250
my in-laws' Hulu password.
514
00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:19,052
But one thing that didn't change
515
00:20:19,152 --> 00:20:21,888
is that people still fell
for anything.
516
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:24,391
You know how they say
a sucker's born every minute?
517
00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:26,893
Well, this year,
there was more sucking going on
518
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,296
than an orgy
at the Dyson factory.
519
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:30,597
Ugh.
520
00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:32,766
Starting with one
of the most ridiculous scams
521
00:20:32,866 --> 00:20:35,268
people fell for, NFTs,
522
00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:38,004
otherwise known
as non-fungible tokens.
523
00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:39,973
It's basically when you buy
the rights
524
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:41,575
to a piece of digital art.
525
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:43,577
And hang on
to your Apple Wallets--
526
00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,378
they got pretty expensive.
527
00:20:45,479 --> 00:20:49,850
NEWSWOMAN: $200,000
for a LeBron James dunking clip.
528
00:20:49,950 --> 00:20:53,186
$600,000 for-- I don't even know
what that is in the middle.
529
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:56,790
A-And millions
for Jack Dorsey's first tweet.
530
00:20:56,890 --> 00:21:00,727
This image of digital
toilet paper is worth $2,100.
531
00:21:00,794 --> 00:21:03,830
Yeah, 2,100 bucks
for digital toilet paper.
532
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:04,965
I guess it'll come in handy
533
00:21:05,065 --> 00:21:07,267
when I have to take dump
in the metaverse.
534
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:10,637
Sadly, gullible idiots
spent millions on NFTs,
535
00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:12,606
thinking they have actual value,
536
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:15,408
when, in reality, they can
become worthless at any time.
537
00:21:15,509 --> 00:21:17,811
Which I found out the hard way
when I sold my house
538
00:21:17,911 --> 00:21:20,847
to buy this NFT
of a dog wearing pantyhose.
539
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:23,216
What can I say? I love art.
540
00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:26,853
My next favorite scam of 2021
was the meme stock.
541
00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,855
All year long,
people were pumping money
542
00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:30,423
into terrible businesses
543
00:21:30,524 --> 00:21:32,759
just because the Internet
thought it was cool.
544
00:21:32,826 --> 00:21:35,862
It was the financial equivalent
of the Tide Pod challenge,
545
00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:39,232
and no stock was more meme'd
than GameStop.
546
00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:41,601
Its stock had been declining
in value for a long time,
547
00:21:41,701 --> 00:21:44,271
because it's a store that tries
to sell you video games
548
00:21:44,371 --> 00:21:46,239
that you can download at home.
549
00:21:46,339 --> 00:21:47,841
And if there's one thing
gamers love,
550
00:21:47,941 --> 00:21:50,310
it's leaving their house, ever.
551
00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:52,145
But of course,
like all meme stocks,
552
00:21:52,245 --> 00:21:54,948
this whole thing is just
a big roller coaster ride,
553
00:21:55,048 --> 00:21:57,551
and the only question is:
who's the sucker
554
00:21:57,717 --> 00:22:02,522
who's gonna be left holding
the bag when the price crashes?
555
00:22:02,622 --> 00:22:04,191
Turns out it was me.
556
00:22:04,291 --> 00:22:05,859
I bought it all at the top.
557
00:22:05,959 --> 00:22:06,993
Not totally my fault.
558
00:22:07,093 --> 00:22:08,862
My cousin is
a hedge fund manager,
559
00:22:08,962 --> 00:22:10,931
and he assured me
that this thing was foolproof.
560
00:22:11,031 --> 00:22:12,332
Anyway, he's living
in Turks and Caicos now,
561
00:22:12,432 --> 00:22:14,534
and I'm living
in an airport La Quinta.
562
00:22:14,634 --> 00:22:17,370
But let's move from Wall Street
to Pennsylvania Avenue.
563
00:22:17,470 --> 00:22:20,207
Home of the scam
that kicked off 2021
564
00:22:20,307 --> 00:22:22,776
is somehow still going strong.
565
00:22:22,876 --> 00:22:26,446
It's the biggest lie since, "Oh,
that fedora looks great on you."
566
00:22:26,546 --> 00:22:29,149
Trump's claims of voter fraud.
567
00:22:29,249 --> 00:22:30,817
He and the GOP convinced
his supporters
568
00:22:30,917 --> 00:22:33,220
that Joe Biden stole
the 2020 election,
569
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:36,556
which led
to the January 6 insurrection,
570
00:22:36,656 --> 00:22:38,592
aka Q-cella,
571
00:22:38,692 --> 00:22:40,093
MAGA-palooza,
572
00:22:40,193 --> 00:22:41,695
White-stock.
573
00:22:41,761 --> 00:22:43,763
I mean, guys, come on,
if the election had been rigged,
574
00:22:43,864 --> 00:22:46,266
we would know by now,
probably because Biden
575
00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:48,268
would have accidentally said it
in a speech.
576
00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:50,837
The man has no filter.
577
00:22:50,937 --> 00:22:53,006
But instead, people
were foolishly led to believe
578
00:22:53,106 --> 00:22:55,141
that they
could actually stop the election
579
00:22:55,242 --> 00:22:57,177
from being certified,
but the truth is,
580
00:22:57,277 --> 00:22:59,279
that was never possible.
581
00:22:59,379 --> 00:23:02,549
Unfortunately, I only found
that out after I got maced
582
00:23:02,716 --> 00:23:06,086
by Capitol police
inside Chuck Schumer's office.
583
00:23:06,186 --> 00:23:08,889
I got his mouse pad
as a souvenir, though.
584
00:23:08,989 --> 00:23:11,391
(groans) Still has
some chicken salad stains on it.
585
00:23:11,491 --> 00:23:13,593
Anyhoo,
as I said at my bail hearing,
586
00:23:13,727 --> 00:23:16,196
I deeply regret
my participation.
587
00:23:16,296 --> 00:23:20,367
Let's move on to CRT,
or Critical Race Theory.
588
00:23:20,467 --> 00:23:23,236
This was a big scam spread
by right-wing culture warriors,
589
00:23:23,336 --> 00:23:25,338
that suggested
your kid's elementary school
590
00:23:25,438 --> 00:23:28,909
was teaching white kids
that slavery was their fault.
591
00:23:29,009 --> 00:23:31,111
(chuckles): And some parents,
well, they bought it
592
00:23:31,211 --> 00:23:33,180
hook, line and sinker.
593
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:36,082
The Western culture and values
that brought forth Christianity
594
00:23:36,183 --> 00:23:39,553
and the founding documents are
being called evil and racist.
595
00:23:42,589 --> 00:23:46,126
Just because I do not want
critical race theory
596
00:23:46,226 --> 00:23:48,695
taught to my children in school
597
00:23:48,762 --> 00:23:52,599
does not mean
that I am a racist, damn it.
598
00:23:52,699 --> 00:23:54,801
CRT is evil!
599
00:23:54,901 --> 00:23:57,838
If I lived in this school zone
or had a kid,
600
00:23:57,938 --> 00:24:01,074
I would pull him out
of this school forever!
601
00:24:01,174 --> 00:24:02,342
(sighs)
Oh, yeah.
602
00:24:02,442 --> 00:24:04,611
I forgot that I was part
of that, too, so...
603
00:24:04,711 --> 00:24:06,947
I got got again.
604
00:24:07,047 --> 00:24:09,382
But the scam
that best sums up 2021
605
00:24:09,483 --> 00:24:11,918
is, without a doubt, ivermectin.
606
00:24:12,018 --> 00:24:13,420
It was the medicine for people
607
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,722
who would take anything
to prevent COVID
608
00:24:15,789 --> 00:24:17,991
except for the free
and effective vaccine
609
00:24:18,091 --> 00:24:19,559
that could prevent COVID.
610
00:24:19,726 --> 00:24:21,094
So,
some pretty twisted individuals
611
00:24:21,194 --> 00:24:23,630
took this opportunity
to promote the idea
612
00:24:23,730 --> 00:24:25,732
that a veterinary-grade
horse dewormer
613
00:24:25,832 --> 00:24:28,001
could prevent and treat COVID.
614
00:24:28,101 --> 00:24:29,803
And people fell for it so bad
615
00:24:29,903 --> 00:24:32,105
that pet stores
even started selling out of it,
616
00:24:32,205 --> 00:24:33,907
which really sucks
for the horses.
617
00:24:34,007 --> 00:24:36,276
It's bad enough
humans give them names
618
00:24:36,376 --> 00:24:39,179
like Daddy's Velvet
and Smoky Midnight Blossom.
619
00:24:39,279 --> 00:24:41,481
Now people were taking
all their medicine?
620
00:24:41,581 --> 00:24:44,851
Although, full disclosure,
I did take some.
621
00:24:44,951 --> 00:24:47,888
But in my defense,
it seemed like such a bad idea
622
00:24:47,988 --> 00:24:50,957
that it made me think
maybe it wasn't a bad idea.
623
00:24:51,057 --> 00:24:52,893
That's how they get you
sometimes.
624
00:24:52,993 --> 00:24:54,794
Anyway, long story short,
I came down
625
00:24:54,895 --> 00:24:58,131
with something my vet
is calling horse diarrhea.
626
00:24:58,231 --> 00:24:59,933
I don't know exactly
what that means
627
00:25:00,033 --> 00:25:02,435
'cause that's the clinical term,
but, to be honest,
628
00:25:02,536 --> 00:25:06,139
I've never felt so worm-free
in my entire life.
629
00:25:06,239 --> 00:25:08,008
So, as we go into 2022,
630
00:25:08,108 --> 00:25:11,111
let's take with us the lessons
we learned this year.
631
00:25:11,211 --> 00:25:12,779
Stay vigilant, be smart
632
00:25:12,879 --> 00:25:15,582
and do your own research,
but not in the crazy way.
633
00:25:15,715 --> 00:25:18,251
The only way to protect yourself
from getting scammed
634
00:25:18,351 --> 00:25:20,487
-is to... Oh.
-(phone chimes)
635
00:25:20,587 --> 00:25:23,290
Holy shit,
Bill Gates just emailed me,
636
00:25:23,390 --> 00:25:25,425
and he wants to send me
some cash?
637
00:25:25,525 --> 00:25:27,093
I'm gonna be rich!
638
00:25:27,194 --> 00:25:28,328
(whoops)
639
00:25:28,428 --> 00:25:30,163
-(laughs, whoops)
-(hooves trotting)
640
00:25:30,263 --> 00:25:32,399
(neighs)
641
00:25:33,366 --> 00:25:34,868
Thank you so much for that,
Michael. All right,
642
00:25:34,968 --> 00:25:37,037
when we come back,
the hilarious Chelsea Handler
643
00:25:37,137 --> 00:25:39,339
will be joining me
right here in the studio,
644
00:25:39,439 --> 00:25:40,807
so don't go away.
645
00:25:42,643 --> 00:25:43,911
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
My guest tonight
646
00:25:44,011 --> 00:25:46,580
is bestselling author
and comedian Chelsea Handler.
647
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,049
She's here to talk about
her "Vaccinated and Horny"
648
00:25:49,149 --> 00:25:52,619
stand-up tour, and her
recent Grammy nomination.
649
00:25:52,719 --> 00:25:53,687
Chelsea Handler,
welcome to the show.
650
00:25:53,787 --> 00:25:56,123
-Hi, Trevor. How are you?
-I'm...
651
00:25:56,223 --> 00:25:57,858
I've been better,
but I'm good.
652
00:25:57,958 --> 00:25:59,293
-Yeah? -I'm getting
better every day. How are you?
653
00:25:59,393 --> 00:26:02,329
I'm doing well. I notice
that you got a new studio here.
654
00:26:02,429 --> 00:26:04,531
The last time I was here,
we were somewhere else.
655
00:26:04,631 --> 00:26:06,767
Yes, which means
we weren't here, but yes.
656
00:26:06,867 --> 00:26:08,835
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
That's exactly what it means.
657
00:26:08,936 --> 00:26:10,437
Anyway, congratulations
on the upgrade.
658
00:26:10,537 --> 00:26:11,838
-The green rooms
were delightful. -Um...
659
00:26:11,939 --> 00:26:13,373
-Well, thank you very much.
Thank you so much. -Yeah.
660
00:26:13,473 --> 00:26:15,475
Um, yeah, it's, like, a work
in progress of life and...
661
00:26:15,576 --> 00:26:17,578
I feel like we're all in it
right now. It's like,
662
00:26:17,678 --> 00:26:19,613
nothing is back to normal,
we're in the hybrid phase.
663
00:26:19,713 --> 00:26:21,381
And then, you know, we're
gonna get ready to go back
664
00:26:21,481 --> 00:26:22,849
to a different
phase of life and...
665
00:26:22,950 --> 00:26:25,085
Let's talk about you
and your phases, though.
666
00:26:25,185 --> 00:26:27,487
People's Choice award,
congratulations.
667
00:26:27,588 --> 00:26:28,922
Oh, my God, I beat
you in the People's Choice
668
00:26:29,022 --> 00:26:31,658
-best comedy tour category.
-I was in the category?
669
00:26:31,758 --> 00:26:33,694
Yeah, you were nominated
for a People's Choice award
670
00:26:33,794 --> 00:26:36,229
-but then I won.
-Well, I wouldn't say
671
00:26:36,330 --> 00:26:37,798
congratulations had I known. I
just thought you'd won an award
672
00:26:37,898 --> 00:26:39,299
-and I was happy for you. -Oh, I
thought you were being
673
00:26:39,399 --> 00:26:43,136
-a big boy about it. I was gonna
say great, look at you. -No.
674
00:26:43,236 --> 00:26:46,340
No. Okay, well, let's take it
back, you guys. Let's go back.
675
00:26:46,473 --> 00:26:47,474
No, but for real,
congratulations.
676
00:26:47,574 --> 00:26:48,842
-Thank you, thanks.
-Um...
677
00:26:48,942 --> 00:26:50,911
and, uh, congratulations,
like, for me,
678
00:26:51,011 --> 00:26:52,779
I think, you know,
for all of us as comedians,
679
00:26:52,879 --> 00:26:55,849
-the Grammy nomination--
I mean... You know? -Yeah.
680
00:26:55,949 --> 00:26:57,551
-This is your first one,
right? -No, I was in Hawaii
681
00:26:57,651 --> 00:26:59,920
with, uh, Jo Koy,
and I woke up and I--
682
00:27:00,020 --> 00:27:01,255
yeah, this is definitely
my first one--
683
00:27:01,355 --> 00:27:04,057
and I got a text
from my agent and she said
684
00:27:04,157 --> 00:27:05,525
you've been nominated
for a Grammy award.
685
00:27:05,626 --> 00:27:07,294
And I was like,
"A Grammy? For what?"
686
00:27:07,394 --> 00:27:09,997
-I mean, the irony. I have,
like, no rhythm. -Yes. Yes.
687
00:27:10,097 --> 00:27:12,032
I can't sing. I can't dance.
688
00:27:12,132 --> 00:27:14,635
And so I was like, "Jo, I've
been nominated for a Grammy."
689
00:27:14,735 --> 00:27:16,370
He's like, "You're kidding me!"
690
00:27:16,503 --> 00:27:18,238
-So that's exciting. That's so
cool. -I feel like all comedians
691
00:27:18,338 --> 00:27:20,507
have that feeling.
It literally is a weird feeling.
692
00:27:20,607 --> 00:27:22,709
'Cause you don't think
of the Grammys as including,
693
00:27:22,809 --> 00:27:24,511
-like, stand-up in that way.
-Yeah.
694
00:27:24,544 --> 00:27:26,513
'Cause it is-- You do have
the comedy album as well.
695
00:27:26,613 --> 00:27:28,715
And so, I mean,
I-I was just happy for you,
696
00:27:28,815 --> 00:27:30,717
'cause I feel like
you've just...
697
00:27:30,817 --> 00:27:32,986
Chelsea, you've been making hits
for a very long time.
698
00:27:33,086 --> 00:27:34,922
Like, you're
a best-selling author.
699
00:27:35,022 --> 00:27:36,523
Right? What is it, five
or six books now? How many?
700
00:27:36,623 --> 00:27:38,959
-Six number one New York Times
best-selling books. -Six books.
701
00:27:39,059 --> 00:27:41,194
-I mean, but who am I to brag?
You know what I mean? -I mean...
702
00:27:41,295 --> 00:27:44,197
I just want to set the record
straight. You know what I mean?
703
00:27:44,298 --> 00:27:45,899
Um, you have...
704
00:27:45,999 --> 00:27:47,968
I mean, every TV show
has been a hit.
705
00:27:48,068 --> 00:27:50,470
And now we're seeing
the new Chelsea,
706
00:27:50,537 --> 00:27:52,506
-the Chelsea in love.
Congratulations. -Oh, yeah.
707
00:27:52,606 --> 00:27:54,174
Right. People love it.
708
00:27:54,274 --> 00:27:55,709
They love to see me in love.
709
00:27:55,809 --> 00:27:57,044
Well, I think,
because, for a long time,
710
00:27:57,144 --> 00:27:59,479
people have only seen you
as, like, the horny Chelsea.
711
00:27:59,546 --> 00:28:01,848
I mean, like, even your tour's,
like, "Vaccinated and Horny."
712
00:28:01,949 --> 00:28:03,483
Like, we know, like,
that Chelsea's like,
713
00:28:03,584 --> 00:28:04,818
"I'm drinking wine! I'm horny!"
714
00:28:04,918 --> 00:28:07,487
And now this Chelsea's like,
"Well, I'm-I'm in love."
715
00:28:07,521 --> 00:28:08,989
-It's very different.
-Yeah. I'm still horny
716
00:28:09,089 --> 00:28:12,492
but more directed at one person
now than it's ever been.
717
00:28:12,559 --> 00:28:15,062
And, yeah, it's really nice
to see the reaction from people
718
00:28:15,162 --> 00:28:16,496
being so happy that I'm in love.
719
00:28:16,563 --> 00:28:18,966
Like, I didn't realize how
many people were rooting for me.
720
00:28:19,066 --> 00:28:22,035
You know? Like, I want to give
people-- women my age hope.
721
00:28:22,135 --> 00:28:23,904
Like, you know,
if you don't settle
722
00:28:24,004 --> 00:28:25,839
for all these idiots out there,
723
00:28:25,939 --> 00:28:27,808
-the good one is gonna come,
and... -(laughs)
724
00:28:27,908 --> 00:28:30,010
I mean, for men and women alike,
you know?
725
00:28:30,110 --> 00:28:31,945
And people who don't identify
as either.
726
00:28:32,045 --> 00:28:34,615
-It's like when you set the
standard for yourself... -Yeah.
727
00:28:34,715 --> 00:28:37,017
-...the-the tide rises, and...
-I like that.
728
00:28:37,117 --> 00:28:38,685
-Yeah. I think that's true.
-I like that.
729
00:28:38,785 --> 00:28:40,087
One thing I've always wondered
though is, like,
730
00:28:40,187 --> 00:28:41,521
what it's like to date
a comedian.
731
00:28:41,622 --> 00:28:44,191
I-I don't think I ever could,
732
00:28:44,291 --> 00:28:46,126
because I don't know--
Like, what are the rules?
733
00:28:46,226 --> 00:28:47,628
If you're dating a comedian,
734
00:28:47,728 --> 00:28:49,162
then who gets the jokes?
735
00:28:49,263 --> 00:28:50,998
'Cause, at some point,
you're having a conversation,
736
00:28:51,098 --> 00:28:53,333
a brilliant premise comes up.
Who gets it?
737
00:28:53,467 --> 00:28:56,236
Yeah. Well, I mean, we're
pretty good about sharing that.
738
00:28:56,336 --> 00:28:57,938
You know? And Jo is like a...
739
00:28:58,038 --> 00:29:00,007
-He's not your typical comedian.
-No, he's not.
740
00:29:00,107 --> 00:29:03,810
He's very, very bright and
cheerful, and it's infectious.
741
00:29:03,911 --> 00:29:06,613
You know? He keeps everybody
kind of up, up.
742
00:29:06,713 --> 00:29:08,849
-(laughing) -So, I mean,
it's a lot to handle,
743
00:29:08,949 --> 00:29:10,851
especially for me, 'cause
I'm such a sinister bitch.
744
00:29:10,951 --> 00:29:12,185
I'm like, "What?"
745
00:29:12,286 --> 00:29:14,221
And-- But then, after a while,
it wears off on you.
746
00:29:14,321 --> 00:29:16,790
You're like, "Yeah, I'm feeling
pretty happy, too, these days."
747
00:29:16,890 --> 00:29:18,158
So we split the jokes.
748
00:29:18,258 --> 00:29:19,660
You know, like,
if he comes up with a...
749
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:22,162
He sleeps with a CPAP machine
on his face, for instance,
750
00:29:22,262 --> 00:29:24,765
'cause he has sleep apnea.
So he sleeps with the...
751
00:29:24,865 --> 00:29:26,500
-Ow, wow, like one of the,
like, the... -contraption.
752
00:29:26,566 --> 00:29:28,001
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Yeah.
753
00:29:28,101 --> 00:29:30,170
-I tried that. It was terrible.
-Oh, do you have sleep apnea?
754
00:29:30,270 --> 00:29:32,239
-No, I just tried the machine.
-(laughing)
755
00:29:32,339 --> 00:29:34,374
It was just, like,
a phase I was going through.
756
00:29:34,508 --> 00:29:37,377
I was just like,
"Let's see how this goes."
757
00:29:37,511 --> 00:29:39,413
He sleeps with one of those on,
and that's, like,
758
00:29:39,513 --> 00:29:41,014
it's, like,
when he puts that on,
759
00:29:41,114 --> 00:29:42,783
it's, like,
he is going into a submarine
760
00:29:42,883 --> 00:29:44,685
-for the rest of the night,
you know? -Wow.
761
00:29:44,785 --> 00:29:46,286
It's, "Out."
It's, "See you later."
762
00:29:46,453 --> 00:29:47,788
-"I'll see you in the morning."
-Yes. Right.
763
00:29:47,888 --> 00:29:49,122
Yeah, there's no, like,
romance with those things.
764
00:29:49,222 --> 00:29:50,891
-No. -There's no interruption
of anything.
765
00:29:50,991 --> 00:29:52,793
-No, no, no. -Yes.
It's like you're on life support
766
00:29:52,893 --> 00:29:54,528
-the whole night,
and then wake up... -Yeah.
767
00:29:54,628 --> 00:29:56,597
-He's trying not to die
all night long, -Essentially.
768
00:29:56,697 --> 00:29:59,466
and then in the morning, he
wakes up to this piece of work.
769
00:29:59,533 --> 00:30:01,635
So I told him, you know,
I was like, "Listen"--
770
00:30:01,735 --> 00:30:03,637
he said something
about the way I sleep--
771
00:30:03,737 --> 00:30:05,472
and I said, "Listen,
I'm going to bed with an octopus
772
00:30:05,505 --> 00:30:07,240
every single night,
so why don't you go..."
773
00:30:07,341 --> 00:30:10,277
And he uses that
in his stand-up, you know.
774
00:30:10,377 --> 00:30:12,112
-Oh, I like that. Okay. -'Cause
he talks about his sleep apnea.
775
00:30:12,212 --> 00:30:13,647
Apparently,
everybody's got sleep apnea,
776
00:30:13,747 --> 00:30:15,816
and most people don't know
about it.
777
00:30:15,916 --> 00:30:17,017
-Wow.
-So all these men out there--
778
00:30:17,117 --> 00:30:18,952
I understand it's a contraption,
and it's not hot.
779
00:30:19,052 --> 00:30:20,854
-No, it's not. -Not. But,
I mean, if I'm sitting there
780
00:30:20,954 --> 00:30:22,489
sleeping with it every night,
I bet you
781
00:30:22,556 --> 00:30:24,291
-there's a lot more women
out there... -I think that's...
782
00:30:24,391 --> 00:30:25,792
that's, like,
the definition of love.
783
00:30:25,892 --> 00:30:28,528
-That's, like, true love is:
if you can CPAP at night -Yeah.
784
00:30:28,629 --> 00:30:30,931
With the person next to you,
then you know it's love.
785
00:30:31,031 --> 00:30:32,032
-Right. Exactly.
-Yeah.
786
00:30:32,132 --> 00:30:33,300
You talk about everything
in your stand-up.
787
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:35,302
I've always envied that
about you, to be honest.
788
00:30:35,402 --> 00:30:37,704
Like, I love how you just, you
share everything in your life.
789
00:30:37,804 --> 00:30:40,007
You'll make jokes about it.
You'll have fun with it.
790
00:30:40,107 --> 00:30:42,442
There's no barriers for you.
I mean, you even joked
791
00:30:42,542 --> 00:30:46,179
about you wanting to have sex
with Andrew Cuomo,
792
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:48,248
and then, like,
dealing with, like,
793
00:30:48,348 --> 00:30:50,250
him now being cancelled
and also, just, like,
794
00:30:50,350 --> 00:30:52,252
being found guilty of things,
et cetera, et cetera.
795
00:30:52,352 --> 00:30:54,288
-Yeah. Yeah.
-Like, as Chelsea Handler,
796
00:30:54,454 --> 00:30:57,024
I would love to know
where you got that confidence
797
00:30:57,124 --> 00:30:58,592
just to do that.
798
00:30:58,692 --> 00:31:00,360
-Like, where did that come from?
-Oh. Well, thanks.
799
00:31:00,460 --> 00:31:02,462
I mean, I have a lot
of misplaced confidence.
800
00:31:02,562 --> 00:31:04,164
For a long time, I thought
I could sing and dance,
801
00:31:04,264 --> 00:31:05,999
and so I tried out
for the cheerleading squad,
802
00:31:06,099 --> 00:31:08,035
and they tested me for scoliosis
the next day.
803
00:31:08,135 --> 00:31:10,237
So I have a lot of confidence
in areas,
804
00:31:10,337 --> 00:31:13,774
until somebody flashes a big red
light and says "Don't do it."
805
00:31:13,874 --> 00:31:15,342
The Andrew Cuomo thing
was very funny
806
00:31:15,475 --> 00:31:16,910
because
when that didn't work out
807
00:31:17,010 --> 00:31:19,112
with, you know, Andrew Cuomo...
808
00:31:19,212 --> 00:31:20,914
Like, he... Nothing
ever happened between us,
809
00:31:21,014 --> 00:31:22,849
but I had a big, you know,
loud crush on him.
810
00:31:22,950 --> 00:31:25,586
My sister's like, "Mom is
cockblocking you from heaven."
811
00:31:25,686 --> 00:31:27,154
And I go, "Really?
That's what you think
812
00:31:27,254 --> 00:31:29,189
Mom is doing up in heaven?
Cockblocking me?"
813
00:31:29,289 --> 00:31:31,592
She was like, "Yeah, you need to
be cockblocked by these people."
814
00:31:31,692 --> 00:31:34,161
And then, yeah, she was like,
"If you were with Andrew Cuomo,
815
00:31:34,261 --> 00:31:35,495
you would've never met Jo Koy."
816
00:31:35,529 --> 00:31:37,197
She was like,
"Mom's at work up there."
817
00:31:37,297 --> 00:31:39,499
I like that. Um, you're on tour.
818
00:31:39,566 --> 00:31:41,234
It's still happening.
You've won the award for it
819
00:31:41,335 --> 00:31:42,603
over me. Congratulations.
820
00:31:42,703 --> 00:31:44,338
-Um, you've got the Grammy...
-That sounded very angry.
821
00:31:44,438 --> 00:31:46,039
-No, I'm not angry. I'm just...
-Angry or bitter.
822
00:31:46,139 --> 00:31:47,908
-Or bitter.
-I think I... It's-it's...
823
00:31:48,008 --> 00:31:50,244
The time of the tragedy
has not passed yet for me.
824
00:31:50,344 --> 00:31:51,812
-Oh, right. Too soon. -'Cause
I just found out about it
825
00:31:51,912 --> 00:31:53,080
-when you sat down here.
-Right.
826
00:31:53,180 --> 00:31:54,548
-This was, like... Yeah.
-(laughs) You just...
827
00:31:54,648 --> 00:31:56,450
This is a horrible time
for me to find out.
828
00:31:56,483 --> 00:31:57,618
So, you've got the tour.
829
00:31:57,718 --> 00:31:58,852
Uh, you got
the Grammy nomination.
830
00:31:58,952 --> 00:32:00,053
What are you looking forward to?
831
00:32:00,153 --> 00:32:01,622
Um, I've been really enjoying
832
00:32:01,722 --> 00:32:03,123
being on the road for this tour.
833
00:32:03,223 --> 00:32:04,691
It's been a...
It's so great to be a reason,
834
00:32:04,791 --> 00:32:07,027
as you well know,
to bring people back together
835
00:32:07,127 --> 00:32:08,128
-for the very first time.
-Yeah. Yeah.
836
00:32:08,228 --> 00:32:09,696
To remind people
about togetherness
837
00:32:09,796 --> 00:32:12,766
and humanity
and, you know, not focus
838
00:32:12,866 --> 00:32:14,601
on the politics
of everything right now,
839
00:32:14,701 --> 00:32:16,937
-because I'm so exhausted
by all of that, too. -Yeah.
840
00:32:17,037 --> 00:32:18,939
-I think everyone is. Yeah.
-Yeah, everyone's sick of it.
841
00:32:19,039 --> 00:32:21,041
Everyone's sick of me hearing
and talking about it.
842
00:32:21,141 --> 00:32:23,477
People are sick
of talking about it.
843
00:32:23,543 --> 00:32:25,379
So, it's been nice to have,
like, a celebratory,
844
00:32:25,479 --> 00:32:28,081
fun, you know,
making fun of all the behavior
845
00:32:28,181 --> 00:32:30,217
we all got up to during COVID,
846
00:32:30,317 --> 00:32:32,185
-which was seriously
embarrassing. -Yes.
847
00:32:32,286 --> 00:32:33,553
-I mean, I was Windexing...
-What, you were embarrassed?
848
00:32:33,654 --> 00:32:35,689
I was Windexing my food,
my takeout food,
849
00:32:35,789 --> 00:32:37,491
-for about three months. -Oh,
you were one of those, Chelsea.
850
00:32:37,524 --> 00:32:39,826
-So, I didn't get COVID, but
I probably have cancer. -Wow.
851
00:32:39,927 --> 00:32:43,130
(laughs)
Well,
852
00:32:43,230 --> 00:32:44,731
I'll tell you this, it's always
a pleasure having you.
853
00:32:44,831 --> 00:32:46,700
I think this is the fifth time
I've had you on the show.
854
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:47,868
Congratulations on love.
855
00:32:47,968 --> 00:32:49,269
Congratulations
on all the success,
856
00:32:49,436 --> 00:32:50,938
and, uh, hope to see you again
for the next one.
857
00:32:51,038 --> 00:32:52,673
-Thanks. Thank you so much.
-Thank you very much.
858
00:32:52,773 --> 00:32:53,974
All right, people, tickets
859
00:32:54,074 --> 00:32:56,076
for Chelsea's
Vaccinated and Horny Tour
860
00:32:56,176 --> 00:32:59,279
are available
at ChelseaHandler.com.
861
00:32:59,446 --> 00:33:01,982
It won a People's Choice Award
over me,
862
00:33:02,082 --> 00:33:04,217
so go and watch it. All right,
we're gonna take a quick break.
863
00:33:04,318 --> 00:33:06,153
We'll be right back after this.
864
00:33:08,322 --> 00:33:09,590
Well, that's our show
for tonight.
865
00:33:09,690 --> 00:33:11,959
But before we go,
our new Daily Show holiday merch
866
00:33:12,059 --> 00:33:13,694
has officially dropped.
867
00:33:13,794 --> 00:33:16,230
It's our "happy
belated holidays" sweatshirt,
868
00:33:16,330 --> 00:33:17,698
the only gift
869
00:33:17,798 --> 00:33:20,000
that won't have you worried
about supply chain issues.
870
00:33:20,100 --> 00:33:22,469
So, if you want to check it out,
scan the QR code
871
00:33:22,570 --> 00:33:24,104
or head to the link below.
872
00:33:24,205 --> 00:33:26,340
Until tomorrow,
stay safe out there.
873
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:28,342
Get your vaccine, and remember:
874
00:33:28,442 --> 00:33:30,644
if Don Jr. asks,
875
00:33:30,744 --> 00:33:33,214
Donald Trump isn't here.
876
00:33:33,314 --> 00:33:36,550
Now, here it is,
Your Moment of Zen.
877
00:33:36,650 --> 00:33:39,286
♪ ♪
878
00:33:39,386 --> 00:33:43,123
The number one threat
to cryptocurrency is crypto.
879
00:33:43,224 --> 00:33:46,527
Bitcoin could be deplace...
displaced by Ether,
880
00:33:46,627 --> 00:33:48,028
which could be displaced
by Doge,
881
00:33:48,128 --> 00:33:50,197
which could be displaced
by Hamster Coin.
882
00:33:50,297 --> 00:33:52,466
And then there's Cobra Coin.
883
00:33:52,566 --> 00:33:55,769
What could Mongoose Coin do
to crypto coin?
884
00:33:55,870 --> 00:33:57,771
Will Mongoose Coin
always have a value?
885
00:33:57,872 --> 00:33:59,573
I don't know.
I just made it up. It's a joke.
886
00:33:59,673 --> 00:34:01,442
Although I said that
about Hamster Coin,
887
00:34:01,542 --> 00:34:04,278
and then I found out there
really was a Hamster Coin.